Tomorrow we leave for New Zealand. As a huge heat wave hits Victoria we are escaping to the cooler and more manageable climates of Auckland, Rotorua and Wellington for the better part of 10 days. This family holiday has been in the making for the last two and a half years and I have excitedly planned and booked this self guided trip around the North Island with a lot of enthusiasm and loving detail. I have tried to encompass all of the things that our family have show an interest in exploring whilst we're in New Zealand, even the things that may be pushing me well outside of my comfort zone like spelunking (caving) and zip lining, which means that without a doubt this is going to be an epic family adventure for all of us. 
I am drawing the line at bungee jumping and zorbing though, happy for the kids to throw themselves off bridges and toss themselves down hills in giant plastic balls, but I am not willing to be involved in that kind of stuff and nonsense. The last thing that I need before I head back to work is a back injury, broken arm or leg or worse; no thank-you! I am going to leave the high impact action to the young and brave of heart, besides I am more than happy to wait out their high octane antics from the comfort of a good day spa with a glass of delicious New Zealand wine in my hand. Have at it kids, I'm happy to find my own fun! 
This trip will be especially significant for Zoe because this trip is her 21st birthday gift - finally coming to fruition! It's one thing to give someone plane tickets and spending money as a gift, it's another thing altogether to finally get on to that flight and have the chance to spend that money overseas. So needless to say, the anticipation is high and the excitement has reached fever pitch.
We are all super excited to be going over to New Zealand as a family for what will probably be the last big overseas holiday that we all have together for quite some time. Zoe has overseas destinations that she wants to explore with her fiance and Craig and I have a few big ticket items to get done out here that will occupy our spending money for a while as well, so it's hard to say when we will have an opportunity as good as this again. In light of that, we are all heading to New Zealand with our sights set on having an absolutely marvellous time.
​So I bid you all a fond farewell as I depart the country for a spell, I will without a doubt have wonderful tales to tell upon my return.
Just like Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, I am going on an adventure! Perhaps my most favourite adventure of all time and I cannot wait!

THE FAVOURITE
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 121 mins 
An historical period drama/ black comedy directed by Yorgos Lanthimos and written by Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara. After winning the Grand Jury Prize at the 75th Venice International Film Festival where it had it's world premiere, The Favourite has since gone on to receive further critical acclaim, praise and accolades for it's screenplay, cinematography, music, costume design and the stellar performances of the three lead roles portrayed by Olivia Colman, Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz. 
In 1708 whilst Britain is at War with France, Queen Anne (Colman) sits on the throne entertaining eccentric behaviours and struggling with her unpredictable emotions and eating patterns. Sarah Churchill (Weisz) offers the Queen counsel, advise and comfort in many and varied ways, and has always held the Queen's attentions and affections. That is until her impoverish cousin Abigail Hill (Stone) arrives and seeks to gain the Queen's affections and adorations over Sarah. An unspoken and vicious competition commences as the two women vie for the Queen's favour. 
I adore Yorgos Lanthimos as a director, he always brings a fresh and raw perspective to his storytelling and The Favourite may be my favourite of his movies so far. This film looks lush in every way, and the constant excessive indulgences really drive home the dreadfully wasteful and revoltingly spoilt lifestyles of the British Aristocracy of that period perfectly.
The acting is flawless and the three leads have been perfectly cast and the story is delivered in a wickly interesting way. Olivia Colman is looking mighty good for a Best Actress Oscar here, and Weisz and Stone bring a very real threat to the Academy Awards in their terrific support roles as well. This is unmissable stuff, a truly amazing cinematic experience. 
FINAL SAY: As it turns out, I'm capable of much unpleasantness. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

That time has rolled around again, the time for me to collate all of my viewing efforts and put forward my recommendations for the best viewing choices of 2018. As I have mentioned before, quality television really dominated my time this year and I gave more 5 Chilli Pepper ratings to TV series than I gave to movies this year. To be honest, overall I do feel that the quality of movies this year was not as strong as it was in 2017, and I feel like I watched a lot more mediocre movies than I did last year as well, but sometimes that happens. 
In total I viewed 253 movies in 2018 and 133 TV series (some of which had several seasons). I have watched programs across every genre, and I can honestly say that there were excellent offerings in all of those genres in both movies and television. This year I am not going to list my least favorite viewings for 2018 because I have made myself a new years resolution to be more positive and to not focus on the negative things, so to list the worst things I saw in 2018 would be counterproductive to that resolution. Besides, as I have said before, even if I didn't love it, doesn't mean that someone else won't or that it is rubbish. At the end of the day, even the movies that we don't really enjoy have required a lot of time, money and effort to be produced; to shit on someone else's dream or vision is a pretty lousy thing to do, so I am choosing not to go there. 
I hope that you find something on these lists that you have not seen yet and can hopefully now explore. For full reviews of all of the recommended movies below, just go to the appropriate genre tab at the top of the page.
So without any further ado, here are my TOP MOVIE CHOICES (2018 release):  

• ROMA - Foreign 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Hereditary - Horror 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Beautiful Boy - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Isle of Dogs - Kid Friendly 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• BlacKkKlannsman  - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• A Star in Born - Romance 4 Chilli Peppers 
• The Tale - Gritty 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Paddington 2 - Kid Friendly 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Avengers: Infinity War -  Super 4 Chilli Peppers 
• The Ballad of Buster Scruggs - Art House 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Upgrade - Science Fiction/ Action 4 Chilli Peppers  
• John Leguizamo: Latin History for Morons - Documentary 4 Chilli Peppers 

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

• A Quiet Place - Sci-Fi/ Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Annihilation - Sci-Fi 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Black Panther - Super 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Ready Player One - Fantasy 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Breaker Upperers - Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Searching - Crime 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Game Night - Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Love, Simon - Romance 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Bohemian Rhapsody - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Blockers - Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

Here are my top recommendations for pre- 2018 releases that I didn't see until 2018: 

• Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Bright Star - Romance 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Wind River - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Good Time - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• The Shape of Water - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Coco - Kid Friendly 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Mudbound - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Call Me by Your Name  - Romance 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Ingrid Goes West - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Beasts of No Nation - Gritty 4 Chilli Peppers 
• The Tunnel - Foreign 4 Chilli Peppers 

BEST TELEVISION SERIES of 2018: 

• Master of None S2 - Comedy/ Drama 5 Chilli Peppers 
• One Strange Rock - Documentary 5 Chilli Peppers
• Atlanta S2 - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers
• Sharp Objects - Crime 5 Chilli Peppers
• Patrick Melrose - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers
• Kidding - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Who is America? - Comedy/ Documentary 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Here and Now - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Maniac - Sci-Fi 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events S2 - Fantasy/ Kid Friendly 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Mosaic - Crime 4 Chilli Peppers
• The End of the Fucking World S1 - Crime 4 Chilli Peppers
• Dirk Gently S2 - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers
• Barry S1 - Crime/ Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• AHS - Apocalypse - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Mr Inbetween - Crime 4 Chilli Peppers
• Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat - Documentary 4 Chilli Peppers
• Just Another Immigrant - Comedy  4 Chilli Peppers
• Mr Mercedes S1 - Crime  4 Chilli Peppers
• Wanderlust - Drama  4 Chilli Peppers
• The Miracle - Foreign  4 Chilli Peppers
• Anne with an E S2 - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

• Britannia S1 - Fantasy 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Ash vs Evil Dead S3 - Horror/ Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Swedish Dicks S2 - Comedy/ Crime 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Future Man - Sci-Fi/Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• GLOW S2 - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• The Detectorists S2 - Comedy/ Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Sabrina the Teenage Witch - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Wellington Paranormal - Horror/Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• The Kominsky Method - Drama/ Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers 

When people think of stalkers they think of famous people that are in the spotlight getting pursued by weirdos that send them creepy stuff like mutilated dolls in the mail or have creeps turning up at their houses in their underwear demanding a massage; but the truth about stalking is actually way more alarming and far more common than that.
It is only the celebrity stalkers that make it into the news, so we never really hear about all of the other stalking that goes on around us everyday. Turns out, that the real life everyday stalkers are actually very common and according to the National Centre for Victims of Crime statistics, one in 45 men and one in 12 women will be stalked by someone during their lifetime. How creepy is that? I bet you didn't know that there were that many people out in the world with stalker-ish qualities. I have to admit that I was pretty surprised when I read the statistics myself. So, obviously I wanted to know more about stalking, like why does a person stalk and how can you spot stalker behaviour before it gets out of control? 
From what I have read, a stalker's main objective is to induce fear which they try to incite through methods of harassment and intimidation. The official definition of a stalker is anyone that creates unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear, which means that stalkers can be intentional or unintentional in their actions. 75% of all stalkers personally know their victims, so if you do find yourself being stalked, odds are that you will know the perpetrator. 
Here are the seven types of stalkers to watch out for:
Domestic: A former spouse or paramour. This is the most prevalent type of stalking and can often manifest in the workplace. It also has the highest incident of putting  innocent bystanders at risk.
Lust: A serial predator that stalks victim after victim. Serial rapists and murderers often begin as lust stalkers. 
Love-Scorned: An acquaintance, coworker, neighbour etc. that desires an intimate relationship with the victim but is rebuffed.
Celebrity: Famous people stalker, aka. obsessive stranger. 
Political: A person who's stalking is motivated by their political beliefs.
Hit: A person hired to stalk and murder a person.
Revenge: An angry, aggrieved, resentful and vindictive person that is seeking payback.
Unfortunately, there is no reliable profile to predict who is likely to stalk. Some patterns have begun to emerge from research, and although these fall short of providing a reliable or conclusive checklist, what has been discovered so far is interesting to say the least. Clinical studies have discovered that a large percentage of stalkers are:

