Finally, a little later in the year than usual, the saffron milk cap mushrooms that grow wild and freely around our property were ripe and ready for the picking. Helen and I braved the drizzle and cold and managed to fill our baskets in a very short period of time, which means that the mushroom harvest is probably about halfway through. After cleaning and trimming our bounty, we made a delicious mushroom risotto for lunch and then used my dehydrator to make a few jars of dried mushroom to use when the collection season ends. 
Basically, I will be able to eat freshly picked mushrooms everyday for about another fortnight, and then they will gone again for another 12 months, so preserving and dehydrating is kind of a must while the going is so good because it is such a brief harvesting period.
The 'paddock to plate' experiences have been a bit thin on the ground out here this year. The exceptionally dry summer supplied a lot of tomatoes, but very little else; and the very dry autumn meant that blackberry season was pretty much non existent, probably the worst that I have known since we moved here almost a decade ago.
My veggie garden is in serious need of an overhaul, which the upcoming school holidays will certainly provide, but aside from a few spindly herbs and a bit of rhubarb, garlic and kale, there isn't a lot going on. The fruit trees have all been pruned for the cold season and the few apples that we enjoyed are long gone; now the best that I can hope for is the odd lemon here and there.
It always gets really grim around winter and I always forget just how much I take the abundance of spring for granted. It is times like this that you realise how difficult life would've been for our ancestors that were relying on the spoils of the land to survive, because as much as a long summer feels like a blessing, it really does diminish a lot of your choices and the abundance of food supplies. 
I must admit that I absolutely love having the opportunity to eat things that I have grown myself and I feel quite lucky to be able to indulge in so many delicious (and free) culinary experiences out here in Enfield. Understanding what to harvest at the right times of the year, what arrives on its own with each season and how to make the most of those moments has been one of the best things that I have learnt from living out of town and having a little land to work.
​Even during the darkest days of the winter season I can always still manage to rustle up a bunch of wildflowers, some herbs for my dishes and enjoy something that I have frozen, dehydrated or pickled from another season of plenty, which is actually pretty cool. I'm not even close to be being self sufficient, but I have learnt a lot about the seasons, harvesting and preserving over the last 10 years and I certainly have a lot more respect for the food that I eat, for the land and for the work that goes into every plate of food that is produced which definitely makes you a lot more conscious about what you are putting in your piehole on a daily basis that's for sure. 

Hollywood blockbuster movies have a way of making everything look glamorous, accessible and generally fun, even when they are actually promoting activities that are morally corrupt and/or highly illegal. There are literally countless films that glorify criminals for being absolute scumbags and we generally all buy into it, watching these movies and thinking how great life would be if we had the chance to be successful jewelry or car thieves, because it always looks so cool and even quite fun on the big screen. Think Baby Driver, Logan Lucky, Casino, American Ultra, Blow or Ocean's 8, I mean being bad never looked so good, right?
Movie producers are so damn good at glamorizing all kinds of seedy shit that they can just about fool anyone into thinking that anything (regardless of how genuinely unappealing it really is) is fun, fresh, interesting or even desirable. 
One movie in particular that people seem to really love (women especially) in spite of its clearly seedy message and utterly implausible outcomes (and I gotta say it really grinds my gears) is Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts. I absolutely despise that movie, it's my least favourite movie of all time by a long mile and I cannot tell you how many times some poor misguided woman has told me about how much they love that movie and how many times they have rewatched it because it is so romantic and blah...blah...blah... And then they always look so shocked when I give then my synopsis of the movie.
I like to point out that Julia Roberts basically plays a desperate whore in the movie Pretty Woman who took up prostitution because (apparently) she was shitty at everything else. She literally walks the streets with her crack whore best friend peddling sex for money to strange men. Richard Gere (her love interest) is obviously a dodgy as all fuck businessman that regularly picks up whores off the street, which is how he meets Roberts after he 'just happens' to be in the red light district and decides to give her a go. Gere decides to keep Roberts around to use for sex as he sees fit over the course of the next week (which he pays for in advance) after she gives him a clearly pretty good blowjob. Over the course of that week of paid sexworker employment, Roberts suffers from some unexplainable stockholm syndrome bullshit and decides that she loves Gere, which (apparently) has nothing do with his ridiculous stream of unending money that he likes to throw around. Her blowjobs are clearly insanely good, so Gere decides to keep Roberts on permanently, in a full time (without pay) sexworker capacity, and boom - it's happily ever after! And that is meant to be romantic? WTF? Worst movie EVER people, please stop watching this steaming shitpile and calling it good and/or romantic, it's toxic Hollywood bullshit! 
In fact, a lot of crime, war, action and yes, even romance movies actually do glamourize some pretty low brow stuff like organised crime, prostitution, theft, arms dealing, drug dealing, infidelity, harassment and misogyny and we often don't even bat an eye when we are watching it, in fact we like it, it looks dangerously cool. And I totally admit, I do like watching some pretty seedy shit, but you do have to draw the line somewhere.
So, if I ever, and I mean ever, start calling movies about prostitutes with stockholm syndrome deeply romantic, please do promptly slap me upside the head and tell me to shut the fuck up! 

OCEAN'S 8
Release Date: 2018
Rating: M
Running Time: 111 mins
A spin-off of Steven Soderbergh's Ocean's trilogy and proof that women can do heist comedies just as well as the men can. Ocean's 8  is directed by Gary Ross and written by Ross and Olivia Milch and offers viewers an easy 'feel good' ride with an entertaining all star cast.
Debbie Ocean, younger sister of the late Danny Ocean, gets paroled and plans a once in a lifetime heist that involves stealing a $150 million dollar Cartier necklace. To pull it all off, Debbie will require the assistance of a team of eight female criminals. 
​The cast in this is just dynamite and the onscreen chemistry of the lead actresses is what really carries this film. Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Rihanna, Awkwafina and Helena Bonham Carter join forces perfectly as the eight criminal masterminds, and although the storyline fails to brings anything new to the table, I still thought that Ocean's 8 was a more than watchable 'chick flick' experience. 
FINAL SAY: You would've loved it. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

When we think about what get passed along to us from our families in a hereditarial fashion we generally think about things like physical attributes or genetic indicators, be they good or bad; but we really don't consider what else has been passed along to us that could be causing a lot of damage to our general well being. 
Recent research now indicates that trauma or post traumatic stress disorders (PSTD) can actually impact the next generation through what is known as transgenerational trauma. We all know that trauma is an emotional response to something distressing or disturbing and victims of trauma quite often suffer from recurring nightmares, depression and a range of other stress related illnesses that can have a serious impact on their ability to function in society and within their communities. However, we also now have mounting scientific evidence that proves that future generations of trauma victims can be affected biologically by the trauma that their families went through. 
The studies began with descendants of survivors of the Holocaust, who in spite of being removed from their parents' experiences, were seeking mental health treatment. Similar findings were discovered when studies were also undertaken on other descendants of families that had experienced the destructive effects of catastrophic events such as war, genocide and terrorism; many were suffering from mental health conditions and in some instances the rates of suicide were also notably higher. 
A study from Neuroscience found that stress had an impact on a person's "epigenetic markers" which perform modifications to gene expression instead of a change to the genetic code itself. In the study, mice who had been exposed to trauma early in life displayed behaviours consistent with depression as well as impaired metabolism. The symptoms were passed on, not through genetics but through the father's sperm, and it impacted the next generation of mice.
These findings are already beginning to be put to good use. At a hospital in Atlanta, trauma victims in the ER who tested positive for the genes associated with PTSD received psychotherapy which in turn lead to the development of fewer symptoms. 
It is good to know that science is helping us to decode the links between historical trauma and how it possibly links to the escalating levels of anxiety and depression in society today. Transgenerational trauma reminds us all that our family and cultural history is shaping who we are today and that seeking support and treatment for any type of trauma related symptom is vital in eliminating it for future generations. 

