To find out what you're truly passionate about you should ask yourself "what would I do if I knew that I couldn't fail?" This question will allow your deepest desires to bubble to the surface. You'll be able to make a list of all of the things that you've always wanted to do but were too afraid to because you were worried that you wouldn't be good enough or successful enough to make a living out of doing them. Unfortunately for me, this list is extremely long because I usually have a deep longing to change up my profession every couple of years or so but rarely have the guts (or the means) to actually do it. 
If I knew for sure that I couldn't fail, then I am pretty sure that by now I would have:

• Fixed all of the global warming problems. 
• Written a best selling novel.
• Written travel guides for many countries that I had extensively travelled through. 
• Published an anthology of surprisingly excellent drunk poetry.
• Started up a successful yoga studio.
• Become a successful freelance photographer. 
• Solved world hunger forever. 
• Travelled the world as a meditation teacher.
• Become a professional and very respected movie reviewer with my own TV series. 
• Provided clean, sustainable drinking water for everyone in the world.
• Painted something kick arse that is hanging in a very important gallery. 
• Invented a cure for cancer, and COVID-19 as well!

I mean that all sounds do-able right? Well, okay I'll admit that a few them are a huge stretch for sure, but if you knew that you couldn't fail then why wouldn't you set your sights on the big stuff? You would. However, hidden amidst all of that God like longing, there are actually some things that I could still do if I wasn't too chicken shit to put myself out there. Writing a novel, opening a yoga studio and publishing my drunk poetry (albeit maybe not so surprisingly excellent) are all actually pretty achievable and better yet, I wouldn't necessarily have to give up my day job to achieve those dreams. 
And the truth is that you can't really fail if you are going after the life that you really want anyway. If you are putting one foot in front of the other to make your dreams and aspirations a reality, then I don't think that you could ever really be regarded as a failure. Everyone knows that the greatest disappointments in life are created when people never take any risks or put themselves out there to shoot for something that they really desire. Deep down we are terrified of arriving at retirement age wishing that we had tried a little harder or risked a little more to experience more joy and fulfilment from our lives. How does that saying go - In twenty years from now, you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones that you did do. So I think that you have to be willing to throw off the bowlines and sail away from safe harbour if that's what it takes, but remember that you don't have to just YOLO it either, you can have a strategy plan and go about it in smart ways.
Here's how I always get started on any new undertaking, goal, life choice or intention:
Analyses Your Life Decisions: Take stock and see what has led you to where you are so far. Have you always been leading your own choices or have you been influenced by others?
Determine Your Purpose: A short statement about why you wake up everyday.
Determine Your Values: What are the 5 most important things in your life. These will become your decision filter. 
Set an Intention/Goal: Consider your values and set your intentions for your future that will help bring these things into being and improve your wellbeing. 
Allocate Your Resources: Start thinking about your resources (time, money, energy) to work towards reaching your goals. You'll need to make some choices here and potentially give up something that you are currently doing. 
Track Everything: Data will help you to stay on track and make better choices.
Rinse and Repeat: It may take you many attempts to get to the right path for you. That's cool - life has a funny way of altering that path as well, so be prepared to rework, revisit and reboot  and remember to be kind to yourself along the way. 
And above all else, be strong, fight for what you want and go after your dreams. Life is too short to not take risks and do what you really want to do, so undertake your ambitions like you can't fail, no matter how crazy it might seem.

​KUNG POW! ENTER THE FIST
Release Date: 2002
Rating: M
Running Time: 81 mins 
This movie got an absolute slamming from the critics who clearly missed the fact that it is meant to be utterly bonkers and that is what makes it so damn funny! Writer-director Steve Oedekerk acquired the rights to a little known 1976 Hong Kong karate movie called "Savage Killers," then he seamlessly blended portions of the original movie with new material and dialogue to create one of the most off-the-wall and insanely silly comedies that has ever been made. 
Chosen One, a rough-around-the-edges, yet industrious martial arts master, is out to avenge his murdered family, and it is zany hilarity that ensues all the way. 
Oedekerk wrote, directed and starred in the lead role of Kung Pow! Enter the Fist  and digitally placed himself into the old movie and had all of the main character voices redubbed as well. And the result is not only clever, it is also extremely funny and I literally cry laughing every time that I watch it, and I have seen it three times now! You will either love it or hate it, I hope like me, that you will feel the Kung Pow love!  
FINAL SAY: Chosen One! Wee-ooh, wee-ooh! 
3.5 Chilli peppers

Yesterday it snowed here, really snowed. Not just a light sprinkling but a genuine layer of snow on the ground. It actually snowed for around two and half hours without stopping which I think is the most that I have ever seen it snow anywhere before, except for that one time when I went skiing at Mount Hotham but you do expect it to snow a lot when you are skiing on a mountain. Anyway, it was really lovely and completely unexpected and best of all I was home to enjoy it. 
My son Seth was with me and at one point while we were both gazing out at the yard in complete raptures he turned to me and said 'God the world is an amazing place isn't it?' To which I had to reply, 'yes...yes it really is.' We sat there for a good 30 minutes not really saying anything, just basking in the wonder of that peaceful falling snow. It was so lovely and it got me thinking about all of the incredible things that I love most about the world, the little things that are easily taken for granted that actually make life pretty great. Little but not at all insignificant things like:

• Looking down on the clouds from a plane window.
• Laughing until you actually cry.
• Eating biscuits that are still warm from the oven. 
• Excellent coffee and a good book in bed on a Sunday morning. 
• The first tingle of sunshine on your shoulders in Summer. 
• Watching the snow fall outside from the comfort of your couch under a blanket. 
• Meditating with your cat napping in your lap. 
• The first BBQ of the Summer.
• Road trips with awesome people to places you've never been before. 
• New art supplies and blank canvases. 
• Eating a piece of fruit that you just picked off a tree, vine or bush. 
• Fresh linen, straight off the line and onto your bed. 
• Hearing a song that gets you or your mood. 
• Galleries, museums, parks and public gardens. 
• Watching electrical storms on the deck with a glass of good whiskey on a Summer night. 
• Meeting people who like the same movies/ TV and or music as you. 
• Smells that spark good memories of people or places. 
• Long, hot, 'thinking time' showers. 
• When the curtains open at the start of a theatre performance. 
• Sunsets, sunrises, full moons and starry nights. 
• A brand new journal at the beginning of a new year.
• Long dinners, cocktails and catch ups with friends. 
• Walking in deciduous forests in Autumn as the leaves fall around you. 
• Collecting wildflowers or wild mushrooms from the bush. 
• Cosy naps and recharging deep sleeps. 
• Watching a really sad movie and having a really good cry. 
• Kisses on the forehead and long hugs. 
• Remembering the really awesome dream that you had last night. 
• ​Laughing about an 'in' joke with a friend or family member. 
• The creak of big old trees moving around on windy days. 
• Looking through old photos with family members and reminiscing. 
• The way that the sand feels under your feet when you stand at the edge of the sea and let the waves roll over the tops of your feet. 

And let's not forget - 
Swings, photo booths, record players, really good croissants, ugg boots, freshly squeezed juice, flowers in the cracks of footpaths, fireworks, trees in blossom, vintage fashion, fresh bread with butter, flannelette PJ's, yoga, bonfires, antique jewellery, bubble baths, comfy sneakers, second hand book stalls, fresh pasta, Fridays, comfy pillows, getting tipsy, waterfalls and mixed lollies. 
Yes, yes and yes! The world really is an amazing place and all of the little things just it make it all the more awesome. I feel completely inspired after writing that list, so think I'll go and do something awesome right now!

This year will be my first Father's Day without my father in the world. It is a strange feeling to not have a father to rally around and celebrate on Father's Day and it makes the day slightly painful in many ways. What it has done is make me remember all of the things that I really loved about my dad and some of the things that I am really missing now that he is no longer with us. 
It's so weird because sometimes I can still be watching a TV show or a movie and I will think to myself - dad would love this, I can't wait to tell him about this; and then I remember that he isn't here anymore and I feel really sad. One thing that I could always have a conversation with my dad about was movies, in fact I believe that a lot of my passion for movies actually derived from my fathers own passion for cinema. My dad loved movies, especially westerns, action films, war films and gutsy dramas, and like me, he could lose himself down a rabbit hole of movies for hours and hours; much to the disgust of my mother. 
Dad and I could natter about movies for hours, we would recommend movies to each other and we would quote our favourite lines from movies to each other when we were talking about them. My dad understood what it felt like to be genuinely moved by movies and he would watch just about any genre, including art house and foreign cinema which we would often chat about. I really miss having my dad around to talk about TV and movies with and I miss the excitement that I felt when I would find a movie that I knew that he would love. He got DVD's on more than one occasion from me for Father's Day that's for sure. 
​I had a pretty special relationship with my dad and for all of his hard exterior and seemingly toxic masculine throw out comments, my dad could actually be a deeply compassionate, caring and genuinely gentle man. My dad offered me comfort, understanding and a sympathetic ear on more than a few occasions and I always felt, even though he could at times be so distant and aloof, that he had a soft spot for me that no-one else in my life has ever had.
They say that no-one will ever love you like your parents and when it came to my dad I believed that to be true. He loved me, he really did. And even though he struggled to demonstrate it times because of his own issues, he did love me like no-one else ever did or has since. He forgave me for every shortcoming or fault that I had growing up, he hugged me like he was going to break my ribs and he spoke to me in honest and revealing ways that told me that he trusted me and he loved me. I miss having a love like that in my life and even though Craig offers me a pretty huge love, like I said before, no-one will ever love you like a parent and I miss that unconditional love and mutual adoration greatly. 
​I also miss the old school Aussie larrikin side of my dad. Political correctness never quite reached my dad's wheelhouse and it meant that he was never afraid to say some scandalous but also quite funny things. I know that dad always fancied himself as a bit of a maverick and shocking people was something that I think that he enjoyed greatly. He was always the first to call bullshit on everything and sometimes it was really funny but it could also be quite revealing because my dad's tolerance for actual bullshit was incredibly low. Again I know that I also have inherited that quality from my dad as well as my quirky and cheeky sense of humour and I do miss having a laugh with my dad, he could be side splittingly funny when the mood took him. 
And I suppose that's it's completely healthy and normal to miss my dad and to long for a little bit of what is now missing from my world. Holidays like Father's Day are always going to heighten my longing for more time and also make me reminisce about the times that we did get to share together. I guess that I should feel lucky that I have such great memories of my time with my dad to recall when I do feel the heaviness of the world without him and for that I will always be thankful. 
Missing you dad...thinking of you and wishing that you were still around - Happy Father's Day xx

Having amazing streaming capability and a host of good apps and websites to call upon is pretty much essential in our current climate. And that's pretty rich coming from me because as some of you would know I generally like to kick it old school and do not use social media platforms or apps to get my jollies. However I am not completely immune to the power, allure or entertainment factor of the internet, I'm a Gen X for goodness sake - I bloody love tech! And even though I am mostly reclusive on the internet, I do have a number of apps and websites that I just could not manage without. 
Apps I Cannot Live Without:

• Pinterest 
• Goodreads
• Ted Talks
• IMDb 
• Insight Timer
• Triple J Radio
• Airbnb
• Audible 
• Spotify 
• Netflix
• Stan
• Amazonprime 
• SBS on Demand
• ABC iview 
• AppleTV
• Foxtel Go 
• 7 PLus
• 9 Now
• 10 Play 

Every other app is just gravy to me, but the apps listed above I would use very regularly and yeah I know, it's a boring as bat shit list but as I said earlier, I have very simple tastes. 
​
Now, let's look at my can't live without YouTube channels:

• Raphael Reiter - transcendental meditation
• Yoga with Adriene - yoga
• JonTronShow - humour
• Fightmaster Yoga - yoga
• After Skool - inspiration
• Frank James - infj
• YOGATX - yoga
• Daily Dose of... - inspiration
• Ozzy Man Reviews  - humour
• Chris Stuckman - cinema
• Blogilates - workout
• Five Parks Yoga - yoga
• Cinefix - cinema
• The Chopra Well - wellness and meditation
• Psyche Truth - wellness
• Power Thoughts - wellness
• David Lynch Sunday Best - inspiration
• Russell Brand - inspiration
• The Mindful Movement - wellness and meditation

Probably no big surprises there either, but I do waste a bit of my free time on those channels and I do follow them all as well. 

