One thing that I sure do love about having some extra recreational time in my life is being able to curl up on the couch with a coffee in one hand and a fabulous novel in the other and just read for hours without interruption. Reading is such a pleasurable activity and it is something that so often gets pushed to the wayside for me when I get really busy and it is something that I definitely look forward to indulging when time allows. I try hard to read at least one book and one entire magazine every month (Empire is my preferred choice) and if I don't read at least 10 books over the year, then I feel like I have failed terribly on the reading front. 
These days more and more people are reaching for an e-book for convenience and ease when it comes to their reading needs, but there are actually some extraordinary and scientific reasons to pick up a 'real' book and lose yourself, and a lot of those reasons are linked to health and wellbeing.  
Firstly, and probably foremost, reading increases your intelligence. Remember Dr Seuss' old chestnut? - "the more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."  Well, there is quite a lot of evidence to support that statement and according to a paper from the University of California, people that are exposed to higher amounts of vocabulary through literature and conversation have higher academic performance and higher IQ's in general.
Reading a 'real' book over a 'screen' book will also increase your reading speed by as much as 20-30% and a real book has been proven to engage memory more significantly than a screen book can because the physical act of turning a page offers your brain a tactile reference to the context which helps you to recall the information with more accuracy in the future. So if it's a reference or study book that you are reading then you should always opt for the real version over the e-book. 
Reading works for your brain in the same way that jogging works for your cardiovascular system, and regular reading improves your brain's memory function, which helps to keep your mind sharper and your processing abilities honed. In turn, that reduces your chances of having lowered mental function and cognition as you get older. And it is now a well known fact that people that read, play chess and complete puzzles are up to 2.5 times less likely to get Alzheimer's disease than people who don't, which proves that reading is actually vital to maintaining excellent mental functions.
Reading has also been scientifically proven to improve empathy and an understanding of other people's mental states. Turns out that every time that you get 'lost' in a novel, that you are actually building up the skills in your brain that allow you to understand complex social relationships and the characteristics of human societies. Which basically means that reading makes you more emotionally intelligent in the long run. 
On top of all that, reading also helps to reduce stress levels by up to 68% and reading before retiring in the evening has been proven to offer a more restful and sound sleep, but again it needs to be 'real' book and not a screen novel that you are reading, because looking at a screen before you go to sleep has the opposite effect. 
If all of that hasn't convinced you that you need to read more often, than I don't know what will. Seriously, go and get a book and get reading, it is so good for you! And if you don't know what to read, well of course I have you covered there as well!
Here is a list of 20 of my all time favourite books (in no particular order) for you to get lost in if you need a good place to start:

1. The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling (my fave book series of all time)
2. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
3. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
4. Let the Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist
5. Going Bovine by Libba Bray
6. I Am Legend by Richard Matheson
7. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
8. The Solitaire Mystery by Jostein Gaarder
9. The Industry of Souls by Martin Booth
10. Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
11. Big Brother by Lionel Shriver 
12. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
13. Interview With the Vampire by Anne Rice
14. Crank by Ellen Hopkins
15. Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke
16. The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud
17. Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel 
18. Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
19. Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips 
20. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien

I did something this week that I have never done before in my life, I asked to speak to a manager about poor customer service. Being a person who used to work in the service industry myself, I think that I am pretty lenient when it comes to customer service. I understand that no-one can be at their best 100% of the time and I am usually reasonably accommodating to that fact. I normally would never request to speak a store manager to complain or 'dob' in a worker for their poor service, but on Friday at a well known Australian supermarket chain, I did. And I did it because of the disgraceful service that I received from not one, but two of their staff. 
Let me tell you exactly what occurred. I was in the fresh produce section and realised that there were no produce plastic bags on the rolls in the area that I was in, none in that entire row actually, and I stopped a young female staff member as she was scooting past me and asked -'excuse me, there are no plastic bags in this aisle, could I please get some more?' She did not speak to me, but held out a hand and pointed to another staff member at the other end of the isle, which I found extremely rude for a start. Then when I started to approach the other staff member that she had directed me towards, she quickly wheeled her cart out the back and was gone. Hmmmmm....okay, clearly not the best customer service day at this supermarket, but I just laughed and turned to Seth and commented to him that it was a 'not my job - not my problem' situation and went on with my shopping. 
That was when I overheard the young female staff member that I had first approached at the end of another produce isle, casually bitching to a fellow staff member about how rude all of the customers were today and how she was tired of our surly behaviour. They were both laughing and agreeing and then the first female walked away and the one that she was moaning to came to my end of the produce section. I'm not going to lie here, I was actually pretty annoyed at this stage and I approached the new female staff member and calmly said 'Hello, I was wondering if we could get some plastic bags on the rolls down this isle because there aren't any. I did already ask the young lady that was busy bitching to you down the other end about how surly the customers are today, but she didn't even have the respect to speak to me.'
At first the girl looked shocked, she shifted from foot to foot and then she laughed and said 'we don't have any more bags,' and then she turned her back to me and went on with stacking the fruit. I went on to say, 'you are joking, are you seriously trying to tell me that there aren't any replacement produce bags in this supermarket?' and she then replied to me in a very condescending tone.... now wait for it because this was the when the pin popped out of my grenade, 'there's some in other isles you know, just go and get one from the other end of the produce section.' And that was it, I was just absolutely livid...I felt really really angry, I was triggered, it was like a bomb went off in me. For some reason this simple chain of events had really got me cross, cross enough to go to another staff member and ask to speak to a manager. 
I would like to point out that in spite of me feeling exceptionally cross, I did not yell and I did not abuse anyone, I just calmly told the manager what had happened, and I stated that the young ladies had made me feel extremely unwelcome in the store and that the customer service standards were absolutely appalling. And get this, while I was telling the manager my story, the two young ladies that had just made me feel like crap were standing together in the produce section eyeballing me, whispering behind their hands and giggling, which I also pointed out to the manager in the hope that they would get a decent arse kicking for being so flippant and rude. 
Easily the worst customer service that I have ever had in my life - EVER! And after speaking to the manager who just seemed as ill equipped and lost as his dreadful produce girls, I went home and got onto the supermarket website and made another formal complaint. I was on a roll! And like I said, I would normally just let things go, but I have never felt so mistreated in a shopping environment in my entire life, and considering the fact that I didn't even shout, demand or abuse anyone, then the treatment that I got was totally uncalled for as well. 
I am hoping that this is just an isolated incident and that it isn't an illustration of how low customer service standards have fallen recently, because if I had to put up with that shit every time that I went out shopping, then I would just start to shop online. Talk about ruining a person's zen on a Friday afternoon, it was not a nice start to my weekend at all!

In life we are constantly faced with a series of choices and decisions. Some of those choices are simplistic and really don't require any deep thinking on our behalf, they are the no-brainer choices that we make everyday on autopilot, mundane things like 'what will I have for breakfast today, toast or cereal?' And other times the decisions that lay ahead of us are profoundly life altering, and making a choice one way or another can seriously alter the way that our lives will play out. 
There is nothing that any of us can do to avoid facing the fork in the road from time to time. Sometimes we feel ready to make changes and we are happy to discover a crossroad up ahead, and then other times we feel completely ill equipped to choose any of the roads that we are presented with; but the roads rise up to meet us nonetheless and in turn force us to decide our fate.
With decision making (like all choices) there are consequences, and we all want to avoid any bad ones as much as we can and carry our choices with us for the long haul. We all need to be able to live with our decisions, but sometimes things are not as clear cut as we would like them to be and we can find ourselves tossing around in bed at night, anguishing over the 'what ifs' and 'why did I's' that life sometimes dishes out to us. 
So, how do you live with the bad choices that you've made? How do you move on from a poor decision or a dreadful consequence? Well, you just do really, because you have to. It's either that or let it eat away at you until you are just a big ball of anxiety and self loathing and no-one wants to be either of those things. But living with the decisions that you make, good or bad, is certainly easier said than done, and I am yet to meet anyone that doesn't have any regrets about some of the choices that they have made in their past.
And I guess that there is something seriously comforting in that knowledge; that all of us do have regrets and that all of us do make mistakes from time to time. And just knowing that it is okay to do stupid things, say stupid things and make horrific mistakes from time to  time and then put them behind us and move on with our lives is good stuff to know. It's one thing that we all have in common, and in accepting our flaws, faults and mistakes, we can better accept the flaws, faults and mistakes of others as well. It's all part of the process of finding the whole self and getting a little better at 'life-ing.'
However, that being said, I do believe that one should always try to avoid making horrific choices as often as possible as well. Just because we all make mistakes doesn't mean that we should all throw caution to the wind making decisions without thought or in disregard to all consequence. Quite the opposite really, I believe that all choices should be made mindfully and purposefully; with longevity, community and humility always being at the forefront of any choice. An extra day of pondering can allow a lifetime of regret to become a lifetime of happiness, and that is certainly something to consider.
I once read that you should never make decisions when you're angry or elated because neither are sustainable feelings, and I do think that most of the bad choices that I have made in my life were generally during either my angry or elated moments. So I think that there is definitely some sound advice to be found in that little slice of wisdom, and any advice that can leads us to a guilt free, calm and settled lifestyle is good advice in my eyes.
​Even though there is no magic formula when it comes to the best life choices, just remember to always sleep on any big decisions and never allow yourself to feel rushed or pressed to make a big life decision. As for the little stuff, let that shit go, if it isn't going to matter in six months from now, then it isn't worth losing sleep over, let it slide off you like water off a duck's back. And anything that happened more than six months ago is well and truly over, so make peace with your mistakes, own them, learn from them and move on knowing that you just got a little bit better. 