Finally I am coming out of the fog of sickness and starting to feel a lot more like my old self again. My energy levels are rising, my positivity has returned and I am loving having enough energy to enjoy daily yoga and meditation practises all over again. With just over two weeks until the winter school holiday break this rise from the ashes has come at just the right moment and by the time the break kicks in I expect to be completely rejuvenated and primed for a terrific holiday.
Everything seems twenty times harder when you're not feeling very well and I had really forgotten just how bloody inconvenient illness is. Even the simplest of tasks can appear to be pretty insurmountable when your rocking around feeling like a crap sandwich; I seriously have a newfound respect for people that suffer from ongoing health complications, it is just so bloody awful being sick! 
It is pretty easy to take your health and wellbeing for granted, which I was clearly doing because I was completely bowled over by how ridiculously weak and exhausted I became over such a short amount of time. I went from having the constitution of a clydesdale horse to being as weak as a kitten over a few short weeks and it wasn't the most pleasant experience that I have ever had, I can tell you that.
I can't even recall another time in my life when I slept as much as I did in the last three weeks. I reckon I was giving grannies a run for their money with the amount of snoozing I was putting in. Never before have I spent every night after dinner on the couch, falling asleep with my head on Craig's lap by 8pm and having to get him to 'put me to bed' like I was an infant! What a sad-o! And then, to add insult to injury, I wasn't even able to get up in the morning at the other end because I still felt like I was tired. It was so crapola! I didn't do anything interesting or fun for days and days; just work, eat and sleep (and whine - I did a fair amount of that). What a sad existence it was! 
Well I am sure glad to be leaving all of that behind in the rear view mirror; and if that was a glimpse into what old age is going to be like, then I am NOT looking forward to it one bit! I think that it is important to build up your health and general wellbeing while you're still young enough to do it, because the prospect of sleeping away my latter years and mostly feeling lousy and weak does not appeal to me at all. If anything, this sickness has made me super determined to get my health into really good order, because I really don't want another serve of whatever it was that I have just had, or anything like it, ever again! 

The Queen's birthday long weekend has offered us all (especially old sicky me) an opportunity to batten down the hatches and focus on some rest, relaxation and that third and most important 'R' of all - realignment. After over a week of dragging myself out of bed and going to work feeling like a slapped together crap sandwich because of continually waking up in the middle of the night with either a feverish sweat or in a fit of coughing, I have finally reached the illustrious embrace of a long weekend.  
All week I have had this overwhelming feeling that the world and all of its trappings were way too big and awful for me, and that everything that I came up against was incredibly insurmountable. Of course this is just a side effect of being unwell and not getting enough rest, but that doesn't make it any less pleasant. So, I was literally holding out all week for this long weekend, propelling myself along in the knowledge that if just got through the week then I would be able to take a three day hiatus from all responsibility and the need to wander any further than the couch and the bed.
So I soldiered on as the Codral cold and flu tablets told me to do and then promptly fell into a heap on the couch on Friday night and have spent an extraordinary amount of time there ever since. And I don't even feel robbed of my long weekend because not only do I need to spend three days on the couch I also want to spend three days on the couch. I literally do not want to do anything, even making a coffee and a toasted sandwich seems like an unnecessary use of my time. The only thing that I want to do this weekend is rest, relax and realign, which for me involves many movies, some ipad, a few naps, a little yoga, a bit of journaling, a spot of reading and a lot of cuddles from my cat. Everything else is ...meh...not necessary, it can wait. 
For the first time ever in my life, I actually said no to catching up with friends this weekend, which I never do. Generally a long weekend means lots of quality catch up time with friends for me. A coffee here, a trip to the cinema there, a dinner date; I am usually happily booked up to the wazoo when the breaks happen, but this time I had to listen to my body which was screaming at me for some couch time and decline some really lovely invitations from dear friends. I have to say, it wasn't easy to say no and choose me first, it's not something that I am used to doing, but it was absolutely necessary. Sometimes saying no isn't selfish, it really is necessary and perhaps that is the biggest lesson that this whole illness has taught me. 
At times, choosing yourself is the only way to thrive in this world. Our bodies are actually sending us signals all of the time but we are often too busy to receive them, either that or we just ignore them anyway. We generally tend to give our thoughts and nagging sense of responsibility a lot more consideration than our real feelings (physical or mental) and I think that much to my own detriment, I am often quite guilty of doing that.
Mindful practises are exceptionally handy for tuning yourself back into you when things get pear shaped, but let's be honest, no-one is being very mindful when they are sick and usually everything just goes to the window (including your zen) when you're unwell. And that is why this weekend has been so important for me, it's a chance to get everything back in order all over again and reboot my flagging system. I am hoping that by Tuesday morning at 8.25am when I pull back into the carpark at work that I will feel ready to face the world once again, somewhat rejuvenated and much more healthy than I left last week, fingers crossed!
Oh, and on side note, in my pursuit of light-hearted couch dwelling entertainment this weekend, I did come across a little hidden gem. If you get the chance to hit he couch yourself anytime soon, I recommend that you check it out. 

Lord may the people that I love forgive me for my crappy, moody, snappy, intolerant, angry and miserably sick temperament this week. I am utterly exhausted and spent in every single way and I am also still so damn sick, sick, sick! I cannot even recall the last time that I felt this shithouse, because I am pretty sure that I would have wiped it completely from my memory. I mean who would want to remember a time when they felt this dreadful? This lurgy that I have contracted has the staying power of an unwanted houseguest and it is one nasty bitch! 
And I tell you that the hits, well they just keep on coming this week! From work to home there hasn't been a lot of rainbows to enjoy lately, just a constant deluge of drama and mishap. However, to be fair, I do have the constitution and coping skills of a three year old at the moment, so I am certainly not at my strongest, my most sound or my most logical at present, so things may not be as bad as I am imagining them to be.
Let's see, I haven't had a good night's sleep in four days, I've been pushed well outside of my comfort zone at work, it feels like I have a brick planted firmly on my chest, I have a constant cough that will not respond to anything that I've thrown at it, I've offended the people that I care about because I am a cantankerous sick bitch, I sound like Bonnie Tyler after a ten day bender and just to add a cherry to this already very festering pie, it's my time of the month as well. Yep, I am not exaggerating or imagining this, things are definitely leaning towards fucking horrible. 
You really know how sweet you had it when shit like this happens. Right now I would kill for a decent night's sleep and for the pain in my chest to relent. I would like to speak without feeling like an 80 year old smoker and most of all I would really like an easy day, but alas....we can't always get what we want. So for now, my family has to put up with me being a total psycho, my body has to put up with feeling like it has been run over by a semitrailer and I need to keep looking towards the horizon because I just know that brighter days are coming. 

I have succumbed to the dreaded lurgy that is floating around at the moment and it is just horrid! Started off on Friday night with a lovely bout of nausea followed by explosive vomiting, then came the headaches, then came the body aches and now I have the phlegmy, coughy, grossy and mostly miserable tail end of it to content with. The thing that I most pissed off about is that it has dominated my weekend, two entirely wasted days of sickness. I've spent 90% of the weekend in bed sleeping and for someone like me that likes to milk as much out of my day, this has been a real test.
The most that I have done this weekend was a 4 hour game of Risk with Craig and Seth which was actually exhausting, so that should put things into perspective for you. For anyone that doesn't know what Risk is, it's a strategy board game where the most physical aspect is rolling three dice at one time, and that exhausted me! I am so pitiful that I had to quit the game, I couldn't even finish it, how sad is that?
Last year I prided myself in not even getting a sniffle for the entire year, in fact I haven't had a really significant head cold or a flu for over two years now, and I never take the free immunisation that I am offered at school every year. However, this year, ever since dentist death had a go at my teeth and annihilated me, I have fallen prey to every little germ that has come my way. Which basically means that that horrific incident with my teeth has completely destroyed all of my immunity and I now have a crappy constitution and I am not happy about that at all! 
After working in schools for over a decade I have built up a pretty good level of immunity, I rarely get sick and if I do it is never for very long. I have always been able to dodge most of the sickness bullets when they have been flying around and the only time that I have really gotten unwell in the past five years was because of my IBS, which I have also managed really well over the last twelve months.
Needless to say, because I am not used to being to being sick. I have never really been a very good sick person. I always forget just how lousey it feels to be sick and then when it happens to me I am always deeply shocked by how crappy and low I am. Being sick sucks so much, it is just the pits. I really don't like my body when it doesn't function very well, it stands in the way of my plans! 
Well there is nothing for it, I must relent and allow my failing system a chance to reboot, but I cannot deny that I am extremely unhappy about it and even more annoyed with that terrible dentist for mucking up my generally 'racehorse strong' constitution, and to think that it is only the beginning of Winter! At this rate who knows what I will be like in a month from now? Fingers crossed that I am getting the worst of it over and done with early! 

