I am not afraid of the dark. I know of some adults that still find the dark quite terrifying and being severely afraid of the dark is a very real phobia called Nyctophobia. Some researchers, beginning with Sigmund Freud, consider a fear of the dark to be a manifestation of separation anxiety, but to be honest, with most people that I know of, it appears to stem from watching a horror movie or seeing some other scary as all shit 'unknown' thing in the dark that seems to tweak people's fear of the night. 
Unfortunately, at night time it is quite hard to see, so it can allow people's imaginations to run amok. There really is no greater fear than that of the unknown, and when you can't see things properly the unknown can easily transform into a myriad of horrific possibilities. Suddenly a sheet on the clothesline is a ghost, an animal scurrying about is a robber, a tree rubbing against a house is a witch, or a ghoul or a serial killer. Quite often when people say that they are afraid of the dark they are really just afraid of what they cannot see - the unknown, and the possibilities of what it could be masking. 
Night time is exactly like the day time in my mind, in fact for me personally, I generally think that the night has a lot more to offer in many instances. In the evening the noise pollution lessens, the stars come out and generally everyone is a lot more chilled out than they are in the day time. When it gets dark all the naughty children are quiet and sleeping, everything looks prettier in candlelight and no-one judges you for watching a movie marathon. Another night time plus is the moon, which is constantly changing and far more interesting and observable than the sun, which looks pretty much the same every single day and is impossible to look at because it burns your eyes out of their sockets if you try; now what's to like about that?
​I think that when you live out of town, you kind of have to make your peace with the darkness. When we are facing the dark side of the moon out here in Enfield, it is black and I mean complete and total darkness. You can struggle to see your own hand in front of your face on nights like that, and I have spent many dark evenings on the porch listening to the sounds of the night. Even someone like me who isn't even afraid of the dark can appreciate how easily one's mind can run away with itself if you let it when it is really dark.
There a lot of nocturnal animals scooting around in the dark out here and I have spotted foxes, owls, bats, feral cats and even echidnas foraging about in the cool, calm, quiet of the night. It was only this evening that I had a bunch of kangaroos give me a start when I was taking the recycling out and didn't see them until I almost stood on one of them. But there is nothing scary about a few animals going about their business so none of those nocturnal activities has made me love the night any less. 
Nope, I am not scared of the dark. There are far more scary things in this world than the dark that's for sure, and a lot of those things are very comfortable in the daytime. If anything that I consider to be 'scary' was going to try and get me I would rather that it came for me at night time anyway because it so much easier to hide at night, and I actually feel safer with better hiding options.
There are way too many cool things about the night to not love it completely, but if you do suffer from Nyctophobia, then I deeply sympathise, and I also suggest a total avoidance of horror movies and a really good night light. 

One thing that I have learnt, albeit rather painfully, to accept over the years is that money comes and money goes, and that there is absolutely no point in getting stressed out when everything expensive seems to happen all at once. Sure watching all of you hard earned savings slip through your fingers isn't the most enjoyable thing to endure, but it happens and that is what savings are for - for a rainy day. 
These things have happened before and they will most definitely happen again as well, and no amount of worry has ever made any money problems magically subside. Worrying about money is about as fruitful as trying to dig a hole in the ground with the power of your mind, in other words it is a mentally exhausting and utterly useless kind of worry.
However, regardless of how zen you may feel about money issues or how easily you relinquish the control of your cash flow,  every now and then we all still get caught up in a little financial hardship that makes us feel shitty, a tad destitute and just flatout broke. 
This week has been one of those weeks for me. I have experienced a serious drain on my financial resources, and it has made it really difficult for me to feel happy and excited about being on holidays because I am flat broke. I actually think that I was just blindsided by the events of today and now I have to make my peace with it.
It all started when I took my car in to have a simple and routine wheel balance and alignment done, and then it turned out that I needed four new tyres as well. Right, well there goes another $600 dollars, not to mention the termite inspector that came out yesterday and cost me $220, and I also had to find the money to lock in our New Zealand holiday this week which meant juggling and draining accounts to no end. Oh and my rego was in the letter box when I got home as well, and I got a text from the dentist to book in for a routine clean and scale and another one from my GP to go and have my lady bits inspected, and there's a passport renewal sitting on my desk and....and.....and. You know how it goes, when it rains it pours and there is nothing that you can do about it. 
However, on the bright and exceptionally zen side of it all, I now have a safe and smooth car to drive around in, I have an incredibly fun holiday to New Zealand planned with my family to look forward to, I don't have termites, my teeth are going to get a good clean and having my lady bits checked will offer some peace of mind. So, yeah I am broke, but for good reason and purpose. I am not wasting money or resources, and now because I am so broke then I have no choice but to stay at home for the rest of the break and watch movies and read books all day long...oh dear...poor me!
This sudden lack of funds could actually turn out to be a big blessing in disguise, and an excuse for me to batter down the hatches and not leave Enfield for days on end, hmmm....I can really make this work for me, I sense some B grade horror movie marathons coming my way!

One of the things that I love most about living where I do is that there is always some kind of free event or entertainment that can be accessed without having to travel very far. With only an hour to travel to Melbourne, the Surf Coast or the Grampians, I have perfect access to almost any type of activity that I choose to partake in, and over the last few weeks there has been no shortage of opportunities.
In particular, Ballarat and the surrounding rural areas have had a bevy of free events that has kept me more than busy and also highly entertained. Last weekend The Ballarat Begonia Festival was on, which is always an excellent and free extravaganza of all things garden related. And last night the town celebrated its second White Night event, which was again really engaging and gathered a massive and diverse crowd of enthusiasts.  
Yesterday I hit the road to check out the Golden Plains Shire Arts Trail, which showcases local artists and their works throughout the Golden Plains region. Turns out that there are dozens of very talented artists right on my doorstep and within a 25 kilometre radius of our home I viewed pieces from so many different artists covering so many mediums, including painting, photography, quilting, jewellery making, leathering, garden sculpture, ceramics, nature art, watercolor painting and sketching. Amazing! I was so impressed with the standard of work that I saw, and it was really nice to have a chat with the artists about their pieces as well. 
I love it when a community comes together to share their passions, their hard work and their knowledge, and it is refreshing to be able to attend events without feeling like you need to spend a whole lot of money. Nothing much comes for free anymore and it is nice to know that even when you're seriously broke that you can still get a bit of culture into your life.
​Anyone that knows anything about me already knows that I sure do love a good cheap thrill!

