I am still utterly yoga and meditation obsessed. I rarely, if ever, go a day without these two elements in my life now and I am always seeking ways to access classes that are effective and preferably free as well. Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with people paying to go to yoga classes or learning how to meditate from a professional, I just think that there are some really great ways to access quality programs for free that people may not be aware of. 
Over the last four years I have become very disciplined and committed to my yoga and meditation practises and this endeavour has in turn, lead to me finding some amazing YouTube channels that offer free, effective and fun home practises that can hone your skills and give you a cheap alternative to paying for a gym membership or a yoga/ meditation guru. 
Here's my list of best YouTube yoga and meditation home practises: 
Yoga with Adriene - I started my yoga journey with Adriene and her dog Benji, she's a sweet and user friendly way to kick start an 'at home' yoga practise. She does monthly calendars that you can follow and they're terrific!
SarahBethYoga - Gorgeous Sarah has the best at home yoga morning quickies for all levels of ability. You can access an entire library of 10, 15, 20 and 30 minute practises with varying levels of intensity and challenge. 
Fightmaster Yoga - Lesley Fightmaster is a little ditsy with her high voice and daily quotes, but her practises are really great and very effective for body toning. Her channel has something for everyone, including some really advanced yoga challenges as well.
PsycheTruth - This is a health and wellbeing channel that offers more than yoga. Their clips cover nutrition, pain relief, massage, meditation, stress and anxiety relief, holistic health and much, much more. They have loads of instructors so you can try out a variety of them and find one that you like. 
Five Parks Yoga - Erin Sampson is one fit lady! Her channel offers a more advanced 'at home' yoga practise. She does do some shorter sessions as well, but her overall level of intensity is higher. Loads of strength building and core routines with little rest time.
Yoga with Jess - Jess delivers good, short, problem area focused yoga sessions. Unfortunately she hasn't posted for around 9 months now, but there is a good bank of her old stuff still there to access, all of which are very good. 
Bad Yogi Yoga - A little of everything and definitely a good place for beginners to start, this channel is a great way to learn the basics properly. The short '100 poses' videos are terrific for getting your postures correct and learning the names and shapes of yoga poses properly.
Kino Yoga - Kino MacGregor looks like a suntanned health-guru dream yogi. If you can get passed her 'polished and perfect' exterior, you'll see that with 20 plus years of experience under her belt, she offers something for everyone and delivers practises that build strength and flexibility in serious and transformative ways. 
BrettLarkinYoga - Vinyasa flow and meditation channel that has some easy beginners stuff all the way through to the deep sweaty advanced work. Brett (who is actually a woman) also delivers some really great free meditations and nighttime yoga sessions as well. 
The Mindful Movement - Meditations, visualisations, hypnosis, pilates, yoga and mindfulness - this channel is your one stop shop for inner peace and self healing techniques, it has something for everyone. 

Hopefully, you'll be able to find something new to try from my list of free goodies. Anything that makes you feel brighter, gets you balanced and brings joy to your life for free can't be a bad thing! 

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW
Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 93 mins 
The critics rather unfairly tore this survival-horror movie a new asshole, and no, it's certainly not a life changer, but given the fact that the cast was a bunch of virtual unknowns, the setting was nothing more than miles of poorly lit tunnel and the director went for another hand held- found footage approach, As Above, So Below still provided an adequately creepy and intriguing environment that kept me watching until the very end. 
Scarlet, an intrepid explorer, takes a team of guides and curious friends into the Parisian catacombs in search of the Philosophers Stone, with dire consequences. 
I would have liked to have seen a bit more 'Hellmouth' action to be honest, because the lead up was far too long and the actual 'hell time' was fleeting, under-developed and rushed. The plausibility of the story line had more holes in it than Swiss cheese, but overall I am still giving this a thumbs up for it's claustrophobic effect and creepy weirdness. 
FINAL SAY: As I believe the world to be, so it is. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

I am all for owning and indulging in your guilty pleasures, and come on, let's put it out there...they're only guilty pleasures if you actually feel guilty about them, right? So rather than calling them 'guilty' pleasures let's just call them straight up pleasures, aka the things that you love to indulge in that other people may not (probably won't) know about. And let's be honest about this, we all have them, so there's no point in acting like you don't. And they could be as innocuous as eating chocolate in the bathtub whilst listening to Cindy Lauper CD's or they could be as dangerous as snorting cocaine off the back of a dunny seat everytime that you go to a Melbourne nightclub; whatever your pleasure (and as long as it isn't harming anyone else) I say that it's okay to indulge in your pleasure vices from time to time. 
I find that as I get older, my choice of 'pleasures' has changed substantially, and that's not because I don't have anything that I desire enough to warrant the effort because I most certainly do, but I find that I am much busier and more financially restricted as the time in my life marches on; so what I can afford to indulge in, and also what I can afford the time to indulge in, has altered quite a lot. Perhaps I just have more expensive pleasures than I did say... fifteen years ago, which is probably closer to the truth and that would generally mean that I just can't afford to indulge in them as often as I would like to. 
When I say expensive, I also mean indulgent and I think that, like most of us, there is a certain level of guilt associated with indulging in your pleasures, especially if you know that they are expensive, dangerous or not really considered to be good for your health - hence the title guilty pleasures. However, if there is one thing that I have learnt thus far in this life,  it's that restricting yourself from the things that you really love and genuinely crave is not only extremely cruel, but it's downright oppressive to your soul as well. One must never forget the age old adage - you can't take your riches with you when you die, so you may as well make the most of them while you can. 
Over the years the topic of guilty pleasures has come up from time to time when I have had people around, it is certainly one of the more interesting topics that you can discuss at a dinner party or friendly gathering. As interesting as your own pleasures are to you, I find it way more interesting to hear about the guilty pleasures of others. Other people's pleasure choices can reveal another dimension to their person that you may have completely overlooked, and although I am not going to out anyone here for their specific desires, I have heard some pretty interesting and even salacious pleasure choices that have raised a few eyebrows in the room when they were revealed.
Check out these rippers:

• Staying a work late to use their internet to game.
• Looking at photos of Kamal and listening to him sing - and getting turned on!
• Getting drunk and binge watching bad reality TV.
• Enjoying McDonald's breakfasts regularly. 
• Dancing in the loungeroom to songs from Dirty Dancing or Grease. 
• Stealing luxury pillows from hotels.
• Eating a (free?) handful of grapes or nuts from the produce section of supermarkets. 
• Drinking a whole bottle of good champagne alone.
• Eating raw cake mixture or biscuit dough. 
• Stealing soaps. 
• Watching Steven Seagal movies and loving them. 
• Getting professional massages on your lunch break.
• Following Justin Bieber on Instagram. 
• Watching 'weird topic' porn.
• Reading Mills and Boon novels. 
• Impulse travelling or road tripping. 
• Sunbaking without sunscreen.
• Eating things straight from the jar or drinking out of the carton.
• Smoking joints.
• Squeezing pimples on other people's backs or faces. 
• Not showering on the weekends. 
• Stalking people on social media platforms. 
• Talking to your pet like it's a real person that understands you. 

Some of those were actually mine, but I am not going to tell you which ones...you'll just have to guess! In the meantime, raise a glass to your own (guilty) pleasures, partake in them and explore what gives you genuine and unbridled joy, because life's too short not to indulge in the sillier, simpler and saucier bits and bobs. And, as long as 'it harms none' then I say go in hard and celebrate being alive everyday!

Not always the easiest things to do, but listening to your emotions is vital to staying on track and managing yourself in a dignified and intelligent way. Once you become adept at acknowledging emotions and the message that they are sending to you, then you can empower yourself to question the validity of the message and respond accordingly. Sounds rather scientific, but it really isn't and just like any other muscle that you work on to make it stronger, your emotional intelligence is just as pliable and important, so why not start to decipher your feels, identify them and manage them like a boss?
Here is a list of some common negative emotions that you may be feeling and what they could be trying to tell you to address:
Bitterness: you are not healed from an old pain, your hanging onto a judgement of yourself and/or others. 
Resentment: you're living in the past and not allowing the present to be as it.
Discomfort: You need to start paying attention to what is occurring to you right now. You could be ignoring an opportunity to change or hanging on to outmoded version of yourself. 
Anger: Your passionate about something or you feel like an injustice has occurred. Check your boundaries and reassess your need to force your passions outwards.
Disappointment: You tried for something, you didn't give in to apathy and you still care.
Guilt: Guilt helps you to understand the person that you do not want to be. You have an opportunity to forgive yourself and move on. 
Shame: You're internalizing someone else's beliefs about who you should be (or who you are) and you need to connect with yourself. 
Sadness: You have depth in your feelings, you care for others and the world.
Jealousy: You are not content with what you have, you need to discover what it is that is making you feel incomplete.

You do not have to be slave to your negative emotions, remember that you are always in control and that you must try to resolve your feelings first and foremostly, with acceptance. Become aware of what you are feeling, name it and notice where in your physical body it is affecting you, and then without judgement just mindfully label it, eg. this is anxiety. Don't deny the emotion or reject it, accept it completely and even though that may seem like an overwhelming thing to do, also remind yourself that it is not a permanent feeling and that it will, like all things, eventually come to pass. Work hard to identify your triggers and what is going on that makes these feelings rise up within you from time to time and let go of the need to be in control of your emotions all the time. 
You don't have to deny or control your feelings, you only need to manage your responses to them. As I have said in previous blog posts, even Buddhist monks get pissed off from time to time, they just don't act on those feelings, and that is emotional intelligence - just letting the emotions come in and leave without you needing to engage with them at all. And you can do this, and you do deserve to live a life free of stress and anxiety, and you do deserve to feel happy and content, so allow yourself to do the work of the self as often as you can. 
I think that Charles Bukowski summed it all best when he said:
"Nobody can save you but yourself -
and you're worth saving.
It's a war not easily won 
but if anything is worth winning -
this is it."

