Words are flowing out
Like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
After drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva, Om
Nothing's gonna change my world...

Beautiful words from John Lennon and the lyrics from the incredible song Across the Universe by The Beatles.  
And why have I written them here? Well, sometimes I find that words are not always enough to express a feeling, but song lyrics - like poetry, seem to fill that void for me. In fact, I often seek the mellow embrace of a song when I really need to let it all out and there are many songs that evoke deep emotional responses within me, but for some unknown reason Across the Universe is one that I find myself turning to when my emotions get a bit jammed up or muddled. 
Apparently, The Beatles stated that the song was heavily influenced by their interest in Transcendental Meditation during the late 1960's. The mantra "Jai Guru Dev, Om" that features in the song is actually a Sanskrit phrase whose words can have many meanings. In translation it approximates as "glory to the shining remover of darkness" and it can also be paraphrased as "Victory of God divine", "hail to the divine guru," or the phrase commonly invoked by the late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in referring to his spiritual teacher, "All glory to Guru Dev."
Whatever the interpretation, the lyrics are highly image-based with abstract concepts and in a 1970 interview with Rolling Stone magazine, John Lennon referred to the lyrics of Across the Universe as "one of the best lyrics that I've written. In fact, it could be the best. It's good poetry, or whatever you call it, without chewin' it." And he is right, it is an incredibly well written piece of music and I always feel emotional when I listen to it. 
I suppose everyone has their favourite songs that they turn to when they want to cry a little or release something or just feel a connection. Here is a list of my top 25 favourite "get your feels out" songs that help me to release my pent up emotions. These songs really get me right in the heart every damn time that I listen to them. 

1. Across the Universe - I love The Beatles version, but recently Aurora did a version on Triple J's Like a Version and it is pretty much perfect in every way. 
2. This Woman's Work - Kate Bush 
3. Thirty-Three - The Smashing Pumpkins 
4. Morning Theft or Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
5. Breathe Me - Sia 
6. Speak My Mind or Decision- N.Y.C.K. 
7. Get on the Road - Tired Pony
8. The Drugs Don't Work - The Verve
9. Unravel - Bjork
10. Watch You Go - Tyne-James Organ
11. Horizon - Aldous Harding 
12. Listen to Soul, Listen to Blues - Safia
13. River - Leon Bridges 
14. No Stars - Rebekah Del Rio 
15. Delete - DMA's 
16. Runaway or Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks- The National 
17. Into Yellow - Martin Luke Brown
18. Pain and Misery - The Teskey Brothers 
19. ​Misplaced - Riley Pearce
20. Elegy - Leif Vollebekk
21. Primitive - Annie Lennox
22. All We Do - Oh Wonder 
23. I Get Overwhelmed - Dark Rooms
24. Medicine - Daughter
25. The Finish Line - Snow Patrol

I'm not 100% sure that crying out your feels to your favourite sad songs is the best way to deal with your emotions, but sometimes we all need to go to dark places to find ourselves again after stressful or traumatic times and listening to "get your feels out" songs seems like a pretty innocuous way to do that; just make sure you bring your tissue box along for the ride! 

JOJO RABBIT
Release Date: 2019 
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 108 mins
Written and directed by Taika Waititi (who also stars as an imaginary Adolf Hitler) Jojo Rabbit is set to divide viewers with it's strange mixture of comedy, war and drama. This unexpected 'feel good' movie swings between poignant and disturbing depictions of the atrocities of WW2 and full blown Nazi-mocking humour, never really committing to any one genre for the duration.
Living in Nazi occupied Germany during the latter stages of WW2, young Johannes "Jojo" Betzler, his best friend Yorki and his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler attend a Deutsches Jungvolk Hitler Youth training Camp together. The camp is designed to offer boys the basics in Nazi training, whilst strengthen their hate for all things Jewish. However, when Jojo comes into close contact with a Jewish girl, all of his training and pre-conceptions are put to the test. 
This is really funny stuff; Taika Waititi, Rebel Wilson, Stephen Merchant, Sam Rockwell and Scarlett Johansson all bring a lot of comic relief and support to Roman Griffin Davis who plays Jojo with loads of flair and and an engaging fresh faced innocence.  However, this movie is not just all about the laughs, because there are a lot of important and valuable things being said here as well which definitely makes it one of the most original films of the year for me. 
For fans of previous Waititi offerings, you are certainly in for a treat and although there is no denying that Jojo Rabbit isn't not going to appeal to everyone's taste, it certainly appealed to mine. 
FINAL SAY: Definitely not a good time to be a Nazi. 
4 Chilli Peppers ​

