Spicywatch.com celebrated its 6th birthday this weekend. However, unlike previous years when I gathered together some movie loving friends to share in the joy of cinema with me, due to COVID-19, this year I didn't actually do anything at all. There was no sharing of favourite movie clips, no eating, drinking and merry chatter about the latest fabulous movie or cinema experience that people have enjoyed; nope this year Spicywatch had to quietly sit back and turn 6 without any fanfare or celebration. 
This could be just as well for my friends who are not fans of horror, because a sixth birthday does seem like the most opportune moment to bust out favourite macabre movie clips in the name of a '666' themed movie celebration, but I guess that will have to wait until Spicywatch's 13th birthday now, so to all of my horror hating friends, you really dodged a bullet there! 
However, in spite of quietly going about her business, Spicywatch.com has actually grown quite substantially over the last 12 months and is now being enjoyed by over 6 million people around the globe... jokes! I'm not IMDb for God's sake, but Spicywatch has continued to gain a loyal and slowly growing audience of people that seem to respect my opinions about movies and there are now 821 reviews in total to be found on my genre lists. 
Turns out that I only added a mere 31 movies to my genre lists in the last year, which means that I must have watched a lot of crap because I know for sure that I actually watched 212 films in 2019. Unsurprisingly, only 31 of them were 3 Chilli Peppers or more and I think this is probably pretty accurate. After all, after a lifetime of movie watching I have only reviewed 821 films in total which, if we start the age count at say 14 (which is around the time that I seriously started to adore movies) then that means that I should have added around 25 films every year to my blog to get to where I am, so if you think statistically I have actually enjoyed a higher than average contingency of movies that I have watched this year overall. 
And it easy to see why, the last year was a really strong one as far as high quality films were concerned; with incredible film-making now becoming the norm. Every year the bar gets raised, and in all truth it has to because audiences are more discerning and demanding now. People are smart and woke and they want sharp viewing experiences as a direct consequence of that, which means that mediocre cinema experiences are just not cutting it anymore.
Generally I added around 5 films to most of my genre lists, but there was a definite burst happening on my drama, art house/foreign, gritty/documentary lists. This is not surprising to me, with unforgettably good movies like The Lighthouse, Little Women, Marriage Story, Parasite, Shadow, 1917, The Nightingale, They Shall Not Grow Old and Hail Satan? all leaving their marks and impressions upon me over the last 12 months. 
I have banked a huge list of movies and TV series to binge on over the next few weeks, and I must apologise if I might seem to slide off the radar for a little while as I am heading in to hospital on Friday for a procedure that will put me out of actions for around 4 to 6 weeks. And although you may not hear from me, I can assure you that I will be viewing movies, taking notes and reviewing again as soon as I am fit and able to do so. 
Many thanks and much love to my regular Spicywatch readers and supporters that have for 6 years now, offered me regular check ins and greatly appreciated comments of support, feedback and kindness.
​Until next time, stay well and take care. 

HAIL SATAN?
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 95 mins 
An American documentary film about The Satanic Temple, outlining its origins and grassroots political activism.  Directed by Penny Lane, this documentary highlights the efforts of the Satanic movement in their attempts to preserve the separation of church and state against the privilege of the Christian right. 
Through a series of public demonstrations designed to advocate for religious freedom, The Satanic Temple push their mostly unwelcomed agenda and force many Americans to address the clearly corrupt authority of Christianity within their country. Lead my their enigmatic co-founder and spokesperson Lucien Greaves, this group of misunderstood outsiders band together and use their wit, charm and mischievous nature's to speak the truth, managing to ruffle more than a few feathers along the way. 
This is a great documentary that will challenge your preconceived ideas about both the Satanic movement and the Christian faith movement as well. And although you may not necessarily agree with all of the unorthodox demonstration methods of The Satanic Temple, you will not be able to deny their intelligent, witty and mostly entertaining advocacies for justice and equality. 
FINAL SAY:​ In the fight for justice, the devil's work is never done.
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I don't really have a favourite season, I actually love all of the seasons and the unique experiences that each of them deliver. I adore the brilliant burn of a Summer sun, the colourful bursts of a Spring afternoon, the frosty magnificence of a Winter's morning and the falling leaf displays of early Autumn; all in equal measure. However, that being said, I do have to admit to having an extremely soft spot for a sunny Autumn afternoon.
An unseasonably favourable and unexpectedly bright break from the rapid descent into the dark days of Winter is very hard to top and I always find myself deeply enchanted by Autumn sunshine. That high level of enchantment is exactly what we all got to enjoy this weekend, a spat of really lovely and unseasonably sunny weather, and as with all Autumnal sunny days, it arrived with a heavy mellow mist at dawn that burst forth into full sunshine by 11am. It is absolutely magical and has always been a special time of the year for me. 
It is true that there is something magical about all of the seasons though isn't there? Without trying too hard I could rattle off at least ten things that I love about each of the seasons, but everyone has a couple of special seasonal moments that are uniquely significant to them. A sunny Autumn day is definitely one of mine and whether you choose to get out in the warmth of that sun or just observe its brilliance from indoors, it is undeniably intoxicating. 
Out here in Enfield, the sun sets on the living-room side of our house, so as the cool of the evening slides in you can watch the sky shift from bright brilliant blues into dazzling oranges and golds in the late afternoon, even if you are inside. The mushrooms and toadstools stick their brightly coloured heads out of the ground. The yellow, orange and red leaves gently fall from the deciduous trees and the fruit trees hang heavily with last apples of the season in the dying sunlight. It is so still that nothing seems to move at all except for a couple of busy birds and the shifting colours of the sky. 
In short, it shines brightly with all of the regal colours of warmth and splendour, delivers all of the mellowness of a good red wine, a warm bath or a bowl of mum's soup and offers a strong reminder that the dark days ahead are only temporary. There is a calm and harmony to it all that is so hard to resist and its meditative state can easily seduce you into an afternoon nap under a cosy blanket.
Yes, I do love all of the seasons, but I will always love an Autumn sunny day in a very special way. 

Hindsight is 20/20; everyone understands that statement to be true. Anyone that has ever made a mistake, done something regretful or been blindsided in their lives will completely understand just how painfully true hindsight can actually be. How many times have you looked back on an event in your life and thought 'if only had that opportunity again' or 'if only I had done things differently?' Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I had known the things I know now back when I was younger, and if I did have a way of reaching out to myself in the past, what kind of information would I pass along to myself? What would be considered important enough to reach out across time to share with my teenage self? 
Self isolation has given me a little extra time to ponder those thoughts, so I went one step further and actually composed a letter to my teenage self (which I would've recorded onto a cassette, if this were a real exercise) to be found in a reverse kind of time capsule event. It outlines all of the things that I wish that I had known ahead of time without giving away all of the details, and really...it's just a bit of fun thinking about stuff like this because it really puts into perspective all the things that you wish you had done differently. Anyway, without further delay, here is 'A Letter to Me on a Cassette': 

Dear Teenage Barb,
I am writing to you from the future, around 30 years in the future actually, and before I even get started I really want you to know that you are more beautiful and full of endless potential than you have any awareness of right now. Trust me when I say that in 30 years you will look back on photos of yourself at 16 and will only see youthful innocence, beauty and potential and none of the flaws that you think that you have right now. So my first piece of advice is to learn early to love yourself unconditionally because it will make it a lot easier when others don't love you the way that you deserve to be loved. 
I really don't want to give away too many of the details around what your life actually looks like in 30 years time, but I can tell you without any uncertainty that you are well, loved and extremely comfortable. You will weather the sands of time; there will be very high highs and very low lows but trust me, you will get through it all so never give up and dig deep when you have to. 
Some of the advise that I will offer to you may seem vague, but trust me when I say that it is extremely sound advice that I would advise you to try and stick to no matter what. These things will not only serve you well, but will set you up for better things along the track, so please keep them in mind.
Firstly, make sure that you choose your vocation in life wisely, and do not quit school. Do not leave university early, no matter what is happening in your life and make sure that you see things through to the end. Also, read the fine print, always ask yourself 'is this what I still want to do in 5 years?' and remember that it is always better to be at the bottom of a ladder that you want to climb than half way up one that you don't. You will do good jobs, dreadful jobs, easy jobs, hard jobs and enjoyable jobs and they will all make you a better person. You are not too good for anything and nothing is beneath you, so be humble and do the best that you have in you no matter what you may find yourself doing and you will always be rewarded. 
Boys, men and male aquatinences will come and go, and most of your relationships will not be as important as you think that they are at the time. You do need to rush down the aisle or commit too early, so enjoy your freedom and youth. However, that being said, when you find 'the one' you will know and that will be that. Enjoy the trials, triumphs and tribulations that love will bring to your life and remember that being right is not ever as important as being kind, fair or reasonable. Long term love requires loads of negotiation and compromise, it is a tricky balance of give and take. Some days will feel like heaven, some days will not, and oddly they will all make you love your partner even more as the years pass, so don't give up too easily. 
Be honest, but also be kind, considerate and subdued as well. Say less and listen more to others, don't be superficial or judgemental  and always try to leave people feeling better when you leave them than they did when you first saw them. Anything that you lie about will haunt you for the rest of your life, so don't talk shit to anyone or about anyone - be honest and reliable. All of your best future relationships are built on honesty and reliability, so anyone that you feel like you can't be honest with or that you feel isn't being honest with you, should be avoided. You will lose people that you loved dearly along the way, some will pass away, some will leave and some you will just let go of and although it will sting like a bitch at the time, you will survive all of it, so be strong and stay the course. 
​Take care of your skin, teeth, fitness and wellbeing early on, even when you feel like you really don't need to. It's true that beauty fades, but wellbeing doesn't have to and if you are taking care of your health and wellbeing early on you will reap the benefits in the years to come. Start doing yoga and meditation immediately, never smoke (it is really not sexy at all) and eat a balanced diet. And don't just say yeah...yeah...I will, actually do it because you will thank yourself a million times over later on for doing it when you are in your 40's. 
Invest in anything to do with the internet, IT companies and any business that has a fruit logo (in particular an apple) on it. Keep all of your old technology, computer devices and gaming consoles because people pay a lot of money for that kind of stuff in the future and try to hang onto all of your old clothes because you wouldn't believe how many things have come back into fashion over the years. All of your old dolls and toys will also be worth more money than you ever paid for them one day, so store your Barbie Dolls, board games and toys in plastic boxes and try to keep them clean and as unused as possible, weird I know but trust me. 
And lastly, enjoy the ride. Life is short and full of twists and turns so try to have fun a little everyday. Do something nice for yourself everyday, do something nice for others as often as you can and don't be afraid to swim upstream, go against the grain or march to the beat of your own drum every now and again. Never lose your childlike whimsy, your sense of adventure or your lust for life, because you'll still be very much wanting those in the future. Laugh, keep a journal, dance, play and breathe it all in, none of it is wrong or right, it's all just experience. Some days you'll kick and some days you'll get kicked, some days you'll smile and sing and some days you'll cry and flip the world the bird and it will still all be okay. 
You're gonna be just fine young one. 
Love and hugs,
Forty Six Year Old Barb xx

