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SPICYWATCH

Let's Go Down to the Tennis Courts

30/3/2016

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Went out for a hit of tennis with some friends today, probably the first time that I have had a hit of tennis in about ten years and I had forgotten just how much fun it is. The day was mild, the afternoon sun peaked out from behind the clouds and I got to use some muscles that have been slumbering in a coma for a very long time. 
I really love being able to waste a few hours with Seth doing something completely outside of the norm. School holidays are just the best times of the year for catching up with your kids and having a bit of silly fun, and trust me when I say that this game of tennis was truly silly fun, because when we weren't whacking balls out of the court, we were busy searching for them in the bushes, but who cares? Time that you enjoy wasting is never wasted time. 
Speaking of enjoying wasting time, I sat up until 2am last night researching Singapore and getting myself mighty excited about the upcoming holiday in August. I have always thought that planning a holiday was half of the fun, which is a bit weird really, but I really love checking out hotels and perusing for possible things to do at a new destination, it's like a smorgasbord of possibilities and I'm quite good at the logistical side of these types of things. Seriously, you wouldn't believe the amount that I managed to see with only 5 weeks in Europe and I didn't even feel pushed (I may have almost killed Craig which is besides the point) but I do believe that it's all about the logistics with holiday planning, some spontaneity for sure, but when it comes to seeing things, you have to be organised!  
I am probably a bit of an over planner in that respect, but then so is my sister (probably even more so than me) so this holiday will probably play out with military precision. God help my oldest sister, she's not known for her organisational skills, or her love of travel for that matter, so this could be a whirlwind experience for her. Well, on the bright side, at least she doesn't need to worry about anything because I am sure every angle will have been covered well and truly before we even leave the country, so I guess that there is some comfort for her in that respect. 
However this plays out, I am super excited! I love to travel! I love the sights and sounds of new and foreign places, I love trying new things and eating new foods and I can't wait to spend more quality time with my sisters because for the first time, although not on the same page, we are all actually in the same book, and that is very exciting indeed. 
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SIGHTSEERS
Release Date: 2012
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 88 mins

Directed by Ben Wheatley, this offbeat black-comedy grabbed me from the very beginning with it's mix of unusual, and yet everyday characters; making me immediately intrigued about where the movie was heading, and pleasantly surprised by the results. 
New couple Chris and Tina are heading out on a road-trip holiday in Chris' caravan, much to the disgust of Tina's unlikable mother. Before long, Chris shows his true colours and murderous nature when he accidentally runs over a litter-bug that he engaged earlier, and shows no remorse for his actions. From that point on, a murderous rampage begins across the British countryside, with the couple escalating their disturbing behaviours as they travel. 
Think of the two nerdiest versions of Mickey and Mallory from Natural Born Killers that you can imagine and you will be arriving at the right wheelhouse of thought. This film has such a strange compilation of marvelous scenery, hideously immoral behaviour and jet-black humour that it is quite difficult to pin down to just one genre, Sightseers really is in a league of it's own, a very good league of it's own. 
FINAL SAY: This is not my vagina!
​3.5 Chili Peppers

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Crossed Buns and Crossing Paths.

29/3/2016

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Ah yes, the time of too much chocolate and too many hot cross buns was upon us again, and I had put my hand up to have the family around for Easter Sunday dinner this year. It has been a while since my sister (that just returned from Afghanistan) and my parents have been in the same room together, and let's just say that there is a lot of water that has torrented under that bridge over the years, and I doubt that there will ever be smooth sailing on that stream. 
It doesn't matter how well you roast the lamb or how tasty you make the wine, there are some things that can never be made good, well certainly not over one meal anyway. At least the meal proceeded in a civilised fashion, and no-one left feeling too out of sorts, so I would call that a mild success in my books.
With my sister that was here for Easter; if you can chip the frost off the ceiling enough for a conversation to flow, you are doing really well. It gets mighty cold very quickly when my parents enter a room that she is in. You can literally feel the drop in temperature - it is palpable, and trying to get things flowing takes a bit of effort. My sister has an air about her that could freeze the balls off a brass monkey, and if she is not happy with you, boy do you know it! 
However, in the realms of successful family gatherings, I think that this Easter went okay, and I am feeling reasonably good about that, because okay is better than not okay, and I know that it could've gone a helluva lot worse that's for sure! 
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LEON:
​THE PROFESSIONAL
 

