Some people have quite abnormal and pretty concerning relationships with food. Some people eat too much of it and other people deprive themselves of it, and obviously neither of those scenarios would be considered as having a healthy relationship with food.
So what does it mean to have a healthy relationship with food? Well, having a healthy relationship with food is really also about having a healthy relationship with yourself and your body and its needs. It's all about being connected to what you are eating, when you are eating and why you are eating. Marry all of this with listening to what your body needs rather than what it desires when it comes to food choices and you'll be enjoying what is known as a healthy relationship with food.
Unfortunately, as a society we place far more emphasis on whether a food is healthy or unhealthy than we do on actually forming healthy relationships with food and our own physiological needs. Physicians, dietary experts and psychologists are saying that our attitudes to dieting and nutrition have made many of us quite fat and unhealthy and they are now urging people to give themselves permission to eat again. However in doing so, we must also learn to listen to what our body is really asking for and also teach ourselves to stop eating when our hunger has been satisfied. 
When we are food deprived, we generally eat more high sugar and high carb snacks, which in short means that we are more likely to become 'snack snufflers' and eat far more empty calories and low value foods than we should. Low value foods offer eaters instant gratification but they do come with a very high cost to our overall health and wellbeing. Many processed foods are now being sited to be cancer forming and many junk foods are now being linked directly to diabetes, heart disease and other serious and chronic illnesses. However, it is just as important to understand that eating the occasional donut or having fish and chips once in a while is not going to cause any real problems to anyone. As long as you are eating these kinds of foods in moderation and recognising them as treats and not everyday eating choices, then you will be perfectly safe to indulge in said 'bad' foods from time to time without being worried or fearful that you will gain weight or become unhealthy. 
However, more importantly, experts are saying that what we really need to do as a society in order to maintain a healthy relationship with food is to stop using it as a tool to numb and distance ourselves from our emotions. In general, when people are dealing with an emotional issue they will follow the path of least resistance, which more often than not leads directly to our pantry or fridge. We go straight to the foods that we call 'bad' or that we have prohibited in our minds because that belief makes them even more powerful as a numbing mechanism. So basically, we should never rule any foods out as completely forbidden because that will just strengthen our association to them as being something that can bring us ultimate reward and release. 
So what do you do when the shit hits the fan and you find yourself going to the fridge for comfort? Well, the first thing to do is to notice what you are doing before you eat anything. You need to make everything that you eat a mindful choice and not a subconscious decision, which means that you need to actively decide to eat everything that you do, with some serious emphasis on the words actively decide. In the most basic terms, you need to think about everything that you ingest before you do and always ask yourself these questions before you put any food into your body:

• Am I really hungry?
• Why am I choosing this food?
• Is this the best choice that I can make for my body right now?
• Is food really what I need right now? 

And if you still really want the food that you have chosen after that, then go for it - eat it! Just remember to always eat it slow and mindfully, and to stop as soon as you feel full. And apparently, according to all of the experts of the world, that is all that you need to do to maintain a healthy relationship with food. No taboo foods, no dieting or depriving, just fully conscious, educated and mindful eating choices and you will never have any reason to feel bad about anything that you eat ever again. 

Everyone would like to find that one special person that they can spend the rest of their days with; well pretty much everyone. I am sure that there probably are completely autonomous people out there who do not crave intimacy or long for a life partner, but when it comes to the average Joe's of the world like myself, well we just want to feel like we can hang out with someone that gets us, loves us for  who we are and ultimately can put up with our shit when we are not at our best. And when you do find someone like that, you are going to want to hang on to them forever. But how do you know for sure that you have actually found 'the one' that you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Well, short answer is that you don't know, not really, not 100%. Okay yes, there are all of those initial fuzzy, glowy, feel good vibes that you get when you first hook up with someone, but you can also get those in short term relationships that turn to shit, so they really aren't the best indication that your relationship has the minerals to be everlasting and lifelong. I think that the only way that you can be somewhat certain in the beginning stages is when you have completely bared your mind, body and soul to a person and they still want in. And this type of baring of the self can take anywhere from 12 months to 20 years to establish (depending on your level of openness) so this is a pretty gradual process, an unfolding if you will. However, generally, anyone that can accept all of your flaws, love you unconditionally and accept you at your sickest, weakest and meanest moments is definitely worth considering as a life partner in my opinion. 
