Sometimes, when the world gets too loud and busy for me, I have to retreat. I will do almost anything to avoid having to interact with others when I am in one of those moods. This usually happens when I have had too much input and my brain feels like it is going to explode inside my skull. I am generally at my least tolerant of the short comings of others when I get like this, and it is far better that I remove myself, because I worry that the contents of my head will spill out of my mouth and I will say something that I will regret.
That's how it works with saying how you are feeling, or letting your temper get the better of you, you cannot unsay things or undo actions. It is like opening Pandora's box, the contents comes out, but putting the lid back on cannot remove the fact that it was opened and what has happened can never be undone. Not that I am a box full of the evils of the world or anything, but I do try really hard to keep a lid on my shit as much as possible, and sometimes that means that I will purposely ostracize myself from everyone. 
This can be really confusing for people around be, because I can seem cold and removed. People aren't really used to that side of me, and it tends to make them think that I am not okay. But I am okay, I am actually managing my own shit when I do these things and it is best to just leave me be for a spell and like a decent cake, I will rise up eventually. 
Over the years I have learnt one very important life lesson, and that is, that you can only control how you behave and react to situations, not how anyone else is going to behave. So it is most important that you have your own behaviour modification processes in check before you start checking anyone else. It is true that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and that there is no rewind button on your actions, so with that in mind, just like a hermit crab I will retreat and go within for a while and come out when the coast looks a little clearer. 

WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GRAPE?
Release Date: 1993
Rating: M
Running Time: 118 mins 
Directed by Lasse Hallstrom and adapted from the novel of the same name by Peter Hedges, this American drama comes on strong with its depiction of a desperate and often depressing existence in the small rural  town of Endora, Iowa. Leonardo DiCaprio was robbed of the Academy Award for Best Actor in a Supporting Role in 1994, his stirring and accurate portrayal of Arnie Grape was unforgettably powerful and definitely Oscar worthy.
Gilbert (Johnny Depp) is weighed down with responsibility. He cares for his overweight mother, his mentally impaired brother Arnie and is also juggling an affair with a local married woman. When Gilbert meets free spirited Becky (Juliette Lewis) his life begins to have meaning and he starts to shirk his responsibilities, much to the dismay of everyone else that relies on him.
This is unusual and amazing work, both in script and delivery. It is incredibly beautiful and also deeply touching, What's Eating Gilbert Grape rises well above most coming of age movies for it realistic and heart felt qualities, it's a must see movie. 
FINAL SAY: I wanna be a good person.
 4 Chili Peppers

Winter has come back with great fury this weekend. Rain and ice have pelted down from the grey skies, the temperatures have plummeted and we have been forced to stay indoors in an attempt to keep warm. Team this with a visit to our accountant to get our taxes done, and well, it has been a rather lack-lustre kind of a weekend.
On the brighter side, Zoe took Seth into town to the movies, and Craig went to run some errands, so I was left at home alone on a Sunday for the first time in.... I don't know how long.  I decided to do something that I haven't done in years, I had a midday soak in a deep, hot, tub with a good book and lashings of bubbles. It was so quiet and relaxing that I stayed in until my skin had gone wrinkly. So lovely, the perfect way to waste some winter alone time.
When I was little, my nan would always let me have huge bubble baths in the middle of the day at her house. I used to pour all kinds of liquids that I found around her bathroom into the water, like I was making a magic potion. The bubbles would get so high that I would be completely lost under them when I got into the bath. I recall losing entire afternoons playing in that deep old bath of hers, pretending that I was a mermaid running my own magical swimming pool and charging my imaginary friends 20 cents a pop to join me. It was one of my favourite things to do at my nan's house on a rainy day. I guess that feeling has never really gone away, because I still love it.
That was a sweet little trip down memory lane, but that is enough sentimental reminiscing for one day. Now I will go and make a pot of bolognaise sauce so that we can enjoy a little comfort eating later on, get cracking on knitting Seth's Gyrffindor scarf that is nearing completion and perhaps watch something on TV, because glancing over to the study window, I can see that it is still very miserable outdoors. 

