It is easy for real events to be misconstrued and misread. We all get our wires crossed from time to time and we have all been guilty of jumping to conclusions before we get all of the facts in place. My family are shockingly notorious for jumping to incorrect conclusions and thinking the absolute worst of people and situations. As you would imagine, it was not easy growing in a household where 'the worst case scenario' was the go to method and main of the day; it was a lot like walking around on eggshells most of the time and there appeared to be an unending number of people in the world that my family didn't like or trust.  
This method of worst case thinking and intensely suspicious behaviour has made us all quite suspicious in general and at times emotionally dismissive. It  has also lead to us being dreadfully wrong about people and situations on many occasions and created a lot of unnecessary stress within our already fragile family dynamic over the years. 
What I do know for sure is that finding peace-time in our family is not getting any easier as the years go by, and regardless of how hard we try to make meaningful relationships with each other, we are just kidding ourselves if we think that it is ever going to be sane or normal. 
Don't get me wrong, I do love my family, and I do believe that we have all done the best with what we have; we just never really had the minerals to begin with. But I'm not mad about that or bitter about it. I just want to enjoy my family, without the dramatics and suspicions. I'd like to have fond memories of all of them to look back on in my twilight years, surely that is not too much to ask for? 

Don't you hate it when the world gives you an unexpected and swift slap in the face? You know how it works, we've all been there before; you're just cruising around feeling pretty good about your place in the world and then wallop, you get a kick to the head that makes your eyes water for a few days. Not a literal kick to the head, a figurative one, like a comment or something of the sort that makes you feel like shit about yourself. I had one last week, and it stung something awful if I'm being honest, but it happens from time to time and you just have to keep calm and carry on. 
These types of things are great for checking in with your personal levels of resolve and your ability to weather less than pleasant tidings, but essentially I am just trying to find the positive, mostly they are just crap and when they come from someone that you work with they can make you lose your mojo in the workplace.
Places of business are notorious for slapping the confidence and ego off people, I have never had a job yet where someone didn't challenge me personally or try to assert their authority over me in a negative way, no job comes with a perfectly designed staff at your disposal. Most workplaces are actually very competitive and things can get pretty nasty, but mostly I don't get very many slaps where I work, just a sneaky one from time to time. Perhaps that is why they sting so badly, the lack of frequency and unpredictability could be what makes them so jarring. 
In general though, I take criticism very, very badly. I can't stand it when someone has a poke at me, it really gets to me. I am not even a fan of constructive criticism, it's still bloody criticism isn't it? So I don't want to hear about it! I like to live in my own rose coloured bubble as much as I can, but everyone knows that is not how the world operates, so from time to time I get a smack down. And then I take it personally, very personally. I brood about it for days and then I eventually build a bridge and get over it. I don't forget it that easily though, in the past I would NEvER forget any criticism that I got. I would store it all in the 'crap feelings' folder that I had stored away in my brain, which I kept under lock and key. Every now and then, a little slice of shit will seep out and make me underestimate myself again. Thankfully,  I don't hang onto the negative stuff that much anymore; 99% of the time I keep it all in check, but I cannot deny that I still hate being criticized and that I generally don't really handle it very well.
I think that I am actually a pretty forgiving person most of the time, unless you push me too far or insult me too deeply, and then that's it for me. If that happens, I will literally slam the door in anyone's face; friend, family or foe. It's a total ice out, a full on shutdown of all interaction, and the door will not re-open ever again if I get to that point, no matter how hard you may try, I will never be back on board and we never have a friendship again. It is worth noting that you would have to really fuck me over for that to happen, but it has happened before, more than once or twice actually because I just cannot tolerate shady assholes in my life.
I would rather sever a toxic relationship than tolerate one, but in the workplace you don't get to have that luxury. In the workplace, you have to take the slaps and you have to suck them up, and that takes a lot of effort some days. However, over time I think that I have learnt to bounce back a lot faster from the criticisms and I've also learned to let the negative things roll off me like water off a duck's back, it is just so much easier than holding onto everything. So, I'm just gonna rub that slapped cheek a little and let it go, it's not really that big of a deal. I'm well aware that it's just my stupid pride that lets it sting as much as it does. 

