Managing the everyday pressures of daily life is one of the most important skills that anyone can have in their tool kit to enable them to thrive. There are literally hundreds, if not thousands of articles, research papers and theories around what that tool kit should look like and the type of skills that are vital to hone for best success. So what skills are the experts and scholars of the world actually recommending that we have and how much actual success is really being experienced through the development of these practices? 
​After trawling the internet, reading some scholarly articles, investigating numerous case studies and perusing several self help manuals over the weekend for the answers to those questions, I have discovered that most 'experts' appear to unanimously agree on the following five 'must have' skills for coping with the everyday pressures of everyday life.
Now I am not claiming that these five tips are the holy grail for ultimate life satisfaction, but just about everything that I did read had these five pointers included in their success criteria for keeping stress levels low and life enjoyment high. I thought that it was interesting that it all pretty much seems to boil down to just  five key pointers, and it certainly does align with my own opinions and theories for living a better life, however, as far as the actually information goes, well you can trash it or thrash it, the choice is entirely yours. 
Do these five things actually work? Well I would have to assume that if everyone keeps on referring to them as the vitals in a pressure free lifestyle, then there must be some level of success attached to their implementation. It is pretty much impossible to refute a few of them for obvious reasons because they are total no-brainers and everyone knows that adopting them would bring about a level of detox and calm. I do think they are all safe to implement and can't see how any of them would add to anyone's stress load unless they chose a hobby that was stressful, which would be rather counterproductive. But as I said, I am just the messenger, so you make your own mind up. 
So without further ado, here is what the experts recommend that you need to employ to get the stress levels in your life down to a minimum. 
​
1. Share Your Feelings. Trying to cope alone is ridiculous and unrealistic. Call on your support network, rally around your friends and share your concerns. A problem shared is a problem halved. 
2. Get Real. Drop the need to be perfect, learn to say no and be willing and open to compromise. Accept that you are only human and that everyone gets overwhelmed from time to time. 
3. Be Healthy. Eat well, exercise, get enough sleep and cut back on caffeine, tobacco and alcohol. Taking care of your physical self will make your life much easier in the long run. 
4. Deal with One Problem at a Time. Address where your stress is coming from and begin to eliminate what you longer need. Make a list, monitor where your tensions lie and make realistic and achievable goals to reduce the high stress tickets on your dance card. 
5. Visualise, Meditate, Dance, Find a Healthy Outlet. Finding a relaxing hobby or pastime that you enjoy will not only make you happier and more able to cope with everyday stress, it will also give you something to look forward when you feel like your cup has runneth over.

And apparently that's it! Seems pretty simple in theory, but any fool knows that it's always the practice that takes all of the hard work. 

I love the idea of upskilling or 'life levelling up' and I have poured hours of devotion into new practises and pathways that I believe have helped me to become a better and more rounded person. I do have to be honest and admit that sometimes the amount of time and energy that is required to engage in some form of new and meaningful life upskilling is quite overwhelming to me at the moment, and it isn't because of a lack of desire or motivation, it is because I feel like I have already had more than my fair share of 'upgrades' in this life. 
At the moment, I have pretty much 'maxed out' my life. If I was a game avatar I would have almost every perk, extra feature and bonus item already in my inventory, there would be no more to add to my character except for cardio, I know that I need more cardio! I have done so many incredible things, seen so many amazing things, had so many adventures and worked hard to incorporated the best of everything that I have discovered along those paths into my life. And now I can say that I truly understand what it feels like to have my 'cup runneth over.' 
So have I plateaued? Well if this is what plateauing feels like, then I am fine with that! But I do think that it is quite the contrary really, because I actually feel like I am running on maximum (well not literally running, let's not forget that cardio stuff, doubt that I will ever nail that) and even though I do not fit into the mould of what society tells me to believe that a 45 year women should 'look' like or 'feel' like, I actually feel amazing and completely happy. Sure I am not what anyone would call 'fit' or 'thin' but I am thriving. I feel well and vibrant and healthier than I have ever felt in my life, so what is actually going here? Why now, when I am older, heavier and wrinklier than I have ever been in my life am I experiencing this feeling of abundance and joy? 
Perhaps it is what I spend my spare time doing that has cultivated this feeling of abundance? I like to spend my free hours practising yoga, meditating, walking, listening to podcasts, watching movies and TV shows, socialising with friends and family, cooking, journalling and reading. I would call myself a moderately active person, I eat healthy nutritious foods, and I try to balance out my days with some activity and some inactivity because I believe that balance is the key to a good life.
I do have the most excellent and fulfilling relationships with the people around me that I have ever had in my life and I value those relationships above everything else. I try to make sure that the people in my life feel cared for and I try to make time for the people that I care about. My family means the world to me and my friends are not only beautiful people, but they are also caring, unique and stimulating to have around.
Perhaps all of these practises combined have put me in good stead, and maybe I don't need to add anything more to the mix since I am feeling so terrific. And maybe all of this really just boils down to a state of mind. Maybe feeling like you have a life of abundance is really more about having self acceptance, contentment and always keeping your eye on the glass being half full. I really do have what most people would call a full and happy life, and it is good to celebrate that and rejoice in the space that I have cultivated for myself. I don't actually need another upgrade at this moment in life, I am happy, I am abundant and I am the best version of myself at this present moment. 

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine the other day and they told me that they felt that they would never find love. Naturally my reaction to this information was, why? In my mind this person is more than lovable, attractive, very intelligent and financially stable, why would someone like that have any trouble finding a meaningful and loving relationship? And then when she started to answer me, it all became very clear why. She had a list of potential partner prerequisites that would make a Harvard post-graduate with a six pack and a Lamborghini run away screaming, it was insane! And it got me thinking about realistic expectations when it comes to meeting a potential partner. 
My friend's list of requirements (and I am pretty sure that you would have heard something similar before) went a little something like this:
My potential love interest needs to be fit, financially comfortable, funny, adventurous and have a really good job. 
I would imagine that there millions of women that have lists very similar to this as their personal  prerequisites to love and I have to say that it is extremely disturbing. Finding a combination of traits like that in anyone at any one given time is going to be extremely rare, but are any of these individual ideals actually realistic anyway? 
My husband is certainly not what anyone would call funny most of the time, but sometimes he is gut bustingly hilarious! Does that count as funny? Who is funny all of the time anyway? That is creepy! And what about being fit? What level of 'fit' are we talking about here? A marathon runner is fit and a bodybuilder looks fit but they are completely different body types, and someone who is super fit would be at the gym or working out all of the time, is that what you're looking for? I asked her. 
And what if some great guy was rich and then gave it all away to charity, would he not be financially stable enough to be considered a good partner? What if he was just between terrific jobs, but was currently unemployed because he had just given up 12 months of his life to go and vaccinate children in Botswana against typhoid, would that guy not be worthy of consideration because he didn't have 'a really good job' at the moment? 
You can see where I am going with all of this right? I said. You have put up walls and expectations that are not only unrealistic but they are not allowing any potential partner to infiltrate that barrier because you don't want them to be human, fallible or individual. How bloody sad! And what about me as a friend? Do you hold me to ransom with the same high expectations? I am not fit, or wealthy and I only have a low earning job, does that mean that I am not good enough for you? 
Of course my friend said no, that they loved me dearly and that they would never see me as anything but a terrific friend and lifelong confident, and that was where I got her and I could see the look on her face. The penny had just dropped and she could finally see that she was actually holding herself back from having meaningful and lifelong relationships with men because she had put so many expectations on them. 
At the end of the day, love cannot be put into a pigeon hole and neither can anyone that you allow yourself to love. Sometimes we are all funny or more stable or flush with funds; and sometimes we are stronger or fitter or more secure, and then other times we are none of those things at all, and that's called life. In life, and love, there are no perfects...at best you may get some pretty perfect days and moments but nothing is ever permanent.
There is nothing wrong with aiming high for yourself, but expectations need to be kept realistic and viable or they are just going to hold you back from life and love. Love doesn't exist in a tiny perfect package, that's just what everybody wants you to think. Instagram is rife with snippets of perfection and people get really caught up in that bullshit and start to aim for something that isn't even real. Let me tell you that real love is messy and unpredictable, it farts on the couch and drinks milk from the carton and will probably make you angry and even cry sometimes, and that's okay. That means it's real. 
So in the end I reassured my friend that she has no reason to believe that she will never fall in love, because any idiot can fall in love, and there are millions of lonely people in the world looking for a connection, she just needs to put her phone back on the hook because she hasn't been receiving! And besides, any fool that decides to have someone as nutty as me as a best friend can definitely find love out there in the big wide world! Stranger things than that happen every damn day!  

