I am still utterly yoga and meditation obsessed. I rarely, if ever, go a day without these two elements in my life now and I am always seeking ways to access classes that are effective and preferably free as well. Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with people paying to go to yoga classes or learning how to meditate from a professional, I just think that there are some really great ways to access quality programs for free that people may not be aware of. 
Over the last four years I have become very disciplined and committed to my yoga and meditation practises and this endeavour has in turn, lead to me finding some amazing YouTube channels that offer free, effective and fun home practises that can hone your skills and give you a cheap alternative to paying for a gym membership or a yoga/ meditation guru. 
Here's my list of best YouTube yoga and meditation home practises: 
Yoga with Adriene - I started my yoga journey with Adriene and her dog Benji, she's a sweet and user friendly way to kick start an 'at home' yoga practise. She does monthly calendars that you can follow and they're terrific!
SarahBethYoga - Gorgeous Sarah has the best at home yoga morning quickies for all levels of ability. You can access an entire library of 10, 15, 20 and 30 minute practises with varying levels of intensity and challenge. 
Fightmaster Yoga - Lesley Fightmaster is a little ditsy with her high voice and daily quotes, but her practises are really great and very effective for body toning. Her channel has something for everyone, including some really advanced yoga challenges as well.
PsycheTruth - This is a health and wellbeing channel that offers more than yoga. Their clips cover nutrition, pain relief, massage, meditation, stress and anxiety relief, holistic health and much, much more. They have loads of instructors so you can try out a variety of them and find one that you like. 
Five Parks Yoga - Erin Sampson is one fit lady! Her channel offers a more advanced 'at home' yoga practise. She does do some shorter sessions as well, but her overall level of intensity is higher. Loads of strength building and core routines with little rest time.
Yoga with Jess - Jess delivers good, short, problem area focused yoga sessions. Unfortunately she hasn't posted for around 9 months now, but there is a good bank of her old stuff still there to access, all of which are very good. 
Bad Yogi Yoga - A little of everything and definitely a good place for beginners to start, this channel is a great way to learn the basics properly. The short '100 poses' videos are terrific for getting your postures correct and learning the names and shapes of yoga poses properly.
Kino Yoga - Kino MacGregor looks like a suntanned health-guru dream yogi. If you can get passed her 'polished and perfect' exterior, you'll see that with 20 plus years of experience under her belt, she offers something for everyone and delivers practises that build strength and flexibility in serious and transformative ways. 
BrettLarkinYoga - Vinyasa flow and meditation channel that has some easy beginners stuff all the way through to the deep sweaty advanced work. Brett (who is actually a woman) also delivers some really great free meditations and nighttime yoga sessions as well. 
The Mindful Movement - Meditations, visualisations, hypnosis, pilates, yoga and mindfulness - this channel is your one stop shop for inner peace and self healing techniques, it has something for everyone. 

Hopefully, you'll be able to find something new to try from my list of free goodies. Anything that makes you feel brighter, gets you balanced and brings joy to your life for free can't be a bad thing! 

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW
Release Date: 2014
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 93 mins 
The critics rather unfairly tore this survival-horror movie a new asshole, and no, it's certainly not a life changer, but given the fact that the cast was a bunch of virtual unknowns, the setting was nothing more than miles of poorly lit tunnel and the director went for another hand held- found footage approach, As Above, So Below still provided an adequately creepy and intriguing environment that kept me watching until the very end. 
Scarlet, an intrepid explorer, takes a team of guides and curious friends into the Parisian catacombs in search of the Philosophers Stone, with dire consequences. 
I would have liked to have seen a bit more 'Hellmouth' action to be honest, because the lead up was far too long and the actual 'hell time' was fleeting, under-developed and rushed. The plausibility of the story line had more holes in it than Swiss cheese, but overall I am still giving this a thumbs up for it's claustrophobic effect and creepy weirdness. 
FINAL SAY: As I believe the world to be, so it is. 
3 Chilli Peppers ​

I am all for owning and indulging in your guilty pleasures, and come on, let's put it out there...they're only guilty pleasures if you actually feel guilty about them, right? So rather than calling them 'guilty' pleasures let's just call them straight up pleasures, aka the things that you love to indulge in that other people may not (probably won't) know about. And let's be honest about this, we all have them, so there's no point in acting like you don't. And they could be as innocuous as eating chocolate in the bathtub whilst listening to Cindy Lauper CD's or they could be as dangerous as snorting cocaine off the back of a dunny seat everytime that you go to a Melbourne nightclub; whatever your pleasure (and as long as it isn't harming anyone else) I say that it's okay to indulge in your pleasure vices from time to time. 
I find that as I get older, my choice of 'pleasures' has changed substantially, and that's not because I don't have anything that I desire enough to warrant the effort because I most certainly do, but I find that I am much busier and more financially restricted as the time in my life marches on; so what I can afford to indulge in, and also what I can afford the time to indulge in, has altered quite a lot. Perhaps I just have more expensive pleasures than I did say... fifteen years ago, which is probably closer to the truth and that would generally mean that I just can't afford to indulge in them as often as I would like to. 
When I say expensive, I also mean indulgent and I think that, like most of us, there is a certain level of guilt associated with indulging in your pleasures, especially if you know that they are expensive, dangerous or not really considered to be good for your health - hence the title guilty pleasures. However, if there is one thing that I have learnt thus far in this life,  it's that restricting yourself from the things that you really love and genuinely crave is not only extremely cruel, but it's downright oppressive to your soul as well. One must never forget the age old adage - you can't take your riches with you when you die, so you may as well make the most of them while you can. 
Over the years the topic of guilty pleasures has come up from time to time when I have had people around, it is certainly one of the more interesting topics that you can discuss at a dinner party or friendly gathering. As interesting as your own pleasures are to you, I find it way more interesting to hear about the guilty pleasures of others. Other people's pleasure choices can reveal another dimension to their person that you may have completely overlooked, and although I am not going to out anyone here for their specific desires, I have heard some pretty interesting and even salacious pleasure choices that have raised a few eyebrows in the room when they were revealed.
Check out these rippers:

• Staying a work late to use their internet to game.
• Looking at photos of Kamal and listening to him sing - and getting turned on!
• Getting drunk and binge watching bad reality TV.
• Enjoying McDonald's breakfasts regularly. 
• Dancing in the loungeroom to songs from Dirty Dancing or Grease. 
• Stealing luxury pillows from hotels.
• Eating a (free?) handful of grapes or nuts from the produce section of supermarkets. 
• Drinking a whole bottle of good champagne alone.
• Eating raw cake mixture or biscuit dough. 
• Stealing soaps. 
• Watching Steven Seagal movies and loving them. 
• Getting professional massages on your lunch break.
• Following Justin Bieber on Instagram. 
• Watching 'weird topic' porn.
• Reading Mills and Boon novels. 
• Impulse travelling or road tripping. 
• Sunbaking without sunscreen.
• Eating things straight from the jar or drinking out of the carton.
• Smoking joints.
• Squeezing pimples on other people's backs or faces. 
• Not showering on the weekends. 
• Stalking people on social media platforms. 
• Talking to your pet like it's a real person that understands you. 

Some of those were actually mine, but I am not going to tell you which ones...you'll just have to guess! In the meantime, raise a glass to your own (guilty) pleasures, partake in them and explore what gives you genuine and unbridled joy, because life's too short not to indulge in the sillier, simpler and saucier bits and bobs. And, as long as 'it harms none' then I say go in hard and celebrate being alive everyday!

