You think that you know people....but you never really do. We allow ourselves to believe that we know our family, our spouses and our friends pretty well because we like to think that we do, but the reality of that is actually quite different. When you spend a lot of a time with a person you like to think that you get a sense of who they are, what they believe in and what they stand for, but essentially we are all just compartmentalising people and putting them into pigeon holes that we feel comfortable with, and that does not necessarily portray who they really are at all.
According to Nicholas Epley, author of "Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel and Want," you probably don't know anyone nearly as well as you think you do. And you may also have a poor idea of how they'd assess you. Essentially, we fundamentally view ourselves from a very different perspective than other people do because we have a ton of information about ourselves. Based on that, we understand ourselves far better than others, and we also make our assessment on others based on that inner understanding of ourselves; which is where the problem lies. We automatically assume that other people are wired like we are, which is of course so very far from the truth; just because you are looking at the same thing, doesn't mean that you are seeing the same thing, and that leads to a lot of misinterpretation and heartache.
Trust me when I say that I have been seriously deceived by people in the past that I wrongly believed that I knew really well. I have been utterly flabbergasted by the things that people who I truly loved and cared about, people that I thought were part of my tribe, have been cruel enough to do and say without a second thought. People that I trusted and defended and fought to protect, people that I thought felt the same way about me, but it was all just an illusion of love, they never really cared for me at all, in fact they hated me and the worst part of all was that I didn't even know how much they hated me. I completely misread these people and made a wrong assessment about who they were and how they felt about me.
I cannot tell you how damaged that misinterpretation has left me as a person. You don't ever get over a hurt that deep, not ever. And I have been forever changed by my past experiences in ways that I wish that I hadn't, because I really miss feeling like I can trust people and open up to them, but I will never be able to completely trust like that ever again now. When you love people with all of the love that you have to give and they hurt you so viciously, there is really no coming back from that. All that is left in their place now is a raging sense of injustice and a shattering awareness that you can never really know anyone, no matter how much you want to think that you do. Assuming that people are feeling the things that you want them to feel is the most foolhardy thing in the world to do and I never want to go through that in this lifetime again.
Once bitten, twice shy they say, and I am now tremendously shy, perhaps to the point of paranoid, but I have certainly learned that there is a huge difference between knowing someone and thinking that you know someone, and I will not make that mistake or get too comfortable with anyone like that, ever again.
According to Nicholas Epley, author of "Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel and Want," you probably don't know anyone nearly as well as you think you do. And you may also have a poor idea of how they'd assess you. Essentially, we fundamentally view ourselves from a very different perspective than other people do because we have a ton of information about ourselves. Based on that, we understand ourselves far better than others, and we also make our assessment on others based on that inner understanding of ourselves; which is where the problem lies. We automatically assume that other people are wired like we are, which is of course so very far from the truth; just because you are looking at the same thing, doesn't mean that you are seeing the same thing, and that leads to a lot of misinterpretation and heartache.
Trust me when I say that I have been seriously deceived by people in the past that I wrongly believed that I knew really well. I have been utterly flabbergasted by the things that people who I truly loved and cared about, people that I thought were part of my tribe, have been cruel enough to do and say without a second thought. People that I trusted and defended and fought to protect, people that I thought felt the same way about me, but it was all just an illusion of love, they never really cared for me at all, in fact they hated me and the worst part of all was that I didn't even know how much they hated me. I completely misread these people and made a wrong assessment about who they were and how they felt about me.
I cannot tell you how damaged that misinterpretation has left me as a person. You don't ever get over a hurt that deep, not ever. And I have been forever changed by my past experiences in ways that I wish that I hadn't, because I really miss feeling like I can trust people and open up to them, but I will never be able to completely trust like that ever again now. When you love people with all of the love that you have to give and they hurt you so viciously, there is really no coming back from that. All that is left in their place now is a raging sense of injustice and a shattering awareness that you can never really know anyone, no matter how much you want to think that you do. Assuming that people are feeling the things that you want them to feel is the most foolhardy thing in the world to do and I never want to go through that in this lifetime again.
Once bitten, twice shy they say, and I am now tremendously shy, perhaps to the point of paranoid, but I have certainly learned that there is a huge difference between knowing someone and thinking that you know someone, and I will not make that mistake or get too comfortable with anyone like that, ever again.
NOCTURNAL ANIMALS
Release Date: 2016
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 117 mins
How on earth did Amy Adams not get nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress in a Lead Role in 2016? It is mind boggling to me, given the strength of her performance here and also in Arrival, but I digress, let's get back to the movie at hand.
I have to say, I loved this movie, I absolutely loved it. Writer/ director Tom Ford has married together a unique blend of intrigue and drama that really worked for me, and although I know that this film is not going to appeal to everyone's taste, there is no denying that it will get under their skin one way or another.
A wealthy artist and gallery owner finds her life turned upside down when an ex-lover contacts her after a 19 year hiatus and presents her with a violent and upsetting manuscript that is dedicated to her.
The movie plays out with three storylines running at the same time, which added a lot more complexities and layers to an already exceptionally heavy and emotional script. This is thinking man's drama at its best, beautifully shot and deeply compelling and thank goodness, the most original film of 2016 by a long mile. All of the actors, not just Adams, are all flawless. Jake Gyllenhaal is the best that I have seen him in years, Michael Shannon delivers as brilliantly as he always does and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gives new meaning to the word creepy.
Expect it to stick with you, because it's one of those kinds of films.
FINAL SAY: When you love someone you have to be careful with it, you might never get it again.
4.5 Chilli Peppers
Release Date: 2016
Rating: R 18+
Running Time: 117 mins
How on earth did Amy Adams not get nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress in a Lead Role in 2016? It is mind boggling to me, given the strength of her performance here and also in Arrival, but I digress, let's get back to the movie at hand.
I have to say, I loved this movie, I absolutely loved it. Writer/ director Tom Ford has married together a unique blend of intrigue and drama that really worked for me, and although I know that this film is not going to appeal to everyone's taste, there is no denying that it will get under their skin one way or another.
A wealthy artist and gallery owner finds her life turned upside down when an ex-lover contacts her after a 19 year hiatus and presents her with a violent and upsetting manuscript that is dedicated to her.
The movie plays out with three storylines running at the same time, which added a lot more complexities and layers to an already exceptionally heavy and emotional script. This is thinking man's drama at its best, beautifully shot and deeply compelling and thank goodness, the most original film of 2016 by a long mile. All of the actors, not just Adams, are all flawless. Jake Gyllenhaal is the best that I have seen him in years, Michael Shannon delivers as brilliantly as he always does and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gives new meaning to the word creepy.
Expect it to stick with you, because it's one of those kinds of films.
FINAL SAY: When you love someone you have to be careful with it, you might never get it again.
4.5 Chilli Peppers
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