• Unemployed or under-employed
• In their late 30's to late 40's
• High school and/or college graduates
• More intelligent than other forms of criminals
• Mostly male
• Often delusional
• Sometimes narcissistic
• Usually antisocial 

Interestingly, in another study, most women said that they felt more afraid of being stalked by an unknown stranger than by someone that they knew. And I suppose that it is easier in some ways to see why an unknown predator would seem scarier, it makes them more unpredictable and mysterious. However, the truth is that the greatest danger of being stalked comes from the devil you know, not from the strangers, so don't get too complacent about odd behaviours in people that you already know. 
Some potentially stalking behaviours to pay attention to would include:

• Someone who has an unnecessary need to contact you but still does, their contact levels will be persistent and incessant. They will use calls, text, emails or even visit in person more often than you feel comfortable with. 
• Someone who seems clingy or keeps tabs on your goings on. They will always enquire about who you spend time with, where you are going and the details of your future plans. 
• Someone who knows more about you than you have told them. This means that they have enquired about you to other people or researched you through the people you know and your online profiles. 
• Someone who is socially awkward, says inappropriate things in large groups of people or is rude or mean to your friends. Many stalkers have these social traits. 
• Someone who cannot respect your personal boundaries and tries to contact you at inappropriate times, even after you've asked them not to. 
• Someone who drops in unannounced and hangs around when you don't want them to. 
• Someone that becomes aggressive, annoyed or intimidating when you try to set up personal boundaries or if you decline an invitation that they have initiated. 
• Someone that has left signs that they have been to your home, near your car, at your place of employment or on your social media accounts when you have not been there yourself. 

Above all else, if you do feel like you are being pursued or stalked by someone in any way then you really need to take action. Firstly, by telling the person clearly that you would like to be left alone, then by increasing your own personal security (eg. telling friends and family about the stalker, changing your phone number, getting your locks changed, adjusting your daily patterns, not being alone as much as possible) and then if your stalker still doesn't get the hint, then you need to alert the police.
Remember that stalkers are not emotionally stable people, and therefore you cannot rely on them to make the right decisions, so always protect yourself first and never approach them alone. Hopefully, you will never need to employ any of this information, but with many things of an insidious nature, prevention and early detection can be key. So, don't feel like you ever need to put up with being intimidated by someone who attempts to gain your attention and friendship through means of fear, harassment and aggression becasue that's called stalking and it's illegal. 

So many people have asked me if I think that a remake can be better than an original version of a movie, and my answer is always the same: 'Yes! Of course it can!' With movie technology continually improving, we can now enjoy advanced CGI effects and superior sound and visual experiences, which in short means that we can have a more immersive cinematic experience than we ever could have had before. However, that does not necessarily make the original version redundant or of lesser value and importance, because if I was also asked if remakes were always better the original versions, I would most definitely answer 'Hell No!' 
To this day I still watch a lot of classic movies, and by classic I mean movies from the 1930's to the 1970's. Movies from that time period didn't have a lot of options in the effects and sound department compared to today's standards, so they are often movies that relied on excellent acting and directing to deliver their stories. I have a stockpile of movies on my 'still need to see' list (which seems to be ever expanding and absolutely endless) and around 70% of them would fall into the classic film category. Most of them are very good, some of them are downright legendary and could not be improved upon by a remake, but some of them certainly could. 
To be better than the original movie, there needs to be an improvement on all fronts, and not just in the effects department, because if the storyline is thin then my attention is never held for very long by CGI effects and all of the other bells and whistles that filmmakers feel compelled to throw at movies. For me, there needs to be something fresh about a remake that warrants the movie being remade in the first place. The perspective needs to alter in some way or the story has to become enhanced or given more depth or meaning in a remake. The actors need to be every bit as good and preferably better than the original actors and the director needs to be an avid fan of the original in a way that forces them to keep the integrity of the original intact, in other words it needs to not feel like a director's ego trip, which has happened so many times in remakes. 
There have in fact been heaps of excellent remakes that are deserving of your time, even if you have seen and enjoyed the original version. 
Here is my list of the best movie remakes that I have experienced, in no particular order:
Romeo and Juliet -Baz Luhrmann perfectly remixed this Shakespearean classic by installing a couple of modern heart-throbs and infusing it with a funky fresh soundtrack, and it is slice of pure brilliance. 
Mad Max: Fury Road - I also really liked the original, but the heart-pounding, high octane, adrenaline rush action of the remake was just so damn good, oh and Tom Hardy was in it, definitely a bonus. 
The Jungle Book - Jon Favreau's version of this Rudyard Kipling's classic is a perfect example of how CGI can be used to enhance an experience. It is magical!
Dawn of the Dead - This comedy/ horror homage to George A. Romero from Zack Snyder is a brain eating spectacular, so much blood and tasteless humour! 
Blair Witch - I didn't really like The Blair Witch Project original, but I really got creeped out by the 2016 remake that was simply called Blair Witch. Kept me away from camping for years!
A Star is Born - remade four times, and finally they got it right! The onscreen chemistry  of Coops and Gaga and the modern musical score made this new take an old romance a real winner. 
Ghostbusters - The girls had a swing at it in 2016 and were every bit as good as the boys were in 1984, and they didn't try to 'remake' it so much as have another go at something similar and I enjoyed it a lot. 
The Ring - The 1998 Japanese version was still really good, but the 2002 Gore Verbinski English language remake had an expanded storyline and some extra creepy CGI visuals. The acting was seriously stepped up in this version as well. 
Bram Stoker's Dracula - Dracula has been done to death (pardon the pun) but when Francis Ford Coppola had a go, well it was just magic, finally something Stoker would've loved!
IT - Probably the best horror remake of all time, the effects and storyline have been fine tuned to perfection, unmissable remake material. 
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory -Tim Burton takes us on a delicious and disturbing romp into Willy Wonka's chocolate factory in this accurate realisation of Roald Dahl's classic tale that his own family were involved in creating.
King Kong - Peter Jackson's epic realisation of Skull Island and the tragic tale of Mighty Kong is by far the best version to see for all of it's impressive CGI effects and in depth story telling. 

Men's health is an extremely neglected issue, especially in countries like Australia where the term 'Man Up' or 'Don't be a Pussy' are the staple when it comes to male wellbeing. However, the truth is that the stoic, strong and silent male stereotype that Aussie males have happily hung their hats upon for decades has actually been incredibly damning for men.
Australia now has an alarmingly high suicide rate, and 75% of those suicides are men between the ages 15-44, which means that more men die of suicide every year than from road accidents. Suicide has now become the 10th highest cause of death among men, which means that it is an issue that we can no longer afford to ignore. Just today, 6 Australia men will take their own lives, and we desperately need to get to the bottom of what is going on and why this is happening. 
The men that are taking their own lives come from all walks of life, they live in rural areas and cities, they are young and old and they have diverse employment, socio-economic statuses and cultural backgrounds, but they do have one thing in common, and that is the inability to reach out and share their troubles with others. Turns out that the strong male stereotype is so well ingrained that most men say that they are concerned or even afraid to show their true feelings, their worries, their anxieties and their burdens with others, even their closest family members and friends. This inability to share tends to push vulnerable men into drug and alcohol abuse, gambling addictions or other unhealthy outlets to try and cope with their emotions. 
Essentially we have as a culture, disempowered our men to talk about themselves and their problems. Men are struggling to allow themselves to be vulnerable for fear of being singled out as weak; the pull to be an 'Aussie bloke' who can shoulder any responsibility has overridden men's ability to adopt introspection and let their guard down, and the results of this are just catastrophic.
So what can we do about it? First and foremostly, we have to acknowledge that what we are doing isn't working and that we need to make some serious changes to the way that we deal with men and their health and wellbeing issues. Organisation like Gotcha4Life and Movember are supporting programs directed specifically at men and agree that the approach needs to be different. Empowering and encouraging men to have deeper conversations about what is going on with them when they experience a crisis in their lives is the best place to start. We must make room for men to be in touch with the human parts of themselves, which means that they need the space to share, cry, mourn and feel weak from time to time without the fear of negative judgement.
We need to stop telling blokes to harden up or man up and we need to be better listeners and show support and understanding. We need to educate ourselves about men and their unique set of challenges and the heavy unspoken expectations that are placed upon them from an early age. These traditions of expectation have become so ingrained in Australian culture that it is going to take time to loosen the shackles of those constraints for men, but we have to start somewhere because male suicide is on the rise not the decline in Australia. 
So start right away, tell the men in your life how much they mean to you and take more time to just sit and talk with them when you can. Allow time for them to bond with other men recreationally, and encourage them to spend time alone with other men so that they can learn to open up and share their thoughts and feelings in 'safe mate' circle of friends. Support and normalise emotional releases and remember that it is all of our responsibilities to make men feel valued, heard and supported so that they can face the challenges of their lives with dignity. Help men to understand that it is not only okay to feel weak, it is absolutely necessary sometimes, and that being an emotionless robot isn't of service to anyone.
It is time for us all to wave goodbye to the stoic Aussie male stereotype that we have all been conditioned to accept and expect for generations, because we know that we can all do a shitload better than that for our men. And I implore all men to reach out and share, because we are all here and ready to hear you and support you, and never forget that it's all gonna be okay, help is never too far away and it's totally okay to seek it out if you should need it. 

