Journeyed to Bendigo to have a terrific catch up with my best friend Helen over the weekend. While I was there, we went to see the Edith Head exhibition at the Bendigo Art Gallery. Edith Head was a Hollywood costume designer who won a record eight Academy Awards for Best Costume Design. An unassuming woman, dressed always in black, white or grey with an intense bob of black hair and heavy dark rimmed glasses; Edith dressed the classic beauties of the silver screen.
Glamazons like Ginger Rogers, Mae West, Bette Davis, Shirley MacLaine, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor and Jane Fonda were all costumed by Edith Head, so needless to say, the collection was extensive and really very interesting. Edith designed the most beautiful and intricate pieces, many of which would not at all look out of place on stars of today; her aesthetic was simply timeless. 
Many people think that the costume designer Edna Mode from the Pixar movie The Incredibles was based on Edith Head, but the director insists that that is not true. However, the physical similarities are pretty unmistakeable, so coincidence or not, Edna certainly does look like Edith and has a very similar profession. 
She certainly knew how to dress woman that's for sure, and she was famous for saying truly inspirational quotes like "You can have anything you want in life if you dress for it" and other cheeky but no less important tidbits like "Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady."
Above all else, Edith Head was respected, smart and successful. Through her, many stars got to shine a little bit brighter on screen and she spearheaded more fashion trends than anyone else during her fifty plus years of Hollywood design. A legend like that certainly deserves attention and adoration, so if you ever get the opportunity to go and see an Edith Head exhibition, I strongly encourage you to. 

Edith did extensive work for director Alfred Hitchcock during her career; dressing Ingrid Bergman in Notorious, Grace Kelly in Rear Window, Kim Novak in Vertigo and also for my personal favourite Hitchcock film, Tippi Hedren in The Birds. 

I went for my first job interview in almost a decade today. The build up to it was the worst part of all, especially since I haven't interviewed in an age and the last interview that I went to involved a panel of scrutinizing interviewers. This interview, thankfully, did not play out like that at all and although I walked in with sweaty palms and shaky hands, I was feeling a lot calmer on the way out, which generally means that it went pretty well. 
The anticipation with interviews is a such a killer, but also having to prove your worth is equally gut wrenching. I know that I have what it takes to do the job, but convincing someone else that you are the best candidate over everyone else is where the real work is. Fortunately, I didn't feel interrogated or made to feel like I needed to prove myself today, it was far more relaxed than that and I actually really enjoyed the process.
Will I get the job? Who knows? I gave it my best effort and at this stage that is all that I can safely say about it. I did spent hours researching material that I thought would be useful and over preparing to the extreme, but there is absolutely no point in counting your chickens before they have hatched. In the past, I have been knocked back for jobs that I was sure I had nailed and given offers for ones that I thought I had failed, so I am never really sure and try never to count anything as a given. 
Who knows how stiff my competition may turn out to be? Someone twice as qualified as me could sweep in and take the prize, things like that happen all of the time and it is just the way it is. There are no guarantees in life that's for sure. It is out of my hands now, but hopefully I will know something by early next week. 
I am not looking for work because I need another job, I still have one, a really good one. And I am most definitely not looking around because I don't like my work or my workplace either, but when you have been doing the same thing for almost a decade it can be time for a change. I think that it is good to push yourself outside of your comfort zone from time to time, regardless of how much that scares the bejesus out of you. There is nothing as rewarding as having the strength to try new things and take on new challenges. That's how we grow and learn and become better versions of ourselves, by challenging ourselves.
​I am certainly not too old to put myself out there that's for sure and even if the fear of pushing against my comfort zone doesn't amount to me getting a new job, well it certainly amounts to me being willing to give it a try, and that is always worth something in my books. 

