When I think about abundance, I believe that I am truly one lucky lady. I have a terrific and supportive family, excellent friends, a great husband, a reliable job, good health and a beautiful home...so what more could I possibly want from life? It would be easy (and also quite truthful) for me to say nothing at all, but in all honesty I do actually want more. And the problem with that is not that I am greedy, because I do not long for commercial or material gains, the real problem is that what I desire to have more of in my life requires a level of mastery that I do not have yet; because what I need more of in my life is patience and compassion. 
Maybe the whole world needs more of that if we are really going to get down to the brass tacks of it all, but I can't change the whole world,  only myself.  And in order to do that I need to be proactive about change and consider how I can cultivate and harness more patience and compassion into my life.
Don't get me wrong about this, I am not some stone-cold heartless bitch or anything, I do possess a good measure of patience and compassion already, but sometimes I also do struggle with putting myself into other people's realities and seeing past my own struggles and that kind of thinking is so bloody shallow and intolerant and I would really prefer to be a lot less of both of those things.
However, patience and compassion are not something that you just miraculously wake up overflowing with one morning and declare to world that you've got it and you're done. It takes years of ongoing work to develop your levels of patience and compassion. In fact, it seems like the only way to get more patient and compassionate is to do more of the hard yards and experience the complete opposite and have some full blown mid-life 'chaos and melancholy' moment.
However, I'm not going to sugar coat or over inflate my own ability here, so I am just going to come straight out with it and say that I really, really do not want any chaos or melancholy in my life right now.... nope, no thanks....I'm looking for an overall gentler and nicer way to build my levels of patience and compassion without having to do the suffering to get there. 
Call me a pussy, but I have done the agony miles before in my life and they are not fun, and even though I cannot deny that suffering does enhance the soul, I do not want or need destruction, mayhem or any feelings of being set adrift in my world right now. So how does one grow compassion and patience in gentle and less agonising ways, and can it even be done without an order of suffering on the side? 
Well the good news is yes; yes you can develop and hone both your patience and your compassion without any torture or turmoil and it's easier than you would think. In his book Mindfulness in Plain English, Bhante Gunaratana says:
You will come face to face with the sudden and shocking realisation that you are completely crazy. Your mind is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels barrelling pell-mell down the hill, utterly out of control and hopeless. No problem. 
I really love this quote for a couple of reasons, firstly because it is so reassuring to know that even zen Buddhists understand the analogy of a  'madhouse on wheels' and secondly because he finishes with 'no problem.' Meaning that I have complete control over my ability to remain calm even in the darkest hours and meanest tempests. In spite of the worst storms I can stand my ground, be a pillar of patience and demonstrate compassion if I choose to. 
And what that really means is that the torture and turmoil, the 'side of suffering' that I mentioned earlier are all just states of mind and are only made real by my inability to manage my chaos thoughts. So rather than trying to be more patient or compassionate, what I really need to master is my ability to manage my unwelcome thoughts and emotions which will in turn lead to my impatience being transformed into patience; and being patient is a way of treating ourselves and others with compassion.
BOOM! Total result! And now I just need to put all of that into practise....which sounded really straight forward when I was writing about it a second ago....

