Only a few short years ago I recall writing on this blog with great anxiety about my daughter Zoe leaving home to go to University. I was a total mess at the time; a mess of worry and a mess of emotions. I was filled with a strange and unsettling mixture of pride, melancholia and knee-trembling fear that I haven't really come up against since then. I suppose that letting your children leave home to find their own place in the world really does have it's own unique set of emotions. A set of emotions that can't completely be defined or replicated, and equally cannot be forgotten either.  
I recall that one of my blog entries at that time was entitled But I don't want you to go.... and it was filled with my deep concerns and neurotic carry on about how Zoe could ever cope without me, and also what my life would look like without her around 24/7. I know that at that point in my life I just could not imagine what it would feel like or look like to not have Zoe there all of the time, it was such a foreign idea to me; an idea that I didn't really want to entertain.
​And now here I am, preparing to see Zoe graduate from University tomorrow and wondering what it was that I was so worried about when she left home a few years ago and about how my life and hers, turned out to be just fine, in fact better than fine, pretty damn great! And there is something really comforting about that. You see, I now have the knowledge that in spite of our greatest fears and anxieties we can adjust, we can move forward and we can achieve marvellous things as well. 
Tomorrow Zoe will take to the stage in her gown and tassel mortar-board and she will become a University graduate, the first University graduate in our family and we just couldn't be more proud of her. And she did it on her own, in a new town without us beside her to bolster the waves and lead the way, she did it all on her own. Now I could say that it was because we are such epic parents that she could manage all of this, but I honestly can't take the credit for all of her hard work. This one is Zoe's and Zoe's alone, she did it and she did it so well that she's been invited back to complete her honours as well. Woohoo - you go girl!
This whole experience has not only made Zoe grow up and learn about life, but it has also made Craig and I grow up and learn about life as well. We've changed a lot over the last few years that Zoe has left our home, and we have had a glimpse at what life looks like when you have less chicks in the nest to tend to as well. And you know what? We survived and we thrived, and we are all still close and we all enjoy each others company. I also now know for sure that just because your chicks fly the coop, that doesn't mean that they won't come back to roost for a spell every now and then, and that they aren't still your chicks in every way. 
Letting them fly is difficult because you're so damn worried that they will fall without you, but I cannot tell how incredibly good it feels when they don't fall at all, but when they actually soar to greater heights than you could ever reach yourself. Words just cannot describe it and nothing I write will ever do it justice, so I am not even going to try, but I'm pretty sure that you get the idea. 

Freshly back in Australia from our adventures in New Zealand, and what adventures we all had! I can honestly say that our family trip to New Zealand was one of the best trips that I have ever had overseas and now I am already keen to return and check out the New Zealand South Island as well.
The Gods truly blessed our trip and we had terrific and mostly mild weather for the entire duration, all of our Airbnb accommodations were even better than we had anticipated them to be and we managed to fit in everything that we had planned to do (and then some) without a hitch or a glitch along the way. And trust me when I say that we did plenty whilst we were there.
We only spent one night in Auckland before hitting the road for the Waitomo Caves to do the 'Black Labyrinth' glow-worm cave tour. This tour required us to don a wetsuit and caving gear, carry a flotation tube into the depths of the earth and then navigate ourselves through the uneven and dark terrain to see the glow worms that line the roof and walls of the caves. No-one told me that this tour would require me to leap backwards off waterfalls into water of an unknown depth in the dark whilst we were in the caves, if they had've I probably would've chickened out and then missed out on what turned out to be three of the funnest and most exhilarating hours of our entire trip.
For all of the initial fear, there was a tonne of fun to be had in those caves, and our guides were really helpful and knowledgeable and certainly  alleviated all of our concerns very quickly. The glow-worms are really dazzling and floating about in the dark water surrounded by their intense blue light is a pretty magical  and once in a lifetime experience.
We spent the next few days indulging in all of the exciting opportunities that Rotorua and the surrounding areas had to offer us. Which included a tour of Hobbiton (which made us all gung-ho to re-watch the trilogy again), a ride on a skyline gondola, some downhill luging, ziplining through the forests, kayaking on Lake Rotorua, zorbing (not for me thanks!), a Maori interactive experience and hangi (cooked in coals under the earth) dinner, a trip to see the thermal geysers and hot pools, a visit to a wildlife park to see a kiwi up close and personal (turns out that they are nocturnal birds, which I did not realise until I went to see one) and we also celebrated Seth's 14th birthday as well!
For the five days that we spent in Rotorua we stayed on the lake in a home owned by a movie lover like myself, which meant unlimited access to thousands of DVD's and also included a hot-tub, a daily visit from the resident swans and around an acre of immaculately landscaped gardens to explore, tough going I know, but someone had to do it!
From Rotorua we headed to the largest lake in New Zealand, Lake Taupo. Lake Taupo is large enough to fit Singapore inside of it! No shit, it's really that big! We went out on a yacht to take a look because there are some incredible Maori carvings out there that can only be reached by boat, and even though we sailed on the lake for the entire morning, we only saw around 6% of it. It has it's own horizon for goodness sake, it is absolutely massive! We had a lovely couple of days chilling out and enjoying our final days of lake life at Taupo. 
From there we headed down to our final destination of the trip, Wellington. The home of the vampires from What We Do in the Shadows and the city that Wellington Paranormal (one of my personally favourite TV shows) is based on. We stayed on the edge of the North Island in a flashy modern beach house that shares its neighbourhood with Peter Jackson. We kept our eyes open for any sign of him, but sadly he wasn't anywhere to be seen.
However, we did get to see a seal which was lazily sunning itself and hopping into the sea for a cool down swim off the rocks just across the road from our accommodation, which absolutely chuffed me! I haven't observed a large wild animal (without a handler) doing whatever it likes that close up before, usually you have to pay for those kinds of experiences, it was a real treat. There were also penguin nesting boxes there as well, but I think that the seal may have scared them away, so we didn't get to see them in action, but apparently they do cross the road regularly in that area because our Airbnb host told us to watch out for them. 
The coastline provided us with plenty of opportunities to collect abalone shells (paua shells), observe starfish and native sea life in the rock pools and also swim and snorkel. Our (I say our, but really it was mine) main priority whilst we were in Wellington was to visit the Weta Caves, which is a treasure trove of movie memorabilia and special effects information for movie geeks like me. I got a some great shots with the cave trolls from The Hobbit whilst I was there. And then in Wellington central we rode the city Cable Car to the peak of the city and strolled the botanical gardens taking in the incredible views and local flora. 
Fair to say that we were kept pretty busy, but it was a joyful level of busy. There was still ample time for sleeping in, eating out, shopping, meandering, meditating, late night movies and generally lollygagging in an awe-struck fashion at the incredible mountainous and green landscapes that we constantly engaged as we traversed the island. I have some incredible photographs of the amazing and altering terrain, it was so lush and made Australia look even more flat, arid and dry than I remembered it being when we left ten days ago, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't glad to be home again, because we all know that there is no place like home. 
Would I recommend a trip to the New Zealand North Island? Hell yes I would! Our family trip was worth every cent that we spent on it, we all had the best time in New Zealand and now we have a lifetime of memories of our time together to enjoy forever. It has been an unforgettable summer vacation  for us all.

Tomorrow we leave for New Zealand. As a huge heat wave hits Victoria we are escaping to the cooler and more manageable climates of Auckland, Rotorua and Wellington for the better part of 10 days. This family holiday has been in the making for the last two and a half years and I have excitedly planned and booked this self guided trip around the North Island with a lot of enthusiasm and loving detail. I have tried to encompass all of the things that our family have show an interest in exploring whilst we're in New Zealand, even the things that may be pushing me well outside of my comfort zone like spelunking (caving) and zip lining, which means that without a doubt this is going to be an epic family adventure for all of us. 
I am drawing the line at bungee jumping and zorbing though, happy for the kids to throw themselves off bridges and toss themselves down hills in giant plastic balls, but I am not willing to be involved in that kind of stuff and nonsense. The last thing that I need before I head back to work is a back injury, broken arm or leg or worse; no thank-you! I am going to leave the high impact action to the young and brave of heart, besides I am more than happy to wait out their high octane antics from the comfort of a good day spa with a glass of delicious New Zealand wine in my hand. Have at it kids, I'm happy to find my own fun! 
This trip will be especially significant for Zoe because this trip is her 21st birthday gift - finally coming to fruition! It's one thing to give someone plane tickets and spending money as a gift, it's another thing altogether to finally get on to that flight and have the chance to spend that money overseas. So needless to say, the anticipation is high and the excitement has reached fever pitch.
We are all super excited to be going over to New Zealand as a family for what will probably be the last big overseas holiday that we all have together for quite some time. Zoe has overseas destinations that she wants to explore with her fiance and Craig and I have a few big ticket items to get done out here that will occupy our spending money for a while as well, so it's hard to say when we will have an opportunity as good as this again. In light of that, we are all heading to New Zealand with our sights set on having an absolutely marvellous time.
​So I bid you all a fond farewell as I depart the country for a spell, I will without a doubt have wonderful tales to tell upon my return.
Just like Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, I am going on an adventure! Perhaps my most favourite adventure of all time and I cannot wait!

