I have this little daily inspirations magnet on my fridge at home. Everyday you tear off a page to get a dose of daily zen and sometimes the messages that I get really speak to me and even set me up for a day of happy, positive thinking with their inspirational quotes and ideas. Today when I tore off the little sheet of paper I saw this:
                              Neither seek nor avoid, take what comes.
                                            SWAMI VIVEKANANDA
Now I am all about living in the moment, which is pretty much my personal mantra, but neither seek nor avoid? Come on, that's extreme! I am all for counting your blessings and finding bliss in what you have, but I don't think that we should just settle. Life, the world, everything around us is in constant movement, if we just stop seeking and avoiding, we will more than likely just stand still and nothing will progress. Seeking is what makes us hungry, it's what makes us discover and invent, it's what changes us and motivates us. Sometimes not seeking a better option or looking around for new ideas is really just demonstrative of a lack of motivation, and that's definitely not a virtue in my books. How are you supposed to grow if you are not supposed to seek? That's called marinating my friends, and it's not ideal. And how does a person just stop being curious anyway? It's human nature to be curious, and I don't think that it is 'unzen' to want to look around sometimes. 
And what about not avoiding? I have even bigger issues with that one. Obviously one should always avoid a head on collision with a truck or getting an addiction to crack, and I am aware that the Swami wasn't being that literal when he said 'don't avoid', but there are a lot of other things that one should avoid in life in that it would be just plain stupid not to. Like avoiding unnecessary conflict, harsh words, arguments and being involved in any kind of shitty talk about other people. Also it's definitely a good idea to avoid being rude, ignorant, racist, sexist, insensitive...shall I go on? If you just go into everything in the world blindly or without a care for anyone else because you're on the 'neither seek nor avoid, take what comes' life mantra, odds are you're just asking for trouble and trouble will find you, and then you'll just have to accept that too! If the human race didn't avoid sometimes, there would be constant war and unrest in the world, sometimes avoiding trouble or danger is not only smart it's extremely wise and necessary to getting along. 
I just cannot abide by Swami Vivekananda's questionably sage theory if I am being honest because I actually believe that in certain circumstances, taking what comes without question or without using your common sense is really stupid and will only lead to disaster. We are supposed to seek, we are supposed to learn from our mistakes and therefore avoid what we know is disastrous, and we are not meant to just blindly take whatever is dished out to us, because we all deserve better than that. 
I am certainly no Swami, but if I was asked to give my version of the that inspirational quote to be put into a daily zen calendar it would probably say something a little more like this:
    Seek what you need to feel sated, avoid what is unnecessary and unkind,                                      and don't take anything too seriously or for granted. 
                                                         GURU SPICYWATCH 

SEVEN SAMURAI
Release Date: 1954
Rating: PG
Running Time: 207 mins
A Japanese action- adventure film co-written, edited and directed by Akira Kurosawa. Seven Samurai has truly stood the test of time and is still regarded as one of the most highly influential, remade, reworked and referenced films in cinema. I must admit that I felt completely bound to see this film because it kept turning up on so many people's must see lists, I knew that I must have been missing something important, and I was because this is an amazing period action movie, that deserves at least one viewing in everyone's life time. 
Set in 1586 during the Warring States Period of Japan, a village of local farmers hire seven ronin (masterless samurai) to combat a group of thieving bandits that have been ravaging their crops and terrorizing their families for years. 
Seven Samurai is not reliant on gore or effects to depict it's action scenes, there is a real sense of cavalry and style being used here that really enhances the overall effect of the film. As one of the only movies on Rotten Tomatoes to get a full 100% certified fresh rating, this film has just the right mix of everything to keep you interested and engaged, and at over three hours running time, that's really saying something! 
FINAL SAY: Danger always strikes when everything seems fine.
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Even the most secure people in the world need to be reassured from time to time, it's human to seek validation and it is not weak to admit that you require some reassured from time to time. I know that every now and then I like to be told that I'm doing okay, that I'm a good person and that I'm completely lovable, and when I don't receive any validation for a while, I start to listen to my persistent and annoying inner voice of self doubt, and then I start to stumble. 
I wasn't raised in a very validating home as a child. Behavioural expectations were high, imperfections were highlighted and opportunities to 'cut one down to size' were used as an everyday form of punishment and embarrassment. Unfortunately, these less than encouraging formative years have had a profound effect on who I have become as an adult, and as a consequence, I have had to severely escalated my efforts to break certain molds and cycles and find a sense of self assurance.
In the past, I have been rejected by my parents because they didn't like my behaviour, I have lost friends who thought that I wasn't worth the effort and my own siblings have all estranged me because they've perceived me to be unlovable and mean. As you would imagine, these things have had a massive effect on my life and have made me quite insecure. I have struggled all my life to feel accepted, comfortable and secure with who I am.
I have poured unknowable hours of my time into self help, self motivation and self care in an attempt to quench my need for acceptance and love, but sometimes you can only get the type of reassurance that you are really looking for from the people around you. There is no book, guide, meditation, fitness class, job or other external thing that can replace someone that you love telling you that they also love you and think that you're amazing. And that is a fact, we all need to feel like we are loved by someone and that we are perfect just the way that we are. It is not just reassuring, it's downright empowering to love and be loved in return, it's the best feeling in the world to know that there is someone on the planet that adores you in some way, shape or form for just being who you are. 
The bottom line is that none of us are completely self-sufficient, even though many of us pretend to be. However, the best thing that all of my self help attempts has taught me over the years is that the most insecure people in the world are those that cannot acknowledge their fears and insecurities, and that pretending to have it all together when you don't is not only stupid, it's also counterproductive to moving forward.  
So now, when I feel like I'm floundering, I just tell people. I spill out the stupid in my head and I say out loud - I need some reassurance. And it is totally okay to say that. No-one feels fabulous all of the time, and sometimes a simple word of reassurance from someone that you care about can be enough to get you back on track and fight off that self deprecating voice inside of you that can be doggedly determined to convince you otherwise.
No-one has to break out the accolades, send in the marching band or shroud me with words of praise in order to reassure me, a simple - I think you're important and I care about you is really all that it takes to reboot my system. But sometimes I need to hear it, and as corny and as silly as that may sound to admit, I just need to hear it. I'm human and sometimes I need some reassurance, and you know, I really don't think that there is anything wrong with admitting that. 

This holiday period has not come without it's own unique set of challenges. I am never really sure if it is a good thing for the wheels to drop off during a down period so that I have the time to properly deal with things, or if it only serves to rob me of some much needed down time. However, regardless of how I choose to perceive these inconveniences makes them no less real or prevalent in my life, so I choose to just face them head on and continue to search for the hidden silver linings in these hiccups of the human condition. 
What it has meant is that I have had less free time and also less money to splurge on the frivolous and fun things, but c'est la vie....like all things in life these moments of challenge are impermanent and constantly moving and won't last forever. You have to stay firmly rooted in the 'milk and honey' aspects of your life when you find yourself wrangling with darker days like these. Luckily,  I still have a lot of milk and honey in my life, so it is easy for me to be distracted by love, good company and humour. And it is in these moments of realisation about my blessings and good fortunes that I ponder how people that do not have these things still manage to find their milk and honey during the difficult times. 
It is easy not to drown when you have a life vest, a flotation buoy and a rescue boat coming to get you, but what do you do if you don't have those things in your life? Not everyone is as fortunate in life as I am, so where do they go when the world grows dims and the days feel darker? Clearly for people without good support units around them, things can get rather grim when life seems insurmountably difficult; but all hope is never totally lost because there is always help available if you know where to look for it. 
Aside from trying to expand your support networks, which can be ridiculous difficult for some people and sharpening your own coping skills, which again is easier said than done, there is always a voice of reason that can be reached out to when things get too big and the world gets too loud.
You don't need to have a life full of milk and honey to find a shoulder to lean on, a friendly voice or a helping hand that will pull you up when you feel like you can't lift yourself up, and the great news is that Australia has one of the best help lines in the world for this kind of thing. Lifeline (PH: 131114) is available 24 hours a day 7 days a week with experienced counsellors and it's free and completely confidential.  And no, lifeline is not just for people that want to commit suicide, it's for anyone in crisis that feels like they need someone to talk to or confide  in. 
Many people without adequate support don't reach out for help because they think that their problems may not be significant enough, but anyone in need without adequate support is significant enough. The counsellors at lifeline, regardless of a callers age, gender, ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation are there to listen, provide immediate support, offer strategies and options and provide  referrals that can assist with moving forward.
We all need someone to lean on from time to time, there is no shame in crawling sometimes or admitting that you are finding things hard. Bottom line is that life sometimes is hard, really bloody hard and if you don't have a support network around you, just remember that you are not alone and you do not have to do anything on your own. There is always help out there and your problems are more than important enough to tap into them, so please don't struggle on alone; reach out, open up, share the load and please, please.... get some help. 