It's that time again, the time for me to unleash my viewing loves and loathes for the year of 2017. In total, I watched 279 movies and 62 TV series in 2017, so yeah, it is fair to say that I have a robust addiction to entertainment and that I have a fairly good idea of what is out there.
My biggest undertaking for the year was a rewatch of the entire Lost Series, 121 episodes in total, and although it took me the better part of the entire year to get through, it was worth the effort. Next to the Twin Peaks Reboot, Lost was the next biggest mind fuck of the year for me.
I must say that the bar raises every single year for me because movies and TV are constantly improving in quality and there is a never ending stream of excellent viewing to be had. That makes it a lot harder for me to discern the best,  but also a lot more enjoyable in the long run.
However, without further ado, here are my picks for the best and worst of 2017, my full reviews of these movies can be found on their corresponding genre lists. 
BEST MOVIES OF 2017:

• IT  - Horror  4.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Ghost Story - Art House 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Mother! - Challenging 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Blade Runner 2049 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baby Driver - Action 4 Chilli Peppers
• Dunkirk - War 4 Chilli Peppers
• Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers
• Logan - Super 4 Chilli Peppers
• Get Out - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Dark Song - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• T2 - Trainspotting - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Logan Lucky - Action/Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

BEST CATCH UP MOVIES OF 2017: (Movies released before 2017 that I finally saw in 2017)

• La Grande Bellezza (The Great Beauty) - Foreign 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Manchester by the Sea - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Moonlight - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Arrival - Science Fiction 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Nocturnal Animals  -Drama 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Hidden Figures - Drama 4  Chilli Peppers
• Moana - Kid Friendly 4  Chilli Peppers
• The Edge of Seventeen -Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• The Conjuring 2 - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Captain Fantastic - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Samson and Delilah - Gritty 4 Chilli Peppers
• The House of the Devil - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Mermaid - Foreign/ Fantasy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

WORST MOVIES OF 2017:

• Kong: Skull Island - Fantasy 2 Chilli Peppers
• The Great Wall - Action/ Fantasy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Ghost in the Shell - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Cure for Wellness - Horror 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Loving - Drama 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Valerian and the City of a 1,000 Planets - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baywatch - Comedy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Yoga Hosers  -Comedy 1 Chilli Pepper
• The Bye Bye Man  - Horror 0 Chilli Peppers
• The Greasy Strangler - Art House 0 Chilli Peppers

BEST TV SERIES 2017:

• Big Little Lies - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers
• The Handmaid's Tale - Drama/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• American Gods - Horror/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• Atlanta - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Godless - Western 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Game of Thrones S7  - Fantasy 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Stranger Things S2 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Twin Peaks Reboot - Art House 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Mozart in the Jungle - Drama 4 Chili Peppers 
• Alias Grace - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• AHS - Cult - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Peaky Blinders S4 - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Better Things - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• A-Typical - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Girls - Final Season - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Sinner - Mystery/Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers

As far as bad TV series go, well I was so busy watching really high quality TV that I managed to miss all of the shit this year, so I'm not even putting in a category for that. To be honest, I think that this year may have been one of the best of years for quality TV that I have ever known, which fills me with a lot of hope for 2018. 
Hopefully you will find something on my lists that you haven't seen yet and will now go and see on my recommendation. Also, you now know what to avoid like the plague if you should have the misfortune of coming across it.
I hope that the holiday period is being kind to you all, happy viewing!

IT
Release Date: 2017
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 135 mins 
A supernatural horror directed by Andy Muschietti and based on the highly successful 1986 novel of the same name by Stephen King. Clearly audiences are thirsting for excellent retro horror tales because IT swiftly became the highest grossing horror film of all time and the third highest grossing R rated movie of all time. 
It's 1988 in a small American town called Derry and something insidious is lurking in the sewers; an ancient evil that feeds on the fears of children and presents itself as a clown called Pennywise. Seemingly invisible to adults, Pennywise starts to abduct the children of Derry, and turns its sights on a tight group of friends called The Losers Club. 
With all of the terrific friendship dynamics  and comradery of The Goonies, Stranger Things and Stand By Me  and all of the creepiness of a James Wan horror, IT has a formula that works on so many levels. Not only is there a creepy as all shit clown torturing the children, but all of the adults in Derry seem to be rather unpleasant as well which adds another layer of turmoil to this already emotionally affecting tale. 
IT is most definitely the best horror movie to come out of 2017. The acting is on point, with Bill Skarsgard delivering one of the most memorably disturbing horror characters of all time in Pennywise. He is however exceptionally well supported by a young and fresh faced cast who are all bringing their A game here as well, with notable performances being delivered by Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Nicholas Hamilton and Jeremy Ray Taylor.
The visuals are certainly dark, dreadful and nightmarish; but the coming of age story that is playing in the background is not at all drowned out by the grim effects, which was really pleasing to see. IT is a true horror gem and a must see movie for fans of quality horror.
FINAL SAY: We all float down here. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Today, Craig and I are enjoying our 23rd wedding anniversary. Are we off to do something whirlwind, spectacular and insanely romantic? No, we are not, and I am totally cool with that. A 23rd wedding anniversary is not really one of the big ones, and in my mind it hardly constitutes an enormous hoo-ha. Craig and I are not exactly known for our  'let's go out and paint the town red' attitudes at the best of times; we are however known as the people that leave events first and prefer to be around each other more than anyone else, and perhaps in that common and very unsocial ground that we like to tread together, lies the key to a long and prosperous marriage. Whatever the strange glue is that holds us together, it works and it does not appear to have lost any of its adhesive abilities over the past 23 years that we have been married to each other. 
This morning we just slept in and then spent the morning chatting over long coffees and a very late breakfast on the deck in the glorious morning sunshine. The small luxuries are most certainly the things that we like to celebrate together, and sleep-ins and late breakfasts are most definitely small luxuries to us. Just being together and being happy is a luxury if I am being completely honest, so many people will never know a love like ours and for all of its complications and intricacies, we really do have something wonderful.
We have truly created a mighty fine lives for ourselves together over our combined years of blood, sweat and tears. I have put more effort into my relationship with Craig than I have put into anything else in my life, and I wouldn't change a thing; Craig has been the most rewarding thing that I have ever invested my time and effort into. 
Craig is most definitely my very best friend in the entire world and although I love my friends dearly, Craig is my go-to guy on all fronts. No-one makes me want to do better, be better and try harder than he does. No-one has stood by me when the chips were down like he has, no-one has loved me in spite of all of my idiosyncratic shit like he has, and no-one knows and accepts all of my weirdness like he does; and I doubt that anyone else ever could have. 
Like all great romances, we have weathered the best of times and the worst of times together. We have loved each other harder than any couple could ever love and we have also hated each other more than any couple ever should as well; because really loving someone truly is the agony and the ecstasy. It is about accepting the sunshine but also welcoming the rain. It is about loving all of the beauty and all of the ugly bits as well, it's about being vulnerable and brave all at once. It's the guts and the gizzards, the nitty gritty parts, it's about every single bit of yourself seeing every single bit of someone else.
It's completely raw and utterly compelling, it's frustrating and intriguing and the best part of all is that it just keeps on evolving as you grow and change together - side by side and hand in hand. After 23 years of loving my man, I can honestly say that I love him more now than I did on the day that I said 'I do' 23 years ago, and I think that that may the best thing of all, the fact that it just keeps getting better and better all of the time. 

