It is during times of struggle and difficulty that we absolutely must endeavour to tighten our commitment to ourselves and bring more attention to our need for self care. The urge to soldier on in the face of adversity or crisis is generally so strong that we will happily place our needs on the back burner and forge forward, often at the peril of our own wellness and sanity. It is a weakness that I too am guilty of, but when push comes to shove, we really aren't doing ourselves or anyone else any favours when we ignore the signals that our bodies are sending us for better self care by continually placing ourselves last. 
By learning about the different forms of self care, we can better arm ourselves with an ability to recognise when we are moving into personal crisis or neglect, and how to fill the voids in our self care routines when they do occur. 
A terrific article from tulipandsage.com categorizes self care into six main types: 
1. Physical Self Care
This is an awareness of your physical body and what it needs to thrive. Exercise, rest and clean food. It does not need to be vigorous or intense to be effective, aim for consistent and enjoyable long term activities, healthy diet choices and adequate sleep to improve your physical self care.
2. Emotional Self Care
Become mindful of your emotions, listen to your feelings and recognizing patterns, triggers or obstacles to your ability to remain calm, focused and happy. Writing in a journal, being artistic, dancing or being creative are just some ways that you can express and develop your emotional awareness and self care. 
3. Spiritual Self Care
This doesn't need to be religious or rigid to be meaningful. Anything that brings you closer to the essence of yourself is nourishing your spiritual self care. It could be doing charity work, being more mindful, taking up meditation, walking in nature; there are lots of ways to strive for more inner awareness. 
4. Intellectual Self Care
We all need new challenges to invigorate and nourish us mentally. Anything that will expand your knowledge and awareness falls into this category, from reading a book or watching a documentary to taking up a class or learning a new language, you'll be expanding yourself and meeting your intellectual needs. 
5. Social Self Care
Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, people need people. You do need to spend time with other people and have meaningful connections with loved ones, so make plans to get together with people that you enjoy spending time with. Catching up, going out for dinner, meeting for coffee or going to the movies is not only an escape from the norm, it's social self care and it's important to your wellbeing. 
6. Sensory Self Care
Nourish your senses and send healing stimuli to your brain, sensory care is so deeply fulfilling. Through sight, smell, touch, sound and taste you can reinvigorate yourself. Listen to some soothing music, light a scented candle, eat a delicious meal, get a massage, go for a barefoot walk in the park and please don't forget to always stop and smell the roses!

All forms of self care are equally as important as each other and you should endeavour to not neglect your needs in any area. Listen to your body, listen to your soul, listen to your heart...it may sound corny but you are actually sending yourself small but not insignificant messages about your needs all of the time and you just need to be quiet enough to hear them. Self care matters because you matter, and it is neither selfish nor self indulgent to take care of yourself, so listen carefully to your self care needs and learn how to be kinder to yourself. 

You can take every precaution in the world, but no matter how well planned or prepared you may think you are, a head cold or some new strain of the flu will eventually track you down and smack you to the ground like a bad playground bully. Turns out that my health scare was just the flu, I say 'just the flu' very flippantly, but the alternative to that was far worse, so I am sticking to 'just the flu.' 
Of course, 'just the flu' has come with a plethora of discomfort and side effects that have today forced me to hide away from the world, not just for my benefit but also for everyone else's as well. Body aches, headaches, chest pains, severe joint pain, nausea, dizziness, a persistent dry hacking cough and the all so lovely night sweats have all made an appearance over the past five days and I have been left feeling drained, impatient, over-tired and frayed around the edges in ways that I have not felt for a very long time, and do not wish to feel again in a very long time. 
It is always the last couple of weeks of the Winter school term that really brings the 'shove over' for me every year. In fact, according to my journal entries, every year for the last 8 years in  a row I have had some kind of head cold or flu in the month of June. Thankfully, none of them have required anything more than a couple of days of rest, but still it would appear that 'tis the season for me to feel gross, wear out and generally feel like a slice of shit toast every year. 
In light of that, perhaps in the future June would be a fortuitous time for me to take a trip each year to Bahamas in order to escape the dark recesses of Winter and the dreaded lurgy that hunts me down and pounces on me at the same time every year. However, I doubt that my employer would share my enthusiasm for an annual winter retreat, so that idea will probably need to wait until I am retired. 
I swear that bears have the right idea when it comes to seasonal self adjustment though. Gorge yourself stupid on all of the deliciousness of an Autumnal harvest, find a comfy place to hide and sleep out the dead of Winter and then pop back into the world when the Spring blooms are just peaking their heads out of the soil. Sounds terrific to me!
I have always found the human need to maintain the status quo during the winter months both ridiculous and counter productive, because let's be honest we all need more rest in the winter time. It's darker, colder and completely uninviting outdoors most of the time. You just want to eat way too much comfort food for your trousers to manage! And getting out of bed in the mornings is often an impossible and monumentally unpleasant task. The writing is on the wall isn't it really? Let's make the months of June, July and August four day working weeks. Everyone gets an extra day off a week to be like a bear and roll about in bed, binge on Netflix and eat stoggy goodies! Hooray, Winter woes solved! Everyone gets more rest time, less cold exposure and a day to play every week. I think that I would actually look forward to Winter a lot more if that was going to happen every year.
And I honestly believe that my brilliant idea would mean that less people would get really sick as well. I mean you would have less exposure to other people and therefore less exposure to other people's germs, you would also be more rested and better fed therefore making you generally more resilient as well and you would be feeling a lot more job satisfaction because the work to life ratio would be more agreeable. We really do need to take a leaf out of the books of the hibernating and migrating creatures of the world because the animals clearly have their shit sorted out a lot better than we do. I'm pretty sure bears don't have to ring in sick or contend with hacking coughs all night during the winter do they? 

It always takes something serious to happen to your health to jump start you into action. Nothing like a surprise health scare to really force an unwelcome re-evaluation of your current physical status. Only days ago I was wandering about in blissful oblivion of my own physical shortcomings, and now I am suddenly reflecting with a terrifying and hyper critical eye about how I have really 'let myself go' and how I have probably rained all of this down on myself anyway.
I find that whenever something goes wrong with me physically I immediately thrust myself into this ridiculously harsh and deeply damning zone that forces me to take hard, cold stock of my physical make-up and my body flaws. It is not a friendly or self loving place to be, trust me, it's horrible.
Suddenly, I start to see every minor physical imperfection as a glaringly horrible obstacle that stands before my ability to thrive.  I begin to rapidly hate the failings of my body as I scrutinize every inch of my aging physique and every major health choice that I have made in the past, desperately searching for a logical reason for my body to fail me. I eat well, I take care of myself, I have a fulfilling lifestyle, I get adequate rest, I exercise...why is this happening to me? 
But the truth is, that sometimes bodies just fail. Even really healthy, sexy, slim and young ones fail, and it has nothing to do with years of abuse or sabotage, sometimes it is just the genetic hand that we are dealt that determines how things will play out and there is little or nothing that we can do about it. 
As you get older, you do start to notice that things on your body don't...how can I put this? Operate as well as they used to. Things start to head south rapidly and you find that you have new aches and pains that you never used to have. Weird ones, ones that just appear like unwanted hair in the wrong places or liver spots on the backs of your hands, but more annoying and sometimes more alarming than that. I personally find these annoying new arrivals extremely hard to analyse, because it is so damn difficult to decide if I should worry about them and consider any of them serious, or if I should just ignore them as normal signs of aging. No-one tells you, so you don't know for sure. And at my age, you still feel way too young to have any serious health complications so you generally dismiss all of the unwelcomed weird stuff as nothing, but this may not always be the wisest thing to do. 
Ignoring any health complications, no matter how small they may seem, is definitely not a smart thing to do. And having those honest and scrutinizing assessments with yourself, although uncomfortable, are also at times completely necessary. I wish that I was bulletproof, but I am not, I am human, which sometimes makes me fallible and fragile and susceptible to illness and disease. And as much as I really don't like going to see the GP, I think that a professionals opinion may be important for me right now.
There really is nothing like a health scare to boot your thinking back to those things that you hold in the highest esteem in your life, and how much you would hate to jeopardise your chances of making the most of your time. It is unfortunate that we as humans aren't made a little more resilient than we are, but perhaps it is our fragility that make us all the more precious and special, and also so utterly worth fighting to preserve.  

