I was looking at a photo of myself in my Year 8 homeroom class the other day. Good Lord! I was so ridiculously awkward and dorky, there are just no words to describe it accurately, but I will try. Slightly spotty, thin as a rail - which actually goes against everything that my ballet teacher told me that year about how my neck was way too fat for me to ever be a ballet dancer (thanks Charlotte, that didn't half damage me as a teenager!) but anyway, let's get back to my youthful hopelessness. In the photo I have the worst perm imaginable, I mean truly horrific, I do recall wanting a trendy 80's Madonna spiral perm and what I got was more Kath Day-Knight from Kath and Kim than anything Madonna would ever be seen dead in. I don't have a scrap of make-up on, I have a discoloured front tooth, I have the limpest lace headband on and I look like I have no idea what's going on whatsoever. 
What I do get from that photo though is my complete innocence and obvious unawareness of just how much of a dork I actually am. And in truth, I don't actually even remember being or feeling like a total dork in early high school. I don't even think that anyone picked on me for that horrific hairdo or for being a pretty big sado, even though that photo does scream sad on so many levels. However, I do firmly believe that if any teenager rocked up to high school looking like that these days that they would be eaten alive by their peers. 
Now I don't want to paint an inaccurate picture of high school in the eighties being all rainbows and one big lovey-dovey getalong fest, because that would be total bullshit, it wasn't like that at all. High school in the eighties was also a brutal and cruel landscape that teenagers had to endure and attempt to maneuver through with as little baggage and a need for therapy at the other end. I'm pretty sure that high school in any decade came with it's own unique challenges and horrific coming of age awkwardness. However, when I was at high school the standards and expectations around teenage beauty were quite different and without any social media saturation, I think that the pressures to conform to certain physical standards were much lower for us than they are for teenagers now. 
Back in my day, every teenage girl wanted to look like the gorgeous teenage models on the front of Dolly magazine, but honestly even those perfect specimens were really quite normal and healthy looking Australian teens. Some of them even had visible imperfections, and since airbrushing was not a practised art, those girls looked real and felt quite accessible. They weren't glossy or perfect and they really looked like teenage girls and not like young adults. Some Dolly cover girls even had crooked teeth, thick unplucked eyebrows and heaven forbid -everyday faces! And the magazine regularly had articles and advice about realistic health and wellbeing issues that teenage girls legitimately faced at that time. I loved Dolly when I was a teenager and some of those self empowerment articles helped me to believe in my inner beauty and find confidence in my own imperfect skin.
I actually work across the road and around the corner from two secondary schools and everyday I see gorgeous teenage girls walking to and from school. Some of those girls look years older than they actually are and so many of them have dreadful posture because they are slumped over their iphones as they travel around. Some of them will never truly understand the power that they have right now; the poor things can't even see their own potential, youth and beauty because they are so caught up in trying to be part of a manufactured and unrealistic standard. And because of that, they are robbing themselves of their right to be innocent and imperfect. 
How fast do your teenage years go? So damn fast and once they are gone, they are gone forever. You literally have the entire rest of your life to perfect your flaws, find your signature look and climb upon the wheel of lifelong beauty struggles as most adult women tend to do. However, in your teenage years it's totally fine to have imperfect teeth and skin, it's okay to have some puppy fat and a bad perm, it's expected that you will wear clothes that are not in your colours or that suit your style and body shape, and above all it's your time to embrace looking like a total dork and not even caring about it!
Sure, I looked like a trainwreck in Year 8, but I was blissfully unaware of that and I am so glad that I got to have those early teenage years of innocence and oblivion. Who knows what kind of an obsessive nutter I would be now if I hadn't have had that time? I shudder at the thought, and I also feel so very sorry and mostly sad for all of the gorgeous teenagers out there that are already overthinking things way too much for their own good, underestimating their appearance and not revelling in a soon to be lost and never to be returned - age of innocence. 

I know that I am so often banging on like a Salvation Army drum about self care, self maintenance and self awareness, and obviously I do hold those things in very high regard. However, with that being said, I do also believe that it is not only our job to care for ourselves, but to also care for others as well. We have an obligation to help everyone and everything on the planet as well as ourselves, which means that we need to not only be hyper vigilant about caring for ourselves but also extremely attentive with our care and concern for the wellbeing of others as well. 
There is no point running about claiming to have your shit together if you are neglecting your loved ones, your friends, members of your community or anyone else that finds themselves in times of hardship or crisis.  We are not doing well in the world when we ignore those around us that are fallen, weak, lonely or destitute.
When we find ourselves in a position of good fortune and wellness then it is our turn to extend a hand, an ear or a dollar to assist others to stand back up onto their feet as well. Some people are only in need of some quality time, a little tea and sympathy may be all that is required. A kind word, a small gesture or thought, a supportive conversation; helping others doesn't have to be expensive or difficult.
It is true that some people's needs may require more time and money than you can invest in on your own, but you can still be a catalyst in launching a meaningful kick start with the help of a local charity or foundation. You can volunteer some time to a local organisation that is in alignment with something that you care about, you can help to fundraise for an important cause and you can spare a few dollars to allow someone else to have more. 
People often don't volunteer because they just don't know where to start, but there are some amazing online resources for people that want to volunteer that can help you to find ways to be supportive and it is super easy to do. The best place to start if you are Australian is to hop onto the govolunteer.com.au website. You can put in your postcode and it will list all of the volunteering opportunities that are coming up in your local area and you can even refine your searches to chose the days, times and types of volunteer activities that you would like to participate in. Once you have found an opportunity that suits you, you just put in an expression of interest to the organisation and you're on your way to making a difference. 
However, if getting involved in something big or organisational isn't your bag, then that's okay too because there are always things that need to be done on a small scale that are no less meaningful or important. You do not need to be making grand or sweeping gestures to be making a difference in the lives of others or showing that you care about the needs of others. In fact, if you really start to listen to the people that are around you everyday in your immediate community, you will find that there are actually opportunities to offer support an help in simple and yet very meaningful ways all of the time. 
Do you know of a tired parent in need a childminder so that they can go and have a coffee with a friend or have an interrupted haircut? Does an exhausted friend need a meal cooked for them and a sympathetic ear? Does a sad co-worker need to be told how amazing they are and what a terrific job they do? Does your elderly neighbour need their lawn mowed? Does your partner deserve a back rub? Have you told your children or your parents how much you appreciate them? There are millions of ways that we can be taking care of others everyday, and more often than not it costs very little of your time, effort and money to do so. 
And the best thing of all about caring for others is that is so good for your soul and your own sense of wellbeing. Start with something small, a random act of kindness or an act of support to someone in your community, and keep building on it. If everyone that was able to offer just a little of themselves every week to help someone else in need, can you imagine what a marvellous world we would live in and how terrifically supported we would all feel? Pay a little of your time, love and/or money forward this week to someone else and enjoy the feeling of knowing that you are making a difference, helping out someone in need, doing something meaningful and contributing to something a whole lot bigger than yourself. 

Dozens of people have told me how they never, ever watch foreign movies because the sub-titles really piss them off. Fair enough I suppose; but in all seriousness you are missing out on some incredibly good movies if you aren't willing to watch subtitled films.
I do accept that subtitled films are not a good choice if you are:
a. a poor reader 
b. drunk
c. a xenophobe
d. blind
e. any combination of or all of the above
To everyone else I say, come on really? Deciding that you will not watch subtitled films is like saying that you are not interested in interpretations of the human experience unless they are expressed in english, and I find that kind of thinking pretty narrow minded.
Foreign films come in every genre and they offer a fresh perspective that cannot be matched by english speaking films. How do I know this? Well, I know this because more often than not, when a foreign film is snapped up and reproduced in english, it is usually absolute shit, or at best just a whitewashed version of something that has already been done really well and should have been left alone. I do make an exception to that rule for The Departed, 12 Monkeys, and Brothers, everything else though...absolutely unnecessary, just see the original foreign film for goodness sake!
I think that by now I have clearly established my love of foreign cinema, and if you are one of those people who is hesitant to embark on a culturally enlightening and magical foreign film journey, then here is a list of  my top 20 favorite foreign movies to kick start your subtitled adventures. I absolutely  guarantee that these movies are all gems! 

1. Pan's Labyrinth (Spanish) -  fantasy (5 Chilli Peppers) 
2. The Great Beauty (Italian) - drama (5 Chilli Peppers) 
3. Roma (Mexican) - drama (4.5 Chilli Peppers) 
4. The Bicycle Thief (Italian) - drama (4.5 Chilli Peppers) 
5. Jean de Florette and Manon des Source - (French) period drama (4.5 Chilli Peppers) 
6. Blancanieves (Spanish) - fantasy (4.5 Chilli Peppers) 
7. The Wages of Fear - (French) drama (4 Chilli Peppers)
8. The Tunnel (South Korean) - suspense (4 Chilli Peppers)
9. Run Lola Run (German) - action/ sci-fi (4 Chilli Peppers) 
10. La Femme Nikita (French) - action (4 Chilli Peppers) 
11. In the Mood for Love (Chinese) - romance (4 Chilli Peppers) 
12. Downfall (German) - war (4 Chilli Peppers)
13. Amelie (French) - romance/ fantasy (4 Chilli Peppers) 
14. Kung Fu Hustle (Chinese) - action/ comedy (4 Chilli Peppers) 
15. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Chinese/ Taiwanese) - action/fantasy (4 Chilli Peppers) 
16. Cinema Paradiso (Italian)  - drama (4 Chilli Peppers)
17. Amores Perros (Mexican) - gritty (4 Chilli Peppers) 
18. Dogtooth (Greek) - gritty (4 Chilli Peppers) 
19. Oldboy (South Korean) - gritty (4 Chilli Peppers)  
20. Life is Beautiful (Italian) - war (4 Chilli Peppers) 

And they're only the ones that scored 4 Chilli Peppers or more, and trust me when I say that there's plenty more where that came from! Head over to my foreign genre lists for more subtitled treasures to enjoy or to check out any of the full reviews of the films listed above, happy subtitle reading! 