PIN CUSHION
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 82 mins 
When odd Iona and her hunchback mother Lyn relocate to a new town, they are both optimistic for a  fresh start and hoping to integrate into their new community and make new friends. Unfortunately, their naivety about just how vicious, exclusive and unpleasant bored suburban housewives and attention seeking teenagers can be, causes them to crumble. 
Written and directed by Deborah Haywood, Pin Cushion completely assaults your senses with it's onslaught of awkward coming of age interludes, cruel and manipulative behaviours and it's agonisingly emotional struggle for acceptance. Joanna Scanlan is amazing as the well meaning social pariah Lyn, and Lily Newmark is perfectly awkward as the 'desperate to be liked' teenager Iona. 
This is truly heartbreaking stuff and at times it is quite hard to watch. Pin Cushion openly explores the many facets of a mother-daughter relationship within a single parent dynamic and explores issues of loneliness, isolation, bullying and co-dependence in ways that cannot be ignored. 
FINAL SAY: It's not just children that can bully in relentlessly cruel ways. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Thick girls get so many mixed messages, it is just ridiculous! I am certainly not what you would call a small lady, in fact I regularly call myself chubby, because truth is, I am. I wear size 16 clothes, I have loads of curves, I have a noticeable belly, I have cellulite and if I was ever to wear lycra I would probably look like the caterpillar out of A Bug's Life because I have fat rolls. However, contrary to what anyone wishes to think when they look at me, I am not ashamed of my body. I do not hate my curves, I do not get offended if someone calls be chubby and do not think that being thin is better than being thick.
I have been many shapes and sizes in my life and because of that I also know without a doubt that people do treat you better, give you more compliments and pay more attention to you when you are thinner. It is an unfortunate and completely unfair truth, but believe me, it is true. I think that it is great that we are seeing more body shapes in the media today and that there are some truly empowered larger ladies flying the flag for curvy lasses everywhere, but I know that as a society we still have a long way to go when it comes to accepting weight and body shape. 
As a thick lady, I feel like I am constantly bombarded with pressure and mixed messages about ideal weight, perfect health and genuine beauty, and it's so annoying. On one side there is this ideal Hollywood Chic body type aka 'the media spotlight woman' and a lot of women feel compelled to aspire to be like her. She's wafer thin and cinched in tightly. She has immaculate nails and hair and always looks perfectly polished, but if you hugged this lady it would probably feel like grasping a skin sack filled with knives and forks; lots of pointy stuff! Women think she's beautiful and men think she's sophisticated and high maintenance aka out of their league!
Then on the other side you have the self empowered Ashley Graham types who are shouting out 'embrace your beautiful curvy body' from the rooftops. They are genuinely thick but they are also very good looking so they get a lot of media coverage. Some of them certainly work hard to stop body shaming in very narrow minded industries like modelling, but are they really reaching the average Joe's of the world with their message? 
And what do you do if you don't fit into either of those cateogories? What if you are not Hollywood thin and you also aren't empowered by your curves, because your curves aren't necessarily in the right places like Iska Lawrence and you aren't stunningly good looking? What then? How are you supposed to love your body and your curves when no-one that is in the public eye that looks like you is celebrating how they look? Trust me when I say that this is a real dilemma for thick people, because I have been reading a lot on the topic and there is a genuine plea for everyday curvy lovelies to  get more media time.
And look, I'm not an idiot, I know that thin women also suffer the same anxieties over their bodies and not looking like they're 'supposed to' as well, but thick girls get treated like shit a lot more for not fitting the mold and it's just an unfortunate truth. However, it would seem that today the 'perfect' female body type is actually the least accessible body type that we have ever encountered before in history. To feel like you are meeting the feminine ideal these days, women need to be curvy, but only if they are in the right places like the boobs and the butt, definitely not around the tummy or the thighs. They need to be fit and toned in the arms and legs, but not too muscular that they don't look vulnerable and they also need to have sensual full lips, absolutely no wrinkles, perfectly manicured nails and long lustrous hair.
Thanks Kim Kardashian, you've made the world so much easier for women everywhere! Your so called 'thick girl empowerment' is complete and utter bullshit, and what you really need is a good hard slap! Truth is, the Kardashians and Minaj's of the world have really not helped women out at all when it comes to body shaming and physical empowerment. What they have done though is created a completely new, inaccessible and totally unrealistic model for men to ogle at and women to compare themselves to and aspire to become; and let's be honest, that is dreadfully sad! 
What we really need to see more of in the media are healthy, happy and awake women. Women that don't feel like they need to fit into a mold to be complete, women that don't prescribe to the pressures of unrealistic female 'ideal' standards and women that genuinely don't care about shallow things like weight, skin, hair, clothes and nails. Because all women, thick, thin and every other size and shape in between and outside of that, deserve to feel good about themselves. There isn't a woman on this planet that hasn't been told at one time or another that it's what's inside that counts, but there a billions of women in the world that have no idea how to practise that. Don't be one of those women; don't judge, don't shame and most importantly don't forget to celebrate that you are more than enough, that you are special and that you are most definitely perfect just the way you are. 

It is during times of struggle and difficulty that we absolutely must endeavour to tighten our commitment to ourselves and bring more attention to our need for self care. The urge to soldier on in the face of adversity or crisis is generally so strong that we will happily place our needs on the back burner and forge forward, often at the peril of our own wellness and sanity. It is a weakness that I too am guilty of, but when push comes to shove, we really aren't doing ourselves or anyone else any favours when we ignore the signals that our bodies are sending us for better self care by continually placing ourselves last. 
By learning about the different forms of self care, we can better arm ourselves with an ability to recognise when we are moving into personal crisis or neglect, and how to fill the voids in our self care routines when they do occur. 
A terrific article from tulipandsage.com categorizes self care into six main types: 
1. Physical Self Care
This is an awareness of your physical body and what it needs to thrive. Exercise, rest and clean food. It does not need to be vigorous or intense to be effective, aim for consistent and enjoyable long term activities, healthy diet choices and adequate sleep to improve your physical self care.
2. Emotional Self Care
Become mindful of your emotions, listen to your feelings and recognizing patterns, triggers or obstacles to your ability to remain calm, focused and happy. Writing in a journal, being artistic, dancing or being creative are just some ways that you can express and develop your emotional awareness and self care. 
3. Spiritual Self Care
This doesn't need to be religious or rigid to be meaningful. Anything that brings you closer to the essence of yourself is nourishing your spiritual self care. It could be doing charity work, being more mindful, taking up meditation, walking in nature; there are lots of ways to strive for more inner awareness. 
4. Intellectual Self Care
We all need new challenges to invigorate and nourish us mentally. Anything that will expand your knowledge and awareness falls into this category, from reading a book or watching a documentary to taking up a class or learning a new language, you'll be expanding yourself and meeting your intellectual needs. 
5. Social Self Care
Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, people need people. You do need to spend time with other people and have meaningful connections with loved ones, so make plans to get together with people that you enjoy spending time with. Catching up, going out for dinner, meeting for coffee or going to the movies is not only an escape from the norm, it's social self care and it's important to your wellbeing. 
6. Sensory Self Care
Nourish your senses and send healing stimuli to your brain, sensory care is so deeply fulfilling. Through sight, smell, touch, sound and taste you can reinvigorate yourself. Listen to some soothing music, light a scented candle, eat a delicious meal, get a massage, go for a barefoot walk in the park and please don't forget to always stop and smell the roses!

All forms of self care are equally as important as each other and you should endeavour to not neglect your needs in any area. Listen to your body, listen to your soul, listen to your heart...it may sound corny but you are actually sending yourself small but not insignificant messages about your needs all of the time and you just need to be quiet enough to hear them. Self care matters because you matter, and it is neither selfish nor self indulgent to take care of yourself, so listen carefully to your self care needs and learn how to be kinder to yourself. 

You can take every precaution in the world, but no matter how well planned or prepared you may think you are, a head cold or some new strain of the flu will eventually track you down and smack you to the ground like a bad playground bully. Turns out that my health scare was just the flu, I say 'just the flu' very flippantly, but the alternative to that was far worse, so I am sticking to 'just the flu.' 
Of course, 'just the flu' has come with a plethora of discomfort and side effects that have today forced me to hide away from the world, not just for my benefit but also for everyone else's as well. Body aches, headaches, chest pains, severe joint pain, nausea, dizziness, a persistent dry hacking cough and the all so lovely night sweats have all made an appearance over the past five days and I have been left feeling drained, impatient, over-tired and frayed around the edges in ways that I have not felt for a very long time, and do not wish to feel again in a very long time. 
It is always the last couple of weeks of the Winter school term that really brings the 'shove over' for me every year. In fact, according to my journal entries, every year for the last 8 years in  a row I have had some kind of head cold or flu in the month of June. Thankfully, none of them have required anything more than a couple of days of rest, but still it would appear that 'tis the season for me to feel gross, wear out and generally feel like a slice of shit toast every year. 
In light of that, perhaps in the future June would be a fortuitous time for me to take a trip each year to Bahamas in order to escape the dark recesses of Winter and the dreaded lurgy that hunts me down and pounces on me at the same time every year. However, I doubt that my employer would share my enthusiasm for an annual winter retreat, so that idea will probably need to wait until I am retired. 
I swear that bears have the right idea when it comes to seasonal self adjustment though. Gorge yourself stupid on all of the deliciousness of an Autumnal harvest, find a comfy place to hide and sleep out the dead of Winter and then pop back into the world when the Spring blooms are just peaking their heads out of the soil. Sounds terrific to me!
I have always found the human need to maintain the status quo during the winter months both ridiculous and counter productive, because let's be honest we all need more rest in the winter time. It's darker, colder and completely uninviting outdoors most of the time. You just want to eat way too much comfort food for your trousers to manage! And getting out of bed in the mornings is often an impossible and monumentally unpleasant task. The writing is on the wall isn't it really? Let's make the months of June, July and August four day working weeks. Everyone gets an extra day off a week to be like a bear and roll about in bed, binge on Netflix and eat stoggy goodies! Hooray, Winter woes solved! Everyone gets more rest time, less cold exposure and a day to play every week. I think that I would actually look forward to Winter a lot more if that was going to happen every year.
And I honestly believe that my brilliant idea would mean that less people would get really sick as well. I mean you would have less exposure to other people and therefore less exposure to other people's germs, you would also be more rested and better fed therefore making you generally more resilient as well and you would be feeling a lot more job satisfaction because the work to life ratio would be more agreeable. We really do need to take a leaf out of the books of the hibernating and migrating creatures of the world because the animals clearly have their shit sorted out a lot better than we do. I'm pretty sure bears don't have to ring in sick or contend with hacking coughs all night during the winter do they? 

