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SPICYWATCH

I'm Not Sick, but I'm Not Well

31/8/2016

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People at work are dropping like flies around a can of Mortein at the moment. A great and horrible pestilence has befallen our school and we are losing staff and kids in droves to it's nastiness. Apparently it's some kind of headache, gut infection/gastro thing followed by days of being wiped out and having waves of body aches, and fuck off with that I say, no thank-you! 
​Although I haven't been struck down with anything that big just yet, I am hardly what one would call a picture of great health at the moment. I have had a niggling toothache for a couple of weeks now that I know is going to get out of hand pretty soon, but it's a big fat molar and I just don't want to deal with it right now. I have also had a variety of sniffles and coughs, none of which have been enough to knock me over but they have been tremendously annoying, and then to top it all off last night I could not get to sleep because I have developed a stabbing pain in my left side that travels around my body to become a dull ache in my back - kidneys anyone? Who knows, but I am seriously over all of this un-wellness bullshit. 
Tomorrow is the first day of Spring and I am looking forward to brighter days and better health, which I am expecting immediately. I am really annoyed about being sick because I have been behaving so bloody healthily and this is what I get in return, bits dropping me off me left and right! I quit smoking, I do yoga every day of the week, I eat like a saint and look at me, no better than that corpse from Tales From the Crypt!  How is that fair? 
Nope, I'm done with it, I expect to feel like a million very soon, and I won't settle for anything less! 
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CREEPSHOW
Release Date: 1982
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 120 mins 
A black-comedy horror anthology film directed by George A. Romero and written by Stephen King, Creepshow is a homage to the EC and DC comic books of the 1950's and the stories are tied together with brief animated sequences that are generated to look like comic book tales. 
There is a collection of short and grisly tales to sink your teeth into, all macabre and rife with bad '80's effects and sound effects which really makes for some quality retro horror viewing. I was absolutely hooked on the Creepshow series as a teen and watched the first and second instalments many, many times. There was even a third effort, released in 2007, that had no involvement from Romero or King, and is not worthy of anyone's time.
Many other short horror story series were spawned from the success of Creepshow including a string of Tales from the Darkside and Tales from the Crypt  episodes, which are worth a viewing, but for the original retro feel, you just can't go past the terrifically funny and darkly disturbing original Creepshow offering. 
FINAL SAY: Short tales of retro horror. 
3 Chili Peppers

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When I'm a Parent...

28/8/2016

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Everyone thinks that they are the expert when it comes to raising kids. Every parent thinks that they have got it in the bag, or that they have come up with some revolutionary way of raising children that is going to make their kids smarter, better, more put together and far better adjusted than their neighbours kids that are clearly being dragged up next door. 
Who hasn't at some point succumbed to a bit of snooty head shaking, or even worse, the tremendously misguided and self righteous diatribes of the 'when I'm a parent' brigade. Let's face it, it is always so easy to see the shortcomings of parents when you have none of your own children and are observing from a very safe 'childless' distance. 
Fact is, parenting is really hard and there are a million billion things that can and often do go wrong along the road to raising your kids. Nobody has it all worked out, NOBODY! Not even the people that have like 12 kids, they just really like babies or something like that I think, but to be honest I have no idea what motivates anyone to have that many kids.
Parenting generally makes really rational people act completely irrationally, it also makes them say and do stupid things too, so please try not to be too judgmental of parents. Sure you can tut-tut the people that are clearly abusing their children by smacking them or giving them mullet haircuts or rat-tails, but just try not to be too harsh. I have been known to act like a lunatic freshly released from the mental asylum in the wake of my own children's torment and relentless punishment, particularly when they were toddlers, man that shit is hard - maximum mobility  - zero brains. 
I like to reflect on those moments of lunacy when I am just about to judge a parent that is losing their shit in a public place. I try to recall the sleep deprivation, the endless hours of undivided attention and detail that I have relinquished upon my children and all of the times that they made me so mad that I wanted to smash my head against a brick wall because at least I would feel some enjoyment when I stopped doing it. 
Yes, it is true, I have had some seriously dark days raising my kids. I love the hell out of them, that much will never change, but there were some days when I did look at my kids and think to myself: What the fuck have I done? I can't handle this. 
But of course I did handle it, and just like millions of parents before me, I anguished over the details and probably worried more than I needed to, and shouted more than I should have and wondered how some people made it all look so easy and abandoned all of my preconceived when I'm a parent  ideas pretty quick smart too. 
Bottom line is, parenting is ridiculously hard work; you put in heaps of over time that you will never get paid for, your head hurts, your body aches, you'll cry a lot and listen to crying a lot, you second guess yourself every step of the way and you can never clock out, NOT EVER, no matter how old your kids get. So yeah, try not to be too tough on the parents of the world, or yourself if you're a parent having a particularly tough day. It is a big challenge, that so many people aren't equipped to handle, but I promise that when you do, on the odd occasion, get it right, the rewards are just priceless and totally worthwhile. 
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RAISING ARIZONA
Release Date: 1987
Rating: M
Running Time: 94 mins
 