I love women, I think that they are just amazing. Super resilient, smart, courageous and able to deliver new life into the world, women have really got it all going on! When it comes to feminism I very loudly approve. I am willing to march for other women, fight for women's equality and give anyone that says that women aren't as good, worthy or adept as men a very stern fuck off! Basically, I support feminism and equal rights for women on every front, but lately I have noticed that feminism has taken a rather strange turn. 
Lately, I have noticed that statements like 'lack of sisterhood' have been used to shame some women when they aren't willing to support every other woman on the planet. Some stupid and ridiculous women are actually expecting that just because we all have vaginas that we should be part of a 'sisterhood' that supports each other no matter what! And to that concept I say - no way!  Why do I say that? Well because, some women are quite frankly dreadful human beings. They say terrible things, they do terrible things and they do not deserve to be supported by other women. In short, some women are not doing anything to make the women's equal rights movement any stronger and they are not nice people.
Any woman that expects other women to look a certain way, or endorses a product that holds women to unrealistic standards or props up bullshit prejudices and narrow-mindedness in men, is not someone that I am going to call my sister. I will not support women that demonstrate bias, bitch about other women in derogatory ways or perform any services or acts that take away from women being perceived as equal, worthy or important. This doesn't mean that I don't value feminism or sisterhood or think that we should not support other women. What it does mean is that I hold all women accountable for their behaviours, just as I do for men, and if you're a horrible women then I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support you just because we both have the same genitals.  A vagina is not a Get Out of Jail Free Card!
There is a huge difference between feminism and being accountable, and no genuine feminist would ever seek to gain power through shame or manipulation. Feminists do not expect women to fit a certain mould or hate men,  feminists just want equal rights, and that I do support wholeheartedly. I will not support women that constantly put men down, imply that they are stupid or insinuate that all men are shithouse. Not all men are shithouse, and saying that does not make me anti-feminist. Not all women are nice either, and that also doesn't make me anti-feminist, it makes me a realist and I am only going to support what I believe to be sensical, fair and equitable.
Where has our common sense gone on this topic? There can never be a sisterhood if some sisters are actually the equivalent of the ebola virus for feminism. Sorry ladies, you're actually not all fabulous, some of you are just horrid, insidious, manipulative turds that are a smear on the face of feminism. Fortunately, there aren't too many of you and for the most part women are, as I said earlier, completely bloody amazing and capable of doing anything that they put their minds to.

I am always so surprised when people tell me that they get bored. Who gets bored these day? It is such a weird and incomprehensible thing for me to fathom because I honestly cannot remember the last time that I felt slightly bored. With so many interesting things to do and so many things that simply must be done, I rarely have that much free downtime as it is, and when I do have it, I can assure you that I am never, ever bored. 
You don't have to have a million hobbies or be profoundly busy to distract yourself from boredom, in fact there are so many things that you can do with your downtime that are not only enjoyable but also super productive as well. Here is a list of my personal favourite boredom beaters, as well as some other ideas that I haven't even had the time to have a crack at yet.  
​If should ever find yourself with some free time and nothing to do with it, then I suggest that you take a look at this list: 

• Learn a new skill, language or hobby.
• Read a book. 
• Listen to a podcast.
• Schedule appointments at the doctor, masseuse, dentist, salon etc. 
• Work out. 
• Go for a walk.
• Bake.
• Learn to play an instrument. 
• Set yourself a new personal goal (in detail with all of the steps) and get busy making it happen.
• Start a blog.
• Watch a movie or TV series.
• Write in a journal.
• Go through your old photos and make up some memory albums.
• Revise your budget.
• Do yoga. 
• Visit a local tourist attraction.
• Volunteer.
• Knit, sew or crochet something. 
• Declutter your home. 
• Play a game, either a board game or a console game. 
• Make plans to catch up with friends or family somewhere new. 
• Take an online course.
• Start meditating.
• Clean out your inbox and unsubscribe to emails.
• Create a vision board. 
• Write a meal plan and a shopping list to go with it. 
• Clean out your wardrobe.
• Paint a picture or color in a mindful coloring book.
• Reconnect with people you haven't seen in while eg. email, text, call. 
• Plan a holiday.
• Update your resume.
• Go to the cinema. 
• Call a long distance friend or family member for a chat.
• Watch an inspiring Ted Talk. 
• Perform a random act of kindness. 
• Clean out your pantry and fridge.
• Practise self care eg. take a bath, exfoliate, give yourself a facial, pedicure or manicure. 
• Cook a new dish.
• Start a veggie or floral garden.
• Pick up a camera and start shooting.
• Visit the local library. 
• Make a craft or fold origami. 
• Find a youtube channel that interests you and follow it. 
• Donate to charity. 

I know that there is nothing actually wrong with being bored from time to time, sometimes it can actually be a good thing because it motivates us to try new things. But it's just generally so grey, melancholic and unproductive that I don't think that anyone would actually choose to be bored. Besides from what I have seen and learnt about boredom over the years, I think that it can lead people down some pretty strange and even destructive roads if it goes on for too long. What's that old saying about 'idle hands and the devils work'? I can't say for sure that being productive or unbored will actually keep anyone out of trouble, but it will certainly leave less time for anyone to find it!  

So many people are getting sick at the moment, and it's easy to understand why when the weather is constantly freezing and the wind chill factor makes your fingers, toes and face ache. Even Craig, who rarely if ever gets sick, has a runny nose, sore throat and even gravelier than usual rattle to his speech. The kids at my school appear to have various things leaking out of a variety of orifices and a number of the staff are looking a little worse for wear in spite of just returning from a winter holiday break. But that is July in Ballarat for you - cold, freezing, freezing cold or Tundra, and if you don't like cold weather then moving here would be the stupidest idea in the world. 
A common misconception about Australia is that we have nothing but hot weather. I think that a lot of foreigner visitors expect that since we have so much desert that we are going to be sweltering hot all year round, but that is just not the case. I cannot deny that summers are actually pretty hot all over the country, with the exception of Tasmania which never seems to get over 35 degrees celsius. And I know that 35 degrees celcius may sound hot to some people, but when it comes to Australian summers, 35 is considered the ideal.
In summer it genuinely does get hot, really, really hot. I have seen roads literally melting into sticky tar puddles and desperate snakes searching for water in very open and risky areas in the summertime and it is nothing to get a string of 45+ degree days that make you intensely worried about bushfires when you live in the outlying bush areas.
However, contrary to popular opinions about Australia, it doesn't stay like that all year round and some areas are frickin freezing and even snowy in the winter time. Ballarat is one of those areas and if you're from another more temperate area of the country, the weather here can seem brutally cold and the winters intolerably long. It seems brutally cold and intolerably long to me, and I have lived in the area for over 30 years, but to be truthful I do this every year. I whinge about the cold in the dark of winter and I complain about melting at the peak of summer, but at the end of the day I have very good heating and cooling, and absolutely nothing to whine about at all. I even had my hot water system die this winter and guess what?I lived! Okay, I stank a lot too, but I did survive until I could pin down a plumber to sort out my problem. 
​I think that if you have your health you can face just about anything really, and that's why I really don't want to catch another dreaded lurgy right now, I've already had one of those this year and I hated it! I can totally deal with the wind, the ice and even the snow but please, please don't let me get another lurgy!
Sidenote: I'm already regretting putting that much energy into the sickness topic now, it's a bloody recipe for disaster! I'm just asking for trouble! 

Most people have suffered from some form of anxiety in their lives, some more severe than others, but we all know what it feels like to be anxious, worried or stressed. Unfortunately, anxiety is not something that many people would feel comfortable to admit to having because we all feel so much pressure to appear 'put together.' No-one wants to seem like they haven't got their shit together because we all exist in the same world, a world that praises high achievers and snubs failure. It's a social status quo and we are all expected to adhere to the unspoken parametres within that expectation, but for people with anxiety it can be very challenging to keep it all together without sacrificing their overall wellbeing. 
Chronic anxiety sufferers are usually acutely aware of their condition and are often medicated and/or professionally supported to manage their stress levels, but high functioning anxiety sufferers can go completely unnoticed and may not even be aware that they have anxiety themselves. Unchecked high functioning anxiety sufferers can develop into chronic sufferers if they don't receive proper treatment or intervention. It is therefore extremely important for everyone to be aware of the signs and symptoms of high functioning anxiety so that they can identify when others may require support, or if they are suffering from any unchecked symptoms themselves. 
1. Hair pulling and skin picking
This is a very typical sign in anxiety sufferers. Nail biting, picking the skin around nails, cracking knuckles, biting the inside of their mouth or pacing around are all physically signs that the sufferer is attempting to release anxiety. 
2. Lying in Bed Awake
Anxiety sufferers have sleep problems because they cannot shut off their minds, ongoing sleep deprivation will only escalate a sufferers anxiety levels if it goes unchecked. 
3. Experience Racing Thoughts
Another common symptom of anxiety sufferers is compulsive overthinking, they will think about things far into the future and even go through several scenarios in their minds. They will struggle to unwind or shut down after a working day. 
4. Overplanning
Extensive to-do lists, over-researching topics, planning the week ahead in extreme detail and over packing for simple excursions are all signs that a person is dealing with anxiety.
5. Counting
Anxious people often count items in a room, like lights on the roof or tiles on a floor in an attempt to quiet their racing mind. 
6. Engaging in Rituals
Just like counting, needing things to be competed in a ritualistic form are ways of releasing anxiety. However, often the rituals become so ingrained that they actually elevate a sufferers anxiety levels when they become obsessive. 
7. Procrastinating
Many high functioning anxiety sufferers are also perfectionists, so they will procrastinate things that may feel like they are not up to completing successfully. 
8. Writing Dozens of Notes
Anxiety sufferers will want to write everything down in an attempt to stay in control. They will have Post-it notes plastered everywhere, it makes them feel like they have increased their bandwidth for higher performance. 
9. Over-Organising
Creating systems of predictability decreases anxiety for sufferers. They will want a clear schedule when they are taken out of their usual environment and they prefer to design that themselves. 
10. Unexplained aches and soreness in muscles
This is because anxiety sufferers tend to tighten up involuntarily which can lead to a sore neck, back and shoulders. They may need to see their physiotherapist more as a consequence.

