So many people have asked me if I think that a remake can be better than an original version of a movie, and my answer is always the same: 'Yes! Of course it can!' With movie technology continually improving, we can now enjoy advanced CGI effects and superior sound and visual experiences, which in short means that we can have a more immersive cinematic experience than we ever could have had before. However, that does not necessarily make the original version redundant or of lesser value and importance, because if I was also asked if remakes were always better the original versions, I would most definitely answer 'Hell No!' 
To this day I still watch a lot of classic movies, and by classic I mean movies from the 1930's to the 1970's. Movies from that time period didn't have a lot of options in the effects and sound department compared to today's standards, so they are often movies that relied on excellent acting and directing to deliver their stories. I have a stockpile of movies on my 'still need to see' list (which seems to be ever expanding and absolutely endless) and around 70% of them would fall into the classic film category. Most of them are very good, some of them are downright legendary and could not be improved upon by a remake, but some of them certainly could. 
To be better than the original movie, there needs to be an improvement on all fronts, and not just in the effects department, because if the storyline is thin then my attention is never held for very long by CGI effects and all of the other bells and whistles that filmmakers feel compelled to throw at movies. For me, there needs to be something fresh about a remake that warrants the movie being remade in the first place. The perspective needs to alter in some way or the story has to become enhanced or given more depth or meaning in a remake. The actors need to be every bit as good and preferably better than the original actors and the director needs to be an avid fan of the original in a way that forces them to keep the integrity of the original intact, in other words it needs to not feel like a director's ego trip, which has happened so many times in remakes. 
There have in fact been heaps of excellent remakes that are deserving of your time, even if you have seen and enjoyed the original version. 
Here is my list of the best movie remakes that I have experienced, in no particular order:
Romeo and Juliet -Baz Luhrmann perfectly remixed this Shakespearean classic by installing a couple of modern heart-throbs and infusing it with a funky fresh soundtrack, and it is slice of pure brilliance. 
Mad Max: Fury Road - I also really liked the original, but the heart-pounding, high octane, adrenaline rush action of the remake was just so damn good, oh and Tom Hardy was in it, definitely a bonus. 
The Jungle Book - Jon Favreau's version of this Rudyard Kipling's classic is a perfect example of how CGI can be used to enhance an experience. It is magical!
Dawn of the Dead - This comedy/ horror homage to George A. Romero from Zack Snyder is a brain eating spectacular, so much blood and tasteless humour! 
Blair Witch - I didn't really like The Blair Witch Project original, but I really got creeped out by the 2016 remake that was simply called Blair Witch. Kept me away from camping for years!
A Star is Born - remade four times, and finally they got it right! The onscreen chemistry  of Coops and Gaga and the modern musical score made this new take an old romance a real winner. 
Ghostbusters - The girls had a swing at it in 2016 and were every bit as good as the boys were in 1984, and they didn't try to 'remake' it so much as have another go at something similar and I enjoyed it a lot. 
The Ring - The 1998 Japanese version was still really good, but the 2002 Gore Verbinski English language remake had an expanded storyline and some extra creepy CGI visuals. The acting was seriously stepped up in this version as well. 
Bram Stoker's Dracula - Dracula has been done to death (pardon the pun) but when Francis Ford Coppola had a go, well it was just magic, finally something Stoker would've loved!
IT - Probably the best horror remake of all time, the effects and storyline have been fine tuned to perfection, unmissable remake material. 
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory -Tim Burton takes us on a delicious and disturbing romp into Willy Wonka's chocolate factory in this accurate realisation of Roald Dahl's classic tale that his own family were involved in realising. . 
King Kong - Peter Jackson's epic realisation of Skull Island and the tragic tale of Mighty Kong is by far the best version to see for all of it's impressive CGI effects and in depth story telling. 

I am officially on school holidays! I started a little earlier than everyone else because my son needs to have some serious dental work done later today, so I am a couple of days in advance of all of the other staff at school that are still in it for the long haul; and even though I may be nursing a rather sore and sorry teenager for the next couple of days, I am certainly thankful for the early respite. 
I know that I say this every time that the school holidays roll around, but school staff really do earn every minute of holidays that they get each term, and a winter term is always a tough one to get through, for both the staff and students. So a little frolick time in the warming spring air is just what the doctor ordered and I am really looking forward to hitting the garden, the easel, the couch, the yoga mat, the cinema and probably the whiskey bottle as well if I am being really honest about it. With 18 work free days ahead of me, the possibilities are endless and I will be taking full advantage of balancing out my rest, relaxation and realignment time with getting some 'need to do' tasks ticked off my list as well. 
The yard is looking positively swampish out here at the moment, weeds are protruding from every garden bed, some plants droop sadly after the ravages of the heavy winter frosts and the driveway is starting to look more like a lawn than a gravel track, which means that it's weed spraying time! I actually quite enjoy being in the garden and I find gardening tasks more than tolerable especially when they are teamed with a decent podcast and a spot of sunshine. I can easily spend a few days in the sun pottering about in the yard and not feel like I have done any chores at all, and the results are always more than worth the time that you spend making them happen. 
I was more than pleased to see that my vegetable patch has self seeded a lot of spring vegetables without any assistance from me, so a bit of weeding and a few extra pots of vegetables from the nursery should put that all back in order again. In fact there is already a very healthy speckling of rhubarb, beetroot, spring onion, chard, leek, kale, parsley, kohlrabi, oregano, spinach and even a couple of heads of lettuce that have flourished without much effort from me at all. I haven't even been out there in over eight weeks, so I was pretty surprised to see so much action when I checked it the other day. It truly is amazing what a bit of sunshine, rain and some warm spring air can do to a garden...and to the soul. 
I am certainly finding myself in high spirits at the moment, not just with the holiday situation but also with my TM practices. I have been meditating for at least 20 minutes a day over the past 10 days now and I have been feeling a lot more at ease as a result of that. Transcendental Meditation actually requires two twenty minute sessions a day, but with the half an hour of yoga and half an hour of walking that I already do every day, it is just too much to squeeze in. Perhaps over the break I will be able to increase my meditation time further, but when I am working it is a challenge to make everything fit. However, one of the biggest benefits that I have noticed so far with TM has been my increased energy levels and lack of tiredness. I rise around 5.40am and go to bed around 11pm and I sleep so restfully and always wake feeling totally rejuvenated, often before my alarm even goes off now!
And, on top of my regular daily routine which (aside from my paid work) always includes yoga, walking, journaling, meditation, braille practice, meal preparation, cleaning and household chores, I have also (in the last 10 days) entertained two dinners (with three courses that I cooked from scratch), gone out for dinner with friends four times, gone to the movies, attended a work PD, had a coffee date with a friend and kept up with my blog and the all of the TV series that I am watching at the moment. PHEWWW! It's been hectic, but I don't feel worn out at all, in fact I feel like I have more energy than I have ever had. Is that possible? Is it all psychosomatic? Am I convincing myself that TM is making my life richer or does it really work? Hard to say just yet, but safe to say that I am going to be continuing with my practice at this point, and let's just see where it all takes me.