VIVARIUM
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 97 mins 
A science fiction thriller directed by Lorcan Finnegan that was Internationally co-produced between Ireland, Denmark and Belgium; Vivarium has uniqueness and intrigue in buckets. Loosely based on the idea of the cuckoo bird laying it's eggs in another bird's nest in order to force another breed of bird to play host to it's young and raise it, Vivarium takes the concept one step further again, with disturbing and complicated outcomes. 
​Young couple Tom (Jesse Eisenberg) and Gemma (Imogen Poots) wish to purchase a new home. They visit a strange estate called Yonder with the even stranger real estate agent Martin. When Martin goes missing during the couple's walkthrough of apartment #9, they begin to become concerned.  Before long, the couple realise that Yonder is not like any other estate and that they have been chosen to perform a particular task. 
I think that this movie will bother a lot of people with its unclear outcomes and intensely weird interludes, I however really liked it for all of those reasons. The script is fresh, disturbing and intelligent, and the outcomes are not at all predictable which is what I think that all good science fiction thrillers should be delivering. Vivarium is certainly not the perfect sci-fi thriller recipe, but it sure is a strange and at times deeply dark ride that you won't forget in a hurry. 
FINAL SAY: Yonder, you're home right now - forever!
3 Chilli Peppers ​

Did you ever think that you would be alive to see a pandemic? Of course you didn't,  because we all think that major tragedies like global pandemics and world wars are the sorts of things that only happened in the past and certainly not during our modern and civilized times. And yet, here we all are in various states of isolation, silently watching on from our windows as the world seems to fall apart around us. And even though history allowed us to see the patterns of time that showed us that another worldwide flu would arrive again (just like it has every other 100 years or so) to create widespread damage and havoc. We still, in spite of our better knowledge, just weren't prepared enough for this on a global scale. And for that reason we were too slow to respond, too inexperienced to know how to deal with it and in some parts of the world, absolutely shit at containing it. 
COVID-19 has now officially changed every person's life on the planet in some way, shape or form. No-one can really say that they have not felt the effects of COVID-19 and be telling the truth, because it is impossible to not be feeling the effects in some way. Even if it is only something as basic as the way that you shop, things are not the same, things are different and people are behaving differently as well. Never before have I looked at people going to events, out for dinner or engaging in simple gatherings in movies or on TV with such an intense longing. The simple act of being out for coffee at a cafe or walking through the gardens and seeing children playing happily or having a gathering of friends and family around for a meal or a drink; these things all seem incredibly desirable and appealing in ways that they have never been before. 
And what this has all made me realise is, that not only do we take all of this freedom and socialisation for granted most of the time, but also how desperately we need each other, in ways that we may not have appreciated before. People need people, they just do. We weren't meant to be alone, we aren't designed to be solitary creatures. Humans are meant to roam in packs and being in isolation has made that all the more prevalent for me, and that's a pretty big comment when its coming from an introvert like me because I usually crave isolation and alone time; but clearly too much of it is not ideal for anyone, not even the introverts of the world. 
Sure there may be some people who are still loving all this separation from society, and at first I think that the novelty of it all did seem slightly more magical and ideal than the reality of the situation actually is. I know that there were a lot of people who were high fiving themselves over the possibility of working from home, but now that the reality and the loneliness of that has really sunk in, truth is that it is not easier or more desirable to be at home 24/7. 
For this reason, I have chosen to be on site at work for two days a week, directly working with the children of essential workers. It is actually nice to get away from the confines, routine and monotony of working from home. You can only do so many Google Meets and Zoom conferences before you start to go a little bit bonkers from all of the screen time. And having a reason to go for a drive and get out of the house that isn't related to groceries or exercise is actually a pleasure. Yep, you heard it here, physically going in to work is actually quite pleasurable. I never thought that I would ever say that, but there you have it. Turns out that COVID-19 really has changed me and maybe I am not as much of an introvert as I thought that I was, or maybe this is just a consequence of too much time at home.
I cannot deny it, I sure am missing my regular trips to the movies and the dinners and drinks that usually accompanied those journeys. I guess it is true, you really don't know what you've got 'til it's gone....'cos man oh man I would really love a choc-top ice-cream, a double feature movie in a huge spacious theatre and some friendly face to face, after movie chatter right about now! Ahhh, to brighter days and wider spaces ahead my friends, but in the meantime - stay well and yeah you know, even though you don't want to anymore, stay at home! 

There are a lot of things about my life right now that I am grateful and thankful for. I sometimes worry about losing touch with those most precious and important things as I get older, which could occur if one day I become forgetful or dotty or even possibly just too weary of the world to feel genuinely connected to anything anymore. And the thought of that utterly terrifies me to the core.  I do not want to lose touch with the best parts of myself and my life because my mind, body or memory start to fail me as the years roll on.
It is pretty easy to feel confident that this will never happen to you when you're young, and sure I use the term 'young' loosely for myself because 47 is not really that young, but it's hardly bloody ancient either and I do presently have an excellent grip on all of my faculties. And I would really like to keep a tight grip on those faculties, so I suppose that the only way to ensure myself of that is to wisely put some anti-aging stoppers in place early on, as a preventative measure.
I have zero interest in preserving the longevity of my youth and beauty, sure I don't want to look like a hairy dog's arse at 60, but looks are not that important to me. My main concerns with aging are around the loss of cognitive ability, physical mobility and an overall lust for life that often seems to spring from the young rather than the elderly. Basically, I want to be totally 'with it', reasonably fit and flexible and able to remember all of the important and significant things have occurred throughout my life.
So what can be done to ensure this outcome, if anything? Well tonnes actually, and even though there is no real 'fountain of youth' just yet, there has been a heap of research conducted on the topic and there are some very clear guidelines that have been specified from experts and medical professionals that you should be adopting into your life if you too want to hang on to the best bits of yourself in the future.
In fact, experts in nutrition, obesity and cardiology all recommend adopting these steps into your life as early as your 20's if you want to ensure the best possible health outcomes for yourself in the future, so you had better listen up my friends because this information is super important and better yet, it comes in five easy steps - just five! Five seems manageable, right?
Step one: Find out what your healthy weight range is for your height and age and then try to stay within that weight range. People that stay within that range tend to live longer lives and require far less medical intervention in the long run, it's a fact. Also take at least 30 minutes of extra activity a day on top of your working day. This could be a brisk walk, a bike ride, some cardio, whatever it is, you must do it everyday, which means no down days on the weekend. Consistency is key here. 
Step Two: Learn how to cook from scratch. Experts believe that you can pretty much eat whatever you like as long as you cook it yourself from scratch. When they are talking about scratch, they mean that nothing in that meal can come out of a jar, packet or can, unless you pickled, prepared or preserved it yourself previously of course. The effort and energy required to make a dinner for four every evening from scratch will far outweigh the calories that you will sustain from eating it. 
Step Three: Eat more vegetables, portion control and cut back on sugar. This is three pronged approach where you become more mindful of the kinds of fuel that you put into your body. More wholesome plant based foods overall and less processed and sugary foods. Educate yourself on portion size and stick to the guidelines, this will help you to stay within your ideal weight range as well. Portion control does mean that you have to eat small amounts of food, in fact you can eat very large portions of the right foods. You should never feel desperately hungry if you are portion controlling correctly, it's not about starving yourself, so make sure that you are doing it safely and correctly.
Step Four: Practise moderation and respect your system. Your body is not another landfill, so stop pouring crap into it and treating it like shit. Consume alcohol wisely and safely and don't continually smash your system with toxins like medications, drugs, cigarettes, fatty foods and sweets. Understand what the concept of a 'treat' is -it's something that you have every now and then, not daily. Learn to 'treat' yourself occasionally and thoughtfully. Try to treat yourself with more holistic, calming and wellbeing practises like massage, meditation, reiki, Ayurvedic medicines, spirituality, reading, yoga, art therapy and other remedial therapies.
Step Five: Find a job that you love. Your work life affects your mental wellbeing more than you may think. People that are unhappy in their jobs tend to have higher rates of stress, depression, anxiety and sleep problems, so finding a job that satisfies and stimulates you is extremely important. People that are passionate about their jobs tend to spill that over into other parts of their lives, they are often undertaking other passion projects, volunteering and continually exploring other ways to enrich their lives, so if you are unhappy in your current employment then you should do something about it asap!

So there you have it, five easy steps to get more bang for your buck, more longevity and more clarity in your life as the years roll by. And who doesn't want more of that? 

THE TAKING OF DEBORAH LOGAN
Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 91 mins 
Feel like watching something as creepy as hell? Then you've come to the right place! This found footage supernatural thriller will definitely give lovers of possession themed horror some decent chills. A directorial debut for Adam Robitel, who co-wrote the screenplay and edited the film with Gavin Heffernan, The Taking of Deborah Logan brings something fresh and uniquely disturbing to an otherwise worn out horror trope.
A young aspiring film crew set out to create a documentary about Deborah Logan, an elderly woman who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. Deborah herself is not keen to be filmed, but her daughter Sarah convinces her mother to participate, citing their need for money as the reason for allowing strangers into their home. As filming progresses, everyone begins to suspect that there is more to Deborah's condition than they had all previously thought. 
I cannot lie, I was completely engaged and quietly disturbed on a number of occasions by the odd behaviours and at times gross goings on in this movie. On the creepy scale, this rates pretty high in my books, it's worth a look for sure. 
FINAL SAY: When I am in the middle of something and suddenly my mind just leaves the premises, there are no words to describe how distressing it is. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

Not sure that I need to be snacking out on anymore treats given the amount of self baked goodies that I have been inhaling since I went into self isolation three and a half weeks ago, but here we are - it's Easter again which means hello chocolate Easter eggs and hello hot cross buns! Ah the time to eat sugar and carbs with wild abandon has arrived and if you're stuck inside with these alluring goodies all around you, well then you're going to be indulging, so just go with it! The time to worry about spreading waistlines and a couple of extra kilos is most certainly not now; we can all focus on that further down the track. So for now I am just concentrating on enjoying my Easter long weekend at home with my two lovely boys. 
And what does an Easter holiday look like during a pandemic? Well, very bloody quiet for one thing since most the world has been forced into a mandatory lockdown situation. I know that the Easter Bunny has been confirmed as an essential worker this Easter, however it will no doubt be a challenge for the bunny to reach everyone during these difficult circumstances, and that combined with all of the enforced social distancing laws is more than likely going to mean a lot less frolicking about and Easter egg hunting for everyone this year.
However, do not despair because there are some fabulous ways to enjoy a COVID-19 ridden Easter to the full without breaking any rules or upsetting any restrictions. 