What the hell is Transcendental Meditation (TM) and what is the deal with all of the buzz surrounding it? Every famous person and their dog seems to be investing in the power of Transcendental Meditation, claiming that it is a total game changer that is easy to do and simple to access. I have been spending a bit of my free time looking into the rising phenomenon of TM and trying to work out what it is actually all about and whether or not it is just another zen-based sham that hooks in unsuspecting people that are just looking to get a little more well-being into their lives.
From what I can understand, TM dates all the way back to the Vedic traditions of India, however the primary person responsible for bringing it to Western cultures during the 1960's and 1970's was Maharishi Mahesh yogi. He taught his methods to various people who then became his disciples, spreading out and teaching his TM methods to millions of people around the globe. Maharishi Mahesh yogi himself has also taught many celebrities the art of TM, including the Beatles way back in the 60's, which would explain the Sergeant Pepper phase of The Beatles musical career. 
The meditation practice itself apparently involves the use of a simple and natural technique that requires the repetition of a mantra for 15-20 minutes twice a day whilst sitting with your eyes closed. Sounds pretty simple right? TM also vehemently claims that it is NOT religion or a philosophy of any sort, just a new way of engaging and calming the mind.
It is reported to be one of the most widely practised forms of meditation today as well as the most researched form of meditation being used. Users swear by its life changing benefits and famous people are seriously jumping on board the TM bandwagon like bees swarming around a honey pot. Some famous people are extremely vocal about their appreciation of the practice and are constantly online tooting and tweeting about TM's miraculous benefits. Celebs like Ellen Degeneres, Hugh Jackman, Cameron Diaz, Jerry Seinfeld, Paul McCartney, Russell Brand, Katy Perry are all huge advocators, and director David Lynch has even opened his own foundations to support the use of this ancient Vedic practise.
The transcendental meditation process has been proven to help people heal from addiction, depression, insomnia, PTSD, loss and anxiety with very positive results, and it is even being used effectively to assist children with ADHD and Autism with managing their levels of stress as well. Is there nothing that TM cannot do? It literally sounds like a wonder drug doesn't it? So why aren't we all doing it if it's so damn good?
Well the answer to that is quite simple really, it's frickin' hella expensive! Around $1500 for 4 x 60 to 90 minute sessions to be exact, and that is why we aren't all TM ourselves stupid all of the time, it's not free to get that zen apparently! However, after further delving into TM, it appears that there are in fact free avenues that can be accessed, and that you can save yourself a lot of money if you look into those methods before committing to a very expensive program.
The feedback that I have seen from the free methods, does appear to be as good as the actual TM trademark, but hey, the proof is in the pudding right? So I am personally committing to trialing a 30 day TM program (the free method of course because I am not paying anyone $1500 for four hours of meditation) and I will let you all know just how life changing TM is over the coming weeks. Will it be as amazing as all of the propaganda claims that it is? Or is TM really just a Vedic based money making machine for the rich and the famous? Watch this space and I will keep you informed as the month unfolds. 

Mental wellness is something that most of us will struggle with at some point in our lives. Even the most seemingly 'put together' people have lapses into the world of imbalanced thought and mental challenge from time to time, they are just a lot better at hiding it from everyone. However, whatever walk of life you are from, whatever your background is, whatever your social standing is, you will inevitably, at some point, feel not so fantastic, wonder what the hell you are doing with your life and question whether you are operating at your best. 
It's completely normal to not feel 100% mentally balanced all of the time, hell some people lead very regular lives and feel mostly mentally unwell a lot of the time, it's just not something that a lot of people feel comfortable about proclaiming to the world, because no-one really wants to appear like they haven't got their shit together. However, letting pride dictate how we deal with our mental health issues is archaic and unproductive to societal wellness and we really need to strive to move away from that outdated and counterproductive mindset. We all really need to know, that it is totally okay to not feel okay all of the time. 
​As time rolls on and the methods of researching mental health improve, we are learning how to diagnose, treat and support each with our mental wellness; the old school shame and stigma that was attached to mental health is now being shed and people are feeling more comfortable to come forward, share their stories and be honest about how they are feeling, and in turn receive better support than they ever have been able to before. 
It is a brave new world when it comes to mental health. Gone are the days of closet depression and hidden anxieties as people are now learning to recognize and own their individual mental wellness levels. More people than ever before are seeking treatment and support and we are slowly but surely learning tolerance, detection, prevention and intervention that will definitely set us up for a brighter future together in the coming years.
And the real work surrounding mental wellness is something that we need to be vigilant about every day.  Each of us must make an effort to recognize the signs within ourselves that tell us when our levy has run dry or we have met our own personal limits. And those limits are unique for everyone, and we must respect that and support that understanding. We must become ninjas at recognizing when we are at the top of our game and when we may be feeling weak. When we are at our peak, we have an obligation to assist those that may be feeling weak, and when we are weak we need to feel safe and secure enough to seek support from the strong. We all owe it to each other to be tolerant, supportive and unwavering in our commitment to our own mental health and our support of the wellness of others. 
R U OK? Day is coming up on Thursday September 13th,  which is a national day dedicated to reminding us that we need to check in with each other and support each other with mental wellness. Don't forget to check in with your friends, family, work colleagues and community on that day, and every other day that you can when you are feeling strong enough to support the wellbeing of others. Mental health is the responsibility of us all and it's not something that we can ever afford to ignore. 

