The final days of summer are upon us, and though we should be enjoying the last days of light joyously, for many the reality of this time of the year is something altogether quite different. People are starting to show early signs of fatigue as the Christmas holiday period fades into the backgrounds of our lives once again. The daily 'grind' becomes the norm, temperatures are ridiculously inconsistent with very little sign of rain and the misty mornings of early autumn have already arrived. What is still alive in my vegetable garden is hanging limply, our water tank is bone dry and the gale force winds blow everything off our deck every other day. One can easily lose sight of the bigger picture at this point of the year; but not me!
March is always one of my most favourite months of the year. There is always something to celebrate on every, single, weekend in March. With the thought of autumn looming, people get super outdoorsy all over again in pursuit of their final days in the sun, which means that my events calendar is always chock-a-block. Add to that a long weekend, an upcoming Easter and for me, two weeks of school holidays and woohoo! You have got the making of one of the best months of the whole year. 
I really enjoy autumn as a season, especially out here in Enfield. Autumn out here means blackberry and apple picking and also mushroom foraging. Bush walking is at its best out here in the autumn, because there is far less risk of snakes and heat stroke. We always have plenty of water on the dam for the our resident ducks in the autumn time and the garden gets some much needed moisture from the heavens. The threat of bushfire is gone, and although the days get slightly shorter, you appreciate them all the more because you know that the days are also growing darker and that soon the sun will no longer hang around in the sky for many hours a day. 
March in Ballarat is particularly good I think. The Begonia Festival, The Golden Plains Arts Trail and White Night are all on and free to access; but there are also heaps of other things that I love about March as well, like the Academy Awards Ceremony (duh!), International Women's Day, World Harmony Day, Solitude Day and this year Good Friday and Easter Saturday as well. Loads to look forward to, and I get to have my birthday in there as well. Yep, for me March is one of the best months of the year, so it is without any sadness at all that I say farewell to another summer in my life and welcome a new season with much enthusiasm and excitement, because there are so many more wonderful days ahead to be enjoyed! 

MUDBOUND 
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 134 mins
An American period drama directed by Dee Rees and based on the novel of the same name by Hillary Jordan.  After premiering at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival, Mudbound was released on Netflix and deservingly earned four nominations at the 90th Academy Awards due its excellent depiction of rural American history.
Two men return to their poverty stricken farming homes in Mississippi after serving their country overseas during WW2. They struggle greatly to re-adjust to a rural lifestyle after the war, especially in a small town filled with racism and discrimination. 
Mudbound is an exceptionally powerful post-war movie. The storyline is completely believable, the cast is exceptionally strong and the struggles of the characters are deeply affecting. I was riveted for the entirety of this movie and was really impressed by the onscreen efforts of Carey Mulligan, Jason Mitchell, Mary J. Blige, Jonathan Banks and Garrett Hedlund. This film deserves to get a lot more attention, it is worth making the time to see it. 
FINAL SAY: I love them all equally. Every mother does. 
​4 Chilli Peppers ​

Celebrated the Chinese New Year (Year of the Dog) with Craig, Zoe, Seth, Helen and one of Seth's friends yesterday. We went over to the Gold Museum in Ballarat to see an exhibition entitled Awaken The Dragon, which boasted the oldest Chinese Dragon and Chinese Lion in the world amongst its displays, and since it is only in town until April, Chinese New Year seemed like the most appropriate and auspicious time to go and see the display. We then went out for a huge Chinese feast at a local Chinese restaurant, followed by Chinese movies and fortune cookies at Enfield. We watched The Mermaid and Big Trouble in Little China, which has become something of a cult classic in our home and is always watched with much cheering, hilarity and carry on every time we see it. I think I fell into bed around 1 am feeling very tired and satisfied with the day's celebrations, which was a welcomed distraction from going to the cinema for me at the moment. 
With less than a month until the 90th Academy Awards Ceremony, the cinemas in Ballarat are currently flooded with excellent, high quality movies. The downside of this is that we always get most of the Oscar nominated movies later than everyone else and pretty much all of them at the same time. This means that if you are serious about seeing the nominated films before the envelopes are opened on the night (like I am), then you have to be willing to go to the movies at least once a week beforehand. There are nine movies in the running for Best Motion Picture this year, and I have only made it to see five of them so far and I'm fairly certain that I won't make it to see all of them beforehand now. 
For those of you that are not familiar with the line up yet, these are the nominations for Best Motion Picture at this years Academy Awards:
The Shape of Water
Darkest Hour
Dunkirk
Phantom Thread
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Get Out
The Post
Call Me By Your Name
Lady Bird
Having not seen all of them, it is difficult to discern who will win, but I think either Three Billboards or Call Me By Your Name, but it is impossible to say for sure and I often disagree with the Academy's decision anyway. Regardless of the win, the nominated movies are always excellent and worthy watches and I will get around to seeing them all eventually, as I do with every other years nominated films as well. 
It is great to see that some fantasy, science fiction and horror/ thriller movies are getting nominated, however it is pretty safe to say that the Academy will always give the Best Picture award to a drama movie. People still don't really take fantasy, science fiction and horror/thriller genres that seriously, and I can understand why, a lot of it is total shit; but some of it is absolute gold as well and it often sadly gets overlooked. 
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King was the first fantasy movie to ever win the Best Motion Picture Oscar and no Science fiction movie has ever won it yet. The Silence of the Lambs was the first and only horror/thriller to win it in 1992, but since then, no horror movie has made it past a nomination. Pretty biased I think, but drama is more accessible for most people I suppose. Still though, I would die if they ever stopped making science fiction, fantasy or horror movies because they are three of my favourite genres to watch. 
Every year there is at least one movie that I find completely overrated that gets nominated for the Best Motion Picture Oscar that I think just isn't as good as the other nominations. So far this year, shockingly because I really wanted to love this movie, it is Lady Bird. Again, not a bad movie, but I do question its Oscar nomination when it was only a 3 Chilli Pepper movie for me. This is where the great injustices really come to the forefront for fantasy, horror and science fiction, because IT, A Ghost Story, Mother! and Blade Runner 2049 were all far better films than Lady Bird and yet they didn't even didn't get a look in. I really do think that the Academy needs an overhaul, but I know that millions of people have been saying this same thing for years now and nothing has ever changed, unfortunately, the dramas always get all of the attention. 

LADYBIRD
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 95 mins 
​A coming of age, indy drama, written and directed by Greta Gerwig, the only female director to have her film in the running for an Oscar in 2017. With a believable, original and witty dialogue, Lady Bird swings between amusing and awkward, revealing a strong and strange relationship between a strict mother and her flamboyant daughter. 
Self named Lady Bird (Saoirse Ronan) is navigating her way through her final year at high school, but trying to work out boys, friendships and which college to apply for is continually made all the more difficult under the watchful and scrutinizing eyes of her head strong mother (Laurie Metcalf). 
I really wanted to love this movie, and perhaps I would have if all of the humour wasn't revealed in the preview and everyone hadn't hyped it up so much. It is a good film, but it didn't feel all that original to me. I have seen a lot of coming of age movies now, and Lady Bird did not bring anything new to the table for me.
Ronan and Metcalf are terrific together and the acting is definitely a strength here, as is the witty realistic dialogue, but for an Oscar nominated movie, this fell short for me. Most of the writing is on the wall with this film, the character of Lady Bird is at times annoyingly pretentious and there are no real surprises. The overall outcomes were very predictable. 
FINAL SAY: I gave it to myself. It is given to me by me.
3 Chilli Peppers