THE FAVOURITE
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 121 mins 
An historical period drama/ black comedy directed by Yorgos Lanthimos and written by Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara. After winning the Grand Jury Prize at the 75th Venice International Film Festival where it had it's world premiere, The Favourite has since gone on to receive further critical acclaim, praise and accolades for it's screenplay, cinematography, music, costume design and the stellar performances of the three lead roles portrayed by Olivia Colman, Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz. 
In 1708 whilst Britain is at War with France, Queen Anne (Colman) sits on the throne entertaining eccentric behaviours and struggling with her unpredictable emotions and eating patterns. Sarah Churchill (Weisz) offers the Queen counsel, advise and comfort in many and varied ways, and has always held the Queen's attentions and affections. That is until her impoverish cousin Abigail Hill (Stone) arrives and seeks to gain the Queen's affections and adorations over Sarah. An unspoken and vicious competition commences as the two women vie for the Queen's favour. 
I adore Yorgos Lanthimos as a director, he always brings a fresh and raw perspective to his storytelling and The Favourite may be my favourite of his movies so far. This film looks lush in every way, and the constant excessive indulgences really drive home the dreadfully wasteful and revoltingly spoilt lifestyles of the British Aristocracy of that period perfectly.
The acting is flawless and the three leads have been perfectly cast and the story is delivered in a wickly interesting way. Olivia Colman is looking mighty good for a Best Actress Oscar here, and Weisz and Stone bring a very real threat to the Academy Awards in their terrific support roles as well. This is unmissable stuff, a truly amazing cinematic experience. 
FINAL SAY: As it turns out, I'm capable of much unpleasantness. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Another year is drawing to a close and what a wonderful year it has been for me. There have been so many highlights and so many special events, holidays and celebrations that I have been able to share with my family, my friends and my work colleagues this year that it is hard to know where to start. 2018 has truly been a year filled with great blessings, personal growth and many, many smiles.
I really like to make a list of the highlights of a year as it draws to close because it is so easy to forget just how many joyful things you do and get to be apart of; and how much you have achieved if you don't take stock on some level.  I always feel so deeply overwhelmed whenever I look back at everything that I have achieved and shared throughout the year and reflecting on a year is a really lovely thing to do that really helps you to count your blessings and focus on the abundance in your life. 
Here are my favourite highlights from 2018, all of which have brought me a great deal of joy, a sense of belonging, a feeling of enrichment and have provided me with many memories to reflect upon during the quieter and more contemplative times of the year. 

JANUARY:  Zoe and Lachlainn's engagement, Seth's 13th birthday, Jubilee Lake Picnic in Daylesford, Australia Day Fireworks, BBQ's and Drinks on the Enfield deck, TRUE - 30 days of Yoga program, Started my new job adventures. 
FEBRUARY: Chinese New Year- the Year of the Dog,  Rockabilly Festival, dinner and coffee dates with friends, Curry/movie night get togethers kicked off. 
MARCH: White Night Festival, International Women's Day, Cooking Day at Enfield  with friends, My Birthday, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Begonia Festival, The Arts Trail, the Egg Painting session at Enfield on Easter Saturday.
APRIL: Craig's Birthday, Eating Hot Cross Buns and good quality Chocolate on Easter Sunday, Dinner Parties, the Autumn School Holiday Break, Movie Nights at Enfield with mates, Apple and Quince harvesting. 
MAY: Mother's Day, The Festival of Light at the Great Stupa in Bendigo, a Daylesford Chocolate Mill visit, meeting Daniel Kish (aka. The Batman- echolocation expert), Spicywatch's 4th Birthday.
JUNE: Zoe's 21st Birthday, Winter Solstice Celebrations, Mushrooming, Completing my Level One Braille Qualification, Weekend Breakfast Dates with friends, the Winter School Holidays.
JULY: Alice in Wonderland at ACMI, Winter Movie Marathon nights, Flashy Cocktails and Long Lunches with my friends, When I Grow Up Art Exhibition, All day Baking and Soup making Sessions, Prospects dinners, eating Homemade Apple Pie with my Family. 
AUGUST:  Dinner parties, Dress-up Events at School (Book Week, 100 days of School, PJ day), committing to 30 days of 30 minutes of extra exercise (which I have continued with ever since).
SEPTEMBER: Father's Day, Seeing the Showcase Performance at school, Commencing 20 minutes of daily Transcendental Meditation (have also continued with this all year), the Spring School Holiday Break.
OCTOBER: Halloween horror movie/ dinner night, Rediscovered the joy of the local Botanical Gardens, School trip to Melbourne Zoo, Landcare Open Day, Cocktail and Perfume Night at The Lost Ones.
NOVEMBER: Bonfire Night, Anniversary weekend at Skenes Creek, Dinner Dates and Movie Nights, Sunday afternoon Live Music at Smythesdale Pub. 
DECEMBER: Dinner Party with friends, Having a KK to spoil and one that spoilt me as well, Staff Christmas function, Student Graduation, the Foundation Team Dinner, Summer Holidays kicking off, Christmas Day, Champagne Breakfasts, Reuniting with my nephew. 

Seriously, it has been the best year, I have so many things to be grateful for and so many reasons to celebrate what a wonderful life I have. On top of all of that, Spicywatch hit 11,000 return readers this month and I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to think that people are not only reading my blog and reviews, but are returning for more, it is just incredible to me. I am truly thankful to each and every Spicywatch reader for their continual check ins to my website, for their beautiful comments and their amazing support throughout the year. 
May 2019 bring you all much peace, much happiness and an abundance of all of the best things in life. I look forward to delivering more reviews and movie information to you all in 2019 and sharing my personal life experiences with you along the way as well.
Happiest of New Year's wishes to you all, may your resolutions be fulfilled, your hearts be full and your hangovers minimal; may you discover many new, enjoyable challenges and rewards in the new year and I hope that 2019 allows you to find your groove in all things,
Sending all of my love to you,
Happy New Year,
From Spicywatch xx

Gimme a high five, a kiss on the cheek and a slap on the arse - work has officially ended! I have now happily navigated (and survived) the Christmas Staff Party, the work place Kris Kringle certificate exchange and the obligatory tipples, cheerful chatter and tears of goodbye that come with all end of year farewells and the much anticipated and fiercely coveted Summer holiday escape. All of my Christmas work events were thoroughly enjoyable, as one would expect when you work with a group of wonderful people, and I was sweetly touched by the outpouring of love and care that everyone in my school community shared with each other over this busy and genuinely exhausting time of the year.
The children (literally dead on their feet by the final stroke of the clock) showered me with much thanks, many hugs and a ridiculously generous cascade of gifts that were both greatly appreciated and overwhelmingly touching; highlighting all of the reasons that the slog is always worthwhile and that we do indeed change tiny minds everyday for the better. It would be more than fair to say that Christmas definitely came early for me. I don't even need to open another gift now, I have already been insanely spoilt and my ego has had a mighty good fluffing up from the many compliments and thanks that the children's parents (who did not hold back their gratitude or appreciations) happily gave to me. 
And so now I move onto more personal affairs, as today I brave the supermarket hordes to shop for my pre-Christmas get togethers and my family Christmas Day lunch. And even though I know that the supermarket is going to resemble a looting escapade during a zombie apocalypse, this is truly a labour of love now and I will undertake it with a lot of thought and loving devotion, because after all, it is Christmas time and therefore an excellent opportunity to spoil your loved ones and indulge in the finer things in life without feeling guilty. 
I have my menu planned, my shopping list written and I have purposely set aside Christmas Eve to prepare desserts and spend some time with Zoe and Seth swanning about the kitchen cooking up some delicious Christmas fare. I like to do all of the hard work and as much of the preparations before Christmas so that on the day I just have to load up the oven and grab a glass of bubbly. No-one should be slaving away in a kitchen on Christmas Day, that is just downright criminal. The load on the day has to be shared; the kids will dress the table (which Zoe has a turned into an art form), I will fill the oven and carve the roasted beasts, we will all do a little dusting and turning out of pre-prepared sweet treats, Seth will organise some appropriate and festive mood music and Craig, as he always does, will provide a jug of good gravy which he makes with the precision of a surgeon. And voila - we will have ourselves a merry little Christmas family gathering. Nothing more to do on the day but pop open the crackers and enjoy a relaxed meal together, which now that I have written about, am getting very excited for.
​Come on Christmas, I am ready for you to arrive!

