I think I can, I think I can....
I feel a lot like the little engine that could this week. I'm feeling really tired, a bit over it all and I could really use a degree in child psychology right about now, especially given the amount of child diffusing that I have been doing this week. You can always tell when we are getting to the pointy end of a term; the kids certainly wouldn't let you miss it that's for sure, they love to amp shit up to full volume right at the end.
But who cares? Chin up! It's only two more days of enslavement and 'working for the man' before I can run out the door on Friday and not look over my shoulder or return for 17 whole days! 17! Can I get a whoop-whoop? 
Yes, it is these moments when all of the crazy seems completely worthwhile. That golden time when every crying kid, playground scuffle, petty dispute, relentless whine, scun knee and blood nose seem trivial because ain't nobody gonna steal my sunshine! It's Easter holiday time, which means loads of dark chocolate, sleeping in, movie marathons, reading until noon and this time around - road tripping!
Loads to look forward to, and it's also one of my favourite times of the year seasonally, which is a big bonus. I absolutely love the turn from Summer to Autumn, it is easily the most mellow time of the year. It is also the perfect time for a little solitude and reflection, especially with the weather so changeable. Some days it's like an Indian Summer and other days it's like an early winter, and I really dig that. You can wear a skirt and paint your nails one day and then make hot chocolate and grab a blanket for the porch the next, I enjoy the unpredictability of it. 
Clearly I am getting chuffed for the break right now because I am falling in love with the seasons and also because on Monday after school I found a big dent in the back panel of my car, with red paint all over it from the culprit that had done it and I didn't even let it rile me up. And guess what? The person who did it came forward. They felt terrible about the incident (which was a car door in the wind scenario) and they were more than happy to put in a claim to get it fixed. So all's well that ends well really. 
I'm just counting down the days now, or maybe the hours...oh holidays...you will be mine...yes you will...and then it will be happy, happy days! 

Sometimes when I am by myself doing mundane things like unstacking the dishwasher or folding the laundry, my mind wanders off to strange and long forgotten territory that is locked away most of the time somewhere in my brain. I will randomly and unconsciously search way back into the farthest recesses of my memories, pulling out the most useless and pointless recalls ever. Suddenly, mid knicker folding, I am reliving an awkward conversation that I had with my boss 15 years ago, or thinking about some horrible guy that I was crushing on 30 years ago or rehashing an argument that I had with one of my sisters about something that seemed important at the time but now seems obviously irrelevant. 
When I emerge from this 'unconscious recall' I often get to thinking about my make up as a person, I mean, does everyone do this kind of stupid thing? Is everyone pulling up random old shit from time to time, or is it just me? And is there any point to rifling back through the trivial memories and mistakes of old? I doubt it, especially since most of the shit that I drag back up is either pretty useless memorabilia or just stuff that I would have preferred to have just forgotten about anyway. 
I must admit that often when I do think back, a lot of what I am recalling just makes me cringe. I cringe about how immature I was, or how clueless I was or how superficial I was. In fact I hardly ever have a memory of a moment when I was just being awesome or seriously cool. So does that mean that I have hardly ever been awesome or super cool or does it just mean that I am haunted by the dumb mistakes of my past? I am going with the latter on that one, but honestly neither option is particularly pleasing.  
I am sure that there are some excellent medications on the market these days that can stop me from doing these 'random recalls', but I am holding out on the hope that this is just something that everyone does from time to time and that I am not three parts crazy. I really don't see any harm in doing it, I just find being human so very odd at times; I mean the stupid, stupid things that we fill our heads and time with, it's all so irrelevant and unimportant and yet we allow it to be so all encompassing and valid. 
​Memories are slippery little suckers for sure, they have a knack of insidiously sneaking up on you in those quiet moments and snatching up your full attention, forcing you to ponder and reminisce the unchangeable.
​Barbra Streisand sang in The Way We Were "memories, may be beautiful and yet, what's to painful to remember we simply chose to forget." Meaning that most of the stuff that we do recall unconsciously when we are just daydreaming is pretty mundane because the really difficult and important stuff is buried down way deeper than that.
So maybe remembering the mundane stuff isn't that bad after all, I mean if we were rehashing the big stuff all the time, that's when we really would need to enlist the help of some good quality medications. Hmmm, maybe there is nothing wrong with reliving the small mistakes and minor mishaps, after all, the small ones are so much easier to deal with. If we gain nothing from these ponderings but a rough map of how far we have come, and what not to do in the future, well then it's probably not a bad thing to daydream our past shortcomings  at all, it may even be an extremely cathartic thing to do. 