Some couples stay together for years and years and still never really get to know each other very well, in fact this is more common than you might think. However, if both parties can be completely transparent with each other, I believe that this is really good start when it comes to laying a solid lifelong foundation of togetherness. However, just as equally important for longevity is common ground and similar values and ethics, because clearly a smack head and a deeply pious catholic, regardless of their ability to be transparent with each other are not necessarily going to make the best lifelong bedfellows are they? As a couple, you simply must have some ethical consistencies in order to thrive, without this there will never be smooth sailing and it is inevitable that the relationship will come to a conclusion, quite possibly an unpleasant one.  
When all of the initial infatuation and fascination wears away (and it does because humans take things for granted - even really good relationships) if you don't have some common ground, united front and shared values, well honestly, you're gonna be fucked pretty quickly. And when I say common ground I mean something more substantial than both of you being into jasmine green tea. I'm talking ethics and general life philosophy. You don't need to be identical, but on some issues you will need to find common ground to be able to have harmony and longitude in your relationship. 
And differences, well they're going to matter as well and regardless of how charming, attractive and wonderful your partner may be, you're going to need some space from them at times as well. Nothing wrong with sharing loads of quality time together, but the saying too much of a good thing can happen in relationships, so some seperation of time and interests is also important to keep things in balance. I for one would've left my husband years ago if we'd been working, resting and playing together all of the time, love him as dearly as I do,  I don't want to be around him all of the time and our very different interests have ensured that we have both enjoyed some mutually appreciated 'away from each other' time. 
But don't take my word for it, I've only been married for 25 years, what the hell do I know about long term relationships? Jokes, I do actually know a shit load about it and I definitely know that at the heart of it all, there are no guarantees with any of it. You can never be 100% sure that the person you choose to be with now will be the same one that you are going to want to wake next to in 10, 20 or 50 years time. And maybe that uncertainty, that gamble that you take with your own heart, that leap of faith into the unknown, maybe it is just another part of the magic and joy of it all anyway.
I do however know that staying in a meaningful long term relationship takes lots of work and a great deal of compromise and a shit tonnes of your own personal time; and there will be times when it feels like none of the effort is worth the struggle, but trust me when I say that it is. That for every rough day there will be a grand day and for every struggle that you endure together you will become stronger and more aware of each others truths and lives. And as long as one of you is always in there batting for you both to stay together, then odds are that you probably will. Odds are that you'll wake up and look at your perfectly imperfect partner one day and wonder how you could ever manage a day without them, and I suppose that will be the day that you can know for sure that they are  the one that you want; hopefully forever. 

With COVID-19 numbers having a sudden resurgence in Victoria, driving yet another four weeks of 'state of emergency' alarm bells, there is nothing better than having a good laugh to take your mind off it all. I mean sure, I don't want to be flippant, but really what can you or I even do about a global pandemic except stay home and find new ways to distract ourselves from it all? Nothing that's what. This bloody pandemic is beginning to feel a lot like being in the goddamn mafia - every time that you think that you're out, they pull you back in! And all of this push and pull on restrictions is quite frankly exhausting and annoying.
So here I go, I am about to try and distract you from all of the woah, annoyance and confusion by sharing with you a couple of my favourite jokes. Will they make you laugh? Well, I hope so, but in the very least they will provide you with at least 5 minutes of distraction and right now, who doesn't need more of that? So here goes nothing....
Best Clean Jokes:
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish. 
What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table. 
Best Racial Joke:
What would The Jetsons be called if they were black?
The Jetsons, you fucking racist!
Best Religious Joke:
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Best Knock-Knock Joke:
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ice Cream Soda
Ice cream Soda Who?
