How often do we hear about a relationship failing or a marriage ending in divorce? It seems to be happening more and more all of the time. Just last year 47,638 people got divorced in Australia, which means that 2.1% of the Australian population got divorced in 2017, and that doesn't even count the people that just seperated or broke up in a non-marital relationship. When you think about it in those terms, you do have to wonder if people are just giving up too soon on their relationships or if people are just picking the wrong partners to hook with up in the first place. 
The top ten most common reasons for getting a divorce are:

1. Getting married for the wrong reasons (eg. for the money) 
2. Lack of individual identity or codependence
3. Becoming lost in the roles 
4. Not having a shared vision
5. Lack of intimacy
6. Unmet expectations
7. Lack of finances
8. Being out of touch
9. No shared interests
10. Inability to resolve conflicts

Interestingly, no mention of infidelity there, so cheating or being unfaithful is not one of the main reasons that people break up, it is more about a lack of common ground and vision than anything else when you really look at it. Which is why I wonder if perhaps people just give up a little too easily.
I mean there must have been some common ground, shared vision, idea, expectation at some point for these two people to decided to walk down the aisle and pledge their undying love for each other in front of everyone that they knew, and I have to ask - what the hell happened to those feelings? How do two people that completely loved each other (enough to put themselves through a wedding) just  decide to stop loving each other and break up? Was there no sign that this person was going to do your head in before you went and married them? Did you just ignore that and go for it anyway? 
I know that some marriages are certainly better off ending than enduring, but I do think that maybe some people do quit a bit sooner than they should these days. The arrival of online dating and hookup opportunities has made a lot of people wonder if they are just settling, and the lure of a possibly 'better option' is definitely changing the amount of crap that people will put up with in a relationship. You can literally jump onto any dating website or download an app like Tinder and start looking for the next best thing right away after getting out of a relationship. People used to wait up to 3 years to start dating after a divorce but now some couples confess to being back on the dating scene within weeks of a separation in order to 'fill the space' that has been left behind, which is really quite concerning. 
41% of first marriages end in divorce now, 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages, which basically tells me that if it sucked the first time, it will probably suck the second and the third time around as well. And although I am not in any way advocating that you should never get married, divorced or remarried, what I am trying to say is that you need to make sure that it is really, truly and 100% absolutely what you want to do before you just start or end a serious relationship.
Breaking up sure is hard to do and staying together can be equally as hard if it just isn't working. I can tell you with all honesty that if I took flight everytime that my husband gave me the shits, that we would've been over a thousand times by now. Staying together takes work, a bloody shitload of hard work but you have to try, and if you've given it all that there is and it still isn't working than it is totally okay to walk away. Just don't give up too easily, because sometimes it's not as bad as it may seem at the time, and tempers, just like pie crust, soften after a few days and you don't want to throw away something really great because of a few hard yards. In short, what I am trying to say is, that it is totally okay to give up if it's really not working, but just don't give up too soon. 

A dear friend of mine showcased her art for the first time this week in Ballarat. It was a mixed media exhibition entitled When I Grow Up which was produced by an art collaborative called SHEILAs which stands for Strong, Honest, Exceptional, Inspirational Lady Artists; the collaborative consists of local female artists of all ages. The art depicted in When I Grow Up was a reflection of each lady's unique experience of growing up; reflecting on what they had wanted to be, who had influenced them and who they had aspired to be when they were younger. Needless to say, it was terrific and gathered a diverse crowd of art enthusiasts and admirers, and it was fabulous to see so much support for my lovely friend who is generally known for being a quiet achiever and a generous spirit who always gives of herself in epic proportions to us all. 
The exhibition certainly got me thinking about what I had aspired to be when I was younger, and about the different people that had personally influenced me along the way. Growing up, even though I am one of five children, I do remember being on my own quite a lot of the time. My parents were very often busy since they both worked and were also extremely house proud, which did take up a big chunk of their time. I never really felt like my mother understood me completely as a child but I did always feel valued by my father who would often take time out to chat with me and as we got older, shared some of his deeper thoughts with me. Looking back on it now, I can see that he was probably the most influential adult in my life as a child.
My siblings were all older than I was and quite busy with their own lives when I was small, and they have always been outwardly vocal about how much of a burden I was as a child so I cannot identify any of them as influential to me; in fact I do believe that seeing me fail would have made some them exceptionally happy, which pretty much puts my relationship with my siblings into perspective. 
In light of this, I did spend a lot of time by myself growing up and that did allow me plenty of time for daydreaming, lollygagging and fantasizing, which was always a very big pre-occupation for me. ​For as long as I can remember I have always been interested in story telling and had wanted to be a writer from a very early age. I remember being mesmerized by picture storybooks when I was small and then became obsessed with writers like Roald Dahl, Judy Blume and Robyn Klein when I got a little older. ln primary school I would write all kinds of quirky stories and I was quite good at spinning a tall tale as well. I got into  a lot of trouble for lying as a kid, but I didn't often do it maliciously, it was just that my stories were always so much more exciting and interesting than my real life was, and storytelling was something that I was actually good at.
In secondary school I loved all of my literacy based subjects and spent much of my time reading books and writing bad poetry that no-one would ever read about the plight of being young and privileged! I had some truly terrific teachers over the years, really intelligent and inspirational people that not only encouraged me to write and tell my stories but who also took me under their wing and showed an interest in me as a person as well. I can fondly recall being invited over to my English Literature teacher's house with two other students to meet his wife and have a very adult dinner party at the end of year 12, because we had in fact all become very good friends. I felt like I finally had a voice and that people cared about what I was saying and as a young adult, it was pretty exciting. 
​Back then, I always thought that I would one day be a writer, teacher, lecturer or public speaker of some variety; but I equally adored the chance to perform and was very interested in drama, dance, the theatre and (no surprises here) all things cinematic. And how did that all pan out for me? Well, I won a Rotary public speaking award, I had some of my teenage angst poetry published by the Ballarat Writing Company, I started a teaching degree that I never finished, I tried writing a children's book that never got published (and rightfully so, it was trash) and I got a Diploma in Professional Writing and Editing, which did allow me to enjoy some small print publication success, but certainly nothing substantial. In the last four years the only thing that I have written aside from this blog (which I do love writing) has been some mediocre drunken poetry that no-one should ever have to read; and although I do like what I do for a living, I didn't exactly land where I had first aspired to be. 
I would be lying if I didn't admit that I would still love to work in theatre or cinema, and that I still do aspire to one day write that novel that has been burning within me for so very long, and just because I haven't done those things yet, doesn't mean that I won't do them either. I still have plenty of time to fill in the gaps and achieve my childhood dreams, but for now I am more than content to live out my dreams by regularly haunting the cinema and theatre and filling an enthusiastic seat, writing my blog twice a week and sharing my hopes, dreams, memories and aspirations with you all. Besides, there is no written law that says that we must be what we set out to become when we were children, we don't have to be the person that we pledged to be when we cried 'When I Grow Up,' we just have to be who we are, right now... and there is nothing wrong with that. 

