You may recall me writing down a list of things that I was planning to start to doing on the daily back in January.  I was proposing to do a number of extra things on top of my already busy schedule and see where it landed me, and I did promise to provide some honest feedback about my progress around it all and tell you how I had I gone in my pursuit of a healthier and happier me. 
Well, it's been three full months since 24th January and here is what I have actually managed to achieve in that time:

• I have successfully committed to doing  10,000 steps a  day. 
• I have completed 10-15 minutes of brain training a day on Elevate.
• I have completed at least one French lesson everyday on Duolingo. 
• I have managed to consume at least a litre of water a day. 
• I have cut back my alcohol consumption by more than half.
• I have lost 5 kilos of weight. 
• I have journaled every day. 
• I have meditated for 20 minutes daily and performed 20 minutes of yoga at least 5 days a week. 
• I have menu planned and made shopping lists every week and saved more money in the last 3 months than I have ever saved in my life. 
• I have been out for dinner nine times, went to the cinema three times, went on two weekend trips, attended two art classes (one for ceramics and one for canvas painting), shopped at three weekend craft markets and also attended an open air concert. 
• I've watched 23 TV series and 39 movies.
• I've laughed more, shared more, loved harder and been more generous and grateful than I have ever been before. 

And although it really has been mostly rainbows and sunshine along the way, unfortunately, I did have one really sad thing happen, which was completely out of my hands but dreadfully difficult to deal with. My darling cat Samhain died on Tuesday morning at the age of 22.
​This was the first time that I have nursed a pet and provided what can really only be described as palliative care for an animal as they left the world and I have to say that it is so hard to watch something that you love so dearly waste away and pass on in front of you. Although losing Sam was heart-wrenchingly tough, I learnt a lot about letting things go and the natural order of the world from this experience.
All living things must die, it is inevitable and unavoidable. We try to shield ourselves from this as best we can, but eventually we all have to face it square on, one way or another.  Nursing my cat through her final days and eventually her final hours was an ordeal but also a gift that I was able to share with her.
She was old; very, very old and frail and over the last month she had gotten more and more weary of the world and less and less able to care for herself. She left this world in the way that we would all hope to go eventually, surrounded by loved ones, calmly and without any pain. She spent her final evening getting lots of hugs and pats and gentle kisses on her head, she was sung to and her paw was held. She was given pain killers to ease her weary body and her lips were regularly moistened as she lost the ability to drink even a sip of water in her final moments. She looked just like a peaceful little angel when she passed, asleep in her favourite chair and curled up comfortably like she always was when she was having her deepest sleeps. 
At dawn we laid her to rest under the pines and said our final farewells and in the days that have followed I have gone through all five degrees of grief separation. Everything from denial and anger to bargaining and depression and then finally I arrived at acceptance about a day ago.
It's impossible to know how the death of a long term pet is going to affect you, but after 22 years of having Samhain in my life, I felt like I had lost one of my best friends and I was just shattered. So I mourned her in the way that we need to mourn the loss of a big love and that takes time and patience and a bit of self kindness as well.
So, in the last three months I not only did a lot of good things for my health and wellbeing, but I also learned what it feels like to let things die naturally and return to the earth. This was a lesson the will stay with me for the rest of my life and has given me a great respect for people that work in palliative care and for anyone that has nursed a loved one that was terminally ill or dying of old age in their final days.
Letting go is hard, but it is also a way of making room for new beginnings. It is in rhythm with the natural order of the world and now I have 22 years of beautiful and precious memories to reflect on whenever I feel sad about Samhain - my wonderful cat, my faithful companion and one of my very best friends.
​I will see you again on the other side my sweet, feline darling xx 

​HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1 & 2
Release Dates: 2010 and 2014
Rating: PG
Running Time: 200 mins total 
The How to Train Your Dragon series is easily one of my favourite kids movie offerings because it is so consistently good and the story line is exciting and meaningful. A lot of kids movies really don't have much of a point, but these films seem to have a moral conundrum at play and I like that children are being challenged to think whilst they are watching. 
The first instalment introduces us to the city of Berk and all of its wonderful Viking characters. Eventually our main hero Hiccup happens upon a rare and most feared Night Fury dragon that he befriends and names Toothless, and the wheels are set into motion for Berk to be changed forever. 
The second instalment sees Hiccup all grown up and falling in love. Berk has become a different and dragon loving place, but now the threat of dragon hunters is the biggest problem. 
DreamWorks has done a wonderful job of presenting all of the magic and fantasy of a dragon filled world into a breathtakingly beautiful animation that will enchant children and adults alike for many years to come. 
FINAL SAY: I want a Night Fury dragon too! 
4 Chilli Peppers