Here's a shout out to all of the directors that have given me a memorable viewing experience at some point in my lifetime. This list is designed to give credit to my favourite director's work and offer homage to their incredible efforts. I have also cited my favourite movie offering from each director as well, just in case you wanted to know where I thought that they had put down their best work thus far. 
What made me really happy when I was compiling this list was just how varied, vast and interesting the styles of direction are that I have been fortunate enough to experience, but what made me really sad was the lack of female directors that made this list. Clearly, the role of director is still a very male dominated field in Hollywood. I did happen to notice that all of the best movie nominations at the Golden Globes this year were all for male directors. And the saddest thing of all about this is, that it is not at all indicative of female directorial ability or talent in any way, shape or form, what it is indicative of is the lack of opportunities for upcoming female directors, and that is something that really needs to change.
Some of the best movies and television programs that I have seen over the last few years were both written and directed by women. Women have incredible and engaging stories to tell both in front of and behind the camera, and I for one would like to see more of them in the future. So, please make sure that you too are making an effort to see more movies that have been directed women in a show of support for all of the female directing pioneers that are out there telling their stories and sharing their visions in a very male dominated industry. 
So without any further ado, here are my favourite movie directors (in no particular order other than my recall ability) and my favourite movies that they have brought to life on screen. 
David Lynch - A true visionary in every sense, he's the man behind Twin Peaks, Blue Velvet, The Elephant Man and Eraserhead. Lynch is known for his surrealist cinema stylings and deeply original point of view.
BEST MOVIE: Mulholland Drive
Wes Anderson - The king of quirk with a distinct visual style and amusing narrative. He's delivered gems like The Royal Tenenbaums, Moonrise Kingdom and The Grand Budapest Hotel and has produced two incredible stop motion children's animations as well, one of which is on my Hall of Fame.
BEST MOVIE: Fantastic Mr Fox
Lars von Trier- A Danish director and scriptwriter that has had a long and controversial career. Basically he seems to enjoy destroying beautiful things in all of his films, which are gritty and damning. He's responsible for Nymphomaniac, Antichrist, Dancer in the Dark and Dogville, which all left a mark on me. 
BEST MOVIE: Melancholia
Jason Reitman - Reitman seems to 'get' women and understand difficult relationship dynamics, and his films certainly portray that knowledge. He brought us Juno, Up in the Air, Tully and Young Adult which were all exceptionally good. 
BEST MOVIE: Labor Day 
Taika Waititi - A clever New Zealand comedy filmmaker who always seems to get the right balance between poignancy and laughs in his films. He's the funny guy behind Moana (he wrote the first screenplay), What We Do in the Shadows, Eagle vs Shark, Boy and most recently Jojo Rabbit. 
BEST MOVIE: Hunt for the Wilderpeople
Peter Jackson - Jackson is responsible for all of the journeys that I took in darkened cinemas to Middle Earth, I bloody love ya Peter! Besides the all of the LOTR's and The Hobbits, he is also the man behind King Kong, The Lovely Bones and the incredible documentary They Shall Not Grow Old. 
BEST MOVIE: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
John Hughes - Hughes pretty much dictated everything that I became obsessed with in my teens. From bad boys to '80's fashion Hughes could do no wrong. I have rewatched Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sixteen Candles and Weird Science countless times, they're absolute classics. 
BEST MOVIE: The Breakfast Club
Stanley Kubrick  - Probably one of the most influential filmmakers of all time, Kubrick has crossed so many genres that his body of work is dizzying! He gave us giants like 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, Spartacus and A Clockwork Orange. 
BEST MOVIE: Eyes Wide Shut
Alejandro González Iñárritu - With a flair for telling the most compelling international stories about the human condition, this highly acclaimed Mexican director gave us some unforgettable cinematic experiences like Birdman, Amores Perros, 21 Grams and The Revenant. 
BEST MOVIE: Babel
Oliver Stone - A controversial director that has been accused of being a conspiracy theorist. He actually wrote the script for Scarface (which was directed by Brian De Palma) and also gave us Platoon, The Doors, Born on the Fourth of July and Wall Street. 
BEST MOVIE: Natural Born Killers
Michel Gondry - A French director that uses strong visual themes and compositions (often called Mise-en-scene)  to tell a story. Because of this, Gondry's movies are visually striking and are often considered to be art house or avante-garde. He gave us The Science of Sleep, Be Kind Rewind and most recently the brilliant  television series Kidding. 
BEST MOVIE: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Guillermo del Toro - A visionary fantasy director from Mexico who creatively brings monsters and mythical creatures to life in his films. Generally science fiction, horror or fantasy based, del Toro gave us some amazing otherworldly journeys through The Shape of Water, Hellboy and Crimson Peak.
BEST MOVIE: Pan's Labyrinth
Danny Boyle - This British director delivers equal measures of intense action and sincere emotion into everything that he does.  He's tried his hand at many genres and kept us gripped with Trainspotting, 28 Days Later, Sunshine, The Beach and more recently, Yesterday.
BEST MOVIE: Slumdog Millionaire
Sam Mendes - The buzz around this director has been huge this year, given the success of 1917. However, let's not forget all of his other epic offerings like American Beauty, Skyfall and Revolutionary Road.
BEST MOVIE: 1917 
James Wan  - An Australian-Malaysian director who rose to prominence after he co-created the Saw film franchise. Since then he has been scaring the pants off people with memorable horror films like The Conjuring, Insidious and Annabelle films.
BEST MOVIE: The Conjuring 2: The Enfield Case
Greta Gerwig - Actress and filmmaker, Gerwig collaborated with her partner (who is also a director) Noah Baumbach on several films before she kicked off her solo directing career in 2017 with Lady Bird. Since then, Gerwig has become a respected and predominant modern Hollywood director. 
BEST MOVIE: Little Women
Ridley Scott - I feel like I grew up watching Ridley Scott action and science fiction films. He's been entertaining me for decades and he's had some mind blowingly great movies like Alien, Blade Runner, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down and American Gangster. 
BEST MOVIE: The Martian
Michael Moore - A controversial American documentary filmmaker that gets up in everyone's face; love him or hate him, Michael Moore is hard to ignore. He's hit some very high notes with Fahrenheit 9/11, Sicko and Where to Invade Next. 
BEST MOVIE: Bowling for Columbine
Guy Ritchie - Before he married Madonna, Ritchie was making heaps of kick arse British gangster movies that were really funny and very entertaining.  He has just recently gone back to doing that again with The Gentlemen, but let's not forget that he also did Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, RocknRolla and believe it or not, the 2019 live action version of Aladdin. 
BEST MOVIE: Snatch
Jim Jarmusch - The patron saint of independent cinema since the '80's, Jarmusch's films are really arty, really cool, very edgy and hypnotically contemplative. He gave us Paterson, Deadman and Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai. 
BEST MOVIE: Only Lovers Left Alive
Steven Soderbergh - When Soderbergh made Unsane in 2018 and filmed it all on his iphone he made us feel like we were wasting our lives! He's a pioneer of independent cinema and his body of work is incredibly impressive; he gave us Contagion, Erin Brockovich and the Ocean's franchise. 
BEST MOVIE: Logan Lucky 
Christopher Nolan - He probably got a bit pigeon-holed for a while due to his Batman trilogy efforts (which I also loved) but let's not forget that he also gave us other memorable epics like Inception, Dunkirk and Memento. 
BEST MOVIE: Interstellar
Sam Raimi - Raimi terrified audiences in the 80's with The Evil Dead and then enchanted them in the early 2000's with Spiderman so it would be fair to say that his work is varied and vast. He also gave us some very noteworthy cult horror movies like Army of Darkness, Drag Me to Hell and Don't Breathe.
BEST MOVIE: The Evil Dead
Clint Eastwood - He blew everyone away when he started directing and acting in a string of extremely good and Oscar worthy movies, which he is still doing to this day. The man's got some serious talent and gave us gems like  Gran Torino, Million Dollar Baby and Mystic River.
BEST MOVIE: Unforgiven
Tim Burton - No-one does eccentric gothic horror and fantasy films better than Burton, he is the master! He has a style that is all his own, and with a lot of help from wife Helena Bonham Carter and actor Johnny Depp he's given us fantastical romps into magical fantasy worlds that have included Charlie and the Chocolate factory, Beetlejuice, Big Fish, Edward Scissorhands and Alice in Wonderland. 
BEST MOVIE: Sweeney Todd
Ang Lee - A visionary and a genuinely beautiful storyteller. It's rare for me not to get choked up when I watch an Ang Lee movie, they are just so deeply affecting. He gave us the gorgeous Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Life of Pi and The Ice Storm. 
BEST MOVIE: Brokeback Mountain
Sofia Coppola - Daughter of Francis Ford Coppola, Sofia has proven her worth as a director in her own right by delivering thoughtful explorations of female relationships and genuine, modern impressions of the human experience. She was responsible for The Virgin Suicides, Marie Antoinette and The Beguiled. 
BEST MOVIE: Lost in Translation
Judd Apatow -An American comedy director that started out producing and developing the television show Freaks and Geeks in the late 90's. He went on to direct Trainwreck, The 40-year-old Virgin and Knocked Up and also write some of the funniest movies that I have ever seen. 
​BEST MOVIE: Superbad
Alfred Hitchcock - The most influential and extensively studied filmmaker in the history of cinema, how could I possibly leave Hitchcock off my list? He's been giving audiences thrills and chills for years, and he still is with his extensive repertoire of thriller classics like North by Northwest, The Birds, Rear Window and Vertigo.
BEST MOVIE: Psycho
David Fincher - Ever since I saw The Game in 1997 I became interested in seeing more of Fincher's work. He's delivered a strong, controversial and impactful body of work and was responsible for Seven, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Social Network and Gone Girl.
BEST MOVIE: Fight Club
Paolo Sorrentino - An Italian director with an eye for truly beautiful and meaningful cinema. His films are absolute masterpieces and offer viewers moments of contemplation and glimpses of magic - I am obsessed with his work. He's responsible for Youth and This Must Be the Place. 
BEST MOVIE: The Great Beauty.
Joel and Ethan Coen - Genius brothers who bring something fresh, quirky and unique to the screen every time.  Their repertoire is so vast and so excellent that I really struggled to pick my favourite because they delivered The Big Lebowski, Blood Simple, O Brother Where Art Thou?, Fargo, Raising Arizona, Burn After Reading and True Grit, all of which were exceptionally great.
BEST MOVIE: No Country For Old Men
Alfonso Cuaron - A critically acclaimed Mexican director with an impeccable body of high quality work that crosses just about every genre of cinema including thriller, fantasy, science fiction and drama. Thanks Cuaron for giving us truly unforgettable moments like Y Tu Mama Tambien, Gravity and Children of Men.
BEST MOVIE: Roma
Francis Ford Coppola - Widely considered to be one of the greatest filmmakers of all time, Coppola practically had an all out nervous breakdown whilst filming Apocalypse Now in 1979. His commitment to 'getting the film right' has led people to see him a visionary of cinema. He gave us such giants as The Godfather trilogy, Bram Stoker's Dracula and The Outsiders. 
BEST MOVIE: Apocalypse Now
Quentin Tarantino - Known for his uber violent, non-linear storylines that contain extended dialogue, huge ensemble casts and loads of Pop Culture references, Tarantino has a style that is all his own. Many of his films pay homage to all of his own cinematic loves, especially Japanese martial arts, kung fu movies, spaghetti westerns and Italian horror. He's the man behind the following cinematic  juggernauts - Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Django Unchained, Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2, Death Proof and The Hateful Eight.
BEST MOVIE: Inglourious Basterds
Martin McDonagh - Considered to be the most acclaimed living Irish- British playwright, McDonagh caught my attentions when he made In Bruge, and then delivered again with Seven Psychopaths in 2012. But we all know him best for his amazing 2017 offering that made my Hall of Fame.
BEST MOVIE: Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Kathryn Bigelow - Spreading herself across a wide range of genres, Bigelow is not afraid to grapple the big topics. She is forging the way for future female directors with her stellar repertoire which includes Zero Dark Thirty, Near Dark and Point Break.
BEST MOVIE: The Hurt Locker
Darren Aronofsky - A director with a flair for delivering surreal, melodramatic and often disturbing content in his movies. Audiences often seem divided on Aronofsky's material, but I think that he is one of the most talented filmmakers of his generation. He brought us Black Swan, Requiem for a Dream, Pi, The Fountain and Mother!
BEST MOVIE: The Wrestler
Steven Spielberg - Okay, I know that he can be cheesy as hell, but when he gets it right - he really gets it right. There's a reason that Spielberg is still filling cinemas, the man knows how to make a movie. Besides I was virtually raised on Spielberg's material. He gave us E.T., Saving Private Ryan, Jurassic Park, Ready Player One, Schindler's List, Raiders of the Lost Ark, War of the Worlds and Jaws. 
BEST MOVIE: A.I. 
Tarsem Singh - An Indian director that creates films that are a complete immersion and a true feast for the senses. Stunning and absolutely unforgettable, I love his vision and wish that he would make more movies. Singh gave us Immortals, The Cell and Mirror Mirror.
BEST MOVIE: The Fall
Paul Thomas Anderson - Contemplative and filled with flawed and desperate characters, Anderson's movies explore dysfunctional families, alienation and loneliness and they are deeply affecting. He delivered some of my favourite cinematic experiences like Magnolia, Boogie Nights and Punch Drunk Love.
BEST MOVIE: There Will Be Blood.
Martin Scorsese - An American director best known for his gangster and crime movies, he is widely considered to be one of the most influential directors of the New Hollywood era. He tends to cast the same actors in many of his movies, and he has a long professional relationship with Robert De Niro. Scorsese gave us Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, The Departed, Raging Bull and most recently The Irishman. 
BEST MOVIE: Casino
David Cronenberg - Sometimes called the 'Baron of Blood' due to his visceral body horror movies. Cronenberg has made films that people never forget that they have seen, because they are so grotesque! It's really no surprise that I love his work! He gave us The Fly, Videodrome and  Scanners.
BEST MOVIE: eXistenZ
Alexander Payne -  One of the best filmmakers of all time, Payne's movies are full of dark humour and satirical depictions of a dysfunctional modern America. He's the man behind Sideways, About Schmidt and Nebraska.
BEST MOVIE: The Descendants
Jennifer Kent - Kent made her directorial debut in 2014 with the haunting film The Babadook. She is an Australian director that is willing to handle sensitive and disturbing material. Her 2018 movie The Nightingale caused waves due to it's graphic content, but I thought that it was one of the best film of that year. 
BEST MOVIE: The Nightingale
Roman Polanski - I wish that someone that wasn't a pedophile had directed Rosemary's Baby because it's definitely one of my favourite movies of all time. But the love ends there Roman because you're just not a good guy. 
BEST MOVIE: Rosemary's Baby 
HONOURABLE MENTIONS: aka 'I still love ya'

• Terrence Malick - The Thin Red Line and The Tree of Life, total game changers.
• Brian de Palma - Carrie and Scarface, enough said. 
• Dario Argento - 1977 Suspiria, nothing has come close to matching it in crazy colour design and stylised macabre.
• Neill Blomkamp - District 9 was next level genius, can we get more of that please? 
• Baz Luhrmann - Absolutely loved the Red Curtain Trilogy, and let's not forget The Great Gatsby or Australia. 
• Duncan Jones - you had me at Moon.
• Kenneth Lonergan - Manchester by the Sea, one of the most affecting movies I've ever seen.
• Woody Allen - actually I really don't love ya - NOT at all, you're a weirdo and you're a creep! However, I cannot deny that Blue Jasmine, Annie Hall, Mighty Aphrodite and Vicky Cristina Barcelona were all worthy watches. 

Not always the easiest things to do, but listening to your emotions is vital to staying on track and managing yourself in a dignified and intelligent way. Once you become adept at acknowledging emotions and the message that they are sending to you, then you can empower yourself to question the validity of the message and respond accordingly. Sounds rather scientific, but it really isn't and just like any other muscle that you work on to make it stronger, your emotional intelligence is just as pliable and important, so why not start to decipher your feels, identify them and manage them like a boss?
Here is a list of some common negative emotions that you may be feeling and what they could be trying to tell you to address:
Bitterness: you are not healed from an old pain, your hanging onto a judgement of yourself and/or others. 
Resentment: you're living in the past and not allowing the present to be as it.
Discomfort: You need to start paying attention to what is occurring to you right now. You could be ignoring an opportunity to change or hanging on to outmoded version of yourself. 
Anger: Your passionate about something or you feel like an injustice has occurred. Check your boundaries and reassess your need to force your passions outwards.
Disappointment: You tried for something, you didn't give in to apathy and you still care.
Guilt: Guilt helps you to understand the person that you do not want to be. You have an opportunity to forgive yourself and move on. 
Shame: You're internalizing someone else's beliefs about who you should be (or who you are) and you need to connect with yourself. 
Sadness: You have depth in your feelings, you care for others and the world.
Jealousy: You are not content with what you have, you need to discover what it is that is making you feel incomplete.

You do not have to be slave to your negative emotions, remember that you are always in control and that you must try to resolve your feelings first and foremostly, with acceptance. Become aware of what you are feeling, name it and notice where in your physical body it is affecting you, and then without judgement just mindfully label it, eg. this is anxiety. Don't deny the emotion or reject it, accept it completely and even though that may seem like an overwhelming thing to do, also remind yourself that it is not a permanent feeling and that it will, like all things, eventually come to pass. Work hard to identify your triggers and what is going on that makes these feelings rise up within you from time to time and let go of the need to be in control of your emotions all the time. 
You don't have to deny or control your feelings, you only need to manage your responses to them. As I have said in previous blog posts, even Buddhist monks get pissed off from time to time, they just don't act on those feelings, and that is emotional intelligence - just letting the emotions come in and leave without you needing to engage with them at all. And you can do this, and you do deserve to live a life free of stress and anxiety, and you do deserve to feel happy and content, so allow yourself to do the work of the self as often as you can. 
I think that Charles Bukowski summed it all best when he said:
"Nobody can save you but yourself -
and you're worth saving.
It's a war not easily won 
but if anything is worth winning -
this is it."