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once quoted that people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed; meaning that humans prefer to be lied to. Having a personality that it somewhat 'tell it like it is' myself, I can assure you that this quote is absolutely 100% accurate and that people do not ever really want to hear the truth about themselves or about the things that are going on in their lives. They may tell you that they want the truth, but don't be fooled by that one, they most definitely DO NOT want to hear the truth. As Jack Nicholson famously shouted in A Few Good Men, they can't handle the truth and it will just about always freak them out and send them into a frenzy of hate, self doubt and/or depression.
People are far more comfortable with you going along with the flow, keeping your thoughts to yourself, accepting things as they come and generally not 'rocking the boat' as it is often termed. As humans we do have a strong tendency to adhere to the 'flock with birds of a feather' ideology. We conform, almost on autopilot, to groupthink situations, often succumbing to pressures that we don't really agree with just so that we can maintain the status quo and have a sense of belonging. 
There have been a few times in my life when speaking the truth has gotten me into a lot of trouble. I rarely mince my words, and I like to be honest about my thoughts and feelings; I don't really see the point in going along with things that I find upsetting, unfair or just plain ridiculous. However, as I said before, people do not want your honesty, so being skilled at 'telling it like is' is not really seen as a very good social skill to have; well not if you want to fly with the flock anyway.  
This 'skill' of mine has on a few occasions led to me inadvertently upsetting or offending people. Sometimes I have felt bad about that, sometimes I have not, depending on the situation of course. However, as I get older I realise that Nietzsche was not only right about people not wanting to hear the truth about themselves, but also that his advice should probably be followed if you don't want to continuously alienate the people in your life. 
And this is where the real conundrum lies, because I don't actually want people in my life that I can't be honest with. I value people being genuine and up front with me and I don't want people feeling like they have to follow any social norms or pretend to be anything or feel anything that they don't in order to be in my life. I respect people for being forthright and I would expect that the people that I have in my life would feel the same way. Of course, I understand that there is a fine line between speaking your truth and being a totally intolerant asshole all of the time as well. There are certain things that never need to be spoken about or commented on; and yes, a white lie here or there is absolutely necessary when it comes to us all getting along, but are we all generally over editing ourselves to appease the flock most of the time?
I do feel like many people probably do drastically over edit their thoughts and opinions in favour of 'flying with the flock.' Everyone is so scared of being seen as the 'opinionated' one, or the 'difficult' one that they just adopt an insincere tolerance to things that they do not agree with and an allowance of others to behave as they like and dictate how things should be, even though it may fly in the face of their own personal values or ethics. I can assure you from personal experience, that over-editing yourself and being ingenuous about how you feel will inevitably only lead to unrest, anger, resentment and hostility, which is hardly a terrific result or positive outcome. 
I suppose that the only really zen thing to do when it comes to speaking your truth is learning to become more adept at identifying when it is and when it is not appropriate to do so. Every situation and person is unique and therefore the levels of honesty that can be used varies constantly from situation to situation and person to person. Much easier said than done I know, because I have spent a good deal of my spare time overthinking things that I have said and removing my foot from my mouth on a regular basis.
It is important to find a happy medium in life where you do feel comfortable to stand strong in your own values and truths, but in doing so, to also make sure that you are not making everyone else feel uncomfortable when you do. If you succeed at doing this, please let me know how so that I too can become better at finding the 'happy medium' where I am sometimes flying with flock and sometimes flying solo as well without making any of the birds feel bad about themselves. 

CALL ME BY YOUR NAME
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
​Running Time: 132 mins 
A coming-of-age romance drama directed by Luca Guadagnino and written by James Ivory. Based on the 2007 novel of the same name by Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name was released at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival and has since received numerous accolades for its melancholic and powerful portrayal of a first love romance. 
In the Summer of 1983 in Lombardy, Italy, 17 year old Elio meets Oliver, an older handsome American that is working for Elio's father. Against the sumptuous sunburnt landscapes of an Italian summer, Elio and Oliver become involved in a passionate love affair that will change both of their lives forever. 
This film feels like a foreign language/ art house movie, and perhaps that is what makes it so good. The script never feels like it is conforming to cinematic or societal expectations, it is completely genuine and honest in its portrayal of budding first love discoveries and gay relationships which makes it uniquely forward thinking and exceptionally refreshing. 
The 80's era is portrayed perfectly and the two lead actors, Timothee Chalamet and Armie Hammer, are absolutely flawless as the infatuated lovers. I was so impressed by Chalamet's notable onscreen presence, he will definitely be one to watch in the future and Hammer shows us some serious acting chops that I have not seen before as well. 
Call Me By Your Name is nothing short of a modern gay classic and is powerful viewing that shouldn't be missed. 
FINAL SAY: Is it better to speak or die?
4 Chilli Peppers ​

There is a line in the song Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen) that says - Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. I have been thinking a lot about that line lately, not because I read beauty magazines because I most certainly do not, but I have really been paying a lot of attention lately to the incredible job that advertising campaigns, the media and the money making 'fat cat' corporations of the world do when it comes to making us regular people feel like we are not enough.
The constant barrage of subliminal and non-subliminal messaging that we are bombarded with on a daily basis is just astronomical, and they all seem to be aimed at making us all believe that we are not conforming, not cutting it or that we are just not very good looking. And, it is not surprising to know, that these constant attempts to make us feel lousy about ourselves have been extremely effective, because not only are we (the consumers) buying more beauty, fitness and diet products than ever before, we also have far lower levels of self confidence about the way that we look and the way that we generally feel about ourselves as well. 
Once you step onto the treadmill of media-fed fear and self loathing, it is a never ending cycle of ugliness. You will catch yourself saying horrible things to yourself like: I am too fat, I need to change, why don't I look like the women in the magazines?....blah ....blah ....blah....and boom, they have won, they have got inside of your head and they have won. They have got you self doubting and not really liking yourself very much anymore, and once that begins, so do the attempts at 'fixing' yourself, and that is damn good for business but not so good for you. 
The path of self improvement is paved with good intentions but so very often it just lines the pockets of very bad people. There is more than one reason that models in beauty magazines are so thin, and it doesn't have a lot to do with looking good, because a lot of them don't really look that good at all in real life, it has everything to do with creating an unattainable and unrealistic ideal that will force us consumers to keep on spending and pushing in some mad pursuit of an unattainable goal. We actually buy in to the idea that some photoshopped, emaciated, plastic surgery victim looks amazing, because we have been programmed to think that fake bodies look great. We sucker ourselves into thinking that being wafer thin, fat lipped, big titted or getting a washboard stomach will complete us and make us more satisfied, and so we spend money willingly to do it. Beauty has become so sad and so removed from reality; and every day more and more people buy into it's glossy and fraudulent ideal. 
And when people can't attain these unrealistic goals, what do they do? Well, they just keep on spending! They spend on binge food, or comfort food or a therapist to try and rebuild their smashed self esteem, but the bottom line is that they spend. And that is all that any of this is about really, money. Beauty magazines, advertisements, campaigns, the media in general, they are all constantly pushing you to reach for your wallet or purse so that you can be more, be better, have more and look amazing. You never see any of them saying, you are perfect just as you are or you don't need to change a thing or you don't need to be any more than you already are; uh of course you don't, that shit doesn't sell! 
I guess what I am trying to say is that yes, beauty magazines will only make you feel ugly, but so will a lot of other things and some people as well, and you have to stand tall against it. Don't let the fat cats win, be true to yourself, love who you are and never believe that anyone in a beauty magazine really looks that amazing in real life; well not every day anyway.
Ignore the haters, enjoy your body, eat well and don't feel like you need to buy anything to be better than you already are. No product can ever replace your own peace of mind or your sense of self worth and you should never sacrifice believing that you are perfect just as you are for any fad, fetish or fanatical behaviour that the media can try and entice you with.
Just be you and be perfectly free, that's about as beautiful as anything can ever get in my mind. 