As I mentioned earlier, we have all suffered from some form of anxiety in our lives and if you suffer from one or two of these symptoms occasionally then you probably don't really have anything to worry about. However, if you can relate to more than half of these symptoms, then you may be suffering from high functioning anxiety. So, if you feel like any of your symptoms are holding you back from feeling happy or being more fulfilled, then it is probably time for you to talk to a therapist about some treatment and strategies to help you manage your anxiety levels. Remember, unchecked high functioning anxiety can lead to more serious health complications down the track if it is left untreated, so if you are concerned about your stress or anxiety levels get some professional advice and support as soon as you can. 

​IT FOLLOWS
Release Date: 2015
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 100 mins 
When it comes to creepy as hell concepts, this film wins hands down. Directed and written by David Robert Mitchell, It Follows is a smart and original horror that will make even the toughest horror fans edgy with it's fast building paranoia. 
19 year old Jay has the worst sexual encounter possible, discovering soon after that her sexual partner has passed on to her an insidious and relentless being that follows it's prey day and night until it destroys them. The only way to get rid of this follower is to have sex with someone else and then they become the followed, however, if they should be killed by it, then it automatically transfers itself back to the last in line. 
This is terrifically atmospheric horror, working on multiple levels and rife with tension and anxiety. The story plays out well, with a cast of virtually unknown youngsters all behaving convincingly horrified and concerned, and the overall feeling that you are left with is one of unease, what more could you ask for when it comes to horror? 
FINAL SAY: It could look like someone you know, or it could be a stranger in a crowd.
4 Chilli Peppers

I have this little daily inspirations magnet on my fridge at home. Everyday you tear off a page to get a dose of daily zen and sometimes the messages that I get really speak to me and even set me up for a day of happy, positive thinking with their inspirational quotes and ideas. Today when I tore off the little sheet of paper I saw this:
                              Neither seek nor avoid, take what comes.
                                            SWAMI VIVEKANANDA
Now I am all about living in the moment, which is pretty much my personal mantra, but neither seek nor avoid? Come on, that's extreme! I am all for counting your blessings and finding bliss in what you have, but I don't think that we should just settle. Life, the world, everything around us is in constant movement, if we just stop seeking and avoiding, we will more than likely just stand still and nothing will progress. Seeking is what makes us hungry, it's what makes us discover and invent, it's what changes us and motivates us. Sometimes not seeking a better option or looking around for new ideas is really just demonstrative of a lack of motivation, and that's definitely not a virtue in my books. How are you supposed to grow if you are not supposed to seek? That's called marinating my friends, and it's not ideal. And how does a person just stop being curious anyway? It's human nature to be curious, and I don't think that it is 'unzen' to want to look around sometimes. 
And what about not avoiding? I have even bigger issues with that one. Obviously one should always avoid a head on collision with a truck or getting an addiction to crack, and I am aware that the Swami wasn't being that literal when he said 'don't avoid', but there are a lot of other things that one should avoid in life in that it would be just plain stupid not to. Like avoiding unnecessary conflict, harsh words, arguments and being involved in any kind of shitty talk about other people. Also it's definitely a good idea to avoid being rude, ignorant, racist, sexist, insensitive...shall I go on? If you just go into everything in the world blindly or without a care for anyone else because you're on the 'neither seek nor avoid, take what comes' life mantra, odds are you're just asking for trouble and trouble will find you, and then you'll just have to accept that too! If the human race didn't avoid sometimes, there would be constant war and unrest in the world, sometimes avoiding trouble or danger is not only smart it's extremely wise and necessary to getting along. 
I just cannot abide by Swami Vivekananda's questionably sage theory if I am being honest because I actually believe that in certain circumstances, taking what comes without question or without using your common sense is really stupid and will only lead to disaster. We are supposed to seek, we are supposed to learn from our mistakes and therefore avoid what we know is disastrous, and we are not meant to just blindly take whatever is dished out to us, because we all deserve better than that. 
I am certainly no Swami, but if I was asked to give my version of the that inspirational quote to be put into a daily zen calendar it would probably say something a little more like this:
    Seek what you need to feel sated, avoid what is unnecessary and unkind,                                      and don't take anything too seriously or for granted. 
                                                         GURU SPICYWATCH 

SEVEN SAMURAI
Release Date: 1954
Rating: PG
Running Time: 207 mins
A Japanese action- adventure film co-written, edited and directed by Akira Kurosawa. Seven Samurai has truly stood the test of time and is still regarded as one of the most highly influential, remade, reworked and referenced films in cinema. I must admit that I felt completely bound to see this film because it kept turning up on so many people's must see lists, I knew that I must have been missing something important, and I was because this is an amazing period action movie, that deserves at least one viewing in everyone's life time. 
Set in 1586 during the Warring States Period of Japan, a village of local farmers hire seven ronin (masterless samurai) to combat a group of thieving bandits that have been ravaging their crops and terrorizing their families for years. 
Seven Samurai is not reliant on gore or effects to depict it's action scenes, there is a real sense of cavalry and style being used here that really enhances the overall effect of the film. As one of the only movies on Rotten Tomatoes to get a full 100% certified fresh rating, this film has just the right mix of everything to keep you interested and engaged, and at over three hours running time, that's really saying something! 
FINAL SAY: Danger always strikes when everything seems fine.
4.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Even the most secure people in the world need to be reassured from time to time, it's human to seek validation and it is not weak to admit that you require some reassured from time to time. I know that every now and then I like to be told that I'm doing okay, that I'm a good person and that I'm completely lovable, and when I don't receive any validation for a while, I start to listen to my persistent and annoying inner voice of self doubt, and then I start to stumble. 
I wasn't raised in a very validating home as a child. Behavioural expectations were high, imperfections were highlighted and opportunities to 'cut one down to size' were used as an everyday form of punishment and embarrassment. Unfortunately, these less than encouraging formative years have had a profound effect on who I have become as an adult, and as a consequence, I have had to severely escalated my efforts to break certain molds and cycles and find a sense of self assurance.
In the past, I have been rejected by my parents because they didn't like my behaviour, I have lost friends who thought that I wasn't worth the effort and my own siblings have all estranged me because they've perceived me to be unlovable and mean. As you would imagine, these things have had a massive effect on my life and have made me quite insecure. I have struggled all my life to feel accepted, comfortable and secure with who I am.
I have poured unknowable hours of my time into self help, self motivation and self care in an attempt to quench my need for acceptance and love, but sometimes you can only get the type of reassurance that you are really looking for from the people around you. There is no book, guide, meditation, fitness class, job or other external thing that can replace someone that you love telling you that they also love you and think that you're amazing. And that is a fact, we all need to feel like we are loved by someone and that we are perfect just the way that we are. It is not just reassuring, it's downright empowering to love and be loved in return, it's the best feeling in the world to know that there is someone on the planet that adores you in some way, shape or form for just being who you are. 
The bottom line is that none of us are completely self-sufficient, even though many of us pretend to be. However, the best thing that all of my self help attempts has taught me over the years is that the most insecure people in the world are those that cannot acknowledge their fears and insecurities, and that pretending to have it all together when you don't is not only stupid, it's also counterproductive to moving forward.  
So now, when I feel like I'm floundering, I just tell people. I spill out the stupid in my head and I say out loud - I need some reassurance. And it is totally okay to say that. No-one feels fabulous all of the time, and sometimes a simple word of reassurance from someone that you care about can be enough to get you back on track and fight off that self deprecating voice inside of you that can be doggedly determined to convince you otherwise.
No-one has to break out the accolades, send in the marching band or shroud me with words of praise in order to reassure me, a simple - I think you're important and I care about you is really all that it takes to reboot my system. But sometimes I need to hear it, and as corny and as silly as that may sound to admit, I just need to hear it. I'm human and sometimes I need some reassurance, and you know, I really don't think that there is anything wrong with admitting that. 

This holiday period has not come without it's own unique set of challenges. I am never really sure if it is a good thing for the wheels to drop off during a down period so that I have the time to properly deal with things, or if it only serves to rob me of some much needed down time. However, regardless of how I choose to perceive these inconveniences makes them no less real or prevalent in my life, so I choose to just face them head on and continue to search for the hidden silver linings in these hiccups of the human condition. 
What it has meant is that I have had less free time and also less money to splurge on the frivolous and fun things, but c'est la vie....like all things in life these moments of challenge are impermanent and constantly moving and won't last forever. You have to stay firmly rooted in the 'milk and honey' aspects of your life when you find yourself wrangling with darker days like these. Luckily,  I still have a lot of milk and honey in my life, so it is easy for me to be distracted by love, good company and humour. And it is in these moments of realisation about my blessings and good fortunes that I ponder how people that do not have these things still manage to find their milk and honey during the difficult times. 
It is easy not to drown when you have a life vest, a flotation buoy and a rescue boat coming to get you, but what do you do if you don't have those things in your life? Not everyone is as fortunate in life as I am, so where do they go when the world grows dims and the days feel darker? Clearly for people without good support units around them, things can get rather grim when life seems insurmountably difficult; but all hope is never totally lost because there is always help available if you know where to look for it. 
Aside from trying to expand your support networks, which can be ridiculous difficult for some people and sharpening your own coping skills, which again is easier said than done, there is always a voice of reason that can be reached out to when things get too big and the world gets too loud.
You don't need to have a life full of milk and honey to find a shoulder to lean on, a friendly voice or a helping hand that will pull you up when you feel like you can't lift yourself up, and the great news is that Australia has one of the best help lines in the world for this kind of thing. Lifeline (PH: 131114) is available 24 hours a day 7 days a week with experienced counsellors and it's free and completely confidential.  And no, lifeline is not just for people that want to commit suicide, it's for anyone in crisis that feels like they need someone to talk to or confide  in. 
Many people without adequate support don't reach out for help because they think that their problems may not be significant enough, but anyone in need without adequate support is significant enough. The counsellors at lifeline, regardless of a callers age, gender, ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation are there to listen, provide immediate support, offer strategies and options and provide  referrals that can assist with moving forward.
We all need someone to lean on from time to time, there is no shame in crawling sometimes or admitting that you are finding things hard. Bottom line is that life sometimes is hard, really bloody hard and if you don't have a support network around you, just remember that you are not alone and you do not have to do anything on your own. There is always help out there and your problems are more than important enough to tap into them, so please don't struggle on alone; reach out, open up, share the load and please, please.... get some help. 

