After nearly eleven weeks of term, watching the children at school develop and the days grow colder and wetter, we have finally arrived on the cusp of the the winter school holiday break. I cannot tell how much I am looking forward to happily wasting time that I will actually have the pleasure to waste. It's been a lot of 'go' and very little 'whoa' for me this year, and although I have really loved all of the new challenges that my new position has offered to me, and believe me when I say that there have many;  I am more than willing to admit that I do need a break right about now.
A few sleep ins, some couch slouching, a movie marathon or two, a good novel,  a catch up with friends, some quality, unhurried time with the people that I love, some time in the garden and probably some time at the easel as well....ah yeah.... it is all looking very promising and I am more in need of a serious reboot than I have been in a very long time, so I intend to spend my time wisely. 
The year so far has gone by at an incredible pace, it's really quite hard to get my head around the fact that we are actually half way through another year already. Last Christmas really doesn't seem all that long ago to me. Is it age that makes time speed up like it does, or is it that we just keep cramming more and more into our lives and that is why we appear to have less and less time?
I can't say for sure, but I do know that I am looking forward to the next two weeks slowing right down to a snail's pace as I switch myself back a notch, lose myself in the quiet of contemplation, tune myself out for a spell and focus on all of the things that I love most about this crazy world and none of the stuff that I don't. 

Finally, a little later in the year than usual, the saffron milk cap mushrooms that grow wild and freely around our property were ripe and ready for the picking. Helen and I braved the drizzle and cold and managed to fill our baskets in a very short period of time, which means that the mushroom harvest is probably about halfway through. After cleaning and trimming our bounty, we made a delicious mushroom risotto for lunch and then used my dehydrator to make a few jars of dried mushroom to use when the collection season ends. 
Basically, I will be able to eat freshly picked mushrooms everyday for about another fortnight, and then they will gone again for another 12 months, so preserving and dehydrating is kind of a must while the going is so good because it is such a brief harvesting period.
The 'paddock to plate' experiences have been a bit thin on the ground out here this year. The exceptionally dry summer supplied a lot of tomatoes, but very little else; and the very dry autumn meant that blackberry season was pretty much non existent, probably the worst that I have known since we moved here almost a decade ago.
My veggie garden is in serious need of an overhaul, which the upcoming school holidays will certainly provide, but aside from a few spindly herbs and a bit of rhubarb, garlic and kale, there isn't a lot going on. The fruit trees have all been pruned for the cold season and the few apples that we enjoyed are long gone; now the best that I can hope for is the odd lemon here and there.
It always gets really grim around winter and I always forget just how much I take the abundance of spring for granted. It is times like this that you realise how difficult life would've been for our ancestors that were relying on the spoils of the land to survive, because as much as a long summer feels like a blessing, it really does diminish a lot of your choices and the abundance of food supplies. 
I must admit that I absolutely love having the opportunity to eat things that I have grown myself and I feel quite lucky to be able to indulge in so many delicious (and free) culinary experiences out here in Enfield. Understanding what to harvest at the right times of the year, what arrives on its own with each season and how to make the most of those moments has been one of the best things that I have learnt from living out of town and having a little land to work.
​Even during the darkest days of the winter season I can always still manage to rustle up a bunch of wildflowers, some herbs for my dishes and enjoy something that I have frozen, dehydrated or pickled from another season of plenty, which is actually pretty cool. I'm not even close to be being self sufficient, but I have learnt a lot about the seasons, harvesting and preserving over the last 10 years and I certainly have a lot more respect for the food that I eat, for the land and for the work that goes into every plate of food that is produced which definitely makes you a lot more conscious about what you are putting in your piehole on a daily basis that's for sure. 

