It is always around Earth Day that our attention is drawn to our impact on the environment and our carbon footprint. No-one wants to be responsible for fucking the planet up for future generations, but on some level many of us actually are. After taking a quiz about my carbon footprint on the Earth Day website this morning I was horrified to learn that if everyone lived the same way the I do than we would need 4 Earths to deal with the impact that I am making! Woah, heavy! And I always thought that I was trying harder than the average bear when it comes to being ecological! Clearly, I am not doing nearly enough and the whole thing made me feel absolutely dreadful and completely guilt ridden, but I think that we all probably need a really good kick up the arse when it comes to our personal levels of environmental awareness, because being environmentally sound clearly takes a lot more effort and attention than most of us actually giving it. 
It is very easy to forget about our impact on the environment, and most of the time we don't even consider it at all. We allow ourselves to believe that someone who is far more passionate about environmental issues than we are is already out there fighting the good fight for us. This rather ridiculous belief allows us to become extremely flippant and lazy when it comes to being personally responsible for the environment, and for the most part dreadfully irresponsible. 
It is only in the last few years that I have really started to become more aware of my global footprint. I have made a concerted effort to try and be more eco-friendly and globally conscious. For example, we have installed solar panels on our home, we grow our own produce, we do errands and shop whilst we are in town to save on fuel consumption, we don't use plastic bags, we compost all of our green waste and we are avid recyclers. However, although we have made some positive changes, we are still not doing enough and with 4 Earths hanging over our heads, we need to do a hell of a lot more! 
In fact, Australia has one of the worst global footprints per capita than most of the world. We may have incredible beaches and an awesome lifestyle, but that all feels pretty shithouse when you realise that we are actually fucking up the globe by being dreadful unecological and environmentally unaware. The average global footprint per person in Australia is actually 4.8 Earths, which is something that we really need to do something about, and I do believe that awareness is key when it comes to change. 
The good news is that there are simple ways that each of us can reduce our global impact immediately, and they don't need to be huge changes, just small consistent ones. Here are some simple ways that you can reduce your carbon footprint and start to make a difference:

• Ride, walk, take public transport or carpool whenever you can.
• Don't speed when you drive! Speeding and unneccessary acceleration increase your mileage by up to 33% which wastes fuel and money. 
• Drive an eco-friendly car.
• If you must fly, always fly economy, it works like carpooling by sharing the emissions.
• Insulate your home and windows and only buy appliances with high ENERGY STAR ratings. 
• Turn off lights and appliances that are not being used, and only use LED or compact fluorescent globes. 
• Keep your heating temperature set to 21 degrees celsius or below and grab a blanket if you're still cold. 
• Install solar panels on your house.
• Eat locally sourced organic produce or better still grow your own!
• Eat less meat and if possible eat none. 
• Install water saving devices on showers, toilets and appliances like washing machines and dishwashers. 
• Never use plastic bags and become an avid recycler. 
• Start composting.
• Use grey water on gardens and only planet climate appropriate vegetation on your property.

Small changes are a great way to start, and doing things a little a lot of the time is the best way to make significant changes for the better. We really do need to be more personally responsible about doing more for our environment. Look around you, it's a wonderful place this world of ours. So precious and beautiful and obviously completely fragile, and each of us is having our own impact on that, an impact that we all need to be personally responsible for. Make one small change right now and help to reduce your global impact today because none of us can afford to pretend that what we do doesn't make a difference. 

It is important to have some routine in your life. A repeated pattern and commitment to following a routine can actually be really healthy and exceptionally beneficial. Routine allows time for the cultivation of ritual into your life and is the best way to ensure continual growth with whatever it is that you are putting your energies into. If you want to make positive changes in your life, you really do need to enlist a bit of self discipline and have the ability to follow a certain amount of routine.
I have managed to make some significant changes to my life over the past couple years and it has only been possible through routine and ritual. I actually prefer to use the word ritual over routine. Routine sounds so damn boring, laborious and repetitious, whereas ritual sounds like something profoundly soulful and spiritually aware. Whenever I attempt to take on something new, try to rid myself of an old habit or I'm just try to find more meaning in the mundane, I always like to look at the work ahead as the cultivating of a new ritual into my life. An undertaking that will essentially improve me and make me stronger, better, faster and wiser in mind, body and spirit. 
It is through this holistic way of thinking that I have been able to create several daily rituals that have allowed me to master many things that I never thought that I would be able to do; things that I probably would have laughed about if someone had told be that I would be doing them a few years ago. Quitting smoking, getting up earlier everyday, taking a daily yoga class, meditating, incorporating mindfulness and visualisation techniques into my daily life; all of these things I have managed to cultivate into my daily life through repetition and ritual. 
When you think about it, there is the beauty of ritual in almost everything that we do if we can manage to do it mindfully and with that word 'ritual' at the forefront of our thinking. Eating, cleaning, showering, driving, speaking, working, walking, listening, standing still, brewing tea or even sleeping. The list is absolutely endless, we do most of these things thoughtlessly and on autopilot, but we can get so much more out of what we consider mundane if we just start to see it all as some sacred dance, some magical ritual of the self that we get to celebrate every single day of our lives. 
Take some time to try it for yourself. Create a new ritual where you allow yourself to be lost in the rhythm of your own life. Get up a little earlier, try something new, enjoy the mundane by looking at it all with fresh eyes, it is easy to cultivate and celebrate the ritual of your own life everyday if you allow yourself to. 
The American philosopher and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer once said If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, and he is not just some holistic nutter, he is 100% correct. Let every moment matter, let everyday be steeped in something marvellous and let yourself enjoy ritual over routine and before you know it, you'll have a lot more to love about your life as well. 

Time and tide wait for no man is a phrase that originated way back in 1225 and even predates modern English, however it is no less meaningful today than it was back then. For never has a truer word been uttered that we can all relate to so completely than those few simple words that highlight our own mortality and the relentless passing of time.
No-one is powerful enough to stop the marching of time, and in spite of all of the things in our lives that we do have the power to control, time has never and will never be one of those things. One day you wake up, look in the mirror and barely recognise yourself anymore. A moment from a decade ago seems like it occurred only a year ago, your parents have entered the realms of the elderly and your children are no longer children at all; and you ask yourself, where the hell did all of those years go? 
The days just seem to go faster and faster every year. I start another school year and suddenly Easter has come and gone without me even coming up for air and all of the things that I had planned to have done by this point in the year are not even close to being completed. Has someone tipped the world into overdrive? It feels like it wasn't that long ago that I was planning my fortieth birthday holiday, or sending my son off to primary school or teaching my daughter to read for goodness sake! If the next forty years of my life go anywhere near as fast as the last forty did then I am going to need to not sleep at all in order to fit everything in that I would like to do.
I suppose that no matter how long you get in this life, you just never feel like you have enough time. Every time that you take a holiday or embark on a new task, you feel like you have forever to indulge it, and then before you know it, that time has somehow gone, just gone without you even realising where it all went to. It is the weirdest thing really, because we all want the time to go slower, and yet we fill our lives to the very brim with activity, essentially making everything speed up exponentially, making it impossible for time to slow down anyway. And perhaps that is what keeps us alive after all, the longing to live and be vital and busy in some way, and if we just stopped doing things then we would lose our lust for life and not want it to go on forever at all. 
I spent some time with my folks these school holidays, and I just marvel at how motivated and resourceful they are. My father is in his 80's and my mother is in her late 70's and they have been retired for years now, but they still keep themselves busy volunteering at local charities, tinkering with antiques clocks and knick knacks and working in the garden. Their garden always looks terrific and they spend entire days in the kitchen together cooking up thrifty old school recipes, pickling, making jams and preserves and making breads and cakes from scratch. They seem really content and happy doing these things and their days are generally full and busy, and they too feel like time is passing them by way too swiftly. I suppose that they would be feeling the passage of time in a way that I cannot possibly fathom just yet, because they also know that they don't have another 40 years to get the things done that they may have wanted to do and I wonder how genuinely difficult the twilight years of your life must be for that very reason. 
However, my parents do not appear to be bothered about aging and they never complain about being old either. Everyday, they say, is a gift to them now and they just live one day at a time, enjoying what they have cultivated together over the years. My in-laws say pretty much the same thing as well, and they too are in the same vintage as my parents, and they seem very content with their lives as well and do not appear to be at all worried about not having enough time. 
So I suppose that it is wise to listen to your elders and take a leaf from their book on getting older, and essentially it really shouldn't matter. Just take it one day at time, do what you can and love what you do and don't worry about running out of time. Let the time pass you by gracefully and slowly but surely cultivate the life that you want so that when you get into your own twilight years, you too can just sit back and enjoy what you have created for yourself.