In our household, no topic is off the table when it comes to family discussions around the dinner table. This open dialogue between myself, my husband and our children has led to many interesting, sometimes awkward and often lengthy and involved banters over the years, and even though many people have raised an eyebrow in regards to how open we are about all topics in our home, I have been vigilant about instilling the values of open conversation and honesty when it comes to family exchanges. 
Because of this open dialogue around the dinner table, we have had what many people would call 'difficult' conversations with our children as they have discovered the truths and at times the ugly realities about the world, but we pride ourselves for never lying to them or hiding an unpleasant truth from them, and they have both turned out to be pretty well rounded and open minded individuals as a result of this.
​Both of my children knew the truth about their body parts, how lives are created and that some people are 'not quite right in the head' well before they even arrived at primary school. And before they left primary school they also knew about war, religion, genocide, enlightenment, rape, cults, incest, racism, paedophilia, discrimination, poverty, mental illness, hate crimes and all forms of artistic, spiritual and sexual expression. Neither of them have become unbalanced by any of this information, and neither of them now struggle to understand the complexities of the world. The truth about the world did not fuck them up or steal their innocence and they both had really normal happy childhoods. In fact, growing up they didn't have nearly as many troubles as their peers when it came to managing social situations or complicated issues and have always had a strong sense of social justice and ethical behaviour as a result of their developed global understanding. 
I worked hard to cultivate a mindset in my children 'that nothing is too big to tell, or too awkward to ask about.' And yes, it has lead to some 'hot' discussion and even some disagreements over the years (because with an open forum people will tend to debate and defend their formed opinions) but it has also meant that my children are always willing to talk to me, really talk to me. If something is going on they will always tell us about it and if something is happened that they don't understand or need clarification about, they will ask. And the conversation is still very lively around our dinner table and although we sometimes hit the hard topics, generally we share many relaxed and casual meals where the order of the day is much laughter and silliness. 
I am in no way saying that open-conversation is going to fly smoothly at everyone's dinner table, but having room for opinion and the comfort to ask questions is certainly not a bad thing to generate in any family. Being able to talk about anything, even the really tough stuff has certainly brought us closer together as a family and my kids have always been grateful for the honesty that they have received from us whilst they were in their formative years.
​I have never been able to think of a good reason to hide things from my children or to lie to them and I have never wanted to cultivate a relationship with my children that was steeped in deception or mistrust. I often wonder when I hear adults say that their children aren't ready to hear the truths about the world if it is just because they as adults aren't ready to deal with all of the ugliness themselves. All that I know for sure from my own experiences, is that nurturing a home where secrets are supported and lies necessitated will only lead to bitter resentments, disappointments and painful truths later on in life, and we all want a lot less of that for our children in the long run. 

I am officially on school holidays! I started a little earlier than everyone else because my son needs to have some serious dental work done later today, so I am a couple of days in advance of all of the other staff at school that are still in it for the long haul; and even though I may be nursing a rather sore and sorry teenager for the next couple of days, I am certainly thankful for the early respite. 
I know that I say this every time that the school holidays roll around, but school staff really do earn every minute of holidays that they get each term, and a winter term is always a tough one to get through, for both the staff and students. So a little frolick time in the warming spring air is just what the doctor ordered and I am really looking forward to hitting the garden, the easel, the couch, the yoga mat, the cinema and probably the whiskey bottle as well if I am being really honest about it. With 18 work free days ahead of me, the possibilities are endless and I will be taking full advantage of balancing out my rest, relaxation and realignment time with getting some 'need to do' tasks ticked off my list as well. 
The yard is looking positively swampish out here at the moment, weeds are protruding from every garden bed, some plants droop sadly after the ravages of the heavy winter frosts and the driveway is starting to look more like a lawn than a gravel track, which means that it's weed spraying time! I actually quite enjoy being in the garden and I find gardening tasks more than tolerable especially when they are teamed with a decent podcast and a spot of sunshine. I can easily spend a few days in the sun pottering about in the yard and not feel like I have done any chores at all, and the results are always more than worth the time that you spend making them happen. 
I was more than pleased to see that my vegetable patch has self seeded a lot of spring vegetables without any assistance from me, so a bit of weeding and a few extra pots of vegetables from the nursery should put that all back in order again. In fact there is already a very healthy speckling of rhubarb, beetroot, spring onion, chard, leek, kale, parsley, kohlrabi, oregano, spinach and even a couple of heads of lettuce that have flourished without much effort from me at all. I haven't even been out there in over eight weeks, so I was pretty surprised to see so much action when I checked it the other day. It truly is amazing what a bit of sunshine, rain and some warm spring air can do to a garden...and to the soul. 
I am certainly finding myself in high spirits at the moment, not just with the holiday situation but also with my TM practices. I have been meditating for at least 20 minutes a day over the past 10 days now and I have been feeling a lot more at ease as a result of that. Transcendental Meditation actually requires two twenty minute sessions a day, but with the half an hour of yoga and half an hour of walking that I already do every day, it is just too much to squeeze in. Perhaps over the break I will be able to increase my meditation time further, but when I am working it is a challenge to make everything fit. However, one of the biggest benefits that I have noticed so far with TM has been my increased energy levels and lack of tiredness. I rise around 5.40am and go to bed around 11pm and I sleep so restfully and always wake feeling totally rejuvenated, often before my alarm even goes off now!
And, on top of my regular daily routine which (aside from my paid work) always includes yoga, walking, journaling, meditation, braille practice, meal preparation, cleaning and household chores, I have also (in the last 10 days) entertained two dinners (with three courses that I cooked from scratch), gone out for dinner with friends four times, gone to the movies, attended a work PD, had a coffee date with a friend and kept up with my blog and the all of the TV series that I am watching at the moment. PHEWWW! It's been hectic, but I don't feel worn out at all, in fact I feel like I have more energy than I have ever had. Is that possible? Is it all psychosomatic? Am I convincing myself that TM is making my life richer or does it really work? Hard to say just yet, but safe to say that I am going to be continuing with my practice at this point, and let's just see where it all takes me.

There is nothing that you can do to slow down the growth and development of your children. One day you're trying to decide what kind of childcare would be appropriate for your precious little bundle and then the next thing you know you're preparing to watch them graduate from University. And you will have no idea what the hell happened to those years in between. It just happens, your kids just grow up and you have to ride it all out alongside of them, every nitty gritty and sometimes shitty moment of it. And trust me when I say that it is never, no matter how awesome your family dynamic may be, going to be terrific 100% of the time. 
There are going to be less than awesome days when your son or daughter is going to bitch slap you upside the head and tell you that they hate you or that you suck, which is of course bullshit because they never really hate you, they just hate the power that you have over them to make descisions for them; decisions that they are way too young to be responsibly making for themselves. But yeah, they are going to hate you for it, and you know what? That's okay. It is actually healthy to have a few power struggles with your kids, it's normal in any good and fruitful relationship to have a few power struggles. It's how families build trust and responsibility, and learn how to depend upon each other through the good and the bad times which only occurs when you are all riding it all out together, no matter what comes your way. 
I am always deeply concerned and also utterly perplexed when I hear parents nonchalantly talking about how their teenager has driven them so bonkers that they have had to kick them out or encouraged  them to move out or leave the house. Seriously, as a parent you don't get to check out - not ever! Never ever, no matter how bonkers your teenager may be making you. You cannot let them leave, you cannot toss them out and you cannot decide at any point (no matter how crapola things may appear to be) that you have had enough.
​Sorry, but you gave up your right to check out when you signed up to be a parent. There are no 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards when it comes to parenting. How your child decides to behave is pretty much irrelevant because you are the adult and you have to be the voice of reason, the harbour in the tempest and the example of 'how we do when shit isn't going awesome.' You have to take some shit on the chin from time to time and you absolutely (without fail) have to remember that when your kids are behaving at their worst, it's always because they are needing you the most. Especially teenagers, who are exceptionally loathe to asking for help or guidance because well...you know....they already know everything! And any sign of a chink in the armour would be extremely uncool as well, and god forbid any parent that is trying to make their teenager feel uncool!
Finding a happy medium where you are always holding on with one hand but also letting go with the other is really the only way to go as a parent I believe. You have to let them make some mistakes, but not too many. You have to let them fight their own battles, but not if they get too big. You have to let them be angry, but not all the time or for no good reason. You have to hug them when they are dreadful, encourage them when they want to give up and also be adult enough to admit that you're only human and that you have a multitude of your own shortcomings. Always apologise when you act like a dickhead yourself, don't ever hold grudges with your kids and never let them leave,  unless they absolutely have to, and even then make sure that they know that you would much prefer that they stay!
It's a tough gig being a good parent, but it's a bloody great gig too, and it's certainly not something that you would ever want to give up on, not for all the tea in China. 