I accidentally stumbled on a link to an article today, it was called - #1 Reason that Men Pull Away. Being me, I just couldn't resist clicking on it. Not because I even give a shit what anewmode.com has to say on the issue, but because I was curious to see what kind of tripe they were filling women's heads with. Guess what the number one reason was? It's a corker - He's Stressed! Which was followed by a sweeping statement about men needing to retreat to the "man-cave" when they are stressed. 
Wtf? Seriously, don't all people need to retreat when they feel stressed? Since when is it only men? And what does that have to do with men pulling away? If I counted every time that Craig headed out to the "man-cave" as they called it, 'pulling away' we should've been divorced about 20 odd years ago. According to this article if your man is stressed it is your job to tiptoe around the bastard and let him hide in his 'sook cave' until he's ready to come out otherwise you'll be seen as inconsiderate and needy! Which brings me to the second point that they made, men pull away because you are too needy.
That fucking chestnut - too needy! Men apparently long to feel wanted and desired, but not needed. What the sweet fuck does that even mean? I figure it means that if you come to a man in your lingerie wanting to ravish his loins he'll probably be into it, but if you start begging him, forget it sister - that shit is too needy! Is that what they mean? Seriously, if you can't rely on your man to be there when you need something, he's a fucking loser and needs to be kicked to the curb - hard! Wanted? Desired? Give it a bone, wanted and desired doesn't pay the rent unless you're a stripper and it is certainly not an excuse to push aside someone's needs. No man on the planet has ever been desired or wanted for not meeting a woman's needs on some level, so that's just a huge load of malarky! 
Any article that tries to insinuate that it is all your fault that your man is pulling away is total shit. The real reason that a man pulls away is simple and can be summed up in six easy words- he's just not that into you. That's it - there is no other reason. It's not because he is stressed or because you're needy or because he's having doubts- he's just not feeling you girlfriend, and that's that! HE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU! No ridiculous article is going to change the fact that your relationship is in turmoil and your man is pulling away. Get some real couselling if you need it, but never listen to trashy relationship 'fixer' articles online - what a steaming pile of horse shit that crap is.
I just cannot believe how much of that shit is still around though. I thought that the 'women's obligation and oppression' literature went out with the 1960's - but how very wrong I am. If articles like this are anything to go by, there is clearly still plenty of bullshit man boosting/ women oppressing tripe to read if you're stupid enough to click on it. Saddest part of all is that it was actually written by a woman, proving that some of us still have such a long way to go. 

The awesomeness of my birthday celebrations went into overflow this weekend as I was shouted out to a huge vegetarian banquet for Sunday lunch and also went to the movies on Saturday afternoon for free thanks to the generosity of my lovely and thoughtful friends. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have so many kind and caring people in my life, it makes the world seem so much brighter to know that I have good friends that are thinking about me and trying to make my birthday feel so special. I  feel humbled to be so spoilt and blessed.
There are so many good things coming up at the moment that I am really chuffed about and looking forward to. School term ends in only two weeks for Easter vacation, which is always something to get excited about in my mind. I also have my road trip to Sydney with the kids on the horizon which will be super fun, which is closely followed by the Ukrainian/ Orthodox Easter with my family, which always involves lots of good food and too much feasting - so there goes my diet again!
I'm going to see a live performance of Wicked for Mother's Day and the following weekend I'm off to Bendigo and back to The Great Stupa for the Vesak Festival of Lights celebrations in May. So exciting! Lots of opportunities to get out and about and catch up with my friends and loved ones over the coming months.
Autumn is shaping up to be super busy on the social front because I also have Spicywatch's third birthday to celebrate soon and a desperate need for an Enfield bonfire, but that may have to go on hold until Winter Solstice given the limited amount of free weekends available to host a bonfire. That, and the fact that it is way too dry to even light a match outdoors at the moment, let alone a get a blaze going. But anyway, many good things on the horizon that's for sure, and I love having things to look forward to. 