The Golden Globes Awards happened on Monday at midday and I was lucky enough to watch them in real time from the comfort of my couch. However, it is extremely hard to really enjoy any type of celebration or merriment wholeheartedly at the moment without feeling extremely guilty. Especially when you are surrounded by a very ominous, dark, smokey haze that has drifted over from the devastating bushfires that are ravaging our country at the moment. To call the state of affairs in Australia grim at the moment would be a serious understatement, they are truly troubling and frightening real. 
Gone are the days of a laid back and relaxed Aussie Summer, the reality of our warmer season now is  an endurance of long dry days, hypervigilance and dire concern as year after year we watch in despair as our country turns to ash. And I am well aware that our climate makes us more susceptible to bushfire, but the frequency, ferocity and duration of this year's blazes has been unprecedented. Nowhere in Australia is safe from the threat of fire anymore and when you already live in a high fire risk area as I do, you can't help but be very, very concerned. 
Many of the actors that took to the stage on Monday extended their thoughts and solidarity towards Australia during our country's fire crisis, but goodwill and thoughts, although kind, aren't exactly going to extinguish the roaring blazes or save family homes. So, what can anyone really do to help? At this point in the crisis what we really need is more money, money to replace homes and support devastated communities to get back onto their feet and to help care for injured wildlife and fund koala hospitals. These donations can be made through The Red Cross, the CFA, Wildlife Victoria and also directly to The Victorian Bushfire Appeal, all of whom can easily be reached online if you feel compelled to offer financial support. 
In the long run however, it is up to us as a nation to not only be stronger in our fire awareness and prevention but to be far more mindful about where we place our votes for our country's leadership in the future. Without a leader in this country that is willing to make serious and realistic moves towards our climate change issues nothing is going to improve. Australia desperately needs a national climate and energy policy review, and most of all a leader that is willing to undertake that work. That is never going to happen if we don't make it happen, so please, I implore you to not waste your next vote but to thoughtfully consider what the future of our country will look like for our children and children's children and to have that at the forefront of your thinking when you vote next. Come on Australia - we can make big changes for the better by just casting our vote to where it is needed. 
​But enough about politics, let's lighten the mood and announce the Golden Globe recipients for 2020 - a most worthy and deserving bunch for sure:

I'm not going to lie about it, 2019 was NOT my favourite year. It was a year when things that could go wrong did go wrong for me. It was year of loss, sorrow, illness, confusion and things just frickin breaking or catching on fire (seriously - catching on fire people - just nuts!), but you know what I have to say about that? I say, well yeah it was pretty shitty a lot of the time, but I survived it. And I am stronger and smarter and calmer and wiser because of it all, I have learnt more about myself and others this year than I ever thought that I could learn in one year and even though I am praying that 2020 is somewhat kinder and gentler to me, I am actually proud that I have managed myself as well as I did in the face of all that adversity. 
And it really wasn't all doom and gloom anyway, some really good stuff happened to me in 2019 as well, and I would really like to focus on those peaks and forget about the valleys right now. 

See, loads of good things happening all year long! If you just look hard enough at what you've been doing, you can always find the positives. And although this year has really tested my fortitude, it has also proven to me that I have some incredibly strong, kind and generous people in my life that have really supported me through the tough times, and that is better than so many others things and pretty much makes up for things catching on fire as well! 
So onward and upward I go, 2020 has arrived and along with it an opportunity to rise up, dust off and face the world again with a fresh perspective and some new found optimism. I feel that brighter days lie just ahead!

Words are flowing out
Like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
After drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva, Om
Nothing's gonna change my world...

Beautiful words from John Lennon and the lyrics from the incredible song Across the Universe by The Beatles.  
And why have I written them here? Well, sometimes I find that words are not always enough to express a feeling, but song lyrics - like poetry, seem to fill that void for me. In fact, I often seek the mellow embrace of a song when I really need to let it all out and there are many songs that evoke deep emotional responses within me, but for some unknown reason Across the Universe is one that I find myself turning to when my emotions get a bit jammed up or muddled. 
Apparently, The Beatles stated that the song was heavily influenced by their interest in Transcendental Meditation during the late 1960's. The mantra "Jai Guru Dev, Om" that features in the song is actually a Sanskrit phrase whose words can have many meanings. In translation it approximates as "glory to the shining remover of darkness" and it can also be paraphrased as "Victory of God divine", "hail to the divine guru," or the phrase commonly invoked by the late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in referring to his spiritual teacher, "All glory to Guru Dev."
Whatever the interpretation, the lyrics are highly image-based with abstract concepts and in a 1970 interview with Rolling Stone magazine, John Lennon referred to the lyrics of Across the Universe as "one of the best lyrics that I've written. In fact, it could be the best. It's good poetry, or whatever you call it, without chewin' it." And he is right, it is an incredibly well written piece of music and I always feel emotional when I listen to it. 
I suppose everyone has their favourite songs that they turn to when they want to cry a little or release something or just feel a connection. Here is a list of my top 25 favourite "get your feels out" songs that help me to release my pent up emotions. These songs really get me right in the heart every damn time that I listen to them. 

1. Across the Universe - I love The Beatles version, but recently Aurora did a version on Triple J's Like a Version and it is pretty much perfect in every way. 
2. This Woman's Work - Kate Bush 
3. Thirty-Three - The Smashing Pumpkins 
4. Morning Theft or Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
5. Breathe Me - Sia 
6. Speak My Mind or Decision- N.Y.C.K. 
7. Get on the Road - Tired Pony
8. The Drugs Don't Work - The Verve
9. Unravel - Bjork
10. Watch You Go - Tyne-James Organ
11. Horizon - Aldous Harding 
12. Listen to Soul, Listen to Blues - Safia
13. River - Leon Bridges 
14. No Stars - Rebekah Del Rio 
15. Delete - DMA's 
16. Runaway or Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks- The National 
17. Into Yellow - Martin Luke Brown
18. Pain and Misery - The Teskey Brothers 
19. ​Misplaced - Riley Pearce
20. Elegy - Leif Vollebekk
21. Primitive - Annie Lennox
22. All We Do - Oh Wonder 
23. I Get Overwhelmed - Dark Rooms
24. Medicine - Daughter
25. The Finish Line - Snow Patrol

I'm not 100% sure that crying out your feels to your favourite sad songs is the best way to deal with your emotions, but sometimes we all need to go to dark places to find ourselves again after stressful or traumatic times and listening to "get your feels out" songs seems like a pretty innocuous way to do that; just make sure you bring your tissue box along for the ride! 

JOJO RABBIT
Release Date: 2019 
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 108 mins
Written and directed by Taika Waititi (who also stars as an imaginary Adolf Hitler) Jojo Rabbit is set to divide viewers with it's strange mixture of comedy, war and drama. This unexpected 'feel good' movie swings between poignant and disturbing depictions of the atrocities of WW2 and full blown Nazi-mocking humour, never really committing to any one genre for the duration.
Living in Nazi occupied Germany during the latter stages of WW2, young Johannes "Jojo" Betzler, his best friend Yorki and his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler attend a Deutsches Jungvolk Hitler Youth training Camp together. The camp is designed to offer boys the basics in Nazi training, whilst strengthen their hate for all things Jewish. However, when Jojo comes into close contact with a Jewish girl, all of his training and pre-conceptions are put to the test. 
This is really funny stuff; Taika Waititi, Rebel Wilson, Stephen Merchant, Sam Rockwell and Scarlett Johansson all bring a lot of comic relief and support to Roman Griffin Davis who plays Jojo with loads of flair and and an engaging fresh faced innocence.  However, this movie is not just all about the laughs, because there are a lot of important and valuable things being said here as well which definitely makes it one of the most original films of the year for me. 
For fans of previous Waititi offerings, you are certainly in for a treat and although there is no denying that Jojo Rabbit isn't not going to appeal to everyone's taste, it certainly appealed to mine. 
FINAL SAY: Definitely not a good time to be a Nazi. 
4 Chilli Peppers ​

So much build up for just one day, and then poof! Christmas Day comes and then it goes again for another twelve months in the wink of an eye. I think that Christmas Day always seems to move at breakneck speed and generally it always feels like a bit of a blur for me. I always host a Christmas lunch which means that I do get busy in the kitchen on the actual day, and because this was our first Christmas without dad I also collected my mother on Christmas Eve to ensure that she was not alone on Christmas morning or Christmas Eve.
Mum's house is a three hour round trip from our house, so the travel required an extra element of time management in order to keep all of the Christmas events running smoothly and on time, but we managed and everything went well. To be honest, I had completely forgotten just how much effort some people go to every year for Christmas. Flitting around the countryside from one Christmas event to another is absolutely exhausting and we haven't had to do that for a very long time. I'd forgotten how drained it makes you! Craig's family hosted an afternoon/evening event in town here last night and I was absolutely knackered by the time the day drew to an end around 11.30pm - I slept like a bloody yuletide log! 
But, I am not complaining, Christmas should be a little hectic and a little bit crazy, it's a big event after all, so of course it deserves one's full attention! And it was a really wonderful day; we dressed the table in all of our finery, ate like kings, drank good wine, shared beautiful gifts, played games, hugged family members and laughed a whole lot together, so it was really a terrific day all round.
And today? Well today is Boxing Day so it is a completely different tale. Today I shlump about with unbrushed hair and an unwashed face in my old T-shirt and shorts looking like a bag lady as I picked at plates of leftovers, played Chinese Checkers with Seth and Craig and stood about in the garden with a hose at dusk for two hours in an attempt to water my sun crippled plants, all the while wondering how it is that the weeds in my yard look so lush and healthy. And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow reality will set in and I will probably pack Christmas away into boxes and bags for another year and begin to contemplate what I will do with the rest of my long hot Summer break. 
These days when the whole Summer break stretches out before you are the absolutely best days of all. And not just because of the possibilities of what you can do to fill those days, but for me, at this point in my life, right now, it's about knowing that there will definitely be days ahead for me digest the year that lies behind me and really take stock of where I want to be heading in the next twelve months of my life. I desperately need some contemplation time and I am so relieved to know that it is on the way!

It is so easy to be petty. And it is way too simple to be negative. It is also extremely convenient to be those things when you think that you have some legitimate excuse to be that way, but at the end of the day you will actually never have a legitimate excuse to be any of those things and you will only make yourself feel like crap if you indulge in the bad, sad and ugly sides of yourself when things are going wrong in your life.  
It is during these particular challenging times of my life that I always try to reel my intentions and my attitude back in, reassess, stop being a whiny bitch and get back on with putting one foot in front of the other and just generally being an adult. However, I cannot deny that sometimes this is far easier said than done. 
Over the years I have had to employ more and more adult behaviour into my life, even though I would far prefer to be flossing about in the garden with flowers in my hair and no thought or concern about tomorrow. Yes, that is a very appealing scenario to me, but as you get older the opportunities to indulge in these kinds of behaviors gets dimmer and dimmer and further away all of the time. This does not mean that you should just stop indulging your innermost child, but it does mean that sometimes you have slap yourself upside the head, shake it off and get on with the processes of life, no matter how much that does not interest or excite you. 
Adulting is an unfortunate side effect of getting older, an extremely unfortunate side effect if you ask me, but it must be done because the expectations around 'being an adult' are plain and clear. No-one is going to put up with an immature whiny middle aged woman for very long, God knows I cannot put up with myself for very long when I am at my worst!
However, it's not all doom and gloom because there are actually some really great benefits and signs that you are maturing in the most wonderful of ways. Take a look at this list from quotecollective.com about the top ten signs that you're maturing:

1. Small talk no longer excites or interests you.
2. Sleep is more important to you than a Friday night out. 
3. You forgive more.
4. You become more open-minded.
5. You respect differences. 
6. You don't force your love onto others.
7. You accept heartache and failures.
8. You don't judge quickly.
9. You sometimes prefer to stay silent rather than engage in nonsense. 
10. Your happiness doesn't depend on others but on your inner self. 