In true Coen brothers style, Raising Arizona is that fantastic mixture of crime, comedy and sheer madness that always amuses me, no matter how many times I have seen it. The creativity of this movie cannot be denied; it is oddly ambitious, grimy, illogical and yet beautifully eccentric, and one of the best things that Nicholas Cage has ever done in his career. 
When an ex-con and ex-cop marry, all that they want is a child of their own and a fresh start. However, they discover that they cannot bare their own children, so they abduct one from the Arizona family and find themselves involved in a number of complications.
Holly Hunter is fantastic as Ed, the cop that just wants to be a mother; and an array of other Coen film regulars like John Goodman and Frances McDormand lend their efforts here as well.
​This is certainly not going to be to everyone's liking, but I doubt very much that Raising Arizona was ever made with that intention anyway. 
FINAL SAY: Sometimes it's a hard world for small things. 
​3 Chili Peppers

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I Have No Idea What I Am Doing

24/8/2016

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It would be fair to say that for all of my organisational skills and seemingly well planned out life choices, I generally have no fricken idea what I am doing a good portion of the time. I am not sure that anyone actually does all of the time, and if anyone says that they do, they're fucking liars. They may have plans, aspirations or some preconceived agenda of how things are going to play out, but life is not fool-proof, in fact life demands quite the opposite, it demands fools, regularly and often.
Even when we aren't having to accommodate fools, we are having to accommodate a tonne of other life bullshit that gets in our paths, trips us up and screws with our agendas and and all of this cannot be avoided no matter how much micro managing we do; unless of course you're dead.
I can only hope that when I am dead I no longer need to have my game face on or plan things out, hopefully I can just sit back and piss myself laughing at everyone else that is still scrambling around pretending to know what's going on.  
Truth is, we really don't know whats going on.
We really don't. 
​Not a fucking clue...well maybe a tiny clue, but generally we know jack shit. 
The other day I was on Pinterest and I noticed that a fellow pinner had placed under her name (where one would normally place something philosophical or informative) the statement  - I have no idea what I am doing. And I thought, amen sister, me either, but I am really good at pretending I do, but generally I'm just hoping for the best.
I really appreciated this woman's honesty because most of us are all so busy being in control and looking like we've got our shit together that we would never admit that we have no idea what we're doing. I can admit it though, and it actually feels really good to say it. 
Saying I have no idea what I am doing isn't a malicious or nasty thing to say, it's just honest but there is something kind of taboo about it too, and that's why it feels so good to say, and even better to admit to yourself. This could actually be another step forward into the zen state of mind that I have been working toward now that I think about it. I could be opening up more possibilities for mindfulness and mindlessness here and I am digging on that in a big way.
​But really who am I trying to fool? I have no idea what I am doing! 
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JOY
Release Date: 2015
Rating: M
Running Time: 124 mins 

A biographical drama based on the life of Joy Mangano, a self-made millionaire who created her own business empire after she invented the Miracle Mop. Written and directed by David O. Russell, this film really owes its success to Jennifer Lawrence who just shines as Joy, earning herself a Golden Globe Award for Best Actress and stealing all of the attention from her exceptionally talented support cast. 
Divorced mother of two Joy Mangano has a life over-flowing with family drama, but never over-flowing with money. After injuring her hands on a mop head, she sees a gap in the market for a self-wringing mop head and sets the wheels in motion to create and market her design. 
Not really the most exciting storyline to hit the big screen, but in spite of its flaws, this film works beautifully as a homage to all of those 'never give up on your dreams' stories. Persistence really does pay off, well it did for Joy Mangano anyway, and it sure was nice to see a sassy lady with a head for business rising up against the odds to make something better of herself, what's not to like about that? 
FINAL SAY: The world doesn't owe you a thing. 
3 Chili Peppers