STRANGER THAN FICTION
Release Date: 2006
Rating: M
Running Time: 113 mins 
A fantasy romance tale, directed by Marc Forster and written by Zach Helm (better known for his work on Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium) that offers a sweet and entertaining look into the lives of ordinary everyday people with a whimsical and quirky backdrop. 
Harold Crick, an insanely regimented IRS agent, has his predictable life turned upside down when he begins to hear an internal voice that is narrating the events of his life as they occur. When he falls for Ana, the baker that he has been assigned to audit, things rapidly get even more out of hand for Harold. 
Will Ferrell delivers one of his best ever performances as Harold, and Maggie Gyllenhaal offers another believable quirky indie-chick performance. It is actually the incredible cast that really brings this film to life; Emma Thompson, Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifah and Tom Hulce all bring levity to the story; which although isn't life changing, is intelligent, charming and quite good fun. 
FINAL SAY: I brought you flours. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

International Women's Day always gets me thinking about how far we have come, and also how far we still have to go, when it comes to female equality and empowerment. It is true that as a society we have made good progress for women when it comes to supporting collective actions, investigating constitutional and legal reforms, generating buzz around social and economic practises and spearheading positive changes around norms within the workplace, and we really do need to celebrate those achievements. However, and I don't want to come off as negative in saying this, but let's not kid ourselves about the fact that we still have a really long a way to go before women can truly feel empowered and equal in our current society. 
Whether we want to admit it or not, the truth is that women are still not considered equal to men financially, emotionally or in the workplace. When it comes to raising collateral, cracking big deals or convincing investors to get on board with ideas, women entrepreneurs are half as likely to succeed over a man, even if they are actually more qualified and adept at their jobs. And in a recent anonymous business study, men in positions of high power or leadership still believed that many women were too emotional, temperamental or unreliable to hold down positions of power in business.  
Why, in this day and age are these ridiculous and archaic stereotypes still being perpetuated? And more to the point, what can we do to stop this type of discrimination and sexism from continuing? Well, there are actually very simple and effective ways that you can be supporting women in the world and creating change and mindset growth around what women can do just by the way that you speak and what you tolerate being said about women around you. 
Firstly, watch your words! Language is powerful and it can easily enforce a belief or concept without you even meaning it to. Avoid referring to women in derogatory terms (even if you are just joking) and correct others who do it in discussions with you. Any words that reinforce the stereotype that women are weak, not powerful and not in control of their own lives is doing all women harm. Always speak about women in uplifting language and never use words that imply that they are less capable than men. 
Female empowerment begins at home. So empower all of the women around you, including you daughters, your mother, your female relations, your girlfriends and your female work colleagues by supporting them, complimenting them and congratulating them on their achievements. Speak respectfully to every woman that you meet, the more empowered that a woman feels, the more likely that she is to take on new challenges and improve her station in life. Female confidence is the key to empowerment and even the most skeptical and sexist of men are more likely to pay attention if a woman comes across as self assured and self empowered. 
If you really want to empower women then be a positive role model yourself. You know the old "be the change that you wish to see in the world" quote, well if you want to empower women than be more empowered yourself. Make strong, informed and confident choices in your own life and demonstrate strength of mind, conviction and determination in the things that you do.
Mentor younger women to be more empowered by assisting them to develop their skill set and teaching them to speak up against discrimination, sexism and inequality in non-aggressive and powerful ways. The younger that you are, the easier that it is to learn new beliefs and adopt new ideas, so don't just coach young women, coach young men as well and teach them to respect and value women as much as men in every capacity of life. 
And most importantly, accept yourself and other women as well. Every woman that you meet is going to be different from you. Whether it is a different lifestyle, culture, religious background, political outlook or physical appearance, it doesn't matter - it is completely irrelevant. What you do all have in common is that you all identify as female, and knowing that you are all more alike than unlike is an empowering thing to know. Empowerment and acceptance are one and the same, and learning to accept yourself as a part of something bigger than yourself will help you to see the power and potential in all women.
Forget about trying to be perfect, youthful or skinny and invest your energy into being brave, strong and wise. Attitude is infectious and a positive, inclusive and empowering outlook will rub off on other people, so just start in small ways and you'll soon start to set an example for other women to follow. Remember, men have been propping up other men for centuries now and that has lead to them having a position of power in the world over women. As women, we know that we don't need to stoop to being oppressive to men to feel empowered, but we do want to be treated equally and recognized for our worth, and that we deserve no less than that.
So change your mindset and go out and start singing your praises to the wonderful women of this world by celebrating your own worth and becoming a part of the female empowerment movement that is going to set young females up for a brighter and more equal future in years to come. You go girl!

The 91st Academy Awards are on tomorrow, which on top of the Golden Globes and the SAG awards I watch every year. This year I will be watching with a couple of good friends over coffee and nibbles, and I am so looking forward to it. I have managed to see almost all of the nominated materials over the course of the year and I am always keen to see if my personal opinions line up with the big guns at the Academy. 
If you haven't stumbled across the Academy Award nominations yet, here is a run down of the big ticket awards (the ones that I like to know the winner of the most). If you are more interested in the sound, design, costume and cinematography awards then check online for those nominations. 
I have underlined who I think the Academy will more than likely give it to and then my personal choice is in bold. 
Best Picture 
Black Panther
BlackkKlansman
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Green Book
Roma
A Star is Born
Vice

Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale, Vice
Bradley Cooper, A Star is Born
Willem Dafoe, At Eternity’s Gate
Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody
Viggo Mortensen, Green Book

Actress in a Leading Role  (Huge snubbing of Toni Collette in Hereditary here)
Yalitza Aparicio, Roma
Glenn Close, The Wife
Olivia Colman, The Favourite
Lady Gaga, A Star is Born
Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Actor in a Supporting Role (Huge snubbing of Timothee Chalamet in Beautiful Boy here) 
Mahershala Ali, Green Book
Adam Driver, BlackkKlansman
Sam Elliot, A Star is Born
Richard E Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me
Sam Rockwell, Vice

Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams, Vice
Marina De Tavira, Roma
Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk
Emma Stone, The Favourite
Rachel Weisz, The Favourite

Animated Feature Film 
Incredibles 2
Isle of Dogs
Mirai
Ralph Breaks the Internet
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

Directing
Spike Lee, BlackkKlansman
Pawel Pawlikowski, Cold War
Yorgos Lanthimos, The Favourite
Alfonso Cuaron, Roma
Adam McKay, Vice

Foreign Language Film
Capernaum (Lebanon)
Cold War (Poland)
Never Look Away (Germany)
Roma (Mexico)
Shoplifters (Japan)

​As usual, the horror and sci-fi industry gets another shafting, as does some excellent art house material yet again, but no surprises there really. And even though I do believe that Toni Collette was the actress of the year in Hereditary, and Timothee Chalamet was epic in Beautiful Boy  (and hey what about Paddington 2?) I won't be boycotting the proceedings. In spite of my moaning every year, of course I'm still going to watch the awards, I love the glitz and glam of it all!  And who knows? Roma could repeat the 1997 A Life is Beautiful effort  and sweep the Awards ceremony this year, it feels like it could be time to turn a spotlight on quality foreign cinema again. 
The 91st Academy Awards will air on the NINE network at midday in Australia tomorrow (Monday 25th February) and then again at 7.30pm on GEM if you want to see them yourself.

I have been listening to a really interesting audio book all about habits, it discusses why we have them, how they are formed and how we can create new and better ones. Obviously I am really interested in the topic of habit and had just recently blogged about good and bad habits on Spicywatch, so it seemed like a wild and also pleasant coincidence when this book popped up on my audio book recommended list free of charge! Bonus! So it was with much eagerness that I started listening to it and then ended up bingeing the whole book over the past four days and although some of the information wasn't exactly a revelation to me, some of it was downright fascinating. 
The most interesting thing that I discovered about habits was how you can easily create new ones. Well, I must admit that when I say easily I say it quite loosely, because creating new habits is actually far from easy when you really get down to the brass tacks of it. According to research, the theory of it only taking around 21 days to create a new habit is absolute horseshit. It actually takes an average of 66 days to create a new habit, and that's the average so some people can require 100's of days to form a new habit, so it's safe to say that my theory of change taking substantial time is actually factual, so I was always right about that. 
However, what I did find fascinating was the fact that managing our compulsions for instant gratification was a major factor in the success of our new habit creations. Basically, if you can focus on the long term benefits and not the short term gratification, then you are more likely to create good habits that will set you up for a better life. How do I know this? Well, a Harvard study was done on 1,000 four year old children in the 1970's where they gave each child one marshmallow and told them that they could eat it right away. However, the children were also told that if they could leave the marshmallow alone and wait whilst the tester left the room, then when the tester returned they could have two marshmallows.  These children were all middle class children without any known external factors or diagnosis that may affect results; and their results were recorded.
The children were called back 40 years later as adults approaching their mid-life, and questioned about their lifestyles. All of the adults that had eaten the first marshmallow as a child and sought instant gratification had lower incomes, less employment opportunities due to  their lower academic performance and had in many cases suffered from more marital and parenting problems and had a higher percentage of issues around substance abuse and alcoholism than the group that had waited for their second marshmallow as kids. 
So what does all of this mean? That if you eat the marshmallow at four then you're doomed to a life of less? No, of course it doesn't! It means that if you know that you are an instant gratification kind of a person, then you will need to work a lot harder to maintain good habits and also conscientiously teach yourself to modify your impulses and focus on the long term greater good. Which basically means that YOLO isn't going to cut it if you want to get the best out of your life. 
The good news is that no-one is a hopeless case and that anyone can make their lives better and adopt better habits. The secret is that by making bad habits harder to get to and good habits more rewarding, you can trick your brain into wanting to do more of the good stuff. For example, if what you want to achieve is more exercise then only let yourself watch your favourite show or listen to your really exciting novel or podcast when you are exercising. Or, if you want to stop drinking as much wine in the evening then make it harder to access by not having it the house ready to go, or putting in shitty tasks that you have to do to get that wine like doing two loads of laundry or picking up dog shit in the yard first and you will soon associate the wine with crappy feelings. Sounds pretty simple, but it's not because remember that you need to do it for around 66 days or more before your brain kicks into gear and accepts it as a new habit or lifestyle change.
So, yeah, it isn't really easy to make awesome or new habits, but the really great news is that it is never impossible. According to the habit book, you are literally never too old to create new and better habits in your life, so my best advice is to commit to a long term good habit and then just get a hustle on for goodness sake! There is no better time than right now!