Kids can be such relentlessly vicious little fuckers. I have just about had my fill of nasty dickhead kids being assholes to other kids. It is just brutal. The shit that some kids say to each other and think that it is okay, it's just horrific! What the hell goes on in the households of these children? Seriously, I do wonder, where does all of this hostility and meanness come from?
Children lack any sort of finesse or bedside manner when it comes to delivering their emotions and needs, and it is fairly reasonable for that to happen when children are quite young, it's all a natural and unfortunate part of the growing up process, I totally get that. However, when you get to Year 6 and higher and you are still saying shit like "no-one likes you dickhead, everyone hates you, go away" you need a high five - to the face - with a chair as far as I am concerned. What kind of an asshole goes around saying things like that and thinks that it is okay? And that is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the mean things that I know that kids say to each other, because I am hearing some pretty whack shit lately, and I am over it! 
Parents have a bloody responsibility to teach their children about important life virtues like kindness, honesty, patience and respect. The old 'do unto others' certainly doesn't come into play much these days, I can tell you. It's all dog eat dog from what I can garner, both in person and online. Seriously, you practically need to be a bulletproof pre-teen to survive  the onslaught of ugly behaviours these days.
We all know that mean kids can also grow up to be pretty mean adults in the future, which is also a really disturbing thought. Some of these kids scare me now! They have the manipulative skills of a well trained psychologist and the ruthlessness of assassins, I worry about how that is going to look for me when I am old and need to be cared for, but mostly I worry about my son and how all of this will impact the kind of man that he will one day become. 
Both of my children and myself were bullied at one point or another during our school years, and sometimes I wonder if it is the 'unusual' in us that has been the source of all these problems. My children are both pretty unique and headstrong individuals, because I raised them to be that way, and I often think that maybe if I had raised more 'go with flow' mainstream kids then their struggles would be lessened. Nah, I could never sleep at night if I didn't encourage my kids to be themselves and be willing to step up, even if it risks being singled out. However, being different or unique doesn't win you brownie points at school and it certainly seems to put a target on your back when it comes to bullies.   
Bullies aren't new though, they've been around forever, and maybe it is just because I am an adult now that I am more aware of the presence of these insidious little dirtbags. I just don't remember kids being so relentless and deeply damaged when I was younger, even supposedly 'nice' kids are not really that nice at all. I am often shocked by the behaviours and utterances that I hear about, and I really feel quite sad that kids have to endure such hatred and prejudice in their formative years. 
I guess that it is a right of passage to come against some wanker that is going to try and make you feel like shit about yourself in order to make themselves feel larger on the road to adulthood, but no-one likes the thought of their child going through it. It is one of the least enjoyable aspects of parenting that's for sure. It is difficult to not get emotionally entangled yourself when you hear about some of things that go on around the school yard when no adults are around; but we all know that it happens, it was happening back in our day too. 
Yep, it's enough to make a mum want to go to war! Luckily for those horrid bully kids I'm a pacifist, so there will be no bloodshed here. However, some days when I catch wind of something unpleasant or malicious brewing, I secretly do wish to see all of the vicious little fuckers get their comeuppances in a rather swift and unpleasant form....but only some days. 

Another year older, not necessarily another year wiser, but let's not get into that one again! I had the best birthday on Friday, people were insanely generous with their outpourings of affection, kindness and gifts. I was truly touched by the efforts that people had made to make my day so special for me, it was just wonderful. I got so many fantastic gifts that were all clearly purchased with me in mind because they were all things that I really love and/or wanted to get. 
At work I was showered with generous gifts and got to blow the candles out on a gluten free mud cake that was absolutely delicious. After work I went and had a 45 minute relaxation massage to kick off the celebrations and then went home for a delicious Thai yellow curry, a few whiskeys and some good old B Grade Horror movies, who could ask for more than that? Craig and Seth had purchased me a bottle of my favourite perfume and some new art supplies and didn't let me lift a finger all night. My boys were bringing me the love for sure! It was an absolutely perfect day as far as I am concerned and definitely one of the best birthdays that I have ever had. 
Yesterday we kicked off the long Labour Day weekend (woohoo no work on Monday) by heading over to Kyneton to meet Helen at The Lost Trades Fair. The fair is designed to showcase all of the old and no longer used trades and crafts of yesteryear by getting the people that still make the products to demonstrate their skills and handyworks to the public. I cannot even begin to tell you how ridiculously massive the crowds were, people were arriving in droves! We got to Kyneton at 10am, and had to line up for 20 minutes to get in, it was manic. I am not terrific with really big crowds so the whole thing was a bit out of my comfort zone, but I managed. The actual fair was really interesting, but with crowds that big, it is really difficult to get  a decent look at anything so that part was a tad disappointing, but I did still enjoy what I did get to see. There are some really talented trades-people making some incredibly unique things out there, that's for sure.
The drive to Kyneton is actually really lovely, a cruisy hour and a half from us which takes you through some picturesque rural Victorian towns and farmlands. I love a good road trip, so I am really looking forward to my next big one which is coming up on the next school holiday break when Zoe, Seth and I will take to the highway and head to Sydney together.
​It's about 12 hours each way, so it's a decent road trip challenge, but we always make lots of stops because we love seeing new places and have a thirst for adventure, so I think that we will really have a lot of fun together. I am actually quite excited, we will get to catch up with some family that we haven't seen in ages, and the kids can't wait to see the Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge in the flesh. Sometimes you have to go outside of your comfort zone to really see the good stuff, or as they say "out on a limb" because that is where all the best fruit sits. 