• Paint/ dye/ design/decorate some regular chickens eggs. You can buy them everywhere and once they are hard boiled you can decorate them in any way that you like. Kids and adults all enjoy doing this activity and it's a fun way to not only kill a couple of hours, but to also get some mindful art time in as well.  
• Bake or cook. Get busy in the kitchen; hell you could have an Easter themed bake off in your own kitchen! Design cupcakes, make slices, decorate a cake, create a new cookie flavour and best of all, eat everything that you've made later on! 
• Gather at the table. Set the table in a special way and make sure that everyone in the family is seated to share in a very special meal together. Cook your Easter feast from scratch, with love and care and share it with the people around you. You don't have to be religious to celebrate this special time of thanksgiving, sharing and togetherness, so get out the good china and open the best bottle of wine in the house and celebrate the loved ones in your life. 
• Watch a movie together, it doesn't have to be Easter themed but do make it fun, light and easy. However, if you are desperate for an Easter flick then I would recommend: Rise of the Guardians, Chocolat or Wallace and Gromit Curse of the Were-Rabbit.  
• Call your family, friends and loved ones. Send out messages of love and good will to the people that you care about. Get your kids to create Easter cards for their grandparents, teachers or other significant care givers to let them know that they are thinking of them at Easter. 
• Treat Yourself! It is a holiday after all, so try to enjoy it! Eat, drink, do something nice for yourself, be merry and push back any bad or troubling thoughts, even if it's just for one day! Celebrate you, your health and your wellbeing. 

And from me to you on this unprecedented and uniquely unusual Easter, please stay safe, stay well and above all else - please stay at home!

When you read the news or watch the latest goings on around the world in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic, it's pretty easy to feel like you're one of the lucky ones. And if you are home, safe, warm and physically well right now, then yep you're one of the lucky ones in this world right now, and you should be adopting an attitude of gratitude around that. 
Now don't misread this, I am not suggesting that you should be feeling guilty for the fact that you're doing well but you really should, at the very least, have an awareness of it. Which means that you should be smiling, counting your blessings and embracing all of the good fortune that you have been privileged enough to access. In a world where people are dying by the hundreds of disease, where there are not enough beds for the genuinely sick and where people are frightened and completely uncertain of their safety and financial future, you can definitely consider yourself to be amongst the most fortunate. 
Don't spend your time whining about being placed into isolation, don't think about what you're missing out on and don't fail to recognise that you are being given an opportunity to recognise the amazing parts of your life right now. The parts that are free, right in front of you and insanely comforting when the world is filled with so much turmoil. 
Firstly and foremostly, if you are healthy, you should be high fiving yourself. We are in a global state of emergency, there is a lethal pandemic getting around and guess what? You're still healthy - can I get an Amen? If that's not something to be immediately grateful for then I don't know if I can help you out at all! Your health and well being are paramount right now, so if you are feeling robust, well fed, breathing well and are able to take some daily exercise then you are already in the top 30% of the planet, enjoy that knowledge and let it sink in. 
Secondly, if you are at home with anyone else then you are being offered a unique opportunity to build and enhance your relationship with that person and create a more harmonious union with them. It could be your partner, your children, your parents or your friend, whomever you find yourself in isolation with, you're lucky because you can strengthen your bond and your relationship with them right now. You may even get to know certain people in your life in a whole new light through this experience. You could learn new things about the people around you and even share your dreams, ideas and aspirations. When you are in isolation your conversations can go on all night long, especially over a couple of bottles of wine, so why not just relax and unwind in an unguarded way with the people around you. And if you aren't actually in isolation with anyone else, then that doesn't mean that you can't be building deeper and stronger relationships. You can call people, chat online, text people, reach out to others and just share in your absolute luckiness together. 
And on top of your good health and your ability to build relationships, you are also being presented with endless self improvement opportunities right now. You could start an online learning module and commence a whole new career or you could begin to write that bestseller that you always thought that you had in you. You could start a new fitness regimen, become a youtube sensation, paint the next masterpiece, get your finances in order, master your cooking skills, learn to meditate, sell all of your unwanted shit online and make a fortune from your couch, you could.........You can see where I am going with this right? You have choices and above all else, no matter how much you might feel like your life is being controlled or mandated, it actually isn't and you have an endless amount of possibility and opportunity before you. So get your head in the game, don't complain and start doing something useful and constructive with this unique time in your life. 
When are you going to have this much spare time on your hands ever again? Probably never. You will probably never again have this many days in a row when you do not need to leave your home and be fully accountable, so make that your strength and not your weakness - use it! Find your appreciation, find your zen and above all else adopt an attitude of gratitude because you my friend, you are one of the lucky ones in the world right now. Be thankful, be gracious and use the time that you have been presented with to make things better, make you better and at the very least, please make your attitude a whole lot better. 

Without a doubt, the whole self isolation experience has offered us all a little more time to really explore the way that we feel about things, and also ourselves. I have spent more time in meditation and have also reflected on the types of spaces that I have created for myself. Some of the spaces that I have made for myself are harmonious, peaceful and nurturing, and unfortunately some of them are limiting, negative and even at times quite toxic. And I suppose that we are all a little guilty of having unpleasant thoughts about ourselves from time to time, but there is a pretty big difference between having a fleeting insecure thought about who you are and clothing and feeding your demons on a daily basis. And that's why it's important to explore the things that you say to yourself regularly and investigate more positive self talk thoughts that you can employ to ensure that you aren't cultivating toxic self hating thoughts about who you really are. 
Long gone are the days when self love was considered to be vain or selfish because anyone with half a brain knows that RuPaul hit that nail right on the head with his 'if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love someone else?' statement. And it's true, you deserve to love you and you deserve to be proud, secure and content with who you are, but getting rid of toxic thought patterns and culling old mindsets can be challenging and it does require a certain shedding of an old and outmoded way of being that requires you first to take a good look at exactly what it is that you have been saying to yourself about who you are.
A lot of what we believe about ourselves actually derives from our upbringing, our relationships and even the media, which is really sad because we don't even get to decide for ourselves who we are. All of our lives we have been constantly bombarded by people putting ideas into our heads about who we are, or who we are supposed to be; and most of those concepts are actually completely untrue. Who we truly are is whomever we choose to be. How we look and feel is completely is up to us as well, and just knowing that is the first step to empowering yourself to develop better and more positive thoughts about who you are. 
A while ago I wrote a blog post called Self Talk, and it explored my own struggles with negative self beliefs and toxic thought patterns. I have since managed to get those thoughts mostly under control by sticking to these five big self check in questions whenever they arise:

• Is there any evidence to support this thought I'm having about myself?
• What would I say to a friend if they were saying these things about themselves?
• Is there a positive way to look at this?
• Is this thought or feeling rational? Is it mine? Or has been planted or programmed into me externally?
• What can I do to change this feeling or thought that I have about myself? 

It is vitally important to remember that you are not here to fill a mold, fulfill a pre-designed role or be anyone that you do not desire to be for yourself. It is not your job to manage the thoughts that others may have about you and it is not your problem if other people are holding on to outmoded, archaic or toxic thoughts themselves or about who they think you should be or what they expect from you. You can only ever be responsible for your own thoughts and feelings and you do deserve to feel good about yourself. 
During these times of deep self reflection and thought, it's good to toss a little extra self love in to your routine just for good measure. So here are some really great ways to build your self esteem, remove negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself and adopt a kinder mindset for yourself in some very simple and gentle ways.

• Forgiveness- forgive yourself for the mistakes that you've made in the past and forgive others for theirs. There is no going back so let it go and make more room for positive thoughts and feelings in your life. 
• Mindfulness - be mindful about all of the things that you have in your life and practise gratitude. Write down three great things that happened or three positive things about yourself everyday. 
• Acceptance- accept that we are all different and unique. Try to enjoy the beauty and diversity that individuality brings to your life and accept your own uniqueness as part of that. Don't be influenced about your appearance by the media or narrow minded people. 
• Nurturing - do kind things for yourself. Spoil yourself and treat yourself with care and respect. It's good to love yourself, learn to make that your mantra. 
• Avoidance - take stock of who you spend your time with and what you spend your time doing. Steer clear of negative or toxic people or influences that may attempt to bring you down. Spend your time with people that uplift, appreciate, motivate and inspire you. 
• Positivity - Say positive things, think positive thoughts and stop complaining. Focus on the good and you will start to see more of it around you and within you.  Say something positive to yourself about who you are everyday. 
• Giving - Support others and yourself by demonstrating kindness. Give more time and patience to those around you and to yourself and be extremely demonstrative of that. Find unique ways to give and be generous. 
• Believing - believe that you are completely worthy of love and care just as much as anyone else in the world. Believe in your best virtues and focus your thoughts on your best qualities so that you can shine them out into the world. 

When you're free choices are removed, you're forced to stay home and you can't indulge in all of your hedonistic pleasures because of self isolation and social distancing restrictions, you have to start getting resourceful and clever about how you find your joys.
Real pleasure can actually be derived from many things that may have previously appeared to be mundane or ordinary, but if you can get creative and actually surrender to the power of your senses, you'll find that there is a great magic to be found in the mundane and a deep sense of gratitude and splendour all around you that is not only free but also very easy to access. 
And yes, this will require a certain level of surrender from you in order for you to really access the full benefits of this practise and I understand that this will take some people longer than others to master completely because releasing control and just letting go are not usually things that we are encouraged to do. However, I cannot stress enough how empowering this level of release will be for you and how much you will gain out of every mundane minute if you can just allow yourself to try this very simple and pleasurable practise of finding joy in the exploration of your own senses.
As you employ each different sense, take note of which experiences drop your stress levels or shift your thoughts from your monkey brain scrambling thoughts to 'the now.' By allowing your senses to shift you to a 'now' consciousness you will become more focused and calm, and in turn be able to embrace the joy of what you are experiencing more completely. 
Using your senses is a work of experimentation and great joy, because you are literally going to discover what it is about you and your unique makeup that gives you real pleasure and release. Undertake these small experiments with a calm and open mind and soon you will be untapping new and rewarding ways to care for your own wellbeing, finding pleasure in the previously mundane and unfold new ways of experiencing the world around you. 
Please try not to look at these lists of activities as exhaustive. You may like to try one or two things each day as a little self experimentation/ self exploration time. This time of self isolation has presented us all with a unique opportunity to better explore aspects of ourselves as well as the world, so why not take advantage of that? Undertake each task with joy, and if anything that you try feels uncomfortable or unpleasant to you, then stop doing it immediately. This is an exploration of pleasure in the mundane, so aim for feelings of intense calm and joy and settle for nothing short of that. 
Let's begin with your sight, and remember to take note of all of the feelings that arise within you and take note of what brings you feelings of calm, pleasure and escape.

• Look at a photo of a cherished moment or memory of your life.
• Go outside and find five different flowers and five different leaves, spend time really observing them and taking them apart. 
• Find a plant or tree in your yard that you like the best. Sit near it and think about what it is that you like about it, this is your calm space now. 
• Think about your favourite colour, go and find five items around your home that are that colour, have them near you or on you all day. 
• Blow bubbles and watch them float away. 
• Observe the birds, wildlife, animals, creatures that live in your yard. How close can you get to them without disturbing them?
• Watch a sunset and/or a sunrise.
• Read a book. 
• Watch a youtube clip that contains 'oddly or most satisfying' video material.  
• Watch a moonrise and observe the stars when they come out. 
• Watch the rain fall against the window and the plants outside as it falls. 
• Go for a walk around your neighbourhood and mindfully look for 5 things of beauty.