AMERICAN HUSTLE
Release Date: 2013
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 138 mins
Directed by David Russell, this 70's crime romp based on an actual FBI undercover investigation, is a magnificent mix of madness, comedy and deception. Rife with flamboyantly dressed criminals and speckled with fabulous '70's hits, this movie is a winner from start to end, mostly due to the faultless delivery of its strong and capable cast.
Irving Rosenfeld (Christian Bale) and his seductive scamming partner (Amy Adams) are forced to assist an arrogant FBI agent (Bradley Cooper) with his plans to expose a group of New Jersey power-brokers and the mafia through the corrupt connections of Mayor Carmine Polito (Jeremy Renner). 
Basically it's con-artists, criminals and Feds uncomfortably rubbing shoulders, and it's not a pretty sight. Bale, Renner and Cooper have fully committed to their hideously funny roles and Adams and Lawrence are bringing their best in every respect. This may be the most fun that I have had with a crime drama in a very long time, it's unmissable. 
FINAL SAY: You're nothing to me until you're everything. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Only a few short years ago I recall writing on this blog with great anxiety about my daughter Zoe leaving home to go to University. I was a total mess at the time; a mess of worry and a mess of emotions. I was filled with a strange and unsettling mixture of pride, melancholia and knee-trembling fear that I haven't really come up against since then. I suppose that letting your children leave home to find their own place in the world really does have it's own unique set of emotions. A set of emotions that can't completely be defined or replicated, and equally cannot be forgotten either.  
I recall that one of my blog entries at that time was entitled But I don't want you to go.... and it was filled with my deep concerns and neurotic carry on about how Zoe could ever cope without me, and also what my life would look like without her around 24/7. I know that at that point in my life I just could not imagine what it would feel like or look like to not have Zoe there all of the time, it was such a foreign idea to me; an idea that I didn't really want to entertain.
​And now here I am, preparing to see Zoe graduate from University tomorrow and wondering what it was that I was so worried about when she left home a few years ago and about how my life and hers, turned out to be just fine, in fact better than fine, pretty damn great! And there is something really comforting about that. You see, I now have the knowledge that in spite of our greatest fears and anxieties we can adjust, we can move forward and we can achieve marvellous things as well. 
Tomorrow Zoe will take to the stage in her gown and tassel mortar-board and she will become a University graduate, the first University graduate in our family and we just couldn't be more proud of her. And she did it on her own, in a new town without us beside her to bolster the waves and lead the way, she did it all on her own. Now I could say that it was because we are such epic parents that she could manage all of this, but I honestly can't take the credit for all of her hard work. This one is Zoe's and Zoe's alone, she did it and she did it so well that she's been invited back to complete her honours as well. Woohoo - you go girl!
This whole experience has not only made Zoe grow up and learn about life, but it has also made Craig and I grow up and learn about life as well. We've changed a lot over the last few years that Zoe has left our home, and we have had a glimpse at what life looks like when you have less chicks in the nest to tend to as well. And you know what? We survived and we thrived, and we are all still close and we all enjoy each others company. I also now know for sure that just because your chicks fly the coop, that doesn't mean that they won't come back to roost for a spell every now and then, and that they aren't still your chicks in every way. 
Letting them fly is difficult because you're so damn worried that they will fall without you, but I cannot tell how incredibly good it feels when they don't fall at all, but when they actually soar to greater heights than you could ever reach yourself. Words just cannot describe it and nothing I write will ever do it justice, so I am not even going to try, but I'm pretty sure that you get the idea. 

In my last blog entry I was discussing the need to cull some bad habits out of your life to make room for the 'good' ones. And what I need to be clear about is what I actually mean by 'good' habits. Well, when I say 'good' habits, basically what I am talking about are the things that you can incorporate into your daily life that will make your life happier and more fulfilled. Now I do know that that is going to look different for a lot of people, because one person's idea of happiness and fulfillment may be a bottle of wine every night after work, which is fine, but it's hardly a 'good' habit is it? What I am talking about are really good habits, things that you can incorporate into your life right now that will make you feel better, look better and just generally help you to get more bang for your buck when it comes making the most of your time and increasing your overall enjoyment levels on a daily basis. 
Try not to think of my tips as definitive, but more advisory. I honestly do try my best to actually do these things myself, so I am not coming to you lightly when I say that these things work, however I am also not going to lie you and so therefore must admit that sometimes (regardless of how well I manage my time) that I just cannot always fit everything in all of the time.
However, these things are hugely beneficial and are genuinely part of my personal wellbeing regimen, and even if you can only adopt one or two of them, I guarantee that you'll notice a difference to the quality of your life as well. 
GETTING PRODUCTIVE:

• Get up early - before 6am. 
• Stack the dishwasher or wash the dishes as you use them.
• Don't leave all of your laundry to the weekend, do a load every other day. 
• If it will only take 10 minutes to do, then do it immediately. 
• Turn off your phone and electronic devices by 9.30pm.
• ​Clean out your wardrobe every 6 months and donate to charity shops.
• Have a household budget that you stick to and have a seperate savings account for special events, holidays or incidentals. 
• Listen to people closely so that you don't need do-overs. 
• Leave work at work, your free time is yours. 

LOOKING BETTER:

• Eat breakfast.
• Don't smoke.
• Don't binge drink.
• Take off your make-up and brush and floss your teeth every night before bed  - no matter what!
• Learn how to dry body brush and do it twice a week.
• Drink more water. 
• Go for a 30 minute (or longer) walk every day.

FEELING BETTER:

• Meditate (or at least tune out completely) for 20 minutes a day.
• Take up a daily yoga class on Youtube (it's free and you can do it in your PJ's at 6am!).
• Get a professional massage at least twice a year.
• Take a daily probiotic. 
• Pet and play with your cat or dog everyday. 
• Read for at least 15 minutes a day - even if it's just a magazine. 

BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME TO DO:

• Meet up with friends for dinner and/or a movie once a fortnight.
• Keep a personal journal - you'll be astonished by how much you'll learn about yourself over 12 months. 
• Cook your own meals.
• Plant a vegetable garden and eat your own produce. 
• Listen to music and make playlists of your favourite songs. 
• Find your signature scent and only wear it on the weekends. 
• Laugh -  at the world and at yourself, don't take anything too seriously. 
• Plan regular escapes from your everyday routines -  these don't need to be big or extravagant. 
• Call your parents regularly. 
• Have integrity, stay good to your word and be reliable. 
• Listen to Podcasts and audiobooks when you're on the go. 
• Incorporate hugge into your home. 
• Learn to accept your body and who you are.
• Be thankful, your life is terrific and being grateful will keep you smiling and on your A game. 

As you get older you realise that the only way to maintain all of the important things in your life and make the most of the time that you have, is to create good habits. Creating good habits takes time and energy, and sometimes money as well depending on what you are wanting to achieve, but if it is a better life that you are seeking, then good habits are what you need to cultivate. However, in order to make room for these good habits, you have to cull some bad habits first. You have to cleanse your life of that which no longer serves you. So let's take a look at what I believe are the top five bad habits that many people have that are holding them back from living better and happier lives. 
1. Wasting Money
Our society is designed to rob you of your hard earned money, don't let that happen. Do not let yourself waste money and time buying things that you don't need or replacing things that you already have that still meet your needs. You do not really need the latest phone, pair of shoes or gym membership to a gym that you have no intention of going to. Make wise choices with your money, consider the options before you purchase anything and always ask yourself 'do I really need this?' before you tap that card. Treat your earnings with respect, you give up a lot of your personal time for them. 
2. Complaining
No one ever became a better person because they could find problems or point out the shit they don't like. Whinging is petty, dull and non-productive. Try to look for solutions to problems and always try to find the positive in everything you encounter, you will not only be more likeable, you'll also waste less time. 
3. People Pleasing
Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated, but let's be honest, it is impossible to make everyone happy all of the time. So forget what everyone else expects or wants from you and focus on what you want to gain out of life. If spending time with certain people makes you feel ill, then just don't do it. If your boss is killing you with unreasonable demands, then tell them so. Putting personal boundaries in place will not only save you a lot of time and anxiety, but it will more than likely also gain you respect from others. Generally, people do prefer it when others are up front and honest about where their limitations sit and what they will and won't tolerate, so be transparent and don't worry about the haters. 
4. Wasting Time
So many people are shithouse at time management. If procrastination, disorganisation and over sleeping are wasting your life away then you need to get that shit sorted ASAP! Learn to be disciplined about how you spend your time and how much time you will allow yourself to waste doing mundane and unproductive things like checking social media, watching TV or surfing the internet. Leave work at work and focus efficient systems and earlier morning alarms to get the most out your time. 
5. Eating Poorly
Skipping breakfast, eating on the run and settling on toast for dinner is no way to treat your body. Your body has to last you a very long time, and if you continue to stick insufficient and low value crap into it, it is going to fail you. Three nutritionally balanced meals a day are vital to your overall well being, and you deserve nothing short of that. Where you can, eat communally because shared meals create conversation which is also great for you and try to prepare most of your food yourself. Shop for your own food, care about the quality of the food that you eat and find out where it has come from and where it was sourced. Food and water are a privilege and you should value them highly and respect your body by feeding it regularly with quality products, in turn your body will thank you by looking better, being stronger and giving you more energy to exercise and soldier on if you do happen to fall ill. 

Okay so, in my mind those are the top 5 nasty habits that hold people back from having more good habits and rituals in their lives. If you can get those 5 bad habits sorted out then you can incorporate more of the good stuff into your life and begin to live a more abundant and fulfilling lifestyle. But more on that next time.....

It has been a hectic week since we returned from New Zealand and my final days of holiday bliss have just melted away in a busy flurry of activity. It has been a real mixed bag of emotions and experiences as well. I have laughed until I thought my chest would burst open from the hilarity, and on the other side of the coin I have wept tears of sadness at a funeral that I attended. Nothing like cramming as much as you can into the final days of a Summer break to really feel like you've milked every drop of time out of it all. 
I plunged into darkness in Melbourne at Dialogue in the Dark, a virtual blind experience that needs to be experienced to be truly understood. I indulged in a delicious Korean BBQ with my nephew and his family in Footscray and I also enjoyed a casual afternoon tea with my work colleagues on a lazy Sunday afternoon. On top of that I have organised Seth's return to school crap, which consists of uniform and book shopping; replenished our diminished food supplies at home, caught up on my TV series viewing, finished off two books and listened to the Triple J Hottest 100 for 2018. 
And now I have only one day left, a free day to get my headspace ready for the 2019 school year ahead. However, before I even think about work tomorrow I will probably spend my last free morning tucked up in bed with a new novel and a pot of good tea. My midday in downward facing dog enjoying my last long yoga and meditation session and my early afternoon in sweet oblivion on the couch watching something binge worthy on Netflix.
It's true that everything is going to begin all over again, but I am going to wringe as much me time out of my final hours of holiday time as I can. I am going to be out of reach for the next 24 hours so don't come looking for me, I'll be in the Land of the Lost! 