Release Date: 1994
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 110 mins 
Written and directed by Luc Besson, this French crime-action thriller has gone on to receive a cult following, quite possibly because of Jean Reno's calm and ultra cool portrayal of a hitman with a sensitive side. 
A very young Natalie Portman plays 12 year old Mathilda, a girl that has been exposed to a corrupt and sordid life because of her abusive drug dealing father. When her family are killed in a raid by corrupt DEA agents, Mathilda takes refuge in a nearby apartment that is owned by a quiet and secretive gentleman named Leon. Leon, who reluctantly takes the girl under his wing, turns out to be a professional hitman, and he allows Mathilda to become his protegee in exchange for housekeeping. 
This was Portman's breakout role, and she is absolutely amazing as Mathilda. Gary Oldman is also strong here,  playing his role of the psychotic agent Stansfield with a disturbing conviction. But it is Jean Reno that steals all the limelight as Leon, the hitman that oozes calculated and yet solemn self control. 
This is a violent and intense movie that had a lasting impression on me, it is delivered with a high level of energy and intensity that makes it easy to see why it went onto become a cult classic. 
FINAL SAY: Revenge is not a good thing, it's better to forget. 
4 Chili Peppers

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Ticket to Ride

23/3/2016

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Found myself commuting to Melbourne on the train for two days this week. It has been about 25 years since I have used public transport and it didn't take me very long to remember why I don't use it now. To put it bluntly, commuting really puts the F.U. in fun. I must say that I genuinely feel for people that have to endure public transport on a daily basis, I think that I would go 'lala' pretty quickly if I was doing that kind of thing regularly. 
Not only did I have to drag my lazy arse out of bed at the most ungodly of hours, but also Seth's, which I can tell you that he was none to pleased about. After disposing of said child, I then parked my car in town while the moon was still shining in the sky, hot footed it over to the station, stood on the platform, sipped my tepid latte, contemplated the meaning of my life and rubbed shoulders with all of the other poor sods who also looked like they just needed to go back to bed and forget that the whole thing had ever happened as well. 
Luckily, I was not a lone traveler and met up with a fellow work mate on the train so that I didn't have to continue contemplating anything, and after safely securing a position in the 'un-quiet' carriage - (seriously people actually need quiet carriages now?) we managed to yak away the time until our arrival in the city.  
You see there was a reason for all of this hoo-ha that I went through in the last two days, and it is called Professional Development. Although, I could hardly call my conduct on the train on the way home this evening 'professional' because the over-tired delirium had well and truly set in by that stage. I spent most of the journey in hysterics over nothing much at all really, causing every other passenger on board to think that I was on crack. Bet those snooty 'quiet carriage' travelers were all high fiving themselves when they heard about my raucous laughing. And I just know that all of those commuters will be breathing a sigh of relief when they see me missing from the platform tomorrow morning that's for sure.
Poor bastards, I almost feel guilty for torturing them. I can only imagine what they must all look and feel like on a Friday afternoon after a week of all that shit! Like a scene from a Romero horror movie I'm guessing. Thank god my commuting episodes have come to an end, I am so glad that I will still be tucked into my bed tomorrow morning when that train is pulling out of the station. 
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THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD
Release Date: 1985
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 91 mins 
When it comes to brain eating zombies, this is one of my all time favourites, not just for it's clearly black humour and bad 80's effects, but mostly for it's pop culture depiction of zombie hordes desperately trying to cover over the pain of their decaying bodies by eating the grey matter out of other peoples heads. 
Two haphazard employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a toxic gas into the atmosphere that causes the dead to rise from their graves. A group of punks that are in the graveyard at the time are the first to realise that the reanimated dead are menacing and hungry for brains. 
This is a ripper of a horror film, a classic in every respect and a true homage to early Romero zombie films. Sure it's gory and silly, but it's a zombie film, it should be! This is a must see horror comedy for lovers of zombie flicks. 
FINAL SAY: Braaiinnsss!!!!
3.5 Chili Peppers

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More Cowbell!