Let's move onto smell:

• Light a candle or burn some incense.
• Make a fresh coffee or herbal tea and hold it in your hands and breathe in the aroma for 3 minutes before you allow yourself drink it. 
• Bake a batch of cookies just to smell them when they come out of oven.
• Experiment with essential oils.
• Put on your favourite lotion or hand cream. 
• Every time that you see a flower, if you can - try to stop and smell it. 
• Smell all of your food just before you eat it. 
• Go outside and smell at least 10 pleasant things that are growing in your yard. 
• Breathe in the fresh clean air around you when you're outdoors. 
• Wear your favourite perfume. 
• Smell the fresh clean linen that is full of sunshine as you take it off the line. 
• Smell the rain and the smell of a thunderstorm.
• Cut open a piece of citrus and sniff it deeply. 

Now touch:

• Wrap up in a warm blanket.
• Have a bubble bath.
• Stroke your cat or dog mindfully.
• Get or give a massage.
• Knead dough for a loaf of bread. 
• Put on your favourite jumper or clothing item. 
• Hold a comfort object.
• Squeeze a stress ball.
• Hug someone mindfully.
• Feel the textures on the various plants and trees in your yard. 
• Walk barefoot on the grass. 
• Take a hot shower. 
• Pop bubble wrap. 
• Brush your hair or brush someone else's hair. 
• Push your hands into rice or sand. 
• Stroke a feather on your body. 
• Run your fingertips over various household objects and observe the sensations. 

Onto taste:

• Chew a piece of gum.
• Eat your favourite food slowly and deliberately. 
• Smell some dark chocolate and then let it melt on your tongue.
• Drink a glass of good wine or alcohol and savour the taste. 
• Eat a piece of perfectly ripe fruit. 
• Put on your favourite chapstick and taste the subtle flavour on your lips.
• Eat a cookie straight from the oven. 
• Suck an ice block. 
• Mindfully eat something crunchy. 
• Sip a cup of good coffee or herbal tea. 
• Try a new food. 
• Taste small amounts of familiar foods in isolation  eg. honey, peanut butter, yoghurt. 
• Mindfully eat a bowl of popcorn. 

Let's talk about hearing:

• Listen to your favourite songs.
• Close your eyes and do a guided meditation.
• Go outside, close your eyes and listen to the sounds of nature.
• Talk on the phone to someone. 
• Sing a song. 
• Listen to a TED talk. 
• Listen to recorded sounds of nature eg, crashing waves, leaves in the trees, birds singing.
• Hang chimes on your porch to listen to.
• Listen to an opera or some classical music. 
• Listen to a podcast.
• Be read to or listen to an audio book.
• Read to someone. 
• Mindfully play an instrument.
• Have a stimulating and engaging conversation with someone you value. 
• Listen to a fountain or water running.
• Listen to rain or a thunderstorm with your eyes closed. 

And let's finish with a little mindful movement pleasure, just for good measure:

• Go for a stroll or run.
• Dance.
• Make love. 
• Do yoga.
• Exercise or workout.
• Stretch.
• Roll your head around and shrug your shoulders. 
• Roll or tumble in the grass.
• Throw a frisbee with a friend.
• Ride a bike. 
• Spin around with your hands outstretched until you feel dizzy.

MYSTIFY: MICHAEL HUTCHENCE 
​Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 108 mins 
If you were ever a fan of INXS and was shocked by the news of Michael Hutchence's death in 1997, then you really need to see this documentary. Written and directed by Richard Lowenstein, the film relies mainly on archive footage, outtakes and private home video and audio commentary to illustrate the life of musician, actor and lead singer of INXS, Michael Hutchence. 
This is both engrossing and interesting storytelling that outlines all of the major influences, relationships and achievements that Hutchence experienced during his brief and often troubled life. Clearly he was always a very charismatic and engaging individual, even in his early years, however beneath that Dionysian sexiness and confident exterior he was actually a very complex, fractured and sensitive individual. 
Mystify: Michael Hutchence is an emotional and beautiful ode to a man that left his mark on the music industry and the world at large and is an unmissable watch for INXS fans. 
FINAL SAY: Don't ask me, what you know is true. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

There is nothing like a slow burning apocalypse to really make you re-evaluate your priorities and challenge your optimistic fortitude. Amidst the deep fear and total uncertainty of the COVID-19 pandemic, some things are becoming more and more prevalent and clear to me as the days progress; some of them good and some of them not so good. Let's get the not so good out of the way first, because you know that I always like to end on a high note.
The first and most glaringly obvious negative for us all at the moment would have to be the complete and flagrant disregard for the welfare of others that certain members of the public have been displaying. How people can still justify congregating in public spaces and being out of their homes unnecessarily when there are already 663, 740 people infected worldwide due to their lack of social isolation, is a total mystery to me. But, we all know the old 'lead a horse to water' saying and this is a perfect example of just how stupid and selfish people can actually be in spite of all of the information that is out there to tell them not do these things. 
Some other negatives out in the world right now that are in direct relation to the pandemic, but have very little to do with actually contracting the contagion are things like people losing their jobs, the economy crashing and hospitals around the world not having enough beds or breathing apparatus for the poor infected people that need them. Not having a vaccine is another blazingly obvious crap pile right now, and so is Donald Trump, but to be fair he was a pretty huge negative before all of this happened anyway. 
The world is also exceptionally grim for all of the extroverts because they are having to self manage their inability to socialise. And the people in self denial are being forced to turn and face their own truths whilst in isolation which will no doubt lead to depression, and let's not forget all of the parents of poorly behaved children who are finally discovering just how appalling their children's antics really are during self isolation.
And if that's not all bad enough, the experts predict that domestic abuse, substance abuse and reckless behaviour, crime and looting could become major problems in the future if things keep getting worse, and let's be really honest, things are going to get worse. However, there are some silver linings to be found amidst this giant shit storm if you just know where to look. 
So force yourself to push aside some of the 'hell in a handbag' thoughts, because there are some hidden gems to be found here in this wreckage. Let us now consider the good things that will actually come out of all this chaos, becasue, believe it or not, there are quite a lot of good things to be gleaned during this difficult time (see I told you I was going to finish on a high note). 
Here are some of my 'always look on the bright side' thoughts to consider and keep in mind during these challenging times:

• You will gain an appreciation for all of the little things that you've always taken for granted like the smell of a good coffee, the feel of a warm shower and the beauty of nature. 
• You'll get a renewed respect for your usual levels of freedom and immense choice. You probably didn't really think that going out for dinner and seeing a movie was a very big deal before all of this did you? 
• You'll strengthen your connections with the people in your family and your friends that you care about the most. 
• You'll see people offering support, demonstrating kindness and banding together in ways that communities can only do through mutual struggle. Don't be surprised if you get your faith in humanity restored sometime down the track. 
• You'll learn new skills, take up new hobbies and finally catch up on reading all of those books you've stockpiled and all TV series that you wanted to see during self isolation. 
• You will build your own resilience as you tackle and manage your own difficult and challenging emotions. 
• You'll be less of a slave to the clock and the expectations of a western society, which if you can learn to embrace, will make you feel a lot more liberated and in control of your own life. 
• You'll be able to have more quality time with your family doing fun things like puzzles, crafts, cooking, exercising and just talking and sharing experiences and ideas. 
• You will come to realise that you are in control of how much COVID-19 exposure you want to have, so if you really can't cope with all the information because it's too stressful, guess what? You can choose to opt out and go offline. 
• You'll become more inventive and resourceful as you bravely navigate the challenges of each day, one day at a time. 
• You can wear tracksuits and beanies everyday! You even have the power to go bra-less! And remember that you don't need to wear makeup, perfume or shave under your armpits either - no-one will even know! 

NOTHING TO HIDE
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 90 mins 
A French comedy/ drama directed by Fred Cavaye and adapted from the 2016 Italian film Perfect Strangers by Paolo Genovese. I myself have not seen the original, but apparently they are practically identical so if you have already seen Perfect Strangers you might want to give Nothing to Hide a miss.
Several friends at a dinner party decide to play a revealing game in the name of transparency. Everyone places their mobile phones on the table face up and agree to make all texts, messages and calls received completely public in an attempt to prove that they have nothing to hide from each other. 
As the secrets and motivations of the characters start to spill out, the story gets more convoluted and a lot more interesting as well, and although this is hardly riveting or very believable viewing, it is definitely engaging and the cast to do a tremendously good job of playing out their roles with conviction and sincerity. 
At only 90 minutes in length, Nothing to Hide offers is a short and sweet 'fly on the wall' romp into the lives of others that has an unusual and unforeseeable twist right at the end, that I am still not sure if I really liked to be honest. 
FINAL SAY: If I show you mine, you show me yours. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

Sometimes I can be a bit of a magpie; attracted to shiny pretty things and distracted with feathering my nest. And when you consider the current state of events, where the world feels like it has gone completely bonkers, selfish and generally illogical, then some kind of distraction is extremely welcome and probably quite necessary at this point.
I wholeheartedly believe that we are all looking for some form distraction (and maybe a bit of oblivion as well) in our lives right now. Whether we are in a forced lockdown situation or not, we all need to think about other things that have nothing to with COVID-19, because if we don't we'll slowly drown in our rising worries and anxiety, sink beneath our escalating concerns or become crushed under the weight of our overwhelming sense of grief.
​For some people, that distraction comes in the form of a shit tonne of streaming, for others it comes in the form of absorbing novels, for some it's long walks and meditation and then for others it's sex, drugs and rock and roll; and in all honesty maybe I'm actually indulging in a little bit of all of those things. However, there is nothing quite like indulging in some imaginary online shopping to really distract. Yep that's right I said imaginary, becasue I am not shopping for a pair of cute earrings, a new dress or a fancy mug, I'm looking at some big, expensive merch. And I love doing it, even if it's only online 'window' shopping. 
As I previously mentioned in my blog, I love to look at images and images of things that I desire are all the better as far as I am concerned. Nothing distracts me faster than shiny, beautiful and lovely things, and I have to admit it, I am a total whore for visual stimulus and looking at things that I want to purchase but may never be able to afford to have, pleases and distracts me in shamefully embarrassing ways.  
But, this is not the time to be embarrassed about the things that we like to be distracted by, it's a time to embrace them, to share them, to try and distract others with them as well. I would much rather hear about people's coping mechanisms, distractions and coping tools at the moment instead of hearing another 'search for loo roll' tale. And I never ever want to see another picture of some asshole hoarders house that's full of supplies that they not only don't need right now but have no right to have over anyone else either. However, I am diverting, let me draw my attention back to the lovely shiny things that I find so very stimulating and desirable.
Here's my top ten secret objects of desire that I am completely distracted by and that I love to drool over when I'm all alone....Oh yes....I'll get you my pretties...well, maybe one day anyway. For now you're all just a beautiful and welcome distraction. 