And I would like to add another 10 positives to maturing that I have found particularly humbling over the last 12 months of my life:

1. You acknowledge that sometimes your inner voice is a bitch and you know that you don't have to listen to her. 
2. You know and accept that things happen and you can't do a frickin thing about it and you can 'just deal.' 
3. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave - if you're mature you will completely understand.
4. You acknowledge and accept that you have little to no control over what your children will say and do.
5. If people aren't making any effort, you recognise that they're not your people. 
6. You know that your needs do not have to come first.
7. You know that you are not ever a victim because you create your own reality. 
8. You understand that complicated is just as okay as simple. 
9. You accept that not everyone will get you and can say 'big whoop' when that happens. 
10. You know that you will never always be motivated and therefore you must learn to be disciplined. 

OOOHHH! Look at me, all grown up and finally learning to accept, acknowledge and recognise my own shortcomings, I have done some pretty serious evolving over the last twelve months that's for sure. Still though, I cannot deny that the frolicking in the garden thing is still wildly appealing to me. Regardless of how much I may be adulting the crap of things lately, there are certain things that I am not ready to abandon for a mature life just yet. 

The term 'gaslighting' was popularised after the 1944 film "Gaslight" with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In the movie, the husband uses manipulative behaviours and manages to completely disrupt his wife's sense of reality. She begins to doubt her own sanity and he does all this to her so that he can steal her money....what an asshole!
Nowadays however, we use the term 'gaslighting' to describe people that use manipulative or specific patterns of behaviour to keep themselves on top or in control of other people. In short, a gaslighter doesn't want people doing anything without their say so or approval and they will use very sneaky and highly effective methods to keep themselves on top by making others doubt themselves or look incompetent. 
Gaslighters can turn up anywhere, you could even be married to one and not even realize it! They are usually in positions of power and they will most definitely want to keep things that way. Gaslighters can be men or women of any age, religion or nationality. They do often go undetected because their attempts at manipulation are slow, sly and exceptionally secretive. This can make them especially hard to identify in the workplace where they can happily push a lot of their own agenda or mask their cynicism by labelling it as necessary growth. 
Basically, gaslighters love the spotlight so they will happily claim other people's work or effort as their own, imply that other people's level of work is subpar or irrelevant and will openly push back any adverse behaviour that presents any kind of  jeopardy to their own perceived power status. Ever had a boss say something like "Oh,  I don't think that's true, maybe it's just how you choose to see it" when you try to present an issue to them? Well that soft manipulation technique is actually a form of gaslighting. So be aware, if your boss is always on the other side of all of your issues or giving you any reason to doubt yourself, your capabilities or your sense of reality, then odds are that you've been prey to a gaslighter. 
A gaslighter will micromanage others to the point of ridiculous in an attempt to stay in control. They will say things that make you doubt your own ability, they will make you feel like you aren't good enough and they will make it look like you are the one with the problem not them. Gaslighting is a form of narcissism, so you can bet that a gaslighter will vocally point out how successfully they once did the job that you are doing now - only better of course, and probably found it all a lot easier as well. They always lack the ability to put themselves into the shoes of another and therefore they lack empathy, which means that they will struggle to make deep connections with people, unless of course it will be of great benefit to them; then suddenly they will be hyper vigilant! 
Psychotherapist and owner of Mind Balance , Rose Lawrence has sighted the following traits to keep an eye out for when trying to spot a gaslighters: 

• Someone that uses their great humour and people skills to say things that sound innocent, but what they are really saying is underhanded and passive aggressive.
• Someone that listens long enough to collect information from you, but is not fully engaged in the listening process to show signs that they authentically care about what you are saying. 
• Lie and make you feel like it was your fault that they had to lie; gaslighters have zero accountability. 
• Take information and twist it around to their advantage or use it against others.
• Gossip to gain more ammunition.
• Appear confident but if you observe them closely they are actually deeply insecure.
• Leave you feeling like you are not enough. 

I hope that none of you ever have to deal with gaslighters in your life, but it is always good to be on the lookout for their ridiculous methods of manipulation, because as I said earlier, they are often very hard to detect.
If you do suspect that you are being gaslighted, make sure that you document any interactions as evidence. Setting up clear boundaries around what you will not tolerate will help you to document and identify when someone is gaslighting you. You will need very good evidence if you are going to try and out a gaslighter. Remember, gaslighters are sly, manipulative and methodical so you will need to be ahead of them at every step if you want to gain the upper hand or expose them. 
Also, don't forget to reaffirm your own self worth and what it is that you are good at. Doing this will help to combat any lingering doubts about your skills or sanity that a gaslighter might have tried to instill in you, and please seek support if you cannot manage this on your own. Remember, gaslighting is real and effective, that's why manipulative people use this method, so don't downplay the severity or the implications around it. Call it out, talk about it and stamp it out, gaslighting is nothing more than adult bullying and no-one should have to put up with it!

I have no idea how December just suddenly arrived. Actually, I have no idea what happened to this year in general, it just doesn't feel like we are reaching the end of another year. And what a year it has been, talk about the best of times and the worst of times... it's been a year of complete polarities and I really haven't processed all of the goings on properly yet, and I more than likely won't now until the school term ends in three weeks time. 
That being said, there is nothing like being busy to distract one from all worry and strife, so the hectic state of December poses some welcome this year for me and in all honesty I am looking forward to the days falling away at the unrelenting pace that they will from here on in. Let them go I say, let the year end! I am ready to gain a fresh start and shake off 2019 like an old winter coat. I am looking forward to a long summer break full of of pointless novels, cocktail concoctions, midnight movie marathons and unlimited meditation and yoga sessions. Looking forward to it? Hell, I am craving it!  
The Christmas tree has gone up here and even thought the festive decorations have been strewn about the house, it still feels completely surreal and unbelievable to think that Christmas is only 24 days away. I have barely even acknowledged the concept of Christmas shopping, which feels not only premature but also somewhat overwhelming to me at the moment. It might be a good year to do all of my Christmas shopping online which would save me the gauntlet of fake santas, antsy people, tired kids, overstocked shops, horrific Christmas music and general indecision. No-one will care if I am procrastinating online with my gift choices and I can do it in my pajamas on a Sunday morning from the comfort of my bed which is also a pretty huge bonus!  
However, to be honest I am finding that I am struggling to find the time to do much of anything lately. I have been dreadfully neglectful of Spicywatch and have been blogging only half as much as I would like to. I have a stockpile of unwatched movies, TV series, audio books and podcasts that would be considered ridiculous to anyone but myself. My garden basically looks like jungle and my veggie patch has either gone to seed or gone to God; and everywhere that I look I see things that are needing my attention but I am just not interested in doing any of it. And it's weird because I am not depressed, sad or anything like that, I am just not as motivated as I usually am. I am...hmmm... the best way that I can put it is that I am just 'going along for the ride.' 
And I suppose that sometimes it is not a bad thing to just 'go along for the ride' but it isn't something that I do very often and it is weird to feel so damn unenthusiastic when I am usually quite the opposite. And I do understand full well that this state won't last forever, and that it is probably just the acceptance stage of my grieving that is causing me to feel this way, which is totally natural and doesn't require me to overthink or even address it but to just 'go along with it.' 
And so I shall, I will just go with it and allow the silly season to take me wherever it may. Everything else can wait until I have more free time and a renewed sense of motivation, which will return to me eventually, but for now I shall relax my mind and gently float downstream...there's no need to swim against the current right now. 

I haven't been on my website for what feels like an age, and I have good reason for that. I lost my father last week in what I can only describe as a whirlwind event of shock and surprise that left us all reeling and wondering what the hell had happened. I must say, that it is just like my father to go out like a clap of thunder, but considering the fact that he seemed to bounce back from every ailment that was thrown at him, we were all floored when he eventually succumbed and passed away. 
My dad was a man that never complained about his physical illnesses and never really revealed to us just how truly ill he really was, which meant that in the end he had a multitude of ailments (some secret and some not) that even his bullet proof fortitude could no longer manage. And being completely true to form, he waited until everyone was out of the room to take his leave and depart the world. This made the entire event feel so sudden and unexpected, but when you really read all of the early signs (which you always do after an event of this magnitude) we probably should have seen this coming and expected no less from our father. 
I really wanted dad to have a nice farewell and even though he hated any fuss or fanfare, we did put together a short and meaningful goodbye for him and I wrote and delivered his eulogy myself. Writing his eulogy was so cathartic for me, not only did I get to say farewell in my own terms and with my own words, I also got to have some beautiful and meaningful conversations with the other people that loved him dearly as they shared their special stories and memories of my father with me. The entire experience was really meaningful and it felt like such a perfect way to honour and farewell someone who had so much influence over my own life. 
I have decided to post the eulogy that I wrote as a tribute to my father, so that his story is immortalised and shared with the world, because he genuinely deserves nothing short of that. 

If dad was here today, I know that he would be overwhelmed with the amount of people that have gathered here for him. I also know that he would probably say something like "why are you bothering with all this bullshit for?" because that was dad's way.
However, in spite of dad not wanting any fuss or fanfare, I would like to talk a bit about him; about Don Hall - the larrikin, the hard working bloke, the complicated, private and yet always surprising man that I called my dad. 

Born to a tough as nails Aussie family of five just before the start of WW2 in 1938, my father knew about hard times and would often talk about his childhood with a mixture of joy and the type of sadness that only those who have struggled could ever really understand.
His family survived the depression, war time and post war together in the Western suburbs of Melbourne where he grew up shooting rabbits with his uncle Les, chasing trains for coal, stealing scraps of food from the chook shed to stave off his hunger and generally being a complete scallywag with his older sister Linda.
Linda shared some funny tales about their early childhood adventures that included nicking their father’s treasured chocolates and smokes and the time that dad created a makeshift community swimming pool from a burst water pipe hole that resulted in my dad emerging caked from head to toe in thick brown mud.
One day the two of them had a marvelous time jumping on the bloated belly of what they thought was a deceased horse just to hear the farting noises come out. Turns out that poor horse wasn’t dead at all and when they decided to poke it in the bum with a stick it jumped up and ran off, much to their shock and horror. Linda informed me that that poor horse not only survived its run in with her and my father, but gave birth to a foal soon after…I wonder why?