Freshly back in Australia from our adventures in New Zealand, and what adventures we all had! I can honestly say that our family trip to New Zealand was one of the best trips that I have ever had overseas and now I am already keen to return and check out the New Zealand South Island as well.
The Gods truly blessed our trip and we had terrific and mostly mild weather for the entire duration, all of our Airbnb accommodations were even better than we had anticipated them to be and we managed to fit in everything that we had planned to do (and then some) without a hitch or a glitch along the way. And trust me when I say that we did plenty whilst we were there.
We only spent one night in Auckland before hitting the road for the Waitomo Caves to do the 'Black Labyrinth' glow-worm cave tour. This tour required us to don a wetsuit and caving gear, carry a flotation tube into the depths of the earth and then navigate ourselves through the uneven and dark terrain to see the glow worms that line the roof and walls of the caves. No-one told me that this tour would require me to leap backwards off waterfalls into water of an unknown depth in the dark whilst we were in the caves, if they had've I probably would've chickened out and then missed out on what turned out to be three of the funnest and most exhilarating hours of our entire trip.
For all of the initial fear, there was a tonne of fun to be had in those caves, and our guides were really helpful and knowledgeable and certainly  alleviated all of our concerns very quickly. The glow-worms are really dazzling and floating about in the dark water surrounded by their intense blue light is a pretty magical  and once in a lifetime experience.
We spent the next few days indulging in all of the exciting opportunities that Rotorua and the surrounding areas had to offer us. Which included a tour of Hobbiton (which made us all gung-ho to re-watch the trilogy again), a ride on a skyline gondola, some downhill luging, ziplining through the forests, kayaking on Lake Rotorua, zorbing (not for me thanks!), a Maori interactive experience and hangi (cooked in coals under the earth) dinner, a trip to see the thermal geysers and hot pools, a visit to a wildlife park to see a kiwi up close and personal (turns out that they are nocturnal birds, which I did not realise until I went to see one) and we also celebrated Seth's 14th birthday as well!
For the five days that we spent in Rotorua we stayed on the lake in a home owned by a movie lover like myself, which meant unlimited access to thousands of DVD's and also included a hot-tub, a daily visit from the resident swans and around an acre of immaculately landscaped gardens to explore, tough going I know, but someone had to do it!
From Rotorua we headed to the largest lake in New Zealand, Lake Taupo. Lake Taupo is large enough to fit Singapore inside of it! No shit, it's really that big! We went out on a yacht to take a look because there are some incredible Maori carvings out there that can only be reached by boat, and even though we sailed on the lake for the entire morning, we only saw around 6% of it. It has it's own horizon for goodness sake, it is absolutely massive! We had a lovely couple of days chilling out and enjoying our final days of lake life at Taupo. 
From there we headed down to our final destination of the trip, Wellington. The home of the vampires from What We Do in the Shadows and the city that Wellington Paranormal (one of my personally favourite TV shows) is based on. We stayed on the edge of the North Island in a flashy modern beach house that shares its neighbourhood with Peter Jackson. We kept our eyes open for any sign of him, but sadly he wasn't anywhere to be seen.
However, we did get to see a seal which was lazily sunning itself and hopping into the sea for a cool down swim off the rocks just across the road from our accommodation, which absolutely chuffed me! I haven't observed a large wild animal (without a handler) doing whatever it likes that close up before, usually you have to pay for those kinds of experiences, it was a real treat. There were also penguin nesting boxes there as well, but I think that the seal may have scared them away, so we didn't get to see them in action, but apparently they do cross the road regularly in that area because our Airbnb host told us to watch out for them. 
The coastline provided us with plenty of opportunities to collect abalone shells (paua shells), observe starfish and native sea life in the rock pools and also swim and snorkel. Our (I say our, but really it was mine) main priority whilst we were in Wellington was to visit the Weta Caves, which is a treasure trove of movie memorabilia and special effects information for movie geeks like me. I got a some great shots with the cave trolls from The Hobbit whilst I was there. And then in Wellington central we rode the city Cable Car to the peak of the city and strolled the botanical gardens taking in the incredible views and local flora. 
Fair to say that we were kept pretty busy, but it was a joyful level of busy. There was still ample time for sleeping in, eating out, shopping, meandering, meditating, late night movies and generally lollygagging in an awe-struck fashion at the incredible mountainous and green landscapes that we constantly engaged as we traversed the island. I have some incredible photographs of the amazing and altering terrain, it was so lush and made Australia look even more flat, arid and dry than I remembered it being when we left ten days ago, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't glad to be home again, because we all know that there is no place like home. 
Would I recommend a trip to the New Zealand North Island? Hell yes I would! Our family trip was worth every cent that we spent on it, we all had the best time in New Zealand and now we have a lifetime of memories of our time together to enjoy forever. It has been an unforgettable summer vacation  for us all.

Tomorrow we leave for New Zealand. As a huge heat wave hits Victoria we are escaping to the cooler and more manageable climates of Auckland, Rotorua and Wellington for the better part of 10 days. This family holiday has been in the making for the last two and a half years and I have excitedly planned and booked this self guided trip around the North Island with a lot of enthusiasm and loving detail. I have tried to encompass all of the things that our family have show an interest in exploring whilst we're in New Zealand, even the things that may be pushing me well outside of my comfort zone like spelunking (caving) and zip lining, which means that without a doubt this is going to be an epic family adventure for all of us. 
I am drawing the line at bungee jumping and zorbing though, happy for the kids to throw themselves off bridges and toss themselves down hills in giant plastic balls, but I am not willing to be involved in that kind of stuff and nonsense. The last thing that I need before I head back to work is a back injury, broken arm or leg or worse; no thank-you! I am going to leave the high impact action to the young and brave of heart, besides I am more than happy to wait out their high octane antics from the comfort of a good day spa with a glass of delicious New Zealand wine in my hand. Have at it kids, I'm happy to find my own fun! 
This trip will be especially significant for Zoe because this trip is her 21st birthday gift - finally coming to fruition! It's one thing to give someone plane tickets and spending money as a gift, it's another thing altogether to finally get on to that flight and have the chance to spend that money overseas. So needless to say, the anticipation is high and the excitement has reached fever pitch.
We are all super excited to be going over to New Zealand as a family for what will probably be the last big overseas holiday that we all have together for quite some time. Zoe has overseas destinations that she wants to explore with her fiance and Craig and I have a few big ticket items to get done out here that will occupy our spending money for a while as well, so it's hard to say when we will have an opportunity as good as this again. In light of that, we are all heading to New Zealand with our sights set on having an absolutely marvellous time.
​So I bid you all a fond farewell as I depart the country for a spell, I will without a doubt have wonderful tales to tell upon my return.
Just like Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, I am going on an adventure! Perhaps my most favourite adventure of all time and I cannot wait!

THE FAVOURITE
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 121 mins 
An historical period drama/ black comedy directed by Yorgos Lanthimos and written by Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara. After winning the Grand Jury Prize at the 75th Venice International Film Festival where it had it's world premiere, The Favourite has since gone on to receive further critical acclaim, praise and accolades for it's screenplay, cinematography, music, costume design and the stellar performances of the three lead roles portrayed by Olivia Colman, Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz. 
In 1708 whilst Britain is at War with France, Queen Anne (Colman) sits on the throne entertaining eccentric behaviours and struggling with her unpredictable emotions and eating patterns. Sarah Churchill (Weisz) offers the Queen counsel, advise and comfort in many and varied ways, and has always held the Queen's attentions and affections. That is until her impoverish cousin Abigail Hill (Stone) arrives and seeks to gain the Queen's affections and adorations over Sarah. An unspoken and vicious competition commences as the two women vie for the Queen's favour. 
I adore Yorgos Lanthimos as a director, he always brings a fresh and raw perspective to his storytelling and The Favourite may be my favourite of his movies so far. This film looks lush in every way, and the constant excessive indulgences really drive home the dreadfully wasteful and revoltingly spoilt lifestyles of the British Aristocracy of that period perfectly.
The acting is flawless and the three leads have been perfectly cast and the story is delivered in a wickly interesting way. Olivia Colman is looking mighty good for a Best Actress Oscar here, and Weisz and Stone bring a very real threat to the Academy Awards in their terrific support roles as well. This is unmissable stuff, a truly amazing cinematic experience. 
FINAL SAY: As it turns out, I'm capable of much unpleasantness. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Age gap is something that regularly comes up in random conversation and everyone pretty much has their own opinion around what is an acceptable age gap for a couple and what is not. To be honest, I generally don't give that much of a shit about age gap, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't find some age gap relationships a little over the top and somewhat cringe worthy. 
If you ask google what is an acceptable age gap it comes up with this interesting statement:
The rules state that by dividing your own age by two and then adding seven you can find the socially-acceptable minimum age of anyone you want to date. 
My first wondering about that statement is who actually created this so called 'rule' that they speak of? And their definition of a 'socially acceptable minimum age' is, in itself, an extremely grey area, I mean can people outside of this equation still be accepted into society or will they forever feel the sting of being ostracized for their forbidden passions? And why are they assuming that everyone wants to date someone younger than they are? What are the rules for older partners? 
If this statement is true then I could be dating a 29 year old which may not raise too many eyebrows, and if the same applies in reverse then I could also be dating a 73 year old, which may raise even more eyebrows. So, according to this google formula I can date anyone between 29 and 73 and no-one would be put out or offended, but if I started dating a 28 year old or a 74 year old, well that would just be getting freaky. 
I don't think that there really are any 'rules' around age gap dating, because we all know that love is love and that consenting adults have the right to date anyone that they want to. However, as I said earlier there are some age gap relationships that do make me feel uncomfortable. I don't think that people should be dating anyone that is the same age or younger than their own children, and I also don't think that people should date anyone older than their own biological parents either.
In my case, if I was to date someone around my children's age I would be seeing a 21 year old and if I was to date someone around my parents age then my partner would be in their 80's and I am not comfortable with either of those options. Now I know that everyone has their own personal boundaries around age gap dating, and I am not claiming that my choices are correct, I am simply stating that that is where I draw my line in the sand on age gap romances. 
Hollywood is notorious for putting massive age gaps in movies that no-one ever bats an eye at because they are usually younger women with older men; in fact an older man with a younger lady is generally not considered to be nearly as controversial as an older lady with a younger man is for some reason. Perhaps it is because we are conditioned to seeing more older men with younger women romance dynamics in cinema and as a result of that we have become conditioned to accepting it as normal. 
Here are some prime examples of older men with significantly younger women in romance films that defy the realms of acceptable, and yet no-one seemed too bothered about them at all:
Drew Barrymore and Tom Skerritt in Poison Ivy - 42 year gap
Kevin Spacey and Mena Suvari in American Beauty - 20 year gap
Gary Cooper and Audrey Hepburn in Love in the Afternoon - 28 year gap
Woody Allen and Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan - 26 year age gap
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard in The Rum Diary - 23 year gap
Brad Pitt and Rose Byrne in Troy - 16 year gap
Gabriel Byrne and Winona Ryder in Little Women - 21 year gap
Richard Gere and Hilary Swank in Amelia - 25 year gap
Timothy Hutton and Natalie Portman in Beautiful Girls - 21 year gap
Tom Cruise and Olga Kurylenko in Oblivion - 17 year gap
Liam Neeson and Olivia Wilde in Third Person - 32 year gap
Denzel Washington and Lymari Nadal in American Gangster - 23 year gap
Hugh Laurie and Leighton Meester in The Oranges - 27 year gap
However, to be fair, Hollywood doesn't always get it wrong when it comes to age gap movies and there have been some truly tasteful and empowering age gap movies that are not only plausible but also liberating in terms of love and what both platonic and romantic love can look like. Some of my personal favourite recommendations are:

• Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool - Jamie Bell and Annette Benning - 28 year gap
• The Reader - Kate Winslet and David Kross - 21 year age gap
• Harold and Maude - Ruth Gordon and Bud Cort - 52 year gap
• Leon the Professional - Jean Reno and Natalie Portman - 33 year age gap
• Lost in Translation - Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray - 34 year gap
• The Graduate - Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman- 10 year gap
• Seeking a Friend for the End of the World -Steve Carell and Keira Knightley - 22 year gap

At the end of the day, everyone knows that age is really just a number and that it can never define what is acceptable in terms of real love and meaningful relationships. I suppose that it is important to not get hung up on the actual age gap in a relationship but rather to look deeper at the parameters of that love and whether or not it is respectful, meaningful, plausible and genuine, and if it is indeed all of those things, then who am I to judge? 

There is nothing like the turning over of a New Year to reinvigorate the spirits and to get you thinking about how far you've come and where you'd like to be going for the next twelve months. I used to be completely bonkers about setting myself huge goals at the beginning of each new year, I used to be the resolution queen once upon a time. I spent hours and hours stupidly exhausting myself trying to maintain new year's resolutions and 'upgrade' myself.  I have since wised up and discovered that the turning over of the calendar from the 31st of December to January 1st has little or no reflection on how your year is going to play out and whether you will or won't achieve your set goals. Real change requires effort of a more consistent and repetitive nature than just flogging yourself silly for a few months, real change can take much, much longer than a calendar year could ever provide. 
What I have found, through a process of diligent goal setting and also wild abandon of all goal setting and letting the wind blow me where it may in a devil may care type of fashion, is that if you want something bad enough you don't need to set yourself a resolution to do it, you will just do it. If it matters to you, if you can make it a priority, then you will make it happen.
Just like those people in your life that don't see you for a long time and use the pathetic excuse 'that they were just too busy' to get around to catching up (which is quite frankly a load of horseshit) because everyone is busy and that excuse is just ridiculous! If you really want to see someone then you will make it a priority and you will see them. And the same goes for any other goals that you set for yourself in life, if it matters enough to you, then  you will make it a priority, and I guarantee that if can do that, then you will make it happen.
You do not need to write it on a calendar or drunkenly shout it off a balcony at midnight on news years eve to make it happen, in fact those flimsy pledges rarely go anywhere anyway.  If you can make something a non-negotiable aspect of your life, then you will see your goals come to fruition. 
​And that, I believe, is the key to all of life's successes. Consistent, continual, conscientious prioritising is what you need to make your goals a reality. Making new year's resolutions and dreamy promises to yourself does not get shit done, but committing to making your goals non-negotiable and essential in your everyday life does. Trust me, it's true, you cannot go halfway on your dreams and life goals, but you also do not have to make everything happen in a twelve month time bracket either.
The reason that so many people fail when it comes to resolutions and personal goals is because they didn't want it bad enough in the first place and/or they wanted it too soon. Every major goal that I have achieved in my life has taken me years to attain, and has generally required a fair amount of upkeep to sustain as well. The good stuff takes work, there are no shortcuts. In order to make changes in your life for the better, you are required to commit and persevere, even when you want to quit, you have to persist and be 100% non-negotiable to meet that goal. 
In January of 2015 my new years resolution goals were:

• Finish all of the reviews on my blog (I had 310 backlogged movies to review at that point)
• Do half an hour of exercise a day
• Drink more water
• Meditate twice a week
• Plan a get together once a month (with friends or family)

I set those goals for myself four years ago and I think that I have only just met them now, but again, I still have to work hard to maintain them. And there were also other major changes that I made to my life along the way to meeting those goals that I didn't write down or pledge to the world, I just made them a priority and was fiercely uncompromising with my efforts to achieve them.
I managed to quit smoking, started performing daily yoga and meditation practices, learnt to read and write Braille, maintained my daily journaling and also maintained my Spicywatch reviews and blog entries, and trust me when I tell you that sometimes, these things are hard to maintain. I too get busy, and  I want to cut corners and stop doing as much, but they are my life goals, they are things that I have made a priority in my life because I want to have a richer fuller life experience, and I will not compromise on my goals.
Real change takes time, a lot of time and a lot of consistent and continual effort. Unfortunately, personal upgrading is not just a flippant news year's resolution thing, it's a lot of hard work but it is also completely satisfying to set your sights on a better version of yourself and then achieve it. There is really no better feeling (apart from giving love and being loved) that I know of. So, yes, do set out to meet your life goals and push yourself forward, but do it realistically, knowing that it is going to take a lot of your time, effort and persistence to achieve and that what you set in motion in 2019 may not be your reality until 2025, and that that is okay as well....slow and steady wins the race my friends, so take your time and enjoy the ride! 

Another year is drawing to a close and what a wonderful year it has been for me. There have been so many highlights and so many special events, holidays and celebrations that I have been able to share with my family, my friends and my work colleagues this year that it is hard to know where to start. 2018 has truly been a year filled with great blessings, personal growth and many, many smiles.
I really like to make a list of the highlights of a year as it draws to close because it is so easy to forget just how many joyful things you do and get to be apart of; and how much you have achieved if you don't take stock on some level.  I always feel so deeply overwhelmed whenever I look back at everything that I have achieved and shared throughout the year and reflecting on a year is a really lovely thing to do that really helps you to count your blessings and focus on the abundance in your life. 
Here are my favourite highlights from 2018, all of which have brought me a great deal of joy, a sense of belonging, a feeling of enrichment and have provided me with many memories to reflect upon during the quieter and more contemplative times of the year. 

JANUARY:  Zoe and Lachlainn's engagement, Seth's 13th birthday, Jubilee Lake Picnic in Daylesford, Australia Day Fireworks, BBQ's and Drinks on the Enfield deck, TRUE - 30 days of Yoga program, Started my new job adventures. 
FEBRUARY: Chinese New Year- the Year of the Dog,  Rockabilly Festival, dinner and coffee dates with friends, Curry/movie night get togethers kicked off. 
MARCH: White Night Festival, International Women's Day, Cooking Day at Enfield  with friends, My Birthday, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Begonia Festival, The Arts Trail, the Egg Painting session at Enfield on Easter Saturday.
APRIL: Craig's Birthday, Eating Hot Cross Buns and good quality Chocolate on Easter Sunday, Dinner Parties, the Autumn School Holiday Break, Movie Nights at Enfield with mates, Apple and Quince harvesting. 
MAY: Mother's Day, The Festival of Light at the Great Stupa in Bendigo, a Daylesford Chocolate Mill visit, meeting Daniel Kish (aka. The Batman- echolocation expert), Spicywatch's 4th Birthday.
JUNE: Zoe's 21st Birthday, Winter Solstice Celebrations, Mushrooming, Completing my Level One Braille Qualification, Weekend Breakfast Dates with friends, the Winter School Holidays.
JULY: Alice in Wonderland at ACMI, Winter Movie Marathon nights, Flashy Cocktails and Long Lunches with my friends, When I Grow Up Art Exhibition, All day Baking and Soup making Sessions, Prospects dinners, eating Homemade Apple Pie with my Family. 
AUGUST:  Dinner parties, Dress-up Events at School (Book Week, 100 days of School, PJ day), committing to 30 days of 30 minutes of extra exercise (which I have continued with ever since).
SEPTEMBER: Father's Day, Seeing the Showcase Performance at school, Commencing 20 minutes of daily Transcendental Meditation (have also continued with this all year), the Spring School Holiday Break.
OCTOBER: Halloween horror movie/ dinner night, Rediscovered the joy of the local Botanical Gardens, School trip to Melbourne Zoo, Landcare Open Day, Cocktail and Perfume Night at The Lost Ones.
NOVEMBER: Bonfire Night, Anniversary weekend at Skenes Creek, Dinner Dates and Movie Nights, Sunday afternoon Live Music at Smythesdale Pub. 
DECEMBER: Dinner Party with friends, Having a KK to spoil and one that spoilt me as well, Staff Christmas function, Student Graduation, the Foundation Team Dinner, Summer Holidays kicking off, Christmas Day, Champagne Breakfasts, Reuniting with my nephew. 