Growing up, it's a pretty overrated thing to do if you ask me. You only get to be a kid for around 18 years (although to be honest it is probably more like 15 years these days because the pressures, decision making and expectations start really early for kids now) and then after that, you're an adult - for the rest of your life! And being a 'grown up' is mostly just one big mix of constant responsibility and expectation, and although there is a lot of emotional intelligence that comes with being an adult, a lot of the other stuff is not nearly as fun as I imagined that it would be when I was a child. 
As a child I just wanted to grow up to look as hot as one of those sexy chicks from ABBA and wear really cool clothes, drink coloured liquids from flashy glasses and wear lurid make-up, because that is what cool adults appeared to be doing when I was growing up. I imagined that adult life would be uber cool, carefree and would basically resemble one big unending party of awesomeness where you got to eat whatever you wanted to and drink alcohol and dance the night away every night of the week; which I suppose that you can do as an adult if you don't have any real responsibilities. But who the hell has no real responsibilities? A Kardashian? No, not even a Kardashian, because I am pretty sure that even they probably do have things to get done as well! Seriously, a completely carefree adult life is pretty much a total pipe dream because all adults (even the really rich and famous ones) have responsibilities.
​Unfortunately, as a child, adults never tell you about all of the incredible responsibility and expectation to succeed that comes with being a grown up, but they really should.  I know that I wouldn't have been in a such a damn rush to grow up if I had known how difficult it was to be an adult for the rest of my life. I wish that I had had a realistic idea of what being an adult looked like, because it looks nothing like ABBA or high fashion for me or most of the other adults that I know. 
Most adults that I know are often running around on empty, looking and behaving in a pretty un-glamourous state most of the time. They are often worrying about money or their employment whilst trying hard to juggle their social, private and professional lives and many of them often claim to feel utterly overwhelmed with responsibility. Now if someone had of told me about that, and the realities of how you feel after partying every night, then I would not have rushed through my brief childhood years wishing that I was a grown up.
On the contrary, I think that I would have milked the shit out of being a kid for a bit longer! I like to think that I have still reserved some level of childlike whimsy in my life, but  let's not bullshit ourselves here, no almost 45 year old woman can get away with claiming their 'childlike whimsy' without raising a few eyebrows, it's considered too weird, even for the most open minded of us. And even though we all know how tough it is to be an adult and how much we all need respite from all of the pressure and responsibility of being an adult, we still willingly deny ourselves the opportunity to a embrace our childlike whimsy, which is pretty sad really. And not only  do we deny ourselves of it, we also frown upon other adults that are doing it because it is considered to be a bit on the kooky side. 
Well, if you know that you are doing that, than you need to stop doing it immediately. All adults need to not only keep a sense of childlike whimsy in their lives, but they need to reconnect with that part of themselves that believes that life can be carefree and fun, like we all believed it was when we were children. If you allow your life to get too bogged down in responsibility and expectation, then you stop really living and you just start surviving, and life is not meant to be survived, it is meant to be lived. Lived like you lived it as a child, without constant worry and concern, but with a sense of being in the moment and grabbing as much fun out of every minute along the way as you can. 
You may not be able to do it everyday, but on some days, you most certainly still can. You can still do loads of the things that will make you forget about your adult concerns for a minute and just be in the moment, you just have remember how to do it. Most of us forgotten how good it feels to forget our troubles and responsibilities and just cut loose. It is totally okay to dance all night long, or run in the grass, or drink coloured drinks from fancy glasses, or fly a kite, or climb a tree, or skip with a rope, or sing at the top of your voice when no-one is around.....or to just feel alive. That childlike whimsy may not be something that you feel particularly connected to any more, but you can't let go of your inner child, not ever. Your ability to reconnect to the wonder and free abandon of your inner child will help you to recognise how important it is to let go from time to time. 
​Allow yourself a bit of time to be childlike again, you'll be surprised how good it feel to not be in an adult mindset for a spell. Being an adult has it's rewards, but being in touch with your childlike whimsy is exceptionally rejuvenating and I highly recommend a break from adulting whenever you get the chance. 

CORALINE 
Release Date: 2009
Rating: PG
Running Time: 100 mins
Based on the Neil Gaiman novella of the same name, this stop-motion realisation is a dark little tale indeed. Having also read the book, I was delighted to see that none of the magic or the macabre had been watered down, but this is definitely not a movie for smaller children and parents should heed its PG rating. 
When curious Coraline finds another world that is a strange and yet more exciting version of her own, she thinks she has hit the jackpot. But things are not as they seem in this other world and something sinister is at play. 
Under Henry Selick's direction (Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach) you are going to get creepy undertones and deep metaphors, but you'll also get intelligent children's cinema, so hooray for that - I loved it!
FINAL SAY: I don't want buttons for eyes!
4 Chilli Peppers ​

Last night I went to see BlacKkKlansman at the cinema, which I really enjoyed and felt was very 'of the moment' given the climate of racial tensions around the globe at the moment. The movie really got me thinking about how undeniably evident it is that we have such a long way to go when it comes to tolerance, equality and prejudice, and I feel really overwhelmed by the amount of hate that still exists in our so called civilised and evolved world. And all of that hate does pose some concerning questions around the true nature of how evolved we really are. 
I only recently discovered that it is frowned upon to use the term #alllivesmatter. I must have been living under a rock for the last 3 years, because I had always believed that it was a slogan associated with a person's respect for every living thing -  equally - every human, every animal and every plant - EVERYTHING LIVING! But apparently that hippy theory of mine is definitely not the case. 
To use or support #alllivesmatter is considered deeply offensive because white people have used it as a form of racial slander against the #blacklivesmatter campaign, which in turn created further tensions and stirred up more hate and fighting, and now there is no way that I can use that term in good conscience.
I am so naive about the whole topic that I literally had no idea that it was even racially linked! I genuinely do believe that all lives matter but I am definitely not going to use that term again because for one thing, I am white and for another, I am afraid that I will offend someone unintentionally if I do use it. I am most certainly not at a racist, and I would not like to be mistaken for one just because I ignorantly misused the term #alllivesmatter. 
​There is just no room in this world for all of the hate and all of the tension that is occurring on a daily basis. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from everyone pointing out how different we all are from each other all of the time, what we really should be working harder to do is to find more common ground. We are all more alike than we are unalike, and when it comes to this beautiful planet of ours we really are all on the same side. 
We need to unite and together we need to march for peace not power. We need to celebrate our differences and empower each other to love and most importantly to heal from a very fractured past. We need to learn to stand tall side by side, against tyranny and oppression, and find peaceful ways to move forwards together with our energies firmly invested on nurturing our planet...but we all know that we are not even close to achieving that goal right now. 
While our planet, the one place that we all share together and the one thing that we all have in common withers beneath our feet, we - the people of the globe, would still rather fight and disempower and hate and rape and pillage and steal and condemn; and honestly it just breaks my heart that we are still so damn disillusioned and blinded that we can't see how easy it would be to just love one another instead.
Call me a hippy, call me a dreamer and yes, I suppose that I am both of those things, but you cannot deny that the world would be a far better place to live if we could all just move forward together with a greater purpose. I would love to see that happen in my lifetime, but in reality I am happy to plan and work towards it happening in my grandchildren's; because like I said, we've got a long way to go and the work needs to start now. 

I adore music and just like movies and TV, I love music in all forms and all genres, with the exception of Country and Western and Scream-O, I just can't get into them, and I sincerely apologise to any die hard C & W  or S-O fans out there, but I have tried both and they are definitely not for me. However in saying that, I do respect that both of those music genres have a lot of avid fans. And I also strongly believe that any form of music that can transport you to another place or make you feel a certain way is a success on some level. Whether you like a certain style of music or not is irrelevant anyway, because music is an art form and it is not supposed to appeal to everyone's tastes, and like art is about finding a form that suits you and your personal taste the best. 
It is music's unfailing ability to create a mood, set a scene or transport you to another time that appeals to me the most. I have music compilations on Spotify for every mood and moment, from deep transcendental meditations to high energy dance music, and I regularly listen to them all.
The other day while I was perusing Pinterest I came across a list of 30 questions about music that was a lot of fun to complete. The list of questions had me rummaging about through my old CD collection and scrolling through my playlists and reminiscing about all of my favourite songs. I found myself downloading and listening to a heap of songs that I had long forgotten about, and because I had such a great time answering the questions on that list, then I thought that I should share it with you all so that you can have a go at answering them as well.
I would also like to note that it is a lot of fun to complete this list after you've had a couple of drinks, and it would probably be really good fun to complete with a friend and/or partner as well, but you can always just go solo as I did and still have a blast belting out your old favourite tunes.
So, without further ado, here is the list:
1. A song you like with a colour in the title.
2. A song you like with a number in it.
3. A song that reminds you of the summertime.
4. A song that reminds you of someone that you would rather forget about.
5. A song that needs to be played LOUD!
6. A song that makes you want to dance.
7. A song to drive to.
8. A song about drugs or alcohol.
9. A song that makes you happy.
10. A song that makes you sad.
11. A song that you never get tired of.
12. A song from your preteen years.
13. One of your favourite songs from the 80's.
14. A song that you would love to have played/ or played at your wedding.
15. A cover song that you love.
16. A classical song that you love.
17. A duet song that you would be willing to perform at karaoke.
18. A song from the year that you were born that you love.
19. A song that make you ponder life. 
20. A song that you want played at your funeral.
21. A favourite song with a person's name in the title.
22. A song that motivates you to get going or move on. 
23. A song that you think that everyone should listen to. 
24. A song that you love by an artist that has died.
25. A song by a band that you wish were still together.
26. A song that makes you think about falling in love.
27. A song that breaks your heart.
28. A song by an artist with a voice that you love.
29. A song from your childhood.
30. A song that you think best sums up who you are. 
There you go, hours of musical thinking, pondering and some deep emotional responses to get through on that list, and I still haven't even finished my own list completely yet, it's a work in progress.
If this list doesn't define some of your musical preferences for you, then I don't know if anything will, but anyway, just go and get lost in some musical memories for a few hours because it's just a really nice thing to do a rainy day. 