I absolutely love podcasts. I have a number of shows in my podcast library on my phone that I regularly listen to. Just like the recent rise in accessible quality television, podcasts are fast following suit with a wider variety of entertaining shows becoming available daily and I have become pretty hooked on a number of them.
Cooking, cleaning, gardening or even exercising, I find that even the most menial  and mundane of tasks can be elevated to enjoyable if you have a good podcast to tune into whilst you are doing it, and I wanted to share some of my very favourite finds with you all. 
First and foremost I think that I need to list my fave movie/TV podcasts, because I do like to stay ahead of what is being released and what looks worthy of a trip to the cinema to see, and these podcasts are my go-to's on the subject of quality viewing:

• The EMPIRE Film Podcast
• WHO Magazine's TV Binge List 
• Man vs Movies
• Mad About Movies

Next are my 'Feel Good' podcast faves, which offer me motivation, inspiration and stimulation when I am feeling like I need a lift:

• Dear Sugars
• Something Amazing
• That's So Retrograde
• The Lively Show
• LET IT OUT
• Happier with Gretchen Rubin
• Mindfully
• The Chalene Show
• The Good People Effect

Here are my favourite 'Freak Me Out' podcasts, which can be supernatural, crime or just plain weird, but I do like a good freaky tale from time to time:

• Lore
• The Other Stories
• Something Scary 
• Unravel True Crime

And lastly, but certainly not least are my fave comedy podcasts because we all need a good laugh from time to time:

• My Dad Wrote a Porno
• Comedy of the Week - BBC Radio 4
• About Last Night
• Conan O'Brien Needs  a Friend

So there you have it, my favourite regular podcasts, I hope that you can find something inspiring to listen to yourself, and if you have any amazing recommendations please let me know.
Honestly, with you would think that I wouldn't have time to squeeze in any movies with all of the podcast listening that I do, but trust me, I still do!

And just like that, two weeks of holiday bliss has passed me by again. This time I got to do all of the things that I had set out to do at the beginning of the break. I read a novel, binge watched entire an TV series and saw some terrific movies, painted at the easel, went for a walk everyday, slept in, caught up with a some friends, chilled out with my kids, did yoga and meditation everyday, drank some good whiskey, replanted by garden beds and vegetable patch and just breathed in all of the fabulousness that a fortnight of respite can offer. For the first time ever, I did not run around, I did not make an extensive to do list, I did not chase anyone for a catch up; in fact I barely even left Enfield unless I absolutely had to, and it was one of the most peaceful breaks that I have enjoyed in some time. Above all else, I rested and I rebooted myself for the final and undoubtedly busiest term of the year which is probably the most important thing to do at this stage of the year. 
Finding grace and calm during the busier times of the year is always a challenge, so setting yourself up correctly at the launch pad is always a very wise choice. In 2007, Randy Pausch (a professor from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania who had terminal cancer) made a final lecture, entitled Last Lecture, about the most important lessons that he had learned in his life. The lecture became an internet sensation, inspiring millions of people around the globe and spawned an international best-selling book that would be interpreted into 35 languages. In his lecture Randy eloquently says, among many other pearls of wisdom,  "we cannot change the cards that we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
The most resilient and impressive leaders of our time have used this philosophy to stay the the course and to show courage in the face of adversity. The people that use the most challenging times of their lives as valuable teaching moments (for themselves or others) are the wisest and strongest people. And the bottom line is, that in the struggle, there is real growth. And even though I would love to swan around in downward facing dog and wander about the Enfield forest every other afternoon, that is not the only way that my soul is going to get fed. By avoiding all contact, challenge and confrontation I am not really stretching my boundaries as a person and I am not really fulfilling my potential to make a difference. The struggle is important, the struggle is valuable and the struggle is necessary. 
So raise a glass to challenge, welcome some adversity into your life. Don't let it make you furious, let it keep you curious. Like I said in my previous writings, it's all about turning straw into gold and finding the joy in all states of being. Yes, there is a time for rest and relaxation, but there is also a time for action and progress and I recognise that the time for me to pick up my tools and continue with the work at hand has arrived, and I feel like I am ready and recharged for the task ahead. This time, I welcome the return.

Mental wellness is something that most of us will struggle with at some point in our lives. Even the most seemingly 'put together' people have lapses into the world of imbalanced thought and mental challenge from time to time, they are just a lot better at hiding it from everyone. However, whatever walk of life you are from, whatever your background is, whatever your social standing is, you will inevitably, at some point, feel not so fantastic, wonder what the hell you are doing with your life and question whether you are operating at your best. 
It's completely normal to not feel 100% mentally balanced all of the time, hell some people lead very regular lives and feel mostly mentally unwell a lot of the time, it's just not something that a lot of people feel comfortable about proclaiming to the world, because no-one really wants to appear like they haven't got their shit together. However, letting pride dictate how we deal with our mental health issues is archaic and unproductive to societal wellness and we really need to strive to move away from that outdated and counterproductive mindset. We all really need to know, that it is totally okay to not feel okay all of the time. 
​As time rolls on and the methods of researching mental health improve, we are learning how to diagnose, treat and support each with our mental wellness; the old school shame and stigma that was attached to mental health is now being shed and people are feeling more comfortable to come forward, share their stories and be honest about how they are feeling, and in turn receive better support than they ever have been able to before. 
It is a brave new world when it comes to mental health. Gone are the days of closet depression and hidden anxieties as people are now learning to recognize and own their individual mental wellness levels. More people than ever before are seeking treatment and support and we are slowly but surely learning tolerance, detection, prevention and intervention that will definitely set us up for a brighter future together in the coming years.
And the real work surrounding mental wellness is something that we need to be vigilant about every day.  Each of us must make an effort to recognize the signs within ourselves that tell us when our levy has run dry or we have met our own personal limits. And those limits are unique for everyone, and we must respect that and support that understanding. We must become ninjas at recognizing when we are at the top of our game and when we may be feeling weak. When we are at our peak, we have an obligation to assist those that may be feeling weak, and when we are weak we need to feel safe and secure enough to seek support from the strong. We all owe it to each other to be tolerant, supportive and unwavering in our commitment to our own mental health and our support of the wellness of others. 
R U OK? Day is coming up on Thursday September 13th,  which is a national day dedicated to reminding us that we need to check in with each other and support each other with mental wellness. Don't forget to check in with your friends, family, work colleagues and community on that day, and every other day that you can when you are feeling strong enough to support the wellbeing of others. Mental health is the responsibility of us all and it's not something that we can ever afford to ignore. 

Last night I went to see BlacKkKlansman at the cinema, which I really enjoyed and felt was very 'of the moment' given the climate of racial tensions around the globe at the moment. The movie really got me thinking about how undeniably evident it is that we have such a long way to go when it comes to tolerance, equality and prejudice, and I feel really overwhelmed by the amount of hate that still exists in our so called civilised and evolved world. And all of that hate does pose some concerning questions around the true nature of how evolved we really are. 
I only recently discovered that it is frowned upon to use the term #alllivesmatter. I must have been living under a rock for the last 3 years, because I had always believed that it was a slogan associated with a person's respect for every living thing -  equally - every human, every animal and every plant - EVERYTHING LIVING! But apparently that hippy theory of mine is definitely not the case. 
To use or support #alllivesmatter is considered deeply offensive because white people have used it as a form of racial slander against the #blacklivesmatter campaign, which in turn created further tensions and stirred up more hate and fighting, and now there is no way that I can use that term in good conscience.
I am so naive about the whole topic that I literally had no idea that it was even racially linked! I genuinely do believe that all lives matter but I am definitely not going to use that term again because for one thing, I am white and for another, I am afraid that I will offend someone unintentionally if I do use it. I am most certainly not at a racist, and I would not like to be mistaken for one just because I ignorantly misused the term #alllivesmatter. 
​There is just no room in this world for all of the hate and all of the tension that is occurring on a daily basis. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from everyone pointing out how different we all are from each other all of the time, what we really should be working harder to do is to find more common ground. We are all more alike than we are unalike, and when it comes to this beautiful planet of ours we really are all on the same side. 
We need to unite and together we need to march for peace not power. We need to celebrate our differences and empower each other to love and most importantly to heal from a very fractured past. We need to learn to stand tall side by side, against tyranny and oppression, and find peaceful ways to move forwards together with our energies firmly invested on nurturing our planet...but we all know that we are not even close to achieving that goal right now. 
While our planet, the one place that we all share together and the one thing that we all have in common withers beneath our feet, we - the people of the globe, would still rather fight and disempower and hate and rape and pillage and steal and condemn; and honestly it just breaks my heart that we are still so damn disillusioned and blinded that we can't see how easy it would be to just love one another instead.
Call me a hippy, call me a dreamer and yes, I suppose that I am both of those things, but you cannot deny that the world would be a far better place to live if we could all just move forward together with a greater purpose. I would love to see that happen in my lifetime, but in reality I am happy to plan and work towards it happening in my grandchildren's; because like I said, we've got a long way to go and the work needs to start now. 

