The thermostat plummeted today and the landscape was a frosty white in the early hours. There was a crispness to the air that told me that somewhere it was snowing and at 8.20 am my car was reading the outside temperature at only 1 degree celsius. Yes, it is undeniably true, winter is coming and it has started off with a bang.
In compensation, I have dusted off my winter woollies, put my beanies within easy reach and cleaned all of the cobwebs out my gumboots because from this point on the days are going to get very dark, very short and extraordinarily cold. 
The dreaded lurgy is yet again doing the rounds at work and the children and staff alike are all succumbing to it's horrific wrath. It's difficult to not get coughed and spluttered upon by at least a dozen children daily, which really does test one's fortitude and I fear that it will only be a matter of time before I too fall victim to it's evil attack. I am trying to combat the dreaded lurgy by eating nutritious foods, taking a daily multi-vitamin, gorging on citrus fruits and keeping up with my yoga regimen. So far so good, but I know how harsh Ballarat winters are and in reality it is only a matter of time before something catches me. 
Hardly the right time of the year to be doing this given the depleting amount of sunlight hours, but Craig and I have had solar panels installed onto our house this week. We have done this in an attempt to be more environmentally sound and we will hopefully also save some money on our insanely high electricity bills as well. We are 'all systems electrical' out here, and in the winter it gets really hexy with heating requirements, so any savings would be welcomed. The panels themselves aren't the most aesthetically pleasing addition to the front of our house if I am being completely honest, but as I said, this is really more about being sustainable and less about looking pretty so I need to make my peace with it. Gotta think globally these days or you're just a bit of an asshole really. 

Man being a parent is so shithouse sometimes. I really hate playing the 'bad guy' parent, and it feels like I am doing it a lot lately. I understand that my 12 year old son is 'under construction', but I am ready to fire the bastards that are working on that project because he is just all over the shop at the moment. His grades have slipped, he gets annoyed over the most mundane things and getting him to do homework is like trying to solve a Chinese puzzle box. It feels like it's a struggle to get him to anything in a peaceful and respectful manner lately, and I am completely tired of all of the unrest. 
Ever since he started high school he has gone from being a regular well adjusted kid to being a pretty little hate machine. He's taken to arguing about everything and has started to engage in power struggles with Craig and I on a daily basis. It is actually really doing my head in and although I am trying to stay optimistic and positive, it is practically impossible to get through to him at the moment without it turning into a battle of wills. I know that one day he will look back on this time of his life and realise how much of a jerk he was being, but in the meantime it feels like we are all at the mercy of his moodiness and hormones and it's not very much fun. In truth it's a drag and I hate to see him so lost and angry all the time, it's really horrid. 
Craig tells me not to worry so much about it, but he has always been the more relaxed parent, so that doesn't really comfort me very much. 'By the time he is 14 he will be taking long showers and have it all worked out' he says to me, but I know that these jokes are not really a solution to the fact that I feel like my son is metamorphosing into an unrecognisable beast of pimply anxiety and melodramatics. 
I don't recall Zoe being this unhinged at 12, her meltdowns came in the later teens around 15 or so, so I feel a bit ripped off that Seth is kicking off already to be honest, thought I would have a couple more peace years before things got so crazy, but nope, here I am. And here is exactly where I am, right at this point where I am trying to decide if I did something wrong along the way of raising him, if this is just a normal process to ride out or if we are just entering the Twilight Zone of teen trauma and that this is just the shape of things to come. I can't be sure of any of it, the only thing that am 100% sold on at this stage is that I am NOT a fan of where we are now and I cannot wait to get my loving, darling son back ASAP, but something tells me that I have more than a few power struggles to overcome before that is going to happen. He's bloody lucky that I love monsters so much, that's for sure!