I have been so overwhelmed by the amount of television series that are being offered this year. As it is I have an outrageous backlog of movies to catch up on, but now it seems like I also have a never ending amount of television episodes to catch up on as well. There is not nearly enough hours in the day now for me to get around to seeing everything that I want to see, I would have to take all of my long service leave and then spend it with my arse bolted to the couch to get through the stuff that I have banked up on my 'to watch' lists, it's absolutely nuts! 
At the moment I have around ten TV series on the go, which is not really that unusual for me, but I have had up to a 15 or more going at one time this year and that is just freaking insane, not to mention unprecedented as well. It is very bloody difficult to watch any movies when you are constantly in catch up mode of all of your TV programs, and to make matters worse, I have been completely hoodwinked by a few 'not so good' TV series this year that have really let me down and wasted my precious viewing time. First world problems I know, but it is true and I really hate starting something and not finishing it, but this year I have had no choice but to abandon some real TV series stinkers. 

​For those of you that may be contemplating watching something on TV, can I please forewarn you of the following series that you should avoid at all costs:
Electric Dreams - had some good moments, but not nearly enough of them.
The Exorcist - I blame S2, it nearly gave me a bleed on the brain- pitiful!
Re-mind - Re-think would have been a better name.
The Walking Dead (S8) - enough already - please STAAAPPP!!
Lost in Space - Bloody lost me completely, yawn fest. 
Requiem - The name says it all.
Gunpowder - Don't be fooled by the lure of Kit Harrington, this went nowhere!
Picnic at Hanging Rock - the original movie shits all over this boring reboot. 

On a brighter note, there have been some unmissable moments as well, here are my faves from the year so far:
Mosaic - Steven Soderbergh does TV a big favour.
Britannia - Pagans and Romans and Druids - oh my!
The End of the Fucking World - kinda art house, definitely had a fresh perspective. 
Dirk Gently S2 - final season - boohoo!
Master of None S2 - keeps getting better!
Atlanta S2 - Good lord, amazing - not yet finished airing.
Handmaid's Tale S2 - okay not as good as S1 but still worthy - not yet finished airing. 
Peaky Blinders S4 - made up for a crappy S3.
Here and Now - welcome back Alan Ball, how I have missed you!
Ash vs Evil Dead S3 - mental horror fun.
Santa Clarita Diet S2 - surprisingly improved on the first season.
Love S3 - consistently great.
Barry - quirky dark comedy with Bill Hader, what's not to like?
Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events S2 - soooo good, even better than the first!
Swedish Dicks S2 - Ingmar and Axel rule! Love it!
One Strange Rock - Aronofsky does documentary and succeeds brilliantly!
Happy! - Utterly broken and yet still so damn entertaining. 

Hopefully you haven't succumbed to the unending amount of crap that is being rolled out on TV lately and wasted your precious viewing time as well. Perhaps my recommended list will offer you some relief and you can now begin to fill your time with worthy and noteworthy programming.
Anyway, on that note, I actually have a couple of shows that I need to catch up on, so I'll blog ya later, happy viewing!

Spicywatch.com celebrated it's fourth birthday last night with a small but extremely supportive group of wonderful family and friends. I have now reviewed more than 720 movies that are totally worthy of your viewing time, I have rolled out more than 410 blog entries, generated around 5,000 readers and I have been to the movies so many times that I think the proprietors are considering offering me shares in the business. And most importantly, I have loved every single minute of it.
I have adored watching all of movies that I have sat through to get me to this point, even the really bad ones. I have loved hooking up with friends at the cinema and dragging my family along to the movies every other week. I have loved sharing my thoughts and the events of my life with all of my readers on my blog and I have loved the process of building up an almanac of worthy and 'spicy' movies for others to consider watching. 
Last night the theme of the evenings celebrations was comedy, and everyone was encouraged to share their favourite comedy scene or funny moment in a movie with the group. We watched scenes from old but still hilarious classics like Duck Soup and Young Frankenstein as well as modern comedies like Bridesmaids, Nacho Libre, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, Mr Bean's Holiday, Rat Race, The Wedding Singer, Kung Fu Hustle, What We Do In The Shadows and Clerks. Even the unlikely thriller American Psycho managed a look in with Christian Bale's raincoat wearing "Hip to be Square" routine.
There was much laughter and hilarity, and it was really lovely to be able to share a couple of drinks and some good company in the name of Spicywatch.com. I have really been overwhelmed by how supportive and positive everyone has been of my website, which really has been a labour of love for me and sometimes a bit of writing therapy from time to time as well. I really have poured a lot of my spare time and energy into maintaining  Spicywatch.com and the continued support of my readers has been incredibly overwhelming and deeply meaningful to me.
Dear readers, without your support Spicywatch.com may not have made it any further than it's first birthday. Your shared interest in quality cinema and commitment to reading my constant rants has meant more to me than words could ever really express. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much my lovely spicywatch supporters and I will certainly endeavour to keep offering you more experiences of cinematic worthiness, along with the contents of my head, in the years ahead. 
Keep on watching, and please do keep on reading xxx

Sometimes I need to be alone. Really alone. 
This need to be left alone is often mistaken for aloofness or rudeness, and I never mean for it to come off that way, but the unfortunate side effect of needing alone time is that sometimes it can make others feel like you don't want them around. 
The truth is that I really do want people around, I actually really enjoy company and crave human interaction.  And just like everyone else in the world I do get really lonely sometimes too, but if I am being 100% honest, that doesn't happen very often. More often than I would like to admit, I just want to be left the hell alone. Which sounds terrible when I say it like that, but it is true. I really need to be left alone sometimes, and alone can be very, very difficult to get. 
Sometimes when I need alone time, I really need alone time, and it can be quite difficult for me to get the alone time that I need and that will actually satisfy my need for aloneness. In my line of work, where I am around children all day (especially really small ones) I do find that I can get pretty depleted by the end of the day. I often try to retreat to a quiet corner of the house when I am in withdrawal mode, but find that I can rarely sustain the hiding for longer than half an hour before someone decides that they need me something and I am ferreted out of my hiding spot.
It is not good to be angry at the people you love for needing you, but sometimes it happens. Sometimes, enough is a bloody-nuff!  Go work it out yourself, cook your own dinner, stop asking me for things, leave me alone! I want to shout these things from the top of my lungs, but then I would just feel guilty about it so I don't. I face the strain and keep on smiling, even though my insides may be writhing with angry feelings and annoyance and my legs want to abscond. 
As an introvert, the need to be left alone can be exceptionally overwhelming, but as I said it can also make you look like such a total asshole. I often find myself daydreaming about entire weekends where no-one is around and I don't have to worry about anyone else's needs but my own, just a couple of days where the house is empty all day and night except for me. And I know that that is  a completely selfish and pretty dickish thing to desire, but when you have been bombarded by humans and their needs for as long as I have, sometimes you just long for no responsibility and no pressure and especially no new input. No new input, just the sound of it....it sounds like complete and utter bliss to me. 
However, I also know that I would probably only last 24 hours and then I would start to miss everyone and would wish them all back home again anyway, but every now and then I do secretly wish that they would all just sod off for a while and leave me the hell alone! 