Hollywood blockbuster movies have a way of making everything look glamorous, accessible and generally fun, even when they are actually promoting activities that are morally corrupt and/or highly illegal. There are literally countless films that glorify criminals for being absolute scumbags and we generally all buy into it, watching these movies and thinking how great life would be if we had the chance to be successful jewelry or car thieves, because it always looks so cool and even quite fun on the big screen. Think Baby Driver, Logan Lucky, Casino, American Ultra, Blow or Ocean's 8, I mean being bad never looked so good, right?
Movie producers are so damn good at glamorizing all kinds of seedy shit that they can just about fool anyone into thinking that anything (regardless of how genuinely unappealing it really is) is fun, fresh, interesting or even desirable. 
One movie in particular that people seem to really love (women especially) in spite of its clearly seedy message and utterly implausible outcomes (and I gotta say it really grinds my gears) is Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts. I absolutely despise that movie, it's my least favourite movie of all time by a long mile and I cannot tell you how many times some poor misguided woman has told me about how much they love that movie and how many times they have rewatched it because it is so romantic and blah...blah...blah... And then they always look so shocked when I give them my synopsis of the movie.
I like to point out that Julia Roberts basically plays a desperate whore in the movie Pretty Woman who took up prostitution because (apparently) she was shitty at everything else. She literally walks the streets with her crack whore best friend peddling sex for money to strange men. Richard Gere (her love interest) is obviously a dodgy as all fuck businessman that regularly picks up whores off the street, which is how he meets Roberts after he 'just happens' to be in the red light district and decides to give her a go. Gere decides to keep Roberts around to use for sex as he sees fit over the course of the next week (which he pays for in advance) after she gives him a clearly pretty good blowjob. Over the course of that week of paid sexworker employment, Roberts suffers from some unexplainable stockholm syndrome bullshit and decides that she loves Gere, which (apparently) has nothing do with his ridiculous stream of unending money that he likes to throw around. Her blowjobs are clearly insanely good, so Gere decides to keep Roberts on permanently, in a full time (without pay) sexworker capacity, and boom - it's happily ever after! And that is meant to be romantic? WTF? Worst movie EVER people, please stop watching this steaming shitpile and calling it good and/or romantic, it's toxic Hollywood bullshit! 
In fact, a lot of crime, war, action and yes, even romance movies actually do glamourize some pretty low brow stuff like organised crime, prostitution, theft, arms dealing, drug dealing, infidelity, harassment and misogyny and we often don't even bat an eye when we are watching it, in fact we like it, it looks dangerously cool. And I totally admit, I do like watching some pretty seedy shit, but you do have to draw the line somewhere.
So, if I ever, and I mean ever, start calling movies about prostitutes with stockholm syndrome deeply romantic, please do promptly slap me upside the head and tell me to shut the fuck up! 

OCEAN'S 8
Release Date: 2018
Rating: M
Running Time: 111 mins
A spin-off of Steven Soderbergh's Ocean's trilogy and proof that women can do heist comedies just as well as the men can. Ocean's 8  is directed by Gary Ross and written by Ross and Olivia Milch and offers viewers an easy 'feel good' ride with an entertaining all star cast.
Debbie Ocean, younger sister of the late Danny Ocean, gets paroled and plans a once in a lifetime heist that involves stealing a $150 million dollar Cartier necklace. To pull it all off, Debbie will require the assistance of a team of eight female criminals. 
​The cast in this is just dynamite and the onscreen chemistry of the lead actresses is what really carries this film. Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Rihanna, Awkwafina and Helena Bonham Carter join forces perfectly as the eight criminal masterminds, and although the storyline fails to brings anything new to the table, I still thought that Ocean's 8 was a more than watchable 'chick flick' experience. 
FINAL SAY: You would've loved it. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

When we think about what get passed along to us from our families in a hereditarial fashion we generally think about things like physical attributes or genetic indicators, be they good or bad; but we really don't consider what else has been passed along to us that could be causing a lot of damage to our general well being. 
Recent research now indicates that trauma or post traumatic stress disorders (PSTD) can actually impact the next generation through what is known as transgenerational trauma. We all know that trauma is an emotional response to something distressing or disturbing and victims of trauma quite often suffer from recurring nightmares, depression and a range of other stress related illnesses that can have a serious impact on their ability to function in society and within their communities. However, we also now have mounting scientific evidence that proves that future generations of trauma victims can be affected biologically by the trauma that their families went through. 
The studies began with descendants of survivors of the Holocaust, who in spite of being removed from their parents' experiences, were seeking mental health treatment. Similar findings were discovered when studies were also undertaken on other descendants of families that had experienced the destructive effects of catastrophic events such as war, genocide and terrorism; many were suffering from mental health conditions and in some instances the rates of suicide were also notably higher. 
A study from Neuroscience found that stress had an impact on a person's "epigenetic markers" which perform modifications to gene expression instead of a change to the genetic code itself. In the study, mice who had been exposed to trauma early in life displayed behaviours consistent with depression as well as impaired metabolism. The symptoms were passed on, not through genetics but through the father's sperm, and it impacted the next generation of mice.
These findings are already beginning to be put to good use. At a hospital in Atlanta, trauma victims in the ER who tested positive for the genes associated with PTSD received psychotherapy which in turn lead to the development of fewer symptoms. 
It is good to know that science is helping us to decode the links between historical trauma and how it possibly links to the escalating levels of anxiety and depression in society today. Transgenerational trauma reminds us all that our family and cultural history is shaping who we are today and that seeking support and treatment for any type of trauma related symptom is vital in eliminating it for future generations. 