PRIDE
Release Date: 2014
Rating: M
Running Time: 120 mins 
More of a 'feel good' movie than a comedy, but certainly an enjoyable re-tell of the unlikely bond that occurred between the UK Miner Strikers and the Gay and Lesbian Equal Rights Movement during the 1980's. The Brits have a fantastic knack for producing uplifting crowd-pleaser films like this, and Pride will definitely leave you with a overwhelming desire to stand up and cheer. 
Gay activists make an impact on the miners during their National Union of Mineworkers strike in the Summer of 1984, by raising lots of money to aid their plight. United by their oppression, the gays and the miners seek to make a difference and rise up against the haters, both locally and politically. 
As you would expect, this union produces some obvious opportunities for joyful gay support, and also some hateful gay bashing, which is often a rather nasty side effect of LGBT films that are set in the 70's and 80's. However, for the most part, this is a really well thought out and tasteful depiction of a fascinating and inspirational piece of history. 
FINAL SAY: Miners dig for coal, which produces power, which allows gay people like you to dance to Bananarama 'til 3 o'clock in the morning. 
3.5 Chili Peppers ​

I have tried my hand at a lot of different jobs over the years. I've dabbled in retail, hospitality, entertainment, arts and even the esoteric to try and earn a living. Some of my ventures have been successful, some not so successful, but along the way I have accumulated a broad set of skills and tools that are now permanently a part of who I am.  
Every job that I have undertaken over the years has helped to shape me as a person. Every employer that I have had has been unique in their own way, and every group of staff that I have worked along side of has come with their own quirks, perks and challenges for me to avoid, glean information from or completely dismiss in every way. I have loved people that I have worked with, and I have loathed people that I have worked with, it's all part of being in the workforce - some you win and some you lose.
I guess that everyone has had at least one shitty job in their lifetime, because we all have to make ends meet and that can require us to do things that we not only don't enjoy doing very much, but actually hate doing. I feel really bad for anyone that despises their job, working five days a week is tough enough without hating every minute that you are there. I don't think that I have ever really hated a job that I have had, but I have hated employers that I have worked for before, venomently. It oftens seems that a little power really goes to some people's heads, and a lot of people that are in higher profile positions get a bit of an ego with that authority and turn into assholes. Not all of course, but I have certainly seen some pretty horrific examples of power transforming once regular people into elitist dickheads in the workplace. 
I once had a job as a waitress at a Ballarat restaurant, that interestingly no longer exists (surprise, surprise!) and it was probably the crappiest job that I have ever had in my life. The people that owned the business were total assholes. These two middle aged guys that thought that they were hot shit ran the business, but they also did the cooking in the kitchen, and their wives sometimes waited the tables. They seemed to be yelling about one thing or another pretty much all of the time. I recall being abused by them and the customers and being spoken down to regularly, it was just the pits. When I eventually got another a job and told them that I was giving notice I clearly remember one of my bosses actually saying, and I quote, "good, because you are useless anyway." What a fucking asshole, man I hated that dickface. Needless to say, I never worked in another restaurant ever again after that. Waitresses really do get treated like absolute shit in a lot of workplaces, so I always try to be super nice to them. I know what it's like to be spoken down to by customers and to also have a really mean boss giving you what for behind the scenes as well, and it is far from fun. 
It really doesn't matter what you are doing to earn a crust, every job comes with it's challenges, from the smallest of tasks to the biggest undertakings, everyone in paid employment has their own unique set of hoops to jump through and obstacles to overcome.
I actually really like my job and my workplace, it is generally a pretty nice place to be as far as workplaces go, but even I have days that majorly suck a sav and I wonder what the hell I am doing with my life, it's normal to feel that way. All that I really know for sure, is that I would rather be working for a livivng than waiting to win the lottery any day of the week, even on the crappiest of days. I'm glad that I have job and the ability to earn my own money, because it feels good to be 'doing my bit', which is exactly what I tell myself every morning when my alarm goes off at 5.40am and I just want to roll over and go back to sleep. Besides, there are a tonne of shittier ways to earn a living, that's for sure. 