Movies that are based on games....hmmm.....not exactly the most successful movie genre and for a good reason really, because most of them are absolutely shithouse. Time and time again movie makers have attempted to recreate the magic of a quality game experience and interpret it into an engaging movie, and time and time again they have failed dismally. 
Why do games adapted into movies fail so often? Simply because games put you into a first person experience; a complete immersion into a full blown sensory experience. No movie, no matter how awesome it is, can offer the same level of immersion that a game can. There is a reason that people can wander around in the open play landscapes of a game for hours on end, and it is not just because the graphics are awesome. It's because they are in control of the environment and the events that play out, in a movie the only one in control is the director and half the time they are working with a pretty thin storyline. 
Games do not require multi layered or deeply intelligent storylines, and I mean no respect to gamers by saying that. But it is true, most gamers prefer a simple storyline, if they wanted something deeper they would be watching movies and not gaming. Gamers want to solve puzzles, navigate landscapes and basically level up, sure some storyline is required so that players can engage with their characters and the situation or problem within the game, but it doesn't need to be excessively complex or convoluted. More weapons and power ups and less of the jibber jabber is generally appreciated by a lot of gamers. Therefore, when a film studio picks up on a game that is hugely popular and then attempts to interpret it into an epic blockbuster it fails dismally, because most games aren't designed for storyline or character development, which are essential components in any decent movie. 
Quite often, hit movies are re-interpreted into games with some level of success, especially children's movies which require less storyline overall in game play mode. Those Lego games are so damn entertaining and I have wasted days of my life playing those, and every successful Disney movie ever made has spawned a game off the back of it's box office success, from Toy Story to The Pirates of Caribbean, there have been so many. Also children's movies with a fantasy or magical element to them transition seamlessly to a first player gaming model; Harry Potter and LOTR games are great examples of that. It seems that going from a movie to a game is a much better formula overall than going from a game to  a movie.
Have there actually been any good game to movie interpretations? A couple were okay, and I do say that generously, but they are pretty damn thin on the ground. Generally they are unwatchable shit but I am hoping that someday soon a director will hit the right formula and prove to everyone that the gaming genre can be interpreted well. 
Here is my list of the best game to movie adaptations, but as I said...it's thin on the ground and it's a rather sad line up overall. 
1. Silent Hill - hardly brilliant material, but for fans of horror it's a worthy watch, just so that you know who Pyramid Head and those weird arse nurses are. 3 Chilli Peppers
2. Resident Evil - the first one was watchable and that's where the joy ends. 2.5 Chilli Peppers
3. Prince of Persia - it has a very buff Jake Gyllenhaal in it, for that reason alone it is worth a look. 2 Chilli Peppers
4. Warcraft- I know that I slept through most of this film, but I also know that they tried really hard to make this watchable, so kudos for that. 1.5 Chilli Peppers
5. Tomb Raider - They just keep on coming, and they aren't getting any better. Marginally tolerable material with lots of hot chicks, but shithouse storylines.  1 Chilli Pepper
6. Assassins Creed - it has Michael Fassbender in it, that immediately earned it a chilli pepper. 1 Chilli Pepper

When you work with children and hit the seven to eight week mark of the third term of the year, you have really hit that part of the year that tests your fortitude in so many ways. The weather relentlessly teases you with hints of the coming spring by supplying glorious afternoons where the sting of the sun can be languished in, only to slap you down again in the evenings with night temperatures plummeting below zero and freezing up the pipes and windscreens of everyone in town.
The children that you work with now know you well enough to exactly estimate where your line in the sand is in regards to behaviour tolerance,  and they will now also feel compelled to do their very best to see if they can nudge that line just one more inch across in their favour. It is also a time when, no matter where you may be working, the honeymoon is truly over. The rest and recharge from the last break that you had has completely worn off and been replaced with a dull sense of fatigue, repetition and lack of personal down time that forces you to work extra hard to maintain your sense of zen and not turn into a whinge or a tyrant. 
This is the time of the year when yoga, meditation, excellent whiskey and movie marathons become absolutely imperative to one's good health and wellbeing. A day of PJ's and couch time, lengthy sessions on Pinterest, long dinner dates with friends, hours hunched over sketchbooks, long hot bubble baths with saucy novels and endless cups of coffee are all necessary solutions to combat the negative effects of too many children over too many days. 
Self preservation of one's zen is absolutely key when it comes to the hard yards of the back end of a winter term. You have to find what it is that makes you feel happy and more resilient, and you have do that thing to death. Do it as often as you can and for as long as you can, whenever you get the chance to. Finding what makes you shine when you don't feel very shiny is so very important, because we all have days when we just want to punch stuff and get shouty, but it's not ever okay to do that; especially if you're working around children! So save yourself the bloody knuckles, the heartache and the worry and learn to stay zen, even when you really don't feel like it. 

Hollywood blockbuster movies have a way of making everything look glamorous, accessible and generally fun, even when they are actually promoting activities that are morally corrupt and/or highly illegal. There are literally countless films that glorify criminals for being absolute scumbags and we generally all buy into it, watching these movies and thinking how great life would be if we had the chance to be successful jewelry or car thieves, because it always looks so cool and even quite fun on the big screen. Think Baby Driver, Logan Lucky, Casino, American Ultra, Blow or Ocean's 8, I mean being bad never looked so good, right?
Movie producers are so damn good at glamorizing all kinds of seedy shit that they can just about fool anyone into thinking that anything (regardless of how genuinely unappealing it really is) is fun, fresh, interesting or even desirable. 
One movie in particular that people seem to really love (women especially) in spite of its clearly seedy message and utterly implausible outcomes (and I gotta say it really grinds my gears) is Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts. I absolutely despise that movie, it's my least favourite movie of all time by a long mile and I cannot tell you how many times some poor misguided woman has told me about how much they love that movie and how many times they have rewatched it because it is so romantic and blah...blah...blah... And then they always look so shocked when I give them my synopsis of the movie.
I like to point out that Julia Roberts basically plays a desperate whore in the movie Pretty Woman who took up prostitution because (apparently) she was shitty at everything else. She literally walks the streets with her crack whore best friend peddling sex for money to strange men. Richard Gere (her love interest) is obviously a dodgy as all fuck businessman that regularly picks up whores off the street, which is how he meets Roberts after he 'just happens' to be in the red light district and decides to give her a go. Gere decides to keep Roberts around to use for sex as he sees fit over the course of the next week (which he pays for in advance) after she gives him a clearly pretty good blowjob. Over the course of that week of paid sexworker employment, Roberts suffers from some unexplainable stockholm syndrome bullshit and decides that she loves Gere, which (apparently) has nothing do with his ridiculous stream of unending money that he likes to throw around. Her blowjobs are clearly insanely good, so Gere decides to keep Roberts on permanently, in a full time (without pay) sexworker capacity, and boom - it's happily ever after! And that is meant to be romantic? WTF? Worst movie EVER people, please stop watching this steaming shitpile and calling it good and/or romantic, it's toxic Hollywood bullshit! 
In fact, a lot of crime, war, action and yes, even romance movies actually do glamourize some pretty low brow stuff like organised crime, prostitution, theft, arms dealing, drug dealing, infidelity, harassment and misogyny and we often don't even bat an eye when we are watching it, in fact we like it, it looks dangerously cool. And I totally admit, I do like watching some pretty seedy shit, but you do have to draw the line somewhere.
So, if I ever, and I mean ever, start calling movies about prostitutes with stockholm syndrome deeply romantic, please do promptly slap me upside the head and tell me to shut the fuck up! 

OCEAN'S 8
Release Date: 2018
Rating: M
Running Time: 111 mins
A spin-off of Steven Soderbergh's Ocean's trilogy and proof that women can do heist comedies just as well as the men can. Ocean's 8  is directed by Gary Ross and written by Ross and Olivia Milch and offers viewers an easy 'feel good' ride with an entertaining all star cast.
Debbie Ocean, younger sister of the late Danny Ocean, gets paroled and plans a once in a lifetime heist that involves stealing a $150 million dollar Cartier necklace. To pull it all off, Debbie will require the assistance of a team of eight female criminals. 
​The cast in this is just dynamite and the onscreen chemistry of the lead actresses is what really carries this film. Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Rihanna, Awkwafina and Helena Bonham Carter join forces perfectly as the eight criminal masterminds, and although the storyline fails to brings anything new to the table, I still thought that Ocean's 8 was a more than watchable 'chick flick' experience. 
FINAL SAY: You would've loved it. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

Finally I am coming out of the fog of sickness and starting to feel a lot more like my old self again. My energy levels are rising, my positivity has returned and I am loving having enough energy to enjoy daily yoga and meditation practises all over again. With just over two weeks until the winter school holiday break this rise from the ashes has come at just the right moment and by the time the break kicks in I expect to be completely rejuvenated and primed for a terrific holiday.
Everything seems twenty times harder when you're not feeling very well and I had really forgotten just how bloody inconvenient illness is. Even the simplest of tasks can appear to be pretty insurmountable when your rocking around feeling like a crap sandwich; I seriously have a newfound respect for people that suffer from ongoing health complications, it is just so bloody awful being sick! 
It is pretty easy to take your health and wellbeing for granted, which I was clearly doing because I was completely bowled over by how ridiculously weak and exhausted I became over such a short amount of time. I went from having the constitution of a clydesdale horse to being as weak as a kitten over a few short weeks and it wasn't the most pleasant experience that I have ever had, I can tell you that.
I can't even recall another time in my life when I slept as much as I did in the last three weeks. I reckon I was giving grannies a run for their money with the amount of snoozing I was putting in. Never before have I spent every night after dinner on the couch, falling asleep with my head on Craig's lap by 8pm and having to get him to 'put me to bed' like I was an infant! What a sad-o! And then, to add insult to injury, I wasn't even able to get up in the morning at the other end because I still felt like I was tired. It was so crapola! I didn't do anything interesting or fun for days and days; just work, eat and sleep (and whine - I did a fair amount of that). What a sad existence it was! 
Well I am sure glad to be leaving all of that behind in the rear view mirror; and if that was a glimpse into what old age is going to be like, then I am NOT looking forward to it one bit! I think that it is important to build up your health and general wellbeing while you're still young enough to do it, because the prospect of sleeping away my latter years and mostly feeling lousy and weak does not appeal to me at all. If anything, this sickness has made me super determined to get my health into really good order, because I really don't want another serve of whatever it was that I have just had, or anything like it, ever again! 