(screamed out loud) I scream soda people can hear me!
Best Chicken Joke:
Why did the chicken go to a seance?
​To get to the other side.
Best Animal Joke:
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds. 
Best Chuck Norris Joke:
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realised he was just masturbating. 
Best Sex Joke:
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. 
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, he's still wearing his prison clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!" 
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
The Joke That I Always Tell When I'm Asked to Deliver a Joke (adults only):
A couple were on holidays in the Greek islands. Whilst they were there they enjoyed a cruise around the beautiful Aegean sea, listening to their guide tell them all about the ancient Greek myths surrounding the area and the hidden city of Atlantis.
As they made their way back to the shore they noticed that the boat's captain had a head the size of a tennis ball, which struck them both as odd and quite disturbing. The woman could not stop staring at the captain's head and as they disembarked he approached the lady and said to her "I noticed you staring at my head earlier."
"Yes" she replied embarrassed, "I am very sorry if I offended you."
"It's okay," said the captain, "it happens all of the time. There is actually a mythological story as to how I got this way, would you like to hear it?"
"Yes," said the couple sitting down to enjoy another wonderous ancient tale. 
"One day," started the captain, "not far from this very shore, I was out fishing. As I pulled up my net, inside I realised that I had caught something very special."
"What was it?" the couple asked.
"It was a mermaid, a real life mermaid. And she was the most beautiful creature that I have ever laid my eyes upon."
"Wow" said the couple.
"Yes, and as I hauled her up onto the boat I was stunned by her incredible beauty and she said that she would grant me any wish that I wanted if only I would let her go free." 
"What did you wish for?" asked the couple.
"Well, naturally because of her incredible beauty I asked her to make love to me, but she said she could not. 'I have only a tail and no womanly body parts, so I cannot make love to you.' she said to me"
"So what did you ask her for instead?" asked the couple.
"I asked her for a little head."

I hope that I at least made you smile a little today!

Everyone knows what it feels like to have a gut feeling about something, that knot in the pit of your stomach that tells you that something is off or just doesn't sit well. Some people call it their sixth sense, Stephen King called it 'The Shining' and most of us just prefer to call it what it is, our intuition. And regardless of what name you like to give it, your intuition can be a very powerful and useful tool that can help you to stay of trouble, know when you're on to a winner and steer you onto the right path. And for those very same reasons your intuition is certainly not something that I think you should ignore.
However, there is a fine line between being attuned to your intuition and appearing completely batshit bonkers to the rest of the world. Anyone that invests 100% of their decision making processes to their intuition alone is probably going to making some pretty whacky life choices because although useful, that gut feeling or voice inside your head is not always completely accurate and sometimes you have over-ride your instincts and employ some good old fashioned common sense and logic. 
The human brain is wired to find patterns from our experiences and most of this happens to us on a subconscious level. What many people aren't aware of is that 95% of our brain activity actually occurs at this subconscious level and our body is always at work taking in information, finding patterns and triggering neurochemicals that exist not only in our brains but also in our gut. This is what forms our intuition and creates those gut feelings that something is either good or bad. The problem with this is that we do all of this subconscious thinking at much faster rate than we do our rational conscious thinking, we have to or else we would all have meltdowns trying to decide what to wear or eat for breakfast each day, so this process is really important and keeps us moving along and not getting hung up on the details. However, it moves at a fever pitch and this fast brained intuitive thinking is not always where we are doing our best thinking. 
Our intuitive thoughts are not only created by our current situation but also by our past experiences, which can be why people get a really good or bad feeling about certain things, it's because they have had a similar experience before and they are drawing from that deep well of memories. It can make people seem like they have great instincts, but really they just have a shit tonne of experience around a certain situation and have a deeper well to draw from as a consequence of that experience. However, even years of experience can't stop a person's instincts from getting it wrong sometimes and that's because intuition also relies upon cognitive biases like overconfidence, unresolved emotions or feelings and selected attentions and this can prevent people from seeing a situation clearly for what it is. And for this reason, we need to be careful not to rely only on our intuition but also on our logical thinking as well. 