So much build up for just one day, and then poof! Christmas Day comes and then it goes again for another twelve months in the wink of an eye. I think that Christmas Day always seems to move at breakneck speed and generally it always feels like a bit of a blur for me. I always host a Christmas lunch which means that I do get busy in the kitchen on the actual day, and because this was our first Christmas without dad I also collected my mother on Christmas Eve to ensure that she was not alone on Christmas morning or Christmas Eve.
Mum's house is a three hour round trip from our house, so the travel required an extra element of time management in order to keep all of the Christmas events running smoothly and on time, but we managed and everything went well. To be honest, I had completely forgotten just how much effort some people go to every year for Christmas. Flitting around the countryside from one Christmas event to another is absolutely exhausting and we haven't had to do that for a very long time. I'd forgotten how drained it makes you! Craig's family hosted an afternoon/evening event in town here last night and I was absolutely knackered by the time the day drew to an end around 11.30pm - I slept like a bloody yuletide log! 
But, I am not complaining, Christmas should be a little hectic and a little bit crazy, it's a big event after all, so of course it deserves one's full attention! And it was a really wonderful day; we dressed the table in all of our finery, ate like kings, drank good wine, shared beautiful gifts, played games, hugged family members and laughed a whole lot together, so it was really a terrific day all round.
And today? Well today is Boxing Day so it is a completely different tale. Today I shlump about with unbrushed hair and an unwashed face in my old T-shirt and shorts looking like a bag lady as I picked at plates of leftovers, played Chinese Checkers with Seth and Craig and stood about in the garden with a hose at dusk for two hours in an attempt to water my sun crippled plants, all the while wondering how it is that the weeds in my yard look so lush and healthy. And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow reality will set in and I will probably pack Christmas away into boxes and bags for another year and begin to contemplate what I will do with the rest of my long hot Summer break. 
These days when the whole Summer break stretches out before you are the absolutely best days of all. And not just because of the possibilities of what you can do to fill those days, but for me, at this point in my life, right now, it's about knowing that there will definitely be days ahead for me digest the year that lies behind me and really take stock of where I want to be heading in the next twelve months of my life. I desperately need some contemplation time and I am so relieved to know that it is on the way!