The Universal Stupa of Great Compassion in Bendigo hosted its annual Festival of Peace and Light this weekend and we were fortunate enough to join the celebrations. Well, word has clearly gotten out about how terrific last years festival was because this time the event had grown substantially, both in participation numbers and the lineup of performers.
Last time we were among a mere 100 odd visitors that had our own seats to view a few international acts and some fireworks and this year the Stupa was swamped with thousands of people. There were over 40 various performances in the afternoon, at least a dozen vegetarian food vans (tofu to die for people), merchandise vendors and of course, the precious Jade Buddha which has returned to the Stupa and created a most auspicious and important reason for Buddhists to make the pilgrimage to Bendigo this weekend. 
Because the event has ballooned to epic proportions it was a lot more difficult to see everything and this time there was more than one stage operating with different attractions happening at one time, kind of like a Buddhist Big Day Out, which did mean that you didn't get to see every performance like we did last time. Also forget seating, there was nowhere to sit unless you wanted to perch on a rock (which I happily did) and if you are a short arse like me you often couldn't see the action that was going on even if you wanted to, but it was still so much fun and definitely worth the trip to Bendigo. 
Chinese lions, drumming, various international dancers, hoop twirlers, a puppet theatre, live music and instrumental performers, singers, acrobats, didgeridoo performances, Tibetan chanting and let's not forget the spectacular sound and light extravaganza that always makes me feel like I am five years old again as I ooh and ahh in amazement as the fireworks go zipping across the sky overhead. 
The food vans this year were super impressive as well, with a massive array of extremely tasty and also healthy vegan delights. I had a particularly good shawarma with beetroot  and hummus, but the curries, felafel, rotis and other Indian fried delights also looked delicious and I don't think that anyone was struggling to find something delicious to eat. Again, it was the line up that seemed to be the biggest obstacle, but as long as you kept your cool and stayed the course, you got fed. Like all festival events, you have to expect crowds and queues and you have to make your peace with it, after all it was the Festival of Peace and Light; you can't go around abusing people and being a dick at an event like that. 
I think that the Festival of Peace and Light showcases Victoria's broad Buddhist diversity and the communities genuine interest in other cultures and religious practises. I know without a shadow of doubt that I will be returning next year, and I really look forward to watching the festival grow and expand each year. Next time I will be more prepared for a more grand experience than I was this time and I cannot wait to see what the organisers are going to bring to fold in 2019, so exciting!  

Everyone knows that old chestnut, the old "once in a lifetime" saying. People use it when an opportunity arises that seems like it is almost too good to be true or when something freakishly awesome or dreadful occurs or when people find their 'one true love' just like Shrek found Fiona; but to be honest, I don't actually believe that things do only happen once in a lifetime. I think that sometimes opportunities (and luck) can knock a couple of times or more in one lifetime, maybe even several times if you are lucky enough. And as much as I want to advocate for the reality of a 'one true love' everyone already knows that I think that that theory is a total load of malarkey and that the concept of a soul mate is a manmade load of bullshit that has no place in the mind of any reasonable thinker. 
​Life sometimes gives you lemons and then sometimes it gives you milk and honey as well. I have had my fair share of lemons, but I also know what it feels like when I get a little milk and honey and it feels awesome. And it has happened to me more than once. In fact a lot of things in life that I have really enjoyed have happened to me more than once already and I would like to believe that I am only around half way through this life of mine, so the whole once in a lifetime theory doesn't really hold much water for me. 
I have heard of families that have won the lottery more than once and people that have been hit by lightning more than once and there have been many, many people that have fallen truly, madly and deeply in love on more than one occasion as well. And they are all meant to be once in a lifetime occurrences aren't they? Well they clearly are not once in a lifetime occurrences at all, they are occurrences that are in fact happening every damn day, all around the world, to hundreds of people. We are just programmed to think that extraordinary things don't happen all of time, but in reality they do - a lot! Very regularly in fact, and just about everyone that you meet will have at least one extraordinary story about some "once in a lifetime" thing that has happened to them at some point in their lives.
You see, you do not have to settle for the idea that only truly great things can happen to you once in a lifetime, because that is not true. That kind of thinking is toxic to meeting your full potential or living the life that you want. That kind of mindset is why people settle for less than what they are worth and stop hoping for more, because they think that they have already had their "once in a lifetime" opportunity. The word once implies something that is so fleeting, so short lived and definitely something that is never to be repeated, which is certainly not very encouraging now is it?
​Well I say - fuck that! Be open to wonderful and extraordinary things happening to you every damn day. Open yourself up to the idea that every day of your life is full of unlocked potential and wonderment and unexpected good fortune that is just around the next corner. See where that kind of thinking takes you. I think that from now on I am going to say that there are at least a billion opportunities in a lifetime, not just one, and that I am going to remain open to them all happening to me, as many time as I can get! Why stop at "once in a lifetime" when you can have so much more than that?

Every year around the end of Autumn and the beginning of Winter I suffer from a bit of mild depression. Not a throw myself from the nearest building kind of depression, more of a self doubting, self loathing and melancholic period that always seems to appear at the same time of the year. The darker, wetter and colder days seem to also bring with them an air of despair and uncertainty that leaves me feeling out of tune with everything and everyone. I can feel my resilience and tolerance faltering and my usually optimistic demeanor becomes somewhat surley and pessimistic. During these moments I have to fight the urge to run and hide under a blanket somewhere, far away from the world and all of it's noisy responsibilities and complications. 
It's a strange and unnamable feeling that makes me want to retreat, and stranger still is the fact that I am never really sure of what I am actually retreating from. Generally I am a bit over-emotional, super sensitive, easily angered and melodramatic at these times of the year, it's kind of like PMS on steroids and its not a lot of fun for me or the people around me. And what really gets to me about it all, is why? Why do I have these periods in my life and why are they so cyclic? 
Perhaps it is because of the crappy weather, maybe it's because of the stockpile of bills that come at this time of the year that need to be paid, maybe it's because I am just a little run down from being unwell and overwhelmed by the demands of my everyday routine, and then maybe it is actually just a combination of all of those things. Whatever the reason, I do know one thing for sure, it always and I mean always occurs around this time of the year.
Last year around this time I had a particularly difficult time with depression and I felt it more completely than I had in previous years. I had a total dark night of the soul and was actually really concerned about some of the thoughts that I was entertaining. I went to a really dark place and it lasted for way too long. I also had a massive and incredibly painful falling out with my siblings at this time last year, and they have all since become estranged to me, and maybe the hurt of that feels particularly raw at this time of the year and adds to my melancholy. However, I would be lying if I said that it was any one particular thing that made me feel the early winter blues so intensely. 
However, it is not all doom and gloom! By recognising this pattern of self doubt and inner turmoil, I have become a lot better at managing it. Through meditation and yoga practises I have learnt to curb my personal negativity and anxiety because I can now recognize what is happening a lot earlier on. I also know with great certainty that these melancholic moments are transient and fleeting and that I do not have to engage with them when they occur. I no longer need to feed and clothe my personal demons everytime that I get anxious or worried, I can just recognise them and then let them go quietly back into the night. I also recognise that everyone has times in their lives that are rife with anxiety and uncertainty and that I am not alone in my struggles and that it is all a normal part of any growth cycle to fall over every now and then. 
I can now bravely acknowledge that I do get blues from time to time, but it doesn't define who I am and that I don't have to let it take hold of me. Like a quiet passenger on the bus of life I can simply notice these feelings as I pass them by, waving farewell to them before they even get a chance to take hold of me. And that is big part of what surviving your own depression and dark thoughts is like really. You know that these times and thoughts are going to come around every now and again, but like negative people that are hard to have around, you just have to choose to not engage them.
Sometimes that requires a lot of strength, a lot more than you think that you can muster up, but essentially you can. You really can, in spite of whatever your head may be telling you, and just as winter arrives every year, so too does summer and the most powerful thing to remember to help you to get yourself out of a funk like this is that nothing ever lasts forever. It's all transient and it's all fleeting, and you don't have to stay in the moment any longer then you choose to, you can let go at any time, at any moment, just let it pass you by. 

When you work in a niche market, sell an exclusive product or deliver something that no-one else is really offering you become at risk of being too damn exclusive for your own good. In fact you can become a difficult, egotistical douchebag quite quickly if you are not being somewhat self aware and taking into account the needs and feelings of your clientele or target audience.
We have all seen it happen to professionals, especially entertainers. You find yourself enamoured by some new flavour of the month, you buy their album or go to see their latest film and you allow yourself to think that they are really cool because of their singing, acting or dancing. But then, you see them on television being interviewed or on some talk show like Graeme Norton and you think to yourself - what a fucking dickhead!
It totally taints the way that you saw them and you realise that all of that fame has totally gone to their heads and that they have succumbed to the "getting too exclusive" virus, and yep, now you actually really don't like them at all anymore. And it's not just because they're dickheads, it's also because they fooled you into thinking that they were someone else and you almost feel betrayed by that and you most definitely feel let down. 
Well, from my experience, you don't need to be rich or famous to be getting too exclusive for your own good. In fact I have found that if people or even organisations feel like they have the monopoly over something then they tend to take on air of exclusivity very bloody quickly indeed and it can leave people feeling alienated and on the outer rim. And I am speaking from some very recent personal experiences that I have encountered where I have felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall to get anywhere because I wasn't in the 'know' enough to be given the respect that I deserved. 
I'm not going to really get into it because these organisations are reputable and do have some terrific people working for them and I don't want to tar everyone with the same dirty brush here, but if you or your business, or your organisation starts to get so exclusive that you are alienating people and making them feel like shit, then you are getting way too exclusive for your own good.
There is a terrific quote by Malcolm S. Forbes that says: You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. 
Pretty good words to live by I reckon and certainly not a part of the mindset of the all too exclusive people of this world that's for sure!

