But alas! I am growing tired of playing out all of the tired and un-desired tropes with myself. I am growing very, very tired of constantly judging myself and being unkind to myself; and I am choosing to do things differently. I am motivated by being happy, I am moved by self love and kindness and I know that I am good person who deserves to be proud of myself and kinder to myself. Some of the thigs that I have said and done to myself over the years have been utterly unacceptable and refuse to beat myself up any longer. So here, on the precipice of my 50th birthday , I am making a move to choose better for myself. I am taking steps to mend my own fences, set my own boundaries and love myself for who I am today.
And to help me to do that, I have made a list of things that I am going to start doing for myself. Not because I want to change, but because I deserve to unshackle myself from the deeply unkind and relentlessly mean ways that I have treated myself in the past. I deserve to choose better for myself. So from here on, I choose to:
- Surround myself with people who are good for my mental health.
- Increase the time I spend doing self care practises.
- Talk respectfully about myself when I am speaking to other people.
- Listen to my body and give it what it needs before I worry about everyone else's needs.
- Stop feeling guilty when I do nice things for myself.
- Accept the ebb and flow of my feelings without needing to project them onto others.
- Set boundaries around how I let others speak and interact with me.
- Ask for help when I need it.
- Love and respect my body shape and stop being insecure about the way that I look.
- Accept that my past is a story of who I was and not who I am now.
- Eat well and sleep well.
- Forgive myself for all of the shitty things that I did while I was still under construction.
- Stop over-reacting or being over-complacent.
- Acknowledge my strengths and achievements.
It's time to choose better for me, I deserve it!
Release Date: 2022
Running Time: 102 mins
An autobiographical drama, written and directed by Charlotte Wells in her feature directorial debut. Aftersun premiered at the Cannes Film Festival in 2022 where it was nominated for the Golden Camera, and after receiving a BAFTA and Academy Award nomination, it was named one of the best films of 2022 by the National Board of Review.
Calum is a young father about to turn 31, he is travelling with his 11 year old daughter, Sophie. They are vacationing together in Turkey, staying at a low budget resort and discovering things about each other and themselves along the way.
Although Aftersun presents as a coming of age film, it is really about the gaps in generations and the times in our lives when we just 'don't seem to fit.' Sophie is a tween, struggling between being both too old and too young for so many things in life, and Calum, as a young single father, is as equally marooned as she is in social settings. Calum struggles with his depression that bubbles up from time to time, and he valiantly attempts to styme those feelings with his multitude of self help techniques and escapisms. Sophie, although young, is often in a role of support or tolerance and the whole film plays out with a melancholic reverence that is every bit as prickly as the feeling of after-sun upon the skin itself.
I loved the glimpses of Sophie in the future, turning 31 herself and reflecting on her time with her young father, and I found the entire film profoundly affecting and deeply moving. Paul Mescal is incredibly good as Calum and Celia Rowlson-Hall beautifully delivers all of the nuance and sensitivity of Sophie with a wisdom that is well beyond her years. Aftersun is definitely a film not to be missed.
FINAL SAY: I think it's nice that we share the same sky.
4.5 Chilli Peppers