The meter is running on your life, right now, in this very moment, in every moment that you have ever lived and breathed, it has been running.  When a meter is running we know that it means that a cost or expense is accumulating urging us to make a decision or pay the fare. However, when it comes to our actual lives, we rarely if ever consider the amount of time that we have already used up or how much we still have on the meter and at our disposal. 
I am fairly sure that if I told you that your meter was going to run out in say a month, or even six months to a year that you would definitely start to look at your life very differently. You'd possibly make some radical changes to the way that you do things, reprioritise your life and desperately try to milk as much out of the time that you left on the meter or even attempt to reverse it or change that outcome somehow. But you would never have done any of that without the threat of your meter running out on you. 
Big surprise here, your meter is actually running out. And I am not saying that to try and make you feel insecure, hysterical or paranoid, I'm telling you because it is completely and utterly true. All of our meters are running out, they were from the day that we arrived. Mine is, yours is,  everyone's is. None of us, not even the rich, famous and intellectual are going to be able to cheat the sands of time and no-one in the history of all of humanity has been able to live forever. Unfortunately, we all have an expiry date and although that is going to be different for everyone, it is going to be inevitable. 
So, with that in mind let's have a look at how you can enjoy a long and healthy life according to the people that have kept their meters running for so long that they are now called centenarians. Centenarians are people that have lived for 100 years or more, they have survived pandemics, depressions, financial crisis, war and loss; and yet they have emerged almost unscathed, and their resilience offers us all a first hand perspective into the secrets of longevity. Unsurprisingly, there really are some very common dominators in the lives of all centenarians and I believe that these commonalities are clearly the recipe for a long life and a great way to keep your own meter running. 
​Firstly, people who have lived long lives have been cheerful most of their lives. Sure, you can't avoid getting burnt by life every now and again and even the best of us face financial difficulty, loss, illness, failed relationships and stress, but it is how we deal with those setbacks that determines our happiness. Most centenarians have supportive families and friends and a community around them that they are actively involved in. They have powerful, protective social structures that buffer and care for them. So the work that you do to build meaningful relationships with your family and friends is never wasted time, it's actually essential to your own longevity. 
Most centenarians claim that they have managed to stay cheerful by never comparing themselves to others. They all have positive mindsets that are devoid of jealousy, envy and resentment. They are living their best lives every day and taking joy in all of the little things and not getting hung up on the petty stuff. They also swear by removing toxic relationships from their lives. People who are not trustworthy should go first, followed by anyone that continuously hurts your feelings, belittles you or makes you feel unlovable. It's very simple really, only keep people in your life that lift you up, respect and value you as you are, otherwise they will be a scourge on your life meter. 
No surprises here, but centenarians also have a healthy diet, however they also like to consumed one or two alcoholic beverages a day, usually as a night cap of some sort. They all imbibe in moderation, never overindulge and rarely, if ever, smoke. None of them have ever had a gym membership but all of them have lead very active lifestyles. Most centenarians walk every day, some of them still taking up to 10,000 steps a day. Most of them take in other regular gentle exercise like swimming, yoga or tai chi and generally keep busy by tending to their own yards, doing their own shopping and maintaining their own homes. 
Almost all centenarians have hobbies that give them pleasure. Undertaking something relaxing and enjoyable that you do without looking for gain or return is paramount to these people's lives. And finally, they all kept a tight budget and never, ever spent more than they earned. A lot of them have never even owned a credit card and have always saved for a rainy day.  Being financially sound and not having to worry about money is a great way to keep stress levels low and to eliminate unnecessary worry  and uncertainly about the future. 
However, let's be honest, there is really no one way to ensure that your meter will keep running for a very long time because life is risky and unpredictable and all any of us can really do is hope for the best and try to be our best. However, there is no denying that the recipe for long life outlined above by our beloved centenarians certainly does seem like a great and logical place to start if you are trying to get more mileage on the meter.
​Whether you adopt or adapt any of these tips is of course completely up to you, and no matter your choices, I do wish you all a long, prosperous and healthy life with a meter that runs for at least 100 years or more!

PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN
Release Date: 2021
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 113 mins 
An American crime thriller that was written, produced and directed by Emerald Fennell in her feature directorial debut. This boldly provocative thriller received generally favourable critical acclaim for it's dynamic writing and Carey Mulligan's committed and strong portrayal of a woman that has been wronged. 
Cassie Thomas (Mulligan) is exacting her revenge upon the people that were involved in a vicious attack on her best friend and she is also taking down a few other douche bags along the way. 
It's the terrific mix of dark humour and appallingly abhorrent assholes getting their comeuppances that makes this film so great. Mulligan is at her absolute best here as Cassie, a character that has tenacity and personality in bucket loads and it was just so fantastic to see a female delivering some kick arse vengeance in such colourful and unique ways. 
The supporting cast are also strong here with Bo Burnham, Alison Brie, Laverne Cox and Clancy Brown all rounding out the story and making it something genuinely memorable and deeply affecting. 
FINAL SAY: Can you guess what every woman's worst nightmare is?
4 Chilli Peppers ​

In order to be free and completely unburdened, we must be able to embrace our whole self. Easier said than done when you live a world that praises perfection over humility, accepts self mutilation as a form of beauty and makes people strive for basic rights like equality and acceptance on the daily. However, even in a tainted world like ours it is still possible to find an acceptance of the self and the ability to embrace the power and freedom that comes with that. But how? How can you truly embrace your whole self without glancing over your shoulder, questioning yourself or second guessing yourself? Well, the secret to that lies in finding the things about yourself that are worth celebrating and focusing on those.
When it comes to embracing the whole self, first and fore mostly you have to focus on how far you've already come in this life rather than how far you believe that you still have to go. Instead of comparing yourself to anyone else, compare yourself to your old self. By doing that you will start to gain a very clear picture about how much you have changed. Who were you ten years ago? Five year ago? Or even one year ago? Odds are that you have done some pretty significant evolving, you'll not be the same person that you were and you will have learned a lot along the way.
You may have grown physically stronger, collected more skills, gained better health or wellbeing, become a kinder and more patient person, the potential list is endless really. However, I guarantee that if you really start to look, you'll see that you have actually come quite a long way and you are definitely a better version of yourself now that you used to be. Breathe that in for a minute and think about what that is going to look like in another year from now, or in five years or ten years, assuming that you stay on the same trajectory.  Pretty good right? You're on your way, embrace that. Being able to focus on how far you've come is the beginning of embracing of the self. 
Next, and I know that I've said this before, but I'm saying it again, get rid of the word perfect and replace it with better. Striving to be better is plausible, admirable and healthy and will bring you closer to embracing yourself than any push for perfection. Perfection is bullshit, it does not exist. No matter how far you get, the bar will just continue to raise if you are seeking perfection. You will constantly feel inadequate and you will find yourself on a treadmill of comparison and disenchantment. If you are striving for perfection in your life right now, please stop immediately. Aim for self improvement instead. Go ahead and improve your station, work hard on you and you'll see that you will gain a lot more confidence and self worth if you aim for better over perfect. 
Once you've done that, then it is time to embrace your power, your individual power, the one that you were born with. You do have power, quite a lot of it actually. You have your own set of unique abilities, talents and skills. Why there is no-one else on the entire planet that is identical to you, you're an original, a one of a kind masterpiece and you have passion, purpose and ambition to ignite in this world. As Dr Seuss said, there is no-one  alive who is more youer that you. And that is so true and beautiful and 100% worth embracing.
When you embrace your individual power, you'll find that you will unlock your goals and visions for your own future. Finding what makes you feel alive will do that and if you're lucky you might even get to live your passion daily and even make money from doing it. However, it might be a hobby or talent that you do part time that ignites your power and that is just as good. When you are doing something that you feel passionate about in the world you will also be embracing your whole self, perhaps without realising that you are. And that is because you will be embodying your authentic self.
Your authentic self is at the core of who you are and it is actually made up of a whole lot of really cool things. Things that you probably forget that you have in your tool kit a lot of the time. Whether you realise it or not, your authentic self is pure hearted, kind, empathetic, interested and understanding. You authentic self doesn't compare or complain or compete, why would it? Your authentic self is confident, calm and clear minded because it feels embraced and accepted. So allow yourself to be your authentic self, embrace the whole truth of who you really are, embrace your individual power and embrace the amazing journey that you've already made thus far. If you can do that, then you will be living your best life every damn day. And you know that you deserve to, so dare to embrace your whole self and raise your vibration, take your whole self to the next level. 

SWALLOW
Release Date: 2020
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 94 mins
An unforgettably affecting independent psychological film that was written and directed by Carlo Mirabella-Davis. Swallow seeks to explore a very real affliction called pica, a psychological disorder that compels sufferers to consume indigestible objects. 
Beautiful and passive Hunter has just married a wealthy CEO and her new life affords her the luxury of not having to work, lots of free time and extra money at her disposal. However, after swallowing a marble one day, Hunter feels exhilarated and begins to consume more and more inedible objects, eventually putting her life and that of her unborn child in danger.  
Be warned, this movie is really hard to watch at times. Between the main characters obsession with swallowing harmful objects and the appalling treatment and lack of emotional support that she receives from the people around her, this film just goes from bad to worse. 
Haley Bennett's performance of Hunter is Oscar nomination worthy and she projects the immaculately groomed 'Stepford wife' persona hiding a deep secret so well that it is downright eerie. Swallow certainly provides us with a glimpse into the strange and disturbing world of pica sufferers and will be a film that I won't ever forget seeing. 
FINAL SAY: Are you happy, or are you pretending to be happy? 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

After what I can only describe as one of the most wonderful and enjoyable Christmases of my entire life, I have found myself in the quiet in-between days that fall after Christmas and before the arrival of another New Year. And boy do I ever love the few days that fall between the 26th and the 31st of December, it is pretty much my favourite time of the the year for so many reasons. 
Firstly, just about everyone is on holidays so there is a really laid back vibe to those six days that you don't get at any other time of the year. People are chilling out, they are all living their best lives and all of the frantic 'must get done before Christmas' stresses have been tossed aside and replaced with afternoon tipples, sleep ins, joyful time wasting and a general decompression of the past year.
Also, the weather is usually pretty lovely which offers everyone room in their lives for picnics, long walks, outdoorsy explorations, BBQ's, star gazing, novels in hammocks and long relaxed conversations at any given moment. You never feel guilty for wasting time because you're off the clock and time suddenly becomes completely irrelevant, it's absolutely heavenly! 
And lastly, but certainly not least of all, because you just got gifted a whole bunch of new things you feel like a totally spoilt rich bitch for a while. You have new things to play and fiddle with, new clothes and jewellery to bling up on and often you'll even some some cash in your pocket to burn. For me, this year was particularly fortuitous and I got spoilt silly by by family and friends beyond anything that I could have imagined, it was both delightful and unexpected but let's not bullshit anyone here, it was also extremely enjoyable. 
So now I happily find myself falling into the quiet in-between days and just like a lazy cat stretching out on a furry rug, it feels amazing! So far, I've been sketching, reviewing films on Spicywatch and binging TV. I've also been listening to audio books, meditating, walking, playing brain training apps, doing 45 minute yoga sessions and having Pisco sour cocktails in the afternoons. Tomorrow I am heading to Melbourne for the first time in over a year because of COVID restrictions and I have plans to spend a couple of days roaming the city with my best friend, visiting the NGV and hitting up Chinatown for Yum-Cha. 
Oh yes it is the most wonderful time of the year! And I hope that you are all equally enjoying the quiet in-between days as much as I am and that you also enjoy a glorious and safe transition from 2020 to 2021. Let's hope that just like the quiet in-between days, that it's a gentler and kinder year to us all!