WHIPLASH
Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 107 mins 
Written and directed by Damien Chazelle, and based on his experiences in the Princeton High School Studio Band, this film took the cinematic world by surprise with it's gripping and inspiring story about an ambitious young drummer. J.K. Simmons won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his disturbing portrayal of the abusive teacher Fletcher, and the movie has since gone on to win a host of over 80 other film awards. 
When Andrew (Miles Teller) finally gets accepted into a prestigious jazz music academy for his drumming abilities, he thinks that his dreams have come true. However, he soon realises that his teacher, Professor Terence Fletcher (J.K. Simmons), is a tyrannical perfectionist that will push Andrew to his limits and beyond. 
There is such a raw intensity to this movie; watching the determination of  Andrew as he struggles with his emotional abuse in search of his artistic glory is pretty tough going. When it comes to Whiplash, it truly is a case of 'the agony and the ecstasy,' and with that heart thumping soundtrack racing along in the background all of the time, it keeps a dramatic and intense pace. 
FINAL SAY: Were you rushing or were you dragging? 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Even though I like to think of myself as being reasonably tech savvy, the truth is that I am still totally old school when it comes to certain things. Everyone that was born a Gen X (as I was) or earlier likes to imagine that they are really up with the latest mod cons and gadgetry that is available today, but anyone that even says 'mod cons' is not nearly as tech savvy as they would like to think they are and I know for a fact that I fall into that category. 
I shamefully still read all of my books and magazines in hard copy, regardless of the abundant opportunities that I have to go digital, which is pretty crazy but hey, I like to feel a book in my hand, it's part of my make up now. In fact I even still subscribe to magazines in hard copy and borrow books and DVD's from the local library  which I am pretty sure that no-one under 40 is doing these days. But as I said, it's in my blood now. When you have been doing something for long enough, it is hard to let go of it, even when you are aware that a new and probably better way is available to you. 
So is that just a way of kicking it old school or is it really being an old fuddy duddy pain in the arse? Because I think that I am starting to tread a thin line lately. I still adore a whole lot of old school and dated things that most people are totally over. Like photographs, not instagram shots, but real photos of real people doing real things, that you can hold in your hand. Why do people not like photographs as much anymore? I am still nuts about photos and photo albums and I especially like really old photographs. I also still adore the virtually unused but absolutely amazing fountain pen, and I adore handwritten notes, poetry, cards and letters. I love home cooking, board games, collecting and handwriting recipes into my recipe book, keeping a journal, baking bread, picnics, talking on the phone and retro music compilations. 
Just the other day I caught myself reminiscing about an old school milk bar, the type that had all of the one and two cent lollies lined up under the glass and you could get a little white bag of goodies that were individually selected for just 10 cents. And there were real treasures to be had if you could be patient enough to save up for them, like the all so chic chocolate cigarettes at 25 cents a packet or the illustrious Bubble O' Bill that would set you back a few days of after school bliss to indulge in. I hate to use the term kids these days, but hell, I kind of have to....kids these days will never understand the joy of such a selection or the excitement that was felt when you spied the stamp for a free Sunny Boy ice block on the inside of the wrapper of the one that you had just opened. Pure innocent joy.
And kids today will never understand that joy because everything for them now is completely accessible and available all of the time. Nothing when I was growing up was available all of the time, and although it meant that we had to wait for everything, I think that we also cared about it more for that reason as well. It is true that innovation and technology has enabled a lot of progression, but some of those advances have caused societal and social setbacks that I doubt that any of us could've predicted.
So many people are virtually glued to their devices 24/7 now and they are completely removed from a lot of simple life pleasures. People are spending hours posting pictures, having rants and sharing various goings on about their lives on social media, but half of them don't even know how to hold a decent conversation anymore. It's pretty woeful in some respects. If keeping some old school practises alive makes me feel more alive and in touch with my life, then I am certainly not in any hurry to give them away. Call me corny or old fashioned, it really doesn't matter to me. I like what I like, and although I do love technology, I will always have a place in my heart for the traditional, the old school and the outdated things, even when everyone else has decided that they are unnecessary. 
​And did I tell you how much I love old school horror yet? 

How often do we hear about a relationship failing or a marriage ending in divorce? It seems to be happening more and more all of the time. Just last year 47,638 people got divorced in Australia, which means that 2.1% of the Australian population got divorced in 2017, and that doesn't even count the people that just seperated or broke up in a non-marital relationship. When you think about it in those terms, you do have to wonder if people are just giving up too soon on their relationships or if people are just picking the wrong partners to hook with up in the first place. 
The top ten most common reasons for getting a divorce are:

1. Getting married for the wrong reasons (eg. for the money) 
2. Lack of individual identity or codependence
3. Becoming lost in the roles 
4. Not having a shared vision
5. Lack of intimacy
6. Unmet expectations
7. Lack of finances
8. Being out of touch
9. No shared interests
10. Inability to resolve conflicts

Interestingly, no mention of infidelity there, so cheating or being unfaithful is not one of the main reasons that people break up, it is more about a lack of common ground and vision than anything else when you really look at it. Which is why I wonder if perhaps people just give up a little too easily.
I mean there must have been some common ground, shared vision, idea, expectation at some point for these two people to decided to walk down the aisle and pledge their undying love for each other in front of everyone that they knew, and I have to ask - what the hell happened to those feelings? How do two people that completely loved each other (enough to put themselves through a wedding) just  decide to stop loving each other and break up? Was there no sign that this person was going to do your head in before you went and married them? Did you just ignore that and go for it anyway? 
I know that some marriages are certainly better off ending than enduring, but I do think that maybe some people do quit a bit sooner than they should these days. The arrival of online dating and hookup opportunities has made a lot of people wonder if they are just settling, and the lure of a possibly 'better option' is definitely changing the amount of crap that people will put up with in a relationship. You can literally jump onto any dating website or download an app like Tinder and start looking for the next best thing right away after getting out of a relationship. People used to wait up to 3 years to start dating after a divorce but now some couples confess to being back on the dating scene within weeks of a separation in order to 'fill the space' that has been left behind, which is really quite concerning. 
41% of first marriages end in divorce now, 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages, which basically tells me that if it sucked the first time, it will probably suck the second and the third time around as well. And although I am not in any way advocating that you should never get married, divorced or remarried, what I am trying to say is that you need to make sure that it is really, truly and 100% absolutely what you want to do before you just start or end a serious relationship.
Breaking up sure is hard to do and staying together can be equally as hard if it just isn't working. I can tell you with all honesty that if I took flight everytime that my husband gave me the shits, that we would've been over a thousand times by now. Staying together takes work, a bloody shitload of hard work but you have to try, and if you've given it all that there is and it still isn't working than it is totally okay to walk away. Just don't give up too easily, because sometimes it's not as bad as it may seem at the time, and tempers, just like pie crust, soften after a few days and you don't want to throw away something really great because of a few hard yards. In short, what I am trying to say is, that it is totally okay to give up if it's really not working, but just don't give up too soon. 

As much as we want everything to remain somewhat logical in our lives, we do have to make peace with the reality of our lives as well, and that means that we need to be able to accept that some things just won't make any sense. In life, there will be many unanswered questions, confusing interludes, incomplete stories and unsolvable dilemmas, and that is just the tip of the iceberg, because essentially life is just one big mystery and for that reason, some parts of it are not going to make any sense at all; not even a bit. Some parts of your life will be downright frustrating and annoying and absolutely illogical and no matter how much you ponder it, it just won't make any sense. 
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with things not making sense or 'adding-up' in our lives, it should be expected a little more often if you ask me because it happens to us all from time to time. However, learning to accept that some things just won't make any sense and may not ever be properly resolved or understood can be extremely challenging for many of us. Knowing that some things just won't make sense and accepting that some things just won't make sense are not that same thing, and people get into all sorts of bother when they cannot accept when things aren't balancing out with their expectations or ideals.
We all like to imagine that our lives are pretty linear and that we have a certain amount of control over how things will play out for us. We also all get a bit excited about the prospect of a happy ending, a tidy resolution or a big box with a bow that we can pop things into and forget about until we are ready to pull them back out again; but in truth, life rarely allows for things to be that organized and logical, we just like to give ourselves the illusion that it does because it feels a shitload safer and saner than admitting that a lot of the time things just don't make any sense. 
Now I know that some people are going to disagree with me on this topic, claiming that there is always a reason for everything and that nothing just happens without there being a bigger or higher purpose to it all; and to those people I say bullshit!  You can believe whatever you want, but trust me when I tell you that not everything that happens in life occurs for a reason. A whole lot of shit that happens (and will happen to you in life) is utterly purposeless, pointless, meaningless and inconsequential, it is just stuff that happens that doesn't make sense and it doesn't need to. You don't need to fix it, you don't need to stay up late at night deconstructing it, you just have to accept it. It is that simple. Rather than adopting some privileged 'everything happens for a reason' mantra, what you really need to adopt  is the smarts to recognise what you can control in this life and what you cannot. What is worth your time and what is not and what needs fixing and what just needs to be accepted.
One of the greatest challenges that we are presented with in this life is learning to accept that some chapters in our lives have to close without any real closure at all and that no matter how many hours we may pour into some puzzles, the truth is that they were never actually made to be solved in the first place. Some things just won't make sense and nothing that we do, will ever make that truth any different and all that you have to do is accept that fact and get on with living your life. 

