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SPICYWATCH

Identifying Your Triggers

29/9/2019

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It is important to understand not only your own triggers, but to able to identify the triggers in others around you as well. The fact is, that no-one in the world doesn't have a tipping point, everyone does, even the Pope and the Dalai Lama have trigger points, they are just a lot better at managing their triggers, so people think that they don't actually have them. But of course, they are human and every intelligent individual on the planet understands that to be human is to be imperfect and fallible, and sometimes that means getting angry or annoyed about things, feelings or situations. 
The ability to be able to identify triggers in yourself and others offers a person a huge life advantage. If you can identify your own triggers then you can both manage them better and avoid situations that are going to cause you undue stress. Being able to identify someone else's tipping point could be seen as an unfair advantage and if you were a villain you could certainly exploit that knowledge, but I believe that understanding why others trigger is actually an opportunity for compassion and stronger personal relations.
The better that we can understand ourselves and others, then the higher are our chances to come together in peaceful  and equitable ways. Understanding that people do not behave the way that they behave for nothing allows space for unpacking and understanding and eventually compassion as well. However, in order to get to the root of a trigger, you must firstly be willing to take a very honest look at the emotion and feeling that it is attached to that trigger. 
Generally, people get annoyed and angry because they have perceived something to be unfair, but that definition of unfair could fall into a number of different emotions, and to able to identify any trigger properly, you have to be able to name the feeling that is associated with it first. When you find yourself triggered, or are in the presence of someone that is being triggered, try to identify which of these feelings is being conveyed:
I feel unheard.
I feel judged.
I don't feel good enough.
I don't feel worthy.
I feel left out.
I feel blamed.
I feel uncared for.
I feel unloved.
I feel controlled.
I feel betrayed.
I feel unimportant.
I feel disrespected
. 
As I said, all of these emotions will make a person feel like something unfair or that some sort of injustice has occurred, but the emotions attached to them are varied and rooted in very different origins and will therefore require different levels of mediation or conversation for resolution. However, once you can identify the emotional link of your trigger, then you can start to identify its origin and why you are attached to that feeling, and this is the first step to healing and eventual release. 
Managing and identifying your triggers (and the triggers of others) is a process, one that requires patience and commitment, but it is such a powerful process and one that will develop a genuine understanding the self. Anything that allows you to let go of something that no longer serves you is never wasted and anything that can open a dialogue with the people around you that are feeling triggered is only going to further nurture your relationships  with them which is always going to be worthy work to undertake. 
So try a new method, try not to engage with your triggers, but rather try to practise identifying them. Name them, attach a genuine feeling to them and start to work out what it is that has created these feelings within you. As I said earlier, everyone has triggers, but some people are just a lot better at managing theirs, and you have the power to also be that person. 
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SORRY TO BOTHER YOU
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 112 mins
 
An art house fantasy movie that is pretty much in a league of its own, with its jet black comedy style and science fiction alternate reality setting, Sorry to Bother You is destined to become a cult classic in years to come. Written and directed by Boots Riley in his directorial debut, this film is completely unique, fresh and original in every way.
Cassius Green is struggling to get on his feet when he lands a job as a telemarketer for RegalView. After successfully mastering his 'white voice' he gains a promotion and becomes an elite Power Caller. Suddenly Cassius is flush with funds but the higher up the corporate ladder that he climbs, the faster he begins to understand how corrupt and immoral his line of business really is. 
It's perfect blend of sharp satire, political hypocrisy and social exploitation makes this film truly unforgettable, I was literally still thinking about it for days after I saw it. The casting is perfect; Lakeith Stanfield is genuinely excellent as Cassius Green, with Tessa Thompson, Steven Yeun, Armie Hammer and Danny Glover providing noteworthy support throughout. If you are looking for something different and a little left of centre then Sorry to Bother You will not disappoint. 
FINAL SAY: If you beautiful perversions don't shut the fuck up, I'll turn you into glue! 
3.5 Chilli Peppers

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And the Emmy Goes to....