Dad would often reminisce and regale us with tales about his youth; which were generally tales of mischief, childhood bravery or just straight up acts of delinquency! I recall his stories about shooting snakes with his father’s shotgun that had slithered into the family home, getting picked up by the local cops for various law breaking deeds and his free spirited days upon his beloved Aerial Square 4 motorbike that his older brother swapped for a Ute; which I think that dad never forgave him for.
One of dad’s lifelong friends Carso shared with me what a tremendously good friend my dad had been over the years. He once even offered his beloved Aerial bike to use when I was dating a woman in another town, he said, he was the sort of friend that would give you his arse and shit out of his ribs. Sorry to the sensitive ears for that one….but I do think that accurately sums how generous my dad could be.
 
My dad was a handsome, suave man and with his quiet cool attitude and rugged demeanor the women always seemed to notice him. My sister Donna recently told me that her friends at school used to comment on how handsome he was when he would pick her up ‘he looks just like Elvis’ they would swoon, and with that perfect jet black, side combed slicked back hair he caught the eye of my mother and from that moment on they fell in love and started a lifelong love story that lasted for more than 60 years.
He married my mother in 1960, much to the distaste of both of their families. My mother’s family was not too sure about my mum marrying an ‘Aussie kangaroo’ as they called him, and my father’s parents weren’t too keen on him marrying a new Australian either, but against all of the odds and prejudices they did marry and they made it work together.
They were young parents, mum only a teenager herself when they welcomed Donna into the world and dad being super handy with his hands built a bungalow on my grandparent’s property so that they could start a life and save for their first home. More children soon arrived, Morry, William, Kath and myself and before he knew it dad had a brood of children to care for and he took his fatherly duties very seriously, especially when it came to his three beautiful daughters.
Fiercely protective and possessive as a father, any boy that knocked on our door for a date was ran through the Donnie Hall series of difficult questions and demands. ‘What exactly are your intentions with my daughter?’ He would ask whilst running his eye over some sweaty, clueless teenager that looked like they were going to explode under the weight of dads inquiring and judging eye.

And dad was incredibly old fashioned like that, he was a boys will be boys and girls will be ladies kind of a dad who had high expectations that we all felt obligated to meet.
And there was something about dad that made us all seek his approval and affections because underneath that hard exterior beat the heart of a truly soft and genuinely sensitive man.  Dad was firm but fair and we all knew that he only had our best interests at heart.
Those of us that knew him well understood that dad was actually just a big marshmallow who had mellowed greatly over the years and who loved nothing more than a joke (preferably a dirty one) and a good laugh.

He had many interests like cars, western and action movies and tinkering with mechanical things, especially fiddly things like clocks. He always had a curious mind and liked to learn new things, a fitter and turner by trade, my dad liked knowing how things worked and could spend hours investigating gadgets, taking things apart and putting them back together again.
One thing that we all knew about dad was his incredible work ethic, need to be kept busy and demand for perfection. He built and renovated several homes in his lifetime, one in Deer Park, Daylesford, Ballarat and eventually here in Ararat. House proud up until the end, he was laying new flooring in his house only weeks before he left us. Everyone said that dad would go with a hammer in his hand and that wasn’t far from the truth.
If something needed fixing, dad would do it. If something got broken, dad would work it out, and he took pride in being able to repair and mend almost anything that he put his mind to.

At his essence I believe that my father was a complicated man. He was often guarded, secretive and somewhat mysterious to us all in so many ways. He was difficult to get to know well and at times struggled to even understand the complexities of himself. I shared many conversations with him where he spoke candidly of his deep love and adoration for all of his children, grandchildren and our mother.
His last year with us was fraught with health complications, both physical and mental and it eventually took its toll on dad. But I also know that dad would want us to all remember the good times that we shared with him when we think about him, the laughs, the stories and the wonderful memories that we have of our time together.
I know that I will never watch a John Wayne, Charles Bronson or Clint Eastwood movie or hear a Roy Orbison song without thinking of my dad, I’ll never eat a roast lamb without wishing he could share it with me and I’ll never forget the man that I called dad.
Goodbye dad, we will all miss you very much. 

I know that I have blogged in the past about people not wanting to hear the truth and I still completely stand by the belief that people do not want to hear about the things that they aren't ready to deal with or address about themselves. Hell, I know that I don't like receiving negative feedback or being given the facts straight up about my own shortcomings or inadequacies, but whether you like it or not, transparency is fast becoming a word that is creeping into business and social vocabulary and the expectations around your ability to give and receive it are on the increase. 
So, is transparency actually a good thing? Well, like all new concepts it requires change and honesty, two things that most people do not like at all, so it is probably fair to say that complete transparency is not going to appeal to a lot of people. It also depends greatly upon who is delivering the 'transparent' point of view as well, because this buzz for transparency can also give a lot of nit-picking assholes a super platform to be checking everyone all of the time in the name of 'transparency' and this kind of power in the wrong hands is a recipe for disaster and a sure fire way to build resentment, potential conflict and general unrest. 
Clearly there is a need for moderation and mastery when it comes to total transparency, but that doesn't mean that we should put it into the 'too hard basket' or avoid it altogether just because it has the potential to trigger us or make us feel self conscious. Already the world has become a better place because we have advocated for transparency. Due to our ability to be more honest about others and ourselves there is a lot less underhanded oppression, abuse and manipulation in the world today. Hundreds of  everyday villains have since been outed and held accountable for their behaviours and this type of liberation through transparency can only ever be seen as positive growth for humankind. 
People are more empowered than ever to speak their truth, be their authentic selves and share their stories now that we have an open forum for honest self expression. We are now better than ever at talking through our troubles, doubts, illnesses and hang ups and this proves that when transparency works, it really works well. However, we cannot forget that when transparency is wielded by the hands of  haters or oppressors that it is actually a destructive force of evil and at it's essence deeply disempowering and manipulative. 
Basically, you cannot just assume that everyone is going to be able manage an advocacy for transparency, especially in the workplace. Truth be told, not many people are going to be comfortable with the very real conversations that will come with complete transparency and without adequate training, most people will struggle to implement it well. That is why the real meaning of transparency needs clear and accurate definition to begin with before there can be any expectation of success around it. 
Simply put, transparency can never be used in an accusatory or manipulative manner. What it advocates is honesty, but that honesty has to be delivered without blame, shame or judgement. Not an easy concept to wield because as soon as people start getting in touch with their personal truth, they become emotionally invested and that is where transparency starts to tilt. Rather than it being about building relationships and getting everyone on the same page, it becomes muddied by individual advocacy and agenda. And that is why no-one can assume that transparency will be the magical 'fix all' mode that will solve all workplace and social problems. 
Without decorum, compassion and exceptionally high interpersonal skills, transparency as a 'go to tool' is in danger of starting more fires than it can extinguish, which means that delivering it well will require a  high functioning environment with a group of highly developed individuals to ensure complete success. And the bottom line to that? Well, if your workplace is going to advocate for transparency then they have an obligation to train their staff and also recruit that right types of people to make that happen.
The great news is that you can actually start to build your own personal abilities around transparency immediately, which will give you an edge in the workplace and make the transition to a transparent environment a little easier for you in the long run. Here are my top ten do's when it comes to promoting and delivering transparency in the workplace:
1. Don't keep things secret, especially when it comes to job responsibility or function. 
2. Be proactive, not reactive. If something isn't working suggest a meeting of minds to really explore other options. 
3. Share results, good and bad, around your workplace. This will save people making similar mistakes or having to 'reinvent' the wheel. 
4. Know where to draw the line. Transparency isn't about knowing everyone's business, it's about making sure that everyone has the same level of information to do their job well. 
5. Be willing to have some difficult conversations. Sometimes the only way to fix a problem is to address it head on. Don't avoid uncomfortable conversations, but really consider the best ways to fix the problem before you even engage, and try not to take negative feedback personally but view it as a chance to see yourself from another perspective. 
6. Be genuine, people will trust you more if you are not being fake.
7. Be tolerant. Remember that everyone is more than likely doing the best with the skill set that they have and some people will require more support and training to get to where they need to be - and that's okay.
8. Don't do things unless there is an ultimate goal being met. If you can't state the purpose behind your actions clearly, then you don't need to do it at all. 
9. Trust others. Loads of people make their own work harder my micromanaging, controlling the flow of information or not trusting their team to deliver. Remember that you are only as strong as your weakest link and having one person with all of the knowledge is not being transparent.
10. Be personable. Chat to your co-workers and get to know the staff that you work with on a level beyond professional. You don't need all the details to get an understanding of how a colleague is feeling in their role, their passions and their personal ideals and knowing these things will help you to resolve an issues that may arise in the future. 
So, there you go, a quick start guide to getting your head around transparency and how to make it work for you. Consider your ability to be 'gently transparent' a work in progress, it's something that really does take a long time to develop and years of practise to master. I am a true novice on the topic myself, so in a way we are beginning this journey of improved transparency together.
I wish you well in your pursuit of improved professional and personal relationships. And like all new journeys, make sure you are prepared to make mistakes and also own them along the way!