Finally I am coming out of the fog of sickness and starting to feel a lot more like my old self again. My energy levels are rising, my positivity has returned and I am loving having enough energy to enjoy daily yoga and meditation practises all over again. With just over two weeks until the winter school holiday break this rise from the ashes has come at just the right moment and by the time the break kicks in I expect to be completely rejuvenated and primed for a terrific holiday.
Everything seems twenty times harder when you're not feeling very well and I had really forgotten just how bloody inconvenient illness is. Even the simplest of tasks can appear to be pretty insurmountable when your rocking around feeling like a crap sandwich; I seriously have a newfound respect for people that suffer from ongoing health complications, it is just so bloody awful being sick! 
It is pretty easy to take your health and wellbeing for granted, which I was clearly doing because I was completely bowled over by how ridiculously weak and exhausted I became over such a short amount of time. I went from having the constitution of a clydesdale horse to being as weak as a kitten over a few short weeks and it wasn't the most pleasant experience that I have ever had, I can tell you that.
I can't even recall another time in my life when I slept as much as I did in the last three weeks. I reckon I was giving grannies a run for their money with the amount of snoozing I was putting in. Never before have I spent every night after dinner on the couch, falling asleep with my head on Craig's lap by 8pm and having to get him to 'put me to bed' like I was an infant! What a sad-o! And then, to add insult to injury, I wasn't even able to get up in the morning at the other end because I still felt like I was tired. It was so crapola! I didn't do anything interesting or fun for days and days; just work, eat and sleep (and whine - I did a fair amount of that). What a sad existence it was! 
Well I am sure glad to be leaving all of that behind in the rear view mirror; and if that was a glimpse into what old age is going to be like, then I am NOT looking forward to it one bit! I think that it is important to build up your health and general wellbeing while you're still young enough to do it, because the prospect of sleeping away my latter years and mostly feeling lousy and weak does not appeal to me at all. If anything, this sickness has made me super determined to get my health into really good order, because I really don't want another serve of whatever it was that I have just had, or anything like it, ever again! 

The Queen's birthday long weekend has offered us all (especially old sicky me) an opportunity to batten down the hatches and focus on some rest, relaxation and that third and most important 'R' of all - realignment. After over a week of dragging myself out of bed and going to work feeling like a slapped together crap sandwich because of continually waking up in the middle of the night with either a feverish sweat or in a fit of coughing, I have finally reached the illustrious embrace of a long weekend.  
All week I have had this overwhelming feeling that the world and all of its trappings were way too big and awful for me, and that everything that I came up against was incredibly insurmountable. Of course this is just a side effect of being unwell and not getting enough rest, but that doesn't make it any less pleasant. So, I was literally holding out all week for this long weekend, propelling myself along in the knowledge that if just got through the week then I would be able to take a three day hiatus from all responsibility and the need to wander any further than the couch and the bed.
So I soldiered on as the Codral cold and flu tablets told me to do and then promptly fell into a heap on the couch on Friday night and have spent an extraordinary amount of time there ever since. And I don't even feel robbed of my long weekend because not only do I need to spend three days on the couch I also want to spend three days on the couch. I literally do not want to do anything, even making a coffee and a toasted sandwich seems like an unnecessary use of my time. The only thing that I want to do this weekend is rest, relax and realign, which for me involves many movies, some ipad, a few naps, a little yoga, a bit of journaling, a spot of reading and a lot of cuddles from my cat. Everything else is ...meh...not necessary, it can wait. 
For the first time ever in my life, I actually said no to catching up with friends this weekend, which I never do. Generally a long weekend means lots of quality catch up time with friends for me. A coffee here, a trip to the cinema there, a dinner date; I am usually happily booked up to the wazoo when the breaks happen, but this time I had to listen to my body which was screaming at me for some couch time and decline some really lovely invitations from dear friends. I have to say, it wasn't easy to say no and choose me first, it's not something that I am used to doing, but it was absolutely necessary. Sometimes saying no isn't selfish, it really is necessary and perhaps that is the biggest lesson that this whole illness has taught me. 
At times, choosing yourself is the only way to thrive in this world. Our bodies are actually sending us signals all of the time but we are often too busy to receive them, either that or we just ignore them anyway. We generally tend to give our thoughts and nagging sense of responsibility a lot more consideration than our real feelings (physical or mental) and I think that much to my own detriment, I am often quite guilty of doing that.
Mindful practises are exceptionally handy for tuning yourself back into you when things get pear shaped, but let's be honest, no-one is being very mindful when they are sick and usually everything just goes to the window (including your zen) when you're unwell. And that is why this weekend has been so important for me, it's a chance to get everything back in order all over again and reboot my flagging system. I am hoping that by Tuesday morning at 8.25am when I pull back into the carpark at work that I will feel ready to face the world once again, somewhat rejuvenated and much more healthy than I left last week, fingers crossed!
Oh, and on side note, in my pursuit of light-hearted couch dwelling entertainment this weekend, I did come across a little hidden gem. If you get the chance to hit he couch yourself anytime soon, I recommend that you check it out. 