Spicywatch.com has just turned 5, hip hip hooray Spicywatch! Apart from my family and friends, I don't think that I have poured this much of my spare time and energy consistently into anything before, and for as long as I can remember, I don't feel like I have loved or enjoyed pouring my spare time into anything as much as I have loved sharing Spicywatch with all of you wonderful readers. 
Watching and reviewing movies is not just a hobby for me anymore, it is an important part of my life now. For five years I have shared my thoughts, my opinions and my passion for cinema with you all, and so far I have managed to review 790 movies that I honestly believe are worthy of your time and effort to view. I look forward to one day having 1,000 movies on my Spicywatch genre lists that are worthy of your time, but it will take me quite a few more years to get that far. 
Last nights celebrations were focused on the Best Music Moments in Cinema, which is a broad topic, but extremely fun one to investigate. Musicals were most welcome, but not mandatory, and as it turned out, there are actually a huge number of movies that have very significant and memorable music scenes in them that are actually completely non-musical movies. 
My wonderful and supportive friends and family gathered in Enfield to share a drink and their cinematic loves with me; and we laughed, sang and got our groove on to some of the most unexpected (but mostly excellent) musical moments that we could find.
And here is the extensive list of best music moments in cinema (from every genre) as chosen by my nearest and dearest, that made it to the Spicywatch 5th Birthday celebration screening in my living room last night:
Baby Driver (Bellbottoms) 
Pulp Fiction (You Never Can Tell) 
Beetlejuice (Banana Boat Song) 
The Skeleton Twins (Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now) 
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (Twist and Shout) 
Coraline (Garden Scene composed by Peter Corrigan) 
Pretty in Pink (If You Leave) 
The Perks of Being  a Wallflower (Heroes) 
Napoleon Dynamite (Canned Heat) 
Little Miss Sunshine (Super Freak)
Straight Outta Compton (Boyz N Da Hood) 
The Blues Brothers (Shake Your Tail Feather) 
Two Hands (These Days) 
American Psycho (Hip to be Square) 
The Lion King (Circle of Life) 
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Space Oddity) 
The Hunt for the Wilderpeople (Ricky's Birthday Song) 
Guardians of the Galaxy (Mr Blue Sky) 
Moulin Rouge (Come What May) 
Mean Girls (Jingle Bell Rock) 
Trainspotting (Lust for Life) 
Sound of Music (Edelweiss) 
Reservoir Dogs (Stuck in the Middle) 
O Brother Where Art Thou? (I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow)
Risky Business (Old Time Rock and Roll) 
Easy A (A Pocketful of Sunshine) 
The Mask (Cuban Pete)
Nacho Libre (Encarnacion) 
Hedwig and the Angry Inch (Origins of Love) 
The Big Lebowski (Just Dropped In) 
Pitch Perfect (Riff off) 
Purple Rain (Title Track) 
Love Actually (Jump) 
Bridesmaids (Hold on) 
Little Fish (Flame Trees) 
Slumdog Millionaire (Jai Ho)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Anything Goes) 
Singing in the Rain (Title track)
And one of my all time favourites: Mulholland Drive (Llorando/ Crying) 

Every year I change my personal boundaries. That probably sounds super sloppy, but it really isn't, it is the exact opposite of sloppy if the truth be told. My boundaries alter because I take the time to assess where I have placed them in the past and why I even placed them to begin with. And I do this regularly.
As I get older, the line between what I will and what I will not tolerate or lose sleep over has altered quite substantially, so it's always wise to have a revisit and reassess to make sure that I am being true to myself, my life goals and my enjoyment levels. 
Most of the boundaries that I have created for myself over the last few years look nothing like the ones that I had for myself in my twenties and thirties. I used to set a lot of boundaries around what I would allow myself to do or what I expected of others, but now I set my boundaries purely around my tolerance, my ability to self love and my general peace of mind.
What does that mean exactly? Well, here is a list of what I think good boundaries look like. Adopting these kinds of personal boundaries is a really liberating thing to do for yourself, and I have found that I have become a lot more peaceful and accepting as I have learnt to incorporate them into my daily life. 

1. It's not my job to fix others.
Let other people do them, and you just do you. 
2. It's okay for other people to get angry with me. 
Anger is fine and normal and also fleeting, there is no need to get hung up on it. 
3. Sometimes no is the best answer. 
Odds are people won't want to hear it, but that doesn't make it wrong. Setting limits for yourself is wise. 
4. It's not my job to be responsible for others.
Let people own their own shit, you have no power to control others so don't bother. 
5. I am responsible for my own happiness.
My happiness is my job, not anyone else's. To make it anyone else's is selfish and stupid. 
6. It's okay if we don't agree.
Agree to disagree. Fighting over anything gets no-one anywhere. 
7. I have the right to my feelings.
Everyone has the right to get angry, upset and annoyed, and that's okay. 
8. I can put me first.
It is not selfish or mean to put yourself first sometimes.
9. I can let go.
Don't dwell on bad things or hold resentments because it feels like shit. 
10. I am enough.
You don't need to change who you are to please others. You're all good! 

So, there they are, a healthy 10 commandments of boundaries to set your dial to. I guarantee that if you set yourself better personal boundaries based on your genuine emotional needs then you will definitely worry  a lot less and enjoy your life a lot more, and that's gotta be better for your stress levels in the long run!

Every woman knows that when you become a mother you have to relinquish some of your...how can I put this....firmness? I know that with each child that I had things on my body got more saggy, a lot more stripy (stretch marks - the untold horror of pregnancy) and generally a lot softer and plumper. I put on around 5 kilos with each of my children that I have never been able to lose and I have a caesarean scar from my second pregnancy that an Ob Gyn once called 'distressingly large' and even encouraged me to sue for malpractice over, so yeah I have sacrificed some of my youthful suppleness and beauty for my children. And I suppose that I always knew that there would be physical sacrifices that came with being pregnant, that much I was ready for. 
What I wasn't as prepared for was something that seems to happen to women around 45 years of age when they just suddenly become completely invisible to everyone. I am not even kidding, this shit really does happen and unless you look like Michelle Pfeiffer or some other waif like middle aged hottness, then odds are that it will happen to you too. You literally become unseen by everyone, not just men, everyone. Women, children and men will no longer see you unless you instigate the exchange and even then their interest will wane much faster than it did when you were young. 
Thankfully, this is not just a phenomenon that I alone have experienced but in recent polls 43% of women around 45 years of age claim to experience the same effect, a feeling of being invisible. So even though women are generally looking fitter and more youthful in their 40's and 50's than they ever have before in history, they are still falling victim to the dreaded 'ghost' effect that occurs around 45.
Well, it turns out that there is some research being done around this very topic, and there does appear to be contributing factors to these feelings of invisibility that women seem to experience. An analysis was completed that looked at 414 popular scripted movies and TV shows that aired during one year (from September 2014 to August 2015). From that data it was found that men made up 80% of the characters over 40, leaving only 20% to females, and many of those women were significantly older than 40. It was also noted that nearly all of the love interest female parts were filled by women in their 20's (often partnered up with men in their 40's) and that the women over 40 that were cast usually got roles as hags, shrews, witches, nags, struggling mothers or grandmothers.
This form of media profiling certainly appears to be part of the problem and not part of a solution, and by only casting twenty somethings or insanely hot thirty somethings in romantic roles, the media is stereotyping what it means to be sexy or physically viable, but it even goes much further than that. When women were asked about attractiveness, over 80% of them said that youth was akin to attractiveness and that they knew that once they were over 40 years old that men would not find them as interesting! How grim is that?  And even worse are the findings that women also admitted that they do not pay as much attention to or go out of their way for women over 40 unless they are seeking advise or selling them a product, which basically means that young women see me as either a counselor or a big misshapen money sack, any bloody wonders I feel like I am invisible! 
This dreadful feeling of invisibility is also why millions of women are now turning to surgery in an attempt to turn back the clocks and be seen again, which is just so sad when you really think about it.  In fact, now that I really think about it, I actually think that it just depends on who you are spending your time with when it comes to being seen. Women around my own age never make we feel invisible and men that are 10-15 years older than me seem pretty damn keen for a chat, so I suppose that it just depends where you are looking for that attention.
​A 40 something women is never going to stand out in a nightclub full of skimpy-dressed hotties and that kind of invisible is fine with me anyway. Who knows? Perhaps being invisible to young people and middle aged men is a really a super-power and something to be enjoyed, maybe being unseen to leary eyes or unwanted attentions is a blessing. I mean I am not looking for wolf whistles or uninspired conversations with twenty somethings anyway, so I probably shouldn't be complaining. Being unseen and generally unthreatening can certainly be used to one's advantage. Everyone knows that you can get away with almost anything if no-one is ever actually looking at you, and maybe that is not such a bad thing at all! 

The lure to all things Disney is not really that strong for me anymore. Sure, as a child I probably dreamt of going to Disneyland, what kid didn't? Back in the '80's it was pretty much the only theme park in existence and all of American kids that were on TV banging on about how amazing it was seemed pretty genuine to me, I too thought that it looked awesome, because let's face it; it was. I know that when I was growing up, Sunday nights was 'Disney on the telly night' and we would all gather around for our fill, it was something that I personally looked forward to every week. 
The Disney castle is an iconic image that has been a part of everyone's childhood, and that Disney theme music! Good Lord! I can literally hear it in my mind as I am writing this. Kids today even know what the Disney logo is, they probably see it in a slightly different way than I did as a kid, but the overall idea of it being a place of wonder and magic is still there for most kids to a certain degree I think. 
For me now however, Disneyland as a holiday destination does not entice anymore. What I thought of as possibly 'The Happiest Place on Earth' as a kid, now seems like a money making hell pit as an adult. Am I just getting too old? Maybe, and I don't want to come across like the Grinch here, but the prices to get into Disneyland seem crazy to me. And from what well travelled people that have been there have told me, the lines for the rides are ridiculous, the staff are exhausted, grumpy and underpaid and the entire place is extremely un-environmentally friendly and wasteful. Also, it's apparently overtaken with Marvel and Pixar merchandise now because it is far more lucrative.
However, to be fair it may have always had these problems, but as a kid you really don't care about any of that stuff, it's an awesome theme park and it's full of fun rides, that's all that kids are worrying about. Kids don't notice the sweaty creeps, the tired staff, the ridiculous prices tags on the plush toys or the fact that the castle is ironically not even made out of real bricks; that stuff is only visible to adult eyes. And maybe if I took my own kids to Disneyland when they were small and they got all caught up in the magic of it all, then that stuff wouldn't matter to me either, but as an adult with two older children, Disneyland to me now is just not very alluring.
However, in saying that, I cannot deny that I too am a cog in the Disney machine because I have definitely poured quite a lot of my own money into their franchise over the years. I have seen so many Disney movies it's crazy, probably all of them if the truth be told. I can even recall seeing my first Disney blockbuster on the big screen. It was the 1959 version of Sleeping Beauty which was being rebooted when I was in Grade 2 at primary school. I was absolutely terrified of Maleficent, I literally had nightmares for days, and since then I have gone to the movies to see dozens of Disney films, and loved them entirely.
So, perhaps the lure of going to Disneyland may have ebbed for me as an adult, but the lure of a good Disney flick certainly has not, because I indulged in one again just last night. Ah, Disney...you've got some strong magic at work there haven't you? The lure is actually much stronger than any of us realises if the truth be told. 