PIN CUSHION
Release Date: 2017
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 82 mins 
When odd Iona and her hunchback mother Lyn relocate to a new town, they are both optimistic for a  fresh start and hoping to integrate into their new community and make new friends. Unfortunately, their naivety about just how vicious, exclusive and unpleasant bored suburban housewives and attention seeking teenagers can be, causes them to crumble. 
Written and directed by Deborah Haywood, Pin Cushion completely assaults your senses with it's onslaught of awkward coming of age interludes, cruel and manipulative behaviours and it's agonisingly emotional struggle for acceptance. Joanna Scanlan is amazing as the well meaning social pariah Lyn, and Lily Newmark is perfectly awkward as the 'desperate to be liked' teenager Iona. 
This is truly heartbreaking stuff and at times it is quite hard to watch. Pin Cushion openly explores the many facets of a mother-daughter relationship within a single parent dynamic and explores issues of loneliness, isolation, bullying and co-dependence in ways that cannot be ignored. 
FINAL SAY: It's not just children that can bully in relentlessly cruel ways. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

One of the things that I do enjoy most about a mid-winter break is the ability to catch up on some late night viewing and couch potato antics without any guilty feelings whatsoever. Not having to get up and go to work in the morning allows me to indulge in the pleasure of watching entire seasons of television programs and back to back movies, and honestly it is just heaven. With a good strong coffee in hand, a couple of fluffed up pillows and a cosy blanket, I have managed to wonderfully while away many of my holiday evenings in front of the idiot box and I am more than happy to share my joyful at home viewing highlights with you, should you also wish to indulge in some quality lounge room viewing. 

As far as television goes, there has been no shortage of high quality, engaging programming to get completely lost in this year. I have watched a tonne of television this year, more than I ever have before and a lot of it has been of a really high standard as well. The best that I have seen and would highly recommend so far this year are: (in no particular order) 
Escape at Dannemora (Stan) - dramatisation
Sally 4Ever (HBO - Foxtel) - comedy
After Life (Netflix) - comedy drama
Les Miserables (BBC - Foxtel) - period drama
Game of Thrones - S8 (HBO - Foxtel) - fantasy drama
American Gods S2 (Amazon Prime) - fantasy drama
What We Do in the Shadows (FX - Foxtel) - horror comedy 
This Country (Stan) - comedy mockumentary 
Forever (Amazon Prime) - fantasy drama
Killing Eve s2 (ABC iview) - crime drama
The Last O.G. S2 (Stan) - comedy 
The Let Down S2 (ABC iview) - comedy 
Bad Omens (Amazon Prime) - fantasy drama
Detectorists S3 (ABC iview)  - comedy 
Gentleman Jack (HBO - Foxtel) - period drama
Bridget & Eamon (Amazon Prime) - comedy 
Euphoria (HBO - Foxtel) - drama
Chernobyl (HBO - Foxtel) - dramatisation 
The Act: Dee Dee and Gypsy Rose (Hulu - Foxtel) - dramatisation 
Perpetual Grace (Stan) - art house 
Big Little Lies S2 (HBO - Foxtel) - drama
Stranger Things S3 (Netflix)  - science fiction

To be honest, quality movies to view at home have been a little thinner on the ground, but it is often quite hard for me to find things that I haven't already seen on streaming channels because I go to the movies so often. Seth and I have been trawling through a lot of classic horror, which SBS on demand has an excellent selection of, should you need to sate a yearning for retro horror like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Hellraiser or Scanners. Aside from that Amazon Prime has the largest B grade horror library that I have ever encountered, admittedly it is mostly shit, but you can find the odd retro gem in there as well like Night of the Living Dead, Carrie,  Zombieland and the Friday the 13th Series. 
However, without further ado, here is a list of the best movies that I have watched on the couch (not at the cinema) this year so far: (again listed in no particular order)
Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool - Netflix (Romance) 
It's Actually a Funny Story - Netflix (Drama)
Suspiria - Amazon Prime (Horror) 
Hush - Netflix (Horror) 
Tully - Netflix (Drama)
The Poughkeepsie Tapes - Stan (Gritty) 
Observance - Amazon Prime (Horror)
American Animals - Foxtel (Crime) 
I am Mother - Netflix (Sci-Fi) 
Pin Cushion - SBS on demand (Gritty) 
Mandy - Foxtel (Horror) 
Full reviews of all of these films can be found on the corresponding genre lists in the drop down menu above if you're looking for more information.
Happy viewing my friends! 

Thick girls get so many mixed messages, it is just ridiculous! I am certainly not what you would call a small lady, in fact I regularly call myself chubby, because truth is, I am. I wear size 16 clothes, I have loads of curves, I have a noticeable belly, I have cellulite and if I was ever to wear lycra I would probably look like the caterpillar out of A Bug's Life because I have fat rolls. However, contrary to what anyone wishes to think when they look at me, I am not ashamed of my body. I do not hate my curves, I do not get offended if someone calls be chubby and do not think that being thin is better than being thick.
I have been many shapes and sizes in my life and because of that I also know without a doubt that people do treat you better, give you more compliments and pay more attention to you when you are thinner. It is an unfortunate and completely unfair truth, but believe me, it is true. I think that it is great that we are seeing more body shapes in the media today and that there are some truly empowered larger ladies flying the flag for curvy lasses everywhere, but I know that as a society we still have a long way to go when it comes to accepting weight and body shape. 
As a thick lady, I feel like I am constantly bombarded with pressure and mixed messages about ideal weight, perfect health and genuine beauty, and it's so annoying. On one side there is this ideal Hollywood Chic body type aka 'the media spotlight woman' and a lot of women feel compelled to aspire to be like her. She's wafer thin and cinched in tightly. She has immaculate nails and hair and always looks perfectly polished, but if you hugged this lady it would probably feel like grasping a skin sack filled with knives and forks; lots of pointy stuff! Women think she's beautiful and men think she's sophisticated and high maintenance aka out of their league!
Then on the other side you have the self empowered Ashley Graham types who are shouting out 'embrace your beautiful curvy body' from the rooftops. They are genuinely thick but they are also very good looking so they get a lot of media coverage. Some of them certainly work hard to stop body shaming in very narrow minded industries like modelling, but are they really reaching the average Joe's of the world with their message? 
And what do you do if you don't fit into either of those cateogories? What if you are not Hollywood thin and you also aren't empowered by your curves, because your curves aren't necessarily in the right places like Iska Lawrence and you aren't stunningly good looking? What then? How are you supposed to love your body and your curves when no-one that is in the public eye that looks like you is celebrating how they look? Trust me when I say that this is a real dilemma for thick people, because I have been reading a lot on the topic and there is a genuine plea for everyday curvy lovelies to  get more media time.
And look, I'm not an idiot, I know that thin women also suffer the same anxieties over their bodies and not looking like they're 'supposed to' as well, but thick girls get treated like shit a lot more for not fitting the mold and it's just an unfortunate truth. However, it would seem that today the 'perfect' female body type is actually the least accessible body type that we have ever encountered before in history. To feel like you are meeting the feminine ideal these days, women need to be curvy, but only if they are in the right places like the boobs and the butt, definitely not around the tummy or the thighs. They need to be fit and toned in the arms and legs, but not too muscular that they don't look vulnerable and they also need to have sensual full lips, absolutely no wrinkles, perfectly manicured nails and long lustrous hair.
Thanks Kim Kardashian, you've made the world so much easier for women everywhere! Your so called 'thick girl empowerment' is complete and utter bullshit, and what you really need is a good hard slap! Truth is, the Kardashians and Minaj's of the world have really not helped women out at all when it comes to body shaming and physical empowerment. What they have done though is created a completely new, inaccessible and totally unrealistic model for men to ogle at and women to compare themselves to and aspire to become; and let's be honest, that is dreadfully sad! 
What we really need to see more of in the media are healthy, happy and awake women. Women that don't feel like they need to fit into a mold to be complete, women that don't prescribe to the pressures of unrealistic female 'ideal' standards and women that genuinely don't care about shallow things like weight, skin, hair, clothes and nails. Because all women, thick, thin and every other size and shape in between and outside of that, deserve to feel good about themselves. There isn't a woman on this planet that hasn't been told at one time or another that it's what's inside that counts, but there a billions of women in the world that have no idea how to practise that. Don't be one of those women; don't judge, don't shame and most importantly don't forget to celebrate that you are more than enough, that you are special and that you are most definitely perfect just the way you are. 