GAGA: FIVE FOOT TWO
Release Date: 2017
Rating: M 
Running Time: 100 mins 
A cinema verite, Netflix Original documentary, outlining a year in the life of singer/songwriter Lady Gaga. By documenting the main events of her life whilst in production of her fifth album Joanne, we get an intimate peek into who Lady Gaga is as a person and a performer through her relationships both on and off the stage. 
There is no doubt that Lady Gaga has managed to push the envelope at every turn of her career, and this is certainly no exception. At times she appears vulnerable and sheds many tears during the course of the film over her physical pains, insecurities and her family's history. And then at other times she comes across like a hurricane of energy, calling all the shots and behaving like a control freak and an ego-maniac.
She is clearly capable of holding her own and wrangling many tasks at one time, but she constantly appears to be moving around with an entourage of people by her side and she is literally never alone in front of the camera during the movie. I think that made it  hard to tell, even from this expose of her life, who she really is when the cameras are not rolling and the audience has been removed. 
Love her or hate her, this is definitely an interesting viewing. Although I still don't feel any closer to knowing who 'the real' Lady Gaga really is, I cannot deny that she is a talented powerhouse who will no doubt continue to be influential in both the music and fashion industry for many years to come. 
FINAL SAY: A Perfect Illusion
3 Chilli Peppers ​

When I think about abundance, I believe that I am truly one lucky lady. I have a terrific and supportive family, excellent friends, a great husband, a reliable job, good health and a beautiful home...so what more could I possibly want from life? It would be easy (and also quite truthful) for me to say nothing at all, but in all honesty I do actually want more. And the problem with that is not that I am greedy, because I do not long for commercial or material gains, the real problem is that what I desire to have more of in my life requires a level of mastery that I do not have yet; because what I need more of in my life is patience and compassion. 
Maybe the whole world needs more of that if we are really going to get down to the brass tacks of it all, but I can't change the whole world,  only myself.  And in order to do that I need to be proactive about change and consider how I can cultivate and harness more patience and compassion into my life.
Don't get me wrong about this, I am not some stone-cold heartless bitch or anything, I do possess a good measure of patience and compassion already, but sometimes I also do struggle with putting myself into other people's realities and seeing past my own struggles and that kind of thinking is so bloody shallow and intolerant and I would really prefer to be a lot less of both of those things.
However, patience and compassion are not something that you just miraculously wake up overflowing with one morning and declare to world that you've got it and you're done. It takes years of ongoing work to develop your levels of patience and compassion. In fact, it seems like the only way to get more patient and compassionate is to do more of the hard yards and experience the complete opposite and have some full blown mid-life 'chaos and melancholy' moment.
However, I'm not going to sugar coat or over inflate my own ability here, so I am just going to come straight out with it and say that I really, really do not want any chaos or melancholy in my life right now.... nope, no thanks....I'm looking for an overall gentler and nicer way to build my levels of patience and compassion without having to do the suffering to get there. 
Call me a pussy, but I have done the agony miles before in my life and they are not fun, and even though I cannot deny that suffering does enhance the soul, I do not want or need destruction, mayhem or any feelings of being set adrift in my world right now. So how does one grow compassion and patience in gentle and less agonising ways, and can it even be done without an order of suffering on the side? 
Well the good news is yes; yes you can develop and hone both your patience and your compassion without any torture or turmoil and it's easier than you would think. In his book Mindfulness in Plain English, Bhante Gunaratana says:
You will come face to face with the sudden and shocking realisation that you are completely crazy. Your mind is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels barrelling pell-mell down the hill, utterly out of control and hopeless. No problem. 
I really love this quote for a couple of reasons, firstly because it is so reassuring to know that even zen Buddhists understand the analogy of a  'madhouse on wheels' and secondly because he finishes with 'no problem.' Meaning that I have complete control over my ability to remain calm even in the darkest hours and meanest tempests. In spite of the worst storms I can stand my ground, be a pillar of patience and demonstrate compassion if I choose to. 
And what that really means is that the torture and turmoil, the 'side of suffering' that I mentioned earlier are all just states of mind and are only made real by my inability to manage my chaos thoughts. So rather than trying to be more patient or compassionate, what I really need to master is my ability to manage my unwelcome thoughts and emotions which will in turn lead to my impatience being transformed into patience; and being patient is a way of treating ourselves and others with compassion.
BOOM! Total result! And now I just need to put all of that into practise....which sounded really straight forward when I was writing about it a second ago....

I am firm believer in the power of animals to heal people and also the power of expressive art as a form of therapy. Anything that allows people to explore and observe their feelings through the creative process of making art gets a big two thumbs up from me. By engaging your focus on creative or artistic ventures you can literally detach from all of the stress and worry in your life, so it is not only healing but also restorative and rejuvenating to engage in regular forms of art therapy. 
Another reason that art therapy is so effective is because it is wildly liberating, there are literally no rules when it comes to art. You can explore, play and just have fun without worrying about the 'hows' or the 'what's.' There is no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' art, so you don't need to edit yourself or worry about not getting it right, you can allow yourself to be completely lost in the process of creating. And art comes in so many forms so there is bound to be a medium that you can use comfortably. 
Every child and adult (and some animals too) can access art therapy, it is completely inclusive and accessible to all levels of ability and in successful cases it has helped people to heal, clear, grow empathetically, develop mindfulness, de-stress, reconnect with themselves or loved ones, express their emotions and release past mental blocks. 
And the best part of all is that it is easy to access and also a relatively cheap alternative to other forms of therapy. And you can start using it right away as a way to declutter your mind and calm your breathing. Here is a list of some easy ways that you can kick off your own art therapy sessions at home without having to invest too much effort or money. 
Adult Colouring Books: These are everywhere now and cheap as chips to buy. Sometimes called 'Mindful Colouring Books' these are terrific for people that find it hard to know where to begin and can be used as launch pad for more free form art therapy techniques. They can be coloured with pencils, crayons or textas and you don't even have to stay in the lines!
Free Form Drawing/ Scribbling: On top of pencils, crayons and textas, try exploring pens, fineliners, pastels, chalks or even basic paints. It doesn't need to be a picture of anything, you can just add line without form or even close your eyes. Try left and right hand scribbling, use different paper and cardboard mediums and feel free to use your hands and fingers with chalks, charcoals and paints to really engage with your creation. 
Journalling: You can really mix up your mediums here and incorporate writing, collaging and art in your expressions. Use old magazines to find an image that you relate to and expand from there. You can also use stamps, stickers, stencils and washi tapes to highlight, define or add layers to your work. 
Apps: There are some terrific drawing and colouring apps that you can access for free on your tablet or device. Photography apps that allow you to add art and manipulate photos can be a fun way to express your emotions and create something original.  
Sculpture: You don't have to have access to a pottery wheel, kiln and clay to sculpt. You could use salt dough or papier mache instead which is actually a lot cheaper. Try using other 3D materials that you may already have around the house in your sculptures as well like wool, thread, wood, string, felt, buttons, ribbons or old clothing material. There are no limits to the amount of mixed mediums that you can add to your designs. 
Nature Art: If you have never seen the work of Andy Goldsworthy, do yourself a favour and check him out immediately. He is the king of natural art, and should provide you with some inspiration to get outdoors and start using nature as an art medium. Rocks, sticks, leaves, grasses, flowers, petals, moss and stones can all become the mediums in the most beautiful and therapeutic art expressions. 

So there you go, a list of easy cheap ways to kick start some at home art therapy. Just 30 minutes a day of tuning out your thoughts and engaging in a creative process can make the world of difference and really reduce your stress and anxiety levels, so why not give art therapy a go? Go grab your materials, turn on some music and get lost for a while in some form of art expression, you might be surprised by just how much you'll really love it! 

It is important to understand not only your own triggers, but to able to identify the triggers in others around you as well. The fact is, that no-one in the world doesn't have a tipping point, everyone does, even the Pope and the Dalai Lama have trigger points, they are just a lot better at managing their triggers, so people think that they don't actually have them. But of course, they are human and every intelligent individual on the planet understands that to be human is to be imperfect and fallible, and sometimes that means getting angry or annoyed about things, feelings or situations. 
The ability to be able to identify triggers in yourself and others offers a person a huge life advantage. If you can identify your own triggers then you can both manage them better and avoid situations that are going to cause you undue stress. Being able to identify someone else's tipping point could be seen as an unfair advantage and if you were a villain you could certainly exploit that knowledge, but I believe that understanding why others trigger is actually an opportunity for compassion and stronger personal relations.
The better that we can understand ourselves and others, then the higher are our chances to come together in peaceful  and equitable ways. Understanding that people do not behave the way that they behave for nothing allows space for unpacking and understanding and eventually compassion as well. However, in order to get to the root of a trigger, you must firstly be willing to take a very honest look at the emotion and feeling that it is attached to that trigger. 
Generally, people get annoyed and angry because they have perceived something to be unfair, but that definition of unfair could fall into a number of different emotions, and to able to identify any trigger properly, you have to be able to name the feeling that is associated with it first. When you find yourself triggered, or are in the presence of someone that is being triggered, try to identify which of these feelings is being conveyed:
I feel unheard.
I feel judged.
I don't feel good enough.
I don't feel worthy.
I feel left out.
I feel blamed.
I feel uncared for.
I feel unloved.
I feel controlled.
I feel betrayed.
I feel unimportant.
I feel disrespected. 
As I said, all of these emotions will make a person feel like something unfair or that some sort of injustice has occurred, but the emotions attached to them are varied and rooted in very different origins and will therefore require different levels of mediation or conversation for resolution. However, once you can identify the emotional link of your trigger, then you can start to identify its origin and why you are attached to that feeling, and this is the first step to healing and eventual release. 
Managing and identifying your triggers (and the triggers of others) is a process, one that requires patience and commitment, but it is such a powerful process and one that will develop a genuine understanding the self. Anything that allows you to let go of something that no longer serves you is never wasted and anything that can open a dialogue with the people around you that are feeling triggered is only going to further nurture your relationships  with them which is always going to be worthy work to undertake. 
So try a new method, try not to engage with your triggers, but rather try to practise identifying them. Name them, attach a genuine feeling to them and start to work out what it is that has created these feelings within you. As I said earlier, everyone has triggers, but some people are just a lot better at managing theirs, and you have the power to also be that person. 

Sometimes a movie will capture me up. It doesn't happen all of the time, in fact it is incredibly rare when it does happen which is what makes it so remarkable and also special when it does occur. Very few movies have that kind of an effect on me and when they do, I find myself completely swept away on an intensely emotional journey. It is so emotional and connective that when the film reaches its inevitable conclusion I find that I suffer a weird type of remorse about it. This is because I have delved so deeply into the vision of the actors and the fabric of the story that I genuinely feel the film on the level that the director would have wanted the audience to feel it; which in a word is -completely.
For a moment, somewhere between 90 to 120 minutes, I am totally immersed in something so completely perfect that I become 100% absorbed by it in every way. My mind, body and soul are totally engulfed in the sweet visual transformation and I become riveted by the possible outcomes; so of course after being completely consumed to that level, I lament the end when it eventually arrives. 
Usually these 'swept away' moments happen during the wee small hours of the night, and are often after a few solitary libations and only ever after the house has fallen blissfully still and silent. These cherished moments are absolutely private and utterly perfect in their composition, just like a well crafted movie should be and they are something that I deeply covet as an avid lover of cinema; those golden moments when I get lost in an amazing movie. 
And it is during these wee private hours that I get to indulge in the movies that no-one else in the house would ever venture to investigate or appreciate me watching during their viewing hours. But these precious cinematic icons of days gone by or magically modern expressions of something as yet untold are pure gold to me. They evoke tears and connection and above all else they speak to me, they sing to my soul in private and perfect ways; in ways that only true lovers of cinema could ever really comprehend.
These kinds of movies are rare gems, they're transformative and altogether beautiful expressions that don't happen as often as I would like because being as addicted to cinema as I am means that I have to wade through hours and hours of mediocrity to arrive at a movie that has this much of an affect on me. And just like any addict, it is these ultimate highs that keep me going  back over and over to attain the rush all over again. It is the movies that affect me this deeply that make me acutely aware of just how addicted to quality cinema I really am. Quality movies really are an obsession, a preoccupation and a secret longing that I harbour and in those wee hours when my yearnings are fulfilled, well those are some of the best nights of the year for me.   
And it just so happens that I kicked off my Spring holiday break with a 2.30am viewing that did sate my urge and did sweep me away, and it felt so good to be lost in a good movie again because it really has been such a very long time between drinks for me and it felt so good to be swallowed up by something of substance all over again. 