I love to imagine that one day I will be able to earn a decent living from watching and reviewing movies. It's a pie in the sky dream I know, but sometimes I like to indulge myself and escape into pleasant daydreams that feature me being important enough to be invited to exclusive movie launches and international film festivals. In these daydreams, I get to see new release movies before anyone else, which would mean that I was constantly ahead of the game and also, because I would be so very important, I would probably also have the opportunity to schmooze with some of the actors and directors behind the scenes; the big wigs and I would be on a first name basis! It's a totally nutty and exceptionally self indulgent daydream, but there is no harm in having gigantic aspirations and as far as I know, no-one has ever died from having ridiculous daydreams. 
I actually think that it is very healthy to have immense and often impossible dreams, even if you know that they are probably, absolutely never, ever, going to happen. I believe that we live in a world that is generally very intolerant to dreamers. Let's be honest, lollygagging and wistfully whiling away the hours are a very frowned upon preoccupation and from a very early age we are encouraged to focus, grow up, take on extra responsibility and make wise (often safe) choices to ensure that our futures are protected and provided for. And yes, some of that is certainly important, but it leaves very little room for flights of fancy, frivolity and the entertainment of intensely improbable dreams. 
I realise that we can't all run away and join the circus or throw caution to the wind and chase the impossible all of the time, but that doesn't mean that we should squash our dreams or ambitions entirely either. Is there any chance that I will become the next David Stratton, Margaret Pomeranz or Roger Ebert? Probably not, but that does not mean that I should never imagine myself sipping champagne on a balcony overlooking the canals at the Venice Film Festival whilst chatting to Martin Scorsese or Michael Fassbender, should it? No, it shouldn't! In fact, my general compliance and commitment to the monotony and repetition of the daily grind should allow me an open all areas, free backstage pass to slip into these crazy and improbable flights of fancy whenever I damn well feel like it!  
Dreaming of the perfect job, the ideal home or a better life doesn't mean that you are not happy with the life that you have now, because I totally love my life and have a billion reasons to be grateful and satisfied with the hand that I have been dealt. However, that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to fantasize about a life that permits me to indulge in all of my passions and receive financial benefits to do so, who doesn't like to daydream about stuff like that? Keeping your dreams and imaginings alive is a way to keep yourself vital, engaged and inspired, it is in no way a sign of displeasure, it is rather the opposite in fact.
Escapism people! It's awesome and it can make a lot of really crappy things a lot more tolerable. Sometimes when I am having a particularly shitty day, it is my daydreams and imaginative flights of fancy that draw me away from my worry and strife. Without these trips down 'in a perfect world' street, who knows how I might feel? Who knows how much of the daily grind I could actually tolerate without a little escapism from time to time? It is much safer to let the dreamers dream I say, there's no harm in dreaming. 
And I am happy to keep my daydreams, however impossible, working vividly in the background of my regular life, and even if nothing even close to those dreams ever does eventuate, who cares? I'm not harming anyone with my hoping and my dreaming, but in my minds eye, I am having all kinds of impossible fun that no one can ever take away from me. And seriously, can you imagine a world without dreamers? That is not a world that I would want to live in, because for all of our discouraging of daydreaming and escapism, we all know that it is the dreamers that really make all of the magic happen in this world.

One thing that I have learnt, albeit rather painfully, to accept over the years is that money comes and money goes, and that there is absolutely no point in getting stressed out when everything expensive seems to happen all at once. Sure watching all of you hard earned savings slip through your fingers isn't the most enjoyable thing to endure, but it happens and that is what savings are for - for a rainy day. 
These things have happened before and they will most definitely happen again as well, and no amount of worry has ever made any money problems magically subside. Worrying about money is about as fruitful as trying to dig a hole in the ground with the power of your mind, in other words it is a mentally exhausting and utterly useless kind of worry.
However, regardless of how zen you may feel about money issues or how easily you relinquish the control of your cash flow,  every now and then we all still get caught up in a little financial hardship that makes us feel shitty, a tad destitute and just flatout broke. 
This week has been one of those weeks for me. I have experienced a serious drain on my financial resources, and it has made it really difficult for me to feel happy and excited about being on holidays because I am flat broke. I actually think that I was just blindsided by the events of today and now I have to make my peace with it.
It all started when I took my car in to have a simple and routine wheel balance and alignment done, and then it turned out that I needed four new tyres as well. Right, well there goes another $600 dollars, not to mention the termite inspector that came out yesterday and cost me $220, and I also had to find the money to lock in our New Zealand holiday this week which meant juggling and draining accounts to no end. Oh and my rego was in the letter box when I got home as well, and I got a text from the dentist to book in for a routine clean and scale and another one from my GP to go and have my lady bits inspected, and there's a passport renewal sitting on my desk and....and.....and. You know how it goes, when it rains it pours and there is nothing that you can do about it. 
However, on the bright and exceptionally zen side of it all, I now have a safe and smooth car to drive around in, I have an incredibly fun holiday to New Zealand planned with my family to look forward to, I don't have termites, my teeth are going to get a good clean and having my lady bits checked will offer some peace of mind. So, yeah I am broke, but for good reason and purpose. I am not wasting money or resources, and now because I am so broke then I have no choice but to stay at home for the rest of the break and watch movies and read books all day long...oh dear...poor me!
This sudden lack of funds could actually turn out to be a big blessing in disguise, and an excuse for me to batter down the hatches and not leave Enfield for days on end, hmmm....I can really make this work for me, I sense some B grade horror movie marathons coming my way!

The time of too many chocolates, stodgy doughy buns, sugar rich treats, alcoholic tipples and spreading waistlines is upon us. It is Easter, which always means too much of a good thing for me and generally always leads to me needing a decent detox after the event to rid my body of all of the toxic sludge that has been produced after placing myself into an alcohol and sugar induced coma for the four days of the Easter long weekend.  
You would think by now that I would be much better at practising moderation, but no....there is something about the lure of a Cadbury chocolate bunny and a bottle of good red wine that has an overwhelming power to reduce me to nothing better than a lush over the Easter break. I always find myself eating and drinking way more than I normally would, happily indulging well into the wee hours of the morning and always wishing that I hadn't later on when I feel like a lumpy bloated mess.
However, this holiday period hasn't all been about over indulging, I have done some other really cool things to kick off the April holiday season. To get the wheels in motion I went to the movies on Good Friday, I actually went to the movies twice last week, but who's counting? I also spent an entire afternoon hand painting hard boiled eggs with Zoe, Seth and Helen on Easter Saturday and I hosted a lovely Easter family lunch on Easter Sunday which unfortunately did involve eating way to many proteins, sugars and carbs, so needless to say, I am a bit of a puffy sloth today. 
I cannot deny that it does feel good to throw caution to the wind and eat and drink with wild abandon, but I would also be lying if I didn't acknowledge how dreadful my body feels after I have done that. Generally, I live by the 'everything in moderation' standard, however sometimes I do things to excess and I always feel like a shit sandwich for days after. I think that it may have something to do with getting older, because when I was younger it really didn't seem to matter what I shoved down my gullet or how much I drank, my body could always process things pretty easily. These days I only need to stare at a slice of cake for longer than 30 seconds and my hips get wider, and if I drink too much, the hangovers that I get have been hand picked my Satan for my pure displeasure. Agony would be downplaying it, and they last for days not just the day after, so drinking beyond moderation is out of the question for me. 
So I willingly farewell the Easter season and its over abundance of caloric nightmares and carb loaded gorge sessions and look forward to a week of clean eating and a bit of self nurturing to get my system back on track for the rest of the holiday period. 