The winter holidays kicked off in style, as they always do at the commencement of the June/ July break because Zoe's birthday always occurs right at the beginning of this break every year. Today we celebrated her special day with a leisurely and much needed break together at Peppers Mineral Spa in Hepburn Springs. A full day of mineral spas, detoxing saunas,  a relaxation massage and a two course lunch injected just the right amount of respite and recuperation into all of weary and exhausted our lives, leaving us feeling fresh and pampered in every way. 
Seth spent a day at Ballarat's Winterfest as a volunteer for the Winteractive Arcade at The Mining Exchange where he worked the interactive tattoo booth and taught newbs how to use virtual reality, which he loved doing. So the winter break has really kicked off well for us, and the next few days will be for catching up on some rest, spending some time with my parents and getting together with a few friends. 
​As much I would love for this entire break to be all couch bashing and movie binging, unfortunately it just can't be because I really do need to get some jobs done around here, especially in the garden which is starting to look like the set of The Jungle Book. And this is the biggest dilemma that I face every holiday period, finding that perfect balance between self time, job time and time that I give to others.
In the past I would've had my entire two week hiatus booked out well in advance, but I try not to torture myself like that anymore. Then I went through a faze where I would just hide from everyone and not even return text messages so that I could slip unencumbered onto the couch everyday to binge watch entire seasons of TV, but I just ended up feeling like a big lazy lump at the end of the two weeks because I hadn't got anything important done.
These days I like to find a healthy and also not completely unproductive medium where I catch up with people that I  want to see (not people that I feel obligated to see), get a few things ticked off the household 'to do' list and also settle back onto the couch to binge watch TV and movies for a couple of uninterrupted hours a day. 
There is absolutely nothing selfish about making sure that you actually get some needed rest during your holidays, and sometimes that means that you have to politely say no to requests or put a 'to do' list job on the 'do later' list.
Besides I can admit that I practically limped over the finish line last week. I was exhausted, tired and still not 100% well after the dreaded lurgy smashed me apart two weeks ago. Choosing to take some time to completely repair seems like a necessity to me at this point and I really don't think that I have the energy to soldier on much more anyway if I am really being honest.  The time to go outlaw and reclaim some self time has truly arrived, and I am claiming my self time for myself...y'all hear me? I am claiming it! So step back and give me some room to reclaim my me time! Phewww... really got lost in the moment and went all Outlaw Josey Wales for a minute there didn't I? And that's how I know for sure that I need to claim back some me time and get some rest, I am literally going crazy! 

It is during times of struggle and difficulty that we absolutely must endeavour to tighten our commitment to ourselves and bring more attention to our need for self care. The urge to soldier on in the face of adversity or crisis is generally so strong that we will happily place our needs on the back burner and forge forward, often at the peril of our own wellness and sanity. It is a weakness that I too am guilty of, but when push comes to shove, we really aren't doing ourselves or anyone else any favours when we ignore the signals that our bodies are sending us for better self care by continually placing ourselves last. 
By learning about the different forms of self care, we can better arm ourselves with an ability to recognise when we are moving into personal crisis or neglect, and how to fill the voids in our self care routines when they do occur. 
A terrific article from tulipandsage.com categorizes self care into six main types: 
1. Physical Self Care
This is an awareness of your physical body and what it needs to thrive. Exercise, rest and clean food. It does not need to be vigorous or intense to be effective, aim for consistent and enjoyable long term activities, healthy diet choices and adequate sleep to improve your physical self care.
2. Emotional Self Care
Become mindful of your emotions, listen to your feelings and recognizing patterns, triggers or obstacles to your ability to remain calm, focused and happy. Writing in a journal, being artistic, dancing or being creative are just some ways that you can express and develop your emotional awareness and self care. 
3. Spiritual Self Care
This doesn't need to be religious or rigid to be meaningful. Anything that brings you closer to the essence of yourself is nourishing your spiritual self care. It could be doing charity work, being more mindful, taking up meditation, walking in nature; there are lots of ways to strive for more inner awareness. 
4. Intellectual Self Care
We all need new challenges to invigorate and nourish us mentally. Anything that will expand your knowledge and awareness falls into this category, from reading a book or watching a documentary to taking up a class or learning a new language, you'll be expanding yourself and meeting your intellectual needs. 
5. Social Self Care
Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, people need people. You do need to spend time with other people and have meaningful connections with loved ones, so make plans to get together with people that you enjoy spending time with. Catching up, going out for dinner, meeting for coffee or going to the movies is not only an escape from the norm, it's social self care and it's important to your wellbeing. 
6. Sensory Self Care
Nourish your senses and send healing stimuli to your brain, sensory care is so deeply fulfilling. Through sight, smell, touch, sound and taste you can reinvigorate yourself. Listen to some soothing music, light a scented candle, eat a delicious meal, get a massage, go for a barefoot walk in the park and please don't forget to always stop and smell the roses!

All forms of self care are equally as important as each other and you should endeavour to not neglect your needs in any area. Listen to your body, listen to your soul, listen to your heart...it may sound corny but you are actually sending yourself small but not insignificant messages about your needs all of the time and you just need to be quiet enough to hear them. Self care matters because you matter, and it is neither selfish nor self indulgent to take care of yourself, so listen carefully to your self care needs and learn how to be kinder to yourself. 

You can take every precaution in the world, but no matter how well planned or prepared you may think you are, a head cold or some new strain of the flu will eventually track you down and smack you to the ground like a bad playground bully. Turns out that my health scare was just the flu, I say 'just the flu' very flippantly, but the alternative to that was far worse, so I am sticking to 'just the flu.' 
Of course, 'just the flu' has come with a plethora of discomfort and side effects that have today forced me to hide away from the world, not just for my benefit but also for everyone else's as well. Body aches, headaches, chest pains, severe joint pain, nausea, dizziness, a persistent dry hacking cough and the all so lovely night sweats have all made an appearance over the past five days and I have been left feeling drained, impatient, over-tired and frayed around the edges in ways that I have not felt for a very long time, and do not wish to feel again in a very long time. 
It is always the last couple of weeks of the Winter school term that really brings the 'shove over' for me every year. In fact, according to my journal entries, every year for the last 8 years in  a row I have had some kind of head cold or flu in the month of June. Thankfully, none of them have required anything more than a couple of days of rest, but still it would appear that 'tis the season for me to feel gross, wear out and generally feel like a slice of shit toast every year. 
In light of that, perhaps in the future June would be a fortuitous time for me to take a trip each year to Bahamas in order to escape the dark recesses of Winter and the dreaded lurgy that hunts me down and pounces on me at the same time every year. However, I doubt that my employer would share my enthusiasm for an annual winter retreat, so that idea will probably need to wait until I am retired. 
I swear that bears have the right idea when it comes to seasonal self adjustment though. Gorge yourself stupid on all of the deliciousness of an Autumnal harvest, find a comfy place to hide and sleep out the dead of Winter and then pop back into the world when the Spring blooms are just peaking their heads out of the soil. Sounds terrific to me!
I have always found the human need to maintain the status quo during the winter months both ridiculous and counter productive, because let's be honest we all need more rest in the winter time. It's darker, colder and completely uninviting outdoors most of the time. You just want to eat way too much comfort food for your trousers to manage! And getting out of bed in the mornings is often an impossible and monumentally unpleasant task. The writing is on the wall isn't it really? Let's make the months of June, July and August four day working weeks. Everyone gets an extra day off a week to be like a bear and roll about in bed, binge on Netflix and eat stoggy goodies! Hooray, Winter woes solved! Everyone gets more rest time, less cold exposure and a day to play every week. I think that I would actually look forward to Winter a lot more if that was going to happen every year.
And I honestly believe that my brilliant idea would mean that less people would get really sick as well. I mean you would have less exposure to other people and therefore less exposure to other people's germs, you would also be more rested and better fed therefore making you generally more resilient as well and you would be feeling a lot more job satisfaction because the work to life ratio would be more agreeable. We really do need to take a leaf out of the books of the hibernating and migrating creatures of the world because the animals clearly have their shit sorted out a lot better than we do. I'm pretty sure bears don't have to ring in sick or contend with hacking coughs all night during the winter do they? 

It always takes something serious to happen to your health to jump start you into action. Nothing like a surprise health scare to really force an unwelcome re-evaluation of your current physical status. Only days ago I was wandering about in blissful oblivion of my own physical shortcomings, and now I am suddenly reflecting with a terrifying and hyper critical eye about how I have really 'let myself go' and how I have probably rained all of this down on myself anyway.
I find that whenever something goes wrong with me physically I immediately thrust myself into this ridiculously harsh and deeply damning zone that forces me to take hard, cold stock of my physical make-up and my body flaws. It is not a friendly or self loving place to be, trust me, it's horrible.
Suddenly, I start to see every minor physical imperfection as a glaringly horrible obstacle that stands before my ability to thrive.  I begin to rapidly hate the failings of my body as I scrutinize every inch of my aging physique and every major health choice that I have made in the past, desperately searching for a logical reason for my body to fail me. I eat well, I take care of myself, I have a fulfilling lifestyle, I get adequate rest, I exercise...why is this happening to me? 
But the truth is, that sometimes bodies just fail. Even really healthy, sexy, slim and young ones fail, and it has nothing to do with years of abuse or sabotage, sometimes it is just the genetic hand that we are dealt that determines how things will play out and there is little or nothing that we can do about it. 
As you get older, you do start to notice that things on your body don't...how can I put this? Operate as well as they used to. Things start to head south rapidly and you find that you have new aches and pains that you never used to have. Weird ones, ones that just appear like unwanted hair in the wrong places or liver spots on the backs of your hands, but more annoying and sometimes more alarming than that. I personally find these annoying new arrivals extremely hard to analyse, because it is so damn difficult to decide if I should worry about them and consider any of them serious, or if I should just ignore them as normal signs of aging. No-one tells you, so you don't know for sure. And at my age, you still feel way too young to have any serious health complications so you generally dismiss all of the unwelcomed weird stuff as nothing, but this may not always be the wisest thing to do. 
Ignoring any health complications, no matter how small they may seem, is definitely not a smart thing to do. And having those honest and scrutinizing assessments with yourself, although uncomfortable, are also at times completely necessary. I wish that I was bulletproof, but I am not, I am human, which sometimes makes me fallible and fragile and susceptible to illness and disease. And as much as I really don't like going to see the GP, I think that a professionals opinion may be important for me right now.
There really is nothing like a health scare to boot your thinking back to those things that you hold in the highest esteem in your life, and how much you would hate to jeopardise your chances of making the most of your time. It is unfortunate that we as humans aren't made a little more resilient than we are, but perhaps it is our fragility that make us all the more precious and special, and also so utterly worth fighting to preserve.  