I am crazy about poetry, I have been all of my life. For as far back as I can remember I have been making up ditties and prose about my environment and experiences. I have volumes of notebooks filled with not so great poetry that I have written, much of it from a very long time ago, however even today I do on the odd occasion still write pieces of prose if the mood hits me. Unfortunately, the mood usually hits me now when I am shitfaced drunk, so the writing is still primarily drivel, but I do enjoy writing it. 
Once I won an award in the Ballarat Begonia Festival Writing Competition for a piece of poetry that I wrote when I was 16, it was all about teenage suicide. I got asked to read that piece of writing at a variety of things on stage, talk about nerve wracking stuff! Looking back on it I think that people may have thought that I was actually a bit suicidal at the time, but I wasn't. The piece of writing probably would've been a lot better if I had had some actual experience with the emotions that I was trying to convey because it really wasn't a well written piece at all, but I was still pretty chuffed about getting a $20 book voucher as a prize for it. 
Even as a small child, I was always fascinated by nursery rhymes and spent hours trying to remember lines of simple prose. I believe that my father may have ignited that spark within me, because he has always liked poems and would often recite extracts from Rudyard Kipling poems and other simple limericks that he had picked up himself as a boy. I remember many ditties that he shared with me over the years, perhaps my favourite of all was the Three Jolly Gypsies, a poem that he told so often that I can recite it word for word still today. 
As children, we had a series of Colliers books in our home and one of them had dozens of poems and rhymes in the front section, recently I came back into possession of a copy of that book and was so excited to see the prose and sketches that had so enchanted me as a child once again. I reread it from cover to cover, relishing in the nostalgic trip down memory lane. 
Poetry is a bit of a lost art these days and there are not nearly enough poets in the world anymore. People also do not long to hear poetry being read anymore, well not many people do anyway. I do still love to listen to good poetry being read and I love to get lost in the mystery of really good prose, but the opportunities to indulge are few and far between these days. Generally, anyone wandering about reciting poetry these days would be considered a bit of a nutter really; alas the days of the poet are truly over!
Anyone that can string a few sentences together now becomes a singer, whether they can actually sing or not is irrelevant, in fact 99% percent of rappers are really just poets anyway. Unfortunately though, no-one really wants to be known as a poet these days because there is no money in it. There probably never was to be honest, but at least poets were somewhat revered back in the day before mass media and online distraction.
Well, poetry may be a dying art, but it is an art that I personally adore, and if like me, you feel like getting lost in some quality poetry anytime soon than I highly recommend a look at this little gem of a movie. Everything about it is pure poetry!

Yesterday Craig and I hosted Zoe and Lachlainn's engagement party out here in Enfield. Around 55 friends and family members ventured out in the evening to join us, and the weather could not have been any more perfect. A spectacular pink sunset greeted our guests as they lounged around the garden, resting below bobbing lanterns and sipping beers and champagne in the still coolness of the evening. It was such a wonderful evening, everyone appeared to be having a really great time and most importantly of all, Zoe and Lachlainn had a terrific time sharing their special event with everyone else as well. 
Zoe had a very clear idea about how she wanted the evening to look, kind of rustic, relaxed and country themed; which involved hay bales, wild flowers, mood lighting and a variety of seating arrangements for guests to choose from. The preparations started the day before with a massive all day baking session and then by 9am on Saturday the real setup had begun and all four of us pitched in to make it happen; and it all came together very nicely. To be honest, I think that we managed to pull off a pretty respectable engagement soiree. If only the clean up today had been as much fun as the actual event, because I tell you when I awoke this morning sporting a nice little champagne hangover the last thing that I felt like doing was cleaning up from a big event. Nevermind, c'est la vie, you have to endure the after party clean up, and if there is no mess to clear up then it probably wasn't a very good event in the first place.
Zoe and Lachlainn are just the cutest couple, it was so lovely to see them enjoying the company of their nearest and dearest together. There was certainly no shortage of smiling faces around them last night, everyone was super happy for them both and obviously agree that they make a fantastic couple. Everyone that I spoke to was 'over the moon' happy for them to be getting engaged, clearly they too had seen the makings of a good long term relationship growing over the last six years and were not at all surprised that the two had decided to make things more official.
I know that we were more than pleased to be sharing in the celebration of such a wonderful declaration of love, especially between two such wonderful people. When it comes to celebratory events, this one topped them all for me. My daughter has found someone that makes her so happy that she wants to spend her life with them - now that's truly an event that is totally worth celebrating!

It so lovely to have the luxury of free time to spend doing whatever I chose to do. I am always amazed at how easy it is to fill in that spare time by doing things are not really necessary or important, but are incredibly enjoyable, and make the hours and days just melt away. This has been one of the laziest summers of my life, and good god it is truly wonderful! My days have been filled with sleep-ins, reading, yoga, journaling, French lessons (yeah, I am learning to speak French), drawing, painting, pilates, gardening, meditation, long breakfasts, late lunches and moonlight tipples. Bloody glorious! What a wonderful couple of weeks it has been. I can literally feel my batteries recharging and my wellbeing realigning, and it has left me feeling really positive about the year ahead. 
Apart from a couple of trips to the movies and a pop around to the local plant nursery, I have pretty much avoided all contact with the outside world so far this year. I have gone 100% introvert these holidays and have spent more time watching the ducks swim on the dam than I have spent with anyone apart from my immediate family. I have been indulging in my own passions completely, and I don't feel even slightly guilty about that, but I do feel gracious that I have been given the chance to do so.  
I am loving the opportunity to not have to be anywhere or do anything unless I want to, and guess what? I haven't wanted to! I have relished in the chance to just be restful and relaxed, because I know that these moments are fleeting and should be embraced when they arise. I have spent so many of my past holiday breaks racing around doing things and trying to catch up with people and I always just feel exhausted by the end of it; but as I am getting older (and wiser?) I am getting a lot better at prioritising my time and learning to put my own rest and wellbeing at the forefront of my break periods.
If I have learnt anything worth knowing in this life it's that you have to take care of your own needs and embrace your own passions. You have to steer your own journey and to do that well, you need to be able to put yourself first sometimes. 
I have always wanted to have a  life that I never felt like I needed to take a holiday from, and I think that I have found that. I have absolutely everything that I could ever need to feel fulfilled right here in Enfield, and I am taking full advantage of it. There is a lot of peace to be had in the stillness and sanctuary of home and there is a certain type of grace in not needing to be on the move all of the time; and I am truly grateful for the time that I am getting to spend unhindered doing those things precisely. What a marvellous beginning to a brand new year. 