Some people are so very beautiful on the outside and then they turn out to be just plain ugly on the inside. I always feel really let down by these people because very good looking people always have such a natural advantage over us regular folk and it seems like such a shameful waste to squander a decent leg up in the world like that, but alas it does happen. Outer beauty can be dreadfully deceptive and there have been many times in my life when I have been dazzled by a seemingly beautiful individual only to realise that their glossy exterior was actually rotten to the core after having only one good bite. 
Some people that are perceived by social standards to be somewhat unattractive on the outside can often turn out to be completely and irresistibly beautiful on the inside. These people have a different kind of beauty and it shines like a light from inside of them; they are usually a complete pleasure to be around and never seem to take things in life too seriously. These people know how to laugh at themselves and they get better and better looking everytime that you see them because their inner light is so infectious and glowingly irresistible. They are the sort of person that people just adore and say the nicest things about because they make others feel so at ease with their kind nature and generous deeds. 
There are some truly blessed people in the world that are both beautiful on the inside and the outside as well and they are not as rare as you might imagine, they really do exist and I have met quite a few of them in my lifetime. These people appear to have it all and because of that they can inadvertently make us mere mortals feel utterly inadequate, but it is just impossible to be envious or mad at these gorgeous people for very long because they are just so damn lovely! Everyone can sense the magic that these people have and we are all naturally drawn to them like moths to the flame. On the down side, these poor beautiful creatures are the most at risk of getting stalkers or having people hate them for no good reason because they are just plain jealous of them; so as much as having it all may seem amazing, it can actually be dreadfully treacherous for the real beauties of this world. 
And then there are the rarest and also the most unfortunate of all the people that you can ever meet in your lifetime, because they are the ones that are not really very good looking on the outside and completely revoltingly ugly on the inside. And yes, unfortunately they do exist and I have also had the displeasure of meeting some of them in my lifetime as well. These people often appear to be pretty regular looking on the outside and not necessarily hideous, but if you spend a couple of hours around them....then....errrr..... gross! They just get uglier by the second. They are so unpleasant that they actually get less and less attractive the longer that you are around them! These people are twisted and exceptionally mean; really, really mean. They are conniving and vindictive and will do anything to get ahead in life, regardless of who they damage along the way. They are foul and should be avoided at all costs, even if it means extracting them from your life altogether. 
​Yes, it cannot be denied, looks can be incredibly deceiving, and the outside appearance does not always dictate the true interior. But honestly, who hasn't been suckered into the lure of a pretty face before? We all have, however, as you get older and wiser you realise that what may appear to be gold can sometimes just be a bit of spray painted rock. And what looks just like an old rock can actually be a crystal delight on the inside. You know the old saying 'you can't polish a turd' well that is very true, but you can roll it in glitter! And that is the reason that I have never really liked things that look too glitzy on the outside and always judge people on what they say and do and not ever by the way that they look. 

One of the things that I love most about living where I do is that there is always some kind of free event or entertainment that can be accessed without having to travel very far. With only an hour to travel to Melbourne, the Surf Coast or the Grampians, I have perfect access to almost any type of activity that I choose to partake in, and over the last few weeks there has been no shortage of opportunities.
In particular, Ballarat and the surrounding rural areas have had a bevy of free events that has kept me more than busy and also highly entertained. Last weekend The Ballarat Begonia Festival was on, which is always an excellent and free extravaganza of all things garden related. And last night the town celebrated its second White Night event, which was again really engaging and gathered a massive and diverse crowd of enthusiasts.  
Yesterday I hit the road to check out the Golden Plains Shire Arts Trail, which showcases local artists and their works throughout the Golden Plains region. Turns out that there are dozens of very talented artists right on my doorstep and within a 25 kilometre radius of our home I viewed pieces from so many different artists covering so many mediums, including painting, photography, quilting, jewellery making, leathering, garden sculpture, ceramics, nature art, watercolor painting and sketching. Amazing! I was so impressed with the standard of work that I saw, and it was really nice to have a chat with the artists about their pieces as well. 
I love it when a community comes together to share their passions, their hard work and their knowledge, and it is refreshing to be able to attend events without feeling like you need to spend a whole lot of money. Nothing much comes for free anymore and it is nice to know that even when you're seriously broke that you can still get a bit of culture into your life.
​Anyone that knows anything about me already knows that I sure do love a good cheap thrill!

Sometimes in my life it can really feel like I travel two steps forward and then one step back again. I suppose that everyone feels like that from time to time. Sometimes I feel an overwhelming sense of that in every aspect of my life and I have to try really hard to not let these small setbacks make me feel deflated. Things will happen, stuff won't always work out and some of the best laid plans will turn into total horse shit.
The biggest problem with this reality is that I am the sort of person that likes to feel that I am constantly moving forward in life, and it just kills me if I think that I am not. And even though I have an excellent understanding of the fact that no-one, no matter how much they may appear to have their shit together, is ever really continually moving forwards, it is just accepting that fact that is the hardest thing for me.
Standing still or moving backwards are not really terms that ignite excitement in me, generally they have the opposite effect. However, I have discovered that when I find myself in these predicaments, as one does from time to time, that there are things that can be done to make the process a lot less agonising and in fact, even quite enjoyable!
Firstly and above all else, the best thing to do when things go wrong is to take stock of the situation and make an assessment. An assessment that is not based on how far you still have to go, but more on how far you have already come. This is where keeping a daily journal really comes into its own, because when you flick back over a six, or even better twelve month period of your life, and you see just how much you've accomplished and grown, you won't feel deflated or setback for very long. It is so very easy to focus on the negative side of things in life when you face a minor setback, much easier than seeing the good things, but when you can actually see it on the page in front of you, it is very hard to deny your own personal growth. 
And that is the other thing, just because you are being forced to stand still with your progression on something for a while, that doesn't mean that you have ceased to grow altogether. In fact a lull in giant leaps forward are actually an extremely valuable opportunity to really observe the bigger picture, to make sure that you are still on the right track and to make any necessary adjustments before continuing on. When you look at it like that, a step backwards can almost seem like a much needed hiatus and a golden opportunity to uncover a brand new learning or way of doing things. 
​And if I still feel like crap about a setback after all of that, then I like to console and remind myself that I am only human, that is totally okay to make mistakes and get things wrong and that doing dumb shit every now and again is probably good for my soul anyway. Trying too hard to get it all right all of the time is just plain exhausting and I don't want to walk around with the weight of an elephant on my shoulders. I would rather just learn to find the sage in my setbacks, the reason behind my mistakes and the calm in the chaos, because two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward when you really think about it, and I am am happy to take it all just one step at a time anyway. 

Okay, okay, I have to eat my words about the Academy Awards never giving the Best Picture  Award to a fantasy movie, because The Shape of Water reigned supreme winning both Best Picture and Best Director for Guillermo del Toro at the 90th Academy Awards, which was just tremendous and completely unexpected from my perspective.
Frances McDormand took Best Actress in a Lead Role and Sam Rockwell Best Supporting Actor for Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri. Gary Oldman nabbed Best Lead Actor for Darkest Hour and Allison Janney won Best Supporting Actress for I, Tonya. Coco deservingly won Best Animated Feature Film as did Call Me By Your Name for Best Writing Adapted Screenplay, and it was great to see a horror represented in there as well this year with Get Out winning Best Original Screenplay for Jordan Peele.
Of course I stayed up until  11.30pm last Tuesday evening to watch the entire event on television, I wouldn't miss it! I wasn't in a glamorous gown, eating canopies with a glass of champagne in my hand as a work colleague suggested I might be. I was actually cosied up on the couch in my PJ's with a coffee  and a biscuit in my hand, but I didn't miss any of the action! I also watched The Golden Globes and the BAFTAs as well in similar fashion this year. For me, it is so good to see the movies and actors that I have enjoyed on the big screen getting some well deserved notoriety, it kind of galvanises my opinions about quality cinema and I just love the glitz and glamour of a Hollywood awards ceremony. 
It was also my birthday last week. I have now had my fourth round of eleventh birthdays, and was very spoilt by those nearest and dearest to me. It all kicked off on Friday when my new work colleagues gave me an unexpected and very thoughtful gift, then in the evening I was invited out to a friend's house for a delicious home cooked dinner with a group of friends. We enjoyed many laughs and libations alongside of a amazing roasted lamb and the most delicious roasted chicken that I have ever had, topped off with a scrumptious lemon tart for dessert. 
My actual birthday, which was Saturday, started off with an incredible brunch at Enfield thanks to Helen, who happily provided the most amazing spread of French pastries, breads and juices for an epic morning feast. Zoe joined us in the afternoon and we all went out for dinner to a swanky new Thai restaurant in Ballarat, and then on to see a live performance of Jesus Christ Superstar. Wow! There are some incredibly talented people in Ballarat; what an incredible show! And the music! Now I understand the appeal of a live rock opera, what an amazing effort and what a terrific night out for my birthday.
Came home afterwards and stayed up until 3am listening to music, singing loudly and drinking way too many celebratory drinks. A pretty great end to an exceptionally lovely day I think. I was absolutely showered with amazingly thoughtful gifts from friends and family, received heaps of kind text messages and just felt really loved and appreciated by those that I care about, and who could ask for anything more or better than that on their birthday? What a perfect week of celebrations I have enjoyed and how lucky I am!