There is an old Persian proverb that I often turn to during difficult or dark times in my life -Sunshine all of the time makes a desert.
I believe that this is quite true. It is not good to only have sunshine and for it to never rain; it is bad for the land and it is also bad for the soul. No one has ever grown as a person without experiencing some hardship, obstacle or difficulty. The good times are really only good times because we know what the bad times feel like and how difficult they are, thus making room for us to recognise and appreciate when the good stuff happens to us. 
Equally when there has been a lot of sunshine and a dark day arrives, we sometimes struggle to come to terms with the sudden change, and mostly we struggle to seek meaning from the content and to understand the lesson that is being presented. However, in all honesty, I believe that sometimes the learning to be garnered from those dark days is not exclusively ours to learn. Some dark days are not even really about us, they are more about the growth of others and we are just along for the ride; a rather shitty, rough and uncomfortable ride, but a ride nonetheless.
In my opinion, these lessons are often the hardest ones to accept and the most difficult ones to come to terms with, but life deals them out and we all get a go around once and awhile. Sometimes really shitty things happen to really lovely people and there is nothing that anyone can do about it, sometimes people get some karma that they probably didn't deserve and it seems totally unjust, and sometimes people really hurt or even destroy the ones that they love along the road to finding themselves. 
Through the lessons of others, we do inevitably grow somewhat ourselves as well, but it can be a lot more difficult to understand if we are merely the catalyst, the victim or the bystander in the way that things play out. In my life I have been all of those things - a catalyst, a victim and a bystander, on my own path and also through the lives of others. I know that no matter how seasoned that you think you are, the lessons don't get any easier along the way and that a lot of the time they don't seem to have any pattern, rhyme or reason, they just are. 
​Just like the cast of a production, we all get our chance to play different roles in this lifetime, sometimes we get to play the sunny hero and then other times we play the stormy villain; and unfortunately we have to really. If we didn't play all of the roles then we would only ever understand a small portion of life and its massive tapestry, we would lack emotional empathy and we would never be a truly complete person.
The rain must happen, but as I said, accepting the jagged little pills of life is never easy or pleasant and just like a cold rainy day in the Summer, it is both unexpected and unwelcome. My advice is to always remember to pack an umbrella and to be ready for a change at any time, because the changes will come. And when they do, they will arrive straight out of left field, right over yonder from a tiny grey cloud, right from where you haven't been looking at all.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of  droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror - 
The wide brown land for me. 
- extracted from My Country, a poem by Dorothea Mackellar. 

I am not insanely patriotic, but I must admit that I do genuinely love Australia. In spite of its faults and shortcomings, I feel like Australia has truly grown considerably as a nation and I always feel completely at home when I am in Australia. Sure we have some problems, I am not claiming that we are 'the perfect nation,' however, when you compare Australia to a lot of other countries, it is easy to see why we have been labelled The Lucky Country for so long. 
I have travelled and seen a lot of different places in the world, and I feel that I can say without a doubt, that Australia has some of the most diverse and beautiful landscapes in the world. I think that the land of Australia is second to none, we really do have it all here. As far as land bragging rights go, Australia has it in buckets.
Australia is actually the 6th largest country in the world and it's ocean territory in the third largest in the world, spanning three oceans and covering around 12 million square kilometres of water. 91% of Australia's landmass is covered in vegetation because even our desert landscapes are home to native plants. Australia is one of the most biodiverse countries in the world and is home to more than one million species of plants and animals, many of which cannot be found anywhere else in the world. About 85% of flowering plants, 84% percent of mammals, more than 45% percent of birds and 89% of inshore, freshwater fish are unique to Australia. We also have around 140 species of marsupials that are native to our country and we are best known for our exotic creatures like the kangaroo, koala, echidna, dingo, platypus, wallaby and wombat. 
We have one of the oldest indigenous cultures in the world, spanning over tens of thousands of years. The original custodians were inextricably linked to the land, its forms, its flora and its fauna. The knowledge and culture of our Indigenous Australians has shaped our nation; and through their understandings, all Australians now share a relationship with the natural environment. 
Australia is incredibly multicultural, in fact one in four of our 22 million people were actually born overseas. 46% of Australians have a parent that was born overseas and 20% of Australians speak a language other than English in their own home.  Since 1945 almost seven million people have migrated to Australia, and in spite of often being called a racist nation, in a recent poll 84% of Australians said that multiculturalism had vastly improved our country and 86% said that they are in support of all actions to tackle racism in our country. Thankfully, we now also have same sex marriage marriage, and overall I do believe that we are moving forward as a nation of inclusiveness.  
Melbourne, Victoria has been ranked the most liveable city in the world for seven years running in The Global Liveability ranks, which is determined by healthcare, education, stability, culture, environment and infrastructure. Although we are one of the most urbanised countries in the world, we are also one of the most coastal-dwelling populations, with over 80% of Australians living within 100 kilometres of the coast. 
Australia has become one of the most desired tourist destinations in the world for travellers and every year millions of tourists visit our shores to experience its beauty and diverse travel experiences. Our most desired travel locations are listed below, and it is easy to see why people want to have these experiences, they are all truly amazing places. 

• The Great Barrier Reef
• Uluru
• Sydney
• Daintree Rainforest
• The Whitsundays
• Melbourne
• Broome and the Kimberley
• The Great Ocean Road
• Margaret River Region
• Cradle Mountain
• Kakadu National Park
• Fraser Island
• South Australia Wine Regions
• Arnhem Land

On top of terrific travel opportunities, Australia is also renowned for it extensive art, music, sport, cuisine and culture. We have many successful actors, musicians, sportspersons, chefs, writers and artists that have enjoyed international acclaim - some of my personally favourite famous Aussies are Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Toni Collette, Albert Namatjira, Will Anderson, Chris Hemsworth, Paul Kelly, Mia Wasikowska, Michael Hutchence, Christos Tsiolkas, Geoffrey Rush, Joel Edgerton, Hugo Weaving, Tim Winton, Margot Robbie, David Wenham, Ben Mendelsohn, Sia, Barry Humphries, Peter Carey,  Jim Jefferies and Nick Cave. 
When you look at it all together, it is easy to see why I love Australia and why I am proud to call Australia home. We really do have bragging rights, we are a great nation, we have come a long way and we should be proud of that fact. Loving where you live makes life so much better and I am proud to say that I do love my sunburnt country, and that in Australia we really do have the best of everything. 

It's that time again, the time for me to unleash my viewing loves and loathes for the year of 2017. In total, I watched 279 movies and 62 TV series in 2017, so yeah, it is fair to say that I have a robust addiction to entertainment and that I have a fairly good idea of what is out there.
My biggest undertaking for the year was a rewatch of the entire Lost Series, 121 episodes in total, and although it took me the better part of the entire year to get through, it was worth the effort. Next to the Twin Peaks Reboot, Lost was the next biggest mind fuck of the year for me.
I must say that the bar raises every single year for me because movies and TV are constantly improving in quality and there is a never ending stream of excellent viewing to be had. That makes it a lot harder for me to discern the best,  but also a lot more enjoyable in the long run.
However, without further ado, here are my picks for the best and worst of 2017, my full reviews of these movies can be found on their corresponding genre lists. 
BEST MOVIES OF 2017:

• IT  - Horror  4.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Ghost Story - Art House 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Mother! - Challenging 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Blade Runner 2049 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baby Driver - Action 4 Chilli Peppers
• Dunkirk - War 4 Chilli Peppers
• Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers
• Logan - Super 4 Chilli Peppers
• Get Out - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Dark Song - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• T2 - Trainspotting - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Logan Lucky - Action/Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

BEST CATCH UP MOVIES OF 2017: (Movies released before 2017 that I finally saw in 2017)

• La Grande Bellezza (The Great Beauty) - Foreign 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Manchester by the Sea - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Moonlight - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Arrival - Science Fiction 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Nocturnal Animals  -Drama 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Hidden Figures - Drama 4  Chilli Peppers
• Moana - Kid Friendly 4  Chilli Peppers
• The Edge of Seventeen -Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• The Conjuring 2 - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Captain Fantastic - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Samson and Delilah - Gritty 4 Chilli Peppers
• The House of the Devil - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Mermaid - Foreign/ Fantasy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

WORST MOVIES OF 2017:

• Kong: Skull Island - Fantasy 2 Chilli Peppers
• The Great Wall - Action/ Fantasy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Ghost in the Shell - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Cure for Wellness - Horror 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Loving - Drama 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Valerian and the City of a 1,000 Planets - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baywatch - Comedy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Yoga Hosers  -Comedy 1 Chilli Pepper
• The Bye Bye Man  - Horror 0 Chilli Peppers
• The Greasy Strangler - Art House 0 Chilli Peppers

BEST TV SERIES 2017:

• Big Little Lies - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers
• The Handmaid's Tale - Drama/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• American Gods - Horror/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• Atlanta - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Godless - Western 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Game of Thrones S7  - Fantasy 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Stranger Things S2 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Twin Peaks Reboot - Art House 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Mozart in the Jungle - Drama 4 Chili Peppers 
• Alias Grace - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• AHS - Cult - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Peaky Blinders S4 - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Better Things - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• A-Typical - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Girls - Final Season - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Sinner - Mystery/Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers

As far as bad TV series go, well I was so busy watching really high quality TV that I managed to miss all of the shit this year, so I'm not even putting in a category for that. To be honest, I think that this year may have been one of the best of years for quality TV that I have ever known, which fills me with a lot of hope for 2018. 
Hopefully you will find something on my lists that you haven't seen yet and will now go and see on my recommendation. Also, you now know what to avoid like the plague if you should have the misfortune of coming across it.
I hope that the holiday period is being kind to you all, happy viewing!

IT
Release Date: 2017
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 135 mins 
A supernatural horror directed by Andy Muschietti and based on the highly successful 1986 novel of the same name by Stephen King. Clearly audiences are thirsting for excellent retro horror tales because IT swiftly became the highest grossing horror film of all time and the third highest grossing R rated movie of all time. 
It's 1988 in a small American town called Derry and something insidious is lurking in the sewers; an ancient evil that feeds on the fears of children and presents itself as a clown called Pennywise. Seemingly invisible to adults, Pennywise starts to abduct the children of Derry, and turns its sights on a tight group of friends called The Losers Club. 
With all of the terrific friendship dynamics  and comradery of The Goonies, Stranger Things and Stand By Me  and all of the creepiness of a James Wan horror, IT has a formula that works on so many levels. Not only is there a creepy as all shit clown torturing the children, but all of the adults in Derry seem to be rather unpleasant as well which adds another layer of turmoil to this already emotionally affecting tale. 
IT is most definitely the best horror movie to come out of 2017. The acting is on point, with Bill Skarsgard delivering one of the most memorably disturbing horror characters of all time in Pennywise. He is however exceptionally well supported by a young and fresh faced cast who are all bringing their A game here as well, with notable performances being delivered by Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Nicholas Hamilton and Jeremy Ray Taylor.
The visuals are certainly dark, dreadful and nightmarish; but the coming of age story that is playing in the background is not at all drowned out by the grim effects, which was really pleasing to see. IT is a true horror gem and a must see movie for fans of quality horror.
FINAL SAY: We all float down here. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

It is time. The time has come for me to farewell my current work colleagues and to prepare for the next league of my own personal journey. Much easier said than done that's for sure, but millions of other people have left work places that they have loved and they have all survived so it would be pretty stupid to think that I won't manage when I say my final goodbyes tomorrow. However, I would be lying to myself completely if I didn't acknowledge the lump in my throat and the tightness in my chest when I think about how fond I have become of some these said 'work colleagues' who are in fact so, so much more than merely work colleagues, they are really very dear friends and it is going to be gut wrenchingly difficult to actually say goodbye knowing that the end of the day will actually signal a farewell to my work relationship with them. 
I am preparing for a difficult and emotional day, it's going to big and tricky, but I have some plans to celebrate the greatness that I am leaving behind and enjoying every last moment with them all. I have been trying very hard to practise mindfulness at work over the last few weeks, so rather than thinking about anything ahead, I have been just languishing in the each and every given moment. It has given me some really interesting perspective and a lot more joy to just be in every moment and I plan to share those joyous findings with my lovely colleagues and friends tomorrow as I depart. There are some pretty terrific people at my work and I feel like it is my job to let them all know just how terrific that I think that they are before I miss my chance to. 
So here I am, only days aways from Christmas preparing for a massive change to happen in my life and feeling all of the mixed emotions that comes with that. And then there is the excitement of Christmas, the summer holidays and the restful days ahead to share with my loved ones. I am a flurry of emotions, a fountain of feels and a flood with fidgets, but most oddly of all is that I am all of those things in the very best of ways. 

The staff Christmas event was held last Friday night and I have to say right now, that I blame it on the boogie! I cannot remember the last time that I danced that much in one evening. Pretty fair to say that I had a terrific time and that I had also forgotten how damn good it feels to shake it all out on the dance floor. I must have been shaking it really hard though, because the next morning I had aches in places that I have clearly not used in a long while; let's just say that my hips weren't lying this weekend about the amount of shaking that they endured on Friday evening. 
Dancing is so rejuvenating, and I haven't really gone out and danced for a long time, I really think that I needed it. I always danced as a child and continued to do it passionately throughout primary and secondary school. I even took casual ballroom dancing classes as an adult for a few years in Ballarat; I don't really know why I ever gave it all up. I guess that it is just what we do, we let go of things over time, we get distracted and we just move on to something new and forget how much we really loved certain things until we get a taste of them again. 
For as long as I can recall I have always loved to dance and lose myself in the rhythm, but there aren't that many opportunities to do that in the adult world.  As a kid you can pretty much dance anywhere and it is not only socially acceptable but it is also pretty fricken adorable as well. As an adult, dancing around is about as far from adorable as one can get. People will either think that you're a looney, a lush, an exhibitionist or an idiot if you start busting out the moves everywhere you go. If you aren't taking a proper dance class or privately gyrating around your own living room, it is really only drunken swaggers at local clubs and bars that allow for adults to dance freely. Hmmmm, I think that I have just spotted a hole in the market here.
I don't actually need to be drunk to enjoy dancing, I really love to dance sobre just as much as I do when I am drunk, but there are not many chances to do that without looking weird or stupid. That is probably why I stopped dancing, because when adults dance around it is considered weird or stupid, unless you're drunk and then it is totally okay. How sad that we have to get all of our jumping around with our friends out of our systems when we are kids because we just can't do that when we're adults without being judged for it. I have to say that I loved my chance to shake it all out on Friday night and I find it really sad that I won't have a chance to do that with those terrific people for a very long time (if ever) again. I think I need to find an adult dance class that will accept old and not terribly good dancers into the fold because I think that I need more of that action in my life. 

Our sweet little bluebird has continued to visit us most mornings this week and the signs of a new spring are all around us. Lambs leap about in nearby fields, daffodils raise their sleepy heads out of the earth and the sun has started to deliver a substantial warmth. Daylight savings has begun which means that there is time to get a lot more things done outdoors in the evenings and our garden is beginning to look alive again with many spring blooms appearing all at once.
The various fruit trees that we received from my parents are looking amazing, bursting forth with various shades of pink and white blossom that adorn the landscape. With so many flowers there will surely also be much fruit to feast upon in the summer time, so a bountiful summer harvest seems likely. Cherries, peaches, apricots, nectarines, plums, figs and apples should all be on the menu, and judging by the blossoms, we will certainly be able to share our spoils around and also preserve for the cooler months. Well that's the plan anyway, but you know what they say about eggs and chickens. 
I have begun to hone my daily mindful meditations and visualisation practises and I have been astounded by how much of a really powerful tool it has been. I started with a couple of simple changes about two month ago and  found that it was very effective, so now I am going to try and move onto something a little bigger. This new idea will require a more consistent effort I think, at least 10 minutes at each end of the day of really focused visualisation, but I firmly believe in the process so I am going for it. 
I started making head way with my positive visualisations back in August this year, and I wrote a pretty long blog about my plans back then. Since then I have really taken control of my thinking and managed to introduce a couple of daily rituals to my health regimen that have made my life a lot nicer. I have also really beaten back my depressive and self destroying thoughts, which were really consuming me earlier in the year and I have a far better growth mindset now.
​I guess that I could confidently say that I feel far more empowered now and more willing to take on new opportunities than I was before, which has been the most positive transformation that I could have wished for to be honest. It is so refreshing to be heading into the brighter days of the year with a positive outlook.  For the first time in a long while, I don't feel burdened anymore, I feel happy and content, things are really coming together for me. 
If you haven't already got on the 'positive visualisation' train yet please do. Without wanting to sound like I am enlisting for a weird cult or have totally lost my mind, all I can do is assure you that you have all that you need to succeed within you right now and you just have to tap into it. Give it a go, you have nothing to lose, you could totally revolutionise your life, and it only takes a few minutes a day.

Rejoice! The spring school holidays have commenced, and not a moment too soon. There were many staff and students limping across the finish line on those final days of term that's for sure. After a term of inclement weather and widespread illness, the break really could not have arrived a moment sooner. At this point, I believe that everyone appears to need a cleansing rest period to reset their thinking and also their physical wellbeing and to really shake off the Winter blues. 
Unlike other holiday breaks where I have barely left myself with a minute to think, I have purposely given myself a really lazy and mostly free two week window to rest at home and totally recharge my batteries. It certainly appears that we are in for another massive and jam packed final term, so a recharge is imperative. However, I am remaining completely optimistic, because aside of the possible future challenges, term four also comes with loads of other terrific benefits that you don't get in the first three terms of the year; like Summer, graduation and all of the celebration and anticipation that arrives with the countdown to the silly season. 
So, this spring break I am planning to use my free time for self restoration, which will no doubt involve some extra long lunches, TV binges and sleep ins, as it should. Time to paint something, make something, draw something, read something and grow something - and that is my aim for the next two weeks.
And it is not selfish or overindulgent to take time out for yourself, it is wise and self preserving, and a lot of the time absolutely necessary for wellbeing. So I feel no guilt whatsoever when I say that  I am going to what I want to do, when I want to do it and I am not going to feel obliged to do anything over the next two weeks that doesn't interest me or that feels anything like work. My obligation switch has been flipped to the off position and I have no intentions of flipping it back on for the next forteen days. 

This weekend, between drinking too much alcohol and going to see the David LaChapelle photography exhibition, I had an extensive  colour consultation done to find out which colours suit me the best and enhance my natural colourings the most. Turns out, much to my surprise, that I am a 'Warm Summer' person, which basically has a colour palette that resembles the colours that you might see in The Mists of Avalon, really muted tones that have very little saturation and generally look like they have been a bit washed out.
This came as a massive surprise to me because a lot of my wardrobe is far from what I would call muted, so I have clearly not been dressing to my full potential when it comes to colour. Does that mean that I am going to toss out my entire wardrobe and start again? Good lord no! Not only do I not have the resources to do anything that drastic, but I really don't want to do that either because I actually like a lot of my very loud and bright clothes; but it has given me some food for thought and I will definitely be pulling out my 'Warm Summer' colour palette when I go clothes shopping from now on. 
When you are wearing things from your personal colour palette you just look healthier and have more of a glow about you. The wrong colours can make you look pasty, yellowish or even green; and certainly do not give you a glow but will instead make you look blotchy, puffy and generally unwell. Who knew that the colours that you wear could have such a huge affect on the way that you look? Believe me, I didn't, but after seeing a variety of very wrong colours on me compared to right ones, I can see how it does indeed make a huge difference. 
Some people may call it malarkey, but there is most definitely a science to colour and knowing which hues will make you pop is a very useful weapon to have in your arsenal. So as much as I love to rock out in monochromatic looks, turns out that they are most definitely not what I should be rocking out in at all; and my usual way of dressing may need a bit of an overhaul over the next twelve months. I do love a good purge, and this feels a lot like a an opportunity for reinvention! 

​​​SIDEWAYS
Release Date: 2004
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 126 mins 
Alexander Payne delivers the quintessential road trip 'buddy' movie with a mature, fresh and charming new spin, that I found absolutely delightful. Speckled with a good measure of humour, this tale of self realisation comes on like a good Pinot Noir and never flounders or feels forced in any way. This is truly unmissable, intelligent drama. 
Miles and Jack, two middle aged friends, embark on a road trip through California's wine country in a final hoo-rah before Jack gets married. 
Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church are at their absolute best here, in what is essentially a character study movie, where friendship and life truths are set beneath the microscope. Strong support is offered from Sandra Oh and Virginia Madsen, but at the end of the day, this film is all about the two men and their struggle to accept the realities of their own lives. 
FINAL SAY: If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot!
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Lately I have just been 'getting on' with things.
When I say 'getting on' I mean just getting things done without any fuss or carry on as much as I possibly can. I am not focusing on problems or inadequacies, and I am overlooking as much as I can in the name of 'getting on'. Now I know that may not sound like such a big deal, I mean I am hardly going to find myself being martyred for just 'getting on' with things am I? But I have recently become keenly aware of what I am saying and doing and I am resisting any urge to be petty, whiny or pathetic. This has all come about after I recently read an article about how pettiness has become a modern epidemic and a huge problem worldwide.
Pettiness! An epidemic! Yes, apparently it is true; and psychiatrists and psychologists all over the world are overrun with people that are either suffering from pettiness or that have fallen victim to the pettiness of others.
Apparently, people are blowing shit out of proportion more than they ever have before in history, and it has made people unable to self manage their emotions or deal with their problems without projecting them onto others. Basically, making mountains out of molehills and taking the mundane to epic proportions all in the name of one's own agenda has become so commonplace that people are turning on each other and are showing lowered levels of loyalty and tolerance to each other than ever before. How very, very sad indeed. 
And the worst part is that some people are actually seeing this petty behaviour as hilarious or amusing, people actually believe that it is funny to be rude, cold and even calculating about the way in which they express themselves or their discontent. And when confronted about the way that they have made their victims feel, these people show little to no remorse  for their behaviour either, they actually feel justified in their pettiness. These issues are being raised in therapy sessions more and more around the world and the cruelties of people and their petty, selfish, behaviours are apparently on the increase. 
It is (in some really troubled people's minds) seen as funny to give short, rude and curt responses to others and to even start arguments where there weren't any before. Pointing out people's shortcomings or problems is now the main of the day, and people are willing to stop at nothing to destroy other people, no matter how immature or petty it may be. What-the-fuck? What is wrong with the world? When did revenge become the 'go to' plan? What are we doing to each other? 
Anyway, I am most certainly not willing to join the ranks of the petty haters, and I am making a concerted effort to 'get on' with my own business, not meddle with the affairs of others and not look for problems where there are none. There are real problems out there in the world, finding more of them is really not helping us at all is it?
Do yourself a favour, drop the pettiness, be bigger, be better, be happy and be kind; it's actually harder to do than people think; but it feels so good to just let shit go. 

I've been looking back over the last twenty-something years of my life. Winter is a time that leaves a lot of room for extra contemplation and reflection, and even a little revelation in this case. Keeping a daily journal really helps you to identify some of the paths that you tread back over as time goes by and it also helps you to identify the patterns of behaviour in others that you may have been missing as well.
I have kept some form of a diary or journal for pretty much all of my life. I record things daily, almost anything really; goings on, conversations, trips, thoughts, ideas, trials and tribulations; my journals are very personal and also very extensive. On average, I would spend around 15-20 minutes every day writing in my journal, so as you would imagine, the content builds up quickly. I have volumes of the stuff, some of it from way, way back; and just the other day I had a flick back through some of the archives.
I was quite surprised, and perhaps even a little amused, to see that many of the feelings that I am having now, are almost identical to the ones that I was having around 20 odd years ago. And equally as interesting, is the insanely predictable patterns of behaviours that some people in my life have demonstrated over the years, I swear that you could you just about set your calendar to it, it's that consistent. 
I came to realise after reading those old scribblings of mine, that I have come full circle with a couple of the long term relationships that I had really invested in. It's like I left the platform for a new destination some twenty odd years ago with these people and then I re-arrived back at exactly the same place that I had began the journey from, all those years ago. Truth was, that I was never actually getting anywhere in those relationships, no matter what I did or how much I tried. Even though I thought I was progressing, I was never actually progressing at all, I was just looping back around, and I am honestly really pissed at myself for allowing myself to be hoodwinked all over again. 
How I missed all of the obvious signs that I was getting nowhere is so stupid, because hindsight is 20/20 and looking back at my journal notes, well, the signposts were most certainly there. I suppose that I just didn't want to see the painful truth, after all, no-one wants to believe that what they mistook for love was actually completely fake and disingenuous because that truth is just way too painful to stomach. So, I didn't see it, I was a fool, and I allowed myself to depart on a train that took me back to the start. Right back to the beginning where I was filled with a lack of faith and trust, but was willing to try again. How stupid and naive I was!
Over the years, some things in your life will change, some things will shift a little and then some things will stay exactly the same way that they have always been, and all you have to do is accept it. So I willingly accept it this time, these relationships are never going to change. No amount of time or investment will ever make them right, they are doomed to loop around to the start every single time. I was wasting my time, it was all a pointless exercise, and I can't believe that I ever let myself trust them again in the first place. 
So now I am finally free of it, free of the train of lies, judgements, false feelings and fake love. Free to board a new train, a better one with better people that won't make me feel like I don't matter, won't tell me I'm a bad person, won't betray my trust and won't waste my time for another twenty years looping around in circles desperately hoping to be accepted. They say that you should never chase anyone for love, affection or attention, because if it isn't given freely than it isn't worth having; and I have well and truly tired of the chase, I have learnt a lot from this experience and I will never ever chase again. 

Zoe came out to Enfield to celebrate her 20th birthday over the weekend. We enjoyed a leisurely couple of days together sipping champagne, eating Thai food and chatting away the hours. It was only a week ago that I was discussing the joys that an older child brings to your life with a friend from work. At the moment her children are still quite small and as we all know, this makes them pretty demanding and exhausting a lot of the time. She asked me "does it really get better?" To which I happily informed her that there is a constant source of joy and awe that is yet to come for her. 
It was with great delight that I shared with her just how terrific it is going to be when her children have grown up. Even Seth, as he grows older, is always dazzling me with his profound and unique way of looking at the world. I told her that she will look at her children and be absolutely amazed about just how wonderful and interesting they will to be to her. I told her that they will inspire her and enthrall her with their ideas and views, and all the while she will get to sit back and marvel in the fact that she was the one who created them.
I said "it is is just the best feeling in the world to spend time with your older children, you will love it." And I meant it, I adore my children and I think that they are just the most incredible people that I have ever met in my life. When you look at your children, you will see all that has been in their life and all of the potential that lies ahead of them (that they will never see themselves) and it is just magical. I actually got a bit teary trying to describe it. 
As my children get older, it becomes clearer and clearer to me that all of the hard work that you put in over those early and formative years really does pay off in the end. My children seem so much wiser than their years and are often the catalysts in a new way of thinking about situations. They have lifted me out of some pretty heavy funks and offered me words of advice when I have felt lost. Their conversations are never dull to me and I am always excited to hear their views about current events and occurrences.
​Every generation gleans something new from their experiences to share, and your children are the best gateway to that knowledge. Eventually this learning will come from your great grandchildren and so on and so on; it's a never ending cycle of learning from each other and exchanging experiences, and it is honestly the best thing in the whole world to be a part of. So it is fair to say that in response to the question "does it really get better?" I would have to say "it gets so much better than better!" 

It is easy for real events to be misconstrued and misread. We all get our wires crossed from time to time and we have all been guilty of jumping to conclusions before we get all of the facts in place. My family are shockingly notorious for jumping to incorrect conclusions and thinking the absolute worst of people and situations. As you would imagine, it was not easy growing in a household where 'the worst case scenario' was the go to method and main of the day; it was a lot like walking around on eggshells most of the time and there appeared to be an unending number of people in the world that my family didn't like or trust.  
This method of worst case thinking and intensely suspicious behaviour has made us all quite suspicious in general and at times emotionally dismissive. It  has also lead to us being dreadfully wrong about people and situations on many occasions and created a lot of unnecessary stress within our already fragile family dynamic over the years. 
What I do know for sure is that finding peace-time in our family is not getting any easier as the years go by, and regardless of how hard we try to make meaningful relationships with each other, we are just kidding ourselves if we think that it is ever going to be sane or normal. 
Don't get me wrong, I do love my family, and I do believe that we have all done the best with what we have; we just never really had the minerals to begin with. But I'm not mad about that or bitter about it. I just want to enjoy my family, without the dramatics and suspicions. I'd like to have fond memories of all of them to look back on in my twilight years, surely that is not too much to ask for? 

The holidays started off with a bout of cool weather, and I was feeling a bit off colour on Saturday, so I took things slowly and gave myself a day of rest. Zoe popped over from Geelong and we had a relaxed weekend together, only venturing out for a 'smashed avo' brunch at Start Cafe on Sunday. My nephew opened the cafe last month and Zoe and I have been planning to get over there for a while, so Sunday seemed like the perfect time to do that. Cold morning, an extra hour due to daylight savings ending and a 10am hunger pain, yep - brunch time! 
You have to make time for the important things and people in your life. A simple pot of tea in the afternoon or a kind text message really means the world to me. Lately, however I have become quite miserly with the effort that I make for certain people. I have stopped making an effort or finding time for people that don't make any time or put in any effort for me.
I have discovered that some people are happy to take up your time as long as it is of no expense or inconvenience to them, but as soon as you ask them to extend themselves or be involved with you, then they are not interested. God forbid they have to travel or make an effort! Suddenly they're too busy, and I'm basically done with that shit.
​I am always organising get togethers, extending my home to others and trying to make time to catch up with people, but not anymore! I refuse to extend myself to people that don't make any effort anymore, I'm done with it! It is the worst feeling in the world when you realize that you are only a fair weather friend or relative, and I have enough awesome people in my life to know that I don't need to be punching myself in the head over people that don't give two shits about me. 
You wouldn't believe the horrid shit that some people have done to me because they haven't had the balls to just say they didn't want to see me. ​I have had people actually tell me that they couldn't attend things that were really important to me because they had to work, and then had them accidentally call me that evening from home to chat because they had forgotten that they had told me that they were working! WTF? How insulting is that?
I have also had people cut me off mid-offering and extending my home to them for a number of events and possible get togethers because they were too busy and then had them not ever following up for a future get together. Mind you, these are people that I have never said no to either, not ever! I am always at everything that they invite me to, every single time. Sometimes they even arrange things behind my back and then tell me about it as an afterthought and then wonder why I would prefer to skip it. 
I have been sent bullshit 'catch up' messages many times that were just hollow crapola, never to be followed up, even when these people have had time off. And even more insulting is when they pass through town or visit Ballarat to shop and have days out and never drop in, not ever, not even once, and I'm not supposed to feel even a little bit put out or offended by that? I honestly don't know why I have ever bothered really, these people clearly don't really want me in their lives at all. 
I'm sick of it! If someone doesn't want to be in your life they should have the balls to admit it, and if they do want you in their lives then they need to make an effort - because that's how these things work. Two way street people, two way street!

Another year older, not necessarily another year wiser, but let's not get into that one again! I had the best birthday on Friday, people were insanely generous with their outpourings of affection, kindness and gifts. I was truly touched by the efforts that people had made to make my day so special for me, it was just wonderful. I got so many fantastic gifts that were all clearly purchased with me in mind because they were all things that I really love and/or wanted to get. 
At work I was showered with generous gifts and got to blow the candles out on a gluten free mud cake that was absolutely delicious. After work I went and had a 45 minute relaxation massage to kick off the celebrations and then went home for a delicious Thai yellow curry, a few whiskeys and some good old B Grade Horror movies, who could ask for more than that? Craig and Seth had purchased me a bottle of my favourite perfume and some new art supplies and didn't let me lift a finger all night. My boys were bringing me the love for sure! It was an absolutely perfect day as far as I am concerned and definitely one of the best birthdays that I have ever had. 
Yesterday we kicked off the long Labour Day weekend (woohoo no work on Monday) by heading over to Kyneton to meet Helen at The Lost Trades Fair. The fair is designed to showcase all of the old and no longer used trades and crafts of yesteryear by getting the people that still make the products to demonstrate their skills and handyworks to the public. I cannot even begin to tell you how ridiculously massive the crowds were, people were arriving in droves! We got to Kyneton at 10am, and had to line up for 20 minutes to get in, it was manic. I am not terrific with really big crowds so the whole thing was a bit out of my comfort zone, but I managed. The actual fair was really interesting, but with crowds that big, it is really difficult to get  a decent look at anything so that part was a tad disappointing, but I did still enjoy what I did get to see. There are some really talented trades-people making some incredibly unique things out there, that's for sure.
The drive to Kyneton is actually really lovely, a cruisy hour and a half from us which takes you through some picturesque rural Victorian towns and farmlands. I love a good road trip, so I am really looking forward to my next big one which is coming up on the next school holiday break when Zoe, Seth and I will take to the highway and head to Sydney together.
​It's about 12 hours each way, so it's a decent road trip challenge, but we always make lots of stops because we love seeing new places and have a thirst for adventure, so I think that we will really have a lot of fun together. I am actually quite excited, we will get to catch up with some family that we haven't seen in ages, and the kids can't wait to see the Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge in the flesh. Sometimes you have to go outside of your comfort zone to really see the good stuff, or as they say "out on a limb" because that is where all the best fruit sits. 

Today is International Women's Day, a day to celebrate all of the wonderful things about being a woman and to commemorate all of the brave, intelligent and bold females that have forged a pathway over time and against all odds for future generations of women by fighting for women's rights, recognition and equality.
It is a time to remember all of the women in the world that had the moxy to stand up against oppression and tyranny and say NO! This is not fair or just, and we can do better than this. 
It is not a day 'just for feminists', as some pathetic men would try to insinuate, it is a day for women, all women, everywhere. It is a day for every mother, daughter, sister and female across the globe to come together and celebrate how far we have all come and how we will continue to grow together into the future. 
The 2017 theme was Be Bold For Change, and asked women to unite in the fight for equal pay, inclusiveness and gender equal rights around the globe. What a tremendously better world it will be when we finally get there. I heard on the radio this morning that in the 1980's only 50% of women in the world had jobs and today that has risen to 70%, and even though we are bewilderingly still fighting for equal pay, we have made good progress. Today more women finish university than men, and every year more and more women undertake positions as CEO's and corporate figureheads, so yes, things are changing and we have the pioneers of change to thank for that. 
Google's search bar had a terrific tribute for International Women's Day today. It featured several motivational and inspirational women from minority groups, struggling countries and notoriously difficult female environments that had risen above all of the nay-sayers, oppressors and haters to forge ahead and craft their own place in the world. God knows I love a good motivational story, but I especially love it when I get to see the underdog rise above it all, and even more if that underdog is a woman. 
So stand tall and proud ladies of the world, we are making a difference together and nothing can stop our progress from here. Besides, let's be honest, we already know who run the world.....we just need the male folk to catch up. 

HIDDEN FIGURES
Release Date: 2016
Rating: PG
Running Time: 127 mins 
This may be the feel good movie of the year for me. Based on the non-fiction book of the same name by Margot Lee Shetterly, Hidden Figures tells the story of three African American women that worked for NASA during the Space Race period of the early 1960's. The movie outlines the women's triumphs, their hardships and the extreme levels of racism and sexism that they had to endure during that time.
Mathematician Katherine Johnson, aspiring engineer Mary Jackson and unofficial supervisor Dorothy Vaughan all work for NASA. Through sheer determination and courage, they overcome obstacles and initiate changes that alter the face of NASA and raise equal rights for African American women everywhere.
I absolutely loved this story, it is a tale that is not only interesting, but also one that really deserves to be heard. These terrifically intelligent and self motivated women are portrayed beautifully by Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monae who are just tremendous on screen and delightfully enjoyable to watch together. If you are looking for some motivation and inspiration, this movie has got you covered.
​FINAL SAY: I know you probably believe that. 
4 Chili Peppers ​

Last night Ballarat came alive with its first White Night event. The main thoroughfare was flooded with people and many buildings were projected with psychedelic colours and images. Roving installations and various street performers livened up the streetscape with an array of enjoyable free entertainment. All of the galleries and the art spaces were buzzing with exciting exhibitions and there were people literally dancing in the streets which added a happy and carefree vibe to the night. 
I think that for a first attempt, this was a really successful night. People from all walks of life joined the throng and the thump of the crowd, proving that the lure and magic of a lit up night spectacle can draw just about anyone out of their homes. The weather was perfect and when we arrived around 10.30pm the atmosphere was really buzzing. It was wonderful to see so many people enjoying the free entertainment and experiencing the different varieties of art. I have never seen places like The Mechanics Institute and The Ballarat Art Gallery so overrun with visitors before, and everyone appeared to be having a really great time from what I could see. 
I was hoping to see a lot more light action overall, but I cannot fault what I did see because it was really excellent and the coordination of the event was fantastic. Hopefully Ballarat will continue to run White Night every year, and continually expand each year because this year was a tremendously good launch pad. Ballarat is really starting to deliver as far as free family friendly events go. Perhaps people will stop thinking of Ballarat as a back-wash country town soon, because it is really so much more than that now.
We all had a lovely time walking the streets and taking in all of the sights and sounds, and I didn't see any behaviours that were of concern to me which was quite amazing for such a massive crowd. Overall, I thought it was an exciting moonlight stroll and another bright feather in Ballarat's event cap for sure. 

MOONLIGHT
Release Date: 2016
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 111 mins 
Based on the previously unpublished play In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue by Tarell Alvin McCraney,  directed by Barry Jenkins and written by Jenkins and McCraney, Moonlight will touch you with it's passionate portrayal of one man's life from youth to adulthood. After winning the Best Picture Oscar at the 89th Academy Awards under the most controversially blunderous Oscars muck-up of all time, Moonlight continued to received unanimously high critical praise and swiftly became the must see movie of 2016. 
​From childhood to adulthood, we watch 'Little' grow up to eventually become 'Black,' an adult that has endured many heartbreaks, prejudices and difficulties along the path to becoming a man. 
Filmed in three acts, Moonlight is a coming of age story like no other. Boldly addressing themes of abuse, drug addiction, sexuality and identity, this is a story that will linger with you after the credits have rolled. Incredible performances and innovative storytelling makes this compelling and original movie making that needs to be seen. 
FINAL SAY: At some point you gotta decide who you wanna be. 
4.5 Chili Peppers ​

After nursing the school pet (a bearded dragon named Bruce) back to health over the Summer break, you can imagine my disappointment and surprise when the bloody thing just up and died on Thursday. Apparently, whatever I was doing for Bruce wasn't enough to combat the fact that he was well passed his prime and his time to depart the planet had arrived. Even though I only got to enjoy him for a few weeks, it was sad to see the poor thing just fluff out so suddenly. 
The death of a pet is often a challenge for children, but generally the kids at school all took it pretty well. A bearded dragon is not the easiest pet to form a relationship with, and unlike a cute or fluffy class pet, he wasn't exactly adored by the masses for his cuddliness. Still, I did shed a tear for our old scaly mate when he finally bit the big one and so did some of the more sensitive kids that were helping me care for him at school over the last few weeks. 
I will never forget my own first experience of death when I was around eleven. I found three baby birds that had fallen onto the ground from a nest. I recall being doggedly determined to become mother to these young fluffy chicks who responded with open beaks and hungry cries at my touch, and even though my father had warned me that they would never survive without care from their real mother, I was sure that I would make a suitable replacement.
​I dug up worms all afternoon and found an eye dropper to administer water into their tiny beaks and really thought that I was making a difference. The first of the chicks died within hours of me finding them, the second died later on that evening and the third perished overnight.
I recall being absolutely devastated that I could not save their tiny lives. I had such high hopes for them and visions of releasing three healthy birds into the wild with a dramatic toss of my hand in a teary but happy farewell ritual. The death of those tiny birds had a profound affect on me because it was at that moment that I sadly realized that regardless of our best intentions, we just cannot save all of the abandoned, sick and dying creatures on the earth. Those tiny birds taught me that death is inevitable and unbeatable, no matter how much you don't want it to be and the crushing reality of it and my own defeat to death left me weeping for hours and hours. I recall believing at that moment that I would never stop feeling sad ever again.
The permanency of death is indeed a crushing blow to endure, and when you are only eleven years old it feels just as intense about a few baby birds or an old lizard as it does about anyone or anything. These first early brushes with death are quite shaping and certainly aren't easy, but there is an intense respect for life that blossoms from even the earliest realization that all life is fragile and impermanent.
​Socrates once said - Death may be the greatest of all human blessings, and I think that he was right on the money with that one. ​It is only when we fully embrace our own mortality that we can truly begin to understand the importance of living our lives to the fullest. Some of the most important lessons in life are learned through our sadnesses, and the reality of death is most certainly one of those lessons. 

The old chestnut of a saying - The older you get, the wiser you get - is not necessarily true in my opinion. I know a number of people that are definitely getting older but I would not say that they have gotten any wiser as the years have clocked over. No, I would actually say that a lot of them have become cantankerous, set in their ways and generally unyielding. Which would lead me to say that I think that for many, the saying should be - The older you get - the less willing you become to take on the ideas and opinions of others, which is a ridiculous mouthful, but it does seem to be closer to the truth. 
When I think about someone that is wise, I always envision a person that is intelligent, but not just because of the general knowledge that they have, but also because of their calm, their self awareness, their accumulated life experiences and most importantly their complete open mindedness to the ways of others. That combination of traits would take most of us a lifetime to master, and once you get all that down, then you would certainly be wise. 
I really don't believe that a lot of people are truly wise when they are older. From my experiences, a lot of senior citizens are quite grumpy old bastards that don't seem to give two shits about anyone, in fact some of them are downright vicious old meanies. Not all, I also know some total 'salt of the earth' senior citizens that are completely wasted in their old bodies and unfairly hidden away from us all, but if I am being totally honest, I don't and haven't known that many of them. 
Sorry oldies, but when it comes to wisdom, I'm not sure that many of you really do hold all the cards in that department. I don't consider the ability to save coupons for Coles and prune a plum tree that wise in the big scheme of things, useful sure, but wise? Not so much. And if it is really true that the senior citizens of our society really do hold all of the wisdom, then why aren't they sharing it with us? We all know what the world needs now is some bloody smarts (and love, sweet love, if you're a Burt Bacharach fan), so please old people bestow your wisdoms down on us, we need it now. Don't take it to the grave with you, share old people, share! 
Nope, older is not always wiser, older is just older. More often than not older is just a wrinklier version of a person in their 40's or 50's, and I firmly hold strong to the idea that age is no indication of wisdom. Some teenagers have their shit worked out better than some 50 year olds, so clearly older always being wiser is a load of shit. It may have been the case once upon a time, but not anymore.
​I do think that you should always respect your elders, they were here first and they do deserve that; but always take what they say with a grain of salt, just because they're ancient, it doesn't mean that they're wise. Everyone that you meet in this life is a teacher, the young and the old, the poor and the rich from every race and religion has something to share. Glean your wisdom from as far and wide as you can and stay open minded. Then when you are old, you will be in the ranks of 'the old and the wise' yourself and you can pass some of your own special wisdom along to future generations. 

Don't you just love it when your kids decide to something completely out of character and in terrible taste at exactly the wrong moment? And why are they are so damn good at doing that? As parents, we are forced to become more and more adjusted to things just happening in our lives, not always good things I might add, just things. These things are often related to our children, however we also know that we cannot control what our kids do 24 hours a day, regardless of how we may try and that we need to be prepared for anything and everything to happen. Well, Seth pulled out a corker last Friday night when he decided to go all "Russell Crowe fighting around the world" at my staff BBQ.  Yes, that's right, a bloody catholic work function of all places!
To be clear and somewhat in his defense, he was seriously antagonised, but that did not make it okay to savage out, turn into Tyler Durden and initiate fight club out the front of a work colleague's house. Put up your dukes and let's just thrash it out is pretty old school, but yeah, he went there. Perhaps he is feeling a little inferior now that he has started secondary school, or perhaps overstressed? But to be honest I haven't seen evidence of either of those things, I think that he just straight up lost his grasp on cool and went for the juggler. Needless to say, he got more than his fair share of lectures that night about personal restraint, appropriateness and self control. 
I can't help feeling a bit responsible though if I am being completely honest about the incident.
Craig and I have always said to the kids - you can't start the fight, but you can finish it, which is actually exactly what he did, so he was just following through on our advice. Total crap that he did it at my work function though, what a dunderhead! Never gets into a serious fist fight in his life and then decides that a catholic school staff BBQ is the place to finally flex his street fighting muscles, brilliant Seth - good one mate!
In truth, I do have to admire the kid for standing up for himself, he clearly isn't going to let anyone just push him around, and who doesn't love a kid with a bit of moxie in his veins? Aside from the whole incident making me question my parenting techniques, I don't think that it was a total  and complete disaster; I'm pretty sure that both boys learnt a valuable life lesson from all of this, well at least I hope they did!

Kind of went hell for leather with my final days of leave by ramming in as much as I could, and now here I am on the final Sunday afternoon before I return, pretty much knackered out completely. 
Spent my Australia Day in full on chore mode, cleaning and polishing the house within an inch of it's life whilst I listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. It's kind of a tradition around here to listen to the entire broadcast every Australia Day, this year my vote (Redbone by Childish Gambino) came in at number 5, that's the highest that any song that I have ever voted for has been on the poll. My picks are lucky to clock the top thirty, does this mean my tastes are getting more mainstream or that Redbone was just that bloody good that everyone loved it? I am going with the latter. After bopping around and singing into various mop and duster handles for hours; Seth, Craig and I headed down to Lake Wendouree to watch the sunset over the foreshore and to see the obligatory annual fireworks display, gotta say, pretty good this year, the finale was truly banging. 
​Spent Friday binging out on movies and TV series, my final chance to burn the midnight oil and stay up until 3am watching back to back crap, god I'm gonna miss my long TV embraces when I go back to work. 
Saturday was Chinese New Year, year of the Rooster; so Helen and I got together for a serious a Yum Cha feast out in Enfield that included green tea, potluck soup, pork buns, pork and chive dumplings, prawn crackers, fish balls, spring rolls, prawn toast and prawn har gow. There was so much food that we had another go for dinner as well. And of course, we always leave room for fortune cookies. My fortune said - What we see is mainly what we look for. Unbelievable, talk about a fitting fortune given the way that this year is panning out, it may as well have said When you get everything that you want, then what do you want?
Spent the final day of my holidays with my family out at the Buninyong Winery. I am a serious advocate of this place, and have sent dozens of people out there over the years, but the service today was nothing short of shithouse. A two hour wait for pizza? I was actually really embarrassed, because this is the first time that I have chosen the venue for our family to meet, and when I say family, I mean 17 of us in total. Aunts, uncles, cousins, the lot. So yeah, I was really disappointed that they couldn't even get a pizza on the table in under two hours. And they really didn't seem too phased about it either, the owners were just chilling out having a smoke and a drink on the lawn, it was pretty weird to be honest, and they certainly weren't apologetic about making us wait for two hours! I don't think that I will ever take a large group out there again, and I know that I will never get Craig out there again, he carried on like a pork chop about the service all the way home, which made me feel even worse! A bit of a bummer really, because in spite of the crap service the food was pretty good, and the weather was beautiful, maybe they just need a bigger woodfire oven or something? Oh well, cest la vie, shit happens, not worth getting upset over a late pizza now is it? 
And that's all there is folks, the holidays have drawn to a close and the curtain has fallen. Tomorrow I return to work at 7am to attend mass and get myself right with God before the new school year begins, I cannot believe that it is all starting again already! There is never enough time, never. 

When you get everything that you want, then what do you want?
When is enough really enough? 
At this point in my life, I really do have everything that I could possibly ever want. Perhaps I even have more than I could ever possibly need as well. This is not a bad thing, I just know that I no longer need to be on the look-out for the next best thing or trying to find stuff to make my life feel fuller, I already have all of the best things right now.  My life is full, very full. I have a fantastic life, with many of the best things in abundance.
This information may not seem very important, but it is actually extremely important, especially to me. You see, for all of my life, I have been trying to run away. I know that that sounds crazy, by I have always had this overwhelming urge to just run. Run away, escape, pack a bag and catch the nearest bus to who knows where? This longing to run away has been with me for as long as I can recall, even when I was a really small child. I clearly remember packing a green garbage bag with a jacket and my toothbrush when I was only five years old, and telling my mother that I was leaving home. She laughed and asked where I was going to go and I said to the bus stop, which she didn't laugh at but demanded that I unpack the bag and stop being such an idiot. I have felt like I have wanted to run away from my life ever since. 
​I have never had a real destination that I was trying to run to, but I have always had the undeniable desire to flee. Why? I cannot really be sure why, maybe it is just in my personality, because in spite of everything great that I have in my life now, I still feel like fleeing on occasion. This need to flee has constantly gotten quieter and quieter as the years have gone on, but until now it has never ever been completely quieted. 
Now, finally, it has been quieted within me. It has taken me almost 43 years to quiet the voice inside of me that so often tells me to run away, from everything and everyone. I honestly don't even want to run away anymore, because I have everything I could possibly ever need right here. I don't need to be anything else, or do anything else, or have anything else, I have what I need. I have actually had everything that I have needed for a really long time, but I just haven't been able to stop the feeling that I didn't.
​Isn't that so weird? Isn't it so odd to be running the same script in your life for so long that you just don't know how to turn it off, even when it serves you no purpose anymore? That is what I have been doing, looping back around to that old feeling that I am disatisfied, but in truth, I am not at all disatisfied, I am very satisfied. I'm just so used to going through the same old motions that tell me to flee; even when I don't really want to flee at all. 
As you can imagine, this need to flee has been a constant problem for me in relationships. Poor Craig has pondered so many times about what he could offer me to sate my demons, and has often demanded 'what more can I give you?' Like some offering would still the desire in me to flee, but it was never really about material things, and in truth, I think that Craig has always known this anyway. So what would stop it? In truth I had no idea myself, I didn't even know why it had all began. 
When you get everything that you want, then what do you want?
That is what I have been asking my inner self a lot over the last few months, and I have come to understand that I don't actually 'want' anything anymore. I have an abundance of all things, I don't need more stuff to fill the void, because I don't actually have a void anymore, it is imagined. I am full, I am filled up to the brim, right to the top, my cup runneth over. I no longer hunger, I have found contentment. I don't want anything, and I don't want to run away. 
Finally a bird has nested inside of me, and I have come home to myself. It is nice to finally feel like I have found a place inside of me to lay my hat, and that all I need to do now is enjoy what I have.
​The search is finally over. I don't know why it is finally over now, but I definitely know that it is. Finally I am at peace.

Totally kicked it down a massive notch this weekend and focused back in on the zen parts of my life. Spent some time practicing yoga and being mindful, also spent some time in complete whiskey oblivion binge watching TV series, and sure enough, things have taken a turn for the better!
The weather has been fine and clear, perfect for spending some time outside in the garden frolicking amongst the flowers and enjoying the fruits of my labours in the vegetable patch. I even took a trip in to the local nursery to buy some pretty flowering pots to pep up our garden beds, and also planted my next veggie harvest of tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini and lettuces. Craig mowed the lawns and I weeded the garden beds, and now the yard looks immaculate again; which is always uplifting I think. 
Craig and I have stopped being at each other throats and have made our peace with our drained financial resources. I do think that Craig's wisdom teeth extraction may have also helped with keeping the peace, because he was too sore and too drugged to be bothered with arguing anymore, and that certianly worked in my favour.
On the financial side of things, we really only set up our extra savings account for a rainy day anyway. Our rainy day just happened to come before Christmas and totally wipe us out, but at least we had the savings to cover it, which is certainly something to be happy about when you really think about it. Sure it's a shame that we didn't get to spend it on a few days away or something cool for the house, but at the end of the day, we really don't have anything to complain about. Our money problems have been annoying, but certainly not catastrophic. 
It is way too easy to get bogged down in your own troubles and not look at the big picture, which is precisly what I have been doing for the past few weeks. I promised myself that I was going to zen my way through to Christmas, and I am still totally determined to do that in every way, perhaps now more so than ever.
​Sure I may not have any cash in the bank, but my bills are paid and I have a Summer holiday break heading my way in only 16 days time, and that is what I am focusing on for the rest of December. Only I have the power to turn my head and my attitude around, and that's just what I have done this weekend, and not a minute too soon. 

THE REVENANT 
Release Date: 2015 
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 156 mins 
Inspired by Michael Punke's The Revenant: A Novel of Revenge, this American Frontier drama had me transfixed from the opening scenes. Skillfully directed by  Alejandro González Iñárritu, The Revenant showcases the magnificence of the American wilderness, the struggles of the Native tribes-people and the flawless performances of Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy, making this an atmospheric, pulse-racing and grimly affecting story. 
It is 1832, and a team of hunters and trappers are ambushed by a tribe of Arikara Native Americans that wish to steal their pelts. The trappers are forced to flee, taking as many pelts as they can salvage, and beginning an arduous and dangerous journey back to their base - Fort Kiowa. Along the way, one of their best trackers, Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) is savagely attacked by a grizzly bear which forces the group to rethink their tactics. 
If I called this film bleak, that would be a massive understatement, this movie is uncompromisingly harsh.  However, embedded within all of it's atrocity is an incredible story about the endurance of the human spirit and the relentless determination of a vengeful man. DiCaprio superbly captures the soul of Glass, a man that not only endures immense physical abuse, but also suffers unimaginable grief. If Leo doesn't get an Oscar for his efforts here, then something is very wrong in the world!
FINAL SAY: As long as you can grab a breath, you fight. You Breathe....keep breathing. 
4.5 Chili Peppers ​

It would be fair to say that for all of my organisational skills and seemingly well planned out life choices, I generally have no fricken idea what I am doing a good portion of the time. I am not sure that anyone actually does all of the time, and if anyone says that they do, they're fucking liars. They may have plans, aspirations or some preconceived agenda of how things are going to play out, but life is not fool-proof, in fact life demands quite the opposite, it demands fools, regularly and often.
Even when we aren't having to accommodate fools, we are having to accommodate a tonne of other life bullshit that gets in our paths, trips us up and screws with our agendas and and all of this cannot be avoided no matter how much micro managing we do; unless of course you're dead.
I can only hope that when I am dead I no longer need to have my game face on or plan things out, hopefully I can just sit back and piss myself laughing at everyone else that is still scrambling around pretending to know what's going on.  
Truth is, we really don't know whats going on.
We really don't. 
​Not a fucking clue...well maybe a tiny clue, but generally we know jack shit. 
The other day I was on Pinterest and I noticed that a fellow pinner had placed under her name (where one would normally place something philosophical or informative) the statement  - I have no idea what I am doing. And I thought, amen sister, me either, but I am really good at pretending I do, but generally I'm just hoping for the best.
I really appreciated this woman's honesty because most of us are all so busy being in control and looking like we've got our shit together that we would never admit that we have no idea what we're doing. I can admit it though, and it actually feels really good to say it. 
Saying I have no idea what I am doing isn't a malicious or nasty thing to say, it's just honest but there is something kind of taboo about it too, and that's why it feels so good to say, and even better to admit to yourself. This could actually be another step forward into the zen state of mind that I have been working toward now that I think about it. I could be opening up more possibilities for mindfulness and mindlessness here and I am digging on that in a big way.
​But really who am I trying to fool? I have no idea what I am doing!