THE WAGES OF FEAR
Release Date: 1953
Rating: M
Running Time: 131 mins
It's gripping suspense and nail biting drama all the way with this French language film from director Henri-Georges Clouzot. Set in a backwater town in Latin America, this film has plenty to say about about the desperate and dangerous conditions of the times, both politically and socially, and plays out with incredible suspense. Together with Diabolique,  The Wages of Fear earned Clouzot a reputation as a French- Hitchcock.
Four men, desperate to earn a wage, undertake a suicide mission to transport two truck loads of nitroglycerin across insanely treacherous terrain for The Southern Oil Company. 
It's one challenge after another as the men push themselves physically and mentally to deliver the pay load, all of them succumbing in one way or another to the pressure. This is certainly a high tension thriller that continues to turn the screws right to the end, it's truly riveting material.
FINAL SAY: When I was a kid, I used to see men go off on this kind of job...and not come back. 
​4 Chilli Peppers ​

Another rainy spring day saw us all housebound which provided the perfect setting for a day of art exploration. Paints, brushes, pencils and sketchbooks resurfaced as we all indulged in some much needed art therapy time. As the rain gently fell for the better part of the afternoon, we focused our energies on being creative. We all like to dabble in art activities around here and I will never knock back the opportunity to add some colour to my journal. I must admit, I do love the feel of a paintbrush and I always get a rush from the act of painting. 
I would have loved to have been a professional artist, but I was never talented enough to make a living out of it and I certainly never had the guts that it takes to be an artist. I have always admired people that have pursued careers as artists because in general it is a very underrated profession.
Australia in particular has pretty limited support for budding artists and artistic pursuits; especially when you compare us to the European countries who hold their artists in such high regard and provide lots of opportunities for artists to be recognised and financially supported. I think that a lot of Australians actually believe that artists are rather lazy eccentrics, which is of course, completely inaccurate. Most artists in Australia are completely unrecognised and have to support themselves with one or two part time jobs to support their artistic ventures.
It is a tough life for an artist; they are really not at all like the moody, insanely passionate and over-indulged characters that they are portrayed to be by the media. Most of the artists that I have met are actually quite unassuming, hard working, private people that are just trying to get ahead doing what they love. They don't drive flashy cars or walk around sipping champagne at galleries talking about themselves every night of the week; they are just regular people like the rest of us, they're just more creative. 
You do not have to be eccentric or weird to be creative either, that is another crapola stereotype of an artist. Being creative does not automatically place you into another subculture, it just makes you creative, that is it, more creative, not more of anything else....nothing to see here people...move along. Poor artists, they really do get portrayed in the most stereotypical of ways. We try to pigeonhole them, but essentially we know that artists cannot be pigeonholed any more than any other profession can be. I honestly think that it is high time that we actually showed artists a lot more respect and support, after all, imagine how crappy the world would be without them, what a horror show!
Thank God for you all,  I say to artists everywhere, thank god there are still some of you out there brave enough to be creative and take on an underappreciated and underpaid profession, go you good things, keep on creating and living your dreams. I wish I had your balls!