1. Super hot vintage cars
2. Insanely intricate and highly stylised side tables and bureaus
3. Expensive artworks
4. Handmade/ hand woven Persian and Indian rugs, baskets and blankets
5. Unique furniture pieces
6. Ridiculously extravagant light fittings and chandeliers 
7. Sprawling asian zen gardens 
8. Designer handmade chocolates 
9. Handcrafted dinnerware and cutlery  
10. Sexy images of Keanu Reeves 

JOHN WICK 
Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 101 mins 
A slick action-crime film directed by Chad Stahelski, in his directorial debut and written by Derek Kolstad. John Wick delivers a fast paced, action packed ride with intense fight scenes that rival Hong Kong action movies. I was pleasantly and unexpectedly entertained by this movie with it's neo-noir vibe and smooth talking hitman with a soft heart, it is undeniably enjoyable. 
When the puppy that his recently deceased wife left for him to assist with his grief is killed and his beloved Mustang is stolen, ex-hitman John Wick comes out of retirement to exact his revenge. 
​No big surprises with the storyline here, it all plays out in a pretty predictable and linear fashion, but the real strength of this movie is the impeccable cast and intense action sequences.  Ian McShane, Willem Dafoe, Michael Nyqvist, Alfie Allen and John Leguizamo all join the ranks, but they are completely eclipsed by Keanu Reeves, who hasn't delivered anything this sexy and cool since The Matrix. 
FINAL SAY: He was the one that you sent to kill the fucking Boogeyman. 
4 Chilli Peppers
Note: John Wick: Chapter 2 released in 2017 and  John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum released in 2019 continue to deliver even more high quality, fast paced action and are equally as good (dare I say even better?) as the first John Wick offering. As far as action trilogies go, the John Wick trilogy is the best that I have ever seen. ​

Bananarama and Fun Boy Three had a not so great but deadly catchy song in the eighties called 'It Aint What You Do' and it was all about how it wasn't what you did that mattered, but how you did it that got results. And for some unknown reason, every time that I have to enter into a difficult conversation with someone I always think about that song, but in my mind it goes more like 'it ain't what you say, it's the way that you say it - and that's what gets results.'
Even though we were all raised to have good manners and abide by the 'if you can't say anything nice then you shouldn't say anything at all' rule, all of us also know that sometimes, whether we really want to or not, we have to enter into very difficult and sometimes extremely inconvenient conversations with people that may be seen as unwanted or unwelcome.
And that's where diplomacy kicks in, and you have to employ a gentle hand and not let your mouth shoot from the hip, hence 'it ain't what you say...it's the way that you say it.' And I find that you can say just about anything if you say it in the right way; and as long as you can remain sensitive to the other person's feelings whilst you're saying it, then you can usually get across an unwanted message without too many tears or tantrums. Mary Poppins was totally right, a spoonful of sugar really does help the medicine go down and sometimes that extra dip of honey can make any difficult topic a little more palatable. 
Nobody likes receiving a jagged little pill of truth, I know that I never enjoy the taste of my own poison, but god knows that sometimes I have needed people to be straight shooters with me and just tell me how it is. I have however, always appreciated it when negative or unpleasant news has been delivered to me with a sugar coating or at the very least an awareness attached to it that I can be a ridiculously sensitive creature and that things don't always roll off my back as easily as water off a ducks, and sometimes when people are short or curt with me, I can't stomach it.
I have always appreciated those that have offered me a gentle delivery, and over time it has helped me to employ a much gentler hand myself when dealing with difficult or unpleasant conversations or people. I'm not perfect at it yet, but I am gradually getting better at putting the emotions of others first whenever I have to enter into 'awkward truth' territory. I have found that by putting myself into another person's emotional reality, I can really harness my empathy and get 'on the level' during these tricky exchanges. 
It is not okay to allow the people that you care about to act poorly or to treat you or others badly, it's actually quite neglectful to allow people that you care about to behave like assholes and go unchecked, but it is also extremely important to understand that these things do happen for a reason. People that are mean or insensitive are often the ones that are hurting the most, and I know this to be true becasue I usually only lash out when my personal pain is at its highest, which of course is not okay and sometimes I need to be gently reminded that it's not okay to wipe my bloodied palms all over others just because I fell over. 
Even a tiger can be tamed with the right amount of attention and affection, and the same goes for everything and everyone else. You can have awkward conversations and engage with difficult people, but you do have to be willing to hear their pain and be open to offering compassion when you do. It's true, it's not what you do, it's the way that you do it....it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it...and that's what gets results. Who knew that such sage advice would ever spring from the lyrics of Bananarama and Fun Boy Three? Turns out that zen messages can come from places that you would never really expect them to!

My regular readers all know that I do not have or subscribe to any social media accounts or platforms. That's right world, believe it or not you won't find me on Facebook or Snapchat or any other form of social media under the name of Spicywatch or any other name for that matter because I don't have any accounts. Thankfully for the rest of the world, you can only find me on my own blog ranting on like a lunatic, so you're all welcome. 
There are actually a few reasons for this, first and foremostly it is because I already have too many things going on in my life at once and cannot afford the distraction that social media provides. I would literally have to 'Multiplicity' myself to be able to manage checking in with social media at this point. So, with all due respect to my friends and family, I have to be honest and say that my primary reason for not joining any social media platforms is because I am not all that interested in seeing what everyone else is up to because I  have enough of my own shit going on, thanks (and sorry). 
Secondly, there are people that I would prefer not to have contact with and that I would prefer not to be nosing around in my stuff as well, so posting images of my life and updates about my everyday 'goings on' seems pretty counterproductive to that, so I prefer to just fly under the radar as Spicywatch and keep my personal pics to myself.
And lastly, after seeing the movie The Social Network, I was so put off by the crappy and unpleasant people behind certain social media platforms that I made a choice to not be involved in their shenanigans or boost their clientele. So I have just never signed on for an account. And guess what? I have survived just fine without any and I do not feel like I am out of the loop or missing out on anything.  In truth, I actually spend more meaningful time with people now than I ever have before in my life, so you really don't need social media to feel like you are in touch, but I can also appreciate that some people may feel differently about that. 
However, for all of my anti-social media chatter, I do have to admit to having one social media app account that I am pretty obsessed with and that is Pinterest. Hello! It's visual and if there is one thing that I am obsessed with, it has to be visual input. My Spicywatch Pinterest page is where I pin all of my visual thoughts. I have a folder for food, clothes, books, art, photography, animals, fantasy, longings, quotes, yoga and of course movies, to name a few. Pretty much everything that I am obsessed with is there in picture form on my Pinterest account, and I add to it regularly.
And yes, of course I follow other boards and  have my favourite Pinterest accounts that I feed off regularly as well. So, yes I admit it, I do have a social media obsession in Pinterest, but I promise that I am only there for the images and not for the chatter or gossip, of which there is virtually zero anyway. 
However, it would be very unfair of me to hype up my obsession and not share my goodies with you, so here is a list of my fave Pinterest pages for you to check out for yourself.
INAG - Art and contemporary imagery. I pin regularly from this gem. 
Colossal- Art, design and visual culture - obsessed! 
Three Rivers Deep - based on the fantasy books, this page is full of fantastical interludes and gorgeous otherworldly images. 
Janine - Gorgeous, dark, melancholic and inspirationally stylised boards that draw you in. 
Lobster & Swan - This page looks so damn good you just want to climb into it. Perfect food, perfect landscapes and a whimsical beauty that makes it hard to stop looking.
Anima Mundi Herbals - Elixirs, tonics and superherbs. A visual treasure of botanical wellness. 
Finkiyaya - This pinner should be a stand up comedian. Their two boards Nana was a Naughty Girl and Nana Had a Naughty Daughter are so funny, I literally laugh out loud everytime that I look at them. You have to scroll through the pins individually and read the comments to really get the joke. 
Bleaq - Gothic, artistic, dark and melancholic - what's not to love? 
Ari B - A good mix of many things, especially great photography. 
The Jealous Curator - Art inspiration and innovation out the wazoo. I pin from this page regularly. 
Butter and Brioche - So yummy! Warning, you'll get hungry looking at this deliciousness!
Deviantart - Fantasy, gothic, science fiction and horror art at its best. 
Sara Barnes / Brown Paper Bag - A celebration of illustration and handmade arts and crafts. 
The Witch & Walnut - All things witchy in abundance, from fashion to basic spellcrafting it's all here. 

God knows that I love to have the last word, probably to my own detriment most of the time. Every time that I hear Annie Lennox singing that song 'Why?' when she reaches that line 'I tell myself too many times why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut?' I shudder as it stings me with its complete accuracy. Yep, sometimes I know that I say far more than what is necessary. In fact I'm pretty sure that if I have any guiding spirits, that they would probably be face palming themselves behind my back regularly. It's true; I do have to own that in the heat of the moment I have been known to throw out some pretty unnecessary words and I'm not going to pretend that I am proud of that because I am not. Losing your shit and saying more than what is necessary is never a good thing and only an idiot would ever defend that kind of behaviour. 
It really is a massive problem having a big gob like I do and saying too much, and the worst part of all is that you can't take any of it back. Words can never be unsaid, rewound, unravelled or removed once they have been spoken, and sometimes the fallout of their impact can never be undone either. I have learnt over the years that it is far better to just say nothing at all than to say something mean, unkind or inappropriate. 
And it was in the spirit of last words that I started pondering about what I would say if I knew that it was the very last thing that I  would ever say in my lifetime. And before you start thinking that I have too much time on my hands (which I clearly do) it turns out that a lot of other people have thought about this as well because there is a huge list of famous people's last words on the internet (if you can believe that they are really true that is). Mind you some of them aren't actually the person's last words, they're just the last thing that they were ever heard saying, so their real last words were probably something more like 'Oh fuck I'm actually dying!' and we would never really know. Nevertheless here are a couple of rippers that I really enjoyed reading:

• Frank Sinatra - I'm losing it. 
• Margaret Sanger (Birth Control advocate) - A party, let's have a party!
• Nostradamus - Tomorrow, at sunrise, I shall no longer be here. 
• Leonardo da Vinci - I have offended god and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.
• Richard Feynman - This dying is boring. 
• Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - (to his wife)  You are wonderful.
• Michael Landon - You're right, its time. I love you all.
• Eugene O'Neill - I knew it! I knew it! Born in a hotel room and goddamnit, dying in a hotel room.
• Jack Soo - It must've been the coffee. 
• Groucho Marx - This is no way to live. 
• Emily Dickinson - I must go in, for the fog is rising. 
• James Brown - I'm going away tonight.
• Steve Jobs - Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow. 

In all seriousness though, it is absolutely impossible to determine what your own last words might be, because who knows how you'll go in the end? I would imagine that what you would say on your deathbed surrounded by loved ones would be quite different to what you might say if you were mowed down in the street by a bus. However, I would hope that my last words were something more like 'oh it's even more wonderful than I could've imagined' and a lot less like  'oh so that's what Satan looks like.'
However, the chances of actually formulating something exceptional, memorable or poignant on your deathbed are honestly extremely unlikely, so my best advice is that if you've got something really important to say then I think that you owe it to world to say it well before the day that you actually leave. As long as it's nice!  Just saying!