ONDINE
Release Date: 2009
Rating: PG
Running Time: 111 mins
When fisherman Syracuse (Colin Farrell) hauls a beautiful and mysterious women named Ondine out of the sea in his net, he finds himself ensnared in an ancient Irish legend regarding mystical creatures called selkies. His sick daughter Annie is convinced that Ondine is actually a seal that can change into human form on land. Syracuse helps Ondine, for Annie's sake, but on top of trying to discover the truth about Ondine, he also is struggling with the demons of his past and his drinking problem.
Shot on location in Castletownbere, Ireland, this mythological tale is beautifully realised by writer and director Neil Jordan. The story line, although steeped in fantasy, is a touching tale about the perils of being a motherless single family and the lonely struggles of a dysfunctional man with an ill child. 
I thought that Farrell was fantastic, portraying the confused, well meaning and strung-out father role with an endearing and heartfelt conviction. Alison Barry is sweet as Annie, the desperate believer and ill child, and Alicja Bachleda-Curus is beautiful as the mysterious character Ondine. 
There are some complexities that will be lost on younger audiences, and the Irish dilect may be hard to follow for some, but overall I adored this movie and like the main characters, I also hunger for myth, so it got a thumbs up from me. 
FINAL SAY: Misery is easy, happiness you have to work at. 
3 Chili Peppers

Boy oh boy, things have gotten mighty wacky at work. It is truly feels like we are all on a crazy ship that is being buffeted around on dark and stormy seas, with one or more of the crew succumbing to the bonkers virus every other day, leaving everyone else on board to feel powerless to do anything but man the lifeboats and watch from afar. 
Never have I seen the moral among the staff, students and parents so low before. Thus making every day a series of trials and uncomfortable interludes. I can't believe that it is only week two of term and already the drama has reached a fever pitch. Something's gotta give, that's for sure, hopefully not my sanity. But I know from past experiences that when things get like this in the work place, and everything is hanging on the edge of knife that we are usually balancing on the cliffs-edge of something big. 
Not a cool work environment at the moment, that's for sure, a bit toxic actually. I am looking forward to calmer seas very soon, because I am pretty over this nutty ride. It is times like this that I am glad that I get to run to my car and drive away at 3.20pm, because that is quite long enough for me. 
On the home front, my life is bliss. I get to come home, and stay home now that Zoe is driving. I have had so much more time to get things done and to enjoy some leisurely activities after work again. Mostly drinking coffee and smoking, but also journaling, reading, cooking and knitting which is about all that you can get up to with the freezing evening temperatures. So in spite of work giving me the shits, which happens to us all from time to time, I am actually feeling a sense of joy in every other aspect in my life; so it's not all doom and gloom. 

HORRIBLE BOSSES 
Release Date: 2011
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 98 mins
This film isn't horrible at all, it's hilarious! If you thought that your boss was bad, then you really need to see the ensemble of sleaze bags that they have lined up here, your boss will look like a pussy cat! 
Nick, Dale and Kurt really hate their bosses, and for good reason. Nick's boss is a blackmailing slave driver, Dale's boss is a sexual predator and Kurt's boss is a coked up psychopath, and they are making their lives way too hard!  In a drunken state, the three friends plot killing their bosses, and before they know it, they've hired a murder consultant to help them pull it all off. 
This film is comedy gold! The laughs just keep on coming, and the characters are so ludicrous that it makes for some seriously entertaining viewing. The cast is fabulous with Jason Bateman, Kevin Spacey, Charlie Day, Colin Farrell and Jennifer Aniston all demonstrating some diversity in their rather unusual roles. A must see comedy for sure.  
FINAL SAY: Ever wish your boss was dead? 
4 Chili Peppers
A quick note, Horrible Bosses 2 is somewhat funny, but only rated 2.5 Chili Peppers from me - not nearly as funny as the first that's for sure.