With work officially out of the way for the moment, I can now safely turn my attentions to Christmas. It is time to focus on sharing some special moments with loved ones and indulging in all of the best things that life has to offer with my friends and family; and trust me when I say that I have had a pretty good start!
Christmas always brings about an acute awareness of how fortuitous and blessed I am in my life. When you have the means to gift others, eat the most rich and extravagant meals and not have to focus on how you are going to afford to do that, then you're bloody blessed!  And Christmas always makes me feel like I have so much to be grateful for. So for me, it's always an important time to give back, pay forward and make a really grand effort to let others know that I see them, care for them and want to share my time with them.
So far I have had a wonderful Japanese dining experience with my mother, my nephew and his family, I have visited a spectacular winery outside of Geelong with some work friends and indulged in many delicious wines and woodfired pizzas and I have even managed to complete all of my Christmas shopping, write all of my Christmas cards and wrap all of my gifts - so underneath my Christmas tree is now jam packed with goodies to share and enjoy with everyone. Yep, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas and I am getting excited, not just about sharing some quality time with my darlings but also about all of the delicious fare that I am going to get to eat! 
Christmas food should be delicious in my opinion. Your Christmas meal should comprise of something that you've put some effort into creating and is worthy of sharing with your loved ones.  For me this year, it will be a perfectly roasted pork belly with all of the jazzy roast trimmings and for dessert a fabulous family favourite, a chocolate cake that is a combination of cake and pavlova and tastes like heaven.  I will spend time prepping on Christmas Eve, and it will not be a chore, not even in the slightest, it will be a pleasure. And to top it all off I will make a couple of Christmas cocktails to enjoy throughout the day. 
Nothing says 'Christmas in the summertime' like a good Christmas tipple, and this year I think that it will be about pimping up the Prosecco and making some Christmas themed Cosmopolitans. So here are the recipes that I will be using if you need a little tipple inspiration yourself. And please do make sure that you enjoy a very merry, bright, special and magical Christmas with your loved ones this year. 
May the season be kind to you and all of yours; and cheers to you all!
CHRISTMAS COSMOPOLITAN
Half of a pomegranate
40mls vodka
10mls Triple Sec
15mls Lime juice
I orange to serve.
Fill a shaker with ice, squeeze the pomegranate juice through your fingers, then add everything else except the orange. Shake well, strain into a martini glass and garnish with a strip of orange. 
PIMPED-UP PROSECCO
I orange
Half a lime
A good squeeze of pomegranate juice
Half a passionfruit
Quarter of a grapefruit
A splash of elderflower cordial
I bottle of Prosecco
Squeeze the orange, lime and grapefruit into a jug. Add the cordial, pomegranate juice and Prosecco. Scoop the pulp from the passionfruit half into the jug and stir. Serve in chilled champagne flutes. 

​IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE
Release Date: 1946
Rating: PG
Running Time: 130 mins 
Based on the short story "The Greatest Gift" by Phillip Van Doren Stern, this vintage Christmas fantasy drama from Frank Capra has become traditional viewing during the Christmas season and has won a place in thousands of hearts since it's release in the 1940's. 
The story revolves around George Bailey (James Stewart), a man who is contemplating suicide on Christmas Eve. His guardian angel Clarence intervenes by showing George what his community would look like if he had never existed. 
Although the movie wasn't a box office smash when it was released, in spite of it's five Academy Award nominations, it has since gone on to be recognized by the American Film Institute as one of the 100 best American films ever made.
And, it is true, this is certainly an inspiring and touching story, that will bring a tear to your eye and restore your faith in humanity around Christmas time. It's a Wonderful Life is a magnificent and uplifting classic that has a wholesome moral message, making it a perfect and squeaky clean viewing choice for the entire family. 
FINAL SAY: Remember, George: no man is a failure if he has friends. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more out of life. In fact you really should want more out of life; I mean why in the bloody hell wouldn't you want as much as you can get out of this life? You literally get one go around, one chance, one shot at making your very best life a reality, so why wouldn't you want it to be as amazing as it could be and get as much out of it as you can?
It is reasonably safe to assume that everyone does want to get as much as life as they can, however from my experience and observations it would appear that most people are generally quite happy to settle for mediocre or even average life experiences and I believe that this is mostly because of a lack of funds or a lack of motivation or a lack of bravery or some kind of combination of all of those things. 
Well, I am here to tell you that you do not need a lot of money, bravery or motivation to get a lot more bang for your buck when it comes to life experiences. All you need is a simple plan to raise your standards. It's that easy, just raise your standards. Now before you close this tab down on your laptop and proclaim Spicywatch to be a huge load of malarkey, just hear me out. By raising your standards you will actually be raising your expectations of yourself and of others, you will be forced to stop making excuses and you will become more focused, brave, motivated and hopefully more wealthy as well if you can commit to those new standards. 
So what do I mean when I say raise your standards? What I mean is to level yourself up by doing things that establish you in the world as a go getter that doesn't put up with any rubbish. Some simple but excellent ways to raise your standards immediately could be to do something like.....

• Showing up 20 minutes early for work
• Getting rid of a toxic relationship
• Quitting junk food
• Getting off social media
• Walking away from negative people 
• Reading more
• Cultivating your growth mindset 
• Creating a budget and starting to save
• Starting an exercise regimen
• Shutting down thoughts about the past and future
• Developing your creativity 
• Quitting complaining 
• Following through on everything that you say that you're going to do
• Being of service to others 
• Quitting alcohol and cigarettes
• Having a strong work ethic 
• Not tolerating bullshit
• Becoming environmentally and sustainably aware
• Starting to meditate
• Sleeping well

In short, the quality of your life is a direct reflection of your standards. Wanting to live an impeccable life starts with raising your standards so that you begin to expect more from yourself. In this life we can only get what we truly believe that we deserve, so by raising your standards you will achieve more and get more enjoyment out of life, it's a fact. However, it is also important to be realistic and to try not to strive for perfection or the unattainable. Raising your standards is not about be perfect, its about being the best version of yourself for yourself. Never raise your standards to gain approval from anyone else, raise them to enjoy a more enlightened and complete version of who you are. 
Live your best life, be true to who you are, keep moving forward and remember that you deserve to be living fully and completely. So work out what the best version of you actually looks like and raise your standards to meet that. Create, learn, reflect and improve...raise your standards and aim for your version of greatness.

SAVE YOURSELVES!
Release Date: 2020
Rating: M
Running Time: 93 mins 
A millennial couple escape the city and head to a secluded country retreat in an attempt to reignite their relationship, go off grid for a week and hopefully become 'better people' by communing with nature. However, the week that they decide to embark on this new endeavour unfortunately corresponds with a hostile alien take over of planet Earth. 
Written and directed by Alex Huston Fischer and Eleanor Wilson, Save Yourselves! delivers a surprisingly  quirky, fresh and genuinely funny sci-fi comedy that is just as much about relationships as it is about pouf shaped fluffy aliens. Sunita Mani and John Reynold are what makes this film so great, with their plausible onscreen chemistry and everyday approach to crazy situations, they just may be the cutest movie couple of 2020. 
For some easy laughs and light hearted amusing entertainment, Save Yourselves! should not be missed. 
FINAL SAY: Pouf on the roof!
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

To find out what you're truly passionate about you should ask yourself "what would I do if I knew that I couldn't fail?" This question will allow your deepest desires to bubble to the surface. You'll be able to make a list of all of the things that you've always wanted to do but were too afraid to because you were worried that you wouldn't be good enough or successful enough to make a living out of doing them. Unfortunately for me, this list is extremely long because I usually have a deep longing to change up my profession every couple of years or so but rarely have the guts (or the means) to actually do it. 
If I knew for sure that I couldn't fail, then I am pretty sure that by now I would have:

• Fixed all of the global warming problems. 
• Written a best selling novel.
• Written travel guides for many countries that I had extensively travelled through. 
• Published an anthology of surprisingly excellent drunk poetry.
• Started up a successful yoga studio.
• Become a successful freelance photographer. 
• Solved world hunger forever. 
• Travelled the world as a meditation teacher.
• Become a professional and very respected movie reviewer with my own TV series. 
• Provided clean, sustainable drinking water for everyone in the world.
• Painted something kick arse that is hanging in a very important gallery. 
• Invented a cure for cancer, and COVID-19 as well!

I mean that all sounds do-able right? Well, okay I'll admit that a few them are a huge stretch for sure, but if you knew that you couldn't fail then why wouldn't you set your sights on the big stuff? You would. However, hidden amidst all of that God like longing, there are actually some things that I could still do if I wasn't too chicken shit to put myself out there. Writing a novel, opening a yoga studio and publishing my drunk poetry (albeit maybe not so surprisingly excellent) are all actually pretty achievable and better yet, I wouldn't necessarily have to give up my day job to achieve those dreams. 
And the truth is that you can't really fail if you are going after the life that you really want anyway. If you are putting one foot in front of the other to make your dreams and aspirations a reality, then I don't think that you could ever really be regarded as a failure. Everyone knows that the greatest disappointments in life are created when people never take any risks or put themselves out there to shoot for something that they really desire. Deep down we are terrified of arriving at retirement age wishing that we had tried a little harder or risked a little more to experience more joy and fulfilment from our lives. How does that saying go - In twenty years from now, you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones that you did do. So I think that you have to be willing to throw off the bowlines and sail away from safe harbour if that's what it takes, but remember that you don't have to just YOLO it either, you can have a strategy plan and go about it in smart ways.
Here's how I always get started on any new undertaking, goal, life choice or intention:
Analyses Your Life Decisions: Take stock and see what has led you to where you are so far. Have you always been leading your own choices or have you been influenced by others?
Determine Your Purpose: A short statement about why you wake up everyday.
Determine Your Values: What are the 5 most important things in your life. These will become your decision filter. 
Set an Intention/Goal: Consider your values and set your intentions for your future that will help bring these things into being and improve your wellbeing. 
Allocate Your Resources: Start thinking about your resources (time, money, energy) to work towards reaching your goals. You'll need to make some choices here and potentially give up something that you are currently doing. 
Track Everything: Data will help you to stay on track and make better choices.
Rinse and Repeat: It may take you many attempts to get to the right path for you. That's cool - life has a funny way of altering that path as well, so be prepared to rework, revisit and reboot  and remember to be kind to yourself along the way. 
And above all else, be strong, fight for what you want and go after your dreams. Life is too short to not take risks and do what you really want to do, so undertake your ambitions like you can't fail, no matter how crazy it might seem.