Sometimes things in life are certainly not as linear or as straight forward as we would like them to be. In fact, quite often you can have two opposing thoughts, ideas or concepts running at the exact same time in your life which may seem to be  in contradiction of each other.
What do I mean by this? Well, I was reading a really interesting article by clinical psychologist Dr Heidi Green the other day about opposing energies in our lives and she had an excellent list that gave examples of how two things in our lives can be true at the same time. 
Here are some examples:

• Your parents did the best that they could, AND their choices wounded you. 
• You love someone AND you know it's not healthy to keep them in your life.
• You're terrified to take the next step AND you know it's the right thing to do. 
• You want to have a healthy relationship AND unresolved trauma is making it difficult. 
• You're afraid to fail AND you believe in yourself. 
• You really want to get fit AND you hate to exercise  (I actually just made that one up myself and yep, it's probably one of my own opposing truths)

​Food for thought right? Well it certainly was for me because I have a couple of opposing truths functioning in my life right now and having those two dialogues running at the same time can make you feel rather torn about your choices and decisions if you can't manage them well. 
So what can you do about your opposing truths? To be honest, sometimes you don't have to do anything about them but accept them to be the truth and learn to live with the fact that things aren't always tidy, easy or finished off with a neat little bow in life. Some opposing truths are just that, TRUTHS! Truths about yourself that you need to swallow, digest and accept. And as long you aren't in denial about those truths, then maybe you don't need to do anything about them. 
However, if you are allowing yourself to hang on to destructive, dangerous or potentially damaging truths about yourself then it is probably high time that you faced your opposing truths head on and started to make choices that are more inline with what you want to do, who you wish to become or how you want to be perceived. Not being willing to change things about yourself that are holding you back, perpetuating a problem or keeping you in denial is never going to be good for your overall wellbeing, so tackle any damning oppositional truths about yourself as soon as you can. 
And most importantly, at the end of the day, be gentle with yourself. Facing opposing truths about who you are isn't always easy and most of us have at least one or two of them.  Some of them will feel like bitter pills to swallow, some will feel like downright poison and burn on the way down and then some will feel like a cloud passing you by on blue sky day as you let them go and turn your attentions to more pressing matters. 
And always remember that opposing truths are both truths about you and who you are and in being so, you always have the power to squash one and bring the other one into the light at any given time, and that really is some food for thought. 

LOVE AND MONSTERS 
Release Date: 2020
Rating: PG
Running Time: 109 mins
An adventure film directed by Michael Matthews that hits some unexpectedly high notes with it's unique mix of coming of age story and monsterpocalypse action. 
After the destruction of an asteroid heading for Earth, the chemical fallout causes all of the cold blooded animals to mutate into large monsters that seem hell bent on destroying humanity. Humans are forced underground to survive and after 7 years in a bunker, Josh (the least likely hero of the story) decides to trek above ground to be reunited with his long lost teenage crush Aimee who lives in a beach colony across the state. 
There is a lot to enjoy here so don't be put off by the cheesy title. Firstly, it's fun and fast moving and the monsters and action scenes are really well orchestrated. Also the actors, especially Dylan O'Brien who plays Josh, are really likeable and the complete silliness of the whole thing makes it really fun to watch. And last but not least, it's pretty squeaky clean as far as sex, language and gore goes, which makes it very family friendly and mighty rare for a monster flick. 
FINAL SAY:  I really didn't have your typical upbringing. I mean, I did at first and then the world ended. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