I have come to the understanding that I am not a very interesting person. It's a fact and it is totally okay, I don't have a problem with it. It's just that in the past I have always stupidly considered myself to be reasonably interesting. I may have even had an ego about it once upon a time, you know the whole I'm so edgy and different crap that we tell ourselves when we desperately want to stand out but generally don't. Yeah, I've always liked the idea that I was a bit unique, I mean who doesn't want to seem interesting? Anyway, after examining the way in which I interact with other people and live my life, I have decided that not only am I am not very interesting, but that I'm probably seen as a bit of a weirdo.
If I was meeting me for the first time, I would definitely think that I was an odd-bod, and that does not mean interesting or edgy, because odd is just plain odd. I actually think that I would annoy myself pretty quickly. There are a lot of things about the way that I function that bother me intensely, and I am not stupid enough to think that they wouldn't bother others as well. 
Don't get me wrong, I know that I do have good attributes, I am not flavourless, I am just not very interesting. I am not trying to insinuate that I have the personality of a plastic spoon or anything, I mean I know that I am a bit quirky and I have a decent sense of humour and enjoy a range of unusual things, but that really doesn't constitute 'interesting' in my books. 
I haven't done anything heroic or changed the world in any significant way. Mostly, I just talk way too much about movies and TV, I generally find small talk and chit-chat awkward, and if I am being really honest about myself, I am not that easy to talk to. I cut people off and go off on the weirdest tangents, I often manage to annoy myself mid-conversation! 
The combination of these things would lead most people to think that I am utterly boring or socially retarded or just plain rude, and they'd be completely correct in that thinking. I am actually a bit of all of those things, and I own that. I own my inept small talk capabilities, my over zealous attitude to cinema, my often inappropriate jokes and my disinterest in mundane idle chit-chat. I am annoyingly aware that I have very little in common with much of the world and that I can bore people to the point of distraction. I am just not that interesting. 
But in truth, how many genuinely interesting people are there in the world? There are a lot of good people, hard working people and busy people, but are they really all that interesting? I say yes, because I am so often fascinated by the complexities of others, and I do believe that everyone has at least one really excellent tale to share about their life that is worth hearing. However, that doesn't mean that I find all people interesting all of the time, and some people are dull, there is no sugar coating that fact, but I do believe that everyone certainly can be interesting from time to time.
Perhaps we are just not that interesting to ourselves, I mean after living with myself for 43 years, I often get bored of me! And maybe it is normal to feel bored of ourselves, maybe it is just a signpost for change and reinvention. However, when I focus on the incredible lives that some people have lived and the amazing things that some people have achieved, that is when I really feel like I am not cutting it in the leagues of the 'interesting' as far as the human race goes, but I guess not all of us were designed to be heroes were we? And even the little and uninteresting people have a role to play in the big scheme of things. 

HACKSAW RIDGE
Release Date: 2016
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 139 mins
Not since Saving Private Ryan has there been so much graphic bloodshed depicted on the battlefields, but what this movie does have that Saving Private Ryan failed to deliver is a lot more heart and an extraordinary true story about a real life war hero. Written by Andrew Knight and directed by Mel Gibson, Hacksaw Ridge plays out like an old school war movie from days gone by. I felt like I was watching something that could've been made in the 1970's with much better effects, and I found that aspect extremely pleasing. 
​Desmond Doss enlists in the army during the outbreak of WWII. Being a conscientious objector (C.O.) and a Seventh-day Adventist, Doss refuses his right to carry or use firearms during war, and choses to be unarmed medic during his call of duty in the the Battle of Okinawa.  His heroic efforts at Hacksaw Ridge made him the first C.O. to receive a Medal of Honour. 
This is a war story that deserves to be heard, and even though Doss was clearly motivated by his religious ideals, the film doesn't feel preachy or heavy handed in that way. Andrew Garfield shines as Doss, giving the best performance of his career thus far and earning himself a Best Actor nomination at the 89th Academy Awards. The supporting actors are all excellent, with notable performance from Vince Vaughn, Sam Worthington and Hugo Weaving. 
​It is rare for a biographical war hero film to not feel like it is glorifying war in some way, but I didn't get that from this film at all. Gibson has done a fine job of telling Doss's story with dignity and passion, minus all of the bravado which, if the end testaments from Doss and his war friends are anything to go by, is exactly the way that Doss would've wanted it to be told. 