​KUNG POW! ENTER THE FIST
Release Date: 2002
Rating: M
Running Time: 81 mins 
This movie got an absolute slamming from the critics who clearly missed the fact that it is meant to be utterly bonkers and that is what makes it so damn funny! Writer-director Steve Oedekerk acquired the rights to a little known 1976 Hong Kong karate movie called "Savage Killers," then he seamlessly blended portions of the original movie with new material and dialogue to create one of the most off-the-wall and insanely silly comedies that has ever been made. 
Chosen One, a rough-around-the-edges, yet industrious martial arts master, is out to avenge his murdered family, and it is zany hilarity that ensues all the way. 
Oedekerk wrote, directed and starred in the lead role of Kung Pow! Enter the Fist  and digitally placed himself into the old movie and had all of the main character voices redubbed as well. And the result is not only clever, it is also extremely funny and I literally cry laughing every time that I watch it, and I have seen it three times now! You will either love it or hate it, I hope like me, that you will feel the Kung Pow love!  
FINAL SAY: Chosen One! Wee-ooh, wee-ooh! 
3.5 Chilli peppers

Yesterday it snowed here, really snowed. Not just a light sprinkling but a genuine layer of snow on the ground. It actually snowed for around two and half hours without stopping which I think is the most that I have ever seen it snow anywhere before, except for that one time when I went skiing at Mount Hotham but you do expect it to snow a lot when you are skiing on a mountain. Anyway, it was really lovely and completely unexpected and best of all I was home to enjoy it. 
My son Seth was with me and at one point while we were both gazing out at the yard in complete raptures he turned to me and said 'God the world is an amazing place isn't it?' To which I had to reply, 'yes...yes it really is.' We sat there for a good 30 minutes not really saying anything, just basking in the wonder of that peaceful falling snow. It was so lovely and it got me thinking about all of the incredible things that I love most about the world, the little things that are easily taken for granted that actually make life pretty great. Little but not at all insignificant things like:

• Looking down on the clouds from a plane window.
• Laughing until you actually cry.
• Eating biscuits that are still warm from the oven. 
• Excellent coffee and a good book in bed on a Sunday morning. 
• The first tingle of sunshine on your shoulders in Summer. 
• Watching the snow fall outside from the comfort of your couch under a blanket. 
• Meditating with your cat napping in your lap. 
• The first BBQ of the Summer.
• Road trips with awesome people to places you've never been before. 
• New art supplies and blank canvases. 
• Eating a piece of fruit that you just picked off a tree, vine or bush. 
• Fresh linen, straight off the line and onto your bed. 
• Hearing a song that gets you or your mood. 
• Galleries, museums, parks and public gardens. 
• Watching electrical storms on the deck with a glass of good whiskey on a Summer night. 
• Meeting people who like the same movies/ TV and or music as you. 
• Smells that spark good memories of people or places. 
• Long, hot, 'thinking time' showers. 
• When the curtains open at the start of a theatre performance. 
• Sunsets, sunrises, full moons and starry nights. 
• A brand new journal at the beginning of a new year.
• Long dinners, cocktails and catch ups with friends. 
• Walking in deciduous forests in Autumn as the leaves fall around you. 
• Collecting wildflowers or wild mushrooms from the bush. 
• Cosy naps and recharging deep sleeps. 
• Watching a really sad movie and having a really good cry. 
• Kisses on the forehead and long hugs. 
• Remembering the really awesome dream that you had last night. 
• ​Laughing about an 'in' joke with a friend or family member. 
• The creak of big old trees moving around on windy days. 
• Looking through old photos with family members and reminiscing. 
• The way that the sand feels under your feet when you stand at the edge of the sea and let the waves roll over the tops of your feet. 

And let's not forget - 
Swings, photo booths, record players, really good croissants, ugg boots, freshly squeezed juice, flowers in the cracks of footpaths, fireworks, trees in blossom, vintage fashion, fresh bread with butter, flannelette PJ's, yoga, bonfires, antique jewellery, bubble baths, comfy sneakers, second hand book stalls, fresh pasta, Fridays, comfy pillows, getting tipsy, waterfalls and mixed lollies. 
Yes, yes and yes! The world really is an amazing place and all of the little things just it make it all the more awesome. I feel completely inspired after writing that list, so think I'll go and do something awesome right now!

This year will be my first Father's Day without my father in the world. It is a strange feeling to not have a father to rally around and celebrate on Father's Day and it makes the day slightly painful in many ways. What it has done is make me remember all of the things that I really loved about my dad and some of the things that I am really missing now that he is no longer with us. 
It's so weird because sometimes I can still be watching a TV show or a movie and I will think to myself - dad would love this, I can't wait to tell him about this; and then I remember that he isn't here anymore and I feel really sad. One thing that I could always have a conversation with my dad about was movies, in fact I believe that a lot of my passion for movies actually derived from my fathers own passion for cinema. My dad loved movies, especially westerns, action films, war films and gutsy dramas, and like me, he could lose himself down a rabbit hole of movies for hours and hours; much to the disgust of my mother. 
Dad and I could natter about movies for hours, we would recommend movies to each other and we would quote our favourite lines from movies to each other when we were talking about them. My dad understood what it felt like to be genuinely moved by movies and he would watch just about any genre, including art house and foreign cinema which we would often chat about. I really miss having my dad around to talk about TV and movies with and I miss the excitement that I felt when I would find a movie that I knew that he would love. He got DVD's on more than one occasion from me for Father's Day that's for sure. 
​I had a pretty special relationship with my dad and for all of his hard exterior and seemingly toxic masculine throw out comments, my dad could actually be a deeply compassionate, caring and genuinely gentle man. My dad offered me comfort, understanding and a sympathetic ear on more than a few occasions and I always felt, even though he could at times be so distant and aloof, that he had a soft spot for me that no-one else in my life has ever had.
They say that no-one will ever love you like your parents and when it came to my dad I believed that to be true. He loved me, he really did. And even though he struggled to demonstrate it times because of his own issues, he did love me like no-one else ever did or has since. He forgave me for every shortcoming or fault that I had growing up, he hugged me like he was going to break my ribs and he spoke to me in honest and revealing ways that told me that he trusted me and he loved me. I miss having a love like that in my life and even though Craig offers me a pretty huge love, like I said before, no-one will ever love you like a parent and I miss that unconditional love and mutual adoration greatly. 
​I also miss the old school Aussie larrikin side of my dad. Political correctness never quite reached my dad's wheelhouse and it meant that he was never afraid to say some scandalous but also quite funny things. I know that dad always fancied himself as a bit of a maverick and shocking people was something that I think that he enjoyed greatly. He was always the first to call bullshit on everything and sometimes it was really funny but it could also be quite revealing because my dad's tolerance for actual bullshit was incredibly low. Again I know that I also have inherited that quality from my dad as well as my quirky and cheeky sense of humour and I do miss having a laugh with my dad, he could be side splittingly funny when the mood took him. 
And I suppose that's it's completely healthy and normal to miss my dad and to long for a little bit of what is now missing from my world. Holidays like Father's Day are always going to heighten my longing for more time and also make me reminisce about the times that we did get to share together. I guess that I should feel lucky that I have such great memories of my time with my dad to recall when I do feel the heaviness of the world without him and for that I will always be thankful. 
Missing you dad...thinking of you and wishing that you were still around - Happy Father's Day xx

Having amazing streaming capability and a host of good apps and websites to call upon is pretty much essential in our current climate. And that's pretty rich coming from me because as some of you would know I generally like to kick it old school and do not use social media platforms or apps to get my jollies. However I am not completely immune to the power, allure or entertainment factor of the internet, I'm a Gen X for goodness sake - I bloody love tech! And even though I am mostly reclusive on the internet, I do have a number of apps and websites that I just could not manage without. 
Apps I Cannot Live Without:

• Pinterest 
• Goodreads
• Ted Talks
• IMDb 
• Insight Timer
• Triple J Radio
• Airbnb
• Audible 
• Spotify 
• Netflix
• Stan
• Amazonprime 
• SBS on Demand
• ABC iview 
• AppleTV
• Foxtel Go 
• 7 PLus
• 9 Now
• 10 Play 

Every other app is just gravy to me, but the apps listed above I would use very regularly and yeah I know, it's a boring as bat shit list but as I said earlier, I have very simple tastes. 
​
Now, let's look at my can't live without YouTube channels:

• Raphael Reiter - transcendental meditation
• Yoga with Adriene - yoga
• JonTronShow - humour
• Fightmaster Yoga - yoga
• After Skool - inspiration
• Frank James - infj
• YOGATX - yoga
• Daily Dose of... - inspiration
• Ozzy Man Reviews  - humour
• Chris Stuckman - cinema
• Blogilates - workout
• Five Parks Yoga - yoga
• Cinefix - cinema
• The Chopra Well - wellness and meditation
• Psyche Truth - wellness
• Power Thoughts - wellness
• David Lynch Sunday Best - inspiration
• Russell Brand - inspiration
• The Mindful Movement - wellness and meditation

Probably no big surprises there either, but I do waste a bit of my free time on those channels and I do follow them all as well. 

And we all have our fave go to stations, apps and YouTube channels and quite frankly, we all need them right now. Technology is the only thing that is really keeping us connected and relevant at the moment, so I think that it is totally okay to allow yourself to fall into a few web-related rabbit holes or just surrender to a TV embrace for a few hours. With so many restrictions and guidelines and barriers around almost every other aspect of our lives, it feels not only good but also extremely necessary to escape, tune out and enjoy some simple and accessible pleasures. And if that happens to come in the form of an app, video game, TV show, movie, YouTube station or website - then I say go for it and enjoy it fully.
Thank goodness that we have technology to fill the boring void that we are all experiencing whilst we await a COVID19 vaccine. Come on science, we are all just marking time and waiting for you to deliver now!

Experts say that in order to know if you are accomplished on any subject then you should be able to deliver a 40 minute talk about it, on the spot without any planning or preparation time. I'm pretty sure that there would be dozens of people scrambling at the mere concept of this, not only because delivering a coherent and educational speech on the spot without preparation seems like pure madness but also because this idea falls well outside of most people's comfort zone. 
Delivering any kind of speech or public demonstration on the spot is enough to send the most rational and calm individuals into a tail spin, but studies have shown that if someone really knows their topic well enough and is a professional on the subject that they are delivering, that a 40 minute on the spot talk is not only possible but also quite educational for the people that receive it. 
Naturally after hearing this I started to ponder what I might be able to deliver an 'on the spot' 40 minute talk about that I was not only expert enough about to share, but would also be an interesting enough subject that other people might give two shits about. And let me tell you, this is an excellent thing for everyone to ponder because it really determines what you are genuinely talented or qualified enough about to be able to talk about in an interesting way for the better part of an hour.
After much deliberation and contemplation, here are the things (in no particular order) that I believe that I could talk about to others for 40 minutes - on the spot, whether or not anyone would actually want to hear any of my talks, well that's a whole other thing entirely, but here's a list of topics that I believe that I could deliver - for good or for bad: 

• Movies You Need to See If We Are Ever to Talk About Movies Together Ever Again.
• Self Care and Mindfulness for Neglectful Headcases. 
• Healthy Eating and Cooking (aka. How to Stop Being So Fucking Lazy in the Kitchen). 
• Incorporating Some Zen into Your Everyday Routine Because You're Currently a Wreck.
• Time to Grow a Vagina - (aka. Why Horror Movies Are Awesome) 
• This Too Shall Pass - A Lesson in Acceptance and Letting Go of all of That Crap
• Long Term Relationship Success (aka. You Said Yes to That Mess) 
• Unmissable Television Series That You're a Dud if You Don't See
• Kids- Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Live Without 'Em
• Oh, So That's Happening Now? (aka the Truth About Ageing) 
• Planning Family Holidays on a Budget (aka. How to Use Airbnb to Your Advantage) 
• Journal Writing 101 - Get it Out of You and Write That Shit Down!