And we all have our fave go to stations, apps and YouTube channels and quite frankly, we all need them right now. Technology is the only thing that is really keeping us connected and relevant at the moment, so I think that it is totally okay to allow yourself to fall into a few web-related rabbit holes or just surrender to a TV embrace for a few hours. With so many restrictions and guidelines and barriers around almost every other aspect of our lives, it feels not only good but also extremely necessary to escape, tune out and enjoy some simple and accessible pleasures. And if that happens to come in the form of an app, video game, TV show, movie, YouTube station or website - then I say go for it and enjoy it fully.
Thank goodness that we have technology to fill the boring void that we are all experiencing whilst we await a COVID19 vaccine. Come on science, we are all just marking time and waiting for you to deliver now!

Experts say that in order to know if you are accomplished on any subject then you should be able to deliver a 40 minute talk about it, on the spot without any planning or preparation time. I'm pretty sure that there would be dozens of people scrambling at the mere concept of this, not only because delivering a coherent and educational speech on the spot without preparation seems like pure madness but also because this idea falls well outside of most people's comfort zone. 
Delivering any kind of speech or public demonstration on the spot is enough to send the most rational and calm individuals into a tail spin, but studies have shown that if someone really knows their topic well enough and is a professional on the subject that they are delivering, that a 40 minute on the spot talk is not only possible but also quite educational for the people that receive it. 
Naturally after hearing this I started to ponder what I might be able to deliver an 'on the spot' 40 minute talk about that I was not only expert enough about to share, but would also be an interesting enough subject that other people might give two shits about. And let me tell you, this is an excellent thing for everyone to ponder because it really determines what you are genuinely talented or qualified enough about to be able to talk about in an interesting way for the better part of an hour.
After much deliberation and contemplation, here are the things (in no particular order) that I believe that I could talk about to others for 40 minutes - on the spot, whether or not anyone would actually want to hear any of my talks, well that's a whole other thing entirely, but here's a list of topics that I believe that I could deliver - for good or for bad: 

• Movies You Need to See If We Are Ever to Talk About Movies Together Ever Again.
• Self Care and Mindfulness for Neglectful Headcases. 
• Healthy Eating and Cooking (aka. How to Stop Being So Fucking Lazy in the Kitchen). 
• Incorporating Some Zen into Your Everyday Routine Because You're Currently a Wreck.
• Time to Grow a Vagina - (aka. Why Horror Movies Are Awesome) 
• This Too Shall Pass - A Lesson in Acceptance and Letting Go of all of That Crap
• Long Term Relationship Success (aka. You Said Yes to That Mess) 
• Unmissable Television Series That You're a Dud if You Don't See
• Kids- Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Live Without 'Em
• Oh, So That's Happening Now? (aka the Truth About Ageing) 
• Planning Family Holidays on a Budget (aka. How to Use Airbnb to Your Advantage) 
• Journal Writing 101 - Get it Out of You and Write That Shit Down!

If anyone would like to hit me up for any of these informative talks, please let me know, I would be more than happy to bore you death with my long winded rants and opinions on any of these topics at any time! 

THE GENTLEMEN 
Release Date: 2019 
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 113 mins 
Director Guy Ritchie goes back to his gangster movie roots with his latest offering The Gentlemen. In true cockney screwball fashion, we again find ourselves thrown into the underworld of British crime with tonnes of seedy, colourful characters and another deeply convoluted and looping storyline. 
Mickey Pearson is a well known American marijuana kingpin in England who is looking to sell his cannabis empire for a handsome price. However a variety of rich, influential and shady characters are attempting to undermine him behind his back in an attempt to bring down the cost of his business. 
Although amusing, I don't think that this is as good as Ritchie's early gangster offerings like Snatch or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but it is still a completely fun and entertaining watch. Hugh Grant, Colin Farrell, Charlie Hunnam, Henry Golding and Matthew McConaughey are genuinely great here and definitely elevate the script with their razor sharp delivery of their seriously flawed and exaggerated characters. 
As far as fast paced, cockney crime-comedies go, this is a really enjoyable watch and a must see for Guy Ritchie fans that have been waiting for him to deliver another quality gangster movie. 
FINAL SAY: If you wish to be The King of the jungle, it's not enough to act like a king. You must be The King. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I recently found out that I am a number four in the Enneagram system of personality types. Number Four types are Individualists, they are creative and unique and are defined by their sense of being special and different from other people - which trust me, is not nearly as cool as it may sound.
There are nine different personality types and you can easily take a 10 minute online test to determine which type you are - just click on this link to take the test now: www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test
The word Enneagram derives from the Greek words Ennea meaning nine and Gramma meaning something that is drawn or written, and each of the nine personality types is defined by a particular core belief about how the world works. No one really knows the exact origin of the Enneagram, but we do know it has an eclectic history. Some assume ancient roots in Babylon around 4,500 years ago while others place the origin in classical Greek philosophy around 2,500 years ago. The model has been attributed to the Jewish Kabbalah, Christian mysticism and Sufism, a mystical form of Islam. Dante apparently had very good knowledge of the Enneagram since the characters in The Divine Comedy correspond largely to the Enneagram types.
What we do know, is that the modern Enneagram system is the work of the contemporary author Georg Ivanovich Gurdjieff, a mystic and spiritual teacher who introduced the model as a spiritual symbol in the 1930s then brought it to the Western shores in the 1960s. Most researchers today tend to focus on the psychological rather than the religious side of the Enneagram, drawing comparisons with other personality models like the Myers-Briggs system.
The core belief systems of an Enneagram personality type shape your worldview and the perspective through which you experience your environment and the people around you. Our core beliefs are not necessarily incorrect, but they can be limiting. By better understanding your Enneagram type and how it colors your perceptions, you can apparently broaden your perspective and learn to approach situations in a more effective way. 
Understanding your Enneagram type helps you to understand why you behave or react in the ways that you do. Each type has a set of core beliefs that motivates them to take particular actions and guides them to make certain decisions. Knowing your Enneagram type can also help you to understand how and why other people react the way that they do in certain situations. By describing how each type adapts and responds to both stressful and supportive situations, the Enneagram shows opportunities for personal development and provides a foundation for the understanding of others.
Today it is mostly used for personal self-knowledge and personal development, offering a powerful tool for self-mastery, conflict resolution, team dynamics, leadership and emotional intelligence. Because it identifies opportunities for development in each individual type, it has become widely used in areas such as counseling, psychotherapy, business development, parenting and education. 
But in all seriousness, you can just decide for yourself whether or not you feel any connection to your personality type after you've taken the test and found out what your type is. And even if you gain nothing from taking the test and think that it is all a big load of malarkey, it's still a bit of fun and a good time filler on a rainy Sunday afternoon. 
Big shout out to all my fellow #4 Individualists out there - keep on being your unique beautiful selves!

PERSEPOLIS
Release Date: 2007
Rating: M
Running Time: 96 mins
An Iranian-French-American animated movie based on Marjane Satrapi's autobiographical graphic novel of the same name. After tying for the Jury Prize at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival, writer and director Marjane Satrapi said in her acceptance speech "Although this film is universal, I wish to dedicate the prize to all Iranians." Satrapi's story reached a wide audience, educating the masses about the Iranian revolution, touching people's hearts and creating waves of controversy as well. 
Persepolis is essentially a coming of age story about an outspoken and unique Iranian girl named Marjane. Marjane grows up amidst the Islamic revolution and is eventually sent away by her family to make a better life for herself in Vienna. 
Produced in moody black and white, and delivered with highly stylized visual flair, this film works on so many levels. Marjane is really no different than any other teenager trying to find their way in the world, she just happens to have seen a lot more brutality and inequality in her time. This is certainly no fairy tale, but it is hopeful, and there is  a great deal of clarity to be gleaned about the realities of the Islamic revolution from this beautifully presented political drama. 
FINAL SAY: Never forget who you are and where you're from. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