FINAL SAY: Help me get one more.
3.5 Chili Peppers ​

Made it! New South Wales Road Trip 2017 is completed....all the way from here to there and then all the way back again as well.... meaning all the way to Sydney and beyond (somewhere near Tuggerah) and all the way back to Enfield. About 24 hours of driving in total, which included loads of bad coffee, numerous truck stop dunnies and way too many gross food encounters at fast food outlets along the way for my liking, but mostly it was just a whole lot of good fun, especially travelling with my two weirdo kids, they are such amazingly good company and being with them for the duration was just fantastic.
We stayed with some of Craig's family up on the Central Coast which allowed for some chill out time on the beach. We managed to collect shells, take in some salty air and have a stroll along the sand together, which is always a lovely thing to do, even in the Autumn time when swim suits are clearly not required. 
On a day trip to the city, Zoe and Seth got their first up close glimpse of Circular Quay, The Sydney Opera House and The Sydney Harbour Bridge. Zoe was fascinated that The Opera House was covered in white tiles, which is something that you never realise until you see it up close, but Seth was more interested in the historical Man o' War Steps that float and continuously shift about in the harbour. We all enjoyed some fish n' chips on the grass at the First Fleet Park where the bin chickens (ibis) flock around in droves hoping for the smallest hint of a bit of tossed batter. Zoe found them incredibly intimidating and Seth kept encouraging their antics by continuing to feed them discarded chips, needless to say it wasn't the most relaxing lunch that we've ever had. We ended the day with a wander around The Rocks and a giggle when we spotted the restaurant where The Real Housewives of Sydney's infamous Athena X had her fishnet cape tossed into the harbour. 
You never really know what you will encounter when you go on a road trip. We listened to podcasts, playlists and each other for hours on end and we also managed to see a giant merino ram in Goulbin, a huge land-bound submarine in Holbrook, a number of 'off track' unsealed roads thanks to my crapola GPS and a tonne of shithouse drivers. Some drivers that we encountered were either really tired, really drunk or really stupid, or maybe even a combination of those three things; and even though we had a great time, it was so nice to get home and finally get out of the car on the last day of our trip, the day that we drove for over 12 hours with very few breaks. I was so tired on that final stretch home that I had to consume a lot of coffee and chocolate to get me through, but I tell ya, it works - caffeine and sugar - it's the stuff of champions and long haul drives. 
So that's it for long drives for me for a while. I did a short stint to Bacchus Marsh to celebrate Ukrainian Easter with my family today, and the 45 minute trip each way barely seemed like any effort for an old pro like me now, as easy as a walk in the park, and just as enjoyable. Ate and drank like a king, and came home with the spoils of everyone's efforts as well, which means tonight, I don't have to cook tea, and with one day of holiday to go, I also don't need to go to bed early either....I think that I can feel a movie marathon coming my way. 

When it comes to the things that we just can't live without, our minds always go straight to the things that we love and cherish the most in the world. For some that is a beloved pet or a much loved spouse, or perhaps an amazing parent or friend. For others it could be something more abstract like their own sense of self, their freedom or their generosity.  For me it is my children, hands down, no debate, they are the only thing on the planet that I could never live without.
​I doubt that I could survive a day without my children in the world, I just wouldn't want to. They don't need to be with me everyday, they just need to be in the world, and preferably healthy and happy of course. I think that children departing before their parents is distressingly unnatural, and I often wonder how childless parents cope with their grief, the thought of it just chills me to the bone. 
Craig is certainly up there as well when it comes to things that I can't live without, but I have never lived for Craig and he has never lived for me, we don't have that kind of a relationship. We are extremely close, but we both agree that life must go on without each other if that's the hand that we are dealt. If Craig leaves planet before I do, I would be seriously damaged and miss him like hell, but I know that I would go on, mainly because of my children.
Children really do become the number one priority in your life, no matter how clique that may sound, it's true. I know that childless people hate the parental diatribes and declarations of "you'll just never really understand until you have your own" but it is completely true. There is just no way to get around it. You never realise how much potential to love and care for another lives inside of you until you have something that you have personally created to really live for, and children are the best example of that that I know of. That's not to say that loving someone other than your child isn't as good or real or strong, but the instinct to survive and live for your children is truly unmatched by anything else that I know of.