26/9/2019

3 Comments

 
As if on cue, the 71st Primetime Emmy Awards happened on Monday at 10am. This was extremely fortuitous for me on so many levels. First and foremostly, I am currently on spring break which meant that I could be glued to the TV and watch it all unfold in real time, huge bloody bonus! And on top of that, my car was in for major repairs which meant that I was truly and genuinely housebound anyway, so winner, winner - the TV Gods spoke and I got to camp on the couch for three uninterrrupted hours straight without any guilty feelings whatsoever.
For a TV and movie addict, this was a very pleasant way to kick off my spring break and I must say that I was in total agreeance with the chosen winners in each category and highly recommend all of the TV series that won awards this year. Television just continues to go from strength to strength, and never before has TV ever been this consistently good. The Emmy award line up this year was staggeringly great and I don't think that the competition has ever been this fiercely competitive. All of the series nominated were really high quality which just galvanises the fact that television is better than it has ever been before. 
For anyone that missed all of the glitz, glamour and excitement, I have of course got you covered! Here is a list of the very deserving nominees and winners (in bold) for each category:
Outstanding Drama Series
Better Call Saul
Bodyguard
Game of Thrones
Killing Eve
Ozark
Pose
Succession
This Is Us

Outstanding Comedy Series
Barry
Fleabag
Russian Doll
Schitt’s Creek
The Good Place
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Veep

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul)
Kit Harington (Game of Thrones)
Jason Bateman (Ozark)
Sterling K. Brown (This Is Us)
Milo Ventimiglia (This Is Us)
Billy Porter (Pose)

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones)
Robin Wright (House of Cards)
Viola Davis (How To Get Away With Murder)
Sandra Oh (Killing Eve)
Jodie Comer (Killing Eve)
Mandy Moore (This Is Us)
Laura Linney (Ozark)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Henry Winkler (Barry)
Anthony Carrigan (Barry)
Stephen Root (Barry)
Tony Hale (Veep)
Tony Shalhoub (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)
Alan Arkin (The Kominsky Method)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Sarah Goldberg (Barry)
Sian Clifford (Fleabag)
Olivia Colman (Fleabag)
Betty Gilpin (GLOW)
Marin Hinkle (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)
Kate McKinnon (Saturday Night Live)
Alex Borstein (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)
Anna Chlumsky (Veep)

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series
Barry “ronny/lily”
Fleabag “Episode 1”
PEN15 “Anna Ishii-Peters”
Russian Doll “Nothing In This World Is Easy”
Russian Doll “A Warm Body”
The Good Place “Janet(s)”
Veep “Veep”

Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series
Barry “The Audition”
Barry “ronny/lily”
Fleabag “Episode 1”
The Big Bang Theory “Stockholm Syndrome”
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel “All Alone”
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel “We’re Going To The Catskills!”

Outstanding Comedy Actor
Bill Hader (Barry)
Don Cheadle (Black Monday)
Anthony Anderson (Black-ish)
Eugene Levy (Schitt’s Creek)
Ted Danson (The Good Place)
Michael Douglas (The Kominsky Method)

Outstanding Comedy Actress
Christina Applegate (Dead to Me)
Phoebe Waller-Bridge (Fleabag)
Catherine O’Hara (Schitt’s Creek)
Natasha Lyonne (Russian Doll)
Rachel Brosnahan (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)

Outstanding Competition Series
American Ninja Warrior
RuPaul’s Drag Race
Nailed It!
The Amazing Race
The Voice
Top Chef

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series
Emily Watson (Chernobyl)
Patricia Clarkson (Sharp Objects)
Marsha Stephanie Blake (When They See Us)
Vera Farmiga (When They See Us)
Patricia Arquette (The Act)
Margaret Qualley (Fosse/Verdon)

Outstanding Directing for a Limited Series, Movie, or Dramatic Special
A Very English Scandal
Chernobyl
Escape At Dannemora
Fosse/Verdon “Glory”
Fosse/Verdon “Who’s Got The Pain”
When They See Us

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series
Ben Whishaw (A Very English Scandal)
Stellan Skarsgard (Chernobyl)
Paul Dano (Escape at Dannemora)
John Leguizamo (When They See Us)
Michael K. Williams (When They See Us)
Asante Blackk (When They See Us)