When it comes to taking care of ourselves and not getting smashed on the shores of real life events, introverts can often be quite inept at listening to their inner voice and stepping back before reaching burn out or fever pitch. There is nothing worse than dealing with an introvert that has been ignoring their inner voice that has been telling them to slow down and take a break, it can start to feel a lot like you're reasoning with Jake LaMotta from the movie Raging Bull and it isn't fun for anyone involved. 
Where extroverts get energy from other people and feel down if they are left alone for long periods, introverts work at the polar opposite end of that scale and require regular alone time in order to feel grounded and centred. 
For that reason I have compiled a list of the best self care strategies that I use to sate my need for alone time and quench my introverted feelings of overwhelment and frustration. If you too, like me are an introvert then hopefully you will find this list helpful when you find yourself in need of little self care and t.l.c. 
1. STOP!
And I don't just mean sit down for 5 minutes, I mean fully and completely stop. All devices, distractions and external noises turned off. You need to be completely alone and uninterrupted for 10 solid minutes. If you are at work or in a public space you may need to seek out a spot to make this happen (even your car can be an option if all else fails), but wherever you are, you have to find a way to make it possible to be alone and switch off completely. Think of yourself like a iphone that needs recharging, you have to find a power outlet and plug in - you're giving yourself the recharge that you need to get through the day - it's valuable and vital - especially if you are the type of introvert that is prone to burnout. 
2. DO SOMETHING CREATIVE
Nothing soothes a messy mind like putting something down on paper. Colour a mindful colouring book, doodle, paint, sketch, write in a journal or if you are really crafty make something more 3D with your hands. Paper crafts, sculpting, jewellery making, knitting, crocheting, sewing, making bread or even playing an instrument have been scientifically proven to release stress reducing endorphins. You will not only produce something handmade and awesome but will also allow the introvert in you to tune out from external input and reboot your system. 
3. NANNA NAP 
Nothing recharges a weary mind like a good nap. If you are fortunate enough to take a 30-40 minute nanna nap on the weekend or even squeeze a 20 minute afternoon reboot into your weekday routine, then do it! You're definitely going to be glad that you did because a half hour sleep in the afternoon has also been scientifically proven to boost emotional, physical and mental capabilities. Old people swear by it and little people can't function without it, so why not treat yourself to a nanna nap more often? 
4. WALK IT OFF
Get your feel good endorphins kicking with a nice easy walk around a park. I am not talking about a power walk here, I am talking about a casual meander through the local gardens, somewhere that you can literally stop and smell the flowers, take in a little sunshine and breathe in some good fresh air. If walking is not your bag, that's fine too, you could also try yoga, Tai Chi or gentle swimming. Make it more about the journey rather than the steps on the pedometer. 
5. READ
Everyone knows that I am a huge advocate of getting lost between the pages of a good book for a couple of hours when you can and it is not just about being immersed in a great story but also about the stress reducing and long term health benefits around reading. Reading is so damn good for you; it increases your intelligence, memory and general IQ  and next to meditation it is the most effective way to stimulate your mind without the need for movement or chemicals. Introverts get reading now - it's a brilliant way to detox and reboot. 
6. TOUCHY FEELY
No I don't mean going off to have a bit of rumpy-pumpy, but if that's what get you feeling good then so be it, by all means have at that too. What I was actually referring to was using your sense of touch to diffuse your introvert anxieties. The best ways to do this are to engage in mellow and releasing touch stimulations like petting your cat or dog, taking a bubble bath, having a massage, having a long hot shower or putting on your favourite comfy clothes or PJ's and snuggling under a soft blanket. Physical touch release actually works really well for introverts and if you haven't tried this method of self soothing yet, I would definitely urge you to do so. 

​And there you have it, six sure fire ways for any introvert to defuse their anger, reverse their exhaustion and reboot their systems. Make some time for your introverted self and take care of your wellbeing, because nobody likes a tired, grumpy or intolerant introvert; so save us all from the Raging Bull antics and be kind to yourself!

RAGING BULL
Release Date: 1980
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 129 mins
Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro are truly a winning combination and Raging Bull is certainly testament to that fact. Considered one of the best films to have been made in the 1980's, Raging Bull was clearly ahead of it's time. Shot in moody black and white, this is certainly not like any other sports drama that had been made at the time; and the script works hard to disclose the barbaric and brutal realities of boxing as a sport, with a stellar and clearly physically demanding performance from De Niro. 
Jake LaMotta is a middleweight boxer that has fought his way to the top and refuses to go down for anyone. His obsessions and delusions soon reveal him to be an unstable, jealous and volatile man that will stop at nothing to keep his stranglehold on his boxing title and his beautiful wife. 
Joe Pesci plays Joey, LaMotta's brother and well-intentioned manager with lots of heart, and Cathy Moriarty does a fabulous job of portraying Vickie, LaMotta's long enduring wife; but in essence this is De Niro's movie from start to end. He gained an incredible 27kgs to portray Jake LaMotta in his post boxing days, making him almost unrecognizable and there wasn't a moment during the film that I didn't find him terrifyingly unhinged. 
FINAL SAY: So give me a stage where this bull can rage....
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I know that I recently wrote a blog post all about Intuition vs Logic and I have since enjoyed some lengthy and interesting discussion with friends around that topic; and this is because there seems to be some misunderstanding around the difference between intuition and instinct, and which of those we should be listening to. In my previous post I said that you should be careful of always choosing to go with your intuition over your logic and I cited some pretty valid reasons for that, but when it comes to listening to your instincts it's a whole other ball game because overriding your instincts can be much, much harder indeed. 
Your intuition is that feeling that you get, almost like an inner voice or sixth sense that makes you think that something may feel like a good or bad opportunity. Your instinct however is not a feeling, it's an innate hardwired natural tendency to behave or react in a certain way and it's far more primordial than your intuition. Your instinct is part of your biological make up which is why it can be very difficult to override. Unlike your intuitive thoughts which are created when your brain perceives a neural pathway, your instincts are a motor response that are initiated by your whole body in response to an external stimuli. 
Our instincts are what have kept us alive as human beings for thousands of years, they are produced by a biological force that makes us react to hunger and thirst, it's what drives us to use our bowels, blink, sleep, have sex, reproduce and above all else - survive. Over time we have managed to hone our instincts so that we can manage them in more refined and appropriate ways, but all of us still have them and not all of us have evolved to a point where we can manage or control them very well.
Suppressing your most basic instincts can not only be useful but also completely necessary if you want to get along in the modern world. It would be completely inappropriate to jump every person's bones that aroused a sexual instinct within you, and although there probably was a time in history when this was a useful instinct to employ in order to sustain human kind, these days it would obviously be extremely frowned upon and you'd probably end up in jail. Also managing other social/emotional instincts like our instinct of fight or flight, which may not always be an appropriate response in every situation has been replaced with more refined methods of negotiation and modern logic now, so there is no need for anyone to run screaming out of a room when they feel affronted or afraid anymore. 
However, those fight or flight instincts can still come in mighty handy when it comes to certain survival situations and there are hundreds of human experiences that we would still be using the method with, and it would be saving our skin to do so.  In general, ignoring all of your instincts is pretty unwise because our instincts are important innate behaviours that we learned and practised for a reason - as humans we all need them, but some of our human instincts that we have developed over time are not only useless now but they could even cause the eventual the downfall of humankind if we can't fight against them.
Our strongest human instinct, the one that overrides everything is our survival instinct. Because of this super strong survival instinct that all humans have, we have also developed a few less than attractive instincts in order to keep the flock safe and humans alive. The worst of those are denial, revenge and greed. Due to the extreme scarcity of resources for early man, greed was a form of survival. Being honesty also didn't feed anyone and neither did forgiveness, so denial and revenge were ways to establish pecking order, strengthen loyalties and ensure that a tribe survived. Unfortunately, many of us are still employing these shithouse instincts into our lives today and the results have been damning to say the least. Many people are still instinctively in denial about many modern issues like food shortages, lack of clean drinking water, global warming, pollution, disease, overpopulation... the list goes on and on and the reason for this denial is often fed by greed and revenge. And even though we do not need to employ these basic instincts to protect the herd anymore, many of us still do and the results are devastating on a global scale. 
So, in short it is fair to say that we should, just like our intuition, listen to our logic and sound modern thinking before we allow ourselves to be overcome by our often outdated biological instincts. We as humans pride ourselves in being the leaders of this planet, and in doing so we have an obligation to behaviour in a more refined and dignified manner than some of our instincts would like us to because if we don't, then we are really no better than the animals that we say we are going to protect. Don't be a slave to your instincts, use them when you need to but be aware that some of them are totally archaic knee jerk reactions that you can learn to control and replace with more evolved and humanitarian choices. 

You don't need to have religious calling, become a devout Buddhist monk or start drinking the Kool Aid with a local cult to feel like you are tapping into a higher power. In fact, your true higher power really doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with religion or any organised belief systems because tapping into your higher power is really just about finding out about what motivates, stimulates, activates and energises your life; and that is going to look different for everyone. 
So many people attribute the term 'higher power' to a power that is greater than ourselves and I respectfully say to them that I strongly disagree. From my experience, this is most certainly not the case for everyone. Many, many people are able to tap into a higher vibration or version of themselves without having any firm or fixed ideas around an existential God or deity. And I firmly believe that it is just as correct to call this inner attunement 'tapping into a higher power' and that is the kind of higher power that I am going to be discussing today - your internal higher power; but if it makes you feel more comfortable to look outside of yourself for that then by all means, go for it!
In order to become more attuned to your higher self, you do need to be willing to go within. This may take the form of meditation, contemplation or for religious people - prayer, whatever you're doing, you need to quiet the mind, still the body and calm the inner voices so that you get beneath all of the hum and noise that you are so used to hearing all of the time. You're looking for a deep dive into the seat of yourself because what you are attempting to do is connect with the deepest parts of your subconscious and really listen to the most raw parts of yourself. This voice, the one that lies deep within you, is your higher power.
But why bother trying to tap into this 'higher power' anyway? It all just sounds like a lot of sitting around and zoning out right? Well, in all honesty, when you do manage to find that voice that I spoke of earlier, it will help you to understand yourself a whole lot better. It will help you to heal old hurts, open your mind, help yourself and others and teach you to be more loving and accepting of differences and mistakes. Becoming more attuned to yourself will allow you to identify patterns in your behaviours, root out problems in your life and best of all solve them as well. And just to really put the icing on the cake, your higher power will also help you to love yourself unconditionally. 
I know that some people will think that this is all just spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but it really isn't. You do not need to be spiritual or believe in any kind of God to be able to attune to your own rhythms and subconscious energies. If everyone spent more time tending their own gardens and less time worrying about what was going on in anyone else's, trust me - it would be a much brighter and calmer world overall. So don't look elsewhere, I say look within to unlock, unfurl and understand who you really are. Everyone deserves a higher love and a link to their higher self but knowing that you don't have to go outside of yourself to get that is really one of the most empowering things that anyone could know. 
Get started right away, learn to listen to your body, tune into your feelings and pay attention to your thoughts. Attune to your higher power and start to love yourself on a whole new and more deeply empowering level. You truly deserve nothing less than that and I honestly do believe that. 
The COVID -19 pandemic has made it absolutely impossible for anyone to travel anywhere for quite some time, so why not invest some time in a little inner travel? What have you got to lose? And it is completely free!
​I do encourage and sincerely wish you well on your explorations to find your higher power; remember to travel softly, be super kind to yourself and really take your time...and above all else - enjoy the journey!