If anyone would like to hit me up for any of these informative talks, please let me know, I would be more than happy to bore you death with my long winded rants and opinions on any of these topics at any time! 

THE GENTLEMEN 
Release Date: 2019 
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 113 mins 
Director Guy Ritchie goes back to his gangster movie roots with his latest offering The Gentlemen. In true cockney screwball fashion, we again find ourselves thrown into the underworld of British crime with tonnes of seedy, colourful characters and another deeply convoluted and looping storyline. 
Mickey Pearson is a well known American marijuana kingpin in England who is looking to sell his cannabis empire for a handsome price. However a variety of rich, influential and shady characters are attempting to undermine him behind his back in an attempt to bring down the cost of his business. 
Although amusing, I don't think that this is as good as Ritchie's early gangster offerings like Snatch or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but it is still a completely fun and entertaining watch. Hugh Grant, Colin Farrell, Charlie Hunnam, Henry Golding and Matthew McConaughey are genuinely great here and definitely elevate the script with their razor sharp delivery of their seriously flawed and exaggerated characters. 
As far as fast paced, cockney crime-comedies go, this is a really enjoyable watch and a must see for Guy Ritchie fans that have been waiting for him to deliver another quality gangster movie. 
FINAL SAY: If you wish to be The King of the jungle, it's not enough to act like a king. You must be The King. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I recently found out that I am a number four in the Enneagram system of personality types. Number Four types are Individualists, they are creative and unique and are defined by their sense of being special and different from other people - which trust me, is not nearly as cool as it may sound.
There are nine different personality types and you can easily take a 10 minute online test to determine which type you are - just click on this link to take the test now: www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test
The word Enneagram derives from the Greek words Ennea meaning nine and Gramma meaning something that is drawn or written, and each of the nine personality types is defined by a particular core belief about how the world works. No one really knows the exact origin of the Enneagram, but we do know it has an eclectic history. Some assume ancient roots in Babylon around 4,500 years ago while others place the origin in classical Greek philosophy around 2,500 years ago. The model has been attributed to the Jewish Kabbalah, Christian mysticism and Sufism, a mystical form of Islam. Dante apparently had very good knowledge of the Enneagram since the characters in The Divine Comedy correspond largely to the Enneagram types.
What we do know, is that the modern Enneagram system is the work of the contemporary author Georg Ivanovich Gurdjieff, a mystic and spiritual teacher who introduced the model as a spiritual symbol in the 1930s then brought it to the Western shores in the 1960s. Most researchers today tend to focus on the psychological rather than the religious side of the Enneagram, drawing comparisons with other personality models like the Myers-Briggs system.
The core belief systems of an Enneagram personality type shape your worldview and the perspective through which you experience your environment and the people around you. Our core beliefs are not necessarily incorrect, but they can be limiting. By better understanding your Enneagram type and how it colors your perceptions, you can apparently broaden your perspective and learn to approach situations in a more effective way. 
Understanding your Enneagram type helps you to understand why you behave or react in the ways that you do. Each type has a set of core beliefs that motivates them to take particular actions and guides them to make certain decisions. Knowing your Enneagram type can also help you to understand how and why other people react the way that they do in certain situations. By describing how each type adapts and responds to both stressful and supportive situations, the Enneagram shows opportunities for personal development and provides a foundation for the understanding of others.
Today it is mostly used for personal self-knowledge and personal development, offering a powerful tool for self-mastery, conflict resolution, team dynamics, leadership and emotional intelligence. Because it identifies opportunities for development in each individual type, it has become widely used in areas such as counseling, psychotherapy, business development, parenting and education. 
But in all seriousness, you can just decide for yourself whether or not you feel any connection to your personality type after you've taken the test and found out what your type is. And even if you gain nothing from taking the test and think that it is all a big load of malarkey, it's still a bit of fun and a good time filler on a rainy Sunday afternoon. 
Big shout out to all my fellow #4 Individualists out there - keep on being your unique beautiful selves!

PERSEPOLIS
Release Date: 2007
Rating: M
Running Time: 96 mins
An Iranian-French-American animated movie based on Marjane Satrapi's autobiographical graphic novel of the same name. After tying for the Jury Prize at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival, writer and director Marjane Satrapi said in her acceptance speech "Although this film is universal, I wish to dedicate the prize to all Iranians." Satrapi's story reached a wide audience, educating the masses about the Iranian revolution, touching people's hearts and creating waves of controversy as well. 
Persepolis is essentially a coming of age story about an outspoken and unique Iranian girl named Marjane. Marjane grows up amidst the Islamic revolution and is eventually sent away by her family to make a better life for herself in Vienna. 
Produced in moody black and white, and delivered with highly stylized visual flair, this film works on so many levels. Marjane is really no different than any other teenager trying to find their way in the world, she just happens to have seen a lot more brutality and inequality in her time. This is certainly no fairy tale, but it is hopeful, and there is  a great deal of clarity to be gleaned about the realities of the Islamic revolution from this beautifully presented political drama. 
FINAL SAY: Never forget who you are and where you're from. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

When it comes to taking care of ourselves and not getting smashed on the shores of real life events, introverts can often be quite inept at listening to their inner voice and stepping back before reaching burn out or fever pitch. There is nothing worse than dealing with an introvert that has been ignoring their inner voice that has been telling them to slow down and take a break, it can start to feel a lot like you're reasoning with Jake LaMotta from the movie Raging Bull and it isn't fun for anyone involved. 
Where extroverts get energy from other people and feel down if they are left alone for long periods, introverts work at the polar opposite end of that scale and require regular alone time in order to feel grounded and centred. 
For that reason I have compiled a list of the best self care strategies that I use to sate my need for alone time and quench my introverted feelings of overwhelment and frustration. If you too, like me are an introvert then hopefully you will find this list helpful when you find yourself in need of little self care and t.l.c. 
1. STOP!
And I don't just mean sit down for 5 minutes, I mean fully and completely stop. All devices, distractions and external noises turned off. You need to be completely alone and uninterrupted for 10 solid minutes. If you are at work or in a public space you may need to seek out a spot to make this happen (even your car can be an option if all else fails), but wherever you are, you have to find a way to make it possible to be alone and switch off completely. Think of yourself like a iphone that needs recharging, you have to find a power outlet and plug in - you're giving yourself the recharge that you need to get through the day - it's valuable and vital - especially if you are the type of introvert that is prone to burnout. 
2. DO SOMETHING CREATIVE
Nothing soothes a messy mind like putting something down on paper. Colour a mindful colouring book, doodle, paint, sketch, write in a journal or if you are really crafty make something more 3D with your hands. Paper crafts, sculpting, jewellery making, knitting, crocheting, sewing, making bread or even playing an instrument have been scientifically proven to release stress reducing endorphins. You will not only produce something handmade and awesome but will also allow the introvert in you to tune out from external input and reboot your system. 
3. NANNA NAP 
Nothing recharges a weary mind like a good nap. If you are fortunate enough to take a 30-40 minute nanna nap on the weekend or even squeeze a 20 minute afternoon reboot into your weekday routine, then do it! You're definitely going to be glad that you did because a half hour sleep in the afternoon has also been scientifically proven to boost emotional, physical and mental capabilities. Old people swear by it and little people can't function without it, so why not treat yourself to a nanna nap more often? 
4. WALK IT OFF
Get your feel good endorphins kicking with a nice easy walk around a park. I am not talking about a power walk here, I am talking about a casual meander through the local gardens, somewhere that you can literally stop and smell the flowers, take in a little sunshine and breathe in some good fresh air. If walking is not your bag, that's fine too, you could also try yoga, Tai Chi or gentle swimming. Make it more about the journey rather than the steps on the pedometer. 
5. READ
Everyone knows that I am a huge advocate of getting lost between the pages of a good book for a couple of hours when you can and it is not just about being immersed in a great story but also about the stress reducing and long term health benefits around reading. Reading is so damn good for you; it increases your intelligence, memory and general IQ  and next to meditation it is the most effective way to stimulate your mind without the need for movement or chemicals. Introverts get reading now - it's a brilliant way to detox and reboot. 
6. TOUCHY FEELY
No I don't mean going off to have a bit of rumpy-pumpy, but if that's what get you feeling good then so be it, by all means have at that too. What I was actually referring to was using your sense of touch to diffuse your introvert anxieties. The best ways to do this are to engage in mellow and releasing touch stimulations like petting your cat or dog, taking a bubble bath, having a massage, having a long hot shower or putting on your favourite comfy clothes or PJ's and snuggling under a soft blanket. Physical touch release actually works really well for introverts and if you haven't tried this method of self soothing yet, I would definitely urge you to do so. 

​And there you have it, six sure fire ways for any introvert to defuse their anger, reverse their exhaustion and reboot their systems. Make some time for your introverted self and take care of your wellbeing, because nobody likes a tired, grumpy or intolerant introvert; so save us all from the Raging Bull antics and be kind to yourself!