I like to think of myself as capable, I also like to believe that I am open to new learning and willing to expand my skill set and horizons regularly through new experiences and upskilling opportunities. However, everyone has their limitations and this week, much to my own agony and dismay, I had to admit to myself and also to my employer that my bucket was full to the point of overflow and that I needed to set a boundary around certain expectations of me in the workplace. 
It is one thing to encourage others to put boundaries into place for themselves, but when you have to put in a boundary for yourself, especially when you pride yourself with being the 'can do' kid, it is a really difficult and honestly, very emotional thing to do. And for someone like me that sets themselves continuously high personal standards, it was one of the most uncomfortable things that I have ever had to do. I have never had to ask anyone to step up for me and put a stopper in something because the expectations were getting too high for me to meet, and it has been a bit soul destroying to have to do that. 
Even though I know that setting a boundary for myself is nothing to feel guilty about, I still oddly do feel a pang of guilt and also a measurable degree of disappointment in myself for not being able to meet certain expectations. As I said earlier, when you are used to coping under pressure and then suddenly find that you can't sustain that any longer, you feel like shit about yourself, and even though it takes strength to say 'this is too big and unrealistic' you just don't want to ever have to say that. 
However I did, I did say it and probably delivered a few other home truths about my role that has needed to be clarified for some time as well. And in all honesty, these things probably should have been clarified a long time ago, well before I got to the point where I was using the 'frog in the boiling pot' analogy to describe what it feels like to be in my position. The saying better late than never is certainly true in this instant however, for my own sanity I do wish that I had clarified these feelings earlier, but as I said, in order to clarify these issues I also had to be willing to admit that I wasn't coping and that was not an option for me until I had reached my maximum overload point. 
So what did I learn from all of this? That I have limits, that I can't do everything all at once and that sometimes I need to be willing to own my shortcomings without seeing it as a defeat. I have also learnt that I need to open a more clear dialogue around problems with senior staff earlier and that setting boundaries for myself in the workplace is a skill that I need to hone before I will be comfortable with it. 
I haven't quite made my peace with owning my limitations just yet, but I know that I will and hopefully things will change for the better now that I have raised a few flags for my employers to consider. And who  knows? Maybe some good will come from my conversation and perhaps it will open some people's eyes to some of the realities around positions like mine where you are a highly effective worker bee reliably contributing as best you can to a much larger business, but no less valuable or significant than some of the queens bees in the hive, especially when you look at it from our perspective.
I just wish that it didn't feel like I had to die a little inside to make these things understood, but I also understand that those feelings are all coming from me and no-one else but me, and those feelings are my personal jagged little pill to swallow...all on my own. 

I am firm believer in the power of animals to heal people and also the power of expressive art as a form of therapy. Anything that allows people to explore and observe their feelings through the creative process of making art gets a big two thumbs up from me. By engaging your focus on creative or artistic ventures you can literally detach from all of the stress and worry in your life, so it is not only healing but also restorative and rejuvenating to engage in regular forms of art therapy. 
Another reason that art therapy is so effective is because it is wildly liberating, there are literally no rules when it comes to art. You can explore, play and just have fun without worrying about the 'hows' or the 'what's.' There is no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' art, so you don't need to edit yourself or worry about not getting it right, you can allow yourself to be completely lost in the process of creating. And art comes in so many forms so there is bound to be a medium that you can use comfortably. 
Every child and adult (and some animals too) can access art therapy, it is completely inclusive and accessible to all levels of ability and in successful cases it has helped people to heal, clear, grow empathetically, develop mindfulness, de-stress, reconnect with themselves or loved ones, express their emotions and release past mental blocks. 
And the best part of all is that it is easy to access and also a relatively cheap alternative to other forms of therapy. And you can start using it right away as a way to declutter your mind and calm your breathing. Here is a list of some easy ways that you can kick off your own art therapy sessions at home without having to invest too much effort or money. 
Adult Colouring Books: These are everywhere now and cheap as chips to buy. Sometimes called 'Mindful Colouring Books' these are terrific for people that find it hard to know where to begin and can be used as launch pad for more free form art therapy techniques. They can be coloured with pencils, crayons or textas and you don't even have to stay in the lines!
Free Form Drawing/ Scribbling: On top of pencils, crayons and textas, try exploring pens, fineliners, pastels, chalks or even basic paints. It doesn't need to be a picture of anything, you can just add line without form or even close your eyes. Try left and right hand scribbling, use different paper and cardboard mediums and feel free to use your hands and fingers with chalks, charcoals and paints to really engage with your creation. 
Journalling: You can really mix up your mediums here and incorporate writing, collaging and art in your expressions. Use old magazines to find an image that you relate to and expand from there. You can also use stamps, stickers, stencils and washi tapes to highlight, define or add layers to your work. 
Apps: There are some terrific drawing and colouring apps that you can access for free on your tablet or device. Photography apps that allow you to add art and manipulate photos can be a fun way to express your emotions and create something original.  
Sculpture: You don't have to have access to a pottery wheel, kiln and clay to sculpt. You could use salt dough or papier mache instead which is actually a lot cheaper. Try using other 3D materials that you may already have around the house in your sculptures as well like wool, thread, wood, string, felt, buttons, ribbons or old clothing material. There are no limits to the amount of mixed mediums that you can add to your designs. 
Nature Art: If you have never seen the work of Andy Goldsworthy, do yourself a favour and check him out immediately. He is the king of natural art, and should provide you with some inspiration to get outdoors and start using nature as an art medium. Rocks, sticks, leaves, grasses, flowers, petals, moss and stones can all become the mediums in the most beautiful and therapeutic art expressions. 

