Can you believe that I have been feeling so zenned out lately that I had totally forgotten what it felt like to get really angry? Sure I have gotten annoyed and antsy from time to time, but not full blown 'Mad Max Fury Road' for a while now. I'm talking really angry and uber frustrated because this week I did encounter those feelings for the first time in a really long time and it was so completely lousy in every way. I'd forgotten how genuinely shithouse those feelings are, and as a result of that I just didn't know how to process them. How the hell do people that are angry all of the time function? It's so exhausting being cross, I just wanted to go and have a lay down!
I was at work when it happened, which is the exact place that you do not want to be when you find yourself feeling ultra frustrated and pissed off, so I couldn't just go on an hour long hike into the bush or meditate the feelings out of me, I had to deal with them. If I was a big time shouter, trust me when I say that I would've been yelling, but I didn't yell....I just broke down. Snapped like a twig and wept, which isn't exactly the best way to process frustration but I suppose that it beats throwing a stapler at someones head or smashing their face into the side of the photocopier, so in the big scheme of things it wasn't a complete disaster.
I was however shocked at the uncontrollable outpouring  of emotion that I felt. I don't cry that often so I was quite horrified when my body just let go like it did, horrified but not disgusted or ashamed of myself for it, just shocked. I used to think that crying was a display of weakness because I was raised to believe that that was true, and in the past I would have been questioning whether I was going through perimenopause or something like it, but in the last couple of years of my life I have come to understand that crying is most certainly not a sign of weakness at all.
We live in a world that demands that we keep a lid on our feelings most of the time, but the truth is that it isn't really healthy to keep a lid on your feelings all of the time, that kind of thinking creates barriers and gives people cancer. There are going to be moments in your life when emotions are going to rise up from the shadows where you've worked hard to keep them contained and you will become, even if it is only for a few moments, unable to stuff them back down, and you know what? That's totally okay. 
Showing that you are affected deeply by something is not weak, pathetic or dishonorable, it's human. And as long as you aren't having regular breakdowns on a daily basis then it's totally acceptable to release a bit of tension and anxiety and let the tears flow on occasion. I remember hearing once that people only cry when the emotions inside of them get so big that their bodies cannot contain it any longer and so it has to find an exit, and that exit is through the windows of the soul. It's kind of beautiful when you think about it like that, it's cathartic and cleansing and purifying to the soul to cry once and awhile. 
And so I have had a big cry and let it all out and you know what, I actually do feel better for it. When you don't cry that often then people do tend to take notice when you do and I think that I probably couldn't have communicated my level of frustration and annoyance in a better way than I did now that I look back on it. However, one thing that all of this has taught me is that no matter how zenned out you may think you are, it is a very thin line between keeping your composure and being ridiculously annoyed and frustrated, and that no-one has it all together all of the time. 

The 91st Academy Awards are on tomorrow, which on top of the Golden Globes and the SAG awards I watch every year. This year I will be watching with a couple of good friends over coffee and nibbles, and I am so looking forward to it. I have managed to see almost all of the nominated materials over the course of the year and I am always keen to see if my personal opinions line up with the big guns at the Academy. 
If you haven't stumbled across the Academy Award nominations yet, here is a run down of the big ticket awards (the ones that I like to know the winner of the most). If you are more interested in the sound, design, costume and cinematography awards then check online for those nominations. 
I have underlined who I think the Academy will more than likely give it to and then my personal choice is in bold. 
Best Picture 
Black Panther
BlackkKlansman
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Green Book
Roma
A Star is Born
Vice

Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale, Vice
Bradley Cooper, A Star is Born
Willem Dafoe, At Eternity’s Gate
Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody
Viggo Mortensen, Green Book

Actress in a Leading Role  (Huge snubbing of Toni Collette in Hereditary here)
Yalitza Aparicio, Roma
Glenn Close, The Wife
Olivia Colman, The Favourite
Lady Gaga, A Star is Born
Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Actor in a Supporting Role (Huge snubbing of Timothee Chalamet in Beautiful Boy here) 
Mahershala Ali, Green Book
Adam Driver, BlackkKlansman
Sam Elliot, A Star is Born
Richard E Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me
Sam Rockwell, Vice

Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams, Vice
Marina De Tavira, Roma
Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk
Emma Stone, The Favourite
Rachel Weisz, The Favourite

Animated Feature Film 
Incredibles 2
Isle of Dogs
Mirai
Ralph Breaks the Internet
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

Directing
Spike Lee, BlackkKlansman
Pawel Pawlikowski, Cold War
Yorgos Lanthimos, The Favourite
Alfonso Cuaron, Roma
Adam McKay, Vice

Foreign Language Film
Capernaum (Lebanon)
Cold War (Poland)
Never Look Away (Germany)
Roma (Mexico)
Shoplifters (Japan)

​As usual, the horror and sci-fi industry gets another shafting, as does some excellent art house material yet again, but no surprises there really. And even though I do believe that Toni Collette was the actress of the year in Hereditary, and Timothee Chalamet was epic in Beautiful Boy  (and hey what about Paddington 2?) I won't be boycotting the proceedings. In spite of my moaning every year, of course I'm still going to watch the awards, I love the glitz and glam of it all!  And who knows? Roma could repeat the 1997 A Life is Beautiful effort  and sweep the Awards ceremony this year, it feels like it could be time to turn a spotlight on quality foreign cinema again. 
The 91st Academy Awards will air on the NINE network at midday in Australia tomorrow (Monday 25th February) and then again at 7.30pm on GEM if you want to see them yourself.