Outstanding Writing for a Limited Series, Movie, or Dramatic Special
A Very English Scandal
Chernobyl
Escape At Dannemora “Episode 6”
Escape At Dannemora “Episode 7”
Fosse/Verdon “Providence”
When They See Us “Part Four”

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series
Mahershala Ali (True Detective)
Hugh Grant (A Very English Scandal)
Benicio del Toro (Escape At Dannemora)
Sam Rockwell (Fosse/Verdon)
Jared Harris (Chernobyl)
Jharrel Jerome (When They See Us)

Outstanding Television Movie
Bandersnatch (Black Mirror)
Deadwood
Brexit
King Lear
My Dinner With Hervé

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series
Amy Adams (Sharp Objects)
Patricia Arquette (Escape at Dannemora)
Michelle Williams (Fosse/Verdon)
Joey King (The Act)
Aunjanue Ellis (When They See Us)
Niecy Nash (When They See Us)

Outstanding Limited Series
Chernobyl
Escape at Dannemora
Fosse/Verdon
Sharp Objects
When They See Us

Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series
Documentary Now!
Full Frontal With Samantha Bee
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Saturday Night Live
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Outstanding Variety Sketch Series
Documentary Now!
Drunk History
I Love You, America With Sarah Silverman
Saturday Night Live
Who Is America?
At Home With Amy Sedaris

Outstanding Directing for a Variety Series
Documentary Now! “Waiting For The Artist”
Drunk History “Are You Afraid Of The Drunk?”
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver “Psychics”
Saturday Night Live “Host: Adam Sandler”
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert “Live Midterm Election Show”
Who Is America? “Episode 102”

Outstanding Variety Talk Series
Full Frontal With Samantha Bee
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver
The Daily Show With Trevor Noah
The Late Late Show With James Corden
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Jonathan Banks (Better Call Saul)
Giancarlo Esposito (Better Call Saul)
Alfie Allen (Game of Thrones)
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Game of Thrones)
Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones)
Michael Kelly (House of Cards)
Chris Sullivan (This Is Us)

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series
Better Call Saul “Winner”
Bodyguard “Episode 1”
Game of Thrones “The Iron Throne”
Killing Eve “Nice And Neat”
Succession “Nobody Is Ever Missing”
The Handmaid’s Tale “Holly”

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Lena Headey (Game of Thrones)
Gwendoline Christie (Game of Thrones)
Sophie Turner (Game of Thrones)
Maisie Williams (Game of Thrones)
Fiona Shaw (Killing Eve)
Julia Garner (Ozark)

Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series
Game of Thrones “The Last Of The Starks”
Game of Thrones “The Long Night”
Game of Thrones “The Iron Throne”
Killing Eve “Desperate Times”
Ozark “Reparations”
Succession “Celebration”
The Handmaid’s Tale “Holly"

Being a movie blog, it was hard for me to find a film to attach to this post, but after some consideration I decided to go with Paris is Burning in tribute to this year's Outstanding Competition Television series winner - RuPaul's Drag Race, which was clearly influenced by this outstanding and informative must-see documentary.
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PARIS IS BURNING
Release Date: 1990
Rating: M
Running Time: 71 mins

Ever wondered where Madonna got her idea for Vogue? And where RuPaul got his 'fierce' drag competition ideas? Well look no further, because Paris is Burning will answer all those questions and more.  
An American documentary, directed by Jennie Livingston, that chronicles the drag ball culture of the mid to late 80's in New York City and the African-American, Latino, gay and transgender communities involved. This invaluable documentary shines a spotlight on the Golden Age of New York City drag balls and offers a thoughtful exploration of race, class, gender and sexuality in America during the 80's. 
​Elaborately structured drag ball competitions offer contestants the opportunity to 'walk' and be judged on their 'realness' by prominent members of the scene who have established 'houses' that serve as intentional families, social groups and performance teams.
Through a series of ball footage reels and interviews with prominent members, we gain an intimate and insightful understanding of the struggles, strengths, pride and humour that exists within this colourful subculture. 
This is an intelligent, at times troubling, but also desperately hopeful piece that everyone should see at least once in their lifetime.
FINAL SAY: It is so obvious that if you have captured the great white way of living, or looking, or dressing, or speaking - you is a marvel.
3.5 Chilli Peppers 
​