I have been working on the subjects of 'focus and control' in my life lately. I have spent a great deal of time thinking about the things that consume my time (for good and bad) and about the things in my life that I should be working towards eliminating because it would increase my enjoyment of life, boost my sense of freedom and  offer me a chance to self liberate. 
Being a person who works closely with children and also supports them with their social skill set and self moderation techniques, I also feel that it is paramount for me to not be holding onto any unnecessary bullshit or engaging in things that are counterproductive to my ability to be able to socialise well, care for others and myself and self moderate like a boss. Basically, if you want to lead well you should be able to lead by example and you should be practising what you are preaching. And lets face it, when it comes to kids they can sniff out bullshit from a mile away, so if you're attempting to instruct them on ways to lead a more harmonious lifestyle and then behaving like an asshole yourself, well it's just not going to fly is it? 
So it was with this in mind that I decided to take a big step back from myself, take stock of my life and my relationships and have a good think about what I should be letting go of in order to become more self aware, kind (to myself and others) and mindful about my behaviours and what I am sending out into the universe.
What became abundantly clear quite quickly as soon as I started to look at my role in my family, my close relationships, my job, my friendships and the way that I interact with others was my ridiculous need to be validated and how much of a people pleaser I am. And this lead me to realise that I genuinely needed a serious overhaul in the way that I was doing things and the way that I was spending my precious time and here's the list that I came up with of things that I need to let go of to become a more whole and rounded person. 
1. Trying to make everyone happy.
It's ridiculous how compelled I am to taking care of everyone else's needs before my own. I go out of my way to make sure that everyone's needs are met, all the boxes are ticked and everyone feels heard and respected, and even though this is a lovely thing to do, It's actually  not my job to make everyone happy. Everyone has a responsibility to create their own joy and find their own happiness, so attempting to do that for someone else is just hindering their ability to self manage. It's my job to make myself happy and that's going to be my focus from now on. 
2. Saying yes to people or events that I'm not invested or interested in.
Saying no, choosing to not over schedule my calendar and having the courage to weed out some negative people from my circle of friends is a really hard thing for me to do. However, over the years my inability to say no has made me put up with some pretty shitty one sided friendships, spend my free time listening to people who don't care about me at all, allowed people to unload their baggage onto me and then disappear for months and has also made me negative and bitter at times. Well no more! If I am not feeling it then I am not doing it anymore, life is too short for mediocre friends and crappy events and gatherings. 
3. Fear of failure.
All of my life I have hated the idea of being wrong or getting things wrong. In the past I have even engaged in pointless arguments just so that I didn't have to admit that I was wrong, how seriously stubborn and messed up is that? Talk about a closed mindset. Well that's over for me now, I am now more than willing to fail and learn and even fail again, it's all good. It's just like the Japanese proverb "Nana korobi, ya oki" which means 'Fall down seven times, stand up eight' which is a much gentler and kinder way to live your life than always trying to be clever, smart or right. I actually don't mind being wrong these days and I also don't mind not knowing things, I love to learn and that is my new focus now.  Failing is human and its how we grow.
4. Not Trusting That Things Will Pass
I have said 'this too shall pass' a million times, but when things are happening to me, I often allow myself to get caught up in the drama of it all. Being able to accept that all states are transient and fleeting in the big scheme of things is something that I am really working hard on. It is just as much about trust as it is about letting go and it really comes down to one's ability to manage their emotional responses, be self aware and moderate as required. All things are impermanent and this does gets easier to accept as I get older, however being able to keep calm and stay the course when the waves get high is something that is still a work in progress for me. 
5. Listening with My Whole Self
I have a tendency to get distracted and not always give 100% effective listening to people. I really hate it when people do it to me and yet, I sometimes find myself drifting off when people are talking to me. I want to stop doing that and I want to become an active listening zen master.  I want people to feel like they are the only person when the room when they speak to me, I want to listen more and talk less and I want to completely engage when people are talking to me. This will require me to block out all other distractions and so this has to be my first port of call on the way to being an active listening zen master, so I am choosing to take this approach one conversation at a time. And if you are someone that has a relationship with me, feel free to prompt me back if you see me glaze over but also forgive me if I am so focused that it starts to get scary, at which point you can also prompt me to back off!

Okay, so there is, me being all transparent about all the crappy things that I do that I need to let go of and work on. It's never easy to admit our shortcomings but in the name of self improvement, I am always all about it; and admitting a personal flaw is definitely the first step to fixing one. 