Spicywatch.com has just turned 5, hip hip hooray Spicywatch! Apart from my family and friends, I don't think that I have poured this much of my spare time and energy consistently into anything before, and for as long as I can remember, I don't feel like I have loved or enjoyed pouring my spare time into anything as much as I have loved sharing Spicywatch with all of you wonderful readers. 
Watching and reviewing movies is not just a hobby for me anymore, it is an important part of my life now. For five years I have shared my thoughts, my opinions and my passion for cinema with you all, and so far I have managed to review 790 movies that I honestly believe are worthy of your time and effort to view. I look forward to one day having 1,000 movies on my Spicywatch genre lists that are worthy of your time, but it will take me quite a few more years to get that far. 
Last nights celebrations were focused on the Best Music Moments in Cinema, which is a broad topic, but extremely fun one to investigate. Musicals were most welcome, but not mandatory, and as it turned out, there are actually a huge number of movies that have very significant and memorable music scenes in them that are actually completely non-musical movies. 
My wonderful and supportive friends and family gathered in Enfield to share a drink and their cinematic loves with me; and we laughed, sang and got our groove on to some of the most unexpected (but mostly excellent) musical moments that we could find.
And here is the extensive list of best music moments in cinema (from every genre) as chosen by my nearest and dearest, that made it to the Spicywatch 5th Birthday celebration screening in my living room last night:
Baby Driver (Bellbottoms) 
Pulp Fiction (You Never Can Tell) 
Beetlejuice (Banana Boat Song) 
The Skeleton Twins (Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now) 
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (Twist and Shout) 
Coraline (Garden Scene composed by Peter Corrigan) 
Pretty in Pink (If You Leave) 
The Perks of Being  a Wallflower (Heroes) 
Napoleon Dynamite (Canned Heat) 
Little Miss Sunshine (Super Freak)
Straight Outta Compton (Boyz N Da Hood) 
The Blues Brothers (Shake Your Tail Feather) 
Two Hands (These Days) 
American Psycho (Hip to be Square) 
The Lion King (Circle of Life) 
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Space Oddity) 
The Hunt for the Wilderpeople (Ricky's Birthday Song) 
Guardians of the Galaxy (Mr Blue Sky) 
Moulin Rouge (Come What May) 
Mean Girls (Jingle Bell Rock) 
Trainspotting (Lust for Life) 
Sound of Music (Edelweiss) 
Reservoir Dogs (Stuck in the Middle) 
O Brother Where Art Thou? (I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow)
Risky Business (Old Time Rock and Roll) 
Easy A (A Pocketful of Sunshine) 
The Mask (Cuban Pete)
Nacho Libre (Encarnacion) 
Hedwig and the Angry Inch (Origins of Love) 
The Big Lebowski (Just Dropped In) 
Pitch Perfect (Riff off) 
Purple Rain (Title Track) 
Love Actually (Jump) 
Bridesmaids (Hold on) 
Little Fish (Flame Trees) 
Slumdog Millionaire (Jai Ho)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Anything Goes) 
Singing in the Rain (Title track)
And one of my all time favourites: Mulholland Drive (Llorando/ Crying) 

Every year I change my personal boundaries. That probably sounds super sloppy, but it really isn't, it is the exact opposite of sloppy if the truth be told. My boundaries alter because I take the time to assess where I have placed them in the past and why I even placed them to begin with. And I do this regularly.
As I get older, the line between what I will and what I will not tolerate or lose sleep over has altered quite substantially, so it's always wise to have a revisit and reassess to make sure that I am being true to myself, my life goals and my enjoyment levels. 
Most of the boundaries that I have created for myself over the last few years look nothing like the ones that I had for myself in my twenties and thirties. I used to set a lot of boundaries around what I would allow myself to do or what I expected of others, but now I set my boundaries purely around my tolerance, my ability to self love and my general peace of mind.
What does that mean exactly? Well, here is a list of what I think good boundaries look like. Adopting these kinds of personal boundaries is a really liberating thing to do for yourself, and I have found that I have become a lot more peaceful and accepting as I have learnt to incorporate them into my daily life. 

1. It's not my job to fix others.
Let other people do them, and you just do you. 
2. It's okay for other people to get angry with me. 
Anger is fine and normal and also fleeting, there is no need to get hung up on it. 
3. Sometimes no is the best answer. 
Odds are people won't want to hear it, but that doesn't make it wrong. Setting limits for yourself is wise. 
4. It's not my job to be responsible for others.
Let people own their own shit, you have no power to control others so don't bother. 
5. I am responsible for my own happiness.
My happiness is my job, not anyone else's. To make it anyone else's is selfish and stupid. 
6. It's okay if we don't agree.
Agree to disagree. Fighting over anything gets no-one anywhere. 
7. I have the right to my feelings.
Everyone has the right to get angry, upset and annoyed, and that's okay. 
8. I can put me first.
It is not selfish or mean to put yourself first sometimes.
9. I can let go.
Don't dwell on bad things or hold resentments because it feels like shit. 
10. I am enough.
You don't need to change who you are to please others. You're all good! 

So, there they are, a healthy 10 commandments of boundaries to set your dial to. I guarantee that if you set yourself better personal boundaries based on your genuine emotional needs then you will definitely worry  a lot less and enjoy your life a lot more, and that's gotta be better for your stress levels in the long run!

Every woman knows that when you become a mother you have to relinquish some of your...how can I put this....firmness? I know that with each child that I had things on my body got more saggy, a lot more stripy (stretch marks - the untold horror of pregnancy) and generally a lot softer and plumper. I put on around 5 kilos with each of my children that I have never been able to lose and I have a caesarean scar from my second pregnancy that an Ob Gyn once called 'distressingly large' and even encouraged me to sue for malpractice over, so yeah I have sacrificed some of my youthful suppleness and beauty for my children. And I suppose that I always knew that there would be physical sacrifices that came with being pregnant, that much I was ready for. 
What I wasn't as prepared for was something that seems to happen to women around 45 years of age when they just suddenly become completely invisible to everyone. I am not even kidding, this shit really does happen and unless you look like Michelle Pfeiffer or some other waif like middle aged hottness, then odds are that it will happen to you too. You literally become unseen by everyone, not just men, everyone. Women, children and men will no longer see you unless you instigate the exchange and even then their interest will wane much faster than it did when you were young. 
Thankfully, this is not just a phenomenon that I alone have experienced but in recent polls 43% of women around 45 years of age claim to experience the same effect, a feeling of being invisible. So even though women are generally looking fitter and more youthful in their 40's and 50's than they ever have before in history, they are still falling victim to the dreaded 'ghost' effect that occurs around 45.
Well, it turns out that there is some research being done around this very topic, and there does appear to be contributing factors to these feelings of invisibility that women seem to experience. An analysis was completed that looked at 414 popular scripted movies and TV shows that aired during one year (from September 2014 to August 2015). From that data it was found that men made up 80% of the characters over 40, leaving only 20% to females, and many of those women were significantly older than 40. It was also noted that nearly all of the love interest female parts were filled by women in their 20's (often partnered up with men in their 40's) and that the women over 40 that were cast usually got roles as hags, shrews, witches, nags, struggling mothers or grandmothers.
This form of media profiling certainly appears to be part of the problem and not part of a solution, and by only casting twenty somethings or insanely hot thirty somethings in romantic roles, the media is stereotyping what it means to be sexy or physically viable, but it even goes much further than that. When women were asked about attractiveness, over 80% of them said that youth was akin to attractiveness and that they knew that once they were over 40 years old that men would not find them as interesting! How grim is that?  And even worse are the findings that women also admitted that they do not pay as much attention to or go out of their way for women over 40 unless they are seeking advise or selling them a product, which basically means that young women see me as either a counselor or a big misshapen money sack, any bloody wonders I feel like I am invisible! 
This dreadful feeling of invisibility is also why millions of women are now turning to surgery in an attempt to turn back the clocks and be seen again, which is just so sad when you really think about it.  In fact, now that I really think about it, I actually think that it just depends on who you are spending your time with when it comes to being seen. Women around my own age never make we feel invisible and men that are 10-15 years older than me seem pretty damn keen for a chat, so I suppose that it just depends where you are looking for that attention.
​A 40 something women is never going to stand out in a nightclub full of skimpy-dressed hotties and that kind of invisible is fine with me anyway. Who knows? Perhaps being invisible to young people and middle aged men is a really a super-power and something to be enjoyed, maybe being unseen to leary eyes or unwanted attentions is a blessing. I mean I am not looking for wolf whistles or uninspired conversations with twenty somethings anyway, so I probably shouldn't be complaining. Being unseen and generally unthreatening can certainly be used to one's advantage. Everyone knows that you can get away with almost anything if no-one is ever actually looking at you, and maybe that is not such a bad thing at all! 