21/3/2016

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Went to my sister's 55th birthday party this weekend. She has just recently became the lead singer in a local band (that her husband plays drums for) and they were in full swing last night, blasting out tunes into the wee hours and making sure that no-one in their modest country town got very much sleep at all.
They are a cover band, so they play all the songs that everyone knows and likes to dance to, which meant that once the alcohol hit everyone's blood stream, the social inhibitions were severely lowered and suddenly everyone thought that they had an awesome singing voice and could dance like Fred Astaire, in short - bloody good entertainment! 
The dance floor area was pretty jam packed, which created a few moon landings whenever someone really busted out a move, and even I couldn't help getting swept in the high spirits of the night and added some much needed cowbell action to Play That Funky Music White Boy.
​
Needless to say, everyone drank a little too much (except for me who stupidly volunteered to be designated driver) and had a fabulous time. Zoe and Craig tortured Seth and I all the way home with their drunken antics, turning our car into a rave bus, blasting out Die Antwood tunes at maximum volume and twirling glowing sticks around my face whilst I was trying to navigate the kangaroo heavy highways all the way home. By the time we got home almost two hours later, I was the one that needed a stiff drink and some quiet time whilst everyone else crashed and burned. 
This weekend wasn't all play though, we've had a digger out here for the last three days putting a new dam onto our property. It has really changed the look of the landscape and I think that once we get some water into it, it will be a pretty cool feature in our yard. Seth has convinced himself that we have not dug a dam, but a swimming pool for him to get into over Summer. Admittedly, it does have a lip around the edge which does make it look like a swimming pool, but once the water arrives it won't take long for the yabbies and frogs to move in, so I would hazard some caution before climbing into that when it is full. None-the-less, it looks exciting and I can't wait to see it filled up, just need some rain now. 
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PITCH PERFECT
Release Date: 2012
Rating: M
Running Time: 112 mins 
An American musical comedy directed by Jason Moore that will have you tapping your toes and singing along to the songs. Even though this is a tried and tested formulaic type of comedy, it is highly entertaining and the musical efforts are seriously commendable. This film launched Rebel Wilson into international stardom for her incredibly funny portrayal of Fat Amy, a character that steals much of the limelight from her co-stars. 
The plot follows a women's a cappella group called The Barden Bellas as they strive to win the national competitions against the odds. The Bellas are an eclectic troupe that don't always see eye to eye, making their journey to the nationals a very rocky road. 
This is just a good fun, chick-flick that you don't need to concentrate too hard on to enjoy. The music is great, the energy levels are high and the humour is amusing, so if you're in the mood for a feel good flick, it's a pretty safe choice. 
FINAL SAY: Get pitch slapped! 
3.5 Chili Peppers
A quick note, Pitch Perfect 2 is literally more of the same. Consider it an extension of the first instalment, if you liked the first one, then you will also like the second one too. ​