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No-Brainer

21/8/2016

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Zoe came out to stay with us in Enfield this weekend; it has been almost four weeks since she stayed over and I have missed her tremendously. Four weeks is the longest that I have gone without seeing her in a very long time, and I do not want to do that again in a hurry. It was so wonderful to have all of my family together for a weekend, I just love having my children around and always enjoy their company. After four weeks apart, many uni assignments for Zoe and a trip to Singapore for me, there was certainly no shortage of material to chat about and the weekend whizzed by at lightening speed. 
On Saturday afternoon we went to the cinema to see Suicide Squad, just for shits and giggles really. I was not expecting to be wowed, and I wasn't really, but it was okay. Margot Robbie does make an exceptional Harley Quinn and Will Smith wins the prize for having the most interesting character, but overall, it was only 2.5 Chili Peppers for me, and really not something that you need to rush out and see. 
If you are anything like me, then sometimes you will just want to watch something brainless at the cinema, and I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I do generally like to be challenged by my movie choices, but at least once a month I really like to see a total no-brainer. A no-brainer movie is a film that you willingly attend with full awareness (before you even purchase your ticket) that it is not going to improve who you are or expand your intelligence any way, shape or form. If the no-brainer movie scores above 2 Chili Peppers you're always pleasantly surprised. A no-brainer film requires a simple, one layered narrative that has more effects than it needs and a blown out budget to match; Suicide Squad meets that brief in every way. 
Once and a while though, a no-brainer movie can give you a big surprise and turn out to be much more than you had expected it to be, for me that means making it to a 3 Chili peppers rating and getting onto my genre lists.
​The last movie that did that, was American Ultra. 
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AMERICAN ULTRA
Release Date: 2015
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 96 mins 

An action-comedy written by Max Landis and directed by Nima Nourizadeh, American Ultra is a bit of a wacky ride from start to end. So much of a wacky ride that I was tempted to place into the art house section. The thing that stopped me from doing that was its completely linear plot, which travels from A to B directly; oh and also, it has tonnes of guns and action in it - so yeah, action won out. 
A small town pothead named Mike (Jesse Eisenberg) and his long term girlfriend Phoebe (Kristen Stewart) have their lives turned upside down when they discover that Mike is actually a lethal killing machine that has been dormant for years until recently being re-activated by a CIA agent. 
The idea of Jesse Eisenberg as a lethal killing machine was certainly a stretch for me, but I think that was purposefully done to add humour to the storyline here, I'm just not sure that it worked that well. The rest of the cast was actually pretty good, Kristen Stewart is always reliably good, and the support cast boasts the likes of John Leguizamo, Connie Britton, Topher Grace and Bill Pullman.
​Even though this is hardly high quality viewing, it is undeniably different and oddly entertaining, so overall I think that it is more than worthy of the 96 minutes of time that it takes to watch it.    
FINAL SAY: Something very weird is happening to me, I keep killing people!
​3 Chili peppers

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Falling Back In

17/8/2016

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Naturally the world has to stop spinning around me for a while as I fall back into line and resume all of my usual stations once again. The first little while after a holiday can make the world seem a bit lackluster. There's nothing big to look forward to, you're broke again and the daily grind and monotonous predictability sprawls out in front of you once more. But, it is only a matter of time before the next big thing arrives and turns your head again, and boom, you have an instant distraction again. 
In the meantime, I busy myself with keeping the machines oiled and the cogs spinning; and essentially that is all we are ever doing really, keeping balls in the air and keeping our lives in motion. To be honest, I do quite love the day to day things, the mundane and the predictable things, they are the things that make life comfortable and the difficulties bearable in a noisy world.
​Regardless of how many times I have traveled abroad, I have never gotten tired of that completely wonderful moment when I return home and celebrate falling back into the arms of my loved ones, flopping onto my own bed and eating at the table with my own people again. It is something that is incomparable to anything else in this world, and far, far more precious than any exotic destination. 
Sometimes falling back into line after a holiday can in fact be a fantastic thing, stepping back for the briefest of moments really can make you realise, that there is no place like home. 
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MARTYRS
Release Date: 2008
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 94 mins
 