45 YEARS 
Release Date: 2015
Rating: M
Running Time: 91 minutes 
A British drama, directed and written by Andrew Haigh and based on the short story "In Another Country" by David Constantine. After its premiere 45 Years gained a lot of attention, particularly for actress Charlotte Rampling who was nominated at the 88th Academy Awards for Best Actress in a Leading Role for her stellar performance as Kate Mercer. She and Tom Courtenay, who plays Geoff Mercer, both deservedly won Best Actress and Best Actor Silver Bear Awards at the Berlin International Film Festival.
Kate and Geoff Mercer are just about to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary when Geoff receives news from Switzerland that the body of his long lost German lover from the 1960's has been discovered in a melting glacier.  Kate is disturbed that Geoff had not previously shared this information about his German lover, the events that surrounded her death or the depth of their relationship. Doubt and suspicion starts to develop. 
This movie feels genuine, on every level. The couple seem completely at ease with one another, the relationship is plausible and the conversations that they share are so natural that you almost feel like a fly on the wall as you watch the story unfold. Rampling and Courtenay are truly amazing together and epitomise all of the comfort of predictability and distress of change that older people are so well known for. There really aren't enough moves about mature aged couples, but there should be more of them. If 45 Years is anything to go by, I definitely want to see more.
FINAL SAY: Would you have married her? 
4 Chilli Peppers 

I am currently listening to a life altering audio book called The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment  by Eckhart Tolle. It is both the most interesting book that I have ever engaged and the most perplexing book that I have ever encountered. Basically the book stresses the importance of living only in the present moment of your life, meaning that you should not be thinking about the future or the past but rather allowing yourself to be completely and totally absorbed by the present moment of your life (which is otherwise known as - The Now).
This book is the ultimate guide to extreme and absolute presence, or if I'm going to go with the buzzword of the decade - mindfulness. And I cannot deny that being 100% in the present moment feels pretty much like an impossibility for me to do, in fact most of the time it feels downright wrong, neglectful and lazy to do. And that is only because I have been so conditioned to pay attention to external things and concentrate on the next thing that is coming or drawing from my past, that I have actually spent hardly any time at all in the actual moment that I was in at any given time. And not only that, but I have also been conditioned to identify myself based on my inability to be in the moment and therefore have limited my true potential. Sounds complex I know, but it all does make sense, so let me break it down for you. 
When your thoughts are concerned in the present only you will experience the following:

• Increased awareness of what is happening.
• Strong and focused attention to tasks.
• More enjoyment of life pleasures. 
• An ability to perceive without judgement - knowing that you don't have to label or identify. 
• An ability to step back from your emotions and observe them. 
• A realisation of your potentials.
• Openness, curiosity and acceptance. 

When you are not concerned with the present moment, you will be experiencing:

• Autopilot reactions to situations based on habits.
• Poor attentional control.
• A flippant and non-appreciative attitude to life pleasures. 
• Reliving past experiences and projecting them into your future endeavours. 
• Labelling and judging things as good or bad, right or wrong.
• Your brain emotionally hijacking your responses.
• Neglect of your potential. 
• A limiting attitude. 

So whether you call it being in The Now or practicing Mindfulness, you have to admit the benefits of being in the present moment are far more appealing than not being in the present moment right? However, actually staying in that mindful and present moment is really challenging, and it takes practise and effort to stop your brain from hijacking your thoughts and forcing you back into deep seated and well worn patterns of habit that are derived from your past experiences and your aspirations about the future. 
What worked best for me was accepting that all of the moments behind me were truly and completely finished. Nothing that I can do now will ever alter the past from what it is or change the past from what it is, so worrying about it or revisiting it internally is both pointless and futile. The past is utterly and completely unchangeable.
The future on the other hand is totally unwritten which means that any thoughts that I have about how it should look or what it should be like are based in complete fiction. Allowing myself to create an illusion about my future is not harnessing my ability to make things happen right now and it is only offering a point of reference that I will feel tethered to completing and if I don't, then I will feel disappointed and pained by my shattered illusions. 
No matter how you look at, all we ever really get to have is here and now. This moment and only this moment, nothing more and nothing less than that. By focusing less on your past and worrying less about your future, you will free your thinking and liberate your life from guilt and expectation, which is where most of our disappointments about life occur. Start slowly, try to stop multitasking and give your full attention to one task at a time when you can, get out in nature and think about nothing but where you are and what you are doing for the entire time that you are out. Also, try to bring yourself to the current moment whenever you can, like when you are driving, eating a meal or taking a shower, don't do those things on autopilot or while you're thinking about other things, but instead fully immerse yourself in whatever you are doing 100%. Everytime that you allow yourself be more present in the moment, the better that you will get at it, and before long every moment will be filled with unlimited potential and joy.
But you don't have to take my or Eckhart Tolle's word for it, try it for yourself and see where it takes you, besides you know that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from giving it a go. 

It's almost been ten days since our Zoe arrived back home after breaking up with her fiance and partner of 8 years Lachlainn. The news came as a bit of a shock to us all, but maybe I just didn't want to see the problems because I wanted to believe that Zoe was happy, but in truth, she wasn't. Looking back on these things with hindsight you can always see the cracks and chips in clarity but at the time you are just blinded by what you want to see. It is always like this with breakups of any kind I think, and even though the clarity is there, it really doesn't make breaking up any easier to do. 
Zoe has been strong and organised with this break up to within an inch of her life, which is what we have all come to expect from our Zoe. She's tough and she strong, and it does take great strength to admit that things aren't working and then to also walk away from them. Zoe leaves behind eight years of memories and most of her formative years experiences with Lachlainn since they practically grew up together. Zoe was only 14 years old when she and Lachlainn got together, so it is both fair and probably to be expected that they have just grown apart as time has progressed, and we really should have seen this coming to be honest, but as I said hindsight is 20/20. 
I think back to some of the douche bags that I was hooking up with when I was only 14 years old and...jeez! There is no way that I could probably even stand to be in the same room with some of those weirdos let alone in a relationship with them. Not that I am saying that Lachlainn is a douchebag or anything, but the likelihood of wanting someone that you hooked up with when you were a kid as an adult are probably slim to none.
Craig and I got together when I was just short of 18 and we have had more dramatic episodes than Days of Our Lives on the way to eventually finding happiness and contentment together. We broke up numerous times, fought like we were on the set of Rocky, got regularly and spectacularly wasted together like we were Sid and Nancy at an Irish stag do and eventually popped out the other end (somehow) still together.
And I'm not going to lie to you, it was really hard to stay together when we were young, it felt downright impossible at times. We were both the youngest of five children so we were both used to having our own ways and we had no idea how to make a relationship work, we were both headstrong, opinionated brats. However, unlike Zoe and Lachlainn we were already married and had a home mortgage and a child before we were even 25 so we felt like we had to stick it out through thick and thin, it was complicated. Fortunately for Zoe and Lachlainn they didn't have any of these responsibilities to make them feel tethered together, so breaking up became amicable and quite simple really, well as simple as breakups can be if that's any consolation. 
Breaking up, no matter how clean, is not easy. You are never  just leaving another person, but also leaving a part of yourself and a way of being that you may have grown accustomed to. You leave behind who you once were when you were with that person and you are technically re-inventing yourself into another version of yourself. A single version of yourself, which will be hard for Zoe because she hasn't really experienced being single yet, it's totally foreign territory. However, as we all know, foreign territory although a little scary at times, can also be exciting, exhilarating and empowering. And if anyone is going to be able to stand on their own two feet, I have absolutely no doubt that Zoe will. She has more strong independent woman in her than Sinead O'Connor and I really believe that although it is sad that she has broken up with Lachlainn that this will be her time to shine and really come into her own. 
Sometimes we need a clean break to kick start a new life, and sometimes that opportunity can only be seized by letting go of an old and outmoded version of ourselves. Sometimes letting go of people in our lives that are holding us back from meeting our true potential is only sad for a short time before we can fluff up our own wings again and take flight on our own. And I cannot deny that the very selfish and motherly parts of me are genuinely  excited to have my darling daughter back in the nest for me to fuss over once again. Here together we can support her, help her to heal the broken parts of herself and then help her to move on to the next big adventure that life has in store for her. Zoe deserves all of that and more and now it is her chance to fly solo, put herself first and do whatever she wants to do. 