The Golden Globes Awards happened on Monday at midday and I was lucky enough to watch them in real time from the comfort of my couch. However, it is extremely hard to really enjoy any type of celebration or merriment wholeheartedly at the moment without feeling extremely guilty. Especially when you are surrounded by a very ominous, dark, smokey haze that has drifted over from the devastating bushfires that are ravaging our country at the moment. To call the state of affairs in Australia grim at the moment would be a serious understatement, they are truly troubling and frightening real. 
Gone are the days of a laid back and relaxed Aussie Summer, the reality of our warmer season now is  an endurance of long dry days, hypervigilance and dire concern as year after year we watch in despair as our country turns to ash. And I am well aware that our climate makes us more susceptible to bushfire, but the frequency, ferocity and duration of this year's blazes has been unprecedented. Nowhere in Australia is safe from the threat of fire anymore and when you already live in a high fire risk area as I do, you can't help but be very, very concerned. 
Many of the actors that took to the stage on Monday extended their thoughts and solidarity towards Australia during our country's fire crisis, but goodwill and thoughts, although kind, aren't exactly going to extinguish the roaring blazes or save family homes. So, what can anyone really do to help? At this point in the crisis what we really need is more money, money to replace homes and support devastated communities to get back onto their feet and to help care for injured wildlife and fund koala hospitals. These donations can be made through The Red Cross, the CFA, Wildlife Victoria and also directly to The Victorian Bushfire Appeal, all of whom can easily be reached online if you feel compelled to offer financial support. 
In the long run however, it is up to us as a nation to not only be stronger in our fire awareness and prevention but to be far more mindful about where we place our votes for our country's leadership in the future. Without a leader in this country that is willing to make serious and realistic moves towards our climate change issues nothing is going to improve. Australia desperately needs a national climate and energy policy review, and most of all a leader that is willing to undertake that work. That is never going to happen if we don't make it happen, so please, I implore you to not waste your next vote but to thoughtfully consider what the future of our country will look like for our children and children's children and to have that at the forefront of your thinking when you vote next. Come on Australia - we can make big changes for the better by just casting our vote to where it is needed. 
​But enough about politics, let's lighten the mood and announce the Golden Globe recipients for 2020 - a most worthy and deserving bunch for sure:

Another incredible year of movies and television as the entertainment bar raises even higher and the standards of exceptional viewing opportunities continue to grow wider and faster than anyone could have predicted. This year I watched 212 movies, which was around 30 less than I watched in 2018, but I did watch 147 television series (some of which were more than one series of catch up as well) which was a lot more TV than I viewed in 2018, so it all balances out to the same amount of couch smashing in the end and still translates to me being a serious media addict. 
You will notice that there are a lot more TV series listed below than movies, and that is simply because there were a lot more excellent TV experiences to be had this year. The influx of genuinely high level television in 2019 was literally never ending, and to be perfectly honest there was also a tonne of exceptionally fabulous movies produced as well. If viewing opportunities keep escalating at this rate I am going to need to take long service leave just to stay on top of it all! 
However, in all seriousness, 2019 was a super strong year when it came to viewing experiences across all genres and without further ado....here is my selection for the best viewing experiences of 2019. 
BEST MOVIES (2019 release):

• Little Women - Period Drama 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame) 
• Avengers: Endgame - Super 5 Chilli Peppers (Hall of Fame)
• Marriage Story - Romance/ Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Once Upon a Time in Hollywood - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• The Irishman - Crime 4 Chilli Peppers 
• The King - War/ Historical 4 Chilli Peppers
• Toy Story 4 - Kid Friendly 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Jojo Rabbit - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers
• Midsommar - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers
• John Wick 3: Parabellum - Action 4 Chilli Peppers
• Joker - Super 4 Chilli Peppers
• Klaus - Kid Friendly 4 Chilli Peppers

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

• Knives Out - Crime 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Captain Marvel - Super 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Fighting With My Family - Sports Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Top End Wedding - Comedy 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• I Am Mother - Science Fiction 3.5 Chilli Peppers

Here are my top recommendations for pre-2019 releases that I didn't get to see until 2019:

• The Favourite - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• They Shall Not Grow Old - Documentary 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse - Super 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Green Book - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers
• Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool - Romance 4 Chilli Peppers
• American Animals - Crime 4 Chilli Peppers 
• End of Watch - Crime 4 Chilli Peppers
• 45 years - Drama 4 Chili Peppers
• Mandy - Horror 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Eighth Grade - Drama 3.5 Chilli  Peppers
• Tully - Drama 3.5 Chilli Peppers
• Sorry to Bother You - Art House 3.5 Chilli Peppers

BEST TELEVISION SERIES 2019:

• Escape From Dannemora - Crime 5 Chilli Peppers
• Game of Thrones (Final Series) - Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers 
• Chernobyl - Historical Drama 5 Chilli Peppers
• Fleabag S1 and S2 - Comedy 5 Chilli Peppers
• The Dark Crystal - Fantasy 5 Chilli Peppers
• The Watchmen - Science Fiction 5 Chilli Peppers
• Lemony Snicket's: A Series Unfortunate Events S2 - Fantasy 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Les Miserables - Period Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Britannia S2 - Fantasy 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• The Let Down S2 - Comedy 4.5 Chilli Peppers 
• Gentleman Jack - Period Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• The Act - Crime 4.5 Chilli Peppers
• Lambs of God - Drama 4.5 Chilli Peppers

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: 

• SMILF S2 - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Sally 4eva - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers 
• After Life - Comedy/ Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Love, Death and Robots - Science Fiction 4 Chilli Peppers 
• What We Do in the Shadows - Comedy/Horror 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Forever - Science Fiction 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Sabrina S2 - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers 
• American Gods S2 - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Detectorists S3 - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Bad Omens - Fantasy 4 Chilli Peppers 
• The Hot Zone - Historical Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Euphoria - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Perpetual Grace - Fantasy/Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Stranger Things S3 - Science Fiction 4 Chilli Peppers
• Big Little Lies S2 - Drama  4 Chilli Peppers 
• Marianne - Horror/ Foreign 4 Chilli Peppers 
• The Kominsky Method S2 - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Castle Rock S2 - Horror 4 Chilli Peppers 
• The Righteous Gemstones - Comedy 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Mr Robot (S4 - final Season) - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 
• Upright - Drama 4 Chilli Peppers 

I'm not going to lie about it, 2019 was NOT my favourite year. It was a year when things that could go wrong did go wrong for me. It was year of loss, sorrow, illness, confusion and things just frickin breaking or catching on fire (seriously - catching on fire people - just nuts!), but you know what I have to say about that? I say, well yeah it was pretty shitty a lot of the time, but I survived it. And I am stronger and smarter and calmer and wiser because of it all, I have learnt more about myself and others this year than I ever thought that I could learn in one year and even though I am praying that 2020 is somewhat kinder and gentler to me, I am actually proud that I have managed myself as well as I did in the face of all that adversity. 
And it really wasn't all doom and gloom anyway, some really good stuff happened to me in 2019 as well, and I would really like to focus on those peaks and forget about the valleys right now. 

See, loads of good things happening all year long! If you just look hard enough at what you've been doing, you can always find the positives. And although this year has really tested my fortitude, it has also proven to me that I have some incredibly strong, kind and generous people in my life that have really supported me through the tough times, and that is better than so many others things and pretty much makes up for things catching on fire as well! 
So onward and upward I go, 2020 has arrived and along with it an opportunity to rise up, dust off and face the world again with a fresh perspective and some new found optimism. I feel that brighter days lie just ahead!

Words are flowing out
Like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
After drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva, Om
Nothing's gonna change my world...

Beautiful words from John Lennon and the lyrics from the incredible song Across the Universe by The Beatles.  
And why have I written them here? Well, sometimes I find that words are not always enough to express a feeling, but song lyrics - like poetry, seem to fill that void for me. In fact, I often seek the mellow embrace of a song when I really need to let it all out and there are many songs that evoke deep emotional responses within me, but for some unknown reason Across the Universe is one that I find myself turning to when my emotions get a bit jammed up or muddled. 
Apparently, The Beatles stated that the song was heavily influenced by their interest in Transcendental Meditation during the late 1960's. The mantra "Jai Guru Dev, Om" that features in the song is actually a Sanskrit phrase whose words can have many meanings. In translation it approximates as "glory to the shining remover of darkness" and it can also be paraphrased as "Victory of God divine", "hail to the divine guru," or the phrase commonly invoked by the late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in referring to his spiritual teacher, "All glory to Guru Dev."
Whatever the interpretation, the lyrics are highly image-based with abstract concepts and in a 1970 interview with Rolling Stone magazine, John Lennon referred to the lyrics of Across the Universe as "one of the best lyrics that I've written. In fact, it could be the best. It's good poetry, or whatever you call it, without chewin' it." And he is right, it is an incredibly well written piece of music and I always feel emotional when I listen to it. 
I suppose everyone has their favourite songs that they turn to when they want to cry a little or release something or just feel a connection. Here is a list of my top 25 favourite "get your feels out" songs that help me to release my pent up emotions. These songs really get me right in the heart every damn time that I listen to them. 

1. Across the Universe - I love The Beatles version, but recently Aurora did a version on Triple J's Like a Version and it is pretty much perfect in every way. 
2. This Woman's Work - Kate Bush 
3. Thirty-Three - The Smashing Pumpkins 
4. Morning Theft or Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
5. Breathe Me - Sia 
6. Speak My Mind or Decision- N.Y.C.K. 
7. Get on the Road - Tired Pony
8. The Drugs Don't Work - The Verve
9. Unravel - Bjork
10. Watch You Go - Tyne-James Organ
11. Horizon - Aldous Harding 
12. Listen to Soul, Listen to Blues - Safia
13. River - Leon Bridges 
14. No Stars - Rebekah Del Rio 
15. Delete - DMA's 
16. Runaway or Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks- The National 
17. Into Yellow - Martin Luke Brown
18. Pain and Misery - The Teskey Brothers 
19. ​Misplaced - Riley Pearce
20. Elegy - Leif Vollebekk
21. Primitive - Annie Lennox
22. All We Do - Oh Wonder 
23. I Get Overwhelmed - Dark Rooms
24. Medicine - Daughter
25. The Finish Line - Snow Patrol

I'm not 100% sure that crying out your feels to your favourite sad songs is the best way to deal with your emotions, but sometimes we all need to go to dark places to find ourselves again after stressful or traumatic times and listening to "get your feels out" songs seems like a pretty innocuous way to do that; just make sure you bring your tissue box along for the ride! 

JOJO RABBIT
Release Date: 2019 
Rating: MA 15+ 
Running Time: 108 mins
Written and directed by Taika Waititi (who also stars as an imaginary Adolf Hitler) Jojo Rabbit is set to divide viewers with it's strange mixture of comedy, war and drama. This unexpected 'feel good' movie swings between poignant and disturbing depictions of the atrocities of WW2 and full blown Nazi-mocking humour, never really committing to any one genre for the duration.
Living in Nazi occupied Germany during the latter stages of WW2, young Johannes "Jojo" Betzler, his best friend Yorki and his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler attend a Deutsches Jungvolk Hitler Youth training Camp together. The camp is designed to offer boys the basics in Nazi training, whilst strengthen their hate for all things Jewish. However, when Jojo comes into close contact with a Jewish girl, all of his training and pre-conceptions are put to the test. 
This is really funny stuff; Taika Waititi, Rebel Wilson, Stephen Merchant, Sam Rockwell and Scarlett Johansson all bring a lot of comic relief and support to Roman Griffin Davis who plays Jojo with loads of flair and and an engaging fresh faced innocence.  However, this movie is not just all about the laughs, because there are a lot of important and valuable things being said here as well which definitely makes it one of the most original films of the year for me. 
For fans of previous Waititi offerings, you are certainly in for a treat and although there is no denying that Jojo Rabbit isn't not going to appeal to everyone's taste, it certainly appealed to mine. 
FINAL SAY: Definitely not a good time to be a Nazi. 
4 Chilli Peppers ​

So much build up for just one day, and then poof! Christmas Day comes and then it goes again for another twelve months in the wink of an eye. I think that Christmas Day always seems to move at breakneck speed and generally it always feels like a bit of a blur for me. I always host a Christmas lunch which means that I do get busy in the kitchen on the actual day, and because this was our first Christmas without dad I also collected my mother on Christmas Eve to ensure that she was not alone on Christmas morning or Christmas Eve.
Mum's house is a three hour round trip from our house, so the travel required an extra element of time management in order to keep all of the Christmas events running smoothly and on time, but we managed and everything went well. To be honest, I had completely forgotten just how much effort some people go to every year for Christmas. Flitting around the countryside from one Christmas event to another is absolutely exhausting and we haven't had to do that for a very long time. I'd forgotten how drained it makes you! Craig's family hosted an afternoon/evening event in town here last night and I was absolutely knackered by the time the day drew to an end around 11.30pm - I slept like a bloody yuletide log! 
But, I am not complaining, Christmas should be a little hectic and a little bit crazy, it's a big event after all, so of course it deserves one's full attention! And it was a really wonderful day; we dressed the table in all of our finery, ate like kings, drank good wine, shared beautiful gifts, played games, hugged family members and laughed a whole lot together, so it was really a terrific day all round.
And today? Well today is Boxing Day so it is a completely different tale. Today I shlump about with unbrushed hair and an unwashed face in my old T-shirt and shorts looking like a bag lady as I picked at plates of leftovers, played Chinese Checkers with Seth and Craig and stood about in the garden with a hose at dusk for two hours in an attempt to water my sun crippled plants, all the while wondering how it is that the weeds in my yard look so lush and healthy. And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow reality will set in and I will probably pack Christmas away into boxes and bags for another year and begin to contemplate what I will do with the rest of my long hot Summer break. 
These days when the whole Summer break stretches out before you are the absolutely best days of all. And not just because of the possibilities of what you can do to fill those days, but for me, at this point in my life, right now, it's about knowing that there will definitely be days ahead for me digest the year that lies behind me and really take stock of where I want to be heading in the next twelve months of my life. I desperately need some contemplation time and I am so relieved to know that it is on the way!

