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SPICYWATCH

Using the Time

24/4/2022

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I always feel like I have so much time when I start a school holiday break, but two weeks is never really as long as you would think, especially when you have lots of people to catch up with and appointments to keep. However, I am certainly not complaining, I am always deeply grateful for the respite and reset time and having a couple of weeks off to gather my bearings and reboot my system every 10 weeks or so is truly a god send. 
​In the last two weeks I have really used my time efficiently, swinging between obligation, organisation and pure indulgence, and I have loved every single moment of it.
The highlights for me were:
  • Having cocktails with friends.
  • Enjoying afternoon tea in the sun at the botanical gardens.
  • A freshly baked morning tea at a dear friend's house.
  • Walking the neighbourhood most fine days.
  • Spending Easter with my loved ones.
  • Hosting a pizza/movie night.
  • Catching up with far away friends for brunch.
  • Going to the ELVIS exhibition in Bendigo with the family.
  • Sipping a 'Dark and Stormy' in a swanky bar with a buddy.
  • Getting my hair and eyebrows tizzied up.
  • Finally organising the the cable guy to hook up the Ethernet to my TV - so long Wi-Fi drop outs!
  • Enjoying two meat smoker events.
  • Going to the movies.
  • Watching 16 films and finishing eight TV series.
  • Reading four books.
  • Cleaning out my jewellery cupboard and wardrobe - long overdue!
  • Eating out at delicious restaurants four times.
  • And I also took Craig to pick up his new whip for his 50th birthday - a brand new cherry red Mustang.
Never was there a happier man than Craig when he pulled up in our driveway in that car, smiling from ear to ear and more gleeful than I have seen him in an age. Craig has wanted a flashy car for as long as I have known him, which is almost 30 years now. He has saved and worked his arse off to make it happen and to see him get something that he has wanted for so long made my heart so full of joy. It was the icing on the cake of my already incredible holiday break. 
And so, like it does at this time every year, a new term begins and I return to the hamster wheel of work  for another couple of months, refreshed and relaxed after my epic break  but still always longing for the days ahead that offer me another round of respite and indulgent joy. 
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I WANT YOU BACK
Release Date: 2022
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 111 mins 

A romantic comedy directed by Jason Orley from a screenplay written by Isaac Aptaker and Elizabeth Berger that actually delivers just the right mix of rom/com to work. 
Two recently dumped strangers team up in attempt to win back their exes through unscrupulous and underhanded methods. 
The storyline here is simple enough, but the cast are truly terrific and deliver their roles with tonnes of humour and likeability which really elevates this rom/com from predictable and basic to the halls of genuine enjoyment.
Charlie Day and Jenny Slate play the roles of the two devious and heartbroken friends with a plausible onscreen chemistry and they are very well supported by Scott Eastwood, Manny Jacinto, Clark Backo and Gina Rodriguez whom all believably fall into the messy love entanglement that ensues.
I Want You Back is no game changer, but for a rom/com this is a solid and enjoyable watch. 
FINAL SAY: We're each others sadness sisters. 
3 Chilli Peppers 
​