In a type of post Halloween celebration, I took Seth and met up with Helen and Carmel at Alfred Deakin Place on Saturday afternoon to celebrate the colourful Dia de Muertos (Day of the Dead) event that was held in Ballarat this weekend. Dia de Muertos is a Mexican national holiday where people honour the memory of their dearly departed friends and family members, and it is truly a colourful and lively spectacle of epic and magnificent proportions. 
It is commonplace for Mexican people to visit the graves of lost ones at this time of the year to decorate their graves with elaborate imagery and offerings. Altars called ofrendas are constructed in homes and adorned with photos, calaveras (skull representations), golden aztec marigolds, incense, food offerings and gifts. There was massive and highly ornate ofrendas constructed at yesterday's celebration in memory of the dead, it was so beautiful and had a massive cross at the foot of the altar that was surrounded by rice and salt to keep the evil spirits at bay. 
We perused the gorgeous authentic mexican crafts and cultural art pieces, checked out the massive dirt and bark skeleton installations, listened to the animated mariachi band, watched a performance of an authentic Mexican Day of the Dead dance and tried some 'Grandmother's' chocolate. Grandmother's chocolate, I was told by the very helpful young lady that was running the stall, is a traditional Mexican spiced hot chocolate that is only drank on Dia de Muertos and is usually drank with 'Dia de Muertos Bread' - a sugar and spice encrusted mini sweet bread that is baked and left out in an attempt to persuade the dearly departed to visit your home with its irresistible aromas. I purchased a loaf to leave out overnight in the hope that it would entice my nanna to visit, but unfortunately I can't say that I saw her. Perhaps Mexican sweet bread is not that alluring to her. 
We rounded out our Dia de Muertos celebrations with a delicious lunch of Chimichangas and Hendrix Muddles aka Hendrix Summer Mules, which is now my new fave cocktail and will be my summer go to drink for sure - so refreshing! Followed that deliciousness with a visit to the Ballarat Art Gallery to see the new Romancing the Skull exhibition, which was also terrific and I highly recommend a visit to. Then finished it all off with a quick pop over to the local Spanish restaurant for coffee and hot churros. Yummy!
Got home in the early evening with an over stuffed gut and still had time to spare for some utterly ridiculous D grade horror that was so very bad that I cannot even remember the name of it now! What a perfect day! Seth fell asleep around 10.30pm and I crashed into bed around 11.30pm and slept just like the dead myself. 

Journeyed to Bendigo to have a terrific catch up with my best friend Helen over the weekend. While I was there, we went to see the Edith Head exhibition at the Bendigo Art Gallery. Edith Head was a Hollywood costume designer who won a record eight Academy Awards for Best Costume Design. An unassuming woman, dressed always in black, white or grey with an intense bob of black hair and heavy dark rimmed glasses; Edith dressed the classic beauties of the silver screen.
Glamazons like Ginger Rogers, Mae West, Bette Davis, Shirley MacLaine, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor and Jane Fonda were all costumed by Edith Head, so needless to say, the collection was extensive and really very interesting. Edith designed the most beautiful and intricate pieces, many of which would not at all look out of place on stars of today; her aesthetic was simply timeless. 
Many people think that the costume designer Edna Mode from the Pixar movie The Incredibles was based on Edith Head, but the director insists that that is not true. However, the physical similarities are pretty unmistakeable, so coincidence or not, Edna certainly does look like Edith and has a very similar profession. 
She certainly knew how to dress woman that's for sure, and she was famous for saying truly inspirational quotes like "You can have anything you want in life if you dress for it" and other cheeky but no less important tidbits like "Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady."
Above all else, Edith Head was respected, smart and successful. Through her, many stars got to shine a little bit brighter on screen and she spearheaded more fashion trends than anyone else during her fifty plus years of Hollywood design. A legend like that certainly deserves attention and adoration, so if you ever get the opportunity to go and see an Edith Head exhibition, I strongly encourage you to. 

Edith did extensive work for director Alfred Hitchcock during her career; dressing Ingrid Bergman in Notorious, Grace Kelly in Rear Window, Kim Novak in Vertigo and also for my personal favourite Hitchcock film, Tippi Hedren in The Birds. 

George Andrew Romero was an American-Canadian filmmaker, writer and editor, he was best known for his gorey and mostly satirical horror movies which were always about an apocalyptic future where the dead walk around (very slowly) and try to either eat people or 'turn' people into zombies through their infectious bite. In short, he was the father of the zombie apocalypse genre of films.
He passed away on July 16th this year at the age of 77 after a brief but aggressive fight with lung cancer, leaving behind a legacy of cult horror and undead movies that have generated a massive following and inspired hundreds of similar zombie related films and TV programs. Long time Romero fan Quentin Tarantino once presented George with a Mastermind Award at the Spike TV's Scream Awards and stated in his speech that the A. in George's name actually stood for 'a fucking genius.' He was both loved and adored by fans of the zombie horror genre and his presence in the horror film industry will most certainly be missed. 
Romero is probably most famous for for his 'Dead Series Trilogy' - Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead which all received incredible success, in fact Dawn of the Dead which was made with a 1.5 million  dollar budget when it was  released in 1978, grossed an incredible $55 million at box offices, swiftly becoming one of the most successful zombie cult movies of all time. 
In tribute to Romero, we had a pizza and zombie movie night on Saturday night, watching his 1990 remake of Night of the Living Dead. Cheesy one liners, the slowest moving zombies ever and early 90's gore effects; put all of those together and you've got yourself a terrific B grade horror of cult standards that never fails to amuse and entertain.
It is the blend of extreme ridiculousness, intense gore and inevitable doom that has always made Romero films so memorable for me. Romero influences have spawned video games, movie remakes and even the hugely successful TV program The Walking Dead, and I think that it is fair to say that we will be seeing Mr. Romero's influences in modern media for many, many years to come. Just like his undead counterparts, George A. Romero's influences will continue to live on well beyond the grave. 

​DAWN OF THE DEAD 
Release Date: 2004
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 101 mins 
Zack Snyder's homage to the great George A. Romero classic was always going to be a huge undertaking; cult film remakes often receive mixed and tepid responses. In my mind, Snyder's version only enhanced what Romero had laid down previously and offers viewers an A grade standard version of a B grade cult classic.
This movie is high tension gore-filled horror, less then ten minutes in and it's zombie apocalypse time. The zombies are fast moving, the infection is fast spreading and the hordes rise quickly which gives the film an ominous urgency. Our surviving characters take refuge at a local shopping mall (an obvious nod to consumerism) as they try to hatch an idea to escape from the city and their own inevitable doom. 
Ving Rhames rehashes his 'too tough to talk' role that he seems to play in every film he is in, and Sarah Polley does a decent job of the unlikely heroine - Ana the nurse. 
FINAL SAY: Get down with the sickness.
3.5 Chilli Peppers