Sometimes I need to be alone. Really alone. 
This need to be left alone is often mistaken for aloofness or rudeness, and I never mean for it to come off that way, but the unfortunate side effect of needing alone time is that sometimes it can make others feel like you don't want them around. 
The truth is that I really do want people around, I actually really enjoy company and crave human interaction.  And just like everyone else in the world I do get really lonely sometimes too, but if I am being 100% honest, that doesn't happen very often. More often than I would like to admit, I just want to be left the hell alone. Which sounds terrible when I say it like that, but it is true. I really need to be left alone sometimes, and alone can be very, very difficult to get. 
Sometimes when I need alone time, I really need alone time, and it can be quite difficult for me to get the alone time that I need and that will actually satisfy my need for aloneness. In my line of work, where I am around children all day (especially really small ones) I do find that I can get pretty depleted by the end of the day. I often try to retreat to a quiet corner of the house when I am in withdrawal mode, but find that I can rarely sustain the hiding for longer than half an hour before someone decides that they need me something and I am ferreted out of my hiding spot.
It is not good to be angry at the people you love for needing you, but sometimes it happens. Sometimes, enough is a bloody-nuff!  Go work it out yourself, cook your own dinner, stop asking me for things, leave me alone! I want to shout these things from the top of my lungs, but then I would just feel guilty about it so I don't. I face the strain and keep on smiling, even though my insides may be writhing with angry feelings and annoyance and my legs want to abscond. 
As an introvert, the need to be left alone can be exceptionally overwhelming, but as I said it can also make you look like such a total asshole. I often find myself daydreaming about entire weekends where no-one is around and I don't have to worry about anyone else's needs but my own, just a couple of days where the house is empty all day and night except for me. And I know that that is  a completely selfish and pretty dickish thing to desire, but when you have been bombarded by humans and their needs for as long as I have, sometimes you just long for no responsibility and no pressure and especially no new input. No new input, just the sound of it....it sounds like complete and utter bliss to me. 
However, I also know that I would probably only last 24 hours and then I would start to miss everyone and would wish them all back home again anyway, but every now and then I do secretly wish that they would all just sod off for a while and leave me the hell alone! 

Toothache really is in a realm all by itself. This week I had a pretty tough week, so tough that I let my entire routine go out of the window because I had to. I was in excruciating pain for days and even though the worst of it is over, I am still basically like a cantankerous bear with a splinter in it's paw. I didn't eat, didn't sleep longer than a two hour stretch, didn't do yoga or meditation, didn't practise any of my usual lessons or even (God forbid) complete a blog. What I did do, between my work hours was moan, groan and lay about on the couch drugged out of my mind watching bullshit TV and hating my life.
How did I get this way? Well let me tell you a little story about heartache and the loss of God....just kidding...it wasn't actually that bad. Let me tell you about the time that a dentist butchered me though....
On Saturday of last week I went to the dentist for my routine six month clean and scale. I didn't have any concerns about my teeth and I was in really good health. I was however seeing a dentist that I wouldn't usually see, which would turn out to be one of my worst errors in judgement ever. My usual dentist has a life of luxury and only works 4 days a week from 9am to 3pm, which renders him pretty much useless to the working class society, so I thought I would do the right thing and not take time off for a routine clean and scale that I would just go to another dentist at the same practise, after all it was for a 20 min check-up not a root canal.
Anyway, this new dentist, let's call him Dr Slaughter, had me in the chair for an hour. He x-rayed, poked about and gave me a very thorough deep clean, which at the time I thought, okay great, obviously I needed all that. And even though I didn't enjoy it, I figured that I must have needed the extra invasive cleaning and told myself that I was getting value for money. 
The first day after the cleaning I was fine, and the second I was mildly uncomfortable, but I have had periodontal work so a little oral discomfort is not foreign to me. By Tuesday, shit was getting real and I had started to take Panadol and Nurofen on two hourly rotations. Let me point out that I NEVER take cope dope, not ever, it has to be serious for me to even go there.
Anyway Tuesday night, no dinner and a little sleep - too much pain. Wednesday I had to travel to Melbourne for a work PD, almost 3 hours each way, that was a long day with a lot of pain, drugged myself with over-the-counter remedies to an illegal level and soldiered on. Picked at a couple of things, didn't sleep again and woke up to thumping, pounding, shooting pains and nausea on Thursday. After being so tired and so empty and so exhausted for so many days I finally crumbled. Tears and tears, I gave in and made an appointment to see the dentist, my usual dentist. 
After some inspection and another lot of x-rays, he confirmed that my teeth were excellent, but some of my gums were so inflamed that they were higher that my teeth in my mouth. Well, that explained the pain alright. Toothache, or in this case, deep gum pain is a special hell all of its own. I have not felt so worn down, unwell, exhausted or overwhelmed by pain since I was in labour over thirteen years ago. It was BAD, so bad. I even had another good cry at the dentist's office and he felt so sorry for me that he called me at home (after hours) the next day to check on me. 
So my teeth were fine, it was a gum problem. I had to be referred to a periodontal expert to have a look as well, but even he was confused because the x-rays looked good. After examining my swollen and agonisingly tender mouth he concurred with what my dentist had said and also believed that some type of bacteria had entered my mouth during or just after the cleaning process when my gums were open, and that Dr Slaughter had caused trauma to my gum area by being too invasive. Basically I had a secondary infection of a fierce kind, one that required strong antibiotics and even stronger pain killers, which my dentist happily prescribed to me. 
Being keen to get some pain relief I went in hard on the drugs, which did give me a most welcomed nights sleep, but did also cause me to violently chunder into the garden on Friday morning after I took too many of them and then tried to drink a coffee. Live and learn. I am a bit of a prescription drug lightweight, and when you never have them, they work really well. So this weekend I have basically been lying about half out of my skull on pain relief and doing as little as possible. The antibiotics are working beautifully and everyday I get a significant reduction in pain and discomfort, so hallelujah to that! 
The lesson in all of this is? Don't ever go to a strange dentist, just organise the time off and see your usual one. Well, that's my take away from all of that anyway. Make an appointment at the slightest hint of 'after' pain before you start to contemplate self-surgery like I was and most importantly don't let one butcher put you off of going to the dentist forever, which is going to be my biggest hurdle now. Honestly, the thought of a dental check up right just sends shivers of dread straight down my spine! 
Thank God for Marvel, who was delivering another delightful instalment of super this weekend, honestly the distraction couldn't have arrived at a better time, and what a mighty fine distraction is was!

Self talk is a buzz term for the subconscious voice or inner dialogue that quietly runs in the background of our thinking minds all of the time. This inner voice keeps itself busy by making comment on how we see ourselves or suggesting how we should be doing things for ourselves. We all have a 'self-talk' voice, whether we want to acknowledge that we have one or not is totally irrelevant, trust me when I say that we all do have one. We just aren't really thinking about it, or what that voice is saying to us most of the time.
We are generally quite content to just let our inner dialogue run on auto-pilot, which can be fine if your self talk is usually positive, however, for many of us, that autopilot 'self talk' voice is not very kind or forgiving at all. Letting a negative self talk voice run on autopilot is probably not a very wise thing to do at all because it can have a huge effect on how you feel about yourself and what you choose to do with your life.
The way that we speak to ourselves matters, a lot actually. I have been investigating self talk lately and there has been a lot of studies done on the subject in recent years. As you probably already know, a negative self talking voice can drag people down so much that they can become seriously anxious and depressed, but did you know that persistently unchecked negative self talk has been linked to personality, esteem and body image disorders and can even lead to self harming and suicide? Yep, your subconscious self talk could be seriously sabotaging your chances of being happy and fulfilled. 
​Since considering all of this, I have been seriously paying attention to the quality of self talk that has been playing on autopilot in my subconscious, and I can confidently say that I have been quite unkind to myself for a very long time. There are some things playing on autopilot up there that are actually deeply damaging, even downright nasty! I would never put up with the crappy things that my inner voice says to me from anyone else, and yet I totally tolerate it from my own self, what the hell is that about?  And how long have I been being so unkind to myself? Where did these thoughts come from and why have I allowed this to go on for so long?
My self talk says horrible things about my physical, mental and emotional self that are so harsh, cruel and unloving that I cannot even write them down because they are just so horrid. As a consequence of that, I have learnt to not like certain things about myself, I have actually learned to hate some things about myself, and I have been doing it for almost 44 years!
So, clearly that all needs to change because I have no reason not to like myself, warts and all. I refuse to have some worn out, negative, self talking bullshit running on autopilot in the background of my subconscious any longer! It is time to feel more confident and to move on from old mindset habits and thoughts, they are no longer serving me and these negative thoughts that I have cultivated are only hindering my progress. 
Now whenever I catch myself having a negative self talking session, I ask myself these simple questions in an effort to combat my inner demons:

• Is there any evidence to support my thinking?
• What would I say to a friend if I heard them saying something like that about themselves?
• Is there a positive way to look at this?
• Am I keeping things in perspective? Is this rational?
• Is there anything that I can do to change what I am feeling bad about?

That usually seems to do the job, but I would be lying if I didn't say that is hard to break old habits and negative self thoughts, it takes constant and conscious effort to quell those asshole inner voices that try to convince us that we are not enough. I am not nearly out of the woods in regards to conquering my self talk yet, but I've made a start and I think that that is a mighty fine step in the right direction. I am not expecting to ever fully fall in love with who I am, but if I can stop saying terrible things to myself, that  sure would be a terrific place to begin. 

It's that time again, the time for me to unleash my viewing loves and loathes for the year of 2017. In total, I watched 279 movies and 62 TV series in 2017, so yeah, it is fair to say that I have a robust addiction to entertainment and that I have a fairly good idea of what is out there.
My biggest undertaking for the year was a rewatch of the entire Lost Series, 121 episodes in total, and although it took me the better part of the entire year to get through, it was worth the effort. Next to the Twin Peaks Reboot, Lost was the next biggest mind fuck of the year for me.
I must say that the bar raises every single year for me because movies and TV are constantly improving in quality and there is a never ending stream of excellent viewing to be had. That makes it a lot harder for me to discern the best,  but also a lot more enjoyable in the long run.
However, without further ado, here are my picks for the best and worst of 2017, my full reviews of these movies can be found on their corresponding genre lists. 
BEST MOVIES OF 2017:

• IT  - Horror  4.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Ghost Story - Art House 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Mother! - Challenging 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Blade Runner 2049 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baby Driver - Action 4 Chilli Peppers
• Dunkirk - War 4 Chilli Peppers
• Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers
• Logan - Super 4 Chilli Peppers
• Get Out - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Dark Song - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• T2 - Trainspotting - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Logan Lucky - Action/Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

BEST CATCH UP MOVIES OF 2017: (Movies released before 2017 that I finally saw in 2017)

• La Grande Bellezza (The Great Beauty) - Foreign 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Manchester by the Sea - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Moonlight - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Arrival - Science Fiction 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Nocturnal Animals  -Drama 4.5  Chilli Peppers
• Hidden Figures - Drama 4  Chilli Peppers
• Moana - Kid Friendly 4  Chilli Peppers
• The Edge of Seventeen -Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• The Conjuring 2 - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Captain Fantastic - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Samson and Delilah - Gritty 4 Chilli Peppers
• The House of the Devil - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Mermaid - Foreign/ Fantasy 3.5 Chilli Peppers

WORST MOVIES OF 2017:

• Kong: Skull Island - Fantasy 2 Chilli Peppers
• The Great Wall - Action/ Fantasy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Ghost in the Shell - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• A Cure for Wellness - Horror 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Loving - Drama 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Valerian and the City of a 1,000 Planets - Science Fiction 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Baywatch - Comedy 1.5 Chilli Peppers
• Yoga Hosers  -Comedy 1 Chilli Pepper
• The Bye Bye Man  - Horror 0 Chilli Peppers
• The Greasy Strangler - Art House 0 Chilli Peppers

BEST TV SERIES 2017:

• Big Little Lies - Drama 5 Chilli Peppers
• The Handmaid's Tale - Drama/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• American Gods - Horror/ Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• Atlanta - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Godless - Western 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Game of Thrones S7  - Fantasy 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Stranger Things S2 - Science Fiction 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Twin Peaks Reboot - Art House 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Mozart in the Jungle - Drama 4 Chili Peppers 
• Alias Grace - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• AHS - Cult - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• Peaky Blinders S4 - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Better Things - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• A-Typical - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Girls - Final Season - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Sinner - Mystery/Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers

As far as bad TV series go, well I was so busy watching really high quality TV that I managed to miss all of the shit this year, so I'm not even putting in a category for that. To be honest, I think that this year may have been one of the best of years for quality TV that I have ever known, which fills me with a lot of hope for 2018. 
Hopefully you will find something on my lists that you haven't seen yet and will now go and see on my recommendation. Also, you now know what to avoid like the plague if you should have the misfortune of coming across it.
I hope that the holiday period is being kind to you all, happy viewing!

IT
Release Date: 2017
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 135 mins 
A supernatural horror directed by Andy Muschietti and based on the highly successful 1986 novel of the same name by Stephen King. Clearly audiences are thirsting for excellent retro horror tales because IT swiftly became the highest grossing horror film of all time and the third highest grossing R rated movie of all time. 
It's 1988 in a small American town called Derry and something insidious is lurking in the sewers; an ancient evil that feeds on the fears of children and presents itself as a clown called Pennywise. Seemingly invisible to adults, Pennywise starts to abduct the children of Derry, and turns its sights on a tight group of friends called The Losers Club. 
With all of the terrific friendship dynamics  and comradery of The Goonies, Stranger Things and Stand By Me  and all of the creepiness of a James Wan horror, IT has a formula that works on so many levels. Not only is there a creepy as all shit clown torturing the children, but all of the adults in Derry seem to be rather unpleasant as well which adds another layer of turmoil to this already emotionally affecting tale. 
IT is most definitely the best horror movie to come out of 2017. The acting is on point, with Bill Skarsgard delivering one of the most memorably disturbing horror characters of all time in Pennywise. He is however exceptionally well supported by a young and fresh faced cast who are all bringing their A game here as well, with notable performances being delivered by Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Nicholas Hamilton and Jeremy Ray Taylor.
The visuals are certainly dark, dreadful and nightmarish; but the coming of age story that is playing in the background is not at all drowned out by the grim effects, which was really pleasing to see. IT is a true horror gem and a must see movie for fans of quality horror.
FINAL SAY: We all float down here. 
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I like to purchase products that will last. I really hate it when things run out, breakdown or stop performing when I haven't had them for very long. I can't say that I like it much better when I have had them for a long time and they breakdown either, if I am being really honest. Why am I mentioning this? Well because today I got home from work, went to grab a cold glass of water and realised that my fridge was warm. No-one ever wants to come home to a warm fridge, especially not on a 35 degree day; but shit like this happens, and my refrigerator is about 15 years old...so.... crap on a stick, my fridge is broken!
Needless to say, I was not happy and it made me very snappy and impatient with everyone in the house because it was an unforeseen annoyance, and everybody knows that they are the worst kinds of annoyances. On top of that, this was a rather inconvenient unforeseen annoyance as well, and I did not get to enjoy a cool glass of water to calm me down, I instead got a tepid glass of water and an hour on the phone trying desperately to get someone to come to Enfield to investigate my inconvenient annoyance. Well by 4.30pm in the afternoon the best I could muster up was a visit from a guy that said he 'might know what to do' (that doesn't really fill one with a lot of hope now does it?) and he could probs squeeze me in some time tomorrow, but he was not exactly sure when. Hmmmm......
​Well, tomorrow is the worst day ever to be vague about times because I am working out at my new job and I cannot afford to not be there for that, so I have had to call in favours and juggle things around; and I tell ya, I am literally having a 'make it work' moment over here people! Anyway, I think that I have strategized the shit out of the situation and now I just have to hope that the service/repair man comes good and does indeed squeeze me in and can indeed fix my refrigerator blues. 
These things sure are sent to test us, that's for sure! They always happen just before a big event (like Christmas) when you're funds are all tied up and they always require many maneuvers to remedy. Nevermind, be zen about it, find the calm and keep moving forward. This type of thing will happen and it won't be the last time that something like this does happen, so losing one's cool over it is not really worth it.
So now I am off to throw out a heap of gross, festering and smelly food that is puddling at the base of my fridge that I haven't been willing to face yet. Lucky, lucky me, what a lovely thing to do on a stinking hot afternoon....reckon the Coke in the fridge could still be salvaged, may need to pour myself a stiff one for this job, a lukewarm stiff one, but a stiff one nonetheless!