I think that everyone would like to think that they are leading a meaningful life, but in truth a lot of people actually appear to spend their entire lives in various states of dissatisfaction. From conversations that I have had with various people about their quality of life and from the articles, books and information that I have read, it seems to me that regardless of the fact that most of the people in question are living reasonably wealthy and social lifestyles, many of them are still feel like they are lacking purpose, fulfillment and direction in their lives. So what is happening here? Why are people feeling this level of meaninglessness when they already have everything that they could ever need?  
The answer to this is really very simple. People that feel like their lives are meaningless are usually failing to recognise what matters, and instead of appreciating and focusing on what they have, they spend most of their time focusing on what they believe to be missing from their current reality. This kind of thinking draws a person away from an appreciation mindset and leads them into thinking that they are going without, thus leading them into a state of dissatisfaction or meaninglessness. 
What constitutes a meaningful life has been a topic that philosophers have argued for centuries. The 19th century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said that the question itself is meaningless because in the midst of living, we're in no position to discern whether our lives matter, and stepping outside of the process of existence to answer is impossible. Other god- centred philosophers believe that only a deity can provide purpose and meaning to life. Naturalists philosophers would argue that there is no absolute truth when discussing value around life meaning because one person may say that creativity is the answer, and another may say virtue; and in truth they could both be correct. And subjective philosophers believe that the value of a life's meaningfulness is made up only by our minds and therefore is subject to change at any moment. 
And for some people these truths are the way that they find meaning in their lives. In fact none of these theories are incorrect, because they would all still fit into the theory that life's meaning can be found by refocusing your mindset upon the things in your life that you already have and seeing them as meaningful aspects. For some people that could be their relationship to a deity or God, for some it may be their creativity or virtuosity and for others it could be a sliding scale of elements that are continuously altered by life experiences like the people we meet, the places we go and the new ideas and concepts that we engage in. As long as you are focused on those things as meaningful and not continuously looking at what is missing from your current existence them you can and will feel like you are living a meaningful life. 
Sure, it seems pretty simplistic and that's because it is. If you can condition yourself to look at all of the things that already exist in your life then you can most definitely become empowered by that thinking. By removing habits of comparison, jealousy, longing, searching and escaping from your life and replacing them with habits of gratitude, appreciation, awareness, fulfilment and self focus, you can drastically increase your ability to recognise that you are already living a very meaningful life right at this moment. Yes, you are living a very meaningful life right at this moment; wherever you are, whoever you are and whatever you are doing, your life has meaning and purpose.
So, in conclusion and in answer to my opening question, what is a meaningful life? I believe that the answer is that all life is meaningful, you just have to focus on what you already have. So please, go out and appreciate all that you have right now and enjoy your beautiful and meaningful life!

FRANCES HA
Release Date: 2012
Rating: MA 15+
Running: 86 mins
You aren't going to really like anyone all that much in this movie. You aren't going to be blown away with a rich and intriguing story line. And you aren't going to be changed emotionally by seeing this movie; and that is because this film is not setting out to do those things. 
Frances Ha is a movie about the unbearable lightness of being, about everyday people - most of whom are pretty annoying and self involved. It's about the shitty everyday stuff that happens, mostly of little consequence and mostly in transition, but completely unavoidable in life and also part of the rich tapestry that gives life real meaning. 
We follow Frances (Greta Gerwig) as she flows through relationships, friendships, employment and homelessness as she tries to establish a career and a life for herself in New York as a dancer. Frances is impulsive, honest and dreamy in her approach to life and her story offers a fresh perspective on the nothingness that is living. 
Shot in a broody black and white and sensitively directed by Noah Baumbach, I think a lot of people will sadly overlook this film which would be a damn shame because it's message is so unique.
FINAL SAY: I like things that look like mistakes. 
3 Chilli peppers ​

When I was a teenager, the worst kinds of drugs that my peers were getting into were things like marijuana, hashish and maybe a few magic mushrooms (if you were lucky enough to know which ones were actually safe to ingest without dying). Now, I don't want anyone to think that I am condoning the taking of illicit drugs, because I don't, but from what I could glean from it all, the biggest consequence of taking any of the aforementioned drugs in your teens in my time was spending an entire weekend listening to back to back Pink Floyd albums and eating all of the packaged snack foods out of your parent's pantry.  
Occasionally you'd hear about older teens experimenting with speed or rohypnol, but in the circles that I ran in, things weren't really getting that heavy and we all just naively believed that it was only the 'kids that ran on the wrong side of the tracks' that were getting into the 'heavier' stuff anyway. 
I do still believe that most of the teenagers that were hanging out in my neighbourhood were actually just happy to experiment with alcohol and nicotine in the 80's and early 90's, although some of the really edgy kids that I knew were dropping acid tabs and going on psyc anthropic trips into other realms on the weekends, but no-one seemed to be experimenting with anything heavier than that.
When I was younger I was so uneducated about drugs that I actually thought that highly addictive drugs like heroin, cocaine or smack were reserved only for 'serious' drug addicts.  I thought that only people that were much older than me would even be able to afford or score drugs of that calibre and I suppose that kind of thinking allowed me to keep highly addictive drugs at a safe distance in some inaccessible realm that I would never need to enter. However in truth, those drugs were actually far closer than I realised at the time and the menu of drug choices was far more substantial than I had ever perceived it to be as well.
Today, teenagers are exposed to the risk of addiction from many more substances than I was ever exposed to, and even though alcohol and marijuana have been cited as the most commonly used drugs across the past four generations, what we are now seeing is a terrifying rise in young people using crystal meth (aka ice), synthetic drugs and (believe it or not) over the counter pain medications. However, what we also need to take into account is the fact that our teenagers are now far more educated and aware than they have ever been before and that kind of awareness is valuable and powerful, especially when we are talking about voluntary drug use. In fact, statistics show that it is not our young people that are at the biggest risk of having serious drug addictions anymore; the real truth about modern drug addiction is actually quite different than what you might have thought that would be. 
Due to the their wide range of health issues, social exclusion and isolation issues,  it is actually the elderly (64 to 86 years) who have the largest number of people that are abusing illicit substances these days. And perhaps just as equally shocking is the 11% of women over 50 years that are currently addicted to prescription medications. Which means that there are actually drug pushers sitting at our community clinics disguised as health care providers! We know this because the biggest rise in drug addiction in the last decade has occurred due to the drugs and medications that doctors are over-prescribing. Turns out that some of our friendly local GP's are now some of the most prolific drug peddlers in town, addicting more and more people to prescription drugs every year and doing it all legally as well!
After a little digging I found a list of the most commonly abused drugs and it's really no surprise that it looked like this: barbiturates, benzodiazepines, sleep medications, codeine, morphine, oxycontin, percocet, vicodin, amphetamines, methylphenidates (ritalin) and DMX. All of them prescription drugs.
However, the five most addictive drugs are: heroin, cocaine, nicotine, barbiturates and alcohol. And even though marijuana is the most abused drug worldwide with approximately 27.1 million users, it is not known as a highly addictive drug and is widely considered to be the safest recreational drug, however it is known as a gateway drug that can lead to other serious substance addictions, like Twisties, Cheezels and Doritos.
Sorry, I couldn't resist, but in reality drug abuse and drug addiction is certainly no laughing matter, and whether you've dabbled yourself, still partake or just have a curious mind about it all, always remember that all drugs, even something as innocuous as caffeine, come at a price to your overall health and wellbeing. So when it comes to the question 'to drug or not to drug?' I always try not to drug as much as possible, but I still can't resist a good whiskey on a Saturday night, and even though I don't ever want to seem flippant about alcohol abuse, I do believe that it hardly puts me into the Trainspotting stakes of addiction does it? 

One thing that you really miss about being on holidays is being able to dictate when you will sleep. I freely admit that I was regularly indulging in the odd siesta over the summer holidays and was often staying up very late and sleeping in until all kinds of unprofessional hours, but hey that's what the holidays are for! However, now that I am back at work  and once again a slave to the clock, it has occurred to me that in order to fulfil my hectic and busy lifestyle choices that something has to give, and for me the first thing to be sacrificed is my sleep. 
Sleep could be seen as a very silly thing to sacrifice, or a very smart one depending on who you are. And I suppose that the most obvious question that gets raised when someone starts to toy with cutting back on their sleep is just how much sleep do you actually need to survive? Notice that I said survive there and not thrive? Well, I suppose what I really mean is how much sleep do we need to still be considered high functioning? And the results of my research may surprise you.
In general, the average adult requires between 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night; however (and this is a pretty big however), everyone actually requires a different amount depending on their individual genetic makeup. And furthermore, you can actually condition your body to function well on as little as 5 hours sleep per night. Yes, really, 5 hours of sleep a night and the secret to doing this lies not in the hours of sleep that you get, but in the quality of sleep that you are getting during those 5 hours of sleep. 
When assessed, it was found that people who can thrive on 5 or 6 hours of sleep and still feel bright and ready to face the day are generally getting very high quality sleep when they are sleeping. They spend less time tossing and turning, more time in REM sleep when they are out and are generally able to relax on a whim if required to do so. For example, these people would be able to drop into a deep meditation mode easily or engage in reading a book in very noisy situations. However, let's be very real about this, being able to go without sleep and survive on only 5 hours of rest every day is a superhuman feat and before you commit to cutting your sleep down to radically small amounts it is also worth considering the side effects of having too little quality sleep in your life. 
Apart from constantly feeling like a crap sandwich, a lack of sleep has also been linked to obesity, heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure, none of which are very alluring at all are they? And there are also some significant signs that you're not getting enough quality sleep that you can keep an eye out for like feeling moody or depressed, getting dizzy, suffering from breakouts and illnesses, having dark rings around your eyes, gaining weight, craving junk food, drinking more caffeine and forgetfulness.  
Experts say that if you take more than 30 minutes to get sleep at night and always feel tired when you wake up then you are more than likely depriving your body of quality sleep. And it is also worth noting that the hormones in your body that control hunger and stress are also regulated by sleep, so odds are that if you're not sleeping enough you're going to be stressing out a lot and generally eating too much.
Everyone knows that sleep deprivation is an incredibly effective and insidious form of torture that attacks your deep biological functions and will eventually cause irreparable mental and physical health complications over time if continued; so do I recommend cutting your sleep back to fit more into your life? Well no, at least not for anyone else...but for me in the interim, I feel reasonably confident that the 6 to 6.5 hours of sleep that I allow myself to have each night is sustaining me just fine. However, I could have already wrecked my brain by now and have absolutely no idea what the hell I am saying, so please don't take my word for it! Go and experiment on yourself and your own sleep patterns to work out what your 'golden and ideal' amount of sleep hours is- you'll definitely have a perfect point, that much I do know for sure, but only you will be able to determine where that is.
In the meantime, make sure that you consider Dr Michael Breus' (from thesleepdoctor.com) recommendations for the perfect bedtime ritual to get more bang for your buck when you are asleep - and sweet dreams everyone!
1. Clean yourself -eg, take a shower, or at least wash your face, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean PJ's.
2. Keep your linen fresh and clean and where possible allow fresh air to circulate your room. 
3. Avoid eating for at least an hour before sleep. 
4. Commit to the same bedtime each night so that you establish a routine.
5. Drink a warm non-caffeinated beverage.
6. Turn off screens at least one hour before retiring.
7. Meditate.
8. Ensure that you have a dark quiet room or use eye shades and ear plugs. 
9. Practise deep breathing and stretching before getting into bed. 
10. Don't fight the sleep, if you're wrestling your sheets or tossing about, get up and make a warm drink and restart your ritual again. Remember that 2 hours of restful sleep is better than 4 hours of restlessness. 