RAGING BULL
Release Date: 1980
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 129 mins
Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro are truly a winning combination and Raging Bull is certainly testament to that fact. Considered one of the best films to have been made in the 1980's, Raging Bull was clearly ahead of it's time. Shot in moody black and white, this is certainly not like any other sports drama that had been made at the time; and the script works hard to disclose the barbaric and brutal realities of boxing as a sport, with a stellar and clearly physically demanding performance from De Niro. 
Jake LaMotta is a middleweight boxer that has fought his way to the top and refuses to go down for anyone. His obsessions and delusions soon reveal him to be an unstable, jealous and volatile man that will stop at nothing to keep his stranglehold on his boxing title and his beautiful wife. 
Joe Pesci plays Joey, LaMotta's brother and well-intentioned manager with lots of heart, and Cathy Moriarty does a fabulous job of portraying Vickie, LaMotta's long enduring wife; but in essence this is De Niro's movie from start to end. He gained an incredible 27kgs to portray Jake LaMotta in his post boxing days, making him almost unrecognizable and there wasn't a moment during the film that I didn't find him terrifyingly unhinged. 
FINAL SAY: So give me a stage where this bull can rage....
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I know that I recently wrote a blog post all about Intuition vs Logic and I have since enjoyed some lengthy and interesting discussion with friends around that topic; and this is because there seems to be some misunderstanding around the difference between intuition and instinct, and which of those we should be listening to. In my previous post I said that you should be careful of always choosing to go with your intuition over your logic and I cited some pretty valid reasons for that, but when it comes to listening to your instincts it's a whole other ball game because overriding your instincts can be much, much harder indeed. 
Your intuition is that feeling that you get, almost like an inner voice or sixth sense that makes you think that something may feel like a good or bad opportunity. Your instinct however is not a feeling, it's an innate hardwired natural tendency to behave or react in a certain way and it's far more primordial than your intuition. Your instinct is part of your biological make up which is why it can be very difficult to override. Unlike your intuitive thoughts which are created when your brain perceives a neural pathway, your instincts are a motor response that are initiated by your whole body in response to an external stimuli. 
Our instincts are what have kept us alive as human beings for thousands of years, they are produced by a biological force that makes us react to hunger and thirst, it's what drives us to use our bowels, blink, sleep, have sex, reproduce and above all else - survive. Over time we have managed to hone our instincts so that we can manage them in more refined and appropriate ways, but all of us still have them and not all of us have evolved to a point where we can manage or control them very well.
Suppressing your most basic instincts can not only be useful but also completely necessary if you want to get along in the modern world. It would be completely inappropriate to jump every person's bones that aroused a sexual instinct within you, and although there probably was a time in history when this was a useful instinct to employ in order to sustain human kind, these days it would obviously be extremely frowned upon and you'd probably end up in jail. Also managing other social/emotional instincts like our instinct of fight or flight, which may not always be an appropriate response in every situation has been replaced with more refined methods of negotiation and modern logic now, so there is no need for anyone to run screaming out of a room when they feel affronted or afraid anymore. 
However, those fight or flight instincts can still come in mighty handy when it comes to certain survival situations and there are hundreds of human experiences that we would still be using the method with, and it would be saving our skin to do so.  In general, ignoring all of your instincts is pretty unwise because our instincts are important innate behaviours that we learned and practised for a reason - as humans we all need them, but some of our human instincts that we have developed over time are not only useless now but they could even cause the eventual the downfall of humankind if we can't fight against them.
Our strongest human instinct, the one that overrides everything is our survival instinct. Because of this super strong survival instinct that all humans have, we have also developed a few less than attractive instincts in order to keep the flock safe and humans alive. The worst of those are denial, revenge and greed. Due to the extreme scarcity of resources for early man, greed was a form of survival. Being honesty also didn't feed anyone and neither did forgiveness, so denial and revenge were ways to establish pecking order, strengthen loyalties and ensure that a tribe survived. Unfortunately, many of us are still employing these shithouse instincts into our lives today and the results have been damning to say the least. Many people are still instinctively in denial about many modern issues like food shortages, lack of clean drinking water, global warming, pollution, disease, overpopulation... the list goes on and on and the reason for this denial is often fed by greed and revenge. And even though we do not need to employ these basic instincts to protect the herd anymore, many of us still do and the results are devastating on a global scale. 
So, in short it is fair to say that we should, just like our intuition, listen to our logic and sound modern thinking before we allow ourselves to be overcome by our often outdated biological instincts. We as humans pride ourselves in being the leaders of this planet, and in doing so we have an obligation to behaviour in a more refined and dignified manner than some of our instincts would like us to because if we don't, then we are really no better than the animals that we say we are going to protect. Don't be a slave to your instincts, use them when you need to but be aware that some of them are totally archaic knee jerk reactions that you can learn to control and replace with more evolved and humanitarian choices. 

You don't need to have religious calling, become a devout Buddhist monk or start drinking the Kool Aid with a local cult to feel like you are tapping into a higher power. In fact, your true higher power really doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with religion or any organised belief systems because tapping into your higher power is really just about finding out about what motivates, stimulates, activates and energises your life; and that is going to look different for everyone. 
So many people attribute the term 'higher power' to a power that is greater than ourselves and I respectfully say to them that I strongly disagree. From my experience, this is most certainly not the case for everyone. Many, many people are able to tap into a higher vibration or version of themselves without having any firm or fixed ideas around an existential God or deity. And I firmly believe that it is just as correct to call this inner attunement 'tapping into a higher power' and that is the kind of higher power that I am going to be discussing today - your internal higher power; but if it makes you feel more comfortable to look outside of yourself for that then by all means, go for it!
In order to become more attuned to your higher self, you do need to be willing to go within. This may take the form of meditation, contemplation or for religious people - prayer, whatever you're doing, you need to quiet the mind, still the body and calm the inner voices so that you get beneath all of the hum and noise that you are so used to hearing all of the time. You're looking for a deep dive into the seat of yourself because what you are attempting to do is connect with the deepest parts of your subconscious and really listen to the most raw parts of yourself. This voice, the one that lies deep within you, is your higher power.
But why bother trying to tap into this 'higher power' anyway? It all just sounds like a lot of sitting around and zoning out right? Well, in all honesty, when you do manage to find that voice that I spoke of earlier, it will help you to understand yourself a whole lot better. It will help you to heal old hurts, open your mind, help yourself and others and teach you to be more loving and accepting of differences and mistakes. Becoming more attuned to yourself will allow you to identify patterns in your behaviours, root out problems in your life and best of all solve them as well. And just to really put the icing on the cake, your higher power will also help you to love yourself unconditionally. 
I know that some people will think that this is all just spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but it really isn't. You do not need to be spiritual or believe in any kind of God to be able to attune to your own rhythms and subconscious energies. If everyone spent more time tending their own gardens and less time worrying about what was going on in anyone else's, trust me - it would be a much brighter and calmer world overall. So don't look elsewhere, I say look within to unlock, unfurl and understand who you really are. Everyone deserves a higher love and a link to their higher self but knowing that you don't have to go outside of yourself to get that is really one of the most empowering things that anyone could know. 
Get started right away, learn to listen to your body, tune into your feelings and pay attention to your thoughts. Attune to your higher power and start to love yourself on a whole new and more deeply empowering level. You truly deserve nothing less than that and I honestly do believe that. 
The COVID -19 pandemic has made it absolutely impossible for anyone to travel anywhere for quite some time, so why not invest some time in a little inner travel? What have you got to lose? And it is completely free!
​I do encourage and sincerely wish you well on your explorations to find your higher power; remember to travel softly, be super kind to yourself and really take your time...and above all else - enjoy the journey!

THE LIGHTHOUSE
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 110 mins 
A psychological thriller, directed and produced by Robert Eggers, who co-wrote the screenplay with his brother Max Eggers. Shot in black and white and delivered in a nearly square 1.19:1 ratio, The Lighthouse is a deeply affecting and sinister watch that blurs the lines between horror, art house, mythology and edge of your seat thriller. 
Ephraim Winslow (Robert Pattinson) undertakes a four week contract as a lighthouse keeper on an isolated island off the coast of New England under the guidance of veteran 'wickie' Thomas Wake (Willem Dafoe). As the days stretch into weeks the men succumb to the madness of isolation, the intolerably cruel conditions and the often erratic and irritable behaviours of one another. 
Pattinson and Dafoe are absolutely brilliant here, delivering Oscar worthy, powerhouse performances and going to incredible lengths to create something that is so unforgettably dark and unsettling that I found myself thinking about it for days after.
Steeped in superstition and folklore, the story takes some unexpected turns as it delves into some seriously controversial territory like loneliness, alcoholism, toxic masculinity and hidden identity. The Lighthouse is undoubtedly the most unforgettable movie of the year and will definitely be shocking audiences for many years to come. 
FINAL SAY: Let Neptune strike ye Dead, Winslow!
4 Chilli Peppers ​

Which would you like to have more of in your life, supporters or friends? And do you even need to choose? Can't your friends also be your supporters? Well, in some instances yes they can, but unfortunately in many friendships that is often not the case. So let's take a closer look at what constitutes being a friend compared to being a supporter. 
By definition, a friend  is a person outside of your family circle that you enjoy the company of or feel an affection for; which does not mean that they are necessarily also your supporter. We all have some friends that are great fun to spend time with but when the going gets tough or we need someone to bounce the heavy stuff off of, we aren't necessarily going to call them. That doesn't make them bad friends or 'unworthy of our time or affection' friends, they just aren't in your supporter group. So there clearly is a difference between being a friend and being a supporter, and just because someone is your friend that doesn't automatically mean that they are going to be the best person to head up your personal cheer squad. 
Generally, these are the qualities that I am look for in my friends:

• They enjoy being with me 
• They don't judge me 
• They are generally kind and respectful
• They see me socially on a regular basis
• They are loyal and wouldn't put me down behind my back
• We can enjoy a laugh together

When it comes to supporters, I am looking for people who:

• Are there for me no matter what
• Want me to succeed 
• Will kindly let me know if I'm being out of line
• Comfort me or assist me when I feel overwhelmed or sad
• Share in my joys and losses 
• Have my back 
• Listen - really listen.

I am actually extremely fortunate, because many of my good friends are also my supporters, but I would be lying if I said that they all were. All of my friends are terrific company but some of them are definitely better supporters than others and I am sure that this would be true for most people. And to be honest, I don't expect all of my friends to be my best supporters, it takes time and shared experiences to cultivate strong and committed friendships and sometimes we aren't looking for a supporter anyway. Sometimes I just want someone to hang out with and have a laugh with from time to time and no-one has to be on my personal cheer squad to meet that need. 
When it comes to being a really good friend for others I think that I strive to be a friend and a supporter as much as possible, and at the very least a really good friend. Whether I am sharing my deepest darkest secrets or just having a laugh over dinner, all of my friends are exceptionally valuable to me and I am extremely grateful for each and every one of them. If like me you are also blessed with beautiful friends then make sure that you let them know just how much they mean to you. Cherish your posse and treat your friends like they are made of gold because good friends are something that we all really want, but finding ones that are awesome friends and also excellent supporters is both a rare and a beautiful thing indeed. 

Sometimes in life we believe that we can detect patterns. These patterns can be seen in the way that we ritualistically do things or in the way that we behaviour or react to certain things or even in the behaviours and reactions of others if we are really observant. And sometimes we can even believe that we see patterns in external or unrelated things; and when this happens a lot it can actually be a problem or even a sign of mental unwellness. 
The term apophenia is used to diagnose a condition when people have a tendency to mistakenly perceive patterns or connections between completely unrelated things. Coined by psychiatrist Klaus Conrad in his 1958 publication on the beginning stages of schizophrenia, he defined it as the "unmotivated seeing of connections accompanied by a specific feeling of abnormal meaningfulness." 
People that suffer from apophenia will seek patterns in all kinds of random information. Many gamblers actually suffer from this condition, believing that they can see patterns in lottery numbers, card games and roulette wheels, this type of apophenia is often called "gambler's fallacy."
One more common form of apophenia that we all suffer from is pareidolia and it is when we perceive patterns in visual and auditory stimuli. A common example of this might be to see a shape in the clouds or a face within an inanimate object. Think about all of the people who flocked to see images of Jesus or the Virgin Mary on a piece of toast or a block of wood; these items are terrific examples of pareidolia. And who hasn't seen the man in the moon? We all know what pareidolia feels like and most of us can see the patterns and dismiss them as mere coincidence, but some of us actually cannot. 
As humans we all have a need for order, and in general most of us will choose order and predictability over chance and chaos every time. This tendency does push us to see patterns everywhere, even when they do not exist. So when does seeing or hearing patterns become a problem? Well, at the end of the day, thinking that you have found the face of God in your cereal is not really going to hurt anyone, but making false pattern predictions a lot can be extremely dangerous to your wellbeing and overall safety. Experts recommend that if you are experiencing any of the following pattern recognition errors regularly, you may actually have apophenia. So let's take a look at what those pattern recognition errors are:

• Hearing hidden messages when you play recordings backwards.
• Seeing Godlike images in inanimate objects regularly. 
• Hearing voices or messages in ticking clocks or other repetitive noises. 
• Believing in jinx items or behaviours. 
• All superstitious beliefs and behaviours. 
• Seeing 'signs' in mundane things eg. 11:11 on a clock face. 
• Unwaveringly beliefs in conspiracy theories and unproven ideas. 