Just spent the last two days at Sovereign Hill with the Grade 6 students at the Asylum Ragged School; yep they finally sent me to the asylum! Just kidding, our school sends the year six students to Sovereign Hill for an immersive, historical experience every year. This year I went along and donned the Sov Hill drag along with the students to get a really authentic feel for it all, which would have been a lot more fun if it wasn't over 30 degrees on both days. I had seriously forgotten how sweaty and revolting those costumes are, blah....I was sweating like a sinner in church. I cannot believe that I spent almost six summers at the Sovereign Hill bakery during my twenties in front of a wood oven in that garb, torture!
Crinoline on crinoline and lace on lace, I have never felt more like a trussed up Christmas turkey in my life! Layer upon layer like a Sara Lee pastry and sweltering in the heat I carted my sorry arse up and down the main street and back and forth from the school, which was conveniently located at the very top of the hill, for two days, and now I am utterly exhausted. 
The women of the 1850's really didn't have great lives, well no-one really did back then to be honest, but when you are standing under a lace parasol in 30 degree heat surrounded by layers of bouffant frills the reality of how horrid it must have been in summer for ladies is well and truly driven home.
I declared as I was putting my outfit on for the second day (as my body was physically trying to reject it) - no wonder that all of the men thought that most of the women were bat-shit bonkers back then, these clothes are enough to make the strongest woman lose her shit!
However, in spite of the heat, and sweaty discomfort, it was a really fun couple of days with the children and I got a lot out of my Sovereign Hill 'immersive' experience. However, I will not be sad to get into modern garb for work tomorrow and I thank my lucky stars that I was born in an era that doesn't require me to feel so damn uncomfortable all of the time. 

Woohoo! I got the job!
I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel a bit crummy about knocking out my opposition, who would have wanted the role just as much as I did, but at the end of the day I cannot deny that it felt pretty damn fine to be victorious in my pursuits.
​Yes, it is official, I am going to a new school next year to try my hand at something completely different. My new position will see me working primarily with a blind child who is beginning his school journey in Foundation in 2018, which means that I will be required to learn Braille and take on an entirely new skill set. This challenge is extremely exciting to me and I am really looking forward to meeting my new little friend and gaining a better understanding of his needs.
As a learning support officer, you really do gain a great deal of knowledge from each child that you work with and this child will certainly not be an exception to that rule, in fact I envision that this experience will be both challenging and deeply satisfying, which is exactly what I look for in my employment. 
The truly bitter-sweet thing about this new job is that I must now leave my current place of employment, a place that has helped me to grow and that has nurtured me for almost nine years. In doing so, I also leave behind some amazing friendships and relationships that I have cultivated  there as well, and that is going to be the hardest part of saying goodbye at the end of the year.
Most people walk out the door when they quit a job thinking 'good riddance' but I will not be feeling that way at all. You see, I still really like my job and I love that I know everyone that I work with so well and I feel like I belong to a kind of weird and wonderful family when I am at work. Letting go of all of that will not be easy to do, but I am sure that the really meaningful relationships that I have created will continue to flourish even after I go, so there is some solace in that. 
Still, going to a brand new place filled with brand new faces and doing a job that is totally foreign to me, although invigoratingly new, is equally terrifying. I would be lying if I said that there wasn't some trepidation and apprehension tied to this most poignantly bitter-sweet moment right now; but that is the way that change always feels, and busting out of old routines and comfortable predictability takes guts. Right now, this change has come at the right time for me, because it really is a good time to change and try something fresh and new. And even though half of me is holding on tight to what I have, the other half has already started to let go and to reach out for something new.
You have to listen to those little voices inside of you that tell you that it time to give something else a shot or to let go of old mindsets, because that is when the real growth occurs. Someone famous once said that we would never reach new lands if we were always too afraid to leave the shore. Well, not me, I am leaving the safety of the shore and I can see new land across the sea; I am going on an adventure!

Don't you hate it when people borrow things and then never give them back? 
I can't even begin to tell you how many books, movies, CDs and items of clothing I have lent to people over the years and how many of those items were never, ever, seen again. Don't get me wrong, I love to share in the joy of my findings and have no problems with lending things out, but when I never see a lent item ever again, well I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get a little annoyed. 
I also really hate asking people for a borrowed item to be returned, it's so bloody awkward. That shit is way out of my comfort zone and it is not something that I like to ever have to do, but on a number of occasions I have had to ask for an item back because I have legitimately needed it for some reason and god, actually asking for it back - it is so horrid, I really hate doing it. I always feel like such a total asshole asking for a borrowed item back, even though it is technically mine, it just feels bad to ask for it, like I am taking it before they are done with it, which totally defeats the point of lending it out it in the first place. 
I have been known to lose the odd book that has been lent to me, I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't, but I am usually very reliable with my borrowing because I know how much it sucks to have things that you love just disappear from your life. In truth I know that hoarding items and having attachments to things (especially inanimate things) is not healthy, but I must be honest and say that when I purchase an item and I love it, be it a book, movie or crappy cotton scarf, then I don't want to lose it forever; besides in many cases it also means that I need to replace it because I loved it so much; that too has happened to me many times before.
The most heartbreaking thing that I borrowed and lost forever was a pair of earrings that I loved, I still don't know what I was thinking lending them in the first place to be honest. They weren't expensive earrings, but they were not replaceable because they were vintage, so alas I lost them forever. I also lent a jacket out once that I really loved wearing and never saw it again either, that one hurt too; but if you borrow then you run the risk of losing things forever. So I suppose the ultimate message that I am trying to send out here is pretty simple really, never lend out anything that you can't stand to lose. Now if I could just follow my own advice I would probably save myself alot future heartaches. 

A lot of the kids at work have been a bit off this week. Is there a full moon that I don't know about? I am a firm believer in full moon madness, I do think that our bodies are greatly affected, just as the tides are, by the cycles of moon. I mean it makes perfect sense, our bodies are made up of 60% water, so it wouldn't really be a stretch to think that our bodies are affected by lunar activity would it? 
I know that all scientific evidence states that the moon actually has zero influence on human moods and behaviours, but sometimes I like to say 'fuck you science' and go with my gut, and when it comes to the beautiful and mysterious moon, I most certainly do not subscribe to science.
Ancient civilisations actually believed that the cycles of the moon were linked to a woman's menstrual cycle, after all it gets full every 28 days. That is why pagans worshipped the moon as the mother goddess symbol, and it is considered among pagan folk to be a sign of great fortune and fertility to have your cycles running in sync with the moon cycles. 
Police have long complained that the full moon is always a far more active time for criminals, however, in all fairness that could be because it is just a lot easier to see at night during a full moon. However, when you consider that a lot of the crimes recorded around the full moon are of a violent nature, visibility does seem to be an unlikely reason for the rise in crime. It's like the moon just makes some people go a bit bonkers; hence the word lunatic, meaning maddened by the lunar cycles. 
And aside from the old full moon werewolf tales, it is actually quite true that more people come to hospital suffering from animal bites around the full moon than at any other time. In fact dog bits are twice as frequent at that time of the month. Explain that science! I bet you can't!
All that I know for sure is that my own personal tide is also mighty high at the moment as well. I have a managed to catch a really annoying head cold, it is actually that time of the month and I don't seem to be able to get a lot of downtime this week because a shit tonne of things seem to be going on. Basically, it is just one of those weeks, one of those full on weeks when you could really use a second you to get everything done easily.
Luckily, I got to the movies on Sunday afternoon to see something of quality that has seen me bopping out in my car to it's soundtrack and losing my woes and myself in music for at least a few minutes every day. 