I hate to admit it, but I am secretly obsessed with finding out what Myers-Briggs personality type people are. I know that people say that the test is a certain amount of bullshit, but I find it really interesting to know what people come out as when they take the test. I do think that the test results make it a lot easier to understand how other people are perceiving the world around them, what makes them tick and how they will apply themselves to problems or team tasks. Call me naive, but I do think that there is something to the Myers Briggs test and most people do appear to suit their report results fairly well. 
As with all types of personality tests, there is never going to be any test that offers 100% accuracy. Some people will definitely get different results on different days, and I can see how mood could seriously affect the results in a personality test. Also if a person is neurotic or not able to own certain truths about themselves, that too could seriously alter the accuracy rates of this type of test.
So I guess what I am trying to say is, that although I do not believe that the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a definitive personality test to run your life by, I do believe that it is deeply interesting, and if you've not taken the test yet (or haven't in a long while) it is worth a revisit just for the fun of it. 
I have taken the test 4 times now, and every time I come out as an INFJ. I have had a ten year stretch between the first and the last time that I sat the test and it seems that I have not changed at all in that time, because I still got the same result. I am always:
Introverted
INtuitive
Feeling
Judging
The thing that I love to do the most with my results (because I clearly have nothing better to do with my time) is to type my personality type into google to see which famous characters have the same personality type as me. Kind of sad I know, but if you haven't already realized this by now, I am a huge pop culture fan, so of course I want to know who I am most like in my favourite TV shows and movies!
Here are some famous INFJ characters that share my personality type:
Galadriel (Lord of the Rings)
Remus Lupin (Harry Potter)
Daenerys Targaryen (GOT) 
Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)
Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)
Doctor Strange (Marvel) 
Groot (Guardians of the Galaxy) 
Elsa (Disney Princess) 
And in the real world, some famous INFJs include:
Gandhi
Kurt Cobain
Benedict Cumberbatch
Nicole Kidman
J K Rowling
Marilyn Manson
Al Pacino
Nelson Mandela
​Martin Luther King Jr.
But enough about me, you must be intrigued to know who you are most like by now yourself. You are literally only one google click away from total geekdom right now, and for that I do apologise! 

A dear friend of mine showcased her art for the first time this week in Ballarat. It was a mixed media exhibition entitled When I Grow Up which was produced by an art collaborative called SHEILAs which stands for Strong, Honest, Exceptional, Inspirational Lady Artists; the collaborative consists of local female artists of all ages. The art depicted in When I Grow Up was a reflection of each lady's unique experience of growing up; reflecting on what they had wanted to be, who had influenced them and who they had aspired to be when they were younger. Needless to say, it was terrific and gathered a diverse crowd of art enthusiasts and admirers, and it was fabulous to see so much support for my lovely friend who is generally known for being a quiet achiever and a generous spirit who always gives of herself in epic proportions to us all. 
The exhibition certainly got me thinking about what I had aspired to be when I was younger, and about the different people that had personally influenced me along the way. Growing up, even though I am one of five children, I do remember being on my own quite a lot of the time. My parents were very often busy since they both worked and were also extremely house proud, which did take up a big chunk of their time. I never really felt like my mother understood me completely as a child but I did always feel valued by my father who would often take time out to chat with me and as we got older, shared some of his deeper thoughts with me. Looking back on it now, I can see that he was probably the most influential adult in my life as a child.
My siblings were all older than I was and quite busy with their own lives when I was small, and they have always been outwardly vocal about how much of a burden I was as a child so I cannot identify any of them as influential to me; in fact I do believe that seeing me fail would have made some them exceptionally happy, which pretty much puts my relationship with my siblings into perspective. 
In light of this, I did spend a lot of time by myself growing up and that did allow me plenty of time for daydreaming, lollygagging and fantasizing, which was always a very big pre-occupation for me. ​For as long as I can remember I have always been interested in story telling and had wanted to be a writer from a very early age. I remember being mesmerized by picture storybooks when I was small and then became obsessed with writers like Roald Dahl, Judy Blume and Robyn Klein when I got a little older. ln primary school I would write all kinds of quirky stories and I was quite good at spinning a tall tale as well. I got into  a lot of trouble for lying as a kid, but I didn't often do it maliciously, it was just that my stories were always so much more exciting and interesting than my real life was, and storytelling was something that I was actually good at.
In secondary school I loved all of my literacy based subjects and spent much of my time reading books and writing bad poetry that no-one would ever read about the plight of being young and privileged! I had some truly terrific teachers over the years, really intelligent and inspirational people that not only encouraged me to write and tell my stories but who also took me under their wing and showed an interest in me as a person as well. I can fondly recall being invited over to my English Literature teacher's house with two other students to meet his wife and have a very adult dinner party at the end of year 12, because we had in fact all become very good friends. I felt like I finally had a voice and that people cared about what I was saying and as a young adult, it was pretty exciting. 
​Back then, I always thought that I would one day be a writer, teacher, lecturer or public speaker of some variety; but I equally adored the chance to perform and was very interested in drama, dance, the theatre and (no surprises here) all things cinematic. And how did that all pan out for me? Well, I won a Rotary public speaking award, I had some of my teenage angst poetry published by the Ballarat Writing Company, I started a teaching degree that I never finished, I tried writing a children's book that never got published (and rightfully so, it was trash) and I got a Diploma in Professional Writing and Editing, which did allow me to enjoy some small print publication success, but certainly nothing substantial. In the last four years the only thing that I have written aside from this blog (which I do love writing) has been some mediocre drunken poetry that no-one should ever have to read; and although I do like what I do for a living, I didn't exactly land where I had first aspired to be. 
I would be lying if I didn't admit that I would still love to work in theatre or cinema, and that I still do aspire to one day write that novel that has been burning within me for so very long, and just because I haven't done those things yet, doesn't mean that I won't do them either. I still have plenty of time to fill in the gaps and achieve my childhood dreams, but for now I am more than content to live out my dreams by regularly haunting the cinema and theatre and filling an enthusiastic seat, writing my blog twice a week and sharing my hopes, dreams, memories and aspirations with you all. Besides, there is no written law that says that we must be what we set out to become when we were children, we don't have to be the person that we pledged to be when we cried 'When I Grow Up,' we just have to be who we are, right now... and there is nothing wrong with that. 

Only three days back into term and....so far so good. I have actually really enjoyed my first few days back at work, the kids and the staff are all bright and shiny and well rested and it is always nice to see everyone when they are in such good spirits and portraying better versions of themselves.
Boy I am ever glad that we get those golden moments of respite (aka. fortnight of relief) after every term to recharge the batteries and reignite the fuse. The last two weeks have really allowed me to relaunch with much vigor and renewed enthusiasm, which I know for a fact that I was seriously flatlining on at the end of term two. It is amazing what a bit of rest and relaxation can do for the mind, body and soul and I do feel incredibly lucky to be able to have those blessed reboot moments regularly throughout the year. 
​Now I am just waiting for the weather to also turn itself around, however anyone with half a brain knows that the weather in Western Victoria can remain cold right up to Christmas and even beyond, so I am certainly not going to hold my breathe in July for a seasonal switch up. However, any day with a little extra sunshine and a little less wind is always welcomed at this point in the year, and like a lazy cat I am eagerly searching out any sign of sunshine that I can spot and attempting to absorb some extra Vitamin D from the pitiful rays that I am occasionally catching. 
The darkest days of the year are often a massive challenge, especially for me, but I have coped a lot better with them this year than I ever have before, which has been really great. Winter is long and hard enough without having to deal with melancholy moods and self loathing on top of everything else, so I am really grateful to have beaten my winter blues before they had a chance to really take hold this year. I know that I definitely feel a lot more settled and content than I did at this time last year, and that can really only be seen as progress in my mind. 
Perhaps you just get better at managing your own stress and bullshit as you get older, or maybe you just get to a certain point in your life where you start to realise that this is as good as it gets and that wasting your life feeling dreadful is really no way to live at all. All that I know for sure is that looking forward to every day and finding the best in every day, no matter how crappy it may seem at times, certainly makes life a lot more enjoyable. I'm hoping that I can keep on rolling out these positive vibes throughout this entire term, because it feels like I have just emerged from a dark place into the light and I really want to keep moving forward. 