As we prepare to send off the old year and welcome a new one, I sit and reflect on the finer moments of 2017 for me. It was most certainly a big one, a year that was filled with farewells but also filled with opportunities to uncover new aspects of myself and to grow as a person.
Here's my highlights, best bits and fave moments of 2017 in a nutshell:
JANUARY: Yoga mornings, Torquay, The Maticevski exhibition, Seth's 12th birthday in Geelong, Seppelt winery, Queenscliff ferry, Triple J's Hottest 100, Chinese New Year - Year of the Rooster, Long Summer Nights.
FEBRUARY: Meeting my new students for 2017, Seth starting at Damascus, Coffee dates with mates, Curry and Movie Nights kick off.
MARCH: White Night Festival, International Women's Day, My Birthday, The Lost Trades Fair, Harmony Festival, Japanese dinner with friends, The Arts Trail, Blackberry picking. 
APRIL: Easter School Holidays, Sydney Road Trip, Staying with family in NSW, eating Hot Cross Buns and chocolate eggs, Orthodox Easter, Craig's Birthday, Autumn afternoons. 
MAY: Mushrooming, Mother's Day, Wicked at Her Majesty's, Day Tripping to Daylesford, The Festival of Light at the Great Stupa in Bendigo, Fruit Tree planting. 
JUNE: Spicywatch's Birthday, Rockwiz, Winter Solstice Celebrations, Zoe's Birthday, Winter School Holidays started.
JULY: Winter movie marathon nights, Sleeping in, Yarrowee Trail hiking, All Day Baking Sessions, eating Apple pie!
AUGUST: Middle Eastern Banquet with friends, Silvers Circus, School celebrates it's Birthday, George A. Romero zombie tribute night, starting Positive Visualisation techniques.
SEPTEMBER: Father's Day, School Art Show, Getting my Colour Analysis done,  Dave Lachapelle photography exhibition, School Holiday Break.
OCTOBER: Spring Mornings, Long drunken lunch dates,  Daily Meditation Practises, Clothing Swap charity event, Getting a Job Interview, The Edith Head exhibition.
NOVEMBER: Días Los Muertos, Romancing the Skull exhibition, Zoe and Lachlainn got engaged, Got a new Job and met my new student. 
DECEMBER: Scienceworks, Staff Christmas function, Student Graduation, Farewell dinner with my work team, Cherry and strawberry picking, Summer Holidays start, Christmas Day, New Years Eve. 

Today, Craig and I are enjoying our 23rd wedding anniversary. Are we off to do something whirlwind, spectacular and insanely romantic? No, we are not, and I am totally cool with that. A 23rd wedding anniversary is not really one of the big ones, and in my mind it hardly constitutes an enormous hoo-ha. Craig and I are not exactly known for our  'let's go out and paint the town red' attitudes at the best of times; we are however known as the people that leave events first and prefer to be around each other more than anyone else, and perhaps in that common and very unsocial ground that we like to tread together, lies the key to a long and prosperous marriage. Whatever the strange glue is that holds us together, it works and it does not appear to have lost any of its adhesive abilities over the past 23 years that we have been married to each other. 
This morning we just slept in and then spent the morning chatting over long coffees and a very late breakfast on the deck in the glorious morning sunshine. The small luxuries are most certainly the things that we like to celebrate together, and sleep-ins and late breakfasts are most definitely small luxuries to us. Just being together and being happy is a luxury if I am being completely honest, so many people will never know a love like ours and for all of its complications and intricacies, we really do have something wonderful.
We have truly created a mighty fine lives for ourselves together over our combined years of blood, sweat and tears. I have put more effort into my relationship with Craig than I have put into anything else in my life, and I wouldn't change a thing; Craig has been the most rewarding thing that I have ever invested my time and effort into. 
Craig is most definitely my very best friend in the entire world and although I love my friends dearly, Craig is my go-to guy on all fronts. No-one makes me want to do better, be better and try harder than he does. No-one has stood by me when the chips were down like he has, no-one has loved me in spite of all of my idiosyncratic shit like he has, and no-one knows and accepts all of my weirdness like he does; and I doubt that anyone else ever could have. 
Like all great romances, we have weathered the best of times and the worst of times together. We have loved each other harder than any couple could ever love and we have also hated each other more than any couple ever should as well; because really loving someone truly is the agony and the ecstasy. It is about accepting the sunshine but also welcoming the rain. It is about loving all of the beauty and all of the ugly bits as well, it's about being vulnerable and brave all at once. It's the guts and the gizzards, the nitty gritty parts, it's about every single bit of yourself seeing every single bit of someone else.
It's completely raw and utterly compelling, it's frustrating and intriguing and the best part of all is that it just keeps on evolving as you grow and change together - side by side and hand in hand. After 23 years of loving my man, I can honestly say that I love him more now than I did on the day that I said 'I do' 23 years ago, and I think that that may the best thing of all, the fact that it just keeps getting better and better all of the time. 

Some exciting news in our household this week. Zoe and Lachlainn got engaged on Sunday and have embarked on the next thrilling and very adult leg of their lives together. After six years together and almost two years of living together, it wasn't really that surprising that Lachlainn got down on one knee (Craig said he should have gotten down on two because she is worth two knees) and popped the question. Of course Zoe said yes, she adores Lachlainn and the two of them have been googly eyed for each other ever since they first met in their formative years. I know that they do not appear to have lost any of that early spark for each other over the years and they make each other happy, so I see no reason whatsoever for them not to make it more formal and committed. 
With Zoe still short of 21, many people's first reaction is that she is too young; but why can't the young fall in love forever? Why is that the go to? Age has nothing to do with matters of the heart, when it's the real thing you just know and you grab hold of it with two hands. I was married at 21, and Craig and I have managed to weather the tests of time together; sure we've had our rough patches but we have managed to go from strength to strength. When you grow up loving the same person, you really do get to know an awful lot about them and I don't see that as a bad thing at all, it's actually quite lovely to have someone to spend your life with; especially when that person loves you equally as hard as you love them. Why wouldn't you want to make a vow of commitment to that person?
Age-smage I say, the heart knows what it wants and holding back on the really beautiful things in life has never made anyone happy. So, cheers to you Zoe and Lachlainn, congratulations to you both for being brave and bold enough to tell the world that you really do mean forever when you say it. True love never goes out of style and everyone knows that the first cut really is the deepest. 

Yesterday Seth and I were sitting in the lounge room enjoying a lovely breakfast when a tiny little bluebird, no bigger than a mouse, flew right up to the window and hovered there. A blue flat edged tail like a Willy Wagtail and a striking white and bright blue bonnet, this was the cutest bird that I have ever seen up close.
And it wasn't ramming into the glass or anything, it actually looked like it was just watching us from the outside; gently hovering from side to side with its tiny wings fluttering so fast that it was impossible to track the exact movements. It was almost like it was trying to find a way into us. We were both absolutely awestruck by the beauty and grace of this little bird. It was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed an animal do, and it lasted for a full minute or so.
You see birds all of the time, but you rarely see pretty little blue ones, and I have never seen any wild bird behave like that before. It was truly fascinating. So, you can imagine our surprise when we saw it again this morning as well. Behaving in the same fashion, fluttering up at the window and trying to get in. There must be a reason for this I thought, perhaps it is seeing its own reflection in the glass and is performing some kind of a mating ritual. However, I was wrong, because later in the day I saw a group of them in the yard and I think that the males and females are actually quite different, so unless this bluebird is in love with itself, (which could be possible) it seems unlikely that it is a reflection thing. 
Google told me that a bluebird is a harbinger of happiness in many cultures and its symbolism dates back thousands of years. And universeofsybolism.com said that a bluebird beckons simple pleasures and sings the song of happiness - it is the gift that you give to yourself. If you are going through dark times a bluebird is a reminder that brighter days are ahead and when a bluebird appears to you it can be bringing messages of love from heaven. According to all accounts really, the bluebird is only ever seen to be a positive omen. 
So, just as the song 1946 Disney classic tune says:  
Mr Bluebird on my shoulder
it's the truth
its actual
everything is satisfactual - 
zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-A
Wonderful feeling, wonderful day!
Now it seems almost spooky that only the day before I first saw that bluebird, that I chose to watch this movie, weird! 