Seriously, it has been the best year, I have so many things to be grateful for and so many reasons to celebrate what a wonderful life I have. On top of all of that, Spicywatch hit 11,000 return readers this month and I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to think that people are not only reading my blog and reviews, but are returning for more, it is just incredible to me. I am truly thankful to each and every Spicywatch reader for their continual check ins to my website, for their beautiful comments and their amazing support throughout the year. 
May 2019 bring you all much peace, much happiness and an abundance of all of the best things in life. I look forward to delivering more reviews and movie information to you all in 2019 and sharing my personal life experiences with you along the way as well.
Happiest of New Year's wishes to you all, may your resolutions be fulfilled, your hearts be full and your hangovers minimal; may you discover many new, enjoyable challenges and rewards in the new year and I hope that 2019 allows you to find your groove in all things,
Sending all of my love to you,
Happy New Year,
From Spicywatch xx

Today is Boxing Day and I have officially dropped out the other end of Christmas. What I am now experiencing is that numb sense of overwhelment and exhaustion that arrives in the days preceding Christmas time. I have indulged in copious amounts of rich and decadent deliciousness, I have drank enough alcohol to challenge the driest of sailors on shore leave and I have received the most amazing gifts over the last four days. In short, it has been tremendously busy and I have been tremendously spoilt all over again. Talk about your first world problems over here, too much of the good stuff for me that's for sure!
However, it wasn't all take and no give, I really had a wonderful time giving all of the gifts that I had shopped for and I made plenty of treats and delicious eats for others to indulge in. I also did my volunteer shift of Christmas gift wrapping and fundraising for the Salvos as well, so I actually got to give over quite a bit of my love this jolly season. Everyone knows that the giving is generally even more special than the receiving at Christmas time and it was so wonderful to spend time with my family and friends over the last few days in an unhurried, indulgent and relaxing way. 
To be honest I haven't even managed to get out of my pyjamas today, I am having the laziest of days and with the fridge full of leftovers, I won't even need to cook this evening either. Unfortunately, my body clock has not adjusted to holiday time yet and insists on waking me up at 6am, which wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't continually burning the midnight oil at the moment as well. I don't think that I have been in bed before midnight since I finished work last week, and the lack of rest is starting to get a hold of me. 
Tiredness affects people in all kinds of ways, some people get cranky and moody, others get dozy, but I get vague, really, really vague. People can have entire conversations with me and I won't hear a word of it because I am off with the pixies. I also do really stupid things like lose my glasses (which are perched on top of my head) or put things away and forget where I put them. I suppose that I am just getting a really good glimpse into my future, because from what I have heard, people in their old age do a lot of wacky stuff like that all of the time. However, I also get really annoyingly foggy and I can't focus on anything for very long, everything seems much harder than it actually is and I am really only good for one thing, movie marathons and TV bingeing.
Am I using my tiredness as an excuse to hit the couch hard for a couple of days? Probably, but I don't feel guilty about that, it is the holidays after all and I have well and truly earned my right to be lazy and disconnected for a while. The time to unplug and tune out has finally arrived, so I think I might watch something a little on the slanted side because my mind is already there after all!

Gimme a high five, a kiss on the cheek and a slap on the arse - work has officially ended! I have now happily navigated (and survived) the Christmas Staff Party, the work place Kris Kringle certificate exchange and the obligatory tipples, cheerful chatter and tears of goodbye that come with all end of year farewells and the much anticipated and fiercely coveted Summer holiday escape. All of my Christmas work events were thoroughly enjoyable, as one would expect when you work with a group of wonderful people, and I was sweetly touched by the outpouring of love and care that everyone in my school community shared with each other over this busy and genuinely exhausting time of the year.
The children (literally dead on their feet by the final stroke of the clock) showered me with much thanks, many hugs and a ridiculously generous cascade of gifts that were both greatly appreciated and overwhelmingly touching; highlighting all of the reasons that the slog is always worthwhile and that we do indeed change tiny minds everyday for the better. It would be more than fair to say that Christmas definitely came early for me. I don't even need to open another gift now, I have already been insanely spoilt and my ego has had a mighty good fluffing up from the many compliments and thanks that the children's parents (who did not hold back their gratitude or appreciations) happily gave to me. 
And so now I move onto more personal affairs, as today I brave the supermarket hordes to shop for my pre-Christmas get togethers and my family Christmas Day lunch. And even though I know that the supermarket is going to resemble a looting escapade during a zombie apocalypse, this is truly a labour of love now and I will undertake it with a lot of thought and loving devotion, because after all, it is Christmas time and therefore an excellent opportunity to spoil your loved ones and indulge in the finer things in life without feeling guilty. 
I have my menu planned, my shopping list written and I have purposely set aside Christmas Eve to prepare desserts and spend some time with Zoe and Seth swanning about the kitchen cooking up some delicious Christmas fare. I like to do all of the hard work and as much of the preparations before Christmas so that on the day I just have to load up the oven and grab a glass of bubbly. No-one should be slaving away in a kitchen on Christmas Day, that is just downright criminal. The load on the day has to be shared; the kids will dress the table (which Zoe has a turned into an art form), I will fill the oven and carve the roasted beasts, we will all do a little dusting and turning out of pre-prepared sweet treats, Seth will organise some appropriate and festive mood music and Craig, as he always does, will provide a jug of good gravy which he makes with the precision of a surgeon. And voila - we will have ourselves a merry little Christmas family gathering. Nothing more to do on the day but pop open the crackers and enjoy a relaxed meal together, which now that I have written about, am getting very excited for.
​Come on Christmas, I am ready for you to arrive!

I cannot deny that the fatigue of a rather long term has begun to set in over the last week. Since the beginning of December I have attended seven dinner events, two graduations, five after hours appointments, two breakfast dates, squeezed in a trip to the movies and not missed a day of work in the process. I have also finished my Christmas shopping, wrapped all of my presents, sent off my Christmas cards, put up the tree and decorations, planned my Christmas menu and volunteered to work for the Salvos and wrap presents on the Sunday before Christmas. I don't want to brag, but I am bloody well going to because I am slamming this Christmas so hard!
With only two days of work left, I am starting to feel the drag of this busy time of the year weighing down on me, which means that I need to shift my focus back to the positive things that have lead to me to this point in the year. I admit that I am ready to unwind a little, and I probably deserve to because I have been going at it like the clappers, and even though work will fall into blissful respite for a while, I still have quite a lot to do between now and the new year, which at this stage looks like a sweet lull from the busyness for me. However, no matter how you look at it, it is always easier to get  more done when you are on holidays and things don't ever feel like a chore when you are marching to the sound of your own drum and don't feel compelled to adhere the time constraints of paid employment. 
Overall, 2018 has been an absolutely massive year for me in every way, absolutely positive that is. I have incorporated so much new learning and self discovery time into my life this year, and for that reason I have a much fuller and richer life than I have ever had before. I have worked really hard to develop routines that have offered me a healthier lifestyle overall; one that embraces me in mind, body and spirit, and I have reaped a  lot of rewards for those efforts. I have also worked harder at my employment, taking on new skill sets and trying out new experiences on a level that I would never have had the confidence to do before, which has pushed me out of my comfort zone but made me grow as a person. And I also believe that I have worked really hard to cultivate meaningful relationships in my life this year by nurturing the positive and uplifting relationships that I am lucky enough to have by spending more time with people who stimulate, entertain, enchant, respect and interest me, which has made my family and social life incredibly enriching and deeply satisfying. 
On all fronts, I feel blessed. Blessed to have had the year that I have had, blessed to be able to spend Christmas time with my family and friends and blessed to have grown as much as I have this year. And even though I have no idea what kind of fuel is carrying me across the finish line of Term Four this year, I am deeply thankful for it and cannot wait to see what lies ahead for the rest of this wonderful season of celebration. 

Lots to consider at the moment.
The world is kind of whizzing past me in a wild flurry of activity and I am desperately trying to keep a hold on everything and remain positive, polite and jovial. Enjoy the ride Barb...remember you said you were going to enjoy the ride? says the voice in the back of my mind. And then the voice in the front of my mind says, what are you bloody well doing lollygagging about when Christmas is coming in twenty days? You aren't even close to ready for this!  
And I am constantly fighting between these two state of being at the moment, one is a state of blissful acceptance and joyful meandering and the other is a state of slight concern and mild panic. I say mild panic because I am not actually freaking out, but I do know that things are starting to mount up around me and that I am having to try my best to eliminate any clutter as it occurs so that it doesn't get too hectic. However, this need to eliminate the clutter as soon as possible has also caused another condition to occur; the 'too many balls in the air' condition that plagues everyone at some point around the silly season. Curses on the balls I say, I don't want balls to keep in the air, I want a blissful ride! 
Unfortunately, most of these said 'balls' have just arrived of their own volition and have not been of my own making at all, and this entire experience has swiftly reminded me that no matter how good my intentions may have been to remain all zen and joyful on the road to Christmas, that the rest of the world is not always sharing that sentiment with me and that poses a pretty big challenge to my plans. Every year I tell myself to slow down and enjoy the ride and every year it gets harder and harder to follow through with that idea because everyone else seems to be stressing out around me. 
It can be really hard to find enough down time at this time of the year as well, which means that I don't get nearly enough time on the yoga mat, the hiking tracks or the meditation pillow and that generally means that I am not really operating at my most tolerant levels either; and when you go and smash that together with every other pre-Christmas concern and 55 very tired foundation students a day...well, you know where this is going...not to a very zen like place that's for sure. 
However, as I said it is only slight concern and mild panic at this point, certainly nothing that I cannot manage and considering some of the side balls that I have had tossed at me over the last week, I think that I am actually doing okay. Got a whole new mantra going and everything:
Enjoy the ride Barb...enjoy the ride!