So, the 2020 Golden Globe Nominations have been announced, which will pretty much dictate what I will be watching over my summer break. Yep, I am going to be hitting the couch and the cinema pretty hard over the next few weeks so that I can watch the actual Golden Globe Awards Ceremony live on Arena on January 6th and have some understanding of the content that has been nominated.
As an avid movie addict, I do feel very compelled to see at least 75% of everything nominated before an event of this calibre occurs in order for me to be discerning about whether a movie/program is worthy of the win or not. 
This year there is some really great news for those of you out there that don't like to go the cinema very often because quite a number of the nominated films and television programs are actually available through various streaming networks (which I have indicated below for your viewing ease) which means that you can watch a good swag of them from the comfort of your own couch in preparation for the big event. 
I cannot deny that there does appear to be a couple of incredibly great movies and television series that have been snubbed from the lists here, but this happens every year and I will get around to sharing my personal top pics of the year list very soon, so let's just go with what's been nominated here, and I will talk more about my personal choices for the best of 2019 in the very near future.
So, without further ado, here are the 2020 Golden Globe Nominations - happy viewing!
Best Motion Picture — Drama
1917
The Irishman - Netflix
Joker
Marriage Story - Netflix
The Two Popes - Netflix
Best Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Dolemite Is My Name -  Netflix
Jojo Rabbit
Knives Out
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Rocketman
Best Foreign-Language Motion Picture
The Farewell
Les Misérables 
Pain and Glory 
Parasite
Portrait of a Lady on Fire
Best Limited Series or TV Movie
Catch-22 - Stan
Chernobyl - HBO
Fosse/Verdon - HBO
The Loudest Voice - Showtime
Unbelievable - Netflix
Best Television Series — Drama
Big Little Lies - HBO
The Crown - Netflix
Killing Eve -  ABC iview or Stan
The Morning Show
Succession - HBO
Best Comedy Series
Fleabag - Amazon Prime
Barry - HBO
The Kominsky Method - Netflix
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Amazon Prime
The Politician - Netflix
Best Motion Picture — Animated
Frozen II
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World
Missing Link
Toy Story 4
The Lion King
Best Director — Motion Picture
Bong Joon-ho, Parasite
Sam Mendes, 1917
Todd Phillips, Joker
Martin Scorsese, The Irishman
Quentin Tarantino, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Best Performance by an Actor in a Limited Series or Movie
Christopher Abbott, Catch-22
Sacha Baron Cohen, The Spy
Russell Crowe, The Loudest Voice
Jared Harris, Chernobyl
Sam Rockwell, Fosse/Verdon
Best Performance by an Actress in a Limited Series or Movie
Kaitlyn Dever, Unbelievable
Joey King, The Act - Hulu 
Helen Mirren, Catherine the Great - Foxtel
Merritt Wever, Unbelievable
Michelle Williams, Fosse/Verdon
Best Performance by a Supporting Actor in a Series, Limited Series, or TV Movie
Alan Arkin, The Kominsky Method
Kieran Culkin, Succession
Andrew Scott, Fleabag
Stellan Skarsgård, Chernobyl
Henry Winkler, Barry
Best Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited Series, or TV Movie
Patricia Arquette, The Act 
Helena Bonham Carter, The Crown
Toni Collette, Unbelievable
Meryl Streep, Big Little Lies
Emily Watson, Chernobyl
Best Score for a Motion Picture
Little Women
Joker
Marriage Story
1917
Motherless Brooklyn
Best Original Song
“Beautiful Ghosts,” Cats
“(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again,” Rocketman
“Into the Unknown,” Frozen II
“Spirit,” The Lion King
“Stand Up,” Harriet
Best Performance by an Actor in a Comedy Series
Michael Douglas, The Kominsky Method - Netflix
Bill Hader, Barry - HBO
Ben Platt, The Politician - Netflix
Paul Rudd, Living With Yourself - Netflix
Ramy Youssef, Ramy - Stan
Best Performance by an Actress in a Comedy Series
Christina Applegate, Dead to Me - Netflix
Kirsten Dunst, On Becoming a God in Central Florida -  SBS
Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Amazon Prime
Natasha Lyonne, Russian Doll - Netflix
Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Fleabag - Amazon Prime
Best Performance by an Actor in a Drama Series
Brian Cox, Succession - HBO
Kit Harington, Game of Thrones - Foxtel
Rami Malek, Mr. Robot - HBO
Tobias Menzies, The Crown
Billy Porter, Pose -Foxtel
Best Performance by an Actress in a Drama Series
Jennifer Aniston, The Morning Show - Apple TV+
Jodie Comer, Killing Eve
Olivia Colman, The Crown
Nicole Kidman, Big Little Lies
Reese Witherspoon, The Morning Show
Best Performance by a Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture 
Tom Hanks, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Anthony Hopkins, The Two Popes
Al Pacino, The Irishman
Joe Pesci, The Irishman
Brad Pitt, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Best Screenplay
Marriage Story
Parasite
The Two Popes
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
The Irishman
Best Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Kathy Bates, Richard Jewell
Annette Bening, The Report
Laura Dern, Marriage Story
Jennifer Lopez, Hustlers
Margot Robbie, Bombshell
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Daniel Craig, Knives Out
Taron Egerton, Rocketman
Roman Griffin Davis, Jojo Rabbit
Eddie Murphy, Dolemite Is My Name
Leonardo DiCaprio, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama
Christian Bale, Ford v Ferrari
Antonio Banderas, Pain and Glory
Adam Driver, Marriage Story
Joaquin Phoenix, Joker
Jonathan Pryce, The Two Popes
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Ana de Armas, Knives Out
Cate Blanchett, Where’d You Go, Bernadette
Beanie Feldstein, Booksmart
Emma Thompson, Late Night
Awkwafina, The Farewell
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama
Cynthia Erivo, Harriet
Scarlett Johansson, Marriage Story
Saoirse Ronan, Little Women
Charlize Theron, Bombshell
Renée Zellweger, Judy

It is so easy to be petty. And it is way too simple to be negative. It is also extremely convenient to be those things when you think that you have some legitimate excuse to be that way, but at the end of the day you will actually never have a legitimate excuse to be any of those things and you will only make yourself feel like crap if you indulge in the bad, sad and ugly sides of yourself when things are going wrong in your life.  
It is during these particular challenging times of my life that I always try to reel my intentions and my attitude back in, reassess, stop being a whiny bitch and get back on with putting one foot in front of the other and just generally being an adult. However, I cannot deny that sometimes this is far easier said than done. 
Over the years I have had to employ more and more adult behaviour into my life, even though I would far prefer to be flossing about in the garden with flowers in my hair and no thought or concern about tomorrow. Yes, that is a very appealing scenario to me, but as you get older the opportunities to indulge in these kinds of behaviors gets dimmer and dimmer and further away all of the time. This does not mean that you should just stop indulging your innermost child, but it does mean that sometimes you have slap yourself upside the head, shake it off and get on with the processes of life, no matter how much that does not interest or excite you. 
Adulting is an unfortunate side effect of getting older, an extremely unfortunate side effect if you ask me, but it must be done because the expectations around 'being an adult' are plain and clear. No-one is going to put up with an immature whiny middle aged woman for very long, God knows I cannot put up with myself for very long when I am at my worst!
However, it's not all doom and gloom because there are actually some really great benefits and signs that you are maturing in the most wonderful of ways. Take a look at this list from quotecollective.com about the top ten signs that you're maturing:

1. Small talk no longer excites or interests you.
2. Sleep is more important to you than a Friday night out. 
3. You forgive more.
4. You become more open-minded.
5. You respect differences. 
6. You don't force your love onto others.
7. You accept heartache and failures.
8. You don't judge quickly.
9. You sometimes prefer to stay silent rather than engage in nonsense. 
10. Your happiness doesn't depend on others but on your inner self. 

And I would like to add another 10 positives to maturing that I have found particularly humbling over the last 12 months of my life:

1. You acknowledge that sometimes your inner voice is a bitch and you know that you don't have to listen to her. 
2. You know and accept that things happen and you can't do a frickin thing about it and you can 'just deal.' 
3. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave - if you're mature you will completely understand.
4. You acknowledge and accept that you have little to no control over what your children will say and do.
5. If people aren't making any effort, you recognise that they're not your people. 
6. You know that your needs do not have to come first.
7. You know that you are not ever a victim because you create your own reality. 
8. You understand that complicated is just as okay as simple. 
9. You accept that not everyone will get you and can say 'big whoop' when that happens. 
10. You know that you will never always be motivated and therefore you must learn to be disciplined. 

OOOHHH! Look at me, all grown up and finally learning to accept, acknowledge and recognise my own shortcomings, I have done some pretty serious evolving over the last twelve months that's for sure. Still though, I cannot deny that the frolicking in the garden thing is still wildly appealing to me. Regardless of how much I may be adulting the crap of things lately, there are certain things that I am not ready to abandon for a mature life just yet. 

The term 'gaslighting' was popularised after the 1944 film "Gaslight" with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In the movie, the husband uses manipulative behaviours and manages to completely disrupt his wife's sense of reality. She begins to doubt her own sanity and he does all this to her so that he can steal her money....what an asshole!
Nowadays however, we use the term 'gaslighting' to describe people that use manipulative or specific patterns of behaviour to keep themselves on top or in control of other people. In short, a gaslighter doesn't want people doing anything without their say so or approval and they will use very sneaky and highly effective methods to keep themselves on top by making others doubt themselves or look incompetent. 
Gaslighters can turn up anywhere, you could even be married to one and not even realize it! They are usually in positions of power and they will most definitely want to keep things that way. Gaslighters can be men or women of any age, religion or nationality. They do often go undetected because their attempts at manipulation are slow, sly and exceptionally secretive. This can make them especially hard to identify in the workplace where they can happily push a lot of their own agenda or mask their cynicism by labelling it as necessary growth. 
Basically, gaslighters love the spotlight so they will happily claim other people's work or effort as their own, imply that other people's level of work is subpar or irrelevant and will openly push back any adverse behaviour that presents any kind of  jeopardy to their own perceived power status. Ever had a boss say something like "Oh,  I don't think that's true, maybe it's just how you choose to see it" when you try to present an issue to them? Well that soft manipulation technique is actually a form of gaslighting. So be aware, if your boss is always on the other side of all of your issues or giving you any reason to doubt yourself, your capabilities or your sense of reality, then odds are that you've been prey to a gaslighter. 
A gaslighter will micromanage others to the point of ridiculous in an attempt to stay in control. They will say things that make you doubt your own ability, they will make you feel like you aren't good enough and they will make it look like you are the one with the problem not them. Gaslighting is a form of narcissism, so you can bet that a gaslighter will vocally point out how successfully they once did the job that you are doing now - only better of course, and probably found it all a lot easier as well. They always lack the ability to put themselves into the shoes of another and therefore they lack empathy, which means that they will struggle to make deep connections with people, unless of course it will be of great benefit to them; then suddenly they will be hyper vigilant! 
Psychotherapist and owner of Mind Balance , Rose Lawrence has sighted the following traits to keep an eye out for when trying to spot a gaslighters: 

• Someone that uses their great humour and people skills to say things that sound innocent, but what they are really saying is underhanded and passive aggressive.
• Someone that listens long enough to collect information from you, but is not fully engaged in the listening process to show signs that they authentically care about what you are saying. 
• Lie and make you feel like it was your fault that they had to lie; gaslighters have zero accountability. 
• Take information and twist it around to their advantage or use it against others.
• Gossip to gain more ammunition.
• Appear confident but if you observe them closely they are actually deeply insecure.
• Leave you feeling like you are not enough. 

I hope that none of you ever have to deal with gaslighters in your life, but it is always good to be on the lookout for their ridiculous methods of manipulation, because as I said earlier, they are often very hard to detect.
If you do suspect that you are being gaslighted, make sure that you document any interactions as evidence. Setting up clear boundaries around what you will not tolerate will help you to document and identify when someone is gaslighting you. You will need very good evidence if you are going to try and out a gaslighter. Remember, gaslighters are sly, manipulative and methodical so you will need to be ahead of them at every step if you want to gain the upper hand or expose them. 
Also, don't forget to reaffirm your own self worth and what it is that you are good at. Doing this will help to combat any lingering doubts about your skills or sanity that a gaslighter might have tried to instill in you, and please seek support if you cannot manage this on your own. Remember, gaslighting is real and effective, that's why manipulative people use this method, so don't downplay the severity or the implications around it. Call it out, talk about it and stamp it out, gaslighting is nothing more than adult bullying and no-one should have to put up with it!