In society today, both men and women face different pressures and expectations in regards to how they perform and conduct themselves. Sometimes we can rise to these societal expectations and sometimes we cannot, and although there is no written text outlining these expectations, they very much exist in our communities, our society and even in many of our homes. We all silently and obediently comply to these unspoken 'norms' everyday, but I wonder, should we?
Don't get me wrong here, I am not questioning our social expectations in the hope of creating a societal misconstruct or a revolution, because I do understand full well that we do need certain boundaries and expectations to operate as a well functioning and safe society. What I am saying however, is that some of the expectations, in particular those around gender roles, that are continually thrust upon us, are really not that reasonable or forward thinking, and yet we still willingly adhere and conform to them anyway.  
For women, I think that one of the biggest and most incorrect presumptions that society has is the belief that they are all nurturing and have the potential to be great mothers. Anyone with half a brain in their head knows that this is absolute malarkey; however, even though we know that this is not true, the pressures that society places upon women to conform to this unspoken norm are ridiculously high.
When society views what they believe to be a mother that isn't maternal, motherly or nurturing, they instantly shun her. She is usually viewed as weak, unfeminine and generally a pretty lousy person. No point denying it, it's true, I've heard vicious women picking their teeth with the bones of 'not very good' mothers in school car parks, after school sporting activities and mothers groups; and I would feel more comfortable with the vultures on the savannah to be honest. 
We can forgive women for many things, but as a society we are very unforgiving when it comes to motherhood, and in spite of all of our forward thinking, society still judges women that do not take to motherhood naturally very harshly. They are often branded with labels like 'bad' mother or called pathetic, dramatic and selfish. Women are probably the number one perpetrators of hate against un-maternal and un-nurturing women, and there is a frightening amount of pressure to conform when you become a mother. So much so, that a lot of women just crack under the pressure , and understandably so, it's bloody hard work! Not just being a decent enough mother to not get labelled 'bad' but also actually wrangling children, which at times is a dreadfully un-enjoyable business (just don't tell the other mothers that I said that). 
However, it is not just women that have unrealistic expectations thrust upon them, men get more than their fair share as well. For men, I think that society fails most when it comes to the expectation that men are to be strong, brave and ambitious. Again, what a load of horse shit! Many men that I know are none of those things, and they are really lovely terrific guys, but they do feel pressured by society to conform to expectations all of the time. 
From the time that boys are born, they are told to 'suck it up' and harden up. They are bombarded with media images of strong, smart, successful, brave and adventurous male icons that they are supposed to live up to and if they show too much emotion they are seen as weak and pathetic and sometimes called a sissy or god forbid, a girl. Young men feel like they need to constantly jostle for rank in order to be respected and fear being emasculated by their peers from as young as pre-school, and then we wonder why they become shut down men that are not in touch of their emotions later in life. Again, society says that it is forward thinking, but in some cases we are positively archaic in when it comes to gender stereotyping and expectation. 
Sure we are making progress, but we really aren't there yet, and it is going to require the support of everyone in our communities to change these harmful and unreasonable expectations that we place upon ourselves and those around us, because these old ways are not serving us any longer. The next time that you almost call some woman a 'bad' mother or some guy a 'pussy' think again about whether you are helping or hindering a solution to the problems that we are all facing when it comes to gender expectations and social support. Choose to not label, choose to investigate the whys. Be a pro-active member of your community and start questioning the expectations that you place upon others, and whether you need to do that anymore. 

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once quoted that people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed; meaning that humans prefer to be lied to. Having a personality that it somewhat 'tell it like it is' myself, I can assure you that this quote is absolutely 100% accurate and that people do not ever really want to hear the truth about themselves or about the things that are going on in their lives. They may tell you that they want the truth, but don't be fooled by that one, they most definitely DO NOT want to hear the truth. As Jack Nicholson famously shouted in A Few Good Men, they can't handle the truth and it will just about always freak them out and send them into a frenzy of hate, self doubt and/or depression.
People are far more comfortable with you going along with the flow, keeping your thoughts to yourself, accepting things as they come and generally not 'rocking the boat' as it is often termed. As humans we do have a strong tendency to adhere to the 'flock with birds of a feather' ideology. We conform, almost on autopilot, to groupthink situations, often succumbing to pressures that we don't really agree with just so that we can maintain the status quo and have a sense of belonging. 
There have been a few times in my life when speaking the truth has gotten me into a lot of trouble. I rarely mince my words, and I like to be honest about my thoughts and feelings; I don't really see the point in going along with things that I find upsetting, unfair or just plain ridiculous. However, as I said before, people do not want your honesty, so being skilled at 'telling it like is' is not really seen as a very good social skill to have; well not if you want to fly with the flock anyway.  
This 'skill' of mine has on a few occasions led to me inadvertently upsetting or offending people. Sometimes I have felt bad about that, sometimes I have not, depending on the situation of course. However, as I get older I realise that Nietzsche was not only right about people not wanting to hear the truth about themselves, but also that his advice should probably be followed if you don't want to continuously alienate the people in your life. 
And this is where the real conundrum lies, because I don't actually want people in my life that I can't be honest with. I value people being genuine and up front with me and I don't want people feeling like they have to follow any social norms or pretend to be anything or feel anything that they don't in order to be in my life. I respect people for being forthright and I would expect that the people that I have in my life would feel the same way. Of course, I understand that there is a fine line between speaking your truth and being a totally intolerant asshole all of the time as well. There are certain things that never need to be spoken about or commented on; and yes, a white lie here or there is absolutely necessary when it comes to us all getting along, but are we all generally over editing ourselves to appease the flock most of the time?
I do feel like many people probably do drastically over edit their thoughts and opinions in favour of 'flying with the flock.' Everyone is so scared of being seen as the 'opinionated' one, or the 'difficult' one that they just adopt an insincere tolerance to things that they do not agree with and an allowance of others to behave as they like and dictate how things should be, even though it may fly in the face of their own personal values or ethics. I can assure you from personal experience, that over-editing yourself and being ingenuous about how you feel will inevitably only lead to unrest, anger, resentment and hostility, which is hardly a terrific result or positive outcome. 
I suppose that the only really zen thing to do when it comes to speaking your truth is learning to become more adept at identifying when it is and when it is not appropriate to do so. Every situation and person is unique and therefore the levels of honesty that can be used varies constantly from situation to situation and person to person. Much easier said than done I know, because I have spent a good deal of my spare time overthinking things that I have said and removing my foot from my mouth on a regular basis.
It is important to find a happy medium in life where you do feel comfortable to stand strong in your own values and truths, but in doing so, to also make sure that you are not making everyone else feel uncomfortable when you do. If you succeed at doing this, please let me know how so that I too can become better at finding the 'happy medium' where I am sometimes flying with flock and sometimes flying solo as well without making any of the birds feel bad about themselves. 

CALL ME BY YOUR NAME
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
​Running Time: 132 mins 
A coming-of-age romance drama directed by Luca Guadagnino and written by James Ivory. Based on the 2007 novel of the same name by Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name was released at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival and has since received numerous accolades for its melancholic and powerful portrayal of a first love romance. 
In the Summer of 1983 in Lombardy, Italy, 17 year old Elio meets Oliver, an older handsome American that is working for Elio's father. Against the sumptuous sunburnt landscapes of an Italian summer, Elio and Oliver become involved in a passionate love affair that will change both of their lives forever. 
This film feels like a foreign language/ art house movie, and perhaps that is what makes it so good. The script never feels like it is conforming to cinematic or societal expectations, it is completely genuine and honest in its portrayal of budding first love discoveries and gay relationships which makes it uniquely forward thinking and exceptionally refreshing. 
The 80's era is portrayed perfectly and the two lead actors, Timothee Chalamet and Armie Hammer, are absolutely flawless as the infatuated lovers. I was so impressed by Chalamet's notable onscreen presence, he will definitely be one to watch in the future and Hammer shows us some serious acting chops that I have not seen before as well. 
Call Me By Your Name is nothing short of a modern gay classic and is powerful viewing that shouldn't be missed. 
FINAL SAY: Is it better to speak or die?
4 Chilli Peppers ​

The final days of summer are upon us, and though we should be enjoying the last days of light joyously, for many the reality of this time of the year is something altogether quite different. People are starting to show early signs of fatigue as the Christmas holiday period fades into the backgrounds of our lives once again. The daily 'grind' becomes the norm, temperatures are ridiculously inconsistent with very little sign of rain and the misty mornings of early autumn have already arrived. What is still alive in my vegetable garden is hanging limply, our water tank is bone dry and the gale force winds blow everything off our deck every other day. One can easily lose sight of the bigger picture at this point of the year; but not me!
March is always one of my most favourite months of the year. There is always something to celebrate on every, single, weekend in March. With the thought of autumn looming, people get super outdoorsy all over again in pursuit of their final days in the sun, which means that my events calendar is always chock-a-block. Add to that a long weekend, an upcoming Easter and for me, two weeks of school holidays and woohoo! You have got the making of one of the best months of the whole year. 
I really enjoy autumn as a season, especially out here in Enfield. Autumn out here means blackberry and apple picking and also mushroom foraging. Bush walking is at its best out here in the autumn, because there is far less risk of snakes and heat stroke. We always have plenty of water on the dam for the our resident ducks in the autumn time and the garden gets some much needed moisture from the heavens. The threat of bushfire is gone, and although the days get slightly shorter, you appreciate them all the more because you know that the days are also growing darker and that soon the sun will no longer hang around in the sky for many hours a day. 
March in Ballarat is particularly good I think. The Begonia Festival, The Golden Plains Arts Trail and White Night are all on and free to access; but there are also heaps of other things that I love about March as well, like the Academy Awards Ceremony (duh!), International Women's Day, World Harmony Day, Solitude Day and this year Good Friday and Easter Saturday as well. Loads to look forward to, and I get to have my birthday in there as well. Yep, for me March is one of the best months of the year, so it is without any sadness at all that I say farewell to another summer in my life and welcome a new season with much enthusiasm and excitement, because there are so many more wonderful days ahead to be enjoyed! 