I cannot say exactly how many times I have heard people complaining to me how much certain things annoy or upset them, like horror movies or certain kinds of reality TV programs or the evening news. Sometimes people even complained to me about how much they hate social media, yet they have every form of it on their phone and will even check it when I am right there in front of them. Hmm.....I have to say that I see a few problems with this kind of behaviour. 
I have a real problem with people saying how much certain forms of media disturb them when they actually have a lot of power to control the amounts that will actually filter through to them in the first place. Don't like horror? Cool then don't watch it. Don't like the horrible stories on the news? Well there is an off button that you can click if it is affecting you too much, so use it. Not enjoying social media platforms? Well, just delete your accounts. No-one is holding anyone to ransom on any of these issues, you do not have to watch or participate in any of these forms of media if you find them disturbing, but for some reason people feel like they do have to and it's annoying as hell to me.
Free will people, participate or don't, watch or look away, this isn't the set of the movie A Clockwork Orange, no-one is holding your eyeballs open with toothpicks and insisting that you watch, you actually don't have to watch anything that you don't want to do. You don't ever have to watch things that you don't like and you don't have to subject yourself to things that upset you, and just for the record, you are not going to get martyred for enduring Facebook or Instagram, so just delete your profile if it gives you the shits. 
It's normal and fine to not like certain things or to not want to be subjected to continual media propaganda or political hype all of the time, but what I don't get is, why does anyone feel like they need to? Just look away, switch off, choose not to be a cog in the machine if that makes you feel better, just do whatever makes you happy. Just don't look if it offends you, and move on. Whatever you do, just do me a favour and don't keep on thinking that anyone actually cares if you don't like to watch certain things, because they don't care, they really just don't care at all. And trust me when I say that no-one is ever going to think that you're a legend for watching the nightly news or posting on Facebook if you hate it. 
And while I am on a rant, can I just say that checking your social media or using your phone when you are with me is never going to garner favour because I really don't like it. I find constant phone check-ins as socially inept and rude as helicopter parents. I am a pre-tech aged person, therefore the allure of devices are limited for me at best. I can still hold really excellent conversations and I do not need to have my phone out on the table when I am around people. My phone is not my security blanket, I functioned for many years without it and guess what? I survived!  And I could live without a mobile phone again in a heartbeat because I actually believe that their existence has been detrimental to proper social interaction overall anyway.
Also, I do not care two shits about your social media goings on, I really don't, so please don't include me or subject me to your online fodder when you are around me. I value face to face, non-interrupted conversation when I am with a person. I do not leave my house to look at other people's phone screens, I could stay at home and look at my own if that's what I wanted to do. I spend time with people for their company, not their crafty use of mobile phones. Sure I like the odd meme, who doesn't? But if you are on your phone for more than 10% of our interactions, I'm not going to be enjoying it, just saying.
However, why should you care what I think anyway? Well, truth be told you shouldn't, do whatever makes you happy, my opinions on phone usage are irrelevant because odds are if you are the type of person who would use their phone that often, then we probably wouldn't hang out together anyway.
​Let's be honest, the bottom line is that I don't have to endure anything that offends me and neither do you, so if it offends you, I say just look away. 

Nothing makes me feel more proud of myself than the moments in my life when I turn out to be the bigger person in a situation. Notice that I said the bigger person there and not the better person? Being bigger does not make you better, but it does make you kinder and more tolerant, not only to others but especially to yourself. Being better can make you faster, smarter and stronger, but it does not always make you bigger, in fact sometimes those qualities can actually shrink your ability to be bigger in certain situations. 
So what exactly do I mean when I say the bigger person? Well, in my opinion the bigger person is someone who can admit to their own faults, forgive others for theirs and move on gracefully from difficult situations or occurrences. Being the bigger person is a totally tough call, because when we are the bigger person we not only have to own our own shit, but we also have to forgive others for their shit as well and somehow find a space to move forward. Being bigger is always great in theory, but when you have to actually demonstrate it, it's a whole other ball game. 
For one, you have to fight off your own ego to be a bigger person. No-one wants to hear the bad stuff about themselves, it sucks and having someone else point it out is just torture. Most of us are well aware of our short comings and the last thing that any of us want is for someone else to point it out to us, especially in a blunt way. Bigger people can shake off the negative comments, search them, separate the bullshit from the truth, interpret the meaning behind it all and take anything valuable on board as an opportunity to evolve. Your ego cannot come into play if you want to be the bigger person, you have to take it in, process it, trash the crap and thrash the lesson. Bottom line is, it's hard. 
A bigger person never lets their emotions sit in the drivers seat when it comes to difficult situations or conflict resolutions. Bigger people keep it real, they don't get personal or petty and they stick to the facts. By only mentioning the things that are truths and steering away from assumptions, you're always going to come out as the bigger person. It takes skill to keep your emotions in check, learning to let things slide off you like water off a ducks back takes years of focused effort to master. I always try to remember that knee jerk reactions are for small minded people. Anytime that I have employed reactive behaviours in stressful situations in the past there has been nothing but carnage and I have always come off looking stupid, intolerant or just plain bitchy, and no one wants to be seen in that light. 
When you are the bigger person in the room during high stress situations, well it is something to be proud of, because it's a tough gig. Keeping yourself in check, not taking things personally and knowing that you shouldn't take things personally are incredibly good life skills to have in your tool kit. Every time that you can take one on the chin, own your own crap and move forward in a dignified way is definitely a sign that you're becoming a gentler, kinder and more well rounded person, and that is definitely something to be proud of. 

​CARNAGE
Release Date: 2011
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 80 mins 
When two sets of parents meet in a Brooklyn apartment to discuss the fight that their eleven year old boys had in the park, things go from civilised to downright manic rapidly. 
Directed by Roman Polanski, this black-comedy is based on the Tony Award winning play God of Carnage by French playwright Yasmina Reza. A stellar cast that includes Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet, Christoph Waltz and John C. Reilly really bring together all of the ugliness and viciousness of couples with children, played out in real time. 
No stone is left unturned as these four adults go head to head with each other with increasing levels of ferocity; displaying more childish behaviours than the children that they are meant to be discussing. All is stripped bare in this interesting and at times hilarious character study. 
FINAL SAY: Keep on stroking your ego. It's beautiful. 
3 Chilli Peppers

Every year my beautiful children and I make the pilgrimage to Bendigo to attend Illumin8, The Festival of Peace and Light at The Great Stupa of Universal Compassion. This festival occurs on the fifth full moon of the year because that was the time of the year that the Buddha was born. It was also the time that he received his enlightenment and also the time that he passed away, so it is extremely auspicious and important to people of the Buddhist faith. However, the festival is extremely inclusive, so there are always many other faith cultures in attendance to celebrate the event, and non-Buddhists are always most welcome to attend. 
We just love it and we never miss a chance to go and join the festivities, and the line up of performers is always terrific. This year the evenings events kicked off with a live performance from a band called Dez, who came from Melbourne and delivered a pretty alternative set of music. They were followed by Taiko drummers, Hanagassa dancers and a Vietnamese dance group. The fabulous folk artist Grim Faulkner delivered some moving acoustic songs, then the Chinese Lions performed a dynamic dance that was followed by a saucy bevy of buxom beauties in a belly dancing troup.
The Welcome to Country was delivered by Dja Dja Wurrung just as the sun was setting and a full moon rose majestically in the sky above us. A stirring didgeridoo performance, some Tibetan chanting and an Islamic Prayer for Peace was delivered, which refocused and revered the massive crowd. The welcome speeches were delivered, the peace flags were raised and the celebrations kicked off again. 
Bollywood dancers and a performing arts group called SMACS brought lots of colour, movement and vibrancy to the stage and then Vern the fire dancer arrived in his purple glittery spandex and dazzled us all with his glittery beard and fire twirling gyrations. The evening ended with an animated  light show that is projected directly on to the white surface of The Great Stupa, a fireworks spectacular and then the burning of an effigy that  symbolizes the 'bad.' The 'bad' is filled with the notes and prayers of everyone in attendance, on that note you write down something that no longer serves you and that you wish to remove from your life, the burning of these notes works like a cleansing and offers a fresh start to everyone, it's a really nice way to end the entire event. 
Over four full hours of entertainment and the tickets were only $10 each, talk about incredible value for money, but the real reason that we attend Illumin8 every year is not just because of the incredible entertainment, it is also because of the amazing inclusiveness of the event. People from all walks of life and every persuasion are in attendance at this celebration and the vibe is just electric. I always leave feeling like I have been invigorated and re-energized. There is something so wonderful about seeing so much diversity in one place that is being embraced and celebrated in such a gentle and respectful way.
​Events like these are genuinely good for what ails you, they strengthen your faith in humanity, they offer you something completely new and they make you appreciate the amazing diversity and talent that we have in our country. Who wouldn't want more of those kinds of events in their lives? 