I adore music and just like movies and TV, I love music in all forms and all genres, with the exception of Country and Western and Scream-O, I just can't get into them, and I sincerely apologise to any die hard C & W  or S-O fans out there, but I have tried both and they are definitely not for me. However in saying that, I do respect that both of those music genres have a lot of avid fans. And I also strongly believe that any form of music that can transport you to another place or make you feel a certain way is a success on some level. Whether you like a certain style of music or not is irrelevant anyway, because music is an art form and it is not supposed to appeal to everyone's tastes, and like art is about finding a form that suits you and your personal taste the best. 
It is music's unfailing ability to create a mood, set a scene or transport you to another time that appeals to me the most. I have music compilations on Spotify for every mood and moment, from deep transcendental meditations to high energy dance music, and I regularly listen to them all.
The other day while I was perusing Pinterest I came across a list of 30 questions about music that was a lot of fun to complete. The list of questions had me rummaging about through my old CD collection and scrolling through my playlists and reminiscing about all of my favourite songs. I found myself downloading and listening to a heap of songs that I had long forgotten about, and because I had such a great time answering the questions on that list, then I thought that I should share it with you all so that you can have a go at answering them as well.
I would also like to note that it is a lot of fun to complete this list after you've had a couple of drinks, and it would probably be really good fun to complete with a friend and/or partner as well, but you can always just go solo as I did and still have a blast belting out your old favourite tunes.
So, without further ado, here is the list:
1. A song you like with a colour in the title.
2. A song you like with a number in it.
3. A song that reminds you of the summertime.
4. A song that reminds you of someone that you would rather forget about.
5. A song that needs to be played LOUD!
6. A song that makes you want to dance.
7. A song to drive to.
8. A song about drugs or alcohol.
9. A song that makes you happy.
10. A song that makes you sad.
11. A song that you never get tired of.
12. A song from your preteen years.
13. One of your favourite songs from the 80's.
14. A song that you would love to have played/ or played at your wedding.
15. A cover song that you love.
16. A classical song that you love.
17. A duet song that you would be willing to perform at karaoke.
18. A song from the year that you were born that you love.
19. A song that make you ponder life. 
20. A song that you want played at your funeral.
21. A favourite song with a person's name in the title.
22. A song that motivates you to get going or move on. 
23. A song that you think that everyone should listen to. 
24. A song that you love by an artist that has died.
25. A song by a band that you wish were still together.
26. A song that makes you think about falling in love.
27. A song that breaks your heart.
28. A song by an artist with a voice that you love.
29. A song from your childhood.
30. A song that you think best sums up who you are. 
There you go, hours of musical thinking, pondering and some deep emotional responses to get through on that list, and I still haven't even finished my own list completely yet, it's a work in progress.
If this list doesn't define some of your musical preferences for you, then I don't know if anything will, but anyway, just go and get lost in some musical memories for a few hours because it's just a really nice thing to do a rainy day. 

WHIPLASH
Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 107 mins 
Written and directed by Damien Chazelle, and based on his experiences in the Princeton High School Studio Band, this film took the cinematic world by surprise with it's gripping and inspiring story about an ambitious young drummer. J.K. Simmons won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his disturbing portrayal of the abusive teacher Fletcher, and the movie has since gone on to win a host of over 80 other film awards. 
When Andrew (Miles Teller) finally gets accepted into a prestigious jazz music academy for his drumming abilities, he thinks that his dreams have come true. However, he soon realises that his teacher, Professor Terence Fletcher (J.K. Simmons), is a tyrannical perfectionist that will push Andrew to his limits and beyond. 
There is such a raw intensity to this movie; watching the determination of  Andrew as he struggles with his emotional abuse in search of his artistic glory is pretty tough going. When it comes to Whiplash, it truly is a case of 'the agony and the ecstasy,' and with that heart thumping soundtrack racing along in the background all of the time, it keeps a dramatic and intense pace. 
FINAL SAY: Were you rushing or were you dragging? 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I hate to admit it, but I am secretly obsessed with finding out what Myers-Briggs personality type people are. I know that people say that the test is a certain amount of bullshit, but I find it really interesting to know what people come out as when they take the test. I do think that the test results make it a lot easier to understand how other people are perceiving the world around them, what makes them tick and how they will apply themselves to problems or team tasks. Call me naive, but I do think that there is something to the Myers Briggs test and most people do appear to suit their report results fairly well. 
As with all types of personality tests, there is never going to be any test that offers 100% accuracy. Some people will definitely get different results on different days, and I can see how mood could seriously affect the results in a personality test. Also if a person is neurotic or not able to own certain truths about themselves, that too could seriously alter the accuracy rates of this type of test.
So I guess what I am trying to say is, that although I do not believe that the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a definitive personality test to run your life by, I do believe that it is deeply interesting, and if you've not taken the test yet (or haven't in a long while) it is worth a revisit just for the fun of it. 
I have taken the test 4 times now, and every time I come out as an INFJ. I have had a ten year stretch between the first and the last time that I sat the test and it seems that I have not changed at all in that time, because I still got the same result. I am always:
Introverted
INtuitive
Feeling
Judging
The thing that I love to do the most with my results (because I clearly have nothing better to do with my time) is to type my personality type into google to see which famous characters have the same personality type as me. Kind of sad I know, but if you haven't already realized this by now, I am a huge pop culture fan, so of course I want to know who I am most like in my favourite TV shows and movies!
Here are some famous INFJ characters that share my personality type:
Galadriel (Lord of the Rings)
Remus Lupin (Harry Potter)
Daenerys Targaryen (GOT) 
Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)
Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)
Doctor Strange (Marvel) 
Groot (Guardians of the Galaxy) 
Elsa (Disney Princess) 
And in the real world, some famous INFJs include:
Gandhi
Kurt Cobain
Benedict Cumberbatch
Nicole Kidman
J K Rowling
Marilyn Manson
Al Pacino
Nelson Mandela
​Martin Luther King Jr.
But enough about me, you must be intrigued to know who you are most like by now yourself. You are literally only one google click away from total geekdom right now, and for that I do apologise! 

You think that you know people....but you never really do. We allow ourselves to believe that we know our family, our spouses and our friends pretty well because we like to think that we do, but the reality of that is actually quite different. When you spend a lot of a time with a person you like to think that you get a sense of who they are, what they believe in and what they stand for, but essentially we are all just compartmentalising people and putting them into pigeon holes that we feel comfortable with, and that does not necessarily portray who they really are at all. 
According to Nicholas Epley, author of "Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel and Want," you probably don't know anyone nearly as well as you think you do. And you may also have a poor idea of how they'd assess you. Essentially, we fundamentally view ourselves from a very different perspective than other people do because we have a ton of information about ourselves. Based on that, we understand ourselves far better than others, and we also make our assessment on others based on that inner understanding of ourselves; which is where the problem lies. We automatically assume that other people are wired like we are, which is of course so very far from the truth; just because you are looking at the same thing, doesn't mean that you are seeing the same thing, and that leads to a lot of misinterpretation and heartache. 
Trust me when I say that I have been seriously deceived by people in the past that I wrongly believed that I knew really well. I have been utterly flabbergasted by the things that people who I truly loved and cared about, people that I thought were part of my tribe, have been cruel enough to do and say without a second thought. People that I trusted and defended and fought to protect, people that I thought felt the same way about me, but it was all just an illusion of love, they never really cared for me at all, in fact they hated me and the worst part of all was that I didn't even know how much they hated me. I completely misread these people and made a wrong assessment about who they were and how they felt about me. 
I cannot tell you how damaged that misinterpretation has left me as a person. You don't ever get over a hurt that deep, not ever. And I have been forever changed by my past experiences in ways that I wish that I hadn't, because I really miss feeling like I can trust people and open up to them, but I will never be able to completely trust like that ever again now. When you love people with all of the love that you have to give and they hurt you so viciously, there is really no coming back from that. All that is left in their place now is a raging sense of injustice and a shattering awareness that you can never really know anyone, no matter how much you want to think that you do. Assuming that people are feeling the things that you want them to feel is the most foolhardy thing in the world to do and I never want to go through that in this lifetime again. 
Once bitten, twice shy they say, and I am now tremendously shy, perhaps to the point of paranoid, but I have certainly learned that there is a huge difference between knowing someone and thinking that you know someone, and I will not make that mistake or get too comfortable with anyone like that, ever again.