Genocide is the deliberate and systematic destruction, in whole or in part, of an ethnic, racial, religious or national group. When we think about racial genocide we generally think about all of the indigenous communities that were horrifically and systematically murdered, removed or bred out of existence because of greed and intolerance.
Native people with advanced civilisations like the Mayans, the Aztecs, the Incas, the native Mexican tribes, the Apache, the Navajo, the Cherokee, the Yuki, the Indigenous Australian and African tribes, the New Zealand Maori and Inuit tribes were all severely diminished or even completely wiped out when the Spanish, Portuguese, French, Dutch, British, Belgian and Russian explorers began to invade their lands.
These white invaders from across the seas came to rape, plunder and claim the land, at any cost. If they couldn't just overpower or kill the natives outright with brute force, which was often the case, then they crept in, in the most insidious of ways, spreading their diseases, destroying their crops and livelihood and abducting and enslaving their people, eventually destroying entire native cultures from the inside out.
And that, is genocide. And that is the stuff of history is it not? White man comes, white man takes and white man wonders why he is not trusted anymore. And we all like to tell ourselves that this is all just bad water under the bridge, that this type of thing does not happen anymore, that people have learnt from their mistakes and that genocide is not a modern construct but an ancient one. Well I hate to be the one to break it to you, but people haven't learned jack shit from their sordid and generally horrific past exploits because genocide has also feature heavily in the 20th century history as well, and in a lot of those cases, people have actually turned on each other, their very own people and it is just so disturbing. 
There were the atrocities of the Ottoman Empire/ Turkey when the Christian minorities of Armenia, Assyria and Greece were persecuted. There was the starvation of the Ukrainian people during the Soviet Famine of 1932. Then the mass deportation of Lithuanians, Latvians and Estonians and the systematic slaying of Poles and ethnic cleansing of the Crimean Tatars by Stalin in 1937-38.  There was the mass killings of the Chinese people by the Japanese in the Nanking massacre followed by The Holocaust - when the German Nazis murdered approximately 3.8 million Jewish people and performed an ethnic cleansing of the Slavic countries. Then there was a genocide that was carried out on the Cambodians by the Khmer Rouge regime led by Pol Pot in between 1974 and 1979, and the list just goes on and on.....Tibet, the Congo, Somalia, Chechnya, Myanmar, ISIL... I haven't even touched the sides here, there are literally billions of lives and cultures throughout history that have been destroyed through means of genocide. And genocide is still going on today, it is happening right now and the end is nowhere in sight. 
So what have we learned through all of this killing? What is the take away from all of this bloodshed and civil unrest? For some, they have learned nothing and maybe never will, but for many of us around the globe we have learned that no-one is safe from persecution and that only through a united global mindset will we ever be free from another genocide.
The positive is that most countries have now signed to a peace treaty and will not tolerate the inhumane treatment of any ethnic, religious or racial party; and that is a very good start. We now also place more emphasis on learning from the past and understanding our torn history as humans and supporting the liberation of depleted and destroyed cultures.
It is not okay to not own our history, it is ours, we must own it and learn from it if we are to get better, and I do believe that we can, but it's going to take time and patience and empathy and ownership of what has transpired. And quite frankly, not everyone is prepared to own the atrocities of their own heritage which is going to slow us all down quite a bit, but that doesn't mean that we can give up, it means that we have to push even harder to drive home the message that no-one's culture, religion, ethnicity or race makes them inferior to anyone else and that no-one ever has the right to take that very human right away from anyone else. We have seen enough genocide in our past, wouldn't it be nice to see a lot more liberation and fraternity in our future? 

JOHN LEGUIZAMO'S LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 90 mins
Colombian-American actor John Leguizamo brings his one man Broadway show to Netflix in this unmissable documentary about Latino history. Latin History for Morons earned a 2018 Tony Award nomination for Best Play on Broadway and is easily the most interesting chalk and talk history lesson that you will ever sit through.
When John's son falls victim to a white bully at a Manhattan private school for being Latino, John delves into his own history to try and identify the reasons for America's whitewashed historical recount and the hidden heros that have been sadly overlooked. 
The excruciatingly violent past of the indigenous people of America and South America is delivered here in an informative and effervescent way by Leguizamo who manages to illustrate all of the ugliness with a good speckle of humour and an engaging flair. However underneath it all, this is a harrowing tale about all of the native people that were slain and driven from their homes over the past 3000 years and the impact that is still being felt today as a consequence of that.
Everyone needs to see this, it is a powerful and thought provoking watch that offers a great overview into Hispanic culture for people (or morons like me) that don't know a lot about the topic. 
FINAL SAY: Violence is the lowest form of communication.
4 Chilli Peppers ​

The issue of gun control in the US is certainly a hotly contended one. America is completely unique from the rest of the world when it comes to their right to bear arms, because that right is constitutionally protected, and the American people steadfastly defend that right, even when it flies in the face of what is safe, logical and reasonable.
Although many Americans heatedly debate their constitutional right to bear arms, it turns out that they are actually bearing a shit tonne more arms than anywhere else in the world. In fact when it comes to owning firearms, no-one even comes close to the US when it comes to guns per capita, and the statistics are really quite alarming. 
Recently shared data from the Small Arms Survey listed the top ten countries with the most guns per head of the population. Below is the list from that survey with the number of firearms per 100 residents listed beside each country.
1. USA - 112.6
2. Serbia - 75.6
3. Yemen 54.8
4. Switzerland - 45.7
5. Cyprus - 36.4
6. Saudi Arabia - 35
7. Iraq - 34.2
8. Uruguay - 31.8
9. Sweden - 31.6
10. Norway - 31.3
The US is not only the leader on that list by a very long margin, but they also have more than one gun per person in their country! The only country that even comes close to the US is Serbia, but its firearm habit is part of a hangover from the breakup of Yugoslavia in the 90's and subsequent wars, and although I am condoning the fact that almost 76 people out of every 100 Serbians has a gun, at least there have been reasons to substantiate why there are so many guns in their country. 
Americans vehemently stand by their right to own firearms and defend themselves, however with the continuous onslaught of mass shootings claiming the lives of young and innocent victims, isn't it a moral and social obligation that the US reform their guns laws and enforce stricter purchasing and ownership laws?
In democratic countries where the incidence of gun ownership is much tighter, we also see a massive reduction in gun related deaths, it's hardly rocket science! Currently, Australia only has 1.4 homicides by firearm per one million people and America has 29.7, the highest in the world. Also, when you consider that Americans only make up 4.4% of the entire world population but own almost half of the guns around the world, well....it doesn't take a genius to see that there is a problem there does it?
Since 2012 there have been more than 1,600 people killed in the US in mass shooting incidents, and if you average out the number of shootings that occurred in 2015 alone (355) with the number of days in a year, it equates to there being more than one mass shooting per day in the US alone. That probably makes the it one of the most unsafe countries in the world doesn't it?
Come on America, wake and smell the coffee....countries with less guns and tighter gun laws have less gun related deaths, it's that simple. It is time to amend your constitution and drag your gun laws and restrictions kicking and screaming into the next millennium. Your steadfast commitment to bear arms is making your country unsafe, unappealing and unapproachable and unless you are going into a War of the Worlds alien attack type scenario any time soon, more than one gun per capita is just outrageously excessive and completely unnecessary. It's not too late to throw down your guns America and make a movement towards something more peaceful, united and humanitarian; there's never been a better time than right now.