In life we are presented with a never ending stream of opportunities. Opportunities to meet new people and experience new things, opportunities to evolve and unfold as a person and opportunities to change your way of life or your way of thinking. These opportunities come to us every single day, and sometimes we don't even recognise them for what they are because we are too busy or distracted to see what we are being presented with. 
This time of the year in particular is so consuming; consuming of our time, our money and often our patience as well as we scramble toward Christmas, hanging all of our hopes on the day that our holidays begin or that special day when we get to celebrate with our family and friends. We become so fixated on arriving at our destination (which isn't happening for another month yet mind you) that we completely forget to look around and embrace any new opportunities that may be arriving, and we certainly don't make the most out of everyday of the festive season along the way. This happens every year, and I write about it every year because I see it happening to people all around me every year. For some reason we just don't allow ourselves to enjoy things completely in the lead up to Christmas and I am beginning to think that we have all been programmed to do this, and it really has to stop. 
Now don't get me wrong, I do really enjoy Christmas, I am not Scrooge for goodness sake! However, I do feel like people lose focus of what is important at this time of the year and hold themselves to ransom, often sacrificing huge amounts of money, time and energy which they invest into just one day of the year. A day that comes and goes without nearly as much fuss required as we feel compelled to throw at it in my opinion. What about the next 30 days leading up to Christmas? Don't we deserve to enjoy the ride, the countdown and the anticipation with a bit of joy as well? Damn straight we do! We totally need to stop and smell the flowers along the way, indulge in the lead up to the day and seize any new opportunities along the way to Christmas day, but often we just don't. 
The pressure to deliver a so called 'perfect' Christmas quite frankly has balls on it! The best Christmas's that I have ever had were really quiet events spent with my nearest and dearest in total relaxation. I cannot tell you how much stress I have put myself under for Christmas events in the past, and for what? I've spent hours stressing about whether people would be happy with their gifts or not and then barely received a thank you when the gifts were actually opened. I have spent hours slaving away in the kitchen trying to cook for a tribe of people and then had people only point out what they didn't like about the meal when it was over. I can even recall Christmas' where my own family have made me feel completely unwelcomed at Christmas events, and it honestly made me realise that none of it is worth it. 
The build up, the expectation to deliver, the need to perform, blah! Who needs all that? That is the complete opposite of what Christmas is about in my mind, and I think that so many people are getting it all wrong. Why not take some pressure off yourself this year and seize an opportunity to look around at what is really going on. Be honest with yourself, are you really embodying the Christmas spirit or are you just ticking off some stupid 'to do' list that you feel compelled to complete that has nothing to do with love or generosity or kindness, or bloody Christmas spirit for that matter!
Let's get this into perspective. In a nutshell, gifts at Christmas are a bonus, and should never be an expectation unless you are under 10. Kids get to expect Christmas gifts, adults need to be happy with whatever they bloody well get and should not sook or bitch about it because  it's petty and it's mean to look any gift horse in the mouth, especially if you have enough money to buy yourself whatever you want anyway, which is often the case with the biggest whiners. Keep gifts small and thoughtful and never let yourself get frazzled when selecting gifts for people, remember that it is the thought that counts and anyone that thinks otherwise is an asshole! 
The Christmas food on the day should be special but also simple and it should never be too labour intensive because no-one wants to be chained to the kitchen on Christmas day, it's cruel. And people please, think about your food quantities and don't over do it. Creating days of leftovers is hardly 'good will' toward the planet, it is Christmas dinner, not a 'feed the world' campaign and therefore the amount of food doesn't need to increase. Remember that sometimes less is more, and a delicious simple meal with a couple of special additions always works best in my opinion, so don't freak yourself trying to make a 10 course extravaganza, it's not worth the hassell. 
Decorating before Christmas should be a joyous thing to indulge in, something that the whole family can do together which will also take the pressure off one person being responsible for 'doing' the tree and making things festive. Small accents are enough, you don't need to go all 'flashing lights on the house' crazy to feel like you're bringing the Christmas spirit into your home. Effective natural decorations and Christmas accents can be as basic as a few sprigs of evergreen and a couple of pinecones from outside; so damn simple and also free!
So, how are you going to spend your time in the lead up to Christmas this year? Freaking out or chilling out? Seizing and embracing new opportunities or completely oblivious to anything else because you've got your Christmas 'to do' list to perform and come hell or high water you're gonna get it done? Well, essentially the choice is your own, but I know that I'm not gonna sweating the small stuff this year, that's for sure. I'm on the lookout for fun, frivolity and opportunities to enjoy every day leading up Christmas day and every day after that as well!

Men's health is an extremely neglected issue, especially in countries like Australia where the term 'Man Up' or 'Don't be a Pussy' are the staple when it comes to male wellbeing. However, the truth is that the stoic, strong and silent male stereotype that Aussie males have happily hung their hats upon for decades has actually been incredibly damning for men.
Australia now has an alarmingly high suicide rate, and 75% of those suicides are men between the ages 15-44, which means that more men die of suicide every year than from road accidents. Suicide has now become the 10th highest cause of death among men, which means that it is an issue that we can no longer afford to ignore. Just today, 6 Australia men will take their own lives, and we desperately need to get to the bottom of what is going on and why this is happening. 
The men that are taking their own lives come from all walks of life, they live in rural areas and cities, they are young and old and they have diverse employment, socio-economic statuses and cultural backgrounds, but they do have one thing in common, and that is the inability to reach out and share their troubles with others. Turns out that the strong male stereotype is so well ingrained that most men say that they are concerned or even afraid to show their true feelings, their worries, their anxieties and their burdens with others, even their closest family members and friends. This inability to share tends to push vulnerable men into drug and alcohol abuse, gambling addictions or other unhealthy outlets to try and cope with their emotions. 
Essentially we have as a culture, disempowered our men to talk about themselves and their problems. Men are struggling to allow themselves to be vulnerable for fear of being singled out as weak; the pull to be an 'Aussie bloke' who can shoulder any responsibility has overridden men's ability to adopt introspection and let their guard down, and the results of this are just catastrophic.
So what can we do about it? First and foremostly, we have to acknowledge that what we are doing isn't working and that we need to make some serious changes to the way that we deal with men and their health and wellbeing issues. Organisation like Gotcha4Life and Movember are supporting programs directed specifically at men and agree that the approach needs to be different. Empowering and encouraging men to have deeper conversations about what is going on with them when they experience a crisis in their lives is the best place to start. We must make room for men to be in touch with the human parts of themselves, which means that they need the space to share, cry, mourn and feel weak from time to time without the fear of negative judgement.
We need to stop telling blokes to harden up or man up and we need to be better listeners and show support and understanding. We need to educate ourselves about men and their unique set of challenges and the heavy unspoken expectations that are placed upon them from an early age. These traditions of expectation have become so ingrained in Australian culture that it is going to take time to loosen the shackles of those constraints for men, but we have to start somewhere because male suicide is on the rise not the decline in Australia. 
So start right away, tell the men in your life how much they mean to you and take more time to just sit and talk with them when you can. Allow time for them to bond with other men recreationally, and encourage them to spend time alone with other men so that they can learn to open up and share their thoughts and feelings in 'safe mate' circle of friends. Support and normalise emotional releases and remember that it is all of our responsibilities to make men feel valued, heard and supported so that they can face the challenges of their lives with dignity. Help men to understand that it is not only okay to feel weak, it is absolutely necessary sometimes, and that being an emotionless robot isn't of service to anyone.
It is time for us all to wave goodbye to the stoic Aussie male stereotype that we have all been conditioned to accept and expect for generations, because we know that we can all do a shitload better than that for our men. And I implore all men to reach out and share, because we are all here and ready to hear you and support you, and never forget that it's all gonna be okay, help is never too far away and it's totally okay to seek it out if you should need it. 

I believe that the death penalty is an archaic and barbaric form of justice, in fact I do not believe that it is really a form of justice at all, it is a reaction to an act of violence with violence, and I think that it should be abolished worldwide. I ask you, how on earth can we ever achieve justice through more acts of injustice? 
I cannot understand it and I will never support it, for me the taking of any life, no matter how wretched that soul may be, goes against every fibre of my being and everything that I believe in. In a day and age where there are options for proper care and rehabilitation through correct practice and procedure, I think that we are far better equipped to deal with the ugliness of social misconduct than we have ever been before. Surely we can boast that we have evolved into a more civilised and humane culture that can bolster better consequences for the mentally unwell than just executing them?
In a recent episode of the television program Kidding, the main character meets the son of his penpal who just happens to be an inmate on death row. Through contact with this penpal we learn the truth about the lethal injection that is given to death row prisoners to euthanize them, and it really got me thinking about how deeply barbaric and horrific it would be to die in that way.
The so called 'painless' execution method is actually very far from painless and consists of a series of three lethal injections. The first of the three injections is an anesthetic called sodium thiopental, which is a fast acting barbiturate that depresses the activity of the central nervous system. This initial shot doesn't serve as a painkiller that numbs pain nerves, but instead it rapidly puts a person into a state of unconsciousness that's theoretically deep enough to make pain undetectable (note the word theoretically there). The assumption is that the drug will last long enough for the other two injections to be administered, but no-one alive has been able to substantiate that theory, so it's a grey area for sure. 
The second injection is pancuronium bromide which causes complete muscle paralysis, so even if the person being executed was in pain, they wouldn't be able to cry out or let anyone know that they were; and the injection also causes the respiratory system to go into arrest because the muscle of the diaphragm (the muscle that pulls air into the lungs) stops working, so odds are it hurts like a bitch. 
The last dosage to be administered is potassium chloride, which floods the heart with charged particles that interrupt its electrical signaling and stop it from beating. According to a study in the Journal of Forensic Science, the average length of time from the first injection to death is 8.4 minutes. Try and get your head around that, 8.4 minutes of possible pain and discomfort, maybe a lot longer, before you eventually die. It's a chilling thought, and not something that invokes a painless drifting off, as one may have imagined about lethal injection previously. It may be more humane than electrocution or a cyanide gas chamber, but let's not kid ourselves here, this is still a completely barbaric practice that needs to be abolished. 
And to top it all off, there are no real health professionals present when lethal injection procedures are administered because doctors and nurses are banned by their professional organisations from participating in executions since it goes against the moral code of health care professionals to be involved in such procedures. Surely that made you raise an eyebrow? 
And even though many countries have abolished the use of the death penalty, there are still 54 countries around the world that still have laws that sanction the use of capital punishment, and in some of those countries, the lethal injection would actually look like a good option considering the fact that they still use hanging, shooting, torture, flogging, firing squads and even stoning as a means of execution which is sometimes conducted publicly. I seriously shudder at the thought. 
An eye for an eye and the world goes blind, and I firmly believe that that is true. We cannot fight fire with fire and expect to survive the inferno ourselves, a life is a life and when others make poor choices we cannot simply put out their light, it is wrong and it is immoral. Anyone that supports the taking of a life for a life really needs to take a good hard look at what is motivating all of that hate in the first place, because in my opinion, it isn't natural to want to destroy your own kind. 