​TOP END WEDDING
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 113 mins 
An Australian romantic comedy directed by Wayne Blair and written by Joshua Tyler and Miranda Tapsell , who also stars in the lead female role. I don't think that there has been an Australian movie this honest and meaningful for quite some time and I really enjoyed it. Showcasing some of the most beautiful landscapes Australia has to offer and exploring the beautiful relationship that the indigenous people have with the land and each other, this is a deeply affecting and heart warming watch.
Lauren and Ned are in love and want to tie the knot. Lauren's boss has granted her a 10 day reprieve to have a wedding, but with Lauren's mother MIA somewhere in remote Northern Australia, a wild goose chase ensues as they try to track her down in time for the big event. 
This film took a while to warm up for me, at around the half hour mark I was extremely skeptical about whether I was going to even stay awake. However, the last half hour of the film delivers completely, tying everything up in a sweet and sensitive way that delivers with great respect for the people of Tiwi Island. 
FINAL SAY: Getting hitched down under. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers

Comedy is deeply subjective, it's just like art, music or literature. Everyone has their own taste when it comes to humour and what one person will find side splittingly hilarious, another person will find deeply offensive or utterly ridiculous. I mean nothing will divide a room quicker than a fart joke will it? However, everyone on the planet says that when it comes to meeting a prospective partner, that they are looking for someone with a good sense of humour. Well, that can be pretty tough to discern when humour is so subjective, because technically someone that every else finds bloody hilarious could potentially annoy the absolute crap out of you.
When it comes to humour there are actually nine different types of funny, and trust me when I tell you that some of these are not going to appeal to you at all, because hardly anyone like every type of humour. You will have experienced them all at one point or another, and you will instantly know which one's are your cup of tea as you read through the list.
1. Physical Humour: Also referred to as slapstick. This category covers every physical form of humour from clowns and mimes to funny faces and even people falling over and hurting themselves like they do in the Funniest Home Video franchise or Jackass.
2. Self Deprecating: Favoured among stand up comedians, this is when people make themselves the butt of the joke or put themselves down for a laugh. Memes are filled with this kind of humour.
3. Surreal: This stuff is weird and can appear to be totally illogical, nonsensical and absurd. Think Monty Python or The Mighty Boosh and you'll be in the right wheelhouse of humour. 
4. Improvisational: Who's Line is Anyway? comes to mind immediately here. It's people attempting to be funny on the spot by making it up as they go along. 
5. Wit-Wordplay: A play on words that involves changing language to create something witty and clever, eg. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta away, his legacy became a pizza history.
6. Topical: Pop culture references, news and current events are manipulated and re-enacted to be satirically humorous. Saturday Night Live has been doing this well for a very long time.
7. Observational: Jerry Seinfeld made a fortune out of discussing just how funny the most mundane events, occurrences and moments can be.
8. Body Functions: Yep, it was bound to come up. Fart, poo, wee and spew jokes, they happen and kids (and big kids) love them.
9. Dark: Sometimes nasty in origin and the easiest of all humour types to offend or be misinterpreted for cruelty. Ricky Gervais has been in the hot seat many times for his dark humour style. 
Unsurprisingly, people with higher IQ's find physical and body function humour the least appealing and among 200 people polled on eHarmony, the most popular humour among singles appears to be physical humour and the least is dark humour. Older people find everything less funny across the board, which basically means that the older that you get the less laughs you have, which is a little concerning really. 
Personally, I love humour and comedy is one of my favourite genres. I like most types of humour but can live without bodily function jokes, but can also tolerate them in moderation as well; and I am not adverse to a dirty joke at all. I enjoy getting together to watch comedy with other people because a shared laugh is definitely my favourite kind of laugh, and I cannot deny that I do enjoy making other people laugh when the opportunity arises as well. Laughter is so damn good for the soul, so however you take your humour, make sure that you are getting enough of it in your life. 

​THE HUSTLE
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 94 mins 
This female-centred remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels got an absolute smashing from critics, and I can see why, it's hardly a game changer. However, I did laugh out loud at the cinema when I saw this (on more than one occasion actually) and I did like the onscreen banter between Rebel Wilson and Anne Hathaway. So, if it is an easy, amusing and mostly silly comedy that you are looking for then I think that The Hustle ticks all of those boxes. 
Two female con artists, one a loud and obnoxious Australian and the other a refined and cunning British beauty decide to join forces to an attempt to fleece wealthy men of their money. 
Perhaps the world has already tired of Rebel Wilson's one note performances, but I haven't yet, and I actually thought that she was genuinely amusing as Penny the annoying and persistent con artist. Anne Hathaway gets to flounce about in lavish outfits looking divine and talking like Eliza Doolittle (which is mentioned during the movie), and the whole thing is one fast moving hot mess that for some reason I quite enjoyed. 
Don't let the critics deceive you, this is more than watchable stuff that you will get a laugh out of. 
FINAL SAY: Men underestimate us, so that is what we use.
3 Chilli Peppers

Mother's Day is the one day of the year that we get to celebrate and spend time with the women in our lives that mean the most to us. I had lunch with Craig's mother yesterday and today I traveled to Ararat to see my own mother, whom I have been cultivating a loving and genuine relationship with over the last couple of years. The way that my mother and I finally found our deeper connection with each other came about in the most unusual and painful of ways, but now I have a really terrific relationship with my mum and I am so glad that I have been able to get to know her so completely in her twilight years. 
Around two years ago, I had a really traumatic estrangement from my siblings. One of them, in an attempt to destroy my relationship with my parents, trawled my blog and printed out any posts that contained defamatory content about my mum and dad. They took those printed pages and gave them to my parents, which was not only deeply mean to me but downright cruel to my elderly parents who were very distressed by my writings. I had to own that some of the things that I had said in the past about my parents were unkind, unnecessary and unproductive to our relationship. 
I think that at that point in my life I was using my blog to process my feelings and pour out some of my confusions and misgivings about the people in my family. There was no way to take any of it back and all of the cards were left face up on the table, well for me they were anyway. However, just as the saying goes "the truth shall set you free" and in that exposure, there was a cleansing and with everything laid bare and stripped back, there was no room to hide away, it was time to have some honest and awkward conversations. 
I did not attempt to discuss what my siblings had said to me about my parents themselves in defense of my writings, I owned what I had written completely, the bottom line was that all of those comments had come from me and I had been mean. I promised that I wouldn't talk poorly about them again and that I would work hard to make everything up to them, if they would give me the chance to. My parents were really upset, for a very long time, not just with me but also with my siblings for their vicious behaviour and it has taken me two years to shake off the effects of my estrangement from my siblings and regain the trust of my parents again. 
I now proudly have a meaningful and profound relationship with my mother, one that is based on trust and honesty.  I am not the same person that I was two years ago, and I am no longer petty or consumed by the mistakes of the past. I do not want to go through my life not knowing my mother, understanding my mother, loving my mother and being there for my mother. Having a better relationship with my mum has allowed me to understand the choices that she has made in her own life, why she is the person that she is and just how much she needs and deserves to be loved.
I doubt that I will ever thank my siblings for wounding me as deeply as they did, because that is a wound that just doesn't seem to heal no matter how attentive I am to it, but I cannot deny that out of their hate I did manage to find a real love and respect for my parents that I may not have enjoyed if none of it had ever happened. I don't talk poorly about my parent anymore, I don't complain about my family dynamic to people and I don't spend my free time looking for problems where there are none. As a mother myself, I understand that a meaningful relationship with my own mother is one of the most valuable things that I can ever enjoy in this life, and I have that now and I love spending time with my mother.