Every year I change my personal boundaries. That probably sounds super sloppy, but it really isn't, it is the exact opposite of sloppy if the truth be told. My boundaries alter because I take the time to assess where I have placed them in the past and why I even placed them to begin with. And I do this regularly.
As I get older, the line between what I will and what I will not tolerate or lose sleep over has altered quite substantially, so it's always wise to have a revisit and reassess to make sure that I am being true to myself, my life goals and my enjoyment levels. 
Most of the boundaries that I have created for myself over the last few years look nothing like the ones that I had for myself in my twenties and thirties. I used to set a lot of boundaries around what I would allow myself to do or what I expected of others, but now I set my boundaries purely around my tolerance, my ability to self love and my general peace of mind.
What does that mean exactly? Well, here is a list of what I think good boundaries look like. Adopting these kinds of personal boundaries is a really liberating thing to do for yourself, and I have found that I have become a lot more peaceful and accepting as I have learnt to incorporate them into my daily life. 

1. It's not my job to fix others.
Let other people do them, and you just do you. 
2. It's okay for other people to get angry with me. 
Anger is fine and normal and also fleeting, there is no need to get hung up on it. 
3. Sometimes no is the best answer. 
Odds are people won't want to hear it, but that doesn't make it wrong. Setting limits for yourself is wise. 
4. It's not my job to be responsible for others.
Let people own their own shit, you have no power to control others so don't bother. 
5. I am responsible for my own happiness.
My happiness is my job, not anyone else's. To make it anyone else's is selfish and stupid. 
6. It's okay if we don't agree.
Agree to disagree. Fighting over anything gets no-one anywhere. 
7. I have the right to my feelings.
Everyone has the right to get angry, upset and annoyed, and that's okay. 
8. I can put me first.
It is not selfish or mean to put yourself first sometimes.
9. I can let go.
Don't dwell on bad things or hold resentments because it feels like shit. 
10. I am enough.
You don't need to change who you are to please others. You're all good! 

So, there they are, a healthy 10 commandments of boundaries to set your dial to. I guarantee that if you set yourself better personal boundaries based on your genuine emotional needs then you will definitely worry  a lot less and enjoy your life a lot more, and that's gotta be better for your stress levels in the long run!

I cannot say exactly how many times I have heard people complaining to me how much certain things annoy or upset them, like horror movies or certain kinds of reality TV programs or the evening news. Sometimes people even complained to me about how much they hate social media, yet they have every form of it on their phone and will even check it when I am right there in front of them. Hmm.....I have to say that I see a few problems with this kind of behaviour. 
I have a real problem with people saying how much certain forms of media disturb them when they actually have a lot of power to control the amounts that will actually filter through to them in the first place. Don't like horror? Cool then don't watch it. Don't like the horrible stories on the news? Well there is an off button that you can click if it is affecting you too much, so use it. Not enjoying social media platforms? Well, just delete your accounts. No-one is holding anyone to ransom on any of these issues, you do not have to watch or participate in any of these forms of media if you find them disturbing, but for some reason people feel like they do have to and it's annoying as hell to me.
Free will people, participate or don't, watch or look away, this isn't the set of the movie A Clockwork Orange, no-one is holding your eyeballs open with toothpicks and insisting that you watch, you actually don't have to watch anything that you don't want to do. You don't ever have to watch things that you don't like and you don't have to subject yourself to things that upset you, and just for the record, you are not going to get martyred for enduring Facebook or Instagram, so just delete your profile if it gives you the shits. 
It's normal and fine to not like certain things or to not want to be subjected to continual media propaganda or political hype all of the time, but what I don't get is, why does anyone feel like they need to? Just look away, switch off, choose not to be a cog in the machine if that makes you feel better, just do whatever makes you happy. Just don't look if it offends you, and move on. Whatever you do, just do me a favour and don't keep on thinking that anyone actually cares if you don't like to watch certain things, because they don't care, they really just don't care at all. And trust me when I say that no-one is ever going to think that you're a legend for watching the nightly news or posting on Facebook if you hate it. 
And while I am on a rant, can I just say that checking your social media or using your phone when you are with me is never going to garner favour because I really don't like it. I find constant phone check-ins as socially inept and rude as helicopter parents. I am a pre-tech aged person, therefore the allure of devices are limited for me at best. I can still hold really excellent conversations and I do not need to have my phone out on the table when I am around people. My phone is not my security blanket, I functioned for many years without it and guess what? I survived!  And I could live without a mobile phone again in a heartbeat because I actually believe that their existence has been detrimental to proper social interaction overall anyway.
Also, I do not care two shits about your social media goings on, I really don't, so please don't include me or subject me to your online fodder when you are around me. I value face to face, non-interrupted conversation when I am with a person. I do not leave my house to look at other people's phone screens, I could stay at home and look at my own if that's what I wanted to do. I spend time with people for their company, not their crafty use of mobile phones. Sure I like the odd meme, who doesn't? But if you are on your phone for more than 10% of our interactions, I'm not going to be enjoying it, just saying.
However, why should you care what I think anyway? Well, truth be told you shouldn't, do whatever makes you happy, my opinions on phone usage are irrelevant because odds are if you are the type of person who would use their phone that often, then we probably wouldn't hang out together anyway.
​Let's be honest, the bottom line is that I don't have to endure anything that offends me and neither do you, so if it offends you, I say just look away. 

Nothing makes me feel more proud of myself than the moments in my life when I turn out to be the bigger person in a situation. Notice that I said the bigger person there and not the better person? Being bigger does not make you better, but it does make you kinder and more tolerant, not only to others but especially to yourself. Being better can make you faster, smarter and stronger, but it does not always make you bigger, in fact sometimes those qualities can actually shrink your ability to be bigger in certain situations. 
So what exactly do I mean when I say the bigger person? Well, in my opinion the bigger person is someone who can admit to their own faults, forgive others for theirs and move on gracefully from difficult situations or occurrences. Being the bigger person is a totally tough call, because when we are the bigger person we not only have to own our own shit, but we also have to forgive others for their shit as well and somehow find a space to move forward. Being bigger is always great in theory, but when you have to actually demonstrate it, it's a whole other ball game. 
For one, you have to fight off your own ego to be a bigger person. No-one wants to hear the bad stuff about themselves, it sucks and having someone else point it out is just torture. Most of us are well aware of our short comings and the last thing that any of us want is for someone else to point it out to us, especially in a blunt way. Bigger people can shake off the negative comments, search them, separate the bullshit from the truth, interpret the meaning behind it all and take anything valuable on board as an opportunity to evolve. Your ego cannot come into play if you want to be the bigger person, you have to take it in, process it, trash the crap and thrash the lesson. Bottom line is, it's hard. 
A bigger person never lets their emotions sit in the drivers seat when it comes to difficult situations or conflict resolutions. Bigger people keep it real, they don't get personal or petty and they stick to the facts. By only mentioning the things that are truths and steering away from assumptions, you're always going to come out as the bigger person. It takes skill to keep your emotions in check, learning to let things slide off you like water off a ducks back takes years of focused effort to master. I always try to remember that knee jerk reactions are for small minded people. Anytime that I have employed reactive behaviours in stressful situations in the past there has been nothing but carnage and I have always come off looking stupid, intolerant or just plain bitchy, and no one wants to be seen in that light. 
When you are the bigger person in the room during high stress situations, well it is something to be proud of, because it's a tough gig. Keeping yourself in check, not taking things personally and knowing that you shouldn't take things personally are incredibly good life skills to have in your tool kit. Every time that you can take one on the chin, own your own crap and move forward in a dignified way is definitely a sign that you're becoming a gentler, kinder and more well rounded person, and that is definitely something to be proud of. 

​CARNAGE
Release Date: 2011
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 80 mins 
When two sets of parents meet in a Brooklyn apartment to discuss the fight that their eleven year old boys had in the park, things go from civilised to downright manic rapidly. 
Directed by Roman Polanski, this black-comedy is based on the Tony Award winning play God of Carnage by French playwright Yasmina Reza. A stellar cast that includes Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet, Christoph Waltz and John C. Reilly really bring together all of the ugliness and viciousness of couples with children, played out in real time. 
No stone is left unturned as these four adults go head to head with each other with increasing levels of ferocity; displaying more childish behaviours than the children that they are meant to be discussing. All is stripped bare in this interesting and at times hilarious character study. 
FINAL SAY: Keep on stroking your ego. It's beautiful. 
3 Chilli Peppers