THE LIGHTHOUSE
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 110 mins 
A psychological thriller, directed and produced by Robert Eggers, who co-wrote the screenplay with his brother Max Eggers. Shot in black and white and delivered in a nearly square 1.19:1 ratio, The Lighthouse is a deeply affecting and sinister watch that blurs the lines between horror, art house, mythology and edge of your seat thriller. 
Ephraim Winslow (Robert Pattinson) undertakes a four week contract as a lighthouse keeper on an isolated island off the coast of New England under the guidance of veteran 'wickie' Thomas Wake (Willem Dafoe). As the days stretch into weeks the men succumb to the madness of isolation, the intolerably cruel conditions and the often erratic and irritable behaviours of one another. 
Pattinson and Dafoe are absolutely brilliant here, delivering Oscar worthy, powerhouse performances and going to incredible lengths to create something that is so unforgettably dark and unsettling that I found myself thinking about it for days after.
Steeped in superstition and folklore, the story takes some unexpected turns as it delves into some seriously controversial territory like loneliness, alcoholism, toxic masculinity and hidden identity. The Lighthouse is undoubtedly the most unforgettable movie of the year and will definitely be shocking audiences for many years to come. 
FINAL SAY: Let Neptune strike ye Dead, Winslow!
4 Chilli Peppers ​

Which would you like to have more of in your life, supporters or friends? And do you even need to choose? Can't your friends also be your supporters? Well, in some instances yes they can, but unfortunately in many friendships that is often not the case. So let's take a closer look at what constitutes being a friend compared to being a supporter. 
By definition, a friend  is a person outside of your family circle that you enjoy the company of or feel an affection for; which does not mean that they are necessarily also your supporter. We all have some friends that are great fun to spend time with but when the going gets tough or we need someone to bounce the heavy stuff off of, we aren't necessarily going to call them. That doesn't make them bad friends or 'unworthy of our time or affection' friends, they just aren't in your supporter group. So there clearly is a difference between being a friend and being a supporter, and just because someone is your friend that doesn't automatically mean that they are going to be the best person to head up your personal cheer squad. 
Generally, these are the qualities that I am look for in my friends:

• They enjoy being with me 
• They don't judge me 
• They are generally kind and respectful
• They see me socially on a regular basis
• They are loyal and wouldn't put me down behind my back
• We can enjoy a laugh together

When it comes to supporters, I am looking for people who:

• Are there for me no matter what
• Want me to succeed 
• Will kindly let me know if I'm being out of line
• Comfort me or assist me when I feel overwhelmed or sad
• Share in my joys and losses 
• Have my back 
• Listen - really listen.

I am actually extremely fortunate, because many of my good friends are also my supporters, but I would be lying if I said that they all were. All of my friends are terrific company but some of them are definitely better supporters than others and I am sure that this would be true for most people. And to be honest, I don't expect all of my friends to be my best supporters, it takes time and shared experiences to cultivate strong and committed friendships and sometimes we aren't looking for a supporter anyway. Sometimes I just want someone to hang out with and have a laugh with from time to time and no-one has to be on my personal cheer squad to meet that need. 
When it comes to being a really good friend for others I think that I strive to be a friend and a supporter as much as possible, and at the very least a really good friend. Whether I am sharing my deepest darkest secrets or just having a laugh over dinner, all of my friends are exceptionally valuable to me and I am extremely grateful for each and every one of them. If like me you are also blessed with beautiful friends then make sure that you let them know just how much they mean to you. Cherish your posse and treat your friends like they are made of gold because good friends are something that we all really want, but finding ones that are awesome friends and also excellent supporters is both a rare and a beautiful thing indeed. 

Sometimes in life we believe that we can detect patterns. These patterns can be seen in the way that we ritualistically do things or in the way that we behaviour or react to certain things or even in the behaviours and reactions of others if we are really observant. And sometimes we can even believe that we see patterns in external or unrelated things; and when this happens a lot it can actually be a problem or even a sign of mental unwellness. 
The term apophenia is used to diagnose a condition when people have a tendency to mistakenly perceive patterns or connections between completely unrelated things. Coined by psychiatrist Klaus Conrad in his 1958 publication on the beginning stages of schizophrenia, he defined it as the "unmotivated seeing of connections accompanied by a specific feeling of abnormal meaningfulness." 
People that suffer from apophenia will seek patterns in all kinds of random information. Many gamblers actually suffer from this condition, believing that they can see patterns in lottery numbers, card games and roulette wheels, this type of apophenia is often called "gambler's fallacy."
One more common form of apophenia that we all suffer from is pareidolia and it is when we perceive patterns in visual and auditory stimuli. A common example of this might be to see a shape in the clouds or a face within an inanimate object. Think about all of the people who flocked to see images of Jesus or the Virgin Mary on a piece of toast or a block of wood; these items are terrific examples of pareidolia. And who hasn't seen the man in the moon? We all know what pareidolia feels like and most of us can see the patterns and dismiss them as mere coincidence, but some of us actually cannot. 
As humans we all have a need for order, and in general most of us will choose order and predictability over chance and chaos every time. This tendency does push us to see patterns everywhere, even when they do not exist. So when does seeing or hearing patterns become a problem? Well, at the end of the day, thinking that you have found the face of God in your cereal is not really going to hurt anyone, but making false pattern predictions a lot can be extremely dangerous to your wellbeing and overall safety. Experts recommend that if you are experiencing any of the following pattern recognition errors regularly, you may actually have apophenia. So let's take a look at what those pattern recognition errors are:

• Hearing hidden messages when you play recordings backwards.
• Seeing Godlike images in inanimate objects regularly. 
• Hearing voices or messages in ticking clocks or other repetitive noises. 
• Believing in jinx items or behaviours. 
• All superstitious beliefs and behaviours. 
• Seeing 'signs' in mundane things eg. 11:11 on a clock face. 
• Unwaveringly beliefs in conspiracy theories and unproven ideas. 

Hmmm, turns out that seeing Jesus in your cereal may not be so innocuous after all. So, next time that you find yourself laying on your back thinking that you just saw a dragon fly past in the clouds, spare a thought for the people that suffer from crippling apophenia and can't control their beliefs in patterns. Consider just how difficult a life like that must actually be. What we see as a fun way to pass a moment on a sunny afternoon, is actually an obsession for some poor individuals and having no ability to separate patterns from the randomness of life must be extremely frustrating. This is definitely one of the rare moments when I am truly grateful for the utterly random and unpredictable quality of my own life. 

You are enough. What does that mean exactly? We all want to feel like we are enough, but what does it mean to actually be enough. Well, I can tell you now that it does not mean that you have been assessed, made the grade or finally been considered to be worthy enough to have earned the label of "enough" as many people would think that it does. It also does not mean that you have worked hard enough, pushed hard enough, tried enough or done enough, it actually means none of those things. 
You are enough simply means that you are enough. Right now, as you are right at this moment, you are enough. It means that you are exactly where you are meant to be and for now that is enough, however it does not mean that you are everything, perfect or complete which is something that people seem to get very confused about when they hear that they are enough. 
For some reason, people think that "enough" is some zone of completion or perfection, which is absolutely crazy. For a start there is no such thing as perfection. Perfection is completely subjective and in my opinion generally overrated. Also, since you are a human being, you can never ever be "completed" because you are a work in progress for your entire life and you will never stop growing, learning and evolving, and why on earth would you want to anyway? If being enough really was perfection and completion then it would actually be some kind of personal made hell in the form of stagnation and delusion, so no - being enough has nothing to do with being perfect or competed. 
Being enough is really about just being you. You with all of your messy imperfections, your hang ups and your beautiful broken bits that make you who you are, and also having an awareness that it's perfectly okay to be all of those things. Being enough is knowing that aiming for perfection is a form of self made insanity and thinking that you're perfect is delusional and believing you're 'all done' is seriously mental and definitely limiting. 
You are enough means that you know that you don't have to strive to prove your worth because you know that you have worth. You also don't have to question if you are loveable because you already know that you are. It means that you know without a shadow of  doubt that you can be brave enough to be more open, honest, true, authentic, free, connected, purposeful and intentional in how you present yourself and behave, and it's all good to do so. Being enough means that you can have pride in all aspects of yourself, you don't compare yourself to anyone, you have no need to feel insecure about who you are and you also know that you don't need to judge or compete with anyone because all of those behaviours are pointless and will only slow down your overall progress.
​And do you know why you know all of that?
Because you are enough, that's why.
And don't you forget it! 

Some people have quite abnormal and pretty concerning relationships with food. Some people eat too much of it and other people deprive themselves of it, and obviously neither of those scenarios would be considered as having a healthy relationship with food.
So what does it mean to have a healthy relationship with food? Well, having a healthy relationship with food is really also about having a healthy relationship with yourself and your body and its needs. It's all about being connected to what you are eating, when you are eating and why you are eating. Marry all of this with listening to what your body needs rather than what it desires when it comes to food choices and you'll be enjoying what is known as a healthy relationship with food.
Unfortunately, as a society we place far more emphasis on whether a food is healthy or unhealthy than we do on actually forming healthy relationships with food and our own physiological needs. Physicians, dietary experts and psychologists are saying that our attitudes to dieting and nutrition have made many of us quite fat and unhealthy and they are now urging people to give themselves permission to eat again. However in doing so, we must also learn to listen to what our body is really asking for and also teach ourselves to stop eating when our hunger has been satisfied. 
When we are food deprived, we generally eat more high sugar and high carb snacks, which in short means that we are more likely to become 'snack snufflers' and eat far more empty calories and low value foods than we should. Low value foods offer eaters instant gratification but they do come with a very high cost to our overall health and wellbeing. Many processed foods are now being sited to be cancer forming and many junk foods are now being linked directly to diabetes, heart disease and other serious and chronic illnesses. However, it is just as important to understand that eating the occasional donut or having fish and chips once in a while is not going to cause any real problems to anyone. As long as you are eating these kinds of foods in moderation and recognising them as treats and not everyday eating choices, then you will be perfectly safe to indulge in said 'bad' foods from time to time without being worried or fearful that you will gain weight or become unhealthy. 
However, more importantly, experts are saying that what we really need to do as a society in order to maintain a healthy relationship with food is to stop using it as a tool to numb and distance ourselves from our emotions. In general, when people are dealing with an emotional issue they will follow the path of least resistance, which more often than not leads directly to our pantry or fridge. We go straight to the foods that we call 'bad' or that we have prohibited in our minds because that belief makes them even more powerful as a numbing mechanism. So basically, we should never rule any foods out as completely forbidden because that will just strengthen our association to them as being something that can bring us ultimate reward and release. 
So what do you do when the shit hits the fan and you find yourself going to the fridge for comfort? Well, the first thing to do is to notice what you are doing before you eat anything. You need to make everything that you eat a mindful choice and not a subconscious decision, which means that you need to actively decide to eat everything that you do, with some serious emphasis on the words actively decide. In the most basic terms, you need to think about everything that you ingest before you do and always ask yourself these questions before you put any food into your body:

• Am I really hungry?
• Why am I choosing this food?
• Is this the best choice that I can make for my body right now?
• Is food really what I need right now? 

And if you still really want the food that you have chosen after that, then go for it - eat it! Just remember to always eat it slow and mindfully, and to stop as soon as you feel full. And apparently, according to all of the experts of the world, that is all that you need to do to maintain a healthy relationship with food. No taboo foods, no dieting or depriving, just fully conscious, educated and mindful eating choices and you will never have any reason to feel bad about anything that you eat ever again. 