If he lived, the news would soon be here. Nay, evil news fly faster still than good. That line came from a play called The Spanish Tragedy which was written sometime between 1582 and 1592. It was the first time that the phrase Bad news travels fast was written in print form and proves that even hundreds of years ago it was human nature to be more interested in failure and woe than success and good tidings. 
And believe it or not, it's not our fault that we do pay more attention to the negative things, because we are actually hard-wired to do that. From an evolutionary standpoint the primary goal is to survive, and in general it's the bad experiences not the good ones that have the biggest impact on that ability to survive. Our evolutionary ancestors would've had a far greater chance of survival if they remembered how to out-maneuver a predator or which berries were safe to eat instead of where they found nice tree to nap under. It was the difference between surviving and dying, so storing negative information and passing it along was a means of survival that we still carry with us today. 
Rick Hanson wrote a fascinating book on the subject called Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom and in it he cites how studies have shown that the brain detects negative information faster than positive, stores it for longer and creates very lasting and difficult to undo pathways that we will reactivate when we find ourselves in similar circumstances. Did you know that in personal relationships it can take up to 5 positive interactions to undo just one negative interaction? It actually takes numerous go overs to unlearn a negative experience which is why it is so difficult to forgive someone when they hurt or betray you, it isn't easy because your brain actually physically resists you creating a new pathway. 
Your brain is unconsciously always deciding whether to avoid or approach everything that it encounters in the world, and regardless of how extroverted you may be, your brain in its most primal form is actually naturally wired to avoidance first and fighting against that is what causes feelings of anxiety. However, not all hope is lost, you don't need to avoid everything and you don't have to suffer relentless anxiety, there are ways to retrain your brain.
Hanson goes on to explain that your brain can override these instincts and be retrained to develop compassion through practising mindfulness, gratitude and self affirmation. You can actually create overriding positives for yourself that will crush your negative experiences, create new and better brain pathways and lead you to a more emotionally balanced and calm lifestyle. 
In short, you don't need to feel like a slave to negative words and thoughts, you can chose positive ones through repetition and focus. You can start today by passing on some good news, sharing your thoughts of gratitude or complimenting others instead of being the bearer of bad news. You don't actually have to help bad news travel at all if you don't want to, you have the power to give yourself peace of mind because you have evolved far beyond the need to ignite your monkey brain functions, you're a higher and more evolved being than that now. 
So it's time to spark your good news, pass along some positives and give yourself a compliment every single day because when you do that you are actually annihilating negative pathways that you have previously carved into your brain and giving yourself the opportunity to be free from anxiety. You deserve to have peace of mind and now you know that it is as easy as being more mindful of your thoughts about others and yourself and honing your ability to focus on the positives around you, it's really is that simple! Change your focus, be positive and be complementary and I promise that you will feel a whole lot calmer and more in control of your emotions, trust me it really works!  

FINDING NEMO 
Release Date: 2003
Rating: G
Running Time: 100 mins
Pixar Animation Studios really raised the bar with their computer animated, comedy-drama Finding Nemo. This movie tells a meaningful and heartfelt tale of a father-son relationship set under the sea in Australia.
When young clown fish Nemo gets taken from the Great Barrier Reef by a diver, his father Marlin sets out on an epic adventure across the ocean to find his son. Meanwhile Nemo, who has arrived in Sydney, finds himself in a dentist's fish tank filled with a bevvy of other tropical fish that are keen to make an escape. 
There are loads of laughs to be had here, mostly coming from Ellen DeGeneres' character Dory; but more than that, this movie is a visual delight with it's brightly coloured depictions of life aquatic. 
FINAL SAY: Just keep swimming!
4 Chilli Peppers
NOTE: Finding Dory (2016) was an excellent sequel to Finding Nemo, every bit as beautiful and enjoyable as it's predecessor. Boasting a consistent voice cast, this next adventure of sea life mishap is based around a city aquarium.   ​

Everyone has at least one great story to tell. Some people actually have even more than that, but everyone has at least one story that will either enchant, revolt, tantalize, amuse or tug at your heart strings in some way. The reason that I know this to be true is because I like to really listen to people, and when you really listen to people they will tell you the most marvellous things.
Not everything that people will tell you when you listen to them will be happy, in fact some things will be sad or even harrowing or worst of all vile, but they will tell you a story if you give them enough of your attention and ask the right questions, and that is when you will hear the most interesting stories that will stay with you forever. And stories should be varied anyway, our experience of the human condition is completely individualised and therefore multifaceted. No two people have the same life experiences and no two people will even view the same life experience in the same way, so when you think about it like that there are actually billions and billions of untold stories floating around inside random people right now just waiting to be heard. 
Some people have a genuine gift for storytelling and when they start to speak you just want to grab a cuppa and a cushion and dig in for a good listening session. Other people aren't quite as engaging when they tell their tales, but that doesn't make their stories any less meaningful or interesting in the long run. Sometimes the briefest of tales can be the most poignant and meaningful. It is claimed that Ernest Hemingway once wrote a six-word story that could make people for a cry for a bet. The wager was ten dollars, which Hemingway won with the following: "For Sale: Baby Shoes. Never worn." 
In 2006, Wired magazine followed Hemingway's example and asked sci-fi, fantasy and horror writers to come up with their own six word stories, here are a few of my favourites: 
Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
- Joss Whedon
Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
- Margaret Atwood
The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
- Orson Scott Card
Kirby had never eaten toes before.
- Kevin Smith
TIME MACHINE REACHES FUTURE!!! … nobody there …
- Harry Harrison
Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
- Robert Jordan
He read his obituary with confusion.
- Steven Meretzky
You just gotta love a good story, and even though some are clearly more interesting or insightful than others, none of them are not worth hearing. Who knows? The next person that you meet could have the most interesting tale in the world to share with you! So make sure you take some time to listen to the people around you...because they do want to tell you things! 

ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 161 mins 
A crime/ drama and at times an exceptionally dark comedy, Once Upon a Time In Hollywood is Quentin Tarantino's brilliantly executed homage to the end of The Golden Age of Hollywood. With a massive ensemble cast and multiple storylines, this is a fairy tale retell of the days surrounding the brutal Sharon Tate murders by the Manson cult that occurred in 1969. Unlike other Tarantino movies, this film demonstrates more restraint around the levels of on screen graphic gore and violence...well...mostly, there are still some intense graphic scenes to experience here, but it is Tarantino and we have all come to expect some shock violence from his films. 
Fading Western television star Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his best friend and stunt double Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt) encounter colourful and controversial characters as they try to maneuver Dalton out of Hollywood 'Has-Been' oblivion and back into the limelight with the help of spaghetti westerns and Hollywood opportunities. 
No late '60's stone goes unturned here, with everything from The Playboy Mansion and Roman Polanski  to Bruce Lee  and Charles Manson getting a look in. And it all mishmashes together into one terrifically enjoyable old pop culture tribute that I completely adored. I was riveted for the duration and grateful to see something so refreshingly new at the cinema again. 
DiCaprio and Pitt are not only on their A game but they are having a lot of fun with this already witty script. The cast is absolutely massive; Tarantino has again used Zoe Bell and Kurt Russell well, but has also added some fresh new faces to his cast list with notable performances from Margot Robbie as Sharon Tate, Lena Dunham as Gypsy, Dakota Fanning as Squeaky Fromme, Bruce Dern as George Spahn and stealing some hard to grab attention from everyone else was newcomer Julia Butters playing the wise western star child Trudi. 
This is not my favourite Tarantino offering, but I cannot deny that it is one of his best, and it is definitely the best thing that I have seen at the cinema so far this year. 
FINAL SAY: It's official, old buddy. I'm a has-been.
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

All of my life I have wanted to have people around me that I could share my experiences with and rely on when times were tough. Ever since The Goonies set off in search of One Eyed Willy's Treasure (just on a side note, has anyone else noticed the incredible inappropriateness of that name as an adult?) I have always longed to be part of a group or team that had a common goal and accepted me for who I am. A faithful, reliable and steadfast group of people that would loyally support me and embrace all of the wacky weirdness that I deliver on a daily basis without making me feel like I needed to be any different or edit myself.  
In all honesty, hardly anyone truly gets to experience a genuine Goonies childhood group of friends, because we all know that kids are fickle and friendships change as quick as knickers for them.  However, when you become an adult you start to look for people that you can share like minded experiences with, enjoy a good meal and good conversation with and most importantly, someone that can act like a harbour in a tempest when the waves of life get a little too choppy.  
The sad thing about that is, that not everyone finds friends like that in their lives. Not everyone gets to know the extreme joy and sense of belonging that one can only experience when they are drawn into a tribe of good people and then find much more than just common ground but something supremely supportive and genuine. 
However, finding genuinely enriching friendships is actually quite difficult because adults come with massive amounts of baggage, have no idea how to even be a decent friend and from my experience, a lot of adults would rather cut you down than share in your peace, love and mung beans ideals of friendship. Some adults just aren't looking for new friends, they aren't interested in sharing their time with anyone and they really couldn't give a shit about camaraderie or common goals, but I am pretty sure that they didn't always feel that way. 
Friendships that are that solid and meaningful do actually require a lot of work and a sacrifice of personal time, a sacrifice that many adults just can't be bothered investing in. And to cultivate good friendships you also have to put up with people not being as invested or genuine as you are, and that part sucks pretty badly. I have had some bloody dreadful friends over the years that have made me feel used, manipulated, uneasy, offended and even rejected but I also learnt a shit load from those experiences about what friendship is and what I am looking for when it comes to my own friendships.
As an adult, I have some of the most delightful, engaging and meaningful friendships that I have ever had in my life right now. I have friendships that have spanned decades and some that are just beginning to blossom, I have friends that are super easy to be around and some that take a little more work, but I love them all in varied and special ways. I have social friends, work mates, family friends, long time friends and occasional friends and I like to spend time with them all. All of my friends bring something to the table for me and I love them dearly because they are all darlings. 
So, yeah maybe I didn't get to experience a dedicated friendship group as a kid, but as a 46 year old woman I have more friends and good people in my life than I have ever had before and that is such a wonderful feeling. Maybe in some ways I am finally getting my long desired Goonies experience after all, just in adulthood. Pretty sure that I would be the Chunk of the group these days because I certainly do have the perfect stomach for a little truffle shuffle! 