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My Private Addiction

22/9/2019

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Sometimes a movie will capture me up. It doesn't happen all of the time, in fact it is incredibly rare when it does happen which is what makes it so remarkable and also special when it does occur. Very few movies have that kind of an effect on me and when they do, I find myself completely swept away on an intensely emotional journey. It is so emotional and connective that when the film reaches its inevitable conclusion I find that I suffer a weird type of remorse about it. This is because I have delved so deeply into the vision of the actors and the fabric of the story that I genuinely feel the film on the level that the director would have wanted the audience to feel it; which in a word is -completely.
For a moment, somewhere between 90 to 120 minutes, I am totally immersed in something so completely perfect that I become 100% absorbed by it in every way. My mind, body and soul are totally engulfed in the sweet visual transformation and I become riveted by the possible outcomes; so of course after being completely consumed to that level, I lament the end when it eventually arrives. 
Usually these 'swept away' moments happen during the wee small hours of the night, and are often after a few solitary libations and only ever after the house has fallen blissfully still and silent. These cherished moments are absolutely private and utterly perfect in their composition, just like a well crafted movie should be and they are something that I deeply covet as an avid lover of cinema; those golden moments when I get lost in an amazing movie. 
And it is during these wee private hours that I get to indulge in the movies that no-one else in the house would ever venture to investigate or appreciate me watching during their viewing hours. But these precious cinematic icons of days gone by or magically modern expressions of something as yet untold are pure gold to me. They evoke tears and connection and above all else they speak to me, they sing to my soul in private and perfect ways; in ways that only true lovers of cinema could ever really comprehend.
These kinds of movies are rare gems, they're transformative and altogether beautiful expressions that don't happen as often as I would like because being as addicted to cinema as I am means that I have to wade through hours and hours of mediocrity to arrive at a movie that has this much of an affect on me. And just like any addict, it is these ultimate highs that keep me going  back over and over to attain the rush all over again. It is the movies that affect me this deeply that make me acutely aware of just how addicted to quality cinema I really am. Quality movies really are an obsession, a preoccupation and a secret longing that I harbour and in those wee hours when my yearnings are fulfilled, well those are some of the best nights of the year for me.   
And it just so happens that I kicked off my Spring holiday break with a 2.30am viewing that did sate my urge and did sweep me away, and it felt so good to be lost in a good movie again because it really has been such a very long time between drinks for me and it felt so good to be swallowed up by something of substance all over again. 
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45 YEARS 
Release Date: 2015
Rating: M
Running Time: 91 minutes 

A British drama, directed and written by Andrew Haigh and based on the short story "In Another Country" by David Constantine. After its premiere 45 Years gained a lot of attention, particularly for actress Charlotte Rampling who was nominated at the 88th Academy Awards for Best Actress in a Leading Role for her stellar performance as Kate Mercer. She and Tom Courtenay, who plays Geoff Mercer, both deservedly won Best Actress and Best Actor Silver Bear Awards at the Berlin International Film Festival.
Kate and Geoff Mercer are just about to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary when Geoff receives news from Switzerland that the body of his long lost German lover from the 1960's has been discovered in a melting glacier.  Kate is disturbed that Geoff had not previously shared this information about his German lover, the events that surrounded her death or the depth of their relationship. Doubt and suspicion starts to develop. 
This movie feels genuine, on every level. The couple seem completely at ease with one another, the relationship is plausible and the conversations that they share are so natural that you almost feel like a fly on the wall as you watch the story unfold. Rampling and Courtenay are truly amazing together and epitomise all of the comfort of predictability and distress of change that older people are so well known for. There really aren't enough moves about mature aged couples, but there should be more of them. If 45 Years is anything to go by, I definitely want to see more.
FINAL SAY: Would you have married her? 
4 Chilli Peppers 