Everyone would like to find that one special person that they can spend the rest of their days with; well pretty much everyone. I am sure that there probably are completely autonomous people out there who do not crave intimacy or long for a life partner, but when it comes to the average Joe's of the world like myself, well we just want to feel like we can hang out with someone that gets us, loves us for  who we are and ultimately can put up with our shit when we are not at our best. And when you do find someone like that, you are going to want to hang on to them forever. But how do you know for sure that you have actually found 'the one' that you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Well, short answer is that you don't know, not really, not 100%. Okay yes, there are all of those initial fuzzy, glowy, feel good vibes that you get when you first hook up with someone, but you can also get those in short term relationships that turn to shit, so they really aren't the best indication that your relationship has the minerals to be everlasting and lifelong. I think that the only way that you can be somewhat certain in the beginning stages is when you have completely bared your mind, body and soul to a person and they still want in. And this type of baring of the self can take anywhere from 12 months to 20 years to establish (depending on your level of openness) so this is a pretty gradual process, an unfolding if you will. However, generally, anyone that can accept all of your flaws, love you unconditionally and accept you at your sickest, weakest and meanest moments is definitely worth considering as a life partner in my opinion. 
Some couples stay together for years and years and still never really get to know each other very well, in fact this is more common than you might think. However, if both parties can be completely transparent with each other, I believe that this is really good start when it comes to laying a solid lifelong foundation of togetherness. However, just as equally important for longevity is common ground and similar values and ethics, because clearly a smack head and a deeply pious catholic, regardless of their ability to be transparent with each other are not necessarily going to make the best lifelong bedfellows are they? As a couple, you simply must have some ethical consistencies in order to thrive, without this there will never be smooth sailing and it is inevitable that the relationship will come to a conclusion, quite possibly an unpleasant one.  
When all of the initial infatuation and fascination wears away (and it does because humans take things for granted - even really good relationships) if you don't have some common ground, united front and shared values, well honestly, you're gonna be fucked pretty quickly. And when I say common ground I mean something more substantial than both of you being into jasmine green tea. I'm talking ethics and general life philosophy. You don't need to be identical, but on some issues you will need to find common ground to be able to have harmony and longitude in your relationship. 
And differences, well they're going to matter as well and regardless of how charming, attractive and wonderful your partner may be, you're going to need some space from them at times as well. Nothing wrong with sharing loads of quality time together, but the saying too much of a good thing can happen in relationships, so some seperation of time and interests is also important to keep things in balance. I for one would've left my husband years ago if we'd been working, resting and playing together all of the time, love him as dearly as I do,  I don't want to be around him all of the time and our very different interests have ensured that we have both enjoyed some mutually appreciated 'away from each other' time. 
But don't take my word for it, I've only been married for 25 years, what the hell do I know about long term relationships? Jokes, I do actually know a shit load about it and I definitely know that at the heart of it all, there are no guarantees with any of it. You can never be 100% sure that the person you choose to be with now will be the same one that you are going to want to wake next to in 10, 20 or 50 years time. And maybe that uncertainty, that gamble that you take with your own heart, that leap of faith into the unknown, maybe it is just another part of the magic and joy of it all anyway.
I do however know that staying in a meaningful long term relationship takes lots of work and a great deal of compromise and a shit tonnes of your own personal time; and there will be times when it feels like none of the effort is worth the struggle, but trust me when I say that it is. That for every rough day there will be a grand day and for every struggle that you endure together you will become stronger and more aware of each others truths and lives. And as long as one of you is always in there batting for you both to stay together, then odds are that you probably will. Odds are that you'll wake up and look at your perfectly imperfect partner one day and wonder how you could ever manage a day without them, and I suppose that will be the day that you can know for sure that they are  the one that you want; hopefully forever. 

Everyone knows what it feels like to have a gut feeling about something, that knot in the pit of your stomach that tells you that something is off or just doesn't sit well. Some people call it their sixth sense, Stephen King called it 'The Shining' and most of us just prefer to call it what it is, our intuition. And regardless of what name you like to give it, your intuition can be a very powerful and useful tool that can help you to stay of trouble, know when you're on to a winner and steer you onto the right path. And for those very same reasons your intuition is certainly not something that I think you should ignore.
However, there is a fine line between being attuned to your intuition and appearing completely batshit bonkers to the rest of the world. Anyone that invests 100% of their decision making processes to their intuition alone is probably going to making some pretty whacky life choices because although useful, that gut feeling or voice inside your head is not always completely accurate and sometimes you have over-ride your instincts and employ some good old fashioned common sense and logic. 
The human brain is wired to find patterns from our experiences and most of this happens to us on a subconscious level. What many people aren't aware of is that 95% of our brain activity actually occurs at this subconscious level and our body is always at work taking in information, finding patterns and triggering neurochemicals that exist not only in our brains but also in our gut. This is what forms our intuition and creates those gut feelings that something is either good or bad. The problem with this is that we do all of this subconscious thinking at much faster rate than we do our rational conscious thinking, we have to or else we would all have meltdowns trying to decide what to wear or eat for breakfast each day, so this process is really important and keeps us moving along and not getting hung up on the details. However, it moves at a fever pitch and this fast brained intuitive thinking is not always where we are doing our best thinking. 
Our intuitive thoughts are not only created by our current situation but also by our past experiences, which can be why people get a really good or bad feeling about certain things, it's because they have had a similar experience before and they are drawing from that deep well of memories. It can make people seem like they have great instincts, but really they just have a shit tonne of experience around a certain situation and have a deeper well to draw from as a consequence of that experience. However, even years of experience can't stop a person's instincts from getting it wrong sometimes and that's because intuition also relies upon cognitive biases like overconfidence, unresolved emotions or feelings and selected attentions and this can prevent people from seeing a situation clearly for what it is. And for this reason, we need to be careful not to rely only on our intuition but also on our logical thinking as well. 
​By realizing that intuition has its flaws, then you can start to ground your instincts by employing more data and logic to the situation. You can consciously counteract your fast brained thinking (subconscious) with your slow brained thinking (conscious) and employ more reasoning, perspective and balance to your decision making. Remember that just because your gut is sending you a message, which may feel very strong and correct to you, it doesn't automatically make it correct and you need to use your logic to determine whether it is or isn't reasonable. 
It really is a case of balancing both your intuition and your logic when it comes to sound thought processes, good decision making and accurate problem solving. Neither is less important than the other, and together they make for a pretty formidable team. So, whether your constantly enlisting the gut feeling of your 'Shining' or checking all the facts and data before making any choices, I would actually recommend that you pay attention to both of those methods now that you have an awareness that neither is more important than the other. Because when it comes to intuition vs logic, there really is no clear winner, you do need both and you should use both as often as you can. 

It has been two full weeks since my operation and I now have one full month to go before I have to return to work, and thank goodness for that because the recovery from this operation has been slow to say the least. However, I am getting a little stronger each day and have even managed to walk for a full 16 minutes around my neighbourhood, which given the fact that the walk from my bed to bathroom and back was taxing me only 10 days ago, I do believe that this is a sign of good and steady growth. 
The thing that is killing me about my recovery is that it feels a lot like it is two steps forward and one step back, which for me is incredibly frustrating. I am the sort of person that expects only forward development when it comes to the business of getting better and I can get very disheartened when there are setbacks. This in and of itself has been a valuable and important life lesson for me, the learning and accepting that sometimes things take time and that sometimes all that you can do is rest and wait until the path ahead is clear for take off. Much easier said than done but there is certainly something profoundly important developing from this new learning. 
So, I am embarking on what I am calling 'a month of wellness.' A full month of focusing on getting well and hopefully a little bit better each day. This month will see me eating healthier, exercising mindfully (and slowly no doubt), meditating and engaging in only in the things that I choose to do. How wonderful does that sound? I am going to fully and completely listen to my body, my spirit and myself for one full month and hopefully by the end of it I will emerge refreshed, reinvigorated and rejuvenated.... well that's the plan anyway. And even if I am not feeling 100% better by the end of it all, at least I will know that I have given wellness my very best shot. 
So it is the 'deep healing' that I am currently seeking, not some random bandaid fixer-upper. I want to feel well, and not just okay, but really really well. I finally got rid of an organ that was literally poisoning my body and causing me so many other health complications and getting rid of that feels like an opportunity for a complete reboot of the system and a chance to reclaim my wellness completely. Unbeknownst to me, this stupid uterus of mine was actually the reason behind a lot of my unwellness, both physically, mentally and emotionally and I am so ready to come back again stronger than ever from it all.
I see absolutely no reason not to believe that against all of the odds and complications that I can actually make 2020 my year, just as I had set out to do before 2020 turned out to be the biggest shit sandwich of a year in history. But hey, it's only June and that still gives me 6 months to turn this weathered old ship around and head for a brand new shore. So here goes nothing, at this point I certainly don't have anything to lose and with 'a month of wellness' ahead of me, I only have everything to gain. So watch this space for updates as I rise like a phoenix from the ashes...well maybe more like a Peanut Butter Falcon from the couch... as I shift from recovery mode to total rejuvenation in only one months time! Well, here's to hoping so anyway!

THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 93 minutes 
An American adventure drama, written and directed by Tyler Nilson and Michael Schwartz who both make their feature directorial debuts here. This touching, amusing and genuinely empowering story became a sleeper hit (an unforeseen success at the box office) and ended up being the highest grossing independent film of the year in 2019. 
Zak, a young man with Down's Syndrome, runs away from a residential nursing home to pursuit his dreams of attending the professional wrestling school of his idol, The Saltwater Redneck. A strange turn of events sees him paired with Tyler, a trouble man that is also on the run. 
Shia LaBeouf is the best that he has been in an age as Tyler, the roughneck yet sensitive river man and Zack Gottsagen delivers an earnest and unfiltered version of himself that can only be described as deeply empowering and utterly inspirational. This feelgood adventure will undoubtedly warm your heart and lift your spirits, it's a winner on every front. 
FINAL SAY: Friends are the family you choose.
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