​ATONEMENT
Release Date: 2007
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 123 mins 
A romance/war drama, based on Ian McEwan's popular 2001 novel of the same name. Director Joe Wright became the youngest director to open at the 64th Venice International Film Festival at the age of 35 with Atonement, and he enjoyed a lot of notoriety and attention for his saga that outlines a crime and it's consequences over six decades. 
Filled with jealousy and malice, young Briony Tallis (Saoirse Ronan) hatches a story to keep her older sister Cecilia (Keira Knightley) away from the an old family friend and army private named Robbie Turner(James McAvoy). Her deception changes the course of several lives and when war breaks out in Britain, it seems an impossibility that  the two lovers will ever reunite.
This is truly a tale of enduring love, immensely sad and overflowing with unrequited passions. The directing here is on point, the scenes are lush and grandiose, and the actors are so good that they practically outshine the script. I cannot deny that I enjoyed it, for a period romance it was up there for me, it had enough intrigue to keep me interested and there were plenty of beautiful things to look at as well, especially James McAvoy who looks amazing in this. 
FINAL SAY: I love you. I'll wait for you.
4 Chilli Peppers

Regardless of how amicable, nice, funny, mindful, considerate or generous you are in this life, you are eventually going to come against someone that you just don't like. It may be someone that you're related to, or someone that you work with or someone that has come into your life because they are associated with another person that you know, and you are not going to like this person. They are going to grind your gears and irritate you, they are going to annoy you and because they now exist in your life, you may not always have the choice to avoid them. And this is where you need to employ your best diplomacy and intelligence, and just get along. 
Easier said than done though right? It is pretty hard to get along with someone that really ruffles your feathers and generally gives you the shits, but there are ways to get along, even in the face of great adversity. 
The first thing that you need to accept is that you are not going to like everyone, and also not everyone is  going to like you and that's totally OK. So OK in fact, that's it's practically perfect. Yep, that's right I said practically perfect. We all know that we do our best growing during our darkest times, so the people that we butt up against actually force us to grow in ways that we may not even recognise at the time. I have learnt more about myself through the people that I haven't liked than the ones that I have adored, and that is a fact. I may not want to go and have a BBQ with the people that I don't like, but I can recognise that these annoying individuals are triggering a very real and unpleasant reaction in me, which probably needs further investigation. 
Sometimes the people that annoy me the most are really just people that have very different ideas, points of view or social boundaries to me, which means that we could never really be great friends anyway, but that doesn't mean that I need to treat them like crap, that would be stupid and illogical. Tolerating people that you really don't like very much is a skill that intelligent people have mastered, and I have found in the past  that unintelligent people usually create their own dramas and demise anyway, so there is no need to engage anyone that annoys you any more than is absolutely necessary. 
When dealing with people that you don't like, you absolutely must have a terrific poker face, a really good and convincing one. A face that you can wear over the top of gritted teeth or clenched fists that makes you appear to be calm, open and diplomatic. This is you having self control over your emotions, not stooping to anyone elses levels of behaviour or adopting anyone else's body language; in short you appear to be neutral and in control of yourself. Adopting a good poker face and calm exterior will allow you to gain the upper hand over people that you don't like every time. And if they don't like you, well at least they won't be able to say that you treated them poorly at any point in your exchanges. Mastering your emotional reactions will help you to manage difficult or unpleasant people, even if you only appear that way on the surface, it's always worth doing. 
Sometimes the people that I find most annoying turn out to be people that I have just expected too much from. Just because you have yourself in check, that doesn't mean other people have as well. Expecting people to do as you do, or behave as you behave is just asking for trouble and will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Next time someone gets up your nose, check in and see what it is that you are expecting from them, odds are that it's more than they have the ability to deliver, so adjust your expectations and you'll find that you may not dislike the person as much as you thought that you did. 
And when all else fails and you just cannot stand someone that you have to deal with regularly, then just take a deep breathe, give yourself some space from them as much as you can and take some time to address what it is about that person that is triggering you off so much. Is it an isolated comment? An ongoing action? A lifestyle choice? Or is it just the way that they make you feel? Have you yourself contributed to the bad blood that you have with this person? Is it fixable? Whatever the reason, really analyse whether this person is worth all of the anxiety, stress and energy that you are giving to them. If you think that they are, then you need to take steps to clear the air and move forward in your relationship with them, if you think that they're irrelevant, then just keep that poker face going and get on with things. And always remember that you do not have to get along with everyone and that it's totally OK to find some people as annoying as hell. 

I was getting ready for work the other day and a song from The Lost Boys soundtrack popped up on one of my Spotify playlists, and wow....what a blast from the past! I was instantly transported back to the 1980's, a time when I was an impressionable teenager who was coming of age and was easily obsessed with things of a pop culture nature (not much has changed there). And it was with a smile that I fondly reminisced the things that I had obsessed over at that time in my life. 
The Lost Boys movie was definitely one of those obsessions for me, I loved that film and had Lost Boys posters on the inside my wardrobe because I wasn't allowed to hang pictures up on my bedroom wall. I thought that it was the coolest movie that I had ever seen, probably because it was packed to the rafters with smoking hot teen boys, but I think that I also loved it because all of the characters in the movie seemed to have so many exciting things going on in their lives, and at that time in my life I didn't have a lot going at all, just an intense teenage yearning and a burning curiosity. 
'80's movies will always hold a very special place in my heart, because I was completely obsessed with them as a teenager. Horror, sci-fi, comedy and adventure movies were my favourite genres and I filled many of my bored teenage days with films that I devoutly watched over and over again on the VCR all by myself in the mostly unused and very cold 2nd lounge room of our house. It was there, huddled under a blanket that I spent many wintery weekends, watching and rewatching my favourite movies obsessively. I was almost able to recite some of those films line for line, and I know that that sounds really dorky, but you have to remember that this was a time before the internet and if you weren't running with the cool kids (which I wasn't) there wasn't exactly a lot to do with your time. Besides, a VCR was actually a pretty cool thing to have back then and having access to your own library of tapes was even better!
I was part of the MTV generation, so watching movies was a way to connect with my teenage awkwardness and also a way to vicariously generate some self discovery through the experiences of other teens on screen. It was clearly a time in my life that solidified my movie obsession and also started a genuine thirst within me for more cinematic experiences that would allow me to vicariously see the world through other people's eyes. However, no matter how many movies I watch in my life, I will always and forever have the softest spot for a good '80's teen flick.
Here is a list of my favourite teen movies (in no particular order) that I have seen way too many times for my own good, and even though some of them are not even 3 chilli peppers worthy of being on my genre lists, I cannot deny that I still have a soft spot for the nostalgia that they ignite in me whenever I watch them. 

• The Breakfast Club
• Sixteen Candles
• Ferris Bueller's Day Off
• Weird Science
• Better Off Dead
• Back to the Future
• The Goonies 
• One Crazy Summer
• Fright Night
• Stand by Me

and of course....The Lost Boys.

Today was National Superhero Day, a day that was actually created by Marvel Comics employees in 1995 to observe and honour superheroes around the world, both real and fictional. It seemed only fitting that in order to celebrate the event that I should go and see the much anticipated Avengers: Endgame movie at the cinema. However, to be fair I probably would've gone to see it this weekend anyway. With over three hours of enthralling, entertaining and emotionally heart wrenching viewing, I managed to spend my entire Sunday afternoon immersed in the world of superheroes, which was no only very fitting but also intensely enjoyable for a geek like me. 
Ever since Christopher Nolan picked up the script for Batman and booted up The Dark Knight trilogy, the world of cinematic superheroes has gone into overdrive, with Marvel, DC and Dark Horse Comics grinding out a multitude of superhero movies that are just as enjoyable for adults as they are for younger generations. Everyone has a favourite superhero, and seeing your favourite immortalized on the big screen is a something that seems to dazzle audiences of all ages, and provides a level of immersion and escapism that most people will line up for hours to experience. 
Today the cinema was absolutely packed to rafters, and even though the movie had opened days ago, the tickets were sold out well in advance and the lines to be seated streamed out into the street. I saw entire families (dads, mums and their children of various ages) all eagerly chatting about their favourite superhero experiences so far as they excitedly anticipated the outcome of the movie. I saw little kids dressed up as Spiderman and Ironman riding high on the shoulders of their fathers that looked just as happy to be there as their children. I heard middle aged women praising the female archetypes in superheroes movies of recent years, commenting on how great they were as role models for their daughters. And I heard the audience clap, cheer, moan in disbelief and even gently sob in the dark over their favourite superheroes as the film transpired. And what I learned from all of this is that the world loves superheroes. They just bloody love them entirely. 
They love them when they win, but they also love them when they fail because their failings make them more human and accessible. They love the idea of their superhero getting up, over and over and over again, regardless of how high the chips may be stacked against them, because it gives them hope to rise up against the odds themselves in real life scenarios. They love the spirit of a superhero because is it enduring and noble and we all admire those qualities and look up to them, no matter how old we are or who we are.
And we all have our favourite superheroes. We choose our favourites based on their abilities, their skill set and maybe we even choose who our favourites are based on who we aspire to be more like, or who may have shared a similar life experience to our own. Whatever the reason, it is clear to me that people love superheroes and they love to go and see them on the big screen. I know I do, I was seriously looking forward to seeing the final Avengers instalment today, and what can I say? Well, it certainly did not disappoint that's for sure! 

