Unfortunately, this week I have arrived at this station. It's not a station that I have arrived at over the last year or so because I have made so many consistent and valiant efforts to prioritise my own wellbeing and mental wellness, so I am actually really disappointed to find myself here again. However, in spite of all of my hard work to remain positive and mindful since I had my operation this time last year, my wellspring of positivity has run dry for the first time.
It actually pains me to say this, but I feel as though I have completely run dry. I feel tired and overwhelmed and teary. I feel let down by the people around me. I feel taken for granted and stretched out. I feel alone, despondent and lost. And most of all I feel really, really angry at myself for feeling any of these things because none of these things are genuine or true and my rational thinking mind knows that but for some reason my heart aches and my soul is uneasy. I am melancholic and some ghostly feelings of wanted to flee are rising within me again and I have to fight the urge to run.
The strangest part of all are the weird dreams that I am having about dying. I have been having a reoccurring dream where I look down at myself mid-dream and suddenly realise that I am haemorrhaging buckets and buckets of blood onto the ground without even knowing that I am cut or injured. And this blood appears to be coming from deep within me but I don't know how it started or why I am even bleeding. As you would image these dreams are desperately upsetting and I always wake up from them in a state of shock.
Are these dreams associated with my feelings of emptiness and despondency? More than likely, and perhaps these feelings of emptiness are being presented to remind me of just how full and abundant my life really is. Perhaps the blood is symbolic of my life force draining away without me even realising it was; perhaps this drain has been happening for a while and I have only now become aware of it because the well has ran dry.
Benjamin Franklin once said - When the well's dry, we know the worth of water. And this is so very true because we do take our health and wellbeing for granted, especially our support people and our security and it is not until they are removed that we get a very clear picture of what it feels like to be without them. Just as Johnny Diesel once sang 'you never miss your water 'til you're dry.' And now that my well feels like it has dried up I need to dig deeper to find some wet earth again and to reignite the flow of positive energy.
One thing that all of my self help endeavours has given to me is the knowledge to understand that no state, no matter how glum or all-encompassing it may feel, is permanent or unchangeable. I also know that it is completely normal and very human to stumble and fall every now and again. It is what keeps us balanced and grateful and aware that nothing is forever, guaranteed or without its flaws and fragilities.
So if I want to cry I shall and if I want to rest I shall and if I need to heal I will. I will do these things in my own time and at my own pace; for only I can colour my rainbow, etch my silver lining and refill my own wellspring. I am responsible for me, my wellbeing and my mindset and I do not have to hold on to any of these thoughts or feelings, I just have to open my hand and let them go and the well will begin to flow again.
It's time to exhale completely.... and then inhale again.
Release Date: 2020
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 117 mins
An Australian drama mystery based on the novel of the same name by Jane Harper and a sweet return to great Australian cinema for me. It's been a while since I have seen such an excellent depiction of the harsh, dry Aussie landscape and The Dry manages to captures it; and the attitudes of small rural communities in Victoria with a plausible authenticity.
Federal Agent Aaron Falk (Eric Bana) returns to his home town under the request of his childhood friend's parents. They are seeking Falk's help in the investigation around their son's death and the strange and unsettling circumstances that surround it. Falk reluctantly tries to solve the mystery of the heinous crime but finds himself dragged back into another local drama that forced him to flee the town many years ago.
Eric Bana is brilliant as Falk and it was so good to see him back on screen again after such a long hiatus. He is well supported by Genevieve O'Reilly, John Polson and Miranda Tapsell but it cannot be denied that The Dry is definitely held up by Bana's performance.
Amidst the complexities of the crimes being unveiled throughout the film are some really solid messages about small town loyalties and the need for secrecy and acceptance in tight knit rural communities. The struggles of the farmers and labourers are also touched upon and the unforgiving and dangerous Aussie landscape provides a perfectly formidable backdrop to all of the drama.
FINAL SAY: The biggest secrets can never stay hidden.
3 Chilli Peppers