I'd love to say that the Easter bunny brought a delightful harvest of chocolates to our home, and although we were given an array of lovely nibbles, no-one really felt much like eating any of them because we had an insidious bout of gastro hit our home the week before Easter. And it wasn't just a 24 hour bug either, it was a real 'hang-er-on-er' virus that managed to linger in our home for days and days, making everyone in the house feel generally lethargic, crampy, miserable and very uninterested in food for the days leading up to Easter, during the Easter long weekend and for a few days after as well.
Hardly the nicest way to start your Easter holiday break but at least I didn't have to worry about being at work or looking even somewhat presentable because I have basically schlumped about the house like bag lady for the last couple of days in the most unkempt of states and I am now looking forward to getting out of the house and out of my own way as soon as possible. The lack of exercise and inability to drink much water (due to the fact that everything nauseates me)  has made me feel gross and as flat as a pancake, and not a delicious whipped cream, maple syrup topped kind of a pancake, more like that first test run pancake that you make to check if the pan is hot enough. You know the one I mean, it's half cooked, misshapen and usually ends up on the back lawn for the birds to reluctantly peck away at, that is the kind of flat pancake that I have felt like recently. A shithouse one!
Thankfully tomorrow I have a really good excuse to pull my shit together because I have a spa day planned with the ladies. a full on treat yourself day.  We have had this day planned since the Easter break in 2020, but due to COVID-19 were unable to make it actually come to fruition until now, so this is a long awaited and much anticipated spa day out in Daylesford. I can not wait! I am so keen for a decent massage that I am not even concerned about everyone seeing me in a swimsuit in the mineral pools and saunas, I couldn't care less.
However, I am going to need a serious de-fuzzing this evening before I even consider wearing my swimmers in a public place because I look like a yeti from the waist down. And now that I come to think of it, I don't think that my bathers have even seen the light of day since I went snorkelling in Vanuatu, which is almost 18 months ago now, so I'd better check that they are still decent enough to be worn at a public spa facility.  Saltwater can really deteriorate a swimsuit over time, imagine if I put them on the morning and my whole ass was hanging out! Hilarious for me, really not comfortable for my friends or any other poor sod who happens to be at the spa, so yeah I'd better check that out ahead of time. 
Anyway, Easter wasn't a total wash out. I did get to spend Easter Sunday with my family and although I didn't feel like feasting, I did have an excuse to slam the couch and binge watch a few TV series and films over the long weekend and I did get gifted some mighty fine and delicious treats which I know that I am going to really enjoy when I get an appetite back. At the moment I am still on a BRAT diet. The old Banana, Rice, Applesauce and Toast routine that is generally the only safe thing to eat after you've been a blast ended skrewt and had a gastric virus.  It's an old remedy, but it totally works and restores your gut back to full health pretty quickly if you can stick to it. I want to enjoy spa day tomorrow, so I have stuck to it and it's worked for me. I am feeling completely well today, so I'm sticking to the BRAT diet for one more day just to be sure. Anyway, I better go check out my swim cozy and defuzz myself because tomorrow I am going to have the best day out in the sunshine with my friends! It will be the best post- Easter gift to myself that I've ever had!

THE KING OF STATEN ISLAND 
Release Date: 2020
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 136 mins 
An American drama/ comedy directed by Judd Apatow and adapted from one of Apatow's screenplays. The King of Staten Island delivers something that is both objectionable and yet also tender and poignant. And I know that sounds strange but trust me when I say that you will feel annoyed, angry, upset, tearful and even a little sympathetic for the characters as you join them on this interesting journey that can really only be described as a belated coming of age tale.
Ever since his firefighter father died in a tragic incident when he was seven, Scott has had an overwhelming case of arrested development. As a 24 year old adult he is lazy, un-motivated, self indulgent and has a serious addiction to marijuana and not owning his own shit. When he burns all of his bridges and suddenly finds himself homeless, Scott is finally forced to re-evaluate his life choices.
The cast is tremendously good here with Pete Davidson shining as Scott Carlin, Marisa Tomei delivering as his long suffering mother Margie, Bill Burr believably filling the role of the would be step-father and Steve Buscemi showing his age in a dignified manner as Papa, the mature aged fire fighter. 
The King of Staten Island not only addresses the impact of loss and despondency but also the impact that long-term adolescence has on everyone around the perpetrator. It's a genuinely powerful tale about our modern age and a more reflective offering from Apatow than I have seen before. 
FINAL SAY: We're like the only place that New Jersey looks down on.
​3.5 Chilli Peppers ​