Regardless of how amicable, nice, funny, mindful, considerate or generous you are in this life, you are eventually going to come against someone that you just don't like. It may be someone that you're related to, or someone that you work with or someone that has come into your life because they are associated with another person that you know, and you are not going to like this person. They are going to grind your gears and irritate you, they are going to annoy you and because they now exist in your life, you may not always have the choice to avoid them. And this is where you need to employ your best diplomacy and intelligence, and just get along. 
Easier said than done though right? It is pretty hard to get along with someone that really ruffles your feathers and generally gives you the shits, but there are ways to get along, even in the face of great adversity. 
The first thing that you need to accept is that you are not going to like everyone, and also not everyone is  going to like you and that's totally OK. So OK in fact, that's it's practically perfect. Yep, that's right I said practically perfect. We all know that we do our best growing during our darkest times, so the people that we butt up against actually force us to grow in ways that we may not even recognise at the time. I have learnt more about myself through the people that I haven't liked than the ones that I have adored, and that is a fact. I may not want to go and have a BBQ with the people that I don't like, but I can recognise that these annoying individuals are triggering a very real and unpleasant reaction in me, which probably needs further investigation. 
Sometimes the people that annoy me the most are really just people that have very different ideas, points of view or social boundaries to me, which means that we could never really be great friends anyway, but that doesn't mean that I need to treat them like crap, that would be stupid and illogical. Tolerating people that you really don't like very much is a skill that intelligent people have mastered, and I have found in the past  that unintelligent people usually create their own dramas and demise anyway, so there is no need to engage anyone that annoys you any more than is absolutely necessary. 
When dealing with people that you don't like, you absolutely must have a terrific poker face, a really good and convincing one. A face that you can wear over the top of gritted teeth or clenched fists that makes you appear to be calm, open and diplomatic. This is you having self control over your emotions, not stooping to anyone elses levels of behaviour or adopting anyone else's body language; in short you appear to be neutral and in control of yourself. Adopting a good poker face and calm exterior will allow you to gain the upper hand over people that you don't like every time. And if they don't like you, well at least they won't be able to say that you treated them poorly at any point in your exchanges. Mastering your emotional reactions will help you to manage difficult or unpleasant people, even if you only appear that way on the surface, it's always worth doing. 
Sometimes the people that I find most annoying turn out to be people that I have just expected too much from. Just because you have yourself in check, that doesn't mean other people have as well. Expecting people to do as you do, or behave as you behave is just asking for trouble and will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Next time someone gets up your nose, check in and see what it is that you are expecting from them, odds are that it's more than they have the ability to deliver, so adjust your expectations and you'll find that you may not dislike the person as much as you thought that you did. 
And when all else fails and you just cannot stand someone that you have to deal with regularly, then just take a deep breathe, give yourself some space from them as much as you can and take some time to address what it is about that person that is triggering you off so much. Is it an isolated comment? An ongoing action? A lifestyle choice? Or is it just the way that they make you feel? Have you yourself contributed to the bad blood that you have with this person? Is it fixable? Whatever the reason, really analyse whether this person is worth all of the anxiety, stress and energy that you are giving to them. If you think that they are, then you need to take steps to clear the air and move forward in your relationship with them, if you think that they're irrelevant, then just keep that poker face going and get on with things. And always remember that you do not have to get along with everyone and that it's totally OK to find some people as annoying as hell. 

I was getting ready for work the other day and a song from The Lost Boys soundtrack popped up on one of my Spotify playlists, and wow....what a blast from the past! I was instantly transported back to the 1980's, a time when I was an impressionable teenager who was coming of age and was easily obsessed with things of a pop culture nature (not much has changed there). And it was with a smile that I fondly reminisced the things that I had obsessed over at that time in my life. 
The Lost Boys movie was definitely one of those obsessions for me, I loved that film and had Lost Boys posters on the inside my wardrobe because I wasn't allowed to hang pictures up on my bedroom wall. I thought that it was the coolest movie that I had ever seen, probably because it was packed to the rafters with smoking hot teen boys, but I think that I also loved it because all of the characters in the movie seemed to have so many exciting things going on in their lives, and at that time in my life I didn't have a lot going at all, just an intense teenage yearning and a burning curiosity. 
'80's movies will always hold a very special place in my heart, because I was completely obsessed with them as a teenager. Horror, sci-fi, comedy and adventure movies were my favourite genres and I filled many of my bored teenage days with films that I devoutly watched over and over again on the VCR all by myself in the mostly unused and very cold 2nd lounge room of our house. It was there, huddled under a blanket that I spent many wintery weekends, watching and rewatching my favourite movies obsessively. I was almost able to recite some of those films line for line, and I know that that sounds really dorky, but you have to remember that this was a time before the internet and if you weren't running with the cool kids (which I wasn't) there wasn't exactly a lot to do with your time. Besides, a VCR was actually a pretty cool thing to have back then and having access to your own library of tapes was even better!
I was part of the MTV generation, so watching movies was a way to connect with my teenage awkwardness and also a way to vicariously generate some self discovery through the experiences of other teens on screen. It was clearly a time in my life that solidified my movie obsession and also started a genuine thirst within me for more cinematic experiences that would allow me to vicariously see the world through other people's eyes. However, no matter how many movies I watch in my life, I will always and forever have the softest spot for a good '80's teen flick.
Here is a list of my favourite teen movies (in no particular order) that I have seen way too many times for my own good, and even though some of them are not even 3 chilli peppers worthy of being on my genre lists, I cannot deny that I still have a soft spot for the nostalgia that they ignite in me whenever I watch them. 

• The Breakfast Club
• Sixteen Candles
• Ferris Bueller's Day Off
• Weird Science
• Better Off Dead
• Back to the Future
• The Goonies 
• One Crazy Summer
• Fright Night
• Stand by Me

and of course....The Lost Boys.

I have been truly blessed in this lifetime to have some of the most wonderful people imaginable in my life. My children, my partner, my family, my friends - I have really drawn the ace card when it comes to good people; and everyday of my life is better for knowing these people. During my final week of autumn vacation I was fortuitous enough to share some of my time with people that I love, appreciate, respect and adore most of all in this world, and nothing can make you feel more wealthy and fortunate than having incredible people in your life can. I have shared delightful breakfasts with dear friends, had delicious cake and coffee with quiet confidants, chatted and giggled on the phone for hours with family members that are too far away, and shared sumptuous long lunches with my closest family members. 
I even managed to squeeze in a trip to Queenscliff with some friends during the week. We hired motorized scooters and rode them along the Bellarine Rail Trail in the late afternoon, arriving at a coastal winery called Basil's Farm just as the sun was setting. We enjoyed some good wine, nibbles and even better company in the still of the early evening as we sat by the bay watching the sky change from blue to pink to purple. We happily took a few choice bottles of wine back to our accomodation to share and had a lovely evening of drinking and chatting. It was really nice to get away and enjoy some good company, a little salty air and a change of pace for a while. 
Easter was an extremely busy affair, with Craig's birthday tossed into the middle for good measure. Thank goodness Zoe came down from Geelong for a few days to help me manage all of the cooking and running around that is required to host an Easter feast for a dozen people. In the end, it all went off without a hitch and everyone left with full hearts and even fuller bellies. Now I have a fridge that is overstocked with leftovers, which means that I can take a load off for a couple of days as we work through our stockpile of food provisions, so the whole event was a win-win for me overall. 
Seriously though, I really cannot imagine what my life would be like without all of the wonderful people that I get to share it with, these people support me, raise me up and offer me refuge when I need it most of all. The people that you surround yourself with do give your life meaning and do make it more profound, enjoyable and abundant by just being present. There are a million things in this life that you can be successful at, and a billion more material things that you can collect or earn, but there will never be a greater or more meaningful thing to gather into your life than the love, respect and quality time that you get to share with your good friends and family; it is absolutely priceless.
When you really sit back and take stock of how many incredible people you have in your life, you very quickly realise how blessed you truly are and how much meaning your life truly has. It isn't what we have that makes our lives meaningful, it is who we have in it that makes it more meaningful, so surround yourself with the most wonderful people that you can and get the best out of your life every day, because you deserve to. 

When you have a couple of crappy things happen to you in row, it can be really easy to get totally gung-ho with the 'poor me' routine and lose sight of what is really going on. Over the last week it has been one of those weeks in our household, one of those opposite to a Midas touch kind of weeks, where everything that you do, even if you set out to do it with really grand and noble intentions, it turns out to be shit show.
We all know what it feels like, we have all been there and people even say that these things come in threes to try and limit the amount of crap that can arrive in their lives at one time. However, things do not come in threes, they come any damn way that they want to, because the universe is totally random and unpredictable, which means that sometimes they come in tens and or even twenties. However, sometimes these things that we perceive to be obstacles or setbacks or problems are actually just signposts of change or opportunities to grow, but it's so bloody hard to see it that way when you're in the thick of it all.  
The first thing that you need to do in these situations is to define what really constitutes as a disaster. To some people a flat tyre is a disaster, to others it is merely an inconvenience and then to  others is it a chance to take a walk and smell the flowers. For me a flat tyre is somewhere in the middle, hardly a disaster, but not exactly a delight either. Unfortunately, most people fall into the disaster zone pretty quickly, and it is something that I am attempting to try and engage in less and less often. 
For example, my car needs repairs and I need to go to hospital to have something corrected that is making me uncomfortable.  Neither of these is a disaster, firstly I can pay for the repairs and medical bills and secondly I have a car and can get the medical treatment that I require immediately. That's a lot more than millions of other people in the world have, so first world squabbling about something manageable is pointless and stupid. Is it inconvenient? Sure, but so what? There's no point whining about it, let's just get it done and move on. 
And pretty much all of my stuff has been inconvenient, but that's all, just inconvenient. Some of it has been my own fault actually, like the speeding ticket that I got last Friday night. I got that ticket because I was speeding, no-one told me to speed or made me speed and I didn't even need to rush to where I was going to, so that was clearly a signpost for me to slow the fuck down! I know that I am lead foot at times, and there is nothing more humbling than a hefty bill to make you ease off the accelerator. And I was going way too fast, I could have caused an accident or pranged my car, and then I would've had a disaster to contend with!
So I think that when these things do happen you need to step back and have a really good look at what is actually occuring. Ask yourself, how much of this has been created by your own choices? How much is just necessary maintenance on an abundant lifestyle? And will you even care about this in 6 weeks time? Once you've answered those questions then you can analyse your real depth of disaster or lack thereof, because most of the time everything is really pretty amazing and we do need to be grateful for those moments and not let the small inconveniences distract us from that fact. 