I couldn't function without music. It is my second love after cinema and I always have music playing when I am at home or in the car. I like to read to music, paint and draw to music, bathe to music, cook and eat to music and I especially like to listen to music when I am drinking. Music is so therapeutic to me and I don't know what I would do without it. 
Lately I have been sorting all of my fave tunes into playlists, which has taken me some time, but with some help from Spotify I have got my music sorted out into some pretty sweet playlists. Basically, I like to sort my playlists by mood so that I have a soundtrack for every occasion. I am not literal about it, it's not like I have a happy and sad playlist or anything that daft, but do have playlists called 'easy' and 'shake what ya mamma gave ya' to name a couple. 
I am constantly on the hunt for new music, which is the reason that I listen to Triple J. They are pretty reliable for new discoveries, but I also love it when I discover something new on my own, without any prompting from anyone. Which is a weird thing to get chuffed about I know, but I do love it. I really don't want to sound like an asshole when I say that, because I do value the recommendations and opinions of others, but discovering things for yourself is really hard to beat. 
Unearthing things on my own reminds me of some of the best times that I have had in my life; a time before the internet and social media, a time when everyone had to discover everything for themselves, and it is an experience that feels really lost in today's society. Sometimes I feel like I am literally being spoon fed new discoveries and opportunities because they are always some one else's first, and I am really not into that at all. It's probably the reason that I still don't have a facebook page and probably never will.
I still love to hear about things first hand and straight from the horse's mouth, I still crave first discoveries and I do love to uncover something new and fresh on my own, but I guess -who doesn't? It's pretty hard to beat that first rush sensation of a new discovery or experience, it's one of the best free things in life, and as far as I am concerned, we all deserve to have as many of those discoveries as we can get. 

Is love at first sight really a thing? Books, movies and real life relationships have been based on this theory of the possibility of falling madly in love with someone upon the very first viewing of them. Personally, I think that theory is a load of malarkey! I think that people confuse the laws of attraction for love all of the time, and that is why so many relationships just don't last. Once that first rush of attraction is replaced with the reality of who this new found muse is, well sometimes that reality just doesn't match up to the initial impression that they gave off when you first saw them. 
​That first rush of blood to the head when you see someone attractive is what relationships are often started from, but that feeling is just lust not love, it's your body physically responding to someone that is quite possibly a good physically match for you. The love stuff comes later, much later. Couples that say that they fell in love at first sight are daft; they did not fall in love at first sight at all. They got the hots for each other upon first sighting, hooked up and then continued to enjoy a mutual appreciation of each other, which in turn, with quality time and shared experience, they really fell in love. However saying all that doesn't sound nearly as romantic as "we fell in love at first sight" so I just let people say it when they feel like they need to, but in my head I'm thinking otherwise. 
It is possible to believe that you are in love with someone that you have just met, but you would have to be pretty dim witted to believe that that feeling of attraction was love. True love cannot be attained by one glance, true love is something that needs to be cultivated, cared for and tended to over time; like pretty much every other thing in your life that is worth having. 
I do believe that love can surprise you though. For instance, we have all met someone that we didn't find all that attractive upon first sight, but then after getting to know them we see something else shine through and we fall in love them for that reason. Which really proves that physically attraction is not the only thing can spark love, and probably not the best reason to run off and proclaim your undying love for either.
I absolutely despised Craig the first time that I met him, I thought that he was a stupid grunt. I didn't even speak to him for about 2 years after that first meeting because I was certain that he was dickhead and that we had zero in common. I was 14 and he was 16, so we were basically kids, and Craig really was a dickhead back then if I'm being honest about it. Anyway, a couple of years down the track and things had changed, I started to see him in a new way and it wasn't just because his biceps had filled out either, he had actually changed and so had I and something started to brew. It had to brew in the background, because I actually had a boyfriend, who was one of his friends, but brew on it did and eventually we got together, and the rest is history. 27 years we have been together, and we have been through some shit and some sugar in our time, but we love each other now more than ever, even if we do occasionally fight like we are on the set of  Clash of the Titans!
To sum it all up, I don't believe in love at first sight, I believe in infatuation at first sight. I believe that just like they say, you can't hurry love, because the really good long lasting kinds of love take years to create, but that is one of the best things about love, it isn't easy and anything that good shouldn't be too easy, but it is totally worth all of the effort. 

Recently on Triple J there was some discussion about Public Displays of Affection or 'PDA' for short. This is a topic that really seems to divide people on what they think is publicly acceptable and what is just taking things too far when it comes to getting up close and personal in public places. 
Interestingly, there is actually a general etiquette or social expectation in our country when it comes to the topic which is designed to make sure that everyone's comfort levels are respected and that no-one gets arrested for indecent exposure. However, in spite of the guidelines, I'm pretty certain that everyone actually has their own beliefs and individual comfort levels when it comes to PDA. Sometimes the differences are defined by cultural beliefs or upbringing or a person's level of comfort with touchy-feely things. For others it can be the heat of the moment and the law of attraction that dictates what is acceptable at any given moment. For example, someone getting hot and heavy at a nightclub after a skin full of vodka seems like a lot less of a big deal than macking on out the front of local church on a Sunday morning, but that's just my opinion and you may well disagree. 
Personally a bit of public pashing in the park is not really a big deal for me, but rubbing up against each other like a couple of cats in heat and anything that leaves one feeling breathless is taking things too far, that's 'get a room' stuff. Generally for me, public groping is a no-no and touching people on any of the private parts of their bodies in front of others is just not okay in public at all. Licking and biting each other is not something that I want to be seeing in the aisles of Kmart and if I see a tongue when people are kissing each other in front of me I am not in my comfort zone any more. 
The most explicit public display of affection that I have seen was on a stretch of grass in the city of Rome where I saw a man with both of his hands thrust straight up the front of a woman's shirt as he busily fondled her breasts whilst lying on top of her and eating her face off. They were clearly getting hot and heavy and were getting a lot of toots from passing cars as they went about their business. I thought that it was hilarious, but I didn't have any kids or my nanna with me, so it really didn't worry me; it certainly wasn't bothering them that everyone could see their passion for each other that's for sure. And maybe that kind of thing is okay in Italy, how would I know? But I have never seen anything quite so intense in Australia before.
We have all been around couples that are fresh in love (or lust) with each other and cannot keep their hands off each other for a minute, I did it myself when I was younger. A bit of touchy-feely is not really that big of a deal for me, it's okay depending on the time and the place. I think that as long as the couple are considerate of the comfort levels of other people in their space, then things usually don't stray too far out of left field. Some people say that if you wouldn't do it in front of your grandmother than it is not okay to do in public, which probably does have some grain of truth to it. Odds are there will be an oldie around when you are in full on pash mode, so unless you're at a dimly lit nightclub at 4am you should probably put a lid on that shit until you are no longer in the public eye. 