The lure to all things Disney is not really that strong for me anymore. Sure, as a child I probably dreamt of going to Disneyland, what kid didn't? Back in the '80's it was pretty much the only theme park in existence and all of American kids that were on TV banging on about how amazing it was seemed pretty genuine to me, I too thought that it looked awesome, because let's face it; it was. I know that when I was growing up, Sunday nights was 'Disney on the telly night' and we would all gather around for our fill, it was something that I personally looked forward to every week. 
The Disney castle is an iconic image that has been a part of everyone's childhood, and that Disney theme music! Good Lord! I can literally hear it in my mind as I am writing this. Kids today even know what the Disney logo is, they probably see it in a slightly different way than I did as a kid, but the overall idea of it being a place of wonder and magic is still there for most kids to a certain degree I think. 
For me now however, Disneyland as a holiday destination does not entice anymore. What I thought of as possibly 'The Happiest Place on Earth' as a kid, now seems like a money making hell pit as an adult. Am I just getting too old? Maybe, and I don't want to come across like the Grinch here, but the prices to get into Disneyland seem crazy to me. And from what well travelled people that have been there have told me, the lines for the rides are ridiculous, the staff are exhausted, grumpy and underpaid and the entire place is extremely un-environmentally friendly and wasteful. Also, it's apparently overtaken with Marvel and Pixar merchandise now because it is far more lucrative.
However, to be fair it may have always had these problems, but as a kid you really don't care about any of that stuff, it's an awesome theme park and it's full of fun rides, that's all that kids are worrying about. Kids don't notice the sweaty creeps, the tired staff, the ridiculous prices tags on the plush toys or the fact that the castle is ironically not even made out of real bricks; that stuff is only visible to adult eyes. And maybe if I took my own kids to Disneyland when they were small and they got all caught up in the magic of it all, then that stuff wouldn't matter to me either, but as an adult with two older children, Disneyland to me now is just not very alluring.
However, in saying that, I cannot deny that I too am a cog in the Disney machine because I have definitely poured quite a lot of my own money into their franchise over the years. I have seen so many Disney movies it's crazy, probably all of them if the truth be told. I can even recall seeing my first Disney blockbuster on the big screen. It was the 1959 version of Sleeping Beauty which was being rebooted when I was in Grade 2 at primary school. I was absolutely terrified of Maleficent, I literally had nightmares for days, and since then I have gone to the movies to see dozens of Disney films, and loved them entirely.
So, perhaps the lure of going to Disneyland may have ebbed for me as an adult, but the lure of a good Disney flick certainly has not, because I indulged in one again just last night. Ah, Disney...you've got some strong magic at work there haven't you? The lure is actually much stronger than any of us realises if the truth be told. 

I cannot say exactly how many times I have heard people complaining to me how much certain things annoy or upset them, like horror movies or certain kinds of reality TV programs or the evening news. Sometimes people even complained to me about how much they hate social media, yet they have every form of it on their phone and will even check it when I am right there in front of them. Hmm.....I have to say that I see a few problems with this kind of behaviour. 
I have a real problem with people saying how much certain forms of media disturb them when they actually have a lot of power to control the amounts that will actually filter through to them in the first place. Don't like horror? Cool then don't watch it. Don't like the horrible stories on the news? Well there is an off button that you can click if it is affecting you too much, so use it. Not enjoying social media platforms? Well, just delete your accounts. No-one is holding anyone to ransom on any of these issues, you do not have to watch or participate in any of these forms of media if you find them disturbing, but for some reason people feel like they do have to and it's annoying as hell to me.
Free will people, participate or don't, watch or look away, this isn't the set of the movie A Clockwork Orange, no-one is holding your eyeballs open with toothpicks and insisting that you watch, you actually don't have to watch anything that you don't want to do. You don't ever have to watch things that you don't like and you don't have to subject yourself to things that upset you, and just for the record, you are not going to get martyred for enduring Facebook or Instagram, so just delete your profile if it gives you the shits. 
It's normal and fine to not like certain things or to not want to be subjected to continual media propaganda or political hype all of the time, but what I don't get is, why does anyone feel like they need to? Just look away, switch off, choose not to be a cog in the machine if that makes you feel better, just do whatever makes you happy. Just don't look if it offends you, and move on. Whatever you do, just do me a favour and don't keep on thinking that anyone actually cares if you don't like to watch certain things, because they don't care, they really just don't care at all. And trust me when I say that no-one is ever going to think that you're a legend for watching the nightly news or posting on Facebook if you hate it. 
And while I am on a rant, can I just say that checking your social media or using your phone when you are with me is never going to garner favour because I really don't like it. I find constant phone check-ins as socially inept and rude as helicopter parents. I am a pre-tech aged person, therefore the allure of devices are limited for me at best. I can still hold really excellent conversations and I do not need to have my phone out on the table when I am around people. My phone is not my security blanket, I functioned for many years without it and guess what? I survived!  And I could live without a mobile phone again in a heartbeat because I actually believe that their existence has been detrimental to proper social interaction overall anyway.
Also, I do not care two shits about your social media goings on, I really don't, so please don't include me or subject me to your online fodder when you are around me. I value face to face, non-interrupted conversation when I am with a person. I do not leave my house to look at other people's phone screens, I could stay at home and look at my own if that's what I wanted to do. I spend time with people for their company, not their crafty use of mobile phones. Sure I like the odd meme, who doesn't? But if you are on your phone for more than 10% of our interactions, I'm not going to be enjoying it, just saying.
However, why should you care what I think anyway? Well, truth be told you shouldn't, do whatever makes you happy, my opinions on phone usage are irrelevant because odds are if you are the type of person who would use their phone that often, then we probably wouldn't hang out together anyway.
​Let's be honest, the bottom line is that I don't have to endure anything that offends me and neither do you, so if it offends you, I say just look away. 

Nothing makes me feel more proud of myself than the moments in my life when I turn out to be the bigger person in a situation. Notice that I said the bigger person there and not the better person? Being bigger does not make you better, but it does make you kinder and more tolerant, not only to others but especially to yourself. Being better can make you faster, smarter and stronger, but it does not always make you bigger, in fact sometimes those qualities can actually shrink your ability to be bigger in certain situations. 
So what exactly do I mean when I say the bigger person? Well, in my opinion the bigger person is someone who can admit to their own faults, forgive others for theirs and move on gracefully from difficult situations or occurrences. Being the bigger person is a totally tough call, because when we are the bigger person we not only have to own our own shit, but we also have to forgive others for their shit as well and somehow find a space to move forward. Being bigger is always great in theory, but when you have to actually demonstrate it, it's a whole other ball game. 
For one, you have to fight off your own ego to be a bigger person. No-one wants to hear the bad stuff about themselves, it sucks and having someone else point it out is just torture. Most of us are well aware of our short comings and the last thing that any of us want is for someone else to point it out to us, especially in a blunt way. Bigger people can shake off the negative comments, search them, separate the bullshit from the truth, interpret the meaning behind it all and take anything valuable on board as an opportunity to evolve. Your ego cannot come into play if you want to be the bigger person, you have to take it in, process it, trash the crap and thrash the lesson. Bottom line is, it's hard. 
A bigger person never lets their emotions sit in the drivers seat when it comes to difficult situations or conflict resolutions. Bigger people keep it real, they don't get personal or petty and they stick to the facts. By only mentioning the things that are truths and steering away from assumptions, you're always going to come out as the bigger person. It takes skill to keep your emotions in check, learning to let things slide off you like water off a ducks back takes years of focused effort to master. I always try to remember that knee jerk reactions are for small minded people. Anytime that I have employed reactive behaviours in stressful situations in the past there has been nothing but carnage and I have always come off looking stupid, intolerant or just plain bitchy, and no one wants to be seen in that light. 
When you are the bigger person in the room during high stress situations, well it is something to be proud of, because it's a tough gig. Keeping yourself in check, not taking things personally and knowing that you shouldn't take things personally are incredibly good life skills to have in your tool kit. Every time that you can take one on the chin, own your own crap and move forward in a dignified way is definitely a sign that you're becoming a gentler, kinder and more well rounded person, and that is definitely something to be proud of. 

​CARNAGE
Release Date: 2011
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 80 mins 
When two sets of parents meet in a Brooklyn apartment to discuss the fight that their eleven year old boys had in the park, things go from civilised to downright manic rapidly. 
Directed by Roman Polanski, this black-comedy is based on the Tony Award winning play God of Carnage by French playwright Yasmina Reza. A stellar cast that includes Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet, Christoph Waltz and John C. Reilly really bring together all of the ugliness and viciousness of couples with children, played out in real time. 
No stone is left unturned as these four adults go head to head with each other with increasing levels of ferocity; displaying more childish behaviours than the children that they are meant to be discussing. All is stripped bare in this interesting and at times hilarious character study. 
FINAL SAY: Keep on stroking your ego. It's beautiful. 
3 Chilli Peppers

Every year my beautiful children and I make the pilgrimage to Bendigo to attend Illumin8, The Festival of Peace and Light at The Great Stupa of Universal Compassion. This festival occurs on the fifth full moon of the year because that was the time of the year that the Buddha was born. It was also the time that he received his enlightenment and also the time that he passed away, so it is extremely auspicious and important to people of the Buddhist faith. However, the festival is extremely inclusive, so there are always many other faith cultures in attendance to celebrate the event, and non-Buddhists are always most welcome to attend. 
We just love it and we never miss a chance to go and join the festivities, and the line up of performers is always terrific. This year the evenings events kicked off with a live performance from a band called Dez, who came from Melbourne and delivered a pretty alternative set of music. They were followed by Taiko drummers, Hanagassa dancers and a Vietnamese dance group. The fabulous folk artist Grim Faulkner delivered some moving acoustic songs, then the Chinese Lions performed a dynamic dance that was followed by a saucy bevy of buxom beauties in a belly dancing troup.
The Welcome to Country was delivered by Dja Dja Wurrung just as the sun was setting and a full moon rose majestically in the sky above us. A stirring didgeridoo performance, some Tibetan chanting and an Islamic Prayer for Peace was delivered, which refocused and revered the massive crowd. The welcome speeches were delivered, the peace flags were raised and the celebrations kicked off again. 
Bollywood dancers and a performing arts group called SMACS brought lots of colour, movement and vibrancy to the stage and then Vern the fire dancer arrived in his purple glittery spandex and dazzled us all with his glittery beard and fire twirling gyrations. The evening ended with an animated  light show that is projected directly on to the white surface of The Great Stupa, a fireworks spectacular and then the burning of an effigy that  symbolizes the 'bad.' The 'bad' is filled with the notes and prayers of everyone in attendance, on that note you write down something that no longer serves you and that you wish to remove from your life, the burning of these notes works like a cleansing and offers a fresh start to everyone, it's a really nice way to end the entire event. 
Over four full hours of entertainment and the tickets were only $10 each, talk about incredible value for money, but the real reason that we attend Illumin8 every year is not just because of the incredible entertainment, it is also because of the amazing inclusiveness of the event. People from all walks of life and every persuasion are in attendance at this celebration and the vibe is just electric. I always leave feeling like I have been invigorated and re-energized. There is something so wonderful about seeing so much diversity in one place that is being embraced and celebrated in such a gentle and respectful way.
​Events like these are genuinely good for what ails you, they strengthen your faith in humanity, they offer you something completely new and they make you appreciate the amazing diversity and talent that we have in our country. Who wouldn't want more of those kinds of events in their lives? 