I have come to the understanding that I am not a very interesting person. It's a fact and it is totally okay, I don't have a problem with it. It's just that in the past I have always stupidly considered myself to be reasonably interesting. I may have even had an ego about it once upon a time, you know the whole I'm so edgy and different crap that we tell ourselves when we desperately want to stand out but generally don't. Yeah, I've always liked the idea that I was a bit unique, I mean who doesn't want to seem interesting? Anyway, after examining the way in which I interact with other people and live my life, I have decided that not only am I am not very interesting, but that I'm probably seen as a bit of a weirdo.
If I was meeting me for the first time, I would definitely think that I was an odd-bod, and that does not mean interesting or edgy, because odd is just plain odd. I actually think that I would annoy myself pretty quickly. There are a lot of things about the way that I function that bother me intensely, and I am not stupid enough to think that they wouldn't bother others as well. 
Don't get me wrong, I know that I do have good attributes, I am not flavourless, I am just not very interesting. I am not trying to insinuate that I have the personality of a plastic spoon or anything, I mean I know that I am a bit quirky and I have a decent sense of humour and enjoy a range of unusual things, but that really doesn't constitute 'interesting' in my books. 
I haven't done anything heroic or changed the world in any significant way. Mostly, I just talk way too much about movies and TV, I generally find small talk and chit-chat awkward, and if I am being really honest about myself, I am not that easy to talk to. I cut people off and go off on the weirdest tangents, I often manage to annoy myself mid-conversation! 
The combination of these things would lead most people to think that I am utterly boring or socially retarded or just plain rude, and they'd be completely correct in that thinking. I am actually a bit of all of those things, and I own that. I own my inept small talk capabilities, my over zealous attitude to cinema, my often inappropriate jokes and my disinterest in mundane idle chit-chat. I am annoyingly aware that I have very little in common with much of the world and that I can bore people to the point of distraction. I am just not that interesting. 
But in truth, how many genuinely interesting people are there in the world? There are a lot of good people, hard working people and busy people, but are they really all that interesting? I say yes, because I am so often fascinated by the complexities of others, and I do believe that everyone has at least one really excellent tale to share about their life that is worth hearing. However, that doesn't mean that I find all people interesting all of the time, and some people are dull, there is no sugar coating that fact, but I do believe that everyone certainly can be interesting from time to time.
Perhaps we are just not that interesting to ourselves, I mean after living with myself for 43 years, I often get bored of me! And maybe it is normal to feel bored of ourselves, maybe it is just a signpost for change and reinvention. However, when I focus on the incredible lives that some people have lived and the amazing things that some people have achieved, that is when I really feel like I am not cutting it in the leagues of the 'interesting' as far as the human race goes, but I guess not all of us were designed to be heroes were we? And even the little and uninteresting people have a role to play in the big scheme of things. 

HACKSAW RIDGE
Release Date: 2016
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 139 mins
Not since Saving Private Ryan has there been so much graphic bloodshed depicted on the battlefields, but what this movie does have that Saving Private Ryan failed to deliver is a lot more heart and an extraordinary true story about a real life war hero. Written by Andrew Knight and directed by Mel Gibson, Hacksaw Ridge plays out like an old school war movie from days gone by. I felt like I was watching something that could've been made in the 1970's with much better effects, and I found that aspect extremely pleasing. 
​Desmond Doss enlists in the army during the outbreak of WWII. Being a conscientious objector (C.O.) and a Seventh-day Adventist, Doss refuses his right to carry or use firearms during war, and choses to be unarmed medic during his call of duty in the the Battle of Okinawa.  His heroic efforts at Hacksaw Ridge made him the first C.O. to receive a Medal of Honour. 
This is a war story that deserves to be heard, and even though Doss was clearly motivated by his religious ideals, the film doesn't feel preachy or heavy handed in that way. Andrew Garfield shines as Doss, giving the best performance of his career thus far and earning himself a Best Actor nomination at the 89th Academy Awards. The supporting actors are all excellent, with notable performance from Vince Vaughn, Sam Worthington and Hugo Weaving. 
​It is rare for a biographical war hero film to not feel like it is glorifying war in some way, but I didn't get that from this film at all. Gibson has done a fine job of telling Doss's story with dignity and passion, minus all of the bravado which, if the end testaments from Doss and his war friends are anything to go by, is exactly the way that Doss would've wanted it to be told. 
FINAL SAY: Help me get one more.
3.5 Chili Peppers ​

I accidentally stumbled on a link to an article today, it was called - #1 Reason that Men Pull Away. Being me, I just couldn't resist clicking on it. Not because I even give a shit what anewmode.com has to say on the issue, but because I was curious to see what kind of tripe they were filling women's heads with. Guess what the number one reason was? It's a corker - He's Stressed! Which was followed by a sweeping statement about men needing to retreat to the "man-cave" when they are stressed. 
Wtf? Seriously, don't all people need to retreat when they feel stressed? Since when is it only men? And what does that have to do with men pulling away? If I counted every time that Craig headed out to the "man-cave" as they called it, 'pulling away' we should've been divorced about 20 odd years ago. According to this article if your man is stressed it is your job to tiptoe around the bastard and let him hide in his 'sook cave' until he's ready to come out otherwise you'll be seen as inconsiderate and needy! Which brings me to the second point that they made, men pull away because you are too needy.
That fucking chestnut - too needy! Men apparently long to feel wanted and desired, but not needed. What the sweet fuck does that even mean? I figure it means that if you come to a man in your lingerie wanting to ravish his loins he'll probably be into it, but if you start begging him, forget it sister - that shit is too needy! Is that what they mean? Seriously, if you can't rely on your man to be there when you need something, he's a fucking loser and needs to be kicked to the curb - hard! Wanted? Desired? Give it a bone, wanted and desired doesn't pay the rent unless you're a stripper and it is certainly not an excuse to push aside someone's needs. No man on the planet has ever been desired or wanted for not meeting a woman's needs on some level, so that's just a huge load of malarky! 
Any article that tries to insinuate that it is all your fault that your man is pulling away is total shit. The real reason that a man pulls away is simple and can be summed up in six easy words- he's just not that into you. That's it - there is no other reason. It's not because he is stressed or because you're needy or because he's having doubts- he's just not feeling you girlfriend, and that's that! HE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU! No ridiculous article is going to change the fact that your relationship is in turmoil and your man is pulling away. Get some real couselling if you need it, but never listen to trashy relationship 'fixer' articles online - what a steaming pile of horse shit that crap is.
I just cannot believe how much of that shit is still around though. I thought that the 'women's obligation and oppression' literature went out with the 1960's - but how very wrong I am. If articles like this are anything to go by, there is clearly still plenty of bullshit man boosting/ women oppressing tripe to read if you're stupid enough to click on it. Saddest part of all is that it was actually written by a woman, proving that some of us still have such a long way to go. 

You know how some days you feel really confident and you look in the mirror and think, yeah I look pretty good. Well today was not one of those days! Today was more like, why does everything I put on make me look like the magic pudding? It was one of those days!
I stupidly stepped onto the scales the other day only to be horrified yet again by my findings. Surprise, sur-fucking -prise! When am I going to learn to steer clear of that fucking thing? It majorly wrecks my mojo every damn time! I think that I am going to have a ceremonial smashing of the scales at my place because I don't think that I have been pleased with the numbers that I seen on them for around twenty odd years, so why the fuck am I still doing this shit to myself? They need to be destroyed, a scale sacrifice is in order!
If I am willing to be totally honest with myself, I would have to admit that it really has nothing to do with the scales and everything to do with the way that I feel in my own skin right now. I don't feel terrific. I know that I have put on a few kilos and I feel like shit about it. For some reason I always feel like I am failing at something tremendously important when I put on weight, which is totally ridiculous I know, but I do.
Losing weight is such a bloody bore, I really hate dieting and not eating what I like. And even though I am totally committed to my daily  yoga routine, it's not doing me any favours in the weight loss stakes. In fact, I think that I have gotten bigger since I have been regularly practising; how is that possible? I would like to try and convince you all that it is just extra muscle weight that I have gained, but nah...I don't even have enough bullshit to lay that one down and make it stick. I'm pretty sure that the extra roll that has appeared on my tummy is not muscle, but just plain fat. Fat that is made up of butter, whiskey, dark chocolate and cheese. Why? Oh why does all the delicious stuff have to be so bad for you? And shouldn't a person be rewarded for doing more exercise and giving up smoking? Getting an extra layer of fat hardly seems fair to me, and unless I am moving to the North Pole soon, it is also useless to me! 
I know that I am too smart to allow a stupid fucking number on a scale to define me, or my worth, but god it sucks when I don't see what I am hoping for when I look down at that digital pad. Curses on scales I say, and curses on the stupid stereotypes that we allow ourselves to be defined by in this mixed up, muddle up world of ours. I'm tired of feeling depressed and putting pressure on myself to be something else, it is seriously no way to live. Who really cares about a few extra kilos anyway? 
Unfortunately I do, I really do. And as much as I would love to throw those bloody scales in the bin, I am also terrified that if I just completely let go that I will turn into the Michelin Man within 12 months. AHHHHH! It's bloody salad time again, but I'm not happy about it. Not happy about my weight or my lack of self confidence to just be who I am. Boo to me, this routine is getting so fricken old! Someone just shoot me in the head and save me from my own bullshit please, that would shave off a few unwanted pounds of ugly for sure!