After a kick ass frost overnight that completely froze over the water hole and ravaged the plant life on our property, the sunshine came out brightly to thaw the ground and everyone's mood. There is nothing like a sunny day in mid-winter to kick everyone's mood up a notch and get people outdoors. 
Seth and I headed out to the Enfield State Forest to watch the world waking up. With the ground still crunchy under foot and the dew still dripping from the leaves, we strolled our favourite walking trail and saw kangaroos with joey's in their pouches, bright red rosellas and kookaburras taking flight and we even caught a glimpse of the promise of Spring with a few early wildflowers breaking out their bright pink blooms. 
You really notice the signs of the changing seasons out here, and it is one of my most favourite things about living out of town. I spent some time in my vegetable patch, which in spite of the cold is thriving with cabbage, silverbeet, spinach, beetroots, leeks and rhubarb. I also planted a stack of spring bulbs around the property which will look fabulous when the weather improves; and all of this I got to do with the sun at my back. That feeling of the first sunshine after a period of dark days is absolutely unmatched in the realms of 'free for everybody' bliss. 

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD
Release Date: 2012
Rating: M 
Running Time: 93 mins 
Based on Lucy Alibar's one-act play Juicy and Delicious, Beasts of the Southern Wild is a magical fantasy drama set within a Louisianan bayou community called the 'Bathtub'. Actress Quvenzhane Willis became the youngest Best Actress nominee at the 85th Academy Awards at the tender age of 9 for her striking depiction of the lead role character Hushpuppy. 
Hushpuppy lives with her tough love and ailing father Wink in the 'Bathtub.' The 'Bathtub' is an isolated and hard knock place to grow up, and it is being threatened by global warming. Once the polar ice caps have melted, it will unleash an army of prehistoric beasts upon the Bathtub. With Hushpuppy's father's health on rapid decline, she must try to find her lost mother in order to have some protection. 
This is a beautiful and harrowing tale, unfolding through the eyes of Hushpuppy. We witness her deep connection to the earth and her strength of imagination in spite of her mounting hardships. I was so moved by Hushpuppy's tiny and frail figure that held so much magic, forgiveness and wonder within it, this movie definitely brought a tear to my eyes.  If you are looking to see something that is completely original in every way, then look no further, Beasts of the Southern Wild will not disappoint you. 
FINAL SAY: I see that I am a little piece of a big, big universe, and that makes it alright. 
4 Chili Peppers

It's time to celebrate, Zoe got her license today! After months of driving practice and hours of lessons, she has finally slaughtered her nemesis and got her probationary license. This is an exciting time for all of us because now we longer have to make all of those long journeys back and forth from Zoe's work everyday, which will mean more spare time for us and more freedom for Zoe - win win!
Since she has Serenity raring to go, I will probably start to see less and less of her now, which is the only unfortunate side effect of all of this success. I remember when I first got my license and car, there was no stopping me. I was hardly ever home and couldn't wait to hit the open roads and go my own way. That shitty little poo-brown Toyota of my mine was a God send, and I had some really fun times exploring the far flung regions of Victoria and heading into the city to find my own adventures. Ah, to be young and free....it really is a most wonderful thing. 
Seth also came home with exciting news today. He has gone up another spelling level and had a major mathematical break-through as well. He was so enthusiastic about his new learning that he voluntarily did maths equations for nearly an hour and a half after school, this is uncharted territory for him and a thrill for Craig and I to see such enthusiasm. Hopefully, he won't lose his steam over this, because I am beside myself with joy to see him relishing in maths study for the first time ever. 
What a brilliant day all around, my clever children have done me proud. It is days like these that make all of the hard yards so worthwhile. 