​By realizing that intuition has its flaws, then you can start to ground your instincts by employing more data and logic to the situation. You can consciously counteract your fast brained thinking (subconscious) with your slow brained thinking (conscious) and employ more reasoning, perspective and balance to your decision making. Remember that just because your gut is sending you a message, which may feel very strong and correct to you, it doesn't automatically make it correct and you need to use your logic to determine whether it is or isn't reasonable. 
It really is a case of balancing both your intuition and your logic when it comes to sound thought processes, good decision making and accurate problem solving. Neither is less important than the other, and together they make for a pretty formidable team. So, whether your constantly enlisting the gut feeling of your 'Shining' or checking all the facts and data before making any choices, I would actually recommend that you pay attention to both of those methods now that you have an awareness that neither is more important than the other. Because when it comes to intuition vs logic, there really is no clear winner, you do need both and you should use both as often as you can. 

It has been two full weeks since my operation and I now have one full month to go before I have to return to work, and thank goodness for that because the recovery from this operation has been slow to say the least. However, I am getting a little stronger each day and have even managed to walk for a full 16 minutes around my neighbourhood, which given the fact that the walk from my bed to bathroom and back was taxing me only 10 days ago, I do believe that this is a sign of good and steady growth. 
The thing that is killing me about my recovery is that it feels a lot like it is two steps forward and one step back, which for me is incredibly frustrating. I am the sort of person that expects only forward development when it comes to the business of getting better and I can get very disheartened when there are setbacks. This in and of itself has been a valuable and important life lesson for me, the learning and accepting that sometimes things take time and that sometimes all that you can do is rest and wait until the path ahead is clear for take off. Much easier said than done but there is certainly something profoundly important developing from this new learning. 
So, I am embarking on what I am calling 'a month of wellness.' A full month of focusing on getting well and hopefully a little bit better each day. This month will see me eating healthier, exercising mindfully (and slowly no doubt), meditating and engaging in only in the things that I choose to do. How wonderful does that sound? I am going to fully and completely listen to my body, my spirit and myself for one full month and hopefully by the end of it I will emerge refreshed, reinvigorated and rejuvenated.... well that's the plan anyway. And even if I am not feeling 100% better by the end of it all, at least I will know that I have given wellness my very best shot. 
So it is the 'deep healing' that I am currently seeking, not some random bandaid fixer-upper. I want to feel well, and not just okay, but really really well. I finally got rid of an organ that was literally poisoning my body and causing me so many other health complications and getting rid of that feels like an opportunity for a complete reboot of the system and a chance to reclaim my wellness completely. Unbeknownst to me, this stupid uterus of mine was actually the reason behind a lot of my unwellness, both physically, mentally and emotionally and I am so ready to come back again stronger than ever from it all.
I see absolutely no reason not to believe that against all of the odds and complications that I can actually make 2020 my year, just as I had set out to do before 2020 turned out to be the biggest shit sandwich of a year in history. But hey, it's only June and that still gives me 6 months to turn this weathered old ship around and head for a brand new shore. So here goes nothing, at this point I certainly don't have anything to lose and with 'a month of wellness' ahead of me, I only have everything to gain. So watch this space for updates as I rise like a phoenix from the ashes...well maybe more like a Peanut Butter Falcon from the couch... as I shift from recovery mode to total rejuvenation in only one months time! Well, here's to hoping so anyway!

THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 93 minutes 
An American adventure drama, written and directed by Tyler Nilson and Michael Schwartz who both make their feature directorial debuts here. This touching, amusing and genuinely empowering story became a sleeper hit (an unforeseen success at the box office) and ended up being the highest grossing independent film of the year in 2019. 
Zak, a young man with Down's Syndrome, runs away from a residential nursing home to pursuit his dreams of attending the professional wrestling school of his idol, The Saltwater Redneck. A strange turn of events sees him paired with Tyler, a trouble man that is also on the run. 