Sometimes we want to watch simple movies that follow a pretty linear storyline and allow us to zone out or forget about our troubles. And then other times we want to watch something challenging, deep and meaningful; something a bit grittier that we can really sink our teeth into. Sometimes I really hunger for a movie that will challenge my thinking, push me out of my comfort zone or educate me in some way. If I come away from a film with a fresh perspective or some kind of new learning about a certain topic then I feel particularly pleased with my viewing choice. 
I have heard people refer to these influential and affecting movies as 'movies that matter' but it is pretty irrelevant what title you want to give them, it is what you take away from these movies that make them genuinely important and relevant. These movies can occur in any genre, and they are the types of movies that stick with you long after the credits have stopped rolling. They are not always 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame) material because they are not always easy to watch or easy to recommend to other people to watch because in short, they are not just another movie, they are 'an experience.' And there are some exceptionally good ones out there that I believe that everyone should see at least once in their lifetime. 
Here is a list of 20 movie experiences (in no particular order) that had a profound effect on me when I saw them for the first time, and although they may not all be 5 Chilli Peppers, they are most definitely important, relevant, thought provoking and absolutely worth seeing.

1. Mother! - Challenging/ Art House/ Gritty (4.5 Chilli Peppers)
2. The White Helmets - Documentary (4 Chilli Peppers)
3. Born into Brothels - Documentary (4 Chilli Peppers) 
4. Samson and Delilah - Challenging/Drama (4 Chilli Peppers)
5. Requiem for a Dream - Gritty/ Drama (4 Chilli Peppers)
6. The Thin Red Line - War (4.5 Chilli Peppers)
7. Into the Abyss - Documentary (4 Chilli Peppers)
8. Bowling for Columbine - Documentary (4.5 Chilli Peppers) 
9. An Inconvenient Truth Pt 1 and Pt 2 - Documentary (3.5 Chilli Peppers)
10. Apocalypse Now - War (4.5 Chilli Peppers)
11. Dead Man Walking - Gritty/Crime/ Drama (4.5 Chilli Peppers)
12. The Elephant Man - Challenging/ Drama (4.5 Chilli Peppers) 
13. Melancholia - Art House (5 Chilli Peppers)
14. The Great Beauty - Foreign/ Drama (5 Chilli Peppers) 
15. A Ghost Story - Art House ( 4.5 Chilli Peppers) 
16. 20,000 Days on Earth - Art House/ Documentary (3.5 Chilli Peppers) 
17. Downfall - Foreign/ War (4 Chilli Peppers)
18. Baraka and Samsara - Documentaries (4.5 Chilli Peppers)
19. The Last Temptation of Christ - Art House (3.5 Chilli Peppers) 
20. Schindler's List - War (4.5 Chilli Peppers) 

By no means are these easy viewing choices, remember that I did say that I like to be challenged by some of my movie choices, and these are all definitely challenging on some level. However, if you haven't already made the time to see these films then I would highly recommend that you do.
Full reviews of all of the above mentioned movies can be found on their respective genre lists on Spicywatch.com (under the genre drop down tab) should you require any further information.  
And I wish you well with your 'challenging' aka 'movies that matter' viewing adventures.  

Had a much needed day out with Zoe and Seth in the city yesterday. We meandered the streets of Melbourne for hours, stopping in at some of our favourite haunts and taking in all of the sights, sounds and smells of the big city environment. Melbourne is somewhere that I love to visit regularly because it doesn't matter how many times you go, there is always something new to discover and the shopping is always fantastic.
We hit up Lush for bath bombs, Haigh's for chocolate and Daiso for some random Asian goodies because those places are an absolute must for us when we go to Melbourne, and then we headed over to Chinatown for a huge teppanyaki feast for lunch which did involve Seth getting most of an omelette tossed into his face from our very cheeky chef. It was quite amusing for us, but not so amusing for Seth who was showered in hot egg pieces that were being flung straight off the steaming teppanyaki grill at his head, but it was all just part of the fun and no real harm was done.
We ended our fabulous day out exploring the Alice in Wonderland exhibition that is currently showing at ACMI, which was a feast for the senses and a real treat for me since I am such a massive Alice in Wonderland fan. The highlight of the exhibition was definitely the Mad Hatter's Tea Party where you entered a room and sat down for a 'virtual' seat at the Hatter's table. Cakes magically appeared on plates and virtual tea poured into cups as we sat amid the butterflies in the mushroom forest. It was pretty exciting and the kids that were sitting near to us were so delighted and enthralled by the scene that it was impossible to not get swept up in the magic of it all, I mean when do you ever get to attend a real Mad Hatter's Tea Party? 
In spite of the cold, wet and blustery weather trying to keep us at bay, we all had a great day out and managed to dodge the Melbourne showers as we went about our business. Today however, has been a completely different story with the rain completely overtaking our Sunday and forcing us all indoors and close to the heater. It has probably been the wettest day of the holidays so far, but I am not complaining because a day of curling up on the couch with Netflix is never a bad day in my mind.
I have managed to binge watch a couple of TV series and watch quite a lot of movies over the break so far. I am slowly making my way through my 'to see' list, which mainly consists of long and gritty movies that I haven't got the time or the mental stamina to deal with during the term. Here's one of my favourite viewings so far these holidays, but as I said, it's long and gritty, so do see it, but only when you're in the right frame of mind to do so, it's tough going.