MUDBOUND 
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 134 mins
An American period drama directed by Dee Rees and based on the novel of the same name by Hillary Jordan.  After premiering at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival, Mudbound was released on Netflix and deservingly earned four nominations at the 90th Academy Awards due its excellent depiction of rural American history.
Two men return to their poverty stricken farming homes in Mississippi after serving their country overseas during WW2. They struggle greatly to re-adjust to a rural lifestyle after the war, especially in a small town filled with racism and discrimination. 
Mudbound is an exceptionally powerful post-war movie. The storyline is completely believable, the cast is exceptionally strong and the struggles of the characters are deeply affecting. I was riveted for the entirety of this movie and was really impressed by the onscreen efforts of Carey Mulligan, Jason Mitchell, Mary J. Blige, Jonathan Banks and Garrett Hedlund. This film deserves to get a lot more attention, it is worth making the time to see it. 
FINAL SAY: I love them all equally. Every mother does. 
​4 Chilli Peppers ​

There is a line in the song Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen) that says - Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. I have been thinking a lot about that line lately, not because I read beauty magazines because I most certainly do not, but I have really been paying a lot of attention lately to the incredible job that advertising campaigns, the media and the money making 'fat cat' corporations of the world do when it comes to making us regular people feel like we are not enough.
The constant barrage of subliminal and non-subliminal messaging that we are bombarded with on a daily basis is just astronomical, and they all seem to be aimed at making us all believe that we are not conforming, not cutting it or that we are just not very good looking. And, it is not surprising to know, that these constant attempts to make us feel lousy about ourselves have been extremely effective, because not only are we (the consumers) buying more beauty, fitness and diet products than ever before, we also have far lower levels of self confidence about the way that we look and the way that we generally feel about ourselves as well. 
Once you step onto the treadmill of media-fed fear and self loathing, it is a never ending cycle of ugliness. You will catch yourself saying horrible things to yourself like: I am too fat, I need to change, why don't I look like the women in the magazines?....blah ....blah ....blah....and boom, they have won, they have got inside of your head and they have won. They have got you self doubting and not really liking yourself very much anymore, and once that begins, so do the attempts at 'fixing' yourself, and that is damn good for business but not so good for you. 
The path of self improvement is paved with good intentions but so very often it just lines the pockets of very bad people. There is more than one reason that models in beauty magazines are so thin, and it doesn't have a lot to do with looking good, because a lot of them don't really look that good at all in real life, it has everything to do with creating an unattainable and unrealistic ideal that will force us consumers to keep on spending and pushing in some mad pursuit of an unattainable goal. We actually buy in to the idea that some photoshopped, emaciated, plastic surgery victim looks amazing, because we have been programmed to think that fake bodies look great. We sucker ourselves into thinking that being wafer thin, fat lipped, big titted or getting a washboard stomach will complete us and make us more satisfied, and so we spend money willingly to do it. Beauty has become so sad and so removed from reality; and every day more and more people buy into it's glossy and fraudulent ideal. 
And when people can't attain these unrealistic goals, what do they do? Well, they just keep on spending! They spend on binge food, or comfort food or a therapist to try and rebuild their smashed self esteem, but the bottom line is that they spend. And that is all that any of this is about really, money. Beauty magazines, advertisements, campaigns, the media in general, they are all constantly pushing you to reach for your wallet or purse so that you can be more, be better, have more and look amazing. You never see any of them saying, you are perfect just as you are or you don't need to change a thing or you don't need to be any more than you already are; uh of course you don't, that shit doesn't sell! 
I guess what I am trying to say is that yes, beauty magazines will only make you feel ugly, but so will a lot of other things and some people as well, and you have to stand tall against it. Don't let the fat cats win, be true to yourself, love who you are and never believe that anyone in a beauty magazine really looks that amazing in real life; well not every day anyway.
Ignore the haters, enjoy your body, eat well and don't feel like you need to buy anything to be better than you already are. No product can ever replace your own peace of mind or your sense of self worth and you should never sacrifice believing that you are perfect just as you are for any fad, fetish or fanatical behaviour that the media can try and entice you with.
Just be you and be perfectly free, that's about as beautiful as anything can ever get in my mind. 

I recently read an article called 100 Life Changing Habits on Strangecharmed.com which was all about eradicating bad lifestyle habits and creating new healthier ones. Basically it was an extensive to do list that was broken down into these 10 categories: 
Health, relationships, personal development, spirituality, productivity, career, hobbies, organization, community and charity and money and finance.  There were lots of useful tips and generally good advice about getting the most out of your life and finding ways to live an abundant, happy and mindful lifestyle.  I was pretty chuffed when I read through the list to be honest, because I actually had quite a lot of the suggestions well and truly under control. So yeah, I got to feel good about the fact that after almost 44 years on the planet that I have actually got some of my shit pretty much together; not perfectly together, but pretty much together. 
There were a number of things that I most definitely do not have under control though, two in particular that caught my eye were these little chestnuts that were listed directly next to each other under the heading - personal development:
Say YES to experiences that scare you.
Say NO to experiences that do not serve you.
Hmmm....easier said than done there sensai! I do constantly say yes to horror movies, does that count for things that scare me? Probably not because most of it doesn't really scare me at all! Seriously though, I do know exactly what they really mean when they say 'things that scare you,' they mean getting out of your comfort zone and doing things that make you feel uncomfortable and I absolutely DO NOT have that down, but I have improved, a little. Especially this year because I have been well and truly outside of my comfort zone for the better part of the year and quite a bit of last year as well. However, I would be bullshitting if I said 'I got this' - 'cos I really don't got this! 
Also, I am only just learning to say no to things that do not serve me, because I definitely still allow my sense of obligation to dictate some of the things that I do. I am getting better at setting boundaries for myself, but again...I do not have this yet. Saying no is actually really difficult to do, well it is for me anyway. I often put my own needs and wellbeing on the backburner to accommodate for others, and it is a really stupid thing to do. Sometimes, I will just go and go until I literally run myself ragged or explode like some insane person over the littlest thing. I would really like to learn to say no to people without feeling guilty about it and without worrying about offending them. I hate that we are all so programmed to please that we are often afraid to set very reasonable and sensible boundaries for ourselves and others in our lives.  It is definitely something that I am going to try and make more of an effort to master, the freedom to put myself first and to sometimes say no. 
I really do doubt that anyone would be able to read all 100 points on the 100 Life Changing Habits list and go, yep I got all that down, but if there is someone out there that can, well....all power to you! It takes a lot of guts and determination to be that in control of your life and wellbeing, and it is definitely something that I truly aspire to achieve for myself someday.
For now however I am just satisfied with having the guts to identify my strengths and weaknesses and the balls to own them as well, not as massive as the achievements of others, but not a complete trainwreck either which I am all good with. You gotta love the life you're living!

Seth is currently completely obsessed with the 'Tiny House' movement. He relentlessly tries to convince Craig and I that we should be downsizing and opting to live in a tiny house. Craig tells him that we did once live in a tiny house when we bought our first home, and that it was cramped and that he has just forgotten what that felt like because he was tiny himself back then. Our first house was definitely not a tiny house, however in comparison to where we live now it would seem small. We did have to renovate the crap out of our first home to make it larger and more accomodating for our expanding family needs, and even after we had stretched it to its absolute limits, it just wasn't big enough for our family anymore. However, that doesn't mean that we won't need to downsize sometime in the future, but Seth wants to live in a tiny house right now. 
Now I don't want to deter my son's ambitions to be more environmentally sound and eco-friendly, but there are a few obvious problems with Seth wanting to live in a tiny house in the future, the first being his size. Seth is clearly going to be  bear-man when (or if) he ever stops growing. My side of the family is known for being a sturdy bunch and Craig's side is all height, put those two body types together and add a lot of man hair to that, and you have something that resembles a bear on its hind legs. He is already way taller than me now and he is only 13. These proportions are going to present more than their fair share of problems for Seth in a tiny house, but this has not deterred him. 
The other problem with Seth's tiny house concept is where his tiny house will live, which I can answer immediately, our backyard! I have visions of Seth squeezing himself onto a tiny porch every night in our backyard to go to bed, which in reality will not be downsizing at all, it will be expanding. There is more than enough space here for him in the house, adding another tiny house to our land will not be downsizing! I see the logic in this, unfortunately he does not.
If it was mobile and he could travel with it, that I could understand but to build another smaller house off the size of our already adequate house seems ridiculous to me.
I think that he may just be attracted to the idea of a glorified cubby or tree house if I am being honest about it. As a small child Seth loved to make blanket forts and would hide away for hours under a blanket tossed over a clothes horse or sit in a one man tent with Zoe listening to stories. He has always loved confined spaces and we spent hours extracting from him from under tables and things that he had got himself stuck in as a child, and maybe that longing for small spaces has just never gone away for him. 
I do totally concur with him on the carbon footprint thing though, a tiny house is so much better for the environment and so much cheaper to manage overall, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't love the amount of space that we have out here and that I have grown quite accustomed to a palatial lifestyle. However, in growing accustomed to certain privileges, one must also be responsible for them and Craig and I are both really serious about our impact on the environment. We have put in solar panels as a means of generating green energy and reducing our footprint out here and we do recycle diligently and compost all of our green waste which goes back into feeding our own vegetable patch and garden beds. We use tank water 95% of the time and use grey water on gardens where we can. We reuse everything, only buy or replace things when it absolutely necessary and we never waste food or other precious resources. But who knows, maybe in the future there will be ways to be even more environmentally friendly without having to compromise on life's luxuries or the feeling of having space. I know that I would certainly be all over that. 