I guess that everyone wants to feel like they have lived their life to the full, and the idea of a full life is different for everybody. Does it mean that you need to have an extensive bucket list of tasks to complete in your lifetime? No, of course it doesn't! Some people lead extremely full and rewarding lives without ever attempting to tick off any bucket lists. 
However, with that being said, I did stumble across a 100 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE list that has been clearly designed for Australians, and after ticking off 70 of them immediately I was feeling pretty chuffed about just how many fabulous things I have actually done in my lifetime. What a lucky and very spoilt lady I am!
Now, I have to be honest, some of these things are not going to appeal to you at all. In fact some of them really didn't appeal to me at all as I was reading them; damn some of the things that I have ticked off didn't actually appeal to me that much either, but I still did them!
Look at this list as suggestive, rather than exhaustive. There will, without a doubt, be things that you've done on here and there will be things that you will think are outrageously bad ideas. Who knows, you may see something on the list and think to yourself "yeah, I would like to that before I die," in which case I would encourage you to pursue your aspirations. Regardless of how well you score on this list, or how many things you do or don't wish to do before you die, just remember that you don't need to making grand and sweeping gestures, travelling long distances or eating snails in Paris to be living a full and rewarding life, trust me I've done that one and it was revolting!
And if you don't like any of these, then make up your own 'life bucket list' if you're really motivated. I used to know a woman in her late 50's, and every month she and her friends would take turns at ticking something off each other's bucket lists. She found this method of getting out of her comfort zone extremely rewarding and she and her friends were always going off to do some wild and adventurous thing; it was quite inspiring actually. Whatever you chose to do with this list, thrash it or trash it - just remember that it's your life and you've only got one, so make sure you're doing the things that make you happy. 

JOURNEY TO THE WEST: CONQUERING THE DEMONS
Release Date: 2013
Rating: M
Running Time: 110 mins 
A Chinese language, fantasy, comedy film that was co-written, co- directed and produced Stephen Chow. A loose comedic re-interpretation of the famous Chinese literary classic novel Journey to the West, this sweet and silly tale delivers just the right balance of fantasy and action to make it a real winner. 
An aspiring Buddhist monk attempts to protect a fishing village from three vicious demons. His misadventures lead him to team up with an amorous female demon hunter named Miss Duan, and eventually the two must unite to battle the legendary Monkey King. 
When you're combining ancient tales of Chinese mythology with Stephen Chow's zany and original style of storytelling, you know that you just can't go wrong. Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons is left of centre, highly entertaining, fast paced and extremely funny. In short - it's an unmissable Chinese treat, and a perfect viewing choice for a Lunar New Year celebration. 
FINAL SAY: This is straight up bananas!
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I am still utterly yoga and meditation obsessed. I rarely, if ever, go a day without these two elements in my life now and I am always seeking ways to access classes that are effective and preferably free as well. Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with people paying to go to yoga classes or learning how to meditate from a professional, I just think that there are some really great ways to access quality programs for free that people may not be aware of. 
Over the last four years I have become very disciplined and committed to my yoga and meditation practises and this endeavour has in turn, lead to me finding some amazing YouTube channels that offer free, effective and fun home practises that can hone your skills and give you a cheap alternative to paying for a gym membership or a yoga/ meditation guru. 
Here's my list of best YouTube yoga and meditation home practises: 
Yoga with Adriene - I started my yoga journey with Adriene and her dog Benji, she's a sweet and user friendly way to kick start an 'at home' yoga practise. She does monthly calendars that you can follow and they're terrific!
SarahBethYoga - Gorgeous Sarah has the best at home yoga morning quickies for all levels of ability. You can access an entire library of 10, 15, 20 and 30 minute practises with varying levels of intensity and challenge. 
Fightmaster Yoga - Lesley Fightmaster is a little ditsy with her high voice and daily quotes, but her practises are really great and very effective for body toning. Her channel has something for everyone, including some really advanced yoga challenges as well.
PsycheTruth - This is a health and wellbeing channel that offers more than yoga. Their clips cover nutrition, pain relief, massage, meditation, stress and anxiety relief, holistic health and much, much more. They have loads of instructors so you can try out a variety of them and find one that you like. 
Five Parks Yoga - Erin Sampson is one fit lady! Her channel offers a more advanced 'at home' yoga practise. She does do some shorter sessions as well, but her overall level of intensity is higher. Loads of strength building and core routines with little rest time.
Yoga with Jess - Jess delivers good, short, problem area focused yoga sessions. Unfortunately she hasn't posted for around 9 months now, but there is a good bank of her old stuff still there to access, all of which are very good. 
Bad Yogi Yoga - A little of everything and definitely a good place for beginners to start, this channel is a great way to learn the basics properly. The short '100 poses' videos are terrific for getting your postures correct and learning the names and shapes of yoga poses properly.
Kino Yoga - Kino MacGregor looks like a suntanned health-guru dream yogi. If you can get passed her 'polished and perfect' exterior, you'll see that with 20 plus years of experience under her belt, she offers something for everyone and delivers practises that build strength and flexibility in serious and transformative ways. 
BrettLarkinYoga - Vinyasa flow and meditation channel that has some easy beginners stuff all the way through to the deep sweaty advanced work. Brett (who is actually a woman) also delivers some really great free meditations and nighttime yoga sessions as well. 
The Mindful Movement - Meditations, visualisations, hypnosis, pilates, yoga and mindfulness - this channel is your one stop shop for inner peace and self healing techniques, it has something for everyone. 

Hopefully, you'll be able to find something new to try from my list of free goodies. Anything that makes you feel brighter, gets you balanced and brings joy to your life for free can't be a bad thing! 

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW
Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 93 mins 
The critics rather unfairly tore this survival-horror movie a new asshole, and no, it's certainly not a life changer, but given the fact that the cast was a bunch of virtual unknowns, the setting was nothing more than miles of poorly lit tunnel and the director went for another hand held- found footage approach, As Above, So Below still provided an adequately creepy and intriguing environment that kept me watching until the very end. 
Scarlet, an intrepid explorer, takes a team of guides and curious friends into the Parisian catacombs in search of the Philosophers Stone, with dire consequences. 
I would have liked to have seen a bit more 'Hellmouth' action to be honest, because the lead up was far too long and the actual 'hell time' was fleeting, under-developed and rushed. The plausibility of the story line had more holes in it than Swiss cheese, but overall I am still giving this a thumbs up for it's claustrophobic effect and creepy weirdness. 
FINAL SAY: As I believe the world to be, so it is. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

I am all for owning and indulging in your guilty pleasures, and come on, let's put it out there...they're only guilty pleasures if you actually feel guilty about them, right? So rather than calling them 'guilty' pleasures let's just call them straight up pleasures, aka the things that you love to indulge in that other people may not (probably won't) know about. And let's be honest about this, we all have them, so there's no point in acting like you don't. And they could be as innocuous as eating chocolate in the bathtub whilst listening to Cindy Lauper CD's or they could be as dangerous as snorting cocaine off the back of a dunny seat everytime that you go to a Melbourne nightclub; whatever your pleasure (and as long as it isn't harming anyone else) I say that it's okay to indulge in your pleasure vices from time to time. 
I find that as I get older, my choice of 'pleasures' has changed substantially, and that's not because I don't have anything that I desire enough to warrant the effort because I most certainly do, but I find that I am much busier and more financially restricted as the time in my life marches on; so what I can afford to indulge in, and also what I can afford the time to indulge in, has altered quite a lot. Perhaps I just have more expensive pleasures than I did say... fifteen years ago, which is probably closer to the truth and that would generally mean that I just can't afford to indulge in them as often as I would like to. 
When I say expensive, I also mean indulgent and I think that, like most of us, there is a certain level of guilt associated with indulging in your pleasures, especially if you know that they are expensive, dangerous or not really considered to be good for your health - hence the title guilty pleasures. However, if there is one thing that I have learnt thus far in this life,  it's that restricting yourself from the things that you really love and genuinely crave is not only extremely cruel, but it's downright oppressive to your soul as well. One must never forget the age old adage - you can't take your riches with you when you die, so you may as well make the most of them while you can. 
Over the years the topic of guilty pleasures has come up from time to time when I have had people around, it is certainly one of the more interesting topics that you can discuss at a dinner party or friendly gathering. As interesting as your own pleasures are to you, I find it way more interesting to hear about the guilty pleasures of others. Other people's pleasure choices can reveal another dimension to their person that you may have completely overlooked, and although I am not going to out anyone here for their specific desires, I have heard some pretty interesting and even salacious pleasure choices that have raised a few eyebrows in the room when they were revealed.
Check out these rippers:

• Staying a work late to use their internet to game.
• Looking at photos of Kamal and listening to him sing - and getting turned on!
• Getting drunk and binge watching bad reality TV.
• Enjoying McDonald's breakfasts regularly. 
• Dancing in the loungeroom to songs from Dirty Dancing or Grease. 
• Stealing luxury pillows from hotels.
• Eating a (free?) handful of grapes or nuts from the produce section of supermarkets. 
• Drinking a whole bottle of good champagne alone.
• Eating raw cake mixture or biscuit dough. 
• Stealing soaps. 
• Watching Steven Seagal movies and loving them. 
• Getting professional massages on your lunch break.
• Following Justin Bieber on Instagram. 
• Watching 'weird topic' porn.
• Reading Mills and Boon novels. 
• Impulse travelling or road tripping. 
• Sunbaking without sunscreen.
• Eating things straight from the jar or drinking out of the carton.
• Smoking joints.
• Squeezing pimples on other people's backs or faces. 
• Not showering on the weekends. 
• Stalking people on social media platforms. 
• Talking to your pet like it's a real person that understands you. 

Some of those were actually mine, but I am not going to tell you which ones...you'll just have to guess! In the meantime, raise a glass to your own (guilty) pleasures, partake in them and explore what gives you genuine and unbridled joy, because life's too short not to indulge in the sillier, simpler and saucier bits and bobs. And, as long as 'it harms none' then I say go in hard and celebrate being alive everyday!

Not always the easiest things to do, but listening to your emotions is vital to staying on track and managing yourself in a dignified and intelligent way. Once you become adept at acknowledging emotions and the message that they are sending to you, then you can empower yourself to question the validity of the message and respond accordingly. Sounds rather scientific, but it really isn't and just like any other muscle that you work on to make it stronger, your emotional intelligence is just as pliable and important, so why not start to decipher your feels, identify them and manage them like a boss?
Here is a list of some common negative emotions that you may be feeling and what they could be trying to tell you to address:
Bitterness: you are not healed from an old pain, your hanging onto a judgement of yourself and/or others. 
Resentment: you're living in the past and not allowing the present to be as it.
Discomfort: You need to start paying attention to what is occurring to you right now. You could be ignoring an opportunity to change or hanging on to outmoded version of yourself. 
Anger: Your passionate about something or you feel like an injustice has occurred. Check your boundaries and reassess your need to force your passions outwards.
Disappointment: You tried for something, you didn't give in to apathy and you still care.
Guilt: Guilt helps you to understand the person that you do not want to be. You have an opportunity to forgive yourself and move on. 
Shame: You're internalizing someone else's beliefs about who you should be (or who you are) and you need to connect with yourself. 
Sadness: You have depth in your feelings, you care for others and the world.
Jealousy: You are not content with what you have, you need to discover what it is that is making you feel incomplete.