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Bad Juju

16/3/2016

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So many people have been having bad juju lately, everyone that I speak to has suffered some unfortunate form of loss or hardship this year. What is it about 2016 that seems to be generating so much bad mojo?
It just breaks my heart when I hear my loved ones tell me about their misfortunes and woes. If only I had the power to take it all away then I would, really I would. And I am not even trying to play the martyr here, I seriously feel affected by the hardships of others, especially those that I care about, and their problems become my problems whether they want them to or not. All that I can say for sure is that it is time for some good vibes to arrive and for the year to get a bit brighter, because it has just been one thing after another up to this point. 
I don't think that the crappy stuff that happens to us has anything to do with luck. I don't really believe in good and bad luck, I think that shit just happens, it's called living. Sometimes you're ahead of the game and other days you're being scraped off the heel of someone's boot, nothing to do with luck, everything to do with the human condition.
I think that it also has very little to do with the ole - life is what you make it rant, because I know some genuinely fabulous people that have been dealt a pretty shitty hand and I am 100% sure that people that are starving to death aren't not trying to make their lives better, they're stuck and without choice, so sometimes it is just the situation that you find yourself prisoner to and no amount of 'can do' attitude can remedy it. 
There is something to be said about attitude though. You can have a stellar attitude even when the chips are down and you're the captain of a sinking ship, and I suppose that's what they mean when they say life's what you make it, your attitude does matter. Easy for me to say when I live the life that I do, but even I can be blindsided by ill fate and smashed to pieces, there are no guarantees in life, the tide is constantly on the turn. 
But right now, right at this moment, I am happy and I wish nothing but the best of all things for the people in my life, and I hope that they can muster up some positive attitudes to see them through the tough times and to know that I am always thinking of them and trying to keep the vampires and the wolves from their door as best I can. 
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LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
Release Date: 2008
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 115 mins 
Based on the fantastic novel by John Ajvide Lindqvist, who also wrote the screenplay, this Swedish coming of age story focuses on the relationship between a twelve year old boy and a vampire of youthful appearance. The film received widespread international critical acclaim and won several awards for its beautiful cinematography and its restrained approach to violent subject matter.
In Blackeberg, Stockholm in the early 1980's, we meet Oskar. A meek twelve year old boy that lives alone with his mother, suffers from terrible bullying from his classmates and secretly pretends to destroy his foes with a knife that he keeps hidden. Oskar meets Eli, a mysterious pale girl that has recently moved in next door. The two form a fast friendship, communicating by Morse Code through the walls of their apartments and sharing stories. But Eli's arrival in town has other consequences that Oskar knows nothing about. Will he still be able to accept Eli as his friend when he finds out about what she really is? 
This is an incredible movie, I have also read the book which I absolutely adored, but you don't need to have read the book to get a lot out of this movie. It is an extremely intelligent horror, the characters of Oskar and Eli are in complete polarity of each other in every way, almost like two sides of the same coin with their need to be loved and accepted. The child actors, Lina Leandersson and Kare Hedebrant, are just tremendous in their very demanding roles, and although this is essentially a friendship story, it has enough slow burning horror to make it truly eerie and unforgettable. 
FINAL SAY: I'm twelve, I have been twelve for a long time. 
4.5 Chili Peppers

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A Second 21st

15/3/2016

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Celebrated my 2nd 21st birthday in a rather quiet fashion on the actual day, after work Craig cooked dinner and I languished around with a couple of wines sketching in the back room and generally doing nothing all evening. The wonderful people at work really made my day feel special with lots of thoughtful gestures and gifts as well as a gluten free cake to die for. I started getting celebratory birthday texts from 6am, which continued to come thick and fast all day, making me feel very loved and blessed to have so many good people thinking of me. 
Zoe and Lachlainn came over from Geelong on the weekend to kick my birthday celebrations into high gear, and I managed to Dr Seuss myself by getting Green Eggs and Hammered; staying up until almost 3am watching back to back episodes of The Housewives of Melbourne and Girls. The kids and I braved the Begonia Festival on Sunday afternoon, but I have to say that the glaring sun did nothing for my already pounding head and I collapsed onto the couch at 4.30pm and fell into a comatose state for an hour, from which I doubt anything could have roused me. Obviously, I was not nearly as hearty for my second 21st as I was for my first,  I am sure that my body bounced back from alcohol abuse far better 21 years ago than it has over this long weekend, but 'cest la vie - it's not like I do it all the time, and I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy myself at the time. 
Now Easter looms just around the corner, and with only two four day weeks before the break I realise that this means that I need to go into overdrive to get everything done before that happens. The final yards of each term are always the most taxing and it does take some skill and organisation to tie it all off neatly before school holidays commence, either that or you leave it all in an unfinished shambles and return on the back foot next term which forces struggle and manic behaviour to begin with, which is just plain stupid in my mind. Not my idea of a good way to begin. I like to relax on my breaks and not think about school until the day that I have to return, I look forward to my rest periods being unhindered. 
It turns out that I actually have a lot to look forward to this year, a lot more than I had anticipated. Since my sister's return from Afghanistan she has decided that she would like to get myself and my older sister together with her in August for a girls week and decent catch up. Not at her place mind you, in Singapore! Yes, unbelievably good news, I am going to Singapore for a week and someone else is shouting me to go. When she asked me, I was like ummm...let me think about that for a milli-second.....of course! When does anyone ever offer to take you overseas and pay for it? NEVER! Deciding whether to go or not was a total no brainer! A week in Singapore with my two sisters means fun! Between the three of us (all of us are completely different in every way) I am sure that no stone will go un-turned and poor Singapore will probably never be the same again. I love the idea of spending quality time with them, we have really made good headway with our relationships and the last few time that we have gotten together we have had a blast. So watch out Singapore - we're coming to shop, eat and drink like there's no tomorrow, something that all three of us can do really well! 
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UP IN THE AIR
Release Date: 2009
Rating: M
Running Time: 109 mins 
An American drama-comedy, directed by Jason Reitman and adapted from the novel of the same name by Walter Kirn. It was really the fabulous threesome of George Clooney, Vera Farmiga and Anna Kendrick that made this movie for me, the casting is impeccable and the acting is second to none, which makes this film appear to be effortless.
The story centres on Ryan Bingham (Clooney) a man who travels across the USA firing workers that have become redundant, for businesses that are unwilling to do the dirty work themselves. He has set himself the goal of becoming the seventh person to earn ten million frequent flyer points with American Airlines. Bingham becomes involved in a casual relationship with Alex (Farmiga), a fellow frequent flyer, but his dreams become threatened when a new and ambitious colleague (Kendrick) suggests that his job could be better performed via videoconferencing. 
This is a smart comedy, but it is also an emotionally charged drama that is filled with deeper contemplation in regards to the nature of their 'business' and what is really being delivered. Definitely a thought provoking and highly enjoyable movie, that was worthy of all the attention that surrounded it when it was released. 
FINAL SAY: The slower we move, the faster we die. We are not swans. We are sharks. 
4 Chili Peppers