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The Now

15/9/2019

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I am currently listening to a life altering audio book called The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment  by Eckhart Tolle. It is both the most interesting book that I have ever engaged and the most perplexing book that I have ever encountered. Basically the book stresses the importance of living only in the present moment of your life, meaning that you should not be thinking about the future or the past but rather allowing yourself to be completely and totally absorbed by the present moment of your life (which is otherwise known as - The Now).
This book is the ultimate guide to extreme and absolute presence, or if I'm going to go with the buzzword of the decade - mindfulness. And I cannot deny that being 100% in the present moment feels pretty much like an impossibility for me to do, in fact most of the time it feels downright wrong, neglectful and lazy to do. And that is only because I have been so conditioned to pay attention to external things and concentrate on the next thing that is coming or drawing from my past, that I have actually spent hardly any time at all in the actual moment that I was in at any given time. And not only that, but I have also been conditioned to identify myself based on my inability to be in the moment and therefore have limited my true potential. Sounds complex I know, but it all does make sense, so let me break it down for you. 
When your thoughts are concerned in the present only you will experience the following:
  • Increased awareness of what is happening.
  • Strong and focused attention to tasks.
  • More enjoyment of life pleasures. 
  • An ability to perceive without judgement - knowing that you don't have to label or identify. 
  • An ability to step back from your emotions and observe them. 
  • A realisation of your potentials.
  • Openness, curiosity and acceptance. 
When you are not concerned with the present moment, you will be experiencing:
  • Autopilot reactions to situations based on habits.
  • Poor attentional control.
  • A flippant and non-appreciative attitude to life pleasures. 
  • Reliving past experiences and projecting them into your future endeavours. 
  • Labelling and judging things as good or bad, right or wrong.
  • Your brain emotionally hijacking your responses.
  • Neglect of your potential. 
  • A limiting attitude. 
So whether you call it being in The Now or practicing Mindfulness, you have to admit the benefits of being in the present moment are far more appealing than not being in the present moment right? However, actually staying in that mindful and present moment is really challenging, and it takes practise and effort to stop your brain from hijacking your thoughts and forcing you back into deep seated and well worn patterns of habit that are derived from your past experiences and your aspirations about the future. 
What worked best for me was accepting that all of the moments behind me were truly and completely finished. Nothing that I can do now will ever alter the past from what it is or change the past from what it is, so worrying about it or revisiting it internally is both pointless and futile. The past is utterly and completely unchangeable.
The future on the other hand is totally unwritten which means that any thoughts that I have about how it should look or what it should be like are based in complete fiction. Allowing myself to create an illusion about my future is not harnessing my ability to make things happen right now and it is only offering a point of reference that I will feel tethered to completing and if I don't, then I will feel disappointed and pained by my shattered illusions. 
No matter how you look at, all we ever really get to have is here and now. This moment and only this moment, nothing more and nothing less than that. By focusing less on your past and worrying less about your future, you will free your thinking and liberate your life from guilt and expectation, which is where most of our disappointments about life occur. Start slowly, try to stop multitasking and give your full attention to one task at a time when you can, get out in nature and think about nothing but where you are and what you are doing for the entire time that you are out. Also, try to bring yourself to the current moment whenever you can, like when you are driving, eating a meal or taking a shower, don't do those things on autopilot or while you're thinking about other things, but instead fully immerse yourself in whatever you are doing 100%. Everytime that you allow yourself be more present in the moment, the better that you will get at it, and before long every moment will be filled with unlimited potential and joy.
But you don't have to take my or Eckhart Tolle's word for it, try it for yourself and see where it takes you, besides you know that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from giving it a go. 
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THE BIG BLUE (LE GRAND BLEU)
Release Date: 1988
Rating: PG
Running Time: 168 mins 
This movie really fascinated me. Directed by Luc Besson, this French language film is a fictionalised recount of the lives of two contemporary champion free divers: Jacques Mayol and Enzo Maiorca. There is a mystical and incredibly beautiful element to the film that is both visually and emotionally pleasing; filmed in stunning exotic locations across the globe including the French Antibes, the Greek Islands, Peru and Taormina in Sicily, it is easy to see why The Big Blue went onto become a cult classic. 
Jacques (Jean-Marc Barr) and Enzo (Jean Reno) have known each other since childhood, sharing the same passion for freediving. As adults, Jacques has an almost dolphin like ability to stay under the water for unprecedented lengths of time, and Enzo has since gone on to become the freediving world champion. Eventually the two men meet up again to determine who really is the best free diver, with both men pushing themselves into extremely dangerous territory. 
Jean-Marc Barr is insanely beautiful as the mystical character Jacques, Jean Reno is excellent as Enzo and Rosanna Arquette does a decent job of portraying Jean-Marc's fictionalised girlfriend Johana, but her role essentially feels like it was just created to add more punch to the possibility of Jacques being more than just human.  
This is a visual feast for your eyes, the underwater cinematography is utterly captivating and the sound of the sea will stay with you for days after. Let the ocean sweep you away, watch it in the dark on a big screen, and delight! 
FINAL SAY: You go down to the bottom of the sea, where the water isn't even blue anymore, where the sky is only a memory, and you float there, in the silence. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers

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What's Your Favourite Movie of All Time?

11/9/2019

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Whenever I tell people that I have a website that is dedicated to reviewing movies they always ask me the same question - What's Your Favourite Movie of All Time? As a lover of movies, this is one of the hardest questions that I ever get asked because it is almost impossible to choose just one movie when I have seen and enjoyed so many.
There is a reason that I have a Hall of Fame page that is dedicated to movies that I gave 5 Chilli Peppers to, and that's because I find it so hard to compare movies from different genres against each other. If someone asks me what my favourite movie is, I usually respond with 'that depends on which genre you're talking about.'
If I could have the option of choosing a favourite in each genre, then I could definitely tell you my favourites without any trouble at all:
DRAMA: Manchester by the Sea
HORROR: Rosemary's Baby
SCIENCE FICTION: Interstellar
​WAR: Inglourious Basterds
SUPER: Avengers: Endgame
COMEDY: Snatch
CRIME/ACTION: No Country for Old Men
ART HOUSE: Youth
FOREIGN: The Great Beauty (La Grande Bellezza) 
FANTASY: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
GRITTY: Melancholia
ROMANCE: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 
KID FRIENDLY: Kubo and the Two Strings 

So why are these my favourite films when I have so many more listed on my Hall of Fame that are also 5 Chilli Peppers worthy? Well that's easy, these are the movies that I go back to time and time again and always enjoy them just as much as I did the first time that I watched them. All of them had an effect on me in one way or another and all of them left me pondering after I had seen them. I guess that I really don't have one favourite movie of all time, I actually have 13, which also happens to be my lucky number! 
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ROSEMARY'S BABY
Release Date: 1968
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 136 mins
A truly brilliant psychological horror from Roman Polanski. Rosemary's Baby is a modern gothic tale, dark and mysterious and set in hip 1960's Manhattan; this is a film that will get you thinking and leave you thinking long after the credits have rolled. 
Rosemary and husband Guy are expecting their first child and have just moved into a new apartment. They are quickly befriended by an enthusiastic elderly couple who also live in the building, Roman and Minnie. However, Rosemary soon becomes suspicious of their motivations and what follows is a series of eerie interludes and states of increasing paranoia. 
This is thinking man's horror, subtle and disturbing in every way. Unlike so many horror films of the 60's and 70's, this film is not reliant on anything crass or cheap, there is a sophistication in its insidious tone that horror films struggle to match even today. 
Mia Farrow is very convincing as Rosemary, her slight frame making her an even more vulnerable target. And Ruth Gordon steals the show as the fast talking oldie Minnie. Not just for horror fans, Rosemary's Baby is worthy cinema for all. 
FINAL SAY:  Chalky Chocolate Mousse.
5 Chilli Peppers

