So it is exactly one month since I blogged about re-committing to my wellness and starting my weight loss journey once again and I did say that I was going to be totally transparent about that journey and update my progress every month; so here I am, baring myself to the world again and being 100% transparent about how the journey is going. 
At this stage, I would say that I have experienced the highs and lows of any new journey. I have had good days and bad days. I have lost two kilos on the scales, which is not a lot but it is consistent progress that equates to half a kilo a week. I have not been strict or restrictive with myself because if I make the journey too hard I know that I will quit, slip or give up. If I get hungry I eat, I am not starving myself or being ridiculous. I am not trying to get thin, I am trying to get back to a healthy BMI because I want longevity and best health for life. 
You may have noticed that after I posted about my re-commitment to wellness, I posted about the Stages of Healing, about the process of change and the stages that we have to go through to make real life changes. I wrote about that because I have been going though those stages since I re-committed. I have had a pretty deep dive into why I feel the need to be a certain size and weight and why I cannot accept myself as I am. I mean, it's not like a few extra kilos has made me sick or incapable, on the contrary, I am healthy as a horse, rarely ever getting ill and I have an abundance of energy and a great mindset. I have also been investigating what has led me to fail time and time again to keep the weight off that I have lost so many times before, am I on a cycle of self sabotage and if so, why? 
And I have come to understand that it is not my fault that staying lean is hard for me, I honestly don't think that I meant to be lean. This is why I am not looking for lean, or skinny or thin, because I also know without a shadow of doubt that being lighter or thinner will not make me better, happier or more complete. In the end all that it will do is drop me into the healthy BMI range, which is literally only around a stone of weight difference, so why all the fuss? Do people like me less for being heavier? Does my husband love me less? Do I have less opportunities? No, no and no to all of these. 
However, I did like feeling lighter and knowing that I was in my healthy weight range. I did like that my clothes felt better on me and things on my body looked tighter when I looked in the mirror.  I did enjoy being able to wear more flattering outfits. However, in saying all of this, I know that it sounds and seems so stupid and shallow. I never care about other people's body shapes and genuinely believe that all bodies are good bodies. I know full well that no-one is just the size on their dress label or the number on their scales, so why does it bother me so much about myself? Why am I so obsessed with my own physical inadequacies at the moment? 
You see what I mean? I am deep in the Stages of Healing with all of this. I know that for longevity, I must stay within a heathy BMI range, that is a fact. On the other hand, I also know that a healthy BMI range doesn't necessarily constitute a 'be all end all' when it comes to the 'wellness' scale. It is literally just a number on a scale and doesn't really tell a person anything more about their wellness than their weight; it doesn't consider mental wellness, relationship happiness or general lust for life does it? And I have those things in buckets, and yet here I am writing about eight kilos of weight like it is going to change me profoundly. Which I know it won't because I got down there less than 3 years ago and it didn't make me better than I am now. 
However, I have worked my arse off on improving myself. I have put in countless hours to get my mental, emotional, relationship, spiritual and intellectual health in good order. I have done the Stages of Healing on myself over and over and over. I have shed my skin, bared my soul and completely re-invented my life from the steaming shit pile that it once was and I have worked so hard to get to where I am now. And I honestly feel like getting back into my healthy weight range will be the last rung on a ladder of self improvement that I have been climbing for almost a decade now. Every other time that I have lost the weight and then it put it back on again was because I lacked some other important aspect of the self, some vital piece of the puzzle that needed to be put into place first. Well not this time, this time I am ready. 
As I said previously, this time I am not looking for quick fixes or diets or fad fixers. I am looking for a lifestyle change that will mean that I don't need to keep trying to get to my healthy BMI, I will get there and I will stay there this time.  Slowly and surely and trusting the process along the way, I will get there. I have officially moved out of denial and shock and I now have recognition, I recognise what needs to be done and I know that I have the fortitude to do it. So yeah, that's where I am on the journey. I am in recognition mode, soon to be acceptance I believe. I'm on the road again, I'm working to improve myself again, I'm putting one foot in front of the other and I will get there. 
I'm smoothing out my triangle of sadness....don't know what that means? Well, check out the movie and see for yourself. 