Shia LaBeouf is the best that he has been in an age as Tyler, the roughneck yet sensitive river man and Zack Gottsagen delivers an earnest and unfiltered version of himself that can only be described as deeply empowering and utterly inspirational. This feelgood adventure will undoubtedly warm your heart and lift your spirits, it's a winner on every front. 
FINAL SAY: Friends are the family you choose.
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Amidst the confusion and calamity of COVID-19, America manages to throw itself even further into turmoil with thousands of people taking to the streets in protest of the brutal murder of George Floyd, a 46 year old black man who died in police custody in May. Poor Floyd can clearly be seen in a viral Youtube video being suffocated to death by a police officer who has his knee forced into Floyd's throat as he gasps and pleads 'I can't breathe' - but they do not show any mercy, and he dies because of a cruel and corrupt American authority system that feels entitled to use inhumane force and reckless violence against its citizens. 
As the world watched in horror, the American public completely broke over this latest demonstration of societal inequality and they rose up in anger. Some chose to peacefully demonstrate, others used more force and in some cases stores were looted and protesters were brutally attacked in scenes that felt more like they belonged in a post-apocalyptic movie rather than on the streets of a first world country. 
And although it would appear that this is all due to George Floyd death, in reality although clearly awful, Floyd's death was merely the straw the broke the very overburdened backs of the American people. George Floyd was a spark in a powder keg of disgruntled, beaten down and fed up citizens that had finally had enough of the oppression and sheer disregard of their welfare by the leaders and law enforcement of their country, the very people who are supposed to be serving and protecting them. Between the coronavirus, the record levels of unemployment and the years and years of African American deaths and criminal frame ups from the police, this mass protest was well overdue. 
So Trump has truly made his bed, his very ugly bed and now he must lie down in it. Do I feel sorry for him? Of course I don't, and even though I would never advocate anarchy in the streets I cannot help but feel like this latest outpouring of anger and demonstration from the people of America is more than warranted and seriously overdue. The dragging down, the corruption and the maldistribution of support and care in that country simply has to stop, and if that means taking it to the streets and getting loud about it, well so be it I say.
I just hope that they will take this fervent energy with them to the polling booths at the next election and start to show more care for who they elect to speak for them in the future because there is only way that any of this is going to change and that's by cutting the head off the beast itself. Donald Trump has proven himself to be nothing short of psychopathic since the whole COVID-19 pandemic began, and when he isn't advising his people to go out and drink bleach as a Coronavirus preventative, he is generally otherwise busy inciting fear, promoting corruption and generally acting like a bible swinging lunatic. If this doesn't get the Americans rallied together to vote him out, then nothing will now. 
This latest uprising around George Floyd, I believe is just the beginning. In 1967 Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. called for a 'revolution of values' because of the continuous cycle of social inequity and police brutality that the African Americans were enduring, and this form of civil rights movement is beginning to come into play again today. Fairness and justice are worth fighting for and now that the American people have gained some momentum and worldwide attention and support they will not be going quietly into the night with this, they are going to keep this momentum going and they are going to make changes.
A time of revolution is most definitely upon us, not just upon the Americans, but upon us all. What we are all witnessing right now is an extremely significant and important time in history, a time that you will talk about with your families for years to come, a time when all of the oppressors will be held accountable for their choices and democracy shall prevail. It's the start of something big and extremely overdue, so bring on the revolution I say, you have my full support. No-one in this world should have to fight for equitable treatment, it should just occur and I look forward to the abolition of all of these barbaric, archaic and unwanted behaviours, let's make the assholes accountable! Viva La Revolution! Power to the People! But most of all, watch this space because things are going to change and it will be wonderful to see the people win and the bad guys all finally get their comeuppances. 

It has almost been ten days since my operation and I am just beginning to resurface from the anesthetic, drug and pain induced coma that I have been existing in ever since the doctor removed my uterus. And wow, I really have to say that having a hysterectomy has completely topped the charts on my 'shittiest life experiences yet' list. There is nothing more sobering, more painful or more difficult to adjust to than having one of your major organs removed from your body, and this entire experience has made me realise just how truly unwell I was for quite some time because the state of that revolting uterus was anything but healthy. 