When you feel like you want to give up, just the thought of your children is more than enough to keep you going. They are your blood, your sweat, your tears of joy and sadness; they are the very soul of you and the sum of you and the culmination of all of your efforts and experiences. And if you've done a good job, then they are also the best parts of you and the best parts of themselves all wrapped up into this extraordinary, interesting and ever evolving source of wonder and inspiration. How could anyone want to live without that? 
Everyone will of course have a different opinion on what they can't live without, and so they should, everyone has their own quirks and perks, likes and dislikes, it's as individual as our fingerprints. Some parents will even disagree with me about children being at the top of the list, and that's okay too, not everyone adores their own children, I get that. There are in fact so many other things that I say that I can't live without, but I could if I really had to. However, without these things in the world, I would definitely find life a lot less tolerable and certainly a shit load less fun. 
In no particular order, these are the other things that I would hate to have to live without:
Family, friends, movies, whiskey, nature, art, books, coffee, comedy, shared meals, music, yoga, dark chocolate, poetry, cats, green tea, fresh linen, open fire places, wine, the ocean, flannelette pjs, the night sky...I could actually go on for hours and hours now that I really think about it, there are a lot of things I love about the world and my life. Which I suppose essentially means that there is actually a heck of a lot in this world that is worth living for. Sometimes it is just good to ponder things like that, the good things, the best things, the stuff that makes it all seem a little bit brighter overall. It's good to know what keep your dinghy afloat in this world that's for sure. 

The holidays started off with a bout of cool weather, and I was feeling a bit off colour on Saturday, so I took things slowly and gave myself a day of rest. Zoe popped over from Geelong and we had a relaxed weekend together, only venturing out for a 'smashed avo' brunch at Start Cafe on Sunday. My nephew opened the cafe last month and Zoe and I have been planning to get over there for a while, so Sunday seemed like the perfect time to do that. Cold morning, an extra hour due to daylight savings ending and a 10am hunger pain, yep - brunch time! 
You have to make time for the important things and people in your life. A simple pot of tea in the afternoon or a kind text message really means the world to me. Lately, however I have become quite miserly with the effort that I make for certain people. I have stopped making an effort or finding time for people that don't make any time or put in any effort for me.
I have discovered that some people are happy to take up your time as long as it is of no expense or inconvenience to them, but as soon as you ask them to extend themselves or be involved with you, then they are not interested. God forbid they have to travel or make an effort! Suddenly they're too busy, and I'm basically done with that shit.
​I am always organising get togethers, extending my home to others and trying to make time to catch up with people, but not anymore! I refuse to extend myself to people that don't make any effort anymore, I'm done with it! It is the worst feeling in the world when you realize that you are only a fair weather friend or relative, and I have enough awesome people in my life to know that I don't need to be punching myself in the head over people that don't give two shits about me. 
You wouldn't believe the horrid shit that some people have done to me because they haven't had the balls to just say they didn't want to see me. ​I have had people actually tell me that they couldn't attend things that were really important to me because they had to work, and then had them accidentally call me that evening from home to chat because they had forgotten that they had told me that they were working! WTF? How insulting is that?
I have also had people cut me off mid-offering and extending my home to them for a number of events and possible get togethers because they were too busy and then had them not ever following up for a future get together. Mind you, these are people that I have never said no to either, not ever! I am always at everything that they invite me to, every single time. Sometimes they even arrange things behind my back and then tell me about it as an afterthought and then wonder why I would prefer to skip it. 
I have been sent bullshit 'catch up' messages many times that were just hollow crapola, never to be followed up, even when these people have had time off. And even more insulting is when they pass through town or visit Ballarat to shop and have days out and never drop in, not ever, not even once, and I'm not supposed to feel even a little bit put out or offended by that? I honestly don't know why I have ever bothered really, these people clearly don't really want me in their lives at all. 
I'm sick of it! If someone doesn't want to be in your life they should have the balls to admit it, and if they do want you in their lives then they need to make an effort - because that's how these things work. Two way street people, two way street!