I have been so overwhelmed by the amount of television series that are being offered this year. As it is I have an outrageous backlog of movies to catch up on, but now it seems like I also have a never ending amount of television episodes to catch up on as well. There is not nearly enough hours in the day now for me to get around to seeing everything that I want to see, I would have to take all of my long service leave and then spend it with my arse bolted to the couch to get through the stuff that I have banked up on my 'to watch' lists, it's absolutely nuts! 
At the moment I have around ten TV series on the go, which is not really that unusual for me, but I have had up to a 15 or more going at one time this year and that is just freaking insane, not to mention unprecedented as well. It is very bloody difficult to watch any movies when you are constantly in catch up mode of all of your TV programs, and to make matters worse, I have been completely hoodwinked by a few 'not so good' TV series this year that have really let me down and wasted my precious viewing time. First world problems I know, but it is true and I really hate starting something and not finishing it, but this year I have had no choice but to abandon some real TV series stinkers. 

​For those of you that may be contemplating watching something on TV, can I please forewarn you of the following series that you should avoid at all costs:
Electric Dreams - had some good moments, but not nearly enough of them.
The Exorcist - I blame S2, it nearly gave me a bleed on the brain- pitiful!
Re-mind - Re-think would have been a better name.
The Walking Dead (S8) - enough already - please STAAAPPP!!
Lost in Space - Bloody lost me completely, yawn fest. 
Requiem - The name says it all.
Gunpowder - Don't be fooled by the lure of Kit Harrington, this went nowhere!
Picnic at Hanging Rock - the original movie shits all over this boring reboot. 

On a brighter note, there have been some unmissable moments as well, here are my faves from the year so far:
Mosaic - Steven Soderbergh does TV a big favour.
Britannia - Pagans and Romans and Druids - oh my!
The End of the Fucking World - kinda art house, definitely had a fresh perspective. 
Dirk Gently S2 - final season - boohoo!
Master of None S2 - keeps getting better!
Atlanta S2 - Good lord, amazing - not yet finished airing.
Handmaid's Tale S2 - okay not as good as S1 but still worthy - not yet finished airing. 
Peaky Blinders S4 - made up for a crappy S3.
Here and Now - welcome back Alan Ball, how I have missed you!
Ash vs Evil Dead S3 - mental horror fun.
Santa Clarita Diet S2 - surprisingly improved on the first season.
Love S3 - consistently great.
Barry - quirky dark comedy with Bill Hader, what's not to like?
Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events S2 - soooo good, even better than the first!
Swedish Dicks S2 - Ingmar and Axel rule! Love it!
One Strange Rock - Aronofsky does documentary and succeeds brilliantly!
Happy! - Utterly broken and yet still so damn entertaining. 

Hopefully you haven't succumbed to the unending amount of crap that is being rolled out on TV lately and wasted your precious viewing time as well. Perhaps my recommended list will offer you some relief and you can now begin to fill your time with worthy and noteworthy programming.
Anyway, on that note, I actually have a couple of shows that I need to catch up on, so I'll blog ya later, happy viewing!

The final days of summer are upon us, and though we should be enjoying the last days of light joyously, for many the reality of this time of the year is something altogether quite different. People are starting to show early signs of fatigue as the Christmas holiday period fades into the backgrounds of our lives once again. The daily 'grind' becomes the norm, temperatures are ridiculously inconsistent with very little sign of rain and the misty mornings of early autumn have already arrived. What is still alive in my vegetable garden is hanging limply, our water tank is bone dry and the gale force winds blow everything off our deck every other day. One can easily lose sight of the bigger picture at this point of the year; but not me!
March is always one of my most favourite months of the year. There is always something to celebrate on every, single, weekend in March. With the thought of autumn looming, people get super outdoorsy all over again in pursuit of their final days in the sun, which means that my events calendar is always chock-a-block. Add to that a long weekend, an upcoming Easter and for me, two weeks of school holidays and woohoo! You have got the making of one of the best months of the whole year. 
I really enjoy autumn as a season, especially out here in Enfield. Autumn out here means blackberry and apple picking and also mushroom foraging. Bush walking is at its best out here in the autumn, because there is far less risk of snakes and heat stroke. We always have plenty of water on the dam for the our resident ducks in the autumn time and the garden gets some much needed moisture from the heavens. The threat of bushfire is gone, and although the days get slightly shorter, you appreciate them all the more because you know that the days are also growing darker and that soon the sun will no longer hang around in the sky for many hours a day. 
March in Ballarat is particularly good I think. The Begonia Festival, The Golden Plains Arts Trail and White Night are all on and free to access; but there are also heaps of other things that I love about March as well, like the Academy Awards Ceremony (duh!), International Women's Day, World Harmony Day, Solitude Day and this year Good Friday and Easter Saturday as well. Loads to look forward to, and I get to have my birthday in there as well. Yep, for me March is one of the best months of the year, so it is without any sadness at all that I say farewell to another summer in my life and welcome a new season with much enthusiasm and excitement, because there are so many more wonderful days ahead to be enjoyed! 

MUDBOUND 
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 134 mins
An American period drama directed by Dee Rees and based on the novel of the same name by Hillary Jordan.  After premiering at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival, Mudbound was released on Netflix and deservingly earned four nominations at the 90th Academy Awards due its excellent depiction of rural American history.
Two men return to their poverty stricken farming homes in Mississippi after serving their country overseas during WW2. They struggle greatly to re-adjust to a rural lifestyle after the war, especially in a small town filled with racism and discrimination. 
Mudbound is an exceptionally powerful post-war movie. The storyline is completely believable, the cast is exceptionally strong and the struggles of the characters are deeply affecting. I was riveted for the entirety of this movie and was really impressed by the onscreen efforts of Carey Mulligan, Jason Mitchell, Mary J. Blige, Jonathan Banks and Garrett Hedlund. This film deserves to get a lot more attention, it is worth making the time to see it. 
FINAL SAY: I love them all equally. Every mother does. 
​4 Chilli Peppers ​

Celebrated the Chinese New Year (Year of the Dog) with Craig, Zoe, Seth, Helen and one of Seth's friends yesterday. We went over to the Gold Museum in Ballarat to see an exhibition entitled Awaken The Dragon, which boasted the oldest Chinese Dragon and Chinese Lion in the world amongst its displays, and since it is only in town until April, Chinese New Year seemed like the most appropriate and auspicious time to go and see the display. We then went out for a huge Chinese feast at a local Chinese restaurant, followed by Chinese movies and fortune cookies at Enfield. We watched The Mermaid and Big Trouble in Little China, which has become something of a cult classic in our home and is always watched with much cheering, hilarity and carry on every time we see it. I think I fell into bed around 1 am feeling very tired and satisfied with the day's celebrations, which was a welcomed distraction from going to the cinema for me at the moment. 
With less than a month until the 90th Academy Awards Ceremony, the cinemas in Ballarat are currently flooded with excellent, high quality movies. The downside of this is that we always get most of the Oscar nominated movies later than everyone else and pretty much all of them at the same time. This means that if you are serious about seeing the nominated films before the envelopes are opened on the night (like I am), then you have to be willing to go to the movies at least once a week beforehand. There are nine movies in the running for Best Motion Picture this year, and I have only made it to see five of them so far and I'm fairly certain that I won't make it to see all of them beforehand now. 
For those of you that are not familiar with the line up yet, these are the nominations for Best Motion Picture at this years Academy Awards:
The Shape of Water
Darkest Hour
Dunkirk
Phantom Thread
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Get Out
The Post
Call Me By Your Name
Lady Bird
Having not seen all of them, it is difficult to discern who will win, but I think either Three Billboards or Call Me By Your Name, but it is impossible to say for sure and I often disagree with the Academy's decision anyway. Regardless of the win, the nominated movies are always excellent and worthy watches and I will get around to seeing them all eventually, as I do with every other years nominated films as well. 
It is great to see that some fantasy, science fiction and horror/ thriller movies are getting nominated, however it is pretty safe to say that the Academy will always give the Best Picture award to a drama movie. People still don't really take fantasy, science fiction and horror/thriller genres that seriously, and I can understand why, a lot of it is total shit; but some of it is absolute gold as well and it often sadly gets overlooked. 
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King was the first fantasy movie to ever win the Best Motion Picture Oscar and no Science fiction movie has ever won it yet. The Silence of the Lambs was the first and only horror/thriller to win it in 1992, but since then, no horror movie has made it past a nomination. Pretty biased I think, but drama is more accessible for most people I suppose. Still though, I would die if they ever stopped making science fiction, fantasy or horror movies because they are three of my favourite genres to watch. 
Every year there is at least one movie that I find completely overrated that gets nominated for the Best Motion Picture Oscar that I think just isn't as good as the other nominations. So far this year, shockingly because I really wanted to love this movie, it is Lady Bird. Again, not a bad movie, but I do question its Oscar nomination when it was only a 3 Chilli Pepper movie for me. This is where the great injustices really come to the forefront for fantasy, horror and science fiction, because IT, A Ghost Story, Mother! and Blade Runner 2049 were all far better films than Lady Bird and yet they didn't even didn't get a look in. I really do think that the Academy needs an overhaul, but I know that millions of people have been saying this same thing for years now and nothing has ever changed, unfortunately, the dramas always get all of the attention. 