BEASTS OF NO NATION
Release Date: 2015
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 137 mins
A gritty war drama written, co-produced and directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga who also acted as his own cinematographer during filming. Based on the novel of the same name by Uzodinma Iweala, Beasts of No Nation comes on strong with it's striking and horrific depiction of a young boy who becomes a ruthless child soldier. 
Young Agu's Ghanaian village is torn apart when rebel and government forces begin fighting in the streets. His mother and sister flee for safety, his father and brother are murdered and Agu escapes capture by hiding in the jungle. He is found by a ruthless militia group that operate under a vicious commander (Idris Elba) and after undergoing a brutal initiation process he becomes a fully-fledged member and begins his transformation from boy to soldier. 
This is a sobering and uncompromising look at the human cost of war and the exploitation of the innocent and desperate. Idris Elba deservingly won a SAG award for his unforgettable and disturbingly good portrayal of the opportunistic sadist commander, and I am genuinely confused about why he didn't get an Oscar nomination that year as well. All of the child performances are amazingly good, especially Abraham Nii Attah who portrays Agu's transformation perfectly and was awarded the Marcello Mastroianni Award for Best Young Actor at the 72nd Venice International Film Festival. 
Beasts of No Nation is by no means an easy watch, but it is most definitely a worthy one. 
FINAL SAY: I saw terrible things....and I did terrible things. 
4 Chilli Peppers ​

Toothache really is in a realm all by itself. This week I had a pretty tough week, so tough that I let my entire routine go out of the window because I had to. I was in excruciating pain for days and even though the worst of it is over, I am still basically like a cantankerous bear with a splinter in it's paw. I didn't eat, didn't sleep longer than a two hour stretch, didn't do yoga or meditation, didn't practise any of my usual lessons or even (God forbid) complete a blog. What I did do, between my work hours was moan, groan and lay about on the couch drugged out of my mind watching bullshit TV and hating my life.
How did I get this way? Well let me tell you a little story about heartache and the loss of God....just kidding...it wasn't actually that bad. Let me tell you about the time that a dentist butchered me though....
On Saturday of last week I went to the dentist for my routine six month clean and scale. I didn't have any concerns about my teeth and I was in really good health. I was however seeing a dentist that I wouldn't usually see, which would turn out to be one of my worst errors in judgement ever. My usual dentist has a life of luxury and only works 4 days a week from 9am to 3pm, which renders him pretty much useless to the working class society, so I thought I would do the right thing and not take time off for a routine clean and scale that I would just go to another dentist at the same practise, after all it was for a 20 min check-up not a root canal.
Anyway, this new dentist, let's call him Dr Slaughter, had me in the chair for an hour. He x-rayed, poked about and gave me a very thorough deep clean, which at the time I thought, okay great, obviously I needed all that. And even though I didn't enjoy it, I figured that I must have needed the extra invasive cleaning and told myself that I was getting value for money. 
The first day after the cleaning I was fine, and the second I was mildly uncomfortable, but I have had periodontal work so a little oral discomfort is not foreign to me. By Tuesday, shit was getting real and I had started to take Panadol and Nurofen on two hourly rotations. Let me point out that I NEVER take cope dope, not ever, it has to be serious for me to even go there.
Anyway Tuesday night, no dinner and a little sleep - too much pain. Wednesday I had to travel to Melbourne for a work PD, almost 3 hours each way, that was a long day with a lot of pain, drugged myself with over-the-counter remedies to an illegal level and soldiered on. Picked at a couple of things, didn't sleep again and woke up to thumping, pounding, shooting pains and nausea on Thursday. After being so tired and so empty and so exhausted for so many days I finally crumbled. Tears and tears, I gave in and made an appointment to see the dentist, my usual dentist. 
After some inspection and another lot of x-rays, he confirmed that my teeth were excellent, but some of my gums were so inflamed that they were higher that my teeth in my mouth. Well, that explained the pain alright. Toothache, or in this case, deep gum pain is a special hell all of its own. I have not felt so worn down, unwell, exhausted or overwhelmed by pain since I was in labour over thirteen years ago. It was BAD, so bad. I even had another good cry at the dentist's office and he felt so sorry for me that he called me at home (after hours) the next day to check on me. 
So my teeth were fine, it was a gum problem. I had to be referred to a periodontal expert to have a look as well, but even he was confused because the x-rays looked good. After examining my swollen and agonisingly tender mouth he concurred with what my dentist had said and also believed that some type of bacteria had entered my mouth during or just after the cleaning process when my gums were open, and that Dr Slaughter had caused trauma to my gum area by being too invasive. Basically I had a secondary infection of a fierce kind, one that required strong antibiotics and even stronger pain killers, which my dentist happily prescribed to me. 
Being keen to get some pain relief I went in hard on the drugs, which did give me a most welcomed nights sleep, but did also cause me to violently chunder into the garden on Friday morning after I took too many of them and then tried to drink a coffee. Live and learn. I am a bit of a prescription drug lightweight, and when you never have them, they work really well. So this weekend I have basically been lying about half out of my skull on pain relief and doing as little as possible. The antibiotics are working beautifully and everyday I get a significant reduction in pain and discomfort, so hallelujah to that! 
The lesson in all of this is? Don't ever go to a strange dentist, just organise the time off and see your usual one. Well, that's my take away from all of that anyway. Make an appointment at the slightest hint of 'after' pain before you start to contemplate self-surgery like I was and most importantly don't let one butcher put you off of going to the dentist forever, which is going to be my biggest hurdle now. Honestly, the thought of a dental check up right just sends shivers of dread straight down my spine! 
Thank God for Marvel, who was delivering another delightful instalment of super this weekend, honestly the distraction couldn't have arrived at a better time, and what a mighty fine distraction is was!