I am already getting tired, really tired, and it is only week three of Term One! These obvious cracks that are starting to occur are making me feel weak and pathetic, but I am honestly feeling really exhausted at the moment. Perhaps it is just the new routine, perhaps it is all just part of getting back into the swing of things, perhaps it is the fact that I get up at 5.40am and don't really stop until 9pm and then feel obligated to watch a movie or something of equal length and effort, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps! Who knows or really cares why I feel so tired, I just do bloody well do! 
If I'm being completely honest with myself about it though, I know that it is because I take on too many things and put my own well being on the back burner for others. So, from this point forward, I have decided to trim as much fat off my life as I can. Yes, I know that I also need to trim some off my fat arse too, but I digress. What I need to do first is minimise the shit that I feel obligated to do and learn to set limits, not just for myself, but to also let others know that I am not a slave to their needs.
Quite often when people set limits like this, others see it as a negative thing or a selfish thing, which I know I have thought of others myself in the past, but not anymore! If it isn't serving me then it can fuck right off as far as I am concerned. I am culling the unneeded, slaying the undesired and destroying as many obstacles to my zen state as possible. This is not a dress rehearsal, this is my life! I want to maximise the good, find my bliss in every moment and live by my own terms and I don't think that there is anything wrong with that.
I actually got to flex my new found fat trimming abilities already this week when I wrote an email to my team at work outlining my dissatisfaction with a current responsibility that I had been lumbered with because it was really making me feel unhappy. The problem was fixed within a day, what a result! And when Seth's friend called last night and asked if Seth could come bowling at 10am on Sunday, I politely informed him that 10am on a Sunday was not a respectful weekend time slot, so he and his very strict and almost militantly driven mother actually changed the time to 11am, again result! 
It is of no service to the self to just take shit you don't want or need on the chin, and there is nothing virtuous about grinning and bearing it. I really don't think that life was meant to be endured, and I have no intentions of enduring things anymore. From now on: no purpose, no joy, no interest; that's my motto and that's just how it has to be!

Headed into Melbourne with my eldest sister for the day yesterday. I love visiting Melbourne, it's always so interesting. There's a million things to look at, the best people watching action possible and to top it all off the sun was shining brightly and the first kiss of the coming Spring warmth on my skin was absolutely divine. 
We finally got our arses into gear and went to Fitzroy to check out our other sister's new city apartment, which is hidden nicely amidst all of the hipster cafes and specialty shops in the area. An absolutely perfect place to stop over for day trips to the Exhibition Buildings or Melbourne Museum which are an easy 5 minute walk away. Tram stops are even closer, so it's a super good spot to hit the city from. 
Yesterday we walked over to Lygon Street, doing a spot of shopping along the way and stopping in at Hellenic Republic to indulge in some delicious Greek fare. I adore Greek food. I actually adore all things Greek if I'm being completely honest; love their food, history, mythology and especially their country and people which are just amazing. I have to say that Hellenic Republic had the best Greek food that I have eaten since I went to Greece 10 years ago, this place was fantastic and I highly recommend a visit - yummy!  
Needless to say that I ate so much for lunch that I didn't even need to eat dinner, but what a feast it was! Greek white cod roe dip and flat bread, chicken croquettes, saganaki , lahanosalata (cabbage salad), crispy spit roasted chicken, slow roasted lamb, garlic fried potatoes and loukomadies (greek doughnuts) for dessert. Throw in a couple of wines and a coffee, and you can see why dinner was not required!  Seriously worth the drive to Melbourne just to stuff your face at this place, amazing! 
It was so good to get away from Enfield and get together with my sisters again, we have really been having a great time together lately, and it has made me all the more excited to be going to Singapore in a few short weeks time with them, the anticipation is really starting to build for me now. The weather in Singapore is currently a delightful 30 degrees most days, can't wait to have a break from the winter conditions here for a week either, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't considering the food possibilities there as well! 

Got onto the scales the other day and almost needed to call an ambulance out to offer me resuscitation! I have clearly been replacing cigarettes with food because in the almost six weeks that I have been off the fags, I have piled on 5 extra kilos! That's almost a fricken kilo a week, at this rate I will be washing myself with a rag on a stick by Christmas! This is so not okay with me, I already hover at the higher end of my healthy weight range, I simply cannot afford to put on five extra kilos, so now I am faced with the hideous prospect of dieting. 
I fucking hate dieting and I fucking hate to exercise, so basically I'm proper fucked! But when the scales shout out 'one at a time please' when you climb onto them, well what choice do you have? 
I have this quite realistic weight range that I like to stay in, it is not in any way erring on the side of skinny, I gave up on skinny years ago when I discovered whiskey and dark chocolate. As I said, my 'happy times' weight is at the higher end of the healthy weight range for my height, but I have made my peace with that. I was 10 kilos lighter before I got married and pushed out a couple of pups, but whatever, as I said - I've made my peace with that - I was skinny 25 years ago, I'm not a teenager anymore, it happens. 
Naturally however, I was not happy when the scales breached my "I've made my peace with it" weight limit. I have maintained my weight within those somewhat safe parameters for years now, not happy to see that I am about 5 kilos over my happy place about now. Also extremely unhappy at the prospect of less whiskey and chocolate for the next few months, especially during the darkest days of Winter and the impending school holidays, which God knows is a time of drinking until all hours and busting out the chocolate at 2am in the middle of a movie marathon. How ever will I make this work? Curses on you cigarettes, I have kicked you and yet I still feel your evil influence in my life, mainly around my gut and my thighs if I am being really honest. 
I'd be lying if I said that this wasn't terribly inconvenient for me right now, but as I said what choice do I have? We all know what happens when you breach your healthy weight range, you go into the very scary land of the over weight range, and that I am not willing to do. My family has a long history of weight related illnesses and deaths, I can't afford to pork out any further than I already have, it's fruit and crackers for me for a spell, but I'm doing it with a pissed off look on my face the whole time, I can promise you that! 

Spent the day in Geelong with Seth, Zoe and Lachlainn on Friday, which was lovely. We all went to see the latest Alice in Wonderland offering - Through the Looking Glass. I must say that I am seriously glad that I went to see this on the big screen, because it was so visually pleasing and I doubt that it is going to translate very well onto the small screen. Overall though...let's just say that it wasn't as good as the first one. Not tragic, just not as good - 2.5 Chili Peppers for me, which is pretty tepid really. Just a shame about the weak story line really, because the cast was very strong, there just wasn't enough good material for them to work with. 
I decided to get practical this weekend and get my vegetable patch up and going for the winter season. Hardly exciting stuff, but hopefully we will be eating collards, beets and cabbages in the coming weeks if I have any success with this planting effort. That's the problem with having a vegetable patch, it is quite a lot of effort and there is never any guarantee that your crops won't fail, which is such a shit-house feeling when it does. I suppose that it puts some perspective on just how hard it must be to be a farmer though, because if my livelihood was dependent on my harvest success rate, lets just say that I would be broke or dead by now. 
On Sunday, Craig, Helen and I went out to Creswick to learn all about fungi. A lady named Alison Pouliot (a specialist in all things fungi-like) runs these fantastic fungi foraging workshops in Victoria every Autumn. Craig and I have been trying to get into one of these workshops for years, but they are always booked so far in advance that we've previously had no luck getting in. This year we got in super early and snagged ourselves the opportunity to learn about the types of mushrooms that grow in our area and most importantly, which varieties are safe to eat. Turns out that we have an abundance of two 'safe to eat' varieties growing on our property, and after we got home, I promptly set about foraging some up and trying them out. And yep, they're edible alright and bloody delicious too. Fried some up in garlic and butter with a little salt and pepper and woohoo, a taste sensation! And I am not sick or dying, so that's a good sign that I have learnt to correctly identify those varieties as well. I do believe that I am going to enjoy many Autumns of fungi feasting off the back of that workshop, so that was a mighty good use of my Sunday. 
Between all of that planting and foraging, I also managed to see a movie that I did really enjoy, but I don't think that this one's going to be everyone taste. Ha! Who am I kidding? Most of the stuff I watch isn't to everyone taste, probably a lot isn't to much of anyone's taste if the truth be told! But anyway, here are my thoughts on Tarantino's latest effort. 

