Spicywatch.com celebrated its 6th birthday this weekend. However, unlike previous years when I gathered together some movie loving friends to share in the joy of cinema with me, due to COVID-19, this year I didn't actually do anything at all. There was no sharing of favourite movie clips, no eating, drinking and merry chatter about the latest fabulous movie or cinema experience that people have enjoyed; nope this year Spicywatch had to quietly sit back and turn 6 without any fanfare or celebration. 
This could be just as well for my friends who are not fans of horror, because a sixth birthday does seem like the most opportune moment to bust out favourite macabre movie clips in the name of a '666' themed movie celebration, but I guess that will have to wait until Spicywatch's 13th birthday now, so to all of my horror hating friends, you really dodged a bullet there! 
However, in spite of quietly going about her business, Spicywatch.com has actually grown quite substantially over the last 12 months and is now being enjoyed by over 6 million people around the globe... jokes! I'm not IMDb for God's sake, but Spicywatch has continued to gain a loyal and slowly growing audience of people that seem to respect my opinions about movies and there are now 821 reviews in total to be found on my genre lists. 
Turns out that I only added a mere 31 movies to my genre lists in the last year, which means that I must have watched a lot of crap because I know for sure that I actually watched 212 films in 2019. Unsurprisingly, only 31 of them were 3 Chilli Peppers or more and I think this is probably pretty accurate. After all, after a lifetime of movie watching I have only reviewed 821 films in total which, if we start the age count at say 14 (which is around the time that I seriously started to adore movies) then that means that I should have added around 25 films every year to my blog to get to where I am, so if you think statistically I have actually enjoyed a higher than average contingency of movies that I have watched this year overall. 
And it easy to see why, the last year was a really strong one as far as high quality films were concerned; with incredible film-making now becoming the norm. Every year the bar gets raised, and in all truth it has to because audiences are more discerning and demanding now. People are smart and woke and they want sharp viewing experiences as a direct consequence of that, which means that mediocre cinema experiences are just not cutting it anymore.
Generally I added around 5 films to most of my genre lists, but there was a definite burst happening on my drama, art house/foreign, gritty/documentary lists. This is not surprising to me, with unforgettably good movies like The Lighthouse, Little Women, Marriage Story, Parasite, Shadow, 1917, The Nightingale, They Shall Not Grow Old and Hail Satan? all leaving their marks and impressions upon me over the last 12 months. 
I have banked a huge list of movies and TV series to binge on over the next few weeks, and I must apologise if I might seem to slide off the radar for a little while as I am heading in to hospital on Friday for a procedure that will put me out of actions for around 4 to 6 weeks. And although you may not hear from me, I can assure you that I will be viewing movies, taking notes and reviewing again as soon as I am fit and able to do so. 
Many thanks and much love to my regular Spicywatch readers and supporters that have for 6 years now, offered me regular check ins and greatly appreciated comments of support, feedback and kindness.
​Until next time, stay well and take care. 

HAIL SATAN?
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 95 mins 
An American documentary film about The Satanic Temple, outlining its origins and grassroots political activism.  Directed by Penny Lane, this documentary highlights the efforts of the Satanic movement in their attempts to preserve the separation of church and state against the privilege of the Christian right. 
Through a series of public demonstrations designed to advocate for religious freedom, The Satanic Temple push their mostly unwelcomed agenda and force many Americans to address the clearly corrupt authority of Christianity within their country. Lead my their enigmatic co-founder and spokesperson Lucien Greaves, this group of misunderstood outsiders band together and use their wit, charm and mischievous nature's to speak the truth, managing to ruffle more than a few feathers along the way. 
This is a great documentary that will challenge your preconceived ideas about both the Satanic movement and the Christian faith movement as well. And although you may not necessarily agree with all of the unorthodox demonstration methods of The Satanic Temple, you will not be able to deny their intelligent, witty and mostly entertaining advocacies for justice and equality. 
FINAL SAY:​ In the fight for justice, the devil's work is never done.