LADYBIRD
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 95 mins 
​A coming of age, indy drama, written and directed by Greta Gerwig, the only female director to have her film in the running for an Oscar in 2017. With a believable, original and witty dialogue, Lady Bird swings between amusing and awkward, revealing a strong and strange relationship between a strict mother and her flamboyant daughter. 
Self named Lady Bird (Saoirse Ronan) is navigating her way through her final year at high school, but trying to work out boys, friendships and which college to apply for is continually made all the more difficult under the watchful and scrutinizing eyes of her head strong mother (Laurie Metcalf). 
I really wanted to love this movie, and perhaps I would have if all of the humour wasn't revealed in the preview and everyone hadn't hyped it up so much. It is a good film, but it didn't feel all that original to me. I have seen a lot of coming of age movies now, and Lady Bird did not bring anything new to the table for me.
Ronan and Metcalf are terrific together and the acting is definitely a strength here, as is the witty realistic dialogue, but for an Oscar nominated movie, this fell short for me. Most of the writing is on the wall with this film, the character of Lady Bird is at times annoyingly pretentious and there are no real surprises. The overall outcomes were very predictable. 
FINAL SAY: I gave it to myself. It is given to me by me.
3 Chilli Peppers

There is an old Persian proverb that I often turn to during difficult or dark times in my life -Sunshine all of the time makes a desert.
I believe that this is quite true. It is not good to only have sunshine and for it to never rain; it is bad for the land and it is also bad for the soul. No one has ever grown as a person without experiencing some hardship, obstacle or difficulty. The good times are really only good times because we know what the bad times feel like and how difficult they are, thus making room for us to recognise and appreciate when the good stuff happens to us. 
Equally when there has been a lot of sunshine and a dark day arrives, we sometimes struggle to come to terms with the sudden change, and mostly we struggle to seek meaning from the content and to understand the lesson that is being presented. However, in all honesty, I believe that sometimes the learning to be garnered from those dark days is not exclusively ours to learn. Some dark days are not even really about us, they are more about the growth of others and we are just along for the ride; a rather shitty, rough and uncomfortable ride, but a ride nonetheless.
In my opinion, these lessons are often the hardest ones to accept and the most difficult ones to come to terms with, but life deals them out and we all get a go around once and awhile. Sometimes really shitty things happen to really lovely people and there is nothing that anyone can do about it, sometimes people get some karma that they probably didn't deserve and it seems totally unjust, and sometimes people really hurt or even destroy the ones that they love along the road to finding themselves. 
Through the lessons of others, we do inevitably grow somewhat ourselves as well, but it can be a lot more difficult to understand if we are merely the catalyst, the victim or the bystander in the way that things play out. In my life I have been all of those things - a catalyst, a victim and a bystander, on my own path and also through the lives of others. I know that no matter how seasoned that you think you are, the lessons don't get any easier along the way and that a lot of the time they don't seem to have any pattern, rhyme or reason, they just are. 
​Just like the cast of a production, we all get our chance to play different roles in this lifetime, sometimes we get to play the sunny hero and then other times we play the stormy villain; and unfortunately we have to really. If we didn't play all of the roles then we would only ever understand a small portion of life and its massive tapestry, we would lack emotional empathy and we would never be a truly complete person.
The rain must happen, but as I said, accepting the jagged little pills of life is never easy or pleasant and just like a cold rainy day in the Summer, it is both unexpected and unwelcome. My advice is to always remember to pack an umbrella and to be ready for a change at any time, because the changes will come. And when they do, they will arrive straight out of left field, right over yonder from a tiny grey cloud, right from where you haven't been looking at all.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of  droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror - 
The wide brown land for me. 
- extracted from My Country, a poem by Dorothea Mackellar. 

I am not insanely patriotic, but I must admit that I do genuinely love Australia. In spite of its faults and shortcomings, I feel like Australia has truly grown considerably as a nation and I always feel completely at home when I am in Australia. Sure we have some problems, I am not claiming that we are 'the perfect nation,' however, when you compare Australia to a lot of other countries, it is easy to see why we have been labelled The Lucky Country for so long. 
I have travelled and seen a lot of different places in the world, and I feel that I can say without a doubt, that Australia has some of the most diverse and beautiful landscapes in the world. I think that the land of Australia is second to none, we really do have it all here. As far as land bragging rights go, Australia has it in buckets.
Australia is actually the 6th largest country in the world and it's ocean territory in the third largest in the world, spanning three oceans and covering around 12 million square kilometres of water. 91% of Australia's landmass is covered in vegetation because even our desert landscapes are home to native plants. Australia is one of the most biodiverse countries in the world and is home to more than one million species of plants and animals, many of which cannot be found anywhere else in the world. About 85% of flowering plants, 84% percent of mammals, more than 45% percent of birds and 89% of inshore, freshwater fish are unique to Australia. We also have around 140 species of marsupials that are native to our country and we are best known for our exotic creatures like the kangaroo, koala, echidna, dingo, platypus, wallaby and wombat. 
We have one of the oldest indigenous cultures in the world, spanning over tens of thousands of years. The original custodians were inextricably linked to the land, its forms, its flora and its fauna. The knowledge and culture of our Indigenous Australians has shaped our nation; and through their understandings, all Australians now share a relationship with the natural environment. 
Australia is incredibly multicultural, in fact one in four of our 22 million people were actually born overseas. 46% of Australians have a parent that was born overseas and 20% of Australians speak a language other than English in their own home.  Since 1945 almost seven million people have migrated to Australia, and in spite of often being called a racist nation, in a recent poll 84% of Australians said that multiculturalism had vastly improved our country and 86% said that they are in support of all actions to tackle racism in our country. Thankfully, we now also have same sex marriage marriage, and overall I do believe that we are moving forward as a nation of inclusiveness.  
Melbourne, Victoria has been ranked the most liveable city in the world for seven years running in The Global Liveability ranks, which is determined by healthcare, education, stability, culture, environment and infrastructure. Although we are one of the most urbanised countries in the world, we are also one of the most coastal-dwelling populations, with over 80% of Australians living within 100 kilometres of the coast. 
Australia has become one of the most desired tourist destinations in the world for travellers and every year millions of tourists visit our shores to experience its beauty and diverse travel experiences. Our most desired travel locations are listed below, and it is easy to see why people want to have these experiences, they are all truly amazing places. 

• The Great Barrier Reef
• Uluru
• Sydney
• Daintree Rainforest
• The Whitsundays
• Melbourne
• Broome and the Kimberley
• The Great Ocean Road
• Margaret River Region
• Cradle Mountain
• Kakadu National Park
• Fraser Island
• South Australia Wine Regions
• Arnhem Land

On top of terrific travel opportunities, Australia is also renowned for it extensive art, music, sport, cuisine and culture. We have many successful actors, musicians, sportspersons, chefs, writers and artists that have enjoyed international acclaim - some of my personally favourite famous Aussies are Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Toni Collette, Albert Namatjira, Will Anderson, Chris Hemsworth, Paul Kelly, Mia Wasikowska, Michael Hutchence, Christos Tsiolkas, Geoffrey Rush, Joel Edgerton, Hugo Weaving, Tim Winton, Margot Robbie, David Wenham, Ben Mendelsohn, Sia, Barry Humphries, Peter Carey,  Jim Jefferies and Nick Cave. 
When you look at it all together, it is easy to see why I love Australia and why I am proud to call Australia home. We really do have bragging rights, we are a great nation, we have come a long way and we should be proud of that fact. Loving where you live makes life so much better and I am proud to say that I do love my sunburnt country, and that in Australia we really do have the best of everything. 

It's that time again, the time for me to unleash my viewing loves and loathes for the year of 2017. In total, I watched 279 movies and 62 TV series in 2017, so yeah, it is fair to say that I have a robust addiction to entertainment and that I have a fairly good idea of what is out there.
My biggest undertaking for the year was a rewatch of the entire Lost Series, 121 episodes in total, and although it took me the better part of the entire year to get through, it was worth the effort. Next to the Twin Peaks Reboot, Lost was the next biggest mind fuck of the year for me.
I must say that the bar raises every single year for me because movies and TV are constantly improving in quality and there is a never ending stream of excellent viewing to be had. That makes it a lot harder for me to discern the best,  but also a lot more enjoyable in the long run.
However, without further ado, here are my picks for the best and worst of 2017, my full reviews of these movies can be found on their corresponding genre lists. 
BEST MOVIES OF 2017:

• IT  - Horror  4.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Ghost Story - Art House 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Mother! - Challenging 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Blade Runner 2049 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baby Driver - Action 4 Chilli Peppers
• Dunkirk - War 4 Chilli Peppers
• Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers
• Logan - Super 4 Chilli Peppers
• Get Out - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Dark Song - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• T2 - Trainspotting - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Logan Lucky - Action/Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

BEST CATCH UP MOVIES OF 2017: (Movies released before 2017 that I finally saw in 2017)