Christ on a cracker, I have some majorly kooky dreams. Craig reckons it's because of all the weird shit that I watch, but I'm not sure about that, because the dreams that I have rarely ever relate to the movies and shows that I have been watching, but the subconscious is a powerful thing, so who knows for sure? 
Anyway, last night I had this absurd dream that it was raining snakes, they were literally falling out of the sky like raindrops. All kinds of snakes too; big fat pythons and tiny little grass snakes, all mixed in together and for some reason they all wanted to get into our house. It was dark and they were slithering across our deck trying to get into the house and I was having a major freak out, as anyone would if it started to rain snakes, but Craig was cool as a cucumber about it and stupidly let at least 30 of them into the house when he opened the sliding door. 
At this point in the dream I started to scream and climbed on to the bench, but Craig was just picking them up and letting them bite him, saying that it was the only way to get immune to the toxins. I wasn't buying that and declared him stark raving mad and made a B-line for the bedrooms, but swiftly realised that the entire house was swarming with snakes and when they started to crawl up my legs (I particularly recall a red stripy number coiling itself up my leg) I woke myself up from the dream in a cold sweat. 
I don't even have a snake phobia, but that dream was so vivid and creeped me out so much that I was even reluctant to get out of bed and go to the toilet afterwards, even though I was busting. I didn't want to put my feet on the floor because I was convinced that it was going to be covered in snakes. 
So, I thought I would get online and see what all this snake dreaming business was about, hoping to find out something interesting about my subconscious thoughts. Well, according to the so called 'dream experts' of the world, snakes are a phallic symbol and are dream projections of the penis. So, if that is true, then I must secretly want it to rain penises, tonnes and tonnes of penises, just falling out of the sky in every shape, size and colour. And I also want my husband to be attacked by many penises and to not be bothered about it at all, no he would actually encourage them to squirt their 'venom' into him. And the penis that I desire the most is red and stripy, since that was the one that I remember climbing up my leg. Yep, that's it, that sounds absolutely correct. 
Hmmm...somehow, as strange as this may sound,  I am not convinced about that dream interpretation. God knows I do like penises, but raining penises? Come on! The only thing that I know for sure is that I don't really care whether it was snakes or penises that I was dreaming about, the fact remains that there were way too many of them for me to handle, and I don't want to have that very bad dream ever again! 

After the government announced their horrific plans to increase cigarettes by 12.5% each year for the next four years, well that was it for me. Fuck that !  I shouted and marched straight down to the local chemist and purchased some nicotine patches and began the arduous journey of quitting smoking yet AGAIN! Yes, again....bloody well again! As I said last time- I am a serial quitter, but with cigarettes looking to be around $60 a packet in the coming years, I just cannot justify the addiction any longer. So this is it for me, I'm out, I'm done with it and more determined than I have ever been to kick the cigs for good. 
I do however believe that I may have chose one of the worst times possible to quit, or perhaps my life is always in a state of mayhem and it has just been amplified by my self made quit plan, who can know for sure? But the shit seems to have been coming on thick and fast this week and I am getting to the point where I am fighting the urge to rip some people a new asshole. Team that simmering level of frustration with a good measure of PMT, a week of NAPLAN testing at school, a trip to the hospital with Seth, an abundance of bills and no money in the bank and an overwhelming melancholy that only withdrawals can offer you, and I am slowly and yet very rapidly, losing my fucking mind! And it is only Wednesday! Bloody brilliant! 
Even though I really do want to quit, I do still have to say that the government really are massive assholes when it come to cigarettes taxes. You don't see them harassing drinkers or gamblers or morbidly obese people do you? It's always the smokers that are getting it up the arse, and have you ever known a family to be ruined because someone smoked? Unlike alcohol or gambling, it's not that offensive if you really get down to the tin tacks of it all, but the government just doesn't want anyone to smoke, that's their target group, that's what they're aiming for. I get it, it's gross and unhealthy, but it does feel like they're targeting a minority and beating a dead horse now, let it go for fuck sake, we get it already! Look at me willingly torturing myself to the point of wanting to neck myself to stick to the status quo and comply, we smokers truly fucking get it! 
See, a little cranky much? It's all temporary and fleeting I tell myself....go with it....it gets better...stick to the plan and above all else, don't kill anyone or anything, that's just gonna make more bad karma! 

How many movies can they make about superheroes? I really like superheroes, and I am more than happy to watch superhero movies, but jeez...it's just gotten bloody ridiculous! There a few superhero movies that clearly rise above the hordes of mediocrity, like The Avengers, The Watchmen, The Batman Trilogy, X-Men: Days of Future Past and Guardians of the Galaxy, all of which were epic, without a doubt, but it's the millions of spin offs and remakes that are just doing my head in. 
Somebody tell me, why did we need to remake the Spiderman movies? Really, why is that happening? The first lot were perfectly good and interesting. And what the hell is with all of The Avenger spin off films? Thor, Captain America and Iron Man have way too many films floating around, many of which I am sorry to say, actually put me to sleep. 
What began as an exciting trip to the cinema to see something 'super' has now become so heavily overloaded that everyone on the face of the planet has assisted in lining Stan Lee's already bulging pockets. Do we really need so many superhero movies? I mean I am getting a bit jaded these days, picking and choosing and judging, because when it's not on at the cinema it's on TV as well. Agents of SHIELD, Supergirl, Arrow, The Flash, Gotham....groan....when will it all end? Every superhero that has ever been thought of has had a crack at it now, even the crappy ones like Green Lantern, Ghost Rider and The Punisher have had their own movies, none of which was any chop mind you. 
Movie producers have literally gone bonkers with the knowledge that superhero movies get bums on seats, so much so that they are even pitting superheros against each other, I mean Batman vs Superman?  Come on! Why did they even have to go there? Superman isn't even human for god sake, he's super in the most super of ways, you can't match him up against Batman for god sake! A guy with some really cool gadgets and a hot car against an alien that can fly, stop bullets and speeding locomotives, not to mention his x-ray vision? Pu-leez! Is that a fair match up anyway? Did they even watch Man of Steel or The Batman Trilogy before they came to the decision to make this bundle of crap? Who cares if the fans want it? It's shit, it's unnecessary shit! Couldn't we have donated the money that has gone into making these epic shit-piles to feeding the hungry or something? That sounds like a super idea to me! 
And just when I thought that I could stand it no longer, and was about to boycott all comic book heroes forever, along came this ray of sunshine into my life and I had to shut my face, shut it hard - because I fricken loved it! 
Damn you Stan Lee and your bloody brilliant mind, you've sucked me back in again. It's like Godfather 3 all over again! Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! 

DEADPOOL
Release Date: 2016
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 108 mins 
Just when my tolerance for 'super' related movie material was at an all time low, Deadpool comes along and smashes my preconceived ideas and delivers far beyond my expectations.
​Slick, smart and incredibly funny, Deadpool comes on strong with it's vulgar humour, gratuitous violence and thrilling pace, breathing some much needed life back into the comic-book 'superhero' genre. 
​Former Special Forces Agent Wade Wilson undergoes a ruthless and rogue experimentation process that transforms him into Deadpool; a hideous and hilarious anti-hero seeking to destroy the man who ruined his life. 
There is nothing revolutionary in terms of story line here, it's a tried and true superhero formula that we've all seen a million times before, but it's the way that it's delivered that gives it so much kick. When Deadpool isn't breaking through the 4th wall, he's cracking skulls and cracking jokes at a dizzying rate, and the humour is funny, really, really funny. 
Ryan Reynolds shines as Deadpool, a role that he is perfectly cast in and delivering on completely. It was good to see Morena Baccarin back onscreen again, after she virtually vanished following the Firefly fiasco, and she does a fine job of playing Deadpool's love interest. 
Overall, expect to be amused and high entertained, the pop culture references are laid on as as thick as the sexy poses and the blood spattering making it wild and unabashed and totally unmissable.
FINAL SAY: I'm touching myself tonight. 
4 Chili Peppers