German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once quoted that people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed; meaning that humans prefer to be lied to. Having a personality that it somewhat 'tell it like it is' myself, I can assure you that this quote is absolutely 100% accurate and that people do not ever really want to hear the truth about themselves or about the things that are going on in their lives. They may tell you that they want the truth, but don't be fooled by that one, they most definitely DO NOT want to hear the truth. As Jack Nicholson famously shouted in A Few Good Men, they can't handle the truth and it will just about always freak them out and send them into a frenzy of hate, self doubt and/or depression.
People are far more comfortable with you going along with the flow, keeping your thoughts to yourself, accepting things as they come and generally not 'rocking the boat' as it is often termed. As humans we do have a strong tendency to adhere to the 'flock with birds of a feather' ideology. We conform, almost on autopilot, to groupthink situations, often succumbing to pressures that we don't really agree with just so that we can maintain the status quo and have a sense of belonging.
There have been a few times in my life when speaking the truth has gotten me into a lot of trouble. I rarely mince my words, and I like to be honest about my thoughts and feelings; I don't really see the point in going along with things that I find upsetting, unfair or just plain ridiculous. However, as I said before, people do not want your honesty, so being skilled at 'telling it like is' is not really seen as a very good social skill to have; well not if you want to fly with the flock anyway.
This 'skill' of mine has on a few occasions led to me inadvertently upsetting or offending people. Sometimes I have felt bad about that, sometimes I have not, depending on the situation of course. However, as I get older I realise that Nietzsche was not only right about people not wanting to hear the truth about themselves, but also that his advice should probably be followed if you don't want to continuously alienate the people in your life.
And this is where the real conundrum lies, because I don't actually want people in my life that I can't be honest with. I value people being genuine and up front with me and I don't want people feeling like they have to follow any social norms or pretend to be anything or feel anything that they don't in order to be in my life. I respect people for being forthright and I would expect that the people that I have in my life would feel the same way. Of course, I understand that there is a fine line between speaking your truth and being a totally intolerant asshole all of the time as well. There are certain things that never need to be spoken about or commented on; and yes, a white lie here or there is absolutely necessary when it comes to us all getting along, but are we all generally over editing ourselves to appease the flock most of the time?
I do feel like many people probably do drastically over edit their thoughts and opinions in favour of 'flying with the flock.' Everyone is so scared of being seen as the 'opinionated' one, or the 'difficult' one that they just adopt an insincere tolerance to things that they do not agree with and an allowance of others to behave as they like and dictate how things should be, even though it may fly in the face of their own personal values or ethics. I can assure you from personal experience, that over-editing yourself and being ingenuous about how you feel will inevitably only lead to unrest, anger, resentment and hostility, which is hardly a terrific result or positive outcome.
I suppose that the only really zen thing to do when it comes to speaking your truth is learning to become more adept at identifying when it is and when it is not appropriate to do so. Every situation and person is unique and therefore the levels of honesty that can be used varies constantly from situation to situation and person to person. Much easier said than done I know, because I have spent a good deal of my spare time overthinking things that I have said and removing my foot from my mouth on a regular basis.
It is important to find a happy medium in life where you do feel comfortable to stand strong in your own values and truths, but in doing so, to also make sure that you are not making everyone else feel uncomfortable when you do. If you succeed at doing this, please let me know how so that I too can become better at finding the 'happy medium' where I am sometimes flying with flock and sometimes flying solo as well without making any of the birds feel bad about themselves.
People are far more comfortable with you going along with the flow, keeping your thoughts to yourself, accepting things as they come and generally not 'rocking the boat' as it is often termed. As humans we do have a strong tendency to adhere to the 'flock with birds of a feather' ideology. We conform, almost on autopilot, to groupthink situations, often succumbing to pressures that we don't really agree with just so that we can maintain the status quo and have a sense of belonging.
There have been a few times in my life when speaking the truth has gotten me into a lot of trouble. I rarely mince my words, and I like to be honest about my thoughts and feelings; I don't really see the point in going along with things that I find upsetting, unfair or just plain ridiculous. However, as I said before, people do not want your honesty, so being skilled at 'telling it like is' is not really seen as a very good social skill to have; well not if you want to fly with the flock anyway.
This 'skill' of mine has on a few occasions led to me inadvertently upsetting or offending people. Sometimes I have felt bad about that, sometimes I have not, depending on the situation of course. However, as I get older I realise that Nietzsche was not only right about people not wanting to hear the truth about themselves, but also that his advice should probably be followed if you don't want to continuously alienate the people in your life.