I have no idea how December just suddenly arrived. Actually, I have no idea what happened to this year in general, it just doesn't feel like we are reaching the end of another year. And what a year it has been, talk about the best of times and the worst of times... it's been a year of complete polarities and I really haven't processed all of the goings on properly yet, and I more than likely won't now until the school term ends in three weeks time. 
That being said, there is nothing like being busy to distract one from all worry and strife, so the hectic state of December poses some welcome this year for me and in all honesty I am looking forward to the days falling away at the unrelenting pace that they will from here on in. Let them go I say, let the year end! I am ready to gain a fresh start and shake off 2019 like an old winter coat. I am looking forward to a long summer break full of of pointless novels, cocktail concoctions, midnight movie marathons and unlimited meditation and yoga sessions. Looking forward to it? Hell, I am craving it!  
The Christmas tree has gone up here and even thought the festive decorations have been strewn about the house, it still feels completely surreal and unbelievable to think that Christmas is only 24 days away. I have barely even acknowledged the concept of Christmas shopping, which feels not only premature but also somewhat overwhelming to me at the moment. It might be a good year to do all of my Christmas shopping online which would save me the gauntlet of fake santas, antsy people, tired kids, overstocked shops, horrific Christmas music and general indecision. No-one will care if I am procrastinating online with my gift choices and I can do it in my pajamas on a Sunday morning from the comfort of my bed which is also a pretty huge bonus!  
However, to be honest I am finding that I am struggling to find the time to do much of anything lately. I have been dreadfully neglectful of Spicywatch and have been blogging only half as much as I would like to. I have a stockpile of unwatched movies, TV series, audio books and podcasts that would be considered ridiculous to anyone but myself. My garden basically looks like jungle and my veggie patch has either gone to seed or gone to God; and everywhere that I look I see things that are needing my attention but I am just not interested in doing any of it. And it's weird because I am not depressed, sad or anything like that, I am just not as motivated as I usually am. I am...hmmm... the best way that I can put it is that I am just 'going along for the ride.' 
And I suppose that sometimes it is not a bad thing to just 'go along for the ride' but it isn't something that I do very often and it is weird to feel so damn unenthusiastic when I am usually quite the opposite. And I do understand full well that this state won't last forever, and that it is probably just the acceptance stage of my grieving that is causing me to feel this way, which is totally natural and doesn't require me to overthink or even address it but to just 'go along with it.' 
And so I shall, I will just go with it and allow the silly season to take me wherever it may. Everything else can wait until I have more free time and a renewed sense of motivation, which will return to me eventually, but for now I shall relax my mind and gently float downstream...there's no need to swim against the current right now. 

It is difficult to say whether or not the holiday that Craig and I had booked for our 25th wedding anniversary in Vanuatu had arrived at the most inopportune time ever or the most opportune time ever, but it did happen and we did get on a plane just days after my father's funeral and escape all of the worry and strife of the real world to go to one of the most pristine stretches of beach in the Eastern Pacific to sip cocktails and bask in the sun for five incredible days. 
This was our first trip to Vanuatu and the first time that Craig and I have booked a holiday that was just about the two of us in almost 12 years, so you could say that we were more than due to have some quality 'one on one' time. And perhaps it really was the best time to get away. I was still numb from all of my grief and in dire need of some TLC and headspace, and this holiday did feel genuinely like a complete exhale and a total spiritual reboot in so many ways. 
We stayed at the Eratap Beach Resort which is a boutique style, eco-friendly and completely authentic beach resort that is focused on low numbers, no children and complete five star beachside luxury. From the moment that we arrived and our accommodating host placed a cocktail into my hand as we entered I felt my shoulders drop and my stress begin to just melt away. We had just arrived in paradise, a real paradise with crystal clear waters, gentle ocean breezes and an award winning chef in the kitchen who provided us with nightly seafood feasts that were some of the best dishes that I have ever eaten in my life. 
The food? Completely gourmet and absolutely delicious. The drinks? Different cocktail specials every night and an extensive list that I indulged completely. The beach? White sands, azure and turquoise sparkling waters and the most incredible snorkeling you could ever imagine with clown fish, angel fish and even a giant red octopus; it was so damn good that I couldn't believe it was actually real. The resort? Pristine, perfect and completely seducing with it's swaying palms, tropical grounds and uber friendly staff. We felt like kings from the moment that we arrived and were treated like superstars for the duration. 
We kayaked, snorkelled, swam, hiked, ate, drank and lounged about for five days. We took two journeys outside of the resort which were both provided free of charge by the resort, one to visit the local village of Eratap to see their homes, school and church, and one into Port Vila for a spot of souvenir shopping. The rest of the time we did our own thing, ate whenever we wanted to because the restaurant was open until 11pm every day, and pretty much felt like we were there on our own because there are only 12 villas on the premises, so their were really only around 20 guests on the grounds at any given time. Heaven, totally and utterly divine in every way, we loved it and we were so sad to leave when our stay finally came to it's inevitable conclusion. 
Anyway...one quick 4.5 hour flight back to Melbourne from Port Vila and a fairly short drive from Tullamarine and we were back in Enfield. Unfortunately, it was not the happy return that we had been expecting and we were quickly slammed back into reality when we realised that both of the kids weren't well. Zoe could barely speak and was sporting a raging head cold and a very sore throat, and Seth who seemed okay on Friday night when we got home very late, arose on Saturday morning saying that he felt unwell and by 7pm on Saturday night we had him at the hospital Emergency Room after he had a febrile seizure and passed out in our lounge room. 
He had been vomiting on Saturday and his temperature had gotten dangerously high, then his blood pressure plummeted and teamed with his dehydration from vomiting, he went down for the count (thank God Craig caught him) and they had to put him on drip at the hospital, administer anti-nausea tablets and run some blood tests just to make sure that he didn't have anything more sinister going on. It was pretty stressful, and it was really not good to be back in the emergency ward of a hospital again so soon. However, all is well and Seth was released from hospital at 11pm on Saturday night with the all clear and slept like a baby at home until 9.30am this morning. 
Today I have been able to play nursemaid to both of the kids, and although I wish that we had returned home to happier circumstances, I am also tremendously relieved that we were home to take care of them and the entire situation ourselves. It is wonderful to get away and I am glad that Craig and I got to share such a wonderful experience of complete tranquility in Vanuatu; but for now.... it's back to reality and back to work tomorrow, because nothing - not even paradise - can last forever. 

I haven't been on my website for what feels like an age, and I have good reason for that. I lost my father last week in what I can only describe as a whirlwind event of shock and surprise that left us all reeling and wondering what the hell had happened. I must say, that it is just like my father to go out like a clap of thunder, but considering the fact that he seemed to bounce back from every ailment that was thrown at him, we were all floored when he eventually succumbed and passed away. 
My dad was a man that never complained about his physical illnesses and never really revealed to us just how truly ill he really was, which meant that in the end he had a multitude of ailments (some secret and some not) that even his bullet proof fortitude could no longer manage. And being completely true to form, he waited until everyone was out of the room to take his leave and depart the world. This made the entire event feel so sudden and unexpected, but when you really read all of the early signs (which you always do after an event of this magnitude) we probably should have seen this coming and expected no less from our father. 
I really wanted dad to have a nice farewell and even though he hated any fuss or fanfare, we did put together a short and meaningful goodbye for him and I wrote and delivered his eulogy myself. Writing his eulogy was so cathartic for me, not only did I get to say farewell in my own terms and with my own words, I also got to have some beautiful and meaningful conversations with the other people that loved him dearly as they shared their special stories and memories of my father with me. The entire experience was really meaningful and it felt like such a perfect way to honour and farewell someone who had so much influence over my own life. 
I have decided to post the eulogy that I wrote as a tribute to my father, so that his story is immortalised and shared with the world, because he genuinely deserves nothing short of that. 

If dad was here today, I know that he would be overwhelmed with the amount of people that have gathered here for him. I also know that he would probably say something like "why are you bothering with all this bullshit for?" because that was dad's way.
However, in spite of dad not wanting any fuss or fanfare, I would like to talk a bit about him; about Don Hall - the larrikin, the hard working bloke, the complicated, private and yet always surprising man that I called my dad. 

Born to a tough as nails Aussie family of five just before the start of WW2 in 1938, my father knew about hard times and would often talk about his childhood with a mixture of joy and the type of sadness that only those who have struggled could ever really understand.
His family survived the depression, war time and post war together in the Western suburbs of Melbourne where he grew up shooting rabbits with his uncle Les, chasing trains for coal, stealing scraps of food from the chook shed to stave off his hunger and generally being a complete scallywag with his older sister Linda.
Linda shared some funny tales about their early childhood adventures that included nicking their father’s treasured chocolates and smokes and the time that dad created a makeshift community swimming pool from a burst water pipe hole that resulted in my dad emerging caked from head to toe in thick brown mud.
One day the two of them had a marvelous time jumping on the bloated belly of what they thought was a deceased horse just to hear the farting noises come out. Turns out that poor horse wasn’t dead at all and when they decided to poke it in the bum with a stick it jumped up and ran off, much to their shock and horror. Linda informed me that that poor horse not only survived its run in with her and my father, but gave birth to a foal soon after…I wonder why?

Dad would often reminisce and regale us with tales about his youth; which were generally tales of mischief, childhood bravery or just straight up acts of delinquency! I recall his stories about shooting snakes with his father’s shotgun that had slithered into the family home, getting picked up by the local cops for various law breaking deeds and his free spirited days upon his beloved Aerial Square 4 motorbike that his older brother swapped for a Ute; which I think that dad never forgave him for.
One of dad’s lifelong friends Carso shared with me what a tremendously good friend my dad had been over the years. He once even offered his beloved Aerial bike to use when I was dating a woman in another town, he said, he was the sort of friend that would give you his arse and shit out of his ribs. Sorry to the sensitive ears for that one….but I do think that accurately sums how generous my dad could be.
 
My dad was a handsome, suave man and with his quiet cool attitude and rugged demeanor the women always seemed to notice him. My sister Donna recently told me that her friends at school used to comment on how handsome he was when he would pick her up ‘he looks just like Elvis’ they would swoon, and with that perfect jet black, side combed slicked back hair he caught the eye of my mother and from that moment on they fell in love and started a lifelong love story that lasted for more than 60 years.
He married my mother in 1960, much to the distaste of both of their families. My mother’s family was not too sure about my mum marrying an ‘Aussie kangaroo’ as they called him, and my father’s parents weren’t too keen on him marrying a new Australian either, but against all of the odds and prejudices they did marry and they made it work together.
They were young parents, mum only a teenager herself when they welcomed Donna into the world and dad being super handy with his hands built a bungalow on my grandparent’s property so that they could start a life and save for their first home. More children soon arrived, Morry, William, Kath and myself and before he knew it dad had a brood of children to care for and he took his fatherly duties very seriously, especially when it came to his three beautiful daughters.
Fiercely protective and possessive as a father, any boy that knocked on our door for a date was ran through the Donnie Hall series of difficult questions and demands. ‘What exactly are your intentions with my daughter?’ He would ask whilst running his eye over some sweaty, clueless teenager that looked like they were going to explode under the weight of dads inquiring and judging eye.

And dad was incredibly old fashioned like that, he was a boys will be boys and girls will be ladies kind of a dad who had high expectations that we all felt obligated to meet.
And there was something about dad that made us all seek his approval and affections because underneath that hard exterior beat the heart of a truly soft and genuinely sensitive man.  Dad was firm but fair and we all knew that he only had our best interests at heart.
Those of us that knew him well understood that dad was actually just a big marshmallow who had mellowed greatly over the years and who loved nothing more than a joke (preferably a dirty one) and a good laugh.

He had many interests like cars, western and action movies and tinkering with mechanical things, especially fiddly things like clocks. He always had a curious mind and liked to learn new things, a fitter and turner by trade, my dad liked knowing how things worked and could spend hours investigating gadgets, taking things apart and putting them back together again.
One thing that we all knew about dad was his incredible work ethic, need to be kept busy and demand for perfection. He built and renovated several homes in his lifetime, one in Deer Park, Daylesford, Ballarat and eventually here in Ararat. House proud up until the end, he was laying new flooring in his house only weeks before he left us. Everyone said that dad would go with a hammer in his hand and that wasn’t far from the truth.
If something needed fixing, dad would do it. If something got broken, dad would work it out, and he took pride in being able to repair and mend almost anything that he put his mind to.

At his essence I believe that my father was a complicated man. He was often guarded, secretive and somewhat mysterious to us all in so many ways. He was difficult to get to know well and at times struggled to even understand the complexities of himself. I shared many conversations with him where he spoke candidly of his deep love and adoration for all of his children, grandchildren and our mother.
His last year with us was fraught with health complications, both physical and mental and it eventually took its toll on dad. But I also know that dad would want us to all remember the good times that we shared with him when we think about him, the laughs, the stories and the wonderful memories that we have of our time together.
I know that I will never watch a John Wayne, Charles Bronson or Clint Eastwood movie or hear a Roy Orbison song without thinking of my dad, I’ll never eat a roast lamb without wishing he could share it with me and I’ll never forget the man that I called dad.
Goodbye dad, we will all miss you very much. 