Hmmm, turns out that seeing Jesus in your cereal may not be so innocuous after all. So, next time that you find yourself laying on your back thinking that you just saw a dragon fly past in the clouds, spare a thought for the people that suffer from crippling apophenia and can't control their beliefs in patterns. Consider just how difficult a life like that must actually be. What we see as a fun way to pass a moment on a sunny afternoon, is actually an obsession for some poor individuals and having no ability to separate patterns from the randomness of life must be extremely frustrating. This is definitely one of the rare moments when I am truly grateful for the utterly random and unpredictable quality of my own life. 

You are enough. What does that mean exactly? We all want to feel like we are enough, but what does it mean to actually be enough. Well, I can tell you now that it does not mean that you have been assessed, made the grade or finally been considered to be worthy enough to have earned the label of "enough" as many people would think that it does. It also does not mean that you have worked hard enough, pushed hard enough, tried enough or done enough, it actually means none of those things. 
You are enough simply means that you are enough. Right now, as you are right at this moment, you are enough. It means that you are exactly where you are meant to be and for now that is enough, however it does not mean that you are everything, perfect or complete which is something that people seem to get very confused about when they hear that they are enough. 
For some reason, people think that "enough" is some zone of completion or perfection, which is absolutely crazy. For a start there is no such thing as perfection. Perfection is completely subjective and in my opinion generally overrated. Also, since you are a human being, you can never ever be "completed" because you are a work in progress for your entire life and you will never stop growing, learning and evolving, and why on earth would you want to anyway? If being enough really was perfection and completion then it would actually be some kind of personal made hell in the form of stagnation and delusion, so no - being enough has nothing to do with being perfect or competed. 
Being enough is really about just being you. You with all of your messy imperfections, your hang ups and your beautiful broken bits that make you who you are, and also having an awareness that it's perfectly okay to be all of those things. Being enough is knowing that aiming for perfection is a form of self made insanity and thinking that you're perfect is delusional and believing you're 'all done' is seriously mental and definitely limiting. 
You are enough means that you know that you don't have to strive to prove your worth because you know that you have worth. You also don't have to question if you are loveable because you already know that you are. It means that you know without a shadow of  doubt that you can be brave enough to be more open, honest, true, authentic, free, connected, purposeful and intentional in how you present yourself and behave, and it's all good to do so. Being enough means that you can have pride in all aspects of yourself, you don't compare yourself to anyone, you have no need to feel insecure about who you are and you also know that you don't need to judge or compete with anyone because all of those behaviours are pointless and will only slow down your overall progress.
​And do you know why you know all of that?
Because you are enough, that's why.
And don't you forget it! 

Some people have quite abnormal and pretty concerning relationships with food. Some people eat too much of it and other people deprive themselves of it, and obviously neither of those scenarios would be considered as having a healthy relationship with food.
So what does it mean to have a healthy relationship with food? Well, having a healthy relationship with food is really also about having a healthy relationship with yourself and your body and its needs. It's all about being connected to what you are eating, when you are eating and why you are eating. Marry all of this with listening to what your body needs rather than what it desires when it comes to food choices and you'll be enjoying what is known as a healthy relationship with food.
Unfortunately, as a society we place far more emphasis on whether a food is healthy or unhealthy than we do on actually forming healthy relationships with food and our own physiological needs. Physicians, dietary experts and psychologists are saying that our attitudes to dieting and nutrition have made many of us quite fat and unhealthy and they are now urging people to give themselves permission to eat again. However in doing so, we must also learn to listen to what our body is really asking for and also teach ourselves to stop eating when our hunger has been satisfied. 
When we are food deprived, we generally eat more high sugar and high carb snacks, which in short means that we are more likely to become 'snack snufflers' and eat far more empty calories and low value foods than we should. Low value foods offer eaters instant gratification but they do come with a very high cost to our overall health and wellbeing. Many processed foods are now being sited to be cancer forming and many junk foods are now being linked directly to diabetes, heart disease and other serious and chronic illnesses. However, it is just as important to understand that eating the occasional donut or having fish and chips once in a while is not going to cause any real problems to anyone. As long as you are eating these kinds of foods in moderation and recognising them as treats and not everyday eating choices, then you will be perfectly safe to indulge in said 'bad' foods from time to time without being worried or fearful that you will gain weight or become unhealthy. 
However, more importantly, experts are saying that what we really need to do as a society in order to maintain a healthy relationship with food is to stop using it as a tool to numb and distance ourselves from our emotions. In general, when people are dealing with an emotional issue they will follow the path of least resistance, which more often than not leads directly to our pantry or fridge. We go straight to the foods that we call 'bad' or that we have prohibited in our minds because that belief makes them even more powerful as a numbing mechanism. So basically, we should never rule any foods out as completely forbidden because that will just strengthen our association to them as being something that can bring us ultimate reward and release. 
So what do you do when the shit hits the fan and you find yourself going to the fridge for comfort? Well, the first thing to do is to notice what you are doing before you eat anything. You need to make everything that you eat a mindful choice and not a subconscious decision, which means that you need to actively decide to eat everything that you do, with some serious emphasis on the words actively decide. In the most basic terms, you need to think about everything that you ingest before you do and always ask yourself these questions before you put any food into your body:

• Am I really hungry?
• Why am I choosing this food?
• Is this the best choice that I can make for my body right now?
• Is food really what I need right now? 

And if you still really want the food that you have chosen after that, then go for it - eat it! Just remember to always eat it slow and mindfully, and to stop as soon as you feel full. And apparently, according to all of the experts of the world, that is all that you need to do to maintain a healthy relationship with food. No taboo foods, no dieting or depriving, just fully conscious, educated and mindful eating choices and you will never have any reason to feel bad about anything that you eat ever again. 

Everyone would like to find that one special person that they can spend the rest of their days with; well pretty much everyone. I am sure that there probably are completely autonomous people out there who do not crave intimacy or long for a life partner, but when it comes to the average Joe's of the world like myself, well we just want to feel like we can hang out with someone that gets us, loves us for  who we are and ultimately can put up with our shit when we are not at our best. And when you do find someone like that, you are going to want to hang on to them forever. But how do you know for sure that you have actually found 'the one' that you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Well, short answer is that you don't know, not really, not 100%. Okay yes, there are all of those initial fuzzy, glowy, feel good vibes that you get when you first hook up with someone, but you can also get those in short term relationships that turn to shit, so they really aren't the best indication that your relationship has the minerals to be everlasting and lifelong. I think that the only way that you can be somewhat certain in the beginning stages is when you have completely bared your mind, body and soul to a person and they still want in. And this type of baring of the self can take anywhere from 12 months to 20 years to establish (depending on your level of openness) so this is a pretty gradual process, an unfolding if you will. However, generally, anyone that can accept all of your flaws, love you unconditionally and accept you at your sickest, weakest and meanest moments is definitely worth considering as a life partner in my opinion. 
Some couples stay together for years and years and still never really get to know each other very well, in fact this is more common than you might think. However, if both parties can be completely transparent with each other, I believe that this is really good start when it comes to laying a solid lifelong foundation of togetherness. However, just as equally important for longevity is common ground and similar values and ethics, because clearly a smack head and a deeply pious catholic, regardless of their ability to be transparent with each other are not necessarily going to make the best lifelong bedfellows are they? As a couple, you simply must have some ethical consistencies in order to thrive, without this there will never be smooth sailing and it is inevitable that the relationship will come to a conclusion, quite possibly an unpleasant one.  
When all of the initial infatuation and fascination wears away (and it does because humans take things for granted - even really good relationships) if you don't have some common ground, united front and shared values, well honestly, you're gonna be fucked pretty quickly. And when I say common ground I mean something more substantial than both of you being into jasmine green tea. I'm talking ethics and general life philosophy. You don't need to be identical, but on some issues you will need to find common ground to be able to have harmony and longitude in your relationship. 
And differences, well they're going to matter as well and regardless of how charming, attractive and wonderful your partner may be, you're going to need some space from them at times as well. Nothing wrong with sharing loads of quality time together, but the saying too much of a good thing can happen in relationships, so some seperation of time and interests is also important to keep things in balance. I for one would've left my husband years ago if we'd been working, resting and playing together all of the time, love him as dearly as I do,  I don't want to be around him all of the time and our very different interests have ensured that we have both enjoyed some mutually appreciated 'away from each other' time. 
But don't take my word for it, I've only been married for 25 years, what the hell do I know about long term relationships? Jokes, I do actually know a shit load about it and I definitely know that at the heart of it all, there are no guarantees with any of it. You can never be 100% sure that the person you choose to be with now will be the same one that you are going to want to wake next to in 10, 20 or 50 years time. And maybe that uncertainty, that gamble that you take with your own heart, that leap of faith into the unknown, maybe it is just another part of the magic and joy of it all anyway.
I do however know that staying in a meaningful long term relationship takes lots of work and a great deal of compromise and a shit tonnes of your own personal time; and there will be times when it feels like none of the effort is worth the struggle, but trust me when I say that it is. That for every rough day there will be a grand day and for every struggle that you endure together you will become stronger and more aware of each others truths and lives. And as long as one of you is always in there batting for you both to stay together, then odds are that you probably will. Odds are that you'll wake up and look at your perfectly imperfect partner one day and wonder how you could ever manage a day without them, and I suppose that will be the day that you can know for sure that they are  the one that you want; hopefully forever. 