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I don't really have a favourite season, I actually love all of the seasons and the unique experiences that each of them deliver. I adore the brilliant burn of a Summer sun, the colourful bursts of a Spring afternoon, the frosty magnificence of a Winter's morning and the falling leaf displays of early Autumn; all in equal measure. However, that being said, I do have to admit to having an extremely soft spot for a sunny Autumn afternoon.
An unseasonably favourable and unexpectedly bright break from the rapid descent into the dark days of Winter is very hard to top and I always find myself deeply enchanted by Autumn sunshine. That high level of enchantment is exactly what we all got to enjoy this weekend, a spat of really lovely and unseasonably sunny weather, and as with all Autumnal sunny days, it arrived with a heavy mellow mist at dawn that burst forth into full sunshine by 11am. It is absolutely magical and has always been a special time of the year for me. 
It is true that there is something magical about all of the seasons though isn't there? Without trying too hard I could rattle off at least ten things that I love about each of the seasons, but everyone has a couple of special seasonal moments that are uniquely significant to them. A sunny Autumn day is definitely one of mine and whether you choose to get out in the warmth of that sun or just observe its brilliance from indoors, it is undeniably intoxicating. 
Out here in Enfield, the sun sets on the living-room side of our house, so as the cool of the evening slides in you can watch the sky shift from bright brilliant blues into dazzling oranges and golds in the late afternoon, even if you are inside. The mushrooms and toadstools stick their brightly coloured heads out of the ground. The yellow, orange and red leaves gently fall from the deciduous trees and the fruit trees hang heavily with last apples of the season in the dying sunlight. It is so still that nothing seems to move at all except for a couple of busy birds and the shifting colours of the sky. 
In short, it shines brightly with all of the regal colours of warmth and splendour, delivers all of the mellowness of a good red wine, a warm bath or a bowl of mum's soup and offers a strong reminder that the dark days ahead are only temporary. There is a calm and harmony to it all that is so hard to resist and its meditative state can easily seduce you into an afternoon nap under a cosy blanket.
Yes, I do love all of the seasons, but I will always love an Autumn sunny day in a very special way. 

Another Mother's Day rolls around and offers all of the mothers of the world a little time to reflect on their own relationships with their mother and their children. For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a mother and have children of my own, I never imagined that I wouldn't have kids one day. And that was certainly not because of any external pressures or expectations that I felt to have them, I just really wanted to have children because in all honesty, I have always really liked children.
Generally, I find children to be quite fascinating and often interesting to be around. Sure they can be like drunk adults with all of their brutal honesty, random vomiting and shitty coping skills but let's face it, when they are at their best little kids are just plain adorable. However, for the ultimate ego booster, there is nothing quite like seeing your own children all grown up, especially when they are bloody amazing and inspiring to be around; it really does put the icing on the motherhood cake. 
And I have to say, my children have actually been two of the best teachers that I have ever had in my life because I have learned more about myself and how to deal with others through them that I have learned through anyone else and that is probably the biggest plus to motherhood of all. In fact now that I think about it, my children have taught me about a lot of things that I doubt that I would have mastered as well as I have without their help along way. 
Firstly, I have completely gotten 'over' the preciousness of my physical self since I have become a mum. There is nothing like pregnancy, labour and the consequences of those two things combined to help you to get over the state of your physical body. Stretch marks, saggy boobs, flabby tummy, crappy uterus? Who cares? The physicalities are a mere blip on the radar of motherhood. Things that would have bothered me immensely about my body prior to having children are in the 'could not give a shit' basket now. Had one visit to the labour ward? Well then you've had them all and after a couple of dozen people have looked up your clacker and half of them have had their hand in there, well you just don't really care as much about stuff like that anymore. The old 'my home is your home' saying, is more like 'my body is everyone's body' after becoming a mum and you just can't afford to get hung up about it or you'll become a raving loony, so you just learn to let go and go with it.