I know that I have blogged in the past about people not wanting to hear the truth and I still completely stand by the belief that people do not want to hear about the things that they aren't ready to deal with or address about themselves. Hell, I know that I don't like receiving negative feedback or being given the facts straight up about my own shortcomings or inadequacies, but whether you like it or not, transparency is fast becoming a word that is creeping into business and social vocabulary and the expectations around your ability to give and receive it are on the increase. 
So, is transparency actually a good thing? Well, like all new concepts it requires change and honesty, two things that most people do not like at all, so it is probably fair to say that complete transparency is not going to appeal to a lot of people. It also depends greatly upon who is delivering the 'transparent' point of view as well, because this buzz for transparency can also give a lot of nit-picking assholes a super platform to be checking everyone all of the time in the name of 'transparency' and this kind of power in the wrong hands is a recipe for disaster and a sure fire way to build resentment, potential conflict and general unrest. 
Clearly there is a need for moderation and mastery when it comes to total transparency, but that doesn't mean that we should put it into the 'too hard basket' or avoid it altogether just because it has the potential to trigger us or make us feel self conscious. Already the world has become a better place because we have advocated for transparency. Due to our ability to be more honest about others and ourselves there is a lot less underhanded oppression, abuse and manipulation in the world today. Hundreds of  everyday villains have since been outed and held accountable for their behaviours and this type of liberation through transparency can only ever be seen as positive growth for humankind. 
People are more empowered than ever to speak their truth, be their authentic selves and share their stories now that we have an open forum for honest self expression. We are now better than ever at talking through our troubles, doubts, illnesses and hang ups and this proves that when transparency works, it really works well. However, we cannot forget that when transparency is wielded by the hands of  haters or oppressors that it is actually a destructive force of evil and at it's essence deeply disempowering and manipulative. 
Basically, you cannot just assume that everyone is going to be able manage an advocacy for transparency, especially in the workplace. Truth be told, not many people are going to be comfortable with the very real conversations that will come with complete transparency and without adequate training, most people will struggle to implement it well. That is why the real meaning of transparency needs clear and accurate definition to begin with before there can be any expectation of success around it. 
Simply put, transparency can never be used in an accusatory or manipulative manner. What it advocates is honesty, but that honesty has to be delivered without blame, shame or judgement. Not an easy concept to wield because as soon as people start getting in touch with their personal truth, they become emotionally invested and that is where transparency starts to tilt. Rather than it being about building relationships and getting everyone on the same page, it becomes muddied by individual advocacy and agenda. And that is why no-one can assume that transparency will be the magical 'fix all' mode that will solve all workplace and social problems. 
Without decorum, compassion and exceptionally high interpersonal skills, transparency as a 'go to tool' is in danger of starting more fires than it can extinguish, which means that delivering it well will require a  high functioning environment with a group of highly developed individuals to ensure complete success. And the bottom line to that? Well, if your workplace is going to advocate for transparency then they have an obligation to train their staff and also recruit that right types of people to make that happen.
The great news is that you can actually start to build your own personal abilities around transparency immediately, which will give you an edge in the workplace and make the transition to a transparent environment a little easier for you in the long run. Here are my top ten do's when it comes to promoting and delivering transparency in the workplace:
1. Don't keep things secret, especially when it comes to job responsibility or function. 
2. Be proactive, not reactive. If something isn't working suggest a meeting of minds to really explore other options. 
3. Share results, good and bad, around your workplace. This will save people making similar mistakes or having to 'reinvent' the wheel. 
4. Know where to draw the line. Transparency isn't about knowing everyone's business, it's about making sure that everyone has the same level of information to do their job well. 
5. Be willing to have some difficult conversations. Sometimes the only way to fix a problem is to address it head on. Don't avoid uncomfortable conversations, but really consider the best ways to fix the problem before you even engage, and try not to take negative feedback personally but view it as a chance to see yourself from another perspective. 
6. Be genuine, people will trust you more if you are not being fake.
7. Be tolerant. Remember that everyone is more than likely doing the best with the skill set that they have and some people will require more support and training to get to where they need to be - and that's okay.
8. Don't do things unless there is an ultimate goal being met. If you can't state the purpose behind your actions clearly, then you don't need to do it at all. 
9. Trust others. Loads of people make their own work harder my micromanaging, controlling the flow of information or not trusting their team to deliver. Remember that you are only as strong as your weakest link and having one person with all of the knowledge is not being transparent.
10. Be personable. Chat to your co-workers and get to know the staff that you work with on a level beyond professional. You don't need all the details to get an understanding of how a colleague is feeling in their role, their passions and their personal ideals and knowing these things will help you to resolve an issues that may arise in the future. 
So, there you go, a quick start guide to getting your head around transparency and how to make it work for you. Consider your ability to be 'gently transparent' a work in progress, it's something that really does take a long time to develop and years of practise to master. I am a true novice on the topic myself, so in a way we are beginning this journey of improved transparency together.
I wish you well in your pursuit of improved professional and personal relationships. And like all new journeys, make sure you are prepared to make mistakes and also own them along the way!

GAGA: FIVE FOOT TWO
Release Date: 2017
Rating: M 
Running Time: 100 mins 
A cinema verite, Netflix Original documentary, outlining a year in the life of singer/songwriter Lady Gaga. By documenting the main events of her life whilst in production of her fifth album Joanne, we get an intimate peek into who Lady Gaga is as a person and a performer through her relationships both on and off the stage. 
There is no doubt that Lady Gaga has managed to push the envelope at every turn of her career, and this is certainly no exception. At times she appears vulnerable and sheds many tears during the course of the film over her physical pains, insecurities and her family's history. And then at other times she comes across like a hurricane of energy, calling all the shots and behaving like a control freak and an ego-maniac.
She is clearly capable of holding her own and wrangling many tasks at one time, but she constantly appears to be moving around with an entourage of people by her side and she is literally never alone in front of the camera during the movie. I think that made it  hard to tell, even from this expose of her life, who she really is when the cameras are not rolling and the audience has been removed. 
Love her or hate her, this is definitely an interesting viewing. Although I still don't feel any closer to knowing who 'the real' Lady Gaga really is, I cannot deny that she is a talented powerhouse who will no doubt continue to be influential in both the music and fashion industry for many years to come. 
FINAL SAY: A Perfect Illusion
3 Chilli Peppers ​

When I think about abundance, I believe that I am truly one lucky lady. I have a terrific and supportive family, excellent friends, a great husband, a reliable job, good health and a beautiful home...so what more could I possibly want from life? It would be easy (and also quite truthful) for me to say nothing at all, but in all honesty I do actually want more. And the problem with that is not that I am greedy, because I do not long for commercial or material gains, the real problem is that what I desire to have more of in my life requires a level of mastery that I do not have yet; because what I need more of in my life is patience and compassion. 
Maybe the whole world needs more of that if we are really going to get down to the brass tacks of it all, but I can't change the whole world,  only myself.  And in order to do that I need to be proactive about change and consider how I can cultivate and harness more patience and compassion into my life.
Don't get me wrong about this, I am not some stone-cold heartless bitch or anything, I do possess a good measure of patience and compassion already, but sometimes I also do struggle with putting myself into other people's realities and seeing past my own struggles and that kind of thinking is so bloody shallow and intolerant and I would really prefer to be a lot less of both of those things.
However, patience and compassion are not something that you just miraculously wake up overflowing with one morning and declare to world that you've got it and you're done. It takes years of ongoing work to develop your levels of patience and compassion. In fact, it seems like the only way to get more patient and compassionate is to do more of the hard yards and experience the complete opposite and have some full blown mid-life 'chaos and melancholy' moment.
However, I'm not going to sugar coat or over inflate my own ability here, so I am just going to come straight out with it and say that I really, really do not want any chaos or melancholy in my life right now.... nope, no thanks....I'm looking for an overall gentler and nicer way to build my levels of patience and compassion without having to do the suffering to get there. 
Call me a pussy, but I have done the agony miles before in my life and they are not fun, and even though I cannot deny that suffering does enhance the soul, I do not want or need destruction, mayhem or any feelings of being set adrift in my world right now. So how does one grow compassion and patience in gentle and less agonising ways, and can it even be done without an order of suffering on the side? 
Well the good news is yes; yes you can develop and hone both your patience and your compassion without any torture or turmoil and it's easier than you would think. In his book Mindfulness in Plain English, Bhante Gunaratana says:
You will come face to face with the sudden and shocking realisation that you are completely crazy. Your mind is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels barrelling pell-mell down the hill, utterly out of control and hopeless. No problem. 
I really love this quote for a couple of reasons, firstly because it is so reassuring to know that even zen Buddhists understand the analogy of a  'madhouse on wheels' and secondly because he finishes with 'no problem.' Meaning that I have complete control over my ability to remain calm even in the darkest hours and meanest tempests. In spite of the worst storms I can stand my ground, be a pillar of patience and demonstrate compassion if I choose to. 
And what that really means is that the torture and turmoil, the 'side of suffering' that I mentioned earlier are all just states of mind and are only made real by my inability to manage my chaos thoughts. So rather than trying to be more patient or compassionate, what I really need to master is my ability to manage my unwelcome thoughts and emotions which will in turn lead to my impatience being transformed into patience; and being patient is a way of treating ourselves and others with compassion.
BOOM! Total result! And now I just need to put all of that into practise....which sounded really straight forward when I was writing about it a second ago....

I like to think of myself as capable, I also like to believe that I am open to new learning and willing to expand my skill set and horizons regularly through new experiences and upskilling opportunities. However, everyone has their limitations and this week, much to my own agony and dismay, I had to admit to myself and also to my employer that my bucket was full to the point of overflow and that I needed to set a boundary around certain expectations of me in the workplace. 
It is one thing to encourage others to put boundaries into place for themselves, but when you have to put in a boundary for yourself, especially when you pride yourself with being the 'can do' kid, it is a really difficult and honestly, very emotional thing to do. And for someone like me that sets themselves continuously high personal standards, it was one of the most uncomfortable things that I have ever had to do. I have never had to ask anyone to step up for me and put a stopper in something because the expectations were getting too high for me to meet, and it has been a bit soul destroying to have to do that. 
Even though I know that setting a boundary for myself is nothing to feel guilty about, I still oddly do feel a pang of guilt and also a measurable degree of disappointment in myself for not being able to meet certain expectations. As I said earlier, when you are used to coping under pressure and then suddenly find that you can't sustain that any longer, you feel like shit about yourself, and even though it takes strength to say 'this is too big and unrealistic' you just don't want to ever have to say that. 
However I did, I did say it and probably delivered a few other home truths about my role that has needed to be clarified for some time as well. And in all honesty, these things probably should have been clarified a long time ago, well before I got to the point where I was using the 'frog in the boiling pot' analogy to describe what it feels like to be in my position. The saying better late than never is certainly true in this instant however, for my own sanity I do wish that I had clarified these feelings earlier, but as I said, in order to clarify these issues I also had to be willing to admit that I wasn't coping and that was not an option for me until I had reached my maximum overload point. 
So what did I learn from all of this? That I have limits, that I can't do everything all at once and that sometimes I need to be willing to own my shortcomings without seeing it as a defeat. I have also learnt that I need to open a more clear dialogue around problems with senior staff earlier and that setting boundaries for myself in the workplace is a skill that I need to hone before I will be comfortable with it. 
I haven't quite made my peace with owning my limitations just yet, but I know that I will and hopefully things will change for the better now that I have raised a few flags for my employers to consider. And who  knows? Maybe some good will come from my conversation and perhaps it will open some people's eyes to some of the realities around positions like mine where you are a highly effective worker bee reliably contributing as best you can to a much larger business, but no less valuable or significant than some of the queens bees in the hive, especially when you look at it from our perspective.
I just wish that it didn't feel like I had to die a little inside to make these things understood, but I also understand that those feelings are all coming from me and no-one else but me, and those feelings are my personal jagged little pill to swallow...all on my own. 

I am firm believer in the power of animals to heal people and also the power of expressive art as a form of therapy. Anything that allows people to explore and observe their feelings through the creative process of making art gets a big two thumbs up from me. By engaging your focus on creative or artistic ventures you can literally detach from all of the stress and worry in your life, so it is not only healing but also restorative and rejuvenating to engage in regular forms of art therapy. 
Another reason that art therapy is so effective is because it is wildly liberating, there are literally no rules when it comes to art. You can explore, play and just have fun without worrying about the 'hows' or the 'what's.' There is no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' art, so you don't need to edit yourself or worry about not getting it right, you can allow yourself to be completely lost in the process of creating. And art comes in so many forms so there is bound to be a medium that you can use comfortably. 
Every child and adult (and some animals too) can access art therapy, it is completely inclusive and accessible to all levels of ability and in successful cases it has helped people to heal, clear, grow empathetically, develop mindfulness, de-stress, reconnect with themselves or loved ones, express their emotions and release past mental blocks. 
And the best part of all is that it is easy to access and also a relatively cheap alternative to other forms of therapy. And you can start using it right away as a way to declutter your mind and calm your breathing. Here is a list of some easy ways that you can kick off your own art therapy sessions at home without having to invest too much effort or money. 
Adult Colouring Books: These are everywhere now and cheap as chips to buy. Sometimes called 'Mindful Colouring Books' these are terrific for people that find it hard to know where to begin and can be used as launch pad for more free form art therapy techniques. They can be coloured with pencils, crayons or textas and you don't even have to stay in the lines!
Free Form Drawing/ Scribbling: On top of pencils, crayons and textas, try exploring pens, fineliners, pastels, chalks or even basic paints. It doesn't need to be a picture of anything, you can just add line without form or even close your eyes. Try left and right hand scribbling, use different paper and cardboard mediums and feel free to use your hands and fingers with chalks, charcoals and paints to really engage with your creation. 
Journalling: You can really mix up your mediums here and incorporate writing, collaging and art in your expressions. Use old magazines to find an image that you relate to and expand from there. You can also use stamps, stickers, stencils and washi tapes to highlight, define or add layers to your work. 
Apps: There are some terrific drawing and colouring apps that you can access for free on your tablet or device. Photography apps that allow you to add art and manipulate photos can be a fun way to express your emotions and create something original.  
Sculpture: You don't have to have access to a pottery wheel, kiln and clay to sculpt. You could use salt dough or papier mache instead which is actually a lot cheaper. Try using other 3D materials that you may already have around the house in your sculptures as well like wool, thread, wood, string, felt, buttons, ribbons or old clothing material. There are no limits to the amount of mixed mediums that you can add to your designs. 
Nature Art: If you have never seen the work of Andy Goldsworthy, do yourself a favour and check him out immediately. He is the king of natural art, and should provide you with some inspiration to get outdoors and start using nature as an art medium. Rocks, sticks, leaves, grasses, flowers, petals, moss and stones can all become the mediums in the most beautiful and therapeutic art expressions. 