So there you go, a list of easy cheap ways to kick start some at home art therapy. Just 30 minutes a day of tuning out your thoughts and engaging in a creative process can make the world of difference and really reduce your stress and anxiety levels, so why not give art therapy a go? Go grab your materials, turn on some music and get lost for a while in some form of art expression, you might be surprised by just how much you'll really love it! 

I do love a good horror anthology movie, and there are some absolute rippers out there. I think that when it comes to good anthology movies, you always feel like you are getting more bang for your buck and horror is the perfect genre for a short sharp burst of thrill and wicked excitement. The first horror anthology film that I ever saw was The Twilight Zone Movie in 1983. My parents took me to the Melton theatre to see it when I was 9 years old and it scared the absolute shit out of me, but it also started my love of short story horror, a love that has never gone away. 
The main problem that I have with horror anthology movies is that a lot of the time they can be extremely underwhelming and not very well executed. Some directors will cut corners because they aren't delivering a full length film and the end result can be more scab than scare. Which was unfortunately the case with the latest horror anthology to hit cinemas last month Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark. This film may hold some appeal with younger audiences, but a word of caution to any serious horror anthology veterans out there, prepare to be somewhat underwhelmed!
It could in fact be said that horror anthologies are often pretty bloody awful, but sometimes on the rare occasion when they do get the short story horror recipe just right, it can actually be highly entertaining, clever and completely engrossing.
And so, with all that being said, I feel that I must share a list of my favourite horror anthology movies with you. After all, Halloween is just on the horizon and any of these collections of horror treasure would make a perfect viewing choice for a ghoulish Halloween night in! 

1. Ghost Stories 
2. Three...Extremes
3. The ABC's of Death 
4. Trick 'r Treat
5. Tales from the Crypt 
6. The Twilight Zone Movie
7. Creepshow
8. Creepshow 2 
9. Tales from the Darkside
10. Cat's Eye