Toothache really is in a realm all by itself. This week I had a pretty tough week, so tough that I let my entire routine go out of the window because I had to. I was in excruciating pain for days and even though the worst of it is over, I am still basically like a cantankerous bear with a splinter in it's paw. I didn't eat, didn't sleep longer than a two hour stretch, didn't do yoga or meditation, didn't practise any of my usual lessons or even (God forbid) complete a blog. What I did do, between my work hours was moan, groan and lay about on the couch drugged out of my mind watching bullshit TV and hating my life.
How did I get this way? Well let me tell you a little story about heartache and the loss of God....just kidding...it wasn't actually that bad. Let me tell you about the time that a dentist butchered me though....
On Saturday of last week I went to the dentist for my routine six month clean and scale. I didn't have any concerns about my teeth and I was in really good health. I was however seeing a dentist that I wouldn't usually see, which would turn out to be one of my worst errors in judgement ever. My usual dentist has a life of luxury and only works 4 days a week from 9am to 3pm, which renders him pretty much useless to the working class society, so I thought I would do the right thing and not take time off for a routine clean and scale that I would just go to another dentist at the same practise, after all it was for a 20 min check-up not a root canal.
Anyway, this new dentist, let's call him Dr Slaughter, had me in the chair for an hour. He x-rayed, poked about and gave me a very thorough deep clean, which at the time I thought, okay great, obviously I needed all that. And even though I didn't enjoy it, I figured that I must have needed the extra invasive cleaning and told myself that I was getting value for money. 
The first day after the cleaning I was fine, and the second I was mildly uncomfortable, but I have had periodontal work so a little oral discomfort is not foreign to me. By Tuesday, shit was getting real and I had started to take Panadol and Nurofen on two hourly rotations. Let me point out that I NEVER take cope dope, not ever, it has to be serious for me to even go there.
Anyway Tuesday night, no dinner and a little sleep - too much pain. Wednesday I had to travel to Melbourne for a work PD, almost 3 hours each way, that was a long day with a lot of pain, drugged myself with over-the-counter remedies to an illegal level and soldiered on. Picked at a couple of things, didn't sleep again and woke up to thumping, pounding, shooting pains and nausea on Thursday. After being so tired and so empty and so exhausted for so many days I finally crumbled. Tears and tears, I gave in and made an appointment to see the dentist, my usual dentist. 
After some inspection and another lot of x-rays, he confirmed that my teeth were excellent, but some of my gums were so inflamed that they were higher that my teeth in my mouth. Well, that explained the pain alright. Toothache, or in this case, deep gum pain is a special hell all of its own. I have not felt so worn down, unwell, exhausted or overwhelmed by pain since I was in labour over thirteen years ago. It was BAD, so bad. I even had another good cry at the dentist's office and he felt so sorry for me that he called me at home (after hours) the next day to check on me. 
So my teeth were fine, it was a gum problem. I had to be referred to a periodontal expert to have a look as well, but even he was confused because the x-rays looked good. After examining my swollen and agonisingly tender mouth he concurred with what my dentist had said and also believed that some type of bacteria had entered my mouth during or just after the cleaning process when my gums were open, and that Dr Slaughter had caused trauma to my gum area by being too invasive. Basically I had a secondary infection of a fierce kind, one that required strong antibiotics and even stronger pain killers, which my dentist happily prescribed to me. 
Being keen to get some pain relief I went in hard on the drugs, which did give me a most welcomed nights sleep, but did also cause me to violently chunder into the garden on Friday morning after I took too many of them and then tried to drink a coffee. Live and learn. I am a bit of a prescription drug lightweight, and when you never have them, they work really well. So this weekend I have basically been lying about half out of my skull on pain relief and doing as little as possible. The antibiotics are working beautifully and everyday I get a significant reduction in pain and discomfort, so hallelujah to that! 
The lesson in all of this is? Don't ever go to a strange dentist, just organise the time off and see your usual one. Well, that's my take away from all of that anyway. Make an appointment at the slightest hint of 'after' pain before you start to contemplate self-surgery like I was and most importantly don't let one butcher put you off of going to the dentist forever, which is going to be my biggest hurdle now. Honestly, the thought of a dental check up right just sends shivers of dread straight down my spine! 
Thank God for Marvel, who was delivering another delightful instalment of super this weekend, honestly the distraction couldn't have arrived at a better time, and what a mighty fine distraction is was!

Some movies are so good at building tension and a sense of impending doom that they don't even need to have a monster or a boogeyman in sight for you to get the 'heebie jeebies' and I think that sometimes that can be the mark of a truly great movie. I love the horror genre and I cannot deny that sometimes I genuinely thirst for an all out gorefest, which lately has been more than sated by the Ash vs Evil Dead Series on Stan; if you haven't seen it yet make the time - it is comedy-horror gold! But I am getting off track here, what I am trying to say is that just because I enjoy an all out horrorfest in every sense of the word, that does not mean that I do not appreciate the art of making gripping and engaging movies that are slow burning or subtle in their interpretations of horror. 
I know that I often get annoyed about thrillers being marketed as horror movies, because it seems to happen so often these days, but that does not mean that I don't appreciate the art of a well made, edge of your seat, thriller. And there have been so many of these gems over the years that have been sadly overlooked by people that claim to "not be a fan of horror." Just because you don't want to see someone getting disemboweled or decapitated by a chainsaw in a movie, that does not mean that you don't like all horror, especially today with so many movies being incorrectly marketed. 
In my opinion there are actually a large number of horror genres, not just one, and it all usually just get tossed (quite incorrectly) into the one 'horror' basket, which is really disappointing and drives away hordes of non-horror fans who think that it is all the same. 
I am here to help you out, because in my opinion, there are at least 10 horror sub-cateogories that range from face meltingly scary to pre-teen safe, and I have listed them all below. 
Intense Graphic Horror (always rated R 18+)
You wouldn't take your nanna or your kids to these movies, they are gory AF and even some seasoned horror fans struggle with the intensely gross and disturbing footage in them. These are most definitely not for the people that say that they do like horror. Examples: Wyrmwood, Hellraiser, Raw, Dawn of the Dead, Evil Dead, Silent Hill and 28 Days Later.
Horror Comedy 
Can be gory as well, but doesn't have to be. This genre is not taking itself seriously at all and is extremely good fun, as many laughs as scares. Examples: Ghostbusters, What We Do in the Shadows, Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead and Beetlejuice. 
Monster Horror
Creature type action here, some malformed or completely unnatural abomination stalking about with generally ill intent. All of your classic horror icons like vampires, Frankenstein and werewolves would fit in here. Examples: Dracula, IT, American Werewolf in London, Let the Right One In and It Follows.
Supernatural Horror
Ghosts, ghouls, spirits, ouija boards and things that go bump in the night, sometimes the ratings can be as low as PG and there isn't usually much blood because ghosts don't bleed. Examples: Paranormal Activity, The Others, Insidious, The Shining, The Orphanage and The Exorcist.
Slasher 
Axe wielding, chainsaw carrying or knife totting (sometimes inbred) sicko on a rampage. Thin on the ground storyline, tonnes of blood. Examples: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hush, You're Next, Scream and Sweeney Todd.
Torture Porn Horror (always rated R 18+) 
Slasher gone wild or weird arse experiments and long torture scenes with lots of bits getting sliced off people in the name of experimental surgery. Not for the faint hearted and generally my least favourite type of horror, often banned in certain countries. Examples: The Human Centipede, Martyrs, Saw and Hostel. 
Science Fiction Horror
Usually set in space or on another planet, generally has aliens in it but not always and often has an R rating because it can sometimes be quite graphic in content. Examples: Alien, A Quiet Place, Event Horizon, The Thing, Annihilation, Cloverfield and Under the Skin.
Thriller/Psychological Horror
Just about always incorrectly marketed as horror and is often rated M or MA 15+, generally uses more subtle and atmospheric forms of fear to scare and can be crime based. Examples: Get Out, Don't Breathe, The Visit, The Silence of the Lambs, Rosemary's Baby and Psycho. 
Art House Horror 
What the fuck is going on here? Weird, sometimes violent and more often than not utterly indescribable. A lot of unfulfilling endings, creepiness out the wazoo and confusing interludes. Examples: Kill List, Creep, Suspiria, A Field in England, The Skin I Live In and The Wailing.
Intense Slow Burner Horror
Increasing states of paranoia and dread, not a lot actually happens on screen and the horror is usually implied. Can be PG rated and is generally very subtle and left open ended. Examples: It Comes At Night, Here Alone, The Jacket and Monsters. 