So there you go, a list of easy cheap ways to kick start some at home art therapy. Just 30 minutes a day of tuning out your thoughts and engaging in a creative process can make the world of difference and really reduce your stress and anxiety levels, so why not give art therapy a go? Go grab your materials, turn on some music and get lost for a while in some form of art expression, you might be surprised by just how much you'll really love it! 

I do love a good horror anthology movie, and there are some absolute rippers out there. I think that when it comes to good anthology movies, you always feel like you are getting more bang for your buck and horror is the perfect genre for a short sharp burst of thrill and wicked excitement. The first horror anthology film that I ever saw was The Twilight Zone Movie in 1983. My parents took me to the Melton theatre to see it when I was 9 years old and it scared the absolute shit out of me, but it also started my love of short story horror, a love that has never gone away. 
The main problem that I have with horror anthology movies is that a lot of the time they can be extremely underwhelming and not very well executed. Some directors will cut corners because they aren't delivering a full length film and the end result can be more scab than scare. Which was unfortunately the case with the latest horror anthology to hit cinemas last month Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark. This film may hold some appeal with younger audiences, but a word of caution to any serious horror anthology veterans out there, prepare to be somewhat underwhelmed!
It could in fact be said that horror anthologies are often pretty bloody awful, but sometimes on the rare occasion when they do get the short story horror recipe just right, it can actually be highly entertaining, clever and completely engrossing.
And so, with all that being said, I feel that I must share a list of my favourite horror anthology movies with you. After all, Halloween is just on the horizon and any of these collections of horror treasure would make a perfect viewing choice for a ghoulish Halloween night in! 

1. Ghost Stories 
2. Three...Extremes
3. The ABC's of Death 
4. Trick 'r Treat
5. Tales from the Crypt 
6. The Twilight Zone Movie
7. Creepshow
8. Creepshow 2 
9. Tales from the Darkside
10. Cat's Eye

GHOST STORIES
Release Date: 2018
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 98 mins
An anthology horror film, written and directed by Jeremy Dyson and Andy Nyman, that was based on their stage play of the same name. The film comprises of three short tales of ghostly sightings and supernatural phenomenon, which  are interwoven with one main story that holds it all together. If you were ever a fan of old school horror anthologies like Creepshow, then you will probably enjoy this as much as I did. 
Phillip Goodman is a well known debunker of fraudulent psychics and a serious sceptic of everything paranormal. He receives an invitation from a fellow paranormal debunker that was one of his childhood inspirations back in the 1970's. The ageing investigator asks him to re-open three old cases that he could never prove to be fake. Goodman agrees and discovers more than he bargained for along the way. 
There is no denying that this film is creepy and at times perplexing as well, it uses genuinely effective methods of horror and it isn't reliant on jump scares or CGI effects to elicit fear, and for me it really worked. The three short stories were really interesting, probably more so than the main tale that binds it all together, but even still I really enjoyed Ghost Stories and was genuinely creeped out by its weird and often unsettling content. 
FINAL SAY: We have to be very careful what we choose to believe. 
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

I went to see the much discussed and heatedly debated Joker movie on its opening day this week, not because I was caught up in all of the pre-movie controversy but rather because I genuinely had a desire to see it. I have seen every other DC comic movie offering and let's be honest, the preview of Joker looked amazing. For those of you that have somehow missed all of the pre-movie persecution of Joker, let me fill you in. 
This stand alone origin movie was shrouded in great concern because authorities felt that the film had the potential to unleash copycat violence and anarchy, particularly with fans of the previous anti-social media depictions of the Joker. And sure, after seeing it I can understand how it could make people that feel marginalised identify with the villain's plight, but I am not sure that will be enough to insight anarchy in the streets. The Joker has always been a character that embraces nihilism as a means of escaping his perceived cruel and unjust world, but if Jack Nicholson, Heath Ledger and Jared Leto didn't get the downtrodden lashing out, why should Joaquin Phoenix's portrayal be any different? 
Well, I cannot deny that when I went to see Joker and a man stood up at the front of the theatre at the beginning of the movie and shouted out to the audience- "We all live in this society" that my heart didn't leap into my throat recalling the mass shooting  that occured in America at an airing of Batman - The Dark Knight Rises in 2012, killing 12 people and injuring 70 others. Yep, all that pre-talk controversy did get to me and for a moment I did perceive potential danger and frightening social disorder. 
And I cannot argue that Joker is undeniably relentless with its portrayal of the beaten down underdog. There is literally no relief for poor Arthur Fleck (aka Joker) in this movie, he is the most insanely tragic character to grace our screens in a long while, and being a DC comic character, this film is going to reach a wide and greatly varied audience. And contrary to his title, he isn't very funny at all, he's actually extremely sad, socially inept and painfully awkward. He clearly has a range of anxieties, suffers from severe depression and evidently already has a mental disorder that is not being treated correctly. How can we not feel sorry for this invisible and pained character? This film is gut-wrenchingly upsetting and we eventually just accept his complete breakdown as an inevitable consequence of his conditions. There is nothing funny about that at all is there? 
However, this whole 'pushed to the end of my limits' character arc is not new or original, it has been done before. Martin Scorsese did it with Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver and Joel Schumacher did it with D-Fens in Falling Down and no-one took the streets and shot up the world to hell in support of those characters either. And maybe that's because all of these characters had lost their minds, they were not sane and they were not in control of themselves, and to assume that awake and intelligent audiences are going to become gun toting loons after seeing Joker is of course ridiculous, but we also cannot ignore that to some already abused and unstable viewers that the fantasy of becoming a hero to the powerless and abused, even if it means being feared, could be perceived as appealing. 
However, if we are going to start inciting DC comics as a call to action for unstable sympathisers than we would also need to address all of the other forms of nihilism that exist in the media and the music industry today in order to really explore the influence of villains in our current society. Let's be real, Joker isn't funny, but the ugly side of life isn't and it never will be. Will it make people rage against the machine? I honestly doubt it, but stranger things have happened, who knows? Maybe a Disney movie will trigger someone one day.
Mostly, I think that what people are afraid of in regards to this movie is the fact that they will indeed identify with the dreadful oppression of the downtrodden and mentally unwell; and the lack of resources that are made available to them, which is really highlighted by this film. Rather than making people grab their weapons, I would hope that this empathy would instead make them feel called to address what is going on in our society today for us to identify with this high level of neglect and what can be done for the marginalised and neglected in the form of prevention. Like I said, woke audiences will see this movie and its message in a very different way, and perhaps a more proactive way overall than anyone could have ever expected. 

JOKER
Release Date: 2019
Rating: MA 15+
Running Time: 121 mins 
A psychological thriller and a DC comics Joker origin story, this movie really divided audiences and critics alike with it's violent and often disturbing portrayal of mental illness. However, love it or hate it, this is one of the best performances of Joaquin Phoenix's already impressive repertoire and probably the best DC comic movie so far. Directed by Todd Phillips who co-wrote the screenplay with Scott Silver, Joker premiered at the 76th Venice International Film Festival where it won the Golden Lion award. 
Arthur Fleck, a clown for hire with a mental condition, lives with his aging mother in Gotham City. As the city collapses under crime, unemployment, and financial ruin, the Fleck family like so many others, fall onto hard and impoverish times. After a series of unfortunate and disempowering events occur, Arthur suffers a complete breakdown and begins a mental and physical transition, eventually transforming into the violent and deranged Joker of Gotham City. 
This is a chilling and plausible origin story that offers real depth and insight into the Joker character, as well as providing some new information about the Wayne family enterprise that Batman belongs to.
Phoenix delivers an Oscar worthy and completely engrossing performance as the Joker, which not only compliments the great work that Heath Ledger layed down years earlier in The Dark Knight, but adds yet another layer to this intriguing and genuinely disturbing character's tale. 
FINAL SAY: My mother always tells me to smile and put on a happy face. She told me I had a purpose: to bring laughter and joy to the world.
4 Chilli Peppers ​

It is important to understand not only your own triggers, but to able to identify the triggers in others around you as well. The fact is, that no-one in the world doesn't have a tipping point, everyone does, even the Pope and the Dalai Lama have trigger points, they are just a lot better at managing their triggers, so people think that they don't actually have them. But of course, they are human and every intelligent individual on the planet understands that to be human is to be imperfect and fallible, and sometimes that means getting angry or annoyed about things, feelings or situations. 
The ability to be able to identify triggers in yourself and others offers a person a huge life advantage. If you can identify your own triggers then you can both manage them better and avoid situations that are going to cause you undue stress. Being able to identify someone else's tipping point could be seen as an unfair advantage and if you were a villain you could certainly exploit that knowledge, but I believe that understanding why others trigger is actually an opportunity for compassion and stronger personal relations.
The better that we can understand ourselves and others, then the higher are our chances to come together in peaceful  and equitable ways. Understanding that people do not behave the way that they behave for nothing allows space for unpacking and understanding and eventually compassion as well. However, in order to get to the root of a trigger, you must firstly be willing to take a very honest look at the emotion and feeling that it is attached to that trigger. 
Generally, people get annoyed and angry because they have perceived something to be unfair, but that definition of unfair could fall into a number of different emotions, and to able to identify any trigger properly, you have to be able to name the feeling that is associated with it first. When you find yourself triggered, or are in the presence of someone that is being triggered, try to identify which of these feelings is being conveyed:
I feel unheard.
I feel judged.
I don't feel good enough.
I don't feel worthy.
I feel left out.
I feel blamed.
I feel uncared for.
I feel unloved.
I feel controlled.
I feel betrayed.
I feel unimportant.
I feel disrespected. 
As I said, all of these emotions will make a person feel like something unfair or that some sort of injustice has occurred, but the emotions attached to them are varied and rooted in very different origins and will therefore require different levels of mediation or conversation for resolution. However, once you can identify the emotional link of your trigger, then you can start to identify its origin and why you are attached to that feeling, and this is the first step to healing and eventual release. 
Managing and identifying your triggers (and the triggers of others) is a process, one that requires patience and commitment, but it is such a powerful process and one that will develop a genuine understanding the self. Anything that allows you to let go of something that no longer serves you is never wasted and anything that can open a dialogue with the people around you that are feeling triggered is only going to further nurture your relationships  with them which is always going to be worthy work to undertake. 
So try a new method, try not to engage with your triggers, but rather try to practise identifying them. Name them, attach a genuine feeling to them and start to work out what it is that has created these feelings within you. As I said earlier, everyone has triggers, but some people are just a lot better at managing theirs, and you have the power to also be that person. 

As if on cue, the 71st Primetime Emmy Awards happened on Monday at 10am. This was extremely fortuitous for me on so many levels. First and foremostly, I am currently on spring break which meant that I could be glued to the TV and watch it all unfold in real time, huge bloody bonus! And on top of that, my car was in for major repairs which meant that I was truly and genuinely housebound anyway, so winner, winner - the TV Gods spoke and I got to camp on the couch for three uninterrrupted hours straight without any guilty feelings whatsoever.
For a TV and movie addict, this was a very pleasant way to kick off my spring break and I must say that I was in total agreeance with the chosen winners in each category and highly recommend all of the TV series that won awards this year. Television just continues to go from strength to strength, and never before has TV ever been this consistently good. The Emmy award line up this year was staggeringly great and I don't think that the competition has ever been this fiercely competitive. All of the series nominated were really high quality which just galvanises the fact that television is better than it has ever been before. 
For anyone that missed all of the glitz, glamour and excitement, I have of course got you covered! Here is a list of the very deserving nominees and winners (in bold) for each category:
Outstanding Drama Series
Better Call Saul
Bodyguard
Game of Thrones
Killing Eve
Ozark
Pose
Succession
This Is Us

Outstanding Comedy Series
Barry
Fleabag
Russian Doll
Schitt’s Creek
The Good Place
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Veep

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul)
Kit Harington (Game of Thrones)
Jason Bateman (Ozark)
Sterling K. Brown (This Is Us)
Milo Ventimiglia (This Is Us)
Billy Porter (Pose)

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones)
Robin Wright (House of Cards)
Viola Davis (How To Get Away With Murder)
Sandra Oh (Killing Eve)
Jodie Comer (Killing Eve)
Mandy Moore (This Is Us)
Laura Linney (Ozark)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Henry Winkler (Barry)
Anthony Carrigan (Barry)
Stephen Root (Barry)
Tony Hale (Veep)
Tony Shalhoub (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)
Alan Arkin (The Kominsky Method)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Sarah Goldberg (Barry)
Sian Clifford (Fleabag)
Olivia Colman (Fleabag)
Betty Gilpin (GLOW)
Marin Hinkle (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)
Kate McKinnon (Saturday Night Live)
Alex Borstein (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)
Anna Chlumsky (Veep)

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series
Barry “ronny/lily”
Fleabag “Episode 1”
PEN15 “Anna Ishii-Peters”
Russian Doll “Nothing In This World Is Easy”
Russian Doll “A Warm Body”
The Good Place “Janet(s)”
Veep “Veep”

Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series
Barry “The Audition”
Barry “ronny/lily”
Fleabag “Episode 1”
The Big Bang Theory “Stockholm Syndrome”
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel “All Alone”
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel “We’re Going To The Catskills!”