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Breaking Up is Hard to Do

8/9/2019

2 Comments

 
It's almost been ten days since our Zoe arrived back home after breaking up with her fiance and partner of 8 years Lachlainn. The news came as a bit of a shock to us all, but maybe I just didn't want to see the problems because I wanted to believe that Zoe was happy, but in truth, she wasn't. Looking back on these things with hindsight you can always see the cracks and chips in clarity but at the time you are just blinded by what you want to see. It is always like this with breakups of any kind I think, and even though the clarity is there, it really doesn't make breaking up any easier to do. 
Zoe has been strong and organised with this break up to within an inch of her life, which is what we have all come to expect from our Zoe. She's tough and she strong, and it does take great strength to admit that things aren't working and then to also walk away from them. Zoe leaves behind eight years of memories and most of her formative years experiences with Lachlainn since they practically grew up together. Zoe was only 14 years old when she and Lachlainn got together, so it is both fair and probably to be expected that they have just grown apart as time has progressed, and we really should have seen this coming to be honest, but as I said hindsight is 20/20. 
I think back to some of the douche bags that I was hooking up with when I was only 14 years old and...jeez! There is no way that I could probably even stand to be in the same room with some of those weirdos let alone in a relationship with them. Not that I am saying that Lachlainn is a douchebag or anything, but the likelihood of wanting someone that you hooked up with when you were a kid as an adult are probably slim to none.
Craig and I got together when I was just short of 18 and we have had more dramatic episodes than Days of Our Lives on the way to eventually finding happiness and contentment together. We broke up numerous times, fought like we were on the set of Rocky, got regularly and spectacularly wasted together like we were Sid and Nancy at an Irish stag do and eventually popped out the other end (somehow) still together.
And I'm not going to lie to you, it was really hard to stay together when we were young, it felt downright impossible at times. We were both the youngest of five children so we were both used to having our own ways and we had no idea how to make a relationship work, we were both headstrong, opinionated brats. However, unlike Zoe and Lachlainn we were already married and had a home mortgage and a child before we were even 25 so we felt like we had to stick it out through thick and thin, it was complicated. Fortunately for Zoe and Lachlainn they didn't have any of these responsibilities to make them feel tethered together, so breaking up became amicable and quite simple really, well as simple as breakups can be if that's any consolation. 
Breaking up, no matter how clean, is not easy. You are never  just leaving another person, but also leaving a part of yourself and a way of being that you may have grown accustomed to. You leave behind who you once were when you were with that person and you are technically re-inventing yourself into another version of yourself. A single version of yourself, which will be hard for Zoe because she hasn't really experienced being single yet, it's totally foreign territory. However, as we all know, foreign territory although a little scary at times, can also be exciting, exhilarating and empowering. And if anyone is going to be able to stand on their own two feet, I have absolutely no doubt that Zoe will. She has more strong independent woman in her than Sinead O'Connor and I really believe that although it is sad that she has broken up with Lachlainn that this will be her time to shine and really come into her own. 
Sometimes we need a clean break to kick start a new life, and sometimes that opportunity can only be seized by letting go of an old and outmoded version of ourselves. Sometimes letting go of people in our lives that are holding us back from meeting our true potential is only sad for a short time before we can fluff up our own wings again and take flight on our own. And I cannot deny that the very selfish and motherly parts of me are genuinely  excited to have my darling daughter back in the nest for me to fuss over once again. Here together we can support her, help her to heal the broken parts of herself and then help her to move on to the next big adventure that life has in store for her. Zoe deserves all of that and more and now it is her chance to fly solo, put herself first and do whatever she wants to do. 
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SHIRLEY VALENTINE
Release Date: 1989
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 108 mins 
After dreaming of going to Greece since I was 12, this movie really struck a chord for me, and not just because of it's beautiful depictions of a greek island lifestyle but also because of the strong independent charm of Shirley Valentine.
Shirley Valentine is a tale about a woman that is just plain fed up with the monotony and predictability of her life, her family take her for granted and she has become sad and drab. So she packs up her bags and heads to Greece for a holiday, in an attempt to find some sun, sea and solution to her woes. 
Is there any romance? Well a little, but this film is mostly focused on falling in love with Greece and yourself. It is a movie about self empowerment and having the guts to step away from a life that is no longer offering you any happiness. 
I adored the ballsy and yet clearly beaten down character of Shirley, portrayed perfectly by Pauline Collins, who not only really looked like a middle aged housewife but played her role of Shirley with great conviction, enough conviction to land herself a Best Actress BAFTA.  This is a movie for all of those women out there that are sick of waiting for their families to treat them with the respect that they deserve; it is all about breaking free. 
FINAL SAY: I'm not saying he's bad, my fella. He's just no bleedin' good! 
3 Chilli Peppers