So, in light of all that, you can now see that dread does come in many, many forms. Horror is most certainly not just one category, but comes in many subtle variations, and that there is more than likely some horror movies that would appeal to just about everyone's taste. You don't have to be a hardcore slasher or gorefest fan to get something out of a gripping and engaging thriller that won't necessarily keep you up at night. Don't be put off by the horror label, it is so often very misleading. 

Whilst perusing Pinterest yesterday an advertisement popped up for Neuralink's new 'Smart Drug' which is basically a mind enhancement medication, which is now on the market and being promoted by Elon Musk who is offering free trials. These revolutionary tablets apparently improve a person's mental performance, problem solving abilities, concentration, efficiency and memory by (aka. up to) 97%, which sounds way too good to be true doesn't it? 
However, people that have trialled the drug are claiming that all of the above is true and more, in fact the people that took them said that they felt more focused and calm than they could have ever imagined that they would ever be, but to be honest I do wonder how much of a mess they were to begin with. Regular users are quoted as saying outrageously sensationalised statements like "it makes me into a Godlike sponge" whatever the fuck that means, or "I have never felt so engaged and capable before" which does sound positive, but again probably way too good to be true. 
There is absolutely no doubt that the idea of optimising yourself is appealing on many levels, but on a more realistic level, I also have a million questions to ask about these wonder tablets. Firstly, and foremostly, what the hell is in these tablets? Who or what have they tested them on? What are the long term effects of taking these kinds of enhancers? Are they addictive? And what happens if you just stop taking them?
I have watched way too many science fiction movies where people in the future quite innocently start to take human enhancing drugs only to wake up with something god awful growing out of them or one day just realising that they have totally lost their minds and the idea of eating their pet cat seems completely plausible. Yes, everyone wants to gets smarter, better, faster, stronger but no sane person wants to be a human guinea pig. 
However, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't curious and maybe even a little keen to try them for myself, but then on the other hand I do feel sad that we all feel so compelled to be continually pushing and stretching our personal limits as humans. I mean this is really just another prime example of us not being enough isn't it? Is this hunger to be more and perform better actually driving us further away from our own true natures as human beings? What will the world look like if we are all operating at a genius level anyway? And what happens to the people that choose not to get on board, or cannot afford to get onboard because the tablets will clearly come with a hefty price tag? Will being 'super smart' only be for the rich or elite? And how is that going to be fair?
Nope, there are too many unanswered questions for me at this point and there are way too many variables that I have serious concerns about before I am willing to get on board with this 'smart drug' of the future. I am all for enhancing the quality of life that I live and I am most definitely all about being alert and active, but I am not sure that being 97% more focused is really what I need in my life right now. If I was 97% more alert than I am already, then I think that my head would explode. If anything, I think that I need to get about 50% less focused!
However, regardless of how you feel about the progression that is being made in the field of human enhancements, they are occurring and it is absolutely inevitable that they are going to become a part of all of our futures, whether we choose to engage in it or not, and I do wonder a lot about what that future will look like for us all. 

It is always around Earth Day that our attention is drawn to our impact on the environment and our carbon footprint. No-one wants to be responsible for fucking the planet up for future generations, but on some level many of us actually are. After taking a quiz about my carbon footprint on the Earth Day website this morning I was horrified to learn that if everyone lived the same way the I do than we would need 4 Earths to deal with the impact that I am making! Woah, heavy! And I always thought that I was trying harder than the average bear when it comes to being ecological! Clearly, I am not doing nearly enough and the whole thing made me feel absolutely dreadful and completely guilt ridden, but I think that we all probably need a really good kick up the arse when it comes to our personal levels of environmental awareness, because being environmentally sound clearly takes a lot more effort and attention than most of us actually giving it. 
It is very easy to forget about our impact on the environment, and most of the time we don't even consider it at all. We allow ourselves to believe that someone who is far more passionate about environmental issues than we are is already out there fighting the good fight for us. This rather ridiculous belief allows us to become extremely flippant and lazy when it comes to being personally responsible for the environment, and for the most part dreadfully irresponsible. 
It is only in the last few years that I have really started to become more aware of my global footprint. I have made a concerted effort to try and be more eco-friendly and globally conscious. For example, we have installed solar panels on our home, we grow our own produce, we do errands and shop whilst we are in town to save on fuel consumption, we don't use plastic bags, we compost all of our green waste and we are avid recyclers. However, although we have made some positive changes, we are still not doing enough and with 4 Earths hanging over our heads, we need to do a hell of a lot more! 
In fact, Australia has one of the worst global footprints per capita than most of the world. We may have incredible beaches and an awesome lifestyle, but that all feels pretty shithouse when you realise that we are actually fucking up the globe by being dreadful unecological and environmentally unaware. The average global footprint per person in Australia is actually 4.8 Earths, which is something that we really need to do something about, and I do believe that awareness is key when it comes to change. 
The good news is that there are simple ways that each of us can reduce our global impact immediately, and they don't need to be huge changes, just small consistent ones. Here are some simple ways that you can reduce your carbon footprint and start to make a difference:

• Ride, walk, take public transport or carpool whenever you can.
• Don't speed when you drive! Speeding and unneccessary acceleration increase your mileage by up to 33% which wastes fuel and money. 
• Drive an eco-friendly car.
• If you must fly, always fly economy, it works like carpooling by sharing the emissions.
• Insulate your home and windows and only buy appliances with high ENERGY STAR ratings. 
• Turn off lights and appliances that are not being used, and only use LED or compact fluorescent globes. 
• Keep your heating temperature set to 21 degrees celsius or below and grab a blanket if you're still cold. 
• Install solar panels on your house.
• Eat locally sourced organic produce or better still grow your own!
• Eat less meat and if possible eat none. 
• Install water saving devices on showers, toilets and appliances like washing machines and dishwashers. 
• Never use plastic bags and become an avid recycler. 
• Start composting.
• Use grey water on gardens and only planet climate appropriate vegetation on your property.

Small changes are a great way to start, and doing things a little a lot of the time is the best way to make significant changes for the better. We really do need to be more personally responsible about doing more for our environment. Look around you, it's a wonderful place this world of ours. So precious and beautiful and obviously completely fragile, and each of us is having our own impact on that, an impact that we all need to be personally responsible for. Make one small change right now and help to reduce your global impact today because none of us can afford to pretend that what we do doesn't make a difference. 