It has almost been ten days since my operation and I am just beginning to resurface from the anesthetic, drug and pain induced coma that I have been existing in ever since the doctor removed my uterus. And wow, I really have to say that having a hysterectomy has completely topped the charts on my 'shittiest life experiences yet' list. There is nothing more sobering, more painful or more difficult to adjust to than having one of your major organs removed from your body, and this entire experience has made me realise just how truly unwell I was for quite some time because the state of that revolting uterus was anything but healthy. 
​I have to be honest, the only other time that I have ever had to go to hospital for a major or life changing procedure was to deliver my children so it would be fair to say that I am certainly no veteran of the knife or the ways of the surgeon. And hopefully, this will be the last experience that I am going to need for a very long time (praying forever) because I really did not enjoy having the hysterectomy, waking up just after having the hysterectomy or the first ten days of weird crap that has followed the hysterectomy.
What actually happens to the space that is left behind after you have had an organ removed from your body? Well, I can tell you that it rapidly gets filled up by all of your other oozing organs that are just happy to have some breathing room back again and what that means is intense weirdness; crazy intense weirdness as your body tries to adjust to what is now that the new norm. And I know that my other organs would undoubtedly be celebrating the exit of my hideously enlarged uterus and its various attached components because the darn thing had gotten so large that it had literally fused itself onto my bladder, spreading out like a disgusting blob and taking over every crevice of my abdomen that it could seep into. It seriously reminded me of the movie The Blob when I heard about my uterus' unquenching penchant for bogarting my entire pelvic region. A gross gelatinous abnormality, living right there inside of me! How fucking disgusting is that? 
Anyway, that bitch is gone for good now and has taken with it every period that I was ever destined to have. Can I get an Amen? What I now have left behind are two ovaries, which may well be floating about in the space inside of me anywhere for all that I know about what actually happened to me, but the doctor assured me that they were healthy and that if I kept them I would have a healthier and more natural menopause. And apparently preserving my ovaries will also ensure that I still continue to produce estrogen, thus saving me from facial hair, a deeper voice and the possibility of ever growing a penis - just kidding I don't actually think that last one can actually happen, but who wants to take any chances at this stage right? I just got rid of my bloody uterus the last thing I want right now is a dick and balls! 
So yeah, all aboard the female hell express, next stop menopause! I mean come on, really? It just never actually ever stops for women does it? First the periods, then the childbearing, then the hysterectomy and now the menopause, and I'm not even 50 yet so this all feels rather premature to me. However, I must admit that for all of my hating on the actual procedure of the hysterectomy, I think that once my body stops being weird ass central that I will actually be glad that I have had it done. Not only did I get rid of The Blob, but I may even be able to have an abdomen that doesn't look like a swallowed a beach ball one day. That day is certainly not today though, because my post-op belly looks so disgusting that I can't even deal with the sight of it at the moment. It's black and blue and that gross yellow/ green that bruises develop as they heal and don't ask me how this is possible, but my abdomen also genuinely seems bloated, tight and yet also flabby at the same time - how is that even possible? Another hysterectomy mystery I suppose!
You know, I stupidly thought that nothing would ever feel as unsettlingly abnormal in my body as the feeling of being pregnant (which literally felt like I was incubating an face hugging Alien embryo inside of me) but pregnancy has nothing on the continuous shifting, lilting, reconfiguration and strange involuntary realignment of my innards right now. I'm actually half expecting to wake up with an ovary sticking out my cheek one morning. I can feel my insides moving about and jostling for rank in there and quite frankly it's straight up horrible. Sort of a mixture of nausea, gas, cramps, aches and a lot of asking myself 'what the hell was that?' and 'that's normal right?'
However, in true Spicywatch fashion, I have resigned myself to the fact that this too shall pass and that one day over the next few weeks I will eventually wake up and not feel like a very freaky laboratory experiment anymore, but more like myself again.
​These are my current meditation mantras, and call me crazy, they do seem to be helping me to remain optimistic and on track to a full recovery. Yep, I'm on my way to complete wellness and I'm not stopping until I get there:

• Pain is part of growing.
• Everything in life is temporary.
• Worry and complaining changes nothing.
• Your scars are your symbols of strength.
• Every little struggle is a step forward. 
• What's meant to be will eventually be.
• The best thing you can do is keep going. 

Spicywatch.com celebrated its 6th birthday this weekend. However, unlike previous years when I gathered together some movie loving friends to share in the joy of cinema with me, due to COVID-19, this year I didn't actually do anything at all. There was no sharing of favourite movie clips, no eating, drinking and merry chatter about the latest fabulous movie or cinema experience that people have enjoyed; nope this year Spicywatch had to quietly sit back and turn 6 without any fanfare or celebration. 
This could be just as well for my friends who are not fans of horror, because a sixth birthday does seem like the most opportune moment to bust out favourite macabre movie clips in the name of a '666' themed movie celebration, but I guess that will have to wait until Spicywatch's 13th birthday now, so to all of my horror hating friends, you really dodged a bullet there! 
However, in spite of quietly going about her business, Spicywatch.com has actually grown quite substantially over the last 12 months and is now being enjoyed by over 6 million people around the globe... jokes! I'm not IMDb for God's sake, but Spicywatch has continued to gain a loyal and slowly growing audience of people that seem to respect my opinions about movies and there are now 821 reviews in total to be found on my genre lists. 
Turns out that I only added a mere 31 movies to my genre lists in the last year, which means that I must have watched a lot of crap because I know for sure that I actually watched 212 films in 2019. Unsurprisingly, only 31 of them were 3 Chilli Peppers or more and I think this is probably pretty accurate. After all, after a lifetime of movie watching I have only reviewed 821 films in total which, if we start the age count at say 14 (which is around the time that I seriously started to adore movies) then that means that I should have added around 25 films every year to my blog to get to where I am, so if you think statistically I have actually enjoyed a higher than average contingency of movies that I have watched this year overall. 
And it easy to see why, the last year was a really strong one as far as high quality films were concerned; with incredible film-making now becoming the norm. Every year the bar gets raised, and in all truth it has to because audiences are more discerning and demanding now. People are smart and woke and they want sharp viewing experiences as a direct consequence of that, which means that mediocre cinema experiences are just not cutting it anymore.
Generally I added around 5 films to most of my genre lists, but there was a definite burst happening on my drama, art house/foreign, gritty/documentary lists. This is not surprising to me, with unforgettably good movies like The Lighthouse, Little Women, Marriage Story, Parasite, Shadow, 1917, The Nightingale, They Shall Not Grow Old and Hail Satan? all leaving their marks and impressions upon me over the last 12 months. 
I have banked a huge list of movies and TV series to binge on over the next few weeks, and I must apologise if I might seem to slide off the radar for a little while as I am heading in to hospital on Friday for a procedure that will put me out of actions for around 4 to 6 weeks. And although you may not hear from me, I can assure you that I will be viewing movies, taking notes and reviewing again as soon as I am fit and able to do so. 
Many thanks and much love to my regular Spicywatch readers and supporters that have for 6 years now, offered me regular check ins and greatly appreciated comments of support, feedback and kindness.
​Until next time, stay well and take care. 

HAIL SATAN?
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 95 mins 
An American documentary film about The Satanic Temple, outlining its origins and grassroots political activism.  Directed by Penny Lane, this documentary highlights the efforts of the Satanic movement in their attempts to preserve the separation of church and state against the privilege of the Christian right. 
Through a series of public demonstrations designed to advocate for religious freedom, The Satanic Temple push their mostly unwelcomed agenda and force many Americans to address the clearly corrupt authority of Christianity within their country. Lead my their enigmatic co-founder and spokesperson Lucien Greaves, this group of misunderstood outsiders band together and use their wit, charm and mischievous nature's to speak the truth, managing to ruffle more than a few feathers along the way. 
This is a great documentary that will challenge your preconceived ideas about both the Satanic movement and the Christian faith movement as well. And although you may not necessarily agree with all of the unorthodox demonstration methods of The Satanic Temple, you will not be able to deny their intelligent, witty and mostly entertaining advocacies for justice and equality. 
FINAL SAY:​ In the fight for justice, the devil's work is never done.
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I don't really have a favourite season, I actually love all of the seasons and the unique experiences that each of them deliver. I adore the brilliant burn of a Summer sun, the colourful bursts of a Spring afternoon, the frosty magnificence of a Winter's morning and the falling leaf displays of early Autumn; all in equal measure. However, that being said, I do have to admit to having an extremely soft spot for a sunny Autumn afternoon.
An unseasonably favourable and unexpectedly bright break from the rapid descent into the dark days of Winter is very hard to top and I always find myself deeply enchanted by Autumn sunshine. That high level of enchantment is exactly what we all got to enjoy this weekend, a spat of really lovely and unseasonably sunny weather, and as with all Autumnal sunny days, it arrived with a heavy mellow mist at dawn that burst forth into full sunshine by 11am. It is absolutely magical and has always been a special time of the year for me. 
It is true that there is something magical about all of the seasons though isn't there? Without trying too hard I could rattle off at least ten things that I love about each of the seasons, but everyone has a couple of special seasonal moments that are uniquely significant to them. A sunny Autumn day is definitely one of mine and whether you choose to get out in the warmth of that sun or just observe its brilliance from indoors, it is undeniably intoxicating. 
Out here in Enfield, the sun sets on the living-room side of our house, so as the cool of the evening slides in you can watch the sky shift from bright brilliant blues into dazzling oranges and golds in the late afternoon, even if you are inside. The mushrooms and toadstools stick their brightly coloured heads out of the ground. The yellow, orange and red leaves gently fall from the deciduous trees and the fruit trees hang heavily with last apples of the season in the dying sunlight. It is so still that nothing seems to move at all except for a couple of busy birds and the shifting colours of the sky. 
In short, it shines brightly with all of the regal colours of warmth and splendour, delivers all of the mellowness of a good red wine, a warm bath or a bowl of mum's soup and offers a strong reminder that the dark days ahead are only temporary. There is a calm and harmony to it all that is so hard to resist and its meditative state can easily seduce you into an afternoon nap under a cosy blanket.
Yes, I do love all of the seasons, but I will always love an Autumn sunny day in a very special way. 

Hindsight is 20/20; everyone understands that statement to be true. Anyone that has ever made a mistake, done something regretful or been blindsided in their lives will completely understand just how painfully true hindsight can actually be. How many times have you looked back on an event in your life and thought 'if only had that opportunity again' or 'if only I had done things differently?' Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I had known the things I know now back when I was younger, and if I did have a way of reaching out to myself in the past, what kind of information would I pass along to myself? What would be considered important enough to reach out across time to share with my teenage self? 
Self isolation has given me a little extra time to ponder those thoughts, so I went one step further and actually composed a letter to my teenage self (which I would've recorded onto a cassette, if this were a real exercise) to be found in a reverse kind of time capsule event. It outlines all of the things that I wish that I had known ahead of time without giving away all of the details, and really...it's just a bit of fun thinking about stuff like this because it really puts into perspective all the things that you wish you had done differently. Anyway, without further delay, here is 'A Letter to Me on a Cassette': 