John Lennon once said:
It's easier to shout 'Revolution' or 'Power to the People' than it is to look at yourself and try and find out what's real and what isn't, when you try pull the wool over your own eyes and your own hypocrisy. 
I have been really investigating my own essence a lot lately, which sounds bloody kinky I know, but I assure you that it isn't. By essence I mean, who I am at the root of it all. Who I am when no-one is around, who I am when I don't have to be a certain way or fill a certain role, who I actually am when everything is stripped back to the basics. Just me, without my belongings, my friends, my family, my external pretenses, just me and only me, me alone. And it has been one of the strangest and most interesting ponderings that I have engaged in, and it has really made me address my own ethics, values and personal goals. 
Lying to ourselves is so easy, we do it all the time. We create excuses, manufacture obligations, revel in distraction and allow ourselves to engage in the drama of others; all so that we can lie to ourselves, hide from our fears and avoid our true nature. Generally speaking, addressing ourselves face on is a pretty scary prospect, but it is inevitable that at some point in everyone's life that they will have to address themselves and consider their place in this world, whether they want to or not. 
And honestly, everyone probably should. A life spent without any contemplation, reflection or introspection sounds like a pretty crummy life to me, and a rather underdeveloped one as well. If you don't stop to self assess and have a look at yourself once and awhile, well sorry but, you might just be an asshole. Anyone that travels through their entire life without ever pondering themselves, stepping back from their everyday existence and questioning their own motives doesn't sound like someone that I would like to spend time with. 
Anyone who is interested in learning the whole truth about themselves (which the Buddhists call dharma) is a warrior, because facing who you really are at the core of your being takes guts and bravery. Unless you are the enlightened one him or herself, then you are probably going to come up against some shit that you don't necessarily like about yourself. It could be stuff that was programmed into you from an early age, it could be something that you'd said or done that was unkind, it could be a belief about something or someone that you have allowed to cloud your better judgement or could be a habit or opinion that you have formed that no longer serves who you are.
You may feel guilty, bad, ashamed or even terrible about yourself when you start to explore and look at yourself deeper, and you may not like what you find, and that's okay too because it is signpost that you know a better way of being and that you have the power to change your direction. The important thing to do with those feelings is not to linger on them, but to use them to arm yourself with better tools and strategies. By doing this you are teaching yourself to be proactive not reactive to the world around you, and you are cultivating a more stoic and real approach to life. You are training yourself to live without regret and shame, because you know that you are in control of making your own better choices. 
It requires fearlessness and willingness, but it is a worthwhile undertaking to attend to from time to time to help you to grow into the best version of yourself. To face yourself you need to be still and quiet and above all else honest. Acknowledge where you've been, recognise where you are and cultivate a pathway ahead that brings you closer to who you want to be. 
I'm not gonna lie to you, it's frickin hard work, but any work of the self always is. Most of us are more than willing to roll up our sleeves to pitch in and help others, but even more willingly to neglect the work of the self. I tell you with all honesty, the work of the self is where the real growth occurs, so take the wool from your eyes, stop being distracted and spend a little time getting to know yourself on a deeper level because a better you is just around the corner. 

I am not what you would call sports minded, or sports orientated or even sports enthusiastic for that matter. I don't follow or participate in any team sports and I don't have a favourite team that I barrack for, not even in the AFL (Australian Football League) which often comes as a horrific shock to so many Australians when I tell them that. I have no idea who won the AFL Grand Final, ever for that matter. I don't know the names of any sports people and I never go to see people playing sports professionally. However, that does not mean that I do not recognise that sport is a strong and alluring form of entertainment to hundreds of thousands of people and that there are some huge benefits to being a part of a competitive team, but honestly, it's just so not my jam in any way, shape or form. 
It's not that I have never been a part of a sports team in my life, because I have, on many occasions actually. You can't grow up in Australia and completely avoid being involved in some kind of sport at some point in your life. Australia and a love of all things sport related goes hand in hand, and when I was growing up if you weren't good at sports or interested in sport you were a total freak. Even the most unfit beer-bellied blokes in my street would talk about the footy, watch the cricket and squat on the couch to catch the highlights from the Bathurst car rallies. You don't need to be fit to love your sport in Australia, you just have to love it, and if you don't, well you are just weird.
Growing up I was on a softball team, a footy team, a table tennis team, a beach volleyball team and once I was even part of a calisthenic squad. As a teenager I danced ballet, ballroom and even tried my hand at Taekwondo, but none of it stuck. I always thought that TV sports were dead boring and could never see any purpose in watching other people 'do' sport. The only part of the Olympics that I have ever really gotten into was the opening ceremony, and I have always considered competitions that awarded people for being the fastest and strongest and most physical enduring really archaic and rather uninspiring. However, as I said earlier, I understand that it serves a purpose as entertainment, but it has just never entertained me. 
I never kept up with any of the sports that I have been involved in, and over the years sports related activities have become of lower and lower priority and interest to me. I know that people are incredibly devoted to their sports, to their teams and to their sporting heros, but I am not and never will be a part of those ranks. And it still makes me an outcast to not be involved in, or at the very least enthusiastic about, sports. It is almost a prerequisite to society in Australia to love sport, in some way, in some fashion. And even though there's a plethora of sports to get behind and support, I honestly don't have any interest in knowing any more about any of them. 
I completely understand that people devote their lives to their sports, and hey....go them! Seriously, big props to that, but it doesn't inspire me to get involved. From what I have gleaned about professional sportsmanship, and I can only give an outsider's perspective on this, it seems elitist, corrupt, controlled, sexist, marketed and unnatural in every way. I have seen interviews with sport people that have left me feeling very sad about how inflated their egos are and how little regard they appear to have for their young and influential fans, and nothing that I have learned about sports as an adult has made me want to get back on board yet.  
However, that being said, every once and a while a sports story comes along that breaks the mold and makes me see how people can be reached through sports in enlightening and forward-thinking ways. Occasionally I can see how change can be garnered through a few brave and dedicated heroes of the sports arena, and how, just like any form of entertainment, it can be used for good or bad purposes. I just wish that  a sports story would come along that would make me want to be more involved again, but it would need to be a pretty frickin amazing one to make that happen! 

FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY 
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 108 mins
A biographical sports comedy/drama based on the 2012 documentary The Wrestlers: Fighting with my Family by director Max Fisher. With a surprisingly fresh dialogue (mainly due to Stephen Merchant's writing and directing) Fighting with My Family delivers an enjoyable, educational and entertaining look into the world of female professional wrestling. 
A British amatuer wrestling family have their lives changed forever when they receive a call from an NXT executive requesting that two of their children (Zak and Saraya 'Paige' Bevis) try out for a spot in the WWE. However, when it is Paige that gets selected to join, Zak struggles to be supportive in the wake of his own lost dream, leaving Paige to face the cutthroat world of professional wrestling on her own. 
This is a perfectly cast film, with Nick Frost and Lena Headey providing excellent support to Florence Pugh (Paige) as her enthusiastic wrestling parents, and also delivering some much needed levity and humour to an otherwise pretty predictable script. Vince Vaughn is also terrific as trainer and WWE representative Hutch Morgan and Jack Lowden steals the show with his pouty disposition and scruffy likeability as Paige's put upon brother Zak. Dwayne Johnson is playing himself here and also depicting his old wrestling persona 'The Rock' which is always amusing to me.
The cast really do make this movie, but I cannot deny that it was also really great to watch another female empowerment movie about a strong, determined women taking the lead, breaking stereotypes and kicking some arse along the way.
FINAL SAY: Dick me dead, and bury me pregnant. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I recently came into contact with a book called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book, which was first published in 1997 and has sold around 7.2 million copies in the US alone has been translated into 40 languages and was written by a Toltec spiritualist and self made shaman. Sounds like some weird stuff right? Well on some levels it is, but it is also the most inspiring, motivational and thought provoking material that I have encountered in some time and I loved the message being relayed in the text and really wanted to share it on my blog. 
For those of you that have read this book or have already come against the theories outlined within it's pages, I apologise, but for anyone that hasn't encountered this book yet, then I think that you should read it as soon as you can. It's only around 160 pages long and yeah....sure, it's a bit alternative and spiritual in it's approach but it's also lovely to read and leaves you feeling so ponderous and hopeful that you can be a better version of yourself that by the end of it you will feel ready to tackle anything head on.  
The book advocates personal freedom from beliefs and poorly designed agreements that we have made with ourselves and others that are creating limitations and unhappiness in our lives. In the book there are four new agreements for you to make with yourself that are simplistic but simplistically perfect at the same time. 
1. Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 
2. Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. 
3. Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. 
4. Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret. 

Don Miguel Ruiz's son Don Jose Ruiz subsequently released a sequel with his father that adds a fifth agreement to that list:
5. Be Skeptical, but learn to listen. 
Which, let's be honest, is pretty sound advice on any level. I haven't read the The Fifth Agreement book so I can't really recommend it, but I do recommend The Four Agreements for no other reason than some life inspiration and food for thought. 

So, I am going to end this blog entry with my favourite quote from the book:
Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes, but life is changing all the time.