There are some totally revolutionary thinkers, movers and shakers in the world. Whenever I read a really great book, see a moving piece of art or new invention or view a terrifically original movie I always think about how amazing, imaginative and innovative some people are. In fact, I probably say to myself at least once a week - I love that and I wish that I had thought of it first. 
Apparently, you can actually train yourself to think more innovatively if you practise. Who knew? All this time I could've been honing my ability to inspire and influence if only I had known. Just kidding! I think that I am a creative person, but innovation is in a whole other realm to creativity, a realm that I do not live in. Gluing eyes onto gumnuts can be considered creative, but it's hardly inspirational or innovative is it? Not that I have actually glued eyes onto gumnuts, but I do spend more time wondering about what it might feel like to be influential than actually being influential!
I am sure that there are genuine ways to develop innovative thinking processes, but everyone knows that all truly inspiring people are intelligent on multiple levels. They are emotionally, physically and mentally well developed and I most certainly do not tick all of those boxes! That does not sound like me at all.
To be truly innovative and inspirational you really have to not only be open to the ideas of others, but able to see beyond and further than others when it comes to the application of ideas. Let's be honest, heaps of schmucks can come up with okay ideas but it takes truly innovative people to really set the wheels of process and progress into motion. I hate to admit my own shortcomings, but I don't generally see that far beyond initial ideas, and I do not have my 'make it happen' skills very well honed. Sometimes, and I hate to admit this, I can be downright small town in my thinking. Innovators are always global thinkers, never small town, so again I fail dismally there. Sometimes I think that being an introvert has not helped me with this problem because I actually enjoy the safety of small town thinking sometimes, which I know is not a terrific or inspirational way to be. 
Just the other evening, I was heading out to meet some friends for a drink in a busy public bar. When I arrived (on time like I always am- another pedantic aspect of my personality) no-one else had arrived. After scanning the room and searching the hidden recesses aka. the beer garden, I literally started to have a freak out. Instead of just ordering a drink and chilling out, my brain went straight to I must be in the wrong place, I have made a mistake, why is everyone death glaring me in this place? .....and so it went. Nuts really, and totally illogical of course. I found the nearest exit and high tailed it, doing a lap of the block until I was sure others had arrived and it was safe to re-enter. Hardly the moves of innovative forward thinker now is it? More like the thinking of an emotionally crippled and insecure nutter, but hey, look at me owning that! 
Anyway, I am also sure that some innovative and inspirational peeps are also emotionally crippled and deeply introverted as well, and I really shouldn't let those weirdo aspects of my personally hold me back from being more than what I am now.  Maybe I should look into one of those innovative thinking courses; who knows? Maybe I could hone the inspirational entrepreneur that's hiding inside of me. Maybe, it's not impossible, but for now I am happy to just go along and be inspired by the awesomeness of others. 

Spent my Sunday afternoon celebrating Craig's niece's expectant baby at her baby shower today. Lots of lady laughs and fun and games to be had as we sat about nibbling and chatting and rubbing the expectant tummy for the better part of the afternoon. There is nothing like an expectant baby to get ladies clucky and tongues wagging about labour experiences and the highs and lows of pregnancy. I am always surprised by the incredible clarity that women can recollect what is more than likely, one of the most challenging and/or painful experiences of their lives. 
Seriously, women can remember incredible details about the birthing process, like the exact time that their child was born, what the midwife said to them, how much their new baby weighed and how many hours they spent huffing and puffing to get them into the world. They remember which foods made them nauseous when they were pregnant and what the trip to the hospital was like, whether it was raining that day or not, how much facial hair the anaesthesiologist had and any number of other somewhat inane details surrounding the event. It is almost like those moments of time become permanently etched into a mother's memory, and every mother has their own unique tale to tell, like a battle wound or scar to bare of their heroic motherly efforts.
Personally I would rather not talk about my child birthing experiences, they weren't fun and they are not events that I look back on with fondness, in fact, they were really traumatic. However, I am more than happy to listen to the stories of others as long as it doesn't scare the shit out of the un-laboured women in the room. Some women's tales of labour woe are enough to frighten off the toughest potential mothers-to-be with their horrific recounts and I believe that some things are better left unsaid in that department.
Fortunately today, we didn't get a lot of that, just a lot of  talk about the discomforts of actually being pregnant. Craig's niece only has 6 weeks to go until ETA, and she still looks nicely compact to me. I remember looking like a sea cow when I was pregnant and feeling like a yeti, but some women just love to be pregnant.
I have no idea how women can be surrogates, being pregnant is so demanding on your body and you really do feel like an alien is going to launch itself from inside of you at any moment and you literally have no privacy when you are pregnant, your body is most definitely not your own. Why anyone would volunteer to do that to themselves for anyone else is beyond me, but I take my hat off to the ladies that can do it, I know I couldn't do it.
​I personally found pregnancy utterly over-rated, labour completely crapola and healing after the effect as much fun as finding a rogue turd in your shopping trolley, but hey, that's just me! I can't have found it too taxing, I did do it twice; and I would be lying if I said it wasn't all worth it, because a billion times over, it is all so very and completely worth it. That first look at the person that you have just made, well....it does make all of the bad stuff seem so very insignificant all at once, and that is one truth that I cannot deny. Your own newborn will most definitely take your breath away. 