I was looking at a photo of myself in my Year 8 homeroom class the other day. Good Lord! I was so ridiculously awkward and dorky, there are just no words to describe it accurately, but I will try. Slightly spotty, thin as a rail - which actually goes against everything that my ballet teacher told me that year about how my neck was way too fat for me to ever be a ballet dancer (thanks Charlotte, that didn't half damage me as a teenager!) but anyway, let's get back to my youthful hopelessness. In the photo I have the worst perm imaginable, I mean truly horrific, I do recall wanting a trendy 80's Madonna spiral perm and what I got was more Kath Day-Knight from Kath and Kim than anything Madonna would ever be seen dead in. I don't have a scrap of make-up on, I have a discoloured front tooth, I have the limpest lace headband on and I look like I have no idea what's going on whatsoever. 
What I do get from that photo though is my complete innocence and obvious unawareness of just how much of a dork I actually am. And in truth, I don't actually even remember being or feeling like a total dork in early high school. I don't even think that anyone picked on me for that horrific hairdo or for being a pretty big sado, even though that photo does scream sad on so many levels. However, I do firmly believe that if any teenager rocked up to high school looking like that these days that they would be eaten alive by their peers. 
Now I don't want to paint an inaccurate picture of high school in the eighties being all rainbows and one big lovey-dovey getalong fest, because that would be total bullshit, it wasn't like that at all. High school in the eighties was also a brutal and cruel landscape that teenagers had to endure and attempt to maneuver through with as little baggage and a need for therapy at the other end. I'm pretty sure that high school in any decade came with it's own unique challenges and horrific coming of age awkwardness. However, when I was at high school the standards and expectations around teenage beauty were quite different and without any social media saturation, I think that the pressures to conform to certain physical standards were much lower for us than they are for teenagers now. 
Back in my day, every teenage girl wanted to look like the gorgeous teenage models on the front of Dolly magazine, but honestly even those perfect specimens were really quite normal and healthy looking Australian teens. Some of them even had visible imperfections, and since airbrushing was not a practised art, those girls looked real and felt quite accessible. They weren't glossy or perfect and they really looked like teenage girls and not like young adults. Some Dolly cover girls even had crooked teeth, thick unplucked eyebrows and heaven forbid -everyday faces! And the magazine regularly had articles and advice about realistic health and wellbeing issues that teenage girls legitimately faced at that time. I loved Dolly when I was a teenager and some of those self empowerment articles helped me to believe in my inner beauty and find confidence in my own imperfect skin.
I actually work across the road and around the corner from two secondary schools and everyday I see gorgeous teenage girls walking to and from school. Some of those girls look years older than they actually are and so many of them have dreadful posture because they are slumped over their iphones as they travel around. Some of them will never truly understand the power that they have right now; the poor things can't even see their own potential, youth and beauty because they are so caught up in trying to be part of a manufactured and unrealistic standard. And because of that, they are robbing themselves of their right to be innocent and imperfect. 
How fast do your teenage years go? So damn fast and once they are gone, they are gone forever. You literally have the entire rest of your life to perfect your flaws, find your signature look and climb upon the wheel of lifelong beauty struggles as most adult women tend to do. However, in your teenage years it's totally fine to have imperfect teeth and skin, it's okay to have some puppy fat and a bad perm, it's expected that you will wear clothes that are not in your colours or that suit your style and body shape, and above all it's your time to embrace looking like a total dork and not even caring about it!
Sure, I looked like a trainwreck in Year 8, but I was blissfully unaware of that and I am so glad that I got to have those early teenage years of innocence and oblivion. Who knows what kind of an obsessive nutter I would be now if I hadn't have had that time? I shudder at the thought, and I also feel so very sorry and mostly sad for all of the gorgeous teenagers out there that are already overthinking things way too much for their own good, underestimating their appearance and not revelling in a soon to be lost and never to be returned - age of innocence. 

I know that I am so often banging on like a Salvation Army drum about self care, self maintenance and self awareness, and obviously I do hold those things in very high regard. However, with that being said, I do also believe that it is not only our job to care for ourselves, but to also care for others as well. We have an obligation to help everyone and everything on the planet as well as ourselves, which means that we need to not only be hyper vigilant about caring for ourselves but also extremely attentive with our care and concern for the wellbeing of others as well. 
There is no point running about claiming to have your shit together if you are neglecting your loved ones, your friends, members of your community or anyone else that finds themselves in times of hardship or crisis.  We are not doing well in the world when we ignore those around us that are fallen, weak, lonely or destitute.
When we find ourselves in a position of good fortune and wellness then it is our turn to extend a hand, an ear or a dollar to assist others to stand back up onto their feet as well. Some people are only in need of some quality time, a little tea and sympathy may be all that is required. A kind word, a small gesture or thought, a supportive conversation; helping others doesn't have to be expensive or difficult.
It is true that some people's needs may require more time and money than you can invest in on your own, but you can still be a catalyst in launching a meaningful kick start with the help of a local charity or foundation. You can volunteer some time to a local organisation that is in alignment with something that you care about, you can help to fundraise for an important cause and you can spare a few dollars to allow someone else to have more. 
People often don't volunteer because they just don't know where to start, but there are some amazing online resources for people that want to volunteer that can help you to find ways to be supportive and it is super easy to do. The best place to start if you are Australian is to hop onto the govolunteer.com.au website. You can put in your postcode and it will list all of the volunteering opportunities that are coming up in your local area and you can even refine your searches to chose the days, times and types of volunteer activities that you would like to participate in. Once you have found an opportunity that suits you, you just put in an expression of interest to the organisation and you're on your way to making a difference. 
However, if getting involved in something big or organisational isn't your bag, then that's okay too because there are always things that need to be done on a small scale that are no less meaningful or important. You do not need to be making grand or sweeping gestures to be making a difference in the lives of others or showing that you care about the needs of others. In fact, if you really start to listen to the people that are around you everyday in your immediate community, you will find that there are actually opportunities to offer support an help in simple and yet very meaningful ways all of the time. 
Do you know of a tired parent in need a childminder so that they can go and have a coffee with a friend or have an interrupted haircut? Does an exhausted friend need a meal cooked for them and a sympathetic ear? Does a sad co-worker need to be told how amazing they are and what a terrific job they do? Does your elderly neighbour need their lawn mowed? Does your partner deserve a back rub? Have you told your children or your parents how much you appreciate them? There are millions of ways that we can be taking care of others everyday, and more often than not it costs very little of your time, effort and money to do so. 
And the best thing of all about caring for others is that is so good for your soul and your own sense of wellbeing. Start with something small, a random act of kindness or an act of support to someone in your community, and keep building on it. If everyone that was able to offer just a little of themselves every week to help someone else in need, can you imagine what a marvellous world we would live in and how terrifically supported we would all feel? Pay a little of your time, love and/or money forward this week to someone else and enjoy the feeling of knowing that you are making a difference, helping out someone in need, doing something meaningful and contributing to something a whole lot bigger than yourself. 

I love women, I think that they are just amazing. Super resilient, smart, courageous and able to deliver new life into the world, women have really got it all going on! When it comes to feminism I very loudly approve. I am willing to march for other women, fight for women's equality and give anyone that says that women aren't as good, worthy or adept as men a very stern fuck off! Basically, I support feminism and equal rights for women on every front, but lately I have noticed that feminism has taken a rather strange turn. 
Lately, I have noticed that statements like 'lack of sisterhood' have been used to shame some women when they aren't willing to support every other woman on the planet. Some stupid and ridiculous women are actually expecting that just because we all have vaginas that we should be part of a 'sisterhood' that supports each other no matter what! And to that concept I say - no way!  Why do I say that? Well because, some women are quite frankly dreadful human beings. They say terrible things, they do terrible things and they do not deserve to be supported by other women. In short, some women are not doing anything to make the women's equal rights movement any stronger and they are not nice people.
Any woman that expects other women to look a certain way, or endorses a product that holds women to unrealistic standards or props up bullshit prejudices and narrow-mindedness in men, is not someone that I am going to call my sister. I will not support women that demonstrate bias, bitch about other women in derogatory ways or perform any services or acts that take away from women being perceived as equal, worthy or important. This doesn't mean that I don't value feminism or sisterhood or think that we should not support other women. What it does mean is that I hold all women accountable for their behaviours, just as I do for men, and if you're a horrible women then I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support you just because we both have the same genitals.  A vagina is not a Get Out of Jail Free Card!
There is a huge difference between feminism and being accountable, and no genuine feminist would ever seek to gain power through shame or manipulation. Feminists do not expect women to fit a certain mould or hate men,  feminists just want equal rights, and that I do support wholeheartedly. I will not support women that constantly put men down, imply that they are stupid or insinuate that all men are shithouse. Not all men are shithouse, and saying that does not make me anti-feminist. Not all women are nice either, and that also doesn't make me anti-feminist, it makes me a realist and I am only going to support what I believe to be sensical, fair and equitable.
Where has our common sense gone on this topic? There can never be a sisterhood if some sisters are actually the equivalent of the ebola virus for feminism. Sorry ladies, you're actually not all fabulous, some of you are just horrid, insidious, manipulative turds that are a smear on the face of feminism. Fortunately, there aren't too many of you and for the most part women are, as I said earlier, completely bloody amazing and capable of doing anything that they put their minds to.

I am always so surprised when people tell me that they get bored. Who gets bored these day? It is such a weird and incomprehensible thing for me to fathom because I honestly cannot remember the last time that I felt slightly bored. With so many interesting things to do and so many things that simply must be done, I rarely have that much free downtime as it is, and when I do have it, I can assure you that I am never, ever bored. 
You don't have to have a million hobbies or be profoundly busy to distract yourself from boredom, in fact there are so many things that you can do with your downtime that are not only enjoyable but also super productive as well. Here is a list of my personal favourite boredom beaters, as well as some other ideas that I haven't even had the time to have a crack at yet.  
​If should ever find yourself with some free time and nothing to do with it, then I suggest that you take a look at this list: 

• Learn a new skill, language or hobby.
• Read a book. 
• Listen to a podcast.
• Schedule appointments at the doctor, masseuse, dentist, salon etc. 
• Work out. 
• Go for a walk.
• Bake.
• Learn to play an instrument. 
• Set yourself a new personal goal (in detail with all of the steps) and get busy making it happen.
• Start a blog.
• Watch a movie or TV series.
• Write in a journal.
• Go through your old photos and make up some memory albums.
• Revise your budget.
• Do yoga. 
• Visit a local tourist attraction.
• Volunteer.
• Knit, sew or crochet something. 
• Declutter your home. 
• Play a game, either a board game or a console game. 
• Make plans to catch up with friends or family somewhere new. 
• Take an online course.
• Start meditating.
• Clean out your inbox and unsubscribe to emails.
• Create a vision board. 
• Write a meal plan and a shopping list to go with it. 
• Clean out your wardrobe.
• Paint a picture or color in a mindful coloring book.
• Reconnect with people you haven't seen in while eg. email, text, call. 
• Plan a holiday.
• Update your resume.
• Go to the cinema. 
• Call a long distance friend or family member for a chat.
• Watch an inspiring Ted Talk. 
• Perform a random act of kindness. 
• Clean out your pantry and fridge.
• Practise self care eg. take a bath, exfoliate, give yourself a facial, pedicure or manicure. 
• Cook a new dish.
• Start a veggie or floral garden.
• Pick up a camera and start shooting.
• Visit the local library. 
• Make a craft or fold origami. 
• Find a youtube channel that interests you and follow it. 
• Donate to charity. 

I know that there is nothing actually wrong with being bored from time to time, sometimes it can actually be a good thing because it motivates us to try new things. But it's just generally so grey, melancholic and unproductive that I don't think that anyone would actually choose to be bored. Besides from what I have seen and learnt about boredom over the years, I think that it can lead people down some pretty strange and even destructive roads if it goes on for too long. What's that old saying about 'idle hands and the devils work'? I can't say for sure that being productive or unbored will actually keep anyone out of trouble, but it will certainly leave less time for anyone to find it!