So, the 2020 Golden Globe Nominations have been announced, which will pretty much dictate what I will be watching over my summer break. Yep, I am going to be hitting the couch and the cinema pretty hard over the next few weeks so that I can watch the actual Golden Globe Awards Ceremony live on Arena on January 6th and have some understanding of the content that has been nominated.
As an avid movie addict, I do feel very compelled to see at least 75% of everything nominated before an event of this calibre occurs in order for me to be discerning about whether a movie/program is worthy of the win or not. 
This year there is some really great news for those of you out there that don't like to go the cinema very often because quite a number of the nominated films and television programs are actually available through various streaming networks (which I have indicated below for your viewing ease) which means that you can watch a good swag of them from the comfort of your own couch in preparation for the big event. 
I cannot deny that there does appear to be a couple of incredibly great movies and television series that have been snubbed from the lists here, but this happens every year and I will get around to sharing my personal top pics of the year list very soon, so let's just go with what's been nominated here, and I will talk more about my personal choices for the best of 2019 in the very near future.
So, without further ado, here are the 2020 Golden Globe Nominations - happy viewing!
Best Motion Picture — Drama
1917
The Irishman - Netflix
Joker
Marriage Story - Netflix
The Two Popes - Netflix
Best Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Dolemite Is My Name -  Netflix
Jojo Rabbit
Knives Out
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Rocketman
Best Foreign-Language Motion Picture
The Farewell
Les Misérables 
Pain and Glory 
Parasite
Portrait of a Lady on Fire
Best Limited Series or TV Movie
Catch-22 - Stan
Chernobyl - HBO
Fosse/Verdon - HBO
The Loudest Voice - Showtime
Unbelievable - Netflix
Best Television Series — Drama
Big Little Lies - HBO
The Crown - Netflix
Killing Eve -  ABC iview or Stan
The Morning Show
Succession - HBO
Best Comedy Series
Fleabag - Amazon Prime
Barry - HBO
The Kominsky Method - Netflix
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Amazon Prime
The Politician - Netflix
Best Motion Picture — Animated
Frozen II
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World
Missing Link
Toy Story 4
The Lion King
Best Director — Motion Picture
Bong Joon-ho, Parasite
Sam Mendes, 1917
Todd Phillips, Joker
Martin Scorsese, The Irishman
Quentin Tarantino, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Best Performance by an Actor in a Limited Series or Movie
Christopher Abbott, Catch-22
Sacha Baron Cohen, The Spy
Russell Crowe, The Loudest Voice
Jared Harris, Chernobyl
Sam Rockwell, Fosse/Verdon
Best Performance by an Actress in a Limited Series or Movie
Kaitlyn Dever, Unbelievable
Joey King, The Act - Hulu 
Helen Mirren, Catherine the Great - Foxtel
Merritt Wever, Unbelievable
Michelle Williams, Fosse/Verdon
Best Performance by a Supporting Actor in a Series, Limited Series, or TV Movie
Alan Arkin, The Kominsky Method
Kieran Culkin, Succession
Andrew Scott, Fleabag
Stellan Skarsgård, Chernobyl
Henry Winkler, Barry
Best Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited Series, or TV Movie
Patricia Arquette, The Act 
Helena Bonham Carter, The Crown
Toni Collette, Unbelievable
Meryl Streep, Big Little Lies
Emily Watson, Chernobyl
Best Score for a Motion Picture
Little Women
Joker
Marriage Story
1917
Motherless Brooklyn
Best Original Song
“Beautiful Ghosts,” Cats
“(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again,” Rocketman
“Into the Unknown,” Frozen II
“Spirit,” The Lion King
“Stand Up,” Harriet
Best Performance by an Actor in a Comedy Series
Michael Douglas, The Kominsky Method - Netflix
Bill Hader, Barry - HBO
Ben Platt, The Politician - Netflix
Paul Rudd, Living With Yourself - Netflix
Ramy Youssef, Ramy - Stan
Best Performance by an Actress in a Comedy Series
Christina Applegate, Dead to Me - Netflix
Kirsten Dunst, On Becoming a God in Central Florida -  SBS
Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Amazon Prime
Natasha Lyonne, Russian Doll - Netflix
Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Fleabag - Amazon Prime
Best Performance by an Actor in a Drama Series
Brian Cox, Succession - HBO
Kit Harington, Game of Thrones - Foxtel
Rami Malek, Mr. Robot - HBO
Tobias Menzies, The Crown
Billy Porter, Pose -Foxtel
Best Performance by an Actress in a Drama Series
Jennifer Aniston, The Morning Show - Apple TV+
Jodie Comer, Killing Eve
Olivia Colman, The Crown
Nicole Kidman, Big Little Lies
Reese Witherspoon, The Morning Show
Best Performance by a Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture 
Tom Hanks, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Anthony Hopkins, The Two Popes
Al Pacino, The Irishman
Joe Pesci, The Irishman
Brad Pitt, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Best Screenplay
Marriage Story
Parasite
The Two Popes
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
The Irishman
Best Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Kathy Bates, Richard Jewell
Annette Bening, The Report
Laura Dern, Marriage Story
Jennifer Lopez, Hustlers
Margot Robbie, Bombshell
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Daniel Craig, Knives Out
Taron Egerton, Rocketman
Roman Griffin Davis, Jojo Rabbit
Eddie Murphy, Dolemite Is My Name
Leonardo DiCaprio, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama
Christian Bale, Ford v Ferrari
Antonio Banderas, Pain and Glory
Adam Driver, Marriage Story
Joaquin Phoenix, Joker
Jonathan Pryce, The Two Popes
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Ana de Armas, Knives Out
Cate Blanchett, Where’d You Go, Bernadette
Beanie Feldstein, Booksmart
Emma Thompson, Late Night
Awkwafina, The Farewell
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama
Cynthia Erivo, Harriet
Scarlett Johansson, Marriage Story
Saoirse Ronan, Little Women
Charlize Theron, Bombshell
Renée Zellweger, Judy