My children have also taught me that it's okay to make mistakes and to not be perfect. Every new mother wants to be the perfect mother, but the perfect mother doesn't exist and trying to be one will just make you tired, frustrated and miserable. I have learnt that doing the best that I can with what I have is enough and apologising when I fuck it all up has worked an absolute treat for me. I have become so comfortable with my imperfections as a mum that I can now say to my children without any shame - 'I'm sorry and I wish I had handled that better' or 'I know that I am not at my best and I am sorry for that.' And they are fine with that, they don't expect me to get it right all the time, just like I don't expect them to, so I suppose that I have learned to accept imperfection as a kind of perfection in itself and that's something pretty amazing that motherhood has given to me. 
I have also learned incredible patience, unusual kindness and intense levels of overwhelming pride and gratitude from my children that nothing else in the world has ever given me. I have discovered that I am not the centre of the universe, although sometimes I still want to be. I have learned that my children need to be their own people, do their own things and be with people of their own choice and it has nothing to do with me whatsoever, and that is a relinquishing of power and control that I have mastered thanks to my children.  
I have learned that losing is not actually losing, it's learning. I have learned that most things don't require my comment or input at all and I have learned to pick my battles wisely and with great forethought (aka I no longer shoot from the hip) which I thank my children for assisting me with.
I have learned so many important and valuable things from my beautiful and wonderful children and I can say without a word of doubt that being a mother has made me a better person, a better wife, a better friend and a better daughter to my own mother as well. I'd be lying if I said that it has all been easy, but it has all been interesting and rewarding like nothing else that I have ever done before. And I have to say, damn I'm glad that I have experienced being a mother in this lifetime, what a genuine pleasure it has really been. 

Hindsight is 20/20; everyone understands that statement to be true. Anyone that has ever made a mistake, done something regretful or been blindsided in their lives will completely understand just how painfully true hindsight can actually be. How many times have you looked back on an event in your life and thought 'if only had that opportunity again' or 'if only I had done things differently?' Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I had known the things I know now back when I was younger, and if I did have a way of reaching out to myself in the past, what kind of information would I pass along to myself? What would be considered important enough to reach out across time to share with my teenage self? 
Self isolation has given me a little extra time to ponder those thoughts, so I went one step further and actually composed a letter to my teenage self (which I would've recorded onto a cassette, if this were a real exercise) to be found in a reverse kind of time capsule event. It outlines all of the things that I wish that I had known ahead of time without giving away all of the details, and really...it's just a bit of fun thinking about stuff like this because it really puts into perspective all the things that you wish you had done differently. Anyway, without further delay, here is 'A Letter to Me on a Cassette': 

Dear Teenage Barb,
I am writing to you from the future, around 30 years in the future actually, and before I even get started I really want you to know that you are more beautiful and full of endless potential than you have any awareness of right now. Trust me when I say that in 30 years you will look back on photos of yourself at 16 and will only see youthful innocence, beauty and potential and none of the flaws that you think that you have right now. So my first piece of advice is to learn early to love yourself unconditionally because it will make it a lot easier when others don't love you the way that you deserve to be loved. 
I really don't want to give away too many of the details around what your life actually looks like in 30 years time, but I can tell you without any uncertainty that you are well, loved and extremely comfortable. You will weather the sands of time; there will be very high highs and very low lows but trust me, you will get through it all so never give up and dig deep when you have to. 
Some of the advise that I will offer to you may seem vague, but trust me when I say that it is extremely sound advice that I would advise you to try and stick to no matter what. These things will not only serve you well, but will set you up for better things along the track, so please keep them in mind.
Firstly, make sure that you choose your vocation in life wisely, and do not quit school. Do not leave university early, no matter what is happening in your life and make sure that you see things through to the end. Also, read the fine print, always ask yourself 'is this what I still want to do in 5 years?' and remember that it is always better to be at the bottom of a ladder that you want to climb than half way up one that you don't. You will do good jobs, dreadful jobs, easy jobs, hard jobs and enjoyable jobs and they will all make you a better person. You are not too good for anything and nothing is beneath you, so be humble and do the best that you have in you no matter what you may find yourself doing and you will always be rewarded. 