With the minds of many Australians firmly fixed on ANZAC day, it is inevitable that the concepts of heroism and noble efforts on the battlefields will be raised and passed around during this time of remembrance. Most adult Australians and New Zealanders would all understand the concept of The Anzac Spirit because it's pretty much a "national character" concept that was formed by a shared understanding that the tough-as-nails soldiers that fought on the battlefields of World War 1 were exemplary and uniting. Those qualities, although varied, are generally believed to be the traits of endurance, courage, ingenuity, good humour and larrikinism. With these qualities at their disposal, the ANZACs were able to demonstrate mateship and resilience under intensely difficult circumstances, making them nothing short of heroic.
​I cannot help but wonder whether the idea of a war hero is a bit lost on this generation of young people. I mean how well do they even understand the meaning of true heroism? And can they relate to an old ideal of what it means to be a real hero?
There is no doubt about it, a good hero or role model can appear to be hard to find these days. Gone are the days of soldiers proudly marching down the street after a hard won battle or an armour clad hero riding into town on the back of a noble steed triumphantly holding a defeated beasts severed head aloft, that is the stuff of history and fairytales, but that doesn't mean that the days of the hero are done for good. On the contrary, finding real life modern heroes is not nearly as hard as you may think it is, you just need to know what a real life hero actually is. 
If you ask any child to name one of their heroes, they will probably tell you the name of a Marvel or DC superhero that they love, and although they are citing a fictional character as their reference, they are not wrong about the qualities that they are recognising. Even children know that to be a real hero you need to possess certain characteristics. You need to be selfless, genuinely good and kind, courageous, willing to sacrifice for the greater good and willing to act out against oppression and injustice. Basically, you need to be able save the day and put things right, which is most definitely in line with our understanding of an ANZAC war hero, so our ideas about the qualities required to make a hero haven't really changed that much at all, however our ability to recognise them in real life certainly has. 
Long ago heroes had to be strong, stoic and more often than not male as well, but we are a lot more educated now and although we may not have parades in the streets and golden accolades for every heroic deed that is done, we do have a better understanding that people have the ability to be heroic every day if they attend to the basic virtues of being a hero. In fact, you don't really need to look that far to find the most amazing heroes that are flying under the radar all of the time.
You see, what it means to be a 'modern day hero' is to not only have all of those heroic traits that I mentioned earlier, but to possess them without any ego attached to them at all. Real modern heroes are doing brave and noble things not because it makes them look good or gains attention, they do them because they know that  that is what people in an evolved society do. They look out for each other, they save each other and they care about  what happens to their fellow humans, the animals and the planet. And they don't do it for the applause or the recognition, they do it because it is right and just.
Today we can find modern heroes in every walk of life. They are not just in army tanks, fire trucks, rescue helicopters and police squads; we know that they are also in hospitals, science labs, classrooms, supermarkets, standing at the bus stop, picking up their kids from school or even cleaning out your downpipes. You don't need a cape, a mask, a statue, a medal or a standing ovation to be a hero, you just need to have the right mindset and the right ethics.
Think about Frodo Baggins, a simple Hobbit from the Shire. He certainly wasn't the biggest, smartest, funniest or fastest creature in Middle Earth, but he was the hero that saved everyone from the rising and impending doom that was going to destroy everything. And how did he do it? Not with force or strength or by slaying everything that came into his path, no he did it with endurance, kindness and courage, the qualities of a true hero. 
The strength to step outside of a comfort zone, put others first and be relentless in the pursuit of justice is what makes someone a hero, which means that everyone has the potential to be a hero. EVERYONE. Anyone that has the minerals to save the day, no matter who they are or where they have come from, is a hero. And sure there will be war heroes, sports heroes and epic heroes to raise the banners for, but  let's not forget the everyday heroes that make the world a pretty amazing place to be. And let's doggedly talk more to our children about the virtues of  real life heroism and the selflessness that is required to fulfill that role, let's empower a generation of everyday heroes that are willing to be kind, courageous and just even when no-one is applauding their efforts or declaring them so!
​I think that the Foo Fighters said it best in their song My Hero -
There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

I have been truly blessed in this lifetime to have some of the most wonderful people imaginable in my life. My children, my partner, my family, my friends - I have really drawn the ace card when it comes to good people; and everyday of my life is better for knowing these people. During my final week of autumn vacation I was fortuitous enough to share some of my time with people that I love, appreciate, respect and adore most of all in this world, and nothing can make you feel more wealthy and fortunate than having incredible people in your life can. I have shared delightful breakfasts with dear friends, had delicious cake and coffee with quiet confidants, chatted and giggled on the phone for hours with family members that are too far away, and shared sumptuous long lunches with my closest family members. 
I even managed to squeeze in a trip to Queenscliff with some friends during the week. We hired motorized scooters and rode them along the Bellarine Rail Trail in the late afternoon, arriving at a coastal winery called Basil's Farm just as the sun was setting. We enjoyed some good wine, nibbles and even better company in the still of the early evening as we sat by the bay watching the sky change from blue to pink to purple. We happily took a few choice bottles of wine back to our accomodation to share and had a lovely evening of drinking and chatting. It was really nice to get away and enjoy some good company, a little salty air and a change of pace for a while. 
Easter was an extremely busy affair, with Craig's birthday tossed into the middle for good measure. Thank goodness Zoe came down from Geelong for a few days to help me manage all of the cooking and running around that is required to host an Easter feast for a dozen people. In the end, it all went off without a hitch and everyone left with full hearts and even fuller bellies. Now I have a fridge that is overstocked with leftovers, which means that I can take a load off for a couple of days as we work through our stockpile of food provisions, so the whole event was a win-win for me overall. 
Seriously though, I really cannot imagine what my life would be like without all of the wonderful people that I get to share it with, these people support me, raise me up and offer me refuge when I need it most of all. The people that you surround yourself with do give your life meaning and do make it more profound, enjoyable and abundant by just being present. There are a million things in this life that you can be successful at, and a billion more material things that you can collect or earn, but there will never be a greater or more meaningful thing to gather into your life than the love, respect and quality time that you get to share with your good friends and family; it is absolutely priceless.
When you really sit back and take stock of how many incredible people you have in your life, you very quickly realise how blessed you truly are and how much meaning your life truly has. It isn't what we have that makes our lives meaningful, it is who we have in it that makes it more meaningful, so surround yourself with the most wonderful people that you can and get the best out of your life every day, because you deserve to. 

I have just reached the halfway point of my Autumn holiday break; the time has gone so fast and man oh man, I have been so damn productive! I'm actually pretty chuffed about how much I have managed to get done and genuinely pleased with my consistent efforts to use my time wisely. I've been ticking boxes like a boss, catching up on all of my 'to do' tasks and generally taking care of business in a way that I can't usually manage when I am working and it's been bloody amazing!
In the last 7 days I have serviced my car, been to the dentist, seen the doctor, had a stay in hospital to get something corrected that I've put off for way too long, caught up with my parents, hung out with my kids, had my eyebrows done and my hair trimmed, celebrated a friends birthday, gone to the movies (twice actually), checked out the Picasso collection at the Ballarat Fine Art Gallery, completed an online PD module, finally put all of my New Zealand holiday photos into an album, planned my Easter Sunday gathering and even spent some time drawing and painting. Phew!
Next week I have another art gallery visit, a few blood tests, a catch up with some friends, an overnight trip to Queenscliff, Craig's birthday and also Easter to wrangle; basically a walk in the park after last week's mammoth effort. I am hoping that there will be some room for at least one more decent sleep in before it all comes to an end!
I'm also quite proud of the fact that even though my usual routine has been totally thrown out of the window, I've not compromised on my daily yoga practises, walks, meditation, reading, podcast listening, TV binging or movie watching over the holiday period. I have read almost three books in 10 days and faithfully watched at least one film a day since I went on holidays over a week ago. For some unknown reason a large majority of those films have unintentionally been horror movies, but as a huge horror fan this has presented me with some surprisingly enjoyable viewings.
When it comes to TV, like 95% of the rest of the world, I am most excited about Game of Thrones returning tomorrow to kick off the final and most anticipated TV episodes of all time; which I fully intend to faithfully glue myself to the couch for every Monday evening, for the duration. I can't recall a time when I was so looking forward to a TV show returning before, and I suppose that's because we really don't have to wait for programs to come out that often anymore.
G.O.T. has been an 8 season, 9 year viewing commitment, which is rare even for an avid viewer like myself. The last show that I faithfully watched without missing an episode for 9 entire seasons was Seinfeld which ended in 1998, so yeah, it's been a while since I've been this committed to a TV show. Apparently if you watch the first 7 seasons of G.O.T. all up, it would take two days, 15 hours and 30 minutes, which is how much of my life I have given to the show so far, and clearly I am willing to offer even more! Even though I often tire of a lot of long winded TV series, G.O.T. hasn't worn me out yet, so bring it on I say! I am ready for all of the scandal, dragons,  and visceral goings on that Season 8 can deliver, and if any of the other seasons are something to go on, there is definitely going to be some surprises in store!

