You could easily be forgiven for thinking that the world is in complete anarchy right now. Ever since COVID-19 spread it's grimy infectious fingers across the globe, it does feel like we have been in a state of constant drama and tragedy around the world. It has literally been one thing after another, just a continuous barrage of hateful behaviour, natural disaster and pandemic mayhem on mass. It has put everyone into a constant state of flight or fight and it is becoming increasingly hard to find any peace, joy or whimsy in the world at the moment.  However, as I enter my 8th lockdown at the same time as my spring holiday break commences I am determined to embrace my own happiness and find some genuine joy over the next two weeks. 
What do you do when the world goes mental around you and you've been wrangling with your own bonkers feelings lately as well? Well, honestly, you just have to go in. You have to focus on what you can control and that means a complete re-focus on the only thing that you can ever really control - yourself! You just have to throw your hands up in to the air, admit that you cannot change anything and go completely inwards and refocus on making the most of your own self. 
There is nothing like a huge dose of worldwide panic and mayhem to make you really feel like withdrawing from society and going into self preservation mode and that is exactly what I am going to be doing. Self preserving, self assessing, self guiding, self healing and most importantly pushing the button on self awareness and self control. And doing that has nothing to do with being selfish or self involved, in fact it is the complete opposite of that. I am doing the only wise thing that can be done right now, taking care of me so that I can take care of others. 
I've got it pretty great compared to so many people on the planet right now. I am healthy, I have had my COVID vaccinations, I get to lockdown in my lovely and comfortable home with plenty of good food, great company and all the creature comforts that I could ever need for a couple of weeks. That makes me one of the most fortunate people in the world. And let's not forget that I also don't have any hang ups, hates or general annoyances in my life right now because I got all of my personal gripes and issues off my chest and dealt with my demons a fortnight ago. So I literally feel completely liberated and free from burden at a time when the world appears to be falling apart all around me.
Is that weird?
Is that stupid?
Is that ignorant? 
No, it's none of those things.
It is deeply liberating and peaceful and unashamedly wonderful to be able to find joy and release at a time like this. And I say that without any malice or judgement towards anyone who isn't feeling like that and I also say it with love and understanding that not everyone is sailing through these choppy waters with a lotus flower in their teeth, sashaying about and proclaiming to be carefree and joyful. All I ask is that you don't judge or condemn me for deciding to flick the switch on my mood and mindset around the current dreadfully grim state of the world right now. 
It's not that I don't care, I do care but I am also powerless to change anything.  And I do not need to fight something that I really just need to accept. I accept that there are things that are happening in the world that are dreadful and unfair and confronting, but I also accept that I am for whatever reason very fortunate in many ways but also powerless to do anything about it. So I am shifting my own thinking and focusing on my own positive vibes. I am focusing on building my own positive energies which I am going to send out into the world. And I do hope that the people that need them the most catch will some of those vibes and find some joy in their lives again soon as well. 
Finding joy is the only think that really matters anyway -it's the meaning of life for goodness sake, so learn to accept what you can't change and learn to manage yourself. It's probably the best thing that most of us can do for the world right now. 

DON'T WORRY, HE WON'T GET FAR ON FOOT
Release Date: 2018
Rating: M
Running Time: 114 mins 
An art house, comedy-drama directed by Gus Van Sant and based upon the memoir of the same name by John Callahan; Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far On Foot was an unexpectedly inspiring and enjoyable watch. This film left me with a delightfully warm and life affirming feeling, and it also delivered some of the strongest performances of the year as well.
Alcoholic cartoonist  John Callahan (Joaquin Phoenix) becomes a paraplegic after a  drunken car accident. Now Callahan has to try and discover new meaning and purpose in his life as an artist, an alcoholic and a paraplegic. 
It's the genuine and heartfelt way that this film is delivered that sticks with you.  The cast are so good and so believable and the onscreen relationships feel plausible and committed. Joaquin Phoenix is a powerhouse here and he is extremely well supported by Jonah Hill, Rooney Mara and Jack Black. In fact Jonah Hill's performance is so amazing that he virtually eclipses Phoenix whenever they are onscreen together, that man can seriously deliver tenderness and compassion!
I just loved this film. I loved the hopefulness, the humanity and the life affirming conversations and considerations that occurred throughout. It's a delightful story that is definitely worth a look. 
FINAL SAY: It is hard teaching people faith.
4 Chilli Peppers ​