​TOP END WEDDING
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 113 mins 
An Australian romantic comedy directed by Wayne Blair and written by Joshua Tyler and Miranda Tapsell , who also stars in the lead female role. I don't think that there has been an Australian movie this honest and meaningful for quite some time and I really enjoyed it. Showcasing some of the most beautiful landscapes Australia has to offer and exploring the beautiful relationship that the indigenous people have with the land and each other, this is a deeply affecting and heart warming watch.
Lauren and Ned are in love and want to tie the knot. Lauren's boss has granted her a 10 day reprieve to have a wedding, but with Lauren's mother MIA somewhere in remote Northern Australia, a wild goose chase ensues as they try to track her down in time for the big event. 
This film took a while to warm up for me, at around the half hour mark I was extremely skeptical about whether I was going to even stay awake. However, the last half hour of the film delivers completely, tying everything up in a sweet and sensitive way that delivers with great respect for the people of Tiwi Island. 
FINAL SAY: Getting hitched down under. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers

Comedy is deeply subjective, it's just like art, music or literature. Everyone has their own taste when it comes to humour and what one person will find side splittingly hilarious, another person will find deeply offensive or utterly ridiculous. I mean nothing will divide a room quicker than a fart joke will it? However, everyone on the planet says that when it comes to meeting a prospective partner, that they are looking for someone with a good sense of humour. Well, that can be pretty tough to discern when humour is so subjective, because technically someone that every else finds bloody hilarious could potentially annoy the absolute crap out of you.
When it comes to humour there are actually nine different types of funny, and trust me when I tell you that some of these are not going to appeal to you at all, because hardly anyone like every type of humour. You will have experienced them all at one point or another, and you will instantly know which one's are your cup of tea as you read through the list.
1. Physical Humour: Also referred to as slapstick. This category covers every physical form of humour from clowns and mimes to funny faces and even people falling over and hurting themselves like they do in the Funniest Home Video franchise or Jackass.
2. Self Deprecating: Favoured among stand up comedians, this is when people make themselves the butt of the joke or put themselves down for a laugh. Memes are filled with this kind of humour.
3. Surreal: This stuff is weird and can appear to be totally illogical, nonsensical and absurd. Think Monty Python or The Mighty Boosh and you'll be in the right wheelhouse of humour. 
4. Improvisational: Who's Line is Anyway? comes to mind immediately here. It's people attempting to be funny on the spot by making it up as they go along. 
5. Wit-Wordplay: A play on words that involves changing language to create something witty and clever, eg. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta away, his legacy became a pizza history.
6. Topical: Pop culture references, news and current events are manipulated and re-enacted to be satirically humorous. Saturday Night Live has been doing this well for a very long time.
7. Observational: Jerry Seinfeld made a fortune out of discussing just how funny the most mundane events, occurrences and moments can be.
8. Body Functions: Yep, it was bound to come up. Fart, poo, wee and spew jokes, they happen and kids (and big kids) love them.
9. Dark: Sometimes nasty in origin and the easiest of all humour types to offend or be misinterpreted for cruelty. Ricky Gervais has been in the hot seat many times for his dark humour style. 
Unsurprisingly, people with higher IQ's find physical and body function humour the least appealing and among 200 people polled on eHarmony, the most popular humour among singles appears to be physical humour and the least is dark humour. Older people find everything less funny across the board, which basically means that the older that you get the less laughs you have, which is a little concerning really. 
Personally, I love humour and comedy is one of my favourite genres. I like most types of humour but can live without bodily function jokes, but can also tolerate them in moderation as well; and I am not adverse to a dirty joke at all. I enjoy getting together to watch comedy with other people because a shared laugh is definitely my favourite kind of laugh, and I cannot deny that I do enjoy making other people laugh when the opportunity arises as well. Laughter is so damn good for the soul, so however you take your humour, make sure that you are getting enough of it in your life. 

​THE HUSTLE
Release Date: 2019
Rating: M
Running Time: 94 mins 
This female-centred remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels got an absolute smashing from critics, and I can see why, it's hardly a game changer. However, I did laugh out loud at the cinema when I saw this (on more than one occasion actually) and I did like the onscreen banter between Rebel Wilson and Anne Hathaway. So, if it is an easy, amusing and mostly silly comedy that you are looking for then I think that The Hustle ticks all of those boxes. 
Two female con artists, one a loud and obnoxious Australian and the other a refined and cunning British beauty decide to join forces to an attempt to fleece wealthy men of their money. 
Perhaps the world has already tired of Rebel Wilson's one note performances, but I haven't yet, and I actually thought that she was genuinely amusing as Penny the annoying and persistent con artist. Anne Hathaway gets to flounce about in lavish outfits looking divine and talking like Eliza Doolittle (which is mentioned during the movie), and the whole thing is one fast moving hot mess that for some reason I quite enjoyed. 
Don't let the critics deceive you, this is more than watchable stuff that you will get a laugh out of. 
FINAL SAY: Men underestimate us, so that is what we use.
3 Chilli Peppers

Mother's Day is the one day of the year that we get to celebrate and spend time with the women in our lives that mean the most to us. I had lunch with Craig's mother yesterday and today I traveled to Ararat to see my own mother, whom I have been cultivating a loving and genuine relationship with over the last couple of years. The way that my mother and I finally found our deeper connection with each other came about in the most unusual and painful of ways, but now I have a really terrific relationship with my mum and I am so glad that I have been able to get to know her so completely in her twilight years. 
Around two years ago, I had a really traumatic estrangement from my siblings. One of them, in an attempt to destroy my relationship with my parents, trawled my blog and printed out any posts that contained defamatory content about my mum and dad. They took those printed pages and gave them to my parents, which was not only deeply mean to me but downright cruel to my elderly parents who were very distressed by my writings. I had to own that some of the things that I had said in the past about my parents were unkind, unnecessary and unproductive to our relationship. 
I think that at that point in my life I was using my blog to process my feelings and pour out some of my confusions and misgivings about the people in my family. There was no way to take any of it back and all of the cards were left face up on the table, well for me they were anyway. However, just as the saying goes "the truth shall set you free" and in that exposure, there was a cleansing and with everything laid bare and stripped back, there was no room to hide away, it was time to have some honest and awkward conversations. 
I did not attempt to discuss what my siblings had said to me about my parents themselves in defense of my writings, I owned what I had written completely, the bottom line was that all of those comments had come from me and I had been mean. I promised that I wouldn't talk poorly about them again and that I would work hard to make everything up to them, if they would give me the chance to. My parents were really upset, for a very long time, not just with me but also with my siblings for their vicious behaviour and it has taken me two years to shake off the effects of my estrangement from my siblings and regain the trust of my parents again. 
I now proudly have a meaningful and profound relationship with my mother, one that is based on trust and honesty.  I am not the same person that I was two years ago, and I am no longer petty or consumed by the mistakes of the past. I do not want to go through my life not knowing my mother, understanding my mother, loving my mother and being there for my mother. Having a better relationship with my mum has allowed me to understand the choices that she has made in her own life, why she is the person that she is and just how much she needs and deserves to be loved.
I doubt that I will ever thank my siblings for wounding me as deeply as they did, because that is a wound that just doesn't seem to heal no matter how attentive I am to it, but I cannot deny that out of their hate I did manage to find a real love and respect for my parents that I may not have enjoyed if none of it had ever happened. I don't talk poorly about my parent anymore, I don't complain about my family dynamic to people and I don't spend my free time looking for problems where there are none. As a mother myself, I understand that a meaningful relationship with my own mother is one of the most valuable things that I can ever enjoy in this life, and I have that now and I love spending time with my mother.

​ATONEMENT
Release Date: 2007
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 123 mins 
A romance/war drama, based on Ian McEwan's popular 2001 novel of the same name. Director Joe Wright became the youngest director to open at the 64th Venice International Film Festival at the age of 35 with Atonement, and he enjoyed a lot of notoriety and attention for his saga that outlines a crime and it's consequences over six decades. 
Filled with jealousy and malice, young Briony Tallis (Saoirse Ronan) hatches a story to keep her older sister Cecilia (Keira Knightley) away from the an old family friend and army private named Robbie Turner(James McAvoy). Her deception changes the course of several lives and when war breaks out in Britain, it seems an impossibility that  the two lovers will ever reunite.
This is truly a tale of enduring love, immensely sad and overflowing with unrequited passions. The directing here is on point, the scenes are lush and grandiose, and the actors are so good that they practically outshine the script. I cannot deny that I enjoyed it, for a period romance it was up there for me, it had enough intrigue to keep me interested and there were plenty of beautiful things to look at as well, especially James McAvoy who looks amazing in this. 
FINAL SAY: I love you. I'll wait for you.
4 Chilli Peppers