Dear Teenage Barb,
I am writing to you from the future, around 30 years in the future actually, and before I even get started I really want you to know that you are more beautiful and full of endless potential than you have any awareness of right now. Trust me when I say that in 30 years you will look back on photos of yourself at 16 and will only see youthful innocence, beauty and potential and none of the flaws that you think that you have right now. So my first piece of advice is to learn early to love yourself unconditionally because it will make it a lot easier when others don't love you the way that you deserve to be loved. 
I really don't want to give away too many of the details around what your life actually looks like in 30 years time, but I can tell you without any uncertainty that you are well, loved and extremely comfortable. You will weather the sands of time; there will be very high highs and very low lows but trust me, you will get through it all so never give up and dig deep when you have to. 
Some of the advise that I will offer to you may seem vague, but trust me when I say that it is extremely sound advice that I would advise you to try and stick to no matter what. These things will not only serve you well, but will set you up for better things along the track, so please keep them in mind.
Firstly, make sure that you choose your vocation in life wisely, and do not quit school. Do not leave university early, no matter what is happening in your life and make sure that you see things through to the end. Also, read the fine print, always ask yourself 'is this what I still want to do in 5 years?' and remember that it is always better to be at the bottom of a ladder that you want to climb than half way up one that you don't. You will do good jobs, dreadful jobs, easy jobs, hard jobs and enjoyable jobs and they will all make you a better person. You are not too good for anything and nothing is beneath you, so be humble and do the best that you have in you no matter what you may find yourself doing and you will always be rewarded. 
Boys, men and male aquatinences will come and go, and most of your relationships will not be as important as you think that they are at the time. You do need to rush down the aisle or commit too early, so enjoy your freedom and youth. However, that being said, when you find 'the one' you will know and that will be that. Enjoy the trials, triumphs and tribulations that love will bring to your life and remember that being right is not ever as important as being kind, fair or reasonable. Long term love requires loads of negotiation and compromise, it is a tricky balance of give and take. Some days will feel like heaven, some days will not, and oddly they will all make you love your partner even more as the years pass, so don't give up too easily. 
Be honest, but also be kind, considerate and subdued as well. Say less and listen more to others, don't be superficial or judgemental  and always try to leave people feeling better when you leave them than they did when you first saw them. Anything that you lie about will haunt you for the rest of your life, so don't talk shit to anyone or about anyone - be honest and reliable. All of your best future relationships are built on honesty and reliability, so anyone that you feel like you can't be honest with or that you feel isn't being honest with you, should be avoided. You will lose people that you loved dearly along the way, some will pass away, some will leave and some you will just let go of and although it will sting like a bitch at the time, you will survive all of it, so be strong and stay the course. 
​Take care of your skin, teeth, fitness and wellbeing early on, even when you feel like you really don't need to. It's true that beauty fades, but wellbeing doesn't have to and if you are taking care of your health and wellbeing early on you will reap the benefits in the years to come. Start doing yoga and meditation immediately, never smoke (it is really not sexy at all) and eat a balanced diet. And don't just say yeah...yeah...I will, actually do it because you will thank yourself a million times over later on for doing it when you are in your 40's. 
Invest in anything to do with the internet, IT companies and any business that has a fruit logo (in particular an apple) on it. Keep all of your old technology, computer devices and gaming consoles because people pay a lot of money for that kind of stuff in the future and try to hang onto all of your old clothes because you wouldn't believe how many things have come back into fashion over the years. All of your old dolls and toys will also be worth more money than you ever paid for them one day, so store your Barbie Dolls, board games and toys in plastic boxes and try to keep them clean and as unused as possible, weird I know but trust me. 
And lastly, enjoy the ride. Life is short and full of twists and turns so try to have fun a little everyday. Do something nice for yourself everyday, do something nice for others as often as you can and don't be afraid to swim upstream, go against the grain or march to the beat of your own drum every now and again. Never lose your childlike whimsy, your sense of adventure or your lust for life, because you'll still be very much wanting those in the future. Laugh, keep a journal, dance, play and breathe it all in, none of it is wrong or right, it's all just experience. Some days you'll kick and some days you'll get kicked, some days you'll smile and sing and some days you'll cry and flip the world the bird and it will still all be okay. 
You're gonna be just fine young one. 
Love and hugs,
Forty Six Year Old Barb xx

VIVARIUM
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 97 mins 
A science fiction thriller directed by Lorcan Finnegan that was Internationally co-produced between Ireland, Denmark and Belgium; Vivarium has uniqueness and intrigue in buckets. Loosely based on the idea of the cuckoo bird laying it's eggs in another bird's nest in order to force another breed of bird to play host to it's young and raise it, Vivarium takes the concept one step further again, with disturbing and complicated outcomes. 
​Young couple Tom (Jesse Eisenberg) and Gemma (Imogen Poots) wish to purchase a new home. They visit a strange estate called Yonder with the even stranger real estate agent Martin. When Martin goes missing during the couple's walkthrough of apartment #9, they begin to become concerned.  Before long, the couple realise that Yonder is not like any other estate and that they have been chosen to perform a particular task. 
I think that this movie will bother a lot of people with its unclear outcomes and intensely weird interludes, I however really liked it for all of those reasons. The script is fresh, disturbing and intelligent, and the outcomes are not at all predictable which is what I think that all good science fiction thrillers should be delivering. Vivarium is certainly not the perfect sci-fi thriller recipe, but it sure is a strange and at times deeply dark ride that you won't forget in a hurry. 
FINAL SAY: Yonder, you're home right now - forever!
3 Chilli Peppers ​

Did you ever think that you would be alive to see a pandemic? Of course you didn't,  because we all think that major tragedies like global pandemics and world wars are the sorts of things that only happened in the past and certainly not during our modern and civilized times. And yet, here we all are in various states of isolation, silently watching on from our windows as the world seems to fall apart around us. And even though history allowed us to see the patterns of time that showed us that another worldwide flu would arrive again (just like it has every other 100 years or so) to create widespread damage and havoc. We still, in spite of our better knowledge, just weren't prepared enough for this on a global scale. And for that reason we were too slow to respond, too inexperienced to know how to deal with it and in some parts of the world, absolutely shit at containing it. 
COVID-19 has now officially changed every person's life on the planet in some way, shape or form. No-one can really say that they have not felt the effects of COVID-19 and be telling the truth, because it is impossible to not be feeling the effects in some way. Even if it is only something as basic as the way that you shop, things are not the same, things are different and people are behaving differently as well. Never before have I looked at people going to events, out for dinner or engaging in simple gatherings in movies or on TV with such an intense longing. The simple act of being out for coffee at a cafe or walking through the gardens and seeing children playing happily or having a gathering of friends and family around for a meal or a drink; these things all seem incredibly desirable and appealing in ways that they have never been before. 
And what this has all made me realise is, that not only do we take all of this freedom and socialisation for granted most of the time, but also how desperately we need each other, in ways that we may not have appreciated before. People need people, they just do. We weren't meant to be alone, we aren't designed to be solitary creatures. Humans are meant to roam in packs and being in isolation has made that all the more prevalent for me, and that's a pretty big comment when its coming from an introvert like me because I usually crave isolation and alone time; but clearly too much of it is not ideal for anyone, not even the introverts of the world. 
Sure there may be some people who are still loving all this separation from society, and at first I think that the novelty of it all did seem slightly more magical and ideal than the reality of the situation actually is. I know that there were a lot of people who were high fiving themselves over the possibility of working from home, but now that the reality and the loneliness of that has really sunk in, truth is that it is not easier or more desirable to be at home 24/7. 
For this reason, I have chosen to be on site at work for two days a week, directly working with the children of essential workers. It is actually nice to get away from the confines, routine and monotony of working from home. You can only do so many Google Meets and Zoom conferences before you start to go a little bit bonkers from all of the screen time. And having a reason to go for a drive and get out of the house that isn't related to groceries or exercise is actually a pleasure. Yep, you heard it here, physically going in to work is actually quite pleasurable. I never thought that I would ever say that, but there you have it. Turns out that COVID-19 really has changed me and maybe I am not as much of an introvert as I thought that I was, or maybe this is just a consequence of too much time at home.
I cannot deny it, I sure am missing my regular trips to the movies and the dinners and drinks that usually accompanied those journeys. I guess it is true, you really don't know what you've got 'til it's gone....'cos man oh man I would really love a choc-top ice-cream, a double feature movie in a huge spacious theatre and some friendly face to face, after movie chatter right about now! Ahhh, to brighter days and wider spaces ahead my friends, but in the meantime - stay well and yeah you know, even though you don't want to anymore, stay at home! 

There are a lot of things about my life right now that I am grateful and thankful for. I sometimes worry about losing touch with those most precious and important things as I get older, which could occur if one day I become forgetful or dotty or even possibly just too weary of the world to feel genuinely connected to anything anymore. And the thought of that utterly terrifies me to the core.  I do not want to lose touch with the best parts of myself and my life because my mind, body or memory start to fail me as the years roll on.
It is pretty easy to feel confident that this will never happen to you when you're young, and sure I use the term 'young' loosely for myself because 47 is not really that young, but it's hardly bloody ancient either and I do presently have an excellent grip on all of my faculties. And I would really like to keep a tight grip on those faculties, so I suppose that the only way to ensure myself of that is to wisely put some anti-aging stoppers in place early on, as a preventative measure.
I have zero interest in preserving the longevity of my youth and beauty, sure I don't want to look like a hairy dog's arse at 60, but looks are not that important to me. My main concerns with aging are around the loss of cognitive ability, physical mobility and an overall lust for life that often seems to spring from the young rather than the elderly. Basically, I want to be totally 'with it', reasonably fit and flexible and able to remember all of the important and significant things have occurred throughout my life.
So what can be done to ensure this outcome, if anything? Well tonnes actually, and even though there is no real 'fountain of youth' just yet, there has been a heap of research conducted on the topic and there are some very clear guidelines that have been specified from experts and medical professionals that you should be adopting into your life if you too want to hang on to the best bits of yourself in the future.
In fact, experts in nutrition, obesity and cardiology all recommend adopting these steps into your life as early as your 20's if you want to ensure the best possible health outcomes for yourself in the future, so you had better listen up my friends because this information is super important and better yet, it comes in five easy steps - just five! Five seems manageable, right?
Step one: Find out what your healthy weight range is for your height and age and then try to stay within that weight range. People that stay within that range tend to live longer lives and require far less medical intervention in the long run, it's a fact. Also take at least 30 minutes of extra activity a day on top of your working day. This could be a brisk walk, a bike ride, some cardio, whatever it is, you must do it everyday, which means no down days on the weekend. Consistency is key here. 
Step Two: Learn how to cook from scratch. Experts believe that you can pretty much eat whatever you like as long as you cook it yourself from scratch. When they are talking about scratch, they mean that nothing in that meal can come out of a jar, packet or can, unless you pickled, prepared or preserved it yourself previously of course. The effort and energy required to make a dinner for four every evening from scratch will far outweigh the calories that you will sustain from eating it. 
Step Three: Eat more vegetables, portion control and cut back on sugar. This is three pronged approach where you become more mindful of the kinds of fuel that you put into your body. More wholesome plant based foods overall and less processed and sugary foods. Educate yourself on portion size and stick to the guidelines, this will help you to stay within your ideal weight range as well. Portion control does mean that you have to eat small amounts of food, in fact you can eat very large portions of the right foods. You should never feel desperately hungry if you are portion controlling correctly, it's not about starving yourself, so make sure that you are doing it safely and correctly.
Step Four: Practise moderation and respect your system. Your body is not another landfill, so stop pouring crap into it and treating it like shit. Consume alcohol wisely and safely and don't continually smash your system with toxins like medications, drugs, cigarettes, fatty foods and sweets. Understand what the concept of a 'treat' is -it's something that you have every now and then, not daily. Learn to 'treat' yourself occasionally and thoughtfully. Try to treat yourself with more holistic, calming and wellbeing practises like massage, meditation, reiki, Ayurvedic medicines, spirituality, reading, yoga, art therapy and other remedial therapies.
Step Five: Find a job that you love. Your work life affects your mental wellbeing more than you may think. People that are unhappy in their jobs tend to have higher rates of stress, depression, anxiety and sleep problems, so finding a job that satisfies and stimulates you is extremely important. People that are passionate about their jobs tend to spill that over into other parts of their lives, they are often undertaking other passion projects, volunteering and continually exploring other ways to enrich their lives, so if you are unhappy in your current employment then you should do something about it asap!