Had a much needed day out with Zoe and Seth in the city yesterday. We meandered the streets of Melbourne for hours, stopping in at some of our favourite haunts and taking in all of the sights, sounds and smells of the big city environment. Melbourne is somewhere that I love to visit regularly because it doesn't matter how many times you go, there is always something new to discover and the shopping is always fantastic.
We hit up Lush for bath bombs, Haigh's for chocolate and Daiso for some random Asian goodies because those places are an absolute must for us when we go to Melbourne, and then we headed over to Chinatown for a huge teppanyaki feast for lunch which did involve Seth getting most of an omelette tossed into his face from our very cheeky chef. It was quite amusing for us, but not so amusing for Seth who was showered in hot egg pieces that were being flung straight off the steaming teppanyaki grill at his head, but it was all just part of the fun and no real harm was done.
We ended our fabulous day out exploring the Alice in Wonderland exhibition that is currently showing at ACMI, which was a feast for the senses and a real treat for me since I am such a massive Alice in Wonderland fan. The highlight of the exhibition was definitely the Mad Hatter's Tea Party where you entered a room and sat down for a 'virtual' seat at the Hatter's table. Cakes magically appeared on plates and virtual tea poured into cups as we sat amid the butterflies in the mushroom forest. It was pretty exciting and the kids that were sitting near to us were so delighted and enthralled by the scene that it was impossible to not get swept up in the magic of it all, I mean when do you ever get to attend a real Mad Hatter's Tea Party? 
In spite of the cold, wet and blustery weather trying to keep us at bay, we all had a great day out and managed to dodge the Melbourne showers as we went about our business. Today however, has been a completely different story with the rain completely overtaking our Sunday and forcing us all indoors and close to the heater. It has probably been the wettest day of the holidays so far, but I am not complaining because a day of curling up on the couch with Netflix is never a bad day in my mind.
I have managed to binge watch a couple of TV series and watch quite a lot of movies over the break so far. I am slowly making my way through my 'to see' list, which mainly consists of long and gritty movies that I haven't got the time or the mental stamina to deal with during the term. Here's one of my favourite viewings so far these holidays, but as I said, it's long and gritty, so do see it, but only when you're in the right frame of mind to do so, it's tough going.

BEASTS OF NO NATION
Release Date: 2015
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 137 mins
A gritty war drama written, co-produced and directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga who also acted as his own cinematographer during filming. Based on the novel of the same name by Uzodinma Iweala, Beasts of No Nation comes on strong with it's striking and horrific depiction of a young boy who becomes a ruthless child soldier. 
Young Agu's Ghanaian village is torn apart when rebel and government forces begin fighting in the streets. His mother and sister flee for safety, his father and brother are murdered and Agu escapes capture by hiding in the jungle. He is found by a ruthless militia group that operate under a vicious commander (Idris Elba) and after undergoing a brutal initiation process he becomes a fully-fledged member and begins his transformation from boy to soldier. 
This is a sobering and uncompromising look at the human cost of war and the exploitation of the innocent and desperate. Idris Elba deservingly won a SAG award for his unforgettable and disturbingly good portrayal of the opportunistic sadist commander, and I am genuinely confused about why he didn't get an Oscar nomination that year as well. All of the child performances are amazingly good, especially Abraham Nii Attah who portrays Agu's transformation perfectly and was awarded the Marcello Mastroianni Award for Best Young Actor at the 72nd Venice International Film Festival. 
Beasts of No Nation is by no means an easy watch, but it is most definitely a worthy one. 
FINAL SAY: I saw terrible things....and I did terrible things. 
4 Chilli Peppers ​

Although turning 21 isn't quite as important as it used to be in the old days, there's still something pretty exciting about the day that you finally become a 'real' adult. Sure kids become adults at 18, but everyone knows that they are still mostly under construction. It isn't until you turn 21 that the world suddenly realises that you really are an adult and with that realisation people finally start to listen to you when you speak and respect you as a functioning member of society.
And I suppose that it is also around 21 that people start to expect that you will somewhat have your shit together and have some idea about what about you what you want to do with your life, but everyone also really knows that this is rarely ever the case. 
Our Zoe turned 21 yesterday. I cannot believe that 21 years of her life have already gone by, it certainly doesn't feel like it has been that long since I screamed the hospital down giving birth to her all those years ago. And what an amazing adult she has become, so very smart and also beautiful, Zoe has become more of the type of woman that we want in our society than I could have ever hoped that she would be. Strong, funny, ambitious, kind and compassionate, our girl sure does have it all. She has lived away from home for almost three years and during that time I have watched her blossom into the fine independent woman that I know and love so dearly, I just couldn't be more proud of my daughter, she is a constant source of wonder and inspiration to me. 
On top of everything else, Zoe is also on the verge of graduating University this year, she has become a coordinator for the YMCA and coaches competitive gymnastics squads, she got engaged earlier this year to her long term sweetheart Lachlainn and she has now also turned 21; it's been a pretty big year for our darling Zoe. And she never fails to visit us here in Enfield every other week, chat on the phone to me twice a week and always have a smile on her face when I see her. What's not to love about this kid? She's is an absolute sweetheart, inside and out, and Craig, Seth and I, well we just bloody love her stupid and thank our lucky stars that we have managed to get someone so wonderful batting on our team. 
Being the generous soul that she is, Zoe didn't want a 21st birthday party this year, she wanted to for us all to go on a holiday together for her birthday. She wanted us to have some quality travel and family time together before she commits to full time employment and a house mortgage or any of that other life stuff that will get in the way of travel and spending money. So that's what we are doing, we are all going away to New Zealand in January together to celebrate not only Zoe's 21st birthday, but also how wonderful it is to be a part of a family that love and care for each other. Which has given us all something fantastic to look forward to over the summer break and something to save our money towards. 
So happy 21st birthday my darling Zoe, I hope that the years ahead are kind to you, I wish all of the best things in abundance for you and please know that we will always be there for you, a million hugs and kisses from your adoring family for your special day xxxx.
​PS. Couldn't resist putting in a review of a movie that we have watched a hundred times over together. 

Sometimes I need to be alone. Really alone. 
This need to be left alone is often mistaken for aloofness or rudeness, and I never mean for it to come off that way, but the unfortunate side effect of needing alone time is that sometimes it can make others feel like you don't want them around. 
The truth is that I really do want people around, I actually really enjoy company and crave human interaction.  And just like everyone else in the world I do get really lonely sometimes too, but if I am being 100% honest, that doesn't happen very often. More often than I would like to admit, I just want to be left the hell alone. Which sounds terrible when I say it like that, but it is true. I really need to be left alone sometimes, and alone can be very, very difficult to get. 
Sometimes when I need alone time, I really need alone time, and it can be quite difficult for me to get the alone time that I need and that will actually satisfy my need for aloneness. In my line of work, where I am around children all day (especially really small ones) I do find that I can get pretty depleted by the end of the day. I often try to retreat to a quiet corner of the house when I am in withdrawal mode, but find that I can rarely sustain the hiding for longer than half an hour before someone decides that they need me something and I am ferreted out of my hiding spot.
It is not good to be angry at the people you love for needing you, but sometimes it happens. Sometimes, enough is a bloody-nuff!  Go work it out yourself, cook your own dinner, stop asking me for things, leave me alone! I want to shout these things from the top of my lungs, but then I would just feel guilty about it so I don't. I face the strain and keep on smiling, even though my insides may be writhing with angry feelings and annoyance and my legs want to abscond. 
As an introvert, the need to be left alone can be exceptionally overwhelming, but as I said it can also make you look like such a total asshole. I often find myself daydreaming about entire weekends where no-one is around and I don't have to worry about anyone else's needs but my own, just a couple of days where the house is empty all day and night except for me. And I know that that is  a completely selfish and pretty dickish thing to desire, but when you have been bombarded by humans and their needs for as long as I have, sometimes you just long for no responsibility and no pressure and especially no new input. No new input, just the sound of it....it sounds like complete and utter bliss to me. 
However, I also know that I would probably only last 24 hours and then I would start to miss everyone and would wish them all back home again anyway, but every now and then I do secretly wish that they would all just sod off for a while and leave me the hell alone! 