I'm not sure what the hell is going on with me at the moment. It could be a side effect of lockdown, it could be that I am tired of feeling like an irrelevant shit kicker and it might be none of those things at all. Maybe it is just the season of the witch - who knows really? Whatever is going on, I have become absolutely incapable of putting up with being treated disrespectfully.  
Maybe when you get to my age you start to think that it is high time to throw caution to the wind and be honest about how you feel. Now I do realise that in becoming especially vocal about your needs and wants (particularly when you are a female of a certain of age) that you can present yourself as a menopausal, troublesome, problematic bitch. And to be honest I am also okay with that as well because how other people choose to perceive me is actually way more about them than it is about me anyway, and I can honestly say that I am not calling anyone out on anything that I wouldn't be comfortable to be called out on myself. 
What I have been doing is setting some pretty clear boundaries around what I am comfortable with, what I will not tolerate and how would prefer to be spoken to. I do this without any malice or entitlement or intent to harm others. I do this because it is something that I believe that everyone should be doing and it is something that I need to do for myself in order to feel self empowered and clearly interpreted.  If anyone should take this as me being a tenacious bitch to them, well that is unfortunate for them.
You see what I have learned from all the lockdowns and the general 'pandemic-stricken' state of the world is that people are really not very concerned with anyone else's lot in life, not genuinely anyway. They will say that they are and they will ask all the right questions but when push comes to shove, rarely do people actually have your back or best interests at the forefront of their thinking. They are far too occupied with their own lot in life and I am totally okay with that - it's fine and reasonable and I have no ill feelings around any of that. But what it does mean is that if you aren't willing to stand up for your own welfare you will get overlooked, mistreated and disrespected. 
Now this kind of treatment is not happening because people set out to treat you like a piece of shit, it just happens because people are so busy in their own affairs that they don't realise that they are treating you like a piece of shit. I get that, I know that I have unintentionally been shitty to people myself because I have gotten pre-occupied in my own dramas and dilemmas. And hey, if a pandemic is not a good enough reason to get caught up in your own shit, then what is right? 
I understand why it happens and I get why it happens, but I also know without a shadow of doubt that if you don't stand up for yourself and put some boundaries in place around the way that people can treat you, then you will be setting yourself up for more bullshit as things progress. Please sir may I have another? No, no, no - don't mind my shattered feelings in any of this or consider my personal hardships, you just keep on wiping your dirty hands on my back as you roll on by.  I got this!
Well, sorry I don't got this! None of has got this! And I am tired of all the bullshit! I am so tired of people going off half cocked and treating people like they don't matter or aren't important. WE ARE ALL IN THIS SHITTY PANDEMIC! All of us, and we all have our own personal struggles and challenges to face being in the world right now.  If the only kindness that you can deliver right now is to yourself then do that, just don't treat everyone around you like a piece of shit in the process. 
Can't say anything nice? Then don't say anything at all! Don't like how things are going? Try telling someone who can actually do something about it instead of whinging and being sour all the time. Need some help? Fucking ask for some then! This will all go along a heck of a lot easier if people would just own their shit, set some boundaries and be a bit frickin' nicer all around. Yes, I know I am being short and blunt and yes, you can call me tenacious B if that feels right for you, but please, I implore you, try a little tenderness! Show some respect and decency to your fellow humankind.
​It's really not that difficult. 

BURNING
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 158 mins 
A Korean psychological thriller co-written, co- produced and directed by Lee Chang-dong. Based on the short story "Barn Burning" by Haruki Murakami, this movie subtly twists and turns around itself, winding faster and faster all the way to the end of the film, delivering one of the most riveting and ambiguous narratives that I have seen in very long time. 
Jong-su falls for his childhood friend Hae-mi and the two start an intimate relationship. Hae-mi leaves for Africa and asks Jong-su to care for her mysteriously elusive cat in her absence. When Hae-mi returns she has a new man in her life, a wealthy and unusual character called Ben. 
If you are looking for some contemplation, then look no further because Burning provides ponderous interludes in bucket loads. The cast are amazing, with Ah-In Yoo and Jong-seo Jun delivering equally strong and captivating performances, however it was Steven Yeun's eerie portrayal of Ben that had me most intrigued.
You may have some unfulfilled questions when the film reaches its end, depending on how you interpret the material; or like me, you might feel like it all came together perfectly. And I think that is actually the biggest charm of this film - its just so open to interpretation. 
FINAL SAY: They are called the great hungry. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​