The days appear to be stretching out before me lately, and like well worked dough, I can feel myself spreading out over more and more hours of the day. I'm unsure how, but the days do genuinely seem to be getting longer at both ends. I have even started to accidentally double book myself in for appointments and meetings which is always a telltale sign that I'm probably pushing a little too much into my day, but it just cannot be helped. I have a lot of living to do, and I will be damned if I will limit myself or my experiences just to grab a couple of extra hours of sleep!
​For those of you that already know me, you will be well aware that I am a lady who likes to get up early and also stay up late.  My average week day begins at 5.45am and rarely ends before 11.30pm. On weekends I often sleep in until 8.30pm but will then stay up until 2am or later that evening, especially if I am on a movie watching binge. I suppose that I am actually very lucky to be able to get away with an average of six hours of sleep a night and still feel pretty terrific most of the time. 
I am so conditioned to sleeping less hours at night, that I generally feel quite horrid when I sleep more than eight hours these days, not to mention the amount of anguish that I feel about all of the things that I could've squeezed into that time that I just wasted sleeping! I need all 18 of my waking hours a day to get everything done that I want to do, not that I have to do, that I want to do.
There are things that we all must do daily that do take a big chunk out of our time, they are the necessary things like eating, showering, housework and your paid employment, all of which can also be enjoyable, but odds are they aren't necessarily your favourite times of the day. I am talking about the time that we all need to set aside for the things that we love to do. The things that you do, not because you have to, but because they are your passions. They ignite you and help you to get through all of the other necessary crap so that you can really pursuit your hobbies, your joys and your ways of defusing the world and getting into your own  zone. 
I have a few such passions, and if I don't find the time to indulge in them daily, I can become a bit of a crank. It is amazing how quickly our passions can become our obsessions, and I admit that I am guilty of indulging in my obsessions. Luckily my obsessions are neither dangerous nor illegal, so that's a win, but when you find yourself at the cinema at midnight on a Tuesday evening with friends and you have work the next day, well it's pretty fair to say that you have an obsession, and that you are indulging in it. So glad that it was all for a good purpose though, because this time, my obsession was definitely worth staying up for.

THE SHAPE OF WATER
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 123 mins 
A romance fantasy movie, written and directed by Guillermo del Toro and Vanessa Taylor that will definitely tug at your heartstrings with its whimsical fairytale-esque storyline and adorable characters. After scooping the Golden Globe for Best Director and Best Original Score, The Shape of Water looks like a strong contender for an academy award as well, especially since it has 13 nominations.
​Elise is a mute cleaner (Sally Hawkins) that works at secret government laboratory. She discovers an amphibious humanoid (Doug Jones) that is being held against its will and the two form a secret relationship through a mutual love of proteins and music. When the creature's life becomes endangered, Elise sets about trying to rescue it from the facility, putting herself and the creature at great risk. 
​This movie is so deliciously sweet! The musical score, the costuming, the set design, the storyline, it all works beautifully. The performances are equally strong, with Hawkins delivering a divine portrayal of a pint sized angel, Michael Shannon playing the role of bad-guy Strickland with a terrifying conviction, Doug Jones - a del Toro veteran, is consistently fabulous as the amphibious man and Octavia Spencer, Richard Jenkins and Michael Stuhlbarg all offer solid support roles. 
I haven't liked a del Toro movie for a long while now, however, The Shape of Water proves that he's back, and that he still has what it takes when it comes to making enchanting monster movies. 
FINAL SAY: If we do nothing, neither are we. 
​4 Chilli Peppers ​

Self talk is a buzz term for the subconscious voice or inner dialogue that quietly runs in the background of our thinking minds all of the time. This inner voice keeps itself busy by making comment on how we see ourselves or suggesting how we should be doing things for ourselves. We all have a 'self-talk' voice, whether we want to acknowledge that we have one or not is totally irrelevant, trust me when I say that we all do have one. We just aren't really thinking about it, or what that voice is saying to us most of the time.
We are generally quite content to just let our inner dialogue run on auto-pilot, which can be fine if your self talk is usually positive, however, for many of us, that autopilot 'self talk' voice is not very kind or forgiving at all. Letting a negative self talk voice run on autopilot is probably not a very wise thing to do at all because it can have a huge effect on how you feel about yourself and what you choose to do with your life.
The way that we speak to ourselves matters, a lot actually. I have been investigating self talk lately and there has been a lot of studies done on the subject in recent years. As you probably already know, a negative self talking voice can drag people down so much that they can become seriously anxious and depressed, but did you know that persistently unchecked negative self talk has been linked to personality, esteem and body image disorders and can even lead to self harming and suicide? Yep, your subconscious self talk could be seriously sabotaging your chances of being happy and fulfilled. 
​Since considering all of this, I have been seriously paying attention to the quality of self talk that has been playing on autopilot in my subconscious, and I can confidently say that I have been quite unkind to myself for a very long time. There are some things playing on autopilot up there that are actually deeply damaging, even downright nasty! I would never put up with the crappy things that my inner voice says to me from anyone else, and yet I totally tolerate it from my own self, what the hell is that about?  And how long have I been being so unkind to myself? Where did these thoughts come from and why have I allowed this to go on for so long?
My self talk says horrible things about my physical, mental and emotional self that are so harsh, cruel and unloving that I cannot even write them down because they are just so horrid. As a consequence of that, I have learnt to not like certain things about myself, I have actually learned to hate some things about myself, and I have been doing it for almost 44 years!
So, clearly that all needs to change because I have no reason not to like myself, warts and all. I refuse to have some worn out, negative, self talking bullshit running on autopilot in the background of my subconscious any longer! It is time to feel more confident and to move on from old mindset habits and thoughts, they are no longer serving me and these negative thoughts that I have cultivated are only hindering my progress. 
Now whenever I catch myself having a negative self talking session, I ask myself these simple questions in an effort to combat my inner demons:

• Is there any evidence to support my thinking?
• What would I say to a friend if I heard them saying something like that about themselves?
• Is there a positive way to look at this?
• Am I keeping things in perspective? Is this rational?
• Is there anything that I can do to change what I am feeling bad about?

That usually seems to do the job, but I would be lying if I didn't say that is hard to break old habits and negative self thoughts, it takes constant and conscious effort to quell those asshole inner voices that try to convince us that we are not enough. I am not nearly out of the woods in regards to conquering my self talk yet, but I've made a start and I think that that is a mighty fine step in the right direction. I am not expecting to ever fully fall in love with who I am, but if I can stop saying terrible things to myself, that  sure would be a terrific place to begin. 

Okay, turns out that I am working with a bunch of super duper nice people that have made me feel very welcome in my new workplace, so I really had nothing to worry about on that front. And even though I am craving a space to hide myself away in because I am still a major social spazz, I have actually really enjoyed my first few days of early introductions and workplace orientation. I cannot believe how genuinely lovely everyone has been to me, I still feel a bit like I have stepped into The Twilight Zone to be honest because everyone is so extraordinarily kind and pleasant. 
There are just so many shiny, happy people milling around the place and it is positively infectious to be around. On top of that, they also appear to really love the work that they are doing as well. All of them seem to undertake tasks with a sense of real vigor, enthusiasm and gusto; which is a bit of a stark contrast to my old workplace where a lot of people did not appear to be enjoying themselves very much at all most of the time.
Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, quite the opposite in fact,  these people are totally inspiring to work with. I am really loving the positive change, but I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge how different it is to be around contented co-workers. When you are not used to it, it is quite weird and also deeply fascinating.
My suspicious mind cannot help but wonder -Can everyone really be that happy? Well, from what I have seen, yes; apparently they can! Staff in a school can totally be content, organised, committed, happy and accountable! Who knew? I don't really know what I was expecting to be honest, but it feels so great to be going to a place where people genuinely seem to care about everyone else in the school as much as they care about themselves. No wonder the children are all so chilled out, it's a pretty blissful place to be. 
Of course, it is still a workplace and not a day spa, and in spite of the 'namaste' feelings that I am vibing on, I know that there will most certainly be challenging days ahead, especially now that the children have arrived back. However, in spite of the awareness that there will be days ahead when things feel anything but blissful; I'll take what I can get for now. I cannot help but feel good about the positive change that a new workplace has brought to my life, and if my new co-workers are anything to go by, I feel like the challenges will indeed come, but just as easily go as well. It's certainly a terrific start to the work year that's for sure. 