• La Grande Bellezza (The Great Beauty) - Foreign 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Manchester by the Sea - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Moonlight - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Arrival - Science Fiction 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Nocturnal Animals  -Drama 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Hidden Figures - Drama 4  Chilli Peppers
• Moana - Kid Friendly 4  Chilli Peppers
• The Edge of Seventeen -Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• The Conjuring 2 - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Captain Fantastic - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Samson and Delilah - Gritty 4 Chilli Peppers
• The House of the Devil - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Mermaid - Foreign/ Fantasy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

WORST MOVIES OF 2017:

• Kong: Skull Island - Fantasy 2 Chilli Peppers
• The Great Wall - Action/ Fantasy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Ghost in the Shell - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Cure for Wellness - Horror 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Loving - Drama 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Valerian and the City of a 1,000 Planets - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baywatch - Comedy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Yoga Hosers  -Comedy 1 Chilli Pepper
• The Bye Bye Man  - Horror 0 Chilli Peppers
• The Greasy Strangler - Art House 0 Chilli Peppers

BEST TV SERIES 2017:

• Big Little Lies - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers
• The Handmaid's Tale - Drama/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• American Gods - Horror/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• Atlanta - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Godless - Western 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Game of Thrones S7  - Fantasy 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Stranger Things S2 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Twin Peaks Reboot - Art House 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Mozart in the Jungle - Drama 4 Chili Peppers 
• Alias Grace - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• AHS - Cult - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Peaky Blinders S4 - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Better Things - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• A-Typical - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Girls - Final Season - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Sinner - Mystery/Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers

As far as bad TV series go, well I was so busy watching really high quality TV that I managed to miss all of the shit this year, so I'm not even putting in a category for that. To be honest, I think that this year may have been one of the best of years for quality TV that I have ever known, which fills me with a lot of hope for 2018. 
Hopefully you will find something on my lists that you haven't seen yet and will now go and see on my recommendation. Also, you now know what to avoid like the plague if you should have the misfortune of coming across it.
I hope that the holiday period is being kind to you all, happy viewing!

IT
Release Date: 2017
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 135 mins 
A supernatural horror directed by Andy Muschietti and based on the highly successful 1986 novel of the same name by Stephen King. Clearly audiences are thirsting for excellent retro horror tales because IT swiftly became the highest grossing horror film of all time and the third highest grossing R rated movie of all time. 
It's 1988 in a small American town called Derry and something insidious is lurking in the sewers; an ancient evil that feeds on the fears of children and presents itself as a clown called Pennywise. Seemingly invisible to adults, Pennywise starts to abduct the children of Derry, and turns its sights on a tight group of friends called The Losers Club. 
With all of the terrific friendship dynamics  and comradery of The Goonies, Stranger Things and Stand By Me  and all of the creepiness of a James Wan horror, IT has a formula that works on so many levels. Not only is there a creepy as all shit clown torturing the children, but all of the adults in Derry seem to be rather unpleasant as well which adds another layer of turmoil to this already emotionally affecting tale. 
IT is most definitely the best horror movie to come out of 2017. The acting is on point, with Bill Skarsgard delivering one of the most memorably disturbing horror characters of all time in Pennywise. He is however exceptionally well supported by a young and fresh faced cast who are all bringing their A game here as well, with notable performances being delivered by Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Nicholas Hamilton and Jeremy Ray Taylor.
The visuals are certainly dark, dreadful and nightmarish; but the coming of age story that is playing in the background is not at all drowned out by the grim effects, which was really pleasing to see. IT is a true horror gem and a must see movie for fans of quality horror.
FINAL SAY: We all float down here. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

It is time. The time has come for me to farewell my current work colleagues and to prepare for the next league of my own personal journey. Much easier said than done that's for sure, but millions of other people have left work places that they have loved and they have all survived so it would be pretty stupid to think that I won't manage when I say my final goodbyes tomorrow. However, I would be lying to myself completely if I didn't acknowledge the lump in my throat and the tightness in my chest when I think about how fond I have become of some these said 'work colleagues' who are in fact so, so much more than merely work colleagues, they are really very dear friends and it is going to be gut wrenchingly difficult to actually say goodbye knowing that the end of the day will actually signal a farewell to my work relationship with them. 
I am preparing for a difficult and emotional day, it's going to big and tricky, but I have some plans to celebrate the greatness that I am leaving behind and enjoying every last moment with them all. I have been trying very hard to practise mindfulness at work over the last few weeks, so rather than thinking about anything ahead, I have been just languishing in the each and every given moment. It has given me some really interesting perspective and a lot more joy to just be in every moment and I plan to share those joyous findings with my lovely colleagues and friends tomorrow as I depart. There are some pretty terrific people at my work and I feel like it is my job to let them all know just how terrific that I think that they are before I miss my chance to. 
So here I am, only days aways from Christmas preparing for a massive change to happen in my life and feeling all of the mixed emotions that comes with that. And then there is the excitement of Christmas, the summer holidays and the restful days ahead to share with my loved ones. I am a flurry of emotions, a fountain of feels and a flood with fidgets, but most oddly of all is that I am all of those things in the very best of ways. 

The staff Christmas event was held last Friday night and I have to say right now, that I blame it on the boogie! I cannot remember the last time that I danced that much in one evening. Pretty fair to say that I had a terrific time and that I had also forgotten how damn good it feels to shake it all out on the dance floor. I must have been shaking it really hard though, because the next morning I had aches in places that I have clearly not used in a long while; let's just say that my hips weren't lying this weekend about the amount of shaking that they endured on Friday evening. 
Dancing is so rejuvenating, and I haven't really gone out and danced for a long time, I really think that I needed it. I always danced as a child and continued to do it passionately throughout primary and secondary school. I even took casual ballroom dancing classes as an adult for a few years in Ballarat; I don't really know why I ever gave it all up. I guess that it is just what we do, we let go of things over time, we get distracted and we just move on to something new and forget how much we really loved certain things until we get a taste of them again. 
For as long as I can recall I have always loved to dance and lose myself in the rhythm, but there aren't that many opportunities to do that in the adult world.  As a kid you can pretty much dance anywhere and it is not only socially acceptable but it is also pretty fricken adorable as well. As an adult, dancing around is about as far from adorable as one can get. People will either think that you're a looney, a lush, an exhibitionist or an idiot if you start busting out the moves everywhere you go. If you aren't taking a proper dance class or privately gyrating around your own living room, it is really only drunken swaggers at local clubs and bars that allow for adults to dance freely. Hmmmm, I think that I have just spotted a hole in the market here.
I don't actually need to be drunk to enjoy dancing, I really love to dance sobre just as much as I do when I am drunk, but there are not many chances to do that without looking weird or stupid. That is probably why I stopped dancing, because when adults dance around it is considered weird or stupid, unless you're drunk and then it is totally okay. How sad that we have to get all of our jumping around with our friends out of our systems when we are kids because we just can't do that when we're adults without being judged for it. I have to say that I loved my chance to shake it all out on Friday night and I find it really sad that I won't have a chance to do that with those terrific people for a very long time (if ever) again. I think I need to find an adult dance class that will accept old and not terribly good dancers into the fold because I think that I need more of that action in my life. 

Our sweet little bluebird has continued to visit us most mornings this week and the signs of a new spring are all around us. Lambs leap about in nearby fields, daffodils raise their sleepy heads out of the earth and the sun has started to deliver a substantial warmth. Daylight savings has begun which means that there is time to get a lot more things done outdoors in the evenings and our garden is beginning to look alive again with many spring blooms appearing all at once.
The various fruit trees that we received from my parents are looking amazing, bursting forth with various shades of pink and white blossom that adorn the landscape. With so many flowers there will surely also be much fruit to feast upon in the summer time, so a bountiful summer harvest seems likely. Cherries, peaches, apricots, nectarines, plums, figs and apples should all be on the menu, and judging by the blossoms, we will certainly be able to share our spoils around and also preserve for the cooler months. Well that's the plan anyway, but you know what they say about eggs and chickens. 
I have begun to hone my daily mindful meditations and visualisation practises and I have been astounded by how much of a really powerful tool it has been. I started with a couple of simple changes about two month ago and  found that it was very effective, so now I am going to try and move onto something a little bigger. This new idea will require a more consistent effort I think, at least 10 minutes at each end of the day of really focused visualisation, but I firmly believe in the process so I am going for it. 
I started making head way with my positive visualisations back in August this year, and I wrote a pretty long blog about my plans back then. Since then I have really taken control of my thinking and managed to introduce a couple of daily rituals to my health regimen that have made my life a lot nicer. I have also really beaten back my depressive and self destroying thoughts, which were really consuming me earlier in the year and I have a far better growth mindset now.
​I guess that I could confidently say that I feel far more empowered now and more willing to take on new opportunities than I was before, which has been the most positive transformation that I could have wished for to be honest. It is so refreshing to be heading into the brighter days of the year with a positive outlook.  For the first time in a long while, I don't feel burdened anymore, I feel happy and content, things are really coming together for me. 
If you haven't already got on the 'positive visualisation' train yet please do. Without wanting to sound like I am enlisting for a weird cult or have totally lost my mind, all I can do is assure you that you have all that you need to succeed within you right now and you just have to tap into it. Give it a go, you have nothing to lose, you could totally revolutionise your life, and it only takes a few minutes a day.