​I have to be honest, the only other time that I have ever had to go to hospital for a major or life changing procedure was to deliver my children so it would be fair to say that I am certainly no veteran of the knife or the ways of the surgeon. And hopefully, this will be the last experience that I am going to need for a very long time (praying forever) because I really did not enjoy having the hysterectomy, waking up just after having the hysterectomy or the first ten days of weird crap that has followed the hysterectomy.
What actually happens to the space that is left behind after you have had an organ removed from your body? Well, I can tell you that it rapidly gets filled up by all of your other oozing organs that are just happy to have some breathing room back again and what that means is intense weirdness; crazy intense weirdness as your body tries to adjust to what is now that the new norm. And I know that my other organs would undoubtedly be celebrating the exit of my hideously enlarged uterus and its various attached components because the darn thing had gotten so large that it had literally fused itself onto my bladder, spreading out like a disgusting blob and taking over every crevice of my abdomen that it could seep into. It seriously reminded me of the movie The Blob when I heard about my uterus' unquenching penchant for bogarting my entire pelvic region. A gross gelatinous abnormality, living right there inside of me! How fucking disgusting is that? 
Anyway, that bitch is gone for good now and has taken with it every period that I was ever destined to have. Can I get an Amen? What I now have left behind are two ovaries, which may well be floating about in the space inside of me anywhere for all that I know about what actually happened to me, but the doctor assured me that they were healthy and that if I kept them I would have a healthier and more natural menopause. And apparently preserving my ovaries will also ensure that I still continue to produce estrogen, thus saving me from facial hair, a deeper voice and the possibility of ever growing a penis - just kidding I don't actually think that last one can actually happen, but who wants to take any chances at this stage right? I just got rid of my bloody uterus the last thing I want right now is a dick and balls! 
So yeah, all aboard the female hell express, next stop menopause! I mean come on, really? It just never actually ever stops for women does it? First the periods, then the childbearing, then the hysterectomy and now the menopause, and I'm not even 50 yet so this all feels rather premature to me. However, I must admit that for all of my hating on the actual procedure of the hysterectomy, I think that once my body stops being weird ass central that I will actually be glad that I have had it done. Not only did I get rid of The Blob, but I may even be able to have an abdomen that doesn't look like a swallowed a beach ball one day. That day is certainly not today though, because my post-op belly looks so disgusting that I can't even deal with the sight of it at the moment. It's black and blue and that gross yellow/ green that bruises develop as they heal and don't ask me how this is possible, but my abdomen also genuinely seems bloated, tight and yet also flabby at the same time - how is that even possible? Another hysterectomy mystery I suppose!
You know, I stupidly thought that nothing would ever feel as unsettlingly abnormal in my body as the feeling of being pregnant (which literally felt like I was incubating an face hugging Alien embryo inside of me) but pregnancy has nothing on the continuous shifting, lilting, reconfiguration and strange involuntary realignment of my innards right now. I'm actually half expecting to wake up with an ovary sticking out my cheek one morning. I can feel my insides moving about and jostling for rank in there and quite frankly it's straight up horrible. Sort of a mixture of nausea, gas, cramps, aches and a lot of asking myself 'what the hell was that?' and 'that's normal right?'
However, in true Spicywatch fashion, I have resigned myself to the fact that this too shall pass and that one day over the next few weeks I will eventually wake up and not feel like a very freaky laboratory experiment anymore, but more like myself again.
​These are my current meditation mantras, and call me crazy, they do seem to be helping me to remain optimistic and on track to a full recovery. Yep, I'm on my way to complete wellness and I'm not stopping until I get there:

• Pain is part of growing.
• Everything in life is temporary.
• Worry and complaining changes nothing.
• Your scars are your symbols of strength.
• Every little struggle is a step forward. 
• What's meant to be will eventually be.
• The best thing you can do is keep going.