In spite of the frigid evening temperatures, the days have been quite mild this Winter. Unless the weather is waiting to unleash its full fury in the last six weeks, so far it has been pretty mellow and the days have been more than adequate for outdoor activities in the afternoons. 
This week Seth and I headed out for a walk along the Yarrowee Creek trail; starting at Magpie this trail goes all the way into the Ballarat CBD, around 10 km in total. It's a leisurely stroll, mostly on flat surfaces and it is has been sealed with a fine stone in recent years so it's a pretty civilised walking choice. There are a lot of picturesque nooks and park benches along the way to take a rest or admire the view, and we happily ate our afternoon tea at one as we meandered and chatted. 
Things got really interesting when at about the halfway point of our stroll we saw a sign attached to wire fence that said 'do not wander beyond the path, contaminated area under investigation.' Woah! What? Having seen more than our fair share of sci-fiction and horror movies, this little slice of information allowed us to create a lot of possible scenarios about said 'contamination.' That word sets minds racing all by itself, I mean how often do you actually see signs like that in the real world anyway? Uhhh...never! That stuff is fully reserved for movies that have shit get real, in a not good way, very quickly.
So much for a leisurely stroll in the winter sunshine! Suddenly it's all World War Z over here as we start to throw out the possibilities thick and fast, constantly glancing over our shoulders with looks of horror to really ham the moment up to its full horrific potential. What would you do if you if you saw a zombie horde running down that hill right now? Questions like that got tossed around, and our walking speed dramatically increased as we disturbingly realised that aside of our silly banter that we were actually absolutely alone out there and in a real contaminated area. It is safe to say that from that point on, every creak of a pine tree or call of a crow had a completely new and menacing tone to it. Hilarious! We laughed about it when we got back to the safety of our car, but for a minute there, we had managed to freak each other out a bit with our tales of undead horror and alien infection. 
And that is one of the best things about having kids with vivid imaginations, no matter how old they get you can always escape somewhere else together, on any given day. And on that windy winter day in 2017, Seth and I were the last survivors of an apocalyptic event, alone together against the hordes. 

This long weekend couldn't have come at a more opportune moment because this term has just about squeezed out all of my 'nice and kind' resources right out of me. I have breached that point when I am feeling exceptionally frayed around the edges and moved into the realms of mayhem and madness. And it's not just me either, it's everyone. Everyone that I speak to is feeling fed up at the moment; and it appears that even the most hearty and reliable individuals and relationships are being put to the test this year.
Everyone that I speak to at work is completely over the daily grind, and a few things have been said to me in passing over the last few weeks that have left me feeling a bit battle sore. Even the kids are beyond ridiculous at the moment, some of them douching it up to epic proportions and to top it all off, the weather is getting colder by the day as we make our descend to the darkest night of the year, the mid-winter solstice. 
To say that I have been having a bit of a 'dark night of the soul' episode lately would be an understatement. I have most definitely not been on my A game, on any front in my life that I can think of, and it has left me feeling as flat as a busted tyre. At every turn I feel like I am facing adversity and despair, so yeah, I was really glad to relish in three days of self indulgence for the Queen's Birthday long weekend.
God Bless the Queen I say, because if this long break hadn't happened when it did I may have gone and booked myself into the nearest mental asylum for a good hard cuddle in a very tight jacket. Yeah, I was really getting that desperate for some quality respite and blurry eyed oblivion. It is amazing how quickly the little things can really build up to create a type of all consuming monster. I read a quote the other day that summed it up perfectly for me - 
Time is a funny thing, nothing seemed to change, but suddenly, everything was different.
I have no idea who said it, but that's how things quite often feel for me. It's like suddenly I have entered a new phase of myself, but I have no idea how I got there, or what I did that got me there, but boom - I'm there!  That probably makes no sense whatsoever, but I am out of my mind, so there is that.
​Anyway, clearly this long weekend is a god send right now and hopefully I will be able to recharge my stupidly broken and flat battery enough to see me through until the end of this semester. 

Man being a parent is so shithouse sometimes. I really hate playing the 'bad guy' parent, and it feels like I am doing it a lot lately. I understand that my 12 year old son is 'under construction', but I am ready to fire the bastards that are working on that project because he is just all over the shop at the moment. His grades have slipped, he gets annoyed over the most mundane things and getting him to do homework is like trying to solve a Chinese puzzle box. It feels like it's a struggle to get him to anything in a peaceful and respectful manner lately, and I am completely tired of all of the unrest. 
Ever since he started high school he has gone from being a regular well adjusted kid to being a pretty little hate machine. He's taken to arguing about everything and has started to engage in power struggles with Craig and I on a daily basis. It is actually really doing my head in and although I am trying to stay optimistic and positive, it is practically impossible to get through to him at the moment without it turning into a battle of wills. I know that one day he will look back on this time of his life and realise how much of a jerk he was being, but in the meantime it feels like we are all at the mercy of his moodiness and hormones and it's not very much fun. In truth it's a drag and I hate to see him so lost and angry all the time, it's really horrid. 
Craig tells me not to worry so much about it, but he has always been the more relaxed parent, so that doesn't really comfort me very much. 'By the time he is 14 he will be taking long showers and have it all worked out' he says to me, but I know that these jokes are not really a solution to the fact that I feel like my son is metamorphosing into an unrecognisable beast of pimply anxiety and melodramatics. 
I don't recall Zoe being this unhinged at 12, her meltdowns came in the later teens around 15 or so, so I feel a bit ripped off that Seth is kicking off already to be honest, thought I would have a couple more peace years before things got so crazy, but nope, here I am. And here is exactly where I am, right at this point where I am trying to decide if I did something wrong along the way of raising him, if this is just a normal process to ride out or if we are just entering the Twilight Zone of teen trauma and that this is just the shape of things to come. I can't be sure of any of it, the only thing that am 100% sold on at this stage is that I am NOT a fan of where we are now and I cannot wait to get my loving, darling son back ASAP, but something tells me that I have more than a few power struggles to overcome before that is going to happen. He's bloody lucky that I love monsters so much, that's for sure!

So many thrillers are being marketed as horror movies these days and it is actually starting to give me the shits. Just because a film has a few thrills and chills, it doesn't mean that it is a horror movie. Horror films need supernatural goings on for goodness sake! They need monsters, creatures, ghosts, ghouls, zombies, werewolves, vampires or at least an unnatural abomination of some description that has not come from outer space - that's 'sci-fi thriller' people! They are often quite bloody, although they certainly don't have to be, in fact some of the scariest horrors that I have ever seen really didn't have a lot of blood in them at all. 
Back in the day, when you saw that something had the tag 'horror' attached to it, you knew that you were in for some pretty fucking weird shit. Classic and provocative movies like The Evil Dead,  The Exorcist, The Shining, Rosemary's Baby and An American Werewolf in London are terrific examples of excellent horror movies because they are movies that will keep you up at night, and that really is the purpose of horror isn't it? They're movies that you don't forget about in a hurry because you can't. They earned their horror tag through and through.
I am not sure why thrillers are being marketed as horror so often now, in general horror movies draw far smaller crowds, and slapping a horror label on any film always means that I am going to go to the cinema alone to see it because everyone else thinks that the film is going to frighten the pants off them. ​Boo, stop scaring people away with inaccurate genre categories! Half the time I leave the cinema feeling really underwhelmed by things that have been marketed as horror, I go for a genuine scare and to experience something really left of centre and I get...well...meh!
Many films that are marketed as horror movies belong in the same category as films like Don't Breathe, Get Out and Creep, which are really 'psychological thrillers with a twist.' Unfortunately there is no specific genre for that, so they often get incorrectly classified and marketed as horror, and it really annoys me. 
When I think 'horror' I think of Cronenberg, DePalma, Romero, Argento and Wan. I think of all of the times that my stomach turned, my pulse quickened, my pupils dilated and my senses were shocked. I recall the times that I lurched out my seat in fright and was grossed out by some unnatural visualisation; now that's horror people! And if you are going to label your movie a horror, you had better bring me some of that shit or else just call it what it is, a thriller! 