Today is International Women's Day, a day to celebrate all of the wonderful things about being a woman and to commemorate all of the brave, intelligent and bold females that have forged a pathway over time and against all odds for future generations of women by fighting for women's rights, recognition and equality.
It is a time to remember all of the women in the world that had the moxy to stand up against oppression and tyranny and say NO! This is not fair or just, and we can do better than this. 
It is not a day 'just for feminists', as some pathetic men would try to insinuate, it is a day for women, all women, everywhere. It is a day for every mother, daughter, sister and female across the globe to come together and celebrate how far we have all come and how we will continue to grow together into the future. 
The 2017 theme was Be Bold For Change, and asked women to unite in the fight for equal pay, inclusiveness and gender equal rights around the globe. What a tremendously better world it will be when we finally get there. I heard on the radio this morning that in the 1980's only 50% of women in the world had jobs and today that has risen to 70%, and even though we are bewilderingly still fighting for equal pay, we have made good progress. Today more women finish university than men, and every year more and more women undertake positions as CEO's and corporate figureheads, so yes, things are changing and we have the pioneers of change to thank for that. 
Google's search bar had a terrific tribute for International Women's Day today. It featured several motivational and inspirational women from minority groups, struggling countries and notoriously difficult female environments that had risen above all of the nay-sayers, oppressors and haters to forge ahead and craft their own place in the world. God knows I love a good motivational story, but I especially love it when I get to see the underdog rise above it all, and even more if that underdog is a woman. 
So stand tall and proud ladies of the world, we are making a difference together and nothing can stop our progress from here. Besides, let's be honest, we already know who run the world.....we just need the male folk to catch up. 

HIDDEN FIGURES
Release Date: 2016
Rating: PG
Running Time: 127 mins 
This may be the feel good movie of the year for me. Based on the non-fiction book of the same name by Margot Lee Shetterly, Hidden Figures tells the story of three African American women that worked for NASA during the Space Race period of the early 1960's. The movie outlines the women's triumphs, their hardships and the extreme levels of racism and sexism that they had to endure during that time.
Mathematician Katherine Johnson, aspiring engineer Mary Jackson and unofficial supervisor Dorothy Vaughan all work for NASA. Through sheer determination and courage, they overcome obstacles and initiate changes that alter the face of NASA and raise equal rights for African American women everywhere.
I absolutely loved this story, it is a tale that is not only interesting, but also one that really deserves to be heard. These terrifically intelligent and self motivated women are portrayed beautifully by Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monae who are just tremendous on screen and delightfully enjoyable to watch together. If you are looking for some motivation and inspiration, this movie has got you covered.
​FINAL SAY: I know you probably believe that. 
4 Chili Peppers ​

Last night Ballarat came alive with its first White Night event. The main thoroughfare was flooded with people and many buildings were projected with psychedelic colours and images. Roving installations and various street performers livened up the streetscape with an array of enjoyable free entertainment. All of the galleries and the art spaces were buzzing with exciting exhibitions and there were people literally dancing in the streets which added a happy and carefree vibe to the night. 
I think that for a first attempt, this was a really successful night. People from all walks of life joined the throng and the thump of the crowd, proving that the lure and magic of a lit up night spectacle can draw just about anyone out of their homes. The weather was perfect and when we arrived around 10.30pm the atmosphere was really buzzing. It was wonderful to see so many people enjoying the free entertainment and experiencing the different varieties of art. I have never seen places like The Mechanics Institute and The Ballarat Art Gallery so overrun with visitors before, and everyone appeared to be having a really great time from what I could see. 
I was hoping to see a lot more light action overall, but I cannot fault what I did see because it was really excellent and the coordination of the event was fantastic. Hopefully Ballarat will continue to run White Night every year, and continually expand each year because this year was a tremendously good launch pad. Ballarat is really starting to deliver as far as free family friendly events go. Perhaps people will stop thinking of Ballarat as a back-wash country town soon, because it is really so much more than that now.
We all had a lovely time walking the streets and taking in all of the sights and sounds, and I didn't see any behaviours that were of concern to me which was quite amazing for such a massive crowd. Overall, I thought it was an exciting moonlight stroll and another bright feather in Ballarat's event cap for sure. 