Everyone knows what it feels like to have a gut feeling about something, that knot in the pit of your stomach that tells you that something is off or just doesn't sit well. Some people call it their sixth sense, Stephen King called it 'The Shining' and most of us just prefer to call it what it is, our intuition. And regardless of what name you like to give it, your intuition can be a very powerful and useful tool that can help you to stay of trouble, know when you're on to a winner and steer you onto the right path. And for those very same reasons your intuition is certainly not something that I think you should ignore.
However, there is a fine line between being attuned to your intuition and appearing completely batshit bonkers to the rest of the world. Anyone that invests 100% of their decision making processes to their intuition alone is probably going to making some pretty whacky life choices because although useful, that gut feeling or voice inside your head is not always completely accurate and sometimes you have over-ride your instincts and employ some good old fashioned common sense and logic. 
The human brain is wired to find patterns from our experiences and most of this happens to us on a subconscious level. What many people aren't aware of is that 95% of our brain activity actually occurs at this subconscious level and our body is always at work taking in information, finding patterns and triggering neurochemicals that exist not only in our brains but also in our gut. This is what forms our intuition and creates those gut feelings that something is either good or bad. The problem with this is that we do all of this subconscious thinking at much faster rate than we do our rational conscious thinking, we have to or else we would all have meltdowns trying to decide what to wear or eat for breakfast each day, so this process is really important and keeps us moving along and not getting hung up on the details. However, it moves at a fever pitch and this fast brained intuitive thinking is not always where we are doing our best thinking. 
Our intuitive thoughts are not only created by our current situation but also by our past experiences, which can be why people get a really good or bad feeling about certain things, it's because they have had a similar experience before and they are drawing from that deep well of memories. It can make people seem like they have great instincts, but really they just have a shit tonne of experience around a certain situation and have a deeper well to draw from as a consequence of that experience. However, even years of experience can't stop a person's instincts from getting it wrong sometimes and that's because intuition also relies upon cognitive biases like overconfidence, unresolved emotions or feelings and selected attentions and this can prevent people from seeing a situation clearly for what it is. And for this reason, we need to be careful not to rely only on our intuition but also on our logical thinking as well. 
​By realizing that intuition has its flaws, then you can start to ground your instincts by employing more data and logic to the situation. You can consciously counteract your fast brained thinking (subconscious) with your slow brained thinking (conscious) and employ more reasoning, perspective and balance to your decision making. Remember that just because your gut is sending you a message, which may feel very strong and correct to you, it doesn't automatically make it correct and you need to use your logic to determine whether it is or isn't reasonable. 
It really is a case of balancing both your intuition and your logic when it comes to sound thought processes, good decision making and accurate problem solving. Neither is less important than the other, and together they make for a pretty formidable team. So, whether your constantly enlisting the gut feeling of your 'Shining' or checking all the facts and data before making any choices, I would actually recommend that you pay attention to both of those methods now that you have an awareness that neither is more important than the other. Because when it comes to intuition vs logic, there really is no clear winner, you do need both and you should use both as often as you can. 

It has been two full weeks since my operation and I now have one full month to go before I have to return to work, and thank goodness for that because the recovery from this operation has been slow to say the least. However, I am getting a little stronger each day and have even managed to walk for a full 16 minutes around my neighbourhood, which given the fact that the walk from my bed to bathroom and back was taxing me only 10 days ago, I do believe that this is a sign of good and steady growth. 
The thing that is killing me about my recovery is that it feels a lot like it is two steps forward and one step back, which for me is incredibly frustrating. I am the sort of person that expects only forward development when it comes to the business of getting better and I can get very disheartened when there are setbacks. This in and of itself has been a valuable and important life lesson for me, the learning and accepting that sometimes things take time and that sometimes all that you can do is rest and wait until the path ahead is clear for take off. Much easier said than done but there is certainly something profoundly important developing from this new learning. 
So, I am embarking on what I am calling 'a month of wellness.' A full month of focusing on getting well and hopefully a little bit better each day. This month will see me eating healthier, exercising mindfully (and slowly no doubt), meditating and engaging in only in the things that I choose to do. How wonderful does that sound? I am going to fully and completely listen to my body, my spirit and myself for one full month and hopefully by the end of it I will emerge refreshed, reinvigorated and rejuvenated.... well that's the plan anyway. And even if I am not feeling 100% better by the end of it all, at least I will know that I have given wellness my very best shot. 
So it is the 'deep healing' that I am currently seeking, not some random bandaid fixer-upper. I want to feel well, and not just okay, but really really well. I finally got rid of an organ that was literally poisoning my body and causing me so many other health complications and getting rid of that feels like an opportunity for a complete reboot of the system and a chance to reclaim my wellness completely. Unbeknownst to me, this stupid uterus of mine was actually the reason behind a lot of my unwellness, both physically, mentally and emotionally and I am so ready to come back again stronger than ever from it all.
I see absolutely no reason not to believe that against all of the odds and complications that I can actually make 2020 my year, just as I had set out to do before 2020 turned out to be the biggest shit sandwich of a year in history. But hey, it's only June and that still gives me 6 months to turn this weathered old ship around and head for a brand new shore. So here goes nothing, at this point I certainly don't have anything to lose and with 'a month of wellness' ahead of me, I only have everything to gain. So watch this space for updates as I rise like a phoenix from the ashes...well maybe more like a Peanut Butter Falcon from the couch... as I shift from recovery mode to total rejuvenation in only one months time! Well, here's to hoping so anyway!

THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 93 minutes 
An American adventure drama, written and directed by Tyler Nilson and Michael Schwartz who both make their feature directorial debuts here. This touching, amusing and genuinely empowering story became a sleeper hit (an unforeseen success at the box office) and ended up being the highest grossing independent film of the year in 2019. 
Zak, a young man with Down's Syndrome, runs away from a residential nursing home to pursuit his dreams of attending the professional wrestling school of his idol, The Saltwater Redneck. A strange turn of events sees him paired with Tyler, a trouble man that is also on the run. 
Shia LaBeouf is the best that he has been in an age as Tyler, the roughneck yet sensitive river man and Zack Gottsagen delivers an earnest and unfiltered version of himself that can only be described as deeply empowering and utterly inspirational. This feelgood adventure will undoubtedly warm your heart and lift your spirits, it's a winner on every front. 
FINAL SAY: Friends are the family you choose.
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

It has almost been ten days since my operation and I am just beginning to resurface from the anesthetic, drug and pain induced coma that I have been existing in ever since the doctor removed my uterus. And wow, I really have to say that having a hysterectomy has completely topped the charts on my 'shittiest life experiences yet' list. There is nothing more sobering, more painful or more difficult to adjust to than having one of your major organs removed from your body, and this entire experience has made me realise just how truly unwell I was for quite some time because the state of that revolting uterus was anything but healthy. 
​I have to be honest, the only other time that I have ever had to go to hospital for a major or life changing procedure was to deliver my children so it would be fair to say that I am certainly no veteran of the knife or the ways of the surgeon. And hopefully, this will be the last experience that I am going to need for a very long time (praying forever) because I really did not enjoy having the hysterectomy, waking up just after having the hysterectomy or the first ten days of weird crap that has followed the hysterectomy.
What actually happens to the space that is left behind after you have had an organ removed from your body? Well, I can tell you that it rapidly gets filled up by all of your other oozing organs that are just happy to have some breathing room back again and what that means is intense weirdness; crazy intense weirdness as your body tries to adjust to what is now that the new norm. And I know that my other organs would undoubtedly be celebrating the exit of my hideously enlarged uterus and its various attached components because the darn thing had gotten so large that it had literally fused itself onto my bladder, spreading out like a disgusting blob and taking over every crevice of my abdomen that it could seep into. It seriously reminded me of the movie The Blob when I heard about my uterus' unquenching penchant for bogarting my entire pelvic region. A gross gelatinous abnormality, living right there inside of me! How fucking disgusting is that? 
Anyway, that bitch is gone for good now and has taken with it every period that I was ever destined to have. Can I get an Amen? What I now have left behind are two ovaries, which may well be floating about in the space inside of me anywhere for all that I know about what actually happened to me, but the doctor assured me that they were healthy and that if I kept them I would have a healthier and more natural menopause. And apparently preserving my ovaries will also ensure that I still continue to produce estrogen, thus saving me from facial hair, a deeper voice and the possibility of ever growing a penis - just kidding I don't actually think that last one can actually happen, but who wants to take any chances at this stage right? I just got rid of my bloody uterus the last thing I want right now is a dick and balls! 
So yeah, all aboard the female hell express, next stop menopause! I mean come on, really? It just never actually ever stops for women does it? First the periods, then the childbearing, then the hysterectomy and now the menopause, and I'm not even 50 yet so this all feels rather premature to me. However, I must admit that for all of my hating on the actual procedure of the hysterectomy, I think that once my body stops being weird ass central that I will actually be glad that I have had it done. Not only did I get rid of The Blob, but I may even be able to have an abdomen that doesn't look like a swallowed a beach ball one day. That day is certainly not today though, because my post-op belly looks so disgusting that I can't even deal with the sight of it at the moment. It's black and blue and that gross yellow/ green that bruises develop as they heal and don't ask me how this is possible, but my abdomen also genuinely seems bloated, tight and yet also flabby at the same time - how is that even possible? Another hysterectomy mystery I suppose!
You know, I stupidly thought that nothing would ever feel as unsettlingly abnormal in my body as the feeling of being pregnant (which literally felt like I was incubating an face hugging Alien embryo inside of me) but pregnancy has nothing on the continuous shifting, lilting, reconfiguration and strange involuntary realignment of my innards right now. I'm actually half expecting to wake up with an ovary sticking out my cheek one morning. I can feel my insides moving about and jostling for rank in there and quite frankly it's straight up horrible. Sort of a mixture of nausea, gas, cramps, aches and a lot of asking myself 'what the hell was that?' and 'that's normal right?'
However, in true Spicywatch fashion, I have resigned myself to the fact that this too shall pass and that one day over the next few weeks I will eventually wake up and not feel like a very freaky laboratory experiment anymore, but more like myself again.
​These are my current meditation mantras, and call me crazy, they do seem to be helping me to remain optimistic and on track to a full recovery. Yep, I'm on my way to complete wellness and I'm not stopping until I get there:

• Pain is part of growing.
• Everything in life is temporary.
• Worry and complaining changes nothing.
• Your scars are your symbols of strength.
• Every little struggle is a step forward. 
• What's meant to be will eventually be.
• The best thing you can do is keep going. 