The final days of summer are upon us, and though we should be enjoying the last days of light joyously, for many the reality of this time of the year is something altogether quite different. People are starting to show early signs of fatigue as the Christmas holiday period fades into the backgrounds of our lives once again. The daily 'grind' becomes the norm, temperatures are ridiculously inconsistent with very little sign of rain and the misty mornings of early autumn have already arrived. What is still alive in my vegetable garden is hanging limply, our water tank is bone dry and the gale force winds blow everything off our deck every other day. One can easily lose sight of the bigger picture at this point of the year; but not me!
March is always one of my most favourite months of the year. There is always something to celebrate on every, single, weekend in March. With the thought of autumn looming, people get super outdoorsy all over again in pursuit of their final days in the sun, which means that my events calendar is always chock-a-block. Add to that a long weekend, an upcoming Easter and for me, two weeks of school holidays and woohoo! You have got the making of one of the best months of the whole year. 
I really enjoy autumn as a season, especially out here in Enfield. Autumn out here means blackberry and apple picking and also mushroom foraging. Bush walking is at its best out here in the autumn, because there is far less risk of snakes and heat stroke. We always have plenty of water on the dam for the our resident ducks in the autumn time and the garden gets some much needed moisture from the heavens. The threat of bushfire is gone, and although the days get slightly shorter, you appreciate them all the more because you know that the days are also growing darker and that soon the sun will no longer hang around in the sky for many hours a day. 
March in Ballarat is particularly good I think. The Begonia Festival, The Golden Plains Arts Trail and White Night are all on and free to access; but there are also heaps of other things that I love about March as well, like the Academy Awards Ceremony (duh!), International Women's Day, World Harmony Day, Solitude Day and this year Good Friday and Easter Saturday as well. Loads to look forward to, and I get to have my birthday in there as well. Yep, for me March is one of the best months of the year, so it is without any sadness at all that I say farewell to another summer in my life and welcome a new season with much enthusiasm and excitement, because there are so many more wonderful days ahead to be enjoyed! 

MUDBOUND 
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 134 mins
An American period drama directed by Dee Rees and based on the novel of the same name by Hillary Jordan.  After premiering at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival, Mudbound was released on Netflix and deservingly earned four nominations at the 90th Academy Awards due its excellent depiction of rural American history.
Two men return to their poverty stricken farming homes in Mississippi after serving their country overseas during WW2. They struggle greatly to re-adjust to a rural lifestyle after the war, especially in a small town filled with racism and discrimination. 
Mudbound is an exceptionally powerful post-war movie. The storyline is completely believable, the cast is exceptionally strong and the struggles of the characters are deeply affecting. I was riveted for the entirety of this movie and was really impressed by the onscreen efforts of Carey Mulligan, Jason Mitchell, Mary J. Blige, Jonathan Banks and Garrett Hedlund. This film deserves to get a lot more attention, it is worth making the time to see it. 
FINAL SAY: I love them all equally. Every mother does. 
​4 Chilli Peppers ​

It's that time again, the time for me to unleash my viewing loves and loathes for the year of 2017. In total, I watched 279 movies and 62 TV series in 2017, so yeah, it is fair to say that I have a robust addiction to entertainment and that I have a fairly good idea of what is out there.
My biggest undertaking for the year was a rewatch of the entire Lost Series, 121 episodes in total, and although it took me the better part of the entire year to get through, it was worth the effort. Next to the Twin Peaks Reboot, Lost was the next biggest mind fuck of the year for me.
I must say that the bar raises every single year for me because movies and TV are constantly improving in quality and there is a never ending stream of excellent viewing to be had. That makes it a lot harder for me to discern the best,  but also a lot more enjoyable in the long run.
However, without further ado, here are my picks for the best and worst of 2017, my full reviews of these movies can be found on their corresponding genre lists. 
BEST MOVIES OF 2017:

• IT  - Horror  4.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Ghost Story - Art House 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Mother! - Challenging 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Blade Runner 2049 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baby Driver - Action 4 Chilli Peppers
• Dunkirk - War 4 Chilli Peppers
• Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers
• Logan - Super 4 Chilli Peppers
• Get Out - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Dark Song - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• T2 - Trainspotting - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Logan Lucky - Action/Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

BEST CATCH UP MOVIES OF 2017: (Movies released before 2017 that I finally saw in 2017)

• La Grande Bellezza (The Great Beauty) - Foreign 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Manchester by the Sea - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Moonlight - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Arrival - Science Fiction 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Nocturnal Animals  -Drama 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Hidden Figures - Drama 4  Chilli Peppers
• Moana - Kid Friendly 4  Chilli Peppers
• The Edge of Seventeen -Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• The Conjuring 2 - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Captain Fantastic - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Samson and Delilah - Gritty 4 Chilli Peppers
• The House of the Devil - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Mermaid - Foreign/ Fantasy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

WORST MOVIES OF 2017:

• Kong: Skull Island - Fantasy 2 Chilli Peppers
• The Great Wall - Action/ Fantasy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Ghost in the Shell - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Cure for Wellness - Horror 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Loving - Drama 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Valerian and the City of a 1,000 Planets - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baywatch - Comedy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Yoga Hosers  -Comedy 1 Chilli Pepper
• The Bye Bye Man  - Horror 0 Chilli Peppers
• The Greasy Strangler - Art House 0 Chilli Peppers

BEST TV SERIES 2017:

• Big Little Lies - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers
• The Handmaid's Tale - Drama/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• American Gods - Horror/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• Atlanta - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Godless - Western 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Game of Thrones S7  - Fantasy 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Stranger Things S2 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Twin Peaks Reboot - Art House 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Mozart in the Jungle - Drama 4 Chili Peppers 
• Alias Grace - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• AHS - Cult - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Peaky Blinders S4 - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Better Things - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• A-Typical - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Girls - Final Season - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Sinner - Mystery/Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers

As far as bad TV series go, well I was so busy watching really high quality TV that I managed to miss all of the shit this year, so I'm not even putting in a category for that. To be honest, I think that this year may have been one of the best of years for quality TV that I have ever known, which fills me with a lot of hope for 2018. 
Hopefully you will find something on my lists that you haven't seen yet and will now go and see on my recommendation. Also, you now know what to avoid like the plague if you should have the misfortune of coming across it.
I hope that the holiday period is being kind to you all, happy viewing!

IT
Release Date: 2017
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 135 mins 
A supernatural horror directed by Andy Muschietti and based on the highly successful 1986 novel of the same name by Stephen King. Clearly audiences are thirsting for excellent retro horror tales because IT swiftly became the highest grossing horror film of all time and the third highest grossing R rated movie of all time. 
It's 1988 in a small American town called Derry and something insidious is lurking in the sewers; an ancient evil that feeds on the fears of children and presents itself as a clown called Pennywise. Seemingly invisible to adults, Pennywise starts to abduct the children of Derry, and turns its sights on a tight group of friends called The Losers Club. 
With all of the terrific friendship dynamics  and comradery of The Goonies, Stranger Things and Stand By Me  and all of the creepiness of a James Wan horror, IT has a formula that works on so many levels. Not only is there a creepy as all shit clown torturing the children, but all of the adults in Derry seem to be rather unpleasant as well which adds another layer of turmoil to this already emotionally affecting tale. 
IT is most definitely the best horror movie to come out of 2017. The acting is on point, with Bill Skarsgard delivering one of the most memorably disturbing horror characters of all time in Pennywise. He is however exceptionally well supported by a young and fresh faced cast who are all bringing their A game here as well, with notable performances being delivered by Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Nicholas Hamilton and Jeremy Ray Taylor.
The visuals are certainly dark, dreadful and nightmarish; but the coming of age story that is playing in the background is not at all drowned out by the grim effects, which was really pleasing to see. IT is a true horror gem and a must see movie for fans of quality horror.
FINAL SAY: We all float down here. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Don't you hate it when people borrow things and then never give them back? 
I can't even begin to tell you how many books, movies, CDs and items of clothing I have lent to people over the years and how many of those items were never, ever, seen again. Don't get me wrong, I love to share in the joy of my findings and have no problems with lending things out, but when I never see a lent item ever again, well I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get a little annoyed. 
I also really hate asking people for a borrowed item to be returned, it's so bloody awkward. That shit is way out of my comfort zone and it is not something that I like to ever have to do, but on a number of occasions I have had to ask for an item back because I have legitimately needed it for some reason and god, actually asking for it back - it is so horrid, I really hate doing it. I always feel like such a total asshole asking for a borrowed item back, even though it is technically mine, it just feels bad to ask for it, like I am taking it before they are done with it, which totally defeats the point of lending it out it in the first place. 
I have been known to lose the odd book that has been lent to me, I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't, but I am usually very reliable with my borrowing because I know how much it sucks to have things that you love just disappear from your life. In truth I know that hoarding items and having attachments to things (especially inanimate things) is not healthy, but I must be honest and say that when I purchase an item and I love it, be it a book, movie or crappy cotton scarf, then I don't want to lose it forever; besides in many cases it also means that I need to replace it because I loved it so much; that too has happened to me many times before.
The most heartbreaking thing that I borrowed and lost forever was a pair of earrings that I loved, I still don't know what I was thinking lending them in the first place to be honest. They weren't expensive earrings, but they were not replaceable because they were vintage, so alas I lost them forever. I also lent a jacket out once that I really loved wearing and never saw it again either, that one hurt too; but if you borrow then you run the risk of losing things forever. So I suppose the ultimate message that I am trying to send out here is pretty simple really, never lend out anything that you can't stand to lose. Now if I could just follow my own advice I would probably save myself alot future heartaches. 