SERENITY 
Release Date: 2005
Rating: M
Running Time: 119 mins 
Firefly fans all over the world rejoiced when Serenity was released, and I was one of them. After an amazing first and only season, Firefly was tragically and inexplicable taken off air, leaving fans everywhere in shock and dismay. Joss Whedon clearly heard the public outcry for more and released Serenity five years later. 
Set in 2517, Serenity is a story about a captain and crew on board a 'Firefly-class' spaceship. The crew is a mish-mash group of rebels that travel the outskirts of space, keeping out of the way of the Alliance - a sinister regime that controls much of the universe. The crew takes in a doctor and his psychic sister River and as a consequence find themselves being pursued by an Agent that will stop at nothing to get to River. Before long, questions are raised about why the Alliance wants River so desperately.
This is great sci-fi, and you don't need to have seen Firefly to enjoy Serenity; but if you have, you are in for a treat. Filled with intergalactic action and adventure, speckled with well thought out humour and teaming with excitement, this is an interesting and enjoyable look at a possible future where everyone can travel in space, it's a wonderful ride.
FINAL SAY: A Firefly fan's delight!
4 Chili Peppers

Finished off the holidays with a trip to the pop-up ice skating rink today. Craig and I had a clear advantage after years of roller skating as kids, and it wasn't our first time on the ice, so we took to it with ease. Poor Seth however, spent more time on him arse than he did on his feet, and was so busy flailing around when he wasn't gripping onto edge for dear life that he managed to trip me over twice too. 
I told Seth, who was feeling slightly defeated by his ice-capades about the first Summer that I got my roller skates when I was a kid, and I was covered from head to toe in bumps and bruises. I spent more time laying in the gutter bawling than gleefully rolling that's for sure. And you just have to keep going, keep getting up and not letting it defeat you, and to his credit, he didn't pike out and really persevered. He definitely showed signs of improvement towards the end of our session, and it was great to see him really hanging in there and giving it a red hot go. 
Zoe slowly and carefully traversed the rink with Lachlainn, but in truth, I don't think that any of us has the makings of the next Torvell and Dean that's for sure. But it was fun, and a great activity for a cold and rainy Winters day.
The weather here has taken a hideous turn for the worst, it is grey and wet and freezing cold, which is going to make getting out of bed for my first day back tomorrow absolute agony. I just can't believe that two weeks have passed me by, I only got around to half of the things that I was planning to do, but I always get over ambitious at the start of the holidays. 
Never mind, I am well rested and ready to take on the next ten week term, and all of the trials and tribulations that I am certain that it will bring with it. 

THE ICE STORM
Release Date: 1997
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 112 mins 
The Ice Storm was the first Ang Lee directed film that I saw and I just adored it. I was, from that moment on, an avid Ang Lee fan. Here is a collection of truly talented actors, delivering a really compelling story, and the drama and nostalgia in this film are completely riveting. 
It's 1973, and the Hood family in Connecticut are fastly realising that they are falling to pieces. Benjamin Hood (Kevin Klein) is hardly the model father, boozing around and having an affair with his neighbour (Sigourney Weaver), his wife Elena (Joan Allen) is a suspicious wreck, their son is distracted and their daughter (Christina Ricci) is always on the prowl. When the worst ice storm in over a century hits, they are forced to address their tumultuous and unhappy lives. 
This is fabulous viewing, I was glued to the TV wondering how everything would end and what would happen to all of these deeply damaged characters. The Ice Storm is probably one of the best character studies in cinema that I have ever seen, and for that reason, it is an unmissable drama. 
FINAL SAY: A person's body is his temple. 
4  Chili Peppers

The last few days have just been a blur, I am jam packing my holiday time with 'things to do', many of them obligatory, like the school holiday haircuts and visits to the dentist, but I have also managed to catch up with heaps of people that I usually don't have the time to see, which has been fantastic. 
I am getting to the point where I am coffee-ed out and thank goodness that it's pay day tomorrow because the list of holiday 'things to do' has left me financially destitute, but at least I can't say that I am bored. Far from it actually, never a dull moment to tell the truth. I could certainly use another two weeks off that's for sure, but I know that I always start to feel like this when there are only a few days of break left and the reality of another term stretches out before me. 
My darling son took me out for a mother-son day today, his shout. We went and had morning tea together and then he took me to the movies, and even insisted on paying for popcorn and drinks, what a charmer. We decided to see something that would appeal to both of our appetites, something with lots of action, a simple story line and a chance to tune out reality for a while. 