Rejoice! The spring school holidays have commenced, and not a moment too soon. There were many staff and students limping across the finish line on those final days of term that's for sure. After a term of inclement weather and widespread illness, the break really could not have arrived a moment sooner. At this point, I believe that everyone appears to need a cleansing rest period to reset their thinking and also their physical wellbeing and to really shake off the Winter blues. 
Unlike other holiday breaks where I have barely left myself with a minute to think, I have purposely given myself a really lazy and mostly free two week window to rest at home and totally recharge my batteries. It certainly appears that we are in for another massive and jam packed final term, so a recharge is imperative. However, I am remaining completely optimistic, because aside of the possible future challenges, term four also comes with loads of other terrific benefits that you don't get in the first three terms of the year; like Summer, graduation and all of the celebration and anticipation that arrives with the countdown to the silly season. 
So, this spring break I am planning to use my free time for self restoration, which will no doubt involve some extra long lunches, TV binges and sleep ins, as it should. Time to paint something, make something, draw something, read something and grow something - and that is my aim for the next two weeks.
And it is not selfish or overindulgent to take time out for yourself, it is wise and self preserving, and a lot of the time absolutely necessary for wellbeing. So I feel no guilt whatsoever when I say that  I am going to what I want to do, when I want to do it and I am not going to feel obliged to do anything over the next two weeks that doesn't interest me or that feels anything like work. My obligation switch has been flipped to the off position and I have no intentions of flipping it back on for the next forteen days. 

This weekend, between drinking too much alcohol and going to see the David LaChapelle photography exhibition, I had an extensive  colour consultation done to find out which colours suit me the best and enhance my natural colourings the most. Turns out, much to my surprise, that I am a 'Warm Summer' person, which basically has a colour palette that resembles the colours that you might see in The Mists of Avalon, really muted tones that have very little saturation and generally look like they have been a bit washed out.
This came as a massive surprise to me because a lot of my wardrobe is far from what I would call muted, so I have clearly not been dressing to my full potential when it comes to colour. Does that mean that I am going to toss out my entire wardrobe and start again? Good lord no! Not only do I not have the resources to do anything that drastic, but I really don't want to do that either because I actually like a lot of my very loud and bright clothes; but it has given me some food for thought and I will definitely be pulling out my 'Warm Summer' colour palette when I go clothes shopping from now on. 
When you are wearing things from your personal colour palette you just look healthier and have more of a glow about you. The wrong colours can make you look pasty, yellowish or even green; and certainly do not give you a glow but will instead make you look blotchy, puffy and generally unwell. Who knew that the colours that you wear could have such a huge affect on the way that you look? Believe me, I didn't, but after seeing a variety of very wrong colours on me compared to right ones, I can see how it does indeed make a huge difference. 
Some people may call it malarkey, but there is most definitely a science to colour and knowing which hues will make you pop is a very useful weapon to have in your arsenal. So as much as I love to rock out in monochromatic looks, turns out that they are most definitely not what I should be rocking out in at all; and my usual way of dressing may need a bit of an overhaul over the next twelve months. I do love a good purge, and this feels a lot like a an opportunity for reinvention! 

​​​SIDEWAYS
Release Date: 2004
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 126 mins 
Alexander Payne delivers the quintessential road trip 'buddy' movie with a mature, fresh and charming new spin, that I found absolutely delightful. Speckled with a good measure of humour, this tale of self realisation comes on like a good Pinot Noir and never flounders or feels forced in any way. This is truly unmissable, intelligent drama. 
Miles and Jack, two middle aged friends, embark on a road trip through California's wine country in a final hoo-rah before Jack gets married. 
Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church are at their absolute best here, in what is essentially a character study movie, where friendship and life truths are set beneath the microscope. Strong support is offered from Sandra Oh and Virginia Madsen, but at the end of the day, this film is all about the two men and their struggle to accept the realities of their own lives. 
FINAL SAY: If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot!
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Lately I have just been 'getting on' with things.
When I say 'getting on' I mean just getting things done without any fuss or carry on as much as I possibly can. I am not focusing on problems or inadequacies, and I am overlooking as much as I can in the name of 'getting on'. Now I know that may not sound like such a big deal, I mean I am hardly going to find myself being martyred for just 'getting on' with things am I? But I have recently become keenly aware of what I am saying and doing and I am resisting any urge to be petty, whiny or pathetic. This has all come about after I recently read an article about how pettiness has become a modern epidemic and a huge problem worldwide.
Pettiness! An epidemic! Yes, apparently it is true; and psychiatrists and psychologists all over the world are overrun with people that are either suffering from pettiness or that have fallen victim to the pettiness of others.
Apparently, people are blowing shit out of proportion more than they ever have before in history, and it has made people unable to self manage their emotions or deal with their problems without projecting them onto others. Basically, making mountains out of molehills and taking the mundane to epic proportions all in the name of one's own agenda has become so commonplace that people are turning on each other and are showing lowered levels of loyalty and tolerance to each other than ever before. How very, very sad indeed. 
And the worst part is that some people are actually seeing this petty behaviour as hilarious or amusing, people actually believe that it is funny to be rude, cold and even calculating about the way in which they express themselves or their discontent. And when confronted about the way that they have made their victims feel, these people show little to no remorse  for their behaviour either, they actually feel justified in their pettiness. These issues are being raised in therapy sessions more and more around the world and the cruelties of people and their petty, selfish, behaviours are apparently on the increase. 
It is (in some really troubled people's minds) seen as funny to give short, rude and curt responses to others and to even start arguments where there weren't any before. Pointing out people's shortcomings or problems is now the main of the day, and people are willing to stop at nothing to destroy other people, no matter how immature or petty it may be. What-the-fuck? What is wrong with the world? When did revenge become the 'go to' plan? What are we doing to each other? 
Anyway, I am most certainly not willing to join the ranks of the petty haters, and I am making a concerted effort to 'get on' with my own business, not meddle with the affairs of others and not look for problems where there are none. There are real problems out there in the world, finding more of them is really not helping us at all is it?
Do yourself a favour, drop the pettiness, be bigger, be better, be happy and be kind; it's actually harder to do than people think; but it feels so good to just let shit go. 

I've been looking back over the last twenty-something years of my life. Winter is a time that leaves a lot of room for extra contemplation and reflection, and even a little revelation in this case. Keeping a daily journal really helps you to identify some of the paths that you tread back over as time goes by and it also helps you to identify the patterns of behaviour in others that you may have been missing as well.
I have kept some form of a diary or journal for pretty much all of my life. I record things daily, almost anything really; goings on, conversations, trips, thoughts, ideas, trials and tribulations; my journals are very personal and also very extensive. On average, I would spend around 15-20 minutes every day writing in my journal, so as you would imagine, the content builds up quickly. I have volumes of the stuff, some of it from way, way back; and just the other day I had a flick back through some of the archives.
I was quite surprised, and perhaps even a little amused, to see that many of the feelings that I am having now, are almost identical to the ones that I was having around 20 odd years ago. And equally as interesting, is the insanely predictable patterns of behaviours that some people in my life have demonstrated over the years, I swear that you could you just about set your calendar to it, it's that consistent. 
I came to realise after reading those old scribblings of mine, that I have come full circle with a couple of the long term relationships that I had really invested in. It's like I left the platform for a new destination some twenty odd years ago with these people and then I re-arrived back at exactly the same place that I had began the journey from, all those years ago. Truth was, that I was never actually getting anywhere in those relationships, no matter what I did or how much I tried. Even though I thought I was progressing, I was never actually progressing at all, I was just looping back around, and I am honestly really pissed at myself for allowing myself to be hoodwinked all over again. 
How I missed all of the obvious signs that I was getting nowhere is so stupid, because hindsight is 20/20 and looking back at my journal notes, well, the signposts were most certainly there. I suppose that I just didn't want to see the painful truth, after all, no-one wants to believe that what they mistook for love was actually completely fake and disingenuous because that truth is just way too painful to stomach. So, I didn't see it, I was a fool, and I allowed myself to depart on a train that took me back to the start. Right back to the beginning where I was filled with a lack of faith and trust, but was willing to try again. How stupid and naive I was!
Over the years, some things in your life will change, some things will shift a little and then some things will stay exactly the same way that they have always been, and all you have to do is accept it. So I willingly accept it this time, these relationships are never going to change. No amount of time or investment will ever make them right, they are doomed to loop around to the start every single time. I was wasting my time, it was all a pointless exercise, and I can't believe that I ever let myself trust them again in the first place. 
So now I am finally free of it, free of the train of lies, judgements, false feelings and fake love. Free to board a new train, a better one with better people that won't make me feel like I don't matter, won't tell me I'm a bad person, won't betray my trust and won't waste my time for another twenty years looping around in circles desperately hoping to be accepted. They say that you should never chase anyone for love, affection or attention, because if it isn't given freely than it isn't worth having; and I have well and truly tired of the chase, I have learnt a lot from this experience and I will never ever chase again.