Seth is currently completely obsessed with the 'Tiny House' movement. He relentlessly tries to convince Craig and I that we should be downsizing and opting to live in a tiny house. Craig tells him that we did once live in a tiny house when we bought our first home, and that it was cramped and that he has just forgotten what that felt like because he was tiny himself back then. Our first house was definitely not a tiny house, however in comparison to where we live now it would seem small. We did have to renovate the crap out of our first home to make it larger and more accomodating for our expanding family needs, and even after we had stretched it to its absolute limits, it just wasn't big enough for our family anymore. However, that doesn't mean that we won't need to downsize sometime in the future, but Seth wants to live in a tiny house right now. 
Now I don't want to deter my son's ambitions to be more environmentally sound and eco-friendly, but there are a few obvious problems with Seth wanting to live in a tiny house in the future, the first being his size. Seth is clearly going to be  bear-man when (or if) he ever stops growing. My side of the family is known for being a sturdy bunch and Craig's side is all height, put those two body types together and add a lot of man hair to that, and you have something that resembles a bear on its hind legs. He is already way taller than me now and he is only 13. These proportions are going to present more than their fair share of problems for Seth in a tiny house, but this has not deterred him. 
The other problem with Seth's tiny house concept is where his tiny house will live, which I can answer immediately, our backyard! I have visions of Seth squeezing himself onto a tiny porch every night in our backyard to go to bed, which in reality will not be downsizing at all, it will be expanding. There is more than enough space here for him in the house, adding another tiny house to our land will not be downsizing! I see the logic in this, unfortunately he does not.
If it was mobile and he could travel with it, that I could understand but to build another smaller house off the size of our already adequate house seems ridiculous to me.
I think that he may just be attracted to the idea of a glorified cubby or tree house if I am being honest about it. As a small child Seth loved to make blanket forts and would hide away for hours under a blanket tossed over a clothes horse or sit in a one man tent with Zoe listening to stories. He has always loved confined spaces and we spent hours extracting from him from under tables and things that he had got himself stuck in as a child, and maybe that longing for small spaces has just never gone away for him. 
I do totally concur with him on the carbon footprint thing though, a tiny house is so much better for the environment and so much cheaper to manage overall, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't love the amount of space that we have out here and that I have grown quite accustomed to a palatial lifestyle. However, in growing accustomed to certain privileges, one must also be responsible for them and Craig and I are both really serious about our impact on the environment. We have put in solar panels as a means of generating green energy and reducing our footprint out here and we do recycle diligently and compost all of our green waste which goes back into feeding our own vegetable patch and garden beds. We use tank water 95% of the time and use grey water on gardens where we can. We reuse everything, only buy or replace things when it absolutely necessary and we never waste food or other precious resources. But who knows, maybe in the future there will be ways to be even more environmentally friendly without having to compromise on life's luxuries or the feeling of having space. I know that I would certainly be all over that. 

Yesterday Craig and I hosted Zoe and Lachlainn's engagement party out here in Enfield. Around 55 friends and family members ventured out in the evening to join us, and the weather could not have been any more perfect. A spectacular pink sunset greeted our guests as they lounged around the garden, resting below bobbing lanterns and sipping beers and champagne in the still coolness of the evening. It was such a wonderful evening, everyone appeared to be having a really great time and most importantly of all, Zoe and Lachlainn had a terrific time sharing their special event with everyone else as well. 
Zoe had a very clear idea about how she wanted the evening to look, kind of rustic, relaxed and country themed; which involved hay bales, wild flowers, mood lighting and a variety of seating arrangements for guests to choose from. The preparations started the day before with a massive all day baking session and then by 9am on Saturday the real setup had begun and all four of us pitched in to make it happen; and it all came together very nicely. To be honest, I think that we managed to pull off a pretty respectable engagement soiree. If only the clean up today had been as much fun as the actual event, because I tell you when I awoke this morning sporting a nice little champagne hangover the last thing that I felt like doing was cleaning up from a big event. Nevermind, c'est la vie, you have to endure the after party clean up, and if there is no mess to clear up then it probably wasn't a very good event in the first place.
Zoe and Lachlainn are just the cutest couple, it was so lovely to see them enjoying the company of their nearest and dearest together. There was certainly no shortage of smiling faces around them last night, everyone was super happy for them both and obviously agree that they make a fantastic couple. Everyone that I spoke to was 'over the moon' happy for them to be getting engaged, clearly they too had seen the makings of a good long term relationship growing over the last six years and were not at all surprised that the two had decided to make things more official.
I know that we were more than pleased to be sharing in the celebration of such a wonderful declaration of love, especially between two such wonderful people. When it comes to celebratory events, this one topped them all for me. My daughter has found someone that makes her so happy that she wants to spend her life with them - now that's truly an event that is totally worth celebrating!

Seth turned thirteen yesterday. I now have a teenage son, which makes me feel quite old in some ways, but also very proud, because I absolutely adore my son and couldn't be any happier about the young man that he is becoming. 
As usual, Seth celebrated his birthday in the most low key manner that he could think of. One friend to sleepover, a spread of various tacos, a homemade ice-cream cake and plenty of gaming time. Seriously, teenage boys are the most easily pleased creatures on the planet from what I can gather; no fuss, no frills and as a little social interaction as possible and they are completely happy and content. Seth literally wanted nothing for his birthday, he wasn't even a little bit phased about the day at all. You should've heard the awkward conversations leading up to the event, they mostly went something like this: 
Your birthday is coming up buddy, pretty exciting, you're gonna be 13!
Yeah 
Have you thought about how you might like to celebrate it?
Nope.
Would you like to go out for the day?
No I don't think so.
Would you like to go to the pool or the beach?
No.
Would you like a party?
HELL NO!
What would you like me to do for your birthday then?
Nothing really......uhhh....maybe you could make tacos? 
Tacos? Is that what you want to eat for your birthday? You know that you can have anything you want right? 
Yeah, I want tacos.
Okay, anything else? 
No
Cake?
If you want to.
It's your birthday, you will be wanting cake won't you?
I spos.
What sort?
Whatever you like
Whatever you like I think!
Okay, ice cream cake maybe?
Sure, anything else? 
Nope.
Do you want me to invite anyone over or anything?
Maybe, I'll get back to you on that one. 
Okay, well if you think of anything else let me know.
OK.

And that was it, there was no getting back to me, no mention of his birthday again until a couple of days before when I had another go at grilling him. 
So any thoughts on your birthday yet?
Nah
So you aren't going to do anything to celebrate it?
I thought Conor could come over.
Of course
He said he could.
You already asked him?
Yeah.
And?
He said yeah.
So he will come out or will I be picking him up?
He will just come out sometime, his dad will drop him out. He's gonna call you. 
Oh, so it's all sorted?
Yeah.
And that's all you want to do?
Yep. Don't stress mum, it's all good, it's just another birthday.

And that is how it always plays out with Seth, minimal conversation, minimal hassle and as little fuss as possible. I can't say that it is all that weird, I mean he has Craig and I for parents so what can we expect really? Both of our kids are pretty introverted, but Seth is a serious home body that even I cannot compete with. And in spite of his lack of adventure or thirst for stimulation, he had a terrific time on his birthday and said thanks for an awesome day when it was all over. Like I said, teenage boys, they're the easiest species on the planet to please and that can only be seen as a good thing. 