Spent the Labour Day public holiday swanning about the house all day watching the 95th Academy Awards Ceremony. It was a beautiful sunny day, but there was no outside frolicking for me in the morning. Instead, like the movie obsessed beast that I am, I sat through the entire 4.5 hour Oscars ceremony, sacrificing what may be one of the sunniest mornings of Autumn so far. Please don't judge me too harshly though because I did get out for a long walk in the afternoon!
Host Jimmy Kimmel delivered well, speckling the ceremony with humour and interest, and he couldn't resist the opportunity to take a poke at Will Smith for his ridiculous and violent outburst at last years Oscars event. This year was far more subdued and civilised and no-one walked away with a slapped face or offended feelings. It was definitely a huge sweep for Everything, Everywhere All at Once with 7 wins and All Quite On the Western Front with  5 wins; both of which were my top two movies choices for 2022, so I wasn't surprised. I did think that The Banshees of Inisherin would've got a few nods, because I adored it so, but overall, there was no doubt that the winners were deserving. 
Some highlights for me were Jamie Lee Curtis' acceptance speech for best supporting actress in Everything, Everywhere All at Once. She has been making films for 40 years and it was great to see her get some serious recognition. I also loved seeing composer MM Keeravani sing his acceptance speech for winning Best Original Song for RRR's 'Naatu Naatu' and I was genuinely touched by John Travolta's emotional presentation of the Memoriam, where he had to push back his remorse about the loss of his good friend Olivia Newton John last year. 

And just like that, it's all over and done for another 12 months, so now I'll need to keep my eye for the next big thing on the horizon. Back to the cinema again for me!
And just in case you missed it all...you know I got you covered! Here are the nominees with the winners for each category highlighted and underlined. 

Best Picture
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Malte Grunert, Producer
“Avatar: The Way of Water,” James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers
“The Banshees of Inisherin,” Graham Broadbent, Pete Czernin and Martin McDonagh, Producers
“Elvis,” Baz Luhrmann, Catherine Martin, Gail Berman, Patrick McCormick and Schuyler Weiss, Producers
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert and Jonathan Wang, Producers
“The Fabelmans,” Kristie Macosko Krieger, Steven Spielberg and Tony Kushner, Producers
“Tár,” Todd Field, Alexandra Milchan and Scott Lambert, Producers
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Tom Cruise, Christopher McQuarrie, David Ellison and Jerry Bruckheimer, Producers
“Triangle of Sadness,” Erik Hemmendorff and Philippe Bober, Producers
“Women Talking,” Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner and Frances McDormand, Producers

Best Director
Martin McDonagh (“The Banshees of Inisherin”) 
Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”) 
Steven Spielberg (“The Fabelmans”) 
Todd Field (“Tár”) 
Ruben Östlund (“Triangle of Sadness”)

Best Lead Actor
Austin Butler (“Elvis”) 
Colin Farrell (“The Banshees of Inisherin”) 
Brendan Fraser (“The Whale”) 
Paul Mescal (“Aftersun”) 
Bill Nighy (“Living”) 

Best Lead Actress
Cate Blanchett (“Tár”) 
Ana de Armas (“Blonde”) 
Andrea Riseborough (“To Leslie”)
Michelle Williams (“The Fabelmans”) 
Michelle Yeoh (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”)

Best Supporting Actor
Brendan Gleeson (“The Banshees of Inisherin”) 
Brian Tyree Henry (“Causeway”) 
Judd Hirsch (“The Fabelmans”)
Barry Keoghan (“The Banshees of Inisherin”) 
Ke Huy Quan (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”) 

Best Supporting Actress
Angela Bassett (“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever”) 
Hong Chau (“The Whale”) 
Kerry Condon (“The Banshees of Inisherin”) 
Jamie Lee Curtis (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”) 
Stephanie Hsu (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”)