I went to a seminar on Wednesday evening that was ran by a guy named Nathan Hulls. He is a motivational speaker and the seminar was about 'Understanding Teens: Their Fears, Their Questions and their 6 Core Needs.' I did get a few good takeaways from the seminar and even gleaned a bit of new information as well. 
Nathan talked about The Five Languages of Love, which is based on a book by Gary Chapman. Basically, it outlines the five main ways in which people give and receive love. The five areas are:

• Gift Giving
• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch 

According to this theory, every person has a primary love language and it is the way in which they express and receive love. You can take an online test at proprof.com that comprises of 30 questions that will help you to determine which style you lean towards. We all took the test to see which style that we each prefer, because knowing the styles of the people that you love is just as important as knowing your own mode. 
Turns out that Craig and Seth both prefer physical touch as a vehicle for giving and receiving love, so there is certainly no lack of hug availability for me around here. I lean towards quality time for my mode of expressing and receiving love, which really makes a lot of sense to be honest. I am always organising events and outings for the people I love and I get a lot out of spending time with family and friends. 
By understanding the way in which we love and prefer to be loved has been a bit of a game changer for me. I could tell Seth and Craig that I think they are amazing a hundred times over, when a good hug would actually mean so much more to them. And they can tell me that I am terrific all they like, but if they aren't giving me quality time, I am not going to be receptive to their modes of love expression.
Interesting stuff I think and something worth investigating, because we all just want to feel like we are loved and that we are giving love in the best way that we can as well, because we all know that love is a many splendored thing. 

The Great Stupa of Universal Compassion called me back once again to Bendigo this weekend in celebration of Vesak (Vesakha) or Buddha Day. Zoe, Seth and Helen joined me in celebration of what is informally known as 'Buddha's Birthday' - a day to commemorate the birth, enlightenment and death of Buddha. The Great Stupa held it's annual special gathering and night show for the event, and we all got be a part of it this year. 
Vesak is a time of great joy and happiness and Buddhists take it's celebrating very seriously, as I found out on Saturday evening when I was amazed, dazzled and entertained by a variety of spectacular performances and a fireworks display that had to be seen to be believed, absolutely brilliant! 
After spending a leisurely day perusing Daylesford and wandering The Great Stupa grounds by day, we joined a large gathering of people to assemble on chairs facing the brightly lit Stupa in the early evening. A variety of talents and acts had been enlisted to perform on stage in celebration of Vesak, all of which were fantastic and showcased many different cultures and unique abilities. Let's just say that I haven't seen such a diverse amount of acts gathered together in one place before and I thought that it was really entertaining. Among my favourites were the Bendigo Lion Dance Team, Jason Kerr's Didgeridoo performance, Vern the Fire Dancer and the hilarious shadow puppet show "The Birth of Gatotkaca" by Aaron Hall that had us all in hysterics.
The evening culminated in a light and sound fireworks show that left me speechless, I have never been so close to fireworks in my life and I have never seen fireworks done so well before. I felt like I was 10 years old all over again, I was just sat there, gob open, completely mesmerized! On the way back to the car Seth exclaimed "10 out of 10, let do the Stupa the again!"To which we all agreed that we would definitely return for this event again next year, and quite possibly every year after that. I definitely must tip my hat to the organisers of this event, it was exceptionally well orchestrated and incredibly good value for money, I was really impressed by the levels of professionalism and organisation. 
I think that I may have found a hidden gem in Vesak; a chance to get together just before the darkest days of winter are upon us and celebrate diversity in the most spectacular fashion imaginable with the Buddhist community. I do believe that Vesak is going to become an annual event for me from now on. 