THE BOY AND THE BEAST
Release Date: 2016
Rating: PG
Running Time: 119 mins
A Japanese animated adventure film, written and directed by award winning director Mamoru Hosoda, that won Animation of the Year at the 37th Japan Academy Prizes. The Boy and the Beast also captivated audiences around the world with its unique animation style and creative storytelling. 
A troubled boy stumbles upon an alternate world that is filled with fantastic beasts. A powerful and gruff beast warrior named Kumatetsu, who has been searching for an apprentice, takes the boy on and attempts to train him in the ways of the warrior. 
This is a thoughtfully put together coming of age tale that has plenty of interesting and colourful characters, and enough complications to keep interest levels high. The animation styling here is so good, I loved the overall tone and effect of this film, it was such a pleasing visual undertaking. The Boy and the Beast  was certainly one of the hidden gems of 2016 and is definitely a family movie worthy of your time.  
FINAL SAY: Am I human, or am I a beast?
4 Chilli Peppers ​

 The past seven days have been one of the biggest weeks that I have had in a very long time. It has been an absolute roller coaster of events, emotions and endings. Thank goodness that Zoe had Seth in Geelong for the better part of it all because I was hardly even home, and when I was home, I was emotional, exhausted, distracted and stupidly busy as I ran the gauntlet of farewells and also tried to prepare for Christmas. I was hitting the hay in the wee early hours and rising again by 5.45am each day, and now I am pretty burnt out. 
On Friday I said my fond farewells at work to everyone and boy was that tough. It was the most surreal feeling walking out of work and then driving out of the car park for the very last time, it is amazing how attached you get to even the most mundane of things after nine years. It is certainly a place that I have poured my blood, sweat and tears into, but it is also a place that has helped me to grow in every way, and I know that I am a much better person now than I was nine years ago because of the incredible friendships, challenges and triumphs that I have experienced through my time at work. It was certainly an extraordinary team to be a part of, I have never worked anywhere like it before and I am taking with me the most wonderful memories and friendships that will last a lifetime. 
And now I can turn my attentions, because Christmas Eve has arrived! Rejoice, it is time to put aside all worry and care, because it is Christmas time! I look forward to Zoe and Lachlainn arriving soon to share in the pre-Christmas celebrations with us at here in Enfield. A small window left now for final wrappings, food preparations, Christmas movies, festive cocktails and generally embracing all of the awesomeness that Christmas brings. Christmas Eve has a certain magical quality to it that cannot be denied and the anticipation of the season is at its most palpable and delightful on this one day of the year.
I adore getting people that I love together to share great food and company with me, and Christmas always provides those opportunities in abundance, it is just a really blissful time to spend with family and it is always a highlight and fitting end to the year for me. To all of my wonderful Spicywatch readers, I wish you all a very bright and merry Christmas. I hope you enjoy the season with loved ones, that your stocking and wine glass is filled to the brim and I also hope that you get to indulge in some good food, great company and general Christmas cheer. Enjoy every moment, may the season treat you well xx.

CRACKERS
Release Date: 1998
Rating: PG
Running Time: 92 mins 
If you aren't Australian then this movie will not appeal to you at all, and if you are Australian you will be mildly amused by the Aussie anecdotes and behaviours. Not the best but certainly not the worst Christmas movie to ever have been made, Crackers attempts to demonstrate a traditional Aussie Christmas and enjoys a certain level of success in doing so. 
Young Joey is forced to endure Christmas with his mum's new boyfriend and son at his grandparents home in the suburbs. Joey makes fast friends with his estranged and eccentric great grandfather, who teaches him a thing or two about life. 
There are some really great moments in this film, most of them delivered by Warren Mitchell who plays the eccentric grandpa Albert, and the general feel of the film will be relatable for most Australians. Unfortunately, some of the humour is just too cheesy to take seriously and the plot is mostly built around antiquated cliques, but for a Christmas movie it is more than adequate. 
FINAL SAY: Hit me but don't shit me. 
2.5 Chilli Peppers

In a type of post Halloween celebration, I took Seth and met up with Helen and Carmel at Alfred Deakin Place on Saturday afternoon to celebrate the colourful Dia de Muertos (Day of the Dead) event that was held in Ballarat this weekend. Dia de Muertos is a Mexican national holiday where people honour the memory of their dearly departed friends and family members, and it is truly a colourful and lively spectacle of epic and magnificent proportions. 
It is commonplace for Mexican people to visit the graves of lost ones at this time of the year to decorate their graves with elaborate imagery and offerings. Altars called ofrendas are constructed in homes and adorned with photos, calaveras (skull representations), golden aztec marigolds, incense, food offerings and gifts. There was massive and highly ornate ofrendas constructed at yesterday's celebration in memory of the dead, it was so beautiful and had a massive cross at the foot of the altar that was surrounded by rice and salt to keep the evil spirits at bay. 
We perused the gorgeous authentic mexican crafts and cultural art pieces, checked out the massive dirt and bark skeleton installations, listened to the animated mariachi band, watched a performance of an authentic Mexican Day of the Dead dance and tried some 'Grandmother's' chocolate. Grandmother's chocolate, I was told by the very helpful young lady that was running the stall, is a traditional Mexican spiced hot chocolate that is only drank on Dia de Muertos and is usually drank with 'Dia de Muertos Bread' - a sugar and spice encrusted mini sweet bread that is baked and left out in an attempt to persuade the dearly departed to visit your home with its irresistible aromas. I purchased a loaf to leave out overnight in the hope that it would entice my nanna to visit, but unfortunately I can't say that I saw her. Perhaps Mexican sweet bread is not that alluring to her. 
We rounded out our Dia de Muertos celebrations with a delicious lunch of Chimichangas and Hendrix Muddles aka Hendrix Summer Mules, which is now my new fave cocktail and will be my summer go to drink for sure - so refreshing! Followed that deliciousness with a visit to the Ballarat Art Gallery to see the new Romancing the Skull exhibition, which was also terrific and I highly recommend a visit to. Then finished it all off with a quick pop over to the local Spanish restaurant for coffee and hot churros. Yummy!
Got home in the early evening with an over stuffed gut and still had time to spare for some utterly ridiculous D grade horror that was so very bad that I cannot even remember the name of it now! What a perfect day! Seth fell asleep around 10.30pm and I crashed into bed around 11.30pm and slept just like the dead myself. 

Spent my Sunday afternoon celebrating Craig's niece's expectant baby at her baby shower today. Lots of lady laughs and fun and games to be had as we sat about nibbling and chatting and rubbing the expectant tummy for the better part of the afternoon. There is nothing like an expectant baby to get ladies clucky and tongues wagging about labour experiences and the highs and lows of pregnancy. I am always surprised by the incredible clarity that women can recollect what is more than likely, one of the most challenging and/or painful experiences of their lives. 
Seriously, women can remember incredible details about the birthing process, like the exact time that their child was born, what the midwife said to them, how much their new baby weighed and how many hours they spent huffing and puffing to get them into the world. They remember which foods made them nauseous when they were pregnant and what the trip to the hospital was like, whether it was raining that day or not, how much facial hair the anaesthesiologist had and any number of other somewhat inane details surrounding the event. It is almost like those moments of time become permanently etched into a mother's memory, and every mother has their own unique tale to tell, like a battle wound or scar to bare of their heroic motherly efforts.
Personally I would rather not talk about my child birthing experiences, they weren't fun and they are not events that I look back on with fondness, in fact, they were really traumatic. However, I am more than happy to listen to the stories of others as long as it doesn't scare the shit out of the un-laboured women in the room. Some women's tales of labour woe are enough to frighten off the toughest potential mothers-to-be with their horrific recounts and I believe that some things are better left unsaid in that department.
Fortunately today, we didn't get a lot of that, just a lot of  talk about the discomforts of actually being pregnant. Craig's niece only has 6 weeks to go until ETA, and she still looks nicely compact to me. I remember looking like a sea cow when I was pregnant and feeling like a yeti, but some women just love to be pregnant.
I have no idea how women can be surrogates, being pregnant is so demanding on your body and you really do feel like an alien is going to launch itself from inside of you at any moment and you literally have no privacy when you are pregnant, your body is most definitely not your own. Why anyone would volunteer to do that to themselves for anyone else is beyond me, but I take my hat off to the ladies that can do it, I know I couldn't do it.
​I personally found pregnancy utterly over-rated, labour completely crapola and healing after the effect as much fun as finding a rogue turd in your shopping trolley, but hey, that's just me! I can't have found it too taxing, I did do it twice; and I would be lying if I said it wasn't all worth it, because a billion times over, it is all so very and completely worth it. That first look at the person that you have just made, well....it does make all of the bad stuff seem so very insignificant all at once, and that is one truth that I cannot deny. Your own newborn will most definitely take your breath away. 

Over the last few months I have managed to spend quite a bit of quality time with my mother. I haven't really had the opportunity to spend that much quality time with my mum, or should I say that I never really pursued spending a lot of quality time with her very often before. In the past, I had a lot of poorly judged preconceived ideas about my mother. As a consequence of that, I never really had the opportunity to get to know my mother as a woman, and because I had made a lot of rash judgements about who she was in the past; I had sacrificed the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with her. 
Without any input or opinion blocking my judgement, I have finally been able to see her as a woman, as a person in her own right, and not just as my mother. And I feel like I am gaining a deeper understanding of who she is now, and I have really been enjoying the time that we have been sharing together.
It has been so interesting and liberating to hear her side of so many stories that I have heard through the voices of others over the years; and it has made me feel bad for some of the harsh judgements that I have made about her in the past. It has actually been so nice to be able to just be myself around her and for the first time in my adult life I feel very close to my mother and I feel like I have turned a corner in our relationship. This is a wonderful thing to experience with her in her twilight years and I am glad that I have had this chance to really know her properly. 
There has been much to be gleaned from the quality time that I am sharing with both of my parents actually. They have a lot of knowledge and wisdom to share and they have reached a point in their lives where they no longer have the energy for anything complicated or problematic, they just want to spend quality time with me as well and I believe that this has brought a great deal of peace to our relationship.
I can honestly say that I am not looking for them to be anything more than what and who they really are, I don't want them to feel like they need to edit themselves or behave in any particular way, I just want them to be able to relax and be themselves around me. I accept them completely, warts and all, and I feel like they have reached that point with me as well. It feels quite wonderful to give and receive love with them both without any expectations or preconceptions of how things should be. It is really quite zen and it is so genuinely lovely for us all. 