Boys, men and male aquatinences will come and go, and most of your relationships will not be as important as you think that they are at the time. You do need to rush down the aisle or commit too early, so enjoy your freedom and youth. However, that being said, when you find 'the one' you will know and that will be that. Enjoy the trials, triumphs and tribulations that love will bring to your life and remember that being right is not ever as important as being kind, fair or reasonable. Long term love requires loads of negotiation and compromise, it is a tricky balance of give and take. Some days will feel like heaven, some days will not, and oddly they will all make you love your partner even more as the years pass, so don't give up too easily. 
Be honest, but also be kind, considerate and subdued as well. Say less and listen more to others, don't be superficial or judgemental  and always try to leave people feeling better when you leave them than they did when you first saw them. Anything that you lie about will haunt you for the rest of your life, so don't talk shit to anyone or about anyone - be honest and reliable. All of your best future relationships are built on honesty and reliability, so anyone that you feel like you can't be honest with or that you feel isn't being honest with you, should be avoided. You will lose people that you loved dearly along the way, some will pass away, some will leave and some you will just let go of and although it will sting like a bitch at the time, you will survive all of it, so be strong and stay the course. 
​Take care of your skin, teeth, fitness and wellbeing early on, even when you feel like you really don't need to. It's true that beauty fades, but wellbeing doesn't have to and if you are taking care of your health and wellbeing early on you will reap the benefits in the years to come. Start doing yoga and meditation immediately, never smoke (it is really not sexy at all) and eat a balanced diet. And don't just say yeah...yeah...I will, actually do it because you will thank yourself a million times over later on for doing it when you are in your 40's. 
Invest in anything to do with the internet, IT companies and any business that has a fruit logo (in particular an apple) on it. Keep all of your old technology, computer devices and gaming consoles because people pay a lot of money for that kind of stuff in the future and try to hang onto all of your old clothes because you wouldn't believe how many things have come back into fashion over the years. All of your old dolls and toys will also be worth more money than you ever paid for them one day, so store your Barbie Dolls, board games and toys in plastic boxes and try to keep them clean and as unused as possible, weird I know but trust me. 
And lastly, enjoy the ride. Life is short and full of twists and turns so try to have fun a little everyday. Do something nice for yourself everyday, do something nice for others as often as you can and don't be afraid to swim upstream, go against the grain or march to the beat of your own drum every now and again. Never lose your childlike whimsy, your sense of adventure or your lust for life, because you'll still be very much wanting those in the future. Laugh, keep a journal, dance, play and breathe it all in, none of it is wrong or right, it's all just experience. Some days you'll kick and some days you'll get kicked, some days you'll smile and sing and some days you'll cry and flip the world the bird and it will still all be okay. 
You're gonna be just fine young one. 
Love and hugs,
Forty Six Year Old Barb xx

VIVARIUM
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 97 mins 
A science fiction thriller directed by Lorcan Finnegan that was Internationally co-produced between Ireland, Denmark and Belgium; Vivarium has uniqueness and intrigue in buckets. Loosely based on the idea of the cuckoo bird laying it's eggs in another bird's nest in order to force another breed of bird to play host to it's young and raise it, Vivarium takes the concept one step further again, with disturbing and complicated outcomes. 
​Young couple Tom (Jesse Eisenberg) and Gemma (Imogen Poots) wish to purchase a new home. They visit a strange estate called Yonder with the even stranger real estate agent Martin. When Martin goes missing during the couple's walkthrough of apartment #9, they begin to become concerned.  Before long, the couple realise that Yonder is not like any other estate and that they have been chosen to perform a particular task. 
I think that this movie will bother a lot of people with its unclear outcomes and intensely weird interludes, I however really liked it for all of those reasons. The script is fresh, disturbing and intelligent, and the outcomes are not at all predictable which is what I think that all good science fiction thrillers should be delivering. Vivarium is certainly not the perfect sci-fi thriller recipe, but it sure is a strange and at times deeply dark ride that you won't forget in a hurry. 
FINAL SAY: Yonder, you're home right now - forever!
3 Chilli Peppers ​