GET OUT
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 104 mins 
Here is another perfect example of a thriller being marketed as a horror movie. Get Out is most certainly a terrifically gripping and highly entertaining thriller, but in my books it is not really a horror movie. There is definitely something eerie and unnatural going on in Get Out  which does set it apart from other thrillers, but labelling it a 'horror' is a stretch.  So, don't be misled by the horror genre stamped all over this film, it is actually just a really intriguing thriller that will keep you guessing and wondering right up to the last moments. 
Chris goes to his girlfriend Rose's house to meet her parents for the very first time. Chris is unsure about how they will react to their daughter being in an interracial relationship, but Rose assures him that he has nothing to be worried about. Over the course of the weekend, Chris becomes increasingly concerned about the motives of Rose's family after a string of odd and unnerving occurrences.
Jordan Peele (better known for his work on the comedy TV series Key and Peele) wrote and directed the script, and it is a tremendously fresh and intelligent body of work. The cast here is solid, especially Daniel Kaluuya who portrays Chris with loads of sincerity. He is very well supported by Allison Williams (fresh out of Girls), Catherine Keener, Jim Hudson and Rod Williams. 
There is an alternate ending to Get Out that can be viewed on Youtube, and although it is worth checking out, I preferred the cinematic ending.
FINAL SAY: Now you're in the sunken place.
3.5 Chili Peppers ​

Spent the best part of Saturday foraging for wild pine mushrooms, cleaning them and then preserving them. Helen, Craig, Seth and I had a full on session of 'hugge' as we sat by the heater in the afternoon with the rain gently falling outside the window as we sipped a few quiet drinks, listened to some chill out music and cleaned and chopped all of the mushrooms that we had foraged in the pines for, earlier that day. 
For anyone who doesn't already know about 'hugge' - it's a Danish word, pronounced 'hoo-ga' which basically translates as 'cosiness' and describes anything that we do that brings us that cosy-comfortable feeling, and Autumn and Winter are clearly the best times of the year to experience 'hoo-ga.'
Denmark is one of the happiest countries in the world, and they mostly attribute that happiness to their ability to embrace the dark times of the year by getting all 'hugge'  and they swear by it.
​Things that create that 'hugge' feeling are things like woods, wools and leathers, lamps and candles, cashmere socks, favourite knitted jumpers and pots of tea or hot chocolate. Eating homemade pie in front of the TV, inviting friends out for a comfort meal, reading a book under a doona, eating a bowl of homemade soup or chili and wearing your ugg boots. Preserving and preparing foraged foods, having a sleeping cat on your lap, collecting pine cones, eating freshly baked biscuits straight from the oven and pajamas in the day time. Your favourite beanie or gloves, crackling fires, spices like cinnamon, chili and nutmeg, mellow music and any other thing that warms you up and lifts your spirits on a cold dark day or night. 
By having a little 'hugge' in the home, we can learn to not only tolerate the darker months, we can even learn to embrace and celebrate them. We can begin to invite the quiet respection that these months offer us and allow ourselves to move at a slower pace, we just surrender and enjoy the change of the season. The nights don't seem as dark when they are spent in a relaxing and cosy manner.
​'Hugge' teaches us that the darkest moments of the year can be some of the best moments of the year if we can just go with the flow and embrace them completely, which sounds pretty good to me. Lord knows that I am all about the 'hugge!'

I have tried my hand at a lot of different jobs over the years. I've dabbled in retail, hospitality, entertainment, arts and even the esoteric to try and earn a living. Some of my ventures have been successful, some not so successful, but along the way I have accumulated a broad set of skills and tools that are now permanently a part of who I am.  
Every job that I have undertaken over the years has helped to shape me as a person. Every employer that I have had has been unique in their own way, and every group of staff that I have worked along side of has come with their own quirks, perks and challenges for me to avoid, glean information from or completely dismiss in every way. I have loved people that I have worked with, and I have loathed people that I have worked with, it's all part of being in the workforce - some you win and some you lose.
I guess that everyone has had at least one shitty job in their lifetime, because we all have to make ends meet and that can require us to do things that we not only don't enjoy doing very much, but actually hate doing. I feel really bad for anyone that despises their job, working five days a week is tough enough without hating every minute that you are there. I don't think that I have ever really hated a job that I have had, but I have hated employers that I have worked for before, venomently. It oftens seems that a little power really goes to some people's heads, and a lot of people that are in higher profile positions get a bit of an ego with that authority and turn into assholes. Not all of course, but I have certainly seen some pretty horrific examples of power transforming once regular people into elitist dickheads in the workplace. 
I once had a job as a waitress at a Ballarat restaurant, that interestingly no longer exists (surprise, surprise!) and it was probably the crappiest job that I have ever had in my life. The people that owned the business were total assholes. These two middle aged guys that thought that they were hot shit ran the business, but they also did the cooking in the kitchen, and their wives sometimes waited the tables. They seemed to be yelling about one thing or another pretty much all of the time. I recall being abused by them and the customers and being spoken down to regularly, it was just the pits. When I eventually got another a job and told them that I was giving notice I clearly remember one of my bosses actually saying, and I quote, "good, because you are useless anyway." What a fucking asshole, man I hated that dickface. Needless to say, I never worked in another restaurant ever again after that. Waitresses really do get treated like absolute shit in a lot of workplaces, so I always try to be super nice to them. I know what it's like to be spoken down to by customers and to also have a really mean boss giving you what for behind the scenes as well, and it is far from fun. 
It really doesn't matter what you are doing to earn a crust, every job comes with it's challenges, from the smallest of tasks to the biggest undertakings, everyone in paid employment has their own unique set of hoops to jump through and obstacles to overcome.
I actually really like my job and my workplace, it is generally a pretty nice place to be as far as workplaces go, but even I have days that majorly suck a sav and I wonder what the hell I am doing with my life, it's normal to feel that way. All that I really know for sure, is that I would rather be working for a livivng than waiting to win the lottery any day of the week, even on the crappiest of days. I'm glad that I have job and the ability to earn my own money, because it feels good to be 'doing my bit', which is exactly what I tell myself every morning when my alarm goes off at 5.40am and I just want to roll over and go back to sleep. Besides, there are a tonne of shittier ways to earn a living, that's for sure. 