In spite of the frigid evening temperatures, the days have been quite mild this Winter. Unless the weather is waiting to unleash its full fury in the last six weeks, so far it has been pretty mellow and the days have been more than adequate for outdoor activities in the afternoons. 
This week Seth and I headed out for a walk along the Yarrowee Creek trail; starting at Magpie this trail goes all the way into the Ballarat CBD, around 10 km in total. It's a leisurely stroll, mostly on flat surfaces and it is has been sealed with a fine stone in recent years so it's a pretty civilised walking choice. There are a lot of picturesque nooks and park benches along the way to take a rest or admire the view, and we happily ate our afternoon tea at one as we meandered and chatted. 
Things got really interesting when at about the halfway point of our stroll we saw a sign attached to wire fence that said 'do not wander beyond the path, contaminated area under investigation.' Woah! What? Having seen more than our fair share of sci-fiction and horror movies, this little slice of information allowed us to create a lot of possible scenarios about said 'contamination.' That word sets minds racing all by itself, I mean how often do you actually see signs like that in the real world anyway? Uhhh...never! That stuff is fully reserved for movies that have shit get real, in a not good way, very quickly.
So much for a leisurely stroll in the winter sunshine! Suddenly it's all World War Z over here as we start to throw out the possibilities thick and fast, constantly glancing over our shoulders with looks of horror to really ham the moment up to its full horrific potential. What would you do if you if you saw a zombie horde running down that hill right now? Questions like that got tossed around, and our walking speed dramatically increased as we disturbingly realised that aside of our silly banter that we were actually absolutely alone out there and in a real contaminated area. It is safe to say that from that point on, every creak of a pine tree or call of a crow had a completely new and menacing tone to it. Hilarious! We laughed about it when we got back to the safety of our car, but for a minute there, we had managed to freak each other out a bit with our tales of undead horror and alien infection. 
And that is one of the best things about having kids with vivid imaginations, no matter how old they get you can always escape somewhere else together, on any given day. And on that windy winter day in 2017, Seth and I were the last survivors of an apocalyptic event, alone together against the hordes. 

After the recent viewing of Okja on Netflix, Zoe has decided to become a  vegetarian. Kudos to her I say, going without meat is tough going, I should know, I was a vegetarian for four years and almost died of anemia in the process! That was way back when I was teenager and I really didn't undertake my vegetarianism very wisely or with any proper education about how to care for my own health; hence I got sick all of the time, weighed a mere 48 kilos and had dangerously low levels of iron in my system. Fair to say that I sucked at being a vegetarian, but I understand that it can be done safely and correctly, so I have no problem with supporting her decision, if anything I totally understand it.
"If I can cry over some computer generated hybrid being slaughtered for meat then I cannot eat animals and not feel guilty about it any longer" she said to me. For anyone that hasn't seen Okja yet, it really does drive home the brutality of the meat industry albeit in a 'Studio Ghibli' fashion. Seth walked out of the room exclaiming that the film was too fucked up for him to endure as well.  Parents beware, the M rating on this film may be a little light handed given the impact that this film had my kids, so keep the wee ones away from it. Did I enjoy the film? Honestly, not really, it's not a terrific movie, there are a lot of problems with it, but it is certainly having an impact on people and making them rethink their meat intake, so for that reason it is very effective. 
It is probably high time that people did take more consideration into what they are eating, how it sourced and what kind of an impact it is having on the environment in general. The human race does eat way too much meat, and a lot of that meat isn't slaughtered ethically or humanely and it is something that we all completely disregard when we are selecting our meat products at the supermarket or butchers. 
Bottom line is that an animal has had to die for you to eat that roast chicken, steak, burger, sausage, pork crackling....whatever meat that you enjoy, and that should be taken into consideration. If you had to kill the animal for yourself, would you eat as much meat as you do now?  I know for a fact that I wouldn't. I also think that if you are willing to chow down on the delicious bits of the animal, then you should be willing to also eat the offal and the trotters and the tongue and all of the other bits that people shout out 'gross' and push back. All parts of an animal should be used, well as much as is safe to consume and use anyway.
Think about our ancestors, they would've eaten every part of their butchered animals, used the skins for clothing, the bones and teeth for jewellery and the guts for broth. Nothing would have been wasted. If we were still responsible for our own meat butchering, we would still continue to do that, because we would have hand-raised the meat and cared for it and understood just how precious it was. Today we waste a lot of the animal, we only want the best cuts of meat and refuse the rest. It gets tossed out or put into dog food as the industry happily slays another animal for us to pick only the prime cuts from. We have lost touch with our food, we have no idea about the animals we eat. What are their lives like from birth? What are they fed on? How are they slaughtered? What happens to the leftover bits that no-one wants? 
All worthy questions, and questions that we should be asking ourselves. Probably the most important question of all is, are you a mindful eater? Not just in regards to the meat that you consume, but all of the food that you eat. You don't have to be a vegetarian to be mindful about your food intake and to consider whether you are being sustainable in the way in which you eat and source your produce. It is something that we all need to do. The more questions that we ask now, the better that the world will be tomorrow. If we all start to question things just a little bit more, it would make a huge difference and will bring us back in touch with the food that we eat. Next time that you pick up your fork, spare a thought for how that food actually got your plate and learn to respect what you eat. Eat mindfully for a better world.

Zoe came out to Enfield to celebrate her 20th birthday over the weekend. We enjoyed a leisurely couple of days together sipping champagne, eating Thai food and chatting away the hours. It was only a week ago that I was discussing the joys that an older child brings to your life with a friend from work. At the moment her children are still quite small and as we all know, this makes them pretty demanding and exhausting a lot of the time. She asked me "does it really get better?" To which I happily informed her that there is a constant source of joy and awe that is yet to come for her. 
It was with great delight that I shared with her just how terrific it is going to be when her children have grown up. Even Seth, as he grows older, is always dazzling me with his profound and unique way of looking at the world. I told her that she will look at her children and be absolutely amazed about just how wonderful and interesting they will to be to her. I told her that they will inspire her and enthrall her with their ideas and views, and all the while she will get to sit back and marvel in the fact that she was the one who created them.
I said "it is is just the best feeling in the world to spend time with your older children, you will love it." And I meant it, I adore my children and I think that they are just the most incredible people that I have ever met in my life. When you look at your children, you will see all that has been in their life and all of the potential that lies ahead of them (that they will never see themselves) and it is just magical. I actually got a bit teary trying to describe it. 
As my children get older, it becomes clearer and clearer to me that all of the hard work that you put in over those early and formative years really does pay off in the end. My children seem so much wiser than their years and are often the catalysts in a new way of thinking about situations. They have lifted me out of some pretty heavy funks and offered me words of advice when I have felt lost. Their conversations are never dull to me and I am always excited to hear their views about current events and occurrences.
​Every generation gleans something new from their experiences to share, and your children are the best gateway to that knowledge. Eventually this learning will come from your great grandchildren and so on and so on; it's a never ending cycle of learning from each other and exchanging experiences, and it is honestly the best thing in the whole world to be a part of. So it is fair to say that in response to the question "does it really get better?" I would have to say "it gets so much better than better!" 