JURASSIC WORLD
Release Date: 2015
Rating: PG 
Running Time: 124 mins 
This is the fourth installment in the Jurassic Park series, and clearly people aren't tiring of movies about giant prehistoric beasts yet, because so far Jurassic World is the second highest grossing film of 2015 and the 5th highest grossing movie of all time.
Set 22 years after the events of Jurassic Park, Jurassic World takes place on the same fictional island of Isla Nublar, where a fully functional dinosaur theme park is operating, built on the remains of the old and unsuccessful first theme park. 
Everything is going along so well at the park, an Indiana Jones wannabe named Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) has even managed to train a herd of Velociraptors and the park's operations manager Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) has agreed to have her nephews visit the park and has given them full access to all areas. But it wouldn't be Jurassic World if things didn't take a turn for the worst, which it does, when a new and genetically modified dinosaur called Indominus Rex  breaks loose and goes on a killing spree across the park. 
This is practically the same story line as the first installment, with much better effects and even bigger dinosaurs - but at the end of the day it's just more of the same. It is the best of it's kind for it's gob-smacking effects, reputable casting and the fact that it is not demanding to be taken seriously. I have to be honest, if they really opened a Jurassic World, I would be the first one saying take my money, that theme park was amazing! 
FINAL SAY: She's killing for sport. 
3 Chili Peppers 

What a weird couple of days it has been. Thursday started with Zoe's attempt at getting her license, which did not go to plan and left her feeling completely depleted and miserable. Just one mistake, one that I think that I would have made myself had I been the one being assessed and boom...her dreams and plans were dashed. She will attempt it again the week after next, and I am hoping that the Gods will smile upon her this time, because she took it pretty badly. Failure is new territory for Zoe, and being the perfectionist that she is, she was gutted. I failed my license the first time that I went for it too, so perhaps she is just following in my footsteps, but I do remember thinking that it was the end of the world as we know it at the time as well. Before I had much of chance to comfort her I had to take off to Melbourne to meet up with my sisters. We had a wonderful time in the city, our hotel was in Collins Street and our room was on the 32nd floor, so the views were amazing. We lived it up, ate like kings and stayed up late catching up and gossiping, as all good sisters should. It was the last time that I will see Kath before she leaves for Afghanistan in a few short weeks, and she will not return until February next year. So, it was a sad farewell, and even though I put on a brave face, I left with a great heaviness in my heart that will probably not go away now until she has returned home safely. 
On top of all of this recent over-flowing of emotions, I have had some rather odd encounters with people from my distant past in the last week. It is like the ghosts of my history are all crawling out of their graves to reunite with me again, all at once. These encounters have been strange to say the least, and the even stranger thing is that I have had dreams about all of these people only days before I bumped into them again. Isn't it weird how things happen like that, you don't see someone for years and then for some reason they pop into your mind, and then within days you see them...most peculiar, a real recipe for some rather melancholic sentimentality that's for sure. 
No, it hasn't been a bad couple of days, but it has certainly been a strange couple of days, and I am hoping that the second week of the holidays will be a little less emotionally charged. 