Directed by Pascal Laugier, this French language film may well be one of the most disturbing horror movies that I have ever encountered, mostly due to the graphic torture scenes that will leave you reeling in your seat and feeling sick to your stomach. This is most certainly not a film for anyone with weak constitution, but unlike other gore porn, aside from being mentally assaulted with the content, Martyrs does leave you thinking about how revolting violence is without giving any glorification to it's assailants, which many other gore-porns struggle to do. 
Lucie, a missing youth, turns up in an almost catatonic state after escaping her demented torturers. Placed into an orphanage, she forms a friendship with Anna, who assists her with her cruel visions of a woman that continuously assaults and abuses her, and leads her to self harm in a very disturbing manner. Lucie believes that the vicious attacks will not end until she finds and kills her childhood torturers and quenches her need for revenge. Anna becomes drawn into Lucie's plight in the most shocking of ways. 
There are some pretty unexpected twists here, the first half of the movie is horror, the second half is torture, so the tone definitely changes as well. Don't expect an easy ride out of this one, it's tough going from start to end. Critic reviews were polarized and the general public found it too intense and revolting, but if you have the stomach for it, I recommend a cautious look. 
FINAL SAY: Just let go. 
​3 Chilli Peppers 

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Singaporean Infusions

14/8/2016

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Freshly back in the country from my trip to Singapore, and completely over-flowing from my cultural experiences and interesting adventures in a place where East meets West in an eclectic  fusion like no other. Singapore truly has something for every taste, and I mean every taste, from the highest end to the economically challenged, it has it all, and also manages to hit every note in between as well. 
Our hotel, The Vagabond Hotel, is an Indian owned, French designed boutique hotel that really defies all explanation. There was art, and art and even more art scattered throughout the building, as well as hundreds of photographs from the owners personal collection of photographs that she has taken on her many worldly travels. In short, it was an extravaganza for the senses; lush, opulent, beautifully orchestrated and to top it all off, the beds were insanely comfy too. I must admit that I loved the variety of art house and noir cinema that was on offer for free in the rooms, and I curled up with a different flick at the end of every evening. 
We three sisters jammed packed our days with exciting adventures, covering as many aspects of Singapore that one can in only a week. We used the MRT (the local train system) to get around 90% of the time, which was clean, fast and extremely user friendly and I would highly recommend it to anyone that visits Singapore. In just six days, we did an incredible amount of sightseeing and adventuring.
​We mostly shopped the district known as Little India, traipsing up and down the isles of the massive 24 hour shopping complex called The Mustafa Centre hunting out bargains, but we did also pay a visit to a fantastically ornate Hindu temple as well. We strolled the colourful Arab District, admiring the spectacular street art and specialty stores, and visiting a local Mosque.
We hopped on a bumboat and biked around the last untouched island off the mainland called Palau Ubin, where we tried not to die from heat exhaustion or from being attacked by the many wild monkeys and boars that inhabit the island. We scoured the market places and temples of Chinatown where my sisters partook in a spot of 'fish' feet nibbling that I happily declined to have anything to do with - no fish sucking on my toes thanks!  We ate at the local Hawker Centres that house incredibly tasty street food vendors; a visit to one of these ensures you three delicious courses for under $10. 
​We went to the high end shopping malls at The Marina Bay Sands where you can be transported around in gondolas and buy Versace or Gucci if that's your speed. We strolled the Gardens by the Bay - both day and night, to see the spectacular light shows. We went to the Cloud bio-dome for a garden experience second to none and we crossed the incredible helix bridge to see the famous white Merlion that proudly sprays water from his huge mouth across the harbour.
We sipped Singapore Slings at the Long Bar in Raffles, we dined high end at Violet Oons where the Malaysian curry was so hot that the smell of it made my eyes water and had me seriously worried about the safety of my bowel. And we even went to see Haw Par Villa, an abandoned residence that was once owned by the Tiger Balm family and is just way too weird to explain, seriously you have to google that place. I have never, nor will I ever, see anything like that again! 
And now I am back home, feeling the cold terribly and actually pretty exhausted, but absolutely brimming with stories and images that have mystified my senses over the past week. Who knew that Singapore had so much to offer? But now that I have been for myself I can see that it is a truly wonderful and vibrant place, that is so utterly unique and unlike anywhere that I have traveled before. My sisters and I have really made some life long memories together in Singapore; sharing in some of the finest, the strangest, the most beautiful and the tastiest experiences that we will ever have in our lives. 
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SISTERS 
Release Date: 2015
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 123 mins 