Some people have zero percent personality going on. They are about as interesting and enjoyable as a slice of cheap white bread with nothing on it; they're bland and for me, mostly indigestible.
Now I'm not talking about the quiet unassuming people of the world, everyone knows that it's the quiet ones you have watch out for! Seriously though, I really like people that have their 'quiet cool' worked out, it's actually very alluring to a loudmouth like me. No, I'm talking about the people that seem to lack any 'ticker' as Craig puts it. Basically, they have no heart and no moxy and they seem a bit soulless and opaque. It's like there is a void in their makeup that makes them extremely difficult to deal with and pretty much impossible to enjoy on any level. 
Everyone knows someone that is like this, which is unfortunate. Some horrid person that doesn't get excited about anything and never gives over any of themselves for anything. They aren't holding back because they can't help out or they are too busy or anything like that, they are just not interested or invested....in anyone or anything. They are happy to not be involved in life, and from what I have seen, I think that they find living to be of general inconvenience.
Thankfully there aren't a lot of people around like that because the world would be so shithouse if there were, but the ones that do exist, honestly do my frickin head in! 
I get that people have their own shit, their own demons and their own hang ups to deal with, but this is something else altogether. This is something completely different to that, this is a person that does fuck all for anyone else so often that no-one would ever consider asking them for favour because there would be no point. This is a person that avoids others to the point of insulting and never seems to be around when they may be of use. This is a person that lacks motivation, initiative and above all else, care for others. Yeah, there really are people in the world that are that shitty and bland, perhaps even beyond cheap white bread bad, maybe they're more like moldy grey toast bad....
Can you tell that someone has annoyed me yet? 
C'est la Vie, I've vented now, moving along, don't want to dwell in that crusty crapola any longer.

Firing up for another year of action at school and getting back into the rhythm of early morning risings and long, long days. It's all ready, steady, go, as we take our places at the starting line of another hectic school year. The tanned and fresh faced darlings will pour back through the doors tomorrow, and then shit will get real. To be honest, I am actually not in the least bit phased about being back at work, after five weeks of leave it only seems fair to be earning my keep once again. It will probably take me a while to really find my groove again, but for the most part, it is all good with me.
Seth also kicked back into action today, it was his very first day as a Year 7 at secondary college. I don't think that I have ever seen him so nervous before, considering that he is so cool and collected most of the time, it was odd to see him literally quaking in his flashy new shoes as I dropped him off this morning. I think that a certain amount of first day jitters is probably not a bad thing though, you don't want to seem too cocky when you roll up on the first day, the older kids will just peg you for an asshole right away. 
Seth's nervousness made me remember just how traumatic that first day at any new school is. It's tough, brutal even. Especially if you don't really know anyone, which is the case for Seth. I have been the new girl at school twice, both times in high school, and I tell you, it's a bloody challenge walking into a viper pit of already established teen friendships. Needless to say, I never fared very well with my friendships at secondary school; yep, teen girl friendships, it's a slippery slope alright.
Anyway, Seth had a terrific day, and I was truly relieved to see his big smile when I picked him up at 3.30pm. He has already made new friends and managed to deal with his first day of timetables, schedules and challenges. A great beginning from what he has told me. However, the horror of wearing a crisp shirt, tie and blazer all day is going to take some getting used to. 

I recently took some tadpoles into work so that the kids could watch them transforming into frogs. The trans-formative process that a frog undergoes has always been really fascinating to me. We have managed to raise quite a few frogs in captivity at Enfield, which has always been a source of wonder and interest for Seth before we release them back into the wild. I figured that the kids at school would also enjoy seeing this process, for it is genuinely intriguing. 
The concept of transformation and things becoming "something else" has always been a major source of inspiration to great horror and sci-fi writers alike. Probably because the concept of metamorphosis is so completely strange; to us mere humans it is nothing short of utterly weird and incomprehensible, so naturally to me it is nothing short of extremely cool and greatly fascinating.  
So many well known horror archetypes go through some sort of major transformation to become their new selves; especially vampires, zombies and ghosts who have to die before they can transform. And what about the poor old werewolf? Talk about painful and regular alteration! Every time a full moon comes around they transform into a blood thirsty beast that generally kills indiscriminately - hardly a beautiful butterfly's metamorphosis is it? And everyone knows that any decent alien movie must have some form of metamorphosis, that creepy arse shit is what aliens are all about, they just love a good transformation; especially if it takes place inside of a human host! 
There is no denying that things undergoing transformation are oddly fascinating. From the real life tales of transformation in the form of the caterpillar entering the chrysalis only to hatch out days later as a butterfly; to the morbidly fascinating metamorphosis of Jeff Goldblum as he consumes his own regurgitated food and grows foreign body parts in The Fly, it is all really interesting stuff.
​It's a definitively unique process that unites real life with science fiction and fantasy in it's wonder and horror, and quite frankly, even though it is totally gross at times, I cannot deny that I really enjoy watching the process. 

It has been at least 5 years since I have willingly attended an Annual Agricultural Show in Ballarat, but this year I braved the crowds, the dub-step music, the smells of fairy floss and hot-dogs and ventured out for 'a day at the fair' with Seth. 
With a glorious 27 degree day to enjoy, the whiff of cow manure in the air and every walk of life gathered together in one place, Seth and I managed to fill in almost four hours of our public holiday freedom and spend all of our hard earned cash without much effort at all. 
One thing that I do know for sure is that the show rides are either getting way more extreme or I am just turning into a major sooky-lala in my old age. Most of the rides looked like glorified death traps to me and cost a neat $10-$15 a go - a go that lasts around 4 minutes in torturous duration. I wasn't keen at all, but Seth is such a thrill seeker that I just couldn't keep him off them. The louder the music (bangers only from what I could gather) and the more death defying, the better as far as he was concerned.
​I spent most of my time on the ground trying not to notice the rusty bolts, weathered exteriors and dodgy looking hinges on most of the contraptions, with my heart rate escalating and my pulse quickening more and more with every ride that he ventured on to. By the time I had lured him to the safety of the petting zoo my nails were chewed down to the stubs and I was substantially poorer than I was the hour before. 
​After perusing the winning local paintings, fairy cakes, sausage rolls and patchwork quilts in the arts and crafts section, we headed over to the show-bag stand to see what was on offer these days. Not much under $28 dollars I'm afraid to say, and they are still filling them all with inedible shitty lollies and plastic token crap. In spite of that fact, the humble show-bag still manages to attract kids in droves. It appears that you can pretty much put any random bunch of shit into a brightly coloured plastic bag and give it a jazzy name like "pirate loot-bag" and kids will go absolutely bonkers for it.
​Fortunately for me, Seth is no longer drawn to those types of bags anymore, he is looking for just one coveted item to take away with him from these novelty stands now, this year that item was a latex horse-head mask. Smelling like the arse end of a reject melted mannequin, with a tuft of what could be Ron Weasley's shaved off pubes attached to the back of it, this mask has given Seth (and Craig) hours of delight as they have stumbled around in it (visibility is extremely low as well- just another "high quality" perk!) scaring each other and me at various times over the long weekend. Joy of joys, what a wonderful addition to our home that thing has been!
I shouldn't complain though, because Seth had a really great time, proving that fairs and shows are truly for the young at heart, and of course the thrill seekers. In all fairness, it was a totally fine event and even the 'carnies' have upped their game a bit these days. Unlike my last visit 5 years ago, they all had shoes on this time. One thing I did notice is that they are all serious advocates of body piercing - I haven't seen that many piercing in one face since I last perused the Guinness Book of Records, but I'm not being a hater about it, just an observation, they were all very friendly individuals; with loads of bling. 
I believe that my need for agricultural and fair ground stimulation has yet again been sated. The next fair that Seth attends he can go to at night, with his friends, as all teenagers should. Those flashing lights, crazy rides, cheap stuffed toy prizes and sweaty pashes on the Ferris wheel are virtually a right of passage, and thankfully nothing that I need to be around for. My show days are over for a good long while now, unless something extreme happens that forces me back there. 