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Getting Older

10/3/2016

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Tomorrow I will turn 42. Not really a birthday to jump up and down about, especially when you realise that your next appropriate jump and down birthday will be your 50th and then you start to shit bricks. Not because I am afraid to get older, that is just the natural course, more because I am fastly realising that life is short, extremely short in fact, and I don't ever want my best years to be behind me.
When you are young you feel like you have forever, 30 is positively ancient when you are not yet an adult. Then when you are in your twenties you think that you are bullet proof and you do all the dumb things (or perhaps that was just me). You reach your thirties and you start to work your shit out (some of us do anyway) and by the time you reach your forties, you start to think you have your shit worked out and that the worst is behind you; which is bat shit bonkers thinking, because I am still flying by the seat of my pants most days and have no idea what I am doing a good measure of the time. 
I do feel like people listen to me more now that I am in my forties, but again, this could just be self-induced illusion in order to make myself feel better about the fact that I am clearly getting older. Notice that I said older there, not old, not ready to get old just yet, but older I can handle. For all of the bullshit that I tell myself about how great being in my forties is, there are a tonne of things that are inevitably true and also crappy about being middle aged. The worst of which is the weird shit that is happening to my body, I swear that my breasts are heading an extra inch south every six months and my arms and legs get more cellulite on them by the second; does this have anything to do with my lack of physical exercise and gym phobia? Probably, and yet still I have no interest. I do admire fit older people, but I don't yearn to be fit, just upwardly mobile and generally un-sloth-like is good enough for me. As long as the local kids aren't raining me with rocks and shouting out 'fatty' when they see me, then I'm all good with that. 
However, people that are older than me do tell me horrific stories about how everything goes to hell in a handbag as you get older and that kind of talk doesn't exactly fill me with excitement about my coming years. Surely there are some awesome benefits to getting older?
​There must be something (other than imagining that people give a crap about what you have to say) to look forward to as you get older. Retirement seems good, as long as your not totally fucked from working too hard, and being debt free - that's a good'en. All day reading sessions and everyday long lunches, afternoon naps and pajamas in the day time - all very respectable and good things to do when you are older. Also driving like an asshole, playing insane to get your own way and pretending to throw your hip out on the dance floor just so that you can be carried out in the arms of some young hotty at the end of the night all seem like good things to me.
​Yeah, this getting older stuff doesn't seem so bad, there is definitely some potential there for sure. And as long as I don't turn into one of those cantankerous, annoying, aging assholes that are too stuck to see how lucky they are, then I'm pretty sure that I can make my peace with getting older. Besides, there's not a lot that I can do to stop it from happening is there? 
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ABOUT SCHMIDT
Release Date: 2002 
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 125 mins 
Directed by Alexander Payne and loosely based on the novel of the same name by Louis Begley, About Schmidt was extremely well received by critics, and both Kathy Bates and Jack Nicholson were nominated for Oscars on the strength of their performances. Nicholson went on to win a Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture Drama, and upon accepting his award, Nicholson stated, "I'm a little surprised. I thought we made a comedy."
 A newly retired and predictable man named Warren Schmidt (Nicholson) is struggling to find meaning in his life after his long term wife passes away. He embarks on a road trip in a RV in an attempt to reunite with his estranged daughter that is about to be married, and to try and discover a new sense of himself. 
This movie is really focusing on the complacency, denial and delusions that people suffer later in life after they have lost their main motivations, like work or a life partner. Schmidt is so ridiculously tied to predictability and superficial idealism that we actually pity his simple existence, even though it is such a realistic and possible outcome for many people in their twilight years. 
Jack Nicholson is both hilarious and pathetic as Schmidt, and this is certainly some of his better work. Kathy Bates is also fabulous as Roberta Hertzel, the self aware and empowered older woman that manages to rattle Schmidt's cage. As always, Alexander Payne delivers another thought provoking and well constructed character story that won't disappoint.
FINAL SAY: Too stuck to see the bigger picture. 
3.5 Chili Peppers