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Toxic Relationships

10/4/2022

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When you are in a healthy relationship, things just seem to work. They aren't taxing, you don't have to compromise yourself or alter yourself to be accepted and appreciated and even though you may argue from time to time or occasionally traverse some troubled waters, you can generally bounce back, talk it out and move along with grace. 
Not all of our relationships in life are that good, in fact some of them can be downright toxic. Toxic relationships will test you, trial you and leave you feeling deflated and defeated and they can turn up in many different places. You could be in a toxic relationship with a partner, a sibling, a parent or even a work colleague. And these unpleasant relationships could be literally draining your resources and leaving you completely depleted.
Unfortunately, depending on the nature of the relationship, signs for toxicity can be subtle or very obvious and you may not even be noticing the red flags popping up because you are too close to the source to see what is going on. It's kind of like a 'can't see the woods for the forest' type of scenario. 
So, what are the signs to look for when it comes to identifying a toxic relationship? Well, let's get down to brass tacks and identify some things that you need to be on the lookout for. 
1. Lack of Support
Healthy relationships are supportive and caring, there is usually a desire to see others succeed so if there is competition or a lack of encouragement or care, this is cause for concern. Basically, if the time that you spend with someone no longer feels positive, if there is a lack of trust or care or if the other person is only ever worried or concerned about their own needs, then this is a red flag. 
2. Toxic Communication
If conversations are mostly filled with sarcasm, condescending tones and snide remarks then odds are the relationship is toxic. There will be a lack of kind or respectful talk and much of what is said will be delivered with contempt. You may find yourself avoiding contact with this person, avoiding their calls or doing other things just to avoid further argument or hostility. 
3. Envy or Jealousy
If you are constantly suspicious of someone's motives or have a feeling that you cannot trust someone, then you may have a toxic relationship on your hands. If someone treats you with suspicion, displays envy or jealous around your actions, choices or successes this is considered to be a serious red flag that should not be ignored. Controlling or manipulative relationships are extremely toxic and can be also become very dangerous and/ or abusive. 
4. Resentment
Healthy relationships let go and move along after problems or hiccups. Toxic relationships do not. Holding on to grudges and not letting go of things chips away at peoples ability to be intimate and trusting. Over time this gap becomes a chasm that cannot be crossed. Any relationship that nurses grievances and makes you feel unsafe to speak up is toxic. 
5. Disrespect
Any patterns of disrespect are cause for concern. Always being late, forgetting events, speaking to you poorly in front of other people, gaslighting you or saying provocative or insulting  statements are all part of a toxic relationship demographic. Consider patterns in these behaviours and how they affect your ability to have a healthy relationship with the person in question. 
6. Constant Stress
It is not normal to always fight with someone or to always have tension. Sure life happens, sometimes things do get stressful: a family member is ill, job loss, financial stresses happen, but if someone is always stressed without much reason and projecting this on to you, that is considered to be a toxic relationship trait. 
7. Ignoring Your Needs
Going along with whatever someone wants and says all the time is not healthy.  If you feel like putting forward your needs is going to trigger an argument then you have a toxic relationship on your hands. Also, if you clearly outline a need or boundary that needs to be respected and the person in question continues to ignore or disrespect that need, then is safe to say that this is a toxic one-sided relationship.
8. Walking on Eggshells 
Any relationship that laves you feeling like you are walking on eggshells is seriously toxic. if you worry about bringing up things, you feel like you'll provoke tension if you speak up and you always need to go out of your way to avoid conflict then you are in a very toxic relationship.

However, it is important to know that although many people assume that toxic relationships are doomed, this isn't always the case. The deciding factor? That both people in the relationship want to change. If only person is invested in creating healthy patterns, than there is unfortunately very little likelihood that things will get better. In order to move forward look for these positive signs that your relationship still has a chance:
  • An ability to accept responsibility 
  • A willingness to invest in the relationship
  • An ability to shift from blame to understanding
  • Openness to outside help and support

With time, patience and diligence, toxic relationships can be improved, so don't be afraid to acknowledge if you are struggling with a toxic relationship that requires further support or intervention. Make sure that what you are experiencing isn't an abusive relationship rather than a toxic one and again seek support and guidance if you feel like this may be the case. 
We aren't all blessed with high functioning, loving or supportive relationships and no-one has to tolerate being treated poorly or being disrespected. Toxic relationships are extremely hard work and can be exceptionally detrimental in the long run, so always remember your worth and the importance of healthy relationships. You deserve to have good healthy relationships, so don't settle for being treated poorly by the people who should treat you better. 
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PALMER
Release Date: 2021
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 111 mins 

An American drama directed by Fisher Stevens, written by Cheryl Guerriero and released on Apple TV+ streaming services, Palmer delivers a simple story that offers just enough heart and honesty to not feel forced or cheesy. At it's centre, Palmer is all about people being given permission to just be themselves and it is delivered in the most touching way. 
Eddie Palmer returns to his home town after a 12 year stint in jail. Staying with his grandmother and desperate to find a job and improve his station, Palmer attempts to walk a straight line. However, in a small town, people don't forget easily and he soon finds himself involved in the problems of others, especially his problematic neighbour and her flamboyant son Sam. 
Touching is an understatement, this film is deeply moving and heartfelt. And although it isn't necessarily delivering anything new or original, what is lacks in artfulness and mastery it makes up for with good intentions and likeable characters.
Justin Timberlake proves that he can do a lot more than sing and dance by shining in his lead role as Eddie Palmer, and he is well supported by Juno Temple, June Squibb and Ryder Allen as the delightfully colourful character, Sam. 
Make sure you have a tissue at the ready, this film will get to you.
FINAL SAY: I know you're mad at me. It's okay. I'd be mad at me too. 
3 Chilli Peppers 
​