Best Adapted Screenplay
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Screenplay by Edward Berger, Lesley Paterson & Ian Stokell
“Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery,” Written by Rian Johnson
“Living,” Written by Kazuo Ishiguro
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Screenplay by Ehren Kruger and Eric Warren Singer and Christopher McQuarrie; Story by Peter Craig and Justin Marks
“Women Talking,” Screenplay by Sarah Polley

Best Original Screenplay
“The Banshees of Inisherin,” Written by Martin McDonagh
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Written by Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert
“The Fabelmans,” Written by Steven Spielberg & Tony Kushner
“Tár,” Written by Todd Field
“Triangle of Sadness,” Written by Ruben Östlund

Best Cinematography
“All Quiet on the Western Front”, James Friend
“Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths,” Darius Khondji
“Elvis,” Mandy Walker
“Empire of Light,” Roger Deakins
“Tár,” Florian Hoffmeister

Best Documentary Feature Film 
“All That Breathes,” Shaunak Sen, Aman Mann and Teddy Leifer
“All the Beauty and the Bloodshed,” Laura Poitras, Howard Gertler, John Lyons, Nan Goldin and Yoni Golijov
“Fire of Love,” Sara Dosa, Shane Boris and Ina Fichman
“A House Made of Splinters,” Simon Lereng Wilmont and Monica Hellström
“Navalny,” Daniel Roher, Odessa Rae, Diane Becker, Melanie Miller and Shane Boris

Best Documentary Short Film 
“The Elephant Whisperers,” Kartiki Gonsalves and Guneet Monga
“Haulout,” Evgenia Arbugaeva and Maxim Arbugaev
“How Do You Measure a Year?” Jay Rosenblatt
“The Martha Mitchell Effect,” Anne Alvergue and Beth Levison
“Stranger at the Gate,” Joshua Seftel and Conall Jones

Best Film Editing
“The Banshees of Inisherin,” Mikkel E.G. Nielsen
“Elvis,” Matt Villa and Jonathan Redmond
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Paul Rogers
“Tár,” Monika Willi
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Eddie Hamilton

Best International Feature Film 
“All Quiet on the Western Front” (Germany) 
“Argentina, 1985” (Argentina) 
“Close” (Belgium)
“EO” (Poland) 
“The Quiet Girl” (Ireland) 

Best Original Song 
“Applause” from “Tell It Like a Woman,” Music and Lyric by Diane Warren
“Hold My Hand” from “Top Gun: Maverick,” Music and Lyric by Lady Gaga and BloodPop
“Lift Me Up” from “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” Music by Tems, Rihanna, Ryan Coogler and Ludwig Goransson; Lyric by Tems and Ryan Coogler
“Naatu Naatu” from “RRR,” Music by M.M. Keeravaani; Lyric by Chandrabose  
“This Is a Life” from “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Music by Ryan Lott, David Byrne and Mitski; Lyric by Ryan Lott and David Byrne 

Best Production Design 
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Production Design: Christian M. Goldbeck; Set Decoration: Ernestine Hipper
“Avatar: The Way of Water,” Production Design: Dylan Cole and Ben Procter; Set Decoration: Vanessa Cole
“Babylon,” Production Design: Florencia Martin; Set Decoration: Anthony Carlino
“Elvis,” Production Design: Catherine Martin and Karen Murphy; Set Decoration: Bev Dunn
“The Fabelmans,” Production Design: Rick Carter; Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara

Best Visual Effects
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Frank Petzold, Viktor Müller, Markus Frank and Kamil Jafar
“Avatar: The Way of Water,” Joe Letteri, Richard Baneham, Eric Saindon and Daniel Barrett
“The Batman,” Dan Lemmon, Russell Earl, Anders Langlands and Dominic Tuohy
“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” Geoffrey Baumann, Craig Hammack, R. Christopher White and Dan Sudick
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Ryan Tudhope, Seth Hill, Bryan Litson and Scott R. Fisher