Lord may the people that I love forgive me for my crappy, moody, snappy, intolerant, angry and miserably sick temperament this week. I am utterly exhausted and spent in every single way and I am also still so damn sick, sick, sick! I cannot even recall the last time that I felt this shithouse, because I am pretty sure that I would have wiped it completely from my memory. I mean who would want to remember a time when they felt this dreadful? This lurgy that I have contracted has the staying power of an unwanted houseguest and it is one nasty bitch! 
And I tell you that the hits, well they just keep on coming this week! From work to home there hasn't been a lot of rainbows to enjoy lately, just a constant deluge of drama and mishap. However, to be fair, I do have the constitution and coping skills of a three year old at the moment, so I am certainly not at my strongest, my most sound or my most logical at present, so things may not be as bad as I am imagining them to be.
Let's see, I haven't had a good night's sleep in four days, I've been pushed well outside of my comfort zone at work, it feels like I have a brick planted firmly on my chest, I have a constant cough that will not respond to anything that I've thrown at it, I've offended the people that I care about because I am a cantankerous sick bitch, I sound like Bonnie Tyler after a ten day bender and just to add a cherry to this already very festering pie, it's my time of the month as well. Yep, I am not exaggerating or imagining this, things are definitely leaning towards fucking horrible. 
You really know how sweet you had it when shit like this happens. Right now I would kill for a decent night's sleep and for the pain in my chest to relent. I would like to speak without feeling like an 80 year old smoker and most of all I would really like an easy day, but alas....we can't always get what we want. So for now, my family has to put up with me being a total psycho, my body has to put up with feeling like it has been run over by a semitrailer and I need to keep looking towards the horizon because I just know that brighter days are coming. 

I have succumbed to the dreaded lurgy that is floating around at the moment and it is just horrid! Started off on Friday night with a lovely bout of nausea followed by explosive vomiting, then came the headaches, then came the body aches and now I have the phlegmy, coughy, grossy and mostly miserable tail end of it to content with. The thing that I most pissed off about is that it has dominated my weekend, two entirely wasted days of sickness. I've spent 90% of the weekend in bed sleeping and for someone like me that likes to milk as much out of my day, this has been a real test.
The most that I have done this weekend was a 4 hour game of Risk with Craig and Seth which was actually exhausting, so that should put things into perspective for you. For anyone that doesn't know what Risk is, it's a strategy board game where the most physical aspect is rolling three dice at one time, and that exhausted me! I am so pitiful that I had to quit the game, I couldn't even finish it, how sad is that?
Last year I prided myself in not even getting a sniffle for the entire year, in fact I haven't had a really significant head cold or a flu for over two years now, and I never take the free immunisation that I am offered at school every year. However, this year, ever since dentist death had a go at my teeth and annihilated me, I have fallen prey to every little germ that has come my way. Which basically means that that horrific incident with my teeth has completely destroyed all of my immunity and I now have a crappy constitution and I am not happy about that at all! 
After working in schools for over a decade I have built up a pretty good level of immunity, I rarely get sick and if I do it is never for very long. I have always been able to dodge most of the sickness bullets when they have been flying around and the only time that I have really gotten unwell in the past five years was because of my IBS, which I have also managed really well over the last twelve months.
Needless to say, because I am not used to being to being sick. I have never really been a very good sick person. I always forget just how lousey it feels to be sick and then when it happens to me I am always deeply shocked by how crappy and low I am. Being sick sucks so much, it is just the pits. I really don't like my body when it doesn't function very well, it stands in the way of my plans! 
Well there is nothing for it, I must relent and allow my failing system a chance to reboot, but I cannot deny that I am extremely unhappy about it and even more annoyed with that terrible dentist for mucking up my generally 'racehorse strong' constitution, and to think that it is only the beginning of Winter! At this rate who knows what I will be like in a month from now? Fingers crossed that I am getting the worst of it over and done with early!