When you have a couple of crappy things happen to you in row, it can be really easy to get totally gung-ho with the 'poor me' routine and lose sight of what is really going on. Over the last week it has been one of those weeks in our household, one of those opposite to a Midas touch kind of weeks, where everything that you do, even if you set out to do it with really grand and noble intentions, it turns out to be shit show.
We all know what it feels like, we have all been there and people even say that these things come in threes to try and limit the amount of crap that can arrive in their lives at one time. However, things do not come in threes, they come any damn way that they want to, because the universe is totally random and unpredictable, which means that sometimes they come in tens and or even twenties. However, sometimes these things that we perceive to be obstacles or setbacks or problems are actually just signposts of change or opportunities to grow, but it's so bloody hard to see it that way when you're in the thick of it all.  
The first thing that you need to do in these situations is to define what really constitutes as a disaster. To some people a flat tyre is a disaster, to others it is merely an inconvenience and then to  others is it a chance to take a walk and smell the flowers. For me a flat tyre is somewhere in the middle, hardly a disaster, but not exactly a delight either. Unfortunately, most people fall into the disaster zone pretty quickly, and it is something that I am attempting to try and engage in less and less often. 
For example, my car needs repairs and I need to go to hospital to have something corrected that is making me uncomfortable.  Neither of these is a disaster, firstly I can pay for the repairs and medical bills and secondly I have a car and can get the medical treatment that I require immediately. That's a lot more than millions of other people in the world have, so first world squabbling about something manageable is pointless and stupid. Is it inconvenient? Sure, but so what? There's no point whining about it, let's just get it done and move on. 
And pretty much all of my stuff has been inconvenient, but that's all, just inconvenient. Some of it has been my own fault actually, like the speeding ticket that I got last Friday night. I got that ticket because I was speeding, no-one told me to speed or made me speed and I didn't even need to rush to where I was going to, so that was clearly a signpost for me to slow the fuck down! I know that I am lead foot at times, and there is nothing more humbling than a hefty bill to make you ease off the accelerator. And I was going way too fast, I could have caused an accident or pranged my car, and then I would've had a disaster to contend with!
So I think that when these things do happen you need to step back and have a really good look at what is actually occuring. Ask yourself, how much of this has been created by your own choices? How much is just necessary maintenance on an abundant lifestyle? And will you even care about this in 6 weeks time? Once you've answered those questions then you can analyse your real depth of disaster or lack thereof, because most of the time everything is really pretty amazing and we do need to be grateful for those moments and not let the small inconveniences distract us from that fact. 

John Lennon once said:
It's easier to shout 'Revolution' or 'Power to the People' than it is to look at yourself and try and find out what's real and what isn't, when you try pull the wool over your own eyes and your own hypocrisy. 
I have been really investigating my own essence a lot lately, which sounds bloody kinky I know, but I assure you that it isn't. By essence I mean, who I am at the root of it all. Who I am when no-one is around, who I am when I don't have to be a certain way or fill a certain role, who I actually am when everything is stripped back to the basics. Just me, without my belongings, my friends, my family, my external pretenses, just me and only me, me alone. And it has been one of the strangest and most interesting ponderings that I have engaged in, and it has really made me address my own ethics, values and personal goals. 
Lying to ourselves is so easy, we do it all the time. We create excuses, manufacture obligations, revel in distraction and allow ourselves to engage in the drama of others; all so that we can lie to ourselves, hide from our fears and avoid our true nature. Generally speaking, addressing ourselves face on is a pretty scary prospect, but it is inevitable that at some point in everyone's life that they will have to address themselves and consider their place in this world, whether they want to or not. 
And honestly, everyone probably should. A life spent without any contemplation, reflection or introspection sounds like a pretty crummy life to me, and a rather underdeveloped one as well. If you don't stop to self assess and have a look at yourself once and awhile, well sorry but, you might just be an asshole. Anyone that travels through their entire life without ever pondering themselves, stepping back from their everyday existence and questioning their own motives doesn't sound like someone that I would like to spend time with. 
Anyone who is interested in learning the whole truth about themselves (which the Buddhists call dharma) is a warrior, because facing who you really are at the core of your being takes guts and bravery. Unless you are the enlightened one him or herself, then you are probably going to come up against some shit that you don't necessarily like about yourself. It could be stuff that was programmed into you from an early age, it could be something that you'd said or done that was unkind, it could be a belief about something or someone that you have allowed to cloud your better judgement or could be a habit or opinion that you have formed that no longer serves who you are.
You may feel guilty, bad, ashamed or even terrible about yourself when you start to explore and look at yourself deeper, and you may not like what you find, and that's okay too because it is signpost that you know a better way of being and that you have the power to change your direction. The important thing to do with those feelings is not to linger on them, but to use them to arm yourself with better tools and strategies. By doing this you are teaching yourself to be proactive not reactive to the world around you, and you are cultivating a more stoic and real approach to life. You are training yourself to live without regret and shame, because you know that you are in control of making your own better choices. 
It requires fearlessness and willingness, but it is a worthwhile undertaking to attend to from time to time to help you to grow into the best version of yourself. To face yourself you need to be still and quiet and above all else honest. Acknowledge where you've been, recognise where you are and cultivate a pathway ahead that brings you closer to who you want to be. 
I'm not gonna lie to you, it's frickin hard work, but any work of the self always is. Most of us are more than willing to roll up our sleeves to pitch in and help others, but even more willingly to neglect the work of the self. I tell you with all honesty, the work of the self is where the real growth occurs, so take the wool from your eyes, stop being distracted and spend a little time getting to know yourself on a deeper level because a better you is just around the corner. 

I am not what you would call sports minded, or sports orientated or even sports enthusiastic for that matter. I don't follow or participate in any team sports and I don't have a favourite team that I barrack for, not even in the AFL (Australian Football League) which often comes as a horrific shock to so many Australians when I tell them that. I have no idea who won the AFL Grand Final, ever for that matter. I don't know the names of any sports people and I never go to see people playing sports professionally. However, that does not mean that I do not recognise that sport is a strong and alluring form of entertainment to hundreds of thousands of people and that there are some huge benefits to being a part of a competitive team, but honestly, it's just so not my jam in any way, shape or form. 
It's not that I have never been a part of a sports team in my life, because I have, on many occasions actually. You can't grow up in Australia and completely avoid being involved in some kind of sport at some point in your life. Australia and a love of all things sport related goes hand in hand, and when I was growing up if you weren't good at sports or interested in sport you were a total freak. Even the most unfit beer-bellied blokes in my street would talk about the footy, watch the cricket and squat on the couch to catch the highlights from the Bathurst car rallies. You don't need to be fit to love your sport in Australia, you just have to love it, and if you don't, well you are just weird.
Growing up I was on a softball team, a footy team, a table tennis team, a beach volleyball team and once I was even part of a calisthenic squad. As a teenager I danced ballet, ballroom and even tried my hand at Taekwondo, but none of it stuck. I always thought that TV sports were dead boring and could never see any purpose in watching other people 'do' sport. The only part of the Olympics that I have ever really gotten into was the opening ceremony, and I have always considered competitions that awarded people for being the fastest and strongest and most physical enduring really archaic and rather uninspiring. However, as I said earlier, I understand that it serves a purpose as entertainment, but it has just never entertained me. 
I never kept up with any of the sports that I have been involved in, and over the years sports related activities have become of lower and lower priority and interest to me. I know that people are incredibly devoted to their sports, to their teams and to their sporting heros, but I am not and never will be a part of those ranks. And it still makes me an outcast to not be involved in, or at the very least enthusiastic about, sports. It is almost a prerequisite to society in Australia to love sport, in some way, in some fashion. And even though there's a plethora of sports to get behind and support, I honestly don't have any interest in knowing any more about any of them. 
I completely understand that people devote their lives to their sports, and hey....go them! Seriously, big props to that, but it doesn't inspire me to get involved. From what I have gleaned about professional sportsmanship, and I can only give an outsider's perspective on this, it seems elitist, corrupt, controlled, sexist, marketed and unnatural in every way. I have seen interviews with sport people that have left me feeling very sad about how inflated their egos are and how little regard they appear to have for their young and influential fans, and nothing that I have learned about sports as an adult has made me want to get back on board yet.  
However, that being said, every once and a while a sports story comes along that breaks the mold and makes me see how people can be reached through sports in enlightening and forward-thinking ways. Occasionally I can see how change can be garnered through a few brave and dedicated heroes of the sports arena, and how, just like any form of entertainment, it can be used for good or bad purposes. I just wish that  a sports story would come along that would make me want to be more involved again, but it would need to be a pretty frickin amazing one to make that happen! 

FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY 
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 108 mins
A biographical sports comedy/drama based on the 2012 documentary The Wrestlers: Fighting with my Family by director Max Fisher. With a surprisingly fresh dialogue (mainly due to Stephen Merchant's writing and directing) Fighting with My Family delivers an enjoyable, educational and entertaining look into the world of female professional wrestling. 
A British amatuer wrestling family have their lives changed forever when they receive a call from an NXT executive requesting that two of their children (Zak and Saraya 'Paige' Bevis) try out for a spot in the WWE. However, when it is Paige that gets selected to join, Zak struggles to be supportive in the wake of his own lost dream, leaving Paige to face the cutthroat world of professional wrestling on her own. 
This is a perfectly cast film, with Nick Frost and Lena Headey providing excellent support to Florence Pugh (Paige) as her enthusiastic wrestling parents, and also delivering some much needed levity and humour to an otherwise pretty predictable script. Vince Vaughn is also terrific as trainer and WWE representative Hutch Morgan and Jack Lowden steals the show with his pouty disposition and scruffy likeability as Paige's put upon brother Zak. Dwayne Johnson is playing himself here and also depicting his old wrestling persona 'The Rock' which is always amusing to me.
The cast really do make this movie, but I cannot deny that it was also really great to watch another female empowerment movie about a strong, determined women taking the lead, breaking stereotypes and kicking some arse along the way.
FINAL SAY: Dick me dead, and bury me pregnant. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I recently came into contact with a book called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book, which was first published in 1997 and has sold around 7.2 million copies in the US alone has been translated into 40 languages and was written by a Toltec spiritualist and self made shaman. Sounds like some weird stuff right? Well on some levels it is, but it is also the most inspiring, motivational and thought provoking material that I have encountered in some time and I loved the message being relayed in the text and really wanted to share it on my blog. 
For those of you that have read this book or have already come against the theories outlined within it's pages, I apologise, but for anyone that hasn't encountered this book yet, then I think that you should read it as soon as you can. It's only around 160 pages long and yeah....sure, it's a bit alternative and spiritual in it's approach but it's also lovely to read and leaves you feeling so ponderous and hopeful that you can be a better version of yourself that by the end of it you will feel ready to tackle anything head on.  
The book advocates personal freedom from beliefs and poorly designed agreements that we have made with ourselves and others that are creating limitations and unhappiness in our lives. In the book there are four new agreements for you to make with yourself that are simplistic but simplistically perfect at the same time. 
1. Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 
2. Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. 
3. Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. 
4. Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret. 