I am not afraid of the dark. I know of some adults that still find the dark quite terrifying and being severely afraid of the dark is a very real phobia called Nyctophobia. Some researchers, beginning with Sigmund Freud, consider a fear of the dark to be a manifestation of separation anxiety, but to be honest, with most people that I know of, it appears to stem from watching a horror movie or seeing some other scary as all shit 'unknown' thing in the dark that seems to tweak people's fear of the night. 
Unfortunately, at night time it is quite hard to see, so it can allow people's imaginations to run amok. There really is no greater fear than that of the unknown, and when you can't see things properly the unknown can easily transform into a myriad of horrific possibilities. Suddenly a sheet on the clothesline is a ghost, an animal scurrying about is a robber, a tree rubbing against a house is a witch, or a ghoul or a serial killer. Quite often when people say that they are afraid of the dark they are really just afraid of what they cannot see - the unknown, and the possibilities of what it could be masking. 
Night time is exactly like the day time in my mind, in fact for me personally, I generally think that the night has a lot more to offer in many instances. In the evening the noise pollution lessens, the stars come out and generally everyone is a lot more chilled out than they are in the day time. When it gets dark all the naughty children are quiet and sleeping, everything looks prettier in candlelight and no-one judges you for watching a movie marathon. Another night time plus is the moon, which is constantly changing and far more interesting and observable than the sun, which looks pretty much the same every single day and is impossible to look at because it burns your eyes out of their sockets if you try; now what's to like about that?
​I think that when you live out of town, you kind of have to make your peace with the darkness. When we are facing the dark side of the moon out here in Enfield, it is black and I mean complete and total darkness. You can struggle to see your own hand in front of your face on nights like that, and I have spent many dark evenings on the porch listening to the sounds of the night. Even someone like me who isn't even afraid of the dark can appreciate how easily one's mind can run away with itself if you let it when it is really dark.
There a lot of nocturnal animals scooting around in the dark out here and I have spotted foxes, owls, bats, feral cats and even echidnas foraging about in the cool, calm, quiet of the night. It was only this evening that I had a bunch of kangaroos give me a start when I was taking the recycling out and didn't see them until I almost stood on one of them. But there is nothing scary about a few animals going about their business so none of those nocturnal activities has made me love the night any less. 
Nope, I am not scared of the dark. There are far more scary things in this world than the dark that's for sure, and a lot of those things are very comfortable in the daytime. If anything that I consider to be 'scary' was going to try and get me I would rather that it came for me at night time anyway because it so much easier to hide at night, and I actually feel safer with better hiding options.
There are way too many cool things about the night to not love it completely, but if you do suffer from Nyctophobia, then I deeply sympathise, and I also suggest a total avoidance of horror movies and a really good night light. 

It is important to have some routine in your life. A repeated pattern and commitment to following a routine can actually be really healthy and exceptionally beneficial. Routine allows time for the cultivation of ritual into your life and is the best way to ensure continual growth with whatever it is that you are putting your energies into. If you want to make positive changes in your life, you really do need to enlist a bit of self discipline and have the ability to follow a certain amount of routine.
I have managed to make some significant changes to my life over the past couple years and it has only been possible through routine and ritual. I actually prefer to use the word ritual over routine. Routine sounds so damn boring, laborious and repetitious, whereas ritual sounds like something profoundly soulful and spiritually aware. Whenever I attempt to take on something new, try to rid myself of an old habit or I'm just try to find more meaning in the mundane, I always like to look at the work ahead as the cultivating of a new ritual into my life. An undertaking that will essentially improve me and make me stronger, better, faster and wiser in mind, body and spirit. 
It is through this holistic way of thinking that I have been able to create several daily rituals that have allowed me to master many things that I never thought that I would be able to do; things that I probably would have laughed about if someone had told be that I would be doing them a few years ago. Quitting smoking, getting up earlier everyday, taking a daily yoga class, meditating, incorporating mindfulness and visualisation techniques into my daily life; all of these things I have managed to cultivate into my daily life through repetition and ritual. 
When you think about it, there is the beauty of ritual in almost everything that we do if we can manage to do it mindfully and with that word 'ritual' at the forefront of our thinking. Eating, cleaning, showering, driving, speaking, working, walking, listening, standing still, brewing tea or even sleeping. The list is absolutely endless, we do most of these things thoughtlessly and on autopilot, but we can get so much more out of what we consider mundane if we just start to see it all as some sacred dance, some magical ritual of the self that we get to celebrate every single day of our lives. 
Take some time to try it for yourself. Create a new ritual where you allow yourself to be lost in the rhythm of your own life. Get up a little earlier, try something new, enjoy the mundane by looking at it all with fresh eyes, it is easy to cultivate and celebrate the ritual of your own life everyday if you allow yourself to. 
The American philosopher and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer once said If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, and he is not just some holistic nutter, he is 100% correct. Let every moment matter, let everyday be steeped in something marvellous and let yourself enjoy ritual over routine and before you know it, you'll have a lot more to love about your life as well. 

Time and tide wait for no man is a phrase that originated way back in 1225 and even predates modern English, however it is no less meaningful today than it was back then. For never has a truer word been uttered that we can all relate to so completely than those few simple words that highlight our own mortality and the relentless passing of time.
No-one is powerful enough to stop the marching of time, and in spite of all of the things in our lives that we do have the power to control, time has never and will never be one of those things. One day you wake up, look in the mirror and barely recognise yourself anymore. A moment from a decade ago seems like it occurred only a year ago, your parents have entered the realms of the elderly and your children are no longer children at all; and you ask yourself, where the hell did all of those years go? 
The days just seem to go faster and faster every year. I start another school year and suddenly Easter has come and gone without me even coming up for air and all of the things that I had planned to have done by this point in the year are not even close to being completed. Has someone tipped the world into overdrive? It feels like it wasn't that long ago that I was planning my fortieth birthday holiday, or sending my son off to primary school or teaching my daughter to read for goodness sake! If the next forty years of my life go anywhere near as fast as the last forty did then I am going to need to not sleep at all in order to fit everything in that I would like to do.
I suppose that no matter how long you get in this life, you just never feel like you have enough time. Every time that you take a holiday or embark on a new task, you feel like you have forever to indulge it, and then before you know it, that time has somehow gone, just gone without you even realising where it all went to. It is the weirdest thing really, because we all want the time to go slower, and yet we fill our lives to the very brim with activity, essentially making everything speed up exponentially, making it impossible for time to slow down anyway. And perhaps that is what keeps us alive after all, the longing to live and be vital and busy in some way, and if we just stopped doing things then we would lose our lust for life and not want it to go on forever at all. 
I spent some time with my folks these school holidays, and I just marvel at how motivated and resourceful they are. My father is in his 80's and my mother is in her late 70's and they have been retired for years now, but they still keep themselves busy volunteering at local charities, tinkering with antiques clocks and knick knacks and working in the garden. Their garden always looks terrific and they spend entire days in the kitchen together cooking up thrifty old school recipes, pickling, making jams and preserves and making breads and cakes from scratch. They seem really content and happy doing these things and their days are generally full and busy, and they too feel like time is passing them by way too swiftly. I suppose that they would be feeling the passage of time in a way that I cannot possibly fathom just yet, because they also know that they don't have another 40 years to get the things done that they may have wanted to do and I wonder how genuinely difficult the twilight years of your life must be for that very reason. 
However, my parents do not appear to be bothered about aging and they never complain about being old either. Everyday, they say, is a gift to them now and they just live one day at a time, enjoying what they have cultivated together over the years. My in-laws say pretty much the same thing as well, and they too are in the same vintage as my parents, and they seem very content with their lives as well and do not appear to be at all worried about not having enough time. 
So I suppose that it is wise to listen to your elders and take a leaf from their book on getting older, and essentially it really shouldn't matter. Just take it one day at time, do what you can and love what you do and don't worry about running out of time. Let the time pass you by gracefully and slowly but surely cultivate the life that you want so that when you get into your own twilight years, you too can just sit back and enjoy what you have created for yourself.

I love to imagine that one day I will be able to earn a decent living from watching and reviewing movies. It's a pie in the sky dream I know, but sometimes I like to indulge myself and escape into pleasant daydreams that feature me being important enough to be invited to exclusive movie launches and international film festivals. In these daydreams, I get to see new release movies before anyone else, which would mean that I was constantly ahead of the game and also, because I would be so very important, I would probably also have the opportunity to schmooze with some of the actors and directors behind the scenes; the big wigs and I would be on a first name basis! It's a totally nutty and exceptionally self indulgent daydream, but there is no harm in having gigantic aspirations and as far as I know, no-one has ever died from having ridiculous daydreams. 
I actually think that it is very healthy to have immense and often impossible dreams, even if you know that they are probably, absolutely never, ever, going to happen. I believe that we live in a world that is generally very intolerant to dreamers. Let's be honest, lollygagging and wistfully whiling away the hours are a very frowned upon preoccupation and from a very early age we are encouraged to focus, grow up, take on extra responsibility and make wise (often safe) choices to ensure that our futures are protected and provided for. And yes, some of that is certainly important, but it leaves very little room for flights of fancy, frivolity and the entertainment of intensely improbable dreams. 
I realise that we can't all run away and join the circus or throw caution to the wind and chase the impossible all of the time, but that doesn't mean that we should squash our dreams or ambitions entirely either. Is there any chance that I will become the next David Stratton, Margaret Pomeranz or Roger Ebert? Probably not, but that does not mean that I should never imagine myself sipping champagne on a balcony overlooking the canals at the Venice Film Festival whilst chatting to Martin Scorsese or Michael Fassbender, should it? No, it shouldn't! In fact, my general compliance and commitment to the monotony and repetition of the daily grind should allow me an open all areas, free backstage pass to slip into these crazy and improbable flights of fancy whenever I damn well feel like it!  
Dreaming of the perfect job, the ideal home or a better life doesn't mean that you are not happy with the life that you have now, because I totally love my life and have a billion reasons to be grateful and satisfied with the hand that I have been dealt. However, that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to fantasize about a life that permits me to indulge in all of my passions and receive financial benefits to do so, who doesn't like to daydream about stuff like that? Keeping your dreams and imaginings alive is a way to keep yourself vital, engaged and inspired, it is in no way a sign of displeasure, it is rather the opposite in fact.
Escapism people! It's awesome and it can make a lot of really crappy things a lot more tolerable. Sometimes when I am having a particularly shitty day, it is my daydreams and imaginative flights of fancy that draw me away from my worry and strife. Without these trips down 'in a perfect world' street, who knows how I might feel? Who knows how much of the daily grind I could actually tolerate without a little escapism from time to time? It is much safer to let the dreamers dream I say, there's no harm in dreaming. 
And I am happy to keep my daydreams, however impossible, working vividly in the background of my regular life, and even if nothing even close to those dreams ever does eventuate, who cares? I'm not harming anyone with my hoping and my dreaming, but in my minds eye, I am having all kinds of impossible fun that no one can ever take away from me. And seriously, can you imagine a world without dreamers? That is not a world that I would want to live in, because for all of our discouraging of daydreaming and escapism, we all know that it is the dreamers that really make all of the magic happen in this world.