It is so hard to be demonstrative of love when you are an emotional cripple. As I said a few posts ago, everyone has their own specific love language, but regardless of what your love language is, you still need to be able to demonstrate it so that it can be given and taken in equal measure. 
Loving and being able to be loved is a true art form. It is something that one needs to feel to be able to reciprocate, and that is quite a difficult thing to do for many of us. Speaking for myself, I love to love and I love to be loved, but it has taken me years to master the art of loving.
No, I am not talking about The Kama Sutra, that's the art of love-making, a skill which I also happen to be very fond of, but what I am referring to is the emotional aspect of love. That feeling of connectedness, fondness and belonging that comes from a mutual, meaningful, loving relationship. It's the stuff that makes the world seem brighter, the difficulties more tolerable and when it is at it's grandest,  it shines with more light than a thousand suns. 
Lately I have been getting a lot of love from people that were picking up on my 'stuck' vibe from my last post, and it has certainly helped me to find a pathway out of the forest. Friends and family have been very supportive, and if you are one of those people reading this right now, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is your love, kindness and time that has helped me and restored my faith in humanity. Ahh, love. If we could buy it bottled, I would drink it everyday.
I was online earlier and was looking up the actual meaning of 'love' as defined by the dictionary because I thought that it might make a good discussion point when I stumbled on this terrific little piece from the urban dictionary. It is written by some love struck dude called Sabes and I just had to share it with you all.
​
Love is the greatest gift God ever gave man. Love is not wanting to go anywhere without her. Love is not caring what other people think about the two of you. Love is when you feel depressed and sickly when you're not with her. You feel like your life has no meaning or purpose without her. And that if she wasn't holding your hand you would float away to heaven from where she came. Love is caring for her physically and emotionally. It's telling her everyday, anytime, anywhere, anyhow, for no just reason that you love her. Love is telling her u want to spend the rest of your life with her. Love is wanting to marry her even tho ya'll haven't been dating that long. That you would do anything and everything for her. It's the feeling that you would give up everything just to see her smile or look into her beautiful eyes or hear her soft, soothing voice. Love is pure happiness. Love is the feeling you get when all you have to do is think of her and it brings a smile to your face and a yearning to your heart. Love is not being able to think about nothing but her. Love is having the sweetest dreams about her and waking up with a smile on ur face. Love is an overwhelming feeling of pure bliss when the 2 of u kiss. Love is wanting to hold her in ur arms till the end of time. Love is wishing ur time with her never ends, that your lips would be locked together forever, that she'd be in ur arms till the end of time, that u could cuddle with her for all of eternity. Love is being helplessly and deeply in love with her and knowing your love for her and your feelings for her will never change/end. Love is the world, the world is love, and she is the world to me.

And what more can I say Sabes? You nailed it man, you really nailed it. 

I went to a seminar on Wednesday evening that was ran by a guy named Nathan Hulls. He is a motivational speaker and the seminar was about 'Understanding Teens: Their Fears, Their Questions and their 6 Core Needs.' I did get a few good takeaways from the seminar and even gleaned a bit of new information as well. 
Nathan talked about The Five Languages of Love, which is based on a book by Gary Chapman. Basically, it outlines the five main ways in which people give and receive love. The five areas are:

• Gift Giving
• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch 

According to this theory, every person has a primary love language and it is the way in which they express and receive love. You can take an online test at proprof.com that comprises of 30 questions that will help you to determine which style you lean towards. We all took the test to see which style that we each prefer, because knowing the styles of the people that you love is just as important as knowing your own mode. 
Turns out that Craig and Seth both prefer physical touch as a vehicle for giving and receiving love, so there is certainly no lack of hug availability for me around here. I lean towards quality time for my mode of expressing and receiving love, which really makes a lot of sense to be honest. I am always organising events and outings for the people I love and I get a lot out of spending time with family and friends. 
By understanding the way in which we love and prefer to be loved has been a bit of a game changer for me. I could tell Seth and Craig that I think they are amazing a hundred times over, when a good hug would actually mean so much more to them. And they can tell me that I am terrific all they like, but if they aren't giving me quality time, I am not going to be receptive to their modes of love expression.
Interesting stuff I think and something worth investigating, because we all just want to feel like we are loved and that we are giving love in the best way that we can as well, because we all know that love is a many splendored thing. 

When it comes to the things that we just can't live without, our minds always go straight to the things that we love and cherish the most in the world. For some that is a beloved pet or a much loved spouse, or perhaps an amazing parent or friend. For others it could be something more abstract like their own sense of self, their freedom or their generosity.  For me it is my children, hands down, no debate, they are the only thing on the planet that I could never live without.
​I doubt that I could survive a day without my children in the world, I just wouldn't want to. They don't need to be with me everyday, they just need to be in the world, and preferably healthy and happy of course. I think that children departing before their parents is distressingly unnatural, and I often wonder how childless parents cope with their grief, the thought of it just chills me to the bone. 
Craig is certainly up there as well when it comes to things that I can't live without, but I have never lived for Craig and he has never lived for me, we don't have that kind of a relationship. We are extremely close, but we both agree that life must go on without each other if that's the hand that we are dealt. If Craig leaves planet before I do, I would be seriously damaged and miss him like hell, but I know that I would go on, mainly because of my children.
Children really do become the number one priority in your life, no matter how clique that may sound, it's true. I know that childless people hate the parental diatribes and declarations of "you'll just never really understand until you have your own" but it is completely true. There is just no way to get around it. You never realise how much potential to love and care for another lives inside of you until you have something that you have personally created to really live for, and children are the best example of that that I know of. That's not to say that loving someone other than your child isn't as good or real or strong, but the instinct to survive and live for your children is truly unmatched by anything else that I know of.
When you feel like you want to give up, just the thought of your children is more than enough to keep you going. They are your blood, your sweat, your tears of joy and sadness; they are the very soul of you and the sum of you and the culmination of all of your efforts and experiences. And if you've done a good job, then they are also the best parts of you and the best parts of themselves all wrapped up into this extraordinary, interesting and ever evolving source of wonder and inspiration. How could anyone want to live without that? 
Everyone will of course have a different opinion on what they can't live without, and so they should, everyone has their own quirks and perks, likes and dislikes, it's as individual as our fingerprints. Some parents will even disagree with me about children being at the top of the list, and that's okay too, not everyone adores their own children, I get that. There are in fact so many other things that I say that I can't live without, but I could if I really had to. However, without these things in the world, I would definitely find life a lot less tolerable and certainly a shit load less fun. 
In no particular order, these are the other things that I would hate to have to live without:
Family, friends, movies, whiskey, nature, art, books, coffee, comedy, shared meals, music, yoga, dark chocolate, poetry, cats, green tea, fresh linen, open fire places, wine, the ocean, flannelette pjs, the night sky...I could actually go on for hours and hours now that I really think about it, there are a lot of things I love about the world and my life. Which I suppose essentially means that there is actually a heck of a lot in this world that is worth living for. Sometimes it is just good to ponder things like that, the good things, the best things, the stuff that makes it all seem a little bit brighter overall. It's good to know what keep your dinghy afloat in this world that's for sure. 