So there you have it, five easy steps to get more bang for your buck, more longevity and more clarity in your life as the years roll by. And who doesn't want more of that? 

THE TAKING OF DEBORAH LOGAN
Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 91 mins 
Feel like watching something as creepy as hell? Then you've come to the right place! This found footage supernatural thriller will definitely give lovers of possession themed horror some decent chills. A directorial debut for Adam Robitel, who co-wrote the screenplay and edited the film with Gavin Heffernan, The Taking of Deborah Logan brings something fresh and uniquely disturbing to an otherwise worn out horror trope.
A young aspiring film crew set out to create a documentary about Deborah Logan, an elderly woman who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. Deborah herself is not keen to be filmed, but her daughter Sarah convinces her mother to participate, citing their need for money as the reason for allowing strangers into their home. As filming progresses, everyone begins to suspect that there is more to Deborah's condition than they had all previously thought. 
I cannot lie, I was completely engaged and quietly disturbed on a number of occasions by the odd behaviours and at times gross goings on in this movie. On the creepy scale, this rates pretty high in my books, it's worth a look for sure. 
FINAL SAY: When I am in the middle of something and suddenly my mind just leaves the premises, there are no words to describe how distressing it is. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

Not sure that I need to be snacking out on anymore treats given the amount of self baked goodies that I have been inhaling since I went into self isolation three and a half weeks ago, but here we are - it's Easter again which means hello chocolate Easter eggs and hello hot cross buns! Ah the time to eat sugar and carbs with wild abandon has arrived and if you're stuck inside with these alluring goodies all around you, well then you're going to be indulging, so just go with it! The time to worry about spreading waistlines and a couple of extra kilos is most certainly not now; we can all focus on that further down the track. So for now I am just concentrating on enjoying my Easter long weekend at home with my two lovely boys. 
And what does an Easter holiday look like during a pandemic? Well, very bloody quiet for one thing since most the world has been forced into a mandatory lockdown situation. I know that the Easter Bunny has been confirmed as an essential worker this Easter, however it will no doubt be a challenge for the bunny to reach everyone during these difficult circumstances, and that combined with all of the enforced social distancing laws is more than likely going to mean a lot less frolicking about and Easter egg hunting for everyone this year.
However, do not despair because there are some fabulous ways to enjoy a COVID-19 ridden Easter to the full without breaking any rules or upsetting any restrictions. 

• Paint/ dye/ design/decorate some regular chickens eggs. You can buy them everywhere and once they are hard boiled you can decorate them in any way that you like. Kids and adults all enjoy doing this activity and it's a fun way to not only kill a couple of hours, but to also get some mindful art time in as well.  
• Bake or cook. Get busy in the kitchen; hell you could have an Easter themed bake off in your own kitchen! Design cupcakes, make slices, decorate a cake, create a new cookie flavour and best of all, eat everything that you've made later on! 
• Gather at the table. Set the table in a special way and make sure that everyone in the family is seated to share in a very special meal together. Cook your Easter feast from scratch, with love and care and share it with the people around you. You don't have to be religious to celebrate this special time of thanksgiving, sharing and togetherness, so get out the good china and open the best bottle of wine in the house and celebrate the loved ones in your life. 
• Watch a movie together, it doesn't have to be Easter themed but do make it fun, light and easy. However, if you are desperate for an Easter flick then I would recommend: Rise of the Guardians, Chocolat or Wallace and Gromit Curse of the Were-Rabbit.  
• Call your family, friends and loved ones. Send out messages of love and good will to the people that you care about. Get your kids to create Easter cards for their grandparents, teachers or other significant care givers to let them know that they are thinking of them at Easter. 
• Treat Yourself! It is a holiday after all, so try to enjoy it! Eat, drink, do something nice for yourself, be merry and push back any bad or troubling thoughts, even if it's just for one day! Celebrate you, your health and your wellbeing. 

And from me to you on this unprecedented and uniquely unusual Easter, please stay safe, stay well and above all else - please stay at home!

When you read the news or watch the latest goings on around the world in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic, it's pretty easy to feel like you're one of the lucky ones. And if you are home, safe, warm and physically well right now, then yep you're one of the lucky ones in this world right now, and you should be adopting an attitude of gratitude around that. 
Now don't misread this, I am not suggesting that you should be feeling guilty for the fact that you're doing well but you really should, at the very least, have an awareness of it. Which means that you should be smiling, counting your blessings and embracing all of the good fortune that you have been privileged enough to access. In a world where people are dying by the hundreds of disease, where there are not enough beds for the genuinely sick and where people are frightened and completely uncertain of their safety and financial future, you can definitely consider yourself to be amongst the most fortunate. 
Don't spend your time whining about being placed into isolation, don't think about what you're missing out on and don't fail to recognise that you are being given an opportunity to recognise the amazing parts of your life right now. The parts that are free, right in front of you and insanely comforting when the world is filled with so much turmoil. 
Firstly and foremostly, if you are healthy, you should be high fiving yourself. We are in a global state of emergency, there is a lethal pandemic getting around and guess what? You're still healthy - can I get an Amen? If that's not something to be immediately grateful for then I don't know if I can help you out at all! Your health and well being are paramount right now, so if you are feeling robust, well fed, breathing well and are able to take some daily exercise then you are already in the top 30% of the planet, enjoy that knowledge and let it sink in. 
Secondly, if you are at home with anyone else then you are being offered a unique opportunity to build and enhance your relationship with that person and create a more harmonious union with them. It could be your partner, your children, your parents or your friend, whomever you find yourself in isolation with, you're lucky because you can strengthen your bond and your relationship with them right now. You may even get to know certain people in your life in a whole new light through this experience. You could learn new things about the people around you and even share your dreams, ideas and aspirations. When you are in isolation your conversations can go on all night long, especially over a couple of bottles of wine, so why not just relax and unwind in an unguarded way with the people around you. And if you aren't actually in isolation with anyone else, then that doesn't mean that you can't be building deeper and stronger relationships. You can call people, chat online, text people, reach out to others and just share in your absolute luckiness together. 
And on top of your good health and your ability to build relationships, you are also being presented with endless self improvement opportunities right now. You could start an online learning module and commence a whole new career or you could begin to write that bestseller that you always thought that you had in you. You could start a new fitness regimen, become a youtube sensation, paint the next masterpiece, get your finances in order, master your cooking skills, learn to meditate, sell all of your unwanted shit online and make a fortune from your couch, you could.........You can see where I am going with this right? You have choices and above all else, no matter how much you might feel like your life is being controlled or mandated, it actually isn't and you have an endless amount of possibility and opportunity before you. So get your head in the game, don't complain and start doing something useful and constructive with this unique time in your life. 
When are you going to have this much spare time on your hands ever again? Probably never. You will probably never again have this many days in a row when you do not need to leave your home and be fully accountable, so make that your strength and not your weakness - use it! Find your appreciation, find your zen and above all else adopt an attitude of gratitude because you my friend, you are one of the lucky ones in the world right now. Be thankful, be gracious and use the time that you have been presented with to make things better, make you better and at the very least, please make your attitude a whole lot better. 

Without a doubt, the whole self isolation experience has offered us all a little more time to really explore the way that we feel about things, and also ourselves. I have spent more time in meditation and have also reflected on the types of spaces that I have created for myself. Some of the spaces that I have made for myself are harmonious, peaceful and nurturing, and unfortunately some of them are limiting, negative and even at times quite toxic. And I suppose that we are all a little guilty of having unpleasant thoughts about ourselves from time to time, but there is a pretty big difference between having a fleeting insecure thought about who you are and clothing and feeding your demons on a daily basis. And that's why it's important to explore the things that you say to yourself regularly and investigate more positive self talk thoughts that you can employ to ensure that you aren't cultivating toxic self hating thoughts about who you really are. 
Long gone are the days when self love was considered to be vain or selfish because anyone with half a brain knows that RuPaul hit that nail right on the head with his 'if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love someone else?' statement. And it's true, you deserve to love you and you deserve to be proud, secure and content with who you are, but getting rid of toxic thought patterns and culling old mindsets can be challenging and it does require a certain shedding of an old and outmoded way of being that requires you first to take a good look at exactly what it is that you have been saying to yourself about who you are.
A lot of what we believe about ourselves actually derives from our upbringing, our relationships and even the media, which is really sad because we don't even get to decide for ourselves who we are. All of our lives we have been constantly bombarded by people putting ideas into our heads about who we are, or who we are supposed to be; and most of those concepts are actually completely untrue. Who we truly are is whomever we choose to be. How we look and feel is completely is up to us as well, and just knowing that is the first step to empowering yourself to develop better and more positive thoughts about who you are. 
A while ago I wrote a blog post called Self Talk, and it explored my own struggles with negative self beliefs and toxic thought patterns. I have since managed to get those thoughts mostly under control by sticking to these five big self check in questions whenever they arise:

• Is there any evidence to support this thought I'm having about myself?
• What would I say to a friend if they were saying these things about themselves?
• Is there a positive way to look at this?
• Is this thought or feeling rational? Is it mine? Or has been planted or programmed into me externally?
• What can I do to change this feeling or thought that I have about myself? 

It is vitally important to remember that you are not here to fill a mold, fulfill a pre-designed role or be anyone that you do not desire to be for yourself. It is not your job to manage the thoughts that others may have about you and it is not your problem if other people are holding on to outmoded, archaic or toxic thoughts themselves or about who they think you should be or what they expect from you. You can only ever be responsible for your own thoughts and feelings and you do deserve to feel good about yourself. 
During these times of deep self reflection and thought, it's good to toss a little extra self love in to your routine just for good measure. So here are some really great ways to build your self esteem, remove negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself and adopt a kinder mindset for yourself in some very simple and gentle ways.

• Forgiveness- forgive yourself for the mistakes that you've made in the past and forgive others for theirs. There is no going back so let it go and make more room for positive thoughts and feelings in your life. 
• Mindfulness - be mindful about all of the things that you have in your life and practise gratitude. Write down three great things that happened or three positive things about yourself everyday. 
• Acceptance- accept that we are all different and unique. Try to enjoy the beauty and diversity that individuality brings to your life and accept your own uniqueness as part of that. Don't be influenced about your appearance by the media or narrow minded people. 
• Nurturing - do kind things for yourself. Spoil yourself and treat yourself with care and respect. It's good to love yourself, learn to make that your mantra. 
• Avoidance - take stock of who you spend your time with and what you spend your time doing. Steer clear of negative or toxic people or influences that may attempt to bring you down. Spend your time with people that uplift, appreciate, motivate and inspire you. 
• Positivity - Say positive things, think positive thoughts and stop complaining. Focus on the good and you will start to see more of it around you and within you.  Say something positive to yourself about who you are everyday. 
• Giving - Support others and yourself by demonstrating kindness. Give more time and patience to those around you and to yourself and be extremely demonstrative of that. Find unique ways to give and be generous. 
• Believing - believe that you are completely worthy of love and care just as much as anyone else in the world. Believe in your best virtues and focus your thoughts on your best qualities so that you can shine them out into the world.