So many thrillers are being marketed as horror movies these days and it is actually starting to give me the shits. Just because a film has a few thrills and chills, it doesn't mean that it is a horror movie. Horror films need supernatural goings on for goodness sake! They need monsters, creatures, ghosts, ghouls, zombies, werewolves, vampires or at least an unnatural abomination of some description that has not come from outer space - that's 'sci-fi thriller' people! They are often quite bloody, although they certainly don't have to be, in fact some of the scariest horrors that I have ever seen really didn't have a lot of blood in them at all. 
Back in the day, when you saw that something had the tag 'horror' attached to it, you knew that you were in for some pretty fucking weird shit. Classic and provocative movies like The Evil Dead,  The Exorcist, The Shining, Rosemary's Baby and An American Werewolf in London are terrific examples of excellent horror movies because they are movies that will keep you up at night, and that really is the purpose of horror isn't it? They're movies that you don't forget about in a hurry because you can't. They earned their horror tag through and through.
I am not sure why thrillers are being marketed as horror so often now, in general horror movies draw far smaller crowds, and slapping a horror label on any film always means that I am going to go to the cinema alone to see it because everyone else thinks that the film is going to frighten the pants off them. ​Boo, stop scaring people away with inaccurate genre categories! Half the time I leave the cinema feeling really underwhelmed by things that have been marketed as horror, I go for a genuine scare and to experience something really left of centre and I get...well...meh!
Many films that are marketed as horror movies belong in the same category as films like Don't Breathe, Get Out and Creep, which are really 'psychological thrillers with a twist.' Unfortunately there is no specific genre for that, so they often get incorrectly classified and marketed as horror, and it really annoys me. 
When I think 'horror' I think of Cronenberg, DePalma, Romero, Argento and Wan. I think of all of the times that my stomach turned, my pulse quickened, my pupils dilated and my senses were shocked. I recall the times that I lurched out my seat in fright and was grossed out by some unnatural visualisation; now that's horror people! And if you are going to label your movie a horror, you had better bring me some of that shit or else just call it what it is, a thriller! 

GET OUT
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 104 mins 
Here is another perfect example of a thriller being marketed as a horror movie. Get Out is most certainly a terrifically gripping and highly entertaining thriller, but in my books it is not really a horror movie. There is definitely something eerie and unnatural going on in Get Out  which does set it apart from other thrillers, but labelling it a 'horror' is a stretch.  So, don't be misled by the horror genre stamped all over this film, it is actually just a really intriguing thriller that will keep you guessing and wondering right up to the last moments. 
Chris goes to his girlfriend Rose's house to meet her parents for the very first time. Chris is unsure about how they will react to their daughter being in an interracial relationship, but Rose assures him that he has nothing to be worried about. Over the course of the weekend, Chris becomes increasingly concerned about the motives of Rose's family after a string of odd and unnerving occurrences.
Jordan Peele (better known for his work on the comedy TV series Key and Peele) wrote and directed the script, and it is a tremendously fresh and intelligent body of work. The cast here is solid, especially Daniel Kaluuya who portrays Chris with loads of sincerity. He is very well supported by Allison Williams (fresh out of Girls), Catherine Keener, Jim Hudson and Rod Williams. 
There is an alternate ending to Get Out that can be viewed on Youtube, and although it is worth checking out, I preferred the cinematic ending.
FINAL SAY: Now you're in the sunken place.
3.5 Chili Peppers ​

Got together with Zoe and my mum and dad to celebrate this year's Mother's Day.  Had a lovely lunch and then went to see Wicked at Her Majesty's Theatre, which I absolutely loved! My favourite Ballarat production to date, it was just terrific. The costumes and sets were dynamite and the voices of the two lead roles were absolutely electric, I actually got shivers! I really enjoyed it and so did everyone else. 
I was really spoilt this Mother's Day. Zoe bought me a gorgeous turquoise ring, Craig and Seth gave me a delicate white orchid, I got breakfast in bed, had lunch out and went to the theatre, what a wonderful way to spend the day. Mother's Day is most definitely a 'spoil day' for me every year and it always makes me feel very loved and appreciated by my darlings. I get enough fuzzy feelings to see me through the darker days every Mother's Day and I do appreciate all of the extra good stuff that comes my way on that day. 
In general, I do think that mothers (although celebrated on Mother's Day) usually receive the crappiest end of the shit stick. I know that I often feel pretty under-appreciated in the humdrum cycles and monotonous routines that being a mother seems to generate. Mums are expected to bear the brunt of their offspring far more than fathers are ever expected to. For example, when things go 'wrong' with a child, everyone always looks at the mother first, like it is inherently her fault that the child has gone bad.
​The pressure to be a good mother begins before children are even born these days, and once the child is out - boom! The pressure is really on! Not only do mothers need to behave, look and dress a certain way, they also need to be able to breastfeed really well and keep a home immaculate, cook better than Gordon Ramsay and get that hideous postpartum physique back into shape ASAP! And it just goes on and on forever like that, different pressures at different times, but generally it is a relentless gauntlet of expectations. 
Also, after a baby had exited your vagina, you are only really allowed to be one of two things. Traditionally mumsy or Kim Kardashian MILFY, everything else is just not cutting it, it's mediocre and not really respected by society or the mums that already fit into one of those two acceptable mother modes. But mostly what it is, is bullshit! Mothers have so much ridiculous pressure forced upon them by the media and society these days to conform to one of those two tightly wound pigeon holes of existence, that is no wonder that so many women suffer from postnatal depression and anxieties related to being a mother. 
Women are already terrifically good at beating themselves up and feeling like they are not enough, the last thing that they need is even more pressure when it comes to being a good mother. I have said it once before and I am going to say it again, there is no such thing as a perfect mother. We all fuck up and make mistakes, we all second guess ourselves and none of us immune to the wrath of the media on how we should parent.
The real truth is that most mothers, like 85% of them, are just doing the best that they can to try and raise normal healthy members of society and to be there for their kids as best that they can, and when you are doing that 24/7 it is actually more than enough; seriously - it's enough. 
So yeah, let's celebrate mums on Mother's Day - all of them, the weird and wild ones, the sweet and humble ones, the sexy and sassy ones and the cute and cuddly ones - today we salute you all! Go forth life bringers and never be afraid to be a mother that breaks down stereotypes and kicks down the walls of societal expectation, because you deserve to be whoever you want to be - after all, you're already a mother, so there's nothing that you cannot do!

