You see every full time puffer knows that smoking is socially disgusting. It doesn't matter whether you're in a designated torture booth for smokers, or far from the maddening crowds, the non-smokers of the world will still give you the 'judgement face'. The non-smoking 'judgement face' ranges from glares of pure contempt to looks of pity or mild disgust, but trust me when I say this, all smokers have seen this face. Gone are the days of puffing up anywhere and everywhere, cigarette smoking these days takes planning, and lots of it.
Firstly, you have to have said smokes to smoke. This in itself takes planning because there aren't a lot of places to get cigarettes anymore without paying ridiculous prices for them. When was the last time you even saw a cigarette machine? They are like telephone booths, gone into the realms of the archaic and the seedy, you just don't see them. And don't hold your breath waiting for one of those sexy bunny suited ladies to rock up and offer you a packet, those days are long gone. Cigarettes and sexy do not go together in 2016.
Secondly, you have to find somewhere to smoke, which is basically impossible now. Just because you're outside that doesn't give you the right to smoke, nope you need to be at least a thousand yards away from every living, breathing creature on the planet before you can light up these days. And god forbid if you're at an airport and you're forced into one of those man-made cancer chambers to smoke, it's like standing in front of a smoke machine that reeks to high heaven. I actually think that those things could be used to get people to quit smoking, because they are fucking dreadful, I have chosen to opt out of smoking many times in avoidance of those spaces.
And lastly, to smoke these days you also need to have shit for brains. Seriously, shit for brains, there I said it. Unfortunately, it isn't 1945 anymore, we all know the outcomes, and they're dire. If you want to give away your money that badly to end your life a bit quicker, I can help you out with that at a much cheaper rate than you're probably paying for cigarettes anyway.
However, if you can handle all of the ridiculous planning, the incredible time wasting, the horrid sneers, the expense and the unhealthy side effects, than go at it I say. That's right, I'm getting my non-smoking 'judgement face' on, only one week into quitting and I'm seeing a lot of benefits already and all that I can say is...it's fucking so hard...but it's so worth it. When I think about all of the time and money and effort that I have poured into my smoking habit, on and off for the last twenty five years, I shudder, what a fucking idiot I have been! Nah, not going back this time, I'm quitting for good, and although my rants may never inspire anyone else to quit, they are helping me to keep motivated and stay on the wagon. I'm done with the bravado and the rebellion, I surrender, I give up, no fight left in me for the cigs anymore, I fondly bid them farewell forever.
Release Date: 2009
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 90 mins
You aren't going to roll in the isles laughing over this one, but I found this movie extremely enjoyable. Just like Superbad and Arrested Development, Michael Cera is demonstrating why he gets so many excellent comedic roles. Based on C.D. Payne's novel of the same name and directed by Miguel Arteta, this painful and yet amusing tale about a teen desperate to lose his virginity really struck a chord for me.
Nick Twisp is holidaying with his dysfunctional family when he meets Sheeni Saunders, the girl of his dream and the only girl that he wants to lose his virginity to. In his pursuit to impress her, Nick creates a smooth talking, mustache wearing, smoking, alter ego named Francois Dillinger, and that's when things get really interesting.
As I said not hilarious, but in a true 'almost not trying to be funny at all' Michael Cera way, this is fabulous. Cera is well supported by comedy heavy weights like Zach Galifianakis and Steve Buscemi, as well other reputables like Ray Liotta and Rooney Mara to make this an overall enjoyable coming of age teen comedy.
FINAL SAY: I want to tickle your belly button from the inside.
3.5 Chili Peppers