Best Animated Feature Film 
“Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio,” Guillermo del Toro, Mark Gustafson, Gary Ungar and Alex Bulkley 
“Marcel the Shell With Shoes On,” Dean Fleischer Camp, Elisabeth Holm, Andrew Goldman, Caroline Kaplan and Paul Mezey
“Puss in Boots: The Last Wish,” Joel Crawford and Mark Swift
“The Sea Beast,” Chris Williams and Jed Schlanger
“Turning Red,” Domee Shi and Lindsey Collins

Best Animated Short Film
“The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse,” Charlie Mackesy and Matthew Freud
“The Flying Sailor,” Amanda Forbis and Wendy Tilby
“Ice Merchants,” João Gonzalez and Bruno Caetano
“My Year of Dicks,” Sara Gunnarsdóttir and Pamela Ribon
“An Ostrich Told Me the World Is Fake and I Think I Believe It,” Lachlan Pendragon

​Best Costume Design 
“Babylon,” Mary Zophres
“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” Ruth Carter
“Elvis,” Catherine Martin
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Shirley Kurata
“Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris,” Jenny Beavan

Best Live Action Short
“An Irish Goodbye,” Tom Berkeley and Ross White
“Ivalu,” Anders Walter and Rebecca Pruzan
“Le Pupille,” Alice Rohrwacher and Alfonso Cuarón
“Night Ride,” Eirik Tveiten and Gaute Lid Larssen
“The Red Suitcase,” Cyrus Neshvad

Best Makeup and Hairstyling 
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Heike Merker and Linda Eisenhamerová
“The Batman,” Naomi Donne, Mike Marino and Mike Fontaine
“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” Camille Friend and Joel Harlow
“Elvis,” Mark Coulier, Jason Baird and Aldo Signoretti
“The Whale,” Adrien Morot, Judy Chin and Anne Marie Bradley

Best Original Score 
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Volker Bertelmann
“Babylon,” Justin Hurwitz
“The Banshees of Inisherin,” Carter Burwell
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Son Lux
“The Fabelmans,” John Williams

​Best Sound
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Viktor Prášil, Frank Kruse, Markus Stemler, Lars Ginzel and Stefan Korte
“Avatar: The Way of Water,” Julian Howarth, Gwendolyn Yates Whittle, Dick Bernstein, Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers and Michael Hedges
“The Batman,” Stuart Wilson, William Files, Douglas Murray and Andy Nelson
“Elvis,” David Lee, Wayne Pashley, Andy Nelson and Michael Keller
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Mark Weingarten, James H. Mather, Al Nelson, Chris Burdon and Mark Taylor

And here's a little hidden gem that was nominated for Best Animation at the Oscars this year, but couldn't stand up against Guillermo del Toro's juggernaut film: Pinocchio. Darling Marcel the Shell with Shoes On may not have garnered a lot of attention, but I do recommend a look should you get the chance. 

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON
Release Date: 2022 
Rating: PG
Running Time: 89 mins
A stop motion animation based on the shorts of the same name by Jenny Slate and Dean Fleischer Camp, who both take up the title roles in this movie length adaptation. Poignant, profound and utterly heart-warming, this movie has tonnes of spirit and will leave you with delightfully warm, fuzzy feeling afterwards. 
An adorable shell named Marcel becomes the main character in an online documentary series by recently separated Dean. Marcel discusses everything about life amongst the clutter at an Airbnb; explaining the highs and lows of life for himself, his beloved Nana Connie and their pet lint ball, providing both insightful contemplations  and inspiring resilience along the way. 
This darling little film is definitely not just for children, Marcel The Shell With Shoes On provides many laughs and life lessons along the way for adults as well. Marcel is beautifully voiced by Jenny Slate and her Nana by Isabella Rossellini and although he may be small, Marcel is probably going to leave a big impression on you. 
FINAL SAY: I couldn't tell you, but the space in my heart gets bigger and louder everyday. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