There is really something special about the last term of a school year, and I don't just mean the terrifically long break that occurs at the end of term four, I mean that sense that another year has gone by, and with it, there has been a great deal of growth and development  that has been witnessed. It is that growth and development that keeps people in my industry going. It keeps the fire well lit in our belly, the hunger in our loins and gives us all that most sort after and important feeling that we so dearly long for - the feeling that we are making a difference. 
When you work in a school, term four really gives you the opportunity to reflect upon the last twelve months of your professional life. You get to see a clear record of the months that you poured all of your best intentions, your heart and your soul into the children that you worked with and you get to see all of your combined efforts come to fruition.
Yes, in term four, all of your hard spent efforts and days of endurance culminate into something very special indeed. Something quite tangible and also terrific because you get to see the change. The change for the better. It is literally what gets me up in the mornings; especially in term four when I am starting to get a bit over a lot of things as well, but that feeling of seeing a child fly by themselves without your help, it is just gold.
A child that couldn't read will be reading, a child that couldn't write will be writing, a child that couldn't count will be counting and most importantly, a child that didn't have any faith in themselves or self esteem, will be successful and will continue to succeed without your help. That is when you know that everything that you have done is worthwhile, that what you do really does matter and that all of your efforts weren't in vain; they amounted to something pretty tremendous, they helped someone to be more than what they were before. 
Term four is easily my favourite of all of the terms, because it is the term where I get to see some kids really find their feet and some even stretch their wings. So I never feel low when we return for the final stretch of the year, instead of saying - Oh lord, no not another round, I say once more with feeling, because there will be many tears of joy at graduation and many triumphs to celebrate with our students as we farewell them onto the next stage of their life journeys in a few short months time, and I can't wait to be there for it. 

Over the last few months I have managed to spend quite a bit of quality time with my mother. I haven't really had the opportunity to spend that much quality time with my mum, or should I say that I never really pursued spending a lot of quality time with her very often before. In the past, I had a lot of poorly judged preconceived ideas about my mother. As a consequence of that, I never really had the opportunity to get to know my mother as a woman, and because I had made a lot of rash judgements about who she was in the past; I had sacrificed the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with her. 
Without any input or opinion blocking my judgement, I have finally been able to see her as a woman, as a person in her own right, and not just as my mother. And I feel like I am gaining a deeper understanding of who she is now, and I have really been enjoying the time that we have been sharing together.
It has been so interesting and liberating to hear her side of so many stories that I have heard through the voices of others over the years; and it has made me feel bad for some of the harsh judgements that I have made about her in the past. It has actually been so nice to be able to just be myself around her and for the first time in my adult life I feel very close to my mother and I feel like I have turned a corner in our relationship. This is a wonderful thing to experience with her in her twilight years and I am glad that I have had this chance to really know her properly. 
There has been much to be gleaned from the quality time that I am sharing with both of my parents actually. They have a lot of knowledge and wisdom to share and they have reached a point in their lives where they no longer have the energy for anything complicated or problematic, they just want to spend quality time with me as well and I believe that this has brought a great deal of peace to our relationship.
I can honestly say that I am not looking for them to be anything more than what and who they really are, I don't want them to feel like they need to edit themselves or behave in any particular way, I just want them to be able to relax and be themselves around me. I accept them completely, warts and all, and I feel like they have reached that point with me as well. It feels quite wonderful to give and receive love with them both without any expectations or preconceptions of how things should be. It is really quite zen and it is so genuinely lovely for us all. 