Went out on a short road trip to Great Western this week. Zoe and I were dead keen to take a tour of Seppelt Winery, one of the oldest wineries in Victoria. What a terrifically interesting visit that turned out to be, I had absolutely no idea about wine and champagne making before I went on this tour, and now, well let me tell you....I still really have no idea, but I do have some idea now! 
In all seriousness though, it really was a tremendously interesting tour and definitely one that I would recommend to anyone that is interested in learning a bit about wine and champagne making. For only $15 a head we got a 90 minute guided tour of the property, including a wander underground in the cool dark cellars - which looked eerily like the upside down in Stranger Things. And we also got free tastings after the tour of their sparkling varieties.
​They were very generous with their tasting sizes I might add, because after I had tried them all, I blew over .05 on my little portable breath-o that I cart around with me, so I had to wait around eating cheese and crackers before I could leave - which was so tough, especially since the cheese was bloody delicious. So yeah, really toughing it out I was.
Whilst I was toughing it out, I managed to buy a couple of bottles of bubbles to take home with me, one of which did not see the light of a new day, but hey, good champagne is meant to be enjoyed! Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps that was their plan all along; get me pissed, distract me with delicious cheese and then boom, I'm buying up big! Not that I mind at all, there really was no pressure to buy at all. In truth, I only bought because the samples were so damn tasty! 
So I rounded out my terrific day by having some quality time with my mum and dad, and then going with Zoe to see an absolute gem of a movie, something that is definitely worth going to the cinema for if you get the chance. Seriously, it is not very often that I say that about romance films, but I cannot deny that this was really very entertaining. 

Wow! Everything has kicked up a serious degree, or should I say 10 degrees? And not just the action, but also the weather too. Damn lucky that I got myself all zen on the weekend because it has been all guns firing at work and around the home front this week. Everything is in Christmas and 'end of the year' amplification mode, and it has made the days a shit load longer at both ends. My days have been starting at 5.40am and ending around 8pm when I usually collapse onto the couch utterly knackered.
​Between breakfasts, morning teas, lunches, extra social events, endless phone calls, Christmas carols, shopping, baking, finishing off everything at school for 2016, concerts, meetings, excursions, two Grade 6 graduation ceremonies to attend to whilst trying to wrangle Seth's books, uniform and orientaton for catholic college in 2017, I am running on strong coffee and dark chocolate and lots of it! 
​The days are rocketing by now, jam packed and hurtling through time and space at break neck speed. Everything will come together in one final delightful symphony of Summer bliss when the down time commences on Wednesday 22nd December - my first day of holidays. I think that I am going to sleep until lunch time on that day because I am going to need to. Until then, off to the coffee machine I go....things to do!

Sweet Jesus, it's that time of the year again. End of year reports are due, there's only 5 weeks of the school term left, Christmas is looming in the back ground and there's about million things to do in a microscopical amount of time. All of this has surmounted into everyone going a bit bonkers, especially the kids at school who are really milking this final count-down for all that it is worth. 
However, in spite of the intense lure that I also feel to climb aboard the douche train and blaze down the mountainside of shit fits and erratic carry on, I am just straight up refusing to do it. Yes, I'm stifling my panicky need to find around $1000 to cover all of our mounting specialist bills right now, and I am also playing zen with my Christmas list that is long enough to use as bog roll and I'm even being totally chill about all of the things that I need to finish off at work before the end of term, because you know what? Fuck it all.  It will get done, I don't know how for sure, but it will get done, it always does. And no amount of pissing and moaning is going to make it happen any faster. 
No douche train for me, no sir, not doing it. As the saying goes, I didn't come this far to only this far, and I mean it. I haven't quit smoking, detoxed and gotten up every day for the last 5 months at 5:40am to do yoga for nothing. I have earned my ticket to zen and I'm cashing it in big time.
​I can be the calm amidst the storm, I have totally got this. I am going to arrive at Christmas in just over 6 weeks time feeling relaxed and ready, that's my mantra and I am sticking to it. I am also not going to have any regrets about the way that I got there either, no moaning or whinging about the inevitable craziness of this particular time of year, it is pointless and utterly unproductive. Nope, I promised myself zen this time last year and then everything went to hell in a handbag on Christmas eve; but not this year, I'm way more prepared this year and I am going to enjoy it all, every last bit of it - even the crappy, hard and challenging bits. I got this....I have totally got this. 

Finally, some good news in the 'Seth leg' department! After another visit to the doctors we have discovered that although yes, the staph infection in Seth's leg does appear to be still just hanging in there, his leg has begun to do what nature intended it to do and grow some new skin. Woohoo!
Shame about the staph yes, and the poor kid is again on heavy duty meds for that, but the doc feels pretty certain that they should kick the infection upside it's fricken annoying head this time, so it's not all doom and gloom. I must admit after all that skin graft talk last week, I was starting to crap my dacks. 
The okay from the doctor has put me at ease and on a new high, team that with an upcoming four day weekend, and the world is looking mighty peachy for me again. Might even brave the Hepatitis B riddled Ballarat Show and hit the ferris wheel and the ghost train with Dib for a bit of stupid fun, we sure could use some stupid fun!
It has felt a bit like Groundhog Day lately, need to do something to break the routine, perhaps The Annual Agricultural Show is just what we need in our lives right now - Christ, I never thought I would ever write that sentence - it is truly desperate times!

I have been watching so many TV series lately, apparently I have become a TV addict.
There is actually a thing called TV addiction, it isn't a fantasy, apparently it is very real and after reading the symptoms, well it is safe to say that I definitely have it. Do I care? Fuck no I don't! I've given up just about everything else this year, I'll be fucked if I'm going to give up TV and movies as well. 
If you have any of the following symptoms, you too may have an addiction to TV:

• Appearance of withdrawal symptoms when watching is cut-off or suspended
• Lack of self control when it comes to limiting time in front of the TV
• Giving up "real world" activities in favour of "TV time"

Well, it's a big old tick for me on all counts there. Yes, I get antsy if my show is suddenly cut off or interrupted, who wouldn't? Yes, I lack self control with the amount that I watch, it's nothing for me to binge on a whole series in a day or two if it really lights my fire. And giving up "real world" activities to tune out with a movie or TV program keeps me sane, if I couldn't tune out the real world regularly with some quality fiction viewing, I would definitely be getting all stabby, and no-one wants that. 
​Why does everything that we enjoy doing have to come under the microscope? Why are so called experts continual making me feel guilty about every fricken thing I do? I am so tired of having to justify every little addiction that I have. There are certain things that no amount of badgering or health warning will ever take away from me, and one of those things is definitely TV and movies.
On top of movies and TV series, I am still addicted to loads of others things that aren't good for me when I think about it. Like sugar, salt, whiskey, butter, dark chocolate, cheese, B-Grade horror movies and staying up way too late. And sometimes I even (God forbid!) mix my addictions together! AHHH..... the scandal! 
However, I do try to balance it all out with good addictions like yoga, journaling, getting up early, flossing everyday, drinking herbal tea, eating a balanced gluten-free diet, drinking lots of water, taking multivitamins, pottering around in the garden, creating art and laughing my arse off everyday, and most importantly loving others and letting others love me back. 
So seriously, everyone can just calm the fuck down with their guilt ridden addiction talk. I don't need to be addiction free, I don't think anyone does. It's okay to have some flaws, it's totally normal and okay to succumb to your desires every now and then. We should all do what feels good for us every now and then without feeling guilty. As long as you are balancing it out, then I don't see what all the fuss is about. It's all about balance, guilt free pleasure is what makes life so bearable and joyful.  
So I'll say it out loud and proud - I am addicted to many, many things....especially TV and movies....and I don't feel even a little bit bad about saying that. 