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Ribbed for Her Pleasure

7/3/2016

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Went out for dinner with a group of friends last night, to a restaurant that just happened to be next door the local sex/adult shop. Upon entering I noticed a large poster advertisement in the window for a devise that was basically claiming to have revolutionized women's pleasure. The image was pretty non-descriptive (of course- since it was in the front window) and it really raised my interest levels, not because I necessarily wanted to rush out and purchase one but because I was genuinely interested to know what the fuss was all about. God forbid that there be a fabulous devise available that I have not been told about, clearly I needed to know! 
So, by raising the issue of what I had seen over dinner (several times actually) I did manage to coerce the others into coming in and having a peruse after dinner. The man behind the counter was more than happy to accommodate our inquiry with a hands on demonstration of the devise. Basically it just vibrates and has a little attachment that sucks and blows - clearly designed for clitoral stimulation. Not nearly as revolutionary as I had envisioned but probably a handy devise for those that have the need. 
There was the usual array of vibrators and gag sex items for hens night carry on and the like, as well as the bondage and butt stretching devices that always make me wonder how many people actually buy those types of things, probably more than one would think if the truth be told. I can't imagine having a butt plug or ball gag in my own bedroom; different strokes for different folks though, you never know what's going to spin someone else's tyres. You can certainly find something for every taste at the adult shop that's for sure, and if you're looking for a bit of boudoir enhancement I'd say that is probably you're one stop shop. Honestly, it isn't somewhere that I frequent but I am curious, and I do like to investigate what is on offer. There were some very non-offensive looking vibrators that I hadn't seen before. They look far more appealing, modern and discreet than the old veiny rubber gel varieties that look like the belong on the set of some seedy porn movie and could never be left in a bedside drawer with children in the house. These new models are very sleek looking and could easily be mistaken for a remote control or computer mouse by an unsuspecting child or nosy parent, which does has it's advantages I suppose. But anyway, I'm not really in the market for a vibrator or dildo at the moment, but it never hurts to know your options. 
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NYMPHOMANIAC VOLUME 1 AND 2
Release Date: 2013 and 2014 
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 241 mins (cut version) 

Directed by Lars von Trier, and the third and final instalment in his unofficially titled 'Depression Trilogy,' Nymphomaniac is certainly not intended to be viewed by the faint-hearted. Having seen the cut version myself, I can only imagine what might be on the extra 84 minutes of footage that is on the directors cut, but trust me when I say that you will get the picture without that extra length. Nymphomaniac had more graphic sex than any other movie that I have seen before, excluding porn, so if you can't handle seeing full penetration scenes and oral sex, than you really shouldn't bother with this. 
A nymphomaniac named Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) recounts the events of her erotic past through a series of eight chapters to a stranger (Skellan Skarsgard) that finds her beaten and left for dead on the street. 
More than just a story about sexuality, Nymphomaniac also delves into scientific, theoretical and religious discussion, which I enjoyed intensely. There was something intriguing and almost hypnotic about Joe's recount that I found riveting, and although some of the sex scenes were a tad confronting, there was a worthy story line stringing it all together. I know that real pornographic actors were used in the filming of Nymphomaniac, but in some of those scenes it genuinely looked like Gainsbourg was really going there, proving that she is one gutsy and dedicated actor. 
Nymphomaniac is certainly not my favourite von Trier effort, and the first instalment is clearly stronger than the second, but in spite of it's short comings, I believe that it is still a worthy watch.
FINAL SAY: For me, love was just lust with jealousy added. 
3.5 Chili Peppers

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Where Are You Heading?