Managing the everyday pressures of daily life is one of the most important skills that anyone can have in their tool kit to enable them to thrive. There are literally hundreds, if not thousands of articles, research papers and theories around what that tool kit should look like and the type of skills that are vital to hone for best success. So what skills are the experts and scholars of the world actually recommending that we have and how much actual success is really being experienced through the development of these practices? 
​After trawling the internet, reading some scholarly articles, investigating numerous case studies and perusing several self help manuals over the weekend for the answers to those questions, I have discovered that most 'experts' appear to unanimously agree on the following five 'must have' skills for coping with the everyday pressures of everyday life.
Now I am not claiming that these five tips are the holy grail for ultimate life satisfaction, but just about everything that I did read had these five pointers included in their success criteria for keeping stress levels low and life enjoyment high. I thought that it was interesting that it all pretty much seems to boil down to just  five key pointers, and it certainly does align with my own opinions and theories for living a better life, however, as far as the actually information goes, well you can trash it or thrash it, the choice is entirely yours. 
Do these five things actually work? Well I would have to assume that if everyone keeps on referring to them as the vitals in a pressure free lifestyle, then there must be some level of success attached to their implementation. It is pretty much impossible to refute a few of them for obvious reasons because they are total no-brainers and everyone knows that adopting them would bring about a level of detox and calm. I do think they are all safe to implement and can't see how any of them would add to anyone's stress load unless they chose a hobby that was stressful, which would be rather counterproductive. But as I said, I am just the messenger, so you make your own mind up. 
So without further ado, here is what the experts recommend that you need to employ to get the stress levels in your life down to a minimum. 
​
1. Share Your Feelings. Trying to cope alone is ridiculous and unrealistic. Call on your support network, rally around your friends and share your concerns. A problem shared is a problem halved. 
2. Get Real. Drop the need to be perfect, learn to say no and be willing and open to compromise. Accept that you are only human and that everyone gets overwhelmed from time to time. 
3. Be Healthy. Eat well, exercise, get enough sleep and cut back on caffeine, tobacco and alcohol. Taking care of your physical self will make your life much easier in the long run. 
4. Deal with One Problem at a Time. Address where your stress is coming from and begin to eliminate what you longer need. Make a list, monitor where your tensions lie and make realistic and achievable goals to reduce the high stress tickets on your dance card. 
5. Visualise, Meditate, Dance, Find a Healthy Outlet. Finding a relaxing hobby or pastime that you enjoy will not only make you happier and more able to cope with everyday stress, it will also give you something to look forward when you feel like your cup has runneth over.

And apparently that's it! Seems pretty simple in theory, but any fool knows that it's always the practice that takes all of the hard work. 

I love the idea of upskilling or 'life levelling up' and I have poured hours of devotion into new practises and pathways that I believe have helped me to become a better and more rounded person. I do have to be honest and admit that sometimes the amount of time and energy that is required to engage in some form of new and meaningful life upskilling is quite overwhelming to me at the moment, and it isn't because of a lack of desire or motivation, it is because I feel like I have already had more than my fair share of 'upgrades' in this life. 
At the moment, I have pretty much 'maxed out' my life. If I was a game avatar I would have almost every perk, extra feature and bonus item already in my inventory, there would be no more to add to my character except for cardio, I know that I need more cardio! I have done so many incredible things, seen so many amazing things, had so many adventures and worked hard to incorporated the best of everything that I have discovered along those paths into my life. And now I can say that I truly understand what it feels like to have my 'cup runneth over.' 
So have I plateaued? Well if this is what plateauing feels like, then I am fine with that! But I do think that it is quite the contrary really, because I actually feel like I am running on maximum (well not literally running, let's not forget that cardio stuff, doubt that I will ever nail that) and even though I do not fit into the mould of what society tells me to believe that a 45 year women should 'look' like or 'feel' like, I actually feel amazing and completely happy. Sure I am not what anyone would call 'fit' or 'thin' but I am thriving. I feel well and vibrant and healthier than I have ever felt in my life, so what is actually going here? Why now, when I am older, heavier and wrinklier than I have ever been in my life am I experiencing this feeling of abundance and joy? 
Perhaps it is what I spend my spare time doing that has cultivated this feeling of abundance? I like to spend my free hours practising yoga, meditating, walking, listening to podcasts, watching movies and TV shows, socialising with friends and family, cooking, journalling and reading. I would call myself a moderately active person, I eat healthy nutritious foods, and I try to balance out my days with some activity and some inactivity because I believe that balance is the key to a good life.
I do have the most excellent and fulfilling relationships with the people around me that I have ever had in my life and I value those relationships above everything else. I try to make sure that the people in my life feel cared for and I try to make time for meaningful engagment with the people that I care about. My family means the world to me and my friends are not only beautiful people, but they are also caring, unique and stimulating to have around.
Perhaps all of these practises combined have put me in good stead, and maybe I don't need to add anything more to the mix since I am feeling so terrific. And maybe all of this really just boils down to a state of mind. Maybe feeling like you have a life of abundance is really more about having self acceptance, contentment and always keeping your eye on the glass being half full. I really do have what most people would call a full and happy life, and it is good to celebrate that and rejoice in the space that I have cultivated for myself. I don't actually need another upgrade at this moment in life, I am happy, I am abundant and I am the best version of myself at this present moment. 

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine the other day and they told me that they felt that they would never find love. Naturally my reaction to this information was, why? In my mind this person is more than lovable, attractive, very intelligent and financially stable, why would someone like that have any trouble finding a meaningful and loving relationship? And then when she started to answer me, it all became very clear why. She had a list of potential partner prerequisites that would make a Harvard post-graduate with a six pack and a Lamborghini run away screaming, it was insane! And it got me thinking about realistic expectations when it comes to meeting a potential partner. 
My friend's list of requirements (and I am pretty sure that you would have heard something similar before) went a little something like this:
My potential love interest needs to be fit, financially comfortable, funny, adventurous and have a really good job. 
I would imagine that there millions of women that have lists very similar to this as their personal  prerequisites to love and I have to say that it is extremely disturbing. Finding a combination of traits like that in anyone at any one given time is going to be extremely rare, but are any of these individual ideals actually realistic anyway? 
My husband is certainly not what anyone would call funny most of the time, but sometimes he is gut bustingly hilarious! Does that count as funny? Who is funny all of the time anyway? That is creepy! And what about being fit? What level of 'fit' are we talking about here? A marathon runner is fit and a bodybuilder looks fit but they are completely different body types, and someone who is super fit would be at the gym or working out all of the time, is that what you're looking for? I asked her. 
And what if some great guy was rich and then gave it all away to charity, would he not be financially stable enough to be considered a good partner? What if he was just between terrific jobs, but was currently unemployed because he had just given up 12 months of his life to go and vaccinate children in Botswana against typhoid, would that guy not be worthy of consideration because he didn't have 'a really good job' at the moment? 
You can see where I am going with all of this right? I said. You have put up walls and expectations that are not only unrealistic but they are not allowing any potential partner to infiltrate that barrier because you don't want them to be human, fallible or individual. How bloody sad! And what about me as a friend? Do you hold me to ransom with the same high expectations? I am not fit, or wealthy and I only have a low earning job, does that mean that I am not good enough for you? 
Of course my friend said no, that they loved me dearly and that they would never see me as anything but a terrific friend and lifelong confident, and that was where I got her and I could see the look on her face. The penny had just dropped and she could finally see that she was actually holding herself back from having meaningful and lifelong relationships with men because she had put so many expectations on them. 
At the end of the day, love cannot be put into a pigeon hole and neither can anyone that you allow yourself to love. Sometimes we are all funny or more stable or flush with funds; and sometimes we are stronger or fitter or more secure, and then other times we are none of those things at all, and that's called life. In life, and love, there are no perfects...at best you may get some pretty perfect days and moments but nothing is ever permanent.
There is nothing wrong with aiming high for yourself, but expectations need to be kept realistic and viable or they are just going to hold you back from life and love. Love doesn't exist in a tiny perfect package, that's just what everybody wants you to think. Instagram is rife with snippets of perfection and people get really caught up in that bullshit and start to aim for something that isn't even real. Let me tell you that real love is messy and unpredictable, it farts on the couch and drinks milk from the carton and will probably make you angry and even cry sometimes, and that's okay. That means it's real. 
So in the end I reassured my friend that she has no reason to believe that she will never fall in love, because any idiot can fall in love, and there are millions of lonely people in the world looking for a connection, she just needs to put her phone back on the hook because she hasn't been receiving! And besides, any fool that decides to have someone as nutty as me as a best friend can definitely find love out there in the big wide world! Stranger things than that happen every damn day!  