Man being a parent is so shithouse sometimes. I really hate playing the 'bad guy' parent, and it feels like I am doing it a lot lately. I understand that my 12 year old son is 'under construction', but I am ready to fire the bastards that are working on that project because he is just all over the shop at the moment. His grades have slipped, he gets annoyed over the most mundane things and getting him to do homework is like trying to solve a Chinese puzzle box. It feels like it's a struggle to get him to anything in a peaceful and respectful manner lately, and I am completely tired of all of the unrest. 
Ever since he started high school he has gone from being a regular well adjusted kid to being a pretty little hate machine. He's taken to arguing about everything and has started to engage in power struggles with Craig and I on a daily basis. It is actually really doing my head in and although I am trying to stay optimistic and positive, it is practically impossible to get through to him at the moment without it turning into a battle of wills. I know that one day he will look back on this time of his life and realise how much of a jerk he was being, but in the meantime it feels like we are all at the mercy of his moodiness and hormones and it's not very much fun. In truth it's a drag and I hate to see him so lost and angry all the time, it's really horrid. 
Craig tells me not to worry so much about it, but he has always been the more relaxed parent, so that doesn't really comfort me very much. 'By the time he is 14 he will be taking long showers and have it all worked out' he says to me, but I know that these jokes are not really a solution to the fact that I feel like my son is metamorphosing into an unrecognisable beast of pimply anxiety and melodramatics. 
I don't recall Zoe being this unhinged at 12, her meltdowns came in the later teens around 15 or so, so I feel a bit ripped off that Seth is kicking off already to be honest, thought I would have a couple more peace years before things got so crazy, but nope, here I am. And here is exactly where I am, right at this point where I am trying to decide if I did something wrong along the way of raising him, if this is just a normal process to ride out or if we are just entering the Twilight Zone of teen trauma and that this is just the shape of things to come. I can't be sure of any of it, the only thing that am 100% sold on at this stage is that I am NOT a fan of where we are now and I cannot wait to get my loving, darling son back ASAP, but something tells me that I have more than a few power struggles to overcome before that is going to happen. He's bloody lucky that I love monsters so much, that's for sure!

I went to a seminar on Wednesday evening that was ran by a guy named Nathan Hulls. He is a motivational speaker and the seminar was about 'Understanding Teens: Their Fears, Their Questions and their 6 Core Needs.' I did get a few good takeaways from the seminar and even gleaned a bit of new information as well. 
Nathan talked about The Five Languages of Love, which is based on a book by Gary Chapman. Basically, it outlines the five main ways in which people give and receive love. The five areas are:

• Gift Giving
• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch 

According to this theory, every person has a primary love language and it is the way in which they express and receive love. You can take an online test at proprof.com that comprises of 30 questions that will help you to determine which style you lean towards. We all took the test to see which style that we each prefer, because knowing the styles of the people that you love is just as important as knowing your own mode. 
Turns out that Craig and Seth both prefer physical touch as a vehicle for giving and receiving love, so there is certainly no lack of hug availability for me around here. I lean towards quality time for my mode of expressing and receiving love, which really makes a lot of sense to be honest. I am always organising events and outings for the people I love and I get a lot out of spending time with family and friends. 
By understanding the way in which we love and prefer to be loved has been a bit of a game changer for me. I could tell Seth and Craig that I think they are amazing a hundred times over, when a good hug would actually mean so much more to them. And they can tell me that I am terrific all they like, but if they aren't giving me quality time, I am not going to be receptive to their modes of love expression.
Interesting stuff I think and something worth investigating, because we all just want to feel like we are loved and that we are giving love in the best way that we can as well, because we all know that love is a many splendored thing. 

Got together with Zoe and my mum and dad to celebrate this year's Mother's Day.  Had a lovely lunch and then went to see Wicked at Her Majesty's Theatre, which I absolutely loved! My favourite Ballarat production to date, it was just terrific. The costumes and sets were dynamite and the voices of the two lead roles were absolutely electric, I actually got shivers! I really enjoyed it and so did everyone else. 
I was really spoilt this Mother's Day. Zoe bought me a gorgeous turquoise ring, Craig and Seth gave me a delicate white orchid, I got breakfast in bed, had lunch out and went to the theatre, what a wonderful way to spend the day. Mother's Day is most definitely a 'spoil day' for me every year and it always makes me feel very loved and appreciated by my darlings. I get enough fuzzy feelings to see me through the darker days every Mother's Day and I do appreciate all of the extra good stuff that comes my way on that day. 
In general, I do think that mothers (although celebrated on Mother's Day) usually receive the crappiest end of the shit stick. I know that I often feel pretty under-appreciated in the humdrum cycles and monotonous routines that being a mother seems to generate. Mums are expected to bear the brunt of their offspring far more than fathers are ever expected to. For example, when things go 'wrong' with a child, everyone always looks at the mother first, like it is inherently her fault that the child has gone bad.
​The pressure to be a good mother begins before children are even born these days, and once the child is out - boom! The pressure is really on! Not only do mothers need to behave, look and dress a certain way, they also need to be able to breastfeed really well and keep a home immaculate, cook better than Gordon Ramsay and get that hideous postpartum physique back into shape ASAP! And it just goes on and on forever like that, different pressures at different times, but generally it is a relentless gauntlet of expectations. 
Also, after a baby had exited your vagina, you are only really allowed to be one of two things. Traditionally mumsy or Kim Kardashian MILFY, everything else is just not cutting it, it's mediocre and not really respected by society or the mums that already fit into one of those two acceptable mother modes. But mostly what it is, is bullshit! Mothers have so much ridiculous pressure forced upon them by the media and society these days to conform to one of those two tightly wound pigeon holes of existence, that is no wonder that so many women suffer from postnatal depression and anxieties related to being a mother. 
Women are already terrifically good at beating themselves up and feeling like they are not enough, the last thing that they need is even more pressure when it comes to being a good mother. I have said it once before and I am going to say it again, there is no such thing as a perfect mother. We all fuck up and make mistakes, we all second guess ourselves and none of us immune to the wrath of the media on how we should parent.
The real truth is that most mothers, like 85% of them, are just doing the best that they can to try and raise normal healthy members of society and to be there for their kids as best that they can, and when you are doing that 24/7 it is actually more than enough; seriously - it's enough. 
So yeah, let's celebrate mums on Mother's Day - all of them, the weird and wild ones, the sweet and humble ones, the sexy and sassy ones and the cute and cuddly ones - today we salute you all! Go forth life bringers and never be afraid to be a mother that breaks down stereotypes and kicks down the walls of societal expectation, because you deserve to be whoever you want to be - after all, you're already a mother, so there's nothing that you cannot do!

Made it! New South Wales Road Trip 2017 is completed....all the way from here to there and then all the way back again as well.... meaning all the way to Sydney and beyond (somewhere near Tuggerah) and all the way back to Enfield. About 24 hours of driving in total, which included loads of bad coffee, numerous truck stop dunnies and way too many gross food encounters at fast food outlets along the way for my liking, but mostly it was just a whole lot of good fun, especially travelling with my two weirdo kids, they are such amazingly good company and being with them for the duration was just fantastic.
We stayed with some of Craig's family up on the Central Coast which allowed for some chill out time on the beach. We managed to collect shells, take in some salty air and have a stroll along the sand together, which is always a lovely thing to do, even in the Autumn time when swim suits are clearly not required. 
On a day trip to the city, Zoe and Seth got their first up close glimpse of Circular Quay, The Sydney Opera House and The Sydney Harbour Bridge. Zoe was fascinated that The Opera House was covered in white tiles, which is something that you never realise until you see it up close, but Seth was more interested in the historical Man o' War Steps that float and continuously shift about in the harbour. We all enjoyed some fish n' chips on the grass at the First Fleet Park where the bin chickens (ibis) flock around in droves hoping for the smallest hint of a bit of tossed batter. Zoe found them incredibly intimidating and Seth kept encouraging their antics by continuing to feed them discarded chips, needless to say it wasn't the most relaxing lunch that we've ever had. We ended the day with a wander around The Rocks and a giggle when we spotted the restaurant where The Real Housewives of Sydney's infamous Athena X had her fishnet cape tossed into the harbour. 
You never really know what you will encounter when you go on a road trip. We listened to podcasts, playlists and each other for hours on end and we also managed to see a giant merino ram in Goulbin, a huge land-bound submarine in Holbrook, a number of 'off track' unsealed roads thanks to my crapola GPS and a tonne of shithouse drivers. Some drivers that we encountered were either really tired, really drunk or really stupid, or maybe even a combination of those three things; and even though we had a great time, it was so nice to get home and finally get out of the car on the last day of our trip, the day that we drove for over 12 hours with very few breaks. I was so tired on that final stretch home that I had to consume a lot of coffee and chocolate to get me through, but I tell ya, it works - caffeine and sugar - it's the stuff of champions and long haul drives. 
So that's it for long drives for me for a while. I did a short stint to Bacchus Marsh to celebrate Ukrainian Easter with my family today, and the 45 minute trip each way barely seemed like any effort for an old pro like me now, as easy as a walk in the park, and just as enjoyable. Ate and drank like a king, and came home with the spoils of everyone's efforts as well, which means tonight, I don't have to cook tea, and with one day of holiday to go, I also don't need to go to bed early either....I think that I can feel a movie marathon coming my way.