It is during these difficult times of unrest in the world, that people start seeking out someone to blame for the atrocities, they do it without really thinking and they do it  in an attempt to alleviate their concerns. With the string of recent terrorist attacks in the western world, we have all suddenly been forced to pay attention to a problem that we had yet again, allowed to be pushed to the back of our minds.
Even though extremist and terrorist movements are ongoingly killing hundreds of civilians across the globe, we don't hear about it on a daily basis. The media isn't publicizing the ongoing horrors of the middle east, and that has given us the luxury to not consider all of deaths in places like Syria or Afghanistan from the ongoing battles. However, it is ongoing, whether we think about it or not.
​To put it into perspective, so far this year there have been 544 terrorist attacks across the globe, resulting in 3704 fatalities. Because we don't really hear about these daily bombings and deaths, we don't really think about them either; it's out of sight and out of mind for us and we are generally pretty comfortable with that scenario because, let's be honest,  it is easier to just not know. That is until the threat starts to move a little closer to home, that's when we pay attention. When people from our own country are dying, then suddenly our heads are turned and our concerns of a possible threat becomes very real and very personal and our thoughts start to ponder our own safety, and for many the question is raised - who should be held responsible for these acts of terror?
​It has become increasing difficult to ignore the threat of insurgencies like Al Qaeda and Isis and their extremist terrorism tactics, but we cannot allow their behaviours to dictate our common sense and our decency. We must not only remain vigilant to stamping out these oppressive regimes, but we must also remain sensitive to the pressures that these types of tactics place on muslim communities in general; and the difficulties that arise for muslims on a day to day basis as a direct result of these extremist attacks. 
Just the other day I was being taken by taxi to collect a rental car, my driver was a muslim gentleman from Pakistan. He had opted to wear a beanie instead of his turban on that morning because it was the day following the Ariana Grande concert attack in Manchester. He said that he, his friends and his family were all concerned about the backlash that they may be facing in light of recent events. He said that the pressure and prejudices are always very intense for them after these types of things happen, and now that the public are aware that most of these western attacks are being undertaken by western muslim extremists, then that pressure on them is even higher again. 
It is most certainly a time to present a united front against these terrorist groups, but our fight must not be misguided or misdirected, we cannot let our fear become our undoing, we cannot let hate in, and on that front I do worry. I worry because fear makes people irrational and desperate for someone to blame, but we must remember that this recent rise in westernised terrorist attacks is not  just a western problem, it is a global problem, it always has been, and we must find a way through it on a global level.
Now more than ever, it is the time to open our doors to the oppressed and the beaten down people of this world and to say that we will together fight this tyranny. It is the time to share in compassion and empathy, to build bridges not walls, to share our resources and to not let the hate of these terrorist minorities spread any further than it already has. It is time to hold true to our humanity, stay strong in our dignities and determinedly reinforce our common ground. That is the only way that we can truly defeat the extremists that we are all facing in the world today - without the fear that they so desperately want to strike upon us, but by standing tall- side by side -together - as one. 

I have come to the understanding that I am not a very interesting person. It's a fact and it is totally okay, I don't have a problem with it. It's just that in the past I have always stupidly considered myself to be reasonably interesting. I may have even had an ego about it once upon a time, you know the whole I'm so edgy and different crap that we tell ourselves when we desperately want to stand out but generally don't. Yeah, I've always liked the idea that I was a bit unique, I mean who doesn't want to seem interesting? Anyway, after examining the way in which I interact with other people and live my life, I have decided that not only am I am not very interesting, but that I'm probably seen as a bit of a weirdo.
If I was meeting me for the first time, I would definitely think that I was an odd-bod, and that does not mean interesting or edgy, because odd is just plain odd. I actually think that I would annoy myself pretty quickly. There are a lot of things about the way that I function that bother me intensely, and I am not stupid enough to think that they wouldn't bother others as well. 
Don't get me wrong, I know that I do have good attributes, I am not flavourless, I am just not very interesting. I am not trying to insinuate that I have the personality of a plastic spoon or anything, I mean I know that I am a bit quirky and I have a decent sense of humour and enjoy a range of unusual things, but that really doesn't constitute 'interesting' in my books. 
I haven't done anything heroic or changed the world in any significant way. Mostly, I just talk way too much about movies and TV, I generally find small talk and chit-chat awkward, and if I am being really honest about myself, I am not that easy to talk to. I cut people off and go off on the weirdest tangents, I often manage to annoy myself mid-conversation! 
The combination of these things would lead most people to think that I am utterly boring or socially retarded or just plain rude, and they'd be completely correct in that thinking. I am actually a bit of all of those things, and I own that. I own my inept small talk capabilities, my over zealous attitude to cinema, my often inappropriate jokes and my disinterest in mundane idle chit-chat. I am annoyingly aware that I have very little in common with much of the world and that I can bore people to the point of distraction. I am just not that interesting. 
But in truth, how many genuinely interesting people are there in the world? There are a lot of good people, hard working people and busy people, but are they really all that interesting? I say yes, because I am so often fascinated by the complexities of others, and I do believe that everyone has at least one really excellent tale to share about their life that is worth hearing. However, that doesn't mean that I find all people interesting all of the time, and some people are dull, there is no sugar coating that fact, but I do believe that everyone certainly can be interesting from time to time.
Perhaps we are just not that interesting to ourselves, I mean after living with myself for 43 years, I often get bored of me! And maybe it is normal to feel bored of ourselves, maybe it is just a signpost for change and reinvention. However, when I focus on the incredible lives that some people have lived and the amazing things that some people have achieved, that is when I really feel like I am not cutting it in the leagues of the 'interesting' as far as the human race goes, but I guess not all of us were designed to be heroes were we? And even the little and uninteresting people have a role to play in the big scheme of things. 

HACKSAW RIDGE
Release Date: 2016
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 139 mins
Not since Saving Private Ryan has there been so much graphic bloodshed depicted on the battlefields, but what this movie does have that Saving Private Ryan failed to deliver is a lot more heart and an extraordinary true story about a real life war hero. Written by Andrew Knight and directed by Mel Gibson, Hacksaw Ridge plays out like an old school war movie from days gone by. I felt like I was watching something that could've been made in the 1970's with much better effects, and I found that aspect extremely pleasing. 
​Desmond Doss enlists in the army during the outbreak of WWII. Being a conscientious objector (C.O.) and a Seventh-day Adventist, Doss refuses his right to carry or use firearms during war, and choses to be unarmed medic during his call of duty in the the Battle of Okinawa.  His heroic efforts at Hacksaw Ridge made him the first C.O. to receive a Medal of Honour. 
This is a war story that deserves to be heard, and even though Doss was clearly motivated by his religious ideals, the film doesn't feel preachy or heavy handed in that way. Andrew Garfield shines as Doss, giving the best performance of his career thus far and earning himself a Best Actor nomination at the 89th Academy Awards. The supporting actors are all excellent, with notable performance from Vince Vaughn, Sam Worthington and Hugo Weaving. 
​It is rare for a biographical war hero film to not feel like it is glorifying war in some way, but I didn't get that from this film at all. Gibson has done a fine job of telling Doss's story with dignity and passion, minus all of the bravado which, if the end testaments from Doss and his war friends are anything to go by, is exactly the way that Doss would've wanted it to be told. 
FINAL SAY: Help me get one more.
3.5 Chili Peppers ​