STRANGER THAN FICTION
Release Date: 2006
Rating: M
Running Time: 113 mins 
A fantasy romance tale, directed by Marc Forster and written by Zach Helm (better known for his work on Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium) that offers a sweet and entertaining look into the lives of ordinary everyday people with a whimsical and quirky backdrop. 
Harold Crick, an insanely regimented IRS agent, has his predictable life turned upside down when he begins to hear an internal voice that is narrating the events of his life as they occur. When he falls for Ana, the baker that he has been assigned to audit, things rapidly get even more out of hand for Harold. 
Will Ferrell delivers one of his best ever performances as Harold, and Maggie Gyllenhaal offers another believable quirky indie-chick performance. It is actually the incredible cast that really brings this film to life; Emma Thompson, Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifah and Tom Hulce all bring levity to the story; which although isn't life changing, is intelligent, charming and quite good fun. 
FINAL SAY: I brought you flours. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

International Women's Day always gets me thinking about how far we have come, and also how far we still have to go, when it comes to female equality and empowerment. It is true that as a society we have made good progress for women when it comes to supporting collective actions, investigating constitutional and legal reforms, generating buzz around social and economic practises and spearheading positive changes around norms within the workplace, and we really do need to celebrate those achievements. However, and I don't want to come off as negative in saying this, but let's not kid ourselves about the fact that we still have a really long a way to go before women can truly feel empowered and equal in our current society. 
Whether we want to admit it or not, the truth is that women are still not considered equal to men financially, emotionally or in the workplace. When it comes to raising collateral, cracking big deals or convincing investors to get on board with ideas, women entrepreneurs are half as likely to succeed over a man, even if they are actually more qualified and adept at their jobs. And in a recent anonymous business study, men in positions of high power or leadership still believed that many women were too emotional, temperamental or unreliable to hold down positions of power in business.  
Why, in this day and age are these ridiculous and archaic stereotypes still being perpetuated? And more to the point, what can we do to stop this type of discrimination and sexism from continuing? Well, there are actually very simple and effective ways that you can be supporting women in the world and creating change and mindset growth around what women can do just by the way that you speak and what you tolerate being said about women around you. 
Firstly, watch your words! Language is powerful and it can easily enforce a belief or concept without you even meaning it to. Avoid referring to women in derogatory terms (even if you are just joking) and correct others who do it in discussions with you. Any words that reinforce the stereotype that women are weak, not powerful and not in control of their own lives is doing all women harm. Always speak about women in uplifting language and never use words that imply that they are less capable than men. 
Female empowerment begins at home. So empower all of the women around you, including you daughters, your mother, your female relations, your girlfriends and your female work colleagues by supporting them, complimenting them and congratulating them on their achievements. Speak respectfully to every woman that you meet, the more empowered that a woman feels, the more likely that she is to take on new challenges and improve her station in life. Female confidence is the key to empowerment and even the most skeptical and sexist of men are more likely to pay attention if a woman comes across as self assured and self empowered. 
If you really want to empower women then be a positive role model yourself. You know the old "be the change that you wish to see in the world" quote, well if you want to empower women than be more empowered yourself. Make strong, informed and confident choices in your own life and demonstrate strength of mind, conviction and determination in the things that you do.
Mentor younger women to be more empowered by assisting them to develop their skill set and teaching them to speak up against discrimination, sexism and inequality in non-aggressive and powerful ways. The younger that you are, the easier that it is to learn new beliefs and adopt new ideas, so don't just coach young women, coach young men as well and teach them to respect and value women as much as men in every capacity of life. 
And most importantly, accept yourself and other women as well. Every woman that you meet is going to be different from you. Whether it is a different lifestyle, culture, religious background, political outlook or physical appearance, it doesn't matter - it is completely irrelevant. What you do all have in common is that you all identify as female, and knowing that you are all more alike than unlike is an empowering thing to know. Empowerment and acceptance are one and the same, and learning to accept yourself as a part of something bigger than yourself will help you to see the power and potential in all women.
Forget about trying to be perfect, youthful or skinny and invest your energy into being brave, strong and wise. Attitude is infectious and a positive, inclusive and empowering outlook will rub off on other people, so just start in small ways and you'll soon start to set an example for other women to follow. Remember, men have been propping up other men for centuries now and that has lead to them having a position of power in the world over women. As women, we know that we don't need to stoop to being oppressive to men to feel empowered, but we do want to be treated equally and recognized for our worth, and that we deserve no less than that.
So change your mindset and go out and start singing your praises to the wonderful women of this world by celebrating your own worth and becoming a part of the female empowerment movement that is going to set young females up for a brighter and more equal future in years to come. You go girl!

The 91st Academy Awards are on tomorrow, which on top of the Golden Globes and the SAG awards I watch every year. This year I will be watching with a couple of good friends over coffee and nibbles, and I am so looking forward to it. I have managed to see almost all of the nominated materials over the course of the year and I am always keen to see if my personal opinions line up with the big guns at the Academy. 
If you haven't stumbled across the Academy Award nominations yet, here is a run down of the big ticket awards (the ones that I like to know the winner of the most). If you are more interested in the sound, design, costume and cinematography awards then check online for those nominations. 
I have underlined who I think the Academy will more than likely give it to and then my personal choice is in bold. 
Best Picture 
Black Panther
BlackkKlansman
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Green Book
Roma
A Star is Born
Vice

Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale, Vice
Bradley Cooper, A Star is Born
Willem Dafoe, At Eternity’s Gate
Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody
Viggo Mortensen, Green Book

Actress in a Leading Role  (Huge snubbing of Toni Collette in Hereditary here)
Yalitza Aparicio, Roma
Glenn Close, The Wife
Olivia Colman, The Favourite
Lady Gaga, A Star is Born
Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Actor in a Supporting Role (Huge snubbing of Timothee Chalamet in Beautiful Boy here) 
Mahershala Ali, Green Book
Adam Driver, BlackkKlansman
Sam Elliot, A Star is Born
Richard E Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me
Sam Rockwell, Vice

Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams, Vice
Marina De Tavira, Roma
Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk
Emma Stone, The Favourite
Rachel Weisz, The Favourite

Animated Feature Film 
Incredibles 2
Isle of Dogs
Mirai
Ralph Breaks the Internet
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

Directing
Spike Lee, BlackkKlansman
Pawel Pawlikowski, Cold War
Yorgos Lanthimos, The Favourite
Alfonso Cuaron, Roma
Adam McKay, Vice

Foreign Language Film
Capernaum (Lebanon)
Cold War (Poland)
Never Look Away (Germany)
Roma (Mexico)
Shoplifters (Japan)

​As usual, the horror and sci-fi industry gets another shafting, as does some excellent art house material yet again, but no surprises there really. And even though I do believe that Toni Collette was the actress of the year in Hereditary, and Timothee Chalamet was epic in Beautiful Boy  (and hey what about Paddington 2?) I won't be boycotting the proceedings. In spite of my moaning every year, of course I'm still going to watch the awards, I love the glitz and glam of it all!  And who knows? Roma could repeat the 1997 A Life is Beautiful effort  and sweep the Awards ceremony this year, it feels like it could be time to turn a spotlight on quality foreign cinema again. 
The 91st Academy Awards will air on the NINE network at midday in Australia tomorrow (Monday 25th February) and then again at 7.30pm on GEM if you want to see them yourself.

I have been listening to a really interesting audio book all about habits, it discusses why we have them, how they are formed and how we can create new and better ones. Obviously I am really interested in the topic of habit and had just recently blogged about good and bad habits on Spicywatch, so it seemed like a wild and also pleasant coincidence when this book popped up on my audio book recommended list free of charge! Bonus! So it was with much eagerness that I started listening to it and then ended up bingeing the whole book over the past four days and although some of the information wasn't exactly a revelation to me, some of it was downright fascinating. 
The most interesting thing that I discovered about habits was how you can easily create new ones. Well, I must admit that when I say easily I say it quite loosely, because creating new habits is actually far from easy when you really get down to the brass tacks of it. According to research, the theory of it only taking around 21 days to create a new habit is absolute horseshit. It actually takes an average of 66 days to create a new habit, and that's the average so some people can require 100's of days to form a new habit, so it's safe to say that my theory of change taking substantial time is actually factual, so I was always right about that. 
However, what I did find fascinating was the fact that managing our compulsions for instant gratification was a major factor in the success of our new habit creations. Basically, if you can focus on the long term benefits and not the short term gratification, then you are more likely to create good habits that will set you up for a better life. How do I know this? Well, a Harvard study was done on 1,000 four year old children in the 1970's where they gave each child one marshmallow and told them that they could eat it right away. However, the children were also told that if they could leave the marshmallow alone and wait whilst the tester left the room, then when the tester returned they could have two marshmallows.  These children were all middle class children without any known external factors or diagnosis that may affect results; and their results were recorded.
The children were called back 40 years later as adults approaching their mid-life, and questioned about their lifestyles. All of the adults that had eaten the first marshmallow as a child and sought instant gratification had lower incomes, less employment opportunities due to  their lower academic performance and had in many cases suffered from more marital and parenting problems and had a higher percentage of issues around substance abuse and alcoholism than the group that had waited for their second marshmallow as kids. 
So what does all of this mean? That if you eat the marshmallow at four then you're doomed to a life of less? No, of course it doesn't! It means that if you know that you are an instant gratification kind of a person, then you will need to work a lot harder to maintain good habits and also conscientiously teach yourself to modify your impulses and focus on the long term greater good. Which basically means that YOLO isn't going to cut it if you want to get the best out of your life. 
The good news is that no-one is a hopeless case and that anyone can make their lives better and adopt better habits. The secret is that by making bad habits harder to get to and good habits more rewarding, you can trick your brain into wanting to do more of the good stuff. For example, if what you want to achieve is more exercise then only let yourself watch your favourite show or listen to your really exciting novel or podcast when you are exercising. Or, if you want to stop drinking as much wine in the evening then make it harder to access by not having it the house ready to go, or putting in shitty tasks that you have to do to get that wine like doing two loads of laundry or picking up dog shit in the yard first and you will soon associate the wine with crappy feelings. Sounds pretty simple, but it's not because remember that you need to do it for around 66 days or more before your brain kicks into gear and accepts it as a new habit or lifestyle change.
So, yeah, it isn't really easy to make awesome or new habits, but the really great news is that it is never impossible. According to the habit book, you are literally never too old to create new and better habits in your life, so my best advice is to commit to a long term good habit and then just get a hustle on for goodness sake! There is no better time than right now!