Hardly a revelation in terms of writing or plot, but Sisters does have some merit when it comes to easy to watch, no-brainer comedy. The terrifically talented twosome of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler team up again and manage to produce an extremely unlikely tale about two forty-something sisters that trash their parents house in the name of a rocking party.
Called in to their parents house to clean out their overflowing 80's retro bedrooms (which was utterly perplexing to me that they were still like that so many years on) before it's sale, Kate and Maura find themselves reminiscing about their teenage adventures, and in turn deciding to have one last party in their childhood home. 
This movie plays out exactly like every other 'let's have a party and not tell our parents' films that has ever been made, only this time the people at the party are substantially older but still acting like dicks, which produced a mixture of hilarious and often pathetic moments all at once. I was really torn about this movie, there were things I really enjoyed about it and things that I absolutely detested, but I cannot deny that it did make me laugh, so for that reason, it is worth a viewing. Just don't expect too much and watching it drunk, as I did, will probably help it along. 
FINAL SAY: You can't start with 'Mony Mony'. That's like starting with anal. 
3 Chili Peppers

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Packing and Planning

2/8/2016

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If I'm being 100% honest, my mind is only on one thing this week, and no it's not sex or cinema for a change, it's my trip to Singapore. The weather this week has dished out some rather mediocre, rainy and cold days, which has just made me more and more excited at the prospect of getting these pasty white pegs of mine out into the sunshine and the sweet Singaporean air. And I cannot deny that I am also looking forward to some much needed retail therapy, especially at the 24 hour markets that they have over there. Can't sleep? No problem, go shopping at 3am if it takes your fancy! 
By this time next week I will probably be sweating like a sinner in church and sipping something that is hardly good for me, and I can't wait! I have been looking at the photos of our swanky hotel and drooling with anticipation, if it is half as good as it seems, then I know that I am going to love it. A week without chores, or work, or responsibility - I may never come back! And from what I have heard, Singapore is pretty amazing, the cleanest and tidiest corner of Asia, but I will be able to confirm or refuse those claims myself soon enough. 
Obviously the food is going to be great, I love Malaysian fare and a lot of it is gluten free, so that won't be an issue. Can't wait to check out the Hawker Centres so that I can get my feed on without having to cook or do any of the cleaning up, it all seems too good to be true.
Craig and I went to Europe on the tail end of Winter when we went, and I remember how much of a blessing it was to be suddenly immersed in a warmer climate. If I was rich, I think that I would keep my winter experiences down to a few short weeks a year, just enough to get sick of it and then boom, off to a summer season country to forget about it again. Basically, I just cannot wait for a good dose of heat and rays. 
So, you won't be hearing from me again until I return, but trust me, I am sure that I will have plenty of interesting tales about the escapades of me and my sisters to regale you with upon my return.
Until then, au revoir, I will write you all again from the other side of Singapore xx
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THE
GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL
 

Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 100min 
Wes Anderson strikes another high note with The Grand Budapest Hotel. This is a funny, fast paced romp that recounts the adventures of Gustave (Ralph Fiennes) the concierge at The Grand Budapest Hotel. The story is narrated by Zero, the lobby boy and Gustave's loyal confidant, as he recalls the events surrounding a battle for a family inheritance and a priceless painting. 
The characters in this movie are beyond all belief in their old world charm and ridiculousness. The ski scene on the alps had me virtually rolling out of my seat into the isles with laughter. This film is just so witty in a really refreshing way. The cast is absolutely star studded with Harvey Keitel as a tattooed inmate, Willem Dafoe as a scrooge like assassin, Saoirse Ronan with her Mexico shaped birthmark and even Tilda Swinton as the filthy rich Madame D, to name but a few. 
This film is a triumph, a symphony of fun and a definite must see. 
FINAL SAY: The best Wes Anderson comedy to date.
4.5 Chili Peppers

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    Hi, my name is Barb.
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