And this is where the real conundrum lies, because I don't actually want people in my life that I can't be honest with. I value people being genuine and up front with me and I don't want people feeling like they have to follow any social norms or pretend to be anything or feel anything that they don't in order to be in my life. I respect people for being forthright and I would expect that the people that I have in my life would feel the same way. Of course, I understand that there is a fine line between speaking your truth and being a totally intolerant asshole all of the time as well. There are certain things that never need to be spoken about or commented on; and yes, a white lie here or there is absolutely necessary when it comes to us all getting along, but are we all generally over editing ourselves to appease the flock most of the time?
I do feel like many people probably do drastically over edit their thoughts and opinions in favour of 'flying with the flock.' Everyone is so scared of being seen as the 'opinionated' one, or the 'difficult' one that they just adopt an insincere tolerance to things that they do not agree with and an allowance of others to behave as they like and dictate how things should be, even though it may fly in the face of their own personal values or ethics. I can assure you from personal experience, that over-editing yourself and being ingenuous about how you feel will inevitably only lead to unrest, anger, resentment and hostility, which is hardly a terrific result or positive outcome.
I suppose that the only really zen thing to do when it comes to speaking your truth is learning to become more adept at identifying when it is and when it is not appropriate to do so. Every situation and person is unique and therefore the levels of honesty that can be used varies constantly from situation to situation and person to person. Much easier said than done I know, because I have spent a good deal of my spare time overthinking things that I have said and removing my foot from my mouth on a regular basis.
It is important to find a happy medium in life where you do feel comfortable to stand strong in your own values and truths, but in doing so, to also make sure that you are not making everyone else feel uncomfortable when you do. If you succeed at doing this, please let me know how so that I too can become better at finding the 'happy medium' where I am sometimes flying with flock and sometimes flying solo as well without making any of the birds feel bad about themselves.
CALL ME BY YOUR NAME
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 132 mins
A coming-of-age romance drama directed by Luca Guadagnino and written by James Ivory. Based on the 2007 novel of the same name by Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name was released at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival and has since received numerous accolades for its melancholic and powerful portrayal of a first love romance.
In the Summer of 1983 in Lombardy, Italy, 17 year old Elio meets Oliver, an older handsome American that is working for Elio's father. Against the sumptuous sunburnt landscapes of an Italian summer, Elio and Oliver become involved in a passionate love affair that will change both of their lives forever.
This film feels like a foreign language/ art house movie, and perhaps that is what makes it so good. The script never feels like it is conforming to cinematic or societal expectations, it is completely genuine and honest in its portrayal of budding first love discoveries and gay relationships which makes it uniquely forward thinking and exceptionally refreshing.
The 80's era is portrayed perfectly and the two lead actors, Timothee Chalamet and Armie Hammer, are absolutely flawless as the infatuated lovers. I was so impressed by Chalamet's notable onscreen presence, he will definitely be one to watch in the future and Hammer shows us some serious acting chops that I have not seen before as well.
Call Me By Your Name is nothing short of a modern gay classic and is powerful viewing that shouldn't be missed.
FINAL SAY: Is it better to speak or die?
4 Chilli Peppers
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 132 mins
A coming-of-age romance drama directed by Luca Guadagnino and written by James Ivory. Based on the 2007 novel of the same name by Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name was released at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival and has since received numerous accolades for its melancholic and powerful portrayal of a first love romance.
In the Summer of 1983 in Lombardy, Italy, 17 year old Elio meets Oliver, an older handsome American that is working for Elio's father. Against the sumptuous sunburnt landscapes of an Italian summer, Elio and Oliver become involved in a passionate love affair that will change both of their lives forever.
This film feels like a foreign language/ art house movie, and perhaps that is what makes it so good. The script never feels like it is conforming to cinematic or societal expectations, it is completely genuine and honest in its portrayal of budding first love discoveries and gay relationships which makes it uniquely forward thinking and exceptionally refreshing.
The 80's era is portrayed perfectly and the two lead actors, Timothee Chalamet and Armie Hammer, are absolutely flawless as the infatuated lovers. I was so impressed by Chalamet's notable onscreen presence, he will definitely be one to watch in the future and Hammer shows us some serious acting chops that I have not seen before as well.
Call Me By Your Name is nothing short of a modern gay classic and is powerful viewing that shouldn't be missed.
FINAL SAY: Is it better to speak or die?
4 Chilli Peppers
RSS Feed