Outstanding Comedy Actor
Bill Hader (Barry)
Don Cheadle (Black Monday)
Anthony Anderson (Black-ish)
Eugene Levy (Schitt’s Creek)
Ted Danson (The Good Place)
Michael Douglas (The Kominsky Method)

Outstanding Comedy Actress
Christina Applegate (Dead to Me)
Phoebe Waller-Bridge (Fleabag)
Catherine O’Hara (Schitt’s Creek)
Natasha Lyonne (Russian Doll)
Rachel Brosnahan (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)

Outstanding Competition Series
American Ninja Warrior
RuPaul’s Drag Race
Nailed It!
The Amazing Race
The Voice
Top Chef

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series
Emily Watson (Chernobyl)
Patricia Clarkson (Sharp Objects)
Marsha Stephanie Blake (When They See Us)
Vera Farmiga (When They See Us)
Patricia Arquette (The Act)
Margaret Qualley (Fosse/Verdon)

Outstanding Directing for a Limited Series, Movie, or Dramatic Special
A Very English Scandal
Chernobyl
Escape At Dannemora
Fosse/Verdon “Glory”
Fosse/Verdon “Who’s Got The Pain”
When They See Us

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series
Ben Whishaw (A Very English Scandal)
Stellan Skarsgard (Chernobyl)
Paul Dano (Escape at Dannemora)
John Leguizamo (When They See Us)
Michael K. Williams (When They See Us)
Asante Blackk (When They See Us)

Outstanding Writing for a Limited Series, Movie, or Dramatic Special
A Very English Scandal
Chernobyl
Escape At Dannemora “Episode 6”
Escape At Dannemora “Episode 7”
Fosse/Verdon “Providence”
When They See Us “Part Four”

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series
Mahershala Ali (True Detective)
Hugh Grant (A Very English Scandal)
Benicio del Toro (Escape At Dannemora)
Sam Rockwell (Fosse/Verdon)
Jared Harris (Chernobyl)
Jharrel Jerome (When They See Us)

Outstanding Television Movie
Bandersnatch (Black Mirror)
Deadwood
Brexit
King Lear
My Dinner With Hervé

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series
Amy Adams (Sharp Objects)
Patricia Arquette (Escape at Dannemora)
Michelle Williams (Fosse/Verdon)
Joey King (The Act)
Aunjanue Ellis (When They See Us)
Niecy Nash (When They See Us)

Outstanding Limited Series
Chernobyl
Escape at Dannemora
Fosse/Verdon
Sharp Objects
When They See Us

Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series
Documentary Now!
Full Frontal With Samantha Bee
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Saturday Night Live
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Outstanding Variety Sketch Series
Documentary Now!
Drunk History
I Love You, America With Sarah Silverman
Saturday Night Live
Who Is America?
At Home With Amy Sedaris

Outstanding Directing for a Variety Series
Documentary Now! “Waiting For The Artist”
Drunk History “Are You Afraid Of The Drunk?”
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver “Psychics”
Saturday Night Live “Host: Adam Sandler”
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert “Live Midterm Election Show”
Who Is America? “Episode 102”

Outstanding Variety Talk Series
Full Frontal With Samantha Bee
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver
The Daily Show With Trevor Noah
The Late Late Show With James Corden
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Jonathan Banks (Better Call Saul)
Giancarlo Esposito (Better Call Saul)
Alfie Allen (Game of Thrones)
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Game of Thrones)
Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones)
Michael Kelly (House of Cards)
Chris Sullivan (This Is Us)

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series
Better Call Saul “Winner”
Bodyguard “Episode 1”
Game of Thrones “The Iron Throne”
Killing Eve “Nice And Neat”
Succession “Nobody Is Ever Missing”
The Handmaid’s Tale “Holly”

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Lena Headey (Game of Thrones)
Gwendoline Christie (Game of Thrones)
Sophie Turner (Game of Thrones)
Maisie Williams (Game of Thrones)
Fiona Shaw (Killing Eve)
Julia Garner (Ozark)

Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series
Game of Thrones “The Last Of The Starks”
Game of Thrones “The Long Night”
Game of Thrones “The Iron Throne”
Killing Eve “Desperate Times”
Ozark “Reparations”
Succession “Celebration”
The Handmaid’s Tale “Holly"

Being a movie blog, it was hard for me to find a film to attach to this post, but after some consideration I decided to go with Paris is Burning in tribute to this year's Outstanding Competition Television series winner - RuPaul's Drag Race, which was clearly influenced by this outstanding and informative must-see documentary.

PARIS IS BURNING
Release Date: 1990
Rating: M
Running Time: 71 mins
Ever wondered where Madonna got her idea for Vogue? And where RuPaul got his 'fierce' drag competition ideas? Well look no further, because Paris is Burning will answer all those questions and more.  
An American documentary, directed by Jennie Livingston, that chronicles the drag ball culture of the mid to late 80's in New York City and the African-American, Latino, gay and transgender communities involved. This invaluable documentary shines a spotlight on the Golden Age of New York City drag balls and offers a thoughtful exploration of race, class, gender and sexuality in America during the 80's. 
​Elaborately structured drag ball competitions offer contestants the opportunity to 'walk' and be judged on their 'realness' by prominent members of the scene who have established 'houses' that serve as intentional families, social groups and performance teams.
Through a series of ball footage reels and interviews with prominent members, we gain an intimate and insightful understanding of the struggles, strengths, pride and humour that exists within this colourful subculture. 
This is an intelligent, at times troubling, but also desperately hopeful piece that everyone should see at least once in their lifetime.
FINAL SAY: It is so obvious that if you have captured the great white way of living, or looking, or dressing, or speaking - you is a marvel.
3.5 Chilli Peppers ​

Sometimes a movie will capture me up. It doesn't happen all of the time, in fact it is incredibly rare when it does happen which is what makes it so remarkable and also special when it does occur. Very few movies have that kind of an effect on me and when they do, I find myself completely swept away on an intensely emotional journey. It is so emotional and connective that when the film reaches its inevitable conclusion I find that I suffer a weird type of remorse about it. This is because I have delved so deeply into the vision of the actors and the fabric of the story that I genuinely feel the film on the level that the director would have wanted the audience to feel it; which in a word is -completely.
For a moment, somewhere between 90 to 120 minutes, I am totally immersed in something so completely perfect that I become 100% absorbed by it in every way. My mind, body and soul are totally engulfed in the sweet visual transformation and I become riveted by the possible outcomes; so of course after being completely consumed to that level, I lament the end when it eventually arrives. 
Usually these 'swept away' moments happen during the wee small hours of the night, and are often after a few solitary libations and only ever after the house has fallen blissfully still and silent. These cherished moments are absolutely private and utterly perfect in their composition, just like a well crafted movie should be and they are something that I deeply covet as an avid lover of cinema; those golden moments when I get lost in an amazing movie. 
And it is during these wee private hours that I get to indulge in the movies that no-one else in the house would ever venture to investigate or appreciate me watching during their viewing hours. But these precious cinematic icons of days gone by or magically modern expressions of something as yet untold are pure gold to me. They evoke tears and connection and above all else they speak to me, they sing to my soul in private and perfect ways; in ways that only true lovers of cinema could ever really comprehend.
These kinds of movies are rare gems, they're transformative and altogether beautiful expressions that don't happen as often as I would like because being as addicted to cinema as I am means that I have to wade through hours and hours of mediocrity to arrive at a movie that has this much of an affect on me. And just like any addict, it is these ultimate highs that keep me going  back over and over to attain the rush all over again. It is the movies that affect me this deeply that make me acutely aware of just how addicted to quality cinema I really am. Quality movies really are an obsession, a preoccupation and a secret longing that I harbour and in those wee hours when my yearnings are fulfilled, well those are some of the best nights of the year for me.   
And it just so happens that I kicked off my Spring holiday break with a 2.30am viewing that did sate my urge and did sweep me away, and it felt so good to be lost in a good movie again because it really has been such a very long time between drinks for me and it felt so good to be swallowed up by something of substance all over again. 

45 YEARS 
Release Date: 2015
Rating: M
Running Time: 91 minutes 
A British drama, directed and written by Andrew Haigh and based on the short story "In Another Country" by David Constantine. After its premiere 45 Years gained a lot of attention, particularly for actress Charlotte Rampling who was nominated at the 88th Academy Awards for Best Actress in a Leading Role for her stellar performance as Kate Mercer. She and Tom Courtenay, who plays Geoff Mercer, both deservedly won Best Actress and Best Actor Silver Bear Awards at the Berlin International Film Festival.
Kate and Geoff Mercer are just about to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary when Geoff receives news from Switzerland that the body of his long lost German lover from the 1960's has been discovered in a melting glacier.  Kate is disturbed that Geoff had not previously shared this information about his German lover, the events that surrounded her death or the depth of their relationship. Doubt and suspicion starts to develop. 
This movie feels genuine, on every level. The couple seem completely at ease with one another, the relationship is plausible and the conversations that they share are so natural that you almost feel like a fly on the wall as you watch the story unfold. Rampling and Courtenay are truly amazing together and epitomise all of the comfort of predictability and distress of change that older people are so well known for. There really aren't enough moves about mature aged couples, but there should be more of them. If 45 Years is anything to go by, I definitely want to see more.
FINAL SAY: Would you have married her? 
4 Chilli Peppers 

I am currently listening to a life altering audio book called The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment  by Eckhart Tolle. It is both the most interesting book that I have ever engaged and the most perplexing book that I have ever encountered. Basically the book stresses the importance of living only in the present moment of your life, meaning that you should not be thinking about the future or the past but rather allowing yourself to be completely and totally absorbed by the present moment of your life (which is otherwise known as - The Now).
This book is the ultimate guide to extreme and absolute presence, or if I'm going to go with the buzzword of the decade - mindfulness. And I cannot deny that being 100% in the present moment feels pretty much like an impossibility for me to do, in fact most of the time it feels downright wrong, neglectful and lazy to do. And that is only because I have been so conditioned to pay attention to external things and concentrate on the next thing that is coming or drawing from my past, that I have actually spent hardly any time at all in the actual moment that I was in at any given time. And not only that, but I have also been conditioned to identify myself based on my inability to be in the moment and therefore have limited my true potential. Sounds complex I know, but it all does make sense, so let me break it down for you. 
When your thoughts are concerned in the present only you will experience the following:

• Increased awareness of what is happening.
• Strong and focused attention to tasks.
• More enjoyment of life pleasures. 
• An ability to perceive without judgement - knowing that you don't have to label or identify. 
• An ability to step back from your emotions and observe them. 
• A realisation of your potentials.
• Openness, curiosity and acceptance. 

When you are not concerned with the present moment, you will be experiencing:

• Autopilot reactions to situations based on habits.
• Poor attentional control.
• A flippant and non-appreciative attitude to life pleasures. 
• Reliving past experiences and projecting them into your future endeavours. 
• Labelling and judging things as good or bad, right or wrong.
• Your brain emotionally hijacking your responses.
• Neglect of your potential. 
• A limiting attitude. 

So whether you call it being in The Now or practicing Mindfulness, you have to admit the benefits of being in the present moment are far more appealing than not being in the present moment right? However, actually staying in that mindful and present moment is really challenging, and it takes practise and effort to stop your brain from hijacking your thoughts and forcing you back into deep seated and well worn patterns of habit that are derived from your past experiences and your aspirations about the future. 
What worked best for me was accepting that all of the moments behind me were truly and completely finished. Nothing that I can do now will ever alter the past from what it is or change the past from what it is, so worrying about it or revisiting it internally is both pointless and futile. The past is utterly and completely unchangeable.
The future on the other hand is totally unwritten which means that any thoughts that I have about how it should look or what it should be like are based in complete fiction. Allowing myself to create an illusion about my future is not harnessing my ability to make things happen right now and it is only offering a point of reference that I will feel tethered to completing and if I don't, then I will feel disappointed and pained by my shattered illusions. 
No matter how you look at, all we ever really get to have is here and now. This moment and only this moment, nothing more and nothing less than that. By focusing less on your past and worrying less about your future, you will free your thinking and liberate your life from guilt and expectation, which is where most of our disappointments about life occur. Start slowly, try to stop multitasking and give your full attention to one task at a time when you can, get out in nature and think about nothing but where you are and what you are doing for the entire time that you are out. Also, try to bring yourself to the current moment whenever you can, like when you are driving, eating a meal or taking a shower, don't do those things on autopilot or while you're thinking about other things, but instead fully immerse yourself in whatever you are doing 100%. Everytime that you allow yourself be more present in the moment, the better that you will get at it, and before long every moment will be filled with unlimited potential and joy.
But you don't have to take my or Eckhart Tolle's word for it, try it for yourself and see where it takes you, besides you know that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from giving it a go.