MOONLIGHT
Release Date: 2016
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 111 mins 
Based on the previously unpublished play In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue by Tarell Alvin McCraney,  directed by Barry Jenkins and written by Jenkins and McCraney, Moonlight will touch you with it's passionate portrayal of one man's life from youth to adulthood. After winning the Best Picture Oscar at the 89th Academy Awards under the most controversially blunderous Oscars muck-up of all time, Moonlight continued to received unanimously high critical praise and swiftly became the must see movie of 2016. 
​From childhood to adulthood, we watch 'Little' grow up to eventually become 'Black,' an adult that has endured many heartbreaks, prejudices and difficulties along the path to becoming a man. 
Filmed in three acts, Moonlight is a coming of age story like no other. Boldly addressing themes of abuse, drug addiction, sexuality and identity, this is a story that will linger with you after the credits have rolled. Incredible performances and innovative storytelling makes this compelling and original movie making that needs to be seen. 
FINAL SAY: At some point you gotta decide who you wanna be. 
4.5 Chili Peppers ​

You know how some days you feel really confident and you look in the mirror and think, yeah I look pretty good. Well today was not one of those days! Today was more like, why does everything I put on make me look like the magic pudding? It was one of those days!
I stupidly stepped onto the scales the other day only to be horrified yet again by my findings. Surprise, sur-fucking -prise! When am I going to learn to steer clear of that fucking thing? It majorly wrecks my mojo every damn time! I think that I am going to have a ceremonial smashing of the scales at my place because I don't think that I have been pleased with the numbers that I seen on them for around twenty odd years, so why the fuck am I still doing this shit to myself? They need to be destroyed, a scale sacrifice is in order!
If I am willing to be totally honest with myself, I would have to admit that it really has nothing to do with the scales and everything to do with the way that I feel in my own skin right now. I don't feel terrific. I know that I have put on a few kilos and I feel like shit about it. For some reason I always feel like I am failing at something tremendously important when I put on weight, which is totally ridiculous I know, but I do.
Losing weight is such a bloody bore, I really hate dieting and not eating what I like. And even though I am totally committed to my daily  yoga routine, it's not doing me any favours in the weight loss stakes. In fact, I think that I have gotten bigger since I have been regularly practising; how is that possible? I would like to try and convince you all that it is just extra muscle weight that I have gained, but nah...I don't even have enough bullshit to lay that one down and make it stick. I'm pretty sure that the extra roll that has appeared on my tummy is not muscle, but just plain fat. Fat that is made up of butter, whiskey, dark chocolate and cheese. Why? Oh why does all the delicious stuff have to be so bad for you? And shouldn't a person be rewarded for doing more exercise and giving up smoking? Getting an extra layer of fat hardly seems fair to me, and unless I am moving to the North Pole soon, it is also useless to me! 
I know that I am too smart to allow a stupid fucking number on a scale to define me, or my worth, but god it sucks when I don't see what I am hoping for when I look down at that digital pad. Curses on scales I say, and curses on the stupid stereotypes that we allow ourselves to be defined by in this mixed up, muddle up world of ours. I'm tired of feeling depressed and putting pressure on myself to be something else, it is seriously no way to live. Who really cares about a few extra kilos anyway? 
Unfortunately I do, I really do. And as much as I would love to throw those bloody scales in the bin, I am also terrified that if I just completely let go that I will turn into the Michelin Man within 12 months. AHHHHH! It's bloody salad time again, but I'm not happy about it. Not happy about my weight or my lack of self confidence to just be who I am. Boo to me, this routine is getting so fricken old! Someone just shoot me in the head and save me from my own bullshit please, that would shave off a few unwanted pounds of ugly for sure!