As the Spring break draws to a close I begin to reflect on what this last part of the year will bring to me. The final term is often notoriously busy and generally stretches people to their snapping points, but I am super determined to ride out the rest of the year feeling chilled out, even if other people start to act like tools, it doesn't mean that I have to join them. As the days get longer and sunnier, I am determined to also get brighter and brighter myself. 
My daily yoga and mindful meditation practices have really increased my general care for my physical and mental self, and it is starting to pay off as I find myself getting more relaxed and self aware as the days wear on.
I have even started to drink way less coffee now, only having one or two cups a day, as apposed to the seven or eight that I was generally having. It's been all green tea and herbal teas for me over the past fortnight, and I am really enjoying the change.
To be honest though, giving up coffee is actually insanely difficult. The withdrawals are just crazy! I have had some really bad headaches and dizziness, and an almost 'brain fog' type of a thing going on. It is hard to explain, but it is like I am just not running at 100% and I know that my body is asking me to give it caffeine.
I cannot believe the amount of bad shit that I have willingly put into my system over the past 40 plus years, any wonder I have been feeling like a crap sandwich, the build up of toxic crap in me must be immense. 
I am thinking about having an alcohol free month leading up to the silly season to really flush some toxins out of my system. I know that my insides would greatly benefit from a bit of a whiskey break, maybe not my mental health, but definitely my insides. I am going to be the 'queen of quitting bad shit' my the end of this year at the rate I'm going. First cigarettes, then coffee and now I am contemplating kicking the whiskey? Things have gotten pretty nuts around here.
In truth, 2016 has probably been one of the most transformative years that I have ever had. I have never felt more determined to give myself a fresh start like this before and I have certainly never even contemplated taking on any form of detox before this year. I really don't know why this has all happened, I didn't set myself a goal to do anything this extreme this year, it has all just happened around me. I figure that a clean start to 2017 can't be a bad thing though, and having a generally healthier lifestyle should theoretically add years to my life and allow me to feel better overall, so I think I'm just going to go with it. If my body wants a detox, then detox it is. I may well regret this, but how bad can a month off the grog really be? Time to man up and find out for myself.
​Keep me in your prayers won't you? 

Almost three years ago I was diagnosed with IBS. It's a pretty big deal to be diagnosed with IBS, it's life changing stuff, and when there is a history of colitis and bowel cancer in your family, it's actually bloody terrifying. I have been doing my best to be diligent when it comes to food, especially when it comes to what I can and cannot eat, but if I'm being 100% honest, sometimes I do cheat. You try to not eat the homemade flat bread in a Greek restaurant, I dare you to!  
Anyway, I am virtually gluten free, like 98% of the time, and I intake very little dairy and I have generally adopted a pretty healthy eating regimen in order to assist myself. However, regardless of my efforts, at least once a year and completely out of nowhere, I get a random bout of inexplicable stomach and intestinal pain that is absolute agony. And I mean slap me down and steal my lunch agony, this shit is NOT fun. 
The cramping is so intense, like labour pains in discomfort levels, and they are always accompanied by my body forcing its entire contents out of either end for around 5 to 6 six hours straight, with small 20 minute windows of reprieve (sorry a bit graphic I know, but I really want you to get the full picture of horror here). Then my stomach continues to relentlessly cramp for another 24 hours after which time my body then feels like it has been run over by a bus, bashed with a baseball bat and stuck with tiny pins. Just to add insult to injury this time, I also managed to chip my front tooth tripping in a rush to the toilet and smacking my mouth on the side of the bowl, so I also have to see the dentist now too! Brilliant, talk about a comedy of errors. 
This happened to me two days ago and I am still recovering. I am as weak as a kitten and as useless as tits on a bull. I am a lump on the couch, a half toothed wonder, lying here like a sausage with it's guts squeezed out, moaning with a blanket over me. Sexy times I tell you. 
​It is also the third time that this has happened to me in less than three years, meaning that once a year I get this ass-raping of an illness that I can only assume is a by product of my IBS, and honestly it sucks big time. Maybe I shouldn't cheat with the FODMAP diet and then I would be alright, but honestly, sometimes a girl just has to live. However I cannot deny that this getting sick once  year shit is wearing thin, maybe I do need to get 100% tough and eat like a saint. Yay, cucumber sticks here I come, well at least that will shift some of my fat off, if I can ever digest solid food again that is! 
It was inevitable that life was going to sneak up on me and smack me upside the head at some point, I was just feeling way too zen and enjoying myself far too much, and I was only saying about a week ago that I may have mozzed myself by gloating about how good I was feeling. Oh well, 'cest la vie, back on the horse I say, onward and upward is the only place to go from here, I won't let this shit keep me down for too long. 

Still four days of holidays to go and all of the big stuff that needed to be done for this half of the year is done. Go me! I think that I will big up myself on this one because things have gone pretty swimmingly if I do say so myself, and I have even managed to spend a sizable amount of my holiday time doing three parts of 'fuck all' as well - so can I get an Amen? 
Why am I so pleased? Well let me tell you what's been going on. 
Seth has secured a position at our first choice Secondary College, the co-ed catholic one that I thought we didn't stand a chance in hell with actually offered him a place after all, so there's a shocker - a good shocker, but still an utter surprise. He also didn't get anything under a 'C' on his report and has taken up sketching as a part time hobby, which is about 500% better than the gaming that he usually pursues 24/7. 
Zoe's birthday went really well, in as much as we managed to get everything done that she wanted to get done, she felt spoiled, the food that I made went down a treat and everyone departed with smiles on their faces after the three day celebration. My bank account has still not bounced back yet, but pay day is tomorrow so I'm almost out of the woods. 
Vince, the geriatric guinea pig, who was sadly rejected by said 'needy' child, was happily adopted by the Grade 6's and a dear teacher friend and her daughter who are all pitching in to give old Vince so much loving that I don't think he knows what to do with himself, so everything turned out okay for him in the end. 
It is also only one month until I go to Singapore now, so woo-hoo for me, can't wait for that to happen. It has rained and rained and rained over these last couple of weeks, so I am more than ready and happy to enjoy some sunshine O.S. 
Other good things that have made me super happy over the last fortnight: having time to knit, paint, sketch, read, sleep in, go to the movies, binge watch TV series and spend hours in the kitchen inventing and baking. Also, I've had time to catch up with some friends and family, and even started a 30 day yoga challenge to try and pry some of this flab off myself. This is all good stuff, this is all definitely stuff to be happy about. It's just so nice to be happy and to feel really good about things, I wanted to write about it because often I am pointing out shitty things that are going on, but right now, I am too grateful to be anything but happy. 
​Oh my, what a lovely way to be!