One thing that I have learnt, albeit rather painfully, to accept over the years is that money comes and money goes, and that there is absolutely no point in getting stressed out when everything expensive seems to happen all at once. Sure watching all of you hard earned savings slip through your fingers isn't the most enjoyable thing to endure, but it happens and that is what savings are for - for a rainy day. 
These things have happened before and they will most definitely happen again as well, and no amount of worry has ever made any money problems magically subside. Worrying about money is about as fruitful as trying to dig a hole in the ground with the power of your mind, in other words it is a mentally exhausting and utterly useless kind of worry.
However, regardless of how zen you may feel about money issues or how easily you relinquish the control of your cash flow,  every now and then we all still get caught up in a little financial hardship that makes us feel shitty, a tad destitute and just flatout broke. 
This week has been one of those weeks for me. I have experienced a serious drain on my financial resources, and it has made it really difficult for me to feel happy and excited about being on holidays because I am flat broke. I actually think that I was just blindsided by the events of today and now I have to make my peace with it.
It all started when I took my car in to have a simple and routine wheel balance and alignment done, and then it turned out that I needed four new tyres as well. Right, well there goes another $600 dollars, not to mention the termite inspector that came out yesterday and cost me $220, and I also had to find the money to lock in our New Zealand holiday this week which meant juggling and draining accounts to no end. Oh and my rego was in the letter box when I got home as well, and I got a text from the dentist to book in for a routine clean and scale and another one from my GP to go and have my lady bits inspected, and there's a passport renewal sitting on my desk and....and.....and. You know how it goes, when it rains it pours and there is nothing that you can do about it. 
However, on the bright and exceptionally zen side of it all, I now have a safe and smooth car to drive around in, I have an incredibly fun holiday to New Zealand planned with my family to look forward to, I don't have termites, my teeth are going to get a good clean and having my lady bits checked will offer some peace of mind. So, yeah I am broke, but for good reason and purpose. I am not wasting money or resources, and now because I am so broke then I have no choice but to stay at home for the rest of the break and watch movies and read books all day long...oh dear...poor me!
This sudden lack of funds could actually turn out to be a big blessing in disguise, and an excuse for me to batter down the hatches and not leave Enfield for days on end, hmmm....I can really make this work for me, I sense some B grade horror movie marathons coming my way!

The time of too many chocolates, stodgy doughy buns, sugar rich treats, alcoholic tipples and spreading waistlines is upon us. It is Easter, which always means too much of a good thing for me and generally always leads to me needing a decent detox after the event to rid my body of all of the toxic sludge that has been produced after placing myself into an alcohol and sugar induced coma for the four days of the Easter long weekend.  
You would think by now that I would be much better at practising moderation, but no....there is something about the lure of a Cadbury chocolate bunny and a bottle of good red wine that has an overwhelming power to reduce me to nothing better than a lush over the Easter break. I always find myself eating and drinking way more than I normally would, happily indulging well into the wee hours of the morning and always wishing that I hadn't later on when I feel like a lumpy bloated mess.
However, this holiday period hasn't all been about over indulging, I have done some other really cool things to kick off the April holiday season. To get the wheels in motion I went to the movies on Good Friday, I actually went to the movies twice last week, but who's counting? I also spent an entire afternoon hand painting hard boiled eggs with Zoe, Seth and Helen on Easter Saturday and I hosted a lovely Easter family lunch on Easter Sunday which unfortunately did involve eating way to many proteins, sugars and carbs, so needless to say, I am a bit of a puffy sloth today. 
I cannot deny that it does feel good to throw caution to the wind and eat and drink with wild abandon, but I would also be lying if I didn't acknowledge how dreadful my body feels after I have done that. Generally, I live by the 'everything in moderation' standard, however sometimes I do things to excess and I always feel like a shit sandwich for days after. I think that it may have something to do with getting older, because when I was younger it really didn't seem to matter what I shoved down my gullet or how much I drank, my body could always process things pretty easily. These days I only need to stare at a slice of cake for longer than 30 seconds and my hips get wider, and if I drink too much, the hangovers that I get have been hand picked my Satan for my pure displeasure. Agony would be downplaying it, and they last for days not just the day after, so drinking beyond moderation is out of the question for me. 
So I willingly farewell the Easter season and its over abundance of caloric nightmares and carb loaded gorge sessions and look forward to a week of clean eating and a bit of self nurturing to get my system back on track for the rest of the holiday period. 

I read a really startling article in The Guardian this week that was all about the research that is being done around the theory of children being 'born bad.' In the article, a psychiatrist named Dr Essi Viding, from the Social, Genetic and Developmental Psychiatry Centre at King's College in London said, that research has shown that some children actually inherit antisocial disorders from their parents and that their poor behaviour is not caused by bad parenting or a bad environment.
Being 'born bad' has now been scientifically proven to be a real thing and a lot of antisocial behaviours that children display are actually caused by a child's genetic makeup. Sure, if these vulnerable children are then exposed to poor parenting and a less than nurturing environment then their psychopathic tendencies are most certainly exacerbated, but even without those influences there are some poor kids out there that are definitely behind the genetic eight ball when it comes to having their shit together and mastering the ability to make good and appropriate social choices. 
The research was based on the psychiatrists analysis of 3,687 pairs of seven year old identical twins. Apparently identical twins are the best candidates for this type of comparison research due to the fact that they share exactly the same genes and therefore the same inherited influences. Anyway, long story short, from the data that they collated, they have identified that yes, some children are in fact 'born bad.' 
This information makes me feel really conflicted. On one hand I feel dreadfully sad that there are kids out there that are just 'born bad'  because I have always been a firm believer that  no child is ever truly 'born bad' but rather 'made bad' by influence and environment, which is still certainly possible, but it is clearly not always the case according to this study. 
And then on the other hand I feel really hopeful and quite excited about what this new research has uncovered because it means that specialists will be able to pinpoint potential problems very early on for these poor children, probably even before they are born. Which in turn will mean that we will be able to offer better forms of early intervention and support, and hopefully head off the big problems before they have a chance to really manifest. 
I suppose that this type of research can only be seen as a positive step forward, but there is something about an unborn child being labelled as 'bad' that makes me feel pretty damn uncomfortable. Maybe the word 'bad' needs to be changed up for something that has a lot less connotations attached to it, but 'disadvantaged' or 'potentially dangerous' doesn't really sound a lot better does it? Maybe we should just stamp a biohazard symbol onto their poor little heads when they pop out into the world so that we can easily identify them? 
Seriously though, as much as we all want early intervention and prevention, do we really want to be labeling 'bad' kids prenatal? All that I know for sure is that there will definitely need to be a lot of diplomacy and privacy around the handling of this information in the future, so that our so called 'bad' kids can have the same opportunities as our so called 'good' kids in this world.