ON YOGA: THE ARCHITECTURE OF PEACE
Release Date: 2017
Rating: M
Running Time: 97 mins
A documentary from director Heitor Dhalia that follows the experiences of American photographer Michael O'Neill as he photographs and interviews the great Yoga Masters of India, Tibet and New York. 
This is one of the most beautifully realised and spiritually inspiring movies that I have ever seen. If you aren't already doing yoga, this movie will make you want to go and join the nearest ashram immediately! The magical soundtrack, the sage advise, the inspiring yogi masters turning themselves into pretzels, what's not to like?
To be fair, I am a fan of both yoga and photography so I am probably deeply biased in my love for this movie, but I don't care, I was into it completely. This movie was somewhat of an experience for me, and although it's not going to spin everyone's tyres, I really think that the terrific interviews with the older yoga practitioners are definitely worthy of everyone's attention.
FINAL SAY: Namaste.
4 Chilli Peppers 

It is with great sadness that the summer holiday period has reached its inevitable end. It has been an absolutely glorious summer break with more than adequate time for celebration, procrastination and self indulgence of every variety. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel totally rejuvenated and ready to face a return to responsibility, I have spent more than my fair share of time lounging about and doing what I like; so come tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off, I shall rise without complaint and begin a new year of workplace adventures. 
I am actually filled with a mixture of excitement, anticipation and anxiety about returning to work this year because not only am I starting at a totally new workplace, but I am also taking on a completely new role on top of that. I have tried to prepare for my new role by diligently practicing Braille at home everyday over the break and reading everything that I could get my hands on about supporting blind students in the classroom, but at the end of the day nothing is going to help me to learn better and faster than 100% immersion. Without  a doubt, there will be many challenges to be tackled and bridges to cross along the way, but I am going to give it my very best effort and attention, so I look forward to some victories and triumphs along the road ahead as well. 
Meeting a whole swag of new people in a completely new work environment is certainly going to prove extremely interesting for me. I don't like to sway too far from my well trodden social circles and comfort zones, so the staff side of things will more than likely prove to be one of the most challenging parts of this new adventure. However, to combat the spazz in me, I have been really investing a lot of time over the holidays in refining my mindfulness practises, meditations and positive visualisation techniques, and I think that these practises will serve me well in this scenario. If I can keep calm and 'seem' calm then I should be able to stop myself from coming across like a totally panic stricken loon, which is kind of the worst case scenario when meeting new work colleagues. 
There does seem to be a healthy middle ground when entering a new workplace, and I haven't been in  that zone for almost decade so I can really only call the examples of others in the 'what to do' and 'what not to do' stakes on this one. However, what I have learnt through years of 'newster' observation is that you cannot be too cool or aloof and you most definitely cannot be too confident either, that is a massive off-putter. Nothing gets people's tongues  in a workplace waggling faster than a new know-it-all! It can take years to bounce back from that shit, I've seen it happen to people before. 
Treading the middle ground is always the safest bet in a new workplace, and remembering to only speak when you need to and remaining quiet when you don't. Don't talk about yourself or your past other than answering those obligatory questions that everyone asks about children and the like, and most importantly of all, in all new interactions, let them talk at length about themselves uninterrupted no matter how boring or uninteresting it may seem, and say things like uh-huh regularly and nod and smile a lot. Easy! No, really not easy at all, bloody terrifically terrifying actually, but I got this.....I got this.....well, I will tell you if 'I got this' or not next time I blog anyway. Wish me luck! 

SPY
Release Date: 2015
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 119 mins 
Written and directed by Paul Feig, this action spy comedy really took me surprise. Let's be honest, Melissa McCarthy movies have been pretty hit and miss. Ever since she first gained momentum off the steam of Bridesmaids, she has appeared in some appallingly bad comedies, and I was starting to think that she was a one trick pony, but here is all the evidence that anyone will ever need to support the fact that she has some seriously good comedic ability.
Desk-bound CIA agent Susan Cooper (McCarthy) heads out into the field in an attempt to avenge her partners murder and foil the black market sale of a suitcase nuke. 
Even with the ridiculous and unlikely plot-line, this film still delivers. There are more than a few raucous laughs to be enjoyed and the strong cast of well known actors are tremendously funny. Jason Statham, Allison Janney, Rose Byrne and Miranda Hart are all on their A game here, delivering a tidy and terrible funny comedy that shouldn't be missed. 
FINAL SAY: I look like someone's homophobic aunt! 
​4 Chilli Peppers ​

There is an old Persian proverb that I often turn to during difficult or dark times in my life -Sunshine all of the time makes a desert.
I believe that this is quite true. It is not good to only have sunshine and for it to never rain; it is bad for the land and it is also bad for the soul. No one has ever grown as a person without experiencing some hardship, obstacle or difficulty. The good times are really only good times because we know what the bad times feel like and how difficult they are, thus making room for us to recognise and appreciate when the good stuff happens to us. 
Equally when there has been a lot of sunshine and a dark day arrives, we sometimes struggle to come to terms with the sudden change, and mostly we struggle to seek meaning from the content and to understand the lesson that is being presented. However, in all honesty, I believe that sometimes the learning to be garnered from those dark days is not exclusively ours to learn. Some dark days are not even really about us, they are more about the growth of others and we are just along for the ride; a rather shitty, rough and uncomfortable ride, but a ride nonetheless.
In my opinion, these lessons are often the hardest ones to accept and the most difficult ones to come to terms with, but life deals them out and we all get a go around once and awhile. Sometimes really shitty things happen to really lovely people and there is nothing that anyone can do about it, sometimes people get some karma that they probably didn't deserve and it seems totally unjust, and sometimes people really hurt or even destroy the ones that they love along the road to finding themselves. 
Through the lessons of others, we do inevitably grow somewhat ourselves as well, but it can be a lot more difficult to understand if we are merely the catalyst, the victim or the bystander in the way that things play out. In my life I have been all of those things - a catalyst, a victim and a bystander, on my own path and also through the lives of others. I know that no matter how seasoned that you think you are, the lessons don't get any easier along the way and that a lot of the time they don't seem to have any pattern, rhyme or reason, they just are. 
​Just like the cast of a production, we all get our chance to play different roles in this lifetime, sometimes we get to play the sunny hero and then other times we play the stormy villain; and unfortunately we have to really. If we didn't play all of the roles then we would only ever understand a small portion of life and its massive tapestry, we would lack emotional empathy and we would never be a truly complete person.
The rain must happen, but as I said, accepting the jagged little pills of life is never easy or pleasant and just like a cold rainy day in the Summer, it is both unexpected and unwelcome. My advice is to always remember to pack an umbrella and to be ready for a change at any time, because the changes will come. And when they do, they will arrive straight out of left field, right over yonder from a tiny grey cloud, right from where you haven't been looking at all.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of  droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror - 
The wide brown land for me. 
- extracted from My Country, a poem by Dorothea Mackellar. 