When we set about changing ourselves or 'fixing' ourselves as many people like to term it these days, we set out to transform ourselves and ultimately (in the best setting) we set out to heal ourselves. You see, we would not need to change or fix ourselves if we had not experienced something that damaged us, deformed us or broke us in the first place. So in order to change or fix the things that we don't like or want in our lives any longer, we have to go through the processes of healing ourself, and that comes in stages. 
As with all significant change or new-ness we resist, even if it is good for us, we still resist because we are ding dongs that like to hold onto predictability and perceived safety. So it is hardly surprising to see that the first stage of healing is denial.
DENIAL: 
Denial is our greatest barrier to healing ourselves. It is generally the longest leg of the healing journey because we resist it so much. Recovery cannot begin until unveiling and acceptance happen first. 
SHOCK:
Once you stop denying your need to heal you may experience some unpleasant feelings like: numbness, anger, pain, rage, guilt, vulnerability or shame. Don't fight these feelings, they are part of the healing journey and need to be dealt with. 
​RECOGNITION:
Recognition and acceptance are the greatest liberators. Now that you are aware, the once stagnant waters can begin to flow again. You will start to clear out the old to make way for the new. Work through your feelings and reactions with an open heart.
ACCEPTANCE:
Healing is a journey that ebbs and flows like the ocean. One moment you're all over it and the next you're no where close to where you want to be. This up and down is very normal and you need to be gentle with yourself here; good days and bad days are part of healing. 
RELEASE:
Recognise that while you may not be where you want to be, you can release the idea that you have to anything but here and now. 
REFLECT:
Make space to witness your progress from a third person perspective. Take a step back and survey the story that you are now experiencing. Breathe deeply and reflect on how far you have already come. 
EMPTINESS:
Take time to mourn the old version of yourself that isn't serving you any longer. See how you are growing and changing and developing better ways to be. This is also a time when we may feel the need to release certain people that are associated with our old selves from our lives. This is because they no longer fit into your new lifestyle choices. This shedding can be difficult and leave us feeling spiritually or emotionally naked. 
INTEGRATION: 
Integrating new strategies that will stick is difficult. It takes time and repetition to replace old habits with new and better ones. This process can be challenging but it is also deeply rewarding and important work. Don't give up, keep going!
TRANSFORMATION:
You are now making constant changes that you feel are most appropriate for your journey. You are in control of your own destiny, you are not the person that you were and you have healed yourself. Congratulate yourself and celebrate your transformation. 

It is really important to remember that healing and change, in any guise, takes time and commitment. It is often slow and challenging and it can be trying and traumatic. If you cannot do it alone, seek professional assistance or personal guidance from a trusted friend or companion. The road to healing is fraught with danger and difficulty, be aware that every set back is part of a process and every attempt to heal yourself is a worthy undertaking. Be kind to yourself, be patient and be willing to fail, succeed and find a better you in the process. 

FLEE 
Release Date: 2021
Rating: M
Running Time: 90 mins
A Danish adult-animation documentary film directed by Jonas Poher Rasmussen that received unanimous acclaim from film festivals and critics alike for its excellent animation, story, thematic content, subject matter and LGBT representation. And there is certainly no denying that Flee is deeply and profoundly affecting from start to end. 
A man under the alias of Amin Nawabi recounts the trauma and terror of his hidden past which included fleeing from his home country of Afghanistan to Denmark. 
Through gripping, candid and distressing storytelling, we come to view a plight that is practically incomprehensible to most westerners. Flee is essentially a survival story about one man trying to make sense of his shattered past and traumatic experiences in order to embrace the man that he is today. 
I saw the English language dubbed version which has Riz Ahmed and Nikolai Coster- Waldau performing as the narrators, and I would definitely recommend this version to English speaking viewers. The film also contains archival film footage of actual  events in Afghanistan around the time that Amin fled, and this really adds to the overall impact of this powerful and unforgettable film. 
It's definitely not a pleasant story but it is certainly one that needs to be heard by everyone. 
FINAL SAY: We have no idea what's going to happen to us. 
4 Chilli Peppers ​