Every now and then someone will call me out on a review that I have done on a movie or a blog post that I have made; and if you are going to put your opinions on the internet, then you have expect that people are going to give their opinions back to you as well.  Total strangers, friends and even family members will point out how they didn't like what I wrote on my blog or point out how wrong I was about a certain movie that was at least one Chilli Pepper hotter or 3 Chilli Peppers colder than I had implied that it was, and I think that a lot them really enjoy sharing their own verdict or opinion on a topic that I have raised or a review that I have posted.
I am not sure whether people are hoping that I will kick off in response to their adverse reactions to my writings, but I can say with complete honesty that I don't mind at all if you disagree with my opinions. You do not have to agree with me, it would be completely weird if you did. I do not claim to be 'the God of all movie knowledge', I am not even close to being an expert in cinema, I am just a movie enthusiast that likes to write, and that is where my expertise ends. Sure I have seen a lot of movies, but there are still millions of movies that I haven't seen, and as for my opinions, well they're just that, opinions not facts or truths to be adopted and set into action, they are merely my opinions, nothing more and nothing less than that. 
Is it actually really great to hear that people don't agree with me. I love to hear about other people's experiences of the movies that they have seen, and that is one of the things that is so damn terrific about cinema, it is completely subjective. Like any expression of art, one person's trash is another person's treasure, and cinema is no different from that in any way. We may agree sometimes, never, seldom or often, it matters not to me one way or another. Make your own mind up about the movies that I review, see them for yourself, be discerning and be disagreeable, I welcome all opinions and you never have to agree with me. 
Cinematic experiences are unique and completely individual to everyone. They can be affected by your mood, your interest level in the subject, your wellbeing, your personal experiences, your tolerance levels and even your level of alertness when you enter a cinema. There are millions of factors at play when a person decides to squat for a couple of hours to watch a film, and I wouldn't dare to assume that my experiences would be in sync with anyone elses for even half of that time. 
Nope, I don't mind if you don't agree with me. In fact, I am ecstatic to hear the opinions of other cinephiles, it is a comfort to know that other people feel as passionately about their movie experiences as I do. I would never stifle  your disagreement of my comments, I welcome them and appreciate every one of my loyal readers opinions, even when they are completely opposed to mine. Please do keep up all of the comments and the conversations about movies with me, I am always happy to receive feedback and those of you that know me well, know that I will never get enough cinema related chatter in my life, so please do share your thoughts with me. 

THE SKIN I LIVE IN
Release Date: 2011
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 120 mins 
A Spanish psychological thriller, written and directed by Pedro Almodóvar.  Almodóvar has described the film as "a horror story without screams or frights" which is an accurate description. Although The Skin I Live In can't really be regarded as horror, there are certainly plenty of horrific goings on that will seriously mess with your head. 
A regarded plastic surgeon that is plagued by misfortune, creates a wonderful new type of skin that is impervious to damage. His human guinea pig and private obsession is a woman named Vera, a mysterious beauty that resides as a prisoner in his house. 
Antonio Banderas does a brilliant job of portraying the Dr. Frankenstein like surgeon Ledgard, and Elena Anaya is painfully beautiful as his subject, Vera. This movie has all of the elements of a great psychological thriller; devious plot twists, intensely interesting and esoteric characters and plenty of back story. However, because it crosses so many lines it also induces disgust and revulsion, albeit in the most stylish fashion, and for that reason it will not be to everyone's liking. If you can handle the kink levels turned up to high pitch, then you should enjoy the ride. 
FINAL SAY: I breathe. I breathe. I breathe. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

In our household, no topic is off the table when it comes to family discussions around the dinner table. This open dialogue between myself, my husband and our children has led to many interesting, sometimes awkward and often lengthy and involved banters over the years, and even though many people have raised an eyebrow in regards to how open we are about all topics in our home, I have been vigilant about instilling the values of open conversation and honesty when it comes to family exchanges. 
Because of this open dialogue around the dinner table, we have had what many people would call 'difficult' conversations with our children as they have discovered the truths and at times the ugly realities about the world, but we pride ourselves for never lying to them or hiding an unpleasant truth from them, and they have both turned out to be pretty well rounded and open minded individuals as a result of this.
​Both of my children knew the truth about their body parts, how lives are created and that some people are 'not quite right in the head' well before they even arrived at primary school. And before they left primary school they also knew about war, religion, genocide, enlightenment, rape, cults, incest, racism, paedophilia, discrimination, poverty, mental illness, hate crimes and all forms of artistic, spiritual and sexual expression. Neither of them have become unbalanced by any of this information, and neither of them now struggle to understand the complexities of the world. The truth about the world did not fuck them up or steal their innocence and they both had really normal happy childhoods. In fact, growing up they didn't have nearly as many troubles as their peers when it came to managing social situations or complicated issues and have always had a strong sense of social justice and ethical behaviour as a result of their developed global understanding. 
I worked hard to cultivate a mindset in my children 'that nothing is too big to tell, or too awkward to ask about.' And yes, it has lead to some 'hot' discussion and even some disagreements over the years (because with an open forum people will tend to debate and defend their formed opinions) but it has also meant that my children are always willing to talk to me, really talk to me. If something is going on they will always tell us about it and if something is happened that they don't understand or need clarification about, they will ask. And the conversation is still very lively around our dinner table and although we sometimes hit the hard topics, generally we share many relaxed and casual meals where the order of the day is much laughter and silliness. 
I am in no way saying that open-conversation is going to fly smoothly at everyone's dinner table, but having room for opinion and the comfort to ask questions is certainly not a bad thing to generate in any family. Being able to talk about anything, even the really tough stuff has certainly brought us closer together as a family and my kids have always been grateful for the honesty that they have received from us whilst they were in their formative years.
​I have never been able to think of a good reason to hide things from my children or to lie to them and I have never wanted to cultivate a relationship with my children that was steeped in deception or mistrust. I often wonder when I hear adults say that their children aren't ready to hear the truths about the world if it is just because they as adults aren't ready to deal with all of the ugliness themselves. All that I know for sure from my own experiences, is that nurturing a home where secrets are supported and lies necessitated will only lead to bitter resentments, disappointments and painful truths later on in life, and we all want a lot less of that for our children in the long run. 

No matter how much a well meaning parent or caring mentor may try to arm you with the goods to make the best out of the life that you have been given, there are some things that you just have to learn and find out for yourself. No amount of good advise or pep talking can ever provide you with the smarts that you will get from actually finding something out for yourself through sheer effort, life experience, perseverance and/ or a good splash of stupidity. 
​I have never met anyone that has been able to give me the ability to be strong or to be happy. I have met people that have inspired me to be stronger and happier, but the real work on those fronts comes from within. Strength can only be gained by facing life's adversities and overcoming fears. The strongest people that I know are the ones who have fallen the most in their lifetimes, and that strength is learned and cultivated over time. Everyone's strength and what they derive it from is unique, it is not a torch that can passed along to another. Strength cannot be taught, only demonstrated, and the same goes for happiness.
Everyone must learn to be happy, it isn't something that you can buy or earn, its far more esoteric than that. It is something that you either have or you don't have, it is a state of mind and therefore being truly happy is something that you must learn to do on your own. It is something that you have to choose, even in the face of great adversity, and no one else can give you the minerals to do that. Being truly happy, in spite of life's adversities or suffering is a real skill, and it's one that you have to master yourself. 
However, strength and happiness are not the only things that you must learn to master alone, let's not forget two of the toughest things that you will have to learn in this life, how to forgive and how to love. The saying 'the heart wants what the heart wants' certainly has some truth to it. You cannot make your heart feel what it doesn't want to feel, and learning to love others and yourself unconditionally is an exceptionally difficult challenge and something that people spend many lifetimes trying to learn to do well. Learning to love and willingly give over of yourself without restriction is not easy, and again like all things that you cannot learn from someone else, from a book or just purchase online; it is unique, emotional and challenging to master. 
I think that the art of forgiveness may well be the most difficult of all things that you will have to learn on your own. Being hurt is part of life and it is natural to have your feelings crushed or your hopes dashed by difficult people or even worse, the people that you care about or love the most. But learning that forgiveness can set you free and release you from potential hard-heartedness is something that you simply have to learn to do on your own. No-one can make you forgive another, or tell you to forgive another, you must do it yourself, when you are ready, and where and when that forgiveness happens is yours alone to determine. 
There is no manual for the toughest lessons, and there is no way to give a person true strength or happiness, or the ability to love and forgive. The best that anyone can ever do to instill these qualities in another is to work hard to master them themselves, so that they can at least be a good role model. However in saying that, I do believe that these skills are lifelong endeavours and certainly not something that you can master easily or quickly, and to imply that they are easily managed would be both flippant and ridiculous.
Everyone knows that all of the best fruit on the 'tree of life' is hanging out on the furthest limbs, it is tricky to reach and even harder to pluck, but it is there to be seen nonetheless. There is nothing wrong with forging forward, staying the course and continuing to learn with an open mind and a willingness to go the hard yards alone; and even if you don't ever fully learn to master the hardest lessons that you are expected to manage on your own, you won't ever regret trying.