Great pestilence reigns in our household this weekend. Seth had another unsuccessful visit to the doctors on Friday, and we are starting to hit dire straits with his leg injury. His leg just isn't getting any better, and now they are sending away swab samples and talk of skin grafts has been raised - yeah, shit just got real. I came home on Friday utterly deflated and filled with that feeling of hopelessness again that I hate intensely, really not a great start to the weekend. 
Then on Saturday Craig was stricken with a stomach bug and to top it all off my mobile phone died a horrible death and turned itself into a brick - which wasn't really tragic but certainly inconvenient. And then today, the first sunny weekend day in ages, I awoke with a raging head cold - full on runny nose, watering eyes, body aches and burning throat. 
So yeah, really shitty weekend for us all. They say these things come in threes, and I think we are pushing sixes now so I am looking forward to some reprieve soon.
​It is Seth's leg that I am truly worried about, everything else is just blip on the radar compared to that. We return to the doctor's yet again (becoming regular faces down there) on Tuesday and I am hanging all of my hopes and prayers on some good news. I am hoping that his secondary infection has just slowed the healing process down in his leg and that there isn't anything sinister going on, but I'm just not sure now. I have gone from concerned to worried to panicky in rapid succession and what looked like a light at the end of the tunnel turned out to be a train's headlights coming the other way. 

Fair to say that my self induced sobriety is starting to make me a bit stir crazy and has proven to not be my most favourite undertaking of all time - no surprises there though, a blind man would've seen this coming. When I am not shoving food into my face, I am being really ill tempered, which has made things pretty unpleasant all around. I know that all of this drama is just a sign of my body craving what it cannot have (interestingly enough it just seems to want chocolate and plain salted crisps at the moment) but I am not digging on it all. How can I effectively detox myself when for the past four days I have just been gorging out on all of the bad stuff? 
It would be fair to acknowledge that I probably also have PMT, but big whoop, who doesn't? If I keep scoffing myself stupid at this rate, I will be lucky to fit into any of my summer dresses when summer does finally arrive. And that's another thing, this god forsaken, shit-house, rainy, cold weather that won't let up! I'm so fucking over it! Whatever happened to spring? It still feels like Autumn/Winter around here, and I'm so tired of the cold wind, torrential rainfall and having to run the heater all of the time. Enough!
​There, I've had my rage out. Got it all off my chest, just needed to vent a little. In truth, I think that I am just tired of feeling like a grumpy cat, a black cloud, a sour girl. I hate myself when I get angry for no good reason, it's illogical and stupid and I expect so much more than this ridiculous whiny whinging.  And what is with all of the gorging? You would think that I was stock piling for a famine - enough already! 
Even though I know that I have less than two more weeks to go until  this self induced sobriety ends and that yes, the physical benefits have been really great, I would be totally lying if I said that I wasn't missing my regular slice of oblivion. 
But NO! Gotta stay strong, can't get weak now, I'm rounding the corner and heading into the home straight....I can do this! DETOX! DETOX! DETOX! Yeah, I'm gonna be my own damn cheer squad, besides it's not like me to quit out on a personal goal, I'm seeing this shit through to the bitter end, even if I am a fat angry bitch when I get there! 

Don't you just hate negative people?
I am really trying very hard not to let them mess with my mojo. 
I find that as I get older, I have less and less tolerance for all of the negative bullshit that some people bang on about. To put it as bluntly as I can, some people really need a high five...to the face...with a chair.
I mean these people's lives are really not even that bad, trying at times perhaps, like everyone's is from time to time, but really not dreadful at all. Talk about your first world problems, these so called 'problems' are really not problems at all.
Puleez! Calm down people...things are not all that bad!
Some people I know will complain about the shitty taste of the coffee, the rainy weather, the state of things that has nothing to do with them, basically any shit that they feel like venting about. And mostly they are venting about things that are completely out of their control to change anyway. It is like they get some morbid joy out of stating the obvious and moaning on and on about it.
I just find it so incredibly, mind-numbingly boring!
I really don't want to sound like a totally selfish asshole here, but I hate that it messes with my zen state of being. I am not yet at that ultimate zen state of being where I can just block and deflect everyone else's stuff yet, so irrelevant whining does unfortunately get in.
Hello! I am trying to be mindful and zen here in case you hadn't noticed, so please don't be a creep and vent your shitty 'not really a problem' crapola onto me thanks. Sorry, but I am out, done, not interested, don't bother, go find someone else to complain to. 
When you have a real problem, let's talk, until then...namaste bitches; you came to the wrong place because I'm too busy being zen to listen that trivial shit anymore. 

A few days ago I had some friends come out to Enfield for a casual lunch to celebrate a mutual friend's birthday. We were having a nice relaxing chat and before I knew it I again found myself talking about my family. It is both odd and tremendously disturbing how I so often find myself venting about my childhood. I am really good at telling myself that I have dealt with the pain of my childhood, so why do I always manage to bogart conversations and turn them towards myself just so that I can unleash some other terrifically horrid memory about my family dynamic onto others? 
Does the process of externalizing these unpleasant memories make it some how easier for me make sense of them? Does it make it all easier to digest when I hear it all from the outside of my head? I think so, although I am not really sure why I do it.
I don't need people to feel sorry me either, because I really do feel like a reasonably well adjusted adult. Maybe I just feel that if that I reveal the demons that dwell inside of me to people then they won't expect so much from me. They won't judge me so harshly when I get a bit loco and can't find my way, because I do do that from time to time. It's like I get a free ticket to be stupid and unhinged if people know that inside I'm really just a busted doll. 
And then my over-analytical mind goes into hyper-drive about it all. Did I say too much? Should I be letting people cast judgement, based on my personal demons, about my siblings? What does that say about me as a person? What kind of a person just goes around saying things like that anyway? Blahblahblahblah.... And so it goes around and around in my head for days on end. 
For all of the times that I have told myself that I am okay with what happened in my childhood, what I really meant was that I forgive my family for what happened to me in my childhood. All of them, for the shit that they did to me. I forgive them for saying and doing all of the crap that they did, and for all of the hurt that they inflicted because I can't hold onto that anger and resentment, it doesn't serve me in any way.
Unfortunately, even though it also doesn't serve me,  I just can't let go of all the damage that it has done to me, or the hurt that I feel when I think about it. I can forgive, but I can't forget because my brain simply won't allow that to happen. I can't turn off the broken bits that ache when I poke them; that I cannot do, but I can forgive them, and I can try harder to stop dwelling in the past and rehashing the dark bits, because there is no peace of mind to be found there. 
I honestly do want to move forward with my family. I need to still the waters of my past so that it may flow more calmly under the bridge, and I must learn to accept my demons, for they will truly always be a part of who I am. For better and for worse, 'til death do us part. 