CLOUD ATLAS 
Release Date: 2012
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 172 mins
Here we find actors really stretching themselves to take on multiple roles that play out over multiple timelines, to bring together an epic story that spans five centuries on Earth. Written and directed by Lana Wachowski, Tom Tykwer and Andy Wachowski and adapted from the novel by David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas was filmed over four years and with a blown out budget of $102 million, it became one of the most expensive independent films of all time. Never before has a film had such polar reception, and it appears on some of the best and worst movie lists of all time. 
Running with six interrelated and interwoven story lines  and spanning different time periods from the past, present and future, this is pretty complex viewing, and there is a hell of a lot to take in. In a nutshell, this film explores the implications of an individuals actions and how they impact events across separate time lines. It's a mosaic of characters and a fine demonstration of how souls can evolve and choices can have a long lasting ripple effect. 
I was thoroughly impressed with this film, it was almost like watching six movies at once because every story line was so unique and interesting. I loved the way that everything was connected and on some level I thought this was a deeply spiritual movie that spoke volumes about soul connections and the ultimate 'true self'. 
FINAL SAY: Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others. Past and present. 
4 Chili Peppers

It has happened, I now have an adult daughter. Although Zoe has probably been an adult for about a decade already, now it is official, her ID even passed at the bottle shop yesterday. What a strange feeling, I can still see her as a cute baby and a cheeky toddler, and soon she will be leaving us and heading off into the big world to make her mark. The reality of all of that truly seems to be compounded by the fact that she is now an adult. 
When your child turns 18 you know that you have absolutely no choice but to let go of that death grip that you have had over their lives for almost two decades; this is clearly easier said than done. You can no longer stand as dictator to any of the decision making, now you are merely an adviser that they can tell to fuck off whenever they feel like it. The choices that they make from this point on rest firmly on their shoulders and not yours, even though you will not feel those choices any less than you did before. And no matter how old they get, you will still see them as the naive fourteen year old that couldn't possibly manage without you, even though in truth they managed just fine then and will continue to in the future.
I think that this may be one of the most bitter-sweet things that I have encountered in my life, the mixture of emotions is quite challenging. This is the moment when you get to see if you've put in enough of the good stuff over the years to launch a well balance and capable adult into the world. It is like standing on the edge of a huge precipice with your child and you have to stand back and let them jump off and hope that you've given them what they need to soar. 
Perhaps I am being too sentimental with my analogies now, because it is also a really wonderful time for Zoe, so lets just put my parenting concerns aside here. 
Zoe is going for her license tomorrow and will claim some new found independence and freedom with that. She has a whole new lifetime of opportunities spreading out before her and I am incredibly proud of the fine young lady that she has become. And lets be honest about this, as soon as she turns around to take that leap over the precipice, I will be racing down to the bottom to catch her - just in case, because you never stop doing that for your precious darlings, no matter how old they get. 
This one's for you Zoe, I know that it's your favourite movie. Happy 18th Beautiful x

THE SHINING 
Release Date: 1980
Rating: R 18+ 
Running Time: 144 mins
If you haven't seen or heard about this movie yet then you must have been on a deserted island for a very long time! Slammed by critics upon its release and put up for two Razzie awards, The Shining was clearly a psychological horror well ahead of its time. This Stephen King classic novel, directed by Stanley Kubrick is now widely regarded as a masterpiece of horror; utterly chilling, haunting and gripping in every sense.
Jack Nicholson plays Jack Torrance, a writer that is relocating his wife and son to The Overlook Hotel to care take and write a best seller, during the Winter shut-off period. Jack's son Danny is a psychic (he has the shining) and it causes him to see all manner of horrid things. Combine that with Jack's extreme cabin fever and you're in for some pretty strange happenings. 
As the film progresses we witness the characters falling further and further into madness and despair. Suddenly this once beautiful hotel, takes on an ominous and terrifying presence of its own that appears determined to destroy the entire family.
Jack Nicholson is so unnerving as the demented father-gone-wrong, this is one husband that no woman would ever want! And Danny Lloyd delivers the ultimate creepy kid performance that will continue to unsettle viewers for years and years to come. 
The Shining is without a doubt a cult classic that everyone should see, at least once. 
FINAL SAY: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
4.5 Chili Peppers