Spent the day in Geelong with Seth, Zoe and Lachlainn on Friday, which was lovely. We all went to see the latest Alice in Wonderland offering - Through the Looking Glass. I must say that I am seriously glad that I went to see this on the big screen, because it was so visually pleasing and I doubt that it is going to translate very well onto the small screen. Overall though...let's just say that it wasn't as good as the first one. Not tragic, just not as good - 2.5 Chili Peppers for me, which is pretty tepid really. Just a shame about the weak story line really, because the cast was very strong, there just wasn't enough good material for them to work with. 
I decided to get practical this weekend and get my vegetable patch up and going for the winter season. Hardly exciting stuff, but hopefully we will be eating collards, beets and cabbages in the coming weeks if I have any success with this planting effort. That's the problem with having a vegetable patch, it is quite a lot of effort and there is never any guarantee that your crops won't fail, which is such a shit-house feeling when it does. I suppose that it puts some perspective on just how hard it must be to be a farmer though, because if my livelihood was dependent on my harvest success rate, lets just say that I would be broke or dead by now. 
On Sunday, Craig, Helen and I went out to Creswick to learn all about fungi. A lady named Alison Pouliot (a specialist in all things fungi-like) runs these fantastic fungi foraging workshops in Victoria every Autumn. Craig and I have been trying to get into one of these workshops for years, but they are always booked so far in advance that we've previously had no luck getting in. This year we got in super early and snagged ourselves the opportunity to learn about the types of mushrooms that grow in our area and most importantly, which varieties are safe to eat. Turns out that we have an abundance of two 'safe to eat' varieties growing on our property, and after we got home, I promptly set about foraging some up and trying them out. And yep, they're edible alright and bloody delicious too. Fried some up in garlic and butter with a little salt and pepper and woohoo, a taste sensation! And I am not sick or dying, so that's a good sign that I have learnt to correctly identify those varieties as well. I do believe that I am going to enjoy many Autumns of fungi feasting off the back of that workshop, so that was a mighty good use of my Sunday. 
Between all of that planting and foraging, I also managed to see a movie that I did really enjoy, but I don't think that this one's going to be everyone taste. Ha! Who am I kidding? Most of the stuff I watch isn't to everyone taste, probably a lot isn't to much of anyone's taste if the truth be told! But anyway, here are my thoughts on Tarantino's latest effort. 

Went across to Geelong to see Zoe and Lachlainn today, they have got themselves a really sweet little two bedroom unit in Belmont which they have set up and made really cosy for themselves. We are still adjusting to life without Zoe around here, it hasn't even been a week yet, but she appears to be very happy and well organised in her new arrangement, so now it is just up to us to learn to live without her, which isn't going to be easy since we all adore her so much.
There was much emotion surrounding Zoe's departure, with all three of us at home feeling a bit shell shocked by the event, even though we knew that it was going to happen, nothing really prepares for you the day that your kids leave home. I can't even leave her bedroom door open yet, her room is being treated like ground zero around here. She has still left a lot of her furniture, but it isn't the same space anymore and it feels really weird being in there. It is an intensely odd and melancholic feeling to be in her space, knowing that it is not really her space anymore, it's pretty hard to describe but it's definitely not great. 
Zoe and Lachlainn do have a set up spare bedroom and that does mean that I can stay over with them and also have an excuse to go to the beach and do some shopping around Geelong, so there is a slight up side to all of this. I will definitely be seeing a lot of them still, it is only an hour trip door to door so we aren't that far apart, but still...it's far enough, it's not home with me that's for sure! 
It has actually been a really hectic week for us all, with me returning to work on Wednesday, Craig and Seth shifting Zoe to Geelong on Thursday and Seth heading off to start his final year of primary school on Friday, there has been very little down time to be had in the melee of events, but it has all gone smoothly and we can't ask for anymore than that. Perhaps if I wasn't still staying up until the wee morning hours watching movies then I wouldn't feel so tired, but the movie fiend in me just cannot be sated. Last night did an intense 3 hours and 20 minute sitting to finally see something that I have been meaning to see for years now, and even though I have blood shot eyes today, it was definitely worth it. 

APOCALYPSE NOW - REDUX
Release Date: 1979
Rating: R 18+ 
Running Time: 210 mins 
Shrouded in controversy during it's filming, this ground-breaking masterpiece offering from Francis Ford Coppola provides some extremely provocative viewing. This "Redux" version literally means "returned" from exile- but what it really means is that it has been expanded and remastered from the original version, adding considerable length but also spectacular detail to the overall effect. 
Nominated for eight Academy Awards, and confusingly only winning two, but winning the Palme D'Or at the Cannes Film Festival, Apocalypse Now is rife with surreal imagery and symbolism that details the horror, violence, confusion and madness of the Vietnam War. 
US Army assassin Benjamin Willard (Martin Sheen) has been assigned the job of terminating a dangerous and deranged renegade named Colonel Kurtz (Marlon Brando) who has gone rogue and become a Warlord deep within the jungles of Cambodia. 
Apocalypse Now is a work of great vision, and is arguably considered to be one of the best Vietnam War movies to have ever been made. The acting here is undoubtedly superb and the budget must have been massive, because no stone has been left unturned when it comes to authenticity and atmosphere. This is one film that will continue to haunt and shock viewers for generations, and it is most certainly deserving of the incredible time that it takes to watch it and then properly absorb it. 
FINAL SAY: Terminate with extreme prejudice. 
4.5 Chili Peppers