It is so easy to be petty. And it is way too simple to be negative. It is also extremely convenient to be those things when you think that you have some legitimate excuse to be that way, but at the end of the day you will actually never have a legitimate excuse to be any of those things and you will only make yourself feel like crap if you indulge in the bad, sad and ugly sides of yourself when things are going wrong in your life.  
It is during these particular challenging times of my life that I always try to reel my intentions and my attitude back in, reassess, stop being a whiny bitch and get back on with putting one foot in front of the other and just generally being an adult. However, I cannot deny that sometimes this is far easier said than done. 
Over the years I have had to employ more and more adult behaviour into my life, even though I would far prefer to be flossing about in the garden with flowers in my hair and no thought or concern about tomorrow. Yes, that is a very appealing scenario to me, but as you get older the opportunities to indulge in these kinds of behaviors gets dimmer and dimmer and further away all of the time. This does not mean that you should just stop indulging your innermost child, but it does mean that sometimes you have slap yourself upside the head, shake it off and get on with the processes of life, no matter how much that does not interest or excite you. 
Adulting is an unfortunate side effect of getting older, an extremely unfortunate side effect if you ask me, but it must be done because the expectations around 'being an adult' are plain and clear. No-one is going to put up with an immature whiny middle aged woman for very long, God knows I cannot put up with myself for very long when I am at my worst!
However, it's not all doom and gloom because there are actually some really great benefits and signs that you are maturing in the most wonderful of ways. Take a look at this list from quotecollective.com about the top ten signs that you're maturing:

1. Small talk no longer excites or interests you.
2. Sleep is more important to you than a Friday night out. 
3. You forgive more.
4. You become more open-minded.
5. You respect differences. 
6. You don't force your love onto others.
7. You accept heartache and failures.
8. You don't judge quickly.
9. You sometimes prefer to stay silent rather than engage in nonsense. 
10. Your happiness doesn't depend on others but on your inner self. 

And I would like to add another 10 positives to maturing that I have found particularly humbling over the last 12 months of my life:

1. You acknowledge that sometimes your inner voice is a bitch and you know that you don't have to listen to her. 
2. You know and accept that things happen and you can't do a frickin thing about it and you can 'just deal.' 
3. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave - if you're mature you will completely understand.
4. You acknowledge and accept that you have little to no control over what your children will say and do.
5. If people aren't making any effort, you recognise that they're not your people. 
6. You know that your needs do not have to come first.
7. You know that you are not ever a victim because you create your own reality. 
8. You understand that complicated is just as okay as simple. 
9. You accept that not everyone will get you and can say 'big whoop' when that happens. 
10. You know that you will never always be motivated and therefore you must learn to be disciplined. 

OOOHHH! Look at me, all grown up and finally learning to accept, acknowledge and recognise my own shortcomings, I have done some pretty serious evolving over the last twelve months that's for sure. Still though, I cannot deny that the frolicking in the garden thing is still wildly appealing to me. Regardless of how much I may be adulting the crap of things lately, there are certain things that I am not ready to abandon for a mature life just yet. 

The term 'gaslighting' was popularised after the 1944 film "Gaslight" with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In the movie, the husband uses manipulative behaviours and manages to completely disrupt his wife's sense of reality. She begins to doubt her own sanity and he does all this to her so that he can steal her money....what an asshole!
Nowadays however, we use the term 'gaslighting' to describe people that use manipulative or specific patterns of behaviour to keep themselves on top or in control of other people. In short, a gaslighter doesn't want people doing anything without their say so or approval and they will use very sneaky and highly effective methods to keep themselves on top by making others doubt themselves or look incompetent. 
Gaslighters can turn up anywhere, you could even be married to one and not even realize it! They are usually in positions of power and they will most definitely want to keep things that way. Gaslighters can be men or women of any age, religion or nationality. They do often go undetected because their attempts at manipulation are slow, sly and exceptionally secretive. This can make them especially hard to identify in the workplace where they can happily push a lot of their own agenda or mask their cynicism by labelling it as necessary growth. 
Basically, gaslighters love the spotlight so they will happily claim other people's work or effort as their own, imply that other people's level of work is subpar or irrelevant and will openly push back any adverse behaviour that presents any kind of  jeopardy to their own perceived power status. Ever had a boss say something like "Oh,  I don't think that's true, maybe it's just how you choose to see it" when you try to present an issue to them? Well that soft manipulation technique is actually a form of gaslighting. So be aware, if your boss is always on the other side of all of your issues or giving you any reason to doubt yourself, your capabilities or your sense of reality, then odds are that you've been prey to a gaslighter. 
A gaslighter will micromanage others to the point of ridiculous in an attempt to stay in control. They will say things that make you doubt your own ability, they will make you feel like you aren't good enough and they will make it look like you are the one with the problem not them. Gaslighting is a form of narcissism, so you can bet that a gaslighter will vocally point out how successfully they once did the job that you are doing now - only better of course, and probably found it all a lot easier as well. They always lack the ability to put themselves into the shoes of another and therefore they lack empathy, which means that they will struggle to make deep connections with people, unless of course it will be of great benefit to them; then suddenly they will be hyper vigilant! 
Psychotherapist and owner of Mind Balance , Rose Lawrence has sighted the following traits to keep an eye out for when trying to spot a gaslighters: 