Spicywatch.com celebrated its 6th birthday this weekend. However, unlike previous years when I gathered together some movie loving friends to share in the joy of cinema with me, due to COVID-19, this year I didn't actually do anything at all. There was no sharing of favourite movie clips, no eating, drinking and merry chatter about the latest fabulous movie or cinema experience that people have enjoyed; nope this year Spicywatch had to quietly sit back and turn 6 without any fanfare or celebration. 
This could be just as well for my friends who are not fans of horror, because a sixth birthday does seem like the most opportune moment to bust out favourite macabre movie clips in the name of a '666' themed movie celebration, but I guess that will have to wait until Spicywatch's 13th birthday now, so to all of my horror hating friends, you really dodged a bullet there! 
However, in spite of quietly going about her business, Spicywatch.com has actually grown quite substantially over the last 12 months and is now being enjoyed by over 6 million people around the globe... jokes! I'm not IMDb for God's sake, but Spicywatch has continued to gain a loyal and slowly growing audience of people that seem to respect my opinions about movies and there are now 821 reviews in total to be found on my genre lists. 
Turns out that I only added a mere 31 movies to my genre lists in the last year, which means that I must have watched a lot of crap because I know for sure that I actually watched 212 films in 2019. Unsurprisingly, only 31 of them were 3 Chilli Peppers or more and I think this is probably pretty accurate. After all, after a lifetime of movie watching I have only reviewed 821 films in total which, if we start the age count at say 14 (which is around the time that I seriously started to adore movies) then that means that I should have added around 25 films every year to my blog to get to where I am, so if you think statistically I have actually enjoyed a higher than average contingency of movies that I have watched this year overall. 
And it easy to see why, the last year was a really strong one as far as high quality films were concerned; with incredible film-making now becoming the norm. Every year the bar gets raised, and in all truth it has to because audiences are more discerning and demanding now. People are smart and woke and they want sharp viewing experiences as a direct consequence of that, which means that mediocre cinema experiences are just not cutting it anymore.
Generally I added around 5 films to most of my genre lists, but there was a definite burst happening on my drama, art house/foreign, gritty/documentary lists. This is not surprising to me, with unforgettably good movies like The Lighthouse, Little Women, Marriage Story, Parasite, Shadow, 1917, The Nightingale, They Shall Not Grow Old and Hail Satan? all leaving their marks and impressions upon me over the last 12 months. 
I have banked a huge list of movies and TV series to binge on over the next few weeks, and I must apologise if I might seem to slide off the radar for a little while as I am heading in to hospital on Friday for a procedure that will put me out of actions for around 4 to 6 weeks. And although you may not hear from me, I can assure you that I will be viewing movies, taking notes and reviewing again as soon as I am fit and able to do so. 
Many thanks and much love to my regular Spicywatch readers and supporters that have for 6 years now, offered me regular check ins and greatly appreciated comments of support, feedback and kindness.
​Until next time, stay well and take care. 

HAIL SATAN?
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 95 mins 
An American documentary film about The Satanic Temple, outlining its origins and grassroots political activism.  Directed by Penny Lane, this documentary highlights the efforts of the Satanic movement in their attempts to preserve the separation of church and state against the privilege of the Christian right. 
Through a series of public demonstrations designed to advocate for religious freedom, The Satanic Temple push their mostly unwelcomed agenda and force many Americans to address the clearly corrupt authority of Christianity within their country. Lead my their enigmatic co-founder and spokesperson Lucien Greaves, this group of misunderstood outsiders band together and use their wit, charm and mischievous nature's to speak the truth, managing to ruffle more than a few feathers along the way. 
This is a great documentary that will challenge your preconceived ideas about both the Satanic movement and the Christian faith movement as well. And although you may not necessarily agree with all of the unorthodox demonstration methods of The Satanic Temple, you will not be able to deny their intelligent, witty and mostly entertaining advocacies for justice and equality. 
FINAL SAY:​ In the fight for justice, the devil's work is never done.
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I don't really have a favourite season, I actually love all of the seasons and the unique experiences that each of them deliver. I adore the brilliant burn of a Summer sun, the colourful bursts of a Spring afternoon, the frosty magnificence of a Winter's morning and the falling leaf displays of early Autumn; all in equal measure. However, that being said, I do have to admit to having an extremely soft spot for a sunny Autumn afternoon.
An unseasonably favourable and unexpectedly bright break from the rapid descent into the dark days of Winter is very hard to top and I always find myself deeply enchanted by Autumn sunshine. That high level of enchantment is exactly what we all got to enjoy this weekend, a spat of really lovely and unseasonably sunny weather, and as with all Autumnal sunny days, it arrived with a heavy mellow mist at dawn that burst forth into full sunshine by 11am. It is absolutely magical and has always been a special time of the year for me. 
It is true that there is something magical about all of the seasons though isn't there? Without trying too hard I could rattle off at least ten things that I love about each of the seasons, but everyone has a couple of special seasonal moments that are uniquely significant to them. A sunny Autumn day is definitely one of mine and whether you choose to get out in the warmth of that sun or just observe its brilliance from indoors, it is undeniably intoxicating. 
Out here in Enfield, the sun sets on the living-room side of our house, so as the cool of the evening slides in you can watch the sky shift from bright brilliant blues into dazzling oranges and golds in the late afternoon, even if you are inside. The mushrooms and toadstools stick their brightly coloured heads out of the ground. The yellow, orange and red leaves gently fall from the deciduous trees and the fruit trees hang heavily with last apples of the season in the dying sunlight. It is so still that nothing seems to move at all except for a couple of busy birds and the shifting colours of the sky. 
In short, it shines brightly with all of the regal colours of warmth and splendour, delivers all of the mellowness of a good red wine, a warm bath or a bowl of mum's soup and offers a strong reminder that the dark days ahead are only temporary. There is a calm and harmony to it all that is so hard to resist and its meditative state can easily seduce you into an afternoon nap under a cosy blanket.
Yes, I do love all of the seasons, but I will always love an Autumn sunny day in a very special way. 

Hindsight is 20/20; everyone understands that statement to be true. Anyone that has ever made a mistake, done something regretful or been blindsided in their lives will completely understand just how painfully true hindsight can actually be. How many times have you looked back on an event in your life and thought 'if only had that opportunity again' or 'if only I had done things differently?' Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I had known the things I know now back when I was younger, and if I did have a way of reaching out to myself in the past, what kind of information would I pass along to myself? What would be considered important enough to reach out across time to share with my teenage self? 
Self isolation has given me a little extra time to ponder those thoughts, so I went one step further and actually composed a letter to my teenage self (which I would've recorded onto a cassette, if this were a real exercise) to be found in a reverse kind of time capsule event. It outlines all of the things that I wish that I had known ahead of time without giving away all of the details, and really...it's just a bit of fun thinking about stuff like this because it really puts into perspective all the things that you wish you had done differently. Anyway, without further delay, here is 'A Letter to Me on a Cassette': 

Dear Teenage Barb,
I am writing to you from the future, around 30 years in the future actually, and before I even get started I really want you to know that you are more beautiful and full of endless potential than you have any awareness of right now. Trust me when I say that in 30 years you will look back on photos of yourself at 16 and will only see youthful innocence, beauty and potential and none of the flaws that you think that you have right now. So my first piece of advice is to learn early to love yourself unconditionally because it will make it a lot easier when others don't love you the way that you deserve to be loved. 
I really don't want to give away too many of the details around what your life actually looks like in 30 years time, but I can tell you without any uncertainty that you are well, loved and extremely comfortable. You will weather the sands of time; there will be very high highs and very low lows but trust me, you will get through it all so never give up and dig deep when you have to. 
Some of the advise that I will offer to you may seem vague, but trust me when I say that it is extremely sound advice that I would advise you to try and stick to no matter what. These things will not only serve you well, but will set you up for better things along the track, so please keep them in mind.
Firstly, make sure that you choose your vocation in life wisely, and do not quit school. Do not leave university early, no matter what is happening in your life and make sure that you see things through to the end. Also, read the fine print, always ask yourself 'is this what I still want to do in 5 years?' and remember that it is always better to be at the bottom of a ladder that you want to climb than half way up one that you don't. You will do good jobs, dreadful jobs, easy jobs, hard jobs and enjoyable jobs and they will all make you a better person. You are not too good for anything and nothing is beneath you, so be humble and do the best that you have in you no matter what you may find yourself doing and you will always be rewarded. 
Boys, men and male aquatinences will come and go, and most of your relationships will not be as important as you think that they are at the time. You do need to rush down the aisle or commit too early, so enjoy your freedom and youth. However, that being said, when you find 'the one' you will know and that will be that. Enjoy the trials, triumphs and tribulations that love will bring to your life and remember that being right is not ever as important as being kind, fair or reasonable. Long term love requires loads of negotiation and compromise, it is a tricky balance of give and take. Some days will feel like heaven, some days will not, and oddly they will all make you love your partner even more as the years pass, so don't give up too easily. 
Be honest, but also be kind, considerate and subdued as well. Say less and listen more to others, don't be superficial or judgemental  and always try to leave people feeling better when you leave them than they did when you first saw them. Anything that you lie about will haunt you for the rest of your life, so don't talk shit to anyone or about anyone - be honest and reliable. All of your best future relationships are built on honesty and reliability, so anyone that you feel like you can't be honest with or that you feel isn't being honest with you, should be avoided. You will lose people that you loved dearly along the way, some will pass away, some will leave and some you will just let go of and although it will sting like a bitch at the time, you will survive all of it, so be strong and stay the course. 
​Take care of your skin, teeth, fitness and wellbeing early on, even when you feel like you really don't need to. It's true that beauty fades, but wellbeing doesn't have to and if you are taking care of your health and wellbeing early on you will reap the benefits in the years to come. Start doing yoga and meditation immediately, never smoke (it is really not sexy at all) and eat a balanced diet. And don't just say yeah...yeah...I will, actually do it because you will thank yourself a million times over later on for doing it when you are in your 40's. 
Invest in anything to do with the internet, IT companies and any business that has a fruit logo (in particular an apple) on it. Keep all of your old technology, computer devices and gaming consoles because people pay a lot of money for that kind of stuff in the future and try to hang onto all of your old clothes because you wouldn't believe how many things have come back into fashion over the years. All of your old dolls and toys will also be worth more money than you ever paid for them one day, so store your Barbie Dolls, board games and toys in plastic boxes and try to keep them clean and as unused as possible, weird I know but trust me. 
And lastly, enjoy the ride. Life is short and full of twists and turns so try to have fun a little everyday. Do something nice for yourself everyday, do something nice for others as often as you can and don't be afraid to swim upstream, go against the grain or march to the beat of your own drum every now and again. Never lose your childlike whimsy, your sense of adventure or your lust for life, because you'll still be very much wanting those in the future. Laugh, keep a journal, dance, play and breathe it all in, none of it is wrong or right, it's all just experience. Some days you'll kick and some days you'll get kicked, some days you'll smile and sing and some days you'll cry and flip the world the bird and it will still all be okay. 
You're gonna be just fine young one. 
Love and hugs,
Forty Six Year Old Barb xx

VIVARIUM
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 97 mins 
A science fiction thriller directed by Lorcan Finnegan that was Internationally co-produced between Ireland, Denmark and Belgium; Vivarium has uniqueness and intrigue in buckets. Loosely based on the idea of the cuckoo bird laying it's eggs in another bird's nest in order to force another breed of bird to play host to it's young and raise it, Vivarium takes the concept one step further again, with disturbing and complicated outcomes. 
​Young couple Tom (Jesse Eisenberg) and Gemma (Imogen Poots) wish to purchase a new home. They visit a strange estate called Yonder with the even stranger real estate agent Martin. When Martin goes missing during the couple's walkthrough of apartment #9, they begin to become concerned.  Before long, the couple realise that Yonder is not like any other estate and that they have been chosen to perform a particular task. 
I think that this movie will bother a lot of people with its unclear outcomes and intensely weird interludes, I however really liked it for all of those reasons. The script is fresh, disturbing and intelligent, and the outcomes are not at all predictable which is what I think that all good science fiction thrillers should be delivering. Vivarium is certainly not the perfect sci-fi thriller recipe, but it sure is a strange and at times deeply dark ride that you won't forget in a hurry. 
FINAL SAY: Yonder, you're home right now - forever!
3 Chilli Peppers ​