I am not insanely patriotic, but I must admit that I do genuinely love Australia. In spite of its faults and shortcomings, I feel like Australia has truly grown considerably as a nation and I always feel completely at home when I am in Australia. Sure we have some problems, I am not claiming that we are 'the perfect nation,' however, when you compare Australia to a lot of other countries, it is easy to see why we have been labelled The Lucky Country for so long. 
I have travelled and seen a lot of different places in the world, and I feel that I can say without a doubt, that Australia has some of the most diverse and beautiful landscapes in the world. I think that the land of Australia is second to none, we really do have it all here. As far as land bragging rights go, Australia has it in buckets.
Australia is actually the 6th largest country in the world and it's ocean territory in the third largest in the world, spanning three oceans and covering around 12 million square kilometres of water. 91% of Australia's landmass is covered in vegetation because even our desert landscapes are home to native plants. Australia is one of the most biodiverse countries in the world and is home to more than one million species of plants and animals, many of which cannot be found anywhere else in the world. About 85% of flowering plants, 84% percent of mammals, more than 45% percent of birds and 89% of inshore, freshwater fish are unique to Australia. We also have around 140 species of marsupials that are native to our country and we are best known for our exotic creatures like the kangaroo, koala, echidna, dingo, platypus, wallaby and wombat. 
We have one of the oldest indigenous cultures in the world, spanning over tens of thousands of years. The original custodians were inextricably linked to the land, its forms, its flora and its fauna. The knowledge and culture of our Indigenous Australians has shaped our nation; and through their understandings, all Australians now share a relationship with the natural environment. 
Australia is incredibly multicultural, in fact one in four of our 22 million people were actually born overseas. 46% of Australians have a parent that was born overseas and 20% of Australians speak a language other than English in their own home.  Since 1945 almost seven million people have migrated to Australia, and in spite of often being called a racist nation, in a recent poll 84% of Australians said that multiculturalism had vastly improved our country and 86% said that they are in support of all actions to tackle racism in our country. Thankfully, we now also have same sex marriage marriage, and overall I do believe that we are moving forward as a nation of inclusiveness.  
Melbourne, Victoria has been ranked the most liveable city in the world for seven years running in The Global Liveability ranks, which is determined by healthcare, education, stability, culture, environment and infrastructure. Although we are one of the most urbanised countries in the world, we are also one of the most coastal-dwelling populations, with over 80% of Australians living within 100 kilometres of the coast. 
Australia has become one of the most desired tourist destinations in the world for travellers and every year millions of tourists visit our shores to experience its beauty and diverse travel experiences. Our most desired travel locations are listed below, and it is easy to see why people want to have these experiences, they are all truly amazing places. 

• The Great Barrier Reef
• Uluru
• Sydney
• Daintree Rainforest
• The Whitsundays
• Melbourne
• Broome and the Kimberley
• The Great Ocean Road
• Margaret River Region
• Cradle Mountain
• Kakadu National Park
• Fraser Island
• South Australia Wine Regions
• Arnhem Land

On top of terrific travel opportunities, Australia is also renowned for it extensive art, music, sport, cuisine and culture. We have many successful actors, musicians, sportspersons, chefs, writers and artists that have enjoyed international acclaim - some of my personally favourite famous Aussies are Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Toni Collette, Albert Namatjira, Will Anderson, Chris Hemsworth, Paul Kelly, Mia Wasikowska, Michael Hutchence, Christos Tsiolkas, Geoffrey Rush, Joel Edgerton, Hugo Weaving, Tim Winton, Margot Robbie, David Wenham, Ben Mendelsohn, Sia, Barry Humphries, Peter Carey,  Jim Jefferies and Nick Cave. 
When you look at it all together, it is easy to see why I love Australia and why I am proud to call Australia home. We really do have bragging rights, we are a great nation, we have come a long way and we should be proud of that fact. Loving where you live makes life so much better and I am proud to say that I do love my sunburnt country, and that in Australia we really do have the best of everything. 

It so lovely to have the luxury of free time to spend doing whatever I chose to do. I am always amazed at how easy it is to fill in that spare time by doing things are not really necessary or important, but are incredibly enjoyable, and make the hours and days just melt away. This has been one of the laziest summers of my life, and good god it is truly wonderful! My days have been filled with sleep-ins, reading, yoga, journaling, French lessons (yeah, I am learning to speak French), drawing, painting, pilates, gardening, meditation, long breakfasts, late lunches and moonlight tipples. Bloody glorious! What a wonderful couple of weeks it has been. I can literally feel my batteries recharging and my wellbeing realigning, and it has left me feeling really positive about the year ahead. 
Apart from a couple of trips to the movies and a pop around to the local plant nursery, I have pretty much avoided all contact with the outside world so far this year. I have gone 100% introvert these holidays and have spent more time watching the ducks swim on the dam than I have spent with anyone apart from my immediate family. I have been indulging in my own passions completely, and I don't feel even slightly guilty about that, but I do feel gracious that I have been given the chance to do so.  
I am loving the opportunity to not have to be anywhere or do anything unless I want to, and guess what? I haven't wanted to! I have relished in the chance to just be restful and relaxed, because I know that these moments are fleeting and should be embraced when they arise. I have spent so many of my past holiday breaks racing around doing things and trying to catch up with people and I always just feel exhausted by the end of it; but as I am getting older (and wiser?) I am getting a lot better at prioritising my time and learning to put my own rest and wellbeing at the forefront of my break periods.
If I have learnt anything worth knowing in this life it's that you have to take care of your own needs and embrace your own passions. You have to steer your own journey and to do that well, you need to be able to put yourself first sometimes. 
I have always wanted to have a  life that I never felt like I needed to take a holiday from, and I think that I have found that. I have absolutely everything that I could ever need to feel fulfilled right here in Enfield, and I am taking full advantage of it. There is a lot of peace to be had in the stillness and sanctuary of home and there is a certain type of grace in not needing to be on the move all of the time; and I am truly grateful for the time that I am getting to spend unhindered doing those things precisely. What a marvellous beginning to a brand new year. 

As we prepare to send off the old year and welcome a new one, I sit and reflect on the finer moments of 2017 for me. It was most certainly a big one, a year that was filled with farewells but also filled with opportunities to uncover new aspects of myself and to grow as a person.
Here's my highlights, best bits and fave moments of 2017 in a nutshell:
JANUARY: Yoga mornings, Torquay, The Maticevski exhibition, Seth's 12th birthday in Geelong, Seppelt winery, Queenscliff ferry, Triple J's Hottest 100, Chinese New Year - Year of the Rooster, Long Summer Nights.
FEBRUARY: Meeting my new students for 2017, Seth starting at Damascus, Coffee dates with mates, Curry and Movie Nights kick off.
MARCH: White Night Festival, International Women's Day, My Birthday, The Lost Trades Fair, Harmony Festival, Japanese dinner with friends, The Arts Trail, Blackberry picking. 
APRIL: Easter School Holidays, Sydney Road Trip, Staying with family in NSW, eating Hot Cross Buns and chocolate eggs, Orthodox Easter, Craig's Birthday, Autumn afternoons. 
MAY: Mushrooming, Mother's Day, Wicked at Her Majesty's, Day Tripping to Daylesford, The Festival of Light at the Great Stupa in Bendigo, Fruit Tree planting. 
JUNE: Spicywatch's Birthday, Rockwiz, Winter Solstice Celebrations, Zoe's Birthday, Winter School Holidays started.
JULY: Winter movie marathon nights, Sleeping in, Yarrowee Trail hiking, All Day Baking Sessions, eating Apple pie!
AUGUST: Middle Eastern Banquet with friends, Silvers Circus, School celebrates it's Birthday, George A. Romero zombie tribute night, starting Positive Visualisation techniques.
SEPTEMBER: Father's Day, School Art Show, Getting my Colour Analysis done,  Dave Lachapelle photography exhibition, School Holiday Break.
OCTOBER: Spring Mornings, Long drunken lunch dates,  Daily Meditation Practises, Clothing Swap charity event, Getting a Job Interview, The Edith Head exhibition.
NOVEMBER: Días Los Muertos, Romancing the Skull exhibition, Zoe and Lachlainn got engaged, Got a new Job and met my new student. 
DECEMBER: Scienceworks, Staff Christmas function, Student Graduation, Farewell dinner with my work team, Cherry and strawberry picking, Summer Holidays start, Christmas Day, New Years Eve. 

It is time. The time has come for me to farewell my current work colleagues and to prepare for the next league of my own personal journey. Much easier said than done that's for sure, but millions of other people have left work places that they have loved and they have all survived so it would be pretty stupid to think that I won't manage when I say my final goodbyes tomorrow. However, I would be lying to myself completely if I didn't acknowledge the lump in my throat and the tightness in my chest when I think about how fond I have become of some these said 'work colleagues' who are in fact so, so much more than merely work colleagues, they are really very dear friends and it is going to be gut wrenchingly difficult to actually say goodbye knowing that the end of the day will actually signal a farewell to my work relationship with them. 
I am preparing for a difficult and emotional day, it's going to big and tricky, but I have some plans to celebrate the greatness that I am leaving behind and enjoying every last moment with them all. I have been trying very hard to practise mindfulness at work over the last few weeks, so rather than thinking about anything ahead, I have been just languishing in the each and every given moment. It has given me some really interesting perspective and a lot more joy to just be in every moment and I plan to share those joyous findings with my lovely colleagues and friends tomorrow as I depart. There are some pretty terrific people at my work and I feel like it is my job to let them all know just how terrific that I think that they are before I miss my chance to. 
So here I am, only days aways from Christmas preparing for a massive change to happen in my life and feeling all of the mixed emotions that comes with that. And then there is the excitement of Christmas, the summer holidays and the restful days ahead to share with my loved ones. I am a flurry of emotions, a fountain of feels and a flood with fidgets, but most oddly of all is that I am all of those things in the very best of ways.