Getting angry is a normal part of life. Everyone has a tipping point and it is okay to feel pissed off or annoyed from time to time. However, being angry all of the time is not only dreadful for you and everyone else around you, it is also really bad for your health and wellbeing and has been linked to all kinds of diseases and ongoing mental illnesses. Eliminating as much anger and stress from your life is something that everyone should make a priority and although I am certainly no expert on the issue, I have learned how to reduce my own anger substantially over the last few years by enlisting a few simple things into my daily routine.  
Firstly and foremost, I cannot speak highly enough of yoga and meditation when it comes to assisting people to manage their stress and anger levels. If you are looking to zen out your life, then you need to be going within because that's where you'll find your inner strength and peace. Mindfulness, relaxation, self care and creative practises have all been linked to the improvement of mental health, concentration, cognitive flexibility and coping abilities, and we all need more of that good stuff in our busy lives. However, if you are angry or stressed a lot of the time than you really need it and I cannot advocate for these practises enough, they have really turned my life around over the last few years and I am more calm and in control of my life than I have ever been before.
I also adopted a personal mantra earlier this year, which I know sounds extremely corny, but it has really worked wonders for me. I tell myself this mantra whenever I find myself getting overwhelmed, upset or disappointed with situations, actions or people. It is a mantra that is simple and yet extremely effective in calming me down and helping me to get my head back into the right place when I find myself steering off course and getting bogged down in other people's bullshit.
I like to whisper it to myself and take a couple of deep breaths as I do, which is I know is slightly reminiscent of the Goosfraba chant from the movie Anger Management, but what can I say, my mantra works and it has saved me from a lot of heartache, stress and possibly explosive moments on numerous occasions. My mantra is simply:

​        I am only responsible for myself and my behaviour.

I cannot tell you how many times I have reminded myself of this and how liberating it is to think in this way. The only thing that you will ever have 100% control of is you. Your words, your behaviour, your thoughts and your actions. When you start to accept that mantra as an absolute truth, it is not only liberating for your own stress and anger levels, but it also allows you to become liberated from other people's stress and anger. You don't have to take on anyone else's stuff as your own, because it is not yours, it is theirs; and they have to be responsible for their behaviour. 
I do highly recommend finding a personal mantra that works for you and trying it out when you find yourself in particularly stressful situations or when you feel your anger levels tweaking. We all deserve to live peaceful and harmonious lives and it is a challenge to not get bogged down in this busy and often insensitive world so why not try to manage your own anxiety in peaceful ways? You never know how zen you can get until you try. 

You think that you know people....but you never really do. We allow ourselves to believe that we know our family, our spouses and our friends pretty well because we like to think that we do, but the reality of that is actually quite different. When you spend a lot of a time with a person you like to think that you get a sense of who they are, what they believe in and what they stand for, but essentially we are all just compartmentalising people and putting them into pigeon holes that we feel comfortable with, and that does not necessarily portray who they really are at all. 
According to Nicholas Epley, author of "Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel and Want," you probably don't know anyone nearly as well as you think you do. And you may also have a poor idea of how they'd assess you. Essentially, we fundamentally view ourselves from a very different perspective than other people do because we have a ton of information about ourselves. Based on that, we understand ourselves far better than others, and we also make our assessment on others based on that inner understanding of ourselves; which is where the problem lies. We automatically assume that other people are wired like we are, which is of course so very far from the truth; just because you are looking at the same thing, doesn't mean that you are seeing the same thing, and that leads to a lot of misinterpretation and heartache. 
Trust me when I say that I have been seriously deceived by people in the past that I wrongly believed that I knew really well. I have been utterly flabbergasted by the things that people who I truly loved and cared about, people that I thought were part of my tribe, have been cruel enough to do and say without a second thought. People that I trusted and defended and fought to protect, people that I thought felt the same way about me, but it was all just an illusion of love, they never really cared for me at all, in fact they hated me and the worst part of all was that I didn't even know how much they hated me. I completely misread these people and made a wrong assessment about who they were and how they felt about me. 
I cannot tell you how damaged that misinterpretation has left me as a person. You don't ever get over a hurt that deep, not ever. And I have been forever changed by my past experiences in ways that I wish that I hadn't, because I really miss feeling like I can trust people and open up to them, but I will never be able to completely trust like that ever again now. When you love people with all of the love that you have to give and they hurt you so viciously, there is really no coming back from that. All that is left in their place now is a raging sense of injustice and a shattering awareness that you can never really know anyone, no matter how much you want to think that you do. Assuming that people are feeling the things that you want them to feel is the most foolhardy thing in the world to do and I never want to go through that in this lifetime again. 
Once bitten, twice shy they say, and I am now tremendously shy, perhaps to the point of paranoid, but I have certainly learned that there is a huge difference between knowing someone and thinking that you know someone, and I will not make that mistake or get too comfortable with anyone like that, ever again.

I saw a list on Pinterest yesterday called 'No-Brainer Ways to Challenge Yourself Every Day' which in a way does slightly sound like an oxymoron in itself, however being me and always being keen to find new ways to improve myself, I did peruse the list and I really should've listened to my first thought about the oxymoron thing, because that was five minutes of my life that I am never going to get back again.  
I have to say, they probably should've called the list 'Shit You Should Already be Doing in Your Life: A List for Idiots' Now that may sound harsh to you, but trust me when I say that there was nothing to be gained from reading that list and there wasn't anything on that list that, if you have half a brain, you aren't already doing or attempting to do on a regular basis. 
Do we really need a list that reminds us to:
10. Cook a meal a day
11. Draw a picture
12. Read a book
13. Put down your phone and observe the world
25. Tackle chores
31. Exercise
What's next? Breathe in and out, use the toilet, have a shower at least once a day, go to bed at the end of every day? Kind of obvious stuff I would imagine. 
And what about these little chestnuts of information that none of us could live without when we are setting out to challenge ourselves:
16. Ask questions 
18. Set a goal
23. Quit a habit
30. Turn off the TV
Whaaat? Who wrote this sage advice list? The Guru Swarmie or Jesus Christ himself because this is AMAZING stuff?!?! 
But wait it gets even better, there are some suggestions that even sounded downright dangerous to me and were clearly designed for idiots that want to really push the boundaries of self challenge. Here's a couple of my favourite 'dreadful advice' tips from the list:
6. Talk with a stranger
14. Make eye contact with people you pass on the street
21. Get over a fear
22. Smile even if you're not feeling it
Number 6 and 14 are just asking for trouble in my mind, I mean is this a list on how to be misinterpreted for a stalker or is it a list on how to get one? And smile even when you're not feeling it does not sound very healthy to me. Surely that is completely counterproductive to a person's general wellbeing, mental health and emotional awareness? Just walk around smiling even if you're utterly miserable? And let's not downplay number 21 which very simply says - get over a fear, just like that, not that hard, just get over some deeply seated and probably deeply rooted fear that you have, shouldn't take very long, about as long as ohh, lets say - turning off the TV?
Don't get me wrong, I am all for challenging yourself, but the list was called 'No-Brainer' ways to Challenge Yourself Every Day, I don't really see how quitting a habit or overcoming a fear is 'No Brainer.' That is bloody far from no-brainer, and can't really placed onto a list that includes turn off the TV and read a book, can it?
​Anyway, enough of a rant. I am just genuinely tired of seeing these so called challenging/ self improvement lists everywhere that are either dumb as dog shit obvious or ridiculously unattainable. Where is the happy medium I ask? I would much rather see lists called 'self care' or 'self kindness' any day of the week, because being gentle, nurturing and kind to yourself is actually a massive and ongoing challenge that we all face, and it should always come first in my mind. Ditch the unnecessary challenges and embrace the best of yourself, I guarantee that you'll be much happier in the long run.