GHOST STORIES
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 98 mins
An anthology horror film, written and directed by Jeremy Dyson and Andy Nyman, that was based on their stage play of the same name. The film comprises of three short tales of ghostly sightings and supernatural phenomenon, which  are interwoven with one main story that holds it all together. If you were ever a fan of old school horror anthologies like Creepshow, then you will probably enjoy this as much as I did. 
Phillip Goodman is a well known debunker of fraudulent psychics and a serious sceptic of everything paranormal. He receives an invitation from a fellow paranormal debunker that was one of his childhood inspirations back in the 1970's. The ageing investigator asks him to re-open three old cases that he could never prove to be fake. Goodman agrees and discovers more than he bargained for along the way. 
There is no denying that this film is creepy and at times perplexing as well, it uses genuinely effective methods of horror and it isn't reliant on jump scares or CGI effects to elicit fear, and for me it really worked. The three short stories were really interesting, probably more so than the main tale that binds it all together, but even still I really enjoyed Ghost Stories and was genuinely creeped out by its weird and often unsettling content. 
FINAL SAY: We have to be very careful what we choose to believe. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I went to see the much discussed and heatedly debated Joker movie on its opening day this week, not because I was caught up in all of the pre-movie controversy but rather because I genuinely had a desire to see it. I have seen every other DC comic movie offering and let's be honest, the preview of Joker looked amazing. For those of you that have somehow missed all of the pre-movie persecution of Joker, let me fill you in. 
This stand alone origin movie was shrouded in great concern because authorities felt that the film had the potential to unleash copycat violence and anarchy, particularly with fans of the previous anti-social media depictions of the Joker. And sure, after seeing it I can understand how it could make people that feel marginalised identify with the villain's plight, but I am not sure that will be enough to insight anarchy in the streets. The Joker has always been a character that embraces nihilism as a means of escaping his perceived cruel and unjust world, but if Jack Nicholson, Heath Ledger and Jared Leto didn't get the downtrodden lashing out, why should Joaquin Phoenix's portrayal be any different? 
Well, I cannot deny that when I went to see Joker and a man stood up at the front of the theatre at the beginning of the movie and shouted out to the audience- "We all live in this society" that my heart didn't leap into my throat recalling the mass shooting  that occured in America at an airing of Batman - The Dark Knight Rises in 2012, killing 12 people and injuring 70 others. Yep, all that pre-talk controversy did get to me and for a moment I did perceive potential danger and frightening social disorder. 
And I cannot argue that Joker is undeniably relentless with its portrayal of the beaten down underdog. There is literally no relief for poor Arthur Fleck (aka Joker) in this movie, he is the most insanely tragic character to grace our screens in a long while, and being a DC comic character, this film is going to reach a wide and greatly varied audience. And contrary to his title, he isn't very funny at all, he's actually extremely sad, socially inept and painfully awkward. He clearly has a range of anxieties, suffers from severe depression and evidently already has a mental disorder that is not being treated correctly. How can we not feel sorry for this invisible and pained character? This film is gut-wrenchingly upsetting and we eventually just accept his complete breakdown as an inevitable consequence of his conditions. There is nothing funny about that at all is there? 
However, this whole 'pushed to the end of my limits' character arc is not new or original, it has been done before. Martin Scorsese did it with Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver and Joel Schumacher did it with D-Fens in Falling Down and no-one took the streets and shot up the world to hell in support of those characters either. And maybe that's because all of these characters had lost their minds, they were not sane and they were not in control of themselves, and to assume that awake and intelligent audiences are going to become gun toting loons after seeing Joker is of course ridiculous, but we also cannot ignore that to some already abused and unstable viewers that the fantasy of becoming a hero to the powerless and abused, even if it means being feared, could be perceived as appealing. 
However, if we are going to start inciting DC comics as a call to action for unstable sympathisers than we would also need to address all of the other forms of nihilism that exist in the media and the music industry today in order to really explore the influence of villains in our current society. Let's be real, Joker isn't funny, but the ugly side of life isn't and it never will be. Will it make people rage against the machine? I honestly doubt it, but stranger things have happened, who knows? Maybe a Disney movie will trigger someone one day.
Mostly, I think that what people are afraid of in regards to this movie is the fact that they will indeed identify with the dreadful oppression of the downtrodden and mentally unwell; and the lack of resources that are made available to them, which is really highlighted by this film. Rather than making people grab their weapons, I would hope that this empathy would instead make them feel called to address what is going on in our society today for us to identify with this high level of neglect and what can be done for the marginalised and neglected in the form of prevention. Like I said, woke audiences will see this movie and its message in a very different way, and perhaps a more proactive way overall than anyone could have ever expected. 

JOKER
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 121 mins 
A psychological thriller and a DC comics Joker origin story, this movie really divided audiences and critics alike with it's violent and often disturbing portrayal of mental illness. However, love it or hate it, this is one of the best performances of Joaquin Phoenix's already impressive repertoire and probably the best DC comic movie so far. Directed by Todd Phillips who co-wrote the screenplay with Scott Silver, Joker premiered at the 76th Venice International Film Festival where it won the Golden Lion award. 
Arthur Fleck, a clown for hire with a mental condition, lives with his aging mother in Gotham City. As the city collapses under crime, unemployment, and financial ruin, the Fleck family like so many others, fall onto hard and impoverish times. After a series of unfortunate and disempowering events occur, Arthur suffers a complete breakdown and begins a mental and physical transition, eventually transforming into the violent and deranged Joker of Gotham City. 
This is a chilling and plausible origin story that offers real depth and insight into the Joker character, as well as providing some new information about the Wayne family enterprise that Batman belongs to.
Phoenix delivers an Oscar worthy and completely engrossing performance as the Joker, which not only compliments the great work that Heath Ledger layed down years earlier in The Dark Knight, but adds yet another layer to this intriguing and genuinely disturbing character's tale. 
FINAL SAY: My mother always tells me to smile and put on a happy face. She told me I had a purpose: to bring laughter and joy to the world.
4 Chilli Peppers ​