AMERICAN HUSTLE
Release Date: 2013
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 138 mins
Directed by David Russell, this 70's crime romp based on an actual FBI undercover investigation, is a magnificent mix of madness, comedy and deception. Rife with flamboyantly dressed criminals and speckled with fabulous '70's hits, this movie is a winner from start to end, mostly due to the faultless delivery of its strong and capable cast.
Irving Rosenfeld (Christian Bale) and his seductive scamming partner (Amy Adams) are forced to assist an arrogant FBI agent (Bradley Cooper) with his plans to expose a group of New Jersey power-brokers and the mafia through the corrupt connections of Mayor Carmine Polito (Jeremy Renner). 
Basically it's con-artists, criminals and Feds uncomfortably rubbing shoulders, and it's not a pretty sight. Bale, Renner and Cooper have fully committed to their hideously funny roles and Adams and Lawrence are bringing their best in every respect. This may be the most fun that I have had with a crime drama in a very long time, it's unmissable. 
FINAL SAY: You're nothing to me until you're everything. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Only a few short years ago I recall writing on this blog with great anxiety about my daughter Zoe leaving home to go to University. I was a total mess at the time; a mess of worry and a mess of emotions. I was filled with a strange and unsettling mixture of pride, melancholia and knee-trembling fear that I haven't really come up against since then. I suppose that letting your children leave home to find their own place in the world really does have it's own unique set of emotions. A set of emotions that can't completely be defined or replicated, and equally cannot be forgotten either.  
I recall that one of my blog entries at that time was entitled But I don't want you to go.... and it was filled with my deep concerns and neurotic carry on about how Zoe could ever cope without me, and also what my life would look like without her around 24/7. I know that at that point in my life I just could not imagine what it would feel like or look like to not have Zoe there all of the time, it was such a foreign idea to me; an idea that I didn't really want to entertain.
​And now here I am, preparing to see Zoe graduate from University tomorrow and wondering what it was that I was so worried about when she left home a few years ago and about how my life and hers, turned out to be just fine, in fact better than fine, pretty damn great! And there is something really comforting about that. You see, I now have the knowledge that in spite of our greatest fears and anxieties we can adjust, we can move forward and we can achieve marvellous things as well. 
Tomorrow Zoe will take to the stage in her gown and tassel mortar-board and she will become a University graduate, the first University graduate in our family and we just couldn't be more proud of her. And she did it on her own, in a new town without us beside her to bolster the waves and lead the way, she did it all on her own. Now I could say that it was because we are such epic parents that she could manage all of this, but I honestly can't take the credit for all of her hard work. This one is Zoe's and Zoe's alone, she did it and she did it so well that she's been invited back to complete her honours as well. Woohoo - you go girl!
This whole experience has not only made Zoe grow up and learn about life, but it has also made Craig and I grow up and learn about life as well. We've changed a lot over the last few years that Zoe has left our home, and we have had a glimpse at what life looks like when you have less chicks in the nest to tend to as well. And you know what? We survived and we thrived, and we are all still close and we all enjoy each others company. I also now know for sure that just because your chicks fly the coop, that doesn't mean that they won't come back to roost for a spell every now and then, and that they aren't still your chicks in every way. 
Letting them fly is difficult because you're so damn worried that they will fall without you, but I cannot tell how incredibly good it feels when they don't fall at all, but when they actually soar to greater heights than you could ever reach yourself. Words just cannot describe it and nothing I write will ever do it justice, so I am not even going to try, but I'm pretty sure that you get the idea. 

In my last blog entry I was discussing the need to cull some bad habits out of your life to make room for the 'good' ones. And what I need to be clear about is what I actually mean by 'good' habits. Well, when I say 'good' habits, basically what I am talking about are the things that you can incorporate into your daily life that will make your life happier and more fulfilled. Now I do know that that is going to look different for a lot of people, because one person's idea of happiness and fulfillment may be a bottle of wine every night after work, which is fine, but it's hardly a 'good' habit is it? What I am talking about are really good habits, things that you can incorporate into your life right now that will make you feel better, look better and just generally help you to get more bang for your buck when it comes making the most of your time and increasing your overall enjoyment levels on a daily basis. 
Try not to think of my tips as definitive, but more advisory. I honestly do try my best to actually do these things myself, so I am not coming to you lightly when I say that these things work, however I am also not going to lie you and so therefore must admit that sometimes (regardless of how well I manage my time) that I just cannot always fit everything in all of the time.
However, these things are hugely beneficial and are genuinely part of my personal wellbeing regimen, and even if you can only adopt one or two of them, I guarantee that you'll notice a difference to the quality of your life as well. 
GETTING PRODUCTIVE:

• Get up early - before 6am. 
• Stack the dishwasher or wash the dishes as you use them.
• Don't leave all of your laundry to the weekend, do a load every other day. 
• If it will only take 10 minutes to do, then do it immediately. 
• Turn off your phone and electronic devices by 9.30pm.
• ​Clean out your wardrobe every 6 months and donate to charity shops.
• Have a household budget that you stick to and have a seperate savings account for special events, holidays or incidentals. 
• Listen to people closely so that you don't need do-overs. 
• Leave work at work, your free time is yours. 

LOOKING BETTER:

• Eat breakfast.
• Don't smoke.
• Don't binge drink.
• Take off your make-up and brush and floss your teeth every night before bed  - no matter what!
• Learn how to dry body brush and do it twice a week.
• Drink more water. 
• Go for a 30 minute (or longer) walk every day.

FEELING BETTER:

• Meditate (or at least tune out completely) for 20 minutes a day.
• Take up a daily yoga class on Youtube (it's free and you can do it in your PJ's at 6am!).
• Get a professional massage at least twice a year.
• Take a daily probiotic. 
• Pet and play with your cat or dog everyday. 
• Read for at least 15 minutes a day - even if it's just a magazine. 

BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME TO DO:

• Meet up with friends for dinner and/or a movie once a fortnight.
• Keep a personal journal - you'll be astonished by how much you'll learn about yourself over 12 months. 
• Cook your own meals.
• Plant a vegetable garden and eat your own produce. 
• Listen to music and make playlists of your favourite songs. 
• Find your signature scent and only wear it on the weekends. 
• Laugh -  at the world and at yourself, don't take anything too seriously. 
• Plan regular escapes from your everyday routines -  these don't need to be big or extravagant. 
• Call your parents regularly. 
• Have integrity, stay good to your word and be reliable. 
• Listen to Podcasts and audiobooks when you're on the go. 
• Incorporate hugge into your home. 
• Learn to accept your body and who you are.
• Be thankful, your life is terrific and being grateful will keep you smiling and on your A game. 

As you get older you realise that the only way to maintain all of the important things in your life and make the most of the time that you have, is to create good habits. Creating good habits takes time and energy, and sometimes money as well depending on what you are wanting to achieve, but if it is a better life that you are seeking, then good habits are what you need to cultivate. However, in order to make room for these good habits, you have to cull some bad habits first. You have to cleanse your life of that which no longer serves you. So let's take a look at what I believe are the top five bad habits that many people have that are holding them back from living better and happier lives. 
1. Wasting Money
Our society is designed to rob you of your hard earned money, don't let that happen. Do not let yourself waste money and time buying things that you don't need or replacing things that you already have that still meet your needs. You do not really need the latest phone, pair of shoes or gym membership to a gym that you have no intention of going to. Make wise choices with your money, consider the options before you purchase anything and always ask yourself 'do I really need this?' before you tap that card. Treat your earnings with respect, you give up a lot of your personal time for them. 
2. Complaining
No one ever became a better person because they could find problems or point out the shit they don't like. Whinging is petty, dull and non-productive. Try to look for solutions to problems and always try to find the positive in everything you encounter, you will not only be more likeable, you'll also waste less time. 
3. People Pleasing
Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated, but let's be honest, it is impossible to make everyone happy all of the time. So forget what everyone else expects or wants from you and focus on what you want to gain out of life. If spending time with certain people makes you feel ill, then just don't do it. If your boss is killing you with unreasonable demands, then tell them so. Putting personal boundaries in place will not only save you a lot of time and anxiety, but it will more than likely also gain you respect from others. Generally, people do prefer it when others are up front and honest about where their limitations sit and what they will and won't tolerate, so be transparent and don't worry about the haters. 
4. Wasting Time
So many people are shithouse at time management. If procrastination, disorganisation and over sleeping are wasting your life away then you need to get that shit sorted ASAP! Learn to be disciplined about how you spend your time and how much time you will allow yourself to waste doing mundane and unproductive things like checking social media, watching TV or surfing the internet. Leave work at work and focus efficient systems and earlier morning alarms to get the most out your time. 
5. Eating Poorly
Skipping breakfast, eating on the run and settling on toast for dinner is no way to treat your body. Your body has to last you a very long time, and if you continue to stick insufficient and low value crap into it, it is going to fail you. Three nutritionally balanced meals a day are vital to your overall well being, and you deserve nothing short of that. Where you can, eat communally because shared meals create conversation which is also great for you and try to prepare most of your food yourself. Shop for your own food, care about the quality of the food that you eat and find out where it has come from and where it was sourced. Food and water are a privilege and you should value them highly and respect your body by feeding it regularly with quality products, in turn your body will thank you by looking better, being stronger and giving you more energy to exercise and soldier on if you do happen to fall ill. 

Okay so, in my mind those are the top 5 nasty habits that hold people back from having more good habits and rituals in their lives. If you can get those 5 bad habits sorted out then you can incorporate more of the good stuff into your life and begin to live a more abundant and fulfilling lifestyle. But more on that next time.....