After nearly eleven weeks of term, watching the children at school develop and the days grow colder and wetter, we have finally arrived on the cusp of the the winter school holiday break. I cannot tell how much I am looking forward to happily wasting time that I will actually have the pleasure to waste. It's been a lot of 'go' and very little 'whoa' for me this year, and although I have really loved all of the new challenges that my new position has offered to me, and believe me when I say that there have many;  I am more than willing to admit that I do need a break right about now.
A few sleep ins, some couch slouching, a movie marathon or two, a good novel,  a catch up with friends, some quality, unhurried time with the people that I love, some time in the garden and probably some time at the easel as well....ah yeah.... it is all looking very promising and I am more in need of a serious reboot than I have been in a very long time, so I intend to spend my time wisely. 
The year so far has gone by at an incredible pace, it's really quite hard to get my head around the fact that we are actually half way through another year already. Last Christmas really doesn't seem all that long ago to me. Is it age that makes time speed up like it does, or is it that we just keep cramming more and more into our lives and that is why we appear to have less and less time?
I can't say for sure, but I do know that I am looking forward to the next two weeks slowing right down to a snail's pace as I switch myself back a notch, lose myself in the quiet of contemplation, tune myself out for a spell and focus on all of the things that I love most about this crazy world and none of the stuff that I don't. 

Finally, a little later in the year than usual, the saffron milk cap mushrooms that grow wild and freely around our property were ripe and ready for the picking. Helen and I braved the drizzle and cold and managed to fill our baskets in a very short period of time, which means that the mushroom harvest is probably about halfway through. After cleaning and trimming our bounty, we made a delicious mushroom risotto for lunch and then used my dehydrator to make a few jars of dried mushroom to use when the collection season ends. 
Basically, I will be able to eat freshly picked mushrooms everyday for about another fortnight, and then they will gone again for another 12 months, so preserving and dehydrating is kind of a must while the going is so good because it is such a brief harvesting period.
The 'paddock to plate' experiences have been a bit thin on the ground out here this year. The exceptionally dry summer supplied a lot of tomatoes, but very little else; and the very dry autumn meant that blackberry season was pretty much non existent, probably the worst that I have known since we moved here almost a decade ago.
My veggie garden is in serious need of an overhaul, which the upcoming school holidays will certainly provide, but aside from a few spindly herbs and a bit of rhubarb, garlic and kale, there isn't a lot going on. The fruit trees have all been pruned for the cold season and the few apples that we enjoyed are long gone; now the best that I can hope for is the odd lemon here and there.
It always gets really grim around winter and I always forget just how much I take the abundance of spring for granted. It is times like this that you realise how difficult life would've been for our ancestors that were relying on the spoils of the land to survive, because as much as a long summer feels like a blessing, it really does diminish a lot of your choices and the abundance of food supplies. 
I must admit that I absolutely love having the opportunity to eat things that I have grown myself and I feel quite lucky to be able to indulge in so many delicious (and free) culinary experiences out here in Enfield. Understanding what to harvest at the right times of the year, what arrives on its own with each season and how to make the most of those moments has been one of the best things that I have learnt from living out of town and having a little land to work.
​Even during the darkest days of the winter season I can always still manage to rustle up a bunch of wildflowers, some herbs for my dishes and enjoy something that I have frozen, dehydrated or pickled from another season of plenty, which is actually pretty cool. I'm not even close to be being self sufficient, but I have learnt a lot about the seasons, harvesting and preserving over the last 10 years and I certainly have a lot more respect for the food that I eat, for the land and for the work that goes into every plate of food that is produced which definitely makes you a lot more conscious about what you are putting in your piehole on a daily basis that's for sure. 

When we think about what get passed along to us from our families in a hereditarial fashion we generally think about things like physical attributes or genetic indicators, be they good or bad; but we really don't consider what else has been passed along to us that could be causing a lot of damage to our general well being. 
Recent research now indicates that trauma or post traumatic stress disorders (PSTD) can actually impact the next generation through what is known as transgenerational trauma. We all know that trauma is an emotional response to something distressing or disturbing and victims of trauma quite often suffer from recurring nightmares, depression and a range of other stress related illnesses that can have a serious impact on their ability to function in society and within their communities. However, we also now have mounting scientific evidence that proves that future generations of trauma victims can be affected biologically by the trauma that their families went through. 
The studies began with descendants of survivors of the Holocaust, who in spite of being removed from their parents' experiences, were seeking mental health treatment. Similar findings were discovered when studies were also undertaken on other descendants of families that had experienced the destructive effects of catastrophic events such as war, genocide and terrorism; many were suffering from mental health conditions and in some instances the rates of suicide were also notably higher. 
A study from Neuroscience found that stress had an impact on a person's "epigenetic markers" which perform modifications to gene expression instead of a change to the genetic code itself. In the study, mice who had been exposed to trauma early in life displayed behaviours consistent with depression as well as impaired metabolism. The symptoms were passed on, not through genetics but through the father's sperm, and it impacted the next generation of mice.
These findings are already beginning to be put to good use. At a hospital in Atlanta, trauma victims in the ER who tested positive for the genes associated with PTSD received psychotherapy which in turn lead to the development of fewer symptoms. 
It is good to know that science is helping us to decode the links between historical trauma and how it possibly links to the escalating levels of anxiety and depression in society today. Transgenerational trauma reminds us all that our family and cultural history is shaping who we are today and that seeking support and treatment for any type of trauma related symptom is vital in eliminating it for future generations. 

Finally I am coming out of the fog of sickness and starting to feel a lot more like my old self again. My energy levels are rising, my positivity has returned and I am loving having enough energy to enjoy daily yoga and meditation practises all over again. With just over two weeks until the winter school holiday break this rise from the ashes has come at just the right moment and by the time the break kicks in I expect to be completely rejuvenated and primed for a terrific holiday.
Everything seems twenty times harder when you're not feeling very well and I had really forgotten just how bloody inconvenient illness is. Even the simplest of tasks can appear to be pretty insurmountable when your rocking around feeling like a crap sandwich; I seriously have a newfound respect for people that suffer from ongoing health complications, it is just so bloody awful being sick! 
It is pretty easy to take your health and wellbeing for granted, which I was clearly doing because I was completely bowled over by how ridiculously weak and exhausted I became over such a short amount of time. I went from having the constitution of a clydesdale horse to being as weak as a kitten over a few short weeks and it wasn't the most pleasant experience that I have ever had, I can tell you that.
I can't even recall another time in my life when I slept as much as I did in the last three weeks. I reckon I was giving grannies a run for their money with the amount of snoozing I was putting in. Never before have I spent every night after dinner on the couch, falling asleep with my head on Craig's lap by 8pm and having to get him to 'put me to bed' like I was an infant! What a sad-o! And then, to add insult to injury, I wasn't even able to get up in the morning at the other end because I still felt like I was tired. It was so crapola! I didn't do anything interesting or fun for days and days; just work, eat and sleep (and whine - I did a fair amount of that). What a sad existence it was! 
Well I am sure glad to be leaving all of that behind in the rear view mirror; and if that was a glimpse into what old age is going to be like, then I am NOT looking forward to it one bit! I think that it is important to build up your health and general wellbeing while you're still young enough to do it, because the prospect of sleeping away my latter years and mostly feeling lousy and weak does not appeal to me at all. If anything, this sickness has made me super determined to get my health into really good order, because I really don't want another serve of whatever it was that I have just had, or anything like it, ever again! 

