I have always thought of myself as being a resonably easy going individual, but it turns out that that is not the truth. I am obviously very good at deceiving myself in regards to my own personality, because when people tell me how they actually see me, I am always horrified about what they have to say.
According to other people, I am quite difficult to read and often come across as negative, mean and unpleasant, in others words, I am a horrible, moody, difficult bitch. This revelation has truly shocked me to the core, mostly because I have tried so very hard over the years to snuff out the ugly sides of my personality and to try and support the people around me. Clearly I have done a totally lousy job of it if people still find me so difficult, nasty and hard to please.
I can't even begin to tell you how much this information has plagued me. Being a huge over thinker at the best of times, it has driven me to exhaustion pawing over every aspect of my personality in an attempt to decipher what it is about me that is so difficult to like; and I tell you, that kind of thinking really makes a person want to toss themselves under the next passing bus.
There is nothing zen about this state of mind, it is the total opposite to zen; it is depressive, dark and soul destroying. I am like a bad, scratchy, tape that is stuck in a loop, replaying and rehashing conversations in my mind relentlessly. This way of being is surely a type of madness, for it seems to offer me no peace or relief of any kind, only further concern.
The other night I actually cried myself to sleep for the first time in many, many years. I was just so completely overwhelmed and exhausted by the oppressive thoughts of others. I am loathe to admit it, but I fear that I may be suffering from some form of depression.
However, I am also keenly aware of my state which means that I can change it. I just need to quieten the voices in my head for a while that's all, and learn to take the opinions of others on the chin. I am sure that there is some good to be gleaned from all of this 'self truth' that I have been exposed to, and when the dust settles and the hurt feelings soften, I will probably be a better person for it.....I suppose. Unfortunately, it is time to put my metal-skin back on once again, which is disappointing, but clearly I haven't outgrown it at all and I feel that it is the only way that I can see a way forward at the moment.
Go hard or go home Barb.
According to other people, I am quite difficult to read and often come across as negative, mean and unpleasant, in others words, I am a horrible, moody, difficult bitch. This revelation has truly shocked me to the core, mostly because I have tried so very hard over the years to snuff out the ugly sides of my personality and to try and support the people around me. Clearly I have done a totally lousy job of it if people still find me so difficult, nasty and hard to please.
I can't even begin to tell you how much this information has plagued me. Being a huge over thinker at the best of times, it has driven me to exhaustion pawing over every aspect of my personality in an attempt to decipher what it is about me that is so difficult to like; and I tell you, that kind of thinking really makes a person want to toss themselves under the next passing bus.
There is nothing zen about this state of mind, it is the total opposite to zen; it is depressive, dark and soul destroying. I am like a bad, scratchy, tape that is stuck in a loop, replaying and rehashing conversations in my mind relentlessly. This way of being is surely a type of madness, for it seems to offer me no peace or relief of any kind, only further concern.
The other night I actually cried myself to sleep for the first time in many, many years. I was just so completely overwhelmed and exhausted by the oppressive thoughts of others. I am loathe to admit it, but I fear that I may be suffering from some form of depression.
However, I am also keenly aware of my state which means that I can change it. I just need to quieten the voices in my head for a while that's all, and learn to take the opinions of others on the chin. I am sure that there is some good to be gleaned from all of this 'self truth' that I have been exposed to, and when the dust settles and the hurt feelings soften, I will probably be a better person for it.....I suppose. Unfortunately, it is time to put my metal-skin back on once again, which is disappointing, but clearly I haven't outgrown it at all and I feel that it is the only way that I can see a way forward at the moment.
Go hard or go home Barb.
10 CLOVERFIELD LANE
Release Date: 2016
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 104 mins
A young woman awakens to find herself locked in a bunker with two men. One man claims to have saved her life after a fatal accident, and both men claim to be hiding out from a recent apocalyptic event. With no real evidence to support either of their claims, the woman grows more and more suspicious of their motives as tensions build within the claustrophobic confines of the bunker.
This is a great psychological thriller/ sci-fi movie mash up that will keep you on the edge of your seat with it's atmospheric intensity and intrigue. John Goodman delivers a quality performance as Howard, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead does a convincing job of Michelle, a character who is utterly perplexed and completely gung-ho in equal measures.
This isn't really anything like J.J Abram's first Cloverfield production, so if you're looking for lots of monsters and shaky camera action, you've come to the wrong place.
FINAL SAY: Crazy is building your ark after the flood has already come.
3.5 Chili Peppers
Release Date: 2016
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 104 mins
A young woman awakens to find herself locked in a bunker with two men. One man claims to have saved her life after a fatal accident, and both men claim to be hiding out from a recent apocalyptic event. With no real evidence to support either of their claims, the woman grows more and more suspicious of their motives as tensions build within the claustrophobic confines of the bunker.
This is a great psychological thriller/ sci-fi movie mash up that will keep you on the edge of your seat with it's atmospheric intensity and intrigue. John Goodman delivers a quality performance as Howard, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead does a convincing job of Michelle, a character who is utterly perplexed and completely gung-ho in equal measures.
This isn't really anything like J.J Abram's first Cloverfield production, so if you're looking for lots of monsters and shaky camera action, you've come to the wrong place.
FINAL SAY: Crazy is building your ark after the flood has already come.
3.5 Chili Peppers
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