There are certain life situations and conditions that really raise my anxiety, tweak my nerves and just plain annoy the shit out of me. I'm 100% aware of my own triggers, but it is impossible to completely avoid all of one's triggers all of the time, so instead I have adopted strategies and creative ways to cope with them when they happen, so that I don't fly off the handle like an irrational psycho like I used to do in the good old days. 
Some things that really grind my gears and get my knickers in a twist (aside from the obvious ugly stuff like racism, poverty, sexism, abuse etc. that everyone who is sane hates) are things like:
Having too many things to focus on at one time.
Constant interruptions.
Manipulators.
People that want me to change.
The selfish and the delusional - sometimes mistaken for the young and the restless.
Criticism, conflict and lack of harmony. 
People that dismiss my feelings.
People being fake or superficial - on the inside, cosmetic surgery doesn't bother me in the least.
People making assumptions.
Being yelled at.
People that are late.
Being around lots of people, especially at parties.
Not getting any down time.
Constant noise or loudness.
Lack of closure.
And that is really just the tip of the iceberg, I could go on for hours about the things that flip my burger, but what would be the good in that? You see it's not really about what makes you anxious or who makes you annoyed, it's all about how you cope with it. And I believe it all comes down to what you can control and what you cannot control.
If you can control what is stressing you out, then by God take control immediately and fix it! If you cannot control what is stressing you out then you have to get creative, you have to get some stellar coping skills and learn to channel your anxieties into something positive and fruitful. The only way that you can really do that is to truly get to know your own triggers by finding out what it is that makes you feel stressed out.
You have to know what you need to avoid to remain sane, what you need to learn to accept that is completely  unavoidable and you especially need to know what you should push back against and wrestle to the ground. It's like pulling out weeds or 'tending to the garden of the soul.' 
I myself am a great advocate of clothing and feeding my own demons, it's a practise that I indulge in regularly, and now I really know what is going to 'get me going' well before it gets too close to me. Yes siree, I know my own monsters alright and I know just what to do when one comes calling for me these days, and it isn't run in the opposite direction screaming anymore I can tell you that much. Nope, I'm all about staring down my monsters and facing them head on; because I may not be able to change them, but I do prefer to see them coming! 