The Queen's birthday long weekend has offered us all (especially old sicky me) an opportunity to batten down the hatches and focus on some rest, relaxation and that third and most important 'R' of all - realignment. After over a week of dragging myself out of bed and going to work feeling like a slapped together crap sandwich because of continually waking up in the middle of the night with either a feverish sweat or in a fit of coughing, I have finally reached the illustrious embrace of a long weekend.  
All week I have had this overwhelming feeling that the world and all of its trappings were way too big and awful for me, and that everything that I came up against was incredibly insurmountable. Of course this is just a side effect of being unwell and not getting enough rest, but that doesn't make it any less pleasant. So, I was literally holding out all week for this long weekend, propelling myself along in the knowledge that if just got through the week then I would be able to take a three day hiatus from all responsibility and the need to wander any further than the couch and the bed.
So I soldiered on as the Codral cold and flu tablets told me to do and then promptly fell into a heap on the couch on Friday night and have spent an extraordinary amount of time there ever since. And I don't even feel robbed of my long weekend because not only do I need to spend three days on the couch I also want to spend three days on the couch. I literally do not want to do anything, even making a coffee and a toasted sandwich seems like an unnecessary use of my time. The only thing that I want to do this weekend is rest, relax and realign, which for me involves many movies, some ipad, a few naps, a little yoga, a bit of journaling, a spot of reading and a lot of cuddles from my cat. Everything else is ...meh...not necessary, it can wait. 
For the first time ever in my life, I actually said no to catching up with friends this weekend, which I never do. Generally a long weekend means lots of quality catch up time with friends for me. A coffee here, a trip to the cinema there, a dinner date; I am usually happily booked up to the wazoo when the breaks happen, but this time I had to listen to my body which was screaming at me for some couch time and decline some really lovely invitations from dear friends. I have to say, it wasn't easy to say no and choose me first, it's not something that I am used to doing, but it was absolutely necessary. Sometimes saying no isn't selfish, it really is necessary and perhaps that is the biggest lesson that this whole illness has taught me. 
At times, choosing yourself is the only way to thrive in this world. Our bodies are actually sending us signals all of the time but we are often too busy to receive them, either that or we just ignore them anyway. We generally tend to give our thoughts and nagging sense of responsibility a lot more consideration than our real feelings (physical or mental) and I think that much to my own detriment, I am often quite guilty of doing that.
Mindful practises are exceptionally handy for tuning yourself back into you when things get pear shaped, but let's be honest, no-one is being very mindful when they are sick and usually everything just goes to the window (including your zen) when you're unwell. And that is why this weekend has been so important for me, it's a chance to get everything back in order all over again and reboot my flagging system. I am hoping that by Tuesday morning at 8.25am when I pull back into the carpark at work that I will feel ready to face the world once again, somewhat rejuvenated and much more healthy than I left last week, fingers crossed!
Oh, and on side note, in my pursuit of light-hearted couch dwelling entertainment this weekend, I did come across a little hidden gem. If you get the chance to hit he couch yourself anytime soon, I recommend that you check it out. 

Spicywatch.com celebrated it's fourth birthday last night with a small but extremely supportive group of wonderful family and friends. I have now reviewed more than 700 movies that are totally worthy of your viewing time, I have rolled out more than 410 blog entries, generated around 5,000 readers and I have been to the movies so many times that I think the proprietors are considering offering me shares in the business. And most importantly, I have loved every single minute of it.
I have adored watching all of movies that I have sat through to get me to this point, even the really bad ones. I have loved hooking up with friends at the cinema and dragging my family along to the movies every other week. I have loved sharing my thoughts and the events of my life with all of my readers on my blog and I have loved the process of building up an almanac of worthy and 'spicy' movies for others to consider watching. 
Last night the theme of the evenings celebrations was comedy, and everyone was encouraged to share their favourite comedy scene or funny moment in a movie with the group. We watched scenes from old but still hilarious classics like Duck Soup and Young Frankenstein as well as modern comedies like Bridesmaids, Nacho Libre, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, Mr Bean's Holiday, Rat Race, The Wedding Singer, Kung Fu Hustle, What We Do In The Shadows and Clerks. Even the unlikely thriller American Psycho managed a look in with Christian Bale's raincoat wearing "Hip to be Square" routine.
There was much laughter and hilarity, and it was really lovely to be able to share a couple of drinks and some good company in the name of Spicywatch.com. I have really been overwhelmed by how supportive and positive everyone has been of my website, which really has been a labour of love for me and sometimes a bit of writing therapy from time to time as well. I really have poured a lot of my spare time and energy into maintaining  Spicywatch.com and the continued support of my readers has been incredibly overwhelming and deeply meaningful to me.
Dear readers, without your support Spicywatch.com may not have made it any further than it's first birthday. Your shared interest in quality cinema and commitment to reading my constant rants has meant more to me than words could ever really express. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much my lovely spicywatch supporters and I will certainly endeavour to keep offering you more experiences of cinematic worthiness, along with the contents of my head, in the years ahead. 
Keep on watching, and please do keep on reading xxx

Sometimes I need to be alone. Really alone. 
This need to be left alone is often mistaken for aloofness or rudeness, and I never mean for it to come off that way, but the unfortunate side effect of needing alone time is that sometimes it can make others feel like you don't want them around. 
The truth is that I really do want people around, I actually really enjoy company and crave human interaction.  And just like everyone else in the world I do get really lonely sometimes too, but if I am being 100% honest, that doesn't happen very often. More often than I would like to admit, I just want to be left the hell alone. Which sounds terrible when I say it like that, but it is true. I really need to be left alone sometimes, and alone can be very, very difficult to get. 
Sometimes when I need alone time, I really need alone time, and it can be quite difficult for me to get the alone time that I need and that will actually satisfy my need for aloneness. In my line of work, where I am around children all day (especially really small ones) I do find that I can get pretty depleted by the end of the day. I often try to retreat to a quiet corner of the house when I am in withdrawal mode, but find that I can rarely sustain the hiding for longer than half an hour before someone decides that they need me something and I am ferreted out of my hiding spot.
It is not good to be angry at the people you love for needing you, but sometimes it happens. Sometimes, enough is a bloody-nuff!  Go work it out yourself, cook your own dinner, stop asking me for things, leave me alone! I want to shout these things from the top of my lungs, but then I would just feel guilty about it so I don't. I face the strain and keep on smiling, even though my insides may be writhing with angry feelings and annoyance and my legs want to abscond. 
As an introvert, the need to be left alone can be exceptionally overwhelming, but as I said it can also make you look like such a total asshole. I often find myself daydreaming about entire weekends where no-one is around and I don't have to worry about anyone else's needs but my own, just a couple of days where the house is empty all day and night except for me. And I know that that is  a completely selfish and pretty dickish thing to desire, but when you have been bombarded by humans and their needs for as long as I have, sometimes you just long for no responsibility and no pressure and especially no new input. No new input, just the sound of it....it sounds like complete and utter bliss to me. 
However, I also know that I would probably only last 24 hours and then I would start to miss everyone and would wish them all back home again anyway, but every now and then I do secretly wish that they would all just sod off for a while and leave me the hell alone! 

The Universal Stupa of Great Compassion in Bendigo hosted its annual Festival of Peace and Light this weekend and we were fortunate enough to join the celebrations. Well, word has clearly gotten out about how terrific last years festival was because this time the event had grown substantially, both in participation numbers and the lineup of performers.
Last time we were among a mere 100 odd visitors that had our own seats to view a few international acts and some fireworks and this year the Stupa was swamped with thousands of people. There were over 40 various performances in the afternoon, at least a dozen vegetarian food vans (tofu to die for people), merchandise vendors and of course, the precious Jade Buddha which has returned to the Stupa and created a most auspicious and important reason for Buddhists to make the pilgrimage to Bendigo this weekend. 
Because the event has ballooned to epic proportions it was a lot more difficult to see everything and this time there was more than one stage operating with different attractions happening at one time, kind of like a Buddhist Big Day Out, which did mean that you didn't get to see every performance like we did last time. Also forget seating, there was nowhere to sit unless you wanted to perch on a rock (which I happily did) and if you are a short arse like me you often couldn't see the action that was going on even if you wanted to, but it was still so much fun and definitely worth the trip to Bendigo. 
Chinese lions, drumming, various international dancers, hoop twirlers, a puppet theatre, live music and instrumental performers, singers, acrobats, didgeridoo performances, Tibetan chanting and let's not forget the spectacular sound and light extravaganza that always makes me feel like I am five years old again as I ooh and ahh in amazement as the fireworks go zipping across the sky overhead. 
The food vans this year were super impressive as well, with a massive array of extremely tasty and also healthy vegan delights. I had a particularly good shawarma with beetroot  and hummus, but the curries, felafel, rotis and other Indian fried delights also looked delicious and I don't think that anyone was struggling to find something delicious to eat. Again, it was the line up that seemed to be the biggest obstacle, but as long as you kept your cool and stayed the course, you got fed. Like all festival events, you have to expect crowds and queues and you have to make your peace with it, after all it was the Festival of Peace and Light; you can't go around abusing people and being a dick at an event like that. 
I think that the Festival of Peace and Light showcases Victoria's broad Buddhist diversity and the communities genuine interest in other cultures and religious practises. I know without a shadow of doubt that I will be returning next year, and I really look forward to watching the festival grow and expand each year. Next time I will be more prepared for a more grand experience than I was this time and I cannot wait to see what the organisers are going to bring to fold in 2019, so exciting!