You do not have to be slave to your negative emotions, remember that you are always in control and that you must try to resolve your feelings first and foremostly, with acceptance. Become aware of what you are feeling, name it and notice where in your physical body it is affecting you, and then without judgement just mindfully label it, eg. this is anxiety. Don't deny the emotion or reject it, accept it completely and even though that may seem like an overwhelming thing to do, also remind yourself that it is not a permanent feeling and that it will, like all things, eventually come to pass. Work hard to identify your triggers and what is going on that makes these feelings rise up within you from time to time and let go of the need to be in control of your emotions all the time. 
You don't have to deny or control your feelings, you only need to manage your responses to them. As I have said in previous blog posts, even Buddhist monks get pissed off from time to time, they just don't act on those feelings, and that is emotional intelligence - just letting the emotions come in and leave without you needing to engage with them at all. And you can do this, and you do deserve to live a life free of stress and anxiety, and you do deserve to feel happy and content, so allow yourself to do the work of the self as often as you can. 
I think that Charles Bukowski summed it all best when he said:
"Nobody can save you but yourself -
and you're worth saving.
It's a war not easily won 
but if anything is worth winning -
this is it."

The Golden Globes Awards happened on Monday at midday and I was lucky enough to watch them in real time from the comfort of my couch. However, it is extremely hard to really enjoy any type of celebration or merriment wholeheartedly at the moment without feeling extremely guilty. Especially when you are surrounded by a very ominous, dark, smokey haze that has drifted over from the devastating bushfires that are ravaging our country at the moment. To call the state of affairs in Australia grim at the moment would be a serious understatement, they are truly troubling and frightening real. 
Gone are the days of a laid back and relaxed Aussie Summer, the reality of our warmer season now is  an endurance of long dry days, hypervigilance and dire concern as year after year we watch in despair as our country turns to ash. And I am well aware that our climate makes us more susceptible to bushfire, but the frequency, ferocity and duration of this year's blazes has been unprecedented. Nowhere in Australia is safe from the threat of fire anymore and when you already live in a high fire risk area as I do, you can't help but be very, very concerned. 
Many of the actors that took to the stage on Monday extended their thoughts and solidarity towards Australia during our country's fire crisis, but goodwill and thoughts, although kind, aren't exactly going to extinguish the roaring blazes or save family homes. So, what can anyone really do to help? At this point in the crisis what we really need is more money, money to replace homes and support devastated communities to get back onto their feet and to help care for injured wildlife and fund koala hospitals. These donations can be made through The Red Cross, the CFA, Wildlife Victoria and also directly to The Victorian Bushfire Appeal, all of whom can easily be reached online if you feel compelled to offer financial support. 
In the long run however, it is up to us as a nation to not only be stronger in our fire awareness and prevention but to be far more mindful about where we place our votes for our country's leadership in the future. Without a leader in this country that is willing to make serious and realistic moves towards our climate change issues nothing is going to improve. Australia desperately needs a national climate and energy policy review, and most of all a leader that is willing to undertake that work. That is never going to happen if we don't make it happen, so please, I implore you to not waste your next vote but to thoughtfully consider what the future of our country will look like for our children and children's children and to have that at the forefront of your thinking when you vote next. Come on Australia - we can make big changes for the better by just casting our vote to where it is needed. 
​But enough about politics, let's lighten the mood and announce the Golden Globe recipients for 2020 - a most worthy and deserving bunch for sure:

I'm not going to lie about it, 2019 was NOT my favourite year. It was a year when things that could go wrong did go wrong for me. It was year of loss, sorrow, illness, confusion and things just frickin breaking or catching on fire (seriously - catching on fire people - just nuts!), but you know what I have to say about that? I say, well yeah it was pretty shitty a lot of the time, but I survived it. And I am stronger and smarter and calmer and wiser because of it all, I have learnt more about myself and others this year than I ever thought that I could learn in one year and even though I am praying that 2020 is somewhat kinder and gentler to me, I am actually proud that I have managed myself as well as I did in the face of all that adversity. 
And it really wasn't all doom and gloom anyway, some really good stuff happened to me in 2019 as well, and I would really like to focus on those peaks and forget about the valleys right now. 

See, loads of good things happening all year long! If you just look hard enough at what you've been doing, you can always find the positives. And although this year has really tested my fortitude, it has also proven to me that I have some incredibly strong, kind and generous people in my life that have really supported me through the tough times, and that is better than so many others things and pretty much makes up for things catching on fire as well! 
So onward and upward I go, 2020 has arrived and along with it an opportunity to rise up, dust off and face the world again with a fresh perspective and some new found optimism. I feel that brighter days lie just ahead!

Words are flowing out
Like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
After drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva, Om
Nothing's gonna change my world...

Beautiful words from John Lennon and the lyrics from the incredible song Across the Universe by The Beatles.  
And why have I written them here? Well, sometimes I find that words are not always enough to express a feeling, but song lyrics - like poetry, seem to fill that void for me. In fact, I often seek the mellow embrace of a song when I really need to let it all out and there are many songs that evoke deep emotional responses within me, but for some unknown reason Across the Universe is one that I find myself turning to when my emotions get a bit jammed up or muddled. 
Apparently, The Beatles stated that the song was heavily influenced by their interest in Transcendental Meditation during the late 1960's. The mantra "Jai Guru Dev, Om" that features in the song is actually a Sanskrit phrase whose words can have many meanings. In translation it approximates as "glory to the shining remover of darkness" and it can also be paraphrased as "Victory of God divine", "hail to the divine guru," or the phrase commonly invoked by the late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in referring to his spiritual teacher, "All glory to Guru Dev."
Whatever the interpretation, the lyrics are highly image-based with abstract concepts and in a 1970 interview with Rolling Stone magazine, John Lennon referred to the lyrics of Across the Universe as "one of the best lyrics that I've written. In fact, it could be the best. It's good poetry, or whatever you call it, without chewin' it." And he is right, it is an incredibly well written piece of music and I always feel emotional when I listen to it. 
I suppose everyone has their favourite songs that they turn to when they want to cry a little or release something or just feel a connection. Here is a list of my top 25 favourite "get your feels out" songs that help me to release my pent up emotions. These songs really get me right in the heart every damn time that I listen to them. 

1. Across the Universe - I love The Beatles version, but recently Aurora did a version on Triple J's Like a Version and it is pretty much perfect in every way. 
2. This Woman's Work - Kate Bush 
3. Thirty-Three - The Smashing Pumpkins 
4. Morning Theft or Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
5. Breathe Me - Sia 
6. Speak My Mind or Decision- N.Y.C.K. 
7. Get on the Road - Tired Pony
8. The Drugs Don't Work - The Verve
9. Unravel - Bjork
10. Watch You Go - Tyne-James Organ
11. Horizon - Aldous Harding 
12. Listen to Soul, Listen to Blues - Safia
13. River - Leon Bridges 
14. No Stars - Rebekah Del Rio 
15. Delete - DMA's 
16. Runaway or Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks- The National 
17. Into Yellow - Martin Luke Brown
18. Pain and Misery - The Teskey Brothers 
19. ​Misplaced - Riley Pearce
20. Elegy - Leif Vollebekk
21. Primitive - Annie Lennox
22. All We Do - Oh Wonder 
23. I Get Overwhelmed - Dark Rooms
24. Medicine - Daughter
25. The Finish Line - Snow Patrol

I'm not 100% sure that crying out your feels to your favourite sad songs is the best way to deal with your emotions, but sometimes we all need to go to dark places to find ourselves again after stressful or traumatic times and listening to "get your feels out" songs seems like a pretty innocuous way to do that; just make sure you bring your tissue box along for the ride! 

JOJO RABBIT
Release Date: 2019 
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 108 mins
Written and directed by Taika Waititi (who also stars as an imaginary Adolf Hitler) Jojo Rabbit is set to divide viewers with it's strange mixture of comedy, war and drama. This unexpected 'feel good' movie swings between poignant and disturbing depictions of the atrocities of WW2 and full blown Nazi-mocking humour, never really committing to any one genre for the duration.
Living in Nazi occupied Germany during the latter stages of WW2, young Johannes "Jojo" Betzler, his best friend Yorki and his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler attend a Deutsches Jungvolk Hitler Youth training Camp together. The camp is designed to offer boys the basics in Nazi training, whilst strengthen their hate for all things Jewish. However, when Jojo comes into close contact with a Jewish girl, all of his training and pre-conceptions are put to the test. 
This is really funny stuff; Taika Waititi, Rebel Wilson, Stephen Merchant, Sam Rockwell and Scarlett Johansson all bring a lot of comic relief and support to Roman Griffin Davis who plays Jojo with loads of flair and and an engaging fresh faced innocence.  However, this movie is not just all about the laughs, because there are a lot of important and valuable things being said here as well which definitely makes it one of the most original films of the year for me. 
For fans of previous Waititi offerings, you are certainly in for a treat and although there is no denying that Jojo Rabbit isn't not going to appeal to everyone's taste, it certainly appealed to mine. 
FINAL SAY: Definitely not a good time to be a Nazi. 
4 Chilli Peppers ​

So much build up for just one day, and then poof! Christmas Day comes and then it goes again for another twelve months in the wink of an eye. I think that Christmas Day always seems to move at breakneck speed and generally it always feels like a bit of a blur for me. I always host a Christmas lunch which means that I do get busy in the kitchen on the actual day, and because this was our first Christmas without dad I also collected my mother on Christmas Eve to ensure that she was not alone on Christmas morning or Christmas Eve.
Mum's house is a three hour round trip from our house, so the travel required an extra element of time management in order to keep all of the Christmas events running smoothly and on time, but we managed and everything went well. To be honest, I had completely forgotten just how much effort some people go to every year for Christmas. Flitting around the countryside from one Christmas event to another is absolutely exhausting and we haven't had to do that for a very long time. I'd forgotten how drained it makes you! Craig's family hosted an afternoon/evening event in town here last night and I was absolutely knackered by the time the day drew to an end around 11.30pm - I slept like a bloody yuletide log! 
But, I am not complaining, Christmas should be a little hectic and a little bit crazy, it's a big event after all, so of course it deserves one's full attention! And it was a really wonderful day; we dressed the table in all of our finery, ate like kings, drank good wine, shared beautiful gifts, played games, hugged family members and laughed a whole lot together, so it was really a terrific day all round.
And today? Well today is Boxing Day so it is a completely different tale. Today I shlump about with unbrushed hair and an unwashed face in my old T-shirt and shorts looking like a bag lady as I picked at plates of leftovers, played Chinese Checkers with Seth and Craig and stood about in the garden with a hose at dusk for two hours in an attempt to water my sun crippled plants, all the while wondering how it is that the weeds in my yard look so lush and healthy. And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow reality will set in and I will probably pack Christmas away into boxes and bags for another year and begin to contemplate what I will do with the rest of my long hot Summer break. 
These days when the whole Summer break stretches out before you are the absolutely best days of all. And not just because of the possibilities of what you can do to fill those days, but for me, at this point in my life, right now, it's about knowing that there will definitely be days ahead for me digest the year that lies behind me and really take stock of where I want to be heading in the next twelve months of my life. I desperately need some contemplation time and I am so relieved to know that it is on the way!