THE WITCH
Release Date: 2015
Rating: MA 15+
​Running Time: 93 mins 
An intelligent and visually striking piece of work, The Witch is a movie that will divide its audiences. Many will appreciate its slow burning tension and sense of impending doom, others will find it completely dissatisfying, especially if they have come looking for a quick thrill. As far as period horrors go, The Witch is second to none, encapsulating all of the religious hysteria and devout ritual that came with that time and turning it inward and against itself. 
In 1630, a pious New England family find themselves alone on a remote property, situated on the outskirts of the woods. When strange things start to occur the family turn on each other in an attempt to make sense of what is going on, but this only seems to escalate events and amplify their complete isolation. 
This film is genuinely creepy and unsettling, and even though we as the viewer know what is going on, it is still difficult not to question the sanity and morality of the characters as things begin to escalate. Like a rotten apple with a worm in it, this film left me with a disturbed and revolted feeling.
​The soundtrack and the stark landscape all add greatly to the dark tone of the movie; I thought that the note at the end of the film that explained that the events depicted were based on folktales, diary entries and notes collected from that time was an interesting addition, proving that even though The Witch was set in a time that pre-dated the Salem Witch Trials of 1693, it was evidently a time that was cultivating years of female oppression and mass religious hysteria. 
FINAL SAY: Black Phillip, Black Phillip, a crown grows out of his head. 
3.5 Chili Peppers ​

People at work are dropping like flies around a can of Mortein at the moment. A great and horrible pestilence has befallen our school and we are losing staff and kids in droves to it's nastiness. Apparently it's some kind of headache, gut infection/gastro thing followed by days of being wiped out and having waves of body aches, and fuck off with that I say, no thank-you! 
​Although I haven't been struck down with anything that big just yet, I am hardly what one would call a picture of great health at the moment. I have had a niggling toothache for a couple of weeks now that I know is going to get out of hand pretty soon, but it's a big fat molar and I just don't want to deal with it right now. I have also had a variety of sniffles and coughs, none of which have been enough to knock me over but they have been tremendously annoying, and then to top it all off last night I could not get to sleep because I have developed a stabbing pain in my left side that travels around my body to become a dull ache in my back - kidneys anyone? Who knows, but I am seriously over all of this un-wellness bullshit. 
Tomorrow is the first day of Spring and I am looking forward to brighter days and better health, which I am expecting immediately. I am really annoyed about being sick because I have been behaving so bloody healthily and this is what I get in return, bits dropping me off me left and right! I quit smoking, I do yoga every day of the week, I eat like a saint and look at me, no better than that corpse from Tales From the Crypt!  How is that fair? 
Nope, I'm done with it, I expect to feel like a million very soon, and I won't settle for anything less! 

Naturally the world has to stop spinning around me for a while as I fall back into line and resume all of my usual stations once again. The first little while after a holiday can make the world seem a bit lackluster. There's nothing big to look forward to, you're broke again and the daily grind and monotonous predictability sprawls out in front of you once more. But, it is only a matter of time before the next big thing arrives and turns your head again, and boom, you have an instant distraction again. 
In the meantime, I busy myself with keeping the machines oiled and the cogs spinning; and essentially that is all we are ever doing really, keeping balls in the air and keeping our lives in motion. To be honest, I do quite love the day to day things, the mundane and the predictable things, they are the things that make life comfortable and the difficulties bearable in a noisy world.
​Regardless of how many times I have traveled abroad, I have never gotten tired of that completely wonderful moment when I return home and celebrate falling back into the arms of my loved ones, flopping onto my own bed and eating at the table with my own people again. It is something that is incomparable to anything else in this world, and far, far more precious than any exotic destination. 
Sometimes falling back into line after a holiday can in fact be a fantastic thing, stepping back for the briefest of moments really can make you realise, that there is no place like home. 

I am experiencing a rather strange period in my life that I rarely seem to experience. It is a good time, a wonderful time in fact, because it is a time of peace and ease. I am truly grateful to have this lull in my life where no-one is experiencing a huge amount of stress or calling me on the brink of a nervous breakdown, but to be 100% honest, it is also very odd. 
I love that I am a confident, a friend and a sympathetic ear to many, not that I like to hear about the stresses of others and I am most certainly not a bad news monger; but I do more often than not have the dramas of someone else's life to contend with on top of my own. When I get a lull and it all goes quiet like it is at the moment, it is just so bloody weird for me. When I am left alone with only my own thoughts to contend with, truthfully, it is also slightly unnerving. 
I see myself as a bit of sponge to the feelings and emotions of others, if the people I care about are doing it rough, then I do it rough right along side of them. I literally 'feel' their difficulty and struggle, and I know that that sounds so crazy, but I honestly do. I will have trouble sleeping, I will lay awake at night pondering possibilities and I will roll along with the highs and the lows, just like it was all my own worry and strife. I don't know why I do this, I just do. It's not like I'm caught up in the drama of the situation, it's more like I'm caught up on the feelings, which I know is actually a shit load weirder really. 
New age people would call me an 'emotion absorber', a person that feels other people's emotional struggle. Psychic people would call me a 'sensitive.' I don't want to give it a label, but I know that I do it. And when things ebb right back and the world around me goes really quiet like it has been lately, it is so very, very odd for me. Lovely, serene even, on some level, but really totally odd in every way. 
You see when you are busy running to the emotional rescue of others, you tend to put your own crap on the back-burner, eventually forgetting about your troubles altogether and just getting on with trying to fix things for other people. Then when you find that you get a lull, it can in a way be incredibly overwhelming because you actually have the time to address yourself and all of the things that you have shoved really far back in the closet or swept neatly under the rug. This is both a cathartic and an overwhelming process, and it is where I am at right now. 
All the dust has settled, all the wrongs are righted and there is no-one that needs me to rescue them, except for myself of course. And the work of the self is indeed the hardest and most difficult work of all, even the horrendously shallow people in the world are aware of that fact. Not many of us are really very comfortable with facing our own demons, especially if you have been clothing, feeding and tucking them in at night for years on end.  But if you are like me and you suddenly find that you can't escape yourself because there are no other distractions, well then it is time to grab your crucifix and holy water and get to work.
Who knows how long this lull will last?  Hopefully for a long time because not only am I relieved that all is well with the ones that I love, but also because I am also finding this process, although at times concerning, extremely interesting. 
Who knows what I am going to discover about myself underneath all of those tidy layers that I have created? I don't drop my metal skin amour very often anymore, but while I have the time, I'm just gonna take a peek and see what is hiding in there. May need more than a crucifix and holy water to battle these demons, but I am up for the challenge.