• Someone that uses their great humour and people skills to say things that sound innocent, but what they are really saying is underhanded and passive aggressive.
• Someone that listens long enough to collect information from you, but is not fully engaged in the listening process to show signs that they authentically care about what you are saying. 
• Lie and make you feel like it was your fault that they had to lie; gaslighters have zero accountability. 
• Take information and twist it around to their advantage or use it against others.
• Gossip to gain more ammunition.
• Appear confident but if you observe them closely they are actually deeply insecure.
• Leave you feeling like you are not enough. 

I hope that none of you ever have to deal with gaslighters in your life, but it is always good to be on the lookout for their ridiculous methods of manipulation, because as I said earlier, they are often very hard to detect.
If you do suspect that you are being gaslighted, make sure that you document any interactions as evidence. Setting up clear boundaries around what you will not tolerate will help you to document and identify when someone is gaslighting you. You will need very good evidence if you are going to try and out a gaslighter. Remember, gaslighters are sly, manipulative and methodical so you will need to be ahead of them at every step if you want to gain the upper hand or expose them. 
Also, don't forget to reaffirm your own self worth and what it is that you are good at. Doing this will help to combat any lingering doubts about your skills or sanity that a gaslighter might have tried to instill in you, and please seek support if you cannot manage this on your own. Remember, gaslighting is real and effective, that's why manipulative people use this method, so don't downplay the severity or the implications around it. Call it out, talk about it and stamp it out, gaslighting is nothing more than adult bullying and no-one should have to put up with it!

I have no idea how December just suddenly arrived. Actually, I have no idea what happened to this year in general, it just doesn't feel like we are reaching the end of another year. And what a year it has been, talk about the best of times and the worst of times... it's been a year of complete polarities and I really haven't processed all of the goings on properly yet, and I more than likely won't now until the school term ends in three weeks time. 
That being said, there is nothing like being busy to distract one from all worry and strife, so the hectic state of December poses some welcome this year for me and in all honesty I am looking forward to the days falling away at the unrelenting pace that they will from here on in. Let them go I say, let the year end! I am ready to gain a fresh start and shake off 2019 like an old winter coat. I am looking forward to a long summer break full of of pointless novels, cocktail concoctions, midnight movie marathons and unlimited meditation and yoga sessions. Looking forward to it? Hell, I am craving it!  
The Christmas tree has gone up here and even thought the festive decorations have been strewn about the house, it still feels completely surreal and unbelievable to think that Christmas is only 24 days away. I have barely even acknowledged the concept of Christmas shopping, which feels not only premature but also somewhat overwhelming to me at the moment. It might be a good year to do all of my Christmas shopping online which would save me the gauntlet of fake santas, antsy people, tired kids, overstocked shops, horrific Christmas music and general indecision. No-one will care if I am procrastinating online with my gift choices and I can do it in my pajamas on a Sunday morning from the comfort of my bed which is also a pretty huge bonus!  
However, to be honest I am finding that I am struggling to find the time to do much of anything lately. I have been dreadfully neglectful of Spicywatch and have been blogging only half as much as I would like to. I have a stockpile of unwatched movies, TV series, audio books and podcasts that would be considered ridiculous to anyone but myself. My garden basically looks like jungle and my veggie patch has either gone to seed or gone to God; and everywhere that I look I see things that are needing my attention but I am just not interested in doing any of it. And it's weird because I am not depressed, sad or anything like that, I am just not as motivated as I usually am. I am...hmmm... the best way that I can put it is that I am just 'going along for the ride.' 
And I suppose that sometimes it is not a bad thing to just 'go along for the ride' but it isn't something that I do very often and it is weird to feel so damn unenthusiastic when I am usually quite the opposite. And I do understand full well that this state won't last forever, and that it is probably just the acceptance stage of my grieving that is causing me to feel this way, which is totally natural and doesn't require me to overthink or even address it but to just 'go along with it.' 
And so I shall, I will just go with it and allow the silly season to take me wherever it may. Everything else can wait until I have more free time and a renewed sense of motivation, which will return to me eventually, but for now I shall relax my mind and gently float downstream...there's no need to swim against the current right now.