Don Miguel Ruiz's son Don Jose Ruiz subsequently released a sequel with his father that adds a fifth agreement to that list:
5. Be Skeptical, but learn to listen. 
Which, let's be honest, is pretty sound advice on any level. I haven't read the The Fifth Agreement book so I can't really recommend it, but I do recommend The Four Agreements for no other reason than some life inspiration and food for thought. 

So, I am going to end this blog entry with my favourite quote from the book:
Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes, but life is changing all the time.

Managing the everyday pressures of daily life is one of the most important skills that anyone can have in their tool kit to enable them to thrive. There are literally hundreds, if not thousands of articles, research papers and theories around what that tool kit should look like and the type of skills that are vital to hone for best success. So what skills are the experts and scholars of the world actually recommending that we have and how much actual success is really being experienced through the development of these practices? 
​After trawling the internet, reading some scholarly articles, investigating numerous case studies and perusing several self help manuals over the weekend for the answers to those questions, I have discovered that most 'experts' appear to unanimously agree on the following five 'must have' skills for coping with the everyday pressures of everyday life.
Now I am not claiming that these five tips are the holy grail for ultimate life satisfaction, but just about everything that I did read had these five pointers included in their success criteria for keeping stress levels low and life enjoyment high. I thought that it was interesting that it all pretty much seems to boil down to just  five key pointers, and it certainly does align with my own opinions and theories for living a better life, however, as far as the actually information goes, well you can trash it or thrash it, the choice is entirely yours. 
Do these five things actually work? Well I would have to assume that if everyone keeps on referring to them as the vitals in a pressure free lifestyle, then there must be some level of success attached to their implementation. It is pretty much impossible to refute a few of them for obvious reasons because they are total no-brainers and everyone knows that adopting them would bring about a level of detox and calm. I do think they are all safe to implement and can't see how any of them would add to anyone's stress load unless they chose a hobby that was stressful, which would be rather counterproductive. But as I said, I am just the messenger, so you make your own mind up. 
So without further ado, here is what the experts recommend that you need to employ to get the stress levels in your life down to a minimum. 
​
1. Share Your Feelings. Trying to cope alone is ridiculous and unrealistic. Call on your support network, rally around your friends and share your concerns. A problem shared is a problem halved. 
2. Get Real. Drop the need to be perfect, learn to say no and be willing and open to compromise. Accept that you are only human and that everyone gets overwhelmed from time to time. 
3. Be Healthy. Eat well, exercise, get enough sleep and cut back on caffeine, tobacco and alcohol. Taking care of your physical self will make your life much easier in the long run. 
4. Deal with One Problem at a Time. Address where your stress is coming from and begin to eliminate what you longer need. Make a list, monitor where your tensions lie and make realistic and achievable goals to reduce the high stress tickets on your dance card. 
5. Visualise, Meditate, Dance, Find a Healthy Outlet. Finding a relaxing hobby or pastime that you enjoy will not only make you happier and more able to cope with everyday stress, it will also give you something to look forward when you feel like your cup has runneth over.

And apparently that's it! Seems pretty simple in theory, but any fool knows that it's always the practice that takes all of the hard work. 

Can you believe that I have been feeling so zenned out lately that I had totally forgotten what it felt like to get really angry? Sure I have gotten annoyed and antsy from time to time, but not full blown 'Mad Max Fury Road' for a while now. I'm talking really angry and uber frustrated because this week I did encounter those feelings for the first time in a really long time and it was so completely lousy in every way. I'd forgotten how genuinely shithouse those feelings are, and as a result of that I just didn't know how to process them. How the hell do people that are angry all of the time function? It's so exhausting being cross, I just wanted to go and have a lay down!
I was at work when it happened, which is the exact place that you do not want to be when you find yourself feeling ultra frustrated and pissed off, so I couldn't just go on an hour long hike into the bush or meditate the feelings out of me, I had to deal with them. If I was a big time shouter, trust me when I say that I would've been yelling, but I didn't yell....I just broke down. Snapped like a twig and wept, which isn't exactly the best way to process frustration but I suppose that it beats throwing a stapler at someones head or smashing their face into the side of the photocopier, so in the big scheme of things it wasn't a complete disaster.
I was however shocked at the uncontrollable outpouring  of emotion that I felt. I don't cry that often so I was quite horrified when my body just let go like it did, horrified but not disgusted or ashamed of myself for it, just shocked. I used to think that crying was a display of weakness because I was raised to believe that that was true, and in the past I would have been questioning whether I was going through perimenopause or something like it, but in the last couple of years of my life I have come to understand that crying is most certainly not a sign of weakness at all.
We live in a world that demands that we keep a lid on our feelings most of the time, but the truth is that it isn't really healthy to keep a lid on your feelings all of the time, that kind of thinking creates barriers and gives people cancer. There are going to be moments in your life when emotions are going to rise up from the shadows where you've worked hard to keep them contained and you will become, even if it is only for a few moments, unable to stuff them back down, and you know what? That's totally okay. 
Showing that you are affected deeply by something is not weak, pathetic or dishonorable, it's human. And as long as you aren't having regular breakdowns on a daily basis then it's totally acceptable to release a bit of tension and anxiety and let the tears flow on occasion. I remember hearing once that people only cry when the emotions inside of them get so big that their bodies cannot contain it any longer and so it has to find an exit, and that exit is through the windows of the soul. It's kind of beautiful when you think about it like that, it's cathartic and cleansing and purifying to the soul to cry once and awhile. 
And so I have had a big cry and let it all out and you know what, I actually do feel better for it. When you don't cry that often then people do tend to take notice when you do and I think that I probably couldn't have communicated my level of frustration and annoyance in a better way than I did now that I look back on it. However, one thing that all of this has taught me is that no matter how zenned out you may think you are, it is a very thin line between keeping your composure and being ridiculously annoyed and frustrated, and that no-one has it all together all of the time. 

I love the idea of upskilling or 'life levelling up' and I have poured hours of devotion into new practises and pathways that I believe have helped me to become a better and more rounded person. I do have to be honest and admit that sometimes the amount of time and energy that is required to engage in some form of new and meaningful life upskilling is quite overwhelming to me at the moment, and it isn't because of a lack of desire or motivation, it is because I feel like I have already had more than my fair share of 'upgrades' in this life. 
At the moment, I have pretty much 'maxed out' my life. If I was a game avatar I would have almost every perk, extra feature and bonus item already in my inventory, there would be no more to add to my character except for cardio, I know that I need more cardio! I have done so many incredible things, seen so many amazing things, had so many adventures and worked hard to incorporated the best of everything that I have discovered along those paths into my life. And now I can say that I truly understand what it feels like to have my 'cup runneth over.' 
So have I plateaued? Well if this is what plateauing feels like, then I am fine with that! But I do think that it is quite the contrary really, because I actually feel like I am running on maximum (well not literally running, let's not forget that cardio stuff, doubt that I will ever nail that) and even though I do not fit into the mould of what society tells me to believe that a 45 year women should 'look' like or 'feel' like, I actually feel amazing and completely happy. Sure I am not what anyone would call 'fit' or 'thin' but I am thriving. I feel well and vibrant and healthier than I have ever felt in my life, so what is actually going here? Why now, when I am older, heavier and wrinklier than I have ever been in my life am I experiencing this feeling of abundance and joy? 
Perhaps it is what I spend my spare time doing that has cultivated this feeling of abundance? I like to spend my free hours practising yoga, meditating, walking, listening to podcasts, watching movies and TV shows, socialising with friends and family, cooking, journalling and reading. I would call myself a moderately active person, I eat healthy nutritious foods, and I try to balance out my days with some activity and some inactivity because I believe that balance is the key to a good life.
I do have the most excellent and fulfilling relationships with the people around me that I have ever had in my life and I value those relationships above everything else. I try to make sure that the people in my life feel cared for and I try to make time for meaningful engagment with the people that I care about. My family means the world to me and my friends are not only beautiful people, but they are also caring, unique and stimulating to have around.
Perhaps all of these practises combined have put me in good stead, and maybe I don't need to add anything more to the mix since I am feeling so terrific. And maybe all of this really just boils down to a state of mind. Maybe feeling like you have a life of abundance is really more about having self acceptance, contentment and always keeping your eye on the glass being half full. I really do have what most people would call a full and happy life, and it is good to celebrate that and rejoice in the space that I have cultivated for myself. I don't actually need another upgrade at this moment in life, I am happy, I am abundant and I am the best version of myself at this present moment.