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Bad News Travels Fast

1/9/2019

4 Comments

 
If he lived, the news would soon be here. Nay, evil news fly faster still than good. That line came from a play called The Spanish Tragedy which was written sometime between 1582 and 1592. It was the first time that the phrase Bad news travels fast was written in print form and proves that even hundreds of years ago it was human nature to be more interested in failure and woe than success and good tidings. 
And believe it or not, it's not our fault that we do pay more attention to the negative things, because we are actually hard-wired to do that. From an evolutionary standpoint the primary goal is to survive, and in general it's the bad experiences not the good ones that have the biggest impact on that ability to survive. Our evolutionary ancestors would've had a far greater chance of survival if they remembered how to out-maneuver a predator or which berries were safe to eat instead of where they found nice tree to nap under. It was the difference between surviving and dying, so storing negative information and passing it along was a means of survival that we still carry with us today. 
Rick Hanson wrote a fascinating book on the subject called Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom and in it he cites how studies have shown that the brain detects negative information faster than positive, stores it for longer and creates very lasting and difficult to undo pathways that we will reactivate when we find ourselves in similar circumstances. Did you know that in personal relationships it can take up to 5 positive interactions to undo just one negative interaction? It actually takes numerous go overs to unlearn a negative experience which is why it is so difficult to forgive someone when they hurt or betray you, it isn't easy because your brain actually physically resists you creating a new pathway. 
Your brain is unconsciously always deciding whether to avoid or approach everything that it encounters in the world, and regardless of how extroverted you may be, your brain in its most primal form is actually naturally wired to avoidance first and fighting against that is what causes feelings of anxiety. However, not all hope is lost, you don't need to avoid everything and you don't have to suffer relentless anxiety, there are ways to retrain your brain.
Hanson goes on to explain that your brain can override these instincts and be retrained to develop compassion through practising mindfulness, gratitude and self affirmation. You can actually create overriding positives for yourself that will crush your negative experiences, create new and better brain pathways and lead you to a more emotionally balanced and calm lifestyle. 
In short, you don't need to feel like a slave to negative words and thoughts, you can chose positive ones through repetition and focus. You can start today by passing on some good news, sharing your thoughts of gratitude or complimenting others instead of being the bearer of bad news. You don't actually have to help bad news travel at all if you don't want to, you have the power to give yourself peace of mind because you have evolved far beyond the need to ignite your monkey brain functions, you're a higher and more evolved being than that now. 
So it's time to spark your good news, pass along some positives and give yourself a compliment every single day because when you do that you are actually annihilating negative pathways that you have previously carved into your brain and giving yourself the opportunity to be free from anxiety. You deserve to have peace of mind and now you know that it is as easy as being more mindful of your thoughts about others and yourself and honing your ability to focus on the positives around you, it's really is that simple! Change your focus, be positive and be complementary and I promise that you will feel a whole lot calmer and more in control of your emotions, trust me it really works!  
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FINDING NEMO 
Release Date: 2003
Rating: G
Running Time: 100 mins
Pixar Animation Studios really raised the bar with their computer animated, comedy-drama Finding Nemo. This movie tells a meaningful and heartfelt tale of a father-son relationship set under the sea in Australia.
When young clown fish Nemo gets taken from the Great Barrier Reef by a diver, his father Marlin sets out on an epic adventure across the ocean to find his son. Meanwhile Nemo, who has arrived in Sydney, finds himself in a dentist's fish tank filled with a bevvy of other tropical fish that are keen to make an escape. 
There are loads of laughs to be had here, mostly coming from Ellen DeGeneres' character Dory; but more than that, this movie is a visual delight with it's brightly coloured depictions of life aquatic. 
FINAL SAY: Just keep swimming!
4 Chilli Peppers
NOTE: Finding Dory (2016) was an excellent sequel to Finding Nemo, every bit as beautiful and enjoyable as it's predecessor. Boasting a consistent voice cast, this next adventure of sea life mishap is based around a city aquarium.   ​

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    Hi, my name is Barb.
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