Spent the best part of Saturday foraging for wild pine mushrooms, cleaning them and then preserving them. Helen, Craig, Seth and I had a full on session of 'hugge' as we sat by the heater in the afternoon with the rain gently falling outside the window as we sipped a few quiet drinks, listened to some chill out music and cleaned and chopped all of the mushrooms that we had foraged in the pines for, earlier that day. 
For anyone who doesn't already know about 'hugge' - it's a Danish word, pronounced 'hoo-ga' which basically translates as 'cosiness' and describes anything that we do that brings us that cosy-comfortable feeling, and Autumn and Winter are clearly the best times of the year to experience 'hoo-ga.'
Denmark is one of the happiest countries in the world, and they mostly attribute that happiness to their ability to embrace the dark times of the year by getting all 'hugge'  and they swear by it.
​Things that create that 'hugge' feeling are things like woods, wools and leathers, lamps and candles, cashmere socks, favourite knitted jumpers and pots of tea or hot chocolate. Eating homemade pie in front of the TV, inviting friends out for a comfort meal, reading a book under a doona, eating a bowl of homemade soup or chili and wearing your ugg boots. Preserving and preparing foraged foods, having a sleeping cat on your lap, collecting pine cones, eating freshly baked biscuits straight from the oven and pajamas in the day time. Your favourite beanie or gloves, crackling fires, spices like cinnamon, chili and nutmeg, mellow music and any other thing that warms you up and lifts your spirits on a cold dark day or night. 
By having a little 'hugge' in the home, we can learn to not only tolerate the darker months, we can even learn to embrace and celebrate them. We can begin to invite the quiet respection that these months offer us and allow ourselves to move at a slower pace, we just surrender and enjoy the change of the season. The nights don't seem as dark when they are spent in a relaxing and cosy manner.
​'Hugge' teaches us that the darkest moments of the year can be some of the best moments of the year if we can just go with the flow and embrace them completely, which sounds pretty good to me. Lord knows that I am all about the 'hugge!'

How the hell has a third of the year already gone by? I'm still recovering from last Christmas, how can we already approaching the halfway mark of another year? It is utterly perplexing to me how every year the days seem to get shorter and shorter, and I am not really packing more things in, just maintaining the status quo, so how does this keep happening? At this rate, years are going to feel like they are a few months long by the time I get to be 70! They say that time flies when you're having fun, but it hasn't exactly been all shits and giggles, so that theory doesn't hold any water either. Time just goes by, in a flash, in a moment and there is nothing that can stop its relentless forward march; and suddenly we are already a third of the way into 2017. 
​It is not until you stop and take stock of the year thus far that you begin to realise how much you have already accomplished, but also on some fronts, how little you have achieved. With the majority of the year still available it is always a good time to reflect on what still needs attention. I would like to offer a little more time this year to painting. I haven't even picked up a paintbrush yet this year. I am longing for a couple of undisturbed weekends in front of a canvas with a glass of good wine in one hand, a paintbrush in the other and something soulful on the stereo. That sounds so wonderful to me, that and curling up with a good novel for hours. I haven't been reading as much as would like to either, but I find that as soon as I pick up my book off the bedside table lately I am asleep with it in my hand only moments later. So annoying!
I love to contemplate all of the amazing things that I could get done if I didn't need to sleep, the possibilities are just endless; how awesome would that be? I wish that my battery never ran down at the end of every day because I would have read a million more novels by now, and watched a billion more movies. I definitely would have completed more art pieces, knitted more clothing, drawn more pictures, baked more delicious cakes, created more things and reviewed way more movies; but most of all I would've had a lot more time to spend with the ones that I love. Most of the time I feel like sleeping is such a dreadful waste of my life, I try not to give more than six hours a day to it generally because I begrudge giving up any more of my life to it. Sleep! Boo -it's totally overrated in my books! Shame that it is so damn necessary I reckon.
​Anyway, the next school holidays will definitely offer me the chance to do those neglected and much missed things, and I fully intend to batten down the hatches and spend as much time as possible hibernating out at Enfield over the June/July break. It'll be movie marathons in the evenings, painting, baking and reading in the afternoons, and long brunches after zenning out with yoga in the mornings. That is one of the best things about living in a house that you have built yourself to meet your own needs, you never really feel like you need a holiday from it. I can easily while away entire weeks out here without even contemplating going into town, I love being tucked away from the world. Besides, everything that I need is already here, including my paint easel and my pile of unread good books, I've truly got it made. Looks like my winter break is already planned. Must say though, in spite of my need to sleep, I certainly haven't been neglecting my movie intake in any way, there are certain things that I just cannot sacrifice!