3/3/2016

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There are a lot of decisions that need to be made when your child finishes primary school and heads off to high school. Decisions that I am not really that excited about making to be honest. The secondary school scene in Ballarat is a mixed bag to say the least. On one hand you have the hoity-toity private schools that you need to sell your vital organs on the black market to get your child into, and even then there is no guarantee. Then you have the catholic private sector that consists of an exclusively girls or boys school and one co-ed school which are pretty hard to get into if you haven't attended a catholic primary school and done your sacraments, and then at the other end of the scale there is a cohort of public secondary colleges that have mixed reviews and sketchy reputations. 
We have tried to apply for the co-ed catholic school for Seth, but to be honest I am not loving our chances of getting in there, it does seem very catholic exclusive, so even though we have gone through the enrolment process and agreed to pay the tuition fees (which aren't exactly tiny) I have my concerns about us getting a position there; especially since Seth doesn't know the first thing about Jesus or God and the only wine he's heard of is the type that he's seen me swilling! Which leaves us with a group of Secondary Colleges to investigate, some of which are already on my 'not loving it' list.
Zoe went to a public Secondary College, but she only did so because she got into a Select Entry Program that allowed her to shave an entire year off her high school experience, which she was definitely shouting hallelujah about in Year 12. Seth unfortunately does not have the minerals for a Select Entry Program, and I'm not being an asshole when I say that, I am being a realist - he doesn't - fact! Problem is that I'm not entirely sure that he has the minerals for a main stream Secondary College experience either, and here in lies the problem. 
You do have to try and find a school that is going to nurture your child's ability to grow and learn. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that I think that your kids need to attend some pretentious private school, it just means that I think that they need to feel safe where they learn and have access to a decent education. It also means that as a parent you need to feel confident that when you send them off to school that they won't be getting stabbed, shot or hooked on ICE whilst they are supposed to be learning either. Not a lot to ask really. 
​Our darling Seth is generally a non-conventional learner, he is smart and very clever, but we have mostly found that the public school sector hasn't really 'embraced' him or his quirky learning style. In short, he's often a square peg in a round hole, and I am really worried about him fitting in any better in the public secondary sector.
But what options do we have? I can't afford to sell my organs, I still need them! Fingers crossed that our first preference comes good in the end, but until then, I need to mull over my options. I hadn't really thought that I would need a plan B until now, and suddenly I do. Bugger it, I thought I had all of this sorted and mapped out, hadn't really considered the 'catholic exclusivity' factor, but after Seth's interview last night, it is truly an issue that I need to consider. Bloody dogma and red tape, my two least favourite things next to gastro and assholes....oh the joy! 
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DOGMA
Release Date: 1999
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 130 mins 
Written and directed by Kevin Smith, this movie's irreverent treatment towards the Catholic religion had the Catholic League reeling, there were outcries of 'blasphemy' and organised protests delayed its release and led to two death threats against Smith. If anything, these scenes of controversy only enhanced the public's desire to view the movie; Dogma tripled it's modest budget and was the third highest grossing film at the box office when it was released. 
Two fallen angels - Bartleby and Loki, are planning to use a loophole in Catholic dogma to return to Heaven after God cast them out. However, since existence is founded on the principle that God is infallible, their success would prove God wrong and in turn, undo all of creation. The last scion (descendant of Christ), a 13th Apostle and two prophets are sent by Metatron (the voice of God) to stop them from succeeding. 
This is seriously funny stuff, the cast is a great mixture of young and upcoming actors of the '90's generation and the script is sharp and clever. Sure, it's full of satire and isn't the most respectful movie about Catholicism that you are going to see, but for a movie that is apparently so against religion, it certainly does end with great reverence. Blasphemy and profanity aside, this is a really funny watch and as long as you aren't a religious fanatic, you will find Dogma amusing. 
FINAL SAY: Anyone who isn't dead or from another plain of existence would do well to cover their ears about now. 
3.5 Chili Peppers

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