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In Three Minds

3/4/2022

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Your mind, like mine, consists of three different modes of thinking. When we are doing mundane or neutral types of activities like driving, brushing our teeth, shopping or running errands, we are usually engaging our Rational Mind. And when we are having times of high fear, excitement, sadness or joy we are engaging our Emotional Mind and coming in third place  is the ideal state of mind that we don't engage as often as should, and it is called our Wise Mind. 
Let's take a better look at these three states of mind because doing so will help you to understand yourself a whole lot better. In fact, if you can identify when you are triggering automatic responses from these modes of thinking you're going to able to to save yourself a lot of heartache and worry down the road. 
Firstly, let's examine the Emotional Mind. Basically, this mind kicks into gear when our thinking gets triggered by our external experiences of the world, for example:
  • When you are arguing or disagree with someone.
  • When you are fighting the urge to have a drink .
  • When you procrastinate.
  • The feelings you get from certain people, places or events. 
In general, the emotional mind is not impartial, it is reactive and it can be crippling. It can hijack our thoughts and sweep us over like a tsunami with dread, anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and many other big and often unhelpful thoughts and feelings. 
Next comes the Rational Mind which is pretty much opposite to the Emotional Mind. The rational mind bases all of its decisions on facts, evidence and things that worked well for us in the past. Situations that engage the rational mind may be things like:
  • Deciding what to cook for dinner.
  • Driving to work.
  • Planning an event or social gathering.
  • Learning a new language.
  • Fixing a leaky tap or changing a flat tyre. 
The Rational Mind is straightforward, logical and thinking and because it is quite polarised to the Emotional Mind it can create great inner turmoil within people when they are trying to be decisive or precise. 
Enter the third state of mind - The Wise Mind. The Wise Mind is the ideal mind because it takes into account both the Rational and the Emotional mind without allowing them to conflict or overwhelm each other. Rather than allowing the Rational mind to wag its authoritarian finger at the sensitive Emotional mind, it instead seeks to build a bridge between the two and encourages a sense of harmony and acceptance. 
The Wise Mind honours and accepts emotions whilst taking into account the facts by working in a manner that is reasonable. 
A Wise Mind is mindful, aware, observant, patient and kind to us and that is why is we need to try and engage it as often as we can. 
Another way to conceptualise the three Minds, is to imagine how they might form a dialogue with one another. 
Rational Mind: You should get out of bed and go to the gym, you have a lot to do today.
Emotional Mind: I don't feel like getting up, you're stressing me out!
Wise Mind: I can feel stressed out and still get to the gym, I know that I will better once I have gotten my workout done for the day. 
Good old Wise Mind always finds the happy medium that is required to get the job done! And that's why we need to try really hard to recognise which state of mind we are using most of the time by being mindful and aware. This allows Wise Mind to take the reigns and make far better choices, decisions and pathways so that we can stay calm, focused and fresh. 
Being mindful about your 'mind state' will make your life easier and has been proven to assist in the management of anxiety and also to help individuals to identify unhelpful and hijacking thoughts that they entertain within themselves. Engaging your 'Wise Mind' is deeply self empowering, try it for yourself!
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FRESH
Release Date: 2022
Rating: R18+
Running Time: 114 mins 

An American thriller film adapted from a screenplay by Lauryn Kahn and directed by Mimi Cave, in her directorial debut. Fresh delivers a unique blend of storytelling that is part American Psycho and part Silence of the Lambs with a sprinkling of Delicatessen and a side of How to be Single, and somehow it works!
Noa is struggling to find a suitable partner when she bumps into Steve in the fruit and vegetable aisle of the supermarket. Steve is handsome, smart and romantic and after several dates the new couple decide to go on a holiday together. Whilst on holidays, Noa discovers the truth about Steve; who he really is and his extremely disturbing appetites.  
This film is greatly strengthened by the terrific performances. Daisy Edgar-Jones and Sebastian Stan are really solid here which adds a lot of credence and jet black humour to the story. There's plenty of gripping and disturbing interludes, some nice little twists and some pretty nasty behaviours to wrangle, but overall it's an enjoyable ride. 
FINAL SAY: It's about giving. Giving yourself over to somebody. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers 
​

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