In my own mind I look fine, not fabulous, or stunning or model-esque thin, but okay. Then I see the reality and I think I look a bit like a short, dumpy, slightly misshapen spud, with big knockers!
Clearly the Winter comfort food that I have been inhaling over the last season has really not served me very well at all. I am not delusional about the fact that this incline in my waistline has been happening for ages, Christ knows that I have been steadily growing in girth since I had my first child seventeen years ago, but I absolutely refuse to get any bigger than I am now. In fact I'm none too happy about my current state of affairs either, but I do have a line in the sand and I am at that line.
When you are in a change room and you catch a glimpse of your own arse in the mirror and think a sumo wrestler has snuck in there with you, well girlfriend, it may be time to slow down a little on the cake. That is where I am currently at - a little bit of self loathing, which is just so fucked up really.
We all do it though, all of us - even the thin people. Because we are so bombarded by the insanely skinny fashion industry and body conscious media that even people like me who generally go around with a fuck you attitude have days when they think that a good fat suctioning wouldn't be a bad idea. Days when the 'Skeletors' of the world like Victoria Beckham and Rachel Zoe seem lucky to be thin, but seriously you just have to kick that main stream limited view of the world shit to the curb. It is so soul destroying in every way.
The truth is that no-one wants to be fat, but some of us are just more disposed to carry more weight than others. Big fucking deal. The scales mean nothing, the clothes size you wear means nothing and what you think other people see means nothing too. It is all about health, self confidence and getting the most mileage out of your own body. It has nothing to do with how sexy you look in a bikini, that's just a bonus for some people, a superficial necessity for others and an impossibility for thousands of us.
For me it is about finding some balance, enjoying food and exercise and not sweating the other stuff too much. I know larger ladies that have loads more sex appeal than skinny ones and I also know of a lot of larger sized people that outlived skinny people by decades; and why did they do that? Was it because they went on every second diet that they could, or exercised themselves stupid or didn't have that glass of wine or dessert? Nah, I don't think so.
I think that it was because they enjoyed their lives, they found a happy medium and found a way to keep their bodies healthy. For some of us that means cruising the higher end of the healthy weight range chart for others it means the lower end. But for health, I think that you do need to draw a line somewhere; somewhere that you can feel confident and comfortable that you can sustain a long and vibrant life and not freak out when you see yourself.
But mostly, I just don't think that a few extra kilos is worth all the stress that we put ourselves under. Besides, photos and window reflections of me will never be very good because I really look my best when I am naked. Its just a shame you'll all never know just how fabulous that is, because it really is spectacular!
Release Date: 2002
Running Time: 90 mins
This was the movie that launched America Ferrera (aka Ugly Betty) into stardom. When it debuted at the Sundance Film Festival in 2002 it won the Audience Award and the screenplay won the Humanitas Prize, galvanizing the need for real cinema about real women.
This is the story of Ana, a beautiful and curvaceous Mexican-American on the verge of adulthood. After gaining a scholarship to Columbia University, Ana must choose between her mainstream ambitions and her cultural heritage in this exploration of tradition versus breaking new ground.
There are loads of interesting interactions between strong women in this film, and it is a fascinating study of the working class Mexican- American female culture in America.
FINAL SAY: Real women embrace curves, flaws and opportunities.
3.5 Chili Peppers