Our sweet little bluebird has continued to visit us most mornings this week and the signs of a new spring are all around us. Lambs leap about in nearby fields, daffodils raise their sleepy heads out of the earth and the sun has started to deliver a substantial warmth. Daylight savings has begun which means that there is time to get a lot more things done outdoors in the evenings and our garden is beginning to look alive again with many spring blooms appearing all at once.
The various fruit trees that we received from my parents are looking amazing, bursting forth with various shades of pink and white blossom that adorn the landscape. With so many flowers there will surely also be much fruit to feast upon in the summer time, so a bountiful summer harvest seems likely. Cherries, peaches, apricots, nectarines, plums, figs and apples should all be on the menu, and judging by the blossoms, we will certainly be able to share our spoils around and also preserve for the cooler months. Well that's the plan anyway, but you know what they say about eggs and chickens. 
I have begun to hone my daily mindful meditations and visualisation practises and I have been astounded by how much of a really powerful tool it has been. I started with a couple of simple changes about two month ago and  found that it was very effective, so now I am going to try and move onto something a little bigger. This new idea will require a more consistent effort I think, at least 10 minutes at each end of the day of really focused visualisation, but I firmly believe in the process so I am going for it. 
I started making head way with my positive visualisations back in August this year, and I wrote a pretty long blog about my plans back then. Since then I have really taken control of my thinking and managed to introduce a couple of daily rituals to my health regimen that have made my life a lot nicer. I have also really beaten back my depressive and self destroying thoughts, which were really consuming me earlier in the year and I have a far better growth mindset now.
​I guess that I could confidently say that I feel far more empowered now and more willing to take on new opportunities than I was before, which has been the most positive transformation that I could have wished for to be honest. It is so refreshing to be heading into the brighter days of the year with a positive outlook.  For the first time in a long while, I don't feel burdened anymore, I feel happy and content, things are really coming together for me. 
If you haven't already got on the 'positive visualisation' train yet please do. Without wanting to sound like I am enlisting for a weird cult or have totally lost my mind, all I can do is assure you that you have all that you need to succeed within you right now and you just have to tap into it. Give it a go, you have nothing to lose, you could totally revolutionise your life, and it only takes a few minutes a day.

October has arrived, and with it another batch of unpredictable and mostly shitty weather. Normally I would say boo-hiss, piss off crappy weather, but to be honest I have been doing a lot of couch surfing these holidays and the inclement weather hasn't bothered me in the least. Sure I have been neglectful of my chores, and yes there are some areas of my garden that resemble the wildness, and of course I have been dressing like I am on the set of Grey Gardens; but that's what holidays are for!
No-one cares if I am schlumping about in a beanie, ugg boots and dressing gown at 1pm with a watering can in one hand and an armful composting materials in the other, not out here in Enfield they don't anyway. I've lived out here for the better part of a decade now; all of my neighbours are well aware that I am nuttier than a well made fruit cake and they have seen me at my least glamourous on several occasions. I believe that keeping expectations low can be extremely beneficial when it comes to neighbourhood relationships and interactions, so maintaining the image of a mostly mental person can be really self preserving in the long run. I am sure that my years of Enfield schlumping have saved me from a lot of unnecessary small talk with would be caring neighbours and I am happy to keep it that way. 
My neighbours are actually pretty far away from me out here, which means that a casual raise of the hand or a knowing nod are really the only interactions that appear to be required, but as I said, my schlumping has probably maintained the status quo on that front. 
So I have now spent a full week of my holidays in rest mode, and I mean full on rest mode. I have barely left the house aside from one dinner date, one lunch hook up and a rather hasty grocery shop. However, in spite of said schlumping, I have still managed to read two (almost three) books, watch 3 full TV series and 12 movies, sketch in my journal for the better part of every afternoon, do at least 20 minutes of yoga a day, pull a few weeds and pin extensively on Pinterest. So, you could call it pro-active slacking or 'zen like' slacking - kinda like Clayton's slacking - the slacking you do when you're not really slacking. 
Anyway, with only a week to go, I feel that I need to start balancing out the schlumping and the slacking  with some actual real world doing as well. Time to get a few ticks off the old 'to do' list, but I am definitely going to